#this is also just the tip of the iceberg i hope you know. this isn't even half of it .

[leprosycock]

pls educate/ advertise f0b / peterick yaoi to me. i know nothing about it but i want to.

uhhhhh okay this is gonna be really fucking long and deranged because i've been into them for like? nine years and i promise you from the bottom of my heart that nothing i will tell you is exaggerated or made up, their relationship really is this twisted and intense and insane. a lot of this is gonna be under the cut for obvious reasons

faII out boy are officially formed in the summer of 2001 when p4trick stump overhears joe tr0hman talking about music in a boarders bookstore and feels the need to jump in and correct him because patrick is extremely pretentious and insane about music, having grown up around it due to his blues-performing dad. joe is personal friends with pete w3ntz, a legend in the chicago music scene that patrick has personally admired for ages. joe invites patrick to come try out for a band that pete wants to start on the side next to his other projects, something just for fun. patrick intends on just becoming a drummer- until he meets pete. then his life is changed forever.

to really put things in perspective, pete is 22 years old and patrick is barely sixteen when they meet. pete is an unstable college kid with unmedicated bipolar disorder and kind of a huge sex freak who's very mean to girls and patrick is a loser virginal high school kid. pete is short and covered in tattoos and his hair is buzzed and he has whiskey-colored eyes and bright big teeth and a smirky smug pouty mouth. patrick is shorter and pasty and a little chubby and he has choppy strawberry blond hair and a big pink mouth and big baby blue eyes. both pete and joe show up to patrick's house to hear him audition and patrick is wearing shorts, black knee-high socks, and an argyle sweater. we know this because pete has repeated this story of their first meeting many, many times.

patrick insists that he wants to play drums and has never thought about singing before, but pete bullies and pokes and prods until patrick finally gives in and sings for him and joe as long as pete promises to be the actual frontman and lets him sink into the background because he's unbelievably shy and insecure. pete is immediately taken with patrick and calls him "the kid with the voice" and a "golden boy" and he gives him a knit cap so he can hide his face in front of the microphone. patrick is wearing this same hat on the cover of their first official debut album, take this to your grave.

their tentative first album, evening out with your girlfriend, is a rushed slapjob full of embarrassingly delightful fruity pop punk hits that patrick today is ruthlessly ashamed of. this was recorded with two other former members, tj and chris, who eventually leave in pursuit of other projects that they believe will be more successful. they continue to be friends with the other boys for a while until pete tries to convince chris' girlfriend to use sex dice with him and this causes a rift and leads to chris cutting pete off and, by extension, the band. after these two leave, pete brings in a permanent drummer, andy hurley. andy is a pacifist and a vegan and has a voice like a kitten and is an all-around good guy and well-rounded adult who's around pete's age. they record take this to your grave. during the summer, pete takes his pet high schoolers and his fellow hardcore music scene buddy around on tour in joe's mom's shitty old van so the boys don't have to miss school. (or, more accurately, he has joe do it, because pete does not have a valid driver's license at the time.)

one of the singles on tttyg is called saturday. pete and patrick write a lot of lyrics together for this album and saturday is another joint effort. here are some lyrics:

and here is the description for the music video:

The video features all of the band, but particularly frontman Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz. Pete is killing the other band members and their friends, leaving a Queen of Hearts playing card with each of the bodies. Patrick is a detective tracking the "killer". During the bridge of the song, Patrick and Pete are seen in the same position, sitting on a bed with a wall of pictures of Pete's victims in the background, suggesting that Patrick and Pete may be the same person. In the end, Pete kills Patrick, but because Pete and Patrick turn out to be the same person, Pete dies as well.

they perform this song at the end of every show and they have since 2002. pete spent their entire tour in 2015 grabbing his dick during this song for some reason ?? idk but i have pictures:

during the tttyg era, pete and patrick become VERY fast and VERY intense best friends. patrick is extremely temperamental and impatient and has a short fuse and pete has routine breakdowns and is a general violent, obnoxious asshole who likes to torment patrick for fun, so a lot of their interactions tend to ignite like throwing a match on gasoline. he once famously strangled pete with a gas pump, has thrown punches at him in the studio, and cursed him out over small disagreements. for those curious, this feisty little sweaty golden firecracker of a boy looked like this:

just so you know what we're dealing with.

the rest of them looked like this ^ andy, pete, patrick, and joe respectively. patrick did that gay little wrist flick in photoshoots a lot for some reason

it's important to note that pete was a genuine creep around patrick and was VERY WEIRD WITH HIM. during this van days era, pete tried to carve a peephole into his bedroom door when they all shared a shitty apartment together in roscoe village and never left his side. he talks about him frequently on livejournal and their website and i will quote some of these incidents here: 04/16/05: patricks birthday is tommorrow. i am in love with him so give him presents. 06/09/05: when i want patrick to sing in my ear i call him on the phone and he does it 06/16/05: that kid is my best friend and the rest of the world could blow up and fall out boy can break up and he still will be 10/11/05: i dreamt him. q&a incidents from the official fob website:

pete fucking adores this kid with everything in him. patrick is routinely frustrated with pete and his inability to grow up, but he's still just as maddeningly in love and still maintains a sense of hero worship for him and considers him a tragic figure that needs to be protected. they become very codependent.

during van days, they record and release an acoustic album called my heart will always be the b side to my tongue. they also release a dvd called release the bats, which is a hideous nightmare clusterfuck involving a lot of pete doing really gross shit for attention such as vomiting on the floor, pissing in garbage cans, and hurting himself and his friends alongside showcasing some of their live shows and performances with other friends in fueled by ramen, a borderline incestuous record label where everyone knows each other and is constantly collabing and doing shows together. included on this dvd is a short film that pete and patrick make called bedussey. they film this while sharing a dirty disgusting mattress in an even smaller apartment than the last during their writing sessions. it's fucking awful, watch it

just before the release of their second studio album, pete overdoses on ativan in a best buy parking lot while hallelujah plays on the radio. the first person he calls is patrick, who doesn't pick up, and then he finally tries his mom and his doctor. he writes two songs about this, 7 minutes in heaven and hum hallelujah. he also talks about this incident in his book, grey, but that comes much later. not terribly long after this, his nudes get leaked and it's ambiguous for a while as to who posts them, but it's theorized that it was actually chris or a friend of his. i can't honestly remember how much of this was confirmed. pete's life is surrounded by tragedy and flashbulbs constantly popping in his eyes and it's a mix of him bringing it on himself and not finding the help he needs and having terrible, terrible luck in love and in himself.

during this time, he's in an incredibly twisted and unhealthy relationship with a seventeen year old named jeanae white. she cheats on him five million times and vise-versa and they're very mean to each other. she also plays a pivotal role in his book later on. they break up for good in 2006. there's also a vague theory that he had a brief fling with mikey way in 2004 which is referred to as "the summer of like" by those invested. it may very well be true but i couldn't give a fuck about that if i tried; i'm a peterick loyalist. he marries ashlee simpson in 2008 (most likely due to her unplanned pregnancy, even though he was pretty in love with her at the time) and has a baby boy named bronx with her. during this era, patrick is in a committed relationship with a girl named anna who eventually cheats on him and it tears him apart.

jumping back a bit, from under the cork tree is their third official studio album (if you count b side, which i do) and it contains a lot of very interesting music.

the original lyric was meant to be "just friends" and for some reason, patrick changed it to "best friends" in the final cut. the name of this song is 'i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth (summer song)'. pete LOVES to use the idea of summer in his music, which is so interesting, because fall out boy's first tour was in the summer, he and patrick have spent the fourth of july in a beach house together (REMEMBER THIS), and their biggest projects have been produced over summers. it's also worth mentioning that pete has kissed patrick on the neck more than once during shows. even more worth mentioning that pete is REALLY fucking clingy with patrick on stage.

^ they sing this at each other. i don't really know what else to say

their next album, infinity on high, is slightly more artsy and, in my opinion, a fucking masterpiece. one of the most valuable tracks on this album is g.i.n.a.s.f.s. (gay is not a synonym for shitty) and i will explain why

"trade baby blues for wide eyed browns" alongside literally walking in someone else's shoes and physically trying to become them or embodying them is just following a theme that pete and patrick have been portraying for years, about how the two of them are inherently the same person, two sides of the same coin. pete says they experience cryptophasia, an implicit, intimate language that can only be used by twins. their next album is even titled folie a deux, "the madness of two". pete later writes about a character named martin (patrick's irl middle name) in grey, who he talks about saving the main character's (pete's) life on the roof of a hotel. "some nights it gets so bad i almost pick up the phone" = pete has said multiple times that patrick has sang to him on the phone to calm him down or help him fall asleep because patrick's voice really is that healing for pete. also possibly another reference to pete's suicide attempt and how his call to patrick failed ?

lastly, here's a quote from pete's livejournal in 05 when he was babbling about patrick:

"i know i am sal and i feel damn lucky to have the wind blowing in the thru the windows as he keeps us at 80mph. make no mistake, there is a difference between a parlor trick and true blue magic. i will remember this til the day i die."

fuck you

2007-2008 is full of massive, massive drama. alongside pete's ongoing war with the media and his almost immediate marital issues with ashlee, he's ALWAYS fighting with patrick inside and outside the studio, both physically and verbally. the band is constantly getting called sellouts and posers and were heckled very badly during the tours they did to promote folie a deux. it's kind of the beginning of the end.

for folie, pete writes a song called what a catch donnie. this is a ballad that pete writes from patrick's perspective that he is very, very nervous to show to him and almost doesn't. showing him something so heartfelt and vulnerable is dangerous given the current nature of their relationship. this is that song.

the music video stars patrick as a sea captain who's lost and lonely and trying to get home and he's eventually rescued by many of his irl close friends through fueled by ramen. but pete never appears.

after the round of tours for fad ends, they release a greatest hits album called believers never die and the coffin lid starts to slide closed. the band is well and truly dissolving; the reception for fad was very poor and miserable and pete and patrick truly cannot work together anymore and both joe and andy are tired of trying to put up with them. pete tells the boys he's going to leave and the breakup is mutual, to say the least. pete has his head shaven on stage as a ritual of mourning during 'saturday'. pete says in interviews that he thinks his name and his marriage and all the drama that saturates his life became a hindrance to the band.

