#this is absolute fucking ass i am so sorry
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silly stuff i drew while reading Feel No Evil by @payasita , in which the Lamb does not know how to propose, Narinder does not know how to be alive, and neither of them knows what an obligate carnivore is
bonus? lmao
#my art#cotl#i am looking into your soul with my huge autistic eyes. read this fic right now. blease#hksfdjghdfghldkfg im sorry it just fucking kills me that for the first 4ish chapters narinder is just. so nasty#like all the followers are like There He Is. The Leader's Favorite Guy. and its this filthy half-dead cat that hasnt bathed in 10+ years#like he has hardly eaten the entire time he's been mortal and he looks like absolute dogshit#and their unbeatable normally serene and gracious leadergod is hovering around his stinky ass like omg nari hiiiiii#its fucking hilarious to me. and also heartwrenching bc this fic does also get into how hard it is to be alive when uve never learned how#gonna draw the twins desperately bringing him soap later i just had so many things i wanted to draw for this
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#cradily#ohhh i had some good angles for this one. but this one got all the votes but two#long#never thought i'd be givin that title to anything but snakes but here i am givin' it to fish and this thing#which is NOT a flower. i was told. last time 'round#though someone said “heartless lookin' ass” which i wholeheartedly agree with#i still need to finish like. all of kingdom hearts#my hope is to play through Every single kingdom hearts game. all of them. in order#so far i've done kingdom hearts and chain of memories. next up on my list is 358/2 days#i'm rather passionate about the concept of doing this but. just haven't gotten around to it. i've been playing other games#like i finished nier automata at the beginning of this year. liked that and decided to check out nier replicant#liked that game even more. and then went. wow. i want to play more nier games#found out the only other nier game‚ nier reincarnation#is a fucking. mobile game?? i guess?? and i was like ok what the fuck ever#and now i'm done with nier and i've moved onto red dead redemption 2. which is another one of those like#super duper popular games i've managed to learn nothing about#back here two weeks ago when i'm writing these tags i've only put like. two hours into it. i just barely got up to the new camp place#horseshoe whatever. i unlocked shaving. that bit#weird game for sure. especially coming right off the back of fucking. nier replicant#which is a game with talking books and magic spells and anime boys and air combos#to. red dead redemption 2. a video game about. a very slow-moving white guy who has to do a 5-second animation to loot a corpse#interesting switch but i'm here for it so far. i can definitely tell rdr2 is gonna be a sloooooow burn#problem is if i don't finish it by the time monster hunter wilds comes out#it's getting absolutely dropped#which. is probably gonna happen. sorry rdr2#this is not about pokémon. check it out??? cradily???
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“I’ve never used a gun before,” the hero swallowed, mouth dry. They had never needed to, but now—
The villain’s head lolled over to look at them. A lazy grin spread across their face.
“Don’t worry,” they held the hero’s gaze, unflinching. “I have.”
The gun went off. Across the room, one of their enemies dropped, blood splattering against the wall.
Still, the villain didn’t break eye contact, content to shoot without looking. They hit their target every time, but still—
“Can you please look where you’re pointing that thing?”
“Why,” the villain tipped their head, and that shit eating grin was back, “Am I making you nervous, hero?”
The hero grimaced as the villain sent another target sprawling onto the floor. Surely they had to run out of ammo eventually?
When the hero didn’t respond, the villain laughed.
“Oh, I am. Well, that’s adorable, frankly.”
The hero flinched at the next gunshot, and the villain nodded their head towards the hero’s gun. “If you were to—and bear with me this is a crazy idea—help me, this would be over with way faster.”
The hero looked down to their gun, shifting it side to side in their hands. It didn’t look all that hard. Point, aim, shoot. They could do that, right?
They lifted their gun, aiming at the nearest combatant—
The villain slid to a stop next to them, tsking, and their hand settled onto the hero’s gun too quickly for them to see. “Not-no not quite like that,” they hummed in the hero’s ear, and though they couldn’t see their face, the hero knew they were amused.
The hero’s jaw clenched with irritation.
“First,” the villain murmured, far too close, “Safety needs to be off.” They clicked something on the hero’s gun, repositioning the hero’s hands as they did. “Second,” they continued, and the hero shivered. “Don’t aim at me, love. You like me too much to kill me.”
“You’re awfully sure about that.”
The villain half rested their chin on the hero’s shoulder, batting their eyes. Their free arm jerked up, firing a shot behind them at someone who had evidently gotten too close to the two of them.
