#this is all weird and ive been acting weird and i feel bad maybe my mind has been way too foggy for me to. really think straight

[strangerhands]

mmmmm heyyy👁️. ive basically been gone from tumblr for over two days because ive been feeling like a shitty piece of shit. BUT. i finally saw dune part 2 and ohmygoddddd it was so so good. but yes. i was missing leto so bad the entire time. Father come back pls. i need you.

[electricpurrs]

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[yongseungkim]

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[everybodysaycbx]

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[v-arbellanaris]

i feel like some of you are really shooting yourselves in the foot. i get it! trust me, i get it! i, well known dai hater, also have my anxieties abt da4 - and yes, even expectations abt things like where the plot is going to etc - but the teaser is TWO MINUTES LONG and i've been ripping it to shreds to get SOMETHING out of it, but the truth is that it's just not going to be indicative of the full game

the teaser trailers for dao imply that the sacred ashes quest is gonna be the huge memorable quest - and for me, they simply weren't? and how different did the actual game look to the teasers like let's be sooo real. da2 teasers hinged on the qunari invasion which was like... just one of many, many events in da2. and hawke and isabela didnt even look like that. i cant even remember seeing solas in the inquisition trailers?

the teasers aren't even for the plot, is the thing. these teasers are literally companion reveals, of course it's aimed to make the characters look cool and interesting, rather than really foreshadowing anything deep about the storylines - that's for things like tevinter nights, and the comics, and even absolution. it just feels really weird to use the thing they're using to advertise the companions for this game as a metric for the entire game plot and vibes. dao and da2 trailers were SO FUCKING INTENSE and then you get iconic lines like swooping is bad and hawke stepped in the poopy like...............

like da4 is not going to be dao. it's not going to be da2. it's not going to be dai either. all three of these games were tonally totally different from each other, and idk where the expectation is coming from that da4 will be like the other games. especially when the writing direction, as i've talked abt on this blog a few times already, is definitely changing and evolving. whether or not i personally like that direction is irrelevant to the fact it's happening.

i support the haterisms - god knows ive got my issues with it - but sometimes i just think you guys are unnecessarily hostile for weird reasons and i dont get it. "people who hate dragon age the most are people who love it" i dont think you guys like dragon age anymore, is the thing. which is fine, but i'm not obliged to tolerate it, or you. like you can just say: you liked dragon age origins. you liked dragon age 2. you maybe even like dai. and you're not interested in da4. that's fine. because da4 is not those games. i dont really care to hear abt the whinging abt how da's ruined or whatever - da hasn't been the same literally since da2, which was already a tonal shift from dao. da has been changing, and i have opinions abt the changes, but fundamentally, i am - cautiously, warily, anxiously - excited about a new game. new content. new companions. new maps. new knowledge. new narratives to chew on. aren't you?

if you're not, have you considered that you just don't like dragon age anymore? and that's fine? and you can just move on?

and idk why are you acting like a 2 min teaser is gospel for how the entire game is going to anyway? we know practically nothing, and at least try to keep that in mind when you're drawing firm conclusions abt the wholeass game based on the trailers because you literally WILL NOT KNOW. the teaser literally means nothing except: here are your companions. this is what they look like and where they're from. everything else based off the trailers is wild conjecture

[blucactus112]

May never come to reality but im planning out a Animatic to AJR's 'Maybe Man' (sue me) and need some help filling in some of the parts.

(Its probably going to be about all the life series in general not specifically Wild life. but feel free to try it fit it all in one series)

!!!long post incoming!!!

General plan so far:

First Half(ish) will be calmly looking at hermits in their peaceful habitats talking about their insecurities.

Finishing the first half when we get to the god part it will be Grian before life series started pleading to watchers and becoming one himself then cutting to him and all the other lifers standing around in a circle (like the start of each series) (much wow)

ONE. TWO. PANDEMONIUM.

murder, just all of the scenes of people dying biggest polt twist, betrayals, and Amount of kills.

Also specifically a close up of grain seeing the server burning in the reflection of his eyes.

ending with another shot of the beginning of a server but we see grains eyes which are weathered and worn out and maybe has some watcher purple

Specific Lines:

Wish I was a stone, so I couldn't feel You'd yell in my face, it'd be no big deal But I'd miss the way we make up and smile Don't want to be stone, I changed my mind

Im thinking scar and Grian Desert Duo? also could be

I wish I had eyes in the back of my head Then I could see the places I've been But then I would know that you're talkin' shit I don't wanna know what my friends think

This im Deff thinking cleo bigb scott and lizzie from the Boogeyman series (i forgor wich one that is)

but open to other ideas

Wish I were my dog out on the lawn I'd be so glad when I hear you come home But if I were my dog, I wouldn't live long I'm sure gonna miss her when she's gone

This is pearl playing with a dog, you cannot fucking make me change my mind

I wish I could act in a show on TV 'Cause then I could practice not bein' me I'll practice my cry, put it into my reel But you won't believe me when I cry for real

im either thinking like Ren or Martyn because of the acting thing or one of the scenes usually portrayed as lots of crying (ie Scott at the end of double life)

I wish that my brain would triple in size I'd nail every joke, I'd win every fight But I'd get too deep with that kind of mind I don't wanna know the point of life

ive been thinking of this as jimmy in general but also i dont want to be mean so other ideas would be great

In some other life I would be rich I'd travel in style, I'd cover the bill But couldn't complain 'bout anything small Nobody'd feel bad for me at all

havent given much thought for ones after this but im thinking Scar on Magic mountain trying to scam everyone?

If I was cocaine or a bottle of Jack I'd get invited to every frat But when you get old and your good days have passed You'll only want me when you're sad

have there been any people that bounce between alliances during one series?

