#this is evidence for why trans mascs have it worse

[amirmeavid]

what you don’t seem to understand is that statistics and surveys are JUST as subjective as things like theory. you seem to put things like surveys in a “practical, unbiased truth” category and things like memoirs or theory discussions about people’s actual real-life lived experience in a “impractical, biased falsehoods” category. but that’s YOUR personal judgement, not a universal opinion, and you can’t treat it like it is. statistics and surveys can be just as hypothetical and flawed as “personal experience”. in fact, most of the surveys you pull statistics from were questions answered by individuals about their personal experiences. so like, stop trying to push this arbitrary divide between “theory” and “evidence”.

'what you don’t seem to understand is that statistics and surveys are JUST as subjective as things like theory.'

Dude, Fite-Club I know this is you. You're the only person who will ever make a claim that statistics are AS SUBJECTIVE as something that is PURELY subjective.

I'm not saying statistics are perfect. But trying to argue that RECORDED TRENDS OF LARGE NUMBERS OF PEOPLE are not less subjective than SINGULAR PEOPLE's experiences is only a claim you could make.

'most of the surveys you pull statistics from were questions answered by individuals about their personal experiences.'- Its almost like theres a difference between 'trends' and 'singular individuals'.

'stop trying to push this arbitrary divide between “theory” and “evidence”.' ...Ah yes. The notoriously 'arbitrary' divide between 2 factually different things.

Theory- An educated guess presented as an explanation for observable patterns

Evidence- Observable patterns.

If your theory does not align with observable patterns, it is WRONG.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi Makenzie

I'm sorry for bothering you, but as I followed your blog for over a decade now and this is the first time I need to deal with questions around sexuality, it seemed to me like the best way to get good and trustworthy input was to ask you.

There's a lot of context to this, but the TL;DR is that I (a trans masc) used to staunchly believe I'm aroace (which I'm still not sure of that I'm not) until last month this person swaggered into my life and basically upended my understanding of myself by somehow making it so we're in a relationship together. That means that for the first time in 23 years I have to think about the downstairs equipment and, worse, use it.

Now, my partner is absolutely lovely, don't get me wrong, but I am very much not into sex at all. Or like, it's fun, but it's also a chore and while I like the intimacy of it all, I just... don't like sex. It's extremely painful and since my partner has been circumcised it takes so long to get them off (over 4 hours!), even on their own- the closest we've come to me being involved at all when they do is my letting them come in my mouth by some last-minute manouvering- and even so, after two times I physically cannot bring myself to do it again, which puts them off too.

I know one of your mottos is that orgasms aren't the end-all-be-all of sex, but it seems to be the only thing to make the whole ordeal worth it at all. It's like we're stuck in a feedback loop where I only put up with sex because I want them to enjoy themself, and they need to see me enjoy myself to enjoy themselves, but with them having a really hard time getting of and me being physically unable to (even on my own: I never feel anything, even if the muscle-spasms indicate something happened).

I'm very worried about the strain this will put on the relationship, since they told me on the very first day that they do need to get their rocks off, and while I'm fine with them watching porn to get off and the occasional comment that they would prefer me have the body of one of those actresses, I'm not secure enough in this whole relationship yet to just set them free sexually. Not in the least because a part of me doesn't want to lose the way our sexuality works atm. It's dysfunctional and painful, and there is practically no benefit to it at all, but it's fun having them so close. If only the rest of the deal didn't exist.

It's basically a lose-lose situation where I was wondering if you could tell me if I should be worried about the sheer amount of pain I experience with penetration (also with tampons: the two times I tried putting one in, I ended up crying on the bathroom floor because of the pain) and if you maybe have any advice regarding the rest of the whole shitshow.

Thanks in advance and have a nice day!

hi anon,

oh my god there's a lot to unpack here

before we get into the important stuff I just want to open by saying your partner's four hour plateau period is maybe not an outright medical marvel but is definitely unusual, and both scientific and anecdotal evidence indicate there's no particular reason why that should be linked to circumcision. I have no idea what would actually be causing that, but it's probably not a lack of foreskin! just wanted to point that out, because it's interesting.

anyway, and much more importantly: you two should not be having sex with each other and maybe need to just break up entirely.

literally every single thing about how you are talking about sex indicates to me that you don't want to be having it, you don't like it, it's painful, you don't see the point, you can't bring yourself to do it... literally stop doing it. stop that right now. there's literally nothing but trauma that's going to come from repeatedly forcing yourself into something that sucks this bad for you.

okay, so, where does this leave your partner? well, in grand sex witch style I am humbling suggesting that they either put up or shut up. sex is important to them and that's fine, wahoo yay sex, but they've chosen a partner who Does Not Want To Do Sex At All and that has consequences, namely that they do not get to have sex with that partner.

if you're uninterested in opening the relationship up (which is fine!) that means they either need to cope or y'all need to break up, which frankly sounds like it might be awesome for both of you based on everything you're saying here. no one is necessarily at fault here, but this is a major lack of compatibility that seems like it's only going to keep eating at both of you. there are lots of different ways to be intimate in a relationship, and you both deserve to find someone operating on a more similar frequency.

also, hey, this?

I'm fine with them watching porn to get off and the occasional comment that they would prefer me have the body of one of those actresses

you shouldn't be fine with that. talking about anyone's body like that is shitty, let alone an intimate partner. I would hit somebody with a car for that, personally.

also hey PS if tampons suck that much there's a chance you have vaginismus, a condition that causes the vaginal muscles to reflexively and often painfully tighten to prevent penetration. it's a fairly common condition that's often caused by anxiety or trauma, and in many cases the easiest solution is to Stop Putting Things In Your Vagina.

[sharpth1ng]

I hope it's okay to ask you that. I realised I'm trans about a year ago. I usually say I'm a transman so ppl don't get confused but I'd say I'm more non-binary, just very far on the masc spectrum. I was just wondering if you also had like a honeymoon phase? The euphoria I felt was quite intense and my body disphoria wasn't too bad I thought I could handle it. But now the euphoria died down a little and I'm constantly questioning myself and tze dysphoria hit me hard too this week. I think it's the backlash of my family tho that made my excitement die down... I thought After the honeymoon phase it would settle in more comfortably and not make me more anxious. Sorry, now I'm rambling... You don't have to answer this ofc, but idk, in case you wanna share

Hey, I think what you're going through is super normal (as much as it's not fun).

