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tundrainafrica · 4 years ago

Note

1) about the social class headcanon that you write, that’s actually makes sense, but isn’t exactly what i meant. According to Isayama, Hange when she was young looked very much like Eren in the way of acting (even more with the titans), and (this part I am not sure if it is true) she lost her family at the fall of the maria wall. Eren looked like a rebellious teenager angry at everything, and recently I found out that depression in teenagers and children tends to manifest itself that way

2) (anger and rebellion), well, we know Eren was depressed (it only got worse with time) but what about Hange? seems to me she learned to hide her feelings so it wouldn't be between her and her job. We don't know her past, she probably didn't grow up in a violent place like Levi but it doesn't mean that her life was all joy and happiness you know..

--------------------------------------------- MY ANSWER --------------------------------------

Hello Anon,

Thank you again for your ask! Woops, sorry if I didn’t answer your questions. I answered those two asks in a row so I ended up just building off of the last one.

I don’t think it was ever confirmed if Hange lost her family at the fall of Wall Maria. I did some research and couldn’t find stuff on my end. If you could send me some on that, I’d love to read it.

I am aware at least that no one’s life is all joy or happiness. I think there is a difference though with growing up without ever having to consider your next meal and living in abject poverty.

There are people who have had time to be a child and there are people who haven’t. So I think to a degree, Hange had more of a childhood than Levi. And a normal childhood is incredibly important for every single child. The early years are crucial because that’s where children build wonder, curiosity. That��s one of the psychological reasons behind children’s books. They make everything so fantastical to heighten the senses of the children. Because in fact, children only get full control of their senses later in life. Before they are even able to make sense of everything, everything is just a huge bubble or conglomeration of senses. That’s why children are so perceptive, imaginative and quick to learn things like languages. Their view of the world isn’t set yet by the rules and norms of the society they live in.

That’s why asking children questions and exposing them to so many different things at a young age and providing for them is important. Children need to see the wonder of the world while not having to consider their next meal, their danger. A childhood is generally where curiosity and imaginative thinking is most easily built.

And that’s why I say, that Hange somehow is a lot more curious, sees a lot more wonder than Levi. Similar to Erwin, he had a pretty comfortable existence, he went to a good school, he had a father who engaged him and that’s why Erwin was able to think beyond what was within the walls. Same for both Eren and Armin. Eren had his father who probably fed him some info and Armin had his parents books and his parents who were curious enough to build that hot air balloon

And, I know about that scene in the manga that explained that it was the lightness of the titan head that got Hange curious about titans. I think kicking the titan head was a good catalyst for titan research but I suspect that even before that, Hange was curious about the outside world. Hange’s interest extends beyond titans for sure because it was confirmed by Isayama already that Hange would have been studying botany outside the walls if it wasn’t for the titans. Also, the way Hange is handling the new world where she’s constantly on top of developments in Paradis etc, also shows that titans are only one facet of her scientist personality.

Besides, if she didn’t have that wonder and curiosity about the outside world, I don’t think she would have done something as ridiculous as join the survey corps in the first place.

“Eren looked like a rebellious teenager angry at everything, and recently I found out that depression in teenagers and children tends to manifest itself that way”

Although depression can manifest itself in anger, similar to Eren’s probably, there’s no exact formula for how humans react to anything. It’s incredibly complex that the field of psychology (or any other field) is just a conglomerate of people and a bunch of reports and the people trying to make sense of all the results of the experiments they made. This is particularly true in the social sciences where any findings won’t point to anything as exact as those in the pure sciences.

Anger and rebellion could also stem from someone having grown up in a rich family with strict rules on how to go about this and that is generally how it fits into my head canon. Someone can have a good relationship with their family while at the same time have qualms about how they were raised. To be honest, I’m probably the same way. I grew up in a relatively well off family, I was a generally angry teenager but I admittedly have a generally positive relationship with my family.

Okay to tackle the issue on depression

I don’t want to be quick as to define any action or any emotional analysis as depression. Depression is an incredibly complex subject, there are biological causes, life events and it manifests itself in so many different ways. So many different ways in fact, that people are rarely diagnosed with just depression. There are always diagnoses which accompany it.

To be honest, I went through a period in time also where I was considering ending it. I was sleeping a lot. I quit everything. I went straight home from school. Barely talked to anyone. I talked to a counselor about it, then a therapist but it took them months before they wanted to give the diagnosis of depression. I actually never pushed through with the sessions after a while, got busy with school and eventually, this cleared up on its own weirdly. I’ll never know actually if I was depressed during that period in time. Was I going through very stressful life events, definitely. Were my answers to the tests they were giving me alarming then? Probably. They could have pointed to depression. But I generally got past it and am generally a happier person now without much intervention. So was it even considered depression? I’ll never know. Some people who are probably much stronger than me needed interventions to stay functional. They needed to make radical life decisions, like move out from their parents place, change their courses to keep going. They needed meds to keep functioning everyday.

Depression is a complex and terrifying condition and manifests itself in so many different ways. In fact, talking to some friends who really watched their life spiral down because of this shitty condition. Towards the later stages of depression, they weren’t even feeling anything anymore.

Could Hange have been experiencing symptoms similar to depression? Definitely. General teenage anger and hormones can manifest as symptoms of depression. Grief can manifest with symptoms of depression. Loss can manifest with symptoms of depression. Trauma can manifest with symptoms of depression. Hange will have experienced a lot of things that

Note : Also Eren’s depression? I honestly think given the experiences he had, inheriting the founding titan and inheriting centuries worth of trauma, I think his experience is beyond fathomable for the average person so I chalk that as completely something else.

Okay, to answer your question, Hange was probably not in the best mental state late into Season 4.

Of course she wasn’t, she lost Moblit, she lost Erwin and suddenly she was pulled into a place with so much responsibility. And she was probably suffering from a case of survivor’s guilt on top of that.

Hiding emotions comes down a lot to discipline, self control and the general strength of your inhibitions.. Emotions are manageable like I could say, I have successfully stopped myself many times from punching someone in the face. Someone’s ability to stop themselves from acting on impulses, someone’s ability to manage their inhibitions is dependent on numerous factors like home environment etc. It is also dependent on the context of that moment where someone has to choose between punching someone in the face or walking away, on the context of that moment where people choose between lying in bed and letting the day go by and standing up and plastering a smile on their face. I guess, that’s the point I wanted to make in a previous post. If Hange did grow up rich, she probably found it a little easier, to plaster a smile on her face because not ever having to experience desperation at an early age, coming to the realization that you’ve had it easier than a lot of people growing up, can do that to people.

But yes, towards the end of season 4, she was going through something. She was struggling, despite her smiling face. But really, in attack on titan, who is happy post chapter 122? Like I cannot think of a single person in that manga who is happy at that point. Please tell me if you can think of anyone.

Would I chalk up Hange’s true feelings to depression?

Manifestations of depression maybe? Post traumatic stress? Stress with little time to process anything or rest? Exhaustion? Not being in the best mental state? Maybe.

I wouldn’t use the word depression definitely.

Depression is an incredibly heavy world with so many implications. In fact, it’s a medical condition which needs to be diagnosed thus, I wouldn’t use that at all to describe anyone’s situation unless they have had multiple consultations with multiple doctors and have been laid a final diagnosis.

I hope this clears things up.

Thank you for the ask again. I appreciate it :D

#attack on titan #eren jaeger #hange zoe #meta

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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Reviewcaps: X-Men Evolution: Strategy X

I take my first look at X-Men Evolution the second and less famous, but no less loved, cartoon about everyones faviorite mutant outcasts. In our first episode Scott blows up a gas station, Nightcrawler finds what it feels like to have a home, Toad tries to join the x-men and both of the latter two end up nearly dying because Chuck forgot to teleport proof the one room in the house with deadly lasers. All this and football under the cut.

A few days ago I realized something weird: I hadn’t reviewed any superhero cartoons on here. What makes that weird to me, is that I realized when writing this that Superhero cartoons are what MADE me a superhero fan in the first place. I grew up as a little kid watching the spider-man and x-men animated series, and watched most marvel shows that came about as I grew, and became a lifelong fan of Green Lantern and the Flash thanks to Justice League , the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles thanks to the 2003 cartoon (another franchise I absolutley adore I haven’t covered on here for some reason) and the Teen Titans thanks to well.. Teen Titans, not to mention all the great original superhero shows at the time like the legendary Danny Phantom (even if butch heartman can take a short walk into a cave full of bears lately), My Life as a Teenage Robot, El Tigre.. the list of good shit goes on. So being on an X-Men kick again lately, I decided to revisit what turned out to be one of the first of this wave, and a show I’d had the opporoutnity to binge for a while , first on hulu and then on D+, and wanted to revisit to see how it holds up, while, if not as fast as I watch them, reviewing them here to combine my two intrests. And it probably wont’ be the last marvel animated series I binge or cover here, nor the last superhero show I cover so if you have any, Marvel, DC, from other companies or completely original, shoot me an ask or reply to this and i’ll see if I can get to it. For now we’re starting the evolution. Evolution was the first X-Men cartoon, and somehow one of 5 overall not counting the hulk vs wolverine movie, pryde of the x-men pilot and various crossover apperances in other cartoons, to follow the 90′s one, which as you probably know was a huge hit that defined the x-men for a generation of young fans, was a huge sucess and launched the mostly great sorta shared cartoon universe with classics like Spider-Man the Animated Series (Which not concidentally is what made me a lifelong fan of the webslinger), The Incredible Hulk, and the second season of Iron Man and Fantastic Four.. and yes only the second as the first seasons were both by entirely diffrent creative teams and gave us things like this.

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Yes that is Johnny Storm doing an objetivley terrible hip hop song, no it dind’t cause that building to sink into the earth, and yes it is so bad it’s delcioius. Sadly the rest of hte series is more flat and boring than “bwahahahaha” but my point is made. The point is Evolution had a steep hill to climb, and with the previous cartoon compressing most of the decades long Chris Claremont era and some of what came after into 5 seasons of good if cheesy stuff, the creators clearly, if only because Ic an’t find a making of, decided to go in a diffrent route, making their own unique take on the characters and world of the x-men instead. For starters rather than being vetrans with years of experince, either from being an x-man or just from general life experince like the comics were since the 70′s aside from the ocasinal exception like Kitty Pryde and Jubilee, they’d be teens, grappling with hormones alongside blue fur, head lasers and not being able to touch anyone. This wasn’t something x-men had shied away from, New Mutants and Generation X existed, but it was the first time in decades the X-Men themselves were kids. Sure Storm and Wolverine weren’t aged down, but there were just as many missions that were just these teenagers hoping to surivive the experince and keep mutants a secret till the world was ready.. and then dealing with the fallout when an unready and hateful world found out anyway. And I honeslty like the direction: The previous series had done the mostly straight adaptation bit, there wasn’t anywhere to go and aging scott and jean back to teens, and having nightcrawler and rouge get to be ones for the first time though, was an intresting idea, as was having Kitty Pryde be a teen alongside them instead of their plucky teenage member Another intresting direction was, while Xavier’s still existed and was where the cast lived and learned to use their powers, the X-Men also went to regular high school. While it’d take till season 3 for them to actually have to deal with being out mutants in the setting, it was still an intresting tactic: The X-school in the comics, while no less studious is still an isoalted boarding school and when the New Mutants met some friends in town, most had only heard whispers about the old Xavier Mansion and were delighted to visit for a slumber party.. granted this being an x-men schindig our heroes ended up having to deal with an alien who eventually became one of their closest friends that night but still, for the x-men having the robot, or technoorganic in this case, NOT try to murder them on purpose and be a loveable 80′s sidekick instead is an easy night. While i’ts not done perfectly here from what I can remember, the main human characters we see are nightcrawlers love intrest amanda (who is thankfully NOT his adopted sister this time around thank christ), local stock blond football bully and flash thompson impersonator Duncan, and Scott’s nondiscript friend paul, who I can’t think of without thinking two things; one , what do you WANT paul:

