#this is hysterically funny

[theofficialpeanutgallery]

GUYS

GUYS

I GOT AN EMAIL FROM TRUMP.

I think it’s like, a mass-sent email for all his “supporters” (yes, I’ve been Diagnosed with Trump Supporter by Trump himself, which is hilarious for a number of reasons), begging poor people to pay for his next campaign, so he can ‘Save America from Joe Biden and the Left.’ That’s President Biden to you, sucker.

Don’t know how to break it to you, buddy, but I kinda am the Left.

Like, my brother’s a full-on raging socialist, we as a family listen to Rise Against and oppose fascism as a general rule.

Wonder how he got my email, google.

Anyway, there’s an option for “donating another amount”. Wonder if I can get away with -12 dollars...

Or I could just reply with as many of his most hated photos as I can cram into email form.

[a-canceled-stamp]

"i can fix him" "i can make him worse" yeah well i can boop him

[olessan]

"While you were out and about, trying to just spread your legs a little bit - OOP - spread your wings - aah oh no -"

"I was spreadin' my legs ALL over town-"

[wheezing]

"I was trying- I was trying to say- I was trying-"

"It was a scissoring of wings and legs-"

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Danny wasn't sure what to do. Was this legal? He knew the bats were part of the Justice League and whatnot but surely they can't just pick him up off the street after he got into a brawl with some creeps trying to mug him!

Sure, Nightwing had jumped down to help and Danny, still in his living form with its crappy human vision, thought he was another mugger because of the dark and attacked him too.

Now he's sitting in the back seat of the batmobile with his hands in wierd bat handcuffs.

Was everything these guys owned bat themed? Yeah his parents put there last name in all the titles of their inventions but they had a brand to sell so it was excusable. Batman however, is clearly living out his bat shaped dreams. Usually Danny was all for the furrys doing thier thing, one of his best friends was a proud furry and Danny 100% supported him, but there was a line you don't cross and tall dark and fuzzy crossed it when he kidnaped one 14 year old Danny Fenton.

He couldn't Go Ghost right in front of Batman and Nightwing but he could use the one thing his mom made him take with him everywhere since he was a little boy.

His panic button.

It was powered by ectoplasm and could get through signal jammer with no problem. If he pressed the button his parents would drop everything to come save him. They made sure to put little sirens and flashing lights in thier own hazmat suits to make sure they didn't accidentally miss it. Sure they looked hilarious the few times he had seen it go off in his life but it was highly effective.

So he pushed the button and his parents were charging torward them in record time, the GAV playing chicken with the freaking batmobile. Suddenly his mothers voice came from the panic button, "Are you in the front of back, sweetie?"

"I, uh." He stuttered, looking up at the shocked face of Nightwing before answering, "The back."

"Perfect." He mother said darkly.

A trio of high mechanical whines filled the air and Danny didn't need to look through the windshield to know the buzz saws were out.

----

Bruce just wanted to know why Danny Fenton, youngest of the Fenton Family and son of Jack Fenton and Madeline Walker, two people whose marriage brokered peace between thier prospective mafia syndicate families, was doing in Gotham beating up low level thugs.

He was not expecting overprotective mad scientist parents.

[gatheringbones]

["G: Sexually that was a satisfying thing for you?

M: The genital part of it seemed to be a high point. It was very, very important. I would go out of my way to be with her as much as I could. I would ford rivers, literally, because we were separated by a river and to get to her I had to ford the river on my little white pony and go through a forest.

I learned also that I was capable of being cruel. I suddenly and abruptly left Lucy and didn't write, call, or go and see her for six months and that was definitely mean.

G: How long had you been together?

M: A year.

G: Were you still in high school then?

M: The last year I was in high school we were together and then I left. The pressure was just too much for me. I wasn't very strong. I graduated the year before her, and we were going to get an apartment and live together when we were both out of high school, but I just couldn't handle all of that.

G: What did you do then? You went to college?

M: Well, the guilt must have been tremendous because I thought if there really was a heaven and hell I knew where I was doing, and I had to save myself from this. So I decided to enter a convent. I went away to a Catholic school run by an order of nuns, thinking that I would get to know the nuns in the convent and the life they led, and make up my mind for sure. And that's what I did.

G: How did you make up your mind?

M: Well, there was a certain kind of joke that was around at the school. They said that the nuns had "friendships" with each other, and they said friendships in such a way that I knew there were lesbian relationships. So I was able to see that a lot of things are bullshit, and that people just have to have each other— even if they run away to convents they seem to get together with each other. So I didn't think they had any more of a corner on the right way to live than I did.

G: So since then you've gotten back together with Lucy several times, right?

M: We've always kept in touch— and we're together now.

G: How would you describe your relationship with Lucy now?

M: Very relaxed. I don't feel so ambitious or so worried about the future as I used to, but I feel like trying harder at anything I do, then I used to. When I wash the dishes, I try to make the dish a little bit cleaner. I don't understand this, but I think a life full of comfort and leisure isn't what I'm looking for. At the same time, though, there's something in me that wants Lucy to have an easy life.

