#this is a very self indulgent and dear to my heart story

[friendlynaborhooddisapointment]

rant ahead- i remeber i was telling one of my friends this story ida i had that was pretty much mother daughter wump relationship to mother son wump relationship but the apocalypse is also happening. and this world ending event happens as the mc is like 7 and then he transitions after the apocalypse.

as he gets older and because all this trama happened (and also how his relationship with his mom just got distoryed and she became terrible) the only way he learns to deal with all of this is thru extreme violence. and my friend was like 'but wouldnt that just feed into the violent trans stereotype :(' NO STFU STFU YOU CANT TAKE THIS AWAY FROM HIM HIS WORLD IS DISTORYED ALL THE DREAMS HE HAD AS A KID ARE GONE HIS MOTHER THE SWEETEST PERSON IN THE WORLD TO HIM IS TERRIBLE NOW BECAUSE OF THIS HE CAN NEVER BE HIS MOTHERS DAUGHTER HE CANT HAVE ANY OF THAT ALL HE HAS LEFT IS THE VIOLENCE OF THAT POST APOCALYPTIC WORLD AND THE VIOLENCE OF EVERYONE LIVING IT. KINDESS AND MERCY ARE A LUXURY IN HIS WORLD HES NOT SPECIAL IN HIS PAIN BUT HIS PAIN IS HIS LET ME BE ANGRY AND TERRIBLE

it was going to focus on healing with the people you hurt and that hurt you that was the point they would never have that relationship again but thats the point THATS THE POINTTTT

[maypiles]

💌Words are easy but the truth always speaks from the heart🫀

Pick Up a Pile: What Are They Not Telling You?

❗This is a collective reading so remember to take what resonates and leave what does not❗

🌹Pile One🌹

Darling, let’s cut to the chase—your special person is dancing with their shadows, and they’re not exactly extending an invitation for you to join. The Devil reversed tells me they’re wrestling with their own demons, trying to break free from old chains. But let’s not swoon just yet, because the Tower reversed? Oh, sugar, they’re dodging the chaos they desperately need to face. Avoidance isn’t sexy, no matter how you frame it.

The Two of Wands suggests they’re teetering on the edge of a choice—a life with you, or whatever half-hearted fantasy they’ve concocted to keep themselves "safe." Meanwhile, that Ace of Swords reversed and 5 of Swords? They’re withholding the truth, perhaps even twisting it into something unrecognizable. If words are their weapon, you’re not hearing the full story.

And the 8 of Wands reversed? Everything is on pause, like a breath held too long. Their hesitation is screaming louder than their actions, even as the 10 of Cups teases a dream of happily-ever-after. But the 3 of Pentacles reversed says they’re not playing as a team—too much ego, not enough collaboration. It’s giving foolish with that Fool reversed; they’re terrified of risks, even the ones worth taking. Right now, the 4 of Swords hints they’re retreating into themselves, licking their wounds, avoiding confrontation.

Now let’s indulge the shadowy bottom deck. The Moon reveals their secrets are still shrouded in mystery, obscured by fear, doubt, and illusions. With the 9 of Cups and King of Pentacles, it’s clear they’re clinging to their comfort zone, their material security, while feeling trapped (8 of Swords) and emotionally disconnected (Ace of Cups reversed). That Knight of Wands reversed and 5 of Cups? They’re impulsive yet paralyzed by regret. Their walls are up (9 of Wands), and the truth (Justice) is a bitter pill they’re not ready to swallow.

As for the Romance Angels, darling, the cards are practically shouting: Deception and Pay Attention to the Red Flags—need I say more? Yes, there’s potential for New Love and True Love, but only if you Keep an Open Mind about what this connection really is, not what it could be in your fantasies. The lingering Codependency warns against becoming tethered to their indecision.

The split cards? Very Soon, my dear. Clarity or closure—whichever it is, it’s on the horizon.

The verdict: they’re a puzzle of contradictions, hiding behind half-truths and indecision, longing for something real but terrified of what it might cost. They need to grow up and face their mess before they can offer you the love you deserve. Until then, remain your enchanting, unattainable self, and let them prove they’re worthy of your time.

🌹 Pile Two 🌹

Ah, my darling, the story here is layered, tangled, and undeniably intriguing—just how I like it. Let’s dissect it, shall we?

The 7 of Pentacles opens the scene, showing your person waiting, watching, calculating their next move. They’re in the shadows (Moon), keeping their intentions veiled, hiding their uncertainties. With the Page of Wands reversed, their passion flickers but refuses to fully ignite—hesitation masked as restraint. Add the 6 of Pentacles reversed, and suddenly, we’re dealing with someone unwilling or unable to give you the reciprocity you deserve.

The Tower reversed? They’re tiptoeing around a necessary upheaval, afraid to let it all crumble, but we both know nothing worthwhile comes without a little destruction. They’re juggling too much (2 of Pentacles)—emotions, priorities, maybe even people. And oh, the 3 of Cups... social entanglements? A third-party energy? It’s all very suspicious.

Yet, there’s that 10 of Cups, a glimmer of an ideal they can’t quite commit to. They crave victory (6 of Wands) but lack the courage to leap (2 of Wands). The 9 of Pentacles suggests they value their independence, possibly too much to risk it for deeper intimacy. The Page of Swords watches, curious but cautious—like they’re studying you from afar, analyzing every move.

The Hanged Man and World suggest they’re suspended in a state of limbo, on the brink of closure or transformation. The 2 of Cups paired with the Empress? Oh, darling, they see you as divine, as their perfect counterpart, their muse. But the 9 of Swords and 5 of Cups reveal their inner torment—regret, fear, and a heavy heart. The Ace of Swords shows they know the truth but struggle to voice it, while the 7 of Wands highlights their defensiveness.

And at the bottom of it all? The Hermit. They’re retreating inward, lost in self-reflection, seeking answers they’re not ready to share.

The split cards (Lovers reversed, Star reversed, 5 of Wands, 4 of Wands reversed) speak volumes: they’re grappling with inner conflict, disillusioned about love, battling expectations versus reality. Their foundation feels shaky, unsure.

The Romance Angels deliver a mixed bag: Pay Attention to the Red Flags warns you not to ignore what’s glaringly obvious, yet Flirt, Make the Effort, and Give Your Relationship a Chance suggest there’s still potential—if you’re willing to navigate their complexities. Worth Waiting For? Perhaps, but only if they rise to meet you.

The bottom (True Love) and split (Keep an Open Mind, Finances and Career, Healing Family Issues) reveal layers of external pressures and past wounds influencing their behavior.

The Verdict: Your person is torn, haunted by their past and hesitant about the future. They see you as everything they could want (Empress, 10 of Cups, 2 of Cups) but are riddled with fear and indecision. If you’re patient, if you’re willing to wait, this connection could blossom into something extraordinary. But beware, darling—you are a goddess, not a savior. Let them prove themselves before you extend your hand.

🌹Pile Three🌹

Ah, my darling, this pile feels like the bloom of spring after a long, hard winter. Your partner—yes, partner, I must've said it instead of SP for a reason—is holding back, but their heart speaks a language that cannot be silenced. Let’s unravel this tale together, shall we?

The Ace of Pentacles opens the story with a promise—a seed of opportunity, a tangible offer of stability. This is someone who sees potential in you, in this connection, and they’re serious about it. The 9 of Pentacles confirms they admire your independence, your grace, your self-made strength. But the Queen of Pentacles reversed hints they might feel insecure or unworthy, fearing they cannot match your level.

With the 7 of Pentacles, they’re carefully evaluating the future, pondering how to nurture this bond. The Page of Swords reversed suggests they’re quietly observing, perhaps struggling to articulate their thoughts or gather the courage for that honest heart-to-heart. And then we have the World, signifying completion, fulfillment—a readiness to close old chapters and step boldly into something new.

The 6 of Wands? They want this to succeed. They crave victory with you. The 3 of Cups adds a celebratory tone, suggesting joy, camaraderie, and shared happiness. Yet the 2 of Wands reversed shows hesitation; they’re still grappling with a choice or direction. But ah, the 2 of Cups and Lovers—this is a connection of deep, soulful alignment. To them, you are not just a partner; you’re the one.

The 9 of Cups echoes this sentiment—pure emotional fulfillment. But with the 5 of Pentacles, they fear rejection, abandonment, or being left out in the cold. Still, the Queen of Cups shows they see you as compassionate, intuitive, and emotionally nurturing. They trust you with their heart, even if they’re slow to hand it over fully.

At the bottom of the deck, the 9 of Swords reveals their anxieties—sleepless nights, overthinking, and self-doubt. But the Temperance split assures you this connection is about balance, patience, and divine timing. They want to make things right, but they’re pacing themselves.

The Romance Angels tell a positive, tender story: Stay Optimistic About Your Love Life encourages you to embrace hope, while Let Go of Control Issues reminds you to release expectations and let this unfold naturally. Retreat and Heart-to-Heart Conversations suggest a need for intimate, honest moments to deepen your bond. Wedding, Honeymoon, Forgiving and Learning—oh, my dear, this connection is destined for growth, healing, and something profoundly meaningful.

The bottom (Chemistry) and split (Very Soon, Worth Waiting For, Let Your Friends Help You) reaffirm that this relationship has depth, passion, and divine timing at its core. For some, as channeled, this could be a second marriage—a union born from lessons learned and hearts mended.

The Verdict: Your partner is brimming with hope and love for you, though they may be holding back out of fear or uncertainty. They see you as their ultimate match, their dream come true, and they want to build a future with you. Trust the process, darling, and let this unfold in its perfect time. You are worth every ounce of their effort, and they know it.

(For this pile Eastern European accent could be significant)

[moonlit-midnight]

Hearts held with gentle love

Characters: Malleus Draconia.

Genre: Romantic Fluff.

Summary: In which your lover expresses his gratitude for you in a heartwarming letter. 

Warnings:

GN!Reader, is a third year + very self indulgent.

Inspired by a letter that I once received.

Happy birthday to one of my favorite fictional princes!💚

—

To my beloved, and absolute dearest friend in the universe.

Can you believe that three years had gone by since we met? 

