#this is about my ex best friend btw

[daggerhobbit]

When I saw you drowning,

I reached out my hand

to pull you out.

You took it every time.

This happened

so many times.

And I was there

to pull you out

every

single

time.

But when I began to drown

I reached out for you,

but you turned your back

and walked away.

So I pulled myself out.

Even when you weren’t there

when I was drowning,

I was always there for you.

One day I began to drown again,

but I didn’t bother to reach for you.

I knew you wouldn’t be there.

I accepted my fate

and drowned.

But out of nowhere

another hand grabbed my wrist

and pulled me from the water.

They helped me,

like you never did.

And for once,

I wasn’t fighting

on my own.

[grumpy-beast]

EXE Art dump

[faaun]

ok let's catch up quickly

[stoneware]

its so crazy how i spent literal years trying to convince this woman that i loved her wholeheartedly and giving her endless endless grace and understanding and reassurance and biting my tongue for the sake of her comfort. and the one singular time my exhausted upset traumatised self finally couldn't find it in myself to do that all those years of effort didn't count for anything to her !!! im never doing that shit again!!! i want some god damn reciprocity!!!!

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Me, while manically cleaning my room at 3:27am: I should make several large, life-changing, irreversible decisions.

[rabble-dabble]

and by the way i fucking deserved better. you came back with your hand held out and asked me to love you again like i was a fool, like you knew i wanted you to do but you forgot friendship is a two way street and i loved you deeper than you loved yourself. i heard myself in your words and i knew the answer before you asked the question because i spent a year grieving and a year growing and another two years healing and three more years forgetting and you sent me a message asking me to forgive you as if i already hadn't done so. you asked to try again and i almost became the fool that did it because once upon a time we were best friends then we weren't and i cried at night wishing you'd come crawling back to say those words to me again. and i thought of all the ways i could tear you apart with my teeth before carefully mending you back together with my sparkly glue and my shaky sowing needle.

but in reality i knew if i let you in again that i could forgive you but i'd never be able to forgive myself. i'd be looking into the past and spitting into the face of the kid who gave up everything he felt about you to become me and i needed to let you go like the sand between my cupped hands. the ocean cleans away the grit and leaves seashells in them. its a reminder that there are still things to find and cherish. i deserve to love the world and you will not be a part of it. i am not sorry for that.

[deadandphilgames]

oversharing in the tags time :)

[snixx]

my sister's boyfriend is the music president of the school and every time she starts telling me about their silly little music club drama I get so many glee club flashbacks. I've said it before and I'll say it again bro is literally living in high school musical jesus

[fembutchboygirl]

I just learned something so incredibly fucked up

[vaperarmand]

(for @bonenest <3) yeah so the thing about that living+ convo is that it's so bizarre how roman is both flirting with gerri + apologizing but not really apologizing for the one thing she wants & deserves an apology for? strange vibes all around. not surprising given where their relationship stands but hugely tonally different regardless.

honestly the strangest thing is him mentioning tabitha — it sounds like he's trying to make gerri jealous, but that doesn't really add up. gerri i think is a very non-jealous person bc she's cutthroat enough and knows her worth, plus she's never had any reason to be threatened by tabitha personally professionally or otherwise. so what is the point of bringing her up.

i think the meaning of the scene hinges on her tbh. roman's essentially saying "hey, sorry about being attracted to you before, that wasn't me, i know that wasn't normal, but tabitha's in town and i'm pretty sure i can be normal again since my dad is dead so you don't have to worry about me anymore. friends again?"

it fits in with roman's "pre-grieved" mentality + his false belief that his dad's death made him "free." it also fits in with the fact that logan always liked tabitha('s image) and gerri's transformation in logan's eyes into the poster child for roman's sexual dysfunction.

obviously gerri was Wrong enough for roman and that was mutually acknowledged between them, but i think i realized for the first time with this convo that logan's view of gerri had fully become roman's as well because of logan's final request etc — even though he still cared about her so much and didn't want to fire her at connor's wedding. it definitely adds context as to why it was easier to fire her in anger later that episode.

i like how the script says roman is being 'honest' because like yeah he thinks he's got it all figured out but his mental state is completely incomprehensible. he's lumping in the sexual harassment with the sexy phone sex. he thinks his dad was the cause of his sexual dysfunction and his death erases it but he only thinks gerri is a source of his sexual dysfunction because his dad told him so. confused king. <3

[burritowitch]

seeing kids from my school posting about going to venice as tourists is so funny to me actually

[juniestar]

It’s ridiculous how men will talk 2 women they don’t find attractive or “cool”. Genuinely treating them like nothing at all. I asked a friend from college (who used to rely on me to get through writing classes) to keep an eye out for job leads in NY for me since I’m looking to move and he immediately rejected the ask bc he doesn’t work in broadcasting (like we studied). I told him well neither do I, I’m looking for anything, and congratulations on your move and he read it without writing back… man I got you through two or three classes and you can’t at least surface level agree to keep a fucking eye out? Come on

[sailforvalinor]

Just had a reverse “you think about your old writing through rose-colored glasses but when you go back to read it it’s kind of terrible” moment, I went back and read some of my pre-uni/pandemic writing fully expecting it to be terrible and was like “oh this is…pretty good actually?”

[bluestonewings]

Fucking hockey and wine night with the girls orchestrating the downfall of my relationship. What the actual hell

[teardropsonsmyguitar]

.

[proteuus]

last year I lived in the same dorm as the residential college so I moved out but all my former associates still live there and whenever I'm in here I see like eighteen of them and its so. yikes. just saw this girl I used to know like hey remember a year ago when I dated your best friend and one time the three of us drove to her home town and we almost bought an expensive fish that the three of us would have shared custody of. those were the days......