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I mean a man so vauge just can’t be trusted. The second is that paul looks a lot like Doug Ramsey and i’m suprised they didn’t just.. make him Doug and have him go through a similar arc from the comics:A crush on kitty and the rest of the team finding out he’s a mutant and eventually bringing him into their world. For those unaware Doug Ramsey is a mutant with the ablility to translate any languge, including computer code from the get go and body laungage when he came back, an easy fix to him being the non-combatant of the group no one thought of, who died tragically in story sacrifcing himself to save his girlfriend’s life and out of story because the artist tricked the writer into killing him off. Thankfully he did come back about two decades later, took a level in badass thanks to a combination of the body language thing above meaning he could anticipate moves and dodge and computers having advanced to the point that part of his powers was now 80 times more useful, and has recently become a key part of the dawn of x relaunch. He’s also a faviorite of mine as you can probably tell and given how much the early 2000′s loved their computers, it’s weird to me they didn’t think of this and it’s even weirder he didn’t show up with the lions share of the other new mutants next season, along with Karma and Warlock which somehow has become a recurring theme thanks to the movie saving them for sequels that ended up not happening because fox stupidly put the movie in Limbo where it remains until maybe next month. But yeah even if muted a bit the idea of the x-men going to a public school alongside their training is a decent one.. sure a hero going through high school is again a cliche, but it’s a thing the x-men hadn’t done in this way before or sense, and was intresting to see in action. Most high school scnees in x-comics are usually some poor mutant having their powers manifest and either hurting someone by accident, being treated like crap for it by their class or hunted down for accidently hurting someone before the x-men show up to kick their asses and welcome this youngster. Or getting rejected by family and friends then coming to the x-men.. there’s a lot of angst directions to go in. My point is we’d never seen the x-men try to blend in and have a more standard school experince, and combining that with them hiding their powers instead of being out in the open at first made for a unique dynamic for the x-men that makes well tread ground nice nad fresh even 20 years later.

So that’s our basic setup going in: The X-men wake up, go to school, then save the world or train to save the world while harnesing wonderful and dangerous powers and protecting the helpless agaist less charitable mutants. The basic x-setup with a 2000′s era superhero high school show flavor. Good stuff. But we’ll see what it does with this premise, how good it holds up and what’s still delightfuly cheesy about it as I take a nice look at the first episode Strategy X

We open at night and

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Yup Scott and Jean are at the football team where the aforementioned Duncan, guy voted most likely to peak in high school in last year’s yearbook poll, is playing some foot ball and trying to flit with Jean Grey whose the first X-Man we meet and is somehow receptive to this despite his radaiating douche and is lucky this Jean’ , unlike say the time transfered one from the comics who thought the best approach to helping Bobby Drake come out of the closet so he could help his older self do the same and be his best self, was to just blunty say he’s gay and refuse to let him explore thtt for himself or get someone more quliafied to help her. And yes that did indeed happen and yes the original x-men were brought into the present for a while and yes it was weird Moving on. Still i’m pretty sure duncan’s thoughts would read like “Man she looks good.. I want to bang her so hard she uh.. wakes up sideways.. yeah that’s it. Your a legend duncan, a total legend. “. As you can probably tell I don’t have fond memories of this character or this sorta but not really love triangle, and question why they couldn’t of just had spyke be the other man in the triangle if they wanted to do this. Granted Spyke himself is kinda annoying, but it still makes more sense to have him fill in for angel or wolverine in a jean-scott love triangle than this walking burnt end. The warren, scott one worked, as much as a 60′s love triangle could because warren was conventionally handsome and had angel wings while scott has to keep glasses on just to not murder anyone he looks at, so there’s a bit of contrast there, while with WOlverine it’s straight laced dependeble scott versus unhinged manly man Logan. You know before recently where they just decided to all bone in a pile and wolverine even goes on vacation with them. And that’s not a joke I made up, that’s actual canon. Both make logical sense while Jean would be intrested in both in the former case, as Scott was still a kind and dependable leader, and tempted in the latter case if never acting on it before recently and with her husband’s full consent and either watching from the closet or taking one up the ass for jean to watch. Duncan in contrast is just wholly unlikeable and it makes me question why use him as the third in this love triangle, ESPECIALLY since the show would later introduce another scott and jean based love triangle with Rogue wanting scott that’s way more intresting, and even people wanting those two to hook up don’t want Jean with Duncan! Instead of creating a vitable alternative to make a later love triangle more intresting or create some shipping wars or anything of value any hint jean may be intrested just wastes screentime and tests my patience and is thankfully breif here. As for why Jean’s here sh’es taking pictures for the school paper since the Daily Bugle wasn’t intrested in photos that weren’t of spider-man and they already had a teen photographer for that. Porker or something. Anyways this episode ofa low rent friday night lights knockoff is interuptted when one of duncan’s buddies on the team spots local trouble maker and ,judging by context, bully punching bag Todd Tolansky, aka Toad which is a cruel nickname turned slightly lesss cruel code name here, pick pocketing the people in the stands, and sensing a flimsy context to punch a nerd, Duncan goes to tell the coah he’ll be busy for a moment totally not carving someone’s face in again. Coach says as long as he leaves him breathing, and through a straw still counts and since their so far ahead as long as he’s back for the celebratory rampage anything goes. Also spotting Toad’s stan pines approved sticky fingers is Scott Summers, leader of x-men and all around cool guy. Scott here is a bit more emotive than he was int he comics at a time, a trait he’d have later on in the late 2000′s and even currently and a version I prefer to the “has something shoved so far up his ass you can see it when he opens his mouth” boring straightman of the 90′s cartoon. He’s a bit more impulsive, a bit more emotivie but still a good and well thought out leader and the tactical genius, at least as far as I can remember, that he’s known for being. IT’s a good portayal so far, it reminds me of 2k12 leonardo: he’s still growing into being a leader in some way but clearly has the talent and drive for it and a deep sense of heroism> That deep sense is shown here as Scott leaves to go confront toad.. and then confronts Duncan and buds when he finds them about to squish Toad. Unlike Duncan, whose “heroism” consits of a filmy excuse to beat a third hole into todd’s head, Scott wanted to stop Toad because it’s the right thing to do, and wants to stop Duncan because his actions are just as wrong: Sure Toad is stealing stuff, but it’s clear from the way he and his buddies grin widlly at seieng toad pick pocket that they just want an excuse to pummel the kid and not get in trouble for it. It’s confirmed when Scott makes a resonable offer: Since Toad still has the money and most of the lifted wallets, he can return what he stole, which Toad not wanting to die today agrees to, but Duncan refuses. Scott however gets the three thrown to the ground and while Toad escapes, with the two other idiots in persuit, an enraged duncan attacks. But since Scott Summers, even teen scott summers has batman level judo, it’s an even fight despite Duncan being bigger and more muscular.. until Jean runs in shouts scott no.. despite you know Duncan starting this and Scott merley defending himself, distracts Scott long enough for him to get shoved to the ground.. and loose his googles, sending an optic blast out before he can clamp his eyes shut, knocking duncan over and igniting a nearbye propane tank. Toasty! Also yikes. Cue the opening theme and credits. While the opening Creidts are very 2000′s, they aren’t half bad but the main draw is the theme song which.. honestly I feel is great and very close to the 90′s x-men theme in quality, only not being AS good because that one’s one of the best theme songs period. but this one’s no slouch as it’s fun, energetic and will get stuck in your head. Good stuff. After the theme we cut back to the credits where Scott is closing his eyes despeartly holding his powers in. It was a good opening and a great way to show off the premise of the show and just how dangerous mutant powers can be even accidnetally, with this followup showing it’s not inetentional. it was even shown before as while scott’s eyes flash, he notably never uses his powers in the fight and they only came about accidnetally. We also get some JeanScott ship tease as she finds his glasses ,and with Duncan having a concusion and not remembering anything, a bit that hasn’t aged well, things seem well.. except the cop seems to notice something supscious.. before help arrives in a rolls royce. Charles Xavier, voiced by the icomprable David Kaye who I feel is one of the best daviers and does a great job here and quickly makes the guy see nothing supscious, a classic use of his powers and an understdanable one: while yea going into someone’s mind isn’t a great tihng to do.. scott being possibly outed as a mutant this way would only land the poor boy in a jail cell, as it did for Bobby Drake in the comics when his own powers activated and hurt someone. We also meet storm who unlike the others isn’ aged downa nd is one of two senior staffers for the school, a touch I like as she was a great mentor figure to kitty pryde and the comics and the roll suits her, while evolution also tones down the ham 80 degrees so she’s even more like the comics; reserved but utterly confident and badass and a good #2 to xavier. Xavier also likely wiped Duncan’s memory of scott’s power triggering I figure.. I mean he could’ve got concussed but I wouldn’t be suprised if chuck manipualted that too. Jean comforts Duncan for.. again some reason. Like he was just in a fight with her best friend and she’s a telepath.. I get she’s being respectful but time and place. Scott is naturally Jelly, but Toad.. genuinely thanks Scott for the help while Scott brushes it off. It was the right thing to do and Toad is still a creep, but it’s still a nice gesture. Also toad eats a fly to show that yep he too is a mutant. Xavier and Storm go to the train station and pick up a mysterious teen clad all in robes. Ohohoo hominus. Meanwhile somewhere in the westchester area, Wolverine comes in! Snkity sknikty snoik. He’s voiced by, and dresses exactly like, Scott McNeil, a vetran and awesome voice actor who I honestly think does a better job than his prdecessor. Not that 90′s wolverine is bad, it’s just McNeil has more of a range even while keeping the gutteral growl of hte former and can tur it off at times while his previous acto rwas pretty much on snarl mode constantly. He wasn’t bad, all the 90′s voice actors were at 100 most of the time and undersndably given the hamm nature of that cartoon, but its’ still a ncie change of pace and one we’d see again with steve blum in the next cartoon. More on that obviously when i inevitably cover Wolverine and the X-Men He picks up a paper about the explosion, and sensing he must go his people need him, cuts the top off the water he ordered, because you can’t get beer on a childrens cartoon, and thanks the clerk who wonders what the fuck just happened. And it’s a weird ass scene especially because in this series the x-men are trying to keep a lid on mutants and Logan’s just .. causally cutting off a water bottle because fuck it. It fits the character a LITTLE but it’s still just weird and out of place. Speaking of weird and out of place sabertooth is stalking logan on a mountaintop because..

Thank you wrestlecrap. He dosen’t show up again and is apparently introduced several episodes from now, and sports a design similar to the 2000 movie which isn’t a terrible look apart from the long lead singer from Creed haircut. The next morning at Xavier’s scott’s annoyed at jean taking her time in the bathroom because “women amirite?”.. yeah...

On that gag. Before the two dart off for school Xavier calls them in to meet the new kid: Kurt Wagner, aka Nightcrawler, whose blue and fuzzy as ever, though without the fully yellow eyes he usually sports, though I figure it’s less because they wanted to make him more humanoid, though his Kelso from that 70′s show hair certainly helps with that too, and more because that way his human disguise he’ll get in a bit can just be an easily just recolor and redres his civlilan design. Though why he couldn’t just have the yellow eyes in elf form and give him regular ones in transducer form, epsecially since they had to make a whole new outfit and ears for his non elf form anyway is beyond me, but whatever. At least he’s a full part of the team here and oh so adorkable. As you can probably wager by the fact there’s only 3 x-men and one asshole here, Evolution takes it’s time introducing everybody, the first few episodes using the debut queue style of storytelling and introducing the main cast about one or two per episode.. which I like a lot as it gives each of the x-men room to breathe and get a proper introduction, while usually doing the same for the latest addition to the brotherhood. IT’s a godo way to ease us into a decently sized main cast and let each get their own origin story of sorts. Good stuff.