It’s been wonderful to know you. All the times we spent together whether they were big or little moments were the happiest moments in my life, so I’m writing you this letter to convey my gratitude for having someone like you by my side. 

My treasure, thank you for making me feel welcomed, and understood in your company when I felt alone and out of place.

Thank you for listening and smiling heartily at my stories when nobody else did, and for keeping me laughing amidst broken days. 

Thank you for being a home for my abandoned thoughts, and for showing me that there’s always room for love for everyone.

Thank you for holding me in your heartfelt embraces when things were difficult, and for willingly choosing to be with me through everything.

Thank you for your genuine friendship made of devotion, trust, support and a steadfast love that I can swear on.

Thank you for making my world a more beautiful place, and for shining a light upon all the rooms in my heart.

— Yours faithfully, Malleus Draconia 

“You really have a way with your words. Whether they are happy words, sad or emotional, I love them all.” your eyes glistened with tears once you were done reading his letter.

Setting it aside, you smiled fondly at Malleus, and his eyes shone at the sight of it.

There was something about that smile of yours that always gave him joy, and made him feel gloriously alive each time he saw it.

“I’m glad to hear that.” He beamed, a smile as gentle as the summer sunrise, lighting up his whole face.

“Thank you, Malleus.” you leaned on his sturdy shoulder, and wrapped an arm around him. 

You felt so real and warm against him. He thought his heart would burst under the weight of your kind touch and unwavering affection.

“What for?” Malleus hummed, holding you closer. 

“For being my devoted friend and lover.” you exclaimed in a sincere tone. “Every time I see you, I smile more and laugh more, and I feel free than the past years combined. So thank you for being by my side.”

Under the brilliant blue skies, painted with golden sunshine, you and Malleus lay on your backs on a field of verdant grass, watching the clouds roll by.

Without taking off his bright green eyes from the peaceful scenery above, Malleus took your right hand, placing an endearing kiss atop it. 

“It’s been my honor, my dear.” 

[kleric-kunt]

Havik x GN! Reader || NSFW

Just a little self indulgent story I wanted to write cuz there's still not a lot of Havik content out there. This ain't proofread, so sorry for any mistakes <3

CW: filthy language, rough sex, nothing really out of the ordinary, degrading praise, biting, mentions of gore and cannibalism (in a romantic way)

The throbbing within is nearly unbearable, having reached your fifth climax of the night. You're out of breath as Havik ruts into you, licking and biting at your neck with a hunger like no other, as if he wishes to devour you completely. You can't help but let out a slew if curses and moans, the cleric pulling them from your throat oh so happily, merciless in his movements. Havik himself can hardly hold back his own noises. In fact, he doesn't. He's loud, huffing, moaning, panting, repeating your name like a mantra, a prayer, even. He groans into your ear, his voice hot and heavy with lust.

"Hng..fuck. You feel so good. So precious..." He practically whines as his cock stretches you so deliciously, rubbing your insides in all the right ways. "Look at you, squeezing me so tight. You're just begging for me to cum inside, slutty little thing."

A particularly needy moan falls from your lips, your nails digging into Havik's biceps. He loves the feeling; the sharp, stinging pain that comes from the way you cling onto him so desperately. It only turns him on more, pulling a deep groan from him that reverberates in his chest.

You can feel Havik's breath become heavier as he drags his tongue from your neck to your chest, nuzzling his marred face into it, desperately listening for your heart. To hear your heartbeat would most likely drive the man to the edge, hearing the muscle pulse, sending blood into your veins and throughout your body. Oh, how he loves your blood; how he loves your heart. He wants to touch it, lick it, devour it. Alas, he can only listen as it flutters beneath your breastbone, dancing so beautifully, all for him.

Havik salivates over your chest, his tongue and teeth caressing the skin if your sternum as his thrusts become a bit slower. It's not very often that Havik slows his pace during sex, but tender moments like these are savored. You gaze down at your lover, drinking in the way his deep, brown eyes stare lazily back up at you, pupils blown from desire. He whines as his hot tongue laps over your bruised flesh, soothing the bites he had painted your chest with just minutes ago.

"Oh, how I want to crack you open and steal your heart from its cage," he groans, rutting lazily into your heat, almost pathetic, "I need to taste it. Hold it in my hands and feel it pulse just as you pulse around my cock..."

You card your fingers through his hair, your nails scratching gently at his scalp, eliciting a small moan from him. "I wish I could give you that, my love, but we would have to part if I did." You smile lovingly at the cleric, knowing that he understands, and that he would never let it come to that point.

Havik lets out a low growl, making his way back up your body, leveling his face with yours. He gingerly presses his forehead to your own in a simple display of trust and affection, your sweat mixing with his. Slowly, he lowers his mouth down to your ear, running his tongue over the cartilage before speaking harshly. "I am well aware of this, my dear. I will simply feel you from the inside in the best way I can~"

And with that statement, thay simple sentence that took your breath away, Havik set a brutal pace, even harsher than the ine before. He grabs onto the flesh of your thighs and practically folds you in half, allowing him to reach even deeper within your core, tearing a scream from your throat. Havik chuckles in between moans and growls, pleased by the noises you're making as well as the sight of you conturned beneath him.

"Yes! Sing for me, love. Let me hear your beautiful voice, so sweet and tortured, just for me." He huffed and groaned, his pace almost as bruising as his grip on your thighs. Havik holds nothing back, fucking you relentlessly, reveling in the way your bodies move in perfect unison and in the way that you writhe and whimper under him. It isn't long before you can feel another orgasm building, bubbling up in your gut, threatening to burst.

The cleric buried within you feels it, too, his heart racing at the thought of you cumming on his cock once more. He will gladly help you reach that high again, rutting his hips agaisnt yours in a steady rhythm, hitting that spot within you over and over. You're drooling at this point, a babbling mess, barely able to form a coherent sentence. All you can do is whimper and plead, words broken by the overstimulation.

Your lover huffs out a laugh as he gazes down at you, proud of this fucked out mess that he has made of you. "What is it, darling? Are you going yo cum again? Look at your pretty face, of course you are." He firmly grasps your cheeks in one of his scarred hands and forces you to look up at him. Havik gazes into your eyes, his own begging you to not look away. "You've got one more in you, I know you do. Now, be a good little pet and cum with me."

It washes over you before you can even process Havik's words, your orgasm wracking though your body. Your back arches and your fingers dig into Havik's muscular arms once more, silently screaming, then gasping for air. Havik's own breathing becomes rather ragged, then evolves into loud growls and moans as he reaches his climax. He bites down hard onto your shoulder when he spills within you, ripping a broken whimper from you. Havik groans against your tattered flesh, the taste of your blood only heightening the sensation of his release.

Finally, Havik stills and removes his teeth from your shoulder, running his tongue over the wond to soothe it. He wraps his strong arms around your sweaty body and rolls over onto his back, pulling you on top of him, his cock never leaving your warmth. He nuzzles into your neck and laps gently at it; his way of kissing. The two of you stay like that for a while, reveling in each others warmth and savoring the afterglow.

After a moment of silence, Havik speaks, his voice low and raspy, yet so very loving, running his calloused fingers over your body. "You mean everything to me...never forget that."

Aaaahhh first fic post! I really hope the Havik lovers enjoy this!

[bountydroid]

The Lonely Elf

Haldir x female!elf!OC

Notes: In my LOTR era. This is a self-indulgent story about an OC I've had in my head for a long time. I recently rewatched ROP, The Hobbit, and LOTR (extended version of course) and my love for Haldir has returned. I don't expect anyone to read this.

TW: OC is depressed af. Sort of eating disorder if you squint? Mutual pining (Im a slut for it).

Word count: 5,748

"Will you come to, El?" Frodo's voice echoed in my ears. I felt my chest tighten as I remembered my quest with Bilbo, how it ended, how deeply it affected me. I looked down at the hobbit before kneeling in front of him.

"Of course," I say with a sad smile as I look up to the other companions who have volunteered for this perilous journey. "I wouldn't have it any other way, Frodo."

After retaking Erebor with the dwarves, I found it too difficult to return there. Bilbo knew it, he lost a lot as well. He would never admit how important Thorin was to him and he knew I understood completely. So when he offered me a place in Bag End I couldn't resist. "It is just temporary," I said to him as he smiled up at me. However, temporary for an elf is a lot different than for a hobbit. Sure I traveled here and there, but I always came back. Months turned into years, and years turned into decades and soon Bag End felt like home. Home. That was something I hadn't had in thousands of years.

I remember the village I was raised in and the generations of humans that raised me. I often wondered why, when they found a small elfling, they did not return me to my own kind. It felt selfish of them. I knew nothing of my people, their traditions, their language, I was alone in this world till I ran into a company of dwarves. Bofur warmed up to me almost immediately, he could tell I was different than other elves and before long he had convinced the rest of the company to trust me. Thorin was the last to trust me, but he had good reason. In the end, however, we became extremely close. Two lost souls in Middle Earth searching for a place we belong. During our journey to Erebor, I had started to hope that maybe when we took back the mountain I would have a home again. That dream was shattered when Thorin died. Even though the rest of the company urged me to stay, I couldn't stand the sight of that mountain. So I remained in Bag End, "an honorary Baggins" Bilbo called me. That is why when Frodo asked me to come along I couldn't say no to him. I wouldn't leave this burden to him alone.

"Please look after him," Bilbo said to me after gifting Frodo his old Mithril shirt. "He needs you."

"I will do my best, my dear friend," I said reassuringly as I placed my hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

The next morning we were off on our journey. In the month between our leaving Rivendell and the death of Gandalf our fellowship had grown quite close. Boromir and the Hobbits were becoming fast friends as he taught Merry and Pippin how to fight. Even Legolas was starting to warm up to Gimli. It made me smile as I remember traveling with Gloin, his father, and getting thrown in the Mirkwood dungeons by that very elf. However, the mood shifted wildly when Mithrandir died. It broke all of our spirits. How could we possibly hope to succeed when the strongest of us had passed? By the time we had entered Lothlórien, we were all exhausted mentally and physically. I could hear Gimli talking somewhere behind me about how dangerous these woods were and the witch that resided in them. I felt nauseous. Whether it was from fear or lack of food, I did not know. I had been in this forest before but never encountered this so-called witch, and I’m not sure I wanted to. When the party came to an abrupt halt I was taken aback. It took a moment for my eyes to focus and see the bows trained on us.