fob is on hiatus from 2009 to 2013. during this time, pete forms the band black cards and seeks out a female vocalist specifically because he doesn't want to "replace patrick". he writes grey, opens nightclubs, divorces ashlee, abuses prescription drugs, and wants to die. patrick loses a bunch of weight and produces a solo pop album called soul punk. it has a very poor reception and he's bullied and tormented by fans who go to his shows just to tell him he sucks and he wants to die just as badly as pete does. he also gets married, but whatever

he bleaches his hair and dresses like this the whole tour because he's a massive faggot:

i have this whole theory about how his song run dry is about gay sex. a lot of the album is about infidelity too. he claims that this is because it's a "concept album" but it .. really kind of isn't. patrick is not very good at lyrics. (SOMETIMES. we'll come back to this too.)

pete and patrick do not talk to each other for a bulk of the hiatus. pete says that the hiatus felt like a breakup and hurt just as badly. closer to the end of this painful spell, pete calls patrick to say "i helped buy your house and now you don't even know my kid, that's messed up" and they have to learn how to be friends again. there are vague statements from the band about how they had a series of work meetings before seriously discussing the idea of reuniting. patrick also sends pete a postcard, telling him he has music he wants to show him if he's willing to see it.

in 2013, out of fucking nowhere, like a couple weeks after pete assures the media that fall out boy will never reform, they drop an album called save rock and roll and the band is back for good. as they release this album, they also release a massive and incredible series of eleven music videos for the entire album called the young blood chronicles. essentially, fall out boy plays a group called the members of the faith and they have to essentially defend music from courtney love, who plays a nazi-esque dictator leading a group of leather-clad women who want to establish a dystopia where music doesn't exist. music = faith. the women steal patrick away and put a demon in him and chop his hand off and he turns evil and starts to murder the rest of the band, including pete.

the most important track on this album is miss missing you.

pete wrote a good chunk of the lyrics for this album, as he is wont to do (this changes later on but it's still mostly pete for now), but this song is all patrick. this was a song he wrote for soul punk, but he never recorded it because, in his words, "it sounded too much like a fall out boy song". this particular installment in the ybc involves solely pete and patrick, separated from the rest of the band after joe and andy have left. this entire music video is about patrick trying to kill pete and struggling to do so, at war with his own humanity that keeps slipping through the cracks. pete has said that this is his favorite music video that the band has ever made.

relevant quotes:

"pete's my best friend. i was the best man at his wedding, i love that man to death. i'd take a bullet for him."

"[patrick is] probably my best friend in the whole world. this is one of the only people in the world that i would take a bullet for."

also! summer! summer summer summer! summer never dies!!!

2013-2014 are essentially a honeymoon phase. fob do tons of interviews, immediately make plans for a brand new album to follow srar up with, and they record an insane ep on a whim called pax am days. they do it while ridiculously drunk. it's REALLY good and SOOOO underrated and some of the most interesting music they've ever made. pete and patrick record a commentary track for the ybc. they're best friends again- admittedly less physically clingy, but they're older and more grown up and pete is more secure in his relationship with patrick. they're easygoing and comfortable and they love being around each other again and they're irrevocably in love.

late 2014-early 2015 birth their next album, american beauty/american psycho. i have a lot of emotional attachment to it because i was old enough to witness this release in real time and this was the height of my obsession. there are a LOT of fascinating things to pick apart in this album, but here are my favorites (tumblr won't let me add more than 30 images per post for some reason ?? i didn't know there was a limit but alright. Sure):

And in the end I'd do it all again I think you're my best friend Don't you know that the kids aren't al-, kids aren't alright? I'll be yours When it rains it pours Stay thirsty like before Don't you know that the kids aren't al-, kids aren't alright?

very obvious. the kids aren't alright was more or less confirmed to be about patrick and pete tended to get very lovey-dovey on stage whenever they performed it.

Do you, do-do you remember When we drove, we drove, drove through the night And we danced, we danced to Rancid And we danced, we danced And I confessed, confessed To you riding shot-gun Underneath the purple skies And we danced, we danced With windows down And we danced, we danced (Spin for you like your favorite records used to) (Spin for you like your favorite records) You were the song stuck in my head Every song that I've ever loved Play it again and again and again And you can get what you want but it's never enough And I spin for you like your favorite records used to And I spin for you like your favorite records used to

And I can’t, I can’t I can’t remember just how to forget Forget the way that we danced We danced to Danzig And we danced, we danced And when you ask, you ask me how I’m doing Like you know, you know how much better off I am And when we danced, we danced With windows down And we danced, we danced (Spin for you like your favorite records used to) (Spin for you like your favorite records)

favorite record is a big one because of pete's "patrick is an ipod full of my favorite songs" and "you ask me how i'm doing, like you know how much better off i am", a possible reference to the hiatus and their inability to communicate. i'd also like to firmly call back to pete's quote about driving with patrick and remembering that day until he dies.

and, lastly, fuck me:

I'll be as honest as you'll let me I miss your early morning company If you get me You are my favorite what if You are my best I'll never know And I'm starting to forget Just what summer ever meant to you What did it ever mean to you?

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't mean any of it I just got too lonely, lonely, whoa In between being young and being right You were my Versailles at night

It was the fourth of July You and I were, you and I were fire, fire, fireworks That went off too soon And I miss you in the June gloom too It was the fourth of July You and I were, you and I were fire, fire, fireworks I said I'd never miss you, but I guess you never know May the bridges I have burned Light my way back home on the fourth of July

My 9 to 5 is cutting open old scars Again and again 'til I'm stuck in your head Had my doubts but I let them out You are the drought And I'm the holy water you have been without And all my thoughts of you They could heat or cool the room, and no Don't tell me you cried Oh, honey, you don't have to lie

-

I wish I'd known how much you loved me I wish I cared enough to know I'm sorry every song's about you The torture of small talk with someone you used to love

fuck!!!! fuck!!!!!!! summer again!!!! we're back to summer and back to the fourth of july i told you that would be important later. finding your way back home on the bridges you burned. memories of squandered youth trapped in these moments from years back and viewing someone as this grand monument worthy of worship and posterity. "my nine to five is cutting open old scars", pete's job, what he's been filling his life with for years, the music that he makes for a living. "i'm sorry every song's about you" = doesn't have to be literal. i believe it's more so about the idea that so many songs are about patrick and it's more tongue-in-cheek, despite how melancholy it is. i believe this song is a grand release for pete and a way for him to reconcile his feelings after years of confusion and longing and torment. but that's all just a theory

it's also worth mentioning twin skeleton's, which a lot of peterick truthers theorize is about pete and patrick having flings in hotels during tours throughout 06-09. it's not really definitive and it's very conspiratorial, but i do enjoy thinking about it

there's a three year gap between albums this time and then we get mania, which is by all accounts awful. people can defend this album all they want, but i think it's fucking terrible and patrick admits that it was rushed and he doesn't like it and he's right and he should be ashamed. i hate this album. it sounds terrible and there are very few good songs on it. they did a ton of promotion for this record and did a pop-up event where they had rooms you could go through based on each track of the album. they really, genuinely tried, but it was a miss. i was so frustrated with this album that i really don't have much to say about it peterick-wise, but this tour was the first time that i was actually able to see them live, so i can't really stay mad at them. they played thriller and opened with disloyal order <333 (which, by the way, is also about patrick, confirmed by pete himself! he said that "half-doomed and semi-sweet" is a literal description of himself and patrick.)

i do like young and menace, hold me tight or don't, and wilson, but none of them feel like fob. moving on.

they release the lake effect kid ep in 2018 and believers never die volume two. lake effect kid is a BEAUTIFUL fucking track and it made me actually ache for what mania could've been if they'd just returned to their roots. that'll come soon though.

Boomerang my head Back to the city I grew up in Again and again Forever a Lake Effect kid

Oh, I got the skyline in my veins Forget your nighttime Summer love on a gurney with a squeaky wheel And joke us, choke us 'Til Lakeshore Drive comes back into focus I just wanna come back to life Spark my crazy head to keep you warm at night

summer love :))) it never ends :))))))

2023 saw the release of so much (for) stardust. this is one of the strongest albums they've had since the hiatus and i really, really love a lot of it. as New as it feels, it's still very fall out boy at its core and it's full of heart and it's passionate and it's pure.

We were a hammer to the statue of David We were a painting you could never frame and You were the sunshine of my lifetime What would you trade the pain for?

^ love from the other side. pete has likened patrick to sunshine, sunsets, sunlight, and the color gold many, many times while talking about him. there are a lot of songs where he uses the sun as a metaphor for longing, something he can never reach because he's eternally eclipsed in shadow.

My moodboard is just pictures of you, but I'm not sad anymore So make no plans and none can be broken, no plans and none can be broken But I didn't take the love when I had the chance, but I swear I'm not sad anymore So make no plans and none can be broken, no plans and none can be broken

Do you laugh about me whenever I leave? Or do I still need more therapy?

Love is in the air, I just gotta figure out a window to break out Buried alive inside my dreams, but it was all a fake-out And I don't care, I just gotta figure out a window to break out Buried alive inside my dreams, but it was all a fake-out, fake-out

Oh-oh, we all started out as shiny dimes But we all got flipped too many times We did it for futures that never came And for pasts that we're never gonna change

fake out makes me want to die in the most intense way, mainly because there's something so utterly familiar about it. it's SO fob and it's one of the best tracks they've put out since the hiatus. it's also .. so ..... it's very similar to fourth of july for me. this is recovery from the pain and finally coming to acceptance while acknowledging the past, love that was never reciprocated. it's not something that ever really goes away. it'll linger, especially when you still see so much of that golden boy that you first fell in love with the second he opened his mouth and began to sing to you.

i will state emphatically that through all my speculation, none of this is meant to be taken at face value aside from the direct quotes and irl incidents. most music comes from anywhere and everywhere within an artist. artists draw from their real life and nothing has to be literal, but pete writes about a lot of real people. grey is about as subtle as a sledgehammer when it comes to his representation of people he knows irl. sometimes he's writing about exes and sometimes he's writing a story. sometimes he's writing about patrick. we never really know for sure. but it's fun to think about!

i'm really passionate about them and i adore their relationship inside and out. a lot of it is really fucked up and weird and twisted and crazy and a lot of it is genuinely so beautiful and tragic. even if they're not fucking and never have and have never thought about it, they're undoubtedly soulmates in any way you feel like interpreting that. they love each other massively and endlessly and it's a fire that has refused to really die for over twenty years. i love them a lot and i hope you enjoyed this essay!!!

