#this is encouraging an agenda that should not be encouraged

[michipan]

oh. oh. ohhhhh okay no cool i’m okay this is okay i feel so fine and normal right now hahaha whaaaat??

this is just. smth about taehyun with someone older is just so… fitting???? and i’m pretty indifferent to the whole noona thing but the way he uses it and is just so. teasing and cocky about it but is still a virgin bitch UGH I NEED HIM.

but also. i am SUCH a believer and enthusiast for sub/switch! tyun (coming from me it’s hard to believe i know) and the way you wrote it is srsly just 😖😖😖 not him coming early AND apologizing for it!!!! that’s such a weakness, fuck!!! the way he eats her out and makes her cum twice. pulling my hair out rn.

the dialogue and the way he switches and starts degrading her…. i’ll die rn thank you. this dynamic was seriously so delicious and i’m so obsessed with it, i looooove that she didn’t let him fuck her without a condom so he just resorted to grinding on her pathetically 😵‍💫 plus the way they were so touchy after hhhhagsjs this whole thing is gonna stay on my mind for a while. ur such a genius thank u for blessing me with crumbs of switch tyun u are feeding a guilty pleasure here

TEACH ME.(S)

Summary: In which your boy best friend needs help impressing a girl.

Warning: Noona kink, dry humping, implied unrequited love, fwb, raw(wrap before you tap), bottom tyun, grinding/humping, teasing, tempting, nipple sucking, oral(fem receiving), early orgasm, over-stim, multiple orgasms, college au, switch tyun, mean dom tyun, slight pain kink, whiny sub tyun, thigh riding, praise + degradation, name calling + pet names, switch reader, size kink if you squint lemme know if i missed anything

Paring: virgin bbsf!Taehyun + Older!Reader

“I’m sorry- what?” You whisper yell, staring at your best friend. Kang Taehyun, you’ve known him since you both were in the 2nd and 3rd grade. You had fended off tiny little bullies that made fun of him being a child actor with your hot tempered personality.

You always stood by his side, fending off bullies until he grew a pair and was able to stand up for himself, given that only really happened mid-highschool when he began working out.

You are now in your 3rd year of college, him in his second, and sitting in your dorm room.

Your roommate had left the shared space hours ago to go to some frat party so you decided to invite and catch up with your boy best friend.

Everything was just fine, he got in the building just fine, been sitting in your floating chair for hours now, but the moment he began talking about his tiny little crush on the girl in his vocal class, telling you everything he loved about her and how badly he wants to impress her you couldn’t help but be shocked.

Taehyun has only dated once, in middle school. He’s always mentioned how he never felt an attraction to the people around him, even recently claimed to be Aromantic, but with this new found information you couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous.

You’ve never liked Taehyun, never even thought of him anyway other than a friend. Except that one time when you first hit puberty, and after him and his girlfriend broke up, and when his voice deepened, and when he grew taller than you, and when he started working out- but that’s besides the point.

Your jealousy was cut short the moment he asked you for help anyways, he really wanted to impress this girl. “I really like her Noona..” Taehyun whined, hand pressed to his chest simply because thinking about her overwhelmed his heart.

You cocked a brow at him, never seeing him like this. “And I’m supposed to help? I don’t know the girl, she’s probably already impressed by you anyways.” You argue, muttering the last bit under your breath as you pull out your phone to check the time

10:36PM, damn no wonder your eyes were heavy.

Taehyun groaned and sat up from the chair. “But you’re a girl, you can point me into the right direction!” You rolled your eyes at that. “Tyun I’m almost positive you won’t be rejected no matter what you do.” You say as you get up and move to your closet, pulling out of the boys t-shirts, now stuck with the smell of you from the multiple wears.

“I doubt that, she never even looks at me, I sit right in front of her and she’s never looking at me!” He complains, not even bothered as you begin to strip your shirt and shorts. “Look, if she’s not looking at you in the first place then something is already wrong with this picture.” You say before slipping the shirt on, letting it fall over your ass and thighs like a short dress.

Taehyun let’s a pout fall on his face, he was always so open and expressive with you. “God, fine if you really want some advice you need to get out your comfort zone and fuck her.” You bluntly said, reaching under your shirt to unclip your bra. “Why would that help me?” The man sounded appalled, and unbelievably stupid.

“You’re fucking with me right?” you deadpanned before groaning in frustration when your bra just refused to budge. “Help me.” You say before walking and dipping down a bit in front of him. “I’m serious, you shouldn’t joke like that, I don’t just want to get into her pants.” Taehyun responds with frustration before running his hand under your shirt and unclipping the bra between two fingers with ease.

You ignored the shiver that crawled up your spine the moment his fingers brushed your skin. “Tyun look in the mirror. You’re basically a sex symbol, virgin or not I promise you a lot of girls want you, hell she probably wants you too.” You say as you pull the bra out from under your shirt.

It’s silent for a moment, like he was trying to think of some kind of solution to his problem. You took the opportunity to stand up and toss your clothes into the hamper.

When you looked back over to the younger he was just staring. “What?” Was there something on your ass or something? You brushed your hand over your ass to feel for whatever was making him stare so hard. “Did I sit in something? Oh my- am I bleeding?” You gasped out, now panicked and trying to look down.

“You’re okay Noona, no blood, I just had a question.” You let out a sigh at that, falling back into your bed with content. “Yeah?” You responded further. “What do you think?” Taehyun practically whispered the question across the room. “Think about what?” Your eyes squinted, trying to hear him.

Taehyun practically avoided looking at you any more than he has, becoming more aware of how bare you were in front of him. “Me.” He paused as if finishing his question would really change the meaning of it. “Do you want me?” He finished, sinking a little in his seat.

Your eyes widened. “E-excuse me?” You stutter up a scoff, the question making you think about it, what being in bed with him would be like. “You just seem so sure and you’ve known me the longest so I think it’s a fair question.” Taehyun breathes, trying to slow the bouncing in his leg.

Your silence is what answers the question, making him hum when you sit up and avoid eye contact. Taehyun’s the one staring now, legs opening into a more comfortable position. “Noona~” He practically dragged the word over his tongue with a hum and teasing smile.

“You look so guilty, you want me that bad?” He continued before getting up, taking in the way your thighs press together at his words. The moment he starts walking over, your head is up, staring up at him with shame. “So? I can want and know not to touch. Don’t change the subject when we’re talking about your little crush.” You huff, dodging his accusing teases.

Taehyun hums, standing over you with a new found confidence. “Okay, so how do you expect me to fuck her.” He follows up fast, fighting the smirk threatening to give away how much he’s enjoying the power you simply handed to him. “What kind of dumbass question is that?” you scoff, running your hand over the sides of your shirt.

Taehyun just inched closer, now leaned over the bed. “I get you’re a virgin and whatever but don’t tell me you don’t know the birds and the bees.” You say sarcastically, trying to desperately de-escalate the situation at hand.

“Noona.” Taehyuns face remained stoic, he spoke with depth and full intent to continue what he started. “Stop calling me that.” You fought the whimper in the back of your throat, instead breathing out a bit hard through your nose. “I’m only a year older.” You mumble, sucking in when the younger gets a bit too close.

“Teach me.” Taehyun can’t hide the smirk anymore, a wide upturn of his lips making his request sound a lot more dangerous than it was. “Wh- Do you hear yourself?” You’re absolutely bewildered with this mans confidence.

“I’ve never had sex before Noona, I can’t impress her that way, I need to learn first.” There was a slight purr in his voice, and you felt a rush of wetness soak the middle of your panties. “Tyun, I don’t know.. We’re like- Best friends, isn’t it a bit weird?” You confess, trying hard not to react.

Taehyun hummed. “I think it’s just fine, we’ve known each other for so long, I trust you enough, and I’m positive that we’d stay best friends no matter what.” And just like that Taehyun was down on the bed, laying in front of you on his side.

You were still nervous on it, you wanted him so badly, he has always been your type, a nerdy dork turned gym jock with hella musical background. “Are you sure? I just- I don’t need you to regret your decision.” You sigh out, nerves not allowing you to breathe correctly.

“I’ll be okay, please teach me how to please you.” His voice softened, eyes hard yet big. You could feel yourself throb, pressing your thighs harder together. “Okay..” You let out, leaning out of your spot and leaning toward the younger. “First, uhm, okay—“ You stutter, this was so not hot. “Can I kiss you, Y/N?” Taehyun asked under his breath, eyes already on your lips.

That was definitely hot, a whimper left your mouth in response, which caused your ears to burn in embarrassment. “Yes..” You sighed, letting him lean into you and take control, pressing his lips flush against yours softly. With a shiver you followed, closing your eyes and letting your lips move together fluidly, there was so much trust and softness in the kiss you felt yourself melt into him.

Taehyun pulled away a bit quick, a little red in the face. “Did I do good Noona?” He asked, a little more eager for you now, god this man just keeps switching back and forth, does he want to tease you or please you? “So good, touch me- my waist-“ You tried to order, you didn’t mess around a lot, too focused on school to party or do anything other than get your degree so it was a bit difficult to voice what you wanted.

Taehyun was quick to please, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into him and rolling onto his back so you could get on top. “Can I?” He panted, hands running under your shirt. “Not yet- just- just stick to touching me first.” You respond, too embarrassed with your bare body all of a sudden.

The younger just nodded and went straight to your neck, planting small kisses and licks like a cat. “Oh- Tyun-“ You whimpered, pressing more weight of your hips into his. The feeling making a “Fuck-“ slip out from him and warm your skin further. Taehyuns hands found purchase on your hips and began grinding you down, wanting to feel that pulsating pleasure again.

“Fu- Tyun you- you fucking liar-“ You choke up, following his hands and humping his jeans. “You’re good and you know it.” You pant the accusation, a whimper following quickly. “Fuck don’t stop.” Taehyuns hands were far from your body now, moving to remove his shirt. You tilted your head back, feeling his rough jeans rub just right on your clit.

“You’re so hot, using me like this. Use me to please yourself Noona.” Taehyun whispered, the last bit to himself yet loud enough to make you whine in response. The boys jeans were so unbelievably tight, painfully tight, all he could do was moan and buck into you, the motion did nothing but make your hips stutter and stop, all of a sudden overwhelmed with the pleasure.

When you came back too, you looked down at Taehyun, his washboard abs and tight pecs on display. Without a second thought you were in between his neck, planting kisses from his jaw to his throat, a small suck on his adams’s apple before moving down to his chest.

You both made eye contact, lust filled gaze connected with each other instantly before you took his left nipple into your mouth, licking at the tiny bud of nerves. “Ah- Noona please-“ He whined, unable to keep his facade up. Your left hand ran through his hair while your right ran down his chest to his jeans.

“S-so good I- Oh god-“ He stuttered, too distracted by your tongue so foreignly on his nipple to even notice your fingers undoing his jeans, it wasn’t until your hand palmed his cock through his boxers when he noticed, a gasp coming out so hard you felt his chest cave in for a second. “Falling apart just from this? I don’t think you’ll last to fuck a girl, Tyun~” You teased, not expecting Taehyun to buck and moan with no care for volume as a response.

You could feel Taehyun growing in your palm, enough to makes you pull off him and pull his jeans and boxers down to see if what you were feeling was real. The younger let out a whine at the cold air hitting his cock while your eyes widened. “You’re not gonna fit-“ You gasped, looking a little defeated as you eyed the curvy, thick cock in front of you.

His cock curved up onto his abs and you knew if you were to wrap your mouth around him you would dislocate your jaw halfway down. “Please- h-hurts Noona.” He panted desperately, tears welling up at the painful throbbing at the tip of his red cock.

You hesitated for a second before peeling your wet panties off and taking his shirt off your body, tossing it away. “Taehyun if you break me I swear to god.” You spew as you climb back on him. “Do you have a condom?” You ask quickly, it takes Taehyun a moment to realize you weren’t doing anything until he answered so he simply shook his head. “You?” He asked simply, you shook your head. “Maybe my roommate has one- ah!” You yelp put as Taehyun pulls you down to his cock, the tip hitting your entrance before slipping through your pussy lips and over your clit.

“Tae!” You scold, “you cant play like that, you have no experience pulling out.” You continue while he slowly grinds into your clit. “I’ll get soft by time you come back.” The boy whines, “I’ll tell you when I’m about to cum and you can pull me out if I don’t move.”

You let out a sigh. “Not happening.” You hold your ground, you’re not risking it even for your best friend. “Not even if I do this?” He tests before running your clit up and down his cock a bit harder yet slower, letting you feel every vein and fold with the drag. A whimper left you as you looked down at the way his cock pressed flat against his abs, pooling pre-cum into the crevices.

“We can just stay like this- please, just wanna feel you on my cock.” Taehyun begged quietly, eyeing the way your nipples hardened in the cold. The effect those words had on you were borderline embarrassing as you whined and let him roll your hips into his.

“Oh fuck- ‘o good-“ You pant, feeling the way the praise goes straight to his cock. “so good to Noona.” Taehyun bucked at that, fighting the way he wanted to cum already. “‘m good boy?” Taehyun asked with glossy eyes, unable to not melt in your control.

“Such a good boy, Tyunie.” You praise before slowly giving into him and his whining, letting his tip slip in before pulling out and rubbing him down your folds again. You repeated this a few times until he began squirming.

“Noona- ‘m sorry- close-“ Taehyun whined, eyes closing in embarrassment before cum shot over his abs and chest and a raspy moan that came straight from his chest followed.

You let out a moan as his cock twitched against your clit. His cock looked so cute spurting out the white strings of his arousal. A giggle left your lips as you continued your movements, pushing more and more out of him until he was trembling and begging for you to ease up.

“Tyun, Noona isn’t satisfied, how will you ever please your girl if you can’t get me to cum?” You taunted, bringing your nails to his chest and scratching down to leave red marks.

“N-Noona~” Taehyun high pitched purr left his lips in response. “T-Too much-“ he panted. “Hmm, then you need more practice.” You hum, lifting off him and moving to the side while he caught his breath.

You watched the way his cum trickled down his sides before they dripped off into sheets of your bed. “You’re messing up my sheets.” You mutter before swiping a bit off his navel with your finger and licking it off, watching as he stared deep into your eyes.

You hum at the salty taste that sticks to your tastebuds before going down and licking directly off his abs. You’ve wanted to do this the moment he ended up with them, wanted nothing more than to lick them up and down.

Taehyun whined, the feeling of your tongue all over him reigniting that flame in his stomach. “You’re like a half virgin now, how does that feel?” You tease, kissing up his abs to his chest, sucking small hickeys on it. “Did that even count?” Taehyun panted, running his hands over your hair.