Jean and Scott are shocked by the poor boys three fingers, but Charles helps asuage kurt.. by pointing out scott’s fuckup then berating him. Both don’t come off great: Scot whines about having two cannonballs under his eyes, which while fair is something he knew going into a situation where they might get knocked off and didn’t prepare for, while Charles lambasts him for “not having more control”.. and his tone implies it’s more about his POWERS. If it was about self control fine, that’d be godo character stuff but if it’s of his powers.. Scott didn’t use his powers at all during the breif scuffle and was only let loose by pure shock, and something you easily covered for minus the explosion part. It could just be both having a point but I dunno. But with that Xavier does show kurt that even human passing mutants like Scott have huge struggles and he no longer is alone. Jean is curious what his power is and Kurt demonstrates his teleporting, impressing both and bonding the three a bit. Xavier sends them off to school, and they’ll talk more about kurt tonight. At school Toad is getting dressed down by principle darkholme, aka mistque whose apparently also his boss.. yes while the founding x-men are two upstanding well trained, if one a bit hot headed youths, Mystque got.. a guy who pick pockets because as we later see the house she got for them looks like the ghosts of the frat who used to live there did a number on the place. Yeah easy to see why your guys later become the comic relief villians Raven. Anyways she plans to have Toad use his newfound leverage with scott to try and sneak in with the x-men before shapeshifting into a knockoff brood to scare him because she’s a dick. Also how the hell would she explain that if someone walked in and DIDN’T comically walk right back out and just explose her posing as a monster for the student body to see. Not a bad show of her powers but a really goofy and nonsenical one. Also yeah unlike the comics raven can change her shape further than just humanoid.

Back at the school Kurt is excited to see his spacious and luxrious room, his parents, whoever they were, having sent him here, and is even more excited when Xavier gives him a gift; an image inducer. This is something that actually comes from the comic: it’s a device disgused as a watch that holographically makes Kurt look like your standard human. Kurt in the comics of course used it to look like errol flynn. Naturally Chris Claremont eventually realized the implications of a person of a minority who looks diffrent masquerading as someone else to blend in and Kurt later decided to go without it, as he shoudln’t have to hide himself. Evolution does use it better though: For starters when Kurt says he’s finally normal, Ororo assures him he always was, this is just to help a bit and the idea of him needing to blend in makes sense since the x-kids are going to public high school and mutantkind is more hidden to avoid prosecution. It’s sitll a BIT shaky, but it’s at least trying to avoid a lot of the pitfalls of the concept and modernizie it a bit and I can give them credit for that.

Back at School scott’s preparing to lunch, telling paul to save him a seat. Good old Paul, when Toad comes up to him thanking him again and revealing his own mutant powers and stealing Scott’s glasses because that’s how you charm someone. Toad offers to hang but Scott wisely refuses and moves on though he does use the cafeteria pay phone to call Charles, who already found out about todd via Cerebro and despite Scott’s understandable reservations about letting a literally slimy pick pocket who talks like goddamn j-roc , know what i’m sayin, into the team, Charles in a very charles xavier move says they can’t turn their back on ANY mutant, even the assholes. Now read that in a patrick stewart voice. Your welcome. Scott wonders if he should ask Todd over to play fooseball and ask about joining his teen militia but Chalres said no need, he’ll take care of the audition himself. He then explains Cerebro to a curious kurt, global telepathic mutant tracker basically, and prepares for the audition.

That night Toad goes to the mansion.. with a costume already. And rather than evaluate all the costumes up front i’m going to do so as they show up in series. As such.. toad’s is REALLY good, a nice armor look with a small part peaking up resembling a collar of some sort , a nice update of his silver age costume’s collar. It really feels frog like and really is neat. Storm, who is watering her garden a detail I like, heads out and rains on his parade. Her costume is fine, a standard storm outfit, nothing really outstanding but still not bad. Storm then sends lighting at him to see what happens when a Toad is struck by lighting.. probably the same as everything else before he runs inside and runs into kurt.

Kurt then shows up, and while I’d forgottten this, he was already in costume from earlier having gotten his at the same time as the inducer. His costume.. is about the same as the comics except hte gloves and boots are yellow, i’m somehwat eh on it but I get doing so to have him fit with the black and yellow color scheme of most of the other x-men in some way. Though i’d love to see a black and yellow redesign of his classic oufit someday that’d look spiffy. But yeah it’s pretty good and one of the standouts of the evolution costumes. The two trade barbs thanks to toad being kind of a dick about nightcrawler and end up having a petty squabble and tussle for a bit around the mansion. Xavier still considers Toad x-men material while Storm considers not missing with lightning this time. In all seriousnes this is more good character stuff for Charles, as it shows that no matter how troublesome, he’ll welcome any mutant child in with open arms. Though I question why neither questions the fact that a mutant they just met somehow brought his own top of the line uniform, but I chalk it up to that probably not having been written into the episode and either being an error or execs wnating to show off his battle suit to have a proper superhero tussle to close out the episode. However said tussle, which is really more a hilarious fight between an asshole and a dork, is interupted when Kurt accidnetly ports them into the danger room, an x-men staple.. no really “new mutant accidently enters or finds the danger room” is old hat at this point, most iconically with Kitty in the comics shortly after she joined.

Naturally not wanting to have to clean up another set of teen corpses, he just got the Vulcan smell out of there, Xavier dispatches Cyclops and Jean to go deal with it.. since Jean dosen’t have a code name here since marvel forgets to try and get her a non phonenix one better than marvel girl and it annoys me. Anyways fashion show time again, and yes i’m aware these aren’t from strategy x, but I didn’t want to just use hte model sheet shots from the wiki so I combed for decent action shots. Scotty’s costume is decent, a bit bulky with the very 90′s shoulder pads and boots, but otherwise looks pretty good, a nice combination of his 90′s uniform and his second x-factor uniform. Even with the bulk it looks really good. On the oppsite end.. we have Jean, who easily has the worst outfit of the main x-men by a mile, with a weird lime green stripe for some reason. Maybe they were going for phonenix colors I dunno, but it just looks half assed in comparison to the rest of the gangs outfit. The gold rings and fingerless gloves are a nice touch, but this one’s still just bland in comparison. Like they couldn’t figure out how to update jeans 90′s outfit so they put her in a jassercise outfit instead.

Scott and Jean arrive with Jean saving nightcrawler, Kurt asking if sh’es an angel, she asking if he’s a demon and me asking if I can get a trashcan to vomit in. It didn’t work for George Lucas a year before this why did you think it’d work here? Anyways Kurt realizes their not in xavier’s snuff dungeon, as far as he knows and it’s simply a trianing room and tries to disarm it, but it instead nearly blasts toad who nopes outta htere, scott too injured to follow. And while when watching the episode yesterday It hought it was a bit abrubt.. it really fits. Toad is a bit of a coward from memory, bosatful and cocky.. till reality reminds him he’s freaking toad as seen with the bullies earlier and mystique after that. So of course he’d run the minute things looked dicey and it looked like xavier reguarlly put his students through the hunger games to thint he herd. Xavier bemoans that Toad simply isn’t ready.. sure he’s a mutant and xavier likely senses mistque’s involement.. but he genuilly WANTED to help todd and give him a real home and support.. its just Toad/Todd dosen’t WANT it or to put in any real work to be better, and you have to WANT help to get it. Kurt blames himself and ports out feeling he dosen’t deserve to be there and Scott goes after him while out front Toad runs into a returning Logan, whose ready to add another dead teen to the pile out back when Xavier insists he let him go... he’s not an actual threat, and as we find out later Xavier removed the schools location from his mind and probably gave it to toad in the first place, so while Logan says he’ll be back.. he has no way of coming back and there’s no sense roughing up a teenager, when that’d just draw more attention to them and give Toad an angle to work. That being said Charlie still gladly welcomes Logan back though both smell trouble on the horizon.. and also toad. He tends to leave a scent that one.

We then get what I feel is the best scene in the episode: Cyclops finds Kurt in the room with the blackbird, which this show remembers is an actual type of plane and that the x-mens is simply a souped up version of , though I can’t tell you what version he’s saying it’s superior to because I don’t know planes THAT well. But Scott comforts Kurt, saying it’s OKAY to fuck up: the entire point of this place is so they can afford to make the mistakes they can’t make out there and learn and grow as people. Everyone screws up, as Scott himself did rushing in without a plan at the start, but the point is you learn from it and do better next time and Kurt decides to stay. Welcome to the X-Men Kurt, hope you surivive the experince. Also Scott decides to show him where they hide the sodas.. which either Chuck is a dick about their pop or that’s code for booze.. or possibly both. I could see Logan really liking root beer alongisde his nightly 6 pack.

We close out with Mystque berating toad for running the hell away and for you know, getting mindwiped.. the latter is far from his fault, but the first part.. yeah Toad kinda sucks at this and Raven screams for him to get out, with her turning back into her natural form for the first time.. and then being confronted with HER boss with Magneto, from.. somewhere.. he appearas as a spooky projection but I don’t know if he’s using a device to amplfy himself or he just hides in the closet of her office all day for when he needs to consult her on their evil schemes. Probably the latter. Anyways Erik wisely consults her to be a bit easier..while toad is a bit of a dipweasel.. they can’t afford their ranks being thinned.. and really he’s not wrong. The x-men currently have them 6 to 3. Even if he’s the weakest of the three of them, they can’t afford to spare him. He then ominously says htis is only... THE BEGINING.

FINAL THOUGHTS: Strategy X is a decent start for the series but not without it’s problems, with one or two questionsable moments like the whole angel and devil exhcange or the entire “Storm stalks toad as he goes to the mansion” scene as a way of testing him, which makes both her and charles come off bad and makes me wonder how the hell that was an actual test of anything. But it’s held up by good character: While Jeans kind of a bit of wallpaper here, the rest of the x-men and our three villians are all given great character moments that show them off to the audience well and really show the writers get the characters while taking their own spins on the younger ones: Nightcrawler, who could be a bit of a dork in the comics, see here his seduction tequnique.

I mean damn if that shit isn’t still Sexy but still. They just ramped it up a bit since this version is younger and more naive, while Scott is likewise a bit more rambunctious and likely to question Xavier, while still being a good hearted guy who knows how to lead. It’s good stuff. While the quality isn’t PERFECT, it’s a good start and I look forward to watching more and EVENTUALLY reviewing more on here. If you liked this be sure to let me know and like I said above if there’s any other marvel show or any dc ones you want me to cover, and any specific episodes at that, lemme know. Comics too. And until we meet again, courage. PS.. what the hell is up with the title of this episode? No really it has nothing to do with anything. Is it Mystuues’ inflitration plan?

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angelamoores · 5 years ago

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Friends Don’t Get Crushes

this is the first part in the Friends Don’t series which is just my follow on from I Dream of Danger. im worried I overhyped this, it’s only short coz it’s the first part, but tagging everyone who said they’d be interested: @mychenrymadness @chenoahchantel @up-the-tube @ginger--binger @starry-nightschool @bizackmartin @cactus-con @charlottepage thank you guys!