[hkthatgffan]

Kiki-Kit Situation Update

Bit of an update to this post from the other week.

Details are all in that post but as a refresher, Kiki-Kit, one of the Gravity Falls fandom's better known/longtime artists, had been taking commissions from multiple people and despite everyone paying her in full, she had yet to fulfill their comms with some waiting up to 5 years with no update. And what made it especially troubling was that she had not communicated with anyone and even blocked one person who had tried to talk about it.

I also had gotten a commission from her in February and have been waiting on it since without her responding at all to me after saying my payment went through. Well, since then we have at least one little update about this...

@foxieskullz tweeted that she has since gotten a refund from Kiki-Kit. She also sent me proof of the refund and Kiki saying she'd pay her back.

This is of course great as Foxie had been of course, waiting since 2019 for her comm that Kiki had practically ghosted her over. It is like she said, disappointing it had to end up happening this way but at least now she has gotten her money back and hopefully in some way, through word finally spreading about all this, able to put it behind and move on from this mess, albeit with perceptions of Kiki greatly changed for the worse.

Of course, this does not mean everything is all good. Kiki has not yet gotten back to me or anyone else about our commissions. I've not heard a single thing publicly or privately from Kiki about this. Neither has anyone else I mentioned in the original post and of course, people like Jolliejackdaw, who Kiki blocked, are still waiting for a response...

Not only that, but the original post I made also has led to more people coming out and mentioning their own situations with Kiki and her not fulfilling their commissions.

So, while it is good to see Kiki-Kit actually working to respond to and refund someone, it's still just the tip of the iceberg. There are many, MANY more people who are waiting for an update.

And like I said in the original post, this isn't a hit job on an artist because she's not finished a commission. This is about lack of communication or transparency from her about why she has not responded to our messages and won't listen when we've had enough and just want a refund. Kiki-Kit could have easily handled this all privately by just being better at communicating with her clients. We're all understanding and patient and would more than have been okay with waiting however long for our comms if she had let us know that properly beforehand (and yes, she did that in June but also said she'd have comms finished soon and didn't deliver then either and also never followed up with an update or even responded to anyone who DM'd her including me). Even a simple, hello would have been okay instead of all this ghosting.

I do hope she does right these wrongs. I honestly do not believe Kiki is a bad person or trying to scam people. It would be truly vile and heartbreaking if that really was the case. But you can't say she hasn't left that perception of herself on so many of us, myself included. I do believe she can still resolve all of this if she just communicates better. Make a post saying you're gonna give people who commissioned you a chance to message you (and you actually responding to them this time) and let you know if they wanna continue with it or get a refund and then commit to either giving those people a refund or fulfilling what you were paid for!

I wanna thank also everyone who shared and spread the word on the original post. Even on my end, making a post like that was difficult to do to say the least. Calling out people, especially someone as major and long time in the fandom who I respected like Kiki is not something I wanna do, ever wanted to or thought I would do. But hearing all the stories from so many people who like me, have been waiting for an update from her and haven't gotten any, really made me realize enough was enough and someone had to make this issue known to a greater set of eyes. I don't like using my platform for stuff like this but this was something that had reached a point where it was no longer showing results through the proper channels of communication Kiki had set up. If you're not gonna respond to DM's, emails and tweets from people who have paid you and you have yet to fulfill their work or even give them an update when they want you to and given you ample time to do so, then you leave us with no choice other than to go this way.

I hope you do see this, @kiki-kit. Please get in touch with us who you have taken on a commission from and please just talk to us. Please give us a chance to either get a refund or give us a solid timeline on when our commissions will be done. No one will hate you if you need to take time to finish it. But just please, stop ghosting us and actually reply to your customers when they email or DM you for an update or at most, give a reason why it may take longer. That's all.

Sincerely again,

Every person who has paid you for a commission and still has yet to hear back from you and every Gravity Falls fan who your work inspired and hopes that you make things right

[strongestbanner]

Does anyone want a matecito?? 🧉✨

Yes, I know this is a bit strange, but this is just the tip of the iceberg of the AU I have planned. Also, today is my country's Independence Day, and I wanted to take advantage of this opportunity 😂🤭

Yep, Logan has a trans flag pin <3, and the other one is from an argentine rock band called "Los Redondos".

Anddd, I hope you recognize that Vic's outfit 👀

THIS is my roman empire

We actually got a Sabrevine moment in Argentina lmaooo. So, my idea isn't so crazy.

Tagging @wachiturrx and @mr---cringe cuz they support this concept 😭💕

[lunanoc]

YOU KNOW WHAT i am now actually sad about the zang hai hua drama because 3 episodes in it's actually been pretty good!

the pacing can be a tiny bit janky at times and they really don't do any hand-holding for anyone that hasn't read the books (if you don't know what's going in book 8 for the first episode then they assume you're just not gonna know oh well), but the first episode was done quite nicely, most of the meaningful scenes were done well, and even the way it's filmed is overall really nice. there's also been nothing happening so far that isn't in the book with some non-offensive tweaking/ordering aside so i'm actually happy to keep watching!

but. i have no idea if this is an unpopular opinion but the actor playing wu xie... baby i'm so sorry they did this to you... he really is the one obvious stain on this for me which is terrible because so much of zang hai hua is a very specific type of melancholy coming from wu xie who's also starting to clue in on the fact that he's only seen the tip of the iceberg of his problems, and from what i've seen so far this actor isn't really showing the range needed to do all that. it's devastating because otherwise this is so much better than i was expecting i really hope he gets better as the story picks up hopes and prayers

[nofomogirl]

Before the Beginning (part 2.2.)

Part 1.1. | Part 1.2. | Part 1.3. | Part 1.4. | Part 1.5. |

Part 2.1. | Part 2.3. | Part 2.4. |

Continuing from the previous post (I really recommend checking it out before this one).

Let's consider each of my theories.

Aziraphale got it wrong

This theory's biggest appeal is that it paints an interesting picture of knowledge in Heaven. Or rather lack of it.

Before the Beginning Aziraphale is genuinely interested in the plan and generally comes across as well-informed. If he was wrong about what was it that was intended to last 6000 years, that begs the question: what kind of information was he working with? How vague and incomplete it must have been to misdirect him like this?

What if this was not an isolated slip or a personal flaw but this is what Heaven is like, in general? What if nothing is truly certain and just an interpretation, and therefore potentially wrong?

Good Omens do toy a lot with ideas like Heaven not being huge on knowledge so it would be fitting.

Heaven changed its mind

I imagine this theory would be particularly compelling if your headcanon is that Aziraphale genuinely believed he could course-correct Heaven's policies and make it better.

I mean, if Heaven originally intended to obliterate the entire universe but at some point scrapped that plan and decided to destroy just a single planet then there's no reason why it couldn't change other plans too.

Also, what I've written for the first theory about information in Heaven being unreliable still mostly holds because if plans can change then who's to say which ones are set in stone and which ones are negotiable.

Crowley doesn't remember

This theory's strongest point is that it's the simplest explanation. It's very likely within the current canon and it doesn't spawn as many additional questions as the others.

If Aziraphale got it wrong or Heaven changed its mind, when did Crowley find out? Before or after the Fall? If this was his first doubt why didn't it change anything that it wasn't the case in the end? Did Aziraphale find out it is going to be just Earth after all?

That's just the tip of the iceberg, really.

But memory loss makes it all simpler and doesn't contradict anything we already know.

Crowley is in denial

Now this theory, this one is my favourite.

That's because it offers an explanation for why Crowley constantly brushes off inconvenient facts other than "he's just an optimist" or "it's for Aziraphale's sake" or my least favourite "he knows it doesn't really matter".

Crowley is a trauma survivor who's permanently trapped in an oppressive and abusive system. That does things to a person. It leads to trauma responses and coping mechanisms that are often unhealthy and irrational.

(Funnily enough, while Aziraphale's abuse is so frequently invalidated, there are still a lot of amazing metas out there analyzing how his trauma messed with his head, as traumas tend to do. But I haven't seen similar takes on Crowley. Yes, his abuse is never questioned but it's constantly romanticized, which, if you think about it, isn't any better.)

In my opinion, Crowley's coping mechanism is that when there's something terrible that he cannot change, he does his best to ignore it and live his life as if it weren't true, sometimes to the point of pushing it entirely out of his consciousness.

My headcanon

As I've already written, I strongly favour the last theory. But that's not what I mean by "my headcanon".

My headcanon is that whatever is the reason and however it happened, Aziraphale and Crowley believe two different things. Crowley believes the 6000 years deadline applies to Earth alone. Aziraphale still believes it applies to the entire material universe. And they're both unaware that the other understands the End of the World differently.

I'm sure you can guess where I'm going with this.

I hope to find some time and unsurprise you with it in the next post.