Wish I was a song, your favorite one You'd follow the dance to me at your prom I would be there when your baby is born For two or three minutes, then I'm gone

there was at least one dande floor that was a trap, right??

I wish I was big, as big as my house I'd sleep on the trees, I'd skip every crowd But I wouldn't fit on my therapist's couch God, I could really use him now

probably ep1 of WildLife

I wish I was God, I'd never trip up And if I did, well, so fuckin' what? I could be cruel and break all your stuff Yeah, I'd be loved no matter what

pov grain angst

grain is on super windy mountain top surrounded by watchers crying, pleading to them

But if I was God, it'd get kinda weird 'Cause you would only say what I wanna hear And then you would die, you'd love me to death I never know who the hell I am

grian is surrounded by purple light wings and eyes becoming at least in part, a watcher

I wish I was me, whoever that is I could just be and not give a shit Hey, I'll be whatever makes you a fan 'Cause I don't know who the hell I am

cut to peaceful tranquil plains, all of them jn a circle at beginning of life series laughing joking shaking hands hugging (set em up for emotional damage)

One, two, pandemonium

black, black, PAN DE MONIUM

cut to destruction of server only using reds browns and blacks showing carnage this series has brought (and yes ofc player has died messages will appear in the corner as if in chat)

One, two, pandemonium

im thinking each line will be each of the series in chronological order

Here I go again

One, two, pandemonium

Here I go again

One, two, pandemonium

One, two-

Here I go again

cut to beginning of ?wild life? they all have scars when their final kills have been, some look tired some look determined

if you end up making this animatic if you want to put me in the credits as like 'inspired by' :3 but honestly idc that much. but you HAVE to tell me if you post one bc i will watch the hell out of that

#god i need more tags

[drdemonprince]

do you have any tips on distinguishing between wanting to bang/wanting to be wanted by/wanting non-sexual intimacy with someone? or is it just a case of seeing how you feel when you're actually with them and getting good at communicating about it

im probably not the best person to ask, because it took me uhh decades of fucking random people before i let myself acknowledge that sex is nearly always extremely boring to me and the only thing i'm thinking about during sex or in the lead up to sex is what i imagine the other person might be feeling about me.

every now and then a raw animal chemical attraction happens where i just feel like i NEED the person in me, i love how they smell and taste and i will risk it all to get them to bust inside me and i want them around me afterward.

but the rest of the time its this completely intellectual fantasy. instead of getting all wrapped up in the sex, or the person, all i care about is what i can convince myself it means. thoughts like this:

"oh this person is hot, it's very validating of my desirability that someone this hot wants me"

"oh that guy came very fast, how flattering that he was so turned on"

"i cant see his face in this position but i imagine that he's staring at me hungrily, that's flattering"

"wow i got someone from grindr to come over within ten minutes, im so good at sealing the deal"

"wow i cant believe i fucked eight people at this convention, how cool so many people want me"

"i've never tried this sex act before, i guess i might as well. maybe itll be useful for my writing. maybe ill like it."

thats the kind of shit that is normally playing around in my mind. when im actually attracted to someone i dont have to come up with some weird intellectual justification for why fucking is interesting or rewarding or reflective of me in a positive way. i just NEED it.

the self help guru mark manson (who is a little corny, but not bad) has this age old advice that "either something is a FUCK YES! or it's a no." and i think for some people, especially people who tend to try and persuade/guilt themselves into wanting things they dont actually want, that is a worthwhile reorientation. if i actually want someone its pretty damn unambiguous. if i have to even ask myself or sort out the true nature of my feelings, im bullshitting myself.

granted this advice wont be best for demisexuals, or for lots of other people. sometimes experimenting and trying new things sexually is great! its just. ive been doing that for a long time. i have been a very open minded, open to experience individual. and now im interested in being picky for a while

[sexhaver]

ive been playing Cassette Beasts for a minute and it never stops being funny to me how flagrant they are about making this "Pokemon but with features you didn't know Pokemon has always needed". off the top of my head:

super effective/NVE hits have added benefits/debuffs beyond just doubling/halving the damage (hitting Electric types with Ground reduces their evasion and speed, hitting Steel types with Poison gives them poison-coated spikes that do contact damage, etc)

legally-distinct-Pokemon will learn new moves while in your party without having to battle, and you can then straight up steal these moves from them and put them on a not-Pokemon you actually care about using, which gives an actual incentive to hunt down and raise otherwise fringe not-mons beyond completing the not-Pokedex

we all played the Pokemon Infinite Fusion fangame right? we know how fusions work? okay so this game has them as temporary per-battle things instead of permanent ones, which is only marginally less cool while being infinitely easier to balance around

attempting to catch something shows you the percentage chance of success so you know whether you just got unlucky or if you should save your Pokeballs-i-mean-blank-cassette-tapes

leveling up is tied to your not-trainer instead of your not-pokemon, so you don't end up in the classic trap where your starter is way overleveled and everything else is underleveled and then you hit a fight your starter can't solo and have to spend an hour grinding to get the weaker not-mons up to par (funnily enough most Pokemon Nuzlocke romhacks have already figured this out and give you infinite rare candies with the only restriction being that you can't level past the next gym leader's ace pokemon, because Pokemon fans have realized that grinding is the worst part of the game way before Game Freak has)

moves, not-Pokeballs, not-PokeCenter visits, and healing items are all bought using entirely separate currencies which stops you from trivially breaking the economy in half

the soundtrack, fittingly, is pretty good! the vocals were a bit much for my taste but there's an option in the settings menu to straight up turn them off (letting the BGM play on its own), which i've never seen in any other game and really appreciate