“I am,” they grinned. Their hand rested over the hero’s once more. “Now, aim,” they guided the hero’s hand towards the nearest enemy. Their finger slipped over the hero’s on the trigger. “And shoot.” They pulled down on the trigger, trapping the hero’s finger underneath theirs, so when the gun fired, they fired it together. The hero winced.
It was louder than the hero had thought it would be.
Across the room, the body dropped.
“Good,” the villain praised, voice low, and something stirred in the hero’s chest. “Again, love.”
They guided the hero through the motions once more.
By the time there was no one left to fight, the villain was staring at them with a look they couldn’t decipher. It was all encompassing. Hungry. Wild.
The hero cleared their throat, and the villain smirked like they knew what the hero was doing.
They eyed the hero, still with that look on their face.
“God, you’re pretty with a gun in your hand,” the villain cursed. They stepped closer. The hero didn’t move, holding their breath as the villain wiped a splattering of blood off their face. “Pretty covered in blood, too, but that might be a bit too insane for you, hm?”
The hero’s face went hot. It wasn’t, they thought. They wanted to kiss the villain so badly they worried it might be a sickness, twisting their mind, something terminal. But still, that smile—
The villain stepped away. They scanned the hero’s blushing face, and grinned harder at whatever they saw.
Gently, they took the gun from the hero’s hands, vanishing it behind their back.
“The next time you need someone to show you how to shoot, give me a call,” they nodded towards the hero’s hands. “I wouldn’t want someone else touching my hero, now would I?”
The hero couldn’t stop the smile that spread across their face.
The villain winked, stepped back, and was gone.
My hero.
Oh, the hero was well and truly fucked.
#writing#writing community#creative writing#snippet#heroes and villains#writblr#hero/villain#hero x villain#gun#death mention#flirting#flirty villain#fluff#or at least#angst#the broken pen#im sorry I haven't posted in a while school is absolutely kicking my ass#everyone said this year would be easy because 'senior year is so light' you fucking liars I am drowning#also I wrote this like two weeks ago at three am and then I sent it to my friends to proof read#and yk they forgot#they only read it today because I locked them in my car while I pumped gas#well actually only one of them forgot#the other read it and then forgot to tell me their opinion#also send me writing asks#please#send asks#I am waiting for this one college acceptance letter that is supposed to come out between now and the fifteenth#actively shitting myself over it tbh its my top school and like sure ive got twelve safeties but I want this one.#ficlet#fic writing
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crying at how one of aglaea’s and phainon’s canon interactions is her taking one look at his clothes and going ‘your fit is NOT hard TAKE THAT SHIT OFF’
#do you think part of aglaea’s entry exam for the chrysos heirs is if their clothes look good#that would explain why all of them are dressed to the nines#she went easier on tribios don’t worry#in that case i know a few that would make it in and a few who wouldn’t#dan heng il? APPROVED#fugue? APPROVED#hanya? APPROVED#jade? DENIED#sampo? DENIED#pretty much anybody from wildfire? DENIED#i’m sorry to the belobog peeps but the wildfire fits were a lil uglee#aglaea would find seele’s long ass ribbon repulsive methinks#*points* this is why you haven’t had a rerun in 10 months#also because you’re the furthest thing away from meta but who cares about that#i main ildh it really isn’t that deep#pulling for characters bc of self enrichment reasons>>>>#is blade meta? absolutely not. would i still get him if he had a rerun right now? absolutely yes#i don’t care meta is beneath me#so long as the enemy dies i am content#hsr#hsr amphoreus#hsr aglaea#hsr phainon#oh boy i can’t WAIT until that boy comes back entirely fucked up from nikador’s trial#i read no spoilers btw it just seems likely to happen#this perfect goody two shoes hero archetype chrysos heir is taking the war god’s trial? he’s getting FUCKED (metaphorically)#lots of fun ahead because i already wanted to kms at nikador himself but eh#WE SHALL PREVAIL (in relax mode)
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your stupid "what am i? an alien?" jokes are so rude to both immigrants (who are actually, legally called aliens as a derogative) and intersex people who are way worse affected by that law than your perisex american ass ever would be. But way to go, bigot.