“Either count it or we can try over and over and over again.” You whispered, kissing up his chest in between words. “We can set a schedule, you’ll get the hang of it in no time.” You hum, kissing at his jaw before settling close to his face and pressing your chest to his.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Y/N.” Taehyun lets a flushed grin grow on his face. “I’m not threatening you, but I am serious.” You say before rutting onto his thighs slowly. “I’m sorry I came so early.” Taehyun mutters in embarrassment. “You’re a virgin ah- It’s bound to happen.” You pant in reply, letting your arousal wet his thigh.

“God look at you, using me like a slut.” Taehyun hums, before moving his hand to the small of your back to help

control your movements. “What happened to being a good boy?” You tease, a shaky sigh in pleasure following quickly after.

“I know I’m a good boy, letting you use me for your own pleasure, you’re supposed to be helping me but you just can’t help but rut your dirty little cunt on me after i’ve already cum.” Taehyun degrades, eyes dark all of a sudden as his free hand finds your face, thumb pushing your bottom lip down and flattening your tongue.

A wail comes out from your throat as you speed up, the degradation doing nothing but making wanna cum all over his thighs. “You’re bad~” He teases, tensing his thigh muscles under you. “I bet that slutty pussy of yours tastes just as good as it feel though.” He moans out, nails clawing into your lower back just at the thought.

“F-Fuck wh-“ You whimper, why was he being so mean all of a sudden? The pain in your back made tears prick your eyes. “Please- make me feel good-“ You beg, wanting nothing more than to feel his tongue all on you.

“Aww well how can I deny that pretty little look, doll? Move up pretty.” Taehyun commands, fingers digging a bit deeper. “Ah!” You let out before moving fast and lifting off his thigh. You shuffled your hips up, moving above his face. “Y-You know how to do this?”

Taehyun just stared at you, lust haze covering every corner of his iris. “Just sit on my face.” He rasped out while wrapping his arms around your thighs and pulling you down to sit completely. “O-Oh..” You sighed as his nose pressed straight into your clit.

It was only when Taehyun opened up his mouth and began eating you out that you really felt the knot in your stomach. “Ah- Tae-ngh~” You moaned, gripping his hair as his tongue pressed into your heat before performing figure 8’s on your clit.

“W-where-“ You panted as your thighs attempted closing on his head. Your heart pounded and you felt a rush of liquid run down your thigh as he hummed into you. His eyes never left you, nails embedded in your inner thigh to keep you open and nose rubbing and bumping into the sensitive bud whenever he dipped into your hole.

“Tyun- Oh fuck I can’t-“ A whine left you as you gasped for air and arched into him, trying to grind against his nose. “Need more~” Pleasure overtook your senses when he let his teeth graze your clit, a scream let out fast and loud before you came hard.

You tried squirming out only to be pulled back in. Taehyun began eating you out more ferociously, a growl bubbling from his chest as his lapped up your arousal. “Ah- Ah~ Tyun please-“ You begged as he began pushing you to overstimulation. His arms loosed for you to get up and he spoke. “Just one more, Noona, a big girl like you can handle it.” He pushed before holding you back down onto his face and ravaging your heat once more.

Your eyes rolled back in ecstasy, unable to control the shaking in your lower body. He was turning you into mush, smile evident on his face as you began babbling about not being able to handle anymore. Very quickly you came again, the push was weak and yet Taehyun enjoyed it just as much before pushing you off him and onto the bed.

“I knew you could take it.” Taehyun sighed before looking at your state. You were curled into yourself, catching your breath. “Wh-Where did you learn that?” You panted before uncurling and turning to him.

“Porn.” He simply said before pulling you into him. “You learned how to do that from porn?” You questioned, allowing yourself to be pulled close to his chest. “Mhm, well they did say it gets women coming every time so I just tried it.” He shrugs before pressing small kisses to your neck.

You hummed and closed your eyes. “I’m surprised it worked. Porn is always exaggerated.” You sigh, running your hands down his chest and back up. You both were feeling each other, too tired to do more but still wanting to touch.

“Is your back okay, Noona?” Taehyun muttered into your hair, gently rubbing the marks in your lower back. The small sting caused you to hiss slightly. “Just burns a little..” You respond quietly. “Is your chest okay?” You ask back, remembering the way your nails clawed into him. “Just a little red..” He responded back.

The comfortable silence was enough to put you both to sleep, gentle snores and cuddles in each others arms. Safe to say, you hoped he’d ask for help more often.

[ace-and-the-rpg-horrors]

omg omg omg imagine if we could have side characters interacting with units other than the ones they're associated with

Mai running into W x S...

[petercushing]

At first I didn't believe it. I guess part of me still doesn't want to believe it. But it's becoming too hard to ignore and it breaks my heart. I wish this all wasn't true and I wish it was just a bunch of girls seeking attention in a depraved and pathetic way. But the more I hear about this, the more it somehow makes sense and the more it disgusts me. To the point that I really want to bitchslap Till in his stupid face.

I understand how you feel. I would be absolutely heartbroken if it happened 3/4 years ago. But the truth is- no matter how many of those stories are fake, there still has been shit happening in plain sight. Till was proud of his nasty p0rn projects, he was proud about the row zero shit and bjs in between songs. And he never hid his insanely sexist views in interviews as well. I think the entire fandom just really wanted to think he's somehow "different" when in reality he's just a typical old pervert with way too much power. Once you realize it it will probably get easier to accept. No need to lie to yourself, really.

[bardicious]

In light of today, a reminder that learning news from social media only encourages ignorance and misinformation. If you, truly, want to know what's happening in the world, find yourself several news sources and then decide how you feel about it. You are doing, nothing for anyone when you reblog posts you don't understand.

[themagical1sa]

not to be delulu on main

pero sanaol nanliligaw

[sprnklersplashes]

I am going to say something that might piss people on this site off, and that is that the stabbing at a Taylor Swift themed event in Southport does not exist in a vacuum.

It exists in a world where a joke about bringing a nail gun to the Eras tour to shoot fans gets 400k likes on TikTok, or where a reel about crashing a plane full of Swifties gets 200k likes on Instagram. It exists in a world where, on this very website, the one that promotes itself as rational and reasonable, someone says that "Taylor Swift and her fans should all die violent horrible deaths" and people applauded it. It exists in a world where, during TTPD release week men were in Swifties' comment sections declaring they would beat their daughters and girlfriends if they ever so much as listened to one of her albums. And it exists in a world where this week, fans of a TV show (which I will not name because that is not the point) sent death threats to a girl on Twitter for daring to be a fan of both their beloved show and Taylor Swift.

I don't give a fuck what your opinion of Taylor Swift is. I don't care if you think her music is grating, I don't care if you think she is the worst thing to happen to humanity since Eve ate the god damn apple. This is the dark side of stan culture that no-one talks about; where dislike of an artist becomes so obsessive that it becomes normal, even funny, to joke about killing their fans, because "it's just online, it's just a joke". It isn't. It is rarely ever "just online".

And yes I am going to be That Person and say that you can complain about Swift's brand of feminism and debate her position as a feminist icon all day long, at the end of the day, her name is still synonymous with girls. It doesn't take a genius to work out who this event was geared at.

I am not going to sit and claim that by simply not liking Taylor Swift you directly caused this. I would encourage you to step back, look at the bigger picture of stan culture, including obsessive dislike of an artist, and ask yourself how much this culture has enabled this. If making jokes on tiktok about killing someone over a pop star is normalised, how much of a leap is it to attacking kids with a knife at a fan event?

and of course there is the fact that the british media didn't even wait until those kids were buried before using this event to spread their racist, anti-immigrant agenda despite the race of the attacker not being known. all I can say to that is I am sickened and disappointed but not shocked.

[pathologicalreid]

cryptic | S.R.

You and Spencer get a surprise beyond your wildest dreams.

who? spencer reid x fem!AFAB!reader category: fluff (hurt/comfort a little bit) content warnings: oh geez. pregnancy, periods, weight, medical inaccuracy, cryptic pregnancy, traumatic birth, NICU, hospitals, maybe a little ooc i'm not sure, breastfeeding, reader is running solely on oxytocin, crying. word count: 6k a/n: does anyone else have an irrational fear of this? is it just me? that's why i wrote this anyways. also i wrote this MONTHS ago so if it's bad i'm not culpable. (yall voted for unhinged fluff, here it is) anyways i'm calling this part of my "spencer reid dilf agenda".

him

In his work life, Spencer faced fear every day – that was part of the reason he loved life with you so much. The two of you had just moved to your first house together and were still unpacking boxes when he was called away to upstate New York for a case.

You weren’t frustrated with him; you merely kissed him and encouraged him to go save the day.

So, when he told you last night that you must’ve hurt your back trying to move the couch, he didn’t think anything of it. He just told you to rest and to let him know how you were doing in the morning, but when the morning came, there was a break in the case. Spencer had completely forgotten that he was expecting your call.

As the team waited in the police precinct, he didn’t wonder why Hotch answered a phone call and furrowed his brows at Reid until he called him over to talk in private.

For once, his overactive mind went blank when Hotch explained to him that you were in the hospital and that he should call your best friend, Ivy.

In a daze, Spencer pulled his phone out of his pocket to find that he had missed two calls from you and thirteen calls from Ivy. Isolating himself in an abandoned office, he looked at your friend’s contact and pressed the call button.

The phone didn’t even have a chance to ring before Ivy answered, “Spencer! Oh my god,” she said, sounding relieved to be hearing from him. “I am so sorry for calling your boss. I pulled his number from Y/N’s contacts – I didn’t know how else to reach you, and I- “

“Ivy, what’s wrong?” Spencer asked, teetering between panic and impatience. “She told me she thought he had just pulled a muscle moving,” he explained, wondering what could’ve happened.

On the other end of the call, Ivy took a deep, shaky breath. “She’s okay, but you have to come home,” she whispered, keeping her voice down.

Now he was leaning closer to panic, “Where is she?”

“Northern Virginia Hospital,” Ivy responded. “When you get here, call me, and I’ll bring you to her,” she told him.

Spencer took a deep breath and left the empty office once he ended the call, very nearly running into Hotch, “I need to- “

Holding his hand up in a ‘wait’ gesture, Hotch nodded, “There’s a flight going out, Morgan will drive you to the airport. Don’t worry about anything here,” he instructed him, gesturing over to where Morgan was standing with the keys to one of the SUVs.

After promising to call when he could, a thirty-minute flight, and a ten-minute taxi right, Spencer called Ivy back.

“Hey,” her voice was quiet through the receiver, “are you here?”

He turned around in the lobby of the hospital, “I just came in the front entrance; what wing is she in?” He asked. Which wing would a back injury be in?  He supposed it depended on the severity of the back injury.

She cleared her throat and there was a soft rustling before Ivy answered, “Stay put, I’ll come to you.” Her words came out quickly as if she was trying to prevent him from going looking for her.

Then he began to lean closer to impatience, nonetheless, he waited the couple of minutes that it took for Ivy to come out of an elevator, motioning for Spencer to catch up before they took the elevator back up. “Ivy,” Spencer said, “What is happening?”

“She called me at six this morning, saying that she thought she had pulled a muscle in her back and couldn’t sleep. I told her to take some ibuprofen and try to rest, and if she didn’t feel better by lunch, I’d bring her to urgent care. She called me again at ten and told me something was seriously wrong, but she didn’t know what,” Ivy informed him, her voice sounding distant. “She was crying, and I’ve never heard her sound so scared. So, I called an ambulance and met her here while she was triaged…” Her voice trailed off as they exited the elevator.

Spencer’s heart ached at the thought of you being so scared, but it still didn’t answer his question: What happened?

Ivy sniffled and wiped her nose, “Spencer, have you ever heard of a cryptic pregnancy?”

He stopped in his tracks, eyes as wide as saucers, “She’s pregnant?” His words came out as a whisper, a mix of emotions flurried through him.

Your best friend smiled softly at him, “No, she had a baby. That back pain? She was in labor.”

Questions popped into his head quicker than he could ask him. He took a trembling breath, “Where are they?”

She led him around the corner, crossing her arms in front of her chest, “She’s in postpartum recovery, the baby’s up a floor in the NICU. It all happened really fast; you know? Anyways, they kind of whisked the baby away while saying things about Apgar scores that we didn’t really understand.

They stopped for a moment to get Spencer a visitor’s badge before he motioned for Ivy to continue.

Ivy shrugged in response, “She was kind of inconsolable after that, they gave her something to calm her down, but she keeps asking for you,” Ivy said, stopping outside of a door.

Spencer peeked through the blinds to your room. You’re awake, lying on the white bed, absentmindedly picking at the hospital bracelet around your wrist.

“If you need a minute before going in there, take it. Once you go in there, you need to be strong or brave or whatever,” Ivy instructed, putting her hands on her hips. “I’m not saying you can’t be confused or upset, I’d be worried if you weren’t. I’m saying she just gave birth unmedicated without ever even knowing she was pregnant, and they haven’t come back with an update,” she said, looking at Spencer like she was assessing a threat.

He nodded in understanding. Maybe when his head was clear he’d thank Ivy for being so protective of you, but he just nodded. “I need to be in there with her,” he insisted.

Ivy acquiesced, letting him know that she was going to go to the house to get clothes and was going to the store. At that point, Spencer had only been half listening to her.

You didn’t move on the bed when he opened the door. He looked at the whiteboard on the wall, his heart clenching when he saw the words ‘Baby Reid’ written below your name. Spencer quietly walked closer to you before he pulled a chair up so that it was at your bedside and took a seat. He could see tear tracks on your cheeks, “Sweetheart,” he whispered.

Your eyes closed, and two more tears streaked down your cheeks. There was an IV in your wrist and your vitals were being monitored. It wasn’t until Spencer leaned over and smoothed your hair back that you really started to cry.

Gently, Spencer sat on the edge of your bed, and you leaned forward into him. He just held you, running a hand up and down your back as he gently shushed you, “I’m here, darling. I’m here.”

“I had a baby,” you rasped, so quietly that Spencer wasn’t sure if you were telling him or trying to convince yourself that it wasn’t a dream.

He was quiet for just a moment, letting a few silent tears stream down his own cheeks. “I know,” he murmured, “I’m so proud of you.”

You hummed, leaning back ever so slightly, closing your eyes when Spencer kissed your forehead. “I tried calling you,” you whispered, looking up at him with watery eyes and lifting your hands so that you could wipe away the tears.

“I know. I’m so sorry,” he tried to apologize. There was no way for him to navigate this situation, but if he felt this lost, then he couldn’t begin to fathom how you were feeling.

Shaking your head, you waved off his apology, “Did you catch the bad guy?”

He nodded, smiling at your question, “Yeah, we got him this morning. That’s why I didn’t get your call,” he said as he took your hand and intertwined your fingers. “Can I get you anything? Have you eaten? Do you need water?”

A slight smile grew on your face at his concern, a fact that made his heart soar, “I should probably eat something.” The smile faded quickly, “We should probably talk, right?” You asked, leaning forward in the bed to reach for a pile of papers at the foot of the bed.