In my experience dysphoria can be something that fluctuates for a wide variety of reasons. I'll talk about it and maybe you'll relate, but don't take this as an exhaustive list it's just based on my experience and I can't speak for everyone.

1. Experiencing transphobia, even indirectly or in microaggressions can trigger dysphoria.

This could be something like watching transphobic content online, or even something like coming out to someone and having them respond with confusion or what I can only describe as disappointment (yk that thing when cis people say they need to mourn the gender you had before). It could also be something much more malicious and dangerous than that, but I'm not going to get into that here.

It's an othering experience, it highlights your identity in a negative way, and it's easy to have old patterns of internalized transphobia wake up in response to that. Even now that I've completed all the medical transition that I ever will that kind of experience that can trigger older dysphoria.

Especially having to deal with family that doesn't understand or people who question you, that kind of stuff can really get in your head and turn you against yourself.

A big contributor to this lately is people fear mongering about how HRT will irreversibly destroy your body (it wont), and make you unattractive based on cis standards (it often doesn't, but why should we care about that?). It presents a medically transitioning body as horrific, and shames those who don't transition medically for not being 'real' (which is also bullshit).

Early in my transition i was confronted with so many people questioning how i really know, and it freaked me out, made me question myself constantly. It made me forget that I know because I feel it. Thats the only evidence you can have for your own gender identity. No one else, not even the most qualified psychiatrist, is able to figure that out for you.

2. Sometimes when you treat one kind of dysphoria you realize that it was drowning out another kind of dysphoria.

This happened to me a few times, like when I got people to start using he/him pronouns and my physical dysphoria got a lot more noticeable. It happened again when I finally got top surgery and my bottom dysphoria decided to get a lot worse.

This obviously isn't going to happen to everyone, but for me it felt like once I was happy with my pronouns and my chest, then my brain had time to focus on something that had always been lurking in the background.

I had always had a level of bottom dysphoria, but I think there's sort of different stages. Like early on you just feel sort of disconnected from a body part, then maybe you start to associate it with confusion and anxiety, and then once you realize that its something you can maybe change is when it really feels the worst, at least consciously.

Its not a new kind of dysphoria materializing out of nowhere, it's just that sometimes one type of pain can hide another type of pain, and when that first type is cured you notice the second.

I wouldn't go back on any of my transition. Before my dysphoria was hurting me in much more harmful and hidden ways, but there's a unique kind of pain that comes from allowing yourself to fully feel something for the first time. You can ride it out, it will fade, you'll find a way to treat it or you'll find a way to manage it if you can't. But it does really suck to get blindsided by that.

3. When you aren't binary or when you're fluid in either gender or presentation, there's a kind of dysphoria from being forced into an arbitrarily binary world that is hard to escape.

Im having a hard time figuring out exactly how to explain this one so I'm going to start in talking about my own experience.

I feel a need to have a masculinized body, and medical transition was absolutely necessary for me. I'd much rather be referred to with he pronouns than she pronouns, and the natural way I emote and carry my body is often perceived as more masculine than feminine.

All of that is true but I also don't know how to understand myself as a man the way other men are (this is just me, i know for a fact other trans men feel like men in the exact same way other men do). He pronouns are better than she, but it/its pronouns are the only ones that make me happy.

I don't really identify with colonial conceptions of gender in general. My understanding of gender means that I just don't think any of our pre-made categories are particularly useful because the traits we use to define them are mostly arbitrary. I don't like dissecting my identity along lines drawn by a system that doesn't represent me.

I tell most people I'm a trans man. I did used to identify that way but over time I've realized the language that feels like it actually captures me is 2spirit. A lot of people don't know what that is though, and I often don't have the energy for an explanation of the fact that our gender and sexuality categories are a colonial construct. When I do, it opens me up to hearing a bunch of anti-indigenous bullshit.

(Everytime I see a post of passing tips for trans men, theres a point about cutting your hair, like braids aren't of massive cultural significance for a lot of native men. And people will just act like the binary is innate. Natural. It's exhausting.)

All that is to say that most of the time I feel like I'm telling half-truths about my gender, and doing that can put you in a weird mental space. It makes you feel like you're fake, or some kind of imposter.

And all of that comes before even thinking about gender presentation.

If I dress in a way thats more binary or masculine I get treated like a binary man in a way that makes me uncomfortable. In particular women and visibly queer people seem less open around me, which makes me feel horribly sad. As a result I often intentionally dress in a more visibly queer way than I would otherwise.

On the other hand, on the rare occasion that I dress in a way that leans more feminine, the I get she/her pronouns (which makes me uncomfortable) or people notice my masculinized body and treat me with what I can only assume is misplaced transmisogyny.

None of these shifts in presentation correspond to a change in my gender. If anything my gender has always been the same and Im more accurately described as a transsexual, in that my sex needed to change, but that doesn't really have anything to do with affirming my gender.

All of this is fucking confusing. Depending on how I present on any given day I can have different weird kinds of dysphoria get triggered, simply because when you're gender non-conforming at all you get othered. Even when i'm in a more binary masculine outfit I feel out of place because I know my internal experience doesn't match what people see when they look at me.

All of that is really long winded, and I don't even know if I'm expressing it properly, but the point I'm trying to illustrate is that the mere experience of being measured up to a binary gender when you aren't binary can be confusing and dysphoria inducing.

Its also important to remember that cis people experience gender dysphoria too.

Cis women who are insecure about having a small chest, being too tall, having facial hair- those women are experiencing dysphoria. Its the same for cis men who are insecure about penis size, the width of their hips, not being muscular enough, ect.

When society has defined a narrow range of biological realities as "correct" the majority of people are not going to fit in, and when you don't fit in it causes you to feel like your body isn't the way its supposed to be, whether or not you're trans. Even worse we don't acknowledge the ways in which constructed gender is mostly only accessible to people can at least seem to have a white, cis, hetero, perisex, thin, abled body.

