#and i guess im just kinda feeling all silly cuz i went from feeling really sad to really glad really quickly but its all fuzzy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lightbulb-warning · 1 year ago

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[MAJORLY uncoherent anecdotal storytine:]

entertainment value: mild

cw: blood exams (not described in detail), vague mentions to struggles that aren't elaborated on, tmi personal rambling written by someone who is loopy from blood loss aka bad grammar/syntax/morphology/yeah also this got long whoops

im feeling mega loopy cuz blood exam (dundnt faint!! how outstanding of me. iamcurrently instanding. batumtssk!!i lie down now.)

but AT the blood exam a newer nurse stopped by and my usual nurse was like "PIVELLA meet [redacted <- (me. im redacted.)] this kid is a STAPLE in this department bla bla" and wow mom look im famius!! it only took me getting my blood displaced and stared at medically and faintinf a lot very often hshahahaah

the usual nurse is so NICE she's been doing my blood check traslocations since ive been like 15 i think maybe earlier?? idk idk i love her she's so nice and a kickass lady and she bullies all her coworkers and also me a lot!!! bully as in teasing she's nice yeah anyway yeah

me having to get my blood checked often is really inconvenient and kinda sucks!!! because i get koed and fuck if i can do anything for the next 24hs blegh but but BUT this lady has seen my grow up and seenbthe fuck up my life became and is seeing me pick up the peices abd whenever she sees me in the waiting room she shouts "its YOU" very dramatically and the staff has inside jokes about me and my dumv unoptimezed blood stats and thats REALLY NICE SOBS

like i dont wanna make a fable moral out of it like live love kaugh kindess uwu because realistacally, when i was fucked up previously (in the way that was bad compared to how i am fucked up now. funny joke. laugh.) i didn't gove two shits about people being nice to me because i was a massive hater and hated myself most (loser behavior!!!! the world hates you already love yourself out of SPITE!!!!!!!!!!) so people going out of their way to make a horrible situation slightly less horrible for me COMPLETELY went over my head "broom broom autopilot kill crush destroy ourselves!!!" (<- that's what my head looked like.ew there's no whimsy and silly in there, gross!! jk baby me gets the reatroactive love myself treatment bc noone els ecan do that for me!! what was i saying) and yeah i wasn't neurobiologically capable of giving two shits about anything, especially some random nurse going out of her way to crack jokes but idk i appreciated now!!! and she realizes i appreciate it now!!! and it's nothing big or grandiose i guess the world is still turning and nothing in the essential state of things changes bc i did a navelgazey testimony of WOW SOMETIMES THINGS CAN BE OKAY OCASSIONALLY HOLY SHIT?? but also!!! if i don't do it!!!!!!! who will!!???????

aesop would prolly write about foxes and grapes and terracotta pottery and crows and things being okay with time, but ME, a certified "just some guy", is gonna ramble about " it's gonna be okay" semantics because its!! been!! bullshit!! BUT THAT'S OKAY!!!!

shit got SO MUCH worse than what i could've imagined in my catastrophation!!!!!! id wasted my life preparing and planning for all the plans Ds and Gs and Js and Zs because my situation was FUCKED and i didn't have power to fix it, and too bad!!! SHIT HAPPENS AND IT SUCKS!!! time isn't gonna fix SHIT!!!!!! time is just a tracker of when!!! time does no good time does no harm!!!! what time did give my stupid fucking idiot idiot lovely self was time to change!!! not in just "omg change your perspective ✨" (which can be really really really important!! but you shouldn't take anyone's shit just because you see their perspective!!!! no you don't deserve to be treated like shit!!!!!! they don't deserve to get away with treating anyone like shit!!!!! what makes you so special that the world's evil needs to converge upon you?? you're just some guy!! they're just some guy!!! you be nice to you!!)

time is just there!! what does get okay with time is being!!! your enemy is no longer gonna cause you stress once you outlive them!!! you can be better than your yesterday self at any time!!! life goes on if you fuck up everything and you CAN do whatever you want with the peices!!! FAIL!!! FEAR!!! if we're scared we do it scared!!! it's not gonna be okay because its gonna be perfect, it's gonna be okay because it CAN be different!!

im still not """""fixed""""" , im still screwing things up and i still don't really understand what exactly is """""wrong""""" with me and that's okay for now, and hey!! i am capable of having a nice interaction with someone!!!! that's progress.

massive tangent lmao

local tumblr user gets some blood consensually stolen, has a positive interaction with someone, goes home and starts preaching at [unidentified recipient] jesus fucking christ maiora go to sleep this isn't the time for monologues

tl;dr: someone was nice to me just to be nice and im happy because i wouldn't have been able to appreciate it previously and it's nice to see people being nice for the sake of it

im nap now buh bye thanks for reading have a night or day!!!! be nice to you i can't do that for you!!! /lh

#incoherent #absolutely incoherent #shut up maiora #shut the FUCK up maiora #affectionate #ramble #anecdote anthology #illbregret posting this but also itd be funny to have my rambles out there and people can read my woozy rambles at my funeral/pos #like if it stays in my brain noone can see it. if i get it out my brain it's a sign i existed in whatever capacity and idk that's fun #not that im dying anytime soon #what's death gonna do?? stop me???? pathetic.#/j #i really need to sleep

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theendofuno · 1 year ago

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okay….haii tl;dr: i want to throw myself from a reactor nuclear and besides loving this page dearly keeping it daily isnt helping me with these kinda of thought so ill start a god-knows-who-long hiatus

now *puts a music box version of meltdown by iroha for dramatic purposes* *cleans throat* pretending im talking to an audience its easier for me okay dont judge me :(

i dont know how to write texts but ill try my best to explain everything without going into too much annoying stuff but the text may have a few suicide mentions here and there

okay

i created this page in a very dark period of my life that never went away, it actually worsened everyday. it was supposed just to be fun and games, "oh this character didnt got released this month, maybe drawing him everyday for a month until he gets here will be very funny!!!" *stares at 2 years*

as you can see, i didnt had ANY prepare to keep going for the long we did, but this is 100% not a complain

i really love this page, i really do love everyone i've met, i love having this project with my best friend, but i cant and wont lie: it made me VERY worse than i already was. it made me feel good, it made me feel loved, it made me feel human again, and at the same time it absolutely killed me

having to keep this consistence everyday, having to do good drawings, not allowing myself to do what it was better for my own health just because i didnt wanted to disappoint people with silly drawings when the first week was all cool drawings full colored with a bunch of details, references and etc

i really lost my count of how many times i had a terrible breakdown or even an attempt and my first thought was just "yeah that sucked. anyway i have to work so people will have some art tomorrow!"

and to be honest i dont think starting this page with my friend was…..that of a good idea. i know youre here just for their art. you dont need to lie i know theyre better than i am and you would prefer to see their art everyday other than mine. dont worry the feeling its mutual

but well theyre a slow artist and i wont be the one forcing them to draw everyday, i am the one that can do it and thats what i did for 300 days until now!

but that was something that kinda broke my feelings also cuz im very harsh on myself and keeping comparing their drawings to mine, not only the quality but also the different attention it all got (and sometimes it was almost a 20 likes difference so..sucks to be me ig) isnt doing good for my little damaged brain. its 100% not their fault tho and im not saying it is KJGDKFDK but if im going to be honest then i will

i dont know how to keep going the text tbh,, so,, my point is that im havent felt well since i started the page, and i love it with my whole heart, and these feelings have nothing to do with uno, grand chase itself, or the community (maybe a 2% fault go for annoying people from twitter /hj), im just being a little egoistic and doing this for myself or otherwise i can go completely insane and well. psych wards dont look funny :(

i really feel nasty, an HORRIBLE human being, absolute egoistic trash by abandoning the page, i feel SO FUCKING BAD for not drawing my son, by not updating here everyday and allowing people to see the silly stuff i do, but i guess i got to my breaking point where i just cant keep ignoring my suicide attempts by drawing and keeping my mouth shut (really, my last attempt was so scary i didnt fully recovered from)

yeahhhhhhh

i guess that was it

i pinky-promise i'll try my best to keep drawing and posting everytime i can, but it wont be daily, and it may not be weekly also, but i didnt gave up and i WONT gave up, this page is my absolute pride and joy and i cant just let it go away for a bad mental day. i still love and forever will love uno and drawing him, and i'll be forever happy for everyone i've met and helped me even without they knowing, just by liking or commenting on my stuff

i hope you guys can forgive me for abandoning stuff right now and i hope y'all dont forget me. i wont be mad if you forget me. i'll just be a little sad. maybe cry a little *stares at you like that ( ◕_◕)* but dont worry. its okay.

i'll be trying my best to get back posting daily at least around day 330, but dont put high hopes. please. dont expect much. bigs chances i'll be just dropping a stick man with a heart ahoge saying haiiiii and go back to posting silly ugly art

#daily-uno

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notebookmusical · 1 year ago

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Hi! How are you? I have a Chihuahua and his name is Tony but mostly I just call him toey without the n. I hate finding bruises later..it freaks me out more even if it doesn't even hurt. When and why are you going to Boston? It seems fun!

Haha I don't blame you. I liked them but wasn't obsessed anymore by the time I went to see them. Like I never loved them the way I love Taylor really..but I think cuz I wasn't as obsessed during 1989 either was maybe why my mom thought I would prefer to see them. That was actually I think my first big concert in a stadium show besides Kelly Clarkson. I don't really listen to their music anymore really but I still like them individually I guess but I wasn't like a crazy fan girl or anything. I was also obsessed with showtunes at the time and twenty one pilots and some heavier bands lol. That was the kind of concerts we went to actually. My music taste is all over the place.

Well I honestly can't remember most of the songs from Jekyll or Bloody Bloody anyway but it is mostly just like campy. I would love to see Little Shop or Rocky live..they were doing a showing in early October but I missed it. I thought it would be closer to Halloween. Something Rotten is so fun..I vividly remember watching the Tonys performance and laughing like..what the heck is that? I was intrigued..I also think Shakespeare is so funny. Then Fun Home was a really good one too..it left a strong impression and showed me the serious side of musicals. Finding Neverland is not fun haha..I remember crying at the end of the show. Gentleman's Guide is a fun show and I remember the Tony performance too. I guess I do kinda like silly musicals too if they're done well but I think I'm more into the serious ones or maybe something in between. Sondheim is a great example of that but he does have humor in his shows too. Sweeney is my favorite Sondheim show and then probably Sunday or into the Woods I guess. I do like Company too but I'm not as familiar with the full show and it's more about loving the songs for me. I also feel that way about Sunday but Company and Sunday both have a stronger message in the shows..with the ending songs Being Alive and Moving On. I'm hoping to see it too and I'm very interested to see how I feel about the gender swap.

Oh cool! Beautiful World is also on my list..im pretty sure I read some of it before but that was a year or two ago lol. I enjoyed Normal People but didn't really care for Conversations with Friends as much. I also never even finished the show of Normal People either, but I want to..I know a lot of people really like it. I struggled with some of her writing and no quotations too. I actually read some of the Night Circus the other day and was surprised by how engaging it was. I thought I would have a problem and it would be hard to read 3rd person or cuz it was old fashioned but it wasn't at all! I think it was set up really well and hooked me in right away. I hope I can keep up with the timeline and it doesn't become confusing with more characters. Sometimes I make guesses or predictions on things when I read but then I end up flipping thru it instead. This happened cuz I was trying to figure out how many parts there were or how long chapters are and why the book is split up like that but I guess I will see. I did a similar thing with Tomorrow x3 and ended up seeing a spoiler..lol. so I hope that doesn't happen with this. I read all of the backstory so far or when they were children. Ooh that fancast could be interesting I think but sometimes it doesn't work in your head as much as you want, and can be pretty hard to come up with too. It's just that sometimes when I'm reading a book and I know what the author looks like, I end up picturing the author as the character instead lol. This has happened with Emily Henry for example but most times I don't even know what they look like anyway..but since this is less modern, I thought it might help. A fun thing was that I had the book next to a cover of the Blurryface album by twenty one pilots and it was the same exact colors..black, white and red, and looked extremely similar, next to each other which made me smile.

That's also why I thought reading TBOSS might help now with the movie coming out cuz there is already a cast. I figured out that if I read 2 chapters a day, I could be done in like 15 days just in time for the movie so I might be focused on that for now. I actually think the movie might be better than the book anyway though but I think it's okay so far. I understand wanting to finish the Hunger Games first though. I loved the Olivia song. It was pretty different for her or at least pretty different from Guts, so I was surprised in a good way. Her voice is pretty powerful and it totally fits the tone of the movie. It made me wonder if it was easier or harder for her to write lyrics based on something or not..or if she has a personal connection to the lyrics as well, since there is always a part of songwriters in their lyrics like authors having parts of themselves in their characters in books. Omg wait..how do you have mutual friends with her? That's so cool..I'd love to hang out with her! The first time I heard her voice was singing Shallow but it's cool she loves Broadway and also Taylor too. Maybe that's why I think we would get along. I would recommend the West Side movie and I appreciate it being updated but I just preferred the original a lot more. That's just me though and I have watched the original so many times. I think a lot of people actually do prefer the new one more which is interesting but I guess it also makes sense. I think its pretty funny her and her bf were in West Side and now this movie..she is truly living the dream haha.

Pick whichever url makes you happy I'll still be able to find you :) or you can ask my opinion if you want. I've never changed my url but I changed blogs before..or made new ones and I've been here since 2010 lol. I think the vault does sound like Midnights a little but I think.its just a similar sound that probably inspired the sound of the album in the first place. Like people think Suburban Legends sounds exactly like Mastermind but I don't actually hear that. That specific lyric made me think of Midnights but my point was she has always had songs or a similar idea like it since her first album..so I don't get when people say she didn't write it in that era or whatever. I still think some of the vault still had an 80s sound to it though and someone pointed out Say Don't Go kinda sounds like her can't stop loving you cover and I sort of agree with that. I love that theme too and a fun fact about me is I've never seen the movie sliding doors but I actually think I will watch it soon. Oh that sucks! I hope you can get tickets closer to you..and everything works out.

I've never heard of these before but thanks for telling me! I will check them out and I hope I'm pretty good at them. I am familiar with a lot of stuff even if it's a movie or show I haven't seen so I'll tell you if it's easy or hard.