It had been an entire week since Kid Danger had rescued Charlotte from the lion enclosure, yet she still avoided any one on one contact with Henry like the was contagious. When he and Ray returned from a crime, there would be something in the backroom that ‘urgently required her attention.’ If he got near, she took a step backwards. And considering their usual proximity to each other, it raised a few eyebrows.

Henry, however, had taken the only approach he knew: humor. Whenever a conversation with her seemed different to how it should be between two friends, he laughed or pulled weird faces in an attempt to break the tension. It never worked. Ever. In fact, it made Charlotte feel like any feelings he might have for her were all in her head.

And despite them both assuring themselves that their newfound inability to be normal around each other had gone unnoticed by their co workers, it had had the opposite effect. Schwoz and Ray spent their evenings speculating what exactly had managed to create palpable tension between the two friends, but came up empty every time. Because Charlotte and Henry were friends. And friends don’t have crushes on each other.

As if their friendship wasn’t in a rough enough spot as it stood, word had soon gotten around that Charlotte was the newest in the line of people whose lives Kid Danger had saved. This, was the widespread news that had transformed school into her own personal hell.

“Was he cute?” “Did he smell good?” “Did he kiss you?” “Did you want him to?”

Charlotte wasn’t sure what was worse; that she was being asked these questions about her best friend, or that her answers were no longer the ones they should have been. She could barely focus on classes anymore, instead her mind replayed the events from the week before, and the months before that. Her brain was desperately trying to trace back to one moment where her feelings had changed, one specific moment she could accuse her hormonal teenage mind of overthinking and fucking up her thoughts. It would be so much easier if this were just some simple problem she could solve. But there wasn’t any one occasion where Henry had swept her off her feet and put hearts in her eyes. Instead there were hundreds of little things, the kind of soft touches and heart felt exchanges that plagued her dreams every night.

“We need to talk.” Charlotte was startled, wondering for a moment if her fear had managed to manifest in words. But when she looked up, the eyes that met hers belonged to a different male best friend.

“About what, Jasper?” She asked loftily, trying to pretend that she hadn’t just been so consumed in her own thoughts that she hadn’t noticed the bell to signal the end of school and the room emptying around her.

“I know about the dreams.” Those five words were enough for Charlotte to grab her bag- and Jasper- and drag them both to the supply closet. It was as if the entire universe was out to expose her innermost thoughts and feelings; she didn’t need anymore people overhearing.

Usually after school they would wait for Henry before all walking to work together, but today he was in detention for a reason she didn’t know, on account of the fact it had been forever since they last spoke, at least properly.

“Did Henry tell you?” She questioned, resting her weight on the wall with her hands in her hair, not at all pleased that soon everyone would know she had been having damsel in distress type fantasies about her best friend. If only her subconscious was less of a romantic.

“You told Henry?” Jasper sounded surprised. So, clearly he hadn’t been filled in about exactly what had gone down at the zoo. The only other person that knew was Piper. But Piper would never tell Jasper her secrets, she didn’t even know who she was really talking about. That meant-

“The chameleon ring!” She exclaimed, the pieces of the puzzle beginning to fit together in her head. She had remembered Jasper mentioning something about needing to get revenge on Piper for a prank she pulled and it made sense that he’d use that to do it. Only that meant that Jasper was still under the impression that the dreams Charlotte had been having were about him.

She didn’t want Jasper to find out the way she was feeling about Henry, the reality of the effect this could have on the future of their trio suddenly hitting her. But was also unfair to let him continue living under the misguided impression that she was in love with him. So she swallowed her pride and explained that the only reason she had lied in the first place was because she couldn’t bring herself to tell Piper, her only female friend, that she had developed a crush on her brother.

“Thank God! I thought I was gonna have to let you down gently,” Jasper breathed out in relief. Relief? Was the idea of dating her really that bad?

This hurt was clearly evident on her face, as he felt the need to add: “incase you haven’t noticed, I’m really more into boys.”

That had been a big deal for Jasper to admit out loud. There were no “I knew it”s exchanged, Charlotte not wanting to undermine the courage the admission had taken. He looked more vulnerable than she’d ever seen him when she wrapped her arms around him as tight as they’d allow her to, muttering into his chest how proud of him she was. They remained like this for a quiet moment longer, allowing all the new information to sink in.

Detention had let out early -due to Ms. Shappen having a ‘hot date’ that evening- and you could imagine how it looked to Henry when he saw his two best friends emerge from the janitor’s closet with their arms around each other’s shoulders. He wasn’t quite sure why the emotion that consumed him, as he watched from his locker, was of all things, jealousy. It wasn’t the kind he was used to, it wasn’t a fear of missing out on hanging out with his friends, it was a fear that his own dream, a revelation of sorts, had come too late.

Jasper could read Henry’s face like a book and he couldn’t help but laugh to himself over the idiocy of his two favourite people. Figuring now was as good a time as any to come out to his other best friend, he double checked the hallway was empty before saying two of the hardest, yet most relieving words to say out loud. “I’m gay.”

“Bro,” Henry burst out, the word laced with affection as he strode towards him, engulfing him in a hug. The word meant more to Jasper than he was able to say, it was all he could do to not cry at the feeling of a weight being lifted off of his shoulders.

It was Charlotte who suggested they stop to get ice cream before heading over to Junk N’ Stuff that afternoon. The three of them left the high school with their arms wrapped around each other and even with Jasper between them, it was the closest she and Henry had been all week. She pushed the thought from her mind. She had all the time in the world to obsess over her future with Henry, today was about Jasper.

#Henry danger #Henry hart #charlotte page bolton #chenry #fic #blurb #fanfic #fanfiction #jasper dunlop #part 1 #my writing #kid danger #I dream of danger #friends don’t series #charlotte bolton #charlotte page

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homenum-revelio-hq · 5 years ago

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Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix, Jess!

You have been accepted for the role of ANDROMEDA TONKS with the faceclaim of Natalie Portman! We really enjoyed your focus on the ambiguity of Andromeda’s beliefs and choices; how choosing Ted doesn’t mean she stopped loving her family, how things aren’t perfect now any more than they were wholly miserable before. We look forward to seeing you dig-into her conflicted feelings and lingering prejudices. We are so excited to have you as part of this roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Jess

AGE: 20

TIMEZONE: EST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I’m a full time student, but I usually have time to spend an hour or so writing a day, and I’m always reachable by mobile!

ANYTHING ELSE: I have a lot of experience with Tumblr RPs, but I haven’t been part of anything for about a year! I’m really excited to re-enter the fandom with a new character.

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Andromeda Tonks

AGE: 29

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cis-female, she/her, heterosexual

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

ANY CHANGES: I’d like to use Natalie Portman as her FC- for me, Natalie always comes across so poised and graceful, which is a trait I really want my Andromeda to have.

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

All middle children act out, the Blacks used to say to themselves. Andie’s stubbornness and fire, her petulance and ferociousness were absolutely natural for anyone who grew up aside an elder sister as prominent as Bellatrix, and a younger sister as pristine as Narcissa. Regardless of the occasional dinner table outbursts and the Muggle books hidden under her bed, her fierce love for her sisters convinced Cygnus and Druella they had nothing to worry about. Nobody would have chosen her as the rebel of the family. Sometimes, Andromeda can’t even believe it herself.

While her parents urged her to spend her Hogwarts years searching for a suitable match, Andromeda was almost always found in the library. Slytherin cunning manifested in a thirst for knowledge, a trait that serves her well in the Department of Mysteries. A built-in lie detector and a keen eye for bullshit got her through teenage drama and now, get her through pre-teen squabbles with her daughter. As she grew, she learned when to share her opinion (almost never) and when to keep her mouth shut and listen (most of the time). She prefers to get a good read on people before sharing any of herself with them.

Like every Black, she has her own tempestuous streak. Andromeda can be impatient and particular, liking things done a certain way and at a certain time. A childhood in a controlling family has left her with a need to control her household the same way Druella ruled hers- of course, unlike her mother, Andromeda works full-time and lacks the small army of house elves. Her mother’s influence also left her with a too-sharp tone and a habit of bossing others around. Passion comes easy, but steady, everyday love is harder. Adulthood and responsibility hit her like a brick. She’s a little too measured for spontaneity these days, too concerned about the future to be present in the now. Andromeda is at her best when she’s having fun- but it seems those moments are too few and far between now. Maybe that’s just part of growing up.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

Cygnus and Druella never appeared to enjoy having children. To them, children weren’t something to be enjoyed. They were walking trophies, representations of the long and storied history of Black. Andromeda was hardly raised, more cultivated, like a rare orchid or crossbreed of roses. A Black is poised, she is lofty, she is obedient. A Black does not slide down staircases, or speak to the house elves, or make faces at her parents. In time, she became two women- stoic Andromeda, to her parents, and goofy Andie, to her sisters.

Who’s lucky enough to be born amongst their best friends? Andromeda never needed anybody but her sisters growing up- they were her anchors, her compass, her roots. Being a Black was important, as her parents beat into her, but being a sister to Bellatrix and Narcissa was her priority. As her built-in confidants, she confided in them about every impulse and doubt and fear. Until Ted Tonks.

Finally, something was just for her. She hadn’t anticipated how delicious it was to have a secret, how much of an adrenaline rush it was to sneak around. She felt seen for the first time, seen and loved and wanted, and by someone who was indisputably good and kind. Ted shone a light on the fear and confusion that had gradually begun to fill her heart, and in return Andromeda gave Ted her whimsy, her joy- all the parts that were disagreeable to her family. But she also hadn’t anticipated how difficult it would be to lie to her sisters. Or how difficult it would be to watch them walk away from her. The rejection of her parents hadn’t stung as much as she thought it might. Yes, there was shame, but perhaps more from an accidental pregnancy than from being disowned. The sting was from the upturn of Bella’s nose, the curl of Cissy’s lip. She would have died for them- and they wouldn’t even bend over for her. Becoming Ted’s Dromeda was easy. Shedding Cissy’s Andie was hard. She knows she made her choice, but some days it’s all she can do to keep the lump out of her throat when she looks at her life. It’s worth it, she knows that. She loves her husband and her daughter just as fiercely, if not more so, than she loved her sisters years ago, but that love for them still hasn’t faded. She’s grown to accept that it might never. But even a core as iron as Andromeda’s can fail sometimes, and she sometimes wishes she could have raised Nymphadora in the same palatial luxury she came from.

OCCUPATION:

It’s almost ironic- the woman who’s name is verboten in certain social circles is an Unspeakable. Andromeda loves her work- for the first time in her life, she feels as though she’s contributing to something important, helping people without rocking the boat. The Department of Mysteries is her sanctuary. It feels like nothing from her past followed her here, no petty gossip or snide looks. She’s truly thrown herself into the werewolf project, fascinated by every difference between herself and the subjects that look just like her for all but a few nights a year. She began this study to find a cure for lycanthropy, to make werewolves like everybody else, but the project’s evolved over time to focus on the unique talents and gifts of the werewolf and how they can be exploited. Her whole life has emphasized homogeny, but it might be time for her to start seeing the power of divergence.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

She’s given up her last name, her family, her inheritance. She will not give up her daughter’s safety. It’s not that she doesn’t believe in the cause, because yes, of course she believes Muggleborns have a right to be in this society. She just doesn’t see why she should put her life at risk for it. Of course, the occasional slip of information from her department hardly counts, it’s not as if she’s on the front lines. It could never even be traced back to her. And if she doesn’t tell Ted about it, it’s only because it’s unimportant, not because she’s afraid. Andromeda Tonks would never confess to being afraid.