Noticing a pained look on your face, Spencer set a hand on your shoulder. “I’ll get it,” he said, guiding you so you were lying back on the pillows. “Please be careful,” he reached for the papers and handed them to you.

Quickly, you flipped through the stack of papers that was now in your lap. “I’ve been thinking, you know, and they gave me all of these papers with my options, but we have space at the new house. I work from home most of the time anyway, and we can afford it and- “

Spencer cut you off, leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to your lips. “Yes,” he whispered against your lips before he kissed them again.

Studying you, he watched as you visibly relaxed into your hospital bed. He followed your gaze as you looked out the window of the hospital room, “Spence,” you breathed as a nurse wearing pink scrubs walked into the room.

She looked at him, “Hello, are you dad?”

Dad. He was a dad. Spencer nodded enthusiastically at the nurse.

“I’ve got these bracelets for you two then, they’re to help keep little families like yours together,” she says, loping the white bracelets around both his and your wrist. “Baby’s got two,” she lets you both know. “So, Baby Reid had a hard time breathing at first, but we up in the NICU cleared some of the amniotic fluid from her lungs and everything is looking much better now. Another nurse is bringing the bassinet now…” her voice trailed off when someone knocked on the door.

He wanted to make sure he had heard the nurse correctly. Did she say ‘her’?

The door opened, and it was the tiny hat with the bow that gave it away. She wriggled on the white sheet in her bassinet, looking around her new surroundings. Spencer looked from you to her and couldn’t help the tears that pricked his eyes. It was an emotion that he couldn’t quite place.

Noticing the way you leaned forward, the nurse spoke, “Would you like to hold her?”

“I- Can I? Is she okay?” You asked nervously, for the first time that day, Spencer heard the fear in your voice.

Nodding, the nurse wheeled the bassinet closer to you, helping you move your hospital gown so that you could do skin-to-skin. As she did so, she talked about bonding with a newborn, but Spencer was so enamored watching you that he wasn’t really listening. “We’re estimating that she’s about thirty-five weeks, so she’s late preterm, but she should be able to go home when you do,” the nurse informed you, making sure you were comfortable holding the baby before she stepped back.

The concept of being in a home surrounded by boxes with a newborn stressed him out, but then the tiny baby on your chest let out a squawk and he returned to just watching the two of you.

Both of the nurses left to give the three of you time, and you turned to Spencer, “What was thirty-five weeks ago?” You asked, gently rubbing your thumb over your newborn’s back.

“Exactly? July sixteenth,” he responded, watching your daughter as her eyes shut. “She fell asleep,” he observed, dropping his voice down to a whisper.

You hummed in response, bending your head down and pressing a gentle kiss on the crown of her head. “She needs a name,” you murmured, “we can’t keep calling her baby.”

Spencer leaned over the edge of your bed, “Do you have any ideas?” He asked, even though he already knew you’ve been keeping a list of baby names in your phone for years.

Shrugging ever so slightly, you peered down at your daughter, “All I know is that her last name’s gonna be Reid.” Your eyes flittered up to his, “Please don’t cry. If you cry, I’ll sob, and our daughter is asleep on me, and I don’t want to wake her up.”

“I just love you so much,” he told you softly.

“We can do this, can’t we?” You asked him nervously, narrowing your brows. “She doesn’t have a name. Our house is a disaster. Oh… Spence, we don’t have a car seat. We can’t take her home if we don’t have a car seat.”

Realistically, Spencer knew that you had at least twenty-four hours before you were released from the hospital, maybe forty-eight, given the circumstances. He also knew that you knew this, and he was afraid the events of the day were beginning to take a toll on you. He wasn’t going to say that, instead, he leaned forward and comforted you, “We’ll figure something out, I promise, okay? The name thing we can do.” He encouraged you to take one step at a time, “What about Ivy?”

Your head snapped up, “Really?” You asked, staying conscientious of the newborn on your chest.

“She was there for you through all of this when I couldn’t be,” he shrugged. “Did you know she dug through your contacts on your phone and called Hotch when I didn’t answer?” He watched a small smile tug at your lips, “I just think we should honor her in some way.”

Nodding, a full smile bloomed on your face, “Absolutely.” There was a brief silence, “Do you need to call Hotch? You can step out if you need to. We’re fine alone. I mean just for a little while not for- “

That was the second time you had nearly worked yourself into a panic. Spencer set a hand on your shoulder, “Y/N, angel. Don’t stress yourself out, okay? I’ll handle it.” He promised, after all, you had already done the hard work.

You paused and took a deep breath at his encouragement, leaving the both of you in silence while you caught your breath. “What about Eleanor?”

He smiled and looked at your sleeping baby, “It’s perfect,” he whispered.

The first time Eleanor, who had quickly been nicknamed Nell, cried with the two of you in the room was also the first time Spencer held her. He had been too nervous before, not that he’d tell you that, but when her wails started and he saw you wincing as you sat up in the bed, he instinctively picked her up.

He was still in his work clothes. Granted, he had taken off his tie and the top two buttons of his shirt had been undone, but it didn’t seem to bother Nell, the baby had quickly hushed upon contact. “Sit back,” he gently instructed, “Are you in pain?”

You nestled back into the pillows, “Just a little, they said it’s normal.”

Nothing about this was normal, Spencer wanted to say, but he knew you were well aware. He handed you the baby, knowing that it had been two hours since she last ate and that was likely why she was crying. According to the nurses, she was a good eater. He took their word for it.

Spencer watched you rock gently as Nell ate, you were staring off at nothing, so he asked, “What are you thinking right now?”

“I’m wondering why you’re not more freaked out,” you admitted, looking down at the newborn.

He leaned back in the chair, “I don’t know. I work best under pressure and with a little bit of chaos. It’s also highly likely that the entire situation hasn’t fully sunken in yet.”

You nodded understandingly, “It’s a lot to take in. If you think about it, most parents have months to fully prepare and wrap their heads around it. It’s been about ten hours for me. Maybe six hours for you.”

Nodding, Spencer watched intently as Nell fell asleep, her tiny fists falling and quiet coos coming from her. He heard you say something to him, but the words didn’t process. “What?”

Giggling quietly, you cocked your head at him, “Do you want to hold her?”

“Uh, I don’t know,” he replied honestly. You seemed like you were taking to parenthood exceedingly well, he was afraid he wouldn’t match up.

In the end, it was your understanding smile that prompted him to agree. “Unbutton your shirt,” you ordered, laughing at him when he looked bewildered. “Skin-to-skin isn’t just for moms, Spence. Besides, I want you to bond. I want her to know who you are even when you’re away for work.”

He obliged your request, undoing his shirt so that he could gently place Nell on his bare chest. She squawked while she was being moved from parent to parent but quieted again as soon as she was being held, “she’s so small,” Spencer remarked, marveling at the tiny creature on top of him.

You nodded sleepily, “Four pounds, fourteen ounces. She had to fit behind my ribcage somehow.”

The oddness of the situation began to find a place in him. Were there changes in you that neither of you had noticed? Your period was always irregular, there was no significant weight change, and even morning sickness had seemed to totally pass you by. “I can’t believe we had no idea,” he murmured as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to Nell’s head.

“I went to the doctor three months ago for chest pains, do you remember? I took an at-home pregnancy test just in case and it came back negative. The nurses here told me that there’s a less than one percent chance of that happening,” you informed him, slowly starting to mumble.

Spencer looked up at you to find that your eyes were fluttering shut. “You should sleep. I’ve got this.”

You grunted in protest, “but what- “

“No,” he interrupted. “She just ate, she’s sleeping, and you’re exhausted. I can spend some time with her while you sleep.”

Sleepily, you grinned, sliding down on the bed, and settling your head on the pillows, “Daddy’s girl,” you whispered.

He loved the sound of that.

you

You had always known that Spencer Reid was perfect, and as you watched him fall into the role of father, that knowledge became concrete. You blinked the sleep out of your eyes and kept your gaze on the two of them, not daring to disturb the peace. Instead, you watched in awe as he held your daughter, softly speaking to her as if she could fully comprehend what he was saying.

For all you knew, she could understand what he was saying. She was Spencer’s kid, after all.

Gently, he whispered to her and one of her little fingers gripped his index finger. “Your palmar reflex lets you hold my finger like that, Nellie. It’ll go away when you’re six months old,” he softly swiped his thumb over her back as he murmured to her. “I don’t usually like surprises,” he admitted to the infant, “but you and your mama might just be the best thing to ever happen to me.”

You grinned, reaching your hand out and touching the green armchair, “I love you.” He reached out a hand to hold yours. “Do you want to try to get some sleep?” You offered. Your body still ached, but getting some sleep had made you feel loads better.

“I don’t think I can,” he answered candidly. “I feel so…”

“Wired? Stressed?” You suggested.

He shrugged slightly, “I was going to say hyperaware, but yes,” he responded.

You wheeled the empty bassinet closer to him, “Set her down. Babies can sense stress. Take a minute, catch your breath,” you told him.

Reluctantly, Spencer placed Nell in the bassinet, adjusting the hat on her head while you watched him. “Don’t worry about me,” he said softly.

Your shoulders drooped involuntarily, “When was the last time you slept, love?” After years with Spencer, you know he would go days without sleeping in order to break a case. His lack of a response answered your question well enough. Quickly, you pressed your call button and asked if a nurse could take Nell to the nursery.

Once you made sure the baby was taken care of, you moved over in the hospital bed and patted the open space. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable,” he told you.

That was the problem with Spencer. He would always put you, and now Eleanor, ahead of himself. It made your heart ache. “Spence, this has been the craziest day, and I can tell you haven’t slept. So, get over here and lay down with me,” you instructed.

Rolling his eyes, Spencer kicked off his shoes before lying next to you in the hospital bed, “Do you promise to wake me if you need anything?” He asked as he gingerly pulled you into his arms, afraid of hurting you.

You hummed, resting your head on his shoulder, “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“I hate that saying,” Spencer whispered, pressing a tender kiss to your hairline.

Closing your eyes, you relaxed into him, “I promise, angel. Get some sleep.”

You startled awake, looking to make sure you didn’t wake Spencer. Your chest ached as you sat up, cringing at the noise your papery hospital gown made. Gingerly, you placed a hand over your heart, feeling the pounding of your heart and listening to the beeping of the monitor, cursing the screen for making so much noise.

This had happened earlier before Spencer arrived, and the doctor had given you something to calm down then.

When you came into the ER, they thought your appendix was bursting, but when they did an ultrasound, they found that you were in active labor. There was no time for an epidural, they didn’t have time to give you anything for the pain. A kind nurse held your hand and quickly explained what was going to happen.

Within thirty minutes, you arrived at the hospital, gave birth, and had your baby taken to the NICU.

It was too fast; your brain was so overwhelmed that it had shut down. It seemed like a ridiculous thought; how did you miss the birth of your daughter?

Hiccupping back a sob, you felt a comforting hand on your back, but the fact that you had woken Spencer up just made you cry harder. He wrapped his arms around you, and you buried your face in the crook of his neck. “Shh, it’s alright,” he cooed, rubbing small circles on your back. “I love you so much, you know that, right? I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you,” he comforted you. “It’s okay, it’s just all catching up with you, honey.”

You pulled away, wiping the tears from under your eyes. “It’s okay,” you repeated his words.

“What do you need right now?” He asked, smoothing your hair back. “Do you want to make a list? Do you want to move around?”

Nodding absentmindedly, you watched as Spencer pressed the call button and got up, helping you stand. Your legs shook, and you felt a bit like a foal, but it felt good to be out of bed. You haphazardly finger-combed your hair before stepping into hospital slippers and leaving the room. For now, the nurses instructed you to just walk around the maternity ward.

As the two of you walked around, you made several lists. Things you needed to buy. People you needed to call.

By the time you’d returned to the room, Ivy had returned. Spencer opened the door for you and helped you sit on the end of the bed.

“I’ve come bearing gifts,” Ivy greeted, grinning with bags in her hands. She gestured to a suitcase, “First, clothes for both of you. I just grabbed whatever I thought might be good. Toiletries and stuff too,” she said, rolling the suitcase off to the side. “I grabbed a couple of newborn outfits, but again, I was kind of flying blind. The lady at the department store was extremely helpful.” She handed Spencer a bag of baby clothes. “I got a car seat, the same lady recommended it, she was probably getting a commission, but it’s in my car. I have approximately zero idea how to set it up, but I figured, Spencer has a doctorate in engineering. He can do it.”

You glanced blearily at your best friend, “Ivy, you didn’t have to do all of this. This is too much,” you confessed, holding a tiny onesie in your hand.

She dismissed your insistence with a wave of her hand, “I also got this.” Ivy held out a small stuffed duck. “I know it won’t do her much good now, but I couldn’t help myself.”

After you changed out of your hospital garb, you looked at Spencer, “Go call Hotch, we’ll be good here for a while.” You gestured to your best friend, who was filtering through the suitcase she had packed, trying to find your hairbrush. At your request, he told you he’d also ask the nurse to bring Nell back down so that Ivy could meet her.

Once he was gone, Ivy sat behind you on the bed and brushed through your hair, tucking it out of your face, you were finally beginning to feel a little bit more like yourself by the time she had finished.

You watched intently as the nurse arrived at the door, “Do you want to meet her?”

Ivy nodded enthusiastically, lips parting as she observed the small baby. “Is that her name?” She rasped, looking at the card on the bassinet, Eleanor Ivy Reid. “That’s not funny, don’t joke about stuff like that.”

“Yeah,” you whispered, keeping your voice down as Eleanor slept. “It’s not a joke, and for the record, it was Spence’s idea,” you informed her, reaching into the bassinet, and scooping up the now-swaddled infant. “He’s so grateful that you were there for me, and I am too.”

She smiled, “I’m always going to be here for you two – you three now. Number one babysitter,” she said, pointing to herself. 

You sighed and looked from your friend to your daughter, “She’s got a whole FBI unit of babysitters.”

“I’ll be here when they’re away – when Spencer’s away,” she reminded you, carefully adjusting the hat on the baby in your arms.

The last thing you wanted to think of was Spencer being gone, leaving you to take care of a baby you weren’t ready for.

Ivy must have sensed your nerves, “Hey, you know I’m always in your corner, right?”

You nodded slowly, “It’s just all catching up with me. I have to call my mom. I have to call my boss. How do you retroactively apply for maternity leave?”

“One thing at a time,” she said soothingly. “Right now, just enjoy your time with your perfect little family. I’ll call your mom for you,” she offered. “If your boss gives you any grief, he’ll have to deal with me.” Standing up, she placed a comforting hand on your shoulder, “I’m going to go get food, do you two still have the same orders from the deli?”

Confirming with her, you moved so that you could feed Nell, watching her as she looked up at you. “She’s right, you know? You are perfect,” you cupped her head with your hand, looking up to find Spencer watching from the doorway.