"The dwarf breaths so loud we could have shot him in the dark." An elf said to Aragorn as he stepped out from behind the archers.

It was Haldir. I felt my heart swell in my chest at the sight of him. I listened as Aragorn greeted him in the elven language.

"Aragorn! These woods are perilous. We should go back." Gimli says from behind me, fear evident in his voice.

"You have entered the realm of The Lady of The Wood. You cannot go back." Haldir responds as he looks between each member of our party before his eyes land on Frodo. "Come. She is waiting."

I could feel Frodo's anxiety radiating from behind me. I turned around and gave him a sincere smile. "It's okay Frodo," I whisper as I feel Haldir's gaze on me. I turn to meet his eyes for a second before he turns and slips behind his archers.

We followed close behind, not that we had much choice with the elves surrounding our party, and we marched until we came across a small structure and a platform that we were urged to climb upon. By the time we made it there, the sun had set and the cold had set in. I couldn't help the small shiver that ran through my body. I stood quietly next to Gimli as Haldir greeted Legolas and Aragorn in elvish.

Gimli interrupts angrily. "So much for the courtesy of the elves. Speak words we can all understand.

I gave Gimli's foot a soft, disapproving kick at his rudeness. Haldir looked down at Gimli before saying in a disgusted tone, "We have not had dealings with the dwarves since the dark days."

"And you know what this dwarf has to say about that?" Gimli responded quickly before saying in dwarvish, "Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul!"

I close my eyes as I run my hand over my face in annoyance as Aragorn addresses Gimli angrily, "That was not so courteous!"

The marchwarden looks over our party again before meeting eyes with Frodo, "You bring great evil with you." He says with a grave tone. "You can go no further."

However, Aragorn refused to accept this as he pulled Haldir aside and began to argue. If Aragorn was unsuccessful what would we do? We needed food, rest, and safety. This was our only option. I looked over at Haldir and the annoyed expression on his face as he argued with Aragorn. Like he could tell I was watching, his eyes flickered over to me. His face softened when he noticed my forlorn expression but soon his attention returned to Aragorn. I turned away sighing before walking over to Gimli.

The memory of our first meeting slipped into my mind as I stood in silence.

-

I was outnumbered. Dozens of orcs had caught my scent and I was out of arrows. I could see the Lothlórien forest in front of me and it was my only chance of survival. I tried my best to keep from tripping over roots and rocks as I ran through the glistening forest. I didn't have time to revel in the beauty mixed into the trees. The magic of the forest was the least of my concerns with the orc pack gaining on me.

I made a split decision to call out, in hopes I wasn't alone. "HELP!" I yell out as I continue to run blindly. Barely a second later I feel an arrow whiz past my face and the yell of an injured orc behind me. When did they get so close? Before long a handful of elves came out of the woods, easily slaughtering my attackers and then they brought their attention to me. I was a stranger to them, a threat.

An elf strode up to me with a serious expression saying something in elvish. I made a sheepish face before I explained, "I don't speak elvish." Disbelief washed across his face as he looked me up and down.

"He doesn't speak the common tongue." Another elf says from behind me. "I am Haldir, who are you and why are you in our sacred lands?"

"I am Elowen. I am sorry to enter your territory without permission I had no other choice. I can leave now if you wish." I respond.

He hums for a moment as he stares into my eyes. “What kind of elf doesn't speak elvish?” His voice was thick with disbelief. He thinks I am lying.

I sighed, my body deflating at the accusation. I was used to being treated like an outsider, but never a liar. "I was raised by humans, not elves," I say with an exasperated tone. “I know it is strange but it is the truth."

Haldir looked between my eyes for a moment, his expression was softer than it was before. “You cannot go the way you came. There are more orcs in the territory." He explained, "You will have to go to the East."

"Thank you. I will be on my way." I say before turning my back towards him, but before I can realize what is happening a hand grasps my pack and pulls me back.

"You will not go wandering these sacred forests alone." He says sternly as he holds onto my pack tightly. "I will escort you."

I gasped in surprise, “As you wish," I quickly mutter.

He tentatively lets go of me before walking in front of me, "Come."

I quickly do as I am told. The last thing I want to do is anger my guide. While we walk I study him from behind. He is calm, confident, and knows the forest well. He gracefully moves around any branches and roots jutting into the path ahead. He is beautiful like elves should be.

"Can I ask you a question?" He asks, breaking the silence.

"Of course," I respond, surprised that he is speaking to me.

"Why did you never learn elvish? Some humans know it." He asks as he looks over his shoulder.

I think over his question for a minute. I haven't ever really thought about why. "I guess -" I start. "I guess I didn't feel worthy."

This causes him to stop in his tracks before turning around to face me. "You should learn." He says. He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. The underlying message was not lost on me. You are wrong.

The rest of the hike was relatively quiet, but the birds singing kept you company as you walked close behind your guide. The sun did not shine through the treetops making it impossible to know just how long we had been hiking. It didn’t matter to me. I was grateful for the company, even if he was silent. His presence was enough. It was at this moment that I realized just how lonely I was.

"Here." He says quietly as we reach the end of the forest. He turns to face me once again as I stare up at him.

"Oh," I said quietly, sad that our journey had ended already. "Thank you, Haldir."

He puts his hand on his chest and gives a small bow, "Go now and be safe." He says with a small smile before turning to walk away.

Before long he disappeared into the woods, and I never thought I would see him again.

-

"Did you have to insult him?" I asked Gimli, but before he could respond we heard Haldir's voice.

"You will follow me," He said while staring at Frodo. I couldn't help the sigh of relief that left my body.

We were safe. He explained that he was leading us to Caras Galadhon and once it was in sight it was the most beautiful place I had ever seen.

I gasped at the sight of the wooded city. "It's beautiful," I murmured.

"Indeed," Haldir responded looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

I felt my ears redden at him finally speaking to me. "Pathetic." I thought to myself.

As we entered the city I couldn't help the starstruck look on my face. Everywhere I looked was full of beauty, sparking silver buildings nestled among large trees. I felt the tension in the air as I walked side-by-side with Haldir.

"Do you remember me?" The question that had been burning in the back of my throat broke free.

He let out a small chuckle as he looked at my embarrassed expression. "How could I forget?" He responded with a teasing tone.

I smiled shyly in response before looking down at my feet. He remembers me.

We made it to the top of the forest to see an elven couple waiting for us. They gracefully made their way down the steps hand-in-hand as they looked down upon the company. I nervously glanced over at Aragorn, who was giving our hosts his full attention as he bowed his head. They seemed to almost glow, which reminded me of something Haldir said on our way here, "Lady of Light indeed." I thought to myself.

"The enemy knows you have entered here." The male elf spoke. "What hope you had in secrecy is now gone." He paused to look over our company before continuing. "Nine that are here, but ten set out from Rivendell. Tell me, where is Gandalf? For I much desire to speak with him. I can no longer see him from afar."

I winced at the mention of Gandalf's name. In the beauty of Caras Galadhon, I had almost forgotten our loss. We stayed quiet, none of us wanting to speak the truth of Mithrandir's whereabouts.

"He has fallen into shadow." The Lady of Light spoke with a look of disbelief on her face.

"He was taken by both shadow and flame," Legolas responded. "A Balrog of Morgoth. For we went needlessly into the net of Moria."

"Needless were none of the deeds of Gandalf in life. We do not yet know his full purpose." The lady responded with a comforting tone as she looked at Gimli. "Do not let the great emptiness of Khazad Dum fill your heart Gimli, son of Gloin, for all lands have now grown full of peril. And in all lands love, is now mingled with grief."

I could hear Boromir whimpering in despair as she stared him down. I did not understand till I heard her voice in my head as well.

"Elowen, the lonely elf, for I have heard much about you. Gandalf was very fond of you. You are welcome here." I heard her whisper in my head.

"What now becomes of this fellowship? Without Gandalf, hope is lost." The lord said. We had all thought it, but he was the first to say it out loud.

"The quest stands upon an end of a knife, stray but a little and it will fail, to the ruin of all. Yet hope remains as long as company is true. Do not let your hearts be troubled. Go now and rest for you are weary with sorrow and much toil. Tonight, you will sleep in peace." The lady said, distracting us from her husband's question.

The promise of sleep in safety felt like something to cherish, something we were likely not to get again. I let my body relax at her words. I was grateful for her hospitality. The lady motioned to Haldir, who gave her a bow before beckoning us to follow him. We obeyed quickly, anxious to get some rest.

"You will have the opportunity to bathe as well as fresh clothing while you are here," Haldir explained as he led us to a clearing. "I will be watching over you tonight."

My traveling companions were quick to explore our new sleeping arrangements, taking in the beauty of the forest. I stayed behind, quietly standing next to Haldir as I watched the halflings excitedly look around.

"You said something about a bath?" I asked while looking over at the elf next to me. "I can't imagine we smell good," I said offering a smile.

"For your sake, I will not respond to that," He said smiling back. "Come." I let out a small giggle as I obeyed, following close behind him as we traversed on the winding paths. Eventually, we came upon a small grove, hidden by trees, and inside it lay a glistening pool of crystal clear water with a small waterfall emptying into it.

"Wow," I whispered as I took in the view.

"Fresh clothes will be brought to you," Haldir explained before bowing slightly and taking his leave.

Once he was gone I quickly started to shed off my clothing. The layers of leather armor became exhausting by the time I was fully rid of them. I folded my clothes nicely before placing them alongside the pool. I nervously dipped in a toe before realizing the water was warm. I let out a sigh of relief and I slipped my body into the welcoming water, closing my eyes as I rested against a rock. It wasn’t long till I fell asleep.

I was startled awake by the feeling of a hand on my shoulder. I looked up bewildered to see a she-elf in front of me. She gave me an apologetic look before explaining, “It is dangerous to sleep in the pool. Here I brought you fresh clothing.” She said as she motioned to a pile of white cloth.