downsides:

on a game design level, i understand why can i only carry a max of 5 not-Potions and 1 not-Revive at a time - it's to put a limit on how far away from fast travel points i can get by just running away from everything and healing off damage. on a gameplay level, however, this feels pretty bad

the pixel art style is trying to look as much like Pokemon as possible without actually being Pokemon so the overworld sprites look more like beta stuff from Pokemon that they cut for looking too weird. i have yet to find a haircut that doesn't look bad

this is super petty of me but something about the bloom and lighting of the 3d environments combined with pixelated 2d sprites that still cast shadows makes me painfully aware im playing a video game. it's like they were going for the same aesthetic as Octopath Traveler but fell just barely short. i can't think of a better way to articulate this feeling but if you know you know

it does that really obnoxious half-assed style of voice acting where plot-relevant characters will sometimes (maybe every third or fourth textbox) speak the first two or three words of dialogue before trailing off. mashing through textboxes (as one does) means constantly getting jumpscared by "hmm"s and "haha!"s "okay then!"s

i get that they wanted to make the player feel involved in the story, and it has a pretty decent hook so far, but oh my god. the amount of dialogue "choices" that just transparently do not matter. you know how people memed on Fallout 3 and 4's dialogue choices all leading to the same outcome, to the extent that you were basically choosing between "yes" and "yes (rude)"? and you know how Bethesda would at least attempt to justify how both options led to you accepting the quest anyways, even if it was really dumb? Cassette Beasts has streamlined this process even further by making the options in most of their binary decisions so identical that they don't even require different followup dailogue before rejoining into the main conversation thread. a solid 2/3rds of the dialogue options in this game so far feel like checks that you're still awake. i know this is a minor issue because people aren't playing Pokemon-likes for the engaging "choices matter" approach to storytelling, and i did ignore it at first, but it's so pervasive that you really can't ignore it

[hecksupremechips]

It’s still hurting

My belly should stop hurting I’m literally so cute why is this happening 🥺

[nekropsii]

i think theres a really big issue in the community specifically surrounding the people who headcanon dave as some sort of trans where both sides of the coin seem to hate each other? like both sides are at fault here, ive seen blogs demeaning people who like transmasc dave and then like you said other people just completely disregarding transfem dave. guys. can we stop. let people headcanon what they want without blatantly attacking them, this goes for all parties in this issue. i dont get why people act like this. the fuck happened to all trans people being equal and then we get both transmisoginy and harassment of people liking either of the trans headcanons?

jesus man. im tired of it

Respectfully, I do not think this is a “Both Sides” situation.

The concept of transmasc Dave is objectively one of the most popular headcanons in the Homestuck fandom, and it has been for years. I think I can excuse people who headcanon transfem Dave for “hating it”, because as I have been trying to fucking say this entire time, people keep correcting me on my own posts about transfem Dave on my own blog, and belittling me for thinking this way. And since I’ve asked people to maybe interrogate why they feel the need to correct me and patronize me and to stop fucking doing that, I’ve been getting inundated with people trying to mansplain and traumadump to me how me saying to not correct me and patronize me for having a transfem headcanon is oppressing them and that trans men also have it bad, as if I literally ever insinuated that they do not have it tough.

You do not get to “Both Sides” me on a discussion about my experience when I have never - and I mean NEVER - received this level of heat for headcanoning a character as literally anything else. I have NEVER gotten “corrected” for headcanoning a character as gay, or transmasculine, or black, or a lesbian - only now, when I headcanon a character as a trans woman, am I getting people correcting me, condescending me, telling me some really fucking personal traumas to explain to me I’m “in the wrong” for being upset about the correction and condescension, very obviously making assumptions about my sex, gender, and what I’ve been through in my life, making negative assumptions about my intelligence, and putting a fuck ton of words in my mouth.

I am speaking from my own experience here. I am sorry if that hurts anyone’s feelings, but that much cannot be taken from me. From my experience, this is not “Both Sides”, this is very clearly one side with far greater numbers giving another flack for not assimilating, and when that other side tries to say what’s going on, they’re treated as an aggressor, and treated like a petulant idiot child.

Before anyone puts any more words in my god damn mouth:

I literally never said no one could HC Dave as transmasculine, or that they were wrong for thinking that way. I have outright said the opposite, that it is fine and that I do not care. HOWEVER, I sure as hell am experiencing people telling me that I am wrong for HCing her as a woman.

I literally never, and I mean NEVER, said or insinuated that trans men do not suffer, especially under the patriarchy. I am not an idiot, I know how the patriarchy works, it hurts literally everyone that doesn’t conform to an incredibly, incredibly narrow white non-queer cishetero male ideal. I am also not an idiot, I know that transphobia will exist no matter what you identify as, and it will suck absolute horseshit. Neither “side” has it “easy”, every type of transphobia has an uncomfortably, terrifyingly high body count. I never fucking said trans men do not have it hard. Stop putting those words in my mouth.

Literally all I said was that it’s fucking weird that I’ve never been treated this way until I headcanoned a character as a trans woman, and maybe to interrogate that because people sure seem comfortable acting this way, and that-

This is Transmisogyny.

And if there’s anything else I’ve learned from this, it’s that-

HIT DOGS HOLLER.