“Hotch says congratulations,” he spoke gently, striding over to your bedside and sitting on the edge of the bed. “He also said to let the team know if we needed anything,” he let you know, pressing a kiss to your forehead. He continued to let you know that Hotch had offered to figure out Spencer’s paternity leave, and while you felt bad about giving Hotch something else on his to-do list, it felt nice to have one less thing on yours. 

You nodded, “Ivy’s gonna call my mom, so that’s two things off of our list.”

Spencer squeezed your shoulder, “They asked if they could come to visit, but I didn’t want to answer for you.” He moved back to the armchair, “I just said we’d let them know.”

“At the very least we’ll send a picture,” you murmured. “I’m surprised you’re not researching newborns right now.”

Raising his eyebrows, Spencer shrugged, “I asked one of the nurses if I could get access to the hospital library.”

You snorted, “Of course you did.”

No one from the BAU ended up visiting while you were in the hospital, mainly because the idea of too many people in the one hospital room made you anxious, but both you and Eleanor had been cleared to go home. Eventually, you would have to allow visitors.

“Spencer, you can go the speed limit,” you said from the backseat of the car, not taking your eyes off of the baby in her car seat.

He glanced back in the rearview mirror, “This stretch of road is bumpy. I don’t want to wake her.” Despite his anxieties, he was taking to fatherhood remarkably well.

You shook your head, “She’s already awake, babe.” She looked around her new surroundings, spending part of the six hours a day that she was awake going home for the first time. Part of the beauty of a newborn was that they slept for eighteen hours a day, but only in about fifty-minute bursts.

Spencer kept glancing back, and you made a mental note to get a mirror for the rear-facing car seat.

As he turned onto your street, you sat up slightly. “Who’s here?” You asked, looking at the cars in your driveway. You recognized Ivy’s car, but none of the others rang any bells.

“That’s JJ’s car, and that’s Morgan’s truck,” Spencer told you as he pulled into the driveway. Once he got out of the car, he ran around to where you were sitting. He opened the door, taking the car seat out of its base before helping you out of the car. “I had no idea they were here,” he said curiously.

You hummed thoughtfully, looking at Eleanor in her car seat. There was a part of you that felt horrible, you didn’t have anywhere for her to sleep set up. Another part of you knew that she’d be just fine sleeping in your arms while Spencer set something up. “Far be it from the BAU to abandon one of their own in their time of need,” you murmured, stepping through the front door as Spencer held it open for you.

Setting the carrier on the coffee table, you undid the clips so that you could hold the baby. As you lifted her, her legs scrunched up until you held her to your chest, at which point she settled.

“Where are they?” You asked, gently rubbing Nell’s back as she started to fall asleep on you. You peeked around the corner into the kitchen, across the counter, there were bottles set out to dry, along with other various baby things. “Oh, Spence,” you breathed.

There was a distinct lack of boxes in your house, they weren’t entirely unpacked, but there were much less than there had been when you left. A crash from upstairs got both of your attention, Spencer’s arm instinctively going around your waist.

Together, the two of you walked upstairs, finding members of the BAU in one of the rooms that was going to be a guest room setting up a nursery. “Hey?” You said, peeking in through the doorway.

“Oh my god!” Penelope said, “Wait, crap, sleeping baby.” She covered her mouth with her hands, horrified at the idea of disturbing the sleeping infant.

You smiled, looking around suspiciously, “What’s going on here?”

Rossi waved a finger at you, “Your best friend is a drill sergeant is what’s going on here.”

Confused, you turned around to see Ivy with her hands on her hips. “I thought you weren’t coming home until the afternoon,” she explained, “I was going to have them all out of here so you could have a nice peaceful house.”

“You enlisted the BAU to unpack our house?” You asked her, tears pricking at your eyes.

Ivy shrugged, “It started as just asking a question, but we all came to the same conclusion. The two of you were never going to ask for help, so we had to take matters into our own hands.” She wiped her hands on her jeans, “Plus, they have kids, so they actually knew what you needed,” she gestured to JJ and Hotch.

You leaned forward to give her a one-armed hug, keeping yourself mindful of the baby. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Penelope hugging Spencer.

JJ stepped forward, “I’m around. Any questions you have,” she assured you. “How are you feeling?”

Laughing nervously, you looked up at Spencer, “Still reeling.”

The rest of the team laughed too, which brought you some semblance of comfort. “I almost thought you were playing a prank,” Emily confessed.

“No, you definitely thought they were trying to prank us. You didn’t believe them until they sent the picture,” Morgan said, exposing her.

Appalled, Emily rolled her eyes, but you spoke up, “I’m not sure I would have believed us either.” Had you not experienced it firsthand, you definitely would’ve been skeptical. Eleanor was going on two days old, and you had still woken up wondering if it was all some kind of dream.

Spencer had previously told everyone that no one could hold her. He was concerned about germs. You echoed his concerns, just maybe not as strongly. So, instead, everyone just cooed at her until Spencer gently ushered you into your bedroom.

You let out a sigh of relief when you spotted a bassinet set up next to your bed. Gently, you set her down while Spencer pulled the bedding down, “You should rest,” he told you softly.

“Spence, I just spent the majority of the last two days in a bed. I’m tired of bed,” you responded, sitting down on the ledge of the bed.

He hummed in response, “You just had a baby.”

Reaching out, you took his hands in yours, “Moving around will be good for me. I promise not to do anything to tear my stitches. I’ll just show Nell the house.”

“Babies don’t recognize their surroundings until four to six months, so she wouldn’t recognize anything you showed her anyway,” he told you.

You narrowed your eyebrows at him, “Spencer."

He held up his hands in concession, “Right, overbearing.”

“Hey,” you said softly, “We’re still figuring this out, right? So, we’ll take it one step at a time.” You offered, having already had an in-depth discussion about being okay with making mistakes. “Why don’t we go check out the nursery?” You stood up, watching as Spencer carefully picked Nell up, cradling her in his arms.

You led the way into the hallway to find JJ, Morgan, and Ivy finishing the nursery. Morgan and JJ moved the crib to a different side of the room while Ivy placed books on a shelf.

Ever so slightly, you leaned into Spencer, glancing at the sleeping infant in his arms, you reached over and cupped her head with your hand. “This is your family, Nell,” you whispered, smiling when Spencer leaned down to press a kiss to the crown of your head.

That was your first lesson in parenthood, it really does take a village.  

please remember to like, comment, and/or reblog if you enjoyed!

[emberwhite]

I spent the last 11 months working with my illustrator, Marta, to make the children's book of my dreams. We were able to get every detail just the way I wanted, and I'm very happy with the final result. She is the best person I have ever worked with, and I mean, just look at those colors!

I wanted to tell that story of anyone's who ever felt that they didn't belong anywhere. Whether you are a nerd, autistic, queer, trans, a furry, or some combination of the above, it makes for a sad and difficult life. This isn't just my story. This is our story.

I also want to say the month following the book's launch has been very stressful. I have never done this kind of book before, and I didn't know how to get the word out about it. I do have a small publishing business and a full-time job, so I figured let's put my some money into advertising this time. Indie writers will tell you great success stories they've had using Facebook ads, so I started a page and boosting my posts.

Within a first few days, I got a lot of likes and shares and even a few people who requested the book and left great reviews for me. There were also people memeing on how the boy turns into a delicious venison steak at the end of the book. It was all in good fun, though. It honestly made made laugh. Things were great, so I made more posts and increased spending.

But somehow, someway these new posts ended up on the wrong side of the platform. Soon, we saw claims of how the book was perpetuating mental illness, of how this book goes against all of basic biology and logic, and how the lgbtq agenda was corrupting our kids.

This brought out even more people to support the book, so I just let them at it and enjoyed my time reading comments after work. A few days later, then conversation moved from politics to encouraging bullying, accusing others of abusing children, and a competition to who could post the most cruel image. They were just comments, however, and after all, people were still supporting the book.

But then the trolls started organizing. Over night, I got hit with 3 one-star reviews on Amazon. My heart stopped. If your book ever falls below a certain rating, it can be removed, and blocked, and you can receive a strike on your publishing account. All that hard work was about to be deleted, and it was all my fault for posting it in the wrong place.

I panicked, pulled all my posts, and went into hiding, hoping things would die down. I reported the reviews and so did many others, but here's the thing you might have noticed across platforms like Google and Amazon. There are community guidelines that I referenced in my email, but unless people are doing something highly illegal, things are rarely ever taken down on these massive platforms. So those reviews are still there to this day. Once again, it's my fault, and I should have seen it coming.

Luckily, the harassment stopped, and the book is doing better now, at least in the US. The overall rating is still rickety in Europe, Canada, and Australia, so any reviews there help me out quite a lot. I'm currently looking for a new home to post about the book and talk about everything that went into it. I also love to talk about all things books if you ever want to chat. Maybe I'll post a selfie one day, too. Otherwise, the book is still on Amazon, and the full story and illustrations are on YouTube as well if you want to read it for free.

[lawofcollage]

From a Campaign Perspective: Why Endorsing Kamala Harris Makes the Most Sense

Yay, Biden stepped back! (if this is how you found out and not the supernatural alert system meme... oops)

Let's talk about why Kamala Harris makes the most sense even if she, like Biden, is not one of our first choices (though she's higher on my list, certainly)

(My credentials: Former campaign worker, poli sci degree, etc)

It'd be really fucked up for him to step back and cause a PR disaster for the Dems. Kamala Harris has been at his side this whole time. Stepping over her, a woman of color who has already been doing much of the work, would cause a public relations crisis.

Kamala Harris has name recognition. We know who she is, and we at least vaguely know what she stands for. Name recognition is hugely important in an election and we do not have enough time to build it right now. This is not the time to pick someone that we've never heard of before or even vaguely never heard of.

She's run a campaign before. She knows how to do this, she has a platform that she can modify a little as needed and be ready to go over night. She has the donors from last time and everything.

She's already got a campaign schedule for Biden, she can modify that easily to suit her own needs and has more freedom to campaign than the current president because she's *not* the current president, she doesn't have COVID right now, and she's not older than dirt.

She is perfectly capable of making Trump look like a fucking idiot on stage. The highlight reel is gonna look so much better next time, hopefully.

Personal speculation: I think people are far less likely to sit it out with her name at the top of the ticket.

So what should you be doing right now?

Let's start simple. Understand that Biden did what many of us wanted right here. He stepped away from the campaign he was running and handed it off to someone younger. Fuck yeah!

Also remember that anyone who encourages you not to vote likely has an alternative agenda that involves you having less power to use your voice.

Ok, what else?

Check your voter registration here.

Not registered? You’ve moved and it’s out of date? Update your voter registration/registration here.

Don’t forget to vote up and down the ballot! Local elections matter, and hopefully you’ll find someone you’re a lot more passionate about on a local level.

And make sure your friends do the same!!!!

This website also covers what you may need to bring with you the day of. Some states require you to bring your ID, for example, so go check.Your state may have early voting options, and you should definitely use those! They make life a lot easier. You can check those out here.

P.S. Make sure to check your voter registration closer to the election as well, just in case. Probably sometime in September would be best, but just keep an eye out.

[saetoru]

✩ ‧₊˚ ✩ GETO SENSEI — GETO SUGURU.

contents. based on this drabble and this drabble, post hidden inventory arc, healing suguru agenda !!, fluff + established relationships, suguru wants to become a teacher :,) bc teacher suguru is what we deserved

“mwah,” you press a wet kiss to suguru’s cheek. “there,” you said proudly, “another kiss for my sugu. want more?”

“i think i’m okay now, baby. thank you—”

“mwah,” you kiss his forehead, giggling, “i have a lot more where that came from, y’know.”

“i believe it,” he shakes his head, a ghost of a smile tugging at his lips, “you don’t seem to run out.”

“my sugu needs all the kisses he can get,” you gasp, “they’re good for his health!”

suguru smiles softly at that, closes his eyes and leans into you as you brush back his bangs from his face and thread your fingers into his hair, scratching gently along his scalp as he sighs. you watch him relax, content with the way his under eyes seem to be less dark as of late. you brush a thumb under his eyes, feeling the soft skin before gently stroking along his cheek.

“don’t you have a mission tomorrow?” he asks quietly, letting his head droop into your hand as you cup his cheek.

“i do,” you nod, “but i have some time to kill before i go to bed.”

“you should rest,” he mumbles, “you don’t want to be tired while you’re out there.”

“i’ll get rest, suguru,” you assure with a roll of your eyes, “your hair’s a bit longer, don’t you think?”

“yeah,” he tilts his head as you reach to grab at his bun, pulling the hair tie to let his hair fall freely down to his shoulder. “i guess i should cut it.”

“i like it,” you pout, “‘s pretty like this.”

“yeah?” he grins, cracking an eye open to look at you in amusement, “should i keep growing it for you then?”

���you should,” you nod, “i’ll braid it.”

“yeah, as if,” he raises an eyebrow, unimpressed, “satoru’s never gonna let me hear the end of it if he sees.”

“he won’t see!”

“you said that last time when you put my hair in space buns, remember? and then you showed him a picture.”

“baby,” you gasp, “what happened to forgiving and forgetting? that was me of the past—i’ve grown! i won’t betray you like that again.”

you hold a hand up as an oath, nodding seriously to prove your point. he looks at you unconvinced before chuckling and leaning in, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“today wasn’t so bad,” he mumbles, “i liked today.”

“yeah?” you smile, letting his head fall to the crook of your neck, shuffling closer on his lap as your arms wrap around him.

he nods into your shoulder, “yeah.”

“good,” you murmur, “you’ll be okay. even if it takes some time.”

“sometimes it doesn’t feel like it,” he admits, cheek pressed against your shoulder as he speaks into your skin. your fingers are in his hair—they seem to never leave, and he hopes they never do. your hand rubs up and down his back, slowly, like it’ll snap in two if you go too fast.

“you will, baby,” you say sweetly, kissing his head as you twist his hair into a messy bun, tying it with his hair tie as you speak.

suguru is healing—you like to think so. he smiles more, sometimes they even meet his eyes all the way. he sleeps better, eats more healthy, seeks you out when things are crushing on his shoulders. there’s something lighter about him, something less heavy and tormented and even if he’s still empty sometimes, you always find him at the right moments.

sometimes, suguru is lost—and maybe you can’t always guide him out, but you can be lost together.

sometimes that’s enough.

“i think…” he starts, trailing off hesitantly. your hand hikes under his shirt, rubbing the bare skin of his back—it’s always calmed him more that way, feeling you without the barrier of fabric in the way.

“you think?” you encourage, letting him take his time to process his thoughts.