oh, I’m sorry for being so ignorant about politics and so oblivious. I’m not being sarcastic. The only time I actually saw anything about gender laws was back when my friends mentioned it along with some other executive orders. I’m so sorry, because I know nothing, apparently, and I’m super useless. I never mean to say anything in a disrespectful or rude manner, and I now realize the truth behind my statement. I’m sure your main blog knows all about that political shit you coward, so why anon? I’m sorry I’m not a 40 year old stereotypical American person who is all about politics, and I’m sure even what you said could be seen as common sense, but I’m stupid, and I’m not exaggerating. hey, I’m sure I could have definitely used a better word for that joke. I apologize. Is Martian better? Are you happy now? Do you feel proud behind that stupid phone screen for correcting me. I’d love to hear more about politics if you had the time. I’m serious. Not that I would read all of it, though. I guess I’m just a bigot, wow. Honestly, I’ve never heard about immigrants being called aliens, despite being one myself. But go off I guess? Guess I’ll just shut up about politics entirely. Hope you’re happy making a random blog shut up. I’m honestly pretty speechless from that. Enjoy the rest of your life asshole. I’ll just stop posting on the pride community then.
#fuck you and i hate my sensitive ass#i feel like exploding#welp#i have therapy today. this’ll be a funny story eh#hoping this isn’t the same anon as earlier#absolute assholes I swear#but you do make a good point and I’m sorry#So here: I apologize strongly to intersex and immigrants. I did not mean to insult anyone by TWO sentences.#I know this is serious but I know nothing about politics so slander me if you want.#i am sensitive af so i will actually get suicidal thoughts easily. idfk. i hate myself#*siggghhh* guess im just a bigot huh#if my mom finds out about this I’m absolutely doomed fyi.#thanks though anon. learned a few things. you could use nicer words for my autistic brain
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good god do not go on fucking twt rn, people are looking through past tommy and wilbur clips and speculating that tommy was abused as well (whether he was or not is not important right now, don't speculate about his personal life when he's not even online to correct anyone, for the love of god can we focus on shelby), or pushing phil, tommy, jack, charlie, quackity, etc. to say something asap as if they're not probably processing the fact that one of their very good friends has been an abusive piece of shit this entire time.
ALSO (this is not defending him this is just something i've seen that is pissing me off) i've seen people saying he was a creep for making a lot of friends who are much younger than him, like teenagers. but a) phil has made friends with these same people and no one is getting pissed at him, b) being friends with people who are younger than you (YES including in their teens while you are an adult) is not a morally terrible thing, you can be friends with people who are younger than you and not be a creep, c) CALLING HIM A "CLOSET PEDOPHILE" FOR BEFRIENDING YOUNGER MEN IS JUST TAKING EYES OFF OF SHELBY AND TRYING TO PUT IT ON THE YOUNGER MALE CCS YOU ENJOY. for the love of god stop focusing on the male streamers who haven't even had a chance to say something yet and focus on SUPPORTING SHELBY. THE VICTIM.
#wilbur situation#wilbur soot#domestic abuse#<<for filtering#this is. kind of a fucking rant i'm sorry this entire situation sucks absolute ass and i hate that i supported him for so long#it fucking sucks that one of my favourite ccs is a piece of shit and i am mourning the joy i got from watching his content#you're all allowed to grieve who you thought he was like i'm sure plenty of his friends are doing the same#oddly enough i don't feel as bad about this as i did the forever situation bc i was actively watching forever when his victim came forward#most i was doing with wilbur nowadays was listen to lovejoy whenever it came up on my playlists#but it still fucking sucks and i know there are plenty of people who were actively still fans of his#anyway. i'm tired
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is this outfit historically accurate? probably the fuck not. is it practical in any way shape or form? also probably not! but does it serve cunt? YES 😩🙏💅 and that's all that matters!
