#or more like early morning ramblings its 6:33 am

[demonir]

I like Doctor Who for for probably all the obvious reasons but I also like Doctor Who because of the inherent pain and angst the doctor goes through by just... existing.

Last of his kind because he got rid of them all (it's complicated, as everything in doctor who is) so he's essentially an alien to everyone everywhere, he no longer has a planet to go back to, can't even share stuff in common with anyone not even handwriting because who the fuck else in this universe is gonna know Gallifreyan if it's basically a dead language now?

He "dies" then regenerates as a new person every time, even if the core elements remain he is still an entirely different person every time which means his relationships are bound to change even if they remain by his side. Everyone he brings into his life meets a weird end and he knows this yet the pain of being alone is so strong he can't seem to stop, he remembers everyone he's met, he remembers all of his companions and obviously beats himself up over all the various ways they have ended. Meeting the doctor is practically an omen of death and you either leave early and tell the tale or stay and suffer the consequences, and then he has to remember those consequences forever.

The doctor is a deeply sad and troubled individual who's just bound to travel space and time forever and see everyone he's ever cared for either die or leave him, he gets erased as an individual only to come back different every few hundred years and he has no say in it he just has to accept it, he doesn't even get to choose how to come back.

Being the doctor would fucking suck ass

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. How has covid affected you? It just made me even more of a hermit crab than I already was, which I acknowledge is absolutely nothing at all compared to what so many people around the world experienced. It’s heartbreaking to say the least to see the tremendous effect it had. 

2. What is a comfort show of yours ? Shows I grew up with and have seen many times. The other day I couldn’t sleep at all and I decided to put on The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, which used to come on the Disney Channel early in the morning when I was a kid and it was just really comforting and helped me relax enough to fall asleep. 

3. Are you open about your past or do you not let anyone in? I’m quite open on here that’s for sure. I’m not nearly as open in person as I am in these surveys. 

4. Favourite fast food joint? I don’t have a particular favorite, really, it just depends what I’m in the mood for.

5. Do you think we were put on this earth for a reason? Yes.

6. What is something you have done this year you’re proud of? Nothing. This year has been awful so far due to some health setbacks. 

7. Do u ever feel like surveys are usually the same questions? Oh, most definitely. I guess I have to expect that considering how many I take and how long I’ve been doing these things. Still, it does get annoying when the same questions come up a lot back to back. So often I’ll take a survey and then do another after and end coming across the same questions. 

8. What were you doing 10 years ago? Ten years ago I was 21. Wow. I was attending community college, I had friends and a social life, I was actually doing something... sigh. Soooo much has changed.

9. Do you call out Karen’s when they’re harassing a cashier? No.

10. Animal crossing , yay or nay? Yay. I was addicted like all of last year and then for some reason I stopped playing a few months ago. I should start up again. 

11. Why do you like to do surveys? I just genuinely enjoy doing them. Besides giving me something to do, these are like my diary entries as well. I’m able to vent and ramble, which is often needed. I also like the interesting and random questions to think about and answer. I just like ‘em, man. 

12. Did you ever have a MySpace ? Yep. I was super into Myspace back in it’s heyday.

13. Do you think breaks are toxic in a relationship? I wouldn’t say they’re toxic, but I don’t know how well they work out. You definitely have to make sure you’ve very, very clear on what all the break entails and that you’re both on the same page. 

14. Do you have a YouTube channel? If no , would you create one? If yes what’s your content? I have a YouTube account so I can subscribe to accounts and whatnot, but I myself don’t make videos. I have no interest at all in that.

15. Are you a math person? Noooo. Math and I have always been enemies. 

16. What’s the worse thing someone has said to you? Hm. I feel like the worst things have been said by me to myself. :/

17. Have you ever befriended someone because you felt bad? Kind of. :/

18. Would you ever date someone online? Nahh.

19. Have you been ghosted before? Would you ghost someone? I sure have and unfortunately I’ve done it as well. :/

20. When do you think things will be normal again? I don’t know...

21. Do you watch anime? No.

22. Biggest goal you wanna reach before 2020 is over ? Welp, that passed. 

23. How old did/do you turn this year ? I’ll be 32. D:

24. Do you like tiktok? I was hooked for a good while and then fell off. It’s been a couple months now since the last time I’ve been on there. 