Because of that, dysphoria doesn't necessarily go away fully when we transition, and thats ok. Its probably going to come and go for you, it will change over time, and most likely it will fade, A LOT as you settle into yourself. The euphoria will come and go too. Thats all a normal part of having a human body.

As long as transition moves us closer to a place that feels comfortable then it's worth it. It doesn't have to fix us or make us perfect. We only have to prefer it to the alternative.

[genericmain]

I'm 24, Born in 2000

I'm Canadian

I'm Married (I know it's shocking)

I like anime, cartoons, horror, Spooky things, Crowcore, Podcasts but especially the magnus archives and protocol, I'm an artist & hobbyist writer (as in I don't really write so much as delete all my drafts), a poet, And I'm a lesbian.

I'm a masc genderqueer lesbian and it's taken a LONG time to figure that one out. I use He/Him pronouns and Ze/Zir/Fae/Faer pronouns. I have a slight preference for masc terms but I still identify as female, and gender queer. I'm seeing a wonderful nonbeanie who might be an egg, so we're seeing how that goes while they explore. You can call me Wren, if you gotta call me anything!

I can already hear the but haven't you talked about dysphoria and being a trans guy? Yes. Yes I did. Turns out self discovery is kind of hard. You can find out a bit more here. Nsfw warning for under the cut, it is the ONLY exception I've posted/will post but it does feel necessary to me to explain that too. The flag I use in my stuff jic.

This isn't my first time here, but I am hoping it'll be the last account I make unless I decide to write an interactive choose your own adventure blog again, that was fun. I'll keep y'all posted if I do.

That being said please kindly leave me alone if: you're a creep or a bigot of any kind, you sexualize kids, You're anti-systems/Any of my interests, You're here to start drama, You're gorey or gore related strictly, You post about self harm frequently* or eating disorders, or you think literal animals are sexy. Basically the standard DNI. Additionally, please don't interact with me if I can't interact back. Thanks. Adding: Pro-Ship, because pedophilliac relationships bad. I understand the argument of fiction, that argument was used by my pedo ex (confirmed that he had non fictional materials, no I didn't see them why would I want to) to try and convince me non fictional materials were okay too, so while I understand that fiction doesn't always equal reality.. I've seen evidence that it can. & I don't support that. New: This still applies to reality shifters, if you're shifting your age/race, I'm not really comfortable with that for obvious reasons, but I don't necessarily think this falls under standard DNI.

*This has been asked a couple times now - by frequently I mean this is the basis or more than 75% of your blog. By SH, I very specifically mean detailed drawings/hyperrealistic drawings, actual pictures of SH/Gore (but not everyone considers these to be the same) or in depth discussions of your self harm that glorify it. I'm in recovery.

What is my policy on asks regarding donations?

Note: Some of these things are hands down worse than the others. Just because I am lumping them all together doesn't mean I think self harm is just as bad as being a pedo. Some of the things on this list are there specifically for my safety & comfort. I'm stating this plainly & explicitly because I know some people on this website struggle to differentiate between "I'm saying all these groups are bad in general" and "I'm saying all these groups are bad for me" and I quite frankly don't want to deal with that again.

You might see swearing here, I'm not sure honestly. It's a generic main blog. I'm not even sure I'll use it honestly.

Fictional others list:

Main F/Os

Xinyan - Genshin impact (F/O) Romantic, iffy on sharing, please give me a heads up/ask! There used to be more here but she's taken over and I'm okay with that. Everyone else is okay with it too.

Topsy - Original Character (F/O) Romantic/Qpp somewhere between the two. Not comfy sharing cause she's an OC. You can find more info on her under the #Topsy tag! She's new, and she was born of pocket love, ironically!

Tighnari - Genshin impact (F/O but maybe more who knows tbh.) Romantic(?) QPP(?) Idk. Nari. That's it. That's all. I recognize it might be controversial for some but Nari is fictional and I love them. I headcanon tighnari as nonbinary, and yes, I have reasons for this. No I probably won't share those reasons. Okay with sharing/doubles!

Zhongli - Genshin impact (Fictive/fictional other) longest running F/O, he's been here like 6 years. Finally came home on my account, really excited. Him coming home for the holidays makes me feel like idc if people judge. Husband, but complex relationship, hard to define. Okay with sharing, He'd totally be polyam.

Retired/Rarer F/O's

Kaeya - Genshin impact (semi canon) Platonic, okay with sharing!

Itto - Genshin impact (canon), Platonic, okay with sharing!

Arlecchino - Genshin impact (canon), Romantic, okay with sharing!

Beidou - Genshin impact (semi canon), Romantic, okay with sharing!

Asra - The Arcana (technically a non canon fictive), okay with sharing!

H/Hoshino - Original character (Fictional other), Non-sharing because she's an OC

There defo are more but I'm struggling to list them all. If you have an issue with sharing/doubles I won't interact if I know, or be upset if you block me for it! I respect wanting to not share!

New list of ship names & tags

If this is here, the selfship reblog game (scent synthesia) is still open! Feel free to send in your F/O's!

[bodhrancomedy]

I wasn’t going to respond to this, I looked at your blog. Your irrational hatred and bile directed towards trans people is palpable and pathetic. This was intended to upset me. 

But I now have a chance to talk about who my grandfather is. 

You see, I find it interesting that you claim the only way my 90yr old grandfather could possibly be so accepting is if he was dying of one of the most horrible diseases known to man, a condition which eats your brain from the inside out and turns you in an angry, scared shell of the child you once were while your family has to grieve you long before you’re dead. 

You find it easier - and evidently prefer - to believe that to accept me, my grandfather must have Alzheimer’s rather than any other reason. 

Why is that easier to believe than a man who lived through (not was born during, not was around for, lived through) the Second World War and the aftermath, seeing footage of the concentration camps and meeting refugees would be accepting? 

A poor builder and a farmer who worked alongside queer men and deaf men and the few people of colour in Northern Ireland in the 1950s and was himself barred from many places of employment and education due to his religion?