What did your mom think of the show? Oh that's such a bummer that the show had technical problems. Your seats looked pretty good though and I'm glad you were able to enjoy it anyway. I think I prefer the act one so it was maybe less noticeable for me but I see what you mean. I mostly agree with you about Wait For Me as the closer and Why We Build the Wall isn't as dramatic for the act one finale. Wait For Me was definitely one of the best parts of the show for me but what about you? Is there different things you noticed since you have seen it before?

My weekend was good! I actually went to a casino which was kinda fun. I played a Little Shop and Wonka machine and was able actually to win some money on them but not for long or as much as I hoped. Thank you for the hug and well wishes! I will probably need it as I will feel stressed and busy for the next month though so I might not be able to reply as often. I hope you feel relaxed and rested this week before your trip!

hi friend!

that's so so cute — i call toto a bunch of things too; totoroto, bobo, totes, among others, and he's learned to respond to all of them 🥺 i'm definitely soaking all the toto cuddles i can before my trip (he's sleeping on my lap as i reply to you); it's a very short trip, but :( i leave for boston sooooooon! i'm just visiting a friend for the long weekend, and we have some fun things planned!!

i've never liked an artist the way i like taylor and i don't think i ever will find someone else like that — growing up alongside her music is something very very special that i will never get to replicate, because her music has really soundtracked so much of my life! before this year i didn't really go to concerts (i'd go to like the occasional theatre one if there happened to be one near me but not like a concert concert), and so i feel like i'm making up for lost time haha. i think by the end of this year i'll have gone to like ten concerts and two music festivals? which is kind of crazy when i think about it that way! what's your favorite concert you've ever been to?

something rotten is very fun! have you also listened to & juliet? some of my friends are obsessed with it! i'm hoping that they'll do a national tour and come to seattle at some point so i can see it; i don't foresee myself going to new york anytime soon :( but things could always change! have you ever listened to eleri ward's indie folk sondheim covers? her voice is beautiful!

my rooney ranking is normal people > beautiful world > convo with friends! but i might actually change my mind and bring CWF with me, i haven't quite decided yet. i loveeeed the normal people show, it's one of the few adaptations that i think does the source material justice! and i think paul and daisy have not just wonderful chemistry, but also an amazing understanding of the characters.

i'm really glad you've been liking night circus! i have not been reading it much; i've just been very busy but hopefully will get on it once i'm back from boston! i did start reading cleopatra and frankenstein while i was at the doctor's office this week, and i found the first two chapters to be really funny. i'm not sure if it's actually funny or if it's a "i'm not supposed to laugh here so i'm trying to be quiet and so everything is funnier and i cannot stop laughing" situation, but i'm hoping to finish it tonight (very unlikely; i have a ton of stuff i need to do before boston) because otherwise i will probably never pick it up again. i always do this; i get super into a book a few days before i have to leave and i don't finish it and by the time i'm back from my trip i'm no longer interested (did the same thing in may, and again in january). if you have an idea for a night circus cast, let me know! i'm definitely interested to hear what your choices are :) i hope you continue liking it!

i really, really loved olivia's song — i keep thinking about how hauntingly beautiful it is! i thought about getting the 7" of it, but i rarely spin 7" vinyls, and i think i should save my money for other vinyls ... but i'm still thinking about it haha. i do! i have some friends in the theatre scene :)

i change my url so often! i'm always worried you won't be able to find me but i do try to do a redirect etc so people can always find me 🤍 i probably won't do anything until i'm back from boston, and then maybe by then i'll want to do something else anyways! what are your thoughts on the vault tracks now that it's been a few weeks? i think my rankings have shifted — i definitely like now that we don't talk, slut and is it over now? more than i did before! speaking of, eras tour is back today!!!! one of my dear friends is going to eras tonight and i'm so so excited for her 🥺

let me know how those games go for you! i didn't do murdle yesterday because i got busy and forgot and now i'm like "i'll just start it up again once i'm back from boston" because my streak will be broken anyways. would not recommend doing murdle on your phone!! it's much much easier (better user interface) on a computer.

my mom had fun! she said it reminded her of come from away and jasper in deadland — i understand the jasper connection, because it's also based off of the orpheus eurydice myth but i'm not sure how she got come from away from that haha. wait for me is probably in my top 3 hadestown moments! i remember my friend gripping my hand out of shock and excitement when we first saw hadestown (first preview on broadway!). i think of that moment + her every time i listen to wait for me!

i hope next month is okay! sending you lots of love! remember to take care of yourself <3333

#post: answered #🩷 anon

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sparklingpax · 4 years ago

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A Different Side (1/2)

Summary: Optimus comes back from an unsuccessful mission and seems to be out of sorts...but there’s more to that story.

///

A/N:

-This is a rather silly fic, so do not worry I promise there is nothing inappropriate or heavy in this one at all! It’s,,,a dumb idea I had in History the other day,,,I wrote most of it between/during class periods, and edited the rest when I was supposed to be doing homework at home! :’)

-Please excuse any typos, grammar mistakes, ooc-ness, weird phrasings, punctuation errors, or really just anything that looks weird or isn’t right; I’m an amateur and I do this stuff for fun! So I’m naturally not the best at it....keep that in mind pls...

-WHAT IS THIS TITLE IM SO SORRY--

-Ok but this story is honestly kinda dumb goumen I’ll write better things soon

-Set in the TFP universe!

-This only has two parts, so this be the first and the next update is the end of it.... 😹😹 ^^’’

Enjoy! :D

///

“Eat my dust, Jack!”

“Not if I pass you first!!”

“No, you won’t!!!”

“Says who?!”

Two cars raced around the base, one just barely passing the other.

Miko and Jack had gone head-to-head, racing one last tournament before they had to go home—after the tie last round, they just had to know who, really, was the victor of the day. The two of them shouted competitively as they jammed the controls in one direction or another. Excited, Raf looked on. He, too, was curious of the outcome.

At present, only Ratchet had remained at base.

The others had gone out to investigate an abandoned energon mine somewhere in Maine. Optimus had visited the location once before but was not able to reach the source of the readings he’d gotten.

Therefore, since there had been no Decepticon activity in the past week or so, he took his team to search the caverns.

They were due to return in about 10 minutes, according to Ratchet. When they did, each guardian was then going to take their human companion home.

It was a normal day at the Autobot base.

“NO WAY—”

“TAKE THAT!!!!”

Jack threw his fist in the air triumphantly while Miko crumpled to the floor in defeat. Raf burst into laughter as she actually went and laid flat on her back.

“The horror! I’ve let Jack win!!” She overdramatically wailed. Then, after a moment, sat up and giggled along with Raf and Jack. As the two went to retrieve their cars, Raf scampered up to Ratchet.

“Hey, Ratchet. What are you doing?”

The medic sighed, continuing to tinker with what looked like some kind of tool. “Fixing one of Bulkhead’s….accidents,” He muttered. With a sigh, he remembered the large mech smashing it while trying to reenact a fight he had, showing off to Miko. Naturally, the girl had been amazed, but it was short-lived as Ratchet, too, had witnessed that retelling.

Raf fixed his glasses. “I’m sure it was just an accident, Ratchet.”

With an eyeroll, Ratchet responded, “It was, but that doesn’t make it any less of an inconvenience, Rafael. It was quite immature of him, too.” He held it up to the light to observe a small detail of the frame.

“Oh…I see.”

“Thank the Allspark it’s not one of my more important tools,” he murmured, mostly to himself. Ratchet put it down for a moment to check on the progress of the rest of the team’s expedition.

He pushed the comm button. “Optimus, come in. Have you found anything? Is everyone okay?”

“Negative, Ratchet. There is nothing left in these caves,” he reported, a faint note of disappointment in his tone. “Though, everyone is fine. We require a bridge.”

“Understood.”

Ratchet tapped a few more buttons to lock onto their coordinates and pulled the lever, activating the groundbridge. Miko and Jack broke off their conversation and joined Raf to stand by Ratchet, waiting for their guardians’ returns.

Sure enough, after a moment, the team came through the portal with a swishing noise, Optimus the last one through. While the three kids gravitated to their partners, Optimus merely stood at the bridge. He remained for a moment, passing his gaze over his team.

Then, without a word, he turned and headed down the halls—to his room.

“Did you really think….” Arcee trailed off her snide remark at Jack as she heard Optimus’s heavy footsteps go past everyone and down the hall. She and Jack exchanged looks as everyone else, also, noticed this.

After a short spell of silence, Miko finally spoke up.

“Is he mad or something? Cuz I mean, geez—he didn’t even say hello.” She folded her arms.

“No, Miko,” Ratchet responded, sounding a little exasperated. “What could he be angry over, if he were?” More silence followed his words. It was not often Optimus actually showed what he was feeling like this.

Everyone was therefore concerned.

“Do you think…he might be, like, really disappointed about not finding anything in the caves, then?” Jack asked, drifting from Arcee to the groundbridge area. “I mean, from what he’s been saying, you guys really needed that energon…”

“He could just be tired, too,” Raf chimed in. The bots thought for a moment.

Bumblebee shifted from one foot to the other, clearly uncomfortable. ‘I just hope he’s okay…’

Ratchet set his tools aside and headed for the hall. “I’ll go talk to him,” he said. The humans and bots exchanged glances, then nodded.

///

“So!” Ratchet huffed frustratedly, emerging from the halls. “He won’t open the door, and will not talk to me, either!” He threw his hands in the air with a noise of exasperation, trudging back to his station.

Rafael nudged Miko, who had her headphones in. Jack stood up and began down the stairs.

“I guess something is wrong,” Arcee murmured, folding her arms. She caught sight of Jack, regarding her companion with an inquisitive gaze.

“Jack?”

“I’ll talk to him.” He heard his own determined voice, then touched the back of his head with an awkward laugh. “I’ll—I’ll try, I mean…”

“Good luck,” Ratchet muttered bitterly, not taking his eyes off his current repair project. “If he even has the courtesy to acknowledge you at all.” Jack flashed a thumbs up.

He uneasily began to wonder what could have put Optimus so out of sorts that he wouldn’t even speak to Ratchet. It was also rare for Optimus to do this kind of thing, apparently.

Something told Jack it wasn’t just about the energon…but he still wanted to find out for himself.

“Later, Jack!” Raf called, scampering down the steps. Miko followed, slinging her backpack onto her shoulders. She waved.

“Yeah, we’re gonna go home now, but you better text us later, kay?” Bulkhead and Bumblebee then transformed, and the two kids hopped in. Ratchet, remembering he had to bridge them out, audibly sighed, slumping over.

“For the love of Primus, am I able to get any work done around here without constantly being interrupted?!”

That’s my cue to leave, Jack thought. He quickly hurried down the halls, not wanting to be the next victim of Ratchet’s frustration. He knew the medic only meant well, and that his work was important to him.

Still, he internally wished Ratchet had more patience. Even if he didn’t scare Jack, it was still unpleasant to be around the old bot when he was not in a good mood.

Speaking of which….

Jack came upon Optimus’s berth room, which was closed. He sucked in a breath, raising his arm to knock. Hesitation pulled his arm back after a second.

What if he is just resting? I’d be pretty ticked if someone interrupted my long nap…

A memory of Miko pushing him off the couch as a prank resurfaced. He remembered feeling frustrated more than anything else. Of course, she’d apologized, but that wasn’t really going to give him back those precious minutes of sleep.

He rolled his eyes. “What can you expect when you’re friends with Miko Nakadai, right?” He murmured, raising his arm again. But for the sake of satisfying my own curiosities, at least—

“Hey, Optimus?” Jack called, knocking lightly. When he received no response for a few minutes, he sighed and knocked again—this time, a bit louder. “Optimus!! Are you okay in there?”

There was a rustling noise from behind the door, but still no response. Jack decided to stop knocking. He put his back against the metal and slid to the floor. Maybe simply talking it out would help.

“You know, everyone’s kinda worried about you…” He sighed again, laughing a little. “Oh, and Ratchet’s kinda mad you didn’t even acknowledge him. So…you’re probably gonna have to apologize for that later…”

The boy bowed his head a little. It was possible Optimus wanted to be left alone right now. Coming to bother him might have been a mistake. Jack began to think up other ways he and the others could figure out—

“Jack.”

Optimus spoke at last, his voice sounding calm—completely level, actually. Instantly, the teen sprang to his feet and answered.

“Optimus! Ok, good. You’re alive, then,” he joked. When the Prime didn’t respond to his jest—naturally—Jack shook his head and chuckled quietly. “It’s ok, I was joking. Anyway—do you….wanna talk? Is everything ok? You seemed kind of sad when you came through the bridge…and you didn’t even tell us how it went…”

Didn’t tell us anything, actually, but I’ll leave that part out. I’m sure Optimus doesn’t want to be guilted for stuff at the moment.

There was another noise—it sounded a little more desperate before it abruptly came to a stop. Then, the Autobot leader’s hefty footsteps began to approach the door. Jack backed away, glad that his efforts seemed to have paid off. The large metal sheet slid upwards, revealing Optimus’ huge figure.

His face was completely expressionless, but he mustered a somewhat warm look when he gazed at Jack.

Well, at least Optimus said something and…opened his door, Jack consoled himself mentally. Even though I still don’t know what’s bothering him. Guess we’ll just have to wait for him to tell us…

“I will go apologize to Ratchet. It was not my intention to offend him…” He started out the door and down the hall. Then, he paused to face Jack for a moment as he added, “And my apologies also to you, I did not mean to worry anyone. Thank you for coming to get me.”

“Oh—no, don’t worry about that, Optimus. It’s fine.”

The Prime nodded briefly, saying nothing more. Jack watched him go. Now, he was even more confused than before.

So why were you acting weird when you got back to base?

By coincidence, his gaze happened to wander to Optimus’ open berth room. Jack had the sudden realization that he’d never seen Optimus’s berthroom before. Actually, he hadn’t seen any of the bots’ rooms since he’d known about their base.

He left the door open, it wouldn’t hurt to go take a look…I think?

Quietly, he padded inside. Taking a moment to look around, Jack noted that it was quite a huge space—way bigger than he’d expected from the size of the door.

It was also very….bare.