[ham1lton]

jude rly does get injured (it’s minor he just needs some pain meds) and the pain meds make him a little dopey and he’s like nurse yn you’re the nicest woman ive ever met :D and physio yn is like im not a nurse but thanks and jude is like you’d make a great mom. i wish you were MY mom 😁 and yn is like ok now we’re all over the place 😐

r/relationshipadvice

title: i (21m) told my physio (f mid 20s) that i wish she was my mum while high on pain meds…. pretty sure i ruined everything. help?!

title is pretty self explanatory.

ok so for some context, i’ve had a huge crush on my physio, let’s call her ny, for months now. i got injured earlier this year during practice and ended up having sessions with her twice a week. she’s smart, funny, gorgeous, the whole package. and she’s great at her job. i’ve been lowkey trying to impress her, like working harder during our sessions, asking about her day, stuff like that. i even told her about my favorite spot to get a coffee and the next week she mentioned she tried it. idk if that means anything but i was buzzing.

fast forward to last week. i had a minor injury during a game and needed some stitches and pain meds. nothing serious thankfully, but i was feeling a bit loopy from the meds when i saw her for my usual session. apparently, i decided it was the perfect time to tell her she was the nicest person i’ve ever met and that she’d make a great mom. and then—brace yourselves—i said i wished she was my mum.

i want the earth to swallow me up whole. she kinda laughed it off, said something like “we’re all over the place today,” but i’m mortified. like, what was i thinking?? i can’t stop replaying it in my head. did i just ruin any chance i might’ve had? i’ve seen her once since then and she was super professional as usual, but i feel like she’s keeping more distance now.

am i overthinking this? how do i recover from this without making it more awkward? pls help.

top comments:

u/fatalcrush: let’s be real here, you’re hyper-fixating because you like her. she’s not thinking about it nearly as much as you are. keep things professional, and maybe stop trying so hard to impress her—it might be coming off as a little much.

OP: you’re 100% right, but it’s like every time i tell myself to chill, i somehow end up booking another session. and it’s not even about impressing her anymore; i just want to be around her. like, last week i convinced myself i had mild shin splints. she checked it out and said i was fine, but she did recommend some stretches, and i was like, “this is the highlight of my week.” i’m so down bad.

u/yesimamom: she probably sees you as a sweet (if slightly misguided) kid who said something goofy while high. but also, as a mom myself, i gotta say, we don’t take these comments lightly. she’s probably thinking about it more than you realize. not in a weird way, just like, “aw, this kid’s got some feelings.”

OP: you think?? she’s so hard to read sometimes. like, last time i came in with “shoulder pain” (which was real that time, i swear), she asked how i was doing outside of physio, like actually cared about my life. i told her everything was fine, but deep down, i was screaming, “everything would be perfect if you were in it more!”

u/deadinside23: dude, i once told my therapist i thought of her as my “emotional support dog.” if i can live with that, you can survive this.

OP: lmao ok, that makes me feel a bit better. i just don’t know how to act normal around her anymore. like, do i start talking about unrelated stuff to make up for the weird comment? or is that even weirder? i already asked her if she likes movies, and she said she’s more of a book person. now i’m pretending to be into books.

u/j0b3: are you serious bro 😭 call me

[syoddeye]

feel free to ignore this one-

i have been a big fan of fanfiction for a while and recently got into cod. and ive noticed a lot of poetic writers tend to head down the noncon/ddne territory, and i guess it’s always a conflict for me?

cus it’s beautiful, but always so fucking sickening. nasty stuff for sure. and being one of my favorite authors, i guess im asking if you believe the writing is supposed to justify it? romaticize it- instead of condemning? maybe it slips past me but im always unsure if the writing is supposed to be seen as strictly art that divulges into the depths of a dark mind and a bad man- or it’s indulging in a fantasy.

im breaking from my comfortable shell from the ‘white picket fence happy ending cute tale’ fanfiction and actually really enjoying reading dark fics because good ones do such a wonderful job at toeing the ‘this is so beautiful but I feel like vomiting’ line- but in the back of my mind i wonder if it’s supposed to be read in a positive light- like the assaulter is…good?

im a bit new to it all which is why I guess there’s a shred of shame in it, because I don’t like the actions in ddne. they’re unsettling, gross (unfeminist? unsure) - but the writing is often times why i have to finish them because it’s jus so beautiful, pulls you in. your guts are all shriveled but your mind is wide awake and your mouth is wide open like you’re trying to swallow the poetry whole (not to be dramatic).

have you ever felt this? or am i jus like. vanilla.

hey friend, thanks for your patience on this.

i know you’ve already reached back out and i’m glad the links shared here helped. i’m gonna respond to both asks here because i don’t want to break your anonymity without your consent.

i’m also disabling reblogs. everything below this is my opinion and experiences. other folks will obviously feel differently. (if any of my smart and talented friends want to chime in or correct me, please do.)

first, i respect and appreciate your openness. you are kind and your thoughtfulness shines through both messages. feeling conflicted about complicated and difficult topics is normal. not to get all woo-ey off the bat, but we’re human beings. this is our first time planetside and all that. it’s important to cut yourself some slack. this post is generally how i see it:

“the human brain is weird. sex fantasies ≠ actual desires. if you ask yourself, “would i want to act out this thing in real life” and the answer is “fuck no,” then you’re fine. shipping is also not an indicator of what you would condone in real life. you are not secretly a monster. you are a human being. human beings are complicated.”

you ask: [do] you believe the writing is supposed to justify it? romanticize it- instead of condemning?

no, and this is where i think the posts i shared help. i do not believe dead dove or dark fic justifies sexual assault and rape, in the same way i do not believe games or horror films make people violent.

you also share:

“maybe it slips past me but im always unsure if the writing is supposed to be seen as strictly art that divulges into the depths of a dark mind and a bad man- or it’s indulging in a fantasy.” “in the back of my mind i wonder if it’s supposed to be read in a positive light”

this just tells me you’re engaging with fiction in a normal way. it’s normal to process how a story affects you. when reading fiction that depicts the disgusting, there’s a chance you feel disgusted. you remind me of how i felt when i first started reading dark fic. i had to unpack and grapple with years of being told any sexual fantasy that wasn’t heterosexual + monogamous + only explored after marriage was a one-way ticket to superhell and made me an awful person. surprise, it doesn't!

again, i’ll echo my first reply in case anyone needs to see it again: content warnings and tags aside, if readers hit an unexpected limit/boundary/landmine in a fic that they know will adversely impact or trigger them, they need to exit immediately. disengaging from fanfic is a reader’s responsibility. no one is forcing anyone to read fanfic, and no one should feel like they have to finish fanfic because it’s beautifully written, at the expense of their well-being. 

