#this is insane I want this man dead | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

starry-bi-sky · 30 days ago

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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.

now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.

He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.

(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)

The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.

The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.

And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.

(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)

The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.

anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)

#mxtx svsss #svsss au #scum villian self saving system #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #luo binghe #disciple shen yuan #scum villain #svsss #*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival #and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst #he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna #see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i #*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM #i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways #so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt #revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about #demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he #couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss #this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on #his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]

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wexhappyxfew · 5 months ago

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Margie and Benny in the camps screams the prompt “you can rest now, you’re safe”. Love your stuff!!!

HI SWEET ANON!!! margie and benny in the camps absolutely screams 'you can rest now, you're safe'!!!!!! thank you for the love and support omggggg!!!! <33333 it means so much!!!! :D this prompt was just so. them. like insanely them. i haven't written a whole lot for these two....they've been hidden in the background (and are very much a duo that snuck up on me), but i've wanted to explore them more recently, especially when i put out this duo as a prompt option - and i can't say how excited i am to do more for them!!!! please enjoy!!!

always, always, always

(a/n): margie and benny you are so special to me, margie and benny you are so special to me. this was just ....i am so insanely soft for these two right now. just two people who are in a situation they couldn't entirely control, yet are living on, in the best way they can, despite it. the yearn, the ache, the want. sobbing. absolutely sobbing.

You can rest now, you're safe. You can rest now, you're safe. You can rest now, you're safe. You can rest now, you're safe. You can rest now, you're safe.

Hearing it more times than she could even count, she took double that to convince herself that she actually was. Her entire body ached, everything hurt, she felt like she was sick with three different types of illnesses that all made her head ache, her nose run and her stomach feel crummy, and to even shift her head made her dizzy.

Convincing herself she was safe on top of that took every ounce of energy left in what she could call her body. She was so thin, so sickly, she wondered how she had even survived to this point - how she had even made it.

After getting separated from Lieutenant Bradshaw, Lieutenant Carlisle, and Kennedy, she was sure she'd be gone for good until she'd run into that German family and they'd all but kept her locked in that room until the Germans had come for her.

The only thing keeping her grounded in her spiral of thoughts was the gentle hand that slowly ran down from her sweaty forehead, over her tangled, dirty-blonde hair, before starting over again, and repeating that same motion over and over as she lay there with tears in her eyes, staring at the ceiling of the bunk above her. She could hear things going on around her, quiet voices - staying soft as if being loud would bother her - and the clang of pots and sloshing of water.

Someone was cooking.

The smell made her queasy.

"How's she doing, Benny?" she heard Bucky's voice say somewhere above her. She could imagine him - hands on his hips, that cold and detached look on his face.

Bucky Egan cared for all of the crew - of course, in his own way, that is - and it seemed now, in this camp, that was heightened and when one of the crew was down, he'd make sure someone paid for it.

Somehow.

"Okay as can be for now, still burning up," Benny whispered quietly from somewhere right next to her, his gentle touch that had previously been moving across her head, gone - please keep touching me, keep me grounded, keep me alive, please, "that soup ready yet?"

"Hambone's almost done." Bucky said firmly, his voice a bit louder than Benny's making her grimace the slightest bit. Bucky hesitated it seemed before his next statement. "She say anything yet?" The room grew a bit quieter at that notion, and she heard a small, grieving sigh escape Benny.

"No." Benny whispered, "Not yet."

What was Margie supposed to make of all this?

What she had seen, what had been done to her, what she had experienced, what she had been forced to be told?

Forced to say?

Her slow, shallow breaths were the only consistent part about her entire feeling right now. And it even hurt to breathe. She heard Bucky walk away, and the hand brushing across her head returned, slow, smooth and ethereally gentle.

With what the past week had been, she couldn't remember a touch as gentle as this. There was something in her where she couldn't get the words right in her mind. She couldn't get her brain to string a coherent sentence together that would make sense in this moment. And trying to say something in this moment could be pointless.