25. Do you ever miss vine? We have TikTok now. But there were a lot of good Vines that still get mentioned and people remember. That was a whole different time. 

26. How are you doing, seriously? In the words of MCR, “I’m not o-fucking-kay.” It’s been rough.

27. Is there someone you want to talk to but you know you can’t? Kind of.

28. Do you make jokes to cope with your problems? Self-deprecating jokes are definitely something I do. 

29. Have you ever had someone call you their best friend but you didn’t even consider them a close friend? Yes. :X I feel like I’ve definitely been on the other side of that as well, though. I always felt like I was closer to someone and they didn’t feel the same way. 

30. Have you ever dealt with a pathological liar? Not to my knowledge.

31. Long or short surveys? Long.

32. If ur in school , are you doing it on zoom or in class? --

33. Would you ever have a pet rat? Gah, no.

34. Favourite memory with your best friend? There’s way too many. 

35. Favourite type of content to watch on YouTube? ASMR, vlogs, Disney related videos (history of Disney and its parks, history and information about the movies and TV shows past and present, theories, fun facts, etc), abandoned buildings, lifestyle videos, some drama videos...

36. Are you allergic to anything serious? No, thankfully. 

37. Dream job? I don’t have one. :/

38. Do you think dreams mean anything? Sometimes.

39. Fav clothing brand? I don’t have a favorite brand, really. 

40. Do you miss anyone? My loved ones who have passed away.

[berribaek]

11 questions tag

Rules: 1. Post the rules.  2. Answer the questions given to you by the tagger.  3. Write 11 questions of your own.  4. Tag 11 people.

Tagged by the lovely @bamethyst <33 tysm noora!!!  i really went ham on these wow enjoy my rambling lmaoooo

1. who is your ultimate bias and how did they become your bias? wow okay buckle up kiddos this is a long ride LMAO since im a hoe i have like 3 ub’s (kookie doesnt count yeT LEAVE ME ALONE LAUREN)  ok so when i really got into exo yixing was my bias for a while but then baekhyun was like hello love me and i was like shit u rite and tbh can anyone resist him???? so yeah he was the bias wrecker for a while but between his stupid sunshine smiles and his honey voice and his bubbly personality and frankly amazing dance moves (fite me on this his charisma is off the charts ok) i was like i cant keep living a lie anymore and he became the ultimate babe and continues to ruin my life to this day <3  as for bts yoongi caught my eye cuz of that damN PEACH HAIR WHICH I MISS LIKE HELL BRING IT BACK WTF and his stupid sexy rapping and his cute face and gummy smile and relatable memes and i was like <3 x12948172 but then jimin came outta nowhere with his adorable giggles and rood dancing and general ethereal-ness and i was like well shit guess i’ll die lol and here we are! in denial about kookie being a total babe and giving me heart attacks on the daily cuz i refuse to admit defeat ayyyy *finger guns into the distance*

2. how did you find kpop and what made you stay? shit man i dont even remember at this point?? i think the first time i saw kpop was like snsd’s “gee” and suju’s “mr. simple” in like 2010 LMAOOO some of my friends were really into it so i started listening to a lot of suju and from the recommended videos i stumbled upon henry’s “trap” which featured kyuhyun and TAEMIN!! and then i was like damn tae ilu so i started listening to shinee a lot too lmao but what REALLY sucked me into this hellhole was when i found exo’s overdose and !!!! WHOO BOII LORDY the choreo blew me away and the song was so catchy and i was like wtf i must know more and then exo happened and then bts happened and then i became multifandom trash and just started listening to everything and now im a walking trash can :)