(to note, because i don’t want folks to think i’m ignoring it, but i’m not going to wade into what’s feminist or not when it comes to fiction. i think that’s a whole other discussion and i’m not in the headspace to engage.)

(another note, semi-related - something that continually frustrates me in the broader discussion of dead dove and dark fanfic is the pressure for victims to share personal information to justify their opinion, no matter where it falls. while i do share some stuff about my personal life, i do have limits. i’ve been asked point blank in my ask box and ao3 comments if i’ve ever been sexually assaulted, because some folks feel entitled to that information to ‘justify’ my writing about it. people can and will make their assumptions, but i will never divulge that info here, on tumblr.com, of all places. that’s a hard line for me.)

to your second message, i am sincerely happy that those links helped. it really boils down to ‘it doesn’t equal your actual desires’. you said it was a huge relief to see that, and it is! again! i felt a galaxy brain moment when i stopped hating myself for liking darkfic. reading/writing dark fic isn't an endorsement.

and and and not to sound like your grandpapa out on the porch, but now that i know your age—you are young. do not beat yourself up for learning or not knowing your limits just yet. i am in my 30s and learning shit about myself all the time. i’ll be 60 and having lightbulb moments reading fanfic.

okay. i think i’ve yapped enough. linking to early’s post again because it’s so, so good.

[stevie-petey]

Hi M! I saw you mention that you felt bad for Billy because of that particular lack of a chance he got to prove himself to be a good person. And I definitely agree because even tho he was really cruel and horrible, the scene of his death still made many of us cry 🤧

Because of this, I thought of a tiny little angst blurb if you want to write it!

In your latest chapter of come home, it was mentioned that he tried finding bug because he didn’t know what was going on with him and why he was acting the way he was.

Do you think you could write that from his pov?

Thank you! 😁

this one is a challenge because ive never written billys pov but heres my very poor attempt lmao

enjoy !

"dude, are you alright?"

lights blind billy. a ringing in his ears nearly deafens him. his vision blurs and his teeth grind into sawdust. the taste of blood fills his mouth as he bites down on his tongue. he grips at the lifeguard stand, hardly able to stand himself.

theres a guy in front of him. billy thinks his name is alex, who eyes him wearily. alex clears his throat, tries again. "hey, uh. billy?"

billy. his name is billy. billy hargrove.

the metallic taste of blood coats his mouth. he tries to speak, words tumble from mouth like a slippery slope. he doesnt have control over them. he cant remember if hes supposed to breathe in or out when he speaks.

all billy knows is that theres a girl out there. someone told him to come find her of he ever needed anything. what was her name? it started with an h, two, maybe three syllables.

he loses his footing, almost falls against the stands wood, and alex takes a step back from him. hes scared of billy. did he do something? hes cold. his entire body is cold.

"you know what, im just... i'll just go." alex takes another step back. he pushes his glasses up stands awkwardly in front of billy. "y/n is probably waiting for me, anyways."

the hair on billys arms stand up.

y/n henderson. that had been the girls name.

sweetheart. billy calls you sweetheart. hawkins sweetheart. the one who extended help to him.

"where?" saliva mixed with blood follows billys question.

alexs eyes widen. "w-what?"

"where. is. y/n?" he needs to find you. its getting harder and harder to keep the blood inside his mouth. his guts twist within his stomach, billy thinks the cold that attacks his body is really white hot heat, searing his intestines and burning him from the inside.

you said you could help him.

billy doesnt know whats going on. darkness seeps into his brain. he cant think straight. the sunlight casts a blinding streak across his eyesight. is he dreaming?

"she... she should be waiting in her car." alex isnt sure if he should be telling billy this. youve always been weird when it came to the mention of the boy, but billys sweat drips onto the concrete and alex thinks he may be experiencing heatstroke.

he decides then that he should take billy to you. alex knows youll know what to do. you always do. the amount of times youve saved his ass at work is more than hes willing to admit, but alex holds a deep appreciation for you.

alex grabs billys arm to guide him towards the pools exit, but the skin is cold to the touch. he flinches, he doesnt understand whats wrong with the guy. hes drenched in sweat and yet ice cold.

billy doesnt register any of this. all he can feel is his body being moved somewhere. hes removed from it all. his body hasnt been his ever since the night he crashed his car.

theres something inside of billy. something more sinister than the anger his father left him. worse than the bruises and scars from his childhood. and billy is afraid.

it takes some maneuvering, alex has to stop and steady billy every few feet, but eventually they make it to the pools parking lot. only your car isnt there.

alex curses and looks down at his watch. its almost one in the afternoon. your shift at bookstrordinary shouldve ended thirty minutes ago. youre never late.

and yet you never show.

billy and alex stand in the parking lot for nearly an hour waiting for you. the sun blazes down upon their skin. billy nearly blacks out at one point, and alex doesnt know what to do.

then something seems to shift within billy. his back straightens, his eyes suddenly ignite, and the blue in his irises is gone. black now infiltrates, and alex nearly trips on the curb in his haste to get away from him.

billy sniffs the air in an animalistic way. alex watches.

theyre here.

the voice booms in billys mind. its gravelly, rough, it isnt human.

follow them. follow her.

billy turns and sees el walking across the street. shes coming towards the pool. she hasnt seen him yet. neither have the others. those goddamn kids and max.

max.

who is he again?