#oc liveblogging#i feel so bad hakjshkgjhsk if any fashion designer/person who actually knows anything about fashion really saw my designs#they'd beat the absolute shit out of me. LIKE IM SOSRHSHF IM PROBABLY MIXING THINGS THAT WOULDNT MAKE SENSE BUT AHGH IM TRYING#i do reference a lot of shit and i am trying to get better at drawing cloth and such. my friends rly being into cosplay has made me start#thinking abt materials bc a lot of designs dont specify that yeah? and it is cool to think about like is that cotton or polyester or vinyl?#fuckk tho I THINK I BLAME VOCALOID & MONSTER HIGH FOR MY TASTE IN ALT FASHION FOR CHARA DESIGNS. MH ESPECIALLY TBH#being really into doll lines when i was younger in general means a lot of focus on the clothes bc yeah duh thats a main doll selling point?#btuahktjskgslg. fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.#now the problem of all time. my ass who loves to add little details but how many can i add w/o the design getting messy#and not being a pain in the ass to draw every time bc theres sm to do. i love coloring but also at what fucking cost man...#like i loveee lace but ITS SO FUCKING HARD TO DRAW. RUFFLES AND SHIT FGRAHHRHHH fuck u frilly fashions so cute but so hard to draw grrr#also on the historically accurate note grhhHGHAHH im so sorry but WHY IS MENS FASHION SO BORINGGG 😭😭😭#like maybe i need to look more but uGHHH generic suit generic brown suit plsease i need some variety. i know social expectations stuff yes#but ghshkgjsjh PLEASE. im trying im doing more research...
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no problem with sex and violence in media my real issue is with how comfortable people are showing puke shots :ratscream:
#WHOM WANTS TO SEE THIS??? WHOM?????????#a character pukes okay fine. WHY DO YOU NEED TO SHOW ME THE VOMIT??? whatever nasty ass chewed food yogurt that poor actor was sipping on#makes me FUCKING QUEASY its so gross i hate it so much and i stg it happens all the time getting jumpscared by vomit everywhere#contrary to certain opinions sex and violence can absolutely serve important functions in a narrative#BUT WHAT INFORMATION AM I GETTING BY A CLOSE UP OF SOMEONES FUCKING VOMIT I HATE YOU#okay sorry im normal again
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i've mentioned here and there that i made a relationships/dynamic spreadsheet. i have finally put it to use. look on my Works, ye mighty, and despair.
-extra note: i am not omniscient and i cannot watch every stream. i may have missed a sibling declaration or two.
-extra extra note: i currently speak only english and used google translate for the rest. if theres a translation error I'd love to know- i wont be able to go back and fix these, but im always so curious about how accurate google translate can be
extra extra note pt 2: do. do other languages use guardian as in "legal guardian" as in "not a family member but still Primary Caregiver of child" because i am suddenly aware those translations might not be correct. on the other hand tho if google translate decided that the parents are guarding warriors of the eggs im not going to argue
#qsmp#i should have added a ??? line for fit and philza tbh#look at just how beloved forever is <3#his dynamics have dynamics#he and richarlyson are also part of The Issue when compiling a fucking. whatever the hell this si#maybe a chart not a graph it is currently 4 am and im gonna schedule this#anyway i did legitimately consider making one of those classic family tree charts and just sticking richas in the centre so he wouldnt caus#too many lines to overlap but i think this worked out fine#absolutely delighted i thought of the columns it saved my ass#this server is Three Months Old#look at them founding those families#philever stans i see you and im sorry#if i included a heartbreak line then this would have been completely incomprehensible#fun fact to translate the silly 'king what are you doing' i made google translate#'chad what are you doing' instead so there would still be the grammar of a proper noun#but i wouldnt trick it into thinking king is an honourary title#i might not know the grammar of any non-english language but Oh Boy i know there are Traps#or maybe english's traps have just made me paranoid#either way#also. richas was added to bad's family art wall and bad baghs and forever have called each other family enough that#i made the executive decision to just adopt richarlyson out to the other two#richas called bad basically his mom tonight i can do what i want#and baghera gets to be part of that line because. honestly i wasnt thinking about him being Extra Canon Nephew#and i refuse to change it for reasons above re: it is 4 am; they are family#tho the thought of bad having three children separately attributed to him is hilarious.... maybe if i ever remake this ill do that#also note: i do know that foolish and bad had a kid called jimmy However i do not know what a jimmy is#so#scheduled post
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every so often i will see a post from a leftist on this website that is so egregiously ableist that i remember that like. oh yeah the userbase of leftists on this website is violently anti-disabled people and will jump at any chance to demonize any of us for any reason. i just forget that fact because i'm extremely dedicated to curating my space
i'm paraphrasing here but i saw a post that said, "every time i see an American [disabled person] mention being scared about the election because they're afraid of losing their benefits i have to laugh. anybody who wants blood-soaked money from the US government deserves to starve" which. like. goodness that's a lot to unpack. i think we should burn the whole suitcase instead !