3. what’s your favourite colour? hm i’d say blue at this point loool but tbh i dont really have a favourite colour?? i basically love any pastel colours haha based on the colours i wear the most tho it’d be blue black and white lmao

4. what’s your favourite kpop music video ever? ohmygod what an impossible question wtf  one of the main reasons i love kpop so much is cuz the music video quality and production is always out of this world like wtf the aesthetics and concepts are so unique and creative everytime i watch a new mv im like this is my new fave mv LMAO buuuuuut for the sake of my sanity some of my favourite ones are: love me right by exo (STILL SCREAMING ABT THE AESTHETICS), blood sweat and tears by bts (MORE AESTHETICS WTFF), overdose by exo (just cuz its fkin cool to watch) and run by bts (cuz feels)

5. what’s your favourite season? spring! i get cold super easily (read: wearing a sweater rn and cold even tho its like 22 outside; which is hella warm for september here lmao) so honestly screw u winter lol  and while i also love fall its too cold and rainy sometimes :c  summer is great bc of the break but spring just makes me feel all happy cuz its like the world is coming back to life after winter and the flowers come out and its sunny and warm again and im like damn life is worth living; summer is coming and school’s almost out lol it just makes me feel less depressed and more optimisitc in general 

6. do you prefer pink or blue? hmm probably blue! there are so many different hues blue can be happy or sad or melancholy and i like how varied and expressive it is (but pink is soft and cute so theres also that lol)

7. what was your favourite look your bias ever wore? uhm what is this question omg how am i supposed to answer this

ok ill stop now wow

8. sunrise or sunset? im hardly ever (aka never) awake early enough to see the sunrise so sunset it is! i find that sunsets are a lot more vibrant and bold and i have a lot of fond memories watching the sunset in various places :) reminds me of summer most of the times ;u;

9. if you had to choose: YG, SM or JYPE? shit im like lowkey sm trash just cuz all of their groups and music and mvs are like ??? so on point all the time?? so yeah sm even tho i also lowkey hate them LMAO

10. what’s your favourite outfit to wear? lmao my fashion sense is like 200% lazy idgaf tired student like all the time so probably ripped blue jeans with a white tee and my adidas cuz im a basic hoe

11. how long does it usually take you to get ready in the mornings? fam listen..... if im desperate?? like 3 minutes lmao (so yeah random story time! i had a physics quiz on wednesday last week at 11 am.... and i woke up at 11:20... and it takes me 30 minutes to walk to front campus :))) most stressful morning of my life but ive never bolted outta bed so fast before) in general tho like 5-10 minutes normally? 

my questions:

1. go to starbucks drink? (or drink in general) 2. favourite physical feature about your bias? 3. whats something dumb/embarassing you’ve done recently? 4. favourite meme? 5. your dream collaboration between artists? 6. what’s your ideal sunday afternoon? 7. favourite era for your bias? 8. one thing you hate that most people love? 9. would you rather live in the city, countryside or suburbs? 10. favourite movie? 11. early mornings or late nights?

tagging: @autummskies​ | @sleepysugarmoon​ | @taecheol​ | @rapmonsama​ | @sehhunie​ | @maeurn​ | @babekhyun​ of course only if you want to! <3

[reptired-moved-away]

Who needs a title when they have us?

Disclaimer (more like warning): you’re not allowed to stop being my friend because of how weird this is…

We started talking exactly a year ago, even if we were aware of one another’s existence before then. I wanted to give you something to celebrate that like the sappy weirdo I am but, alas, we do not yet have portals so, in a serious question of my personality, I turned to the numbers first. Yeah, I know, me, the crazy child that loves words and can’t do math turned to numbers. Crazy, right? Well, the deluge of words comes right after the brief numbers so mwah ha haha ha.

23 / 02 / 2017

2 + 3 + 2 + 2 + 1 + 7 = 17

1 + 7 = 8

This friendship is two people so 8² = 64

And, ergo, here are 64 things I adore about you:

1 - You can speak English! Really well! It’s absolutely incredible and I can’t thank you enough because we wouldn’t even be able to talk with this talent of yours! And you do it so brilliantly I sometimes forget you weren’t born in an English-speaking country!