[fictionfixations]

This is so off topic but i really want to write a time travel fic of someone twst. Like an actual multichapter one not just the oneshot with silver and sebbie (and yuu) I blame the actual sebek time travel fic i read before i made it to book 7 And i blame the fact i had a dream where sebek had time traveled and like he was doing stuff to undo things and he got caught and they were waiting for him to explain and it was tense and somehow he ended up pretending to be asleep to get out of it and also did i forget to mention that I was sebek and it felt so real that for a few minutes i was just sitting there in bed still pretending to be asleep waiting for someone to leave and then slowly was trying to think like ‘..this doesnt feel like–’ cause sebek was like leaning on lilia’s shoulder ????? or something like that and i realized WAIT that was just a DREAM

Its wild. Like. there was this person who was like trying to get sebbie to stop threateningly like ‘i have a criminal record’ and he kept repeating it and its just aAAA (as in they arent afraid to get violent D:) IDK it felt like there was like some war going on in the background with lilia and malleus and some horrible thing was going to happen that sebek wanted to stop

And so it was in the library with something something secret passage that led to like 3 glowing blue balls (HAHA BALLS) on top of like a cushion in a box and i cant remember wtf they did just that they were important. I cant remember if it was a bad thing or not. I think that probably came from LoCF influence cause of the thing in the library crossman curse thingy whatever i forgot

But so it was really nerve wracking.

And i remember reading this fic with general lilia having a twin and it was started because the person writing it had dreams of it. And i was like woah thats cool. I dont think id have dreams like that but id like to.

HAHA i jinxed myself like months later cause wtf it felt weirdly real even though its nothing like my irl life. Like usually i get tricked because its taking place in locations ive been to before (i once had a dream i had a cat and i felt so sad because i didnt have one irl) but NOPE 

Anyway idk where silver was but it was strongly implied that it was in the past past like general lilia type past except malleus existed then too

Idk why sebek was there (or why i was sebek ??? i think i just got huge brainrot rfom that sebek time travel fic tbh)

but so . i was so hesitant to say something about it bc idk it felt weird so i sat on this for 4 days but weirdly enough i still remember a good chunk of it like the many details i just didnt write down originally

..i feel like this is a sign i should write it. i just wish i knew what the balls were for 💀. i mean i think it was bad because the library was implied to be like in like their home or base right?? and he was trying to take it away. but he was gonna touch it with his bare hand idk dream logic causing dumb shit im pretty sure they're magical balls.

anyway i cant remember if he managed to get them or if he got caught or how?? did he get caught in the act? i mean how else would they be suspicious???

in the first place why are they not suspicious of him being there

like

like

did he somehow bullshit his way in there

like okay JP spoilers (i think it'll appear in the NEXT main story update on EN)

like how he was like describing to baur his grandpa (who is baur btw but baur doesnt know it i dont think?) and like how hes half fae and baur acknowledging him as one of them and is like 'well for all i know you could be a zigvolt' and like being accepting and its just like shfuisdhfuisehdij

but so anyway that worked so idk maybe it works for them. idfk what excuse he made up

aughhhh why do i have to have brainrot over this when im trying to write something else tho

[domoriu]

i have some questions and i was wondering if you could answer them because you’re one of my favorite writers on here. plus you’re stories and vibe are very similar to mine so i’d love to here your POV!

do you have any advice and this on how to start a fanfic writing account? (on tumblr!)

how to make write good as in flow, wording, better sentences, etc? ik for this one it’s going to take practice but since i write a little already i was wondering how to make my writing actually sound good? (because urs is amazing!)

tips on motivation to write and post?

how is it as a writer on onedoorblr? (fics for bonedo) in terms of like the space to be able to post “different” stories. (hybrid, abo, freakysmutlol, femdom, dark as in tragedy’s and horror.) plus interactions, notes/likes?

sorry if this is a lot but i didn’t know who else to ask and you feel like a safer option to me of that makes sense? anyways we all love you and your stories a lot! 🩶 i hope the rest of your week is amazing (*^_^*)

OKAY I HAD TO GET ON MY LAPTOP TO ANSWER THIS ONE SINCE ITS A LOT!! also sorry if my advice is a little weird ive genuienly been in the fanfic scene for like 8 years now since i was 11 so i dont even know the answer to these myself (not my proudest moments btw...) so i'll try to give the best advice i can <3

1. i think... start off by finding a username that you think suits you a lot, and then worry about theme and all that just so your account looks good to your own eyes i think that'll really help with getting motivated to write (for me at least) and also really just have fun with it !! figuring out what you want to do on your page is also important so you can set those boundaries for yourself as well as the people engaging in your content but also always remember its your page so you can really do whatever you please. and dont be too discouraged by numbers because once you feel like its not fun and you're putting too much pressure on yourself it gets hard to make content.