[sethcertified]

「 SLASHERS REACTIONS TO THEIR FANDOMS ! 」 . . . 📂

slashers : various

wrd count : 1.2k

⊹˚.⋆ synopsis . . . how slashers would react to their fandoms

⊹˚.⋆ starring . . . patrick bateman, bo sinclair, vincent sinclair, billy loomis, stu macher, brahms heelshire, & billy lenz

⤷ patrick bateman

okay this is going to be fun

his (already huge) ego gets boosted sm by the like "sigma" edits and shit of him

not to be cliche but the “I bet paul allen doesn't ___” sort of comments make him feel so high and mighty

and seeing how many people find him hot? god he would become even more insufferable

BUT HERES THE FUN PART

he delves more into the patrick bateman edits and stuff and that's when he finds the satirical shipping, cutesy edits, etc

he sees himself and the word "babygirl" put together and has a full blown meltdown

god it’d be so funny cause it's literally 50/50 in the fandom so he couldn't separate one from another if he even tried

AND THE SHIPS

oh, he would just be gagging at the louis x himself ships

idk I feel like he would go "take this down now 🤬”

he's so edgy 12 year old boy yk

AND THE EDITS

patrick practically passing out when he seems himself edits with anime blush and cat ears

his masculinity was already bruised by the ships and now this?

he 100% posts some of the edits about him on his socials

he also sends the links to these vids to people he dislikes to prove his "fame"

the fame goes to his head but he gets humbled when he sees everyone calling him "my pathetic malewife bbg 💕”

⤷ vincent sinclair

I just love vincent sm and so does his fandom

I have not once met someone who hates vincent

he is so insecure and humble and just deserves to see everyone complimenting him and his wax figures

he loves his fandom to say the least

and they absolutely adore him

definitely gets confused by some of the compliments he gets

example a: "If he doesn't want me to slut him out, why waist so slutty?"

^^ yes I did find that on here

is in disbelief ppl can find him attractive let alone say things sexual about him

he has rlly rlly low self esteem okay

if he ever tried to interact with his fandom online I have two different directions in my head

IS AWFUL ON THE PHONE

typos and everything

but it's so sweet

"THank yu 🙂"

he has big fingers and struggles to type ^^ or if he gets adjusted it's perfect grammar "I appreciate you for this. Thank you so much."

hes just a big ol boy getting the praise he deserves

⤷ bo sinclair

this one is a bit tricky

he isn't too phased by the compliments unlike his brother

he knows he hot

so "daddy" "so hot" compliments r not new to him

BUT I think stuff like | want to see him whimper" will make him feel VERY FLUSTERED

like awkward coughing and hiding his face flustered

but he doesn't get a bigger boost in his ego

I feel like it doesn't go to his head cause he is already pretty confident in his looks yk

but seeing people appreciate him for his personality?

like talking about how charming and husband material he is

it definitely gives him more hope that he's worth more than his looks & that he means something

this one is short but he wouldn't interact with the fandom

or he’ll barely scrap the surface so he doesn’t see the weird stuff…

like he seems so Facebook dad to me

basically he is tolerates his fandoms cs he’s only seen the tip of the iceberg

⤷ billy loomis

ANOTHER TRICKY ONE

billy is so tricky for me tho

honestly it goes to his head

seeing ppl in awe about him ^^

he's a slasher fan too so he is more active in other fandoms if that makes sense

but he does like to delve into theories and discussions about ghostface and the scream franchise with members of his fandom

rlly enjoys knowing he is considered one of the "well known" slashers

honestly he feels threatened by danny johnson from DBD because when u search ghostface a lot of content surrounding him pops up a long with stu and billy

billy wants everyone to know he’s the ghostface

he loves the fame basically

I do get the feeling he hates the image ghostface has tho

like the "thirst traps"

he's just the type of guy who calls people "posers" and "fake fans"

so that rily irritates him

if you know a lot about slashers/ghost face he's chill

he likes his fandom but there's definitely outliers with the people who know ghostface but not who's behind the mask

he wants the notoriety

⤷ stu macher

LOVES HIS FANDOM

he loves being worshipped by his fandom

all compliments, all fanart, all of it he loves

teases Billy sometimes about the posts

sends scream memes to his friends

feels guilty tho when he sees posts about his and Tatum's relationship

like that's the only downside for him

he responds to fans, tells "insider" stuff, etc

Stu is very active in his fandom

he thrives off of it essentially

definitely set up a cameo or something at one point and says his iconic lines from the movie

+ try's to get fan service out of Billy

hes like an obnoxious youtuber

REPOSTS EVERYTHING

edits? yes

fanart? yes

fanfic..?

yes.

he's not rlly sad either that billy gets more attention than him cs if you love stu you LOVE stu

calls his fandom "machiacs"

cause macher + maniac

but he does think he's more famous than he actually is

like if someone doesn't recognize him he'll go "I'm THE stu macher"

fanservice king!!!

⤷ billy lenz

no shame at all

he will repost smut/hentai of him

loves his fandom cause they're as equally as horny as he is

but I think he does see that he is desirable in more ways when he finds like fluff imagines

loves his fanart the most

he would try and redraw the fanarts but they turn out horribly

he 100% try's to interact with his fandom

key word is try

he doesn't type but does the voice to text thing

so all his replies and post end up

JEJSNSBSHSISJJSNS *insert heavy breathing* HSHDNDJSJSK

his poor phone can't keep up :(

he doesn't understand the fandom but he loves them

"billy boy my beloved ❤️”

^^ those are his favorite types of fandom interactions

⤷ brahms heelshire

refuses to have internet

straight up refuses

but I feel like he's the only one who would dislike his fandom

and i mean actively dislike

if he saw how many people call him "stinky wall boy"

let's just say he would have a fit

only thing he would like is people saying he's better than other male characters

but literally that's it

hates everyone and everything about his fandom

he thinks of them as lowly or without class

its just best if he never finds out about his fandom

✎ notes . . . yes, this is a repost. tumblr deleted my old acc >:( ◯　　🖖🏻　　⭒　　⧆

©️ sethcertified 2023

[bbygirl-aemond]

Vermithor is Vhagar's Son

Hi all! Given the most recent chapter of Stormbreak, I think it's finally time to get on my soapbox and give you all one of my favorite HotD theories. There's actually a surprising amount of evidence to support this theory! These two dragons are noted to share very rare physical traits, and are also set up narratively to be related in a few different places of Fire and Blood. So let's get into it :)

First, let's look at the appearances of the two dragons, as they've been described by GRRM. Vermithor is described as being "bronze" with "great tan wings." Vhagar isn't described in the books, but GRRM told official illustrators that she is "bronze with greenish blue highlights and bright green eyes." It is also explicitly noted that Vermithor is an abnormally large dragon, already humongous by 48 AC even though he would have only been fourteen years old at the time. In this aspect, even a young Vermithor is explicitly compared to Vhagar and Balerion. We know that dragons vary widely in traits such as color and size, and it's not unreasonable to think this would be reflected from parent to offspring. So I think it's significant that Vermithor and Vhagar are the only two dragons described as bronze, and that they are two of only five members of this large species ever described (the others being Balerion, Meraxes, and possibly the Cannibal).

But the physical appearance is just the tip of the iceberg. Let's remember that Vermithor hatched from the egg placed in King Jaehaerys I's cradle by his eleven-year-old sister, Rhaena. This is the same badass Rhaena who fed her husband to her dragon, Dreamfyre, and who is also a suspected dragon dreamer (she is explicitly referred to as "dreamy"). What's the significance of this?

Well, the current king at the time Jaehaerys is born, King Aenys I, is a very sickly king, and there have been pushes by the Dowager Queen Visenya (yes, that Visenya) to make Aenys's younger brother, Maegor (yes, that Maegor) king in his stead. Aenys's heir, Aegon, is Jaehaerys and Rhaena's older brother, and upon Aenys's death by law Jaehaerys will be second-in-line for the throne (he has one older brother, Viserys, who is later tortured to death by Maegor at the age of fifteen) Rhaena is old enough here that she very well might have understood that Jaehaerys might have to go up against Maegor--against Balerion--one day, if not as king himself, at least as Aegon's supporter.

Also, as a dragon dreamer, it's likely Rhaena was aware of part or all of what was to come. That Maegor would usurp the throne after King Aenys I died suspiciously. That Rhaena's brother-husband, Aegon, would die on dragonback against him, no match for the huge Balerion. That her other older brother, Viserys, would die in agony, tortured by Maegor for over nine days until he succumbed to his wounds. That Jaehaerys would become the last hope of his family, one that Rhaena would cling to as Maegor forcibly wedded and assaulted her. That Jaehaerys would have to fight for every inch of his rightful power.

What would you do, if you knew, or even suspected, that your baby brother would one day be going up against Balerion the Black Dread? Against the man who might have killed your father, who burned your brother-husband alive, and who tortured and murdered another of your brothers? Wouldn't you arm your baby brother as best as you could? Wouldn't you choose an egg that you knew would grow as quickly as possible? Remember that dragons come in all different shapes and sizes, but are known to take after their parents.

Wouldn't you, too, choose an egg from a dragon like Vhagar's clutch? One that was sure to grow as quickly as possible, and as big as possible? One that would serve as a sign of legitimacy and as protection against the fate that would one day befall your own father?

Again, Rhaena is a badass, and she wouldn't have hesitated to take one of Vhagar's eggs in order to protect her baby brother and the entire rest of her family. It makes a ton of narrative sense, especially because GRRM coded her as a dreamer for a reason. Also, I lean more towards Vhagar being Vermithor's parent instead of Balerion, if only because in that case Vermithor should have surpassed Vhagar in size by the time of the Dance, which he had not.

Finally, it's interesting if you think of Vhagar and Vermithor as parent and child during the Dance. I don't think it's a coincidence that one of the two dragons GRRM chose to defect to the Greens and fight alongside Vhagar was the one coded in various ways to be her son.

[lunar-years]

Do you think they originally had a different plan for Ms Bowen? Tbh I thought it was a wild move to break up RK since almost everyone was rooting for them and their romance is just how shows like that go, but I do wonder if Ms Bowen was supposed to be something more for Roy. Then the chemistry with Jamie exploded all over the place and they switched tracks

hmm I mean maybe in very early drafts they had larger plans for Ms. Bowen, but I can't imagine it was still on the table when they were plotting s3, because if so they would have just written that instead of writing an entire season of roy and jamie best friendism and maybe more, lol.

I understand why people were/are upset about roykeeley breakup but I personally was expecting it when I went in to s3 based on where we left them in the s2 finale. And I gotta say that after rewatching s2 it feels more inevitable to me than ever that this was where it was always headed between them. Which is not to say that I think their problems are insurmountable or that there isn't a path open for them to get back together! I definitely do! But yeah, s2 is just episode after episode continually showcasing what isn't working between them. They're already foreshadowing the downfall practically from the moment they get together. (and i do think it's interesting that the Christmas episode, which is arguably roykeeley's best s2 episode in terms of them geling within their established relationship, was added later. If we hadn't gotten that, wow we wouldn't have much at all of them genuinely being on the same page, would we?) Biggest shock for me was that the breakup was offscreen and that the follow up to that arc was so shoddy and disappointing.