2 – Frankly, you’re weird. And that means we’re both weird, so you don’t mind me being crazy and you can be crazy right back at me and it’s all okay! I appreciate the mutual exchange of weirdness!

3 – Your creativity amazes me! Whether it’s a new perspective on the world, a song you make up, your OCs’ world, or anything else, your creativity is absolutely mind-blowing!

4 – Which leads me to: art! You’re amazing at it! It’s like you’ve absorbed most of the artistry the world had to offer! I can’t even deal with how flawless your creations are!

5 – You are extremely protective, which is one of the reasons we met at all! And you keep offering to come all the way here and hurt people for me, which is crazy but dearly appreciated!! It’s a lovely quality and always makes me smile!

6 – Thankfully, you don’t mind hugs! Not that there’s anything wrong with minding hugs, of course! But I’m one of those people who likes hugs and, even if we haven’t hugged in person, you don’t mind all the virtual hugs! * hugs you *

7 – We have somehow talked basically every day despite our crazy time differences, from two hours to twelve! It’s commendable that we’ve both stayed up late / woken up early to talk!! And even when we don’t have really long conversations, there’s always a good morning / good night!

8 – Over the year, you’ve taught me a lot! From art to brigadeiro to the occasional Portuguese phrase, and even the occasional innuendo I didn’t get… I appreciate the enlightenment!

9 – I have to mention your hair! It’s so fluffy and hilarious (and guitar hair at one point) and I absolutely love how you cut it yourself, that was really brave! It’s a beauty!

10 – Whilst I’m on physical features, have you seen your eyes? Well, yeah, you have, but I mean, do you know how enchanting they are? Sometimes as green as PJ and sometimes like a kaleidoscope, beautiful!!

11 – Also, your nails! They always seem to be in perfect shape and they’re such beautiful designs – you marbled them a few times and that was amazing! Plus, your nail art is so cute!! I love how you take care of them!

12 – As we’re on physical traits, I feel it’s necessary to mention your snazzy style! Your outfits are on point and I love the way you organise things or make them aesthetic! It’s so great!!

13 – Let’s not forget your morality! And no, I don’t mean you have a mini Patton (although I suppose we all do) but I mean the way you’re honest and don’t lie or backbite and stuff [I think]!

14 – Leading on from that, you’re really humble! I know you say you have a big ego but you’re not arrogant about it and I greatly appreciate that because otherwise my general cluelessness would be a problem!

15 – You’re also crazily cheesy sometimes, especially for someone who’s lactose intolerant! But it’s cute and always funny, plus it means you’re not too bothered when I’m cheesy (which is a lot) so thanks!

16 – You also have a really good taste in music! All the bands and stuff you’ve recommended to me have been amazing and I do appreciate the Fall Out Boy screaming we did together!

17 – That act was kind of you and, in fact, my next point is how kind you are! You’re so considerate about me saying weird stuff (cansado, not casando) and you always try to lift my spirits up in such a sweet way!

18 – Thus building up the fact that you always try to help me, no matter how weird the requests are, like asking for a picture of Thor or assessing if my cheesy story speech was feelsy enough, and that’s remarkable of you!

19 – It’s similar to an earlier point but you’re so imaginative, it’s crazy! The ideas you come up with and the world you’ve created is so detailed and amazing – you made a language, for star’s sake! It’s just marvellous!

20 – I love how our conversations can tangent to extremely odd things and we can go from pencils to existential crisis to schooling systems to a random youtube video! It’s so fun and enjoyable!!

21 – (What’s nine plus ten?) You seem to have this store of facts and knowledge of things that comes in useful both practically and for entertainment purposes, which is seriously cool!

22 – And your determination is commendable! You’ve drawn detailed masterpieces within a day and you’ve worked for things, whether it’s grades or health, and that’s literally so inspiring!