SURVIVAL:

She flies under the radar as much as possible. Sometimes that means signing her name as A. Tonks in fear of someone putting puzzle pieces together, sometimes that means waiting for the next elevator when the faces inside don’t look friendly, and sometimes it means spending Friday night til Monday morning locked up in their house, afraid of something she can’t put a name to. She’s fortunate enough that her parents are content to only act like she’s dead, but her eldest sister may change that any day. There’s still a part of her that cares for her sister, but if Bellatrix even glanced in the direction of her family, Andromeda would rip her apart in an instant.

RELATIONSHIPS:

The problem with leaving your world behind for a man is that, suddenly, that man becomes your world. High on hormones and righteous fury, Andromeda told Ted over and over he would be all she needed. But she can’t help feeling as though she gave too much and he gave too little. With every slip of the tongue, each not-progressive-enough viewpoint, she wonders if he’ll ever look at her without disappointment in his eyes. If she’ll ever feel worthy of his love. She tries to give hers freely in return, but showing appreciation is hard for her, and recently their relationship has felt more like business partners than man and wife.

She’d love to fill that void with some friends, but frankly, she was too busy following her older sister around like a lost puppy at Hogwarts to make that many. She recognizes surnames in her new social circle from the old- Selwyn, Macmillan, Yaxley- but she doesn’t miss the way these people look at her (she thinks it’s the pity that’s the worst, worse than the disgust or the amusement). And so many others hear the implicit Black when she introduces herself and flee. She never forgets that she still has some family, but Sirius still looks at her with distanced eyes. It doesn’t make sense to Dromeda- in her mind, the two black marks of the family tree should look out for each other, but then again, blood has always taken up a disproportionate amount of Andromeda’s thoughts.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: I think Andromeda really loves Ted, but there’s definitely a lot of room to explore in such a high-pressure relationship! She’s lost her family, given her all in raising a child, and is keeping a secret from her husband about helping the Order, all of which I think could be major stressors in their marriage. I’m really very flexible with ships, I just love to write through conflict like that!

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

Andromeda grew up in the lap of luxury, with any privilege imaginable. Having all those taken away from her in a heartbeat (the money, the family cache, the status, the family, oh Merlin, the money), left her with more frustration than compassion. These are things she silently feels entitled to, and wishes she could have given to her daughter! Basic responsibilities were foreign to her a decade ago, but she’s been made painfully aware of what her privilege enabled her to do, and what she no longer has access to. It’s made her colder and more serious, and if she was confronted with any of the privilege she still has (being a white, cisgender, straight pureblood), she’d be highly defensive. I’d really love to explore how this silent resentment is building up inside Andromeda- it’s her own choices that led her here, but self-reflection was never her strength, and it’s just easier to pin this loss on Ted, her family, really anyone but herself.

Andromeda was essentially raised in a fundamentalist cult, and she’s only just begun to really confront those implicit biases. While she can say all the right things when prompted- Ted, of course I don’t think Muggleborns are genetically inferior, would I have married you if I did?- she’s not interested in exploring any deeper. To Andromeda, being a pureblood still means something, she just can’t elaborate on what something is without revealing the blood superiority still in her heart. She works with werewolves, but she still sees them as beasts to be feared. She’d be embarrassed if her daughter was born a Squib, and she’d never let her marry a Muggle. In Andromeda’s world, these aren’t viewpoints, but indisputable truths, and she reacts to any attempts to change these truths with a laugh and a wave of an ivory hand. No point in being naive- this is just the way the world is.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? I LOVE exploring duality within characters, especially ones seen as “good” in canon. The focus on the gray in all the skeletons really drew me in, and I would really love to write the messier parts of Andromeda.

PLOT DROP IDEAS (OPTIONAL): It would be really exciting to get to write Andromeda when the threat of Death Eaters becomes more immediate, and she begins to recognize faces under the mask. Her love for her family is still very real, and I’d love to write out that internal conflict.

ANYTHING ELSE? Nothing!

#homenumaccepted

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natsumi-no-hotaru · 5 years ago

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Chihayafuru #24: Please don’t stand in the Queen’s way!

AKA. Bitchin’, Shi-chan. Bitchin’.

[Previously: The trials of Taichi Mashima]

Episode 24 may seem at first a whimsical episode, in which one is invited to watch the Karuta 5 watching the Queen and Master matches on television, and that’s basically the entire “plot”. Yet hidden beneath its deceptively simplistic and straightforward story-telling is the complex weaving of parallel story-lines: Chi-chan’s single-minded focus on moving ahead in karuta, Taichi being torn between matters of the heart and his own progress in karuta, and Shi-chan’s strength and confidence born from her troubled past. Though the season is winding down, new elements hinted at in previous episodes, aka. the King that is to be watched out for, now come into the spotlight.

The end is just another beginning.

The reign of Queen Shinobu: challenged

I absolutely love that Chi-chan figured out the reason for Shi-chan’s added weight - eating ice-cream to win the Snowmaru limited edition merch. It is a silly yet very in-character reason for Shi-chan; after all, she is also a teenager with her own brand of obsessions and being Queen is not all there is to Shi-chan.

While the issue of being overweight seems to be on everyone’s mind on looking at her, Shi-chan herself doesn’t seem to pay much heed to such attention. Exuding an aura of confidence and self-assurance, Shi-chan still managed to secure the first win before finding herself in hot water.

Have I made it clear enough how much I hate that Yumin woman? Urgh. I’m so glad that she finally fell off her fucking high pretentious horse for real this time. LOL, what’s with older female players in this show? First, that simpering Sakura, then this boring office lady who is a walking contradiction of low self-esteem and crazy judgemental, holier-than-thou attitude. So what if Shi-chan was careless and became chubby before an important game? That does not mean she’s not serious about karuta or any of that crap. She’s a girl, she’s a teenager with growth hormones, and her body does metabolism differently than you, okay? Gawd, I love my female players rocking the karuta world (cos dammit, Hikaru no Go was brilliant but jeez, have all the high-ranking, big-gun female go players died or something?) but I sincerely hope that they would be a touch more interesting. Dead-beat office lady filled with bitterness and resentment? No, thank you, please. By the way, this comes from another office lady (technically, a civil servant) who’s also not that pleased with her professional or personal life.

I guess it would be fine watching her play without having to hear her dreadfully dull monologue.

This is her tactic to take advantage of Shi-chan not having as much experience as she does in sitting through long matches. Jeez, pathetic much?

Her love for karuta, especially the cards themselves, is told very well throughout the episode, be it its origin in flashback of her younger self or its manifestation as indefatigable determination during the game itself. She doesn’t give a hoot about Yumin’s or anyone’s opinion - all that she ever cares about is the cards and their “love” for her. If her overweight didn’t get in the way of her playing, then I doubt that she would even bother. To me, this is a mark of great character strength.

“Oh, the kimono isn’t heavy. It’s my body. I ate too much ice cream.”

And it’s not difficult to see how such mental strength comes to be, growing up with her less-than-supportive and more-absent-than-not mother (not unlike a certain someone’s pressure cooker mother) and an emotionally unavailable and strict grandma, not to mention the bullying in primary school. Karuta cards are her safe haven and it’s truly moving to see the emotional connection in such a seemingly nonchalant person.

The Empire Strikes Back. Take that, Yumin.

Eat your heart out, Yumin.

She absolutely deserves this win. Now that’s the kind of worthy opponent you want to have the honour of challenging.

Ah yes, the mysterious, scary-sounding Meijin. Perhaps not so mysterious in the next episode?

Chihaya

Vs. the mother

One hell of a scary mom Taichi got there. I’m so, so, thankful for my mom.

Ahahaha.

Being all innocent and adorb when Taichi asked her to go up to his room instead

Nope, she still doesn’t see you as anymore than a friend. What’s a boy?

On realizing Shi-chan’s love for the cards themselves:

“... I’m still not attached to the cards the way Shinobu-chan and Kana-chan are...”

The poor boy on being asked by his beloved to go practice with her immediately when the match against the current Meijin is about to start....

Omake

Screw body image expectations. Clothes make the man, LOL.

Until next time!

#chihaya #chihayafuru anime #chihayafuru season 1 #chihayafuru marathon #Chihayafuru #Chihaya Ayase #Mashima Taichi #Taichi Mashima #karuta #Wakamiya Shinobu #natsumi talks #natsumi watches

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ettadunham · 6 years ago

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A Buffy rewatch 3x05 Homecoming

aka nobody wins

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and rant about it in 10-3k words. What you can expect: long run-on sentences and disjointed observations, often focused on one tiny detail about the episode. What you shouldn’t be expecting: actual reviews that make sense.

And in today’s episode, Faith asked Buffy out to be her date at the dance, and she said yes! But then Buffy ended up going with Cordelia, because everybody’s doing this dating thing wrong anyway.

I mean, let’s take a tally here. Buffy’s going out with Scott, but she sneaks out to meet Angel. To whom she’s talking about Scott. And then Scott dumps her.

But that’s okay because Faith asks her to be her date. (She’s being so faux-casual about it too… Oh, Faith.) Except the gang interferes for Buffy and Cordelia to go together and work out their differences. A suddenly dateless Faith then masterfully sabotages Scott and his new date to get back at him for hurting her girl.

Oh yeah. And the Willow/Xander disaster ride has left the station. Which I guess will be my main subject for today, because I love a good trainwreck.

Homecoming is one of those episodes though that has a lot of good stuff going for it, so one should at the very least acknowledge that before attempting some very specific character deep dive.

Buffy has one of her greatest speeches here for instance.

Buffy: I just thought... Homecoming Queen. I could pick up a yearbook someday and say, I was there. I went to high school, I had friends, and... for one moment, I got to live in the world. And there'd be proof. Proof that I was chosen for something other than this. Besides... I look cute in a tiara.

It’s a great storyline for Buffy, about her trying to reclaim her place in the world as a young high school teenage girl, rather than someone burdened with all these adult conflicts and responsibilities.

But what I also like in this scene is Cordelia. You would normally expect her to cut the tension with a snide candid remark, but she remains silent during Buffy’s speech. She even seems understanding and empathetic listening to her! That’s growth.

Before that though, there’s also this weird thing happening earlier as they’re competing with each other for the title. Cordy remarks that a Homecoming queen should be someone who’s part of the school and has friends. And I was like…

Cordelia, your friends are Buffy’s friends. And in season 1 you complained about how none of your pals from before were actual friends you could connect with. That’s sort of why you started hanging around the Scooby gang in the first place.

I guess maybe Cordelia meant having general connections at the school as well, which she probably still has, despite falling out with her clique earlier… But then again, she lost the vote, so who knows.

The weird thing though is that as it turns out she was right about her having the friends, as the gang ends up helping her instead of Buffy with her campaign. But that’s entirely on Xander and Willow, and Buffy needs about 2 seconds to break Willow to help her out too.

And yes, finally, it’s time to talk Willow and Xander.

I’ll admit, I’m obviously coming into this episode with thoughts and feelings on these characters that reach far beyond the current point in the show. I also sat down already thinking about what I was about to see, so I somewhat predetermined what my read was going to be on it.

I will say though, that the whole HORMONES take does seem a lot more valid after rewatching the episode now. There’s definitely this pattern of them trying to fight the ~~~attraction~~~, and then feeling super guilty about it whenever they ~~~give in~~~.

But saying that it’s just “hormones” and them doing “young stupid shit” is also a boring take. What them being teenagers in this situation essentially means is that they don’t really have the ability yet to self-reflect and try and figure out what they’re acting on. They’re too busy feeling guilty, and guilt and introspection are definitely not interchangeable.

So I’ll do the analyzing for them. You’re welcome.

I used to think of cheating as the ultimate show of a lack of respect for one’s partner. Which it is. But it‘s often also a reflection of how the person doing the cheating currently feels about themselves and the relationship they’re in.