#i inserted [disabled person] because they used a fucking slur instead and i didn't want that in my post#like i feel like there should be room for disabled people like me whose lives literally entirely depend on accessing said >#> extremely limited benefits in conversations about whether voting in this election makes you complicit in genocide#which like! i do understand. i do. it's nauseating to think about what this shit ass country is doing. it's horrific. i do not blame anyone#> for not wanting to be a part of that. *and* i am also terrified for my own life because i remember the first time trump won it suddenly >#> became IMPOSSIBLE for ANYONE to get on benefits. EVER. and so many disabled ppl i know went to renew benefits theyd had for decades >#> just to be denied. one of whom was a below-the-neck paraplegic. he died because he lost those benefits!!! because trump won#i really do understand why people dont feel right voting for harris. or why they don't vote at all. i truly do. but holy shit i am so scare#and yes! i am aware that people in palestine and gaza are suffering so much worse. and i wish i could change that#but every single person in power in the US is pro-israel and eagerly drinking the anti-palestine kool-aid. no matter who wins >#> things will not change in that part of the world. and it is infuriating. when the revolution comes this will change. but it hasnt.#the revolution will not save me as a physically disabled person. it will not save any of us. we do not matter to leftists. i am sorry but >#> this is the one thing i have learned after being in leftist spaces for over 10 years. and posts like the one i mentioned prove it#so i am very sorry. i really am. for being physically disabled. but i cannot survive another 4 years relying on my parents for everything#if trump wins i will be killing myself. this is a promise. i cannot do that again#i know it makes me a bad person to be afraid that harris will lose. but people on the left already think i'm a bad person for being disable#i want the genocide to stop. i absolutely do. i also want to survive. i am terrified that the US leftists will sacrifice disabled people#like me so they can feel good about being put in a real life trolley situation#again. im sorry. im so fucking sorry. i wish i was a better person. i wish i was able to give more. i know that if i was just a good#person i would be able to have a job and give to every palestinian gofundme on my dash. i would be able to do more than my daily clicks >#> and reaching out and calling representatives that don't care. if i was a good person i would be able to convince my parents that z*onism>#is deeply fucking racist. and that israel is wildly racist and killing palestinians for fun. if i was a good person i would be able to make#>them leftists too. im sorry. im sorry. im sorry im not good enough. im sorry that im scared. im so scared and it's not right for me to be#when so much worse is going on because of this countrys bloodlust. im sorry that im benefiting from being born here i dont want to be#im sorry for not having any other options. if i was a good person i know i would have them. im sorry. god im sorry im so fucking sorry
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I fucking hate him so much if miguel has zero haters i am dead
#miguel o'hara#i am a hater#he's just so#Why you have beef with a 15yo?#Like boi the multiverse has been fine without you for millenia#You aint shit#Get the fuck over yourself#miguel spiderverse#across the spiderverse#i hate him#so much#I want to vicerally wring this mans neck like a wet rag#im sorry guys#You can like him all you want#But he bullies little kids over some trauma#Like get some therapy you fucking man baby#You think a juicy ass excuses this behavior?#Absolutely the fuck not
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venn diagram of these guys
#oh this is not the point but im realizing i accidentally picked pictures where theyre all facing one wat except dio. FUCK!!!#jjba#professor layton#dmc#mgs#<- im sorry for putting tags on btw its mostly for the filtering purposes#muffin mumbles#anyway im not saying theyre all the exact same because they're absolutely not. Ohhh they are NOT the same#but their similarities and differences are so fun to compare and contrast u know#like. do you get it. descole is like dio and dio is like liquid and liquid is liks vergil and vergil is like descole#but also they havs common threads between all of them i think#Off topic but it does bother me that they all have really light hair except for descole. however i couldnt change any of their hair colors#that would be fucked up and evil. can you imaging brunette vergil. blonde descole. Exactly#anyway sorry for getting pictures i actually like of the first three and then just cropping snavid out of the shit twins image#for the last one LOL#maybe i will make a venn diagram of these guys one day. we will see...#i mesn i Would do it. ive tried. but the hardest part to me is formatting the fucking circles bro#i use a site to generate it and it looks like shit. i do it by hand and it looks like shit. i edit it from a template... u get the idea#but like i need you to listen to me i am speaking directly into your ear. i need you to think about v & desmond sycamore. pls do this for me#ok thats it i think im outta stuff to say rn amen 🙏🙏🙏#edit literally 20 hours later: my stupid ass trying to put a 172x172 image next to the three other 500x500 ones and not realizing#its ok though i just fixed it#ifyou want the old version (?) its in the reblogs twice; i rbed it just now saying id fix it + someone else rbed it#which is why i clicked on it cause i saw it in my notifs#thank u to themrmoki you did me a solid <3
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update: i'm not dead
hello hello! idk if yall still remember this humble blog but tis I! the one and only sam in a spam can, samsspambox!