"You can rest now, Margie, you're safe, we gotcha." Benny whispered quietly as he continued to brush his fingertips over her sweaty forehead and over her hair. We gotcha, she repeated in her head, a few times over to convince herself it was true. We gotcha.

Somewhere between 5 seconds and 15 minutes had passed, with Benny's hand still slowly smoothing back her sweaty hair, when she began to smell something reminiscent of food, and her senses seemed to come to her.

"Mind grabbing her a bowl?" she heard Benny asked someone; there was a following mumbling and shuffling of footsteps. Lying there made her feel almost worse than if she was actually sitting up and acting normal - and that was the thing right? She would try to act normal, like nothing was bothering her, that whatever she had just experienced had never happened and she'd try and play it off. Because that's what she usually did and she was usually pretty good at it. But lying here now, she couldn't muster that inside herself.

"You should eat, Margie." she heard Benny whisper from somewhere above her head again. The thought made her want to vomit, but she knew she did need food - just from the way her body and mind ached, and her stomach seemed to scream out for some sort of food.

"I'll help you sit up." Benny said, and she felt his hands move to her elbows. And almost as if on instinct, she flinched, turning to look up at him with wide eyes, her heart racing as she tried to control it by holding her breath, but was miserably failing.

Something behind his gaze flickered in a saddening way that made her want to go back and act like she was fine, just so she didn't have to see that shift in his eyes. But lying there, looking up at him, she knew she couldn't go back, she couldn't change a damn thing. Benny had shifted back a bit, his hands hovering just over her arms this time, his gaze steady on her own, his body evidently tense.

It was so painfully different than the last time they'd seen each other, since being back in Thorpe Abbotts. She'd been so….different. In more ways than one. And noticing that change in herself hurt more than anything.

Staring at Benny, who was staring back at her made her think that he was definitely seeing a different person from the Margie Harlowe back at Thorpe Abbotts. That made her want to be sick.

"You okay?" he asked her quietly, his voice barely above much more than a trembling whisper. Margie stared at him there on the cot, frozen in place. Her entire body seemed to go into a panic just at his questioning, at his worry. She slowly nodded. She wasn't convinced of it herself, but she nodded despite it - for Benny and for the food. He continued to watch her as she saw someone else come into her line of sight.

It was Lieutenant Bradshaw.

A part of Margie wanted to breakdown at the sheer sight of Lieutenant Bradshaw right then and there - her glorious face, covered in grime and scars, her hair pulled away from her normally bright face, her eyes still holding light despite their dulled nature in a place like this. Annie Bradshaw seemed to have that effect on people - you saw her and wanted to breakdown with sheer relief that she was right there alongside you.

"Here, Benny," Annie said, handing the bowl of soup to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder in that comforting and confiding way she always seemed to do when she could read a situation as easily as she normally did. Margie watched Annie look towards her, a far-off look in her gaze that made Margie's insides twists.

"Hey, Margie," Annie said, stepping forward and crouching beside the cot, "you doing okay?" Margie stared at Annie and tried to nod; it was admittedly a fair attempt at being confident in herself and her emotions, but staring at her command pilot made tears well in her eyes.

"C'mere Margie," Annie said, leaning forward and slowly helping her sit upright, gently touching at her shoulders and arms to help her sit up, "there you go." Annie smiled, weakly. "Sometimes you just need a good sit-up and a warm meal." Margie watched as Annie looked to Benny and nodded.

"And no doubt, you have the perfect person to be here and make sure you get your fill," Annie said softly, looking back to Margie with another one of her gentle smiles, reaching forward to squeeze Margie's hand, "you're safe, Margie." Annie's smile saddened - she had the most beautiful smile and seeing it fade hurt Margie's heart.

"Please know that."

Margie blinked away her onslaught of tears and managed a weak nod. Annie squeezed her hand extra tight before glancing at Benny and giving him a knowing look. Margie watched as Annie slowly stood to her feet, and smiled at her again.

That smile could win the war in Margie's eyes.

Slowly, Lieutenant Bradshaw faded back again to the group, getting her own fill of soup and settling in to her spot at the table. Margie looked towards Benny in the chair pulled up beside the bunk she was in and immediately noticed the grip he had on the bowl of soup and the quiet look on his face.