This man, whose oldest son was born the year the British army began occupying his country, who lived through the Troubles and was automatically considered suspicious and dangerous through an incident of birth? A man who helped raise six children - most of them boys and therefore in great danger of the army turning their guns on them for playing kid-games - in a time of civil war where it didn’t seem to matter which side you were on, the bombs and shootings could get you either way? A man who once was taken hostage by the IRA? 

My grandfather’s oldest son - my dad - was the first in his family to go to university and there he met and fell in love with a Protestant woman. This was before the Good Friday Agreement, when the civil war was still happening, and if my grandparents had a problem with it - they never let said to my mum. 

(My grandpa and my mum don’t really get along, but that’s more to do with me being a premature baby and tensions over my survival and disagreements on how to look after me. My mum and my Nana? Thick as thieves.) 

They certainly never let it slip to us when we came along because it wasn’t important anymore that we were something many people in Northern Ireland would have preferred to not exist. It didn’t matter. 

He voted in the Good Friday Agreement in hopes of stopping the conflict. He spent a lot of time listening to me about the bullying I was facing for being - unbeknownst to me at the time - queer and disabled. He just told me that being happy was far more important. 

Being trans? It does not matter. Of course it doesn’t matter to him because he’s seen worse things in the world. 

He’s ninety years old. He’s still out on the farm, he’s still studying history, he’s still sharp as fuck. I’ve seen someone die of Alzheimer's. I know every bit of it and it’s not him. Besides, I’ve not medically transitioned in anyway yet. He’s only seen me presenting fully masc for six days in person. Two years in total. If he had Alzheimer’s he’d be calling me by my deadname and using she/her. 

And he’s not unusual. Outside of your echo chamber, most people are fine with trans people. Most people don’t care. Most people are accepting. They may not understand, they may not use the right words, but they’re accepting. 

I do find it interesting that once again the TERF tactic is try and wrestle autonomy and self-control away from people who don’t follow your bigoted stances. Autistics must be being manipulated. Trans men are clearly confused little girls. Children obviously can’t understand their own minds and bodies. 

My grandfather must have Alzheimer's. 

Of course my view of a world I’ve seen in a Tumblr textpost must be more correct than the reality everyone else lives in. 

Have the day you deserve. 

My 90yr old Irish Catholic grandpa doesn’t miss with my gender. He’s never gotten my name wrong, or my pronouns, never even faltered over it.

It’s all so natural too: son, big man, young man…

We’ve never talked about it. He’s the only one who hasn’t pushed for details. He just accepted it and carried on because it’s not a huge deal.

It’s so comforting.

[xthelastknownsurvivorx]

we all know that sy goes through the most insane comp het mental gymnastics to convince himself that he's straight. and so i'm sure that sy would also do the most in order to convince himself he was cis despite plenty of evidence to contrary. but since gender and sexuality both inform and can have an impact on each other, he would be so much more infuriating and worse bc it would turn from one type of mental gymnastics into another before finally accepting both identities. if sy was trans masc i think it would go something like this:

first, he'd have naturally developed some crushes on boys in his class bc he is actually attracted to men and wouldn't repress himself bc it's "straight" attraction (since he still thinks he's a girl). however he would rationalize away any additional gender envy as also being romantic crushes, plus be like well everyone wants to be a boy/hero/fairy tale prince, that's why so many girls like fairy tales and why there are so many pieces of media coming out putting women in those roles haha, all while ignoring the fact that he does not tend to consume that media

eventually he would finally come to accept his gender identity as male and immediately flip the switch and rationalize away all and any romantic feelings he had/has towards men as having been solely gender envy and the result of comp het bc he thought he was a girl and girls are supposed to like boys, all while doing the same exact damn thing this time around but in reverse; also see: "of course i like lbh, he's the model of the perfect man that everyone should strive to be like with his protagonist op'ness and harem of beauties"

tl;dr sy having to figure out both his sexuality and gender would be that much more infuriating because he'd go straight (ha) from comp cis to comp het (or vice versa if you wish), all while being like wow glad i'm now over deceiving myself (he is very much not, he's got a whole 'nother crisis to get thru)

[ursie]

Why do you keep calling Shatterstar gnc? He’s always been masculine? Just because he’s Bi doesn’t mean he has to be effeminate you know

Ok so I’ve gone back and fourth on how seriously I was gonna answer this so I’m sorry this took a bit to answer anyway here we go : I’m sorry if this makes no sense I’m tired

First off it’s important to remember in media what’s considered masculine and what’s not so while a lot of Star may be considered either or what’s important to remember is when him being a warrior, fighter/ect is being emphasized that’s them playing up traditional masculine characteristics and his presentation or softer moments is them playing up “feminine” characteristics (obv this is stupid but it’s also undeniably how people write characters 99% of the time)

Second off there is textual evidence he is at least viewed as gnc in universe in X Force-many comments were made about his makeup, hair (also I remember the pigtails) and general demeanor. Was it done in a ala homophobia way? Absolutely is it still canon? Yes (also so much worse now that it’s retroactively canonically homophobic as he’s literally Bi and definitely had a known thing w Julio at the time-so..way to teach him micro aggressions guys)

Now post x force in xfi he is drawn and written as far more traditionally masc, in appearance and presentation- even his body type seemed to change-as in x force he was described as acrobatic and fast, avoiding hits when he could in xfi he’s made into a brick house that just. Tanks hits-far more direct-even his fighting is made out to be more traditionally masculine

Now this could be broken down to character development (which we did not see and it’s important to note I can’t stress how ooc xfi Star is) but really it just reads as more homophobia as not only is Star aware enough of homophobia and gender roles to adapt to a more accepted persona (because the x force taught him homophobia) but also the writers at the time when he was canonically Bi went out of their way to adapt his character to both fit and avoid different stereotypes-he’s allowed to be a walking slutty Bi stereotype (which is literally so ooc) but can no longer be gnc-he’s allowed to be slutty and hit on women despite his relationship w Julio but he’s not allowed to present as anything less than “macho” in summary Star was just made palatable in all of the worst ways to straight audiences-they stereotypes they love were forced and the ones that make them uncomfortable were dropped