“i think i want to teach,” he mumbles, “here, at jujutsu high. but…but do it better. i think i’d do it better, y’know? the way kids deserve.”

you smile at that—proud, a little heartbroken deep down. people have failed suguru, they’ve failed you too. and satoru. and shoko. and nanami. and haibara too—and it’s up to you all to piece yourselves back together. maybe you can all do it together, one cracked, sharp little piece at a time.

sometimes the edges will slice your skin, will reopen old wounds and make you bleed all over again just when you thought you were done bleeding. but suguru has you to bandage the cuts, and you have him too. and everyone else, as well.

you pull away, cup his cheeks and press a soft kiss to his lips as you close your eyes. his hands lay over yours, and he thinks, for a brief moment, you’re right.

maybe he will be okay—maybe he won’t be the same, but he can be new. and that’s not always so bad.

“i think that’s a great idea,” you whisper, “i think you’ll be amazing. what kids will need.”

“well, i’ll try,” he chuckles, pressing his forehead to yours, “and who knows, maybe you can call me geto sensei here and there.”

“we’ll see about that,” you snort. he pouts, making you lean in and kiss those jutted lips of his with a quick peck.

“i’ll convince you,” he says confidently, “you’ll be the only one i let get extra credit.”

“oh i’m honored,” you giggle, “i’ll stay in school just for you.”

“how sweet,” he grins.

you kiss him after that, and he kisses you back. your lips taste like strawberry chapstick, and your arms are warm and tight around him, and even if curses taste vile and the world is coldly unforgiving, suguru can make it through each day with at least one real smile with you by his side.

it’s not so hard when you’re around.

“i love you,” you breathe. it’s enough, he thinks, you’re enough.

“i love you too,” he kisses your jaw, “i’ll love you more if you call me geto sensei, though.”

yes this is my own version of canon. u can’t take it away from me. in MY world (the only world that matters) suguru heals and becomes a teacher <3 and fucks me over his desk

[inkskinned]

it is totally okay to be hurt and tired and fed up with the american schooling system but i need you to understand that we need to be better about loudly and routinely defending public education.

yes, many teachers suck, many schools utterly suck. i also got bullied and was absolutely not given the right support for my needs. i am not defending public education because it was kind to me. i am defending it because it needs to exist.

right-wing republicans do not want an educated population. they want kids to be homeschooled or in private school. there is a huge religious undertone to this.

the most common argument is that despite high costs, the "result" is not "good" enough. they point to failing schools as proof that public education is just never going to work out. there will be arguments made here that you actually agree with: that teachers can be bullies, that we taught online for 2 years and still charged the same amount of tuition, that we have no recourse for students to actually have agency or a voice, and that schools are now unsafe for kids due to risk of illness and gun violence.

these are all placing the blame in a fraudulent way, one intended to get your parents to homeschool you. the less kids in a school, the less federally-awarded funding for that school, the less any school succeeds. they will not mention the fact it is their legislation that takes away important funding opportunities, that teachers are living at or below the poverty line, that buildings are not kept up to code, that administration is overpaid and forces specific curriculums, that corporations like (my personal enemy) Pearson Education control certain classroom goals because teachers can't afford other options. they pretend to be ignorant of the gun violence and say "oh just get a gun" - but these are the same people who will be sending their child to a private school with a bulletproof backpack. they don't care if your kid dies, though. they "don't believe" in covid, but they did get their kid vaccinated, because of course they did.

it is a closed loop. conservative parents hear the fearmongering and remove children from the system. frequently these parents are also deeply religious. the kids are raised without access to other media & learn to parrot their parents. you have now created a new generation of conservatives. additionally, one of the parents/caregivers must stay home and homeschool the children, usually for free. i will give you 1 guess which parent tends to stay home to homeschool the children. these parents are encouraged to have many, many children. those children are most likely not getting access to safe sex ed.

we might laugh at fox news suggesting teachers are forcing children to use kitty litter but: first of all, there is kitty litter in the classroom. it's part of an emergency kit in case children are locked in due to a shooter. so that's fucking dystopian, and the fact they've completely reimagined the scenario to somehow make the teachers look bad when it's instead a fucking huge symbol of our failure as a country to protect our children.... it feels a little intentional.

secondly: don't just dismiss the situation. because, yeah, obviously, no teacher is encouraging kids to be a catboy. but the actual undertone that fox news is trying to sew is an outright distrust of teachers and of public education. they rely on the dehumanization of trans people as a common touchstone to hide the fact they're pushing two agendas at once. (which is ironic. because the thing they accuse teachers of. is pushing. an agenda.)

whenever someone tells you they want you to read less, you should be suspicious of that. when someone tries to separate you and your education, you should be suspicious of that. i don't even like incel rhetoric nor would i want my kids exposed to it - but i would not take away my child's (age-appropriate) access to the internet. i would just provide more educational materials, not less. the difference here is that i believe we can resolve ignorance with knowledge; whereas conservatives believe that ignorance is bliss.

they misappropriate funding and demonize teachers. they pull the same trick each time - the same thing we are seeing with anti-trans rhetoric. they do not want you to have access to safe sex ed, so they act horrified, claim sex ed teaches you how to thrust deep, claim that we have no idea what "age-appropriate" means. since the mid-nineties, the united states has spent at least 2 billion dollars on abstinence-only education, even though to quote the above link: "a preponderance of studies has found no effect of abstinence education at reducing adolescent pregnancy". conservatives want you to think less of any person struggling with addiction so they can continue their racist "war on drugs", so they spend up to $750 million dollars a year on the DARE program which has absolutely no effect. acting like teachers "must" be "grooming" children is just the same thing - so they can demand that funding either goes to their causes or the funding doesn't "exist" ("i'm not paying for our kids to learn that thing!")

and they want you to feel uncaring about this. they are aware that you will hate some parts of your school experience. pretty much everyone does. they want to lean into the parts that you hate so that you don't put up a fight about it when they take it away for not being "good enough."

i know i maybe sound like a conspiracy theorist. but truly. truly. it is beneficial for conservatives to reduce your faith in the american public schooling system.

one of the explicitly stated campaign promises of the conservative party: to axe the Department of Education in 2024.

i know we are all tired and burnt out and there is so much else wrong with their entire platform. but maybe just - pay attention to this one.

[eeunoia]

ENHYPEN Imagines

mafia boss | lhs.

synopsis: mafia boss heeseung pursuing you.

pairings: lee heeseung x reader

word count: 4k

warnings: mentions of bullying, people being mean to reader, mafia heeseung.

note: i think this was requested, here you go! hehe i’m slowly releasing my drafts so bare with me lmao. also i’ve been very busy lately since there will be a big change in my life (i’m not getting married). anyway, reblogs and replies are highly encouraged as it helps me boost my posts and inspire me to write more. have a nice day and ily. stay safe everyone!

eeunoia 2024 © all rights reserved.

Being courted by the heir of Lee clan is pretty crazy. Having him all smitten by you is even crazier. It still doesn’t seem real. You’ve always think he was way out of your league, but he never made you feel like that.

Although, there are times where he flaunt his wealth sometimes that makes you realize how different you two are. It was unintentional, you can see that he’s just really want to make you feel how much he adores you.

“Wait, Heeseung.” you halt your steps and since the tall gorgeous boy is holding your hand, he stops as well.

He glances over his shoulder with eyebrows raised, confusion and slight worry flashes through his face.

“The mall seems close. We should just go.”

When driving over the parking lot a while ago, you already noticed how the famous mall seems so empty. The lights from inside is open, it’s well lit as usual but oddly, the parking space is empty. It was really weird as it was never like this. Since its located pretty much at the center of the city, its a hot place for mall goers.

He stares at you for a while before he then glances at the mall. Realization occurs him afterwards as he smiled, tightening his hold to your hand.

“Oh, yeah. I rented the whole place.” he casually said that made your jaw drop slightly.

He started pulling you again to guide you towards the entrance, but after regaining your senses you halted.

“What?” the astonishment lingers hardly on your tone. He furrowed his brows, wondering what is it this time.

“What do you mean ‘what’? I rented the whole place to ourselves.” he shrugs his shoulders then you can feel his thumb caressing your hand softly.

“Why?”

Being the youngest and used to getting things instantly, Heeseung’s feeling a little impatient with the way you’ve been delaying your agenda for tonight. He’s been wanting to do this for days and now, he couldn’t wait.

“You said you hate it when there’s a lot of people whenever you shop.” he smiles softly, “So I rented this.” he glances at the mall behind him.

Your lips pursed while staring at him, gaze softens. Nobody ever put so much effort for you, and now that you’re experiencing it from someone you least expect to do it leaves you speechless.

He’s been doing these things for you ever since the day he told you he likes you. He never fails to amaze you and take you by surprise. Lee Heeseung surely has a lot of tricks under his sleeves.

But apart from wealth and good looks, you discovered a lot of new things with Heeseung. The fact that behind his very intimidating aura, is a child wanting to be taken care of. He loves cuddle so much, always wants to feel you through his skin. He’s very clingy.

“Hey,” he gulps and leans downwards to slightly match your height. “too much?” he worriedly utters under his breath.

Heeseung wants to try his best to make you feel his sincere love and affection towards you, but he also doesn’t want it to be overwhelming.

“N-No,” you finally aswered and smiles despite the tears brimming your eyes.

“I’m just really thankful.”

He smiles and kisses you on your forehead before guiding you inside again. The stores on the whole first floor seems to be vacant. Lights were open, but there’s nobody there. The two of you headed straight to the second floor. Lines of branded clothes greeted you.

You rarely shops here since its super expensive, but Heeseung wants nothing but the best for his girl.

“Welcome, Mr. Lee.” the staffs bows their head as he walks inside this popular brand. He has his hand on your waist.

“Help her find clothes.” he stated.

“How many pairs, Sir?”

Heeseung eyes the girl with cold look. “As many as she wants.”

He teared his gaze off of her then glances back at you. The familiar soft look is back and he smiles, taking your hand over his lips.

“Just pick whatever you like, okay? I’ll take care of everything.” he smiled assuredly.

“B-But,”

“No buts.” and the way he looks at you indicates that he will surely not accept no from you.

Since you’ve been all alone your entire life, there’s nobody for you to lean on or share life problems. You’ve been independent your whole life and so you’re still not used having him taking care of you like this.

He walks towards this white elegant couch, “I’ll be waiting here patiently so take all your time, baby.”

Even before you can say anything else, a girl wearing a uniform escorted you towards the pile of expensive clothes.

That’s where it all started. The luxury kind of living you’ve only daydream about. Heeseung became very consistent of it that it triggers something inside you. Sometimes, you overthink and get scared of him suddenly stopping. He just constantly assures you that it will never happen.

“Y/n, let the boys take care of that! Why are you carrying heavy things?!” your manager suddenly steps in and stops you from what you’re doing.

You gave her a confused look as she calls some of the staffs to do it instead. You’ve been doing that before Lee Heeseung even happen and now she’s all worried that you’re carrying those boxes?

Lee Heeseung sure made your life way easier.

“It's fine, I can totally do this. Its my job.” you tried stopping her, but she glances and continuously shakes her head in disapproval.

“What?! No!” you can almost see the fear forming her eyes when you said those words. Not fear of tiring or overworking you, but fear of making you feel upset and getting on heeseung’s bad side.

“Can you believe her? She use to scold you so much for not moving those boxes right away.” your friend stood beside you, watching as the scene unfolds.

You let out a sigh, “Yeah.”

She glanced at you and scoffed, “Well I can’t really blame her. Who wants to mess with Lee Heeseung?” and she shrugs her shoulder before walking away.

You stood still and let yourself be drowned in your own thoughts. She’s definitely right. But you can’t really relate to their fear as you know damn well that the mafia they’re scared with? Is whipped for you.

Later that night you went home and showered to go straight to bed. Surprisingly, despite the same hours of shift, you aren’t that tired. You barely did the heavy works.

The bed that Lee Heeseung provided sure is pretty comfortable, it pulls you into dreamland right away. But in the middle of the night, you’re awoken by the continuous doorbell from your door.

Your eyes pries open, a little annoyed to be disturbed in a very inconvenient hour. The clock beside your bed flashes the numbers 5:03 am. It made you curse lightly as you push yourself up to go get the freaking door.

With your hair still a little disheveled and only wearing a tank top and sweatpants, you stride your dark hallway.

You didn’t even bother to check who it was and just burst the door open, ready to smack out of whoever it is that interrupted your sleep.

“Baby.” his husky low voice completely pulls you out of trance.

The annoyed look on your face vanishes into thin air and got replaced with confused expression. Lee Heeseung is standing in front of you, wearing a white longsleeves and slacks. Seems like he just got out from a meeting or something.

“Hee?” you managed to utter using your hoarse voice. He kept his icy stares on you.

“What are you doing here?”

“Why did you open the door without checking who it was? Are you always this reckless?” he hissed. You couldn’t take it seriously at the moment as you’re still astonished that he’s right here in front of you when he’s suppose to be still in another country.

“What are you doing here?” you repeated yourself.

He steps forward and kisses you on your forehead, a bit hard since he’s a little pissed by the fact that you’re being careless. He’s already thinking of sending 24 hours security guards right in front of your unit.

He sighs then reached over you, resting his hand on both of your hips.

“Let’s go.” he said that only added to your confusion.

He hold your hand, tugging it to guide you outside. Some of his men were already there, waiting. One of them secures the door as Heeseung continued pulling you somewhere.

“Heeseung!” you hissed and tries to stop him, but it was no use. Your built are no match on his.

“Aren’t you suppose to be in a business meeting outside the country?”

“Yes.” he answered, still not stopping and sparing you a glance.

Your brows furrowed, “Did you went straight here from your flight?” as you rack your eyes down to his outfit.

“Uh-huh.” he shortly replied, tightening his grip on your hand. It does not hurt so much, felt so warm tho.

“Where are you even taking me?” and tries not to stumble on your own feet. Your eyes dropped at your house slippers, pouting that it caught all the outside dirt thanks to him.

“We’re going to have some breakfast.” he smiles and opens the door to his car.

“I’m on my pajamas.” you informed him like he couldn’t see it himself.

He trailed his eyes from your head to toe.

“You still look beautiful.” he sincerely stated that awed you slightly.

How come he can still say that when you have no make up on and looking like a rug? He’s definitely something.

He gently pushes you to go inside and his last comment just poisoned your whole system that you didn’t even fight back. He successfully put your seatbelt before closing the door to walk around the vehicle.

“You can sleep more, baby. I’ll wake you up once we’re there.” he says while starting the car, the roaring sound its engine is too familiar for you already.

You rolled your eyes and made yourself comfortable, “You ruined my sleep.” you jokingly said.

He chuckles then effortlessly reaches for a blanket somewhere from the back to warm you up.

Since you’re still a little sleepy, you did drifted to sleep pretty easily. Which you regret sooner since the moment you open your eyes, you’re in a different seat.

“Why are we in a plane?” was your first question, slightly panicking.

Heeseung’s sat beside you.

“We’re having breakfast.”