No posters, furnishings, or anything other than the walls, his berth, and a small shelf. On that shelf, there was nothing except for some mystery object shoved in the corner, covered by an old blue cloth.

“Exactly what you’d expect from a guy like Optimus,” Jack remarked to himself. He sighed and began to walk away, when suddenly a noise snapped his attention back around.

Back to the shelf.

Back to the blue cloth.

A noise that had come from….

“What is that thing?” Jack murmured to himself as he drew close to it again.

He jumped back as it vibrated and briefly glowed a bright blue. It seemed to come back to life as a steady humming filled the air of the room. The teen came to a halt right in front of the shelf, placing his hands on his hips as he stared at it, curious and confused.

Was he trying to hide this? Jack wanted even more to know what it did—what it was.

And while he stared at it, the object beneath the cloth made another noise.

“Roadwork ahead?? Uh, YEAH, I sure hope it does!”

For a moment, Jack stood immobile. Then, he burst into laughter.

Optimus was watching vines….he was watching vines….Optimus Prime was watching vines.

He suddenly remembered what had happened to his mom when she watched vine for the first time. For at least two long, painful weeks, the only things she said were vine quotes—in a failed attempt to be funny.

Optimus was watching….vines….oh no.

Jack turned on his heel and sprinted down the halls.

....

I’ll edit and fix stuff later; I’m in class rn lolol :’D

Thx for reading!! Feedback is always appreciated~

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madisonrooney · 5 years ago

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THOUGHTS ON D3

(some of these may be points about stuff we already knew going into it but like now that weve gotten to see it all together its easier to discuss)

- i like what they did with audrey’s plot. her and mal’s relationship did feel pretty unresolved after d1 so im glad they went this route. not to mention being able to bring her back after her being absent in the second. also i like the message that it gave off about being able to be good or bad regardless of where you come from

- i loved hades! he was so fun and i loved how things ended up with him. and DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO WAS AWESOME probably my fav song. but i cant say im a huge fan of him being mal’s dad. like i loved the way their relationship played out but while the descendants fan in me is happy the disney stickler thinks its a bit too much creative license for them to make a kid the child of two disney characters from two different movies. it also kinda like...almost invalidates her character of “maleficent’s daughter” now shes the daughter of two villains and it?? feels different?? if that makes sense?? could the other VKs possibly have another villain as their other parent?? who knows. also i wish they hadn’t made it so obvious so early like people guessed this A YEAR AND A HALF AGO WHEN THE TEASER CAME OUT. maybe had it just been a few months it wouldnt have been as bad but yeesh. it made the shock factor...well, almost non-existant.

- continuing on their relationship, i thought tackling the idea of an absentee dad was a bold move for a movie like this and i applaud it. not to mention with an upbeat musical number? they really did that

- i loved celia too!! i was afraid she was gonna be more bad news than she was but she was super cute and sweet. loved her friendship with dizzy. and loved getting to see more of dizzy! and even though dr facilier wasnt in it much he was fun. i thought it was sweet that he and celia seemed to have a good relationship. im also glad we got to see lady tremaine! but wheres drizella lol

- also in regards to hades and celia, i liked that they brought in two more movies into the universe that hadnt yet been acknowledged (not counting wicked world or the books). i love both hercules and princess and the frog and while i wouldnt call them underrated theyre not quite as mainstream as some of the other movies in the descendants universe so im happy with that.

- on the other hand, i dont really like it when they get more kids from movies that they already have kids from. in this case, squeaky and squirmy. gil seemed out of place to me when i first watched d2, especially cuz like why would gastons son be a pirate, but since he had some funny lines with ben (in this movie too!) it was worth it. but squeaky and squirmy had no lines with harry? THEY ALMOST DIDNT HAVE ANY LINES AT ALL??? so why couldnt they have had them be kids from a movie they hadnt used yet? the more the merrier imo. idk.

- mal and uma repairing their relationship was like the highlight for me ugh it was so good. i think we all had a feeling that would happen (not just from speculation but from set pics and whatnot) but it felt satisfying regardless. uma saying “im right here mal you got this”? love that

- WE LOVE MORE DRAGON MAL. EVEN MORE THAN IN D2. WE LOVE THAT A LOT.

- WE ALSO LOVE MORE DUDE. OK SO MAYBE THATS JUST ME BUT SCREW IT I LOVE TALKING DOGS SO IM GLAD HE STILL TALKED. DOVE CAMERON AND A TALKING DOG IN THE SAME MOVIE IS BASICALLY PANDERING TO ME OK

- WE ALSO LOVE MALVIE CONTENT!!! love that evie was the only one who knew hades was her dad AND LOVE THAT THEY SAID I LOVE YOU TO EACH OTHER LIKE DAMN. AND DURING MY ONCE UPON A TIME WHEN MAL LIKE CARESSES HER FACE??? LIKE HER INTERACTION WITH HER WAS MORE INTENSE THAN WITH ANYONE ELSE EVEN BEN??? GOOD SHIT

- OK I KNEW ABOUT THE DID I MENTION REPRISE AS OF A FEW DAYS AGO BUT IM A SLUT FOR PARALLELS SO THAT STILL KILLED ME

- any parallels killed me. especially, ofc, ending with “cuz were rotten...to the core” (tho i was hoping the rotten remix thats on the soundtrack would be in the movie)

- loved getting more harry and gil content. gil is so blissfully stupid and precious and i love him and harry is so chaotic and i love him too

- and just...love the sea three bonding with the core four. also it felt well paced. wasnt rushed, had its moments to slowly get us there (mal+uma, jay+gil+harry) it felt like it went just the way it was supposed to.

- the whole series of events felt well paced and well ordered

- tbh i think its hilarious how chad’s douche baggery never dies down. i mean points for consistency i guess

- (did anyone catch the sign on the isle that mentioned monstro? good easter egg)

- (im really going out of order ik)

- one kiss was fun and cute, but i never felt like doug and evie were like...behind in their relationship? if anything i thought as of d2 their relationship was more stable than that of mal and ben

- night falls was a little silly and felt a little too similar to its goin down to me but it served a purpose and it was still fun

- and ofc it was so bittersweet to watch cam. the dedications were heart-wrenching but beautiful.

overall it really could not have been better! great new characters, great development on the characters we love, great soundtrack, and, most importantly, a story that perfectly wraps up the franchise. its hard to get a trilogy right. i love a lot of trilogies but a lot of them have some major flaws. with like say the kung fu panda movies, the 2nd and 3rd feel like theyre about very different things than the first. it doesnt feel like its telling one cohesive story. some have a second that feels unimportant to be between the 1st and 3rd. this just felt like perfectly coming full circle. everything from the beginning of the first movie to the end of the third felt necessary to tell the story. no useless filler, all essential to the plot, adding more as we go and resolving more, but having a hell of a lot of fun the entire time. i remember d2 being one of the most, if not the most, satisfying sequels ive ever seen. maybe part of that has to do with descendants being such a main fandom of mine when it came out, but sometimes, even new additions to my main fandoms can disappoint. these sequels really haven’t. part of that may just have to do with my love for the franchise regardless of the direction it goes in, but i know that it also has to do with just a great job in storytelling. continuing the story and wrapping it up just right. when the first one came out, we didn’t know it would be a trilogy. it works great as a standalone movie, but when you see the third one, you would think it was intended this way from the beginning, which honestly gives it even more power.

it breaks my heart to let this franchise go, but ofc in mal’s words “this is not the end.” with it just coming out, that means its just the beginning of discussions, gifs, memes, fanart, and all that fun stuff. so lets jump right in!

and, as always, every bit of love in my heart goes to cam tonight. we still miss you endlessly and we always will.

#descendants #descendants 3

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queencryo · 6 years ago

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@silly-go-round is asleep right now.

i guess i should make a journal for the past few days. as good a time as any. as AMY. heh. cuz shes super good and amazing. heh.

uh...... lessee.... for the two days after the last journal i just. hung out at the house while silly worked. i managed to not keep her in bed and make her late the second day. hung out a lot, watched more adventure time, worked on my tumblr filter script (lie. i judt ran it on my main. 200 posts / day is a bitchhhh) , played a good amount of ds3 (to pointof tetris effect at a couple points the nexg few days)

also did some like. helpful tasks. washed some dishes (undone quicklu, but. eh). not enough, mot as much as i shouldve, but... i tried i guess.

alao we've like. said the same thing at the dame time a Lot while ive been here and its like. nice. its really nice. same wavelength! i feel so close go her.

oh! alxo night before last we went grocery shoping. got food for prolly enoygh for the two weeks, but i guess we'll see. also a cheesecake! it was.... echausting. hily fuck it was exhaysting. jesus. the store was big and it took like 3 hours and $200 to get everything but. we did itttt.

we both mentionef that like. it felt nice to like. have a full fridge 2gether. cuz. it feels like were gonna have a futjre togetjer? u know. like that is. i love her a lot and it feels good for this to feel like a home for a little while. we hope that it can be so in tbe future.

so YESTERDAY she finally FINALLY taught me how to play magic the gathering. it was. a long time coming. but she brought me into the store and like. sat me down w some regulars and had me play commander. i played moooostly her snake deck, so like.that was fun!! i kept talki g about how i woulda gotten lorescale Coatl up to 39/39 and flying, had i like. gotten q more turn. but on that game D was running a mill deck that was. extremely long to play (that game took like ~>2 hours ugh), and was very bery annoying, so i didnt get to actually do that.

but it was fun! part of me wants to blog everything, but i dont think i will.

im glad to be able to use silly's decks, bc i dont think i want to make my own. im considering making a cheap angel deck or smth, but we'll see if yhat actually ends up happening.

i also met her girlfriend Iz, who is sweet. i played magic w her fkr a while, which was fun! she was runni g an annoying mono black deck (i kkow all these... these Terms and Words now, its incredible...)

shes sweet and i think i like her. dunno if enough to date yet (which makes me Partially regret flirting w her so much in the groupchat but. hey)

talked w her some, mostly about magic, hung out while silly closed the store, pet her cat, silly discovered that cyddling w TWO girlfriends is very nice (not rhat id know ;;;;;;;), was good times. i dont think im as comfy w izzy physically yet as i may have implied in messages, which hopefully wull be rectified by the message i just sent her (my initial physical comfort with people varies, it depends very much on the person)

skip forward, me and silly make a pizza at home cuz were fuckin tired, she admonishes me for not eating for uh... like 11 hours or smth (that mornings bagel was VERY good tho omg), but adderall, so like... meh.

uh... i dont think anything else on yesterday...

today! we waaamted to go to the store at like. 2. but in actuality got there at like! 330.

i went back to sleep cuz im a losenerd, and she. made this breakfast casserole thing. which hse put into a bagel abd brought to me bc i guess shes the best person on the entire earth oh my GOD. jesus

skip... apparently she knows maximum the hormone and doesnt like them very much... fair fair. (cause for xeath)

came to the store agai. tofay. it was fun and good. iz didnt come in today, do played some more with regulars. played w what is apparently called a blink deck, which revolvea arounf exiling cards then immediately bringing them back, to capitalize on "when this enters battlefield, do smth" cards. neat!

i DID actually manage to win today!!! the victory was. literally handed to me, but like. thats fine! i was playing silly's uhhh... elintor the masked? idr her name :( the mask planewalker! deck, which. i had SO much land, most of wh8ch was enchanfed. meaning it could be tapped then untapped w eljntor's thing, then tapped again for DOUBLE MANA. i mean. i had like 9/turn even b4 that but. BUT. i also had. i think i drew 3 creatures total. bit anyway. i had the white card that gave me a life whenever a creature was put on tge board (and also, w another enchantment, made all non-me creagurss and enchantments enter the board tapped, so. nya). so... rob had a card what dealt one damGe to all other players whenevr he puta. creature on the board. then he played united forces, which lets each player commit X mana to create X 1/1 soldier tokens on all players' boards. so. we made 28 white soldier tokens on everyones board. this killed perry, ans gave me, uh. 56 life (84 - 28). i then attacked ron for 28 w the soldiers, and drew sacred mesa, which lets me sacrifice 2 mana (1 any color, 1 white, but i had so many cards that said "this land can instead be tapped for 2 of any color, so like. ueah) to create a 1/1 flying pegasus token. so i. ended the game w 44 white 1/1 tokens. goblins get fucked.attack w my ssoldiers cuz his were tapped, so brought him down to 7 life. i didng catch what he did w the enchantment, but i think he said he like. put a copy of every creature on my side of the board onto his board, and then. cipying that enchantment 3 times. so. holy FUCK. wow. BUT those all came in tapped and i had 18 flying yokens, so. i still won! yay!!!! i won a game of magic!!!!!

goblin decks scare me. stop running krenko you fucks. exponential goblins goddamn

silly would come by every so often and like. look over my dhoulder and say "oh that was dumb whyd u use fabricate for thay" which is fair. but also god i love her. (i used fabricate for a mana generator insteaf of lightning greaves. whateverrrr) i love her so much dear god. i wish i coukd help w the store more, but. on the same time i also. dont enjoy working. so. maybe part time.

hm. what ekse. oh yeah i kove her so much.

by the end of the night it was just. me and her, rob and the two regulars i started out llaying w yestwrday. theyre sweet, i like them. theyre married. the dude calls me honey smtimes, which is. kinda weird? dunno how i feel about that. i guess fine. its gender-nice, but still a lil uncomfy. otherwise i like em fien, though. but they talked abouy moving into sillys apt. so thats cool!! better than her current (awful, terrible, lazy / horrifically depressed / manchild roomate, who doesnt clean ever) roomate. i was reading the monster of the week gamebook thruout, which i... bought, for some reason. idk. oh also i wanna make a fallen angel divine, because im... predictableeee. also a conspiracy thworist whos just a trans woman w way too much time and really weird hobbies (throwing knices, butterfly knife, net friends, etc). also a spooky. i speny like. 3 hours reading thr7 the monster of the week book while ppl played magic around me. i kinda wish i hadnt bought it, but hey! its neat c:

oh, also i didnt take adderall today. i dont think it went toooo bad, i think i like. was meaner and less thohghtful with what i said, but like. i guess thats better than feared. i took a caffeine pill (200mg) at ariund 10 which is. prolly why im wide awake right now. i regret doing that, sincr from what shes said tmos gonna be big)

she says we gotta be at her moms by 4, for reasons she WONT TELL ME. bit she says its part of one of her plans, i ASSUME the romantic one? im kind of afraid that ill like. no-sell it unwillingly because im abroke and soulless human being, but uh. i guess rhats thw risks we take to be alive :shrug: im excited. were also going to a shop (diff one) tmo, which im Quite excited for, as ive only been in similar shops by accident before. also doing laundry!!! which is important ^_^

oh ysah. so we got white castle on the way home. its. yeah she was r8ght. mediocre-at-best sliders. onions are bad.

we also made a pizza. whifh i ate most of. i overate. sob.

she fell asleep halfway thry an episode of nailed it. cant blame her, she seemed really tired. i hipe i dont disturb her rwst. and i feel so utterly blessed thay i can be around her.

ih!! i also fell down the last few staies ywstersay. bruised my arms, but otherwise fine. it was. idk, it is nice to knoe that others worry fir me and like me. she was very concerned. i love her.