“You have my thanks,” I responded sheepishly as she bowed and turned around to gather my old clothing. “The marchwarden has instructed us to clean these for you. Is there anything you will need for tonight?” She asked.

“No there is not,” I said. “I appreciate all you have done.”

She offered a smile before turning and disappearing, allowing me to dry off and change into the fresh clothing she had brought for me. Once dry and changed I returned to our camp for the night.

“You smell good,” Pippin said excitedly as I sat down next to my pack.

“You could too you know.” I jested, “You all smell horrible.”

“Hey now!” He responded feigning injury, “This is the smell of a REAL man!”

I let out a boisterous laugh as the hobbit flexed his muscles. We bantered for a little while longer till I could hardly keep my eyes open. I cuddled up against my pack as I fell asleep to the sound of singing elves. Legolas had said they were singing to honor the memory of Gandalf. It was beautiful.

"El, wake up," Merry said as he shook me awake. "It's breakfast time!"

I groaned as I turned away from him, "I'll eat later."

"Oh no you don't," Merry responded willfully as he shook me again.

"Fine!" I said crankily as I finally sat up and rubbed my eyes. "Someday I will be free of the stubbornness of hobbits."

As I opened my eyes I realized that the rest of the fellowship had bathed and changed as well. Everyone wore beautiful white clothing, untouched by the darkness of our journey. I followed behind the group, falling behind as my eyes drifted everywhere but the path in front of us. I didn't want food, I wanted to explore this beautiful place. I couldn't help but feel a pang of anger in my heart as I remembered all that was taken from me as a child, I could've lived my whole life in a place like Calas Galadhon. The thoughts did not leave me as we sat at the breakfast table, the noise of my companions talking and eating fading into the background as I stared at my plate. I had not eaten in some time, but I could not bring myself to take a single bite. I felt dirty, like if I touched it I would ruin it. Like I didn't deserve it. The thought brought me back to that hike with Haldir when I said I was not worthy of learning elvish. I remember the implications of his response. I was worthy of elvish, and I was worthy of this food. Everyone else had almost finished their plates by the time I took my first tentative bite.

When we had finished we were brought back to our camp by Haldir. Even on the way back from breakfast, Pippin was already asking about a second breakfast. I couldn't help but giggle at the confused expression on Haldir's face.

"There will be festivities later to honor Mithrandir, you are all welcome to come." He explains as we enter our camp.

"Thank you," Aragorn replies with his hand over his heart. "We would be most grateful to attend."

To this, Haldir nods and starts to turn away but before he can get far I grab ahold of his arm. He flinched at the sudden contact and turned to me with wide eyes. I quickly pull my hand back and bring it to my chest like I had touched a burning flame. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

'It is fine," Haldir responds with an unconvincing look on his face. "What do you need?"

“I-“I mutter out, “I was wondering if I could wander Caras Galadhon, or if someone could be my guide? I would very much like to see this magnificent place.”

He does not respond immediately, causing anxiety to settle into my heart. “Forget it,” I say quickly as I turn away.

“Wait,” Haldir called out. “I will guide you.”

“Oh.” I responded quietly before turning around, “I’m sure a marchwarden has much better things to do.”

To this, he gave me a small smile. “No, I don’t. Now please.” He said as he motioned me to follow him.

I did as I was bid, following close behind the elf as he led me through the city. He told me everything I wanted to know, anticipating my questions before I asked them. The history of Calas Galadhon was vast and complicated but quite interesting as well. He also told me much about Lady Galadriel, the Lady of Light. I spoke to him about how I heard her in my head and he confirmed, “Yes, that is part of her magic.”

“It’s quite unnerving,” I mumble. “But she is kind.”

We continued along the path, passing many elves along the way as they went about their daily life. I wondered what it would be like to live here. What would I spend my days doing?

After some time we made it back to camp. I did little to hide my disappointment as the fellowship came into view.

“If you are unhappy you don’t need to continue the journey,” Haldir said as he scanned my face.

“It’s not that. I just-“ I paused. “I enjoyed exploring here.” I respond honestly, “I wonder what my life would be like if I grew up in a place like this.”

He nodded silently, not taking his eyes off of mine. “I understand as much as I can.”

“Thank you for a wonderful day, Haldir,” I say as I give him a small smile. I reach my hand out but stop myself before I touch him, remembering his reaction last time. My ears reddened as I realized what I was doing. I quickly dropped my hand back to my side and scurried toward my companions.

As I met back with the fellowship Aragorn gave me a knowing look. “Boromir will be disappointed.” He whispers to me.

“What?” I ask as I stand above his sitting form.

“He fancies you, but your heart belongs to another.” He said smirking up at me.

I scoff, trying to play off his words, but my face betrays me as it heats up from embarrassment.

The rest of the day was relatively quiet as we readied for the night festivities. We were told there would be wine and dancing. I smiled as I thought about how much Gandalf would have enjoyed participating in such a party.

“All they need is some Old Toby,” Frodo said. “That was his favorite.”

At his words, I felt a tug at my heart. Another loss. Is this what I was doomed to experience? Thorin, Gandalf, who was next? This quest was bound to take more lives. Likely my own as well. I tried not to allow my feelings to ruin the night for me. The festivities were beautiful. Lights were strung through the sparking trees and candles were lit around the space. The elves looked beautiful in their beaded gowns and dress shirts.

“You are not dancing?” Boromir asks as he walks up next to me. He wanted me to dance with him. For a second I thought about it, but then I remembered Aragorn’s teasing words.

“Not in the dancing mood,” I respond, giving him a sheepish smile as I grasp harder at my wine chalice.

“Of course. I am sorry for your loss,” Boromir says putting a hand on my shoulder. “I understand you were close.”

I hummed in agreement as I kept my eyes trained forward, afraid that if I acknowledged his words I would cry. As my eyes scanned the room I came across one particular elf. Haldir. He was standing guard to the occasion, restlessly pacing along the outside of the crowd.

“Excuse me,” I say quickly to Boromir before wading through the partygoers to get more wine. My hands shake as I try to fill my chalice without spilling. While Boromir’s words were not ill-willed, they still affected me deeply.

My eyes wander back to Haldir’s anxious form. Surely no danger was posed here but there he was. He was a serious elf, anyone could tell that. I smiled to myself as I watched him reprimand another guard for drinking. I gathered enough courage to head his way. I wished to speak to him. I always wished to speak to him. His eyes met mine as he watched me climb the steps to reach him.

“It’s a party you know,” I say teasingly once I was planted in front of him.

He smiles slightly as he looks down at me. “Then why are you here?” He asks.

“I’m not really in a celebratory mood,” I admit.

The smile fades from his face as he takes in my words.

“Could I head back to camp? Or do I need an escort for that?” I ask. I had hoped he would offer to escort me, but my wishes would go unfulfilled.

“You may find your way back on your own,” Haldir responds. While his answer was disappointing, the tone of his voice was not. It was as soft as freshly fallen snow like he thought if he spoke too strongly I would break.

“Thank you,” I say graciously as I give him a small bow before taking my leave.

I take my time as I make my way back to camp with my wine glass in hand. There was no rush to return. Truthfully I just wanted to be away from the happy faces. Would they even know I left?

“Elowen.” Boromir’s voice woke me from my trance.

“Why are you here?” I ask him with a disoriented look on my face.

“I am worried about you.” He responds as he takes a step towards me, putting his hand on my shoulder. “I care about you.” He says quietly as he moves his hand from his shoulder to my cheek.

In that moment I realized there is only one soul I wish to touch me in such a way. I pulled away abruptly at his touch. “My heart belongs to another,” I say in a panicked tone as I look around to see if anyone was around. “I am sorry.” I blurt out before dropping my chalice and running quickly down the path. I was no longer heading towards camp, afraid I would encounter Boromir there. I did care about him just not in the way he wanted. However, I was not only running from him but from the realization of my feelings for Haldir.

In my dazed state I quickly got turned around. The panic inside me grew as I realized I didn’t recognize my surroundings. “Did Haldir bring me here?” I questioned myself as I tried to remember earlier that day with no luck. Eventually, I gave up and sat on the ground next to the path. Letting the tears of my pent-up emotions rain down my face. Gandalf, Boromir, Haldir, it was all too much. I knew eventually someone would find me and help me get back to camp, but for now, I was grateful to be alone so I could cry without prying eyes.  

Hours passed before I saw another soul along the pass. A startled she-elf stared down at me, clearly unsure what to do.

“I apologize,” I said with a scratchy voice. “I am horribly lost.”

The elf just stared back at me a bewildered expression causing me to sigh. She did not know the common tongue. I slowly got up from the ground and walked passed her. I thought I was heading in the direction I came from, but truthfully I had no idea where I was.

“Elowen.” I heard a melodic voice in my head. “You needn’t strife.”

Galadriel.

“I am lost,” I say quietly, unsure if she could hear me.

“But that is not why you cry.” She responded knowingly. “You will not be alone forever.”

I started rubbing my eyes, cursing my emotional state as I heard footsteps approaching. I looked up from my hands, expecting Galadriel, but instead came face-to-face with Haldir’s concerned expression.

“Oh,” I sniffle.

He said nothing, instead opting to reach out and gently grab my hand. My eyes widened, shocked by his touch as he started to guide me. He remained silent as we wove along the trail, never letting go of my hand.

“How did you know where I was?” I asked quietly as we entered the camp.

He turned to look at me, quiet for a moment before responding “Lady Galadriel.”

“Oh,” I said quietly. My exhaustion was written across my face.

“Rest now,” Haldir utters as he places a small kiss on my forehead. Before I could even process what he had done he was gone. I stood in place as the feeling of his lips lingered on my skin.

After some time had passed, we finally had to leave Lothlórien. We were all dreading it. We had spent weeks in the comfortable presence of elves, and in those weeks I never saw Haldir again. Galadriel, as kind as she was, would not let us leave without making sure we had everything we needed to succeed. Food, water, and supplies filled our small packs as we changed back into our old clothing. Once we were ready we made our way to the riverbank to say our final farewells and be off on our treacherous journey.