And yes, there’s also the question of who they’re cheating with and how they feel about them. Which I will get into.

I feel like it is noteworthy to point out too that once Willow and Xander get caught, they’ll never again pursue any sort of romantic relationship with each other. We also won’t see them cheat on any of their future partners… but they will manage to self-sabotage their relationships in other ways, proving that they still have plenty of issues to work through.

And some of their baggage can actually be followed back to the same root: wanting to be loved. But how that manifests for each of them is significantly different.

For Willow, being loved means being special to someone. Being the first choice, the person who they’d never abandon. She clings to that feeling and to the people she experiences that with. And we’ll see just how bad that can get, especially once you put power into that mix… but safe to say, that that’s why she held that torch for Xander for so long.

Xander and Willow grew up together, and they’ve been essentially the most important people in each others life since childhood. It’s possible to read then Willow’s crush on Xander as a desire to make sure that that bond would never break, and that she wouldn’t end up being Xander’s second choice. Or worse, someone he would leave behind.

Anyone who knows me even a tiny bit should already be aware of this, but for the record, I’m not saying with this that romantic love is more important than friendship. But I definitely feel like in Willow’s mind and subconscious these things might get conflated.

I imagine then that for Willow, the feeling of Xander finally reciprocating all these confusing emotions is pretty intoxicating. She knows that there’s something wrong with this picture, that Xander’s still in a relationship, and that she’s with someone else who sees her as special and wonderful… But she’s also not putting any effort into figuring out those emotions beyond her guilt. As a result, she has trouble putting a stop to what’s happening, because she doesn’t have a full understanding of herself and what she’s feeling.

And that’s very much Xander’s issue as well. But he’s approaching it from a different perspective.

Xander’s coming from a pretty bad home situation. It’s largely only hinted at during the show, so we can mostly guess at the nature of abuse he grew up with, but it’s pretty obvious that he didn’t receive a lot of love from his family. He learned to cope through sarcasm and desperately trying to be noticed by someone.

The problem is that while Xander wants to be loved, he also hasn’t really experienced what that feels like growing up. So he doesn’t really know what he’s looking for, and instead ends up constantly chasing after something new and unattainable.

The tragedy of course is that he’ll never actually be able to find that missing piece of himself. He’ll never feel the security that comes from growing up being surrounded by unconditional love. He can only learn to accept the people he surrounds himself with as his new family, and share the kind of love he wishes to have always had with them.

In this moment however, much like Willow, he falls into the trap of conflating the nature of his feelings. He’s always loved Willow, she was one of the few positive influences in his early life. But the idea of her as a romantic interest just wasn’t alluring to him, because she was already there. All he had to do was reach out - which is why he never did.

But as soon as Willow became unavailable, Xander’s interest became more and more apparent. He was visibly jealous of Oz, and in the end of s2, he seems to come to a realization of just how important Willow is to him. (A moment which will then be reflected back seasons later where Xander’s “I love you” will bring Willow back from the brink once again, this time completely free from any romantic connotations.)

For me, the fact though that neither of these characters will make any effort to try and figure out if they could be in a relationship together past this little affair they got going on, is what confirms that they’re not really acting on a romantic interest. They love each other, deeply, but mostly, they’re just conflicted about their lives, and about where they and the relationships they’re in are going.

There are definitely reasons one can list on why they’d be self-sabotaging their relationships too. For Xander, I already detailed his chasing the unattainable to find what’s missing from his life mentality, which means that he might be trying to get out of this relationship on a subconscious level. And with Willow, we can easily retrofit her sexuality into this discussion. Especially since it appears that she and Oz were approaching a level of physical intimacy that could’ve given her a lot of anxiety she wasn’t ready to deal with.

Out of the two, Xander will also be the one who won’t make much of an effort to win Cordy back. And sure, Oz might hold less of a grudge too, but there’s still a very clear distinction in how Willow and Xander will be handling the fallout. But as discussed earlier, it’s also very much in character for Willow to cling to these relationships, so this should come as no surprise.

But I might just be forgetting some details about this storyline. We’ll find out soon enough, I guess.

Like I said, I love a good trainwreck.

#buffy rewatch 2k19 #btvs talk #btvs

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peoplediedrobert · 6 years ago

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I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues

A exploration of Aaron and postnatal depression

AO3

*this fic will not be for everyone. It is a topic that is very near and dear to my heart because I suffered from (and still do really) postnatal depression for 18 months. I thought it would be interesting to work out my feelings through Aaron, as male postnatal depression is NEVER given the attention it deserves. Given his history (just like mine), he is a prime candidate for PPND. I hope you give it shot, and let me know what you think. Keep negative comments to yourself, though!*

(If someone needs more info about postnatal depression or PPND, shoot me a message!)

It starts small, as these things often do. Seb had been living with Robert and Aaron only a few weeks when Aaron began waking up multiple times throughout the night, more often than not for no reason. Seb would be sound asleep, baby monitor softly crackling beside Robert’s head, but Aaron would strain his ears to make doubly sure Seb was fine. He would roughly wake up in a sweat, heart pounding, body twisted in the duvet, sometimes he even bolted straight up. This went on for weeks.

The lack of sleep became apparent immediately. Aaron’s sullen and sometimes dark attitude worsened with each day he survived on four hours (or less) of sleep. He was easily irritated by everyone, more so than usual. On more than one occasion he would snap at Robert or Liv over something insignificant and had to watch them curl up within themselves, eager to get away from Aaron’s sharp tongue. Aaron hated himself for that, but couldn’t stop it. His mind was on edge. It was like he had no control over his own mind or thoughts. He found himself staying at the scrapyard for even ten extra minutes, just to revel in the silence. The Mill was always loud. Seb was babbling or crying, Liv was listening to music at a ridiculous volume, and Robert was just always there, hovering. Double checking. Trying to soothe what he didn’t understand but only making it worse.

Aaron began skipping breakfast. He just wasn’t hungry, and if he stayed in bed, he had at least half an hour to himself every morning. At first, Robert would try to bring him a tray of food, joking about breakfast in bed for his beautiful husband but Aaron could do nothing but pick at the food, his appetite nonexistent. Robert stopped trying after a few days. Aaron found himself pulling away from Robert. The small touches they gave one another throughout the day--a hand on the small of a back, brushing up next to one another periodically, light squeezes of a hand in passing--became too much. His smile became an even rarer sight than before and he could feel himself becoming smaller and smaller, hunching over.

The moment he knew there was an actual problem was when he found himself getting irritated and angry when he heard Seb cry. It began to feel like Aaron had to physically force himself to pick Seb up and comfort him. It felt like he didn’t want to pick him up but knew he had to. The guilt gnawed at him for weeks--what kind of a bloke gets irritated at a baby? What kind of a bloke begins to resent the idea of caring for an innocent child who just wants love and attention?

Aaron didn’t understand. He was in a good place. He had worked hard to get to this healthy point in his life. The pain of the last year had taught him to open up just a bit more, to reach out rather than bottle it all up within himself. He felt like a failure. Maybe everything he had told Robert, over and over again, about not resenting Seb was a lie that he told himself because he missed Robert so much? There’s no way he could be a good father anyway, given his history, right? That voice in his head, fanning the fire of self doubt, got louder and louder every day. Aaron got the urge to run. To run as far as he could, as fast as he could, away from the stress, the noise, the way Robert and Liv began walking on eggshells around him. He wanted to feel the burn in his legs so maybe the constant and ever present anxiety in his head would go away. This was a problem.

It all comes to a head on a bright and cheery Sunday morning. After finally falling asleep as the sun rose, Aaron is awoken by the sound of Robert, Liv, and Seb at the breakfast table. Aaron sits up in bed, his eyes bleary and his head pounding. The night prior had actually been a good night--he’d gotten nearly five hours of sleep. Aaron heaves himself out of bed, throws on whatever clothes he can find and joins his family, feeling hungry for once. He notices immediately that everyone quiets down when he reaches the bottom of the stairs, all turning to look at Aaron. He gives them all a smile and he can physically feel the tension in the room dissipate (when did that happen? When did everyone look to Aaron to figure out how the day would go?) He sits down at the table, doing his best to insert himself in the conversation. Liv gives him small looks across the table, searching his face for signs of the old Aaron, a grumpy git to everyone else but a big softie when they were in their home. He tries hard to give her what she wants. He smiles and he asks questions and he ruffles Seb’s hair in passing. All of it feels like an act.

Shortly after breakfast, Robert suddenly looks to Liv and softly asks, “Can you take Seb to the pub to see Chas, or over to see Diane? Just for an hour or so.” The look on his face is so earnest, it’s impossible for her to say no. They gather up all the little things he might need and pack it in to the diaper bag. Liv gives Aaron a little hug and pushes the pram out the front door.

“What was that for, Robert? I thought you wanted to spend today as a family?” Robert says nothing. He guides Aaron to the couch and sits him down and takes a seat on the other side. The distance between them has never been greater, and Aaron wants to cry. Robert continues to sit in silence, clearly gathering his thoughts, opening and closing his mouth a few times until the anticipation gets to Aaron and he barks, “Would you please get on with it, Robert?” At that, Robert turns to Aaron and the world falls out from beneath him when Robert asks, “Do you regret this? Me and Seb? Do you want us to leave?”

Shock runs through Aaron and out of his mouth before he can think. “What are you on about, Rob? Where is this coming from?” “Aaron, I know you pretty well, surprisingly, and something isn’t right. And it hasn’t been right since Seb moved in with us. I know it was your idea, but I wouldn’t blame you if this is too much. We can always say we gave it a go again and it didn’t work.” Robert looks impossibly sad, and Aaron’s heart swells at the thought that Robert could put himself through this just so Aaron would be happy.

Aaron lurches forward and pulls Robert into a bone crushing hug. “I don’t want you to go. I don’t know what’s wrong, but it isn’t you, and it isn’t Seb.” He releases Robert and then taps the side of his own head as he says, “It’s something up here. I don’t know what’s happening. Maybe I’m not cut out for this but I don’t want you to go.” Robert looks deep in Aaron’s eyes, and immediately Aaron knows what the next question will be as he gestures at Aaron’s stomach.

“You haven’t…”

“No, Robert. I haven’t. But something is wrong and I don’t know what.”

“Well then we figure it out, together. I love you, Aaron and I want you to let me help.”

Aaron drags his hand across his face, wiping up the tears he didn’t even know he’d been shedding and takes a deep, ragged breath as he admits, “I think I need to see someone. At the very least I need to figure out what’s happening in my head.” He leans his head back against the couch, just enjoying the feeling of Robert rubbing his arm over and over. The exhaustion of the past few weeks settled over Aaron and he physically sags against its weight.

Aaron makes an appointment with his GP and has to force himself to go the morning of. As he arrives, his nerves are jumping. His foot jingles nervously against the floor until it is his turn to go back into the office. She welcomes him and gestures for him to sit down. “What brings you here today?”

Aaron doesn’t even know where to begin. How do you explain to a fellow adult that well, you aren’t sleeping well and you aren’t that hungry and you’re irritable? He would sound like he’s describing every teenager ever. “I don’t know. My partner and I took in his little boy to live with us full time. It was great in the beginning. We went through a rough patch last year but we got back together and everything was fine. Then…” Aaron stops, embarrassed at what he’s about to say.

“Aaron, I will help in every way that I can. But I need to know what’s happening.”

Another deep breath and he lets it all out. His struggles in the past, his sleeplessness now, how irritated he is at everything and everyone, most importantly how he has started to feel towards Seb. He recounts every moment of anxiety, every time he felt like clawing his own skin, every time he just wanted to run and never look back. Here he was in front of what was essentially a stranger, tears in a constant river down his face, laying himself bare. When he’s done, he just looks up to the doctor and is met with an immensely sympathetic face.