G: Do you feel this is a relationship you'll be in for a long time?

M: I see no reason why it can't be.

G: Do you want to be monogamous?

M: Yeah, I like monogamy; I feel comfortable. I see no reason for adding more complications.

G: Is that something you've come to after some conflict?

M: No, I haven't given it a whole lot of thought. I just know what feels comfortable to me. It seems to me that I work from the body to the brain instead of vice versa and so what feels comfortable for my body, my brain will accept.

G: In the time when you haven't been with Lucy, did you have other relationships with women?

M: Yes, several— and they were helpful in that they made me realize all the more that I really loved Lucy.

G: What do you think are some of the best things about your relationship with Lucy?

M: Oh wow, she makes me laugh a lot. She makes me happy and I don't know of anybody who can make me happy like she does.

G: You have had sexual relationships with men, right?

M: Yes.

G: Can you talk a little about the differences between the relationships you've had with men and women?

M: With women I seemed to know what I was doing and why I was doing it, and at least part of my relationships with men have been out of social duty. I used to believe in this very strongly— I didn't like women who did not have sex with men, but who still took things from them. A lot of women go out with men, go to movies and to dinner and enjoy the material treat of the boyfriends, but they don't give anything to them in return sexually, and I figured out at some point that food and movies are to women as sex is to men, and there should be some kind of exchange going on. I felt that it was fair, right, and proper to make love with the man who showered material gifts on you, and so I did. Then I went through a stage, I guess it's quite common, where I felt I had a soft spot in my heart for all the horny, frustrated men, especially old men, and I made love with several old, decrepit, horny, frustrated ridiculous men.

G: Did you ever have orgasms with men?

M: I've made love with one man who gave me orgasms with his tongue, but never with fucking.

G: How do you feel generally about men's bodies?

M: I don't have any great feelings about men's bodies.

G: Do you have any particular feelings about penises?

M: Well, they're incredibly bold for being so ugly. I mean they're such proud little things for being so ugly. I had a dream once when I was about eighteen, in which I had a machete and I was cutting off cocks in my dream, with my machete, in the way that you sickle grass."]

Marie, from The New Lesbians: Interviews With Women Across the U.S. and Canada, edited by Laurel Galana and Gina Covina, Moon Books, 1977

[theminecraftbee]

"OH GOD DON'T ENCOURAGE HER" - the entire hermitcraft server when gem is told to get her sword,

[metanarrates]

it's always funny when you see stuff that is so obviously preemptively written to ward off Posting. the most overt manifestation is marvelesque lampshading of cliches ("hey isn't it stupid that we were saved at the last minute?") but there's other types of it. there's writing that addresses criticism in-text (Marvel Lady #24 owning a hater who says that Marvel Lady #24 is antifeminist) or fan responses like shipping (that one plotline in bbc sherlock that shows moriarty/sherlock shippers as weirdos nobody likes) or even stuff like worrying the reader won't understand the characters (EVERY instance of characters using therapyspeak in a story.)

to the insecure artist, the shadow of the Poster looms large over them. they can never mentally escape the fear that someone, somewhere, may be making memes about how their art sucks. and you know what? that's just beautiful

[baoxie]

matching winter alts

[owieow]

some dumb season 3 sketches? love to draw this man suffering 10/10 (I'm crying)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

What if the lights randomly turn on one day? Like someone buys the studio and as a result with paying electricity bills and what not they just turn on so they can clean up but onstead find wally, frank, howdy, and poppy just 🧍🏻🧍🏻🐛🦩

local puppets get Flashbanged

[calware]

unironically this is legitimately the most tumblr thing i've ever seen

[apleye]

The Batman Superman accounts on instagram posted this,, could mean nothing

[yugiohmangaoutofcontext]

[jadecantcreate]

been watching s1ep6 of uprooted! some bad doodles of a few of my favorite moments thus far

[eddiegotout]

gwaine as a character was like..... the funniest thing the writers ever did. because the thing about gwaine was that he wanted arthur genuinely dead at least 50% of the time. secondly it KILLS me that the writers realized they'd created an anti-monarchy void by killing merlin's first rebel best friend so they gave him a second (gwaine). also for an entire two seasons gwaine came back for an adventure and then invoked his own banishment because he could just tell the vibes from camelot were wack. and of course the most important, most hysterical thing about gwaine is that he is, and i mean this with sincerity, merlin's soulmate but both merlin and the writers refuse to acknowledge it

[waitineedaname]

sometimes i remember mobei-jun is significantly older than the other members of the demon trio and it makes me giggle. like, binghe and sha hualing are the same age, but mobei-jun is shang qinghua's age, who's peers with shen qingqiu. imagine you're like 38 and some 19 year old rocks up, kicks your ass, and declares he's your boss now. and he starts asking how to court his teacher. what do you even do with that