i realize i may have neglected this blog but i have come back from the trenches (going back to them tho) and have been quiet and i'm sorry but i'll probably be shifting back to posting again?? idk depends on how everything goes
tl;dr: i got hit by the ao3 author curse and had to take a step back
if you want the full woes keep reading, but otherwise,,, hello again! jkbzskjbzc
so much started going on around september 2023 and just now they started to calm down (or, i started to learn how to deal with it i guess)
here's a whole comprehensive list:
Sep 2023 - Complex where I lived for 16+ years got sold, had to start house hunting
Oct 2023 - idk if yall remember but i ended up dating that one guy i talked abt here (this came with consequences)
Nov 2023 - Family death, Mom got Sick
Dec 2023 - Mom had surgery, Another Family Death
Jan 2024 - internationally traveled to place where my parents are from (alone) to go to the funeral and pay respects to prior death, broke up with that one guy (which is a whole ordeal)
Feb 2024 - Moved out of childhood home
Mar 2024 - Interviews for jobs
It was just one thing after another after another and, well, i don't think that was an environment conducive to writing, even if i came up with cool concepts or rambles or stuff like that. i had no energy. and ik i had so many plans but life really said 'no, you stop right there' and essentially paused my fic writings which sucks but oh well. now ive got some stuff figured out and an extra day off so i might be able to pick up where i left off.
and ngl i miss all the tumblr homies *cries*
but yeah. slowly but steadily ill try to post again but no promises!
#sam speaks#personal#god i am so tired#when i tell you these months have been hell#all the shit i could not write#all the turmoil i have faced that doesn't have a cathartic fic written abt it#tHE FUCKING BIRTHDAY FIC FOR GALENA I HAVE YET TO WRITE AND ITS BEEN A WHOLE ASS YEAR IM SO SORRY#*dusts off spam can* idk if anyone checks this for updates anyway but!!#for those that care i have gone from hiatus to semi-hiatus#*slaps label on spam can* with more trauma than ever before! lol#u know its bad when u cut and dye your hair#does having green hair equate to having mold on my spambox? discuss LOL#that one person that said libraries dont just stock book ur absolutely right i am so sorry i will never disrespect a librarian again
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looking through my old messages is so traumatizing i want to go back in time and kick myself in the stomach like what possessed you...
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#biggest “WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT” moment in my life tbh#the only thing that didnt make me cringe is me calling my brother a “mayo snorting goblin”#2020 me kinda ate that up#2021-2022 was def something tbh#i wore pink cat ears. i think thats all you need to know#ohh this is def going to keep my dumbass awake at night#ı was cringe but i was free and im proud of past me for that#it was one of my worst years but like... kick ass#<- by worst i mean mentally horrid in a way that changed me forever#speaking of 2021-2022.. my old chosen names were absolutely CRIMINAL#the first one was felony (which i still kinda dig but in a cunty way) the second one was ciel which i think is cool#but heres the bomb: one of my old chosen names was cereal. CEREAL#i think ted takes the cake tho. what evil soul possessed me to choose ted as a name#also constantine waa one of my old names which is actually fucking awesome#eıhjfjfjf i have a science exam tomorrow and im on tumblr infodumping about 2021 me uhhhf#i jumped through so many hoops to get to this blog#2020 somehow knew something transgender was going down and decided to get a haircut and boom. gender#DYSPHORIA THAT IS GET PRANKED LOSER#shout out to 2020 me for figuring out whats up#not sorry about the incoherent screaming. im autistic and i am full of violence
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I like Doctor Who for for probably all the obvious reasons but I also like Doctor Who because of the inherent pain and angst the doctor goes through by just... existing.
Last of his kind because he got rid of them all (it's complicated, as everything in doctor who is) so he's essentially an alien to everyone everywhere, he no longer has a planet to go back to, can't even share stuff in common with anyone not even handwriting because who the fuck else in this universe is gonna know Gallifreyan if it's basically a dead language now?