Later on we’re back to getting glimpses of less than traditionally “masc” only a warrior Star w him cooking for Julio and buying him a sweater in new mutants (which are not actually feminine traits but are presented as feminine/gay traits in media even lampshaded by what’s his name asking of his boyfriend bought his sweater to Julio (which he did-also another micro aggression marvel forces me to witness))

(There was that super racist x force run I didn’t read that came out around here-Star was back to being a super warrior macho macho man idk it was bad and the art was racist ignore it )

The slightly less masc Star is dropped in the Shatterstar solo where his character is p much completely retconned but also another more traditionally masc Star is pushed again w the crux of his problems w Julio being “they don’t fight enough”, the emphasizing of him still being a warrior despite how the crux of his character was trying to define himself out of that role assigned to him, there are definitely homophobic connotations to what’s her name (yes he’s Bi him having an ex who’s a girl isn’t the issue it’s the entire plot that is), and even weirder connotations with the use of his slave name/dead name as his go to name-he has only ever referred to himself as Shatterstar-that’s his name-other people either call him Shatterstar or Star-giving him a “traditionally masculine” name is certainly. A choice. There are a lot of problematic elements to the solo to unpack but the rest don’t really have to w the homophobia and forced gender roles Star seems to consistently face

Then in (new) xfi he’s gone something happened he’s on Mojoworld again he has long hair again (king) but his outfit is a wrestling one and his “masculinity” is once again emphasized with his being forced into being a warrior again just to like. Be on the island being tasked w immediately fighting Terry (I actually liked this scene but there were some choices about to consider especially about how the rest of the mutants still seem to view him)-and now we’re here where we’re right back to where we started w long hair, just left Mojoworld, definitely a warrior you can’t forget it Star. Only this time his identity isn’t up for interpretation or debate.

So long story short while Star may not be consistently gnc it was noticeable enough that once he was openly Bi they immediately started pushing for a more masculine Star and you can see the difference in characters as xforce Star and xfi Star might as well be different people. Stars ambiguous gender non conformity was enough that Marvel seems set on “fixing it” and writers are constantly walking a line in making sure he’s “not like those other gays” despite the fact that apparently he used to be. There is def canon evidence for a more gnc/less traditionally masc Star. No one is saying (but me) that he should be a Femme Bi dude they’re just saying they see him as gnc and like. Yeah he was🤷‍♀️

Also narratively him being Trans makes wayyy more sense also his people are machine made why do they even have different sexes or genders let alone follow the earths idea of it like he’s an alien., why would he care about the our perception of the sexes or gender- main point is he should be Nb and intersex but that’s another conversation

Anyway Star gnc king

Also yes just because he’s Bi doesn’t make him effeminate-he’s effeminate-not because of his sexuality - it is not his gender presentation despite how much it undoubtedly influenced it. People aren’t calling Star gnc because he’s Bi they’re calling him gnc because he used to look like this

[fearoftheminotaur]

My problem with this reasoning is that there is no actual evidence that people who make dicey posts now need to be held responsible for the bigoted tripe and abusive actions of chronically online women from 10 years ago.

Idk I just don't think how much someone has in common with these people, *if they didn't actually ever engage in any of that shit*, is relevant to talking about whether they deserve a platform, or to be driven away from trans spaces, or whatever. The Medium article (from someone who seems to kinda obsess over trans woman), makes the case that the 2010s baeddel scene sucked, and that some people still use the word in various capacities today, but it doesn't convince me that the exact same behavior is happening or being excused. I will say that I do think the article has a weird blindspot of not really engaging with the realities of TERFs recruiting trans men. Gonna outline some more in-depth blind spots after the break.

While it's all well and good that there are former baeddels who are able to tell us that the old baeddel scene not only looked really bad, but was really shitty to be a part of; it skates over a very real phenomenon of a lot of feminist blogs (particularly around 2018) taking transmisogynistic turns - in general the kind of scorched earth approach that some people take with baeddels ultimately resonates with this idea of "don't get out of line, trans women"; even if I think a lot of the 2024 baeddel discourse is the product of actual transfeminists stepping out of line, both for better and worse.

Kinda weird to, in a post that just before then is talking about how whether or not someone labels themself a baeddel or radical feminist is irrelevant, police someone's interactions like this.

The second sentence here is the one that really bugs me, that I'm hoping even someone who disagrees with me can understand. TWEFs are a thing. There are trans men who are TWEFs. We can put aside how trans-exclusionary feminist has divorced itself from radical feminism, to just acknowledge that a big part of why TWERF and TWEF spread was because TERFs were pointing out that they didn't *exclude* trans men, they just saw them as women and wanted them to detransition. This is still bad but it was the radfems trying to worm their way into saying they were trans inclusive when they weren't.

TERFism is bad for trans men. Probably the worst it's ever been for trans men, what with all the mainstream media obsession over what young trans boys are allowed to do with their bodies. But there is an ongoing history of radicalization and recruitment behind the term TWERF, as problematic as it is (since it ultimately is accepting a trans-exterminationist framing - I agree TERF is the more accurate term).

These last few *can* be red flags, but I want to expand the things they are discussing.

How often are trans women, particularly ones like OP, treated this exact misogynistic way that baeddels are said to treat trans men? Can we agree it's at least equally misogynistic to portray baeddels or accused baeddels this way? Some of us are whiny and delusional, but I think that leaning into this kind of rhetoric is either reactionary no matter who is doing it, or warranted if it's accurate - you can't have it both ways.

"Femininity is targeted by the patariarchy" - no idea what it means. If it's talking about, like, people who try to act like butch lesbians have masc privilege, then yeah I totally agree that this is a red flag. But like... what **is** being targeted by the patriarchy? Cuz it sure ain't "biological sex". I just find this a very broad set of beliefs to label red flags, with mixed clarity that just seems to be trying to say at its core, some version of "the patriarchy doesn't care about your gender identity", which... if you're talking about radfem rhetoric, oof.

What should I think of someone who dismisses or ostracizes or punishes transfems who do have some rad leanings? I mean, I think if someone is punishing transfems for not being baeddels, the anti-baeddel people have got to have blocked them by now, that's pretty blatantly cultish and transphobic, but I do see transfems being castigated for allegedly being baeddels.