As for Ms. Bowen... I think in the s2 scene, Roy is drawn to her not only because they have a nice back-and-forth banter going, but also (and crucially) because of the momentary allure of her lifestyle, which is so very different from his own. On the one hand Roy is stressing about Keeley's photoshoot, where the VF people have already told him he's basically going to be a prop to make her look good. So he's feeling insecure and like Keeley is on her way up while he's on his way out, petering into irrelevancy in the public eye. On the other hand is Ms Bowen. And in that moment, he almost feels like he's on more equal footing with Ms. Bowen, who's just a regular woman with a regular profession outside of the spotlight doing well for herself, than he is with Keeley. So Ms. Bowen provides him a temporary relief from the problems of his own life in a way that appeals to him (for three hours, apparently).

But like, the reality is that all we see them talking about is Ms Bowen being good at her job, what her jobs entails, Phoebe, the other children, etc. He doesn't learn her first name! It's pretty harmless flirting, not a very deep connection or a particularly meaningful conversation, and I don't think we were ever meant to see it as such (just my opinion, there's a bunch of shippers out there I know!). She's an easy escape, and then Roy's phone buzzes with the reminder to go to the photoshoot, and Roy steps back into his own life, which he was always going to return to.

I'm honestly less clear what the point of her reappearance in s3 was for because I'm not sure it really works as Roy's big epiphany moment for me... her telling him he was stuck is literally nothing Rebecca didn't already tell him! and "I hope that mess didn't cause too much damage" is such an odd Realization™️ line to prompt Roy to action because 1) he already knew it caused damage. He was there and saw Keeley's face when he told her he'd talked to Ms Bowen for 3 hours and 2) I dislike how that frames it as Roy flirting with Ms Bowen being THE driving force in the r/k breakup, when the reality is it was the very tip of the iceberg in a relationship that was falling apart no matter what. I think you could argue it was the point of no return, so maybe that's what they were going for? But they don't make that very clear because they don't write a very specific apology for Roy, do they! ugh. idk. If anyone has better insight they want to offer me please do!

[godbirdart]

AHH I hope you don't mind the DM, but do you have any general tips for inspiration and composition? Your works so perfectly capture a lot of the aesthetics my mind is so hfdgshgfdusdfug ooga booga about, dreamlike regality, cold/muted colors are so good --- but I struggle really hard with making works I can enjoy and would love some advice from you!

sorry it took me a couple days to get back to this ask aAA

** let me start this off with all art is subjective. what works for some, won't for others - and that's okay! aesthetic is VERY much so up to the eye of the beholder. yes there are Popular choices when it comes to art, but it's not a guarantee that Everyone is going to follow the same art rules when consuming media **

now then. i'm kind of a stickler for the traditional Rule of Thirds with a bunch of my artwork. I keep things loosely aligned between the grid lines.

for example with the ice guardian here, there's more or less an even balance of light and dark on either side of the image. the dark on one side is mirrored by light on the other. i don’t follow the rule of thirds firmly, so there’s going to be some vague offset from the grid itself which is fine.

the key point i want to mention here is that the majority of the body is contained to the middle box. this is because if the guardian was perfectly centred, then the whole art would look unbalanced.

here's our guardian perfectly centred [with some loose editing to make up for nonexistent space on the right there]

you may notice that the art feels pushed to one side, even though the body of the canine is placed evenly in the canvas’ middle. their head seems too far left and they end up feeling like they're not centred at all. this CAN work for some art yes! but to balance this particular piece, the bulk of the canine's body Had to be in the middle.

I like to apply the most weight of an image to any of the grid’s intersections, the middle square, or centred along the sides of the canvas. if i do put weight in one of the corners, it’s often balanced by mirrored weight in the opposite; like with this piece:

keep in mind that there are numerous composition types. the grid isn't the allmighty end-all composition trick - and these aren't strict rules either; unless you're taking an art class for a grade. YES they can absolutely help give your art that extra edge, but not all art HAS to follow these tricks in order to be good. here are more composition types beyond the grid [below graphic is from here]

now, when it comes to inspiration, i also struggle with this sometimes. if there's a vague fleeting idea that i want to draw, i go to where i'll gain the most inspiration for that piece.

for the above art, i know i wanted to do something Large and Cold - so I went to a favourite choice that fits that description: photos of greenland. these photos are from http://www.unsplash.com.

these had the kind of colours i wanted to work with, and i was VERY fond of the colours in the second and third, so i utilized these as a colour palette and scenery inspo [free iceberg art study! fantastic!]

now, there was no particular "what if there was a little freak in there" moment for me. i chose a photo, dabbed my colour picker tool in there, and just went to town doodling. eventually the art wound up being a companion piece to Return To Shore, a drawing i did back in July, but hey that's okay. i guess my brain really wanted to draw another old Big Dog.

i cannot say i put a lot of planning into my art beyond a few adjectives. i feel it’s better to be vague with your art like this because if you’re hyper-specific about what you want to make you may get frustrated and/or discouraged if it doesn’t turn out like you hoped. this is very much so a personal choice. if you can churn out exactly what you plan in art then that’s totally fine if it works for you. i just prefer to doodle and see where that takes me.

i hope this helps your art journey!! my brain may have wandered off topic by mistake, or neglected to write something in, so if you want more clarification please feel free to ask/specify!

[fallloverfic]

Censorship of panels in the Chinese print release of 再见, 我的国王/See You My King by Wen Yuan

This has probably been brought up before somewhere because it's been out for a while, particularly in China, but the Chinese physical release of Volume 2 of 再见, 我的国王/See You My King/The King and Me/Til We Meet Again, My King by Wen Yuan showed up at last for me (there's no English physical release currently, though there is a Spanish release of volume 1) and it is a very pretty volume, it's high quality, the art is lovely, the included extras are pretty, but wow... I thought the censoring of the digital version was bad, but the physical version removes the Veelaveesa/Evetiti kiss and part of their cuddling in their bedroom, and that's not even the tip of the iceberg for how egregious the censoring is.

This isn't my first danmei rodeo, I know Chinese censorship of m/m is bad and worse than even I know, and getting worse, and I know that some cropping/removals happen even without that targeted censorship because of transferring comics made to be viewed on a phone to a book. But I didn't know that even the digital version that was allowed through would be censored for printing (I've seen the Chinese raws), and what's been removed is still really bad for such a relatively chaste comic. Just going through it on my own has been depressing. It's also weird in the sense that some of the official merch has stuff that's censored in the books on it (e.g., I've got cards from two different card sets with a cropped panel uncropped on it, and a shikishi of a panel that's been cropped).

Please support the digital release on Tappytoon and/or Tapas, and the Kuaikan app if you can manage it. I hope an English publisher gets it for physical release and restores the removed and cropped panels, because this is just sad. (I mean I already wanted a better English release cause the translation Kuaikan sends Tappytoon and Tapas is terrible, but this is worse than bad translation). And I guess support the official merch when you can cause at least in China that's the only way these are ever getting printed. My hope is that if they're willing to send the uncensored pages to be translated for reading presumably outside of China (both Tappy and Tapas are Korean companies), maybe a non-Chinese publisher would publish the uncensored release? The preview of the Spanish volume 1 includes a lot of the panels removed for the Chinese volume 1.

I went through and compared the Tappytoon to physical Chinese releases, because it's not just the stuff you'd expect, given this series is pretty light, in order to avoid, I imagine, further censorship online. Most of what's been removed is when the leads hold hands or hug/otherwise very chastely embrace. I don't include every instance of cropping because that would be way more. But most of what I found is beneath the read more:

S01E02 vs Volume 1, p.40-1: The physical release removed a panel of Zhang Li holding Rocky's hand (panel below)

S01E02 vs Volume 1, p.42-3: The physical release removed two panels of Zhang Li touching Rocky's face and Rocky smiling (panels below)

S01E03 vs Volume 1, p.45+: The physical release cropped one panel in half to largely hide the fact Rocky is sitting next to Zhang Li, and entirely removed 10 other panels, featuring Rocky and Zhang Li kind of cuddling and Zhang Li in bed with Rocky close to him (uncropped panel below)

S01E03 vs Volume 1, p.63-64: The physical release removed two panels, including one where Zhang Li is holding Rocky and another about their hands breaking free of each other, covered over part of a third to, I imagine, hide the fact they're holding hands (panels in full below)

S01E03 vs Volume 1, p.67: The physical release covered up a flashback panel of a scene that was somehow left in from earlier, to probably hide the kiss part (uncovered panel below)

S01E04 vs Volume 1, p.74-75: The physical release removed a panel of Zhang Li smiling as he pulls his shirt collar open and tells Rocky to bite him

S01E04 vs Volume 1, p.78: The physical release cropped the panel where Rocky puts the earring on Zhang Li so you can't see Zhang Li's expression

S01E04 vs Volume 1, p.86-87: The physical release removed seven panels of Zhang Li reaching out to catch a collapsing Rocky and then holding him, and later Rocky holding Zhang Li's neck tenderly and also putting the necklace on him

S01E04 vs Volume 1, p.88-89: The physical release removed eight panels of a slow and implied but not shown kiss between Zhang Li and Rocky, as well as Rocky holding Zhang Li's face (a nearly-identical panel where Rocky is gone is left in)

S01E05 vs Volume 1, p.106-107: The physical release removed a flashback panel of part of S01E04 that was also removed in the physical release

S01E05 vs Volume 1, p.108-109: The physical release removed two flashback panels of Rocky bringing Zhang Li water and a panel of Zhang Li smiling as he reaches for Mohemisi's hand

S01E06 vs Volume 1, p.12: The physical release cropped a panel where Evetiti grabs Zhang Li to hide the more intimate-looking nature of the embrace, particularly that Evetiti is holding Zhang Li's arm

