#this is about like at least four different people from my past & present. And of course the tv glow ☝️🤓

[thirteens-earring]

one thing about me is that if you’re dragging yourself kicking and screaming through a years long egg crack I’ll wait for you forever. all the time in the world

[cyb3rtarot]

Pick a Pile: Message From Your Inner Child + How You Can Nurture Them

Disclaimers: choose the pile you feel intuitively drawn to; you can choose more than one! Take what already resonates and leave anything confusing or stressful. Readings are not replacements for professional advice. I used a mix of tarot, oracle, and my intuition.

pile 1->pile 2

pile 3->pile 4

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Pile 1

Message [Justice||nine of hearts rx, king of pentacles, nine of wands rx, three of pentacles rx]: hi pile one! Your inner child wants to express feelings of dissatisfaction or being stifled. Many of you are in a good place financially/with work, at least compared to where you used to be. This came from working very hard without much support from others—maybe even being hindered by others. Other people might look at your life and wish they had it, but your inner child does not seem fulfilled by whatever your position is. I don’t sense ungratefulness, but it does seem like your inner child is more interested in something “deeper” or more meaningful than your physical reality is providing. If you’ve had to claw your way out of hard situations, your inner child seems to be looking for some kind of justice or retribution regarding that. You may feel like you deserve more happiness after what you’ve had to go through, or want people who have done you wrong to be punished.

How you can nurture your inner child [the fool, the emperor, king of pentacles rx, three of swords rx]: a more proactive approach to finding meaning and happiness in your life will nurture your inner child. You might be used to going with the flow—especially if you’re materially comfortable or seeking such a lifestyle. Remember that you have the power to initiate new beginnings; you don’t have to stay the same! Give your inner child space to grow and discover what feels right to them, even if it doesn’t make sense to others. Don’t force yourself to remain in an unhappy spot when there are changes within your grasp. Uncertainty is a necessary part of life. There’s also a big emphasis on balancing your work for outer stability with this search for inner happiness; perhaps some of you unnecessarily overwork yourselves which leaves little time for other things. 

For some, this soul searching may involve letting go of past hurts. I’m not trying to force you to forgive others, but to identify how your current reality has formed as a response to pain, and how you can choose to respond differently.

Extra details: isolation, loneliness. Past betrayals and enemies. Being “self made,” supporting oneself. Not being seen and understood, wearing a facade/mask. Music as solace, singing, pop stars (Ariana Grande again lol?). Balance. Being the tough kid, defending yourself. Paying your own way through school. Aggressiveness. Continuous conflict with colleagues or family, unhappiness at work. Wanting to leave a “good” job, or wanting to “run away” (some of you may be daydreaming about “drastic” action, like suddenly quitting and going on a long trip, far away from everyone you know).

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Pile 2

Message [the star rx, seven of wands rx|| nine of swords, the star, four of pentacles rx]: hi pile two! There is a lot of past hurt and trauma in this pile, and your inner child is highly encouraging healing/shadow work. Your inner child is wanting you to lower some of those internal walls so those uncomfortable emotions and memories can be processed. If you feel you need someone like a professional to help you, that is absolutely okay. Healing is hard, trauma is messy, and the “despair” in this pile seems particularly heavy.

How you can nurture your inner child [two of hearts, the tower rx, queen of pentacles rx, the lovers, six of cups rx]: a major focus for your healing journey is examining how past hurts—especially in relationships or childhood—are projected onto present day relationships. You may have developed certain traits or behaviors to survive the past, but now they block you from experiencing the intimacy your inner child craves. This is not to say you should compromise boundaries, but know that intimacy and vulnerability themselves are not the enemy. Thinking or acting like they are can even be a way of self-blaming, as if you not needing love would have prevented others from being toxic or abusers. Examine how past patterns can lead to current self-sabotaging, and also give yourself grace if you feel like you made a mistake. Learning how to navigate relationships of any kind is hard, and trauma can make it harder! Know your inner insecurities are not reflective of the relationship, how others see you, or the truth. If you do wish to work on some aspect of yourself or your healing journey, it’s very much within your capacity.

Extra details: fruit is significant, maybe nostalgic memories of someone cutting or giving you fruit growing up? A house with a tile or distinctive roof, roof decorations. The quiet/shy kid. Feeling like you’re falling apart. Clumsiness. Alone. A lot of yelling and hurtful words (particularly in the past). Childhood or domestic trauma. Catastrophizing. I feel like a lot of you are in a romantic relationship that is triggering anxiety. Practicing healthy communication with your partner may be one part of the healing work mentioned above. I also feel like a lot of you jumped from a very toxic home into a very toxic relationship as you came of age; a current relationship may be difficult due to this pattern that developed.

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Pile 3

Message [ the hermit, the fool rx|| Queen of cups, the chariot, justice rx, ten of pentacles rx, the hanged man rx, the tower]: hi pile 3, your inner child had a lot to say! You might repress them a lot. They want you to know you are living with old mindsets and approaches that are no longer aligned with you. You have a very large inner, emotional world and self awareness, but you don’t let this shine through to the outside. There’s a big nihilistic vibe of just going through the motions and accepting your lot—even when you’re miserable—and even when there’s changes you can make. An imbalance exists between the energy directed towards your mind versus the outside world. There’s a sense of solitude and a “what’s the point?” approach. However, there’s also a sense of restlessness. Your inner child is feeling stifled by this lifestyle; they want to come out and experience enthusiasm! It seems major changes are present or coming in where this can be addressed.

How you can nurture your inner child [the lovers rx, king of swords, knight of wands rx, the emperor rx]: your inner child is encouraging you to embrace excitement for life. It feels like your nihilistic or apathetic approach functions as self-punishment by denying your desires. You’re aware of which things are not working for you anymore, but you’re avoiding tough conversations or decisions. Your inner child wants to break free and to go after what gives them joy; they do not want their emotions to be judged, repressed, or punished. Some of the self awareness you’ve developed in your inner world can be used to help navigate the disappointments and uncertainties of life. You have to wade past these things to reach the treasures in your journey.

Extra details: restlessness, emo (some of you were in middle school), quiet, hurting, simmering anger, Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day, taking an analytical approach to emotions, singing, not being allowed to express emotions growing up. You might say “perhaps” a lot. Water, wanting to live in or visit a location close to water.

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Pile 4

Message [seven of wands rx, king of hearts, the hermit, strength rx, queen of swords|| queen of pentacles, queen of cups rx, five of cups rx, death rx]: hello pile four! The focus of your message is healing vulnerability. You guys have had to be strong by yourself for a long time. For those working on spirituality, it feels like that was the focus of this period. This “hardened” time can come to a close and give way to a new era where you’re more able to face feelings and express them authentically. Your inner child is pointing to a past experience (or multiple) you can revisit to do healing work. This may be a very disappointing heartbreak in a past relationship (of any kind). You might have had to end it with someone who was very attached to you and make that first “hurtful” move so you both could move on and heal. Or, you became disillusioned from lack of emotional fulfillment. Most of you have already done a lot of healing/shadow work and reached a more stable place with your inner sense of security. But, there’s difficulty translating this into being vulnerable with others. Due to the amount of emotional work you had to do, you’re leaning into logic and practicality when there needs to be a balance with emotion. Maybe you can easily identify and scrutinize emotions, but you default to this mental approach to avoid actually feeling it or confronting what you’ve repressed—especially if others’ reactions to your emotions have been disappointing. Protecting yourself is necessary and so is analyzing emotion. But sometimes feelings just need to pass through! We can only “think” our way so far into understanding life lessons. Vulnerability with ourselves—and knowing healthy ways to be vulnerable with others—are both healing.

How you can nurture your inner child [the hierophant rx, king of wands, princess of wands, page of cups rx, the devil rx]: you’ve done a lot of  self-discovery and learning lessons on purpose. This has made space for beautiful growth—however, there’s an emphasis on being open to developing with other people, too. You may want to continue working on yourself in isolation, but some growth and self-knowledge can only be discovered through others. You may repress your inner child’s desire for connection—forcing yourself to be independent. This seems comfortable for you, but not necessarily fulfilling. You may not know where to start with allowing others inside your world. This pile is stuck in the middle of not wanting to deal with toxic BS and yearning for something new + authentic. You may really have to push yourself to leave your comfort zone when it comes to others, and remember that your past experiences don’t define every experience you could have. I’m not suggesting to do things that feel wrong to you, but I am suggesting to notice where you squash your curiosity towards others as a defense mechanism. If you remain true to the things you’ve learned during this time, you’ll be much more adept at spotting insincere people and setting boundaries. And, you’ll be equipped for the inevitable challenges that occur when we get closer to others. These aren’t necessarily bad challenges, but for someone who has learned to love being alone, the metaphorical social “dance” can seem daunting. People are lessons, but not everyone is going to be a hard lesson.

Extra details [TW abuse, self harm, suicide mention]: using spirituality as a reason to not feel (example, not letting yourself feel disappointed because “that’s how it was meant to be”), likes to rhyme or make puns a lot, tendency towards being nonchalant/apathetic, trying to “think” emotions away, not knowing how to stop being so independent. Spiritual, wise, eccentric/enigmatic, self-assured. “Nice” relationships but very few “deep” relationships. Wanting to be friendly but getting alarmed when someone want to be friendly back lol. May have been in a relationship with a very imbalanced power dynamic; someone may have had the power to punish you? In & out the hospital as a child or a very big medical incident. Working in medical (specifically getting nursing) or as a coach, trainer. Surgeries & surgical scars (especially emergency surgery to save your life), medical implants & devices, physically disabled. SH scars. Past attempt on one’s life. Unwilling to feel emotion in fear of getting swept away by them. Stoic on the outside, emotional inside. Always trying to “solve” your emotions

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[wen-kexing-apologist]

LITBC Ep 3-4: What Does Eating Pasta Have to Do With Your Tough Past?

One thing I really have to commend the book Love in the Big City for is how fucking effectively it utilizes information reveals to recontextualize entire sections of the book, entire understandings of Young’s character/psyche. So much of the time I spent reading LITBC was focused on getting to know Young as a character to learn about his life, his past, his present reality. So it is such a fascinating twist, and at least for me, a gift to enter this show with Young’s point of view in my head.

I’m really interested to see how people who have not read the book already engage with the show, engage with the character of Young, and engage with the reveals of some of the pieces of his past. Because for me going into it, experiencing Young’s life with the knowledge of Young’s history is such a different emotional experience than learning about Young for the first time. 

I’m thinking about the rockfish and flounder scene here and the way that Young tries to flirt by saying he’s chewy and should be called rockfish. And the way that Hyung responds and says he should call Young “flounder” instead because he can “see right through him.” And it’s fucking bullshit, and we see how that unfolds especially throughout episode four. I think it is absolutely fascinating not having that internal monologue to guide viewers through the television version of Young. Because the way Nam Yoon Soo plays Young has this smiley, care-free, proud sort of quality to him that is in large part still an act but a much harder act to identify because we don’t have access to how or what he’s thinking.

And while you see the losses of Mi Ae, for example, I think only watching the show puts you in a position to much less deeply understand the level of pain that Young is constantly carrying with him. Which, to be clear, isn’t a bad thing per say, it’s just interesting because even as the novel did recontextualize some things, I had a much different impression of how Young might present himself. The reveals of things like Kylie, for example, in the book serve more to provide an explanation as to why Young thinks Like That, is as dissociative from his own emotional state as he is, etc. So it is interesting to see Young be more of a happy!sad as he is in the show (at least in my opinion). 

I will be curious to see how people who haven’t read the book react/reacted to the reveal of Young’s institutionalization. It feels like a much smaller, less clear moment in the show than in the book, and there is definitely a complete lack of demonstration from the show that he wasn’t just hospitalized but that he was in conversion therapy. I don’t think that it is hard to make the leap, especially with Young’s mother’s religious zeal, but still they spend a lot less time on that piece of Young’s backstory in the show than they did in the novel. 

But to know from the second the show started about Young’s past, resulted in a visceral rage that hit me straight in the chest when Hyung told Young “you don’t know anything” after Hyung’s run in with his activist seniors. And again after they have sex when Hyung says “someone like you can’t even imagine [the suffering I’ve been through]” As if Young has had this easy, picture perfect life, when I know, I KNOW that Young is taking care of a mother that once forced him into conversion therapy when she found out that he was gay. 

Like, watching Young engage in queer culture as openly as he does, watching Young say that people don’t care, that Hyung’s seniors will still see him as their junior. To want to wear matching outfits, and go have romantic pasta dinners, and sit close to each other in public is so goddamn important because Young had a period in his life where other people were forcibly trying to make him believe, make him act otherwise.

And it is still so interesting because we don’t know that much about Hyung. We don’t know what Hyung has suffered outside of an alcoholic mother, we start to get a hint at it with the writing around Christianity and homosexuality that Young finds on his computer later, but for a man that said that he saw right through Young he has no fucking idea how much Young has actually overcome. Hyung is stuck in his own little rut, and Young is absolutely goddamn right to say “You call yourselves activists, yet why are you so ignorant? Fucking bastards. You only act progressive- ” it angers Hyung, but Young is fucking correct. 

And I love the little moment that Young pauses in his tracks while Hyung storms off. The way that Young is in fact the person that saw right through Hyung in that moment while Hyung is clinging to this false belief that Young has never suffered for being queer. I love this very charged cut straight to the Bible and Young’s mother right after that. Because I know. Because Young knows. Because Hyung does not, has not, and will never know. 

Hyung lives his life in hiding, wallowing in his own self loathing and internalized homophobia, so wrapped up in his own misery that he refuses to consider anyone else. He doesn’t tolerate anything that Young wants to do, he invents this completely loving, uncomplicated relationship between Young and his mother based on what he sees at a distance. Hyung has never looked at anything up close he refuses to, he exists in the universe, his scale is the universe, and his own suffering is as present and as powerful as that universe so there is no room for anyone else. 

Sure it’s dazzling to hear “I like the universe that is you” I get why that shit woos Young, but at the end of the day what does that fucking mean? It means nothing to Hyung, who is embarrassed of Young, who hides his affection for Young until they are behind closed doors, who doesn’t ever want to step a toe out of line despite saying he’s an activist, despite saying he’s progressive. And it has me thinking more about his Tree of Life tattoo and its association with the Revelations passage that talks about the tree of life being a reward for those who overcome. 

Hyung runs and hides from his desires, and he suffers for it. Young chases his desires despite what he has suffered. And in the end Hyung will continue to have a miserable life, and Young will live. As a lot of us know, there is more pain coming for Young, but there is so much beauty, learning, growth, and rain waiting for him too.

[coolbeesbro]

TGOFC Leshy Facts (Chapter 6 Spoilers)

There's so much that goes into each character in my au, and the last chapter I dropped had a bunch of lore for Leshy's character, and I just felt like compiling the minute facts that might be overlooked in light of the story that genuinely bring me joy.

Unlike the other siblings, Leshy was just a regular chaser worm who was evolved into something more human (even though humans aren't a thing in this universe, I can't think of a term that would convey the same thing here) through the power of the Green Crown. The others were like regular people already capable of complex thinking, bipedal etc., who came to find their crown one way or another (I'll go into them more in their own posts), so in comparison Leshy is more unpredictable and overall feral in his actions and mannerisms. He also still has a strong connection with the worms and can communicate with them perfectly fine, giving him an advantage over prior gods of Chaos who couldn't control them at all.

Some examples of him being more animalistic is the fact that he's being prone to biting just because, and still having urges like burrowing underground being more comfortable for him than sleeping in an actual bed, and randomly making strange little noises. He also thinks nothing about eating through and ripping up the floorboards in his house, and has Heket bring him spare lumber to store as a "little snack" when he's too lazy to get up and go to the dining hall and raid the kitchen. Every sibling's homes are reflective of their personalities, and where Heket, Kallamar, Narinder and Shamura have furniture and decor, Leshy's home, though normal looking from the outside, is literally just an empty room with the majority of the floorboards ripped up or gnawed through, looking like a storm ripped through the inside of his home. He has no furniture or decor outside of a few potted plants gifted to him by Tebryn (au yellow cat).

Another thing, and this might be controversial, is that he's actually terrible when it comes to taking care of plants. Almost every plant he owns is either dead, or on the brink of death, but he doesn't really know it since he can't see for himself that they are. He use to be good at it, but that ended up being 100% the Green Crown's power. Having not been capable of thinking past basic animal instincts prior to becoming a god, he can't fathom that he might not actually know what he's doing. Tebryn teases him lightly about it, but also doesn't have the heart to tell him that the plants in his window died months ago. There's one plant that's hanging on by a thread, an overwatered camellia bonsai that's now really just a stick in dirt with 3 leaves, and it only stays alive because Tebryn repots and tends to it when Leshy isn't paying attention. That doesn't stop Leshy from attempting to unintentionally over-trim the tree, much to Tebryn's dismay.

When he was still just a baby up until his toddler years, he would often just run around naked (only covered by leaves) and Heket would struggle to just get him to keep at least his cloak on (there'll be a flashback to a scene like that later on). One second he would be fully clothed, she would look away for just a moment, then look back to see Leshy running away on all fours with his clothes in a trail behind him. Now, if not for the fact that he'd get a lecture from the others on why he needs to stay clothed out in public, he would probably be in the nude 24/7.

As a product of his rapid evolution, his appearance from what chaser worms are in present day is drastically different; since while they evolved over time, he was like a preservation of their past. Like how he burrows into dirt, where they no longer have to due to evolution giving them large horns and a larger/tougher build for protection. Instinctually, he still attaches sticks to his head, which was both a defense mechanism of sorts along with helping with hunting. Being partly burrowed in the ground helped him feel vibrations of things walking near him; and with his head sticking up past the dirt, he looked more shrub-like so predators wouldn't go after him, and also prey would be more inclined to walk near him or use him as shelter, making for easier meals.

I also decided to make him a trans man, because why does Shamura get to be the only trans one (also as a youngest child who's a trans man I decided that my comfort character WILL be trans as well.)? With the help of Kallamar he's able to transition with HRT and other surgeries. Nobody but his siblings know he's trans, and is 100% passing as cis to everyone else. He's also the shortest of all the siblings, followed by Shamura, then Narinder, Heket and Kallamar.

There's definitely more than this, but my god I realized just how long this was getting so I'll end it here unless people want me to make a continuation.

[jaegeraether]

Sunsets and footballers (Part 1)

Lucy Bronze x Reader (1)

Masterlist (other parts here)

((**3.5k**))

YFN POV

Eyes closed, she took a deep breath in and out. The sea breeze whipped a few strands of hair out of her messy bun. She opened her eyes to look at the last rays of daylight as the wind shifted suddenly. A storm was coming – she could feel it. She smiled and looked up at the darkening clouds. She loved the feeling of the darkness creeping in, and the storm. She was unsure whether it was the potential violence of it, or the uncertainty, but she still loved it nonetheless. She felt comfortable in that space. She looked around the beach and saw nobody. It was so different to Australia, where people would be sitting on the beach regardless of the weather. Her eyes searched the beach for any sign of life, and out of curiosity, she checked the little alcove at the top of the sand - barely big enough for a couple. Sure enough, as had been the past several sunsets, she saw her again. She was a petite thing with a kind face, yet it held a frown and sad eyes. She had her arms wrapped around her shins, her chin resting on her knees. Her clothes, although the right sizes, looked like they were drowning her, and her expensive white trainers were ruined by the sand. She held a thousand-yard stare over the water and YFN wondered what she was thinking about. She looked like the kindest person, with a face that had the potential to light up at the smallest of things.

She had been there every sunset for the past four days – which is how long YFN had been in the city. Who knows the actual number of times the woman had actually been coming to that same spot.

YFN puzzled over her. She wanted to make sure she was okay, but didn’t want to overstep with a complete stranger. YFN knew that look though, and would never be able to forget if she didn’t at least try.

She stood and walked slowly over to the woman, careful not to startle her. As she stopped in front of her, the woman lifted her head from her knees, a small look of surprise and worry crossing her face. Though, the surprise was one of a people-pleasing nature, a look that said she didn’t want to interrupt someone to go out of their day just to speak to her.

YFN sat diagonally to her so as not to block her view or force a close proximity to sit beside her. “Hey, I hope you don't mind me coming over to say hello. I just noticed you seem to be the only person here to appreciate sunsets as much as I do.”

The woman gave a little smile and her eyes softened. “I never really watched sunsets much in my life to be fair. This is a completely new thing to me.” Her accent was unmistakably English though YFN had no idea from where as she was so new to the country.

“Why the change, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I think it calms me. It helps relax my mind.”

YFN nodded. “I get that. I’ve always been a sunset and beach baby, though. It’s just so… peaceful? I’m not sure if that’s the right word.”

“Do you like sunrises as well then?”

“Interestingly enough, no. I really don’t. I can admire how pretty they are, sure. But they give me anxiety more than take it away.”

She rested her chin back on her knees. “Ah. You’re not from around here, are you?”

“Is the accent that bad?”

“You sound quite English to be fair, but you speak a bit different. Where are you from?”

“Australia. Landed about 4 days ago, actually.”

“Australia?! I love Australia. No wonder you’re at the beach. You don’t sound very Australian though.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” She laughed. “I’m YFN.”

“I’m Jordan.”

“Nice to meet you, Jordan.” She smiled and received a genuinely happy smile in return. “To be honest, you’re the first person I’ve had a proper conversation with here, and I hope you don’t take this in a negative way at all, but I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Jordan’s head lifted again in surprise, again that people pleasing worry that someone was going out of their way to worry about her was present. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. YFN filled the void. “I’ve seen you here the past four days and I don’t mean to overstep, I just noticed you looked a little…upset…perhaps, and wanted to come over and offer myself as an ear or a friend, whatever you may need.”

Jordan’s lips twitched and she pressed them together as if she were trying to stop her tears from starting. Her chin quivered and she tilted her head back slightly in an attempt to stop the tears before they began.

“Oh, I’m so sorry Jordan.” She said her name to create a common ground between them. “Honestly, I pride myself on being the most understanding person you’ll ever meet so please, I’m right here if you need to talk, or need a hug. Anything you need. I’m right here.”

Jordan gave a little laugh and used the cuffs of her baggy shirt to wipe her tears away.

“I’m sorry I’m just blubbering away like a child.”

YFN pulled herself up the sand so she was sitting right next to her. “Don’t be sorry at all. I’m right here. To be honest, who else is better to talk to than a stranger you might not see again, hey?”

Jordan smiled and gave another little laugh, though the tears were increasing. YFN took a risk and put her arm around Jordan’s little body. She clutched her far shoulder and rubbed it to soothe her. Jordan leaned into her, her whole body a quivering mess slowly becoming undone.

“I…I…I’ve lo…lost everything.” Her hands went up to cover her face and YFN turned slightly, wrapping her other arm around her also, pulling her close. Her body was so little and fragile. She cried louder, letting herself be held by YFN.

YFN’s heart broke at just how vulnerable and broken she must have been to let a complete stranger hold her as she cried.

“You’ll be okay, Jordan. Let it all out. I’m right here. Just take your time and let it all out.” Jordan relaxed a little and continued to cry, sniffling into her hands. YFN took a few tissues out of her pocket and slipped them into her hands.

“Th…th…tha…” She wiped her eyes and blew her nose. After she calmed a bit, she leaned back, her eyes red and puffy, with an apologetic attempt at a smile. YFN gave back the most heartfelt, empathetic smile she could muster. She kept one arm around her.

“Oh – I definitely needed that.”

“I think you did. I think you need a bit more to be honest, but that’s a good start.”

Jordan blew her nose again and a shiver rippled through her spine. YFN rubbed her shoulder to give her some warmth.

“Would you like to talk about it, or we could sit in silence if you’d like?”

Jordan looked at her. She felt relaxed and like she could be herself around the woman. She felt like a genuine, nice human. Jordan also assumed from everything that she had no idea who she was and what she did for a living. That helped encourage her to open up. “I just feel so sad all the time lately. I don’t get it – it’s not me.” YFN stayed quiet and let her talk. It was healthy to talk. “I lost my partner, I lost my c…club of over 10 years…it was my h…home. I lost my spot on the England squad. I can’t even represent my c…country. I’m just.. really not doing well at the moment, and I don’t know what to do or who to talk to.”

“You’re an athlete?”

Jordan nodded. “Football.”

“Ah, I heard that’s pretty popular here.”

Jordan laughed. “Yeah, we’re a bit obsessed over here to be fair.”

“Do you have a new club?”

“Yeah…yeah I do.”

“Was it your choice to leave?”

“Yeah it was. I wasn’t getting enough play time. I’m a footballer – I need to play. And my ex is at the club, and it was getting hard to see her every day. Leaving was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.”

“Did someone help you make that decision?”

“Yeah actually, I had a friend who I was speaking to about it all. She was really encouraging about it all, to be fair. She said leaving was the right choice.”

“Well I don’t know this friend but I’m 100% certain she was right. You made the right choice for your career, and for your emotional health. It may feel like you’ve lost everything, but you need to look at it instead as a new beginning. Because that’s exactly what it is. A new beginning with new friends in a new location. More play time. Time to yourself and away from your ex. This is such a positive step!”

Jordan smiled and her body relaxed as she looked up at YFN. “Really?”

“Really. I promise. It’s only hurting because it’s all so new. Change is scary but it’s a good thing for you. It’s exciting to be honest! So much more opportunity.”

Jordan nodded. “You’re right.” Her lip quivered again. “It’s just so hard at the moment and I feel so alone in all of this.” She shivered as a gust of cold wind swept over them.

YFN rubbed her shoulder again. “Who’s your friend who helped you make the decision? Can you call her to spend the night and help give you some advice and support?”

“L…Lucy. She should be in London for camp at the moment actually.”

“Perfect. Maybe we should call her and you can spend the night. Do you think she’d like that?”

“Y…eah. I just wouldn’t want to ruin her camp.”

“She’s your friend. I’m sure she will prioritise you above all else, hm? Friends come first.” Jordan looked unsure – her people pleasing face on again. “It’s okay to ask for support.” YFN whispered to soften the blow. She rubbed her shoulder. “Can I call her for you?”

Jordan nodded and took out her phone. She brought up the contact and gave the phone to YFN.

“Okay, I’ll be just a minute, okay?” YFN took the phone and moved away from Jordan. She shivered again, her little body not dealing well with the wind. YFN knelt down in front of her and took off her jacket, ignoring Jordan’s protests as she put it on her. Jordan gave her a thankful smile. YFN smiled back and stood, walking just far enough away that she wouldn’t be able to hear, and dialled the number.

“Hey Jords, what’s happening?” Again, another English accent. This one stronger and still just as much a mystery to YFN.

“Hi…Lucy? This isn’t Jordan, it’s YFN. You don’t know me, I only met Jordan 10 minutes ago.”

“Is she okay?” The voice was immediately worried.

“She’s okay. We’re just at the beach. I noticed she’d been coming down here for a few days, and looking a little upset and lost. I just came over to make sure she’s okay and she’s not. I think she’s had a rough time lately with her ex and her club and the England squad she mentioned? Anyways, I think it’s best if she had a friend to talk to and spend the night with.”

“Absolutely. Which beach are you at? I’ll come right now.”

“I’m not sure actually, and I think that’ll be a bit too much for her. She needs support but I’ve noticed she doesn't like the idea of putting anyone out. I think you turning up here might be a bit too like an intervention. She mentioned she didn’t want to ruin your camp also.”

“Argh, Jords.” She sounded frustrated and worried. “Okay, well do you think you can get her to my place at all? I’m sorry to ask more of you.”

“No, it’s okay, I promise. I don’t mind at all. She seems like an amazing person, and so do you, to be honest. I just want her to be okay and know that she has support. It’s really important.”

“Yes, it is. Okay, come to mine. Jords knows the address, and I’ll see you soon, okay? Let me know if you need me to come get you from anywhere.”

“Thanks Lucy, we’ll see you soon.”

YFN hung up and walked back over to Jordan who was zoned out again, staring at the sand. She knelt down and gave her phone back with a smile. “Lucy seems lovely. She’s excited to see you.”

“She’s a good friend.” Jordan smiled in return.

“She wants you to stay the night. Do you know how to get there from here?”

She nodded and paused, looking up at YFN. “Can you come with me?” She asked hesitantly, as she struggled to ask for help.

“Of course I can!” She took Jordan’s hands and helped pull her up. She went to take the jacket off and YFN caught her. “Nuh uh uh. Keep it for now, please. You look freezing.”

They walked up the beach to the stairs and ascended them, the wind getting even more aggressive. Jordan stopped at the top and took her shoes off one at a time to empty the sand out. The wind almost knocked her little body over as she was balancing and YFN caught her before she fell, holding her steady while she put her shoe back on.

“Jeez, you’re like my guardian angel.” Jordan laughed.

“Chivalry isn’t dead when I’m around, mate!” YFN put on a strong Australian accent.

They walked in comfortable silence for a bit, YFN not wanting to push her to talk or to get emotional again. The silence was the good kind though, the comfortable kind. They would brush against each other by accident, setting a pace perfect for them both. YFN looked up at the dark storm clouds above them and smelled petrichor. She loved the smell of coming rain.

“I never asked anything about you. What are you doing here?”

“Are you about to tell me to go back to my own country?”

Jordan laughed. “No, of course not!”

“I’ve always wanted to visit and was sick of waiting for people who always had excuses, so I decided to do it alone. Best decision. Have you travelled much?”

“I mean, I’ve travelled a lot with football, but mainly in Europe. We had the World Cup last year over in Australia, though. That was the best time of my life. The beaches and the weather were incredible.”

“Do you have anywhere else you want to go?”

“So many places, but I always expected to go with Leah, you know?”

“Your ex?”

Jordan flinched, realising she had just mentioned Leah Williamson, Captain of the England Squad and world-wide known celebrity. She looked for a reaction at the name from YFN and didn’t get one. It comforted her that YFN genuinely had no clue about any of them. “Yeah… yeah. We sort of…fell apart. I don’t know how I can love someone else. She was perfect. I was so lucky.”

“What happened?” YFN asked softly. Jordan hesitated. YFN opened her mouth to give her an out.

“She grew. I didn’t. I stayed the same. Same old me. Never getting games, just happy to be here. Watching my friends all get game time and do amazing things while I was only there because I was dating the Captain. She learnt so much and I just… wasn’t enough anymore.” She was crying again, harder. So hard that she couldn’t see where she was going. YFN offered her arm and she took it, letting her lead the way. It started raining then, and it didn’t begin slowly, it came down hard, hard, harder. Big droplets. They were both soaked in an instant.

They continued to walk, almost unable to hear each other in the rain. YFN saw a little alcove and pushed Jordan back into it so she would be dry for a bit. YFN, however, was still in the rain. The alcove was only big enough for one.

“Is it far?!” She almost shouted above the rain.

Jordan shook her head, and YFN could see that the rain had sombered her mood even further. “I lost everything. I lost her. I lost my family. My club. Everything.” She let herself feel her emotion loudly, being comforted by the deafening sound of the rain. YFN’s heart broke and she wrapped Jordan up into an all-encompassing hug. She knew the feeling all too well. Jordan sobbed loudly as she clung to YFN as if she were a life support. YFN rested her chin on her head and rubbed her back. “It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay. I promise. I’ve got you.”

Jordan clung tighter, her whole body quivering with grief. YFN felt Jordan’s phone vibrate and let her continue to grieve, grabbing the phone out. Several missed calls from Lucy, as well as messages. Just as she was about to message back, she called again. YFN held Jordan tight against her with one arm in the little alcove, her other answering the phone.

“Hello?”

“YFN? Is she okay?”

She tightened her grip around the woman. “We’ve just had to make a stop with the rain.”

“There’s a storm. That’s why I’ve been calling. I’m in my car driving around to find you two. Where are you?” Lucy’s voice was worried and commanding.

YFN looked at the store window they were leaned up against. “Daly’s Deli? Do you know where that is?”

“I’m just turning the corner now. I’ll be there in a minute.”

The phone hung up and YFN pocketed it. She placed her arm back around Jordan.

“Everything…everything…Leah…Arsenal…my England squad…my friends…”

“Jordan… you need to stop following this grief. Allow yourself to grieve, yes, but we need to think of the positives also, okay? New club, new people, new opportunities, more play time. It’s scary to start new but it’s incredible. You’re going to have so many new experiences!”

A car quickly pulled up by the curb behind them and a woman stepped out, car still running, and came over. She didn’t seem to care about the rain, her focus on the two women holding each other in the alcove. Lucy’s dark brown hair was up in a messy bun, her clear framed glasses getting soaked in the rain. She wiped them as she hurried over. Her eyes met YFN’s and she paused, blinking. The two shared something, and then their attention shifted to Jordan.

“Jords, I’m here.” Lucy placed a hand on YFN’s back, and Jordan’s head, as if to protect them both in their little alcove.

“L…Lucy?”

“I’m here, Jords. Let’s get you warm and dry. Come on.”

Jordan refused to let go of YFN and they all made their way to the car. Lucy opened the door as the two slid into the back. Lucy got into the driver’s seat and drove the rest of the way to her house. She pulled into the garage where it was dry and they managed to get Jordan out and into the house.

“Alright Jords, straight into the shower please. Warm yourself up. I’ve put some clothes in there for you. I’ll be right out here, okay?”

Jordan nodded grabbed YFN’s arm. “You’re not leaving, are you?.” It was a question that sounded like a plea.

YFN looked at Lucy. “If that’s okay.”

“Absolutely. She’s staying, Jords. Now go warm up.”

Lucy and YFN took a seat at the kitchen bench, both drying themselves off with towels.

“Coffee? Tea?”

“No thank you, I don’t drink either.”

Lucy raised her eyebrows like she was impressed. “She’s going to want you to stay the night, you know.”

“How do you know?”

She rolled her eyes. “Jords has been one of my closest mates for over a decade. I know.”

YFN couldn’t take her eyes off the woman. “I don’t know if that would be appropriate. We did only meet an hour ago..”

If YFN didn’t know better, she’d say that Lucy looked disappointed. “Well, you’re more than welcome. I have a spare room and spare clothes. If you do end up going, at least let me drive you there so you avoid the rain.”

“I love the rain.” YFN almost whispered.

“Me too.” Lucy stated, sharing a look. “But we can’t have you getting sick or walking home alone. Where is home, by the way?”

“Ah, I’m just staying at a hotel in town.”

Her dark eyebrows raised again. “You’re not from here?”

“Australian. Visiting. Arrived four days ago.”

Lucy looked intrigued. “I love Australia. That explains the accent… how long are you here for?”

“I didn’t really set a timeline, I was hoping to be in England for at least 2 weeks, then onto some European countries.”

“Are you travelling with a partner..?”

YFN smiled at the question. “No partner, just me.”

[practically-an-x-man]

ok y'know what. I'm tired of all the same questions in ask games so I'm taking matters into my own hands

OC/Writing Art Asks

For the character:

Pencil: does this character have any "sketchy" habits? Have they ever broken the law? Do they regret it?

Pen: what's one minor moment your character regrets? A small mistake, but something they "can't erase"?

Paintbrush: How often does your character "brush over" conflict instead of facing it head on? Is there something specific they don't like to face, or do they avoid conflict as a whole?

Marker: what's one thing your character would never tattoo on their body, even if they were paid a million dollars for it?

Crayon: what was your OC like when they were four years old? Were they loud? Shy? Were they the resident "weird kid" or did they get along with others their age?

Colored Pencil: if given the choice, would this character splurge on an expensive (but potentially worthwhile) branded product, or buy a low-budget alternative even if the quality suffers?

Copics: what is this character's most expensive habit or hobby? Do they ever feel guilty about the money they spend on it?

Graphite: what's something decently common that your character does in a unique or different way? (like how graphite is present in all pencils, but not everyone uses pure graphite)

Charcoal: share any unique physical features about this character that are not scars or tattoos.

Tortillon: does your OC "blend in" with the people around them? Physically? Metaphorically?

Pastels: Give me three colors that best represent your OC. Now give me three colors that your OC likes best. Is there an overlap?

Chalk: what was one activity this character enjoyed with their sibling(s) as a kid? If they don't have siblings, what they did with their neighborhood friends

Eraser: what's one way this character has changed over time? Either over the course of their story, or over the course of designing them as an author.

Palette: list four of your character's primary skills, then share at least two ways these skills might blend or overlap

For the work:

Starry Night: are there any scenes in this work that take place at nighttime? Is this significant, or just the passing of time?

Mona Lisa: oh, it's the fanfic writer's favorite word. Do a find-and-replace on the word "smirk" and share any lines that pop up.

The Scream: are there any moments in this work that you think could scare a reader? Are there any moments where the characters themselves are profoundly scared?

Persistence of Memory: are there any moments in this work where a character's memory plays a strong role? Either an individual memory, or simply a character's ability to recall the past.

Girl With a Pearl Earring: are there any moments in this work where a character's clothing or accessories play a major role?

The Kiss: share your favorite kiss scene from this work. If there's no kiss scene, share your favorite moment of intimacy (romantic or platonic)

American Gothic: what's one relationship between characters in this work that you think people wouldn't expect? (i.e., how the people in American Gothic are not married, they're the painter's sister and dentist)

Guernica: look through a few of your imagery/descriptions in this work. Are they generally straightforward, or are they more "abstract"?

Wheatfield with Crows: are there any scenes in this work that involve birds? Do the birds play a definitive role, or are they simply part of the setting?

Woman with a Parasol: are there any moments in this fic that feel "blurry" to you? Is this a stylistic choice, or would you go back and clarify the descriptions if you were given the chance?

A Sunday Afternoon...: pick one "little moment" from this fic. How representative is it of the fic's tone and story as a whole?

Creation of Adam: choose one character that is not present at the beginning of this work. How did you introduce them into the story?

The Swing: are there any moments in this fic where the characters get to slow down and have fun? If not, why is that?

The Last Supper: does this fic incorporate any symbolism based on religion, theology, or mythology? If so, give an example.

For the author:

Paper: Who do you feel is your most two-dimensional or underdeveloped OC? Why is this? (including those that are still in development/haven't been written about yet)

Canvas: Do you ever "prep" your fics with outlines or warmups before you start writing, or do you just dive right in?

Graffiti: Have you ever had to research something that felt illicit or illegal for a fic? What was it?

Photography: What's one moment from any of your fics that you feel is preserved in your memory?

Clay: Do you usually take time to "sculpt" your OCs before you write them, or develop them as you write?

Film: Which one of your fics do you think would work best if turned into a movie? Who would direct it?

Adhesive: when you write, do you usually "stick" to one character or story for a while, or bounce around various characters and ideas?

Cricut: are there any characters you've had to "cut" from a story? Are there any moments/chapters/stories you've had to "cut" entirely?

Felting: how often do you include soft moments when you write? Do these moments play a role in the main plot, or do you include them as an escape from the rest of the story?

Weaving: are your works typically similar to one another? Pick two works, and share one similarity and one difference between them.

Finger Painting: share a small snippet from your earliest work (or the earliest that you can get back to). How would you rewrite it today? Either share the rewrite itself or just describe how you'd do it.

Creative!: free space! share something you've been dying to share about your writing! Could be an OC that never gets the limelight, a moment you were proud of, or anything else you'd like to share

[nho-jungle]

giving gillion a tail: bug's thoughts on triton anatomy

yeah im writing a full thing about this okay let me autism lazerbeam in peace.

so the thing with triton anatomy is that one would assume theyre just human anatomy with some extra bits like gills n stuff. and tails, but we'll go into that in a moment. the problem with this is bone structure. not all fish have bones. sharks don't have bones. instead the support structure of their bodies is made of cartilage. which isnt too different, considering parts of human anatomy are made up of cartilage, but it poses some interesting questions. im no scientist, but i am autistic as hell. so im going to pose a couple of options that are fun to rotate.

the most common depiction of tailed tritons (which i myself have drawn) is some variety of fish or shark. this is aesthetically fun bc of the variety within fish and sharks, in terms of colour and shape, that allows you to get funky with it. anatomically speaking, this would probably be achieved via the tailbone being there, like a monkey, but with the muscle and flesh around it being shark or fish-like. this would all lend to a tail that moves side to side, which would lead to an interesting swimming style that probably wouldnt involve much movement of the legs.

the second thought i had for tailed tritons was seals. seals have very short tails, but as mammals they have the same bone structure as humans. due to this, my initial thought was a second set of hips, so the triton bone structure would look like it had four legs, but the second set of legs would be the tail formation. this would lend itself to a tail that moves up and down, which could probably be utilised in tandem with the legs to create a very efficient swimming style.

however, neither of these ideas take into account one very important thing about tritons:

they're amphibious.

oh but bug, they can have human lungs and fish gills with nothing to do with the tail- silence voice i made up purely to disagree! we are not here to do arts and crafts! we are not gluing random creature aspects together with whimsy and magic! this is real science!

so amphibians. frogs and newts and salamanders and the like.

the amphibian life cycle, in most cases, involves eggs being laid in water and larvae being adapted to an aquatic lifestyle. frogs, toads, and salamanders all hatch with external gills, and develops lungs to breathe air as they grow up. amphibians are very adaptable to their environment, and there are many possible variations among individual species purely caused by outside influence and the area they grow up in.

but what does this have to do with tritons and their tails?

tadpoles

unlike most amphibians, frog tadpoles dont look like the adults. frog tadpoles start out fully aquatic, with external gills. as they grow and develop, they get gill pouches to make their gills internal. they have cartilaginous skeletons (which later develop into bone), lateral line systems (found in fish, used to detect movement, vibration, and pressure under water), and large tails. their lungs develop early. their front legs develop first, and then their back legs soon after.

(oh what about axolotls- axolotls dont have lungs. they are functionally the same as salamander larvae but they never get past that developmental stage. theyre amphibians that arent amphibious.)

im running out of steam for this post but basically what im trying to say is that triton are froglets. this would also make sense for the fact that triton have webbed hands and feet. frogs do too so it would be implemented into the swimming style. bone structure is a whole nother things, especially since both 'mordenkainen presents: monsters of the multiverse' and 'volos guide to monsters' are cowards whos triton designs are just blue people. but working from 'mythic odysseys of theros' designs, who have at least a little bit of flare, i think it's safe to assume that their bones are a little funky. some fun mix of bone and cartilage to have those interesting shapes.

all that being said, i am a big supporter of doing whatever you want forever. i am also just a massive nerd and like to think way too hard about these things.

(shoutout to my dad for assistance with bouncing ideas around, and for being the one to suggest the tadpole thing.)

[dragonzzilla]

Tears of the Kingdom's underwhelming narrative had rich potential

I'll preface this with a confession: I have not played Tears of the Kingdom. As a matter of fact, I haven't played any Legend of Zelda. I simply never had the opportunity while growing up, so my interest in the series has always been satellite. As such, I do not have the perspective of someone who has. My opinions are formulated entirely in what little I have seen or sought out. I'm coming at this with the perspective of an outsider looking in. But I'm not looking for a fight. My aim isn't to bash the new hotness out of jealous spite, or to convince people to feel bad about liking this game that, I've otherwise heard, is really fun. The reason I care, even though I'm not a part of the fandom, is that we all deserved better.

This is a much anticipated sequel to a smash hit from one of the biggest names in the industry, sold at a whopping $70—and having watched for free a YouTube compilation of all the cutscenes pertaining to Ganondorf, the much advertised central antagonist of TOTK, I felt robbed. This was my legitimate reaction:

Disregarding all my other feelings for a moment, I was dumbstruck to see a Nintendo game—released in our year of 2023—use what is essentially the same cutscene four times while explaining the backstory. I recognize TOTK has modular progression, allowing you to reach the Sages in whatever order you please. But once you've seen the first one, the other three will offer you no more valuable information. I'm willing to stretch my suspension of disbelief pretty far, yet even I recognized on first viewing how formulaic the Sage cutscenes are. It wrenched me out of the story.* Hearing different perspectives about the same events can and should be interesting, but the Sages relating these events barely qualify as characters—possessing neither names nor even faces, thanks to their uniform masks of Zonai design...

* I'll acknowledge: Within universe, there is reason enough for the Sages to repeat what is essentially the same story to their respective successors to apprise them of the situation. I can certainly see Link having to sit through the same spiel several times so everyone is on the same page. But it felt really unnecessary as a member of the audience. And unlike their BOTW counterparts, the Four Champions, the Sages don't stick around long enough to endear themselves any further, instead passing their abilities and function onto their successors.

… Which, I feel, represents the Ancient Past Storyline as a whole. Despite the number of bodies involved, no one felt alive. Queen Sonia—this continuity's founding mother of Hyrule, where divine power is explicitly matrilineal—amounts to nothing more than meat for the fridge to motivate the real star of the show, Rauru. Everyone else, including Zelda and the other Sages, are merely bit players in the conflict between him and Ganondorf. But it's a conflict without teeth. Ganondorf displays nothing but a mad, naked lust for power. Opposing him is Rauru, the quintessential Good King and benevolent god figure who would never abuse his power, but would sacrifice it all to seal away the evil invader who killed his beloved martyr-wife. There is no interrogation of the 'gentle' imperialism Rauru represents. His way is textually presented as the only righteous way. The world of this continuity revolves around his legacy and its preservation; anything else is not merely deviant, but indicative of evil. Only someone with the blackest of hearts would oppose this order. The narrative requires Ganondorf to be nothing less than the epitome of evil.

Which is… really disappointing, to say the least. Because I happen to like Ganondorf. His character and his place in the mythos have always been the forefront of my interest in the series; forget Link or Zelda. Naturally, I was drawn in by TOTK's marketing about Ganondorf's return as a human antagonist after a 17 year long hiatus. Given how much of a reinvention BOTW was for the series as a whole, I was disappointed back in 2017 to learn that Ganondorf existed only as a mindless force of primordial evil. "How lame," I thought, "but I guess it's not really Ganondorf." Calamity Ganon was just that: Ganon. And Ganon's always a full-blown monster, divorced from any nuance possessed by his OOT, WW, and TP selves. Then the first teaser for TOTK dropped, placing Ganondorf the man (if a little worse for wear) front and center. Intrigued, I enjoyed the explosion of enthusiastic fan art that followed, as well as the speculation regarding the role he would play. Surely, he would be more than a one-note villain! My expectations rose as Nintendo revealed more about him. His new design didn't immediately scream Dark Lord; and in his first speaking role, he draws attention to the fact that he has returned (within universe and meta-wise) and he has a vision for the world. I couldn't want to see the final product! Yet here we are.

It's a strange thing to fixate upon, when I don't have any skin in this game. But I'm passionate about storytelling. I enjoy rich narratives with nuanced characters, and I respect those that fully commit to the ideas they present... whereas stories that try to have their cake and eat it too, well, those pique my interest as well. Whenever I see untapped potential, my writer's mind cannot help but ponder the age-old question of "What if?" And I intend to do just that, in the cut below (this rant is long enough as it is).

Of course, no amount of brainstorming can change the reality of a product. A ship's structural flaws only become apparent once it's left port, but there's no recalling it then. Nonetheless, there is value in the discussion. We should always critically analyze what corporations give us, desiccating their products to discern the messages (whether intentional or not) contained within—especially when the product is aimed toward a young audience that might not have the cognitive tools to decipher those messages for themselves. Even if we cannot affect change in a monolithic company like Nintendo, we can still draw lessons from their missteps to improve our own writing.

If I have such grievances with TOTK's story, why bother with a rewrite? Because:

Playing within the limits of another's sandbox can help to build creative muscle.

I believe TOTK has all the right ingredients for a compelling story, if this new series wasn't so afraid to challenge its narrative roots the way it has its gameplay.

A few more things to note: I am not a professional writer, nor am I a veteran of the series. I'm working strictly with what TOTK brings to the table. I'll make no efforts to reconcile the continuity errors between BOTW and TOTK (though it deserves mentioning), or even attempt to fit this in a single cohesive timeline with the rest of the franchise. I am not that brave lol. What I propose below is simply how I would use these toys; YMMV. I hope this inspires discussion more so than congratulation or wordless agreement (though my ego will accept compliments all the same, especially since it took no small amount of spoons to organize my thoughts like this). As Ganondorf says:

A Modest Rewrite of TOTK's Ancient Past Storyline

Zelda is still flung to the past, but she awakens not to a picturesque golden age under the magnanimous rule of an infallible demigod. Instead, sadly reminiscent of her own age, the land lays in ruin, in the immediate aftermath of its own calamity. But this isn't the fault of Ganon. The blame lies solely with the Zonai.

The Zonai were understandably viewed as gods. A people who live up in the sky on floating islands, in possession of miraculous technology (including killer robots to protect their interests!), and magical artifacts that in the wrong hands can unleash cataclysmic power? A civilization as powerful as theirs doesn't suddenly end without a very good reason. Yet as far as I know, no explanation is provided as to why Rauru and Mineru are seemingly the last of the Zonai. No mention is made of a rival power that could've taken them down; certainly none of the terrestrial races. Remember, the Zonai were seen as gods. If you were to ask me? A civilization with that great of a power at their disposal, and apparently so much of it that Rauru has four more Stones (not including his own, Sonia's, or Mineru's) to pass out as he sees fit... can only destroy itself.*

* I know the Zonai are depicted in text as a purely enlightened and benevolent race... but as far back in the franchise as OOT (which TOTK draws a lot from), not even Hyrule—the standard by which all civilization in LOZ is judged—was above a civil war, orphaning Link. War Within LOZ clearly isn't waged solely against primal forces of evil that can, must, and should be destroyed. And that's good! A story is made richer when even the Designated Good Guys can fuck things up, when characters are allowed to contain multitudes—good and bad qualities!

Power does not defuse conflict. It only escalates the scope of destruction once it's unleashed. So, for whatever reasons the Zonai gave themselves then clung to, they started fighting each other. Using their flying machines and automatons, battles were fought upon and between their sky islands, the detritus of war raining down on the lands below—the inhabitants of which can do nothing but watch as a war rages in heaven—until finally the full power of the Stones is unleashed in an exchange that guarantees mutual destruction. The sky islands all plummet to the earth, wreaking mass destruction. This is the world Zelda finds herself in—where the land has been cracked wide open, the skies are choked with dust, and no one gets along... so unlike the world she knows.

Zelda still comes into the care of Rauru and Sonia, but Rauru is merely Sonia's consort—he holds no power as king. It's evident from the start that Sonia is steering the direction of Hyrule—a humble territory in this age—in this tumultuous time, although Rauru is backing her. It's thanks to Sonia that Rauru and Mineru survived the fall of their sky island, brought back from the brink of death. It was during this time that Rauru fell in love with her; and to repay her, Rauru revealed that, between himself and Mineru, they have three intact Stones (a small homage to the Triforce since it doesn't matter in this continuity) with which they can secure Hyrule's place in this brave new world. Importantly, this isn't portrayed as any more righteous than a nation acquiring a clear advantage over its rivals. Indeed, Zelda's thrown for a loop to learn that in this era, the other races like the Gorons and the Zora aren't merely independent from Hyrule but have a history of conflict—something she never learned in her history books. And tensions are only rising, as these rival nations find Stones of their own after much scavenging, shifting an already fraught balance of power. The gods are dead, their empire shattered—yet slivers of their strength remain, for those daring enough to claim them. By using one of these Stones, a tribe could secure its borders, reclaim ancestral land... or conquer new territory. This is where Ganondorf enters the picture.

This Ganondorf is still a villain, but there's room for nuance. He's ruthless and prideful, and certainly antagonistic toward Hyrule; but the narrative respects him as much as his fellow monarchs. He cares about the success of his people, because his entire identity is shaped around being their king. Remember that a male is born to the Gerudo only once in a hundred years. Ganondorf is but the latest in a lineage of kings, with the heavy burden of expectation that carries—he has a legacy to uphold or surpass if he can help it. And ever since he was a boy, he envied the easy lives and green lands of Hyrule, so as a man he has made it his personal ambition to conquer it... but at every turn, he has met his match in Sonia, who is every bit as skilled of a commander and a magician. The two of them have clashed so many times that they've become the most intimate of enemies, hard pressed to hate each other because they both know what's at stake. For years, they've been evenly matched... but the downfall of the Zonai changed everything. In spite of the Gerudo's best efforts, they haven't been able to find a single Stone to make up for the fact that the crash of their local sky islands kicked up terrible sandstorms and drove monsters from their usual habitats. The Gerudo are more desperate than ever. Then Ganondorf learns that his oldest enemy is housing two living Zonai underneath her roof, and has a total of four Stones at her disposal. He cannot battle Hyrule as before, lest he risk annihilation—if not by Sonia's hands, then another tribe that is more willing to coup de grâce a decimated competitor, or they might perish to monsters, or the desert might finally claim them, the dunes swallowing up their bones and burying their accomplishments. He could bend the knee—throw himself at Sonia's feet and hope for the best, sacrificing Gerudo independence to share in Hyrule's bounty. But his pride will never allow that.

He grew up in the shadow of detached gods, was raised on tales of how they were the ultimate arbiters of truth and value—almighty in their judgment and unassailable—and he saw for himself that they would only ever come down to earth to indulge their curiosity about the quaint groundfolk or harvest what their sky islands could not provide, most notably Zonaite (of course they named it after themselves...) to fuel their miraculous machines, the secrets of which they refused to share with anyone 'because they weren't ready' and would in fact use those same machines to keep the groundfolk from overreaching. Ganondorf is the first king in generations to glimpse a sky—and a future—uncontrolled by the Zonai. Though he was raised to be a king, the very definition of absolute power and privilege, only now is he truly beholden to no one. Finally, he is free to shape his own destiny. And he's not about to relinquish that freedom on account of his dearest enemy getting in bed with a fallen demigod—no, not a god... the Zonai's civil war proved they are not infallible. Without their technology, without their precious Stones, they're flesh and blood, the same as anyone else. Mortal. And what is a man to a king?

Despite the bad blood between them, and the generations of strife between their peoples, Ganondorf is able to convince Sonia that he is willing to bury the hatchet for the sake of his people, that his desire to enter the protective embrace of her kingdom, given the dangerous new world they find themselves in, is genuine. His true intentions are not so painfully transparent, but still Zelda does not trust him. She can't stop wondering how this man becomes the source of the Gloom in her era, even if the hateful creature she encountered in the depths below Hyrule Castle hardly seemed human at all. But she cannot act on a suspicion of duplicity due to future events. So for Ganondorf's entire stint in Sonia's court, Zelda tries to weasel out the truth—and in so doing, builds a relationship with the future Demon King. Once Ganondorf catches on to the fact that Zelda sees right through him, it becomes a game of 4D chess. Who is this girl, a member of Sonia's court that he has never heard before yet is trusted enough to bear a Stone, and why is she so certain of his true motives? He's smart enough to suss out that it isn't simple bigotry. It's a fine line Zelda must walk, because she has a secret of her own—she hasn't told anyone that she's from the future, out of a rational fear of disrupting the past and changing history (but at the same time, she can't abide doing nothing, and these interests war within her).

Despite Zelda's best efforts, Ganondorf succeeds in his plot. In a single stroke, he eliminates an old enemy, deprives her nation of its leader and a Stone, and finally secures a Stone for the Gerudo. But claiming the Stone doesn't immediately transform him into an Almighty Demon King. The surge of power is great, but not so much that he's willing to engage three other Stone bearers—two of which are Zonai who of course have experience using them—so he wisely retreats, though not before telling Rauru: "No point in crying over this one. She's not the first victim of your arrogance. And we both know she won't be the last." He's made powerful enemies, but it's a battle he can fight on another day, and at least now he's on equal footing with the other factions and can take their Stones until he can finally conquer Hyrule. But Ganondorf severely underestimates the lengths Rauru will go for revenge. In killing Sonia, before Rauru's very eyes no less, he has made another enemy for life (and beyond).

Understand that Rauru survived the destruction of his people and their way of life. That's traumatic enough. But now, the person who saved his life, and gave it new meaning, is dead. Murdered. By someone he had come to trust. Because he put a target around her neck. He should have seen this coming, he should have listened to Zelda, perhaps then he could have stopped this. But it's far too late now. Before, he was content to merely support and serve—a just penance, he believed, for his small part in breaking the world. Now, he has a new purpose: To secure Sonia's legacy by any means necessary. He binds his fate to Hyrule, which will never be safe so long as Ganondorf lives. This isn't a wise and beneficent King of Light opposing a terrible darkness, but a grieving widower—who's also a skyborn demigod that just lost his one earthly tie.

After taking command as regent, Rauru does not invite the other races to a grand alliance; he brings them to heel through force. It's not enough for Rauru to immediately counterattack Ganondorf. He wants to destroy him, and what better way than to turn the whole world against him? Additionally, by consolidating the power of the Stones onto his side, he denies Ganondorf the opportunity to pick them off one by one. Zelda is witnessing history, the birth of Hyrule as she knows it, but there's nothing noble about it. It's simple imperialism, and she has to grapple with the fact that she's a beneficiary of it. If the peoples of Hyrule were united through bloodshed, does this invalidate the friendships she's made among those peoples in her present? She's confronted with deep questions which possess no easy answers.

Meanwhile, Ganondorf hasn't been sitting on his laurels. He sees Rauru is stacking the deck against him, such that even the Stone's power won't be enough to win the coming war. The Gerudo are outnumbered and outgunned. So Ganondorf turns to darker magics, begins to press monsters into service, etc. His search for ever greater power takes him into the Depths, where he finds a dangerous substance called Gloom. According to legend, it is the ichor of a demon god who was struck down long ago and sealed away in the bowels of the earth. It drains the life-force of whoever touches it, that much is certain... but Ganondorf reckons it is possible to access this stolen vitality to perform feats of magic hitherto thought impossible. Through his mastery of dark magic, amplified by the Stone, he is able to harness the Gloom. First he tests it upon monsters... then dissidents, those reluctant to oppose Rauru's growing army. He makes examples of them, siphoning away their life-force to show those who will not fight will still serve their king. But this barbarous act only creates more dissent among the Gerudo. Tradition appointed Ganondorf as king, but that doesn't mean they have to stomach his tyranny. Even if he manages to win this war, this new power could allow him to reign forever, and he just demonstrated how little their individual lives mean to him. Worried for the future of their people, Ganondorf's second-in-command, Nabooru, sells him out in exchange for clemency, enabling Rauru and his Sages to capture him. Instead of slaying him on the spot, Rauru declares his intention to haul him back to Hyrule for a public execution in Sonia's name. Nabooru insists on coming along; if the King of the Gerudo is to die on foreign soil, then one of his own should observe his passing.

Ganondorf doesn't respond well to this betrayal. After everything he sacrificed, they would still rather roll over and show their bellies—surrender their freedom and pride—to a foreign lord. Who are these people, to abandon the courage of their ancestors? These are not his Gerudo. Ganondorf disowns them, swearing vengeance upon these cowards even as he is taken away in chains. The journey back to Hyrule gives him time to brood on his destiny. He was born to be a king, yet the place of his birth has forsaken him while the rest of the world wants him dead. Most people would crumble, succumb to despair. But his pride will never allow that. He will keep fighting, like he always has. He will crush any opposition, even if it's the people who gave him birth. He will rule, even if he must reign as king of the undesired. There's a saying: 'The brighter the light, the deeper the shadow.' And Rauru has blazed oh so fiercely. To oppose him, Ganondorf must become nothing less than the King of Shadow.

At the moment of his execution, he draws upon the Gloom to transcend his mortal limits, finally becoming the Demon King. In this form, he's able to battle all seven of the Sages, but he's still not almighty. In theory, Rauru is able to slay him... but he chooses not to. Imprisoning Ganondorf isn't done as a last resort; Rauru wants him to suffer. "Killing you would be far too kind. I will make you wish you could die. You won't. I will hold you here. We will build our kingdom over the lands you tried to burn and pillage. And you will rot here, trapped in this moment, long after you have faded from its memory." And he sincerely believes that he'll be able to contain Ganondorf for all time—because he was able to ascertain that Zelda is from the future, after examining her Stone (his Stone, as it turns out) and piecing together her strange accent and unusual notions, even though she has the pointed ears of a Hylian. He doesn't understand the power, but he does take it as proof positive that his victory is guaranteed and Hyrule exists well into the future... without ever learning the whole truth of it. Rauru is directly responsible for the cycle of Calamity Ganon, as Ganondorf's resent and hatred transformed the Gloom into Malice.

Rauru's pride is an actual flaw, one that is fully explored in the modern day. Just like Ganondorf says, thousands of years passed in the blink of an eye; Rauru hasn't had any time to process his rage. He only saves Link to make him a vehicle for his revenge; sticking around past the tutorial as Link's spectral companion, constantly pushing him to ignore all distractions to destroy Ganondorf ASAP, yet unable to control him directly. In staying with Link, Rauru learns of his legacy; that he created a lasting kingdom, but harmed future generations by inadvertently creating Calamity Ganon—Ganondorf's disembodied anguish and hate, nursed over thousands of years. His selfish decisions created more harm than Ganondorf could have in a single lifetime. Just as the Zonai destroyed the world once before, Rauru managed to destroy it again and again. Hyrule no longer even exists as a kingdom, destroyed by Calamity Ganon 100 years prior. Yet Link continues to fight—not for himself, but to protect and help those he cares about as well as perfect strangers. Rauru gives a touch of the divine to Link, and in return Link reintroduces Rauru to humanity.

In contrast: Ganondorf broods in the Depths, alone. Although he still has a corporeal form, he's just as much of a ghost as Rauru is. He's more isolated than ever, having awakened to a strange world where nothing is as he remembers it. The geography is different, the flora and fauna is different, the people are different. Especially the Gerudo. They don't remember him as ever having been a person at all, believing the monster of their legends merely adopted the form of a Gerudo. But that doesn't sting as much as how tame they've become in his absence. These Gerudo have no fangs; they're fully in bed with Hyrule in every sense of the word, and it disgusts him. Nothing in this world is right. Everyone has forgotten their pride and their history; no one remembers a time when Hyrule wasn't be-all and end-all. Unable to accept this future, he terraforms Hyrule in the image of what it used to be, so it might become a crucible once more. The strong will adapt and survive, while the weak rightfully perish. He will create a world that rewards might and daring above all else.

Ganondorf is none too pleased to learn Link is running around with the arm of the man who sealed him for millennia, and assumes that he has become Rauru's puppet (even more hand symbolism)... but that's a key difference between Ganondorf and Rauru. Link essentially drags Rauru through character development, rekindling a sense of humanity within him. Ganondorf has no one to break him out of his rut. His only company down in the Depths are monsters and the Yiga Clan, who revere him as the source of Calamity Ganon—for his power and opposition of Hyrulian supremacy—but do not see him as person, a king in need of counsel. Ganondorf is more alone than ever, but he refuses to address this. To despair is to admit that the world has power over you, and he is the single strongest being in the world. Gods do not weep. And in that final confrontation, Rauru addresses Ganondorf: They're both ghosts of the past, stubbornly trying to shape the future to their liking; but the present belongs to the living. They both need to let go. But Ganondorf's pride will never allow that. To admit defeat is to admit someone has power over him, and he cannot allow it. It becomes clear to him that the only option left to him is to not play at all.

He swallows his Stone and becomes a dragon, but this doesn't lead to another boss fight (to compensate, the third phase would be a more classical Ganon fight; a friend suggested the name of "Scourge of Hyrule—Apocalypse Ganon"). Instead, in line with what was established earlier—that to become a dragon is to lose yourself to the process—Ganondorf ascends to the sky... and bears no more malice toward Link or Hyrule. He becomes the ultimate in power—immortal and at last truly divine—at the cost of his ego. He's still dangerous since he radiates Gloom, but he doesn't attack, just like the other dragons: an idiot god. He returns to the Depths out of instinctual comfort, but will occasionally surface and usher in a Blood Moon. And like the other dragons, you can harvest rare materials from him to make the best Gloom weapons or whatever. + Leaving Ganondorf in this state leaves a door open for fanatics to try and restore him in a sequel.

So, that's all I got

There's a lot of things I didn't address. Like whether the line of succession was broken with Sonia's death (so is Zelda descended from a relative of hers?), what sort of characters the Sages should be, or what Zelda does after Ganondorf is sealed away by Rauru (I'm personally not comfortable with her waltzing up to the Sages and in a stable time loop binding all the races to Hyrule), how weird the Draconification plot point is (and how Zelda is restored to her human form by Good Ending ghost magic), how Zelda is restored in this version (sequel hook same with Ganon?), how disconnected I feel Link is to the Ancient Past storyline as a whole, whether my version of Ganondorf actually ever learned about him, I didn't really dive into the aforementioned imperialist message in TOTK (others have already done so better than I), etc. Thing is, I'm not a professional writer. I do it for the love of it, and that's what this is. A messy labor of misplaced love for a franchise I've never played, all because I was upset they didn't treat my blorbo the way I like. You know how it goes. My brain didn't know when to let go, but at least now it's out there and not rattling around solely in my noggin, making an awful racket. Maybe now I can work on other things. If you've made it this far, cheers.

[pluckyredhead]

How exactly was Jon Kent’s introduction handled? Did Clark essentially just bring him out like “hey guys, here’s my 10 year old son I haven’t told you about” ?

Thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about this, because it is Extremely Comics and I love it.

The short version is that Jon and his parents are from another dimension.

The long version is that prior to the New 52 in 2011, Lois and Clark had been married for years, so when that marriage was erased in the reboot, fans were pretty unhappy.

Then in 2015, DC published an event called Convergence. The plot isn't important, but basically they pulled in all these different versions of their characters from different universes: pre-Crisis Green Lantern, vampire Batman, 70s Wonder Woman, etc. And they brought back a LOT of pre-Flashpoint versions of characters. (I've always assumed it was a test to see if they should undo the New 52 and that the answer was a resounding yes.)

And so they brought back the pre-Flashpoint Lois and Clark just for this one event. In the four years since we'd seen the characters, Lois had gotten pregnant, and during Convergence, she gave birth to Jon.

At the end of the event, the pre-Flashpoint world was destroyed, but the Lane-Kent family was able to travel to the New 52 universe. Of course, the New 52 universe already had a Superman and Lois, so the pre-Flashpoint Clark and Lois decided to just...live like normal people, which they'd never been able to do before. They changed their last names to White and moved to California to raise their son in peaceful anonymity.

So Jon spent the first 10 years of his life in California as Jonathan Samuel White, and has no idea that he's from another dimension, that he's half alien, or that his father is Superman. But then his powers start to manifest, and it turns out it's really hard to keep a secret from a kid with X-ray vision, super hearing, and Lois Lane's smarts. Eventually, his parents have to 'fess up.

Here is the key point: when the Lane-Kents came to the New 52 universe, they arrived 10 years in the past. So if that story took place in 2015, when it was published, they actually arrived in 2005. Meaning that Jon developing his powers at 10 is happening in the present day. Does that make sense?

Soon after this, the New 52 Superman dies, and pre-Flashpoint Clark is like, "Well, someone should be Superman," so he puts his costume back on and introduces himself to the Justice League/the world as the Superman of another dimension.

A bit after that, the 2016 Rebirth reboot happened, which was deliberately designed to push DC canon closer to pre-Flashpoint canon.

Then the New 52 Lois also dies, and pre-Flashpoint Lois is like "I guess I'll just go to the office and pretend to be her," which is wild because she is at least 10 and probably more like 15-20 years older than New 52 Lois. Lois Lane ages like fine wine: confirmed.

THEN Mr. Mxyzptlk kidnaps Jon and traps him in a featureless void and makes his parents forget he exists. In that void, Jon encounters the souls of the dead New 52 Clark and Lois and accidentally swaps them with his parents. Then he yells "NO YOU LOVE EACH OTHER" until they remember who they really are and merge with their pre-Flashpoint counterparts to form new, cohesive versions of Lois and Clark who are simultaneously from the current universe but also have been married for years and love their son.

This also, you know, just casually reboots the universe so that everyone remembers Lois and Clark having been married with a kid for years. So Jon was incorporated into continuity as a 10-year-old, but then the rest of his life was retconned into existence so that, like, Perry and Jimmy remember holding him as a baby and stuff. (And Jon has no memory of living as Jon White or anything like that.)

Anyway, very straightforward and normal, not completely bonkers at all.

[trinoxtrinox]

Abbeyofcyn Colour in your style

Painting the lineart for this was really fun, and I really enjoyed doing it, even if I feel like I bit a bit more than I could chew at first, what with me wanting to do two different light sources XD

I also wanted to colour the lineart of this, however the results that I got aren't that good, so I'll be uploading two pieces, one without the lineart painted (the one I like more), and the one with the coloured lineart. Hope you like it everyone and @abbeyofcyn

Ok, now that the art is done, I have a lot to say about how I chose to color everything, but that could get long so I'll leave all of that under a read more, expand at your own risk XD

Allright, so first of all, a detail that I'm not sure many people will be able to catch in the first place. The flowers, I colored them in a specific way, because each of them represents a different person.

In here I added the flowers to represent each of the beings present on the art, Red for Raph, Light Blue for Leo, Purple for Donnie, Orange for Mickey, Dark blue for F!Leo, and finally Pink for the Krang; because the latest might not be present literally, but the sky and pink light clearly indicate that they're still a presence to be felt in the world.

In here we have the four turtles again, with the flowers being their respective colors. However, since all but one of them are cut, I chose to color them in what I believe the order they died in the bad future is. First is Raph, I doubt he'd let anyone die before him, so the single corner of a red petal goes to him, then Donnie goes next, hence why a petal and a bit of the center is the only thing that can be seen of him; and now we come to the first scene of the movie, which makes it so that Mikey is the next flower that's cut off, and finally Leo gets the only not cutt off flower, because he's still living here.

This are the last patch of flowers, and the reason why I colored them that way is because each of them represent a different person that's important for the turtles. The Green represent April's Ninpo, I wanted to add her and ther ninpo was the only way I could think of, and on the same vein, the white and black next to her are Splinter when he's on his Ninpo state at their final fight against Shredder. Below them there's the gray and sorta orange flowers, this time they both represent Splinter in his normal form, and yes I know I put him twice in there, he's their father, he deserves it XD

Finally there's the dark brown and gray flowers, these one represent Cassandra Jones and Cassey Junior, you can't argue that they end up being pretty important to the turtles, the first one helped them in the fight against Shredder, and the second one literally kickstarted the movie XD

Next thing to discuss is why I chose to have two different lightning sources and why they are what they are.

First is the Krang sky at the front, I chose this because I got inspired by this idea for the AU behind this lineart from Abbeyofcyn and wanted to continue said AU idea. My take and continuation is that even after the Magic Tie Portal that Mickey did to send Casey Jr. to the past exploded and send the Krang at the battlefield away (and considering how big the battlefield it was, it most likely killed or pushed away every single Krang at New York) and F!Leo got the Tots!Turtles, there were still enough living Krang around the world that are still ravaging the world, this time more out of spite than anything since they know the won and simply want to kick down a dead horse. F!Leo is going in that direction because he's aware that there are Krang still left, and the sad reality is that he can't shield the Tots!Turtles forever, but at least he should be able to train them and teach them everything he can, while also giving them the chance to have a childhood as well, similar to Casey Jr. but more chill.

F!Leo and Tots!Raph are the only ones facing the Krang light, and that's on purpose, the former because obviously he'll be the main force against the remnants of the Krang that are still on Earth, and the latter because no matter the form, Raph will always want to protect his siblings, and he ain't afraid to punch a few f them in the face to do so. Tots!Mikey meanwhile is in the backpack, being shielded from the Krang light, with it barely reaching him, and again, that's on purpose, everyone will want to protect him since he's the youngest, and the fact that he also will become the strongest Mystical Warrior the world will ever see again, and so F!Leo will try to teach him whatever he knows about Ninpo and the Mystic Powers, doing his best to shield him from the horrors of the Krang so that he can focus on learning Mystical Powers.

Tots!Leo and Tots!Donnie are giving their back to the Krang light, but that's not because they'll ignore the menace they represent, but rather because they're focusing on what's more important to them at the moment, for Tots!Leo is his twin brother and the shenanigans/drama he can get with him, while for Tots!Donnie is his curiosity and need to learn about the world around him (Also he's autistic and likes rocks, fight me XD). Leo here is shielding Donnie from the Krang's light, agan made on purpose, because he loves his twin too much and wants to protect him from the horrors, while also pulling his rope to bring him back to the present; Donnie meanwhile only has a little bit of Krang light on him, which is their looming threat that they represent for a great while, however they aren't the biggest thing occuping his mind, and thanks to his twin, he's able to not focus on them for a while to concentrate on more things that'll help everyone in the future; which brings me to...

The yellow light, which comes from the sun that's behind them, and considering how it's a yellow and not an orange one, the current time is morning and it's Dawn, the rise of a new day, new begginings and start for a new hope. It might seem like they're walking away from the light and into the Krang's side, however with this idea I had it's less that they're getting further away from the light, but rather bringing the light with them, illuminating everyone's path and pushing back against the Krang.

As you can see, everyone is bathed in the sun's light glow, however Tots!Donnie, Tots!Raph and Tots!Leo are the ones that are literally bathed in it, while F!Leo has his legs covered in it and Tots!Mikey only has sunlight on his head. Once again this is all on purpose, and I'll explain everyone's light position now :3

Tots!Raph, The sunlight is mostly on his shell, tail and arms, which is because he'll be in charge of protecting everyone's uture, and that sadly also means that he'll be bearing the heaviest burden out of his brothers, but that'll also means that when the burden is eventually lifted, he'll be the one that looks forwards the most.

F!Leo's future is uncertain, the sunlight covers only his legs completly because even if he's the guiding light of everyone's future, and no matter how much light he has on his back, shell, legs and arms; he's not covered in any of it beyond his role as a guide, so still uncertainty envelops him.

Tots!Mikey is literally being carried in a bag to the future, which again is because he's the youngest and the strongest mystical warior out of them, but he's also somewhat of a backup plan, his role will be less to guide anyone to the bright future and more ensure that no one gets left behind under the looming threat of the Krang, hence why he only has the sunlight on his face and he's not covered in it like his brothers.

Tots!Leo and Tots!donnie, the disaster twins, they both are encased in light because both of them will help create the brightest future as well, however Donnie is covering a half of Leo, not letting him be truly fully under the sunlight, and again, that's because while he protects his twin from the Krang, Leo is sacrificing part of his abilities to guide everyone else but his brother. Donnie meanwhile is literally encased in light, his face fully iluminated, and that's because with his smarts and creativity, he'll be the biggest reason that a brighter future will be created for Earth, his inventions carrying everyone towards it.

Finally, why I started with dry grass on the foreground and ended with green grass at the mountains on the horizon, and that's because even with their uncertain future, even though they are the guiding light that'll bring a new brighter future to the world, that doesn't mean that the world is at such a critical state that they literally can't be saved. There are still people out there, living in hiding, no matter how it seems from the start point, there's still life out there.

And that's all I wanted to say about how I painted it and why I did so, I had so much I wanted to say and, to anyone who bothers to read all of this, thanks for doing so, I put way too much thoughts into this ambitious for me painting, and I loved writing all of this down as well. See y'all in the future n.n

[miodiodavinci]

anyway as for the long and short of how i'm doing currently (mostly the long)

so two weeks ago i sprained my wrist at work lifting boxes, and it's been a slow recovery even with the help of a brace, stretches, rice buddies, and ice packs. i've had to basically put a lot of my hobbies on hold because i've been saving what little i can do with my wrist for all the job prep i need to do on the weekends (i.e. making flyers, updating spreadsheets, creating presentations, moving more boxes, etc...)

hobbies are even further on hold at this point because this last week i injured my shoulder as well, and i can feel that my ankle is getting ready to go with it. i'm doing what i can to minimize the damage (i.e. got a work cart, have had coworkers come with me to storage, actually sitting down and resting when i'm on break, etc...) but there's not a lot that can be done considering these are Core Aspects of my job and my contract goes until spring (and also like. whole complex situation where i can't leave without screwing over myself and a lot of people i care about)

it's a shit situation all around, but at the very least i'm getting paid a reasonable amount and it's covering my expenses jfgjksdhkfg

(though for all the work i do, god oh god i wish it was doing more than just covering my expenses)

having to take a break from my hobbies has put me in a weird headspace, though. or like it's less of a weird headspace and more that there's finally this pause that has me reevaluating what i want to do in my spare time

i've been consumed by work for the past like four years of my life, this last year was kind of the culmination of that. between completing my internship, finishing my degree, surviving The Horror (read: had a really, truly horrifying cancer scare last year), doing the yamaha collab, and taking care of the flurry of job-hunting stuff that needed to be done post-graduation, i don't know if i actually got a chance to so much as breathe until august

. . . . except in august i immediately collapsed and rotted the entire month away skjdfhgkhsdf

i'm burnt out, i think. like. genuinely, really severely burnt out. the more i think about it, the more i feel like i just need a year of doing nothing.

just. absolutely nothing.

which i've told myself in the past. several times. always in a big showy way. so much so that i feel silly saying it now because i've been saying it for years in the descriptions of my videos and in posts on my blog.

"i'm tired of being beholden to past me!! this year, i'm letting go of my expectations for myself and just doing what i want!!" (<< this user has said this at least 7 separate times and has failed to make good on it every single time)

but i think why i've never been able to follow through is because in spite of all the dropping projects that no longer interested me and not feeling obligated to see everything through, i still held on to the expectation that at the end of it, i'd still post something. but like.

i think posting doesn't really matter to me as much anymore??? if at all???

which isn't to say "i'm putting my foot down and never creating any new vocaloid work ever again," but it's also like. i can't let myself sit with the expectation of "yeah i'll just make things for fun!! and when they're done, i'll post them!!' because that changes the focus from making something for me into making something for others to see, which is. a different beast to care for skdjfgklhsdlfg

i keep seeing a lot of things where i have the opportunity to keep building on what rice and i were able to make as part of the yamaha collab: alternate box arts, matching galaco design, cool new english covers featuring bespoke cover art of the new designs but when i think of starting those, i feel utterly drained, and when i think of how i'll feel once they're finished, i imagine it'll be akin to "alright, i've checked that off the list. what's the next thing i should do not disappear and be a failure?"

. . . . . which is really, really separate from doing things as a hobby because they make me happy OTL

this past year i've really reconnected with my close friends (in part because i stopped having time to scroll online and didn't want anyone to know when i was online because i legitimately did not have the energy to respond) and i've noticed i really truly enjoy just batting around our ocs with each other so more than i've enjoyed any of the vocaloid work that i've put out in the past five years skjfghldkfg

i've been doing vocaloid things for over ten years now, and the collaboration with yamaha was quite literally something i couldn't have even dreamed of, much less imagined it would have just fallen into my lap the way it did. coming off the end of it and my internship though, there's this feeling that's been building for years now where it feels like the effort i put in is just not proportional to the satisfaction i get out of it. it feels more like something i'm supposed to do otherwise i'd just be squandering all the work i've put in and all the attention i've gotten.

. . . . . . i just want to live man 😂 i'm caught in a mental tangle that feels difficult to unravel. spring mio was at the end of his fucking rope, but fall mio is finally has the time to sit down with the slack and is wondering if it's worth it to keep pulling for all i'm worth when i can always just go over to my friend's house and have a funny little sleep over (metaphorical or literal both apply)

i'm not decided by any means but i'm definitely thinking about it.

it's the fact that it's been 2 years since i've released salvador, and i went into it thinking i'd be cool and professional about it, with lots of covers and frequent updates because i used to make lots of UTAU covers in high school, but then i got paralyzed by all the "shoulds" wrapped up in the process and i just. stopped working.

when i say i want to make X cover of Y song, am i really saying that i want to go out of my way to do all these things?? or am i just imagining what momentary satisfaction i'll feel to see another thumbnail on my channel??

...

(face in hands) this ended up being. a lot fucking longer than i meant for it to be jksdfhlkghsdkfg

hopefully most people have clicked away by this point w

it's the tear between the things i genuinely want (making things with friends that stay between us friends) the things i kind of want out of necessity (opening up commissions so i can supplement my income), the things i said i'd do and can't back out now on, and the things i told myself i would do but can't really must up plenty of positive emotions about (but can feel plenty of frightful, guilty emotions when i think of not doing them)

i'll figure it out eventually. even in the worst case scenario, i plan to keep my accounts up as archives, so it's not like my work will go anywhere w i'd still want it to be there once i decide i'm ready to come back to it w

[iam93percentstardust]

On Plagiarism and Academia

Welp, I watched hbomberguy's new video (just like everyone else). And... I loved it! (Go figure) It's a great video, he's genuinely funny and presents the information in an engaging way (I barely even noticed it had been four hours), and we need the information he presented very badly to remind us to independently verify the things we're listening to. But something that he said really struck me because it's something that I'm dealing with in my offline life right now. Disclaimer: this is a hypothesis generated from my own personal observations and experiences and isn't meant to be a sweeping statement of every single academic institution across the entire world.

He seemed really surprised that no one (or very few people) noticed that the Youtubers he was calling out were plagiarizing other people. Like. Really surprised. And at one point, he made the argument that maybe that was because plagiarism was viewed only as a problem in academia, so people assumed it wasn't a problem online and weren't looking for it.

And that hit a chord because the thing is, at least in my small corner of the world, I don't think that plagiarism is a problem in academia. Or, rather, I don't think academia views plagiarism as a problem anymore.

So, if you've been following me for a while, you know I have a whole tag about my struggles in grad school. I've been a grad student for the last six years at [insert major university here], and because my lab doesn't have any funding to pay me, I've been employed as a TA all six years to pay my salary. At this school, in my department, TAs are expected to proctor exams--every single exam for the course and frequently one additional exam from another class.

If we see cheating, we're not supposed to call it out in the middle of the exam. Instead, at the end of the exam, we're supposed to take the student's scantron and hand it over to the professor and give them an estimate on how certain we are the student was cheating so they can pass it on to the university, which, in every syllabus of every class, states they take a hardline stance on cheating and plagiarism. (Yes, I know I'm talking about cheating on exams, which isn't the same thing as plagiarism, but I swear I'll loop back around to it in a minute.)

During the first exam I ever proctored during my first semester of my first year in 2018 (this was three weeks into the semester), I caught a student cheating. Like. Blatantly cheating. Cheating so badly that over a dozen separate people came up to me at the end of the exam to tell me that she was cheating, just in case I hadn't seen it myself. I did exactly what I was supposed to.

I took the student's scantron.

I turned it into the professor and told her that I was 100% certain and had witnesses to back me up.

She gave it to the university.

...And the university came back and said that they weren't going to do an investigation and were just going to let the student take the exam again, this time with a different proctor because they felt I was biased against this student because of the "very serious accusations [she] had leveled against [me] of singling her out for her race." (Newsflash: the student cheated again with that different proctor and got away with it again)

During that first year that I spent as a TA, I reported eight different instances of cheating across six separate exams. Every single one, I was 100% positive that the student had been cheating, and on five of the occasions, I had student witnesses to support my accusation. The university tossed every single accusation out without even a cursory investigation or even filing a report. Oh yeah, really hardline stance there, university.

For the most part (and partially because of distance learning), I stopped reporting cheating, but I tried one more time this past spring to report two cheaters and got back the same result that I did my first year: not even an investigation to see if there was any merit into my claim because they're "busy."

I don't report cheating to the university anymore. They've more than shown me that they don't actually take cheating seriously even when I have more than a dozen people supporting me. Even when I have students half out of their chairs to see what the person in front of them is writing. Even when I have students with their phones out on the desks, looking things up. The university doesn't care, so why should the students?

So how do I loop this back into the discussion on plagiarism? Well, yesterday, while grading my students' final papers, I ran one of them through a plagiarism checker, and it pinged the radar. Two sentences were a direct quote and hadn't been listed in quotations or been cited in the body of the text. If I scrolled through the (long) list of citations at the bottom of the paper, I could find the source, but if it hadn't pinged the checker, I would never have known that those two sentences weren't their own.

The lack of the quotations and the source after the quote is what kicks this over the line into plagiarism, regardless of the source in the later bibliography (the same thing that got Illuminaughtii in trouble on hbomberguy's video). But I was willing to assume it was an honest mistake, and so I emailed the student to ask them to please add the proper citation and resubmit the paper.

This should have taken the student maybe--at most--five minutes to fix. Literally, all it needed was a set of quotation marks and a parenthetical aside with the author's name and year.

Instead, I got a response from the student telling me that they were very busy, it was finals week, and they weren't sure when they could get to it. Oh, and by the way, what grade would they get on the assignment if they didn't fix the source?

It was a stunning lack of regard for the error they'd made on their original submission, and now, because I'd brought it to their attention, if it wasn't fixed, it was willful plagiarism--and we both knew that! They can't claim ignorance or an accidental mistake anymore. We both know that they're passing off someone else's words as their own!

I emailed them back and told them if it wasn't fixed, it would be a 0, and then I messaged the instructor and asked her what happens now? Her response was as disheartening as my previous experience with the university's response to cheating: they'll dismiss it, regardless of their supposed hardline stance, and nothing will happen. Don't even bother reporting it; the most we can do is give the student the 0 I'd already threatened.

So there you have it. This particular university doesn't care if you cheat or plagiarize. Academic dishonesty doesn't mean anything to them--and the students know it. Every year the topic of cheating comes up with my students during my office hours, and every time, the students complain about how their sorority sisters and football team members and fellow classmates get away with cheating over and over and over again because they know the university won't do anything about it, so why should they bother maintaining any kind of integrity? I even asked them if they reported it to their proctors and instructors, and while I got back a few yeses, I got even more why bothers. What's the point of reporting it if nothing is going to happen?

To loop this back into hbomberguy's video, I don't think as few people noticed the plagiarism as he thinks. I think quite a few people noticed (and looking through the comments on the various videos of the James Somerton scandal, not just hbomberguy's, I do see more than a couple comments along those lines). The thing is, I think they kept that to themselves. And though I do think that part of that has to do with the mob mentality of fandoms on the internet and the fear of getting attacked for pointing out something shitty that someone else is doing, I think a lot of it also comes down to this: plagiarism is thought to be an academia problem, therefore the way the academics respond to plagiarism should be what we look to to deal with the same problem elsewhere. But if the way the academics respond to plagiarism is to ignore it and sweep the reports under the rug, then why would we ever think that Youtube, of all places, would deal with it any better?

[soapoet]

W.I.T.C.H. pick-a-card reading

Will Vandom; a letter from the past

like & rb if it resonates ♡

01.

Shufflemancy: Four by The Wrecks

you should stop to take a breather. do you realise how far you've come? no, seriously, turn around and look at that distance. no matter how many times things have stalled and obstacles have forced you to go around, you never really stopped. remember the times you felt weak and weary? frustrated and lost, perhaps even worried and afraid? so many what ifs keeping you awake at night, worries nagging in the back of your head about how you're trudging through a swamp with baby steps and getting nowhere. when you thought you weren't moving, you still did. one step is always better than none, and you haven't acknowledged the immense strength that it took you to keep going. 'no biggie, it is what it is, you gotta do what you gotta do' you might say, but there are plenty of people far behind you who stop, turn around and give up when the path gets fuzzy. you didn't. you're proof humans are persistence hunters. you always try to figure it out. no matter how far you need to stray to get a better vantage point or mcguyver a solution to a problem, you do it. when you've stopped it's only been a pause in the long run, even then you felt like such a loser for, what exactly? taking a break? gathering yourself? you've been way too hard on yourself. you really need to start clapping, because your resilience is commendable.

your past self would be amazed by who and what you are today. even mundane, simple things are impressive for who you were long ago. something in you, a vision or a burning desire, has kept the magic alive, and kept shining a light on your path so that even when you stumble and fall, that light in the distance beckons you forward. please hold on to that dream. your past is cheering for you, and believes in you even when you can't muster the faith in yourself in the present. you are so close to making your dreams a reality, so don't let the doubts cloud the view of the finish line. you deserve the world, and the world needs to know your name.

02.

Shufflemancy: Yes & no by XYLØ

if you aren't in your lone wolf era already, you might consider it. your past self is a little horrified by how you've been treated. you're no doormat, and people need to stop walking all over you. daydreaming of things like true friends and truer lovers sounds depressing. loyalty and reciprocation should be the bare minimum. do not get gaslit by words you've been told in the past. there's nothing wrong with you. your past aches watching you suffer, even more so as it witnesses you wonder if it's what you deserve, or think that there must be something you've done, maybe faulty wiring making you inherently flawed. the past knows you're better than this and deserve more. you have every right to be angry and upset at the world and those around you. just please, do not take it out on yourself or burden yourself further by accepting these negative views of yourself. if not out of love and care for yourself, then at least push back out of spite. you probably got plenty of that.

if you need to burn some bridges, be sure to build them too. it may be better to be alone than to be in bad company, but you do deserve those good connections that you yearn for. don't be afraid of reaching out and seeking help, going out and meeting new people. there are many in the horizon who would love to connect with you on a deeper level. people who take genuine interest in you and take initiative, check in on you, wish to learn about you and your world and share theirs with you fully. have faith in yourself and the enigmatic nature you possess. it is just as interesting and desireable as you wish it was, you just need to keep going and be true to yourself. the right ones will find you.

03.

Shufflemancy: Trying my best by Anson Seabra

has no one told you that your 100% looks different every day? and that that's totally okay? marathon runners don't just finish a race and run another with the same results the next day. hell, they don't even run the next day! they rest. and my god, do you need some rest. genuine rest. it's time to really assess how you're doing and even look back to the past. time does not heal all wounds. some wounds were cut deep and need to be tended to, not ignored and left alone to risk infection. you've been through so much, and i guarantee that if this was about a dear friend of yours you'd be up in arms, ready to protect them, make them smile, bend over backwards to make them see how precious they are. because that's the kind of person you are. always have been. a true friend, an ally. someone who could move mountains and declare loudly from the rooftops how deserving of love they are. why can't you do the same for yourself?

please be gentle with yourself. it's okay to hit pause and hide away for a little. do not feel guilty or ashamed if you need time to yourself. if all you can do for a while is to exist and not much else, let yourself simply exist. recharge, have a good cry if you need it. recognise your strengths and skills and talents, and applaud yourself for who you've grown up to be. you are your past's hero, because just look at you! you've grown to be so kind and strong and fun. it's okay to not be okay, and you deserve some tender love and care like everybody else. you're not weak for needing space and time, nor are you somehow lesser for having scars. you're beautiful and deserve to treat yourself with gentle kindness and compassion.

[abrandnewshadow]

2005 mcr newsletter [email] about the founding of skeleton crew

"SKELETON CREW ONLINE

To whom it may concern,

Hello friends, this is Frank from My Chemical Romance. First of all, I would like to thank you all for helping my dreams come true. I cannot express my undying

gratitude for your support of this little band. You have made it possible for four kids from New Jersey and one from Chicago to make a difference in this world. Thank you, thank you, thank you, from the depths of my polluted New Jersey heart, thank you.

Ok, so now that the mushy stuff is out of the way I wanted to tell you about something that's going on in my life. I am clogging up your inbox with junk mail to let you know that I have embarked on a new creative adventure. Over the past few years, I have met lots of extremely talented people… tons of them. The thing is, I have not only become friends with these people, but I have also become a huge fan of the art they create. When that happens, the next logical step is to figure out how to work with them in the best capacity. So I wanted to start a company or companies that would be able to showcase the talents of my friends, my heroes, and the people who inspire me to live each day of my life as if it were my last. What I came up with was Skeleton Crew (skeletoncrewonline.com). Skeleton Crew is a record label, book publisher, and clothing design company. I figured if I was going to do it, I might as well do it all. I have always had a passion for record collecting, especially rare releases. If I'm a fan of the band I have to have it all, it's a sickness really. So Skeleton Crew Records will put out limited edition releases, colored vinyl, picture discs, and things I would want as a record collector. Basically whatever the band wants to do, we will put out. Some of the bands you might have heard of, some of the bands you might not have. The one thing they will all have in common is that I like them, which means they are worth checking out. (I have wanted to start a record label of my own for years, I'm really excited.)

Skeleton Crew Publications will release books written or illustrated by musicians, artists, athletes, and just all around interesting people who have something to say. I want to create a different forum where art and ideas can be presented. With media some of these artists have not experimented with or explored yet. I think this division of Skeleton Crew is the most interesting, and the one to definitely keep your eye on. We will not censor any of the artists, they will have full reign over what they create. (Again the only thing the authors may have in common, is that I am a fan.)

Last, but not least, is Skeleton Crew Clothing. This is not a t-shirt company! I can type it again if you didn't read it the first time…this is not a t-shirt company. I have nothing against t-shirts, some of my best friends wear them, and I enjoy them as well. All I'm trying to say is that Skeleton Crew is a clothing design company; we are in the process of developing a fall/winter line that will involve more than just screen printed t-shirts. You will be able to wear nothing but Skeleton Crew products for weeks straight to any occasion or destination and never think twice about whether your uniform is comfortable, appropriate, or fashionable. The designs are rad, I must say so myself. There are teasers on the website for you right now, but we'll keep you in anticipation of the clothes for a little bit longer.

This is a business that has a greater good in mind, Skeleton Crew will donate a portion of all profits to different charitable organizations, decided upon by the artists we work with. I have a feeling you guys are gonna enjoy what we come up with; at least I hope you do. Skeleton Crew will have a booth on upcoming Warped Tour dates on the East coast. I will drop you guys a short email letting you know when exactly that will be.

Until then, go to the site, skeletoncrewonline.com, you can email us for additional information. So far it's been really fun and hard just developing this project, I can't wait to get things rolling and hear what you guys think. I created Skeleton Crew from my heart and with my friends so I hope you check it out. Thanks for reading, I'll see you at the show.

keep the faith - frank m.c.r. & s.c.."

posted by bringyrbullets on lj

[mamuzzy]

MAMUZZY READS HARD CONTACT: Prologue

I said I would write about Prologue + Chapter 1 in one single post, but then I ended up actually having more topics to talk about in this chapter. :) It was quite a new information for me that Hard Contact (2004) came out earlier than the game itself (2005 which is also the year of the Revenge of the Sith) which means...

Hard Contact Prologue is actually the first entry of not just Darman but the Delta Squad too!

What you will find here - First glimpses of Darman - First appearance of the Delta Squad - Comparing the events of the book to the game - Commando Squad culture: Names - First differences spotted between Kal Skirata's and Walon Vau's training method

The prologue is using 1st POV in present tense while the rest of the book uses 3rd Past tense. Prologues being in this format actually became a tradition throughout the series, we see different character's povs in the beginning of each book.

I actually have personal preferences for 1st person compared to 3rd person, so I didn't find this disturbing and honestly, it really helped me to get immersed and invested in right away in the character.

This is the first appearance of Darman (RC-1136), member of the Theta Squad and we see the partial events of the Battle of Geonosis through his eyes. The chapter was short, you don't really get the details about their mission objectives, on the other hand it was a really good presentation of a soldier who only has the current task in front of him, and nothing else and using first person view was actually a good choice for this effect.

Also, the memories of the game's first level and Battlefront (classic!) geonosian mission emerged from the depth of my mind, making me reminded why I ragequit all those years ago. :D It was brutal, it was chaotic and unforgiving.

I really liked this starting sentence. Raw, no-nonsense like Darman himself.

If your are not sure about how much bomb you need, use a lot. :DDD And this P for plenty is also a returning common saying throughout the series. Later we actually get to know that Darman is the demolition expert of the team.

The events of the books and the game differ from each other, but Darman is mentioned, so does their mission objective:

Delta Squad's original mission was killing Sun Fac, chief-advisor of Poggle the Lesser, Archduke of Geonosis, and then they were tasked to finish what the Theta squad couldn't. The game is implicating that Darman's squad was already wiped out by this time.

In the books, they are actually communicating, Darman's squad is just about to break in to the Foundry and the Deltas waited for Theta to detonate. Though he wasn't named, Boss is on the other side of the line:

First conversation between clone babus and they are already bickering. :D I love them so much. Interestingly all the Clone demomen are enthusiastically loves to rearrange architechture (as Boss would say), like Scorch or Wrecker, so compared to them, Darman is actually pretty chill even under the pressure of time and an annoying Delta on his back. :D /affectionate

Because I replayed the first mission of the game just for the sole reason I got myself those quotes, while playing and rewatching the captured video, I realized something: Boss rarely called the team members by their choosen/given names or numbers. Scorch calls him Boss, Sev refered him as 'Eight, Fixer calls him Sir which is already giving away some crumbs about their personality too. But Boss always says Deltas. Clone advisors also refer them as Deltas, or Boss as Delta Lead.

But also referring the other squad as Theta, while Darman calls him Delta.

It really got me thinking about this chapter-starting quote later in the books:

It really got me the thinking that Clone Commandos are not particularly taking pride in individuality or at least it's not the priority.

As four-people they are squad. Alone, they are nothing. If you think about it, the Commando squad are highly elite soldiers and their purpose was together team being basicly a four-men-army and do the jobs a regular trooper can't. They were trained to act together, work together, think together, and encouraged to look after each other. Refering them as a whole is not considered as an insult to their individuality.

Meaning, there is no "I", there is no "you", there is only "we" and "us" as a whole.

I want to talk about this topic in the chapter 1 further because in there there is actually mentioning what is the difference between a Clone Commando and a regular trooper, but regarding names it is already an interesting discovery.

But there is already a difference between Delta and Theta. Though you won't know it from this chapter, but Delta is trained by Walon Vau while Thetas are Kal Skirata's trainees and they are known to had entirely different views on how clone cadets should be trained and handled.

Darman refers the member of the Delta Squad as Delta, but his own squadmates by their names even in the narrative, that's why we know the other Thetas are called Taler, Vin and Jay.

This is implicating a less hierarchical structure within their squad and the only way you know that Taler is the sergeant because he gives the shots. Darman also didn't refer Taler as sergeant.

Out of curiosity I checked if wookiepedia has something more about them, and I was able to find their designation numbers:

- RC-1133, Clone Commando Sergeant Taler - RC-1134, Vin - RC-1135, Jay - RC-1136, Darman (SQUADBABYSQUADBABYSQUADBABYSQU-)

Speaking of designation numbers, Boss's number (1138) is actually an easter egg, a constantly recurring number in the Star Wars universe.

Chapter 1 will have another heartbreaking relevation about the names, so I will continue this there.

As for the rest of the chapter? Darman stays behind with E-Web and watches the rest of the Theta die. :'))))

I hope you enjoyed the first entry of my blogging! ^^

I really didn't think I could actually gather content for the prologue but when I saw on the wiki that Darman's name mentioned in the game, I really got inspired to include the game content as well!

Thinking about collecting and mentioning instances of when Dave Filoni smuggled aspects from Repcomm into the TCW or Bad Batch too.

[beescomet]

V E L O C I T Y || PART 1

A/N: WOOP WOOP, finally part 1 is DONE, I've been writing it for so long now lmao. Anyway, I, once again, ask everyone to go and thank @crackedpumpkin for giving me the courage to write this (and also go read their fics, it's literally a masterpiece like 💖). There might be errors as I haven't proof read this yet, so if you find anything lmk please !! Enjoy!! (Also it's 2 am here, and I got a lecture in the morning, so I'm genuinely warning yall, there might be some odd mistakes)

TAGLIST: N/A

The smoke hangs thick in the air, twisting and billowing like ghostly tendrils as it mingles with the sharp tang of burnt rubber and the pungent scent of gasoline. From the haze, You watch as the familiar wave of energy flows all around you and the people present. Gray mist, speckled with red, similar to the mist after a night of rain in your street, the red from the lights illuminating the road. You feel a smile threatening to form as you absorb this energy.

You nearly jump in surprise when a familiar voice speaks through the earpiece you're wearing—a reminder of why I'm here in the first place. "These damn kids and their cars," the voice says, frustration evident. "Can't tell a damn difference between a wrench and a screwdriver even if it slapped them on the face", You let out a breath of amusement from your nose at the complaints . You slowly turn the steering wheel, guiding the car to it's dedicated position for the race. "Behave now D, that's not why we're here. You got eyes on me?"

The atmosphere is electric, charged with anticipation and excitement, sending a shiver down your spine as you drive into the dimly lit space. Around you, the cavernous expanse is alive with activity. Sleek, customized vehicles gleam under the low lighting, their polished surfaces catching the colorful splashes of graffiti art that adorn the walls.

"You know I do, I even got the cameras set up on the track and possible escape routes."

The crowd buzzes with energy, a lively mix of spectators and racers moving in a chaotic dance. Mechanics hustle around, their tools clinking and clanking as they tinker with engines, striving for that perfect performance. Drivers, their faces set in determined expressions, huddle in small groups, discussing tactics and strategies in hushed tones. Onlookers lean against the walls, their eyes wide with anticipation, eagerly awaiting the start of the races.

You watch them all from the safety of your car, the music and shouts muffled by the glass. You recognise a few of the people around, your nerves now on edge. You start to speak, your voice lowered to a whisper, following the group with careful eyes. "They're here"

A crash sounds from the earpiece, followed by a string of curse words. "Wait really? Fuck, you really hit the nail on the head with that one. How many can you see? Ah wait never mind, I got eyes on 'em. Damn that's a lot of screens to look at-"

You tune him out, deciding to focus on the group ahead instead, counting the members. 1, 2, 3. An annoyed sigh escapes past your lip as you rest your head on the steering wheel, muttering a curse. "Three, I was counting on at least four to get enough cash.."

The sound of laughter grabs your attention, slowly lifting your head as your eyes narrow at the sound. "Well about that, you don't need to have more than one person against you in that race.."

You immediately grab your phone, looking at your bank account and checking the balance. You choke on air once you see the number, sitting up straight and nearly hitting your head on the car roof. "Daisuke what the hell did you do! This better not be Amelie's college funds or I swear-"

Another laugh, interrupts your rant, this one louder than the last, your eyes going to glare right at one of the camera's set in the location. "Relax, this isn't my kid's college fund.. it's some of my retirement money my wife and I saved up back when she was alive. It's no use to me right now, so I thought it would help."

You could feel your heart drop, the anger in your eyes quickly replaced by one of guilt. "Daisuke I ca-" You start, closing your mouth as he interrupts you once more. "Don't even try to send it back Y/N, you went through hell for Amelie and I, this is just how I'm saying thank you. Now focus, you need to kick ass and bring the winning money back home!"

A pained laugh leaves you because of his words, bringing your hand up to rub your nose as you sniff. You could feel the tears threatening to fall, but you gather yourself together before you start breaking down.

You step out of the car, reaching for the duffle bag next to you before you do, and start heading to the middle of the room.

Every sound, every sight, adds to the cacophony of excitement that fills the air, creating a palpable tension that crackles like electricity. It's a world unto itself, this underground car meet, where the rules are few and the stakes are high. You get caught up in the whirlwind of activity, feeling the pulse of adrenaline coursing through my veins. You can feel it, all of it —the energy, the anticipation—it's all here, waiting to be unleashed. Your eyes flicker to the metal bracelet on your wrist that had started beeping, a number flashing on it.

17%

A confident smile now on your face, the night is only just beginning. Oh how fun this is going to be.

⋆｡ ﾟ ☁︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ ☾ ﾟ ｡ ⋆

The duffle bag hits the table with a loud thud, silencing the group of people in the area as their attention shifts to you. But you keep your eyes on one man, the gray mist around him thicker than the others around him.

Kaji.

He tilts his head to the side, his smile growing once he sets his eyes on you as he adjusts his stance, leaning on the hood of his car. His grey eyes holds your E/C ones. He tilts his head back for a moment, chuckling. "Well then, look who we have here, the Red Devil has finally graced us with her presence. Come to race against me then?"

An annoyed huff leaves you, crossing your arms over your chest as you glare at the man, raising one brow. He stares back, grinning, a golden tooth glistening under the neon lights. You couldn't help but smile at the sight of the tooth, how can you not? You were the reason he had to get it done in the first place.

"I was planning to, unless you give me the money that I'm going to win anyway, would make this whole ordeal go so much faster" You state, shrugging your shoulders as you hear some people laugh. Kaji growls, standing up and going to the table standing between you two, opening the duffle bag and peering inside. He looks back at you, the scowl quickly replaced by his infamous grin. "That's a lot of money, are you confident you'll win?"

"That damn bastad, why I outta-"

You ignore Daisuke's words, keeping your attention on Kaji as he waves two fingers to the other two goons with him, they bring in three duffle bags, placing them next to the one placed earlier. You glance at them, unfolding your arms from over your chest and reaching to the duffle bags. You open the first and quickly check the cash placed inside to make sure none were fake, repeating the same process with the other bag.

You nod, stepping back as you watch someone (who you assumed would be this race's starter) shove the duffle bags into a locked box, placing the key on a chain around their neck. You turn around and begin heading back to your car, raising both hands as you yell over the crowd who began to gather around the both of you.

"Be at the track in 10, I got more important places to be at later, and I'd hate to be late because of you"

The bracelet beeps once more. Your focus shifts to it.

32%

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"You sure you want to do this Y/N?"

You snap out of your thoughts once you hear Daisuke's voice from your earpiece, nodding your head for a moment and letting out an affirmative hum. You could hear the sigh from the ear piece, and you can just imagine him in your head shaking his head and rubbing his temple.

"Just stay safe out there would ya? God knows none of us needs anymore loss"

A grin forms on your face, a soft laugh as you nod once more. "You got it captain" You look ahead as the cars pull up next to yours, people starting to gather around the track and the screens mounted on the wal starts to broadcast the race.

Your heart hammers against your chest, causing your breath to come out staggering. This was it, the moment you and Daisuke have been planning for the past year. You close your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before opening them again, your hands on the driving wheel as you stare right ahead.

You have to win.

Losing was not an option.

A quick glance to the metal bracelet on your wrist, checking the number.

45%

"Ready!"

The starter started counting down, the sound of engines rumbling, adding onto the excitement that filled the air. You could see the red specks in the mist growing, showing that what happens after would be utter and pure chaos. That was exactly what you needed.

"Set!"

Beside you, Kaji, revved his engine, glaring at you from his car. You roll your eyes, any other time you'd have given him the middle finger, but right now you needed to focus.

"Go!"

Kaji shot forward like a bullet, his car a sleek silhouette cutting through the darkness. The gleam of determination in his eyes was unmistakable, a silent promise of fierce competition to come. You weren't far behind, both your engines growling with power as you both jostled for the first position in the opening moments of the race.

Behind you, two other competitors fought tooth and nail for their place in the pack, their cars weaving and swerving in a frantic dance of speed and skill. The air crackled with tension as the four of you raced, Kaji at the lead, you second, and the kther twi battling it out for third.

You let out a curse, glancing at the rearview mirror as you watch the others separate from behind you. You look at the side-view mirrors, seeing them going to either side of you.

"Watch out, 3 o'clock. He's speeding up, seems like he's gonna try and crash into you."

"Gotcha"

You look to your right, and sure enough, hes speeding your way, eyes on your vehicle as he tries to have you crash into the other one on your left. His eyes meet yours, and you couldnt help the smile on your face as you move your hand, raising the middle finger to him. You see the anger in his eyes as he swerves to your direction, and you quickly hit the brakes, your car slowing down and creating space between you and him faster than he could react. You watch as he barely misses your car, a fleeting moment of eye contact before he crashes into the other car.

A laugh escapes your lips as your foot quickly went back to the gas pedal, your car revving back up to life and going to catch up with Kaji.

Two down, one to go.

"Holy FUCK-! Y/N are you okay?"

"Just perfect! Cant say the same for the other two though" You snicker, glancing at your rear-view mirror to look at the crash site, the two guys getting out of their busted cars and telling at each other. "What's the power at??" You ask, turning your attention back to the road ahead, taking a sharp right and finally Kaji's car is back into your line of sight.

"75% and counting, did you purposely make them crash to suck the energy?”

You didn't answer, so he took your silence as confirmation.

As you hurtled down the straightaway, the neon lights of the underground tunnel flashed by in a blur of color, casting strange shadows upon the sleek surfaces of the racing machines. The pounding of your heart echoed in your ears, a steady rhythm that drove you forward, pushing you to new heights of speed.

"Two laps left"

A curse leaves your lips, your eyes glancing at your bracelet as you watched the number slowly increases. The space between you and Kaji was so small, yet to you it was almost oceans apart. Your teeth grits together as you think, shaking your head after a moment.

"D, What's the nearest shortcut to the front?"

The man at the other end sighs, you can hear him move around from his desk and the sound of him pressing buttons on his keyboard. "Take a left in a minute, you'll be in the market area, after 5 minutes with the speed you're at take a right, you should be ahead of Kaji by then."

You nod, quickly turning the steering wheel as the sound of the tires skidding reaches your ears, you can imagine the confusion on Kaji's face as he watches you disappear from behind him, the thought making you laugh a bit as you continue to drive.

Daisuke was right, you found yourself driving near the marketplace, swerving left and right through trucks and wagons filled with food. You glance at the clock, 2 minutes before the turn.

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Kaji looks at the rear-view mirror slowing down as he sees you disappear. He looks around him, trying to find any signs you were going to appear but...nothing. He started laughing, pressing harder on the gas pedal, he could feel it, the sweet taste of victory, his victory against the infamous Red Devil.

The finish line was close, it was right there. He couldn't believe it, not only did he just guarantee a win, but he had won thousands from this race alone. He started cheering, hitting the car horn as people started to circle around the finish line.

But just then, he could see something coming out of an alleyway from the corner of his eyes, causing him to swerve as he saw the familiar grey car appear from the shadows. "What the fuck! Where did she come from!?"

You grin at him, giving him a quick salute as you turn the car, you had just stolen first place from him! You laugh, your head thrown back. Kaji never thought he could despise you more than he already did, but clearly he was wrong.

You glance at your bracelet, seeing the familiar number beeping, 100%. "Let's fucking go"

You look at your hands, watching as the energy mist you had been absorbing starts to leave you, your veins glowing gray and some sparks of red. The energy transfers from your arms to your car, you close your eyes, the familiar feeling of your element around you. Pure chaos.

You open your eyes, glancing at your reflection in the mirror, and sure enough, the familiar waves of energy come out of you like waves of an ocean during a storm, feeding more power to your car as it increases in speed.

This was one of the very few perks of being able to control the element of chaos. And arguably, your only favorite.

Cracks had started to form on the ground beneath the car, but it didnt matter, the finish line was right there. And with one final burst of power from you, your car reaches almost unnatural speed, finishing the final lap in a matter of seconds.

You drift your car, shutting your eyes tight as you press on the brakes to get it to stop before hitting the forming crowd, the sound of your wheels screeching against the road before it halts. There was a moment of silence, the only thing you can hear was your heartbeat. Then loud cheers erupt from around you, people running up to your car and shouting your title.

"Holy fucking shit we actually did it. WE WON! Y/N YOURE GETTING OUT OF HERE-"

You flinch at the screaming in your ear, your hand reaching up and muting the earpiece as your eyes looks for the man holding your prize money. You step out of the car, taking deep breaths as you try to ignore the hundreds of eyes on you.

You feel a hand on your shoulder and you jump in surprise, quickly turning and seeing who it was. You visibly relax, seeing the man carrying the three duffle bags and handing it to you.

"Good race there Red, I have to ask though, why did you take that shortcut? It could have cost you the race" He asks, watching you as you throw the duffle bags into the backseat. You shrug, glancing at him from the corner of your eyes.

"I got lucky... Now, if you'll excuse me, i need to be somewhere"

You get back into your car, the crowd parting as you quickly make your way out from the underground parking. You sit in your car in silence as you make your way back to Daisuke's location, every nerve in your body on edge. This was it. You were finally going to leave.

The mechanic shop wasn't that far, so you managed to get there in time. Quickly getting your car into the garage, Daisuke runs up and closes the garage entrance after you. "Holy fuck, we did it, for a second there I thought that was it!" Daisuke yells, running up to you and opening your car door. You step out, handing him your car keys then you grab the duffle bag, setting it on the nearest workbench.

"It's not over yet, I still need to sneak past Kaji's people and reach the city." You remind him, opening the bags as you started to count the money to be able to split them. "Did you get the other car ready? I can't leave with mine. It'll stand out" You ask, glancing at him for a moment before pausing and seeing a familiar set of keys in your face. Your eyes wide and you grin, quickly snatching the keys.

"Daisuke you did not-" The words leave your mouth faster than you can think things through, looking at the otherside of the garage and seeing the car you were meant to take. "You said it would take you months to fix it up!!"

You look at the car, a 1957 Cadillac series 62 painted navy blue. You walk around it, your fingers running over the smooth surface of the car. If it was possible to marry a car, you would have done so already. You pause, realising that he was actually giving you the cat, you look back at Daisuke and you see him smile at you. You move your hand, trying to hand back the keys. "I can't accept this, the money, the car-"

He raises his hand, and you close your mouth, your brows furrowed together in annoyance. He takes a few steps towards you and places his hand on your shoulder, giving you a small smile. "Y/N, you listen to what I say and listen well.."

"I want to give these to you. You've done so much for me and my daughter already, and you still continue to do so when you didn't have to in the first place.” You turn your face away from his gaze, biting the inside of your cheek as you fight away the tears threatening to spill. “Hey, hey look at me-" He gently grabs your chin, turning your face back to him, similar to what he would do with his daughter when he has something important to tell her.

"I'm so grateful for you, Amelie as well. You've come a long way to get to where you are now. Your father would have been proud of the person you became" He states carefully, pulling you into a tight embrace. You wrap your arms around him, burying your face into his shirt as you hold him tight.

"I'll come back for you, all of you, I promise"

He laughs, wrapping his arms around you and patting your hair in a calming manner. "I know you will kid, you're too kind for your own good" he muttered, his voice wavering. You both pull away from each other, looking at each other before you give him a sad smile.

"I'm serious, I'll come back and help you leave, then we'll open up a car repairs shop together and restore beauties like this one" You push, pointing at the cadillac nearby.

Daisuke laughs dryly, shaking his head for a moment before crossing his arms. "Alright alright, I trust you, now you better get going, you need to be out of this goddamn hell hole before sunrise, chop chop!" He urges you back to your new car, opening the door for you and you get in. "I already put your bags in the trunk, Amelie left you some snacks in a lunchbox, but i'm pretty sure it's some form of clay" You laugh at the comment, shaking your head as you think of the little brown haired girl you had grown to love.

"Thank you.. for everything" You state softly, looking at him with a soft smile. Daisuke smiles back, giving you a curt nod as he steps back, opening the garage door once more.

"Don't mention it kid, now go, I'll hide the other car later tonight" You nod, backing out of the garage and into the night, the Cadillac perfectly blending into the darkness of the town.

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A figure watches from afar, his hand going up to run over his beard. Wu watches as the young girl drives away, a heavy sigh leaving him as he turns to leave. He reaches up and runs his hands over his dragon, carefully mounting it as it soars up into the sky.

"She gets stronger everyday, I fear we may not have enough time to prepare”