You shoot him with a bashful look, “On a plane?” a private one, to be specific.

He chuckles, finding you adorable.

“No, silly. We’re going to Paris.”

To say that your eyes bulged out is an understatement.

“Paris?! Why?!” you exclaimed.

Heeseung has the audacity to look surprised by your reaction when he’s the one who took you from your unit then take you to a flight to Paris. And he said you’re having breakfast? In Paris?!

“Yeah,” he shrugs his shoulders. “you said you want to eat croissant.”

Your mouth gaps, couldn’t believe the man beside you. The fact that he looked so innocent while saying that as well is even more staggering for you.

“From the shop a few blocks away from my workplace!”

His eyes then softens then he blinks multiple times, finally realizing it.

“Oh...” he says.

You’re out of words and you two are occupied by silence for a while. This is totally unexpected. But what do you even expect? This is Lee Heeseung for god’s sake! He’s a man full of surprises, sometimes even unplanned.

You let out a sigh then looks out of the window, appreciating the beautiful blue skies decorated by white soft clouds.

“I can’t believe I’ll be in Paris for the first time wearing sweatpants.” you mumbled softly, like it was the biggest problem you have at the moment.

Heeseung reaches for your hand and kissed it, “We’ll just shop for a dress once we get there. Sounds better?”

You craned your neck to face him and stares deeply to his beautiful eyes. A small smile finally spreads across your face before you reached over his cheeks to caress it.

“Thank you so much.” and then you leans in to kiss him on his lips that caught him in utter shock.

“I can’t believe you agreed on coming in the first place! Those people were so mean to you!” she exclaimed as she watches how you’re scurrying to prepare for this dinner.

You looked at her through the mirror. She looks so stressed out while watching you put some make up on. Her eyes then trailed at your expensive dress— bought by Heeseung of course.

She inwardly smiles, you looked beautiful. Well, you always are. She sighs and got worried once again. She knew how bad those people treated you back in high-school so she can’t be at ease knowing you’ll be dining with them tonight.

“It will be alright, (friend name).” and gave her an assuring smile.

But at the back of your mind, you’re actually very worried as well. Scared of what may happen tonight. You convinced yourself that nothing will change unless you face those people who bullied you before. They will keep on torturing and hurting a part of you, thinking that they still have the upperhand on you.

For the first time, you wanted to stand up for yourself.

“And I can’t believe you’re going to that reunion without Heeseung. They’re probably bringing their partners to brag. You should too!”

“He’s probably busy.”

She snorted, “I bet my whole life savings, he will ditch whatever he’s doing just to go with you! That man is down bad for you.”

You chuckled with a blush on your cheeks, totally flustered about it. “You don’t even have savings, (friend name).”

She rolled her eyes, “You don’t have to slap me with reality!”

“Just take Heeseung with you please? That way, I'll be more at ease.” she says in a very worried tone.

“(friend name), I can’t.” you sighs. She’s probably insisting this even more after knowing how you felt for the man.

“I genuinely love him and I don’t want him to get the impression that I’m using him.” you explained. Her eyes softens as her shoulder lowered in surrender.

“Fine, that sounds disgusting by the way!” she jokingly hissed at you then asked you to hurry up.

“Make sure to call me if something happens, okay?” she reminds you again when she drops you off at the said restaurant.

You chuckled at her, “Yes, Mom.” you answered sarcastically.

She shoot you glares. “I mean it, y/n.” she said.

You nodded, smiling warmly at her. She nods then waves after wishing you a great night. Your eyes follows her driving car and as it slowly disappear on your sight, your smile fell. Now that she’s not there to comfort you, uneasiness occupies you.

“You can do this, Y/n!” you cheered to yourself before deciding to walk inside.

It is a fine dining and you’re very thankful that Heeseung had bought you these kind of dresses. It fits the vibe so well.

“Reservation, miss?” the girl by the front desk greets you with a smile.

You nodded then returned the smile, lips shaking a little. After she checked which private room your ‘friends’ are, one of the staffs guided you to the room.

It was pretty loud when you arrived. Some greeted you, some can’t recognize you at all. Its been a while after-all.

“Y/n?” one of the girls who used to torment you before stood up from her seat and walks towards you.

Heads whipped to look on your direction, instantly making you uncomfortable. One of her brows raised as she scanned you with so much judgment.

“Nice dress,” a grin forms her red lips. “where did you rent it?” she added with so much sarcasm that made a lot of the people inside laugh.

Your heart cracks while watching them make fun of you. Just like old times. You nibble on your lower lip, smile long gone from your face. Fist balls beside you, air felt like it got stuck on your throat.

“Just joking!” she exclaims, still with that evil grin. Your eyes stares at hers and you know exactly she didn’t say that as a joke.

Her hand grabbed your arm then dragged you towards a table. You tried to halt her, already foreseeing what’s about to happen. But just like before, your mouth kept shut. You felt pathetic. You went here with a mindset that you will show them that you won’t let them make fun of you anymore and yet, here you are... still helpless.

“Guys, its y/n!” she says and forced you to sit down. You didn’t have any chance to resist as everyone on that table gave you their full attention.

Their faces aren’t friendly, same old gazes that pierced right through your soul. You feel sick on the stomach.

“How’s life y/n? Still working on that restaurant?” (name) asks taunting. She’s the most popular girl on your batch and also the meanest one.

She looked pretty and elegant with her branded dress. Her family is kind of well off, mainly why she got away from bullying you throughout high-school. It was always easy for her. Life is always on her favor.

“Gosh! That’s so embarrassing.” the other commented, she’s the one who forced you to sit at this table.

All of them laughed and agrees. You unconsciously roamed your eyes around everyone seated and it caught on Sander. (name) is sat beside him, probably chasing after him like old times. She’s always been head over heels for him.

He’s the most popular guy on your batch and often paired with (name). He has this small smirk on his lips while everyone laughs at you. It was horrible. You didn’t actually had a serious feelings for him, but it was given that almost every girl slightly had a crush on him. He was that hit back then.

You felt small while fidgeting your fingers under the table. Just by looking at them, you realized how it was before. How they used to bully you back in high-school, belittling you for being poor. You hated it. You hated them. You still do.

The mean things they’re saying is too much so you stood up, making all of them look at your way. (Name), cocks her brows and smirks.

“I-I’ll just go to the bathroom.” and you turned around, ready to leave when you suddenly bumped into something—more like someone.

“Going somewhere, baby?” a familiar husky voice asks.

You’re too immersed to how (name) humiliates you that you failed to notice how the other tables grew quiet at the arrival of someone that doesn’t belong there.

The table you’re in slowly grow silent as well, noticing the tall man right in front of you. His toned arms now snaking over your waist to tug you closer to him.

“Hey...” he softly calls when he noticed how stiffed you got. At a slow pace, you lifted your head to see Heeseung’s soft eyes watching you carefully.

He is really here. You felt your heart swells and finally you felt safe. Your hand rests at his chest, lips shakes because of too much emotion.

“L-Lee Heeseung?” one girl exclaims, totally astounded by his presence.

Some of the men on that table look thrilled as well. They knew him, everyone in this room does. They know his power and influence.

He didn’t spare that girl any glance and just focused on you. His jaw clenches after noticing how you’re shaken up. It didn’t took him long to put piece and piece together. He understands what’s happening right away.

He roamed his icy glares over to the people occupying your table. One by one, like as if trying to remember each and everyone of them. The look on their face instantly changes, some even looked pale.

“U-Uhm,” (name) looked really scared. You’ve never seen her this way. And you’re not gonna lie, its a pleasure to your eyes.

“Lee Heeseung, wow!” Kent, one of your batchmates. He’s not particularly mean to you before, but he does laugh from time to time.

And there’s this one time where he offers for you to date him and got mad when you refused. Saying that you’re just a nobody and how dumb you are for actually saying no to him.

“Nice to meet you, man! Come on, sit down first.” he offers enthusiastically and even pulled the chair beside yours.

Heeseung stood still and quiet. People easily got intimidated. He heaved a sigh and you know he’s about to start saying something, but you beat him to it.

“We’ll be g-going.” you announced lowly. You aren’t even sure if they heard. Some whipped their heads at you with a look of disbelief on their faces.

(name) stares at you with a confused and a bit annoyed look on her pretty face. And with all the courage left on you, you said, “My boyfriend and I will leave now.”

Heeseung got stoned on his position when he heard that. Thankfully, you grabbed him by his arm then dragged him out of there. Normally, you wouldn’t be able to do it. But since you definitely caught him off-guard, you managed to drag Lee Heeseung out of there.

You can feel everyone’s eyes darted at the two of you and the whole room remains quiet as you take your leave. That doesn’t matter. You just want to get out of that place.

“Wait,” he halts and instantly, you stopped too. He held your arm then yanked you back near his body.

“Hold on, baby.” he licks his lips then blinks multiple times. “Let’s talk.”

Thankfully, you’re already by the parking lot. A few people are around, but its better them than those people inside.

You noticed a few familiar vehicles of Heeseung’s men along with his expensive sports car that he often used whenever picking you up.

“I j-just want to get out of here, please.” your pleading and tear stained eyes broke Heeseung. He wanted so bad to ruin those people inside. Everyone who made fun and even the bystanders. He doesn’t care. He will make sure they will pay for making you cry. For making his baby upset.

His large hands cupped your cheeks, “We will.” he huffs, calming himself. “I just need to confirm something.”

You kept your stare right at him, waiting for what he’s going to ask. You already knew what it was and initially, you planned on telling it to him in a different situation.

But it was already clear as a daylight. You love Lee Heeseung and ever since he was around, he always made you feel so special. Like you aren’t just someone. That you actually have value and that you don’t just exist in this world... you have a place here.

“Baby, I’m your what again?” he asks, very eager to hear those words from you again.

His brain already short circuited the first time you said it and he highly doubts it wouldn’t happen on the second time. Specially now that you are alone with him.

“My boyfriend.” you answered confidently.

Heeseung heart races and he felt like fireworks bursted inside his chest. He’s undescribably happy about it. He blinked mutliple times.

“You didn’t say that to only escape that place, right?” he asks, a little nervous. It amused you. You never knew this mafia boy is even capable of having that kind of emotion.

You let out a sigh and held his arm, caressing it softly. Then you gave him this assuring smile.

“No. That’s why I didn’t even ask you to come here. I don’t want you to think that I’m just using you.”

His eyes softens even more, if that’s even possible. Heeseung just loves you so deeply that the thought of being used by you doesn’t even bothered him. It's fine, as long as you’ll want him beside you. He’ll take anything just to be close to you.

Then your loving gaze turns into a glare.

“What are you even doing here?” you ask like a cop interrogating a suspect.

He smirks, “I missed you so I asked somebody to check on you... it happens that you’re heading to this event.” he chuckles. “I thought I could pay you a visit just to check if some guys would try to hit on you.” and he even raised an eyebrow.

You scoffed then rolled your eyes, “As if! You’re the one who walked there looking like a snack! You probably caught the attention of the pretty girls at that table!”

His eyes sparkles, “Really?”

Your face turned sour then you gave him a bashful look.

“Did I really caught your attention?” he asks, sounding a bit excited.

You got confused then let out a big sigh when you realized he got it wrongly.

“Heeseung,” you uttered in a very serious tone that made him stand up straight, giving you his full attention.

You felt your heart thumped louder, feeling nervous now that he’s so focused on you.

“Unlike you, I have nothing special to offer you. I only got a high-school diploma and 20 dollars in my bank account.” you tried to make it sound a joke to ease the tension because he’s staring so intensely.

He kept silent for a while.

“Do you love me?” he suddenly asks that made you all flustered, cheeks and ears turning red.

You blinked then cleared your throat.

“I don’t see how is that relevant in this conversation—”

“Do you love me, Y/n?” he repeated himself, this time even more serious.

You gulpes nervously, getting drawn by his piercing beautiful eyes.

“Yes.” you answered confidently.

He sighs in contentment and smiles gently. His eyes glisten with so much happiness that it made you wonder why.

“Then that’s good enough for me.” he stated that melts your heart instantly.

He took a step closer, making your bodies touch. Cupping your face once again then rest his forehead on yours.

“I love you, Hee.” you suddenly said that made his heart leap in joy.

Heeseung is in trance. He never knew that he’s capable of feeling all these things towards one person. He has no regrets pursuing you. If anything, he’s very much willing to do it again and again.

“I love you even more, y/n.” he whispers then kisses your forehead, then your nose and then pulls away slightly to look you in the eyes.

“You just made me the happiest man alive.” and he leans in for the much awaited kiss.

permanent tag-list:

@rubyanne @map-of-border @hwangjangmi @13tter @candewlsy @simpforniki @classicroyalty @hime98 @moonsclassyslore @ddeonubaby @yeoungie @acciomylove @mymeloem19 @jvngw0n @dreamjerky @minamoons @clar-iii @herasalvatore @nyfwyeonjun @rcveribin @yizhoutv @one16core @soobin-chois @kyutiepeachy @chareadingpurposes @hwalllllllelujah @solelyenha @90sni-ki @nourhan-8 @nikipedia07 @yangbreads @drunkjazed @axartia @all4haru @sta-rie @purplepuppychild @iceeee @wtfhyuck @tobiosbbyghorl @nikililmj @ayayiiie @aeyeree @heeseung-min @in-somnias-world @psh-pjh @hveanlyanqelic @woocury

[winged-self-indulgence]

Why Do People Like Yanderes?

Hi everyone, my name is Diya, and this was going to be a YT video-essay-type-thing but I'm too poor to afford a mic and too busy with college to learn how to edit videos, so here's my vague exploration of the psychology behind why people like yanderes so much through the lens of my favourite Visual Novels.

TW for uh. yandere content. Mentions of sex, gore, and non-con, particularly in the last topic. This is more like the first draft of an academic paper so while it's not explicit, I do go into some detail.

Introduction

If you’re a fan of anime or visual novels, then you’re probably already aware of what a yandere is, or at the very least you’ve seen that one picture of Yuno Gasai. Still, for the sake of thoroughness, let’s take it from the tippy top. The term ‘yandere’ is a Japanese portmanteau of ‘yanderu’ – the progressive form of ‘yami’ – meaning ‘sick’, and ‘deredere’ which roughly translates to ‘loving’. Together, the word refers to someone who is – in short – extremely lovesick. Obsessive to the extreme, and with little morality to spare, the standard yandere is characterized by a dangerous fixation on a chosen target, often appearing shy and caring at first only to flip the script and become violently aggressive towards perceived threats (Kroon, 2010).

It should be noted that yanderes are not a strictly romantic or sexual trope. The Ancient Greeks classified at least six forms of love, from familial (storge) to guests (xenia). Modern psychologists may distinguish love as either Companionate or Passionate (Kim & Hatfield, 2004) or consisting of three dimensions of Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment (Sternberg & Sternberg, 2018). Realistically, possessiveness shows up in a variety of relationships. However, people are generally primed to view certain dynamics as inherently amorous. Societal norms tend to encourage the idea that romantic bonds ought to rank above all others, and therefore if Person A is bizarrely fixated on Person B, then clearly there must be an element of sexual interest involved regardless of the actual relationship between the individuals in question.