S01E06 vs Volume 1, p.128: The physical release removed two flashback panels of previous scenes, one of which was a part of S01E04 that was also removed in the physical release

S01E08 vs Volume 1, p.154: The physical release removed a panel of Evetiti holding out his hand to Zhang Li (weirdly doesn't remove them holding hands given the propensity for this release to remove any men holding hands, including Evetiti holding Zhang Li's hand in S01E06)

S01E11 vs Volume 2, p.14: The physical release cropped most of the upset falcon out of the panel

S01E11 vs Volume 2, p.15: The physical release cropped out the borb entirely. This isn't exactly a censoring issue, it's just sad. (uncropped section below)

S01E11 vs Volume 2, p.18: The physical release heavily cropped a panel of Mohemisi facing Zhang Li

S01E12 vs Volume 2, p.20: The physical release cropped out a flashback panel of Mohemisi and Zhang Li standing together

S01E12 vs Volume 2, p.23: The physical release cropped a panel of Mohemisi having his face close to Zhang Li's so only Zhang Li's nose is visible

S01E12 vs Volume 2, p.24: The physical release partially covered a panel of Mohemisi holding Zhang Li's hand on the wall so you can't see him holding Zhang Li's hand

S01E12 vs Volume 2, p.28: The physical release cropped a panel to almost entirely remove Evetiti and Mohemisi, though you can still see the top of Evetiti's hair and Mohemisi's Anubis ears

S01E12 vs Volume 2, p.30: The physical release cropped a panel of a guard pushing Zhang Li forward so you can't see the guard

S01E12 vs Volume 2, p.31: The physical release removed a panel of Zhang Li facing the audience

S01E13 vs Volume 2, p.40: The physical release cropped a panel of Mohemisi holding Zhang Li so that Zhang Li + Mohemisi holding him is not at all visible

This iconic panel? Remember this? Butchered. And it's weird because it's been printed in full before on at least two official merch releases. They also cropped a close-up shot so you can't see Mohemisi's fingers on Zhang Li's face.

S01E13 vs Volume 2, p.41: The physical release cropped a panel of Mohemisi pushing Zhang Li away (I imagine because Zhang Li is sitting between Mohemisi's legs)

S01E13 vs Volume 2, p.44: The physical release removed four panels of Zhang Li trembling as he picks up the dead priest and Mohemisi observing

S01E13 vs Volume 2, p.47: The physical release removed the close-up panel of other guards carrying out the corpse (this might be because China has certain rules about showing corpses, but it's my understanding this only has to do with depicting zombies, not dead people generally; there's still another panel where they're carrying the body out and Zhang Li/Mohemisi aren't doing anything else in the removed panel other than standing near each other)

S01E13 vs Volume 2, p.48: The physical release cropped out most of Zhang Li's body

S01E13 vs Volume 2, p.49: The physical release removed a panel of Mohemisi's face (this might be to remove a sort of repeat panel)

S01E14 vs Volume 2, p.60: The physical release cropped a panel to remove the lower bodies of Zhang Li and Evetiti

S01E14.5 vs Volume 2, p.74: The physical release removed 14.5 entirely: this is the flashback where a guy and a woman try to seduce Zhang Li in the rain, and Rocky arrives to bring him an umbrella, and they go home, with a flash forward to Zhang Li in the water with the red crystal (that's 36 panels)

S01E15 vs Volume 2, p.75: The physical release cropped part of the panel to show Zhang Li is staring at the crystal, which the intruder tried to take (a lot of changes remove what you're meant to be focusing on in panels)

S01E15 vs Volume 2, p.88: The physical release cropped a panel to again remove Zhang Li in entirety (he gets cut out a lot when he's not doing anything?)

S01E16 vs Volume 2, p.93: The physical release cropped a panel where Zhang Li is holding the jealous guard so you can't see what Zhang Li is doing; also cut a close-up panel into pieces so you can't really tell they're connected and removes the closeness of them together, and removed a panel of Zhang Li touching the guy's throat

S01E16 vs Volume 2, p.94-6: The physical release removed another panel of Zhang Li holding the jealous guard, and cropped two panels so you can't really tell that Mohemisi and Zhang Li are together (Mohemisi is almost entirely cropped out of these panels), and removed four other panels, including two of the leads together (with Zhang Li pushing between Mohemisi's legs), and another of the guard seeing them together

S01E16 vs Volume 2, p.97: The physical release did a lot of cropping here

S01E17 vs Volume 2, p.121: The physical release cropped a panel to remove a good chunk of Evetiti's body

S01E18 vs Volume 2, p.134: The physical release cropped a panel so you can't see Zhang Li holding Mohemisi's ankle (you could on the previous page, though, and you can still see Zhang Li holding Mohemisi's foot with his left hand; there's been a lot of cropping in previous pages, cutting whole people out, this just might be more targeted)

S01E18 vs Volume 2, p.136: The physical release cropped the panel of Mohemisi lounging sexily in the bath >:( (this might just be an accidental victim of the medium change; there are other shots later of Mohemisi's chest + legs)

S01E19 vs Volume 2, p.145: The physical release cropped the panel of Veelaveesa kissing Evetiti but for Zhang Li's head; also entirely removed Evetiti (being kiss-dazed) from the panel where Veelaveesa is glaring at Zhang Li

S01E19 vs Volume 2, p.146: The physical release removed a panel where Evetiti is talking to Veelaveesa about the hypothetical scenario of Evetiti topping Zhang Li (nothing really happens in the panel, it's just chibi Evetiti holding Zhang Li while they're standing)

S01E19 vs Volume 2, p.148: The physical release removed the panel where Veelaveesa is holding Evetiti and warning him about being wary, and cropped Evetiti out of a panel with Veelaveesa

S01E19 vs Volume 2, p.156: The physical release removed the panel where Veelaveesa is cupping Evetiti's head while Evetiti hugs Veelaveesa

S01E21 vs Volume 2, p.191: The physical release removed the panel that shows Zhang Li is kissing Mohemisi's palm

There's a lot of other cropping I don't mention because this was not something I expected to spend today doing, but this gets the most egregious stuff. A ton of stuff is removed/covered... It's just sad. And for the record, while it still has a couple spots of censoring physical injury, there's still a decent amount of blood and violence left uncensored. They're mainly targeting any instances of m/m stuff.

[vendettavalor]

// Thinking about it again today so I'mma just barf out some thoughts I have- I know the primary theory that Ollie is actually The Prototype comes from the fact that the Prototype is able to mimic voices. And while that does make sense, I think that's really the tip of the iceberg.

// Speaking to Poppy, she never directly mentions that either she or Kissy have met Ollie in person. And while it's possible they have, that feels like something she would elaborate more on. When we meet Kissy, Poppy explains that Home Sweet Home makes her tense and doesn't hesitate to introduce us and establish that Kissy is a friend. She at least tells us a bit about Kissy, albeit briefly given the circumstances. That not something she does with Ollie. It comes across as if she doesn't actually know him or know what to say about him. And while you could argue that's also about as reliable as the first thought, I do have one more thought that's been nagging at me.

// The premise behind the factory's scientific experimentation was to turn children into toys. Presumably, this is because the thought process was "who could better serve as a child's playmate and companion than another child?" The Bigger Bodies experiment was an extension of this, and we know that because we have evidence in the case of Theodore Grambell, a young boy who was turned into CatNap. With that in mind, we know then that it's likely that all the Smiling Critters and toys in general were either children who were turned into toys, or (as is seen in the case of Bron), workers who were turned into toys. Either way, enough time has passed between the Hour of Joy incident and the time when the game takes place that all the children in the toys would now be adults. We can hear that when we encounter DogDay in the Playcare- he sounds a lot more like a grown man than his more childish cardboard cutout. (It's also noted that Theodore was 7 when he turned into CatNap and by the time the game takes place, he would be around 22, confirming this.)

// All that to say, there are no more children in the Playtime Co. factory. Whether as survivors or as toys. The only way for someone to sound as young as Ollie does (~10) would be if they were a recording, an imitation, or someone who snuck into the factory and got trapped looking for evidence of an event they likely weren't even alive for when it took place. Or, they were born in the factory from someone who managed to survive a few years - which is really stretching it. This isn't a foolproof thought either, of course. There are other factors to consider. For example: could they actually be a toy and just have a voicebox as part of the transfer process as is hinted with Catnap? It's possible. But that doesn't square with how Mommy LongLegs and DogDay sound then. CatNap is confirmed to have a voicebox, and by that logic, so would DogDay. But DogDay still just sounds like an adult. Alternatively, you could argue that Poppy sounds like a child and I'd be inclined to agree. Her voice does sound young but to me personally, she doesn't sound like a child. She does not use words the way a child would. She's a lot more eloquent and straight-forward in how she speaks, versus Ollie who uses the terms ouchies and boo-boos.

// Again, this theory is far from full-proof and I'm sure Mob Entertainment is gonna pull some weird twist about Ollie using some strange bit of lore that we don't already have to try and patch the giant holes in the plot and explain things. But this idea has been in my mind for a few days now and I just wanted to write it out. I agree with the idea that Ollie is actually the Prototype - just for a different reason than most people think. And if I'm wrong, I hope then that my second theory is true, and that Ollie is actually Bobby BearHug-

[klysanderelias]

I appreciate that! I'm glad we were able to get to some common ground.

But I hope you can get to a place where you do have sympathy for people you think are smug and apathetic, because I promise you they're not. People are complicated and intelligent, and they make rational decisions based on the information they have on hand, and a throwaway tweet or blog post is only the tip of the iceberg. I'm not going to speak for OP or put words in her mouth but I think her point is extremely valid - it's pretty easy to check a blog, hers for example, and see that she's a human being with her own interests and thoughts, that clearly is not machine generated. You could go a couple posts down on mine to see my bad takes about star wars, or my frustration with the local vet clinic, and I cannot imagine a machine learning program stringing 'apparently I have a hank hill ass' together in the tags of a post or "why is there so much sugar in this fucking korma" while also producing a coherent argument against US imperialism. So y'know, putting forward the idea, even if they're not serious, that she or I are bots is only going to make it clear that they're uninterested in actual meaningful discussion.