Transfems are not a monolith, but there are some contexts and spaces where their voices are not heard. I don't think you should agree with everything a random transfem says about transfeminism, but a non-transfem perspective on transmisogyny will always be incomplete, and a space with no transfem voices or presence is not truly trans-inclusive.

None of this is meant to be a debunking, just as I don't think Mordred's point about antifeminist posters being misogynists was debunked by any of this.

I've said it before, but as a bitch that knew/was friends with multiple of the "original" "baeddels," the fact that term is still around is weird because it's not remotely used like they used to use it. Some trans woman gets called a baeddel and I look at her blog and her politics will be nothing like the baeddels, or dorks call girls baeddel and "terf" interchangeably but those are two specific ideologies that have nothing in common.

The ideology of those baeddels doesn't even really exist anymore, so few people actually remember what it actually was, now most people just know it either as a slur or the post nothorses wrote up that's full of half truths or outright lies that are sourced back to his own articles he wrote other places and terf blogs from long after the groups implosion.

But transandrodorks need to keep this idea of the baeddel alive. They need everyone to believe in the all encompassing tranny that hates transmascs more than anything, that somehow is simultaneously a terf AND supports trans women, that somehow infiltrated the ENTIRE LGBT community, cuz the minute that facade falls people would realize they're just cyberstalking, harassing, misgendering, policing, and attacking trans women. These same people who are so scared of the "baeddel" themselves preach "sex based oppression" and accuse trans women of being sexual predators and constantly use the word "degenerate" to describe trans women - nevermind that each of those things are terf and Nazi oriented ideologies. "But it's in an effort against the dreaded baeddel!!" They also preach forms of transphobia transmasc and transfem both go through, just to then say "this is a transmasc specific issue and no one's talking about it" when people *do* talk about it and have been for years and years and years you just refuse to read it cuz it's feminism and not super manly oppression or whatever and by reading it you'd have to acknowledge your current ideology is misogynistic.

None of these dudes scared of the "baeddel" have ever actually met someone with that ideology. It's just a stand in for "trans woman I hate," or better yet, if you replace their useage of baeddel with "faggot," you find that the meaning of their words doesn't change. And that gets to the crux of it. We talk often about the bully shifting his vernacular to get away with it, or about bullies getting into social justice and just recreating the bullying using the words of the oppression dynamics - and this is what it looks like. Dudes punching women and when called on it "uh she hates transmascs" like, even if that were true, that doesn't make your actions ok. You're still a bigot.

[yearning-mlm-hours]

Ok so tw discussing transmedicalism (and why it's bad) //

I feel like i probably should say this because I'm so tired of the argument between people who aren't in a good headspace to be arguing with each other, especially since that can prompt nasty things to be said

There is SOME truth to transmedicalism, but a lot of the details have been taken put of context or misinterpreted. You don't need gender dysphoria to be trans. What you DO need is Gender Incongruence, which is not the discomfort relating to your assigned gender, but rather the difference between the way you percieve your gender and what your gender was assigned at birth.

"But wait, mr. yearning mlm hours, isn't that what being trans is?" Yeah! Essentially, if you do not identify 100% with your birth gender at all times, you're some level of trans.

Now back to the transmed narrative. Why do they think you need dysphoria to be trans? Well, back in The Day, many people who had dysphoria would *medically* transition. Doctors noticed this and set it as the standard to recieve medical treatment. Also, many people who thought they didn't have dysphoria noticed feeling better after treatment, and so it was assumed these people didn't realize they had dysphoria in the first place due to denial. Whether or not that is the case is still undetermined, as most of those doctors are now deceased.

"Wait, aren't you dysphoric?" Yeah. I am. However, it didn't make me trans. It's a side affect of being trans. Before I first came out, I used to cry in dressing rooms trying on bras because I thought that my chest was too small or looked wrong, when in reality I just hated having a chest. I misinterpreted my own gender and discomfort because I was not only in denial, but just a kid. After coming out, I thought I didn't have dysphoria. I recognized how much better I felt identifying as another gender, which is where incongruence comes in, but I didn't really know that I would begin to feel discomfort about female puberty. Later, I started to feel worse and worse, still not understanding. It was only til I drew myself with short hair for the first time that I realized I was experiencing dysphoria, a side affect of being trans. My brain didn't recognize me as I was, because in my head I was not a girl, but I looked stereotypically feminine and was percieved as such, so I felt awful.

Now obviously, my experience with gender is not the only experience. Some people know, and have always been masc or femme, or never understand the incongruence until they're much older. Some people will never know.

Now I'm gonna address what is called the "tucute" side. Dysphoria isn't hating your body. I like my body, but it doesn't feel right to me. It's essentially comparable to "I like watching basketball, but I don't like playing it." Also, transmedicalism often stems from a place of "wanting to understand why" someone is trans. For a long time I wanted to know why, and when people offered an explanation, I simply agreed. Now, I've learned that the explanation I was given was not correct, and that there's not enough evidence to back it up, because so few trans individuals have offered to be part in the studies cited.

"Well, why don't a lot of people want to dress like their gender?" A lot of trans people, including myself, are somewhat or totally GNC. I understand that no matter how I dress, my body and voice are going to be seen as a woman, or nb. I also really like fashion, and don't understand why clothes have to be gendered (curse you, adhd that alienated me from social standards) (jk). So anyways, many people feel that expressing themselves gives them a sense of joy that is separate from their gender. Being able to change how you look and look cool in fun colours or fashion is enjoyable, and shouldn't be spit on.

Anyways, td;lr, the only thing that makes you trans is being trans, not dysphoria, and GNC trans ppl are absolutely valid. Also nb ppl are trans, and a lot of transmeds are misinformed rather than purposely hateful, though that doesn't make transmedicalism good.

[babsaros]

First of all, i want to sincerely say thank you for the way you’ve formatted your response; it allows me to see exactly which statements you’re misinterpreting, perhaps because you’re cutting around the parts where I explain those statements. So, I’ll respond in kind and see if I can’t break this down a bit more simply:

“Listen, I have been gender non-conforming in a [misogynistic] household and I am telling you, that being a trans man makes that experience different.”