Regardless, yanderes remain quite popular in fiction. Many dismiss it as a fetish, which it can be, but that isn’t the case for everyone. While there is nothing wrong with indulging in kinky fiction, not all of us get horny at the thought of being chained up in someone’s basement, no matter how hot our captor may be. So why is it so pervasive? Why is this trope so appealing that most writers cannot help but include at least a single line of dialogue implying that – if circumstances had been ever so slightly different – my wholesome shoujo romcom might have turned into a psychological horror?

Hybristophilia

‘Hybristophilia’, also known as Bonnie and Clyde Syndrome after the titular criminal couple, is a word is derived from the Greek word ‘hybridzein’ meaning ‘to commit an outrage against someone’ and ‘philo’ which means ‘a strong preference for’. Sexologist John Money reportedly defined it as a paraphilia in which an individual is sexually aroused by a partner who has a predatory history of hurting other people (Money, 1986, as cited in Matuszak, 2017). In his book, Serial Killer Groupies, true crime and crime fiction author RJ Parker distinguished two forms of hybristophilia: passive and aggressive. The former is when an individual contacts a criminal with the intention of striking up a relationship with them, allowing themselves to be seduced and manipulated but having no interest in committing a crime themselves. The latter are far more dangerous, as the individual not only derives sexual pleasure from their partner’s atrocities but are active participants in carrying out or covering up the crime. To quote Griffiths (2013, as cited in Pettigrew, 2019):

“[They] help out their lovers with their criminal agenda by luring victims, hiding bodies, covering crimes, or even committing crimes. They are attracted to their lovers because of their violent actions and want to receive love yet are unable to understand that their lovers are psychopaths who are manipulating them.”

In some ways, hybristophilia is the nearest thing we have to a realistic understanding of why people love yanderes. I mean, much of the fantasy surrounding such characters and their media tend to be filled with posts begging to be spat on or calling the rightfully terrified main character ungrateful for being a teeny bit upset about finding surveillance cameras in their ceiling. However, enjoying fictitious immoral activity does not predict real perpetration, so what does? There exists little consensus amongst psychologists as to what sparks this particular predilection, and that was strange to me. You would think there would be more studies into this topic, in spite of or perhaps because of its controversial nature. Heck, that one dude wouldn’t shut up about white women’s obsession with Bundy and Dahmer, and I assumed he had gotten that information from somewhere, but it turns out that was just him using modifiers to justify sexism.

However, I believe that we can hedge a few guesses, and over the course of my research, I’ve organized the main rationalizations under four umbrellas which I will explore through the lens of my favourite yandere-themed Visual Novels. Please keep in mind that most of these games are rated as mature due to sexual scenes and/or gore. Additionally, in the spirit of transparency, this ramble will be focused exclusively on male or masculine yanderes. So, without further ado:

Call Me Bob the Builder Because I Can Fix Them

If you’re familiar with DC Comic’s Batman, or just happen to have attended any costume event held over the span of the last 20+ years, you may be familiar with the character of Dr. Harleen Quinzel, better known as Harley Quinn. Initially created as the Joker’s one-off sidekick in Batman The Animated Series, she was so well-received by audiences that she became a recurring character in the cartoon and was eventually given a proper origin story in the form of a one-shot titled Mad Love.

Harley’s origin story has seen some alterations over the past decades, but the core aspects remain largely untouched. In the beginning, Harleen Quinzel was a promising young woman who wanted was a degree from the university’s prestigious psychology department, which she gained through…less than scrupulous means.

(Listen, I’m not sure if the authors were leaning on the Dumb Blonde stereotype, or if they simply thought that casting her as a genuinely bad student would make her later actions more believable. Either way, the idea of Harley as someone with a legitimate PhD came later)

After landing an internship at Arkham Asylum – a half-hospital and half-prison straight out of the 1870s that might as well be built out of one-ply tissue-paper soaked with gasoline and left next to a crate of fireworks – Harleen set her sights on the then incarcerated Joker. At the start, her fixation on the criminal wasn’t remotely sympathetic. She didn’t want to help him, she wanted to use him. Harleen Quinzel wanted piggyback off his infamy and write a tell-all tale detailing what sort of messed up childhood resulted in Gotham’s Clown Prince of Crime. Yet the more she interacted with him, the more the Joker took advantage of her empathy. By the end of their sessions, Harley no longer saw him as a violent serial killer with a clown schtick, but as a “lost, injured child looking to make the world laugh at his antics.”

But Diya, you may be asking, what does this have to do with the video? The Joker never loved Harley, and it could even be argued – as Shehadeh did in a 2017 essay – that her obsession with the pasty-faced clown is more akin to Histrionic Personality Disorder. While that may be the case, I believe that Harley’s story provides one of the reasons yanderes are so popular: their backstory.

Whether they were abandoned by their family, bullied by their peers, experimented on by evil scientists, starved on the streets, died under mysterious circumstances and then trapped in a haunted VCR tape for decades, or are simply so impossibly inhuman that they frankly do not understand why it isn’t socially acceptable to imprison their crush in a pocket dimension made of meat and non-Euclidean geometry, yanderes often have fairly sympathetic or at least understandable explanations for why they are Like That. Your mileage may vary significantly depending on how much you sympathize with these motives, but the point is that yanderes always make sense to some degree. Their morality and priorities may be twisted or even completely incomprehensible, but the audience almost always knows the reason, and that can be comforting. In the real world, other people aren’t always straightforward, and we never really know what they’re thinking, but narrative coherence demands a semblance of internal consistency lest the audience end up frustrated and confused. So yanderes are not only easy to sympathize with, but also fairly predictable. In-universe they may be unhinged freaks with a blood fetish, but to you watching from behind the safety of the screen they’re just acting out the script written for them based on a prototype. And if you understand the why behind their loose gears, then you might just be able to put them back together again.

The concept of rescue romances or “I Can Fix Them” has been around in our stories for thousands of years. The Epic of Gilgamesh detailed how Shamhat essentially ‘civilized’ wild man Enkidu through ritual lovemaking, and a concerning number of religions push the idea that women are dutybound to save men from the follies of sin. Yet men are not exempt either, with one notable example being the German fairytale, King Thrushbeard. Call it what you will regardless: Knights in Shining Armour, the Florence Nightingale Effect, or a plain old case of Because You Were Nice to Me, studies have shown that human beings generally like helping [DA2] others, even when the reason doesn’t necessarily stem from pure altruism. I will delve deeper into this later, but care and compassion are deeply ingrained in human nature, and arising from those roots is the appeal of this mentality: You can save them. You can change them. You can make them better. You are special, and the way you treat this person carries a weight that has not and will never be matched by anyone else for the rest of their mortal or immortal existence.

The illusion is a delicious one, especially if the person you’ve helped turns out to be a billionaire CEO with cash to burn, a super powerful ghost king willing to raze continents to dust for you, a demon having fun on a Friday night, or just your average hot creep with a knife. Moreover, different people have different ideas of what ‘fixing’ even means. Maybe you want to single-handedly rehabilitate your yandere into a functional member of society. Maybe you’re cool with the incessant stalking but would like them to stop slaughtering your friends, family, and local service workers. Maybe you want to make them much, much worse.

Not only do yanderes provide immediate proof that your actions have a tangible impact on the lives of others, but the fantasy also includes the desire of being seen as special. Of being admired and adored by someone whose life you inexplicably made better by virtue of simply being yourself, or an idealized version of yourself. In this fictional world, in this imaginary setting, the person you are is so uniquely, impossibly irreplaceable to someone. And if that’s the case then they can’t risk losing you, can they?

The Allure of Obsession, or ‘Til Death Do Us Part (Literally)

It shouldn’t be necessary, but here is my obligatory disclaimer anyway. Ahem: obsession is not a good thing in real life. Fixating on another human to the detriment of your own wellbeing and that of those around you is dangerous, as is encouraging someone else to obsess over you. You might think you are being worshiped, but real life is not a visual novel. The outside world doesn’t come with an age rating, the author’s guiding pen, and a convenient fade to credits sequence once you’ve reached an ending. The consequences will still be there in the morning, so don’t do it. Just don’t.

PSA out of the way, it’s natural to want to be wanted. Maslow’s Hierarchy places it just above physical safety, but I’d argue that it could easily be compared to baser drives. According to many psychological and anthropological studies, much of humanity’s continued survival and environmental dominance is largely attributed to our ability to form groups, cooperate with one another, and maintain complex interpersonal networks. Social support, intimacy, and a sense of belonging are linked to emotional and physical benefits, such as more optimistic health perceptions, higher subjective well-being, increased creativity and innovation, and greater self-efficacy (DeWall & Bushman, 2011; Harandi et al., 2017; Wang & Sha, 2018). Therefore, it’s perfectly understandable that rejection of any sort would be construed as a threat.

But if someone is obsessed with you, then you have no reason to worry about that, right? No more nights spent agonizing over how they feel about you, asking yourself whether your last text made you sound too desperate, or if you’re boring them because you spent the past hour info-dumping about Stardew Valley farm layouts. With a yandere, there will never be any doubt that they care about you. Sure, they might go about it in weird, manipulative, and insidious ways that violate your physical and mental autonomy, but you can’t deny their loyalty. They do love you in their own bizarre way. You are the sun around which they orbit. When you’re in the room, no one else exists. Every single messy flaw is just another bullet point on the mile-long list of why they adore you.

In essence, yanderes are not only attentive, but their love can be virtually unconditional. A yandere might know everything about you, and still revere you. It’s unhealthy as hell and you might genuinely question their taste, but it can be tempting to pretend that all of you, right down to the ugliest parts of yourself – the traits and choices that you would never share with another living soul even at gunpoint – are worthy of understanding, if not open praise and affection.   

Attractiveness, or Okay but Have You Considered That They’re Hot Though?

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I mean what am I supposed to say here? They’re hot, what do you want from me?

No, but in all seriousness, fictional media paints an idealized version of the world, and most yanderes are hot because they have the freedom of existing purely behind that screen; artfully arranged and edited to forever appear compelling to anyone who happens to enjoy their particular style. And there are a lot of styles to choose from. Whether you want them pretty faced and disarmingly cute, or scarred up and big enough to pin you like a butterfly, yanderes come in a wide variety of shapes and sizes that are meant to pique your interest and draw you in like a naïve little fish being lured towards the mouth of an angler fish, unwilling to believe that anything bad might happen to us when the bait is this pretty.

This is often referred to as the Halo Effect, a form of cognitive bias referring to the tendency for people to assume that a single obvious positive trait must be associated with other positive traits. The go-to characteristic is typically physical attractiveness, but a nice voice, good humour, and cooking skills are also factors which serve to influence our perceptions.

So, conventional physical attractiveness is one thing, but that’s only skin deep. What about beyond that? After all, the yandere still has to talk to you before they enact their master plan of tying you up in their basement until Stockholm Syndrome kicks in.

When I showed my friend a picture of John Doe from the game John Doe, she told me that he looked like a creepy slob, and she’s far from the only person who’s ever thought so. Look at them. I feel like if I tried to comb that hair it would simply eat me, and some of the CGs really put the scopophobia in Scopophobia Studios. I love Doe, but he is not hot, and he doesn’t behave in a normally appealing way either. If the player chooses not to take a bath, Doe will immediately comment that you “smell good” before following you home, breaking into your house, and leaving a bloody organ on the floor for the player to trip over. Many yanderes can at least fake a veneer of normalcy, but from the get-go Doe doesn’t even bother to pretend he’s anything less than an otherworldly creature stuffed into a vaguely person-shaped meatsuit. In an effort to find out why so many people had latched on to Doe – including me – I shopped around social media and YouTube for answers, and what I found was a widely unanimous sentiment.

While some were drawn to his fun design and goofy personality, most simply thought that he wasn’t inherently malevolent, just very confused. In addition to being a supernatural being with a completely alien axis of morality, Doe’s meta-awareness and unbridled attempts at winning the player’s affection lends him quite a bit of support from the audience, especially if you yourself also happen to struggle with social cues and relate to his pure earnestness. In Ending 7 of the extended version, the player character has the option to tell Doe – who has altered himself to pass as more ‘normal’ – that they prefer who he truly is, at which point he grows visibly flustered and sports an adorable pair of literal heart-shaped pupils.

Whether they’re charismatic, seductive, cute, sweet, funny, nurturing, or generous, the best yanderes have engaging personalities. Even while they’re committing truly heinous crimes against God, man, and your guts, you still kinda want to hang out with them, and you want them to acknowledge you as being just as interesting. And this is all fine in fiction because you’re the one in charge, and if you ever get bored or uncomfortable or busy with something else, then you can simply close the tab or window with zero consequences, which brings us to the final and most important reason.     

Power Dynamics and Consent in Fantasy (I Couldn’t Think of a Joke Here Guys, This Is Kinda Serious)

Once again, I feel that I must preface this section just for the sake of my own peace of mind: sexual coercion and assault are vile and disgusting crimes that should never be emulated or tolerated in the real world. We are speaking purely of fictional media, specifically adult-oriented media in this case, so please be mindful.

In 2009, Bivoni and Critelli conducted a study on 355 undergraduate women with the goal of assessing the reasons behind fantasies of non-consent. At the time, there were two leading explanations of this phenomenon. One stated that women with high libidos but repressed views of sex used these imaginary scenarios to alleviate the guilt they had grown to associate with sex. Because the simulation was a purely mental exercise and they themselves were cast as helpless victims in the scenario, they were able to remain blameless while still finding sexual gratification. The second stated that these fantasies were an expression of liberation by women who were adventurous and comfortable enough with their own sexuality to engage with taboo ideas that they weren’t at all interested in performing in real life. Which do you think was more common?

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If you guessed the second option, you’d be right. The study found that of the 220 women who had experienced such fantasies, 45% found theirs erotic, 46% were mixed, and only 9% reported pure aversion. One justification for this outcome relies on psycho-biological theories, for example masochistic preferences or the unintended activation of the sympathetic nervous system and subsequent mis-attribution of arousal. Other reasons have to do with higher order thinking and are tied to the power dynamics within such fantasies. On the surface is the appeal of being so desirable to someone that they simply cannot control themselves, but then there is a deeper impulse, which the researchers referred to as Adversary Transformation. To quote the article: “[fantasies] involve a struggle between an assailant and a potential victim in which it is relevant to consider who is the winner and who is the loser. At one level, it is a struggle over sex, but the woman's non-consent may be feigned or token. At another level, the woman may be seeking a victory that is not about whether sex occurs, but about what happens emotionally between the protagonists.”