“I think the answer is rather more simple than you think, Aaron. From everything you’ve told me I think you’re suffering from postnatal depression, specifically paternal postnatal depression. Although it manifests itself in hundreds of ways, your sleeplessness, irritability and the inability to connect with Seb all point to that diagnosis.”

Aaron’s breathing slows and he looks at the doctor, confusion written all over his face. Without meaning to, and without understanding why, he begins to argue, “Isn’t that something only women get? He’s not biologically mine—why is this affecting me and not my partner?”

“Postnatal depression isn’t always about biology, Aaron. Yes, oftentimes when women suffer from it, it’s because of the hormonal changes in her body but it’s more than that. You’ve had your entire life interrupted by a very loud and very needy little human. Even if it was something you had prepared for, you don’t know how your brain will react when the baby actually gets here. More than that, It is common for someone with a history of depression to be affected—man or woman. You’ve done nothing wrong and this doesn’t mean you don’t love Seb or don’t want to care for him. That’s not how this works.”

Aaron lets out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding. He felt the weight lift from his shoulders and he sat up a bit straighter.

“There’s multiple ways we can treat this. Weekly counseling is your best bet, and there’s always medications we can try. If it helps, oftentimes postnatal depression lifts after the first year. There’s no reason to assume this is permanent. And you have nothing to apologize for. Now that you recognize the problem, you can begin to fix it.”

And that does it. Aaron’s face turns hot and the tears start falling all over again. That was his biggest fear—that this anxious, guilty, terrible feeling would be with him forever. That his brain could never just let him be.

The doctor hands him tissues and silently squeezes his hands. “We will solve this. Let’s make you some appointments. A more immediate ‘fix,’ if we could call it that, is that you have to get more sleep. Studies have shown that lack of sleep is the biggest trigger for postnatal depression. Make yourself a priority and this will pass.”

The drive home is mercifully long enough that Aaron can gather his thoughts. He can finally admit to himself how scared he had been of himself the last few weeks. He doesn’t even try to stop the tears making tracks down his face. It feels good to feel something other than anger and irritation.

When he arrives home, he sees Robert sitting on the couch, reading a book. He looks up when Aaron walks in through the front door and gives Aaron a small, cautious smile. “How did it go?” he asks. Aaron drops himself down next to Robert, thighs touching--he needs to feel connected to Robert again. He didn’t realize how far apart they had grown but now he feels it like a physical ache. He picks up Robert’s hands and intertwines their fingers.

��Turns out, and you may not believe this, but I’m normal.” Robert snorts and turns his head towards Aaron with a smile, “I don’t think either of us fit that description, but go on.” “The doc thinks I have paternal postnatal depression. So me being a mardy arse for these last few weeks is actually textbook.” Robert’s eyes go incredibly soft and he gives Aaron’s hand a squeeze as he continues. “I need to go to counseling once a week and possibly medication if it comes to that. Apparently with my history, this isn’t unheard of. So, now I know what the problem is. Also it’s been doctor approved that I need to get more sleep. So, I get all the lie-ins I want.” At that, Robert bursts out laughing and Aaron joins in. “Oh I see, you just wanted an excuse to be lazy,” Robert says teasingly. He gives Aaron a soft kiss, cradling his face in his hands. “We’ll get through this, Aaron. Together.”

Aaron continued to have bad days. He slept more, he took time for himself, he stopped taking the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he still had bad days. Days where everyone irritated him and he wanted to run, but instead of turning inward, he made an appointment or he talked to Robert, or he played in the garden with Seb or he played endless amounts of video games with Liv. Slowly and surely, the fog lifted and Aaron smiled more. He laughed more and felt like a normal human again. And the next time they bring a baby home, Aaron feels immensely more prepared.

#Aaron dingle #seb white #Robert sugden #tw mental health #tw PPND #tw depression #robron #robron fanfic #my terrible writing #postnatal depression #postpartum depression #seriously do not come for me #fanfic #myterriblewriting

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laduree · 6 years ago

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Demons

I don’t think emotional abuse ever goes away. I feel like you can always try to work towards improving your self perception and continue to understand that someone else’s projection isn’t actually about you. Most of the time these old feelings get brought out in my dreams which lets me know on a subconscious level that these emotions are there. They manifest themselves in ugly ways where I am constantly reliving being told that I will amount to nothing and that I have no goals or motivation.

I used to struggle with acne as a teenager, like most teens do, but I was very self conscious of it. Family members would point it out as though I was unaware. As an adult my skin is far better because my hormones are under control and my skincare regime is gentler. In this dream these emotions physically manifested by giving me cystic acne. I’ve never dealt with cystic acne, so I can only imagine what it is like. In the dream I was very upset because I knew that my stress was causing it. I felt like a failure. I had my ex there telling me that it didn’t matter what I did because I would never achieve anything in this life. I feel like I’m constantly trying to prove myself because of the past. It’s stupid and this year I’m going to try to redirect my focus in better ways.

I don’t like to use the word ‘trigger’. I will anyway. During Secret Santa last month one of my friends asked me if I knew anything about my ex. It caught me off guard because it hasn’t been a topic of discussion for years. With that said, only two people in that room really knew the extent of how fucked up that relationship was so no one would’ve thought anything of the question. Yes, it was triggering. Yes, I had to pretend that it didn’t bother me. I don’t care about his present life or even about him as a person. It doesn’t matter to me. Being brought back to that time in my life does bother me because it’s embarrassing and really really sad.

It pushed me to open up to one of the two friends that I mentioned. There were a few things that I’d never shared with anyone except my very close friends. I consider her to be one of my very good friends now, but it was so strange to talk about something that happened almost nine years ago. I think that it made it sad for her to know about the situation -- I also think that she might understand me more and why I am the way I am.

Overall, I just want to be a better person. I don’t want to feel like I’m constantly righting my wrongs from the past. Which makes me wonder: what have I done wrong?

#personal

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kitchenwitcheryandcrystals · 7 years ago

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Moonstone

Family: Feldspar

Moonstone is foremost a talisman of the inward journey, taking one deep into the self to retrieve what is missing, the parts of the soul left behind or forgotten, then brought to light.

Moonstone is the birthstone for the month of June and the stone traditionally given in celebration of the 13th anniversary of marriage. Moonstone is of the Feldspar family which is a group of rock-forming tectosilicate minerals. Light reflects off of the two types of feldspar that make this stone, orthoclase and albite. These two minerals grow together in alternating layers, and a phenomena named adularescence happens whenever light hits which creates a soft blue shimmer that moves across its face as the stone is moved. This distinctive and magical shimmer is actually caused by tiny albite inclusions that reflect and scatter light, mimicking the moon's glow, hence the gem's name. If the shimmer is of other colors besides blue, the stone is called a "rainbow moonstone." Moonstone rates a 6-6.5 on the hardness scale. It is a relatively soft stone but given the proper care, it can last a long time. Moonstone became Florida's official state gem in 1970 in tribute to Apollo 11 landing on the moon and the Kennedy Space Center located in Brevard County, Florida.

Moonstone has an abundant folklore, its history and legends are dated all the way back to ancient Rome where the story of the stones creation comes from. It is believed that the moon Goddess Diana formed the stone of solidified beams of moonlight. Many also believe that the image of Diana is held within the stone and the blue shimmer is seen when she is moving around.

There is also history surrounding the stone in India. They hold belief that since the beginning of time and space a moonstone has been set into the forehead of their moon God, Chandra Shekara which translates to “Person who wears the Moon.” It was said that the stone set in the forehead of the God got dimmer and grew lighter with the waning and waxing of the moon.

White Moonstone carries the energy of the new moon at the height of its power, stimulating psychic perception, vision and dream work. It can magnify one's emotions, activating the kundalini energy in women and emotional balance in men, and is supportive in children to drive away nightmares or insomnia.

Blue, or Cat's Eye Moonstone has all the properties of white moonstone, with an extra focus on the expression and manifestation of the love, and peace and what might lie within our unconscious. Meditating with blue moonstone helps give one focus, bringing light to what was hidden. It promotes clarity of the mind and inner vision, keeping one focused while in a meditative or altered state of awareness. It is particularly helpful in seeing emotional patterns and life lessons, and in balancing yin and yang energies. The stone carries deep healing and feminine energies. The clearer your Blue Moonstone and the more colorful its glow is, the more potent its healing property is. Blue Moonstone will cleanse and dispel the negativities in your chakras and provide you the support that you need to overcome your obstacles. Blue Moonstone can help attune the normal rhythms of your body’s biological forces to use its natural energy cycles. It also has the ability to balance your hormones and address fluid retention.

Blue Moonstone can also act as a growth stone for young children and teenagers, and it can slow down the process of aging for the elderly.

It can ease the degenerative conditions of your eyes, skin, and hair, as well as the fleshy body organs. Blue Moonstone will open your heart to your nurturing qualities, and it will inspire you to accept more love in your heart.

Gray Moonstone has all of the properties of white moonstone, with extra focus on the mystical side of the stone’s attributes. This is the go-to stone for psychics and shamans and other spiritual practitioners. It is a stone of perceiving beyond the veil - useful to the clairvoyant and shaman, and in moving one into unseen realms. It is called the "New Moon Stone" and carries the mysteries and powers of the new moon, where all things exist as potential. The Grey Moonstone is foremost a stone of confidence and security. It reveals the parts of ourselves that we know least about and enhances personal growth. It is an extremely protective stone. This stone can also balance women's hormones and align them with the Lunar Cycle.

Peach or Yellow Moonstone has all the properties white moonstone, with an extra focus on the emotional aspects. It is considered extra soothing for women, and helps individuals heighten their sense of self-worth and value. By strengthening confidence and valuing themselves, women have been able to use peach moonstone as a focal point for their intentions in losing weight and keeping it off. It will help the individual determine when they are eating for physical nourishment and when they might be eating to fill emotional needs. Peach moonstone is all about wrapping the feminine is a soft and gentle wrap of Divine love. It supports the heart as it stimulates the mind, soothing worry or anxiety, and bringing out the best in people. Its loving energy promotes the Divine in all situations, and is an emotional support for intuitive or sensitive children. Peach Moonstone is particularly consoling to anyone who feels helpless because of weight problems, and should be worn to encourage one to love and value themselves for who they are, as is, and to assist in separating food from emotional needs.

Rainbow Moonstone has all the properties of white moonstone, with an extra focus on protection, especially psychic protection and especially while asleep and most vulnerable. The rainbow moonstone reacts with a person’s own light body to help deflect any negativity and allow the person to sleep peacefully. Many believe that the rainbow moonstone is the most in alignment with Nature and extra-worldly consciousness. It acts as a prism, diffusing energy throughout the aura. It provides psychic protection, clearing the mind and senses, and aids in lucid dreaming and calm sleep. It deflects negativity and eases emotional trauma. Aligned with the Goddess, Rainbow Moonstones connect with the energies and spirits of Nature, from plant devas to galactic consciousness. It is a stone that enhances your feelings and encourages fervent desires, eager expectation and heartfelt resolve. It holds within it the deep seated nature of feminine energy. This energy will help to balance the masculine-feminine vibrations within your body, and will nurture your spirit.

Black moonstone has all of the properties of white moonstone, with an extra focus on New Moon energy, or the beginning of things. With every new baby, every new endeavor, every new project, there is a beginning. An idea. A space from which the new energy comes from. That is what is captured in the black moonstone. This is a great stone to bring out at the start of any new project, or even a new love, or the beginning of pregnancy for example. Also, black moonstone is very protective. It can help deflect negative energy and encourage inspiration. It helps take bad moods and bring them back into a more positive emotional state. Black moonstone is very calming and grounding.