2. for word building/flow all that kind of stuff... really imagine the scenarios in your head (maybe even act them out if you can, to make sure everything is flowing properly) if you're writing smut, what helps me is i look up sex positions or look up porn to get a good idea on the positioning and how to write things out. for word flow, i always have a thesaurus tab open that way i'm not using the same basic words repeatedly (this is probably the most helpful piece of advice imo, i love the thesaurus super bad) and also if you ever feel like the work isn't good or needs a little tweaking id say read it over, try to read it from the pov of someone who's reading your work for the first time or even get someone to beta read for you and give suggestions for any errors or anything that needs a bit of tweaking

3. for motivation, write down the gist of any idea you have down immediately because you might forget it or you'll just never have the motivation to really finish it. i have so many fic ideas locked away in a vault because i started writing the idea when the excitement for it died down or i completely lost motivation to write it because my brain wanted to move onto another fic idea.

write on your own schedule. just because you have a following doesn't mean you need to put out a new fic every single day, give yourself time to recollect your thoughts and work on a piece where you can put all of your attention into so you can be truly proud of your work !! because what's the point of writing something if you yourself don't even like it. and a lot of us have lives outside of tumblr, so don't pressure yourself to constantly write because soon you might get burnt out. i think having people who actually like my works is a lot of motivation as well as not feeling rushed to put things out so its like a little treat when i post something big

4. i love the people on onedoorblr !! the community isn't super big but she's growing a lot since i joined this fandom in april... and id say the range is pretty good with the people on here and everyone has their own unique things going on. i think its a pretty safe space here to write about "different" stuff, a lottt of my mutuals are all on the femdom kick when it comes to bonedo and there's a good balance of smut writers and people who write more fluffy things, i'm not sure how common the abo/hybrid/dark content fics are on onedoorblr since i don't tend to read fics in those categories but i have seen a couple hybrid bnd fics in passing !

since bnd tumblr is still kind of small you might not get a lot of notes upfront but it definitely builds up, unlike nct/enha/riize tumblr where you can basically get around 500/1k+ notes on a post within a couple days it might take a week or two also depending on who you write about. but don't get discouraged by it !! some members are just more popular in the fanfic world than others

i hope this was helpful and dont be afraid to ask any more questions >_< thank you soso much for liking my works and im glad u feel like my page is a safe space for questions that means a lot to me !! i hope your week is amazing as well <33

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Hello everyone, today I'll do something never before seen on the flames and darkness liveblog which is read TWO chapters!! Idk man, i havent been able to read more than one chapter at a time recently because this book suddenly turned into such a slog to get through, although granted that might also just be my mental illness making it more difficult. whatever, i'll be in treatment for that next week

Anyway, today I'll be reading chapter 44 which is the star fall chapter, and chapter 45 which is. a chapter. Knowing this book series nothing of note is gonna happen in that one but that wont stop me from reading it

Chapter 44

Okay, theyre mentioning Feyre not looking so emancipated amymore and it made me remember all the weird weight shit from the start of this book. Like, she was losing weight because she was throwing up all the time and then not eating a lot and everyone was constantly remarking on that and it was unbelievably uncomfortable, but then when Feyre officially joined the night court and everyone immediately stopped talking about it, it almost feels a little manipulative, if that makes sense. Like, this book is ostensibly about Feyres healing journey but the Night Court cannot, under any circumstances, have anything negative associated with it so her trauma basically just disappears so we dont have to see the unpleasant parts of her recovery, she has one (1) nightmare after she starts living there permanently, one (1) moment where she feels too depressed to leave the bed and a few moment where she acts out but then immediately feels bad for it every time

Ughhhhh Feyre is wearing a dress for this which is really frustrating but you guys already know how I feel about that so shant go into that much more detail on this

I swear Im not just saying this to be a hater, Feyres dress sounds so tacky too

yoooooooo is Cassian implying he'd like to wear a tacky ass dress too??

and yet hes just wearing a BLACK TUNIC bro Feyre is literally covered in diamonds from head to toe so she can look like a shooting star or whatever and Cassian doesnt even have the decency to wear a black tunic that glitters or something?? Or hell, maybe even a red tunic to match his siphons, idk, give me SOMETHING im gonna tear my fucking hair out

Feyre is wondering about the IC being her friends and its like, girlie theyre barely even each others friends and youve known each other for maybe half a year to their 500 years

Feyre is describing Azriel hungrily staring at Mor's ass and it reminded me of that one bonus chapter Ive seen discussions about where he's really horny about Elain in a way thats pretty uncomfortable, and a lot of ex-Elriels say that it made them stop liking the idea of the ship because thats when they realized that SJM was just gonna mutilate both of their characters for the sake of smut, but honestly I dont think she would even need to mutilate Az that much

I could not give less of a shit about the Mor/Cassian/Azriel drama but I have to admit its kinda funny reading about Feyre speculating so much about Mor's relationships knowing shes gonna turn out to be interested in women

Mor says that Rhysand was very upset after she had sex with Cassian and beat him up as hard as he could (#incest) but she says he wasnt upset because of her virginity but because of the danger she put herself in by losing it, which is like, first of all that seems like splitting hairs, he was still upset that she lost her virginity even though that was none of his business. And second of all, I think it would actually make sense for him to have the kind of archaic sexist beliefs that would make Mor losing her virginity upsetting to him, considering he was also 17 when that happened just like Mor and Im guessing there wasnt anyone around to teach him feminism. or maybe hes so feminist he came out of the womb believing in womens rights and didnt need to be taught anything

god, the inner circle dynamics are so comically fucked up I have no idea how they can stand being around each other

Again, Im not much of a Feylin girlie but "Your hair looks... clean." >>>>>>>>>>>>>> "You look like a women again." (???? whats thag even supposed to mean)

So Rhysand is not wearing a black tunic, but he is wearing wearing a black jacket which is equally disappointing. atleast he has his tits out i guess

Rhysand was gone for 50 years and yet his best friends are not spending any time with him at their first party together since theyve been seperated, thats what i call friendship goals