#blog #ohio trip 2 #journal

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hazbinextgeneration · 4 years ago

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Down The Rabbithole Ch4

It was....good to have someone around to talk to again wouldn't you agree? Someone who didn't expect a lot out of her, someone who she could laugh with, sing silly songs with, and ...be herself around again. Now don't get her wrong. It certainly didn't happen overnight now. She still was grasping at the sudden and huge concept that her old memories weren't just childish adventures of an imaginary friend and a whole bunch of the fairy tales and nursery rythmes she grew up with were actually real..or well WERE real, Chesire did mention that most of them were ancient history just repeated and long ago over, but I digress. She was expecting one of these days to just wake up and everything be gone and back to her normal life, but then she'd find breakfast made and waiting for her or finding Chesire all curled up beside her sleeping. He was kinda like a pet cat of her own that doubled as a best friend she could talk to and let reveal about her life. But some things were a little frustrating. One day she stacked books neatly on a shelf- Only to rush back into the room by the sounds of books falling down one by one and saw the site of Chesire looking wide eyed at the books and like a cat in those videos, was pawing the books off one by one. He seemed to snap out of it when she shouted at him to stop and apologized before snapping his powers and having them fly back into place. She told him he didn't have to use all this magic and cook for here but in his own words:

"You fed me. You gave me a home. You became my friend and showed me kindness when a lot of people wouldn't. I could have easily died. This is the very least I could do and it'll still be never enough in my opinion. Now hush and help me decide which scones looks better with this tea. I like macaroons. So sweet and delicious!"

He wasn't there sometimes and a few days he didn't show up, when asked he simply told her he had to spend some time in his world too, which she respected. He wasn't obligated to stay around if he didn't feel up to it and she certainly knew that she would be ok-ish without him. There was plenty of things to keep her busy, she still had the whole yard and fence to recover, and a job to find, didn't she? Which went about well as you think. Said fence was old and rusty and leaned in odd places, she had to REALLY put her back into it to push the awkward rusty poles into place, which left her pretty sore for the rest of the day. But the next day she stepped out to the smell of freshly cut grass and the sight of a tamed lawn and new white painted fence had taken it's place. When questioned he admitted to it, but only because she looked really hurt and tired trying to do it herself. It took a moment to explain to a confused talking cat that she REALLY DID appreciate his help but sometimes she WANTED to endorse the hard labor and he just tilted his head confused and blinked at her.

"I don't understand your human logistics. You could just as easily have me snap my fingers and everything you desire done will be finished in due time."

"It's not that! I mean it WOULD be nice to have everything fixed back up to the way it was, but humans, well most humans anyways, enjoy working for something. It makes us feel better getting it."....He cocked his head more and rose a brow obviously still confused and she face palmed, how does she explain this in a more simpler terms so a fairytale otherworldly cat would understand??...She looked back up at him dragging a hand down her face. "....OK! Lets go with one example. Uh...Um...Y-You know the story of Cinderella right?"

"Absolutely! Her glass slippers are still passed down in her family! Her great great niece looks so nice in them."

She rose a brow but shook her head and held up her hands. "Ok! Well you know how her fairy godmother granted her wish of going to the ball and meeting her future husband?" He nodded his head, of course he knew that. "Ok. Well you know why the fairy godmother did that right? It's because Cinderella worked hard everyday of her life and made an effort to be kind all the time, which with a step family like hers, it must've been hard. It's the same with most humans. Getting everything just handed to us on a silver platter without having to work for it just seems wrong, like there was no real effort to put into it to actually earn it. It's not about getting it done fast, it's just about that feeling of earning something." She pointed to herself. "I want to fix up the house and while I appreciate your attempts, and not in anyway discrediting you for what you've already done for me or for wanting to help, I want to be able to stand on my own two feet and show I can fix up the whole place."

He stood(Floated in the air-) and stared at her as she explained to him her feelings on the matter and hummed after a few seconds of it being done. "So....In order for humans to in their opinion earn something and be worthy of it they must work hard for it?"

She smiled and nodded. "Now you're getting it! After all an easy reward wouldn't be very good." She wracked her mind for another example. "Uh...Like let's say a princess has a whole bunch of suitors, and then she gets kidnapped by a dragon, and then a knight finds her, defeats the dragon, and worked very hard to rescue her. Wouldn't that make the knight more worthy to marry her than all the others?"

He looked at her thoughtfully, before nodding with a smile. ''Now that you mention it, it does seem you humans have more noble qualities than I thought.~"

She chuckled. "Now you get it. Besides wouldn't it get a bit annoying if everyone just asks you to use your magic to fix all their problems?"

He hummed, "I never thought of it like that before. Yes. I suppose it would get very annoying, I have other things to do with my magic than play life savior all the time."

"There you go! Now you're getting it! You can still help if you want to and I won't make you, but leave some stuff for me to do. Ok?"

He nodded and now that they had a better understanding she had less surprises. In fact she was made to make her own meals now, which she didn't mind cuz y'know independence in all, but now she could also show Chesire some of the recipes she picked up. He never even heard of a lemon marange pie until she made it for him and he puckered from the lemon flavor. Understandable. Not everyone enjoyed lemon, but things got a bit confusion when she tried to make pineapple upside down cake. She made it all the way and turned her back away from it for a second when she turned back and almost had a heart attack from Chesire using his magic to hold in place upside-down.

"What are you doing?!"

"Helping you with the recipe. I don't think you'll be able to make it stay upside down on your own will you?"

"T-That's not...Wait." She blinked. "Your Upside down cakes are ACTUALLY upside down?"

"Of course they are! It wouldn't make sense for it NOT to be. What's the point of having an upside-down cake if it's not made properly?"

"Huh. You'll have to show me your world sometime."

"Really?!" His tone radiated excitement as that idea was thrown at him and he giggled. "What a splendidly marvelous idea!! You could take my portal but...perhaps it would be better if not. There is dangers still left to be undangered."

"What do you mean?"

''Hopefully you'll never find out. Now let's cut this open! Im starving so to speak."

She let that one slide since no real harm was done. But he was still asking a few questions about her world that still didn't make much sense to her but it seemed he was used to different forms of things which was all but fine. The real things she was concerned with was the restoration of the garden and repainting the house. She didn't know if the roof was ok after all this time, but she guessed she was finally gonna find out wasn't she? She had been working on the back of the house for a few days now. As well as one could with old rusty garden tools and a small cat who found more fun in playing with the tossed weeds than helping her, but she didn't ask for his help and like before he was being more considerate in wanting to let her do her thing. She wasn't sure how many times she fell down on her behind trying to pull weeds out or tripped over another giant root in her granny's old flower bed. But all of that was put on hold when the first giant black storm clouds appeared and thunder gave out a warning of what was to come. Which came in the form of rain just a few seconds after. Chesire bristled and gave a startled meow as he jumped into her arms, and she ran like a bear chasing bees back into the safety of the house. Barging in just in time as the speed was starting to pick up the pace and rain down harder. Which left them now in this situation. Curled up on the couch, warm fuzzy blanket around her shoulder, and a purring magical cat curled up in her lap. And phone in hand. Her unlimited data plan was great for unlimited internet, though it was a little glitchy. One of the better things she did in her life. Might as well search for a job. I mean. She didn't have a car, and she couldn't just walk all the way to and from town everyday...And she already felt guilty for everything Chesire already done. If she found an online job then that meant she didn't have to walk all that way and could save up for a car and maybe get a job in the nearest town or something. After a while of surfing the web, a blue head popped back up and smiled at the strange blue screen.

"And what is this I wonder?"

"Hm?" She blinked and looked at him as he stared at the phone. "Oh. It's my phone. Im trying to find an online job but so far no luck. If my luck runs out I'll just try to open art commissions I guess."

....He blinked. "A...'phone'? What is that?"

"Oh, well it's a..Uh.." How do you explain to fairytale cat what a electronic phone is?....Maybe she should use another fairytale reference as an example? "Well...You know how magic mirrors or crystal balls show us stuff like other people and answer questions? L-Like the mirror in the Snow White story? You know how she would ask it every day 'Who's the fairest in the land?'''

"OH! So you have a small hand held magical mirror!"

She shrugged. "Sort of. It lets me talk to people, watch things, see fair away places, answer questions-"

"So it's more of a fortune teller's ball?" He nodded with a thoughtful look. "I understand now. I know of a great fortune teller where I am from! The descendent of the oh so wise Mr. Caterpillar!"

"That's one way of putting it."

That was probably the best she was ever going to get to explaining what a phone was to him- A flash of lightning flashed outside lit up the entire room along with a roar of thunder that shook the glass of the windows. Chesire bristled more and leaned back further into her blankets shielding the two from the cold air. She comfortly reached out to pat the poor slightly shaking fellows back and sighed. She didn't blame him for being scared of rain. After all she wasn't enjoying this anymore than him....Then she got an idea. She smiled and tapped the top of his head to get him to look up at her.

"Hey. You like tea right? How about I go make you a cup?"

He blinked slightly surprised up at her. "Really? Y-You'd do that for me? In this dire time? ...Oh, no, no, no. I couldn't ask you to do that for me. I'll be fine."

Her brow rose. "It would be the least I could do for all the things you've done for me. Here." She gently put her arms around him, enough to lift him off the couch and picked him up just as she stood up.Blanket falling of Allison's shoulder as she turned back around and placed the small cat back to where she was sitting just a moment ago. He blinked as said fuzzy blankets was drapped the top of his head and around him. Almost like a swaddled baby. She straightened back up and glanced back down at him. "There! Now don't you go anywhere. It'll only take like ten minutes tops." She slipped her phone into her back pocket. "Besides. I know I could use a warm drink right now."

He chuckled. But it was short lived by another loud thunder that shook the windows again and Chesire gave a startled 'Mmmrowl' and ducked under the blanket turning into a shaking lump under it. But that's not what made her stop and pause. A loud clanking sound itself heard before stopping after a bit. What was that? ANother loud thunder sound shaking the windows another soft but loud metal tapping noise and she snapped her head in the direction the sound was coming from...Sure enough ANOTHER thunder clapping. Another shaking. AND ANOTHER METAL NOISE!

"H-Hey. Do you hear that?"

"Hear what?! I hear nothing but the sound of absolutely silence u-under here!"

Well he wasn't going to be much help was he? She rolled her eyes and looked- BOOM!! Another shaking. What was up with this giant storm!? Seriously?! And another tapping sound. This time DEFINATELY from her Granny's old meditation room. Raising a brow, she cautiously began slowly walking her way over there. The dimly lit room and rain outside wasn't helping her whole horror movie scenario running through her head as she got closer and closer. When she was finally in there...She saw nothing. Lightning lit up the entire room as ran still poured buckets outside. ....Then where was- Another thunder slammed the skies and shook the windows. Which also shook another thing. The giant mirror hanging on the wall tapped against it swaying violently and made the same tapping sound she had heard before. She gasped and ran to it. Not actually touching it when she got there but holding her arms out as if ready to catch this thing. It looked too big and heavy to lift by her tiny self, but it looked so freely hanging from the wall that it could fall and shatter into a million pieces at any moment. Which is what scared her.

Her head snapped over her shoulder. "Chesire!! The mirror's about to fall! Help me put it back into place will ya?!"

The shaking lump stopped shaking in an instant. All fear of ran and thunder and lightning pushed aside and that blue head snapped up and out of the blanket wide eyed. "THE MIRROR?! ALLISON, NO!!" He leapt from the couch and zoomed towards the tiny room. "WHATEVR YOU DO, DONT TOUCH THE MIRROR!!"

The rest of his warning was drowned out as thunder once again rang out and shook the house, this time there was no tapping as the mirror jumped off the nail and as she watched in horror as he fell on her, she thought she could hear Chesire shout 'Allison!!'. As it consumed her. A giant shattering of glass was heard as shiny shards spilt to the floor in the place the girl once stood, and shined when lightning struck the entrance way. A heavily breathing cat was floating there for a moment staring in absolute horror at the mess on the floor. He snapped two it. Little paws pushing around a few pieced before lifting up the mirror and still seeing no strawberry blonde woman. His paws went to clutch his head as the realization hit him harder than any lightning.

"By tea and biscuits...WHAT HAVE I DONE?!"

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thejabberwokk · 6 years ago

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I wandered through Google docs and all I found was this...

So slept all damn day... But it was OKAY! Because I had a dream.

And in this dream, My boyfriend and I were living in a post apocalyptic wasteland that was like Diablo 3, Skyrim and Borderlands all in one. And and... he wasn’t actually a human.

He had this mask on most of the dream that covered the lower half of his face. Totes magotes was one of those skull like bike masks. The neat leather ones that are all molded and carved. HE never would tell me why he wore it, and I never saw him take it off for like... ever. Then we get to this one town and he’s all

‘I have to see a person about a curse,” And i just roll with it. And the person trying to break the curse is like “yah gotta take that their mask off so I can see the damage.” AND HE TAKES OF THE MASK HE”S NEVER TAKEN OFF FOR YEARS.

(This was very important to my dream self. Cuz damn did I love the man but I knew something had to be up. Doesn’t eat in front of me, doesn’t give kisses.)

So he gets all flustered cuz this lil old wild west lookin lady is telling him to take his mask off and I’m just sitting there like, yes. take that damn thing off. So he does, and it’s the neatest/weirdest visual my brain has ever given me.