23 – Promises!! You keep them! You’re okay with my childish pinky promise inquiries and you definitely don’t purposely break promises, which is basically a fundamental for… you know, anything, so go you!

24 – The thing is, I’m not worried to tell you things I’m obsessed with because we met through the phandom and that builds a more or less accepting baseline, which is a relief because otherwise I am not good at trusting people with my obsessions!

25 – I have to express my gratitude for the way you don’t mind my crazy rambling! I can talk for absolutely ages or just gush about something and you don’t get mad, which is really kind of you!!

26 – You also care a lot. Which is good, because it makes you ultra-friendly and so cute! I very much appreciate, even if I act annoyed at, how you keep telling me to sleep when our time difference is too much!

27 – You always do random things that amaze me even though I already know how awesome you are! Like when you memorised and performed colour bandits!! That was an amazing feat and I still can’t believe you Did That!

28 – Did I mention your versatile drawing skills are absolutely astonishing? Your shading, colouring, expressions, and clothes are absolutely flawless and you keep improving, I can’t even deal!

29 – Another thing is, you’re often super chill about things. Not nonchalant but you’re not really, really stressed to the point where you’re just blanking out the obvious – you’re pretty rational!!

30 – And that leads me to thanking you for sticking around through bad days that you don’t [at least I don’t think you] judge and can give me advice about or just listen / read, which is often the most helpful thing to be honest!

31 – Your voice is gorgeous! You keep saying you sound rough but I still think you sound like beautiful ocean waves in front of a calming sunset on a beach! It’s such a snazzy voice and I could listen to you talk forever!

32 – Not to mention when you sing! It’s so majestic and cute and adorable, I love it! It always makes me smile, even if I’ve had a weird day! (PS, you’re halfway through, don’t worry, not much more left and you’ll be free soon)

33 – The abundance of tumblr tagging has to be mentioned! You’re cool with it when I tag you and you tag me in things too, which is always something awesome to pick my phone up to!!!

34 – You’re genuinely really clever! You do well at the stuff you want to and I admire you for it, even if you doubt yourself sometimes! I think your intelligence is applause-worthy!

35 – That intelligence also comes with the wit to make puns, which are usually hilarious and perfectly carried out! It’s a very charming skill to have!!

36 – And where there’s puns, there’s references! The amount of youtubers’ references we’ve made is crazy and I love your Bo Burnham ones, even if I don’t quite understand all of them, as you don’t always get my obscure bookish ones!

37 – Our keyboards must have rolled their non-existent eyes at us because of the crazy caps lock we keep using when fangirling or shouting or generally emphasising our points, but I love reading the conversations back and the caps lock is an awesome, fun thing!

38 – Moment of credit to the time when we discovered how to bold and italic things and spent a week experimenting every possible scenario and then saved them all too… our shared overexcitement was crazily enjoyable!

39 – Touching on a deeper subject, we do have a basic trust in each other! Like not sharing facts and stories with others and appreciating privacy but also knowing that we don’t have to be on tip-toes around each other! It’s super comforting!

40 – Oh, did I mention how everything you draw turns out to be a masterpiece and yet you keep downplaying it? Your art is just a beauty and I can’t ever express how bubbly and vibrant it is!!!!

41 – You’re really supportive and I love that I can tell you one of my crazy ideas and you’ll go with it, like when we were decided how to pronounce ‘Xnij’ and so many other times you’ve given me confidence!

42 – Whenever I see posts about crediting people, I’m always reminded of [the reason we met and] how, when you wrote Mint Green Beanie, I helped you with the wording and you gave me some credit even though you didn’t need to? That showed how incredible you are!

43 – Honestly, the amount of late night or really really early morning talks we’ve had is insane and yet you don’t seem to mind, and I love that I can message you or something and you’ll reply at the craziest of times, it’s dearly appreciated!!!!!