So, this is anecdotal evidence at best. I mean, we’re not merely talking about living environments growing up, we’re talking about systems of oppression normalized throughout society at large and all walks of life. Nearly every household in America is misogynistic because our society is built on patriarchy.  

->“You understand trans women when they say that they are treated worse when they identify as trans women, rather than gnc men, why do you not comprehend trans men saying basically the same thing?” 

The whole point is that men hold more power, control and influence than women, de facto, point blank, end of. GNC men are still perceived as men, because they are men. You cut off my original post before i go on to explain the very first statement, that trans men are specifically not perceived as men by transphobes. If it were possible, you would not see hardcore denialist transphobic parents still referring to their child as a “daughter”, even after “she” has transitioned into a ripped beefcake with a full beard. Trans men are seen as either delusional women or offensively effeminate gnc men, NOT *TRANS* Men. I’m sure going from being perceived as merely a gnc tomboy-type “girl” to identifying as a man or masc and wanting to transition did come with a new level of aggression to any pre-existing transphobia, because that transphobia is rooted in misogyny, and hey, btw that was my exact experience growing up too, wild!

when cis society oppresses a trans woman, they are able to do it on multiple levels at once'.

Right, same with trans men. Those levels are different, but there are still multiple. Examples include:

Heretic for standing against god's will and believing she can become something as sacred and intelligent as a man

Worthless woman failing at her only job (provide children)

Dyke

Unnatural pervert who does not belong in society

The next statement you respond to, you say trans men are oppressed on multiple levels, distinctly different from the way trans women are oppressed. I would argue that really you only provide one example, as biblical misogyny is nearly indistinguishable from secular misogyny; Both camps see women for the same singular purpose, intended by Nature/God, as offspring factories and homemakers. And “unnatural pervert” is a fitting definition for how trans/homophobes perceive Dykes, who are still ultimately women failing at their one intended purpose in life. That’s not multiple intersectional levels of oppression, it’s one called Misogyny. 

You then conveniently cut around my explanation of how trans women Do face multiple intersectional levels of oppression:

“She's a woman failing at her gender, a dyke that needs to be fixed. Or she's an evil and grotesque crossdressing pervert, a rude caricature, a danger to polite society. she will never be doing enough to escape oppression entirely, no matter if she gets every surgery she can and wears makeup every day and passes perfectly, because she lives under a patriarchy, and she's a woman, so she lives in a panopticon, and HAVING to get surgery and wear make-up to be respected IS oppression, especially if the alternative is being hate-crimed.”

'Or she's an evil and grotesque crossdressing pervert, a rude caricature, a danger to polite society'

Genuine question here. Do you... think that trans men are not seen as evil gross perverts and dangerous to children?

Yes. On average, and by far wider social conceptions, women are seen as natural caretakers, inherently incapable of sexual assault or molestation, whereas transwomen are seen as the inherent opposite, accused of fetishizing femininity or co-opting it as a manipulation strategy to get closer to potential victims, accused of using femininity as a shield against allegations of assault despite the witchhunts transwomen are frequently subjected to for any expressions of sexuality. Generally, despite this being a completely misguided notion AGAIN built and perpetuated by the Patriarchy, the “danger” transmen are seen as presenting to children is notions of transgenderism, having been brainwashed into rejecting their assigned gender role and the happiness that supposedly came with it, and less so the threat of molestation or assault that Conservatives fearmonger about and trans women are instead disproportionately accused of. 

You can argue women have had historically less access to alternate modes of dress or the independency to explore gender and transition perhaps, and I would love to see a source if you did, but the reason conservatives grab pitchforks and AK47s at the mention of a Drag Queen Story Time at the local library is because they view transfeminine people as inherent threats and transmasculine people as inherent victims. Cis men also do not view Trans Men as offensive caricatures of masculinity, the way some cis women see Trans Women as offensive caricatures of femininity no matter how genuine or subtle her presentation. Transwomen are vilified, seen as wanting to be women for sexual reasons and wanting to be a woman as a man is a bad thing, whereas transmen might be viewed as transitioning to escape misoginstic treatment, and wanting to be a strong powerful man is not a shameful thing. Seriously, have you or a loved one ever been accused of autoandrophilia? Do men clutch their wallets and fear for their purity in the public restroom when they see you rock out of the stall? How many transmen has LibsofTiktok publicly posted the faces of and gotten fired from their jobs working around children as a result? Genuine questions here.

'IN FACT!! experiencing the byproducts of misogyny in a patriarchy!!!'

Well done genius. Every single form of sex or gendered discrimination in the patriarchy (including transphobia itself!!) is a byproduct of misogyny in a patriarchy. Are we gonna argue transphobia isn't real now?

I can tell you’re getting a little emotional at this point, and that’s okay. We can walk through this rationally together. I brought up an example of supposed “transandrophobia” I had seen someone else posit, that trans men who are rejected or ostracized from queer/women safe/prioritized spaces for being “too masculine” are experiencing transandrophobia. I reject this by pointing out that transfeminine people rejected from those same spaces are being rejected for misogynistic patriarchal norms meant to keep people separated and subjugated, and that TERFS more often than not uphold and reinforce patriarchy rather than rejecting it because they refuse to reject gender norms first. You clearly grasp that much and agree. So, I really don’t get where you get the idea I'm arguing transphobia isn’t real. I’m merely pointing out that phenomena labeled as “transadrophobia” is identical to plain old transphobia and misogyny, and that there is no “androphobia” to be found in the first place.

'you don't say cis gay men experiences "androphobia", bc that's not a thing!'

Yes. Because androphobia is not a form of oppression on its own.

So you do agree! Androphobia is not real. Men cannot be oppressed under a patriarchy. Why are we still here? You claim the definition is an intersection of transphobia and misogyny, which is almost the exact same thing i’m explaining, so why are we still trying to call it transandrophobia. It’s transphobia. It’s misogyny.

-> "Transandrophobia is a term coined to describe the intersection of misogyny and transphobia face by trans men, because it is an intersection."