His fucking mouth is literally floating in front of his face like a hologram. All jittery and grainy and just weird. Like there's no hole in his face, it's all smooth. From the side you can see this projected mouth floating but from the front it's flush like a snapchat filter.

He’s all super self conscious and I’m just in awe and like, Oh, this is why you don’t kiss. Western lady just waves me off and i leave them to their task.

Then some other bull shit happens. (mainly me defending his honor when a dick steals his mask, then later having to rescue him and a bunch of other significant others from a psychotic doctor that pissed off all the womenfolk in town. Lots of blood and death, because I can’t ever just have a pleasant dream.)

After I get my man back from the ass hats that kidnapped him we head back to where the old lady had her shop. It’s apparently now an inn of some sort and we chill at the bar. I’m not really feeling it after having to kill the assholes in the murder house/doctors office. I keep asking him if it made me as bad as them. Which according to him I wasn’t. I apparently always went into situations without weapons, because I thought that meant I was performing premeditated murder, so if someone attacked me and I grabbed the closest pointy thing, it was self defence and the protection of others.

As I continue to mope he keeps trying to comfort me- rubbing his hands across my shoulders and up and down my arms, Pulling me into his side trying to hug me while we sat on the stools, nuzzling the top of my head and placing little kisses on my forehead.

Yup, that got my attention and startled me out of the funk. I turn to him with eyes wide and just stare. My brows furrowing as I can’t quite grasps that I’m seeing him without his mask. Or rather that after seeing him earlier with the floaty mouth, that I’m seeing his face looking I suppose, normal. He looks sheepishly at me and rubs the back of his head as I just let my face fall into a glower. I felt stupid for not noticing he was looking ‘normal’ and just couldn’t deal with it.

He got up from his stool and held his hand out to me, mentioning we should go get some rest. I just stared at his hand, then back to his face. My gaze kept falling back to his mouth, and I knew he knew because he just kept giving me this cheeky little grin.

I flung myself from my stool at him and as he caught me, I wrapped my arms around his neck, my legs around his waist, and kissed him thoroughly. (Somehow he could not only catch me fat ass but could carry me, which in waking world I only weigh like 15-20 lbs less then him lol.) My momentum, and the suddenness of my affectionate assault cause him to step backwards into a wall with a thud, so he just leaned back and kissed me fervently.

Next thing I know we are on the floor making out, the old lady tells us to go to our room, so he scoops me up all bride style and we go upstairs. My mind actually didn’t let me watch my own smutt.

After everything though, I’m laying on his chest as he runs his fingers across teh skin of my back. I’m all sorts of relaxed but I’m curious now. SO I ask him what was up with the curse.

“Well, I apparently pissed off some chick years and years ago and she had her mom curse me with an interdimensional portal for a mouth.” I snorted as he said this and looked up at him, brows arched.

“You’re kidding me, right?” he just shakes his head and leans his face down towards my ear.

“It didn’t work right though.”

“No shit.”

“I’m not exactly human. So it did that floating thing instead of a gaping hole.” Now I look up at him, and due to him being so close we bump noses.

“I had a feeling that was the case. I’ve never seen you eat.” I screwed my face up thought. “What are you then, handsome?”

He chuckles softly, hugging me close. “Close your eyes and I’ll show you.”

I complied and rested my cheek against his chest, listening to the odd rhythm of his heart. “Am I going to freak out in a bad way, or in my normal ‘this is awesome’ way” I asked softly, I could feel his body shift beneath me. COuld feel his body temperature increase then go cold. If suddenly felt like I was too small, my legs wide trying to straddle his waist.

He let out a hiss of breath and low rumble shook me through his chest.

“You can look now.”

I braced myself instead. My hands glided up what had been his chest, but now felt like his waist had elongated. Fingers brushed against taunt muscle, muscles that were much larger than I could recall. Finally my hands grasped his shoulders and I pulled myself slowly up his body, hoping that when I opened my eyes, we’d be at least eye-mouth level.

Fangs in a slightly wider version of that cheeky grin I had only earlier been introduced too. Those were the first thing I saw. I close my eyes again quickly looked back over my shoulder, trying to see what exactly had happened there too. While he was lanky before, he seemed more so now, though all the lank was muscled like a great cat. Taking in a shuddering breath I felt him run his hands down my back, and what felt like claws gently tracing his fingers path. All the way down to my hips, where he let them lay, gently kneading my flesh. I squeezed my eyes shut and turn back forward, my lip caught between my teeth as I prepared myself.

I think it was the way his eyes were glowing, yet pitch black that made my heart flutter. They were like looking at old photos of black holes, and watching in the videos how they consumed their neighbors. I brought a hand up and traced his jawline. All the angles of his face were different- more angled, more sharp. But I still saw the man I’d been with for ages, especially when the corners of his eyes crinkled as he leaned his face down to rest his forehead against mine.

I couldn’t help but swallow hard and blush. I looked at him through my lashes and quirked a brow.

“So, you’re still hot. What the fuck?” He just laughed and leaned back on the pillows. I pulle dmy hands under my chest and pushed up from his.

“And you have horns. That’s not fucking fair.” I crossed my arms against my chest and huffed in mock annoyance. I felt so silly being this enamored with him in this form, but I guess after the time we had been together, one of us getting a style/physical level up was a bit more then I could handle. He laughed again, then ran his now dark blue tongue across his lips, his thumbs pressing into the crook of my hips. I dropped my arms and rested my hands on his, rubbing my fingers across his knuckles. His fingers felt much longer and as I watched him watching me, I give him a slow smile.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” I finally asked. He let out a snort and shrugged.

“Honestly, I haven’t been back in this form since before I met you. That curse kinda screwed things up.” He sat up then, pulling me close as we shifted positions. I nuzzled my face into his neck and sighed.

“It’s not fair.” Bringing a hand to my face he shifted me so I was looking at him.

“I’m sorry, pretty lady.” He kissed me softly and I sighed against his lip.

“I want to have a hot, cool form too.” I mumbled as he hugged me to his chest and pulled me back down onto the bed. He buried his nose in my hair and let his fingers wander my body.

“You can go back to the other form, right?” He hummed an affirmative and I snuggled closer. “Good, cuz I might not always be in the mood to be out shone by, whatever it is you are. But considering our entire relationship has only ever been cuddles, and screwing, I’m happy you have a mouth.” I can feel im laughing in his chest and join in. It was ridiculous.

#thejabberwokk #jabberwrights #ocs #dreams are too real #repost of a repost #demons

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survivor-guyana · 6 years ago

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Episode 4: "I'm pan with a plan, and I'm here to make messy ass moves." - Maynor

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So... Dog food is salty as fuck. No wonder my dog downs the whole bowl of water after he's done eating... What the hell dog food makers

SO THIS WHOLE dare challenge this has got me GOING right now. The whole impersonations and "Who will Win?" videos are going to be BIG indicators of who is close to from my tribe. BUT DEVON.... TOOK IT TO A WHOLE NOTHER' LEVEL. A NORMAL person would do a silly one y'know? Does this guy NOT do Sarah (someone I know he's close with) and state all these things he obviously knows about her. She goes to Michigan state, has a finsta, likes to make friends in games... etc. THEN THE PICK TO WIN VIDEO.... AGAIN A NORMAL PERSON WOULD DO SOMETHING SILLY. For example: I did JD and went on about how she is CANADIAN. DEVON GOES AND DOES: Jose and how he could be tricking us... and it's actually his strategy. I can not with this being anymore. BUT tbh I'm just GLAD he's making himself a bigger target than me in case we lose. ALSO: Chelsea showing that she knows stuff about Alyssa... ummmm NO. I'm scurrrred. As say they say in French I am "le fucked" here. TBH i'm NOT lying when I say I wasn't close to my old tribe. I literally was only close to Aidan but aside from that no one else. There was an alliance of Sarah/Aidan/Devon inside of the alliance of Dani/Maynor/Sarah/Aidan/Devon/ myself. It is driving me BONKERS that Devon (the one person I NEED on my tribe right now) is unintentionally and potentially fucking his game with his videos. This was avoidable imo. Johnny didn't say "you MUST put a target on your back"... THIS IS THE GUY I NEED TO STAY WITH ME. ALSO if I ever find out Alyssa is playing me I might cry. She's literally my bitch. She's awesome. I NEVER GET ALONG WITH GIRLS IN GAMES. EVER. I just know Sammy/Chelsea are close. I could see Alyssa being close to them too so I'm just trying to make myself as relevant as possible with Alyssa because if I don't she won't feel bad sending me out. If she has doubts about it I CAN WORK WITH THAT. Sammy is totally the glue between the faves on my tribe IMO. I just know I need to somehow get closer to Sammy. I just don't know HOW! Chelsea seems super quiet and it's hard to really get a read on her. I just hope we never have to lose because I will actually cry if José pops up with an idol and my ass gets sent packing.

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So me and Jones have gotten closer and closer!!! So has me Jones and Nick as an alliance. The challenge went pretty ok but we eventually lost in the end. There's a joint tribal happening right now so we're all a little shook. The Green team is thinking of a way to stay safe through it all. The other tribe seems like it has some pretty nice peeps on it honestly lol. I watched their intro videos and Danielle's stands out the most. (I think she's the pizza one lol). The Green Team was originally going to try and get Jenna to flip back with us but we're not sure if she even values us so now we're going to try and flip with the fans and somehow vote Jenna out.

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First of, can i say that i missed jones and tim. 😭❤️ Like im so happy i finally got to talk to them. I missed my DAD Jones. We have a duo alliance going on. I brought it up right when the joint chat was made. Its going to be great. As for the vote tonight. We are going to target Nick. And hope that Jenna stays with us.

HNNNNN Jenna isn't going to flip on the fans to my knowledge which really fucks over a lot of things. Now I'm not sure if I'm gonna be targeted or Jones or Nick. TJ and JD can go home and I'll be fine but I'd hate to get out right now. In my head I'm like UGH JENNA JUST FLIP BACK TO FAVS you'll be in a good spot and won't jeopardize anything!!! And you'll almost surely guarantee Jury!!!! But on the outside Im like.. omg ya fans vs favs is over the swap did that snatched wig tea okurrt PEriod. I just wanted a simple tribal but now I'm losing my shit. If I go after Nikias I will JUMP.

Honestly my allies bore me. I guess I trust them but I don't know... this other tribe seems to suck too. I just want a favorite to leave at this point because the fans are getting slaughtered. But Thomas is an interesting situation. We definitely have a past and he's the biggest threat but the devil you know is better than the devil you don't? But I know he'll pick Jess over me any day of the week I've been a little quieter so I predict people might have doubts but I'm loyal to my alliance for now. I'm just trying to lay low and make it to the merge before I can really be a crazy cunt. Nick is apparently the vote and I'm sad because he's also a minority? But not too sad because idk him.

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updates: Maynor, Mitchell, Tim and I make an alliance maybe possibly? also,, we're probs gonna surrender to the fans lmao sorry JD :(

I think nicks going home but I’m kinda nervous. Jenna’s sticking with us fans apparently. Jonesy wants jenna out that’s all the tea I have

I was prepared to flip when they brought up Jones’ name. Like nah. I would lay down my game for Jones aka Dad. For this vote cuz i think theres a swap coming after this vote. Hopefully. It looks like its Nick tonight which i am fine with.

(i don't have the time/energy to film a video confessional) THEY'RE REALLY GOING FOR ME HUH MITCHELL THAT FUCKING RAT threw my name out to the rest of the fans because I suggested Jenna, and now they wanna vote me out (the only reason why I know is bc my king maynor told me) Maynor said he'd try to switch the vote, but right now, it's on me, and that's NOT OKAY HAHAHA. if it stays on me, then he's gonna flip. it's so INTERESTING how all I do is suggest someone who's a CLEAR MINORITY ON THE OTHER TRIBE to be voted out!! and then SUDDENLY some fake vague ass people wanna cherish her???? like suddenly she's the token person on the tribe??? that's fake as fuck and they know that. ok while i'm writing this,,, apparently the vote went off me. but it's also all up to JENNA like ARE YOU KIDDING. like,, y'all are a group of 5 people, you can come up with a decision on your own and she can go with it. like she's really chill, I like her I think she's cool, but she shouldn't be getting this treatment from a tribe that had her on the bottom before. i'm at a point where i'm just trying to get Maynor to flip to our side, because h's just as frustrated about this situation as I am. and I don't really want Nick to will me/tim his idol if we can get him to flip. ,,, so yeah *does fake ass stick out tongue thing*

This vote is a MESS. At one point it was Jones and then its JD and now its TJ and now I want to JUMP from a cliff. Also Nick is two faced. Apparently he had an idol hunt group composed of Alyssa, JD, Whats her face, and Himself. He probably used MY idol clue and I want to fite him.

Hi I’ve been very tired owo so I come out of nowhere and honestly I’m like, this is cute owo so now I’m just going to come out of nowhere when we swap, and honestly that’s cute :,)

so according to Maynor it's between Jenna and Nick, i'm still trying to work my magic on Maynor, and I think it's working. hopefully a swap is coming sometime soon though so i can kick Mitchell's ass laksdjflsdkj

I can't imagine being in a better position in this game. Think about it:

1. I got almost everyone's trust from the fans tribe. 2. I got swapfucked alongside Jess, who I barely spoke to prior. 3. I got connected with Jess and solidified a relationship. 4. I made connections with Sammy, Alyssa, Chelsea, and Jose. 5. We haven't lost a single competition, and now the other 2 tribes will be pitted against one another. Whoever votes in the minority will be forced to come to Jess and I, so in essence, we hold every ounce of power. Best case scenario: We get swapped into a tribe with current Hosororo and old fans, giving me the ability to pick and choose who stays and who goes. Worst case scenario: We get swapfucked and I need to make new relationships with alternative favorites. I would also be more than fine staying in the same tribe, considering there is a clear gap between our tribe and the other 2.

Our tribe really thought Jenna was the swing vote. Bish it was actually me. Im pan with a plan and im here to make messy as moves. Jones aka DAD. ❤️ I think im going to flip and do Jenna. While my fans + jenna are doing Nick. Im really hoping there is a swap cuz if there isnt im screwed. But its a move and me and Jonesy are going to be the villians of the season. But at the end of the day. A favorite is still going home.

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Me and Jones went on call for an hour and talked about the vote. We're sticking with voting Jenna out. Jonesy worked her magic on Maynor and is getting him to flip. Also Mitchell is a bad bean akdjdjs. Anyways ... Me and My wig have decided to vote ... for Jenna Nick wanted me to play the idol on him since he's getting votes this round and Maynor may not flio but HNNNNN i dont want that target on me just as of now. It'd be too risky and since he made an idol hunt group without me on our OG tribe... I considered letting him will me the idol and then him getting voted out ajsjsksks.

Well, there's no way of getting this to work unless Jones works her magic. I'm simply trying to get people to realize that I'm social and understanding of how this game gets played. Hopefully I can get people to want to keep me and play with me come a tribe swap or a merge.

It’s been a weird round. I fought my ass off in the challenge but to no avail. This joint tribal has been a battle. I think Maynor is flipping to vote out Jenna. If I’m wrong it’s me with an idol in my pocket. But my allies Tim and Jonesy both feel confident in Maynor and you can’t win Survivor alone so I’m going to stick with my homies and not play my idol. Gulp. Wish me luck:

Curse you hosts! Throwing us into a blender to vote someone out! RTQ-read the question, or so my professor always said. What do I do not not read the whole thing and forget to put a Guyana sign or even say it In my videos. Which leaves me scrabbling to do it all again. Dog food and fucking hot sauce bullshit is not something you want to do twice in one night, let alone in one week. Lesson for the day? READ THR MOTHER FUCKING QUESTION FOLKS!

YALL I am so sorry about not making confessionals. It's just I always have a fear that I am wasting my time and that the confessionals won't even got posted...and like nothing interesting has happened on my tribe. Here are some fun facts tho: after tonight me, Alyssa, José, and Chelsea are the only ones that have not gone to tribal. YEEHAW SKEET SKEET YALL. I am living in paradise, I have connected w Devon and Jess pretty well. Devon I know I can trust 100%, I am sure that Jess and Alyssa are pretty close but I still trust them too. I want to be reunited with JONESSSS I miss her. CRYING IN THE CLUB RN. We had a mini tribe call just to like chit chat and that was fun. Jess also destroyed the comp and if José would not have been on our tribe I would have asked to sit out bc like I was still recovering from editing the music video. UMM what else. Oh we have that lit joint tribal that we do not have to go to #BLESS and Idk yall I am just waiting to go to tribal so I can play the game, it's hard coming up with stuff to do and have fun when u winnn. I have just been collecting tea about the fans sooo

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO WORK OUT OH MY GOD BLESS MAYNOR HOLY FUCK I LOVE THAT MAN SO MUCH that's all for now xoxo, i'll do a more detailed video confessional later

Not even going to lie.. I'm shitting bricks that José is going to fuck up this challenge for us. If he does RIP me in this game. I think I'm the one on the outs out of the 5 of us. Devon is connected with people like Chelsea who won't even give me the time of day.. I'm fucked. SO FUCKED.

Lets start off with Jenna. I am very sorry. Im sorry that i voted for you. Im a sorry that i made the move? No. I felt you were too close to Dani and Sarah and Aidan and Mitchell. And you had lots of power that tribal. I guess you can say you were sarah and i was kass in this vote. And chaos struck. No one knew my connection to my dad aka Jones and Tim. They are ❤️. I would protect them and i did. Am i ready for the fall out idk. Hopefully no one takes the temptation on our tribe cuz my ass will go right behind Jenna. If I cant do damage control.

Welcome to my: "I Think I may Just be PMSING" rant for this round. BUT I JUST NEED A FUCKING PERSON IN THIS GAME. Someone who I know has my back at least 75%. I'm not asking for a miracle here.. I know someone having your back 100% isn't realistic at all. However, I just need someone who I know going forward will pick me over their old friends or tribe-mates if when we swap or if I make it to merge. Where is this all coming from? I have no idea. I just have a fucking weird feeling. I felt good with my tribe but for some reason something just feels OFF to me. This is probably my paranoia kicking in or my hormones? Only time will fucking tell.... If you'd ask me currently who I considered my person I would say it's Devon by fucking default. WHICH IS REALLY SAD CONSIDERING HOW WE WERE PRE-SWAP. We swapped together, he has ACTUALLY given me information. BUT..... I know homeboy is looking out for himself first and will sell me out when time comes. SO that's not good for me in the future... I know he has a tendency to tell people the same things too so.. that’s a mood. I would have said Alyssa is my person HOWEVER, I don't see a scenario where she chooses me over Chelsea or Sammy on this tribe right now. In the future? Possibly, I won't rule that out at all. But for the remainder of however long we have on this tribe... I don't feel good at all. She gives me almost no information and that could be a result of me not giving her information but I’ve honestly told her everything I know. Mitchell possibly being on the bottom, what went into the Lucy/Bee vote. That’s all I got. I physically can not give her anything else. SHE KNOWS EVERYTHING I KNOW. Maybe she doesn’t know anything? I have no fucking idea. I want to work with her SO BAD. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to work with SOMEONE MORE IN A GAME. BUT I fucking can’t shake the feeling of her stabbing me in the back if it came down to me or Devon. I'm trying not to let my paranoia show and I know I've let it slip a couple of times in conversations with Alssya/ Sammy. They ignored me for a good 20 minutes when I said it so it was obvious they were on a call or communicating someway. OR MAYBE IT’S MY PMS OR PARANOIA?!!!! I’m just sure I’ve STRESSED THIS FACT ENOUGH BUTTTTT: I AM FUCKING NERVOUS. I’m almost as nervous as a drug addict taking a fucking piss test right now. If José pulls some shit in this challenge I’m going if we LOSE MY FUCKING COOL LIKE NO TOMORROW. The way I see the connections on this tribe right now is simple: Devon has connections with Sammy/ Chelsea. Side note: Chelsea acts like I’m the plague in her pm’s. She ignores me harder than I ignore all of my life responsibilities and I ignore them pretty fucking hard. I believe I’m closer to Alyssa than Devon is but will she have the votes if it came down to it? NO. Sammy is close to everyone. He’s my pick to win right now. He has everything a future winner has.

Color me SHOOK. Im very surprised that they are handling the Jenna very calm and understanding. I might not have been in as much danger as i thought. I told them the truth about why I did the vote and all the reasons. The paranoia. My anxiety that was spiraling out of control. I didnt tell them tho of my connection to Jonesy 🦑❤️ But i want to thank Jones for calming me down from my anxiety before the vote. And to Sarah who helped me after tribal cuz my anxiety kicked up again after i couldnt talk to jones and people were confused on what happened and were asking around. I am much better today tho. A little calmer than last night.

I am really bad at this, I so imma spill some tea, which I don't have much of. Me and Mitchell agreed to work together until merge then we would kill each other whenever it best suited us. Which was a good think to do because apparently I'm a scary comp beast :D If that is all I am remembered for at the end of this game I'll be happy <3 More to come but I am at work soooooo yeah, more to come ~finger guns~

Also I have NO idea why everyone trusts Mitchell so much!! He’s a snake and if he doesn’t go home this week, the rest of my tribe are idiots

Well...that was quick. Aidan taking the advantage is really interesting, and also very telling: 1. Do the fans have a clear majority? Sarah and Dani didn't trust Mitchell, and this would be the perfect time to knock him out. 2. Is Aidan ACTUALLY playing the game? He seems to have a grip on what will happen tonight, which is fearsome, considering he didn't do jackshit on the original fans tribe. 3. What is this twist for later tonight? I predict the advantage has to do with either picking the swapped tribes or sending someone to exile at the F15, making it 7 vs 7 with 1 at exile.

It looks like they may have thrown the challenge? I might be screwed? Like not in the good way. 😏 They said Mitchell’s name and i want to believe them but how are you going to be like i dont want to go to tribal and hope someone else takes it to taking the temptation. Its very clear of their intention. I just hope they are telling me the real target. Cuz if not im dead. And ill be gone. If its me, its been great. Its been fun. I wish i could have lasted longer. But oh well. Sarah i hope you make it far. Jonesy ❤️ Kill it and take the title.

oh my godddd, so sorry I forgot to do a confessional. I completely forget to do them when my tribe doesn't have to go to tribal. ;) I genuinely love my tribe so much and have actively talked to everyone ever since the switch. Now there's talk about swaps that may happen, but I don't want that to happen. :( The only good thing that could come out of a swap is that I would have an easier time choosing someone to vote out if need be, because by the looks of it, my current tribe is the most active and serious about making it to the top. I really don't want any switches to happen unless it's merge! Also, I don't think my tribe is ever going to talk in the temptation chat because we're all so on the same page. Ugh, I love them.

I think Sarah is going home because Mitchell Aidan and I made an alliance. She threw both Mitchell and my name so.

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kyandice · 7 years ago

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CANDICE EDIT THIS UGLY SHIT WHEN U HAVE THE FUCKING TIME

this is an ugly unedited one it has been in my drafts for like 2 months already. so whatever i just posting it. ill edit it if i have the time. thins is is i actually edited half way and MY FUCKING COMPUTER FUCKING CRASHED SO I GAVE UP and yeahhh ill just post this ugly unedited one and ill edit it again WITH PROPER ENGLISH WHEN I HAVE THE TIME. idk i just cqnt see stuff in my drafts i just havre to post it and yewah wtf.

this unedu=ited stuff is just me writing key poiunts about my day and not like urghhhhhhh i hate this commmmmm. normally i would describe more but i dont want it in my drafts anymore so ill edit it when im free OKAYYYY.

1/3

Hahahahahah lmao this was the date when i got tgt with K 3 years ago.(omg i still rmb, but tbh its nth special i just rmb useless stuff pretty well) Never wanted to date a guy again even i with crushes back in sec sch. but anyways, today i went to Sentosa w/ B and he seemed to really like the artificial fiels alot but it was like in the afternoon so it was still kinda hot and yeahhhh. Like it would be much nicer at night. There will be like alot of stars and fireworks too and it will be more windy and cooling idk but it will be nicer at night and i want to spend the night w/ B there again. Oh yeah anyways ystd B bought me the batgirl lego keychain and B told me that batgirl had sex with batman and im shoooked.

2/3 and like today we planned to go to his house anddd then go to parkway parade to some lego secret chambers shop. i went out early cuz my junior wanted to pass me her lego characs but she couldnt make it so i was alr at bishan so i just went to tpy and wait for bryan o wake and meet me so i called him at 11am but he woke up and shouted at me so i just like nvmmmm so i went to the library and went window shopping around tpy and i also went popular 1pm i didnt want to call him up but i was like ugh nvm and called him.. and yay he finaally woke up wna read tuesday with morrie, all the fifty shades of grey and in grey's pov n miss peregrine's home for peculiar children but we still went to parkway parade anyays and he asked me to watch letters from iwo jima so i watched it at night and bryan wanted to watch the breakup list on toggle but it kept playing ads and it just wouldnt play the video so b got alittle pissed 3/3 logan, training (our 8th movie)

4/3 finishing crocheting my first thinggg the bear thing shoud i give it to bryan would he want it so today b was vvvv kinda excited this video thing with ck and cez and im like vvv happy for him cuz he can do smthing he rlly likes with cool n funny ffriends. also he said that he didnt want us to go public at first cuz he was afraid that ppl might tease us he said he was afraid i might be ffrustrated but tbh i was hella frustaratred i dont see the point of hiding our rship but im glad werre like opene now and so at night i went to ikea and b messaged me but i was busyt walking and i didnt recieve his msg but i didnt like lock my phone so it was read. but like it was in my pockets and like my mom doesnt allow me to play my phine whenever im walking but yeah anyways b was angry hat i didnt reply him. we sorta quarreled awhile but we were kinda okay after that i guess. wtf sia today midnight i have to distribute stuff to the homeless ppl in bugis and i was wearing a short paanyts and my mom tied this weird looking scarf i swear i look like some carzy hobo youngster wtf.

5&6/3 sneaked out of house, slept over at his house and after that i went to tpy first while he showers, ate and went home early to pack for camp stuff wna stay over at his house again it was fun we tried to watch moanna but was kinda sleepy

7/3 day 1 of camp. slept with b outised tgt

8/3 day 2 of camp (-met javier and sihui -every camps i go i get very angry -shoulder, water balloon) larn cpr and aed the skit thing worst grp ever

9/3 day 3 of camp water activities we won

10/3 tkd training

11/3

-wtf nxt week go msia (wanted to go work) -quarreled with bteh. cuz i cant go out but he wants me to go out -yyour suffering defines you without it yore a void -japan and korea with bryan -my parents -i want more lego charac -money - i cant wait for tmr for ilighhtsss i want to take like alooot pictures tgt with bryannnn styled hair -nicole choo idk why im still so insecure like i know pretty clearly that im decent looking. decent looking enough to make friends, have a job and not get ostracised in society. and well if you arent good looking enough you'll be made fun off/ostracised in society and thats how humans work. and now everywhere you see are pretty girls and how can any girls feel not insecure. Okay, i have a flat and fat nose. i want to have a sharper and thinner nose like michelle. i have pretty small boobs and i want boobs like naomi. my shoulders are too wide from playing softball, i want a smaller width shoulders like grace. my tummy isnt flat i want a flat tummy. and thing is those are pretty famous girls in like sg and im not even talking abt kim kard or emma wats or like jennifer lawr. omg i dont even know where im going with this im just literally typing all my thoughts down. okay and the boys here???? they all follow those people and im pretty sure they compare them over the normal girls in sch. omg what am i even talking abt. i feel silly even typing this out. but okay if your beauty standards doesnt reach like the norm in society you srsly wouldnt have friends. unless youre realllll rich or your sense of humor is rlly rlly great.

12/3 didnt quarrel but we were obv upset with each other it was a fun day tho when to see i lights took alot pictures ate llaollao no money

20/3 best s ever went home after it bteh gg aunts house today

his flight will be tmr 21/22 job interview got the job bryaan in flight abt cosplay how i dont have frinds

25/03 bryan found my private twitter accnt bteh tole me abt a girl he liked when he was in korea idk if anyone realised but ive got a really really really bad habit. its weird really. but its a thing ive been doing since young and i never talked to anyone about it before. so actually, when im nervous, or stressed out, or just couldnt take my mind off smthing, i would like start peeling or plucking my nails. okay many people do this but, i ahve a weirder one andddd omg i think i will regret saying this. So actually, i pluck i my hair when im nervous, stressed out or just thinking abt smthing i cant ignore. so back in primary 4 i was doing this math practice paper and i couldnt do any those 6marks big problem sums and i was fking stressed out. and well my habit of plucking my own hair started really really young. and at P4 my mom saw me crying

26 toc competition firdst fight win second fight lose how i dont wna fight nationals cuz my weight cat all got national player lose my chance to win gold cant even get silver r came today

29/ power rangers

30 wanted to go coney island with rapheal and jill and bryan but it rained so we went to lan and gamed without jill bryan pushed me and i banged into someone in the end see museums some forest thing the ligths vvv pretyy

28/hotel

31/ hotel went to work after that talk about work made bryan that key chain clp diner and dance

1/4 learn bst bts for club crawl played boomberang didnt workkk aot is out!!!!!!

2/4 today i need to go mountbatten cc to practice my poomsae my poomsae lousy i dont think i can pass at first try anyways president of stf is milan quey idk if i spelt his name properly but yeah. before that ate yellow sub with B will nvr eat there again portion is small yet expensive and food isint so nice at all but since i get to eat with b im vvvv gladdd

3/4 today i went early to B's house. after that met up with madeline and shirlyn to watch boss baby and the movie was quite nice i thought i wouldnt like it and then we ate pepper lunch and omg osaka is a vvv small place like shirlyn went evrywhere i visited like a a year ago

4/4 AND I WOKE UP WITH BTEH lose his doibok and he couldnt find it my maid threathened to take a mail for my mom cuz she lazy walk and she wants me to do it but i was late

5/4 there was demo training we played table tennis for awhile and bteh is good at it, ok maybe its just that i suck at it but yea theres was fmo so we slacked at tg until demo tng started so at night he said hes tired but idk that he wanted to sleep soon and he was like stop it and i was like stop wat but he ttly just shut me off and then i got pissed cuz i would nvr do that to him

6/4 i had to meet herman but like after meeting him timetable i realised i forget to bring my wallet somethimes im torn in beteen like just not gg out with bteh cuz i have no money to eat or spend his money again he keeps saying its okay but its really not okay im just not comfortable like someone spending so much on me i owe money so he told me his specs broke ttly

One of the things dreams do for us is prepare us for worse case scenario. The dream that is closest to reality about a loved one leaving us prepares the mind for the pain that can be inflicted upon us. It creates a probability. That means it could happen, it means it’s a fear you have, and being such your mind protects your psyche in a way to allow you to feel the emotions of the event, even though the event never occurred.

13 reasons why felt like th main charac like back in sec sch all i wanted was just to finish my olevels and go to poly so i can be a whole new person. someone who i wanted to be withouht anyone laughing at me

1au away from sol 1au measurement unit like light or smthing sol is latin from sun porbbaly it

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puresponk-blog · 8 years ago

Text

From Start To Beginning. How And When. What & Why... My Story So Far.

I’ve always thought from when I was young I wasn’t the same as anyone else, I’ve shown people who I am even if sometimes I haven’t the clue who that is, but after everything, I think I’m starting to realise you only know how to live life the day you go six feet under.

From The Start To Beginning

I remember an ungodly amount from being as young as 5/6 and onwards, Im born and raised in England in a small town called Barnstaple, nothing major, I remember our first house, living with my mum and dad, in a very tiny two bedroom semi-detached house. After so long being there I remember Sam being born, from literally two days after he popped out he’s been there ever since. I was to understand why I think why I do, how I am and why? Just a little more so, finding yourself is the worst thing you can do. We are working class and very had much... iv never been on holiday, and I guess it's okay, can't be sad about something you never had I guess.

I remember things, days, moments from living there even if I don’t think of it, I remember walking to school, living next to a girls house who’d walk with me, one of my friends would live two minutes up the drive, another who I only saw at school but have known since we were babies, not so much know just our mums were friends, still are but never meet.

I like remembering how I used to think Father Christmas was real, the little things like the tooth fairy, even the odd few pounds would give me the power to feel what it’s like to decide what I want, even if it’s a sweet, toy car, it’s special.

We lived there for a good few years before moving about 20 minutes more so next to town, I kinda figure this’s when I remember a lot about life thinking about it now.

Everything seemed to get a little more and more unfair as I started to realise that some of these kids would have these new toys, but it didn't matter to the sense that it would bother be that much... young and naive as they say. Mom XY Dad So you kinda got a feel for what it was like living in the old house because it doesn’t matter as much when you’re young and don't remember. My mum is sweet and in some sense innocent, but she absorbs life instead of steals it, take things how it is just she hasn’t had a holiday, never been out of the country, hasn’t had many boyfriends at all, very content in how you just live and take things how they come. She’s into some mellow stuff and loves music, a huge music fan and was influenced loads from her mother as I in a way.

My dad is a little different, he’s into his old time rock a’ billy sound, more vintage metal if anything, his dad wasn’t the greatest influence though… he left him with his mother and didn’t do the most knowledgeable things, I remember him telling me a story of how his dad used to take him when he was a baby and go to hospital car parks and try of kinda not lure but use him as a little introduction to the lady business… and then left around the same year as when it kinda got a bit much I imagine, but is 100% take things when you do and don’t really help yourself if you can’t be fucked… very down to earth and will take anything if he thinks he can handle it, not a serious man at all, also an alcoholic and has a problem.

How & When

When we moved into the new house I still went to the same school, as my brother started at this point, kinda when you’re growing up and hit that age when you don’t wanna be treated like a kid anymore, music wise I wasn’t very varied, but wasn’t into that side as of yet just getting a taste almost, dipping your toe into the pool. This is when it stated getting pretty understandable, it wasn't okay anyway, wrong even but didn’t really know why in some ideas.

My mum caught on from when we weren’t born yet that my dad just wasn’t going to do anything with himself, he’s drinking got worse and worse not going out, treating many of us to the little things, just a drive would be like a two day holiday out of town with the experience just to go out almost… she didn’t love him anymore and used us as a starting point or excuse if you will to stop drinking go out more and live life but never got more than another town.

Around this time it got harder to understand many things, I was getting bullied from other kids for things like how I looked, pale ginger kid who wasn’t that amazing at a lot, as it was more everything at once around then, every day was just getting more tackling, going home to arguing constantly and awful silence to total screech and slaughter house environment… to wake up and get picked on it was just hard.

By now it’s getting to the end of primary school, there’s another baby on the way, I remember seeing dad trying for a few times taking us out but just to the beach the odd time, nothing major but probably proved more I his mind than actually proving something, he must have pulled off another stunt like oh let’s have another kid I’ll fix everything but probably didn’t last long, I remember him having cans next to his bed, waking up and just drinking from morning to day, everything you’d have in a normal home from what I could see was not in our favour, yet I guess you got to take it how it is…

… Anyone who knows what it was like as a kid must know how day to day you don’t feel the same when you’re older, the days are much slower and have more meaning, almost every day was a lesson, so you really pick up everything around you, and when there’s nothing but grief, stress, hatred it feels a lot more than it should do, kinda what makes me think everything stays with you when you’re younger…

I was in school and this is secondary, so the teenaged years are here… It was coming up to my birthday before I even started… not saying from now until I was born I never got anything or didn’t experience a lot, I joined a tennis club which only two people out of the entire school went… and wasn’t half bad at it at all, and cricket we ended up doing school leave play as well as football.

I was the defender in the school team and didn’t loose to any school for four years running, something silly like 9-2 every other year, so I wasn’t not doing anything, more so to just leave home so I don’t have to get shit from each ear about alcoholism or how she never touches him and how she has to sleep in the kids bedroom (Sam & Kane, Kane being the youngest now) cuz she can’t stand him all that shit… but he wasn’t leaving because his one stubborn man when he goes the ideas of pure bullshit in his head… mum would say he fools for his own bullshit…

I asked for an electric guitar for my birthday, which means money, something we don’t have much of, but I kicked and screamed and did this for days, I was in my first year of secondary school coming to 13/14.

They got my one tho, and couldn’t have been more grateful, by this time my music range was the complete opposite direction as anyone who I knew, mainstream wasn’t in my vocabulary… listening to hard rock, heavy metal, screamo, all the old stuff everything under what music stand for when everyone who I knew had the new 50 cent ringtone and got phones and hand this, that, and everything I’ve never thought of even having… so when I saw these guys making these songs which made me feel something totally different than I’ve ever felt I wanted to do that.

But still he didn’t leave, not the normal thing to do so the arguments went on for years… if you can think of crying and how shit is was STILL getting bullied not ever having many friends at all…

I think why I think like I do is because of my parents, kinda like that for everyone... I think if someone doesn't fit in it's because they're weird not because they're an individual? Could be very dependent, but from my experience... once you know you don't fit it, you never really will...

Come to day to day life it was get up, listen to screaming, go school, feel shit as fuck, go home, and feel even more shit so say to day life wasn’t pleasant but the appreciation for things like a roof or food just seemed mandatory so why’d I ever feel special?

By now it come to choosing GCSEs, I got really into art by this time and more so towards drumming, before I even chose my gcses I saw an electric kit in school so when I realised that I could go to this music room and not have to deal with anything but me in a room with music I could play cuz I couldn’t at home made a difference… and I ended up being pretty good when it comes to the drums as my alcoholic father says I got a real talent… as all drunks talk pure shit…

So now I begged and begged for a drum kit… and my dad some how got one because my mum didn’t work but dad worked in a factory…

I remember watching this video of trivium and it was the lead guitarist… and I was real into my music by now, and creative side to everything, in primary I loved English writing about wonders and things instead everyone else loved maths and I hated it, if never know what they were talking about and ever felt good when it happened…

But I saw him head banging with this sharp black Flying V just looking how I felt, and he had hair down to his shoulders or longer even, and thinking I want to look like that… I want the feeling of your hair going everywhere not seeing your face just the look, so when I bring it up sometimes as a joke but being deadly serious on the inside dad was very against it. He was very metal nothing poncey dying your hair like… but mum being very flower power opinionated for me to go for I touched me to do it and do things if you want to and think don’t worry what they thing…

So this pale ginger kid with a broken family who had fuck all to do other than play music and relate to heavy music has now dyed his hair from orange, or brown with a highlight of orange just orange in the sun to black mid length and very unpopular so I didn’t really help myself…

At all…

Coming towards the end of the year I had a little group of friends that looked like me, very emo very scene, very outcast very used to taking shit for literally anyone and everyone… so it was kinda a sanctuary, then the people who I thought were my friends for so much of a year decided to do something which kinda made things worse…

I went to the park where we kinda hung out when I only ever got a pity invitation from one of the guys or sometimes girls, like they’d be like why’d you bring him but always behind my back, I met them and we hung out in this girls house and wanted to check my Facebook and when it come to me leaving I forgot to sign out, so they went on all like five six of them threatened a bunch of different 18 year olds and dealers they’d pick up from and kids from our school… all thinking it’s be because they want to believe it, they didn’t know me so would’ve assumed the worse but shit it was so obvious… so it figuratively no one liked me again.

After that day for a solid few weeks it just didn’t feel safe to go anywhere, do anything I had to stay in this horrid house, I kinda turned to music a lot because I cut my hair down sort so it was natural, I left anyone who ever hurt me and moved towards the same friends as I did in school, the one who lived up the drive, and my other who was kinda raised with, kinda hung out with their friends and then on to be some of the best people and funniest people I’ve ever met.

They were also outcasts just not visually anything, stereotypically they were the nerds, living online with a controller in their hand doing nothing all day.

I kinda always picture the worst happening because that's always what's happened, now a days it's more you choose what happens and not being afraid to tell people what I think, it help a lot when in the middle of the first year I did kickboxing... and was the best in the class, I took it seriously which lead me to ranking up belts twice or even three times more than anyone else, I soon become a brown belt, one off a black but the teacher was flaky and we stopped going, me and my dad that is... I met my first actual girlfriend there, it was the teachers step daughter, we would learn up stairs and we the adults we upstairs we hung out downstairs... she was also not one to fit in everywhere but she had a few friends. After I cut my hair and looked sort of normal I noticed a real change of how people act around you especially kids by how you look, in my mind you can be this or that, but now, it really doesn't matter what you wanna be people are gunna say whatever and it won't bother you in a month? You won't remember in a few weeks so why let it get to you now? You'd be labelled for what you are and that really sticks with people so you might as well be true. My new friends... I liked them because at least I had people to see and talk to and be okay with saying hi when they walked down the hall, but still was not liked by many at all…

When I finished school everyone says your school days are the best you’ll ever have and I I thought If that were true I think I might have to blow my brains out… but it wasn’t easy and after everything that was happening at home and in school something weird happened in my life…

Essentially my dad hit my mum well… he did, it was getting really horrid between them and like I said they did this for years living in the same house but not together like… my mum tried to move out it just couldn’t happen, she couldn’t find work and no council flat or house was ready in a few months time… more like years… but because so when this riot of a show which I’ll spare you the details of (don’t worry it was nothing major at all just it was fucked up) she called the police and obviously I stopped him as soon as he touched her ya know it was just instinct but he got taken away, and the next morning smashing a window trying to get is after mum throwing his shit out. But he left… and stayed with his mother as he is doing right now… 50… btw…

And I was skating at the time, doing not half bad at all and was getting pretty used to playing a lot on guitar and drums, and is what I still do today because I’m pretty good at it, not so much art unfortunately, but I left secondary and all the friends I made we never seen again, it was time to choose what to do with your life…

I didn’t really have a clue with not enjoying a subject other than music art and a little graphic design but nothing major…

Mum and dad being working class they wanted me to be an electrician, they wouldn’t go a conversation without thinking of the money, and I never got what you’d call affection from either when I really think about it but wasn’t interested in the outside so I guess I never had the opportunity… kinda why I down play anything I’m good at because of my own mum and dad can’t find anything to encourage out of me hearing them say how good I could be if I follow their advice and become an electrician with no interest in it al all I pursued it…

All these built up feelings, anger was one... feeling like why would who people have a kid if they couldn't get them everything they wanted... why don't you go on holiday if you could? The worst thing is wasted time which could possibly spend making memories? Depression was also one... and I kinda felt it suited a lot to do with at home... you can't go through all this shit and expect not to wanna express it, even if it meant crying because you didn't know what you did for so many people to hate you? I never thought self harm as a realise until you think of actually having something to complain about, feeling a cut on the outside is sometimes better than feeling shit on the inside.