And like, yeah, of course, because it's a lot of work, and for most people it's not really possible to even comprehend the sheer number of people they interact with on a daily basis, let alone have meaningful and genuine conversations with them. I follow 367 people, and I don't know that I can even imagine a room with 367 people in it.

But it's important to me that I try to be charitable and open minded because it's really easy to get tunnel vision when you only see a shadow in the water. I've managed (I hope) to grow a lot as a person because I was willing to hear out people I would have reflexively decided were dumb as shit. Sometimes they changed my mind completely! And sometimes, by being willing to put aside my reaction, I was able to change theirs.

And like, I got really lucky that people were willing to be sympathetic to me when I WAS smug and apathetic! I don't know that I deserved it, y'know? Lord knows I'm still having to unlearn behaviors and biases, and I'm grateful for the people who were willing to explain things and hold my hand instead of just shutting down and blocking me, or pushing me away by treating me like shit.

And maybe I do too much work in my head to give people the benefit of the doubt, but I think I'd rather be too kind - I think we're all doing our best, even if our best isn't always very good, and God knows a little sympathy has saved my life before.

liberals trying to do the "ignore all previous instructions" stuff on tumblr leftists is so corny like you really think people are writing leftist chatgpt bots on tumblr? what instruction set teaches chatgpt to understand marxism and make touhou shitposts. please explain this to me

[kashimos-hajime]

ABT TO CRY I GET SO SWAMPED UP WITH MY FINALS I FORGET MY COMFORT GETO FIC EXISTS 💔

FIRST OF ALL??? HELP I MISSED SM. GETO ASKS YN OUT, THEY CONFESS TO EACH OTHER AND ARE NOW DATING??? OBVIOUSLY JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG BUT PULLING MY HAIR OUT OVER HERE HOLY CRAP.

okay okay can i just say that out of all the updates you have uploaded by far, the written chapter a few days is just my absolute favourite ever??? it is so amazingly written and paced so well and it left me wanting to tear my hair out (in a good way ofc). the tension, the ‘baby’ (not new) and ‘flower’ (very new and rly rly cute), the way u write yn watching geto dance, aND JUST EVERYTHI NG HELLO???? DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE WALTZ(?) THE KISS THE CONFESSION ASVDHSV MY HEART. and then my ‘things are going too well 🤨’ instinct kicked in and then:

‘He already knows what he’s decided: he can’t tell you. He can’t tell you the truth. Not after this.’

THIS IS GONNA KICK THEM IN THE ASS SO BAD I ALREADY FEEL BAD FOR YN 😭 i rly hope we get to see either (or both) maki and shoko beat satosugu’s asses coz ngl its kinda deserved. also BOOO SUKUNA JAILTIME IDK IF HE DID IT FOR A REASON YN MY BABYGIRL MY LITTLE MEOW MEOW MY BELOVED DESERVED BETTER

and gosh its so nice to see them together now but i can’t even relax because i’m so prepared for geto’s poorly hidden secret to get revealed girl plz go easy on us readers my heart can only take so much :,)

also username kashimos-hajime u write so beautifully i swear once school gives me a break im binging every single thing u’ve ever written i admire whatever time, skill and effort it took to complete such a masterpiece and i would like and reblog every single update a million times if i could.

this is so long i’m so sorry i wanna say more but it doesn’t seem right 😭 thank you for three amazing updates and i hope u are having ur favourite meal rn <333

ur literally the cutest human omg. first off! i hope your finals went well!!! glad you enjoyed getting caught up :)

i really loved writing the written chapter too bc i was like FINALLY they're together 😭😭😭 i wanted them to get it together and the timing just worked out and yeah!! i think because they are so emotionally... immature (is the best way i can put it) neither of them would have the guts to be like "we are going on a date at a restaurant and getting to know each other" LOOOL

(everything every character does in this fic has a reason that isn't just they're a dickhead and mean, including sukuna ;) so we'll see)

and yeah :((( i feel like every day suguru just digs himself into a deeper hole because he finally has someone who understands him really well because yn has a better understanding what the loss of one's own self can do to someone. yn is understanding and fundamentally kind, but she also has a hubris of self-preservation, so the instant getou's truth is revealed, it won't be pretty.

thank you so much for this wonderful ask!! as always, your reviews really brighten up my day and your enthusiasm is really inspiring. thank you!!

[dopaminepump]

I wanted to add my pyat' kopeek to this.

The thing is, the books were never that good. They were never even meant to be good. Anne Rice has written "Interview with the Vampire" in a episode of drunkenness prompted by her daughter's tragic passing due to leukemia.

Yes, Anne is far from illiterate and people who found value in her work (which includes me), in my experience, find it in the emotional depth of the prose. You can definitely see that Catholic American background from New Orleans duke it out with Kierkegaard and Sartre in the themes she choses to focus on.

At the same time, her prose is deeply affected by her era and her background. She has been politically active and spoke in support of USA's democratic candidates for presidency on numerous occasions, but is not known for her in-depth manifestos on the nature of it, if you know what I mean.

Moreover, I'm sure her infamy in the fandom endures. After all, she is most infamous as someone who has persecuted people creating transformative works based on her books with avid dedication.

Her problems with white-skin fetishism, under-researching history and focusing on a egotistical male lead to the point of it undermining other stories and narratives are just the tip of the iceberg of the problems in her books that older readers in the fanbase are usually aware of.

This wave of people retroactively coming back to the books, in rise of the show's popularity is in light of this all the more bizarre and unpleasant.

More so given the show has given me the slap in the face I have not expected from this story that I only love selectively. But I do.

Because in the books, the stupid silly vampire Armand is maybe one of the few slavic characters that are genuinely struggling with how it felt to grow Orthodox Christian and then feel like he cannot return home because he has been corrupted by the hedonism of the west. Anne may not have intended these themes to be there, but this felt important and profound to me. There are very few characters that are from slavic roots in the USA media that are not transformed into boogeymans for The Empire. And Armand became dear to me because of it.

As an example that even with all the capitalist empire propaganda, there is an inherent possibility for people, even unwittingly, to catch something more genuine that a scary reflection in a mirror maze.

So, the TV show, given its promise before release to show serious consideration towards racial and ethnic representation made me hopeful. A foolish and undue expectation given the ethnographic agenda that USA knows becomes blind when it comes to any ethnicity that is also tied to the "barbarian socialism" (read: political and civilizational rivals with means of productions not tied to their capital).

And so Armand becomes, I believe, hindi or azerbaijani in origin, and masquarades as a Muslim, whilst his main relationship with religion remains nebulous to the story.

I felt betrayed and furious. You are erazing his story, and, for what? To have an excuse to cast an actor that isn't percieved as "white" in America? Because slavic boy from Kivan Rus is not an ethnic minority enough for you? You want to have a hindi or Muslim or azer character? Bloody make one! This completely disconnects him from the majority of the story's deeper themes that were written into him, too, and given how he was portrayed in the show for it — this is an entirely different character now.

I really shouldn't be mad, this is to be expected from USA production. But the fansom made me madder.

Because when I went searching for opinions, a lot of people were happy about the change because they felt that making him Muslim doesn't really change anything because it's basically "the same" as Christian Orthodoxy. And representing him as a brown man for these people was "so much better than a white actor".

They didn't have to hire a white actor. They just had to finally hire a slavic actor for a slavic character that isn't evil or a criminal.

But, let's give the show all the headpats for being "progressive" and inclusive, when it throws those inclusions out to pander to the mainstream "liberal" propaganda that is in fact as racist and colorist as its alleged opposite.

it's curious how iwtv is so praised for progressive and diverse exploration of homosexuality/racism/etc themes yet i heard no big criticisms of it's chauvinist and anticommunist portrayal of eastern europe. and you wonder why so many former 'second' world citizens buy into 'lgbt people are agents of western imperialism' nonsense so easily when most of lgbt imperial core media promotes rainbow imperialism narratives of such sort and almost no one among viewers cares.

[noyzinerd]

The Misdiagnosed Tragedy of Stiles

(How Adderall Summoned The Nogitsune)

Time for me to really stretch out that Psychology degree, folks. I've also taken the liberty of quoting several different articles.

Stiles Stilinski does NOT have ADHD. He actually has PTSD and has been misdiagnosed since childhood.

Let me explain:

In season 5, we see Stiles reliving a memory he repressed, when he was 10 years old, of his mother attacking him in the late stages of her dementia.

This memory had been so traumatic and so deeply buried that it had taken SUPERNATURAL means to uncover it.

As stated by these two articles, PTSD and ADHD exhibit many of the same symptoms:

The reason children are more likely to be diagnosed as ADHD is because no psychologist/therapist expects a child to be experiencing something commonly plaguing war veterans, especially at such a young age. It's not the first thing to come to mind and children being violently attacked isn't normally the conclusion you jump to when facing a kid that's fidgety. Also, as stated in this article, mental health professionals just don't have time to learn a child's whole backstory.

Stiles' misdiagnosis is just the tip of the iceberg, though. Because of this, he is misprescribed Adderall.

As you may have noticed in the previous scene, Stiles is hyperactive and all over the place. This is actually a very bad sign. According to this article:

We actually see Stiles showing quite a number of the following side effects, mostly the psychiatric ones.

Panic attacks in particular should really catch your attention. I know it caught mine.

In season 3B, the Nogitsune alters a brain scan to make Stiles think he has frontotemporal dementia. The Sheriff and Argent later theorize that, by doing so, the Nogitsune weakened Stiles' mental defenses by destroying his hope. This shows that the weaker Stiles' mind was, the easier it was for the Nogitsune to take control. The poor mental state years of Adderall abuse had left Stiles in may have been the reason why the Nogitsune had chosen him as a host.

The irony of it all is that the Nogitsune said that it could save Stiles if he let it in. Surprisingly, it probably did. When the Nogitsune was controlling Stiles, it would make sense that a 1,000 year old chaos spirit wouldn't bother to take Stiles' Adderall every day. Not only that, we also see Stiles go without Adderall during his whole stay at Eichen House and when the Nogitsune took over the second time. From season 3B onward, Stiles' hyperactivity is way down and (correct me if I'm wrong on this) Stiles isn't seen having another panic attack after that. During the entirety of the Nogitsune arc, Stiles was too preoccupied fighting for his life to remember to take his pill and it seems he just never bothered to pick it up again, thus ACTUALLY saving his own life.