Uses and Purposes:

When you use Moonstone on a regular basis, you will start to receive insights on how you are misusing your personal energies, and this will give you the wisdom to love yourself more and begin the process of healing.

Supposedly if one puts a moonstone in his mouth under the light of a full moon, it will foretell whether the owner's love life will be happy or unhappy.

A moonstone placed beneath the pillow or worn while sleeping is thought to induce dreams of the future and a dream about moonstone has been said to indicate that danger is lurking ahead.

The stone is regarded as a great gift for lovers as it supposedly arouses love and passion. If you give your lover a moonstone necklace under the light of the full moon, there will always be passion between you. It is also useful to help settle disagreements between lovers and return the relationship to a peaceful status.

Sewn into garments, moonstone is said to enhance fertility.

Wearing moonstone can help protect sensitive emotions

Moonstone represents the yin, attracts peaceful energy and brings about a calm, balanced state.

Moonstone is protective of travelers, particularly ones traveling at night or by sea.

Moonstone is also the stone of love and eroticism, stimulating the kundalini energy and carnal desires. It is the ultimate fertility crystal. A Moonstone necklace worn during lovemaking at full moon harmonizes the body into the natural lunar cycle.

Correspondences:

Goddesses: Diana the Roman moon Goddess, Cerridwen the Welsh Goddess of inspiration and knowledge and Selene, the Greek Moon Goddess, depicted wearing a crown of the crescent moon, long robes, and carrying a torch.

Birthstone: June

Color Energy: White

Zodiac Stone of: Cancer

Planetary Stone of: Moon

Chakra: Crown

Element: Water

Please note: None of the information provided is intended to diagnose, treat or cure any disease or disorder and is provided for the purposes of folkloric interest only. It is not a substitute for medical treatment or advice.

To see more of my Crystal Encyclopedia go Here

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anthrobloggenderrolesandculture · 4 years ago

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Fourth Blog Post: Becoming an “Adult”

Towards the end of this week we shifted our focus from Gender and Sexuality to Puberty. This topic can be extremely uncomfortable a lot of people, and I respect that. For a time when I was younger, the word itself made my skin crawl for some unknown reason, that I would later realize is probably manifestation of my own gender incongruence.

In going over these readings and having these discussions in class, I thought of the aged long debate of who’s responsibility it is to teach children about puberty and subsequently, safe sexual practices. Some parents are certain that it should be their responsibility to teach their kids about those topics, while other parents seem to believe that it should be up to the school.

I find myself on the side that the schools should be teaching kids about these topics, but I also recognize how quickly that could start to fail if it becomes too standardized and the information is not updated on a regular basis. So, in a perfect world where there is no explicit censorship over sexual and gender identities, I feel that this method could work in terms of educating the youth on how to explore themselves while remaining safe.

It remains to be no secret that with proper sex ed, there is a decline in teen pregnancy, which has been a known factor to impede access to education. This seems that this would be a decent thing to get behind as to better ensure a more educated future for the next generation, however it is somehow extremely divisive in our country as it stands. A lot of parents still somehow think that abstinence is the proper way to keep their kids safe, but with hormones raging teenagers are bound to be curious and experiment.

A huge thing though, with this supposed idea of a national sex education program, would be the absolute need to include information about hormone disorders and intersex conditions alike. It is only thanks to the internet primarily that a lot of people who are hormone disorders are able to figure out that they should not be going through what they are in the current moment. Everybody, and every body, is different, but there needs to be more education about when someone should talk to a professional about trying to get some help. People who go through periods should not think that it is normal for them to nearly get sick and be incapacitated whenever they have menstrual cramps. Mild discomfort is normal, but having severe pain should call for a doctors visit to make sure there is nothing serious going on.

It’s time really create this change and get our kids to be better educated so that they can make smart and informed decisions to keep themselves safe. In the end, I assume that’s what parents would want for their kids, to be safe.

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couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name · 7 years ago

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if jake and bella had feelings for each other bc jake imprinted on the small part of renesmee inside bella, does that mean that jake and edward loved each other equally as much before bella got pregnant bc jake would have imprinted on the part of renesmee in edward?

Okay, there are two things we need to take into consideration here:

Stephenie Meyer didn’t really have a strong understanding of biology, which she openly admitted to in interviews when asked about the mechanics of a Vampire Pregnancy

‘Imprinting’ never exactly was defined as ‘being in love’.

Before we really jump into this, I would just like to take the time to lay a curse on you and all your future generations for making me think this hard about the Twilight Saga in 2017, the year of our Lord. How did you even think of this question?

Anyway, let’s begin.

So, going through interviews or just checking out Meyer’s faq page, which I did FREQUENTLY in seventh and eighth grade, one is able to find out that she put A L O T of thought into coming up with How A Vampire’s Biology Should Work. She really came through with all these new, weird, made up vampo-fluids that keep the body working and what not, but she also admitted to not having the clearest understanding of actual, real biology. Of course, actual real biology should probably never come to play in this explanation in the first place, as we’re talking about a 109-year old vampire with sparkly skin knocking up his 19-year old human wife, but we can’t escape it as a fact. Now, Meyer’s stated that she got the inspiration for Nessie because she read up on the incubus, which can reportedly impregnate women. But wait, she must of thought, this is a book, people are gonna want an explanation on How The Fuck That Actually Works. So, she did some research, as any author would, and discovered that while after a certain point, women stop producing eggs (which would’ve been a moot point as the vampires can’t change anyway), men never actually stop producing semen. A dude could be in his late 90′s, and as long as nothing’s been snipped and he can still get it up, he could very much still impregnate someone. Now, you’re thinking, ‘Okay, but corpses can’t impregnate anything! Edward’s dead!’ which is true, to an extant- For all the poetic waxing he does about being dead and damned to hell, Edward was changed into a vampire on the verge of death. He’s not undead, technically, he’s a totally different life form. Edward, while he doesn’t need certain things a human would, can still experience them (I mean like breathing and blinking and stuff), because Meyer put effort into developing their biology. Like, they don’t have blood in their veins, but they have some Weird Vampire Stuff that performs all the functions of blood. So it goes to stand that he would be able to impregnate someone, since he was still functionally alive and therefore able to produce semen.

However.

This really works because she invented biology for her characters, she’s an expert at this stuff because it is HERS. Any other biology, real biology, that she has not studied and probably has just a very basic understanding of? That’s not hers. As she has admitted to have very liminal knowledge on how Human Biology works, it’s hard to apply it too this story. It’s NOT hard to assume she might not have a totally correct understanding of it- I mean, for example, I remember when I was learning about it, everyone was pretty surprised to learn that it actually takes a bunch of sperm to break down the egg before one can fertilize it, and that the egg wasn’t basically a mini-baby just waiting to be hit up, and stuff like that. Like, the split dna thing was obvious, but every biology class I’ve ever been in had people vastly underestimating the role the sperm plays. It would also be wise to acknowledge that Nessie’s dna is bizarre for both humans and vampires, which could add to the explanation, but overall- I think a good explanation would be that Stephenie Meyer just really didn’t have the fullest grasp on the importance of Edward’s sperm in the situation, and therefore just didn’t consider it when it came into play.

Now, for the next theory:

Imprinting was never defined as romantic love. It was defined as ‘strong feelings’ or something to the like.

"It’s not like love at first sight, really. It’s more like…gravity moves…suddenly. It’s not the earth holding you here anymore, she does…You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that’s a protector, or a lover, or a friend.“

That’s how Jacob describes the phenomenon to Bella. Now, sure, some of the wolves and their imprints HAVE fallen in romantic love- Sam and Emily, Paul and Rachel, but then like…you have Jacob. And you have Quill. They’ve imprinted on little kids! But nowhere in the series is pedophilia endorsed (like, listen, the books do have some Issues but that really wasn’t one of them). They do not view Nessie or Claire as their future mates or anything, they just see them as little girls and care about them. The feeling are strong, but it’s platonic. They view themselves as older brothers almost. The wolves don’t age, so when they girls get older, dynamics shift. Maybe once they’re women the wolves do fall in love with them- but that’s no guarantee of anything. Imprinting is never a guarantee, Emily didn’t want to be with Sam for the longest time. Bella even asked Jacob what would happen if the imprintee didn’t love the wolf back, and he told her, like, okay, they don’t wanna be together, that’s fine. The wolf can’t control imprinting on a girl and the girl can’t control how she feels in return. People can have very deep, very platonic feelings for each other. Best friends can be soulmates. As long as the wolf and the imprintee have some relationship, be it sibling or best friends or lovers, the wolf will pretty much be satisfied.

But wait, you say, how does this answer my theoretically question about Edward?

I’d like you to remember- Jacob has had a crush on Bella since they were little kids. When he becomes a hormonal teenager, his crush becomes a little stronger. When he becomes a wolf, the theory goes that he unconsciously sensed the little piece of Nessie inside her, latched onto that, and that basically amplified his feelings for Bella. It wasn’t ‘I can sense my future wife in you so I’m gonna have feelings for you but they’re really for her’, his feelings for Bella were real. But his wolf sense took his innocent, horny little crush and blew it up to mega-proportions just because it could sense his future imprint. That’s the theory that was proposed, anyway. So, I’d like to propose back: If he never transformed into a wolf, his feelings for Bella would have never gotten That Bad. They were just amplified without his control.

So, perhaps: He hated Edward so intensely because he turned into a wolf and could unconsciously sensed his imprint in him as well.

I mean, think about it: In the first book, he didn’t LIKE Edward because of all the stuff his father told him about the Cullens, but he really didn’t have any strong opinions on the guy either. In New Moon, before he changed, he thought Edward was a dick for leaving Bella, but he wasn’t as…aggressive about him as he is after he changes. But after he becomes a wolf? Every time he sees Edward he’s ready to rip his head off. If his feelings towards Bella were amplified because he could sense Nessie in her, it stands to reason that his feelings towards Edward were amplified as well. The difference being, the were just negative feelings! It was still strong feelings! It still could’ve very much had to do with the imprint! And also, to add to this, may I point out- what’s the point in the story where Jacob and Edward come to an understanding, where Jacob decides he hates Edward less than before? After Bella is already pregnant with Nessie. They start working together to protect Bella, and Edward asks Jake to kill him if she dies. And Jake basically thinks “Hey, he’s still a dick, but maybe he’s not as bad as I’ve thought this whole time? Maybe he actually does love Bella? I feel bad for him?” And Jake is still 100% focused on Bella at this point, but he spares Edward no mind even though he’s been obsessed with hating him for like two years now at that point, and what’s the thing that’s changed in this situation? Edward’s not the one that’s pregnant! All parts of Jacob’s future imprint have left him. Jacob no longer has amplified feelings towards Edward. Just solely his insane crush on Bella, until the second Nessie’s popped out and he’s like “Oh, fuck.” I think this is could be a very good explanation on that whole dynamic. Jacob did sense the imprint in Edward, it just manifested differently than with the girl he’s been crushing on since he was a toddler.

OR, I mean, we could just acknowledge the fact that “sensing Nessie” was never really made canon, just an explanation a 16 year old boy came up with to explain why he used to be in love with his imprint’s mother, and this is all bullshit and something else was going on entirely.

I cannot believe I wrote this.

#lmao send me your twilight questions apparently!!#twilight #bella swan #Jacob black #Edward cullen #asks #molly mumbles

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howelldelia · 4 years ago

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How To Increase Height After 25 Quora Stunning Ideas

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What Should We Do To Increase Your Height

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#How To Increase Height After 25 Quora Stunning Ideas #How Can I Grow Taller At Age 17

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