We stood in a line as Lord Celeborn spoke. "Never before have we clad strangers in the garb of our own people." I tried to listen to him speak pretending to not be distracted by Haldir's fingers securing a cloak around my shoulders. "May these cloaks help shield you from unfriendly eyes." He continued as I kept my eyes down, avoiding Haldir’s. “Of course he had to be here.” I thought to myself as embarrassment took me.

While we packed up our boats Aragorn was pulled aside by Lord Celeborn. While we waited for his return I chose to focus on making sure the halflings had everything they needed.

"He's looking at you," Sam said to me as I straightened his pack.

"I know," I sighed before looking back to meet Haldir's eyes. I was surprised to see an almost pleading look on his face.

"Well, aren't you gonna say goodbye?" Sam asked.

I hummed quietly as I mulled over my options, as much as I was heartbroken by the lack of his presence, the look on Haldir’s face made it impossible to stay away. I stood up as Sam grinned at me. "Meddling hobbits,” I said, feigning annoyance before walking over to Haldir.

"Thank you for your kindness, Haldir," I said quietly as I stood in front of him.

"I-" He started before stopping himself. "Be safe." He finally said.

I looked up to meet his eyes, they mirrored the sadness in my own. "Do not fret,” I say as I lay my hand softly on his shoulder, trying to comfort him. He had avoided me for weeks, but all my annoyance had been washed away by the forlorn expression he sported. I had come to expect the downfall of our quest now that we were without Gandalf, but I tried to comfort him nonetheless.

Before he could respond I heard Boromir call out, "El! The Lady Galadriel wishes to see us once more before we head on."  

I step back as reality comes back into focus, giving Haldir a sad smile and a small bow before I head towards Boromir and the rest of my companions.

We waited turns to see the Lady of Light, each fellowship member coming back with gifts to help on the rest of the journey. "And to you, Elowen, I give you the gift of remembrance," Galadriel explains as she hands me a small coin. "This is a gift given to our marchwardens when they have completed their training. Let it help you remember what you are fighting for, and what awaits for you when your quest is done."

Haldir. Does she know something I do not? "Thank you, Lady Galadriel," I mumble as I bow my head.

Once the entire fellowship had received their gifts we piled into our small boats in silence, our heads swirling with the words Galadriel had spoken to each of us. Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel waited at the shore as we left the magical forest behind us, but the rest of the elves had disappeared. There was a sad tug at my heart as I peered into the forest looking for any sign of Haldir.

I wished to see him one last time.

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Group 1

Propaganda:

Rintarou -

"Has a special interest in science and will do anything to indulge in it. Has many strange mannerisms and will only drink his favorite drink."

Baki -

"Special interest in fighting and doesn't give a fuck about anything else except for his friends. Kidnaps fucking George Bush and asks him if he can put him in the biggest prison in America because he wants to fight people there. Literally goes to jail for his special interest. Autism."

Yoshi -

"look at him. he is Autism: The Character. The game deals with how he was ostracized for "weird" behavior and it got down his self esteem so bad that he calls himself trash and if you look at how he struggles to interact with others i.e. low social stamina (game's hit points are literally his psyche), struggle to control his emotions intense passion about subjects of interest etc etc he reads as immensely autistic and his arc of learning to love himself and find people who love him for who he is is so. very important to me <3 my dear favorite autistic scrimblo.

also look at him. his design is the trans flag colors. what's not to love here!! he likes bunnies!! he made those bunny ears himself, even. in 1BeatHeart, he made cat ears for his friend. i love his 1BeatHeart design also because in that game he's an Adult and STILL unabashedly himself, showing that he took those lessons from his childhood to heart! an autistic adult having some degree of pride in himself, being renowned even if he's still seen as odd, and being content and having friends. aurgh."

Steve -

"Uses his autism for evil! Is obsessed with vampires and wanting to become one but has so many compiling issues that he eventually becomes a key player in a supernatural war. Took it as a personal betrayal when his best friend had to become a vampire to save his life."

Yuuto -

"source: trust me bro."

Hatchi -

"Has a special interest in food and often lets it cloud his judgement. Is very bored of life at the beginning of the story but doesn't understand why. Does things others see as strange or reckless because he thinks it would be fun."

Keiichi -

"He is surrounded by people who speak in codes and euphemisms that he cannot understand based on social rules that he is not privy to."

Ayato -

"evil autism (/pos)"

Yuzuru -

"he is best boy!!!"

Amuro -

"Being a Newtype is just space autism to me. But also he sucks at falling in line in a structured environment, would rather work with machines than talk to people, and is only allowed as a child soldier because he's the bestest at big robots."

[sanospet]

✩ FAILURES & FERVOUR ✩

𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 - 𝘠𝘈𝘒𝘜𝘡𝘈!𝘚𝘏𝘐𝘎𝘈𝘙𝘈𝘒𝘐 𝘛𝘖𝘔𝘜𝘙𝘈 𝘟 𝘙𝘌𝘈𝘋𝘌𝘙

𝘲𝘶𝘰𝘵𝘦 : tomura viewed you as something of a painting, a timeless, priceless piece, highly sought after, something to be handled with the utmost fragility. the air that surrounded you, an artistic mix of expertly chosen colours, rare, scarce. the first form of portrait art, a being so captivating, alluring, serene that one had the overwhelming urge to capture it in the moment and seal it's divinity for all to indulge in forevermore. touya's rusty, battered, razored claws, his poison tipped words, piercing through the canvas with ease, scarring your skin. tomura's lips, his unyielding fervency, cementing the tares, sewing the canvas that is you, together again with his touch alone.

warnings and notes!

18+ . angst . hurt comfort . quirkless au . the shimura’s are very much alive and well (though tomura doesn’t use the name “tenko” anymore) . mentions of firearms . reader is held at gunpoint . touya being an absolute creep . heavy suggestions of the reader having sexual trauma/fear of men . reader has a breakdown . reader has deeply rooted self worth/esteem issues . heavy suggestions of the reader having SH scars . guilt/self-blaming . tomura, the king of comfort . they have huge crushes on one another, lol . pet names (“kid”, “dear”, “love”) . gender neutral reader . proofread though there still may be some spelling mistakes, enjoy <33

authors note:

another very self indulgent story, except it’s just the beginning because this is the first instalment of my “veiled blossoms” fic, yippeeee! i feel like this chapter is a little too choppy, but im just trying to set a good foundation to spring off of for the next few chapters. im not sure how long of a fic this is going to be, but i do have most of the story figured out and planned, and it’s already looking quite lengthy, lol. anyways, i hope you enjoy this chapter and i hope to show you the next instalment soon, thank you for reading! <33

- linus

tomura shigaraki masterlist | chapter 1

"what do you say ?" hana spoke, sight sweeping over your tense posture, "look, i know it's a lot to ask of you, but it'll just be for a little while," doe-eyed, pleading "just until he finds his footing."

shifting in your seat, the cooling chill wafting through the dining area mutating from a pleasurable breeze into more of an undesirable gust, goosebumps perking up on your skin. mouth drying at the mere thought of an unfamiliar man wandering freely around your safe space, the zone in which you derived comfort and solace, tainted by the presence of another.

clammy hands smoothing over the fabric of your dress, "he can't go back home ?" voice softly wavering, anxiety tingling in your skin, treading carefully as you questioned, earning the gentle shake of hana's head, letting out a sigh, "my father wouldn't step within ten feet of him," she spoke, a tight smile forming, fork pushing at the pasta resting on her plate "and im afraid that feeling is reciprocated," the words muttered as she trailed off.

silence blanketing over you both, your sight hazed, unfocused as you stared at the cooling food on your plate, mind tugging memories of the countless, nefarious tales hana had spoken of about the horrid man. the troublesome upbringing she had faced alongside her brother, due to her father's monstrous nature, your heart clenching at that.

offering a wordless nod of agreement, a soft smile dawning your features, hana's voice upping an octave, through a gasp, "really ?" excitement failing to take bay, lacing her words, "really," you confirmed. hana taking your hands in her's at the affirmation, "he won't be a bother, you won't even notice him" granting a small squeeze, "i'll make sure of it," lips curling to match your own.

                               ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

tomura was unlike anything you'd imagined.

you hadn't really a clue what to expect from the man, the stories you'd heard regarding him only pertaining to their youth. hana failing to update you, nor give a proper briefing on his development in all the years she'd been visiting him in captivity, granted, there had been little reason to.

slumber evading you on the eve of tomura's arrival, your mind wandering...maybe he was someone dry, stoic, harsh, the stereotypes of a convict. perhaps he had grown taller, broader, recalling the humorous comments hana had frequently made regarding his height and stature as you revisited their younger years through words.

the weeks of his presence swam by smoothly and tomura had been settling in comfortably, though despite hana's promise, his residence was striking, as was he. unable to neglect your shameful emotions, losing the tussle with your heart, finally acknowledging that long lost feeling bubbling within you during each recurring encounter. it was something child-like, innocent, a match that ignited reveries, flushed skin and the heightened awareness of your every move before him.

the giddiness, the joy, the anxiety, all knotted in a frothy, lopsided bow in your chest, accompanied haphazardly with the rush of adrenaline and stuttered speech as your eyes met the silky carmine held within his own.

niveous waves cascaded down tomura’s back, sleeping soundly against flourished muscles, hana commenting on how much it had grown since his detainment. crimson pearls centring his face creating an abstract union with the snowy locks framing them. an ocean of jagged rubies, something you could drown yourself in without a second thought, serene, yet a gloom, seemingly governed by scylla herself, swam within them.

you'd lost yourself in the sparkles he used for sight a myriad of times, his glowing locks falling into them as you rambled on, yet tomura remained attentive throughout every syllable. eyes remaining on yours as your lips moved, words often trapping in your throat under his paralysing surveillance.

hana's frequent absence from your shared home was something you'd grown accustomed to, her often leaving for hours, and sometimes even days, at a time. schedule filled with endless to-do's, ranging from school, work, outings with friends and trips.

never had it become a cumbersome arrangement, though, with the recent developments, it was presented with an added layer of anxiety. tomura's presence hailing complications in the methodical act, due to the, now native, sensation that routinely filled your stomach under his watch.

fingers flat against the ingredient, hands moving as you diced the tofu on the cutting board before you, a groggy voice, rasp ever-present, sounding, "cute pyjamas," lazily shifting the dampened towel over the back of his head, taking in the skin flaunting ensemble you'd chosen to lounge in.

muscles tensing at the sudden interruption, letting out a small yelp, the sharpened knife slipping from your grip, nipping your skin in the process, crimson pearls soon seeping out of the new wound.