Except they do not overlap in a distinct flavor of hateful treatment of trans men. Are there any widely known specific slurs with heavy sexual connotation about transmen the same way there are multiple slurs for transwomen? Do people throw them around with the same casual air they talk about "traps" and "sissies" and "femboys"? If a transphobe correctively rapes a transman, is the goal to "correct" him into a more traditionally masculine man, or is it to treat him like a woman, make him feel like a woman, and force him back in the closet? Instead, effeminate cis men are subject to homophobia (regardless of their actual sexual orientation) rooted in misogyny; the disbelief they would align themselves with women, the disgust over the idea of taking a “woman’s” role in sex. Trans men might be trans/homophobically shamed for being effeminate or not passing, or misogynistically oppressed for clashing against gender norms. Transwomen are subject to transmisogyny, shamed for taking a woman’s place and then *again* for failing at being a conventional woman. Transmisogyny is intersectional that way. Why are we still here! 

-> Arguing over etymology is just stupid because language evolves. 

The conversation has not evolved to the point to necessitate language evolving. That’s. My. Whole. Point. By calling it “transandrophobia” we obfuscate the root causes of oppression, we give fuel to genuine Men’s Rights Activists to co-opt our language and let transphobes walk back progress by not standing in solidarity for the most vulnerable in our community and instead arguing that oppression is equal across the board when it explicitly IS NOT and CANNOT BE while we still live under patriarchy. 

-> Shockingly the patriarchy has more layers to it than 'men > women'. Wait till you learn about racialisation of gender, intersex and non-binary people and how sex and culture impact understanding of gender (THE SOCIAL CONSTRUCT, which is subject to cultural nuances). 

I say it sounds like MRA rhetoric because it does. It sounds like a refusal to acknowledge privilege because grouping yourself with the oppressed is less work than standing up for them.

I’m not even sure you knew what your point in this section was. I am a queer nonbinary trans person. Yes, this is an incredibly complex topic, but a patriarchy is genuinely Men>Women as a societal structure. That trickles down to affect sex and culture and popular connotations, of course it does. Your argument then, as you claim to engage with me in good faith about this, is that my understanding of gender dynamics doesn’t have enough nuance? It’s hard not to feel like you’re just parroting buzzwords here, and then not laugh when you accuse me of making assumptions and changing the subject.

I mean, you bring up the racialization of gender, and then cut away my point about misogynoir! Like, c’mon!

“...You don't say a black man experiences "misandrynoir"!! because living in a patriarchy fundamentally means men do not experience oppression based on their gender.” 

I reciprocate the sincere invitation to take everything here point by point, try to glean some new understanding from it, and let me know if there's anything further i can clarify.

I would also advise you to reflect upon who you’re reblogging from, and who reblogs from you. Just in the handful of likes and reblogs your response picked up, there was at least one blatant TERF, and again when I checked out your blog I noticed a few posts from blogs dedicated to circulating hateful rhetoric. It does nothing to strengthen your position as a rational trans rights activist when you’re publicly aligning with the exact group that attracts the most criticism to your stance. If you’re serious about promoting feminism and increasing awareness of transmasc issues to the wider largely-ignorant cis population, they need to be able to grasp the simplest points of how intersectional oppression works and understand the language the trans community uses. Feminism still struggles to illuminate gender inequality and escape the reputation that it’s a movement for female domination over men. Quibbles like this are a waste of time til then.

Hope this has helped! ^-^

hey. when cis society is oppressing a trans man, what he is experiencing is. In Fact. misogyny. i'm sorry i know none of us like to be reminded of our agab, and it hurts whenever people perceive you as the wrong gender. but a cis person hate-criming, assaulting, verbally abusing, etc, a trans man is not doing "transandrophobia" because they do not perceive him as a man.

they perceive him as a woman failing at her gender, as a woman who has been seduced and lied to and manipulated because women are so easily led astray, just like it says in the bible. they perceive him as a woman who has been mutilated. they perceive him as a dyke that needs to be fixed. if they are hate-criming him because they *do* perceive him as a man, because he passes well enough they aren't thinking he could be trans, then they're doing so out of homophobia, perceiving him as a gay man, a pervert, a sissy, a danger to children. OR, they are being transphobic but specifically because they think he might be transfeminine instead. when cis society oppresses a trans woman, they are able to do it on multiple levels at once. She's a woman failing at her gender, a dyke that needs to be fixed. Or she's an evil and grotesque crossdressing pervert, a rude caricature, a danger to polite society. she will never be doing enough to escape oppression entirely, no matter if she gets every surgery she can and wears makeup every day and passes perfectly, because she lives under a patriarchy, and she's a woman, so she lives in a panopticon, and HAVING to get surgery and wear make-up to be respected IS oppression, especially if the alternative is being hate-crimed.

trans women (and trans men who pass) are not experiencing "transandrophobia" when a 'queer women and nbs" event turns them away at the door for being too masculine. they are. IN FACT!! experiencing the byproducts of misogyny in a patriarchy!!! where the terfs and coward cis women running those events and occupying those spaces have been taught (sometimes through experience, sometimes by men, sometimes by women) throughout life that men = stronger and more dangerous than women ALWAYS. That they need to protect themselves at all times and always be vigilant. That men and women can't be friends without sexual tension (and so as queer women the mere existence of what they perceive as a "man" is a threat). That women need a separate sports league because they can't possibly compete with someone who has even a little bit "extra" (an unquantifiable amount actually because there isn't a standard range) testosterone. That women should cook and men should fix cars. i promise you, i promise i promise i promise. it's misogyny. like!!! you don't say cis gay men experiences "androphobia", bc that's not a thing!! you sound like fucking mens rights activists guys please! you don't say a black man experiences "misandrynoir"!! because living in a patriarchy fundamentally means men do not experience oppression based on their gender. its not happening. shut the fuck up. stop walking us back to 2014 can we please take a step forward and stop bitching about this. there are genuine issues in the world and i'm frankly sick of people who should be smarter than that needing to be gently hand-held through this fucking explanation for the millionth time and still stomping their feet.