He "dies" then regenerates as a new person every time, even if the core elements remain he is still an entirely different person every time which means his relationships are bound to change even if they remain by his side. Everyone he brings into his life meets a weird end and he knows this yet the pain of being alone is so strong he can't seem to stop, he remembers everyone he's met, he remembers all of his companions and obviously beats himself up over all the various ways they have ended. Meeting the doctor is practically an omen of death and you either leave early and tell the tale or stay and suffer the consequences, and then he has to remember those consequences forever.
The doctor is a deeply sad and troubled individual who's just bound to travel space and time forever and see everyone he's ever cared for either die or leave him, he gets erased as an individual only to come back different every few hundred years and he has no say in it he just has to accept it, he doesn't even get to choose how to come back.
Being the doctor would fucking suck ass
#demos ramblings#sorry late night ramblings#or more like early morning ramblings its 6:33 am#his pain is delicious to me hmmmmmm angst hmmmm trauma#also one of the reasons why the contrast between 10th doctor and 11th doctor is absolutely fucking fantastic to me#11th doctor getting the title of the one who forgets? OOOOOO#YEAH BABYGIRL REPRESS THOSE MEMORIES SEE WHERE THAT GETS YOU!!!!!!!!!#FAKE ASS BITCH I KNOW IT KEEPS YOU AWAKE AT NIGHT DONT LIE TO ME BABY#i also feel so fucking bad for all of his companions
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Wow I Finally Watched Sunshine
What happens when you put Cillian Murphy and Chris Evans in close confinement on their way to send a bomb into the sun?
Did I mention the incredible Michelle Yeoh and Benedict Wong are apart of these space shenanigans?
Have I gotten your attention of this very underrated movie yet?
Sunshine came out in 2007 and I had never once heard or seen anything of this movie until a few days ago, While I was innocently scrolling through Disney+, This movie appeared.
Now, Being a huge fan of Chris Evans for many years and recently diving into the work of Cillian Murphy, I was already hooked.
But then you tell me this is a Sc-fi Psychological Thriller set in space?
NOW I REALLY AM HOOKED.
But this isn't just a 'For the scares and spooks' of space travel that film often portrays, This is a film ahead of it's time. A story that could be told in any year, Because this will always be relevant.
This movie makes you think.
What is beyond the stars? What would you do in these humanity-testing scenarios? What would you do when you've come face to face with not only the surface of the sun, but also your own heart?
A movie that questions your own humanity, A movie that has made you feel something so real that it makes your chest feel tight as if you're in that scenario, As if you're apart of a team with these people by your side day in and day out - That is a job well done.
While this movie did take a little bit to get into, it builds the suspence of what's really going on here. But everytime you think you'll look away, you reach for your phone - The movie does something that makes you need to rewind and go "Did they really just say that?"
And when you reach that moment.
There's no going back.
This movie was so incredibly different than anything I've experience for a while and As a thorough enjoyer of the Sci-fi genre in all different forms, This was a truly pleasant surprise.
***Please be cautious minor spoilers in the tags***
***Please read the content warnings of this movie before watching, it can depict scenes that may trigger some individuals***
#I felt like this movie was going to get rated poorly for some reason but it's actually pretty good and it makes me really happy???#I JUST REALISED THIS MOVIE HAS CILLIAN MURPHY AS THE ONLY SCIENTIST WHO CAN PILOT THE NUCLEAR FISSION BOMB HAHAH#DID THEY CALL THAT OR WHAT#HOLY SHIT#HEY I'M HERE FOR IT YOU WON'T HEAR ME COMPLAINING#Chris you were an absolute hard ass but I love you for it#Cillian you are a baby boy and we love you#Benedict you precious bean I just wanted to give you a hug#Cliff you were kinda hot I will not lie NO WAIT ALSO LITERALLY HAHAH#Michelle you're perfect and I love you so much#Rose I just wanted to give you a lil kiss on the forehead and tell you everything's gonna be okay#Hiroyuki you're also extremely hot#I'm not sorry#No I am he was beautiful#HARVEY FUCK YOU#ALSO I WILL NEVER GET OVER THE FACT THAT THEY CALLED THEIR A.I ICARUS THIS WAS THE BEST THING EVER#Also I'm so sorry Capa but you tripping over in that crucial moment made me absolutely lose my shit with laughter#okay onto the real tags#sunshine#sunshine 2007#robert capa#cillian murphy#michelle yeoh#corazon#rose byrne#cassie#chris evans#chris evans sunshine#cillian murphy sunshine#benedict wong
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