"hey, are you alright ?" brows furrowing as tomura joined you, unease linking the sentence together, reflexive hands quickly moving to grab hold of your retracting ones, startled by the swiftness of his actions.

face resembling that of a deer in headlights as tomura's softened eyes met your widened ones, gaze gentle as he stilled his movements, arm remaining outstretched, beckoning, lips curling into a sweet smile "let me have a look, yeah ?" tone soothing, almost guiding, as you placed your delicate wrist in his palm, cuffed in a tender grip.

crimson orbs briefly meeting yours, his eyes analysing the injury before linking once more, gaze fixed as your examined digit slowly disappeared between his lips. a meek gasp slipping past your own at the act, face contorting in a wince, cheeks growing warm under his watchful inspection, feeling bare as tomura observed the expressions you made with intrigue.

yet you remained stagnant, the warmth of his tongue collecting your very essence, ears burning to a shade similar to that of his eyes as he pulled out the injured finger with a gentle pop. "you should really put a band-aid on that," breath fanning against your skin, heavy lidded gaze glancing toward the abandoned chopping board, "i'll take over from here."

tomura's heartbeat rattled against his ribcage, prior actions replaying on his mind like a broken record as you disappeared down the hall. cheeks rosing at his intensifying inability to control such sudden desires, the ebbs and flows of your visage under his touch singed into the forefront of his mind like a brand mark.

pressing the remedying item against the wound, feet padding against the wooden floor as you joined tomura in the kitchen once more, his frosted locks almost shimmering under the daylight. the black crewneck he adorned, seemingly a size too small, essentially compressing his muscles, exposing every defined part of the man at an easy glance. grey joggers sitting low on his hips, a sliver of abdominal skin separating the two fabrics.

"sorry about your finger, how's it doing ?" setting two small bowls of miso soup down on the coffee table, "taking it like a champ ?" a slight smile accompanying the words, pulling one from you in return, "o-oh, i-it's alright," with a dismissive wave, "and um...i can still help, you know ?" feet shifting beneath you, his raised hand halting your movements, "with an ailment so arduous ?" nodding at the platter that had been set out, "take a seat, kid."

tomura chewed at a slow pace, opting to savour the blend of tastes on his tongue, lids shut, bliss dusting his features in a rosy smile, "i still haven't gotten used to fresh home-cooked meals again," through a small sigh, "the shit they serve in there felt like a unique kind of torture," sight lifting to you, "you're a good cook, you know that ?"

the unexpected praise almost sending the food in your throat back up with a suppressed cough, you shook your head, swallowing, "w-well i can't take all of the credit," smiling softly, widened eyes trained on the table, cheeks warming at the words, "you made the rolled omelette," taking a bite, meeting his gaze, "seems like you haven't lost your touch."

tomura's heart swelling at the words, smirk growing "oh yeah ? go on," letting out a gentle giggle as you watched tomura's arms fold over one another on the dining table, leaning closer, "and the rice is good too, tomura," eyes raking over your features, cocking his head, "just good ?" inching as you spoke, "perfect," taking a spoonful into your mouth.

tomura's ears adorning a tint as he regressed, back flush against the chair, "well, now you're just stroking my ego, but," shrugging, the corners of his lips tugging upward, "i'll take credit where credit is due."

jagged rubies catching your eyes in an unbreakable link, that familiar ripple quilting your stomach once more, tomura's breathing shallowing under your observation, rouge tinting your skin. stranded in the the entanglement of ambience caging the two of you, aura's intermingling, you found yourself becoming lost in the sunset orbs before you.

harnessing all of your might to forcibly look away, your gaze falling onto the, now lukewarm, soup before you, lips pushing out the first few words that sprang in your mind, "o-oh, uh, where's hana ?" gently clearing your throat from it's wavers, "it's um, her day off, no ?"

tomura's chest rumbling with a gentle hum, "she's off doing me a favour, left quite a while ago to grab my things from back home," spooning soup into his mouth as you nodded along, fingers fiddling with the drawstring of your shorts, "i see," sight raising to him once more, "so um...she'll be back soon, then ?"

the playful swirl in tomura's orbs were overt, setting his utensils down as he spoke, "what, you don't enjoy my company ?" sputtering at the taunting words, scrambling to clarify "w-what ? y-you know that's not what i meant, tomura."

tomura almost felt guilty as he soaked in your flustered stature in amusement, cheeks rosy, eyes wide, glossy lips spilling stutters as you attempted to speak, almost. tomura's eyes squinting in turn at the tumbling words, "so you admit that you do enjoy my company ?" question left out to dry as your mouth opened and closed, failing to search for a response as he continued on,"i mean, i hope you do, at least," shrugging, tone apathetic as he leaned closer once more, "since, you know...it'll be just you and i in this place for a while," whispering secretively.

brows dipping, soft smile shifting to more of a frown at the confession, "w-wait..." confusion blanketing your face, contorting your features, "w-what do you mean ?" tomura's eyes almost sparkling as they widened at the query, "oh, she didn't tell you yet, huh ?" a soft laugh slipping past his lips, despite his attempt to suppress it, tomura's enjoyment in your naïvety of the situation all too apparent, "t-tell me what, tomura !?"

                               ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

"you can't be serious..." the rustling of tomura rummaging through storage boxes sounded throughout the room. hana's hand setting pets onto yours, speaking over the ruckus, "i know, im sorry i couldn't break it to you myself," a gentle pout resting on her lips, "but it's not set in stone," she assured, "i don't know why tomura told you so soon." head snapping toward the man in question, razor-edged glare piercing daggers into his skin, tomura offering an indifferent shrug in return, a small smile twisting his lips as he continued his search, earning a sigh from the other, "i was just voicing my thoughts at the time."

a gentle smile taking over her features as she turned to you, "our three year anniversary is coming up soon, and i wanted to surprise her with a trip," words mellow, hushed, eyes almost glazed over in a dreamy daze, something she couldn't help but fall into whenever she spoke of her lover. "we've been thinking about moving in together for a while now, so i thought it would be the perfect time to test it out, you know ?" eyes meeting yours, "a trial of sorts, to see how well we mesh in a shared space," brows upturned, heart clenching as she gushed, "and if it goes well, you'll take the next step ?" the apples of her cheeks plumping, baring a toothy smile, "exactly."

the corners of your lips tugging upward, twinning her countenance as an ache rippled through your chest, heart falling victim to the tugs of different directions. the memories of the irreplaceable years you'd spent together under the same roof rushing to the forefront of your mind, "im happy for you, truly, it just," sighing, "it just caught me off guard a little."

hana had become somewhat of a little sister to you over the span of your shared tenancy, someone you grew to cherish deeply. someone you confided in just as much as she did in you, someone irreplaceable. albeit the heartache you were currently experiencing, having had front row seats to the unwinding story of her love, cheering her on from the sidelines as she pined and fell for her partner, you couldn't help that sense of pride you felt for her growth.

pulling you in for a hug, your chin resting on hana's shoulder, "i'll miss you so much," offering a gentle squeeze, "i'll miss you too, but i'll still be around," pulling away, "you can't get rid of me that easily," sharing a giggle.

"don't worry," tomura chimed, "you'll still have me," offering a toothy grin, "how comforting, tomura," sarcasm laced between your giggled words. "do you have a destination picked out for your little sojourn ?" setting a small cardboard box down on the coffee table as he settled into the armchair, "jeju island," she spoke warmly, "felicia has always spoken about it." cooing, "how romantic," you teased, playfully pushing her arm, rouge tinting her cheeks, a small laugh leaving her lips.

"it's a quick flight too, no ?" tomura added, hands avidly sifting through the contents before him, "yeah, about five hours," she affirmed, attention diverted by tomura's fiddling fingers, "what have you been looking for ?" brows sewn as tomura pulled out an item, eyes lighting up at the sight, "im surprised mom was able to keep all of my stuff hidden so well," under his breath, a verbalised of thought.

hana rising from her perch on the sofa, taking a peek at the box's contents, a small sigh falling from her chest, "you're not actually thinking of going back into freelance, are you ?" tomura shrugging, "what choice do i truly have ?" ruby eyes locking with the misty orbs his sister held, surveying her looming figure "you think my record would appeal to a retail manager, hana ?" satire soaked words, earning an uneven smile of annoyance from the other, "where are you even planning on setting up shop ?"

tomura's eyes drifted between the both of you, wordless, gifting a look mixed with that of expectance and hope. "here !?" hana's booming voice drenched in astonishment, nose scrunching in disgust, "god, that's so unhygienic, tomura, you need a sterile environment." he couldn't help the growing itch to roll his eyes at his sister's incessant critiques, sighing, "well, my clients aren't exactly the picky type, hana, they'll take what they can get, and this," finger gesturing around the room in a circular motion, "is luxurious enough."