Basically, the imaginary perpetrator may have ‘won’, but the self-character need not have ‘lost’.

Media provides an extra layer to the illusion, one that you as the viewer have absolute control over. If you are choosing to engage with a piece of media that explicitly labels itself as including R18+ yandere content, then you clearly have some expectations, and that background awareness goes a long way in reducing long-term discomfort and allowing audiences to make informed decisions. If you don’t like the plot, you can simply turn it off it with the click of a button, and when the screen goes dark it’s not like the yandere is going to punish you for saying no. Strade isn’t going to break into your house with a drill, there are no homicidal clown ghosts hiding in your TV, and no suspicious pink-haired hackers watching your webcam. They aren’t real, and the consequences aren’t real either. You have all the power here.

Conclusion

In summary, Yanderes are appealing for a variety of reasons. Whether you want to save them, think they’re attractive, wish to indulge in a dream of being utterly coveted, or simply enjoy a bit of spice in your me-time, it’s obvious why the trope has persisted for so long and will likely continue to do so. If you enjoy yanderes but are worried that having a taste for the less wholesome side of things might imply something about who you are as a person, don’t be. The notion that fantasies and media preferences directly reflect subconscious desires is not only painfully out of date debunked nonsense but also indicative of restrictive ideologies wherein bad thoughts = sin. This isn’t 1984. You haven’t committed a thought-crime by having a weird kink. You aren't going to superhell for fantasizing. The human mind is hardly ever so mathematically rational, and the point of fiction is to allow us to safely engage with and explore various ideas, provided the everyone involved is mentally, chronologically, and emotionally mature enough to do so.

Thank you all for listening to me. If you learned something or were just a little bit entertained. If you're curious about knowing more, I've listed my sources below

REFERENCES

Bivona, J. M., & Critelli, J. W. (2009). The Nature of Women’s Rape Fantasies: An analysis of prevalence, frequency, and contents. Journal of Sex Research, 46(1), 33–45. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224490802624406

Critelli, J. W., & Bivona, J. M. (2008). Women’s Erotic Rape Fantasies: An Evaluation of Theory and research. Journal of Sex Research, 45(1), 57–70. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224490701808191

DeWall, C. N., & Bushman, B. J. (2011). Social acceptance and rejection. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 20(4), 256–260. https://doi.org/10.1177/0963721411417545

Flynn, F. J., Reagans, R., Amanatullah, E. T., & Ames, D. R. (2006). Helping one’s way to the top: Self-monitors achieve status by helping others and knowing who helps whom. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 91(6), 1123–1137. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.91.6.1123

Harandi, T. F., Taghinasab, M. M., & Nayeri, T. D. (2017). The correlation of social support with mental health: A meta-analysis. Electronic Physician, 9(9), 5212–5222. https://doi.org/10.19082/5212

Hazen, H. (1983). Endless rapture: rape, romance, and the female imagination. https://openlibrary.org/books/OL3161300M/Endless_rapture

Kroon, R. W. (2010). A/V A to z: An Encyclopedic Dictionary of Media, Entertainment and Other Audiovisual Terms. McFarland.

Matuszak, M. (2017). Hybristophilia White Paper. https://static1.squarespace.com/static/55dfd21ee4b0718764fb34cc/t/5cb7cabee5e5f00ab13be58b/1555548863275/Hybristophilia+White+Paper.pdf

Oarga, C., Stavrova, O., & Fetchenhauer, D. (2015). When and why is helping others good for well-being? The role of belief in reciprocity and conformity to society’s expectations. European Journal of Social Psychology, 45(2), 242–254. https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.2092

Parker, R. (2014). Serial killer groupies. RJ PARKER PUBLISHING, INC.

Wang, T., & Sha, H. (2018). The influence of social rejection on cognitive control. Psychology, 09(7), 1707–1719. https://doi.org/10.4236/psych.2018.97101

[ceilidhtransing]

Having spent pretty much the entire year immersed in studying Nazi Germany, the Holocaust, and genocide more broadly, my heart is bursting with the need to stress how much you should take Project 2025 seriously. This is a long post but please stick with me.

Don't take this post as an attempt to concretely predict anything. We can't ever fully know the future and I think it's silly to say with total certainty “if Trump wins then America will become just like Nazi Germany” - not only because the future isn't written yet, but also because Germany under the Nazis was a very specific regime with its own quirks and peculiarities and I don't think that even a worst-case-scenario Trump regime would look exactly like Hitler's Germany. No two regimes ever look exactly alike: it would use the same colour palette as all far-right dictatorships but be constructed from a different medium, like what a watercolour is to an oil painting.

But just because Trump is a very different person from Hitler, and a worst-case-scenario Trump dictatorship would not literally be “Nazi Germany all over again”, that doesn't mean that what happened in Germany isn't instructive here. Forget the specifics of whether or not Trump as a dictator would organise a state identically to how the Nazis organised Germany or whatever; on a far broader and more relevant level, there is a distressing number of similarities. And too many people are falling into the same thought traps as they did then.

Please don't assume that Trump is “way too incompetent” to achieve what's in Project 2025 or Agenda 47. They said the same thing about Hitler. They said that there was no way this showman could govern effectively - holding big rallies and making speeches that get people riled up isn't the same as being good at running a functioning state and achieving what you want. The New York Times even wrote after he became Chancellor of Germany that this would only “let him expose to the German public his own futility”. And in many ways Hitler was pretty incompetent. But that didn't end up mattering. The greatest crime of the Nazi regime, the Holocaust, was masterminded mostly by a whole load of people besides Hitler, who were delegated the nitty-gritty task of actually orchestrating it. Hitler's personal incompetence didn't prevent war or genocide.

Please don't assume that Trump is “just a wacky nutcase” who “can't possibly be a real risk”. They said the same thing about Hitler. The mainstream media gave constant coverage to all the crazy extreme things Hitler said as if he was merely a bit of a joke and not a massive threat. The Nazis were quite happy with this. To quote Goebbels repeatedly in his diary, “The main thing is they're talking about us.”

Please don't assume that being in power will “moderate” Trump and that “of course he won't be able to do all the crazy stuff once he actually has to govern”. They said the same thing about Hitler. It was a common sentiment in the early 1930s that all the sensible politicians around him would force him to moderate his stances. Fritz von Papen, the last Chancellor of Weimar Germany, persuaded President Hindenburg to make Hitler the Chancellor by assuring him, “In a few months, we will have pushed [Hitler] so far into the corner that he will squeak.” It turns out that power doesn't “moderate” people who are openly talking about a dictatorship.

Please don't assume that there's any truth to the whole “Trump has nothing to do with Project 2025 and trying to link it to him is just liberal hysteria” line. They said the same thing about Hitler. People repeatedly asserted that Nazi street violence wasn't really representative of the party leadership; it wasn't representative of Hitler. He was even subpoenaed by a very brave lawyer in 1931 in a bid to prove that recent violence by Nazi stormtroopers was committed with the knowledge and encouragement of the party leadership, with part of the prosecution's argument hanging on a pamphlet by Goebbels that promised a violent overthrow of the state if the Nazis couldn't come to power legitimately. Surely no legal political party could be publishing that. In a successful attempt to escape criminal charges, Hitler repeatedly lied that the pamphlet was not official Nazi Party material and that he didn't know anything about it. No Trump didn't write it, no it isn't an official GOP manifesto, but the links between Project 2025 and Trump, the previous Trump administration, and Trump allies are extremely well documented. Just the other day, Project 2025 co-author Russell Vought was caught calling Trump's disavowals of the document “graduate-level politics” and saying, “what he's doing is just very, very conscious distancing himself from a brand ... he's in fact not even opposing himself to a particular policy.”

Please don't assume that “there's no way something like that could happen here; we're way too educated and advanced”. They said the same thing about Hitler. The Germany of the 1920s and 1930s was one of the most educated and most scientifically and industrially advanced nations in the world, and its cities were some of the most progressive in the world. People were stunned and horrified that it was in Germany of all places - Germany, land of music and art and science and literature! - that fascism took root. Germany's economic and social advancement didn't stop about 40% of its voters choosing the Nazis. It didn't stop them taking power.

Please don't assume that Project 2025 is “just a wishlist” and “not actually a serious plan”. They said the same thing about Hitler. As is hopefully very clear by now, plenty of people did not think that the Nazis were capable of, or would dare to try, putting into actual practice the horrific ideas about race that undergirded so much of their ideology. “I like Hitler; he talks sense economically and I think all this stuff about Jews is just bluff and bluster.” “Every party has a loony wing, right? You have to understand they're not serious when they talk about this stuff; they're just telling their base what they want to hear.” “God have you heard this crazy race science shit about head shapes and stuff? It's hilarious! I'm sure none of them at the top really believe that; there's no way they'd be that nuts.” When a group of people like this tells you what they believe and tells you what they want to do with power, believe them. No matter how ridiculous they seem, they're not joking.

In the words of Hans Litten, the lawyer who subpoenaed and cross-examined Hitler in that court case in 1931, “Don't listen to him; he's telling the truth.” Litten was arrested on the night of the Reichstag fire in 1933 and spent the rest of his life being tortured in concentration camps before dying in Dachau in 1938 at the age of 34.

A tyrannical dictatorship can often be seen coming a mile away. I don't want to imply for a second that what the Nazis did came as a surprise to everyone and couldn't possibly have been predicted. There were people who saw this coming in the 1920s and 1930s and tried to sound the alarm while they still had a chance. But they were too often in the minority, taking the threat seriously while others had convinced themselves that there was no need for concern because the Nazis wouldn't really do all the things they repeatedly talked about wanting to do. Everyone should have seen this coming, but too many people wanted to believe it couldn't be true.

Don't let this scare you. Let it energise you. Talk to the people in your life about Project 2025 and Agenda 47. Push back against people who assert that “they'd never actually do all that stuff” or “Trump didn't even write Project 2025” or “it's not a real plan, just a list of crazy shit to get the base riled up”. Have conversations with folks you know who are on the fence about voting or about who to vote for and who seem persuadable. Make sure you're registered to vote, and keep making sure, especially if you live in a red state where people keep mysteriously dropping off voter rolls.

Now, again, please don't read this as some confident prediction that Trump will be a Hitler figure. I want to stress that is a worst-case scenario. If a Trump presidency is what happens, I would much prefer the best-case scenario: that he spends four years fumbling around and not really accomplishing anything and then gives up power at the end without much of a fight. But it would also be a folly to be smugly overconfident that the worst-case scenario “won't” or “can't” happen. It could. It has happened before. There is no reason it couldn't happen again.

[luna-azzurra]

What is an Unreliable Narrator? And How to Write One.

An unreliable narrator is a storytelling technique where the narrator's credibility or truthfulness is questionable. The narrator either intentionally or unintentionally provides a distorted or biased account of the events, characters, or situations in the story. This narrative approach can add complexity, suspense, and intrigue to your writing. Here's how you can create an unreliable narrator:

1. Establish a motive: Determine why the narrator is unreliable. It could be due to personal bias, mental instability, deception, or a hidden agenda. Develop their backstory, motivations, and beliefs to understand why they might present a skewed version of events.

2. Use subjective language: Incorporate language and descriptions that reflect the narrator's personal viewpoint and biases. Their opinions, emotions, and interpretations should color their narration, influencing how readers perceive the story.

3. Include contradictions and inconsistencies: Allow the narrator to make contradictory statements or present conflicting information. This creates doubt and keeps the readers engaged as they try to unravel the truth.

4. Reveal information selectively: The unreliable narrator might withhold or reveal information strategically, manipulating the readers' understanding of the story. This can create suspense and surprise as readers discover hidden truths.

5. Showcase unreliable perceptions: Explore how the narrator's perceptions and interpretations of events differ from reality. They may misinterpret actions, misremember details, or even hallucinate. These discrepancies add depth to the character and raise doubts about their reliability.

6. Use other characters as contrasting sources: Introduce other characters who present alternative perspectives or contradict the narrator's version of events. This contrast allows readers to question the reliability of the narrator and form their own interpretations.

7. Employ narrative techniques: Experiment with techniques like foreshadowing, symbolism, or unreliable memory to emphasize the narrator's unreliability. These devices can help blur the line between truth and fiction, leaving readers intrigued and uncertain.

8. Provide hints and clues: Drop subtle hints or clues throughout the story that suggest the narrator's unreliability. This allows readers to piece together the truth gradually and encourages them to engage actively with the narrative.

[porcupine-girl]

Reminder to everyone who teaches students age 18+ in the United States:

It is NOT LEGAL to offer ANY INCENTIVE for a person to either vote or register to vote in an election with any federal positions on the ballot. I don’t know if it’s actually been tested in court, but this is generally assumed to include offering extra credit!

Do not offer extra credit for voting or registering to vote (and definitely don’t require it)!

HOWEVER. Things that ARE totally legal that I encourage you to do:

Remind your students of registration, absentee, and early voting deadlines.

Provide links to the necessary sites to do these (and warn against fake links).

Be available to answer questions about the registration or voting processes

Don’t have anything due on Election Day (and maybe the day after) and if you can, cancel class that day.

When I was in high school one of our teachers became a notary just so she could register students to vote when they turned 18 (I don’t know anything about that process).

Offer extra credit for (or if it’s relevant to the class, create assignments requiring) things like explaining/researching the registration or voting process, going to a polling station and writing observations (no photos!), researching candidates or issues, etc. Things that make it easy for them to just register/vote while they’re there, but they don’t have to.

Things that are legal but tbh I don’t encourage you to do unless it’s relevant to the class you’re teaching and you’re totally sure your school has your back if parents complain:

Tell them who/what you think they should vote for (or you’re voting for) and why

However, if any issues are relevant to your class obviously you can work them in in relevant ways. Just be careful of parents or students who think you’ve “got an agenda” - personally I always stick to the facts and let students draw their own conclusions.

For example: In our development chapter we cover prenatal development, and I’m careful to mention several facts that I could skip but that directly oppose anti-abortion taking points, such as the fact that you aren’t pregnant until you’re 2-4 weeks pregnant, there is no “heartbeat” at six weeks, only an electrical pulse, and as far as we can tell fetuses cannot feel pain until myelination of their nerves starts around 25-27 weeks. I’ve noticed some students who look pleased that I’ve mentioned these things as well as students who are clearly surprised by them. I never mention abortion, and anyone trying to claim I’m pushing a pro-choice agenda would be hard pressed to demonstrate that I’m doing anything other than conveying the scientifically-supported facts of prenatal development.

It’s an unfortunate fact that it can be dangerous for teachers at any level to give any indication that we aren’t apolitical beings, but you know and I know that just getting people to register and vote (especially young people), without a single word about who to vote for, benefits the left more than the right.

They know it too, but I’d like to see a parent complain about my providing links to voting registration without admitting they just don’t want people with every right to vote to actually do it.