"It's not bad." Benny said with a small smile growing onto his lips before disappearing, "The soup. That is. It's….there could be worse."

He attempted another smile and Margie could feel a sense of comfort overwhelm her being - the realization that she was surrounded by people that wouldn't let her get hurt nor even hurt her. She wasn't back in that room, she wasn't there, she was with the people from the 100th who were like family. She was with people that cared. She was sitting right there with Benny. She was safe.

Watching Benny made her feel a jolt of guilt suddenly - he was sticking his neck out for her, trying to get her to feel better and more comforted in anyway and all she could do was sit here and stare, motionless.

Looking to Benny again, she watched a small smile grow encouragingly onto his lips and she couldn't help herself - she managed a small smile back. Sure, her face was a little more hollow, her eyes sunken in, cheeks gaunt, but she could see a fondness grow in Benny's eyes - just knowing she had smiled a bit.

Margie looked down at the bowl of soup, wringing her hands together in her lap, and slowly nodded. He was right - there was so much more that was worse than a bowl of soup.

For a moment, sitting there with Benny across from her, the matter of a week changing her into this new enigma of a person, it was almost like she was meeting Benny again for the first time - with that charming look in his eyes, that warm smile, his easy-going comfort that was like wrapping a warm blanket around yourself on a stormy day.

But he was still Benny DeMarco.

And he was still sitting there in front of her.

Still looking at her like she didn't feel like a completely different human being.

"Here," Benny said, stirring the soup with the spoon, before pulling some of it up into a spoonful and holding it out towards her, "let's just get some of this in you." Margie watched him and slowly nodded again, parting her lips the slightest bit and allowing him to drop the soup in her mouth. Whatever it was, it really wasn't horrible. That or she was just more hungry than she had originally thought.

Benny sat there with her, in that quiet and content silence, listening to the general chatter and clanging of dishes and people behind them in the bunk room, spoon-feeding her the soup until it was virtually gone.

Margie took down the last spoonful and then looked to him, her body feeling the slightest twinge more alive than she had been just a few minutes ago. She watched him turn back to the table behind him to place down the empty bowl, before he turned back to look towards her again and smiled.

Ever since she had tumbled in here, clinging to Major Cleven's jacket, tripping over her feet, in hysterics, reaching blindly for comfort, Benny had been there. Immediately by her side, now gingerly smiling, watching her like she was a precious being, like she didn't look like she had just been six feet under. Eyes welling with tears, Margie wrapped her arms around herself and bit back her lip.

"Margie…." Benny whispered softly. She could tell he wanted to reach out and touch her, hold her, let her know he was there, but the last time that'd happened, she'd flinched and he had retreated, looking defeated and deflated all at once. Looking up at him, Margie nervously tucked her lose hair behind her ears and met his gaze through her red-rimmed eyes.

"Thank you, Benny." she whispered quietly, her voice sounding dead to the ears - he still smiled.

God, Benny DeMarco would always look at her like that wouldn't he?

It seemed at the sound of her voice - she was actually speaking, she could actually get her thoughts coherent for once - that the realization made his entire body freeze. Margie did want to reach out towards him - she yearned for a touch that she knew wouldn't hurt her - but her thoughts would trail back to her past week of life and she'd retreat into herself, wishing she could cocoon her body into a ball.

And it seemed he wanted to do the same, watching her with such a desperate and pleading look - but he seemed to be thinking the same - she'd flinched the last time. He would hesitate. Margie stared at the space between and then looked at him again.

"Truly." she whispered, her voice sore, "Thank you." Benny's hands twitched, like he was about to reach out just to try to find a way to hold her. But he held himself, he watched her and slowly nodded, jaw slightly slack.

"Always." he said quietly.

Always, always, always.

And when someone said always - Margie believed them. Despite this war, this death, this terror, the grief, the horrors of it all, the blank promises of safety or normalcy or life - she would believe them.

She would believe him. In him.

Always, always, always.

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