"fine, fine," jaded words through an exhale, exhaustion seeping through her demeanour, "well, you're not the only one that's living here, alright ? im fine with it, but," their locked gaze severing, shifting toward your quiet stance on the couch.

attention alternating between the two, brows dipping slightly, feeling somewhat small under their spectation. engrossed by the gentle aura tomura held with but a glance, his orbs almost luring you into a trance once they linked. you could feel yourself giving into it once more, your silence under his gaze amassing a smile from him, "i think they want me to stay here with them, hana."

eyes remaining secured onto yours, mischief whirling within them, opal tendrils softly shifting as he cocked his head, "somebody's gotta keep them company or they'll grow lonely," smile growing into a knowing smirk, gaze shifting to hana's, "you know, after being abandoned by their roommate and all."

rosy cheeks deepening in shade at the words, inventive mind meticulously crafting countless scenarios at a hectic pace with the prompt. flashes of the intimate morning you'd shared still fresh on your mind, overriding your brain, heart rate quickening.

hana's mouth opening to retaliate, cut off by your awaited response, "y-yeah, sure, i-i don't mind" nodding firmly. "great, because i already have my first two clients booked in," rising from his seat, small box in hand, "you already booked-" hana's irritation wafting off of her in potent waves, slicing her words short with a sigh and an inhale, attempting to regain her composure, "how did you know we would even agree to any of this ?" brow lifted in question.

tomura offered her a smile, "because you're a gracious and kind sister," words woven tightly with mockery, his hand sifting through her locks, ruffling her hair as she swatted him away, "and you're little friend over here is quite fond of me," setting a few gentle pats to your head, "they'd do anything i ask," hooking a finger beneath your chin, raising your gaze, "wouldn't you, dear ?"

unable to suppress the blood rushing to your skin, his minor touch flustering you exponentially. hana's hand moving to shove his before you could react, a tut heavy on her tongue, "teasing isn't a form of gratitude, tomura, quit it."

                               ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

knock. knock. knock.

the rhythmic set of belligerent bangs strode in bold waves, your muscles tensing at the unusual aggression set behind them. robust slams violently ripping you from your heart-eyed daze, gaze drifting toward the clock on the wall, brows knitting, the sharp sounds echoing through the hall, piercing your ears as they continued.

eyes shifting toward the flatscreen displaying the paused movie you'd been watching with tomura, his presence lacking as you waited. the indent he had made on the couch still retaining his warmth, jointly with the skin along the back of your neck, goosebumps soon budding in place of his arm. fingers fiddling with restless yearning, gaze fixed on the darkened hall, anticipating his emergence to no avail.

phone screen remaining in it's dimmed form, the virtual contact you'd had with your roommate dating back to daylight hours, anxiety blossoming, the routine messages you'd usually exchange upon arrival, void. palms flattening against one another as you writhed, feet meeting the floor, wary footsteps moving toward the entrance.

"h-hana, i-is that you?" calling out, skepticism thickly dousing the string tying the sentence together, face contorting in confusion, words greeted with only the rustling of jackets beyond the slab of wood. shuddery hand clasping the doorknob, "i-i thought you weren't supposed to be back until-" speech clogging instantaneously, mouth falling shut under the glowering gaze of the two men towering before you, their figures shrouded in shadow, backlit by the glow of the moon.

eyes meeting azure, raven tufts almost being swallowed by the night, shade wrapping around him like a scarf. his smooth ink filled skin peaking out through his sleeves, travelling up his body, crawling up and over his jaw like a muzzle. face jewels offering the sight of glimmering stars beneath his lips, trailing the curl of his ears. cyanic stare bearing the ability to incite serenity and calm, yet they seared your skin with ease, seemingly hostile, a ravenous flame burning deep within them.

his companion almost a complete juxtaposition to his being entirely, a golden aura permeating off of him in rolls, something luring, coercive. yet, the warm smile adorning his face didn't quite reach his eyes, the foiled expression setting a pang of unease to your stomach, your throat burning. artistry coating his flesh, pierced skin stretched with the curl of his lips, sharp teeth bared, the contempt swirling within his eyes curtained by sunny tendrils.

fingers lifting from their frozen stature, unclasping the handle, the door falling shut with a slam, almost tugged by the swallowing atmosphere that circled the men. breath caught in your throat, body fixed in its rigid position, the scrutiny of their gaze locking you into a trace-like state, left ogling at the entrance, mouth agape as you pushed out a shaky exhale.

a jagged shard of ice shooting down your spine like a missile, goosebumps rising on your skin, anxiety almost penetrating your blood as you took note of the unlocked door. fingers flying to remedy it instinctually, jolting as warmth spread across your shoulder, "what's going on ?" tomura spoke, hand retracting as you let in a sharp gasp, swiftly turning to meet his gaze.

brows scrunching as he took in your ashen expression, "woah, woah, are you okay ?" concern laced heavily in the words, your forefinger flying to his lips, "n-not so loud," whispering, hand clasping his own, footsteps light as you guided him to the living area once more.

turning to him, eyes frantic, breathing quickening "s-scary guys...d-door," words muddling as your mind scrambled, "i-i don't know, w-who...", shaking your head, "hey, hey," tomura's hand moving to your arm, "it's okay," he assured, offering soothing strokes, "take your time."

his fingers shifting to your chin, "look at me, kid," a soft smile, eyes linked, "breathe for me, yeah ?" tomura taking an inhale as you mimicked his actions, letting out an exhale before repeating, respiration soon slowing to a normal rate. "now, tell me what's going on," voice failing to blanket the slight waver in his tone, expecting.

"there are two really scary guys at the front door!" whisper shouting, the knot of discomfort tightening in tomura's stomach releasing at the confirmation, tongue tarting with a metallic taste as he nodded. raking a hand through his soft locks with a sigh, "already ?" murmured, more to himself, your voice spiking as the words reached you, "you know them ? who are they !?" frenzied query's unanswered as tomura's hand circled around your wrist, guiding to toward the staircase.

"stay in your room and don't come out," tomura's command cushioned with pleading, "you're not seriously thinking of letting them in, are you !?" spiked clamps piercing either side of tomura's heart as he scanned your face, panic sewing your features together. he couldn't bare to meet your gaze as he spoke, "they're here for me, kid, just..." the confession sitting heavy on his chest, letting out a sharp sigh, "just, stay in your room and don't make a sound, yeah ?"

frustration itching at you, his aversion adding piles to the answers you sought after. your hand moving to his chin, forcing your eyes to link, "tomura, tell me what's-" speech sliced by the rattling of the door on its hinges as the sharp bangs ensued once more, your breath hitching.

tomura's fingers pushing tousled tendrils from your face, "i need you to trust me on this, ___, can you do that ?" tomura's hand clasping yours, rubies scanning your face, searching for an answer, pleading. the mountainous pressure of time itself, spurring on the anxiety bouncing between the both of you. replying with a nod, "use your words for me, kid," he whispered, the gems he used for sight tying with yours, "i trust you, tomura," words firm.

tomura offering a soft nod, grip loosening as he shifted to leave, pausing as you set a gentle squeeze to his hand, "w-wait," eyes linking once more, the wet sheen blanketing your orbs striking, "just be careful...please," tomura's lips curling, a tender smile resting on them at the plead, guilt swimming in the lake of passion in his eyes, "of course, kid."

                               ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

the reflection presented obsidian locks, tufts of hair falling into azure, the lifted sleeve of touya's shirt revealing the film stretched flush against his skin, blanketing the new scar.

keigo's relaxed form nestled into the armchair, tomura’s snow tucked behind his ears, glimmering rubies focused on his working hands. "jail wasn't a total waste of time, i see," keigo’s lips curling into a smirk, sight resting on the new design touya adorned on his skin, the freshly dipped inky needles continuing to puncture his own, "bet you had cues of inmates wanting your art on them, huh ?" the words hinting more toward mockery than anything.

tomura paid the double meaning no mind, shrugging as he replied, "only tatted a few," tissue dabbing to collect the excess ink, "i soon realised that cup ramen wasn't necessarily the best form of payment," crimson meeting amber as their gazes linked, "and you know i only tattoo those i know without charge."

keigo's lips stretching into a smile, hand resting on his chest with a sunny sigh, "i feel so special all of a sudden," a light laugh on his lips as he called out, "you hear that, touya ?" azure shifting to ivory as the man rolled his eyes in the reflection, "yeah, yeah, don't let it go to your head, he'll have us compensate him in some other way sooner or later." tomura's movements slowing as he caught the others gaze in the mirror, a smirk loosely twisting tomura's lips at the words, "so, you're crashing here, then ?" keigo continued, earning a hum, "for the meantime, yeah."

touya moving to lounge on the sofa, head shifting as he surveyed the room, "and where's that pretty little thing who slammed the door in our face earlier ?" tone laced thickly with desire, "this is her place, no ?" tomura's chest tightening, lips tugging downward as his throat dried, "you had us waiting for an awfully long time."

touya's mind burned with the image you presented, cotton tank top sitting flush against your skin, cut low on your chest, thin straps reaching up and over your shoulder holding the thin fabric in place. skimpy pyjama shorts, satin, hanging low on your hips, a lick of skin separating the two fabrics. the lengthy stretch of your smooth legs, the dips and curves of your body, the scars littering it, a figure he so deeply craved to explore.

the deer eyed stare he'd been granted upon your meet-cute setting a ravenous fire within him, your seeming naïvety at first glance unleashing the scent of a potent love potion, captivating him completely. touya wanted to analyse everything that was you, run his calloused fingers through your tousled hair, his bloodied hands across your damaged skin, push his lips against yours and taste your very intrinsic nature on his tongue.

the tattoo gun continued to whir in tomura's paused hand, palm turning white, grip crushing, shadowy gaze turning to touya. darkened pearls dusted with ire as they met cyan, a smirk growing on pierced lips at the unspoken challenge, "what, she hiding or some-" words sliced by a sharp tone, "they're no-one, really," tomura's dismissive tone filled with warning, "not worth mentioning," strict words pronounced.

touya hummed, nodding slowly as tomura let out a breath through his nose "not worth mentioning, huh ?" the words spoken into the air, parroted if anything, through a laugh as touya rose to his feet. tomura's frantic tone failing to be suppressed, "where are you going ?" eyes trained on the dark haired man, his lax posture irritating tomura's skin, the need to scratch overbearing. "the restroom," touya's feet shifting toward the entrance, "it's at the end of-" hand rising, cutting tomura's words off with a dismissive wave, "i can figure it out."

mouth filled with cotton, tomura's gaze piercing touya's shrouded figure as he descended into the darkness of the hall, setting his form aflame with a blazing stare as he watched the bold man bypass the restroom entirely. the echos of heavy boots against wooden stairs drifting in through the opened door of the living room, hitting tomura like a harsh gust of wind in a hail storm, inflaming his itchy skin.

