#this is all relatable tho

[cainternn]

deadpool and wolverine thoughts

[kenchann]

🎤🎶.

[notherpuppet]

@/coma_0423’s cursed cat alastor will bring you happiness ♥️

Lulu scolds the cat

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[frodo-a-gogo]

Let us be brutally honest with ourselves and with eachother for a moment. If he weren't obese you motherfuckers would be capable of percieving evrart claires sexy sexy moral ambiguity and complex charms

[geniemillies]

day 5 - home for @lucienweekofficial

i don't care what anyone says autumn is his home. he will always be an autumn boy. and i will ready the tissues when he reunites with LoA ♡

"mom, am i still young?

can i dream for a few months more?"

was listening to an hour loop of this song while drawing :D👍:

[screwpinecaprice]

Conni doodl (We never get to see adult Conns getting some sword action. 😞)

Might clean up someday(?)

[zendayacs]

People getting offended whenever they see Black Annabeth with book Percy in fanart makes me giggle. Bro, people have been drawing Annabeth as black for years. Its not just bc of the show.

[simicule]

yeah I know about your CURRENT f/os... but tell me about your exes 👀 was there drama? Or just drifting apart...

[wasyago]

day 16482 of trying to figure out what color jay's magic is

[channnel]

I drew the Seeker trine for the first time, guess which one's my favorite.

[fuumiku]

ACNH AU but it’s just Chil as Tom Nook giving out lax loans to people in need with his half-foot guild, and his close friend Isabelle Marcille helping out and hanging around. Been playing ACNH and came to the realization that Tom Nook & Isabelle give Chil & Marcille energy, and immediately had to draw it…

Man wanted to retire early but still hasn’t stopped. What I want for post-canon Chilchuck is just for him to have Tom Nook energy fr fr

[sforzesco]

Ippolita & Ascanio :)

ascanio has a rabbit because I cannot. stop thinking. about this letter ippolita sent.

Ippolita Maria Sforza, Duchess and Hostage in Renaissance Naples: Letters and Orations, ed. and translated by DIana Robin and Lynn Lara Westwater

like. that baby brother sentiment is not going to stay when you both grow older and it's kind of devastating to me

[artuurle]

"I'm picking at my sweater Aware that some day I will die Just praying and hoping That I can leave something behind"

Alt without most the shading under the cut

this guy sucks lets kill him with hammers

[dinoserious]

pikasona doodle design

[catgirlsp0ck]