44 – I mentioned this before but how inspiring you are deserves its separate point! You have a really cool attitude to life and your approach to things is so awesome, you make everything seem effortless and yet I know you work for things.

45 – You’re not afraid to be yourself and I admire that! You compliment those who you deem worthy and you call out those who you dislike, which is brave and really fantastic of you!

46 – Linked with that is the fact that you sometimes have no filter, whether that’s when talking or in pictures! Either way, it shows you’re not a deceitful person and it makes you powerful!!

47 – You also seem to understand my weird terms for things, substitutions for swearing, and the odd phrases I’ve picked up (like briktah) and you’re pretty chill with how I might drop the odd word in Portuguese or German!!!

48 – Randomly placed thing but I really love your smile! It’s so bright and happy and cute, it’s contagious and genuinely makes me happy too!!

49 – Your sense of humour is seriously relatable and it’s probably because we both laugh at stupid things but I love how funny you can be and that all my jokes aren’t weird to you!

50 – I love how you send tumblr asks, both to me and others, it’s a lovely thing to get an alert for and the effort is greatly appreciated! Your presence in my inbox is a blessing!

51 – I’m sort of cliché and terms of endearment are amazing to me so the fact that you often use them is so sweet and I love you for it! And Sunny of all nicknames, it’s so kind and I could thank you forever for it!

52 – I have to say, you’re pretty good at existential crisis mode. That sounds weird but the amount of times we’ve changed to having an existential moment is phenomenal and the fact that you can unleash your inner existential Dan and go with it (or prompt it) is super great!!

53 – Our typos. Oh my stars, the amount of typos we keep saving is ridiculous but we keep doing it and it’s so fun to facepalm at them and question the sanity of autocorrect or our fingers….

54 – The plans we keep making for the future! Like making me eat Chinese or making you experience snow or even just hugging at some point, and lately the plushie adventure thing, they’re so fun and give me something to look forward to!

55 – Hey, did I mention your art? I have to admire the way you’re good at every style and you’re willing to experiment and make incredible traditional, digital, and everything other type of art pieces! A true artiste!

56 – You happen to be slightly mad and it’s actually very endearing. Your wild ideas are insane and cute, and I love the obscure things you might pick up on and turn into something great!!!!

57 – To put it simply, you are trash. Not as in bad, but as in so deep in the fandoms that they’ve merged with your roots. And it’s awesome because you make it even cooler than it is (obviously I think being in a fandom is cool but I am slightly biased because, you know… I’m in a lot)

58 – You’re cute. Really cute! With your interesting expressions or passions and the way you laugh, as well as the way you draw! Absolutely cute, honest!

59 – You might roll your eyes at his but your dimples!!! They’re so adorable and poke-able and just so fabulous!! You just rock those dimples!

60 – I appreciate how you remember things I tell you or details most people would forget, whether that’s a book I’ve been reading or a friend I’ve talked about or a preference I talked about weeks before! It makes me happy!!!

61 – Your excitement is intense! When you were moving or after you cut your hair or when you became rosey and crushed for ages, your excitement was super cute and just so touching!!

62 – Maturity. You have it. We can talk about really serious things and I never feel like we’re judging each other or it’s uncomfortable, it’s just deadly serious and there’s no questions asked, or the right questions are asked and then the answers are (maybe cheesy but) sincere.

63 – Immaturity. You have it. Yes, it’s a contradiction to the above but I also adore how we can laugh about fidget spinners for hours or send stupid jokes back and forth and act really childish, which is something I don’t think anyone does enough!

64 – I mean, if you’ve read this far, that’s reason enough, but also the fact that we’re still going after an entire year of ups and downs and all things in between is just crazy, and I guess I just want to say thank you for everything and I love you <8

And, finally, you’re free of my ludicrous way of expressing how I feel and how hyped I am! Sorry I didn’t really make anything but yeah, thanks for being one of my best friends, muffin! Have a lovely fri-YAY of our friendiversary! I couldn’t ask for a better first internet buddy and Dan to my Phil, u da bomb <3