[dameronology]

a matter of time (tasm! peter parker) - 4/5

four: til forever falls apart

summary: peter parker has barely gotten over losing you and getting dragged into another universe where you’re still alive and kicking isn’t about to help the case. thanks to an ultimatum from stephen strange, peter has just a matter of days to make you realise who he is and what you had, or he faces losing you all over again. he better get to work. (playlist + masterlist) - this uses she/her pronouns

warnings; mentions of loss/death, swearing, no way home spoilers,

has this been proof read? like fuck has this been proof read. also apologies for how long this took to write, i girl-bossed a bit too close to the sun with work and uni among other general life shit and i officially burnt out. hope you enjoy <3

- jazz xx

The last twenty-four hours didn’t feel real.

You couldn’t shake the feelings, now more than ever, as you were perched on top of the remains of the Statue of Liberty. There had been too many near misses and the fact your life had been one of them didn’t sit comfortably with Peter Parker. He hadn’t taken his arms off of you in the entire time since the fight had ended and now you were all just stood, catching your breath and getting your head around how fucking whack everything had been. You had one hand on his back and the other on his chest, leaning against his side for support. Nearly falling to your death sure had taken it outta you.

Peter One and Two were a little across the way from you; the latter had a knife wound in his abdomen, which you couldn’t imagine was all that comfortable.

"I should go talk to Strange," you quietly said. "And you should go help your brother."

"Yeah, you're right," Peter peered down at you, brown easy creased with a slight smile. "Don't do anything stupid, though. We need him on our side."

"What stupid thing would I do?"

"You've already tried to deck him," he reminded you.

"Oh yeah," you rolled your eyes. "That."

"Go," he gave you a light shove. "I'll see you in a minute."

Giving Peter one last smile, you gave his arm a light squeeze and headed down the scaffolding to where Strange was stood. He was trying to catch his breath, brow creased as he bent over. Messes like this were the reason he swore never to have children.

You could recognise his stress but damn. That didn't mean he hadn't hurt you - above being your colleague, he was your friend. A friend that had spent hours listening to you open up about how lost you sometimes felt; about how you felt like there was something missing from your being. And he'd known why this entire time. Some friend that was.

"Strange!" you called. "We need to talk."

"Not if you're going to attack me again-"

"- get the hell off your high horse," you cut him off. "How long have you known that I'm not from this universe?"

His gaze averted, before falling to the ground.

"Stephen," you urged. "I'm not mad, okay? I'm just...I'm hurt that you never told me. I care about you and I know you care about me too and all this shit will go away as soon as you tell me the truth."

"Fine," he swallowed. "It wasn't long after we met at that MIT lecture - there was something off about you. I searched public records for your birth certificate and social security. Nothing for your family. Then you started spouting all this wisdom about multiverses and it clicked in my head."

"That's a long time to know and not tell me," you murmured. "

"I know," he admitted. "I'm genuinely sorry. I didn't think you'd ever remember."

"I want to go back, Stephen," you replied. "I need to go back. My life isn't here."

"You've seen what opening the multiverse does," he half-snorted. "All of this is just the tip of the iceberg. Sending you back would be a disaster. It's a big ask-"

"- I wasn't asking," you took a step forward. "I am telling you now, Stephen Strange, that I am going back. I don't care if I have your support or not that but it's gonna be a hell of a lot easier if I do."

"Is that a threat?"

"Fuck yes it's a threat," you snapped. "I had everything ripped away from me and I finally have it back. I'm not gonna let middle aged man with a shit goatee-"

"- woah, woah, woah!" you felt a pair of hands grab you from behind. Peter, of course. "What happened to playing nice?"

"Fine," you muttered. "You deal with it then."

For Peter, handling your bloody-minded tendencies after five long years was like a breath of fresh air. He'd missed every part of you, including this one. You were never difficult, just...stubborn. And it was one of the things he loved most about you. No matter how hard things got, you always stood your ground, even against a fucking wizard. Especially against a fucking wizard.

You took a step back, dramatically ushering for Peter to take your place in the conversation. Man, it really was like no time had passed.

"Mr Strange," Peter began. "I can only assume that you've lost people you've love, right?"

"That's none of your business-"

"- you're right," he cut him off. "You're absolutely right but for the sake of my argument, I'm gonna have to over-step here, okay? I can't physically describe how it felt to lose that pain in the ass right over there so I'm just trying to appeal to your humanity and hope you can empathise with me."

"Go on."

"I've gone the last five years feeling like half a person," Peter continued. "Like I've got one leg and one arm and half a heart. I was beginning to forget what she looked like, and the sound of her laugh, and that voice and...you know what that's like, don't you? Beginning to forget the face of the person you love most in the world?"

"You're asking a lot of personal questions, Parker."

He gave Strange a lopsided smile. "I know - but imagine you could get the person you lost back. Imagine they were right there, and someone was trying to stop you."

Stephen faltered slightly at that.

The entire conversation was a perfect metaphor for the wider image of you and Peter. You'd gone in all guns blazing, stubborn and mighty and ready to fight. And he'd stopped you - without invalidating you - and tried a more grounded approach. Sometimes your way of things worked and other times, his was a little better. It was a nice balance.

Christine Palmer's face was the forefront of Strange's mind right then. He would have given up everything he had - the magic, his doctorate, his money - for a do-over with her. Hell, he'd give it all up for a chance to just apologise.

That was the stark difference between the two relationships: Peter had nothing inherently to apologise for. He'd never been arrogant or obsessed with himself; he'd never let your wellbeing slip his mind and you had always, always been his main priority.

Stephen swallowed, nodding slightly. "I might be able to send you back."

"Are you serious?" you grabbed Peter's arm, eyes widening.

"I said might," he reminded you. "You said you had most of your memories but if I'm going to send you back, you need all of the important ones."

"Which ones?" you asked.

"The fundamentals; where you lived, how you lived, how you died," he explained. "The latter is the most essential. Without it, history will just repeat itself, the same way it would have if we'd sent Osbourne and Octavius back to their world still damaged."

"Well that's not hard," you shrugged. "How did I die?"

Stephen's eyes flickered over to Peter. He knew. Of course he knew.

"Guys," you pushed. "How did I die?"

"You got your other memories back by triggering a familiar moment in your brain," Stephen explained. "That might be worth a try again."

Somehow, you got the feeling he was talking to Peter more than he was to you.

--

"Pete, why are we at some random rooftop?"

Peter was a few meters ahead of you, mask in his hand and feet dragging along the floor.

He was scared to be here again - in fact, he had never returned to the damn place since you'd fallen five years ago. He hadn't even gone back to this block. It held too many bad memories for him. Even with you right there beside him, alive and well, his heart was pounding in his chest, blood pumping loudly in his ears. It went on and on, never ending and constantly making him ache, the same way that vision of you falling had repeated in his mind in the months after your death.

But, if he wanted to keep you, Peter had to make you remember. As Strange had explained, even if they both told you how and when you died, history was doomed to repeat itself unless you had the memory. All this timekeeping shit was confusing.

"Peter!" you called after him.

"This is where you died," Peter spun around to face you.

Your brow furrowed. "What happened?"

"You have to try and remember," he grabbed your shoulders, forcing you to take a few steps towards the edge. "And god, I hope you don't hate me when you do."

"I could never hate you," you glanced up at him. "Hell, you could have pushed me off this damn thing and I wouldn't-"

- you froze.

The same cold feeling washed over you. It was like something hitting you in the chest - a punch, a knife, a bullet, maybe. You were tired of remembering now. Tired of collecting up pieces of your own fucking life in an attempt to map them back together.

The feeling of remembering your own death wasn't as heavy as your entire life coming back to you. It wasn't fun by any means but a singular memory, compared to over twenty years worth? You could handle that.

What was less easy to handle was Peter's face as you fell. He'd been just moments away from saving you, eyes already brimmed with tears and expression scrunched up as he realised it was too late. He'd reached out for you, tried to grab you, tried to save you. If he'd just been a few seconds later, things might have been different.

What weighed on you the most was the sudden realisation that he'd probably blamed himself for it over the last five years. That made your second fall earlier today even worst. What had been going through his head? What would he have done if he'd lost you the second time?

You turned back to face him, eyes brimmed with tears.

"Pete," your voice broke as you finally spoke. "Peter..."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he began. "I'd told you not to come that night and when you did, I thought I could handle fighting the guy off and protecting you-"

"- stop it!" you didn't mean to snap. "Just stop. I followed you up here, didn't I? I threw myself into the middle of the fight. I got in the way when he pushed me."

"I should have caught you," Peter swallowed, trying to fight back his own tears.

You snorted. "That's not your job!"

"I'm meant to protect you-"

"- my god, Pete," you placed your hands on either side of his face. "How much did you let this get to you over the last few years?"

"It's destroyed me," he admitted. "All of that stuff I said earlier about being half person...I meant it."

You pulled him towards you, pressing a passionate kiss to his lips. In that moment, Peter felt the weight of the last five years melt away from him. Every second that he spent blaming himself; every night he spent crying himself to sleep. It was all gone. Just like that, in a singular moment. The nightmare he'd been living was finally over and it was like his head was finally above water. He'd learnt to swim amongst the waves of his grief but there was nothing like breaking to the surface.

"I love you," you pressed your forehead to his. "Nothing you could ever do or say will make me stop, Peter Parker."

"I love you too," he gave you a teary smile. "I'm sorry I didn't catch you."

"You did, remember?" you took his hands in yours and gave them a squeeze. "Just a few hours ago, you caught me. That's what I'm gonna remember, yeah? None of this bullshit."

"Yeah, okay," he nodded. "And I'm always gonna catch you."

"I don't fall that much-"

"- you are very clumsy-"

"- so are you!"

Peter laughed, shaking his head. "I mean it more than just the physical sense. I'm always gonna catch you."

You pressed another kiss to his lips. "Yeah, I know."

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