Yeah, I guess its kinda sad that Rhys missed out on important holiday that meant a lot to him while undr the mountain but you know who else had to do that? Literally everyone that wasnt from the spring court

So he doesnt wanna tell his friends, who are by all accounts doing alright because theyve spent the past few decades trapped in a beautiful idyllic city, about his trauma but hes perfectly fine traumadumping on a twenty year old woman who just started to recover from her own trauma

Maybe Im just in a bad mood but this bullshit where theyre getting covered in star spirits or whatever feels so joyless to me, like its not whimsical or fun to me

Okay so, Ive heard about Rhysand calling Feyre exquisite and it made me cringe just thinking about it, but it looks like theyve translated that to him calling her 'herrlich' which means the exact same thing but it sounds a lot less weird and bad. once again, thank you, Alexandra

Feyre really just said "You regret sexually assaulting me? But why?" huh

Chapter 45:

Okay, thats the end of the chapter but theres two more things that kinda annoyed me that I didnt feel the need to mention as I was reading. 1) Feyre kept going on and on aboht Rhysand being her friend, it felt so insincere, its like sjm say a post online right before she started writing this chapter that was like "in the best relationships, your partner isnt just your partner but also your best friend" and decided to put that sentiment in her book, and 2) I felt like there were so many moments towards the end of that chapter where Feyre is like "oh, ive never felt this way with anyone" and its very obviously alluding to how she didnt love Tamlin as much as she does Rhysand now, and it was just very strange to read, like Tamlin was haunting the narrative even though hes not even dead yet

Uhm. so i got really tired all of a sudden so I took a nap at this point and read some gay vampire fanfic to rejunivate myself and now Im ready for whatever happens in the next chapter

"I was a traitor. [...] Even though I oficially left Tamlin - it was only two months ago, after all. By Fae standards that was probably barely more than a day." Oh yeah, i havent been keeping track of the time thanks for reminding me that this story about immortals is moving at a breakneck pace for no goddamn reason. But also, as an author trying to write a grand long-lasting romance, why would you write this. I know Feysand are gonna get married at the end of book and now when I get to that point Im not gonna be thinking "wowwww such romance" Im gonna be thinking "damn these bozos did the fae equivalent of getting eloped in vegas after knowing each other for barely a week"

Oh, men of all ages are training at this camp? would you say some of them are. child-aged

Feyre is being all "its so cold here, im freezing in my illyrian leathers I cant imagine a child with no clothes surviving here for a single day, much less eight years" (referring to Cassian) and yet she doesnt spare a single thought to all the children who have to be at this camp as well because this is the camp that the batboys grew up in, its not like this is a different kind of camp where they dont train children

God I hate Feyre thinking about how fuckin powerful the batboys are especially because its like, Rhysand is literally their high lord, he already holds so much power over the guys running this camp we dont need a reminder that he could easily crush their minds or that his goons need more syphons to contain the totality of their power or whatever

I get that these guys are like, shitty misogynists or whatever, but I dont think Rhys throwing them out of the house they live in is some #boyboss move hes just being an asshole

Rhysand would never want to lock Feyre in a house for protection, but he does want to decapitate anyone who lays a hand on her which is soooooo much better

Rhysand keeps calling the.... "females" of this camp "girls" which implies one of two things: 1) hes talking about adult women, hes just calling them girls, which is not very feminist of our feminist king, or 2) hes talking about actual girls aka children which. thank god for our feminist king having equal-opportunity child soldiers

Its actually kind of surreal how theyre at the camp where the batboys spent their CHILDhoods and Feyre keeps talking about what it mustve been like for Cassian while the narrative is actively avoiding talking about children being at the camp at this present moment while also not outright stating "there are no kids here at this present moment"

"'[The clipping of the wings is] to ensure the safety of their women, they said.'" this reminds me of something @/kateprincessofbluewhales said in regards to Rhysand forcing illyrian women to train but not doing anything else to advance their rights, which is that the wing clipping mightve started as a way for men to help women dodge the 'draft' that seems to be mandatory for all healthy illyrians. I dont really have anything else to say about that, it just popped into my head and i thought it was interesting

Rhysand is talking about how at some of the camps, women are declared anti-marriage material if they train and how he cant do anything about that and its like, even if these women are not officially declared unmarriable or whatever, the misogynistic men that make up these camps are probably not gonna wanna marry a women who trains, so what difference does that really make

Also, he says the only thing he could do about 'laws' like that is to murder the warlords and take their children/trainees? under his wing and I guess he thinks he would have to do that for every camp that does that but honestly, I think just doing it once or twice would send a powerful enough message to discourage other warlords from being misogynistic. And he wouldnt have to raise all these children all by himself either, Im sure he could get the help of a few non-sexist men or even, gasp, some women. Like those priestesses living in that library Im sure some of the ones that have already recovered from their trauma somewhat wouldnt mind teaching some boys about the harm that misogyny does

Okay so the blood rite is called a Blutritual [blood ritual] in german which is a little confusing because a ritual is a pretty specific thing and I dont think the blood rite is that specific thing but whatever, it sounds cool enough

Ive said this before, I am not a Tamlin girlie, at best I prefer him to Rhysand, and I dont like or trust Rhysand at all, but imagine hearing that tragic story about how their families killed each other, leaving them as the only survivors and being like "I cant believe Tamlin killed Rhysands family!!" especially when its like, the only person Feyre actually knows Tamlin killed is Rhysands dad who sucked ass, its not exactly a great loss

I feel like i had a lot of thoughts about a lot of things in this chapter that I couldnt write down because theyre these abstract half-thoughts, so I think I'll let those marinate until theyre full thoughts and share them with you at some later date