Now I haven’t mentioned any love life or anything like that until now, because I did loose my virginity but it wasn’t what you would call boyfriend girlfriend… more we would meet and then go with it… but I met this girl, and I couldn’t think of a better time for someone to somehow enter at the most right time?

No arguments, no bullying, I was normal looking and had made a few new friends, and now meet one of the most important people I’ve met since.

I mean I don’t wanna go on cuz like we aren’t together anymore but in a sense it was pure poetry everyday, everyday felt bliss, the fire they say that lights in your belly was roaring, feeling nothing but shit to sunshine for the first time it was one of the best feeling s I’ve ever feel and still searching for it again, I just hope I don’t get to relate to those quotes you see about never finding love again…

This girl, seen the country’s of Germany, Spain, two or three others I think, and yet she want to the same secondary and got spoken about the same way people did about me yet never spoke to her before ever, just the odd few times and one day, as Im walking home from collage who do I see walking under this underpass and smiles… the very same girl?! And she smiles at me?? Not like one of those side ounces like no effort like ya know she’s making pretty darn obvious and I literally thought na it’s cool I’ll look at her she’ll look at me and we will look away like everyone who’s ever looked at me…

And I don’t even smile back so I messaged her saying sorry I didn’t smile back?? Like wtf… how lame… but come a few days later I see her sitting on the opposite table as my friends and later messaged about getting a drink… the rest is pretty much history, perfect if you will… just I don’t think I’ve met anyone who was as serious as me when it come to something so special? Never mind the fact I already did another year of collage to get my level 2 diploma in electrical which I was starting to kinda get the hang of, still not interested but I did it, and yet we ended up living together, sharing everything, thoughts food, bed, house, life, and that’s what makes me think, how can someone know someone that well inside and out, how do you find that agin I don’t know? How I did in the first place I’m not sure at all…

But now it’s starting to get a little more clearer… I read somewhere that once you realise things will never be the same that’s when you can truly move on, another was when you find love it takes twice or sometimes three times as long to get over and honestly you’ll never get over it and yet that’s poetry… it’s not how who choose, it’s the ones who you want to see for the rest of your life because sometimes memories last a life time…

And who can me anymore satisfied with how you can go from the the worst days of your life to a few years later find this soul that’s exactly the same in so many ways yet the differences are what made it fun… I was having fun and I was in love… I think once you know what something’s value is, it’s not to imagine it to be a sad loss once it does go,enjoy what is happening right now… not what was yesterday? I want to think about tomorrow.

What & Why

So I think you’ll never understand what will happen if something will happen tomorrow who you’ll meet or what you’ll be, I’m in a band and we got a festival to play in June, to 350 people and I’ve played to a crowed of 15… and other to about 40? And I’ve been giving for about 3 months, I lost my job cuz I was always late and the people were absolutely awful… and now I got an interview with some of the sweetest women and team ever? You just never know what will happen? Iv applied to a music course to do for a year and after I’m moving to Plymouth to continue a degree in music? And you know what’s stayed through the worst and the best?

Music, my skateboard, my drum kit, my mum, and even the one who can leave something behind which can never be replaced? Memories… I can’t say I’ll ever understand life and I don’t think going about it seriously was what I should’ve done and it goes for anybody? You’ll never know what will happen? So just flow with it?

My Story So Far.

So what am I doing today? What’s made it easier? Who’s there now? Do you feel any wiser? Mistakes are probably the opposite to regret for the most part…

Just because I wouldn’t be here today if I had courage to do something sooner? I might be a hell of a lot wiser and probably a lot more understanding and normal… but what’s made it all worth the story? The journey instead of the destination… and that’s why I think you’ll only ever be completely understood of life is when you get laid six feel under? You just won’t know what you’re doing ever? If you told me six years ago I was going to be make a studio and be with a bad that’s planing a week tour I would’ve been laughing…

Hopefully I can think about what I was doing today in a few years thinking of the most ridiculous ideas and be living it… and I can’t wait…

The Story So Far? Can’t say I know yet… still enjoying the journey, not thinking about the destination, I think what makes it serious, when you care too much about what’s happing next instead of now? If you never do the things you’ve always wanted to, do they happen?

You’ll never know, will i ever know what love feels like again? Does it ever feel like you’ll know what you’re doing with your life? Does it make sense that what’s happening right now is for a reason? Do you ever want to hug the people you never think about touching again? Do selfish people ever say sorry for being selfish? Variety is the spice of life? No one wants to be stuck with someone until their teeth go? That’s boring? Sex is the most fun without laughing? You’ll never know where you are until you realise you are no where…

P.s. I hope you knock on my door, I want to leave Devon without knowing the people who meant less to me think more of me? I want to know that whenever either of us look back, it’s not shit but laughing…

From Start To Beginning. How And When. What & Why… My Story So Far.

@invisible-fate98

#I'm moving away soon and want you to read this before I do

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kyandice · 8 years ago

Text

I HATE SCHOOL

Im just prolly writing all my thoughts I’m having everyday.

Smol print: This is a post which i might edit everyday if i have the time, and its technically a very cheesy dairy.

(10/01/2017)

Maybe i just cant study at all. My PEM is now teaching me a module this semester and he’s asking me to pay more attention during classes. Thing is, i dont even talk in class. I’ve been trying so hard to concentrate in class but i just dont understand any fucking thing. Seems like i failed CEP and Mr Herman wants to meet me after PEM class.

Lol, and i wanted to skip PEM class so Bryan doesnt have to wait that long for me. And lmao idk where i placed my contact lens (it wasnt even in my bag). Without my contact lens im not gg to Tkd training. I hope my lenses are somewhere at home PLEASE. It would take me another 2 weeks for me to get my contacts after ordering it.

Okay whatever, back to me not being able to concentrate in class. So yeah, i just dont understand anything and i end up staring into blank space or maybe start daydreaming. I think i failed Inorganic Chem and Math too. Idk im just worried for myself and my GPA. ok no, im mot worried about myself. Im more worried about me failing 2 or more modules and my PEM has to meet my parents, it’s gna be a disaster. Im so gna be fucked up. I just have no motivation for everything else.

Its really hard juggling a relationship, studies and CCAs too. Okay, for my situation, it isn’t really that bad. But maybe after a long run, im really worried that it might turn out bad someday. Im like typing this as I’m nearly breaking down in lecture and im holding myself so hard back to stop tearing up. Maybe im just too fucking paranoid, i think too much i just overthink too much and i hate it, it screws me up. People ask me what i would actually do if he starts getting cold again. Maybe I’ll miss him too much and start getting detached from everything and stop having the motivation to study or do anything in particular altogether. But for now, he’s always waiting for me for like hours just to spend the time with me after classes and i feel really, really fucking bad.

Anyways, U talked to me about his break up that happened a few months ago with J. And apparently, he lost feelings. But he also mentioned that J was really insecure as well, he had alot exes and yeah J was just alittle paranoid and insecure that U might just be playing. (idk why im like writing this maybe i just had to divert my mind somewhere else so i wouldnt cry in lecture) but yeah, U assured J that he was genuine and sincere but J was really guarded and apparently U was starting to get tired of assuring her. So she got paranoid and yea. Then U told me not to get too clingy and obsessive as he might get annoyed by it someday. He might think that it’s cute and sweet now, but someday he might get annoyed and U said that i wouldnt want someone to call me disgustingly clingy and obsessive after breaking up.

So yayyyy, im like really really really really happy these few weeks. He has been really extremellllyyyy sweet to me, he’s treating me really well too. He has been starting to say that he loves me like really constantly and its just reaaaaly reaaaaly sweet. And we had deep talks yay. Ive always suspected that he might some family issues as he always tried to avoid questions about them. But i never wanted to ask him like, i mean, if he wanted and was ready to tell me, he would have. So yay he finally told me idk i just wna hug him forever he’s so precious and vulnerable actually.

(okay fuck there was a 10min break i ran from chemical life science block to training ground and he wasnt there😭😭😭😭😭 so i ran back to science block i was like 1min late but class havent started so thank god. His phone has no battery and he has nothing to do for 2h maybe more cuz i have to meet PEM fuck i feel so bad i want to cry right now. He doesnt have his phone charger so he has nothing to do for 2h and there isnt anyone on training ground so he’ll be alone :(( no i feel fucking bad i want to cry so badly right now, i should’ve asked him to just go home. Now idk where he is im worried that he’s gna be very bored waiting for me fuck)

Gosh i think he went home already. But like if he went home shouldnt his phone have battery. Where is heeee :(( im so worried right now. Where could he actually beeeee :(((( okay imma hunt for him in school. He isnt at south and north canteen. Okay maybe library. He’s not at the library either. Okay maybe he went home and slept but didnt charge his phoneeee :/ shouldnt have asked him to wait for me. Should have just asked him to go home.

So yayyyyy he didnt went home, and actually waited for me. Okay thank god he wasnt alone, he was with raph and a few othr tkd ppl. I was so gna be worried that he might be alone with his phone battery flat, doing nothing. But i guess he was alrighttt.

I want a lip product. Idk lip tint, lipstick, liquid lipstick. idk i just want one. Like i want one red not those bright red, but like orangey lighter kind of shade red.

Fuck, my stye isnt curing. There’s like 2 styes in my left eye.Its sucks, it looks really ugly and digusting. I really hope it gets cured soon.

Apparently, Mr Lee asked Vincent about my bad grades. Lee asked vin like if he knows why my grades are like so bad. And Vin was like, oh, maybe becuz of r/s. But actually it isnt, i have been having bad grades since last sem. Idk i just have no motivation to do anything, i dont understand lectures and tutorials. All i want to do is to breakdown and cry in school everyday.

Okay, so about my contact lenses, it isnt at home. I just couldnt find it. Ive went through all my bags in my room for at least the 5th time already and still i cant find my contact lens. Guess ive lost it. I could have like worn it for another 2 months, god damn it. Now i have to order a new one, and wait for around 2-3weeks for my lens to arrive.

Y’all might actually ask why i feel insecure without my contact lens. Okay yay let’s start. I might have or might have not mentioned about the guys in my secondary school but yeahhhhh. They are a bunch of idiots which i would probably hold a grudge on them forever. Yes i hold on to grudges pretty long. Apparently the guys in my class hated me so they’ve always teased me and idk i just hated them so much. Okay I dont wanna say that im bullied, it just sounds so weird and idk, i dont people to think that im making a fuss by calling them bullies. But yeah they laugh whenever i answer a teacher’s question, teased me for being ugly, insulted me for alot of things, laughed at me for alot of things too. But ever since i switched to contacts, people started treating me better. Okay, its stupid to think that with contacts, people will treat me better. Maybe, coincidentally the guys in my class have matured when i switched to contacts. So, ever since, i had this thought drilled into my mind that contacts made me look better, and people treat better looking people much better. I mean at first, i thought i was just being silly. Then i started to try things out. I was out with some gatherings from the cosplay community and yeah, they were all strangers. When i’m with my glasses, no one came to talk to me and i wasnt treated as well as when i was wearing my contact lens. When i wore my contact lens, more people were interested to talk to me, i had more attention from people and yeah, i was just treated so much better than i was wearing my glasses. It wasnt the first time something like this happened. I’ve tried many times to different group of strangers and it always seems that wearing contact lenses made people treat me better. It’s kinda silly and childish for me to think like this but ever since ive gotten contacts, i had it drilled in my mind that that it’s how people work. People treat you better when you are better looking. I also felt less insecure and much more confident about myself everytime i wore my contacts. And idk i’ve been depending on contacts ever since to boost up my super low self-esteem.

So If i dont wear contacts in front of you, that would probably mean either. 1) Im very comfortable with you, i trust you alot and i see no problem wearing just glasses and looking unglam in front of you. Or 2) you mean nothing to me, i dont care about you. Examples for 1) would be Roy, Vin ,Zane, Aloy, Alfie, Daina, Alicia. I mean i really trust Roy and the rest alot, they’re really good friends and they have seen me with glasses outside training before. Examples of 2) would be my classmates or just random people in the lecture hall. But for B, im like really comfortable and i trust him alot, but i also wna look good in front of him so i try to have my contacts on everytime i meet him.

So like many people keep asking why i quitted cosplay so here are the reasons. But lmao nobody knows my tumblr, im writing everything here just to rant stuff, nobody would even read it anyways. Actually i quit cosplay for a few reasons. I hate it when people used to remind me that i cosplay. Well, sure, i might have kept some pictures left of some certain cosplays. But that is because the picture taken was really nice and i really wna safekeep it. One reason was money lol. I dont have money to actually buy all the costumes and props and those bullshits are fucking expensive, its just seriously a waste of my precious money. Another reason was, it wasnt really socially acceptable, people find me weird, a creep,idk. I used to be really proud and optimistic about cosplaying since it’s actually a very special hobby, but i guess some things are really hard if people always tease you about cosplaying as it is not very socially acceptable. And since cosplaying also require alot makeup, i can cut down cost on my make up, so yayy i still can save more money.

Today with Bryan was just amazing.Okay everyday with him is just fking amazing. Apparently there wasnt any movie to watch because i might go over my curfew but yayyy we actually just sat down at the swing and just talked. Sounds typical, but he loves me when i cant love myself. He’s the best thing that could ever happen to me and maybe waiting for him was actually all really worth it. I’m really an insecure person and he always has to assure me that im beautiful, gorgeous and adorable to him. He’s really the most sweetest and romantic things ever and it’s just really extremely cute. Even i get annoyed everytime i feel insecure about myself. I Love Him sooooo much i would never want to lose him. Omg this is getting fucking cheesy HAHA.

Let’s talk about money. I’m in debt. I owe so many people money i feel really bad. I dont really wish to have squabbles with friends over money, like seriously, it’s fucking stupid. I want to stop borrowing from people, i dont want to make this into a really bad habit.

i wanna cry so bad :(

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