"i wouldn't bother," keigo spoke curtly, "the time you spent in that dingy cell was not meant to be squandered on improving your skills, but reflecting on your failures," face contorting into that of disgust as he eyed tomura, venomous whispers slipping straight into tomura's ears, "you handed us your title on a silver platter," free hand moving to tomura's chin, "hey, look at me," ripping tomura's gaze away from the void hall, fiery rubies meeting a clouded sunset, eyes swirling in contempt, "face it, you're nothing now, tomura." through curled lips, tone almost melodic, head nodding toward his unfinished art piece, "get back to work."

jaw locked, clenching, teeth grazing against the inside of his cheek, skin burning with the need for friction, tomura resumed without a word. distaste sewing his features, stomach searing with acid, shredding from the inside, clawing up his throat as he worked, mind fogging. the needles of the tattoo gun narrowly increasing pressure into keigo's skin slightly more than necessary, movements swifter than usual, eyes glazing over as rage festered deep from within, brows tightly knit.

                               ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

muffled words were all you could make out over the static hum of a machine, your ear pushed flush against your bedroom door, straining as you noted the nearing presence, the man's heavy gait something foreign by sound alone.

eyes frantically darting around the area, feet scurrying to the safety of the soft area you'd built, kneeling between the plushies packed into the corner. a thin blanket draping over you, eyes peaking over the edge, searching for some sort of solace amidst the raging anxiety whirring in your chest, the creaking of your door revealing a daunting figure.

weighty steps inching closer, your feet pushing against the floor instinctively, shifting backward, attempting to maintain distance, mind tugging forward the deeply buried memories that overlapped with your current reality, throat clogging. touya's teeth almost twinkling beneath the moonlight spilling in through your curtains, your fearful nature only spurring the sinful urges bubbling within him.

fingers roughly tugging the blanket from your grasp, discarding it behind him, hand shifting to grip your chin, harshly raising your downturned gaze, "anyone ever tell you how cute you look on your knees?" query met with your silent glare, eyes slowly drifting to the object tucked snugly into his waistband, its silver handle offering a gleam.

touya's attention following with a chuckle, "ah, there's no need to be afraid," words slow, as if to infantilise. pulling the weapon from its sheath, crouching down to your level, pushing the nozzle against his temple, his finger hooking around the trigger, applying pressure, "bang!" whispered with a smile, cadence lax, mocking, "see, the safety's on."

the nozzle of the weapon a pointer, touya gesturing to the plushies surrounding you, "i like your collection," the click of the safety being flicked off ringing in your ears as the tip trailed down your cheek. eyes fluttering shut, strained as tears collected in them, horror engulfing you in a deep embrace, a ghost of a smile resting on touya's lips as he observed your shuddering being, resting the tip on your lower lip, dragging downward, parting, "they're almost as sweet as you are."

swallowing thickly, ripping your face from his vile grip with a shaky exhale, eyes trained on the swirls engrained in the wooden flooring, "w-where's tomura ?" voice low, endeavouring an authoritative sound, nerves failing you. "he's still busy, sweetheart," azure washing over your features like icy water, shivers trailing your skin in it's wake, "but, it's alright," finger hooking under your chin, sight linking "we can keep each other entertained in the meantime."

nausea fizzing within your stomach, his touch almost singeing your flesh, "so, why don't you tell me your name, hm ?" your lips tucked in a firm line as he spoke, silence wafting through the thick atmosphere, a gust of wind leaving touya's own with a sigh. "alright, then, do you live here alone ?" peace broken by his words, resuming as his query drifted, irritation pricking his skin at your reserved speech, your lips almost sewn, "not a talker, are you ?" exasperation laced thickly between the words, "do you want to tell me anything about yourself ?"

a shadow stretching across your bedroom floor, forcing your eyes to lift, hope blossoming in your chest, a rigid tone sounding, "this isn't the restroom, touya." the budding flames of exhilaration held within the man's orbs offering licks as tomura spoke, eyes raking over your features, savouring the minor details, memorising, "so it isn't," he whispered, amusement evident.

setting a small pat to your head as he joined the man in the doorway, "i see why you keep them locked up," setting a few knocks to tomura's chest with the firearm, smirk curling his lips as he turned. cyan shards piercing through your skin, insides cringing under the observation of the raven haired man, head cocking as he scanned your quivering form, "i'd want to keep them all to myself, too."

                               ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

silence floated throughout the halls, rigid body and racing mind lulled by the sweet nothings tomura whispered. your head nestling into his chest in a tight embrace, body rocking with uneven breaths, "shh," he hummed, setting soothing strokes over your back, his familiar scent offering tranquility "it's okay, we're all alone now," words gentle, fingers gently threading through your locks, "just you and me, yeah ?"

hands flattening against his chest, heat slowly seeping into your palms like a campfire as you gently pushed him away with a sniffle. tomura's hand moving to cup your soaked cheek, brows knit, shame fogging his orbs in a thick rouge mist as he thumbed away the tears, "w-who were they, tomura ?" exhales jagged.

rubies smoothing over your face, clumped lashes lining your glassy doe-eyes, rosy cheeks plump, tear stained, glossy lips forming a light pout. the angled rise and fall of your chest, the fuzzy cloud embracing your mind in a iron grip, the tremors in your delicate hands, all resultant due to tomura's feigned ignorance. his jaw clenching as rue dripped into his veins like an iv, the venomous drug coursing through his body, "they're colleagues of mine," he pushed.

vague words erupting a deep frustration within you, "colleagues that carry so casually, tomura ?" your words piercing thorns into his side, "well i can't exactly work a typical nine to five, kid," brows knitting, "i thought you were a freelancing tattoo artist, since when were guns added to the job description ?"

tomura slipping out a cavernous sigh, fingers sinking into niveous tufts as he took a perch on the bed, "it's complicated," the heels of his palms finding solitude in the dips of his eyes.

tomura's discomposed state setting a wave of contrition through you, settling beside him, your hand shifting to rest on his leg, "are they the reason why you...um ?" trailing off into a murmur, unable to string the words, ruing the question entirely, tomura's gaze lifting, replying before you could mend it, "went to jail ?" a sigh hanging heavy on his lips, "partially, yeah."

a beat of silence resting between you for a moment as you nodded, queries tumbling in your mind, "was it...um, scary ?" a soft chuckle leaving his lips at the naïve question, shrugging, "not really," his hand interlocking with yours, eyes linking, "if you know the right people."

fingers moving to your hair, tucking a few loose strands behind your ear, moving to cup your cheek as he turned to you, "im so sorry, kid," tomura's eyes raking over your face, sorrow swimming within them. "for tonight, it wasn't," a dry scoff, shaking his head, sighing, "it wasn't supposed to happen like that, but even then, i know them and i should've known it would've, it's-" speech quickening with each syllable, your hand settling over his own, warmth melding with his, the sincerity that carried his words something you were unaccustomed to, his sentences almost foreign. body lined with discomfort, aware of your burdensome nature as tomura expressed his view, the apology causing the rise of a sense of shame within you. heart clenching at just the thought of him feeling the need to do such a thing for you, "i-it's okay, tomura," cutting his ramble short, a soft smile tugging your features.

"it's not," he sternly refuted, brows furrowing at your swift mercy, "it's my fault, ____, i shouldn't have let them come, knowing who they are to their very core," his lips twisting in contempt for his own failures, keigo's rotten words burning in his mind as he spoke, "and to let them in despite it all," a dry laugh, "it was naïve of me, stupid and you...you didn't deserve to experience the brunt of my errors," his hand offering a squeeze, "im truly sorry, love."

lashes failing to withhold water, your tears resumed, a soft smile resting on your features at the firm argument. the ache engulfing you before his continuation dissipating as you let the words sink in. "i just..." a gentle hiccup of a breath, "i don't know what's going on in it's entirety but, i meant what i said earlier," inching closer, words matching the insistence of his own, "i trust you, tomura."

tomura could feel the gentle glow of warmth growing in his chest at your affirmation, his lips sealing the proclamation as they met yours in a sweet kiss. intertwined hands unlacing, shifting to your waist, guiding you atop his lap, knees bent on either side of his pelvis, your own disappearing into snow, fingers raking through icy strands, the locks just as silky as you presumed.

tomura viewed you as something of a painting, a timeless, priceless piece, highly sought after, something to be handled with the utmost fragility. the air that surrounded you, an artistic mix of expertly chosen colours, rare, scarce. the first form of portrait art, a being so captivating, alluring, serene that one had the overwhelming urge to capture it in the moment and seal it's divinity for all to indulge in forevermore. touya's rusty, battered, razored claws, his poison tipped words, piercing through the canvas with ease, scarring your skin. tomura's lips, his unyielding fervency, cementing the tares, sewing the canvas that is you, together again with his touch alone.

tomura deepening the kiss, earning a soft whimper, his tongue slipping into your mouth at the reaction, bodies heating at the mere touch of one another, suffocating passion encasing your very beings in a cage of fire.

the crimson threads of your individual strings looping, binding into a ropey tether as you indulged. soft moans exchanged like the words of an insightful conversation as your lips moved, hands canvassing each others bodies, memorising, sealing your fate amongst eager caresses and gentle giggles.

[mamapyjama]

I’ve been rereading the current anime arc in the manga, and finally got to The Apology™️, and I wondered what words Katsuki used before translation.

Disclaimer: I’m sure others must have posted about this before but I couldn’t recall reading it myself. I do remember there was a lot of talk about the way he used “gomen” as the Japanese fandom were saying how cute and childlike it sounded, so I thought I’d see if there was anything else interesting there.

Oh, my sweet sweet baby boy…

So, just before he says ‘Sorry for everything’ (ima made gomen), he says:

言ってどうにかなるもんじゃねェけど

本音だ

出久

“Itte dōnika naru mon ja nē kedo… Honne da…Izuku”

Which in the English translation, gave us:

And “speak my truth” is lovely and all, but the word from the original that stuck out for me was ‘honne’.

I’m not sure how familiar most people are with honne–tatemae (I only know about it because I go way way too in-depth when researching for my fics lol), but it’s a concept that every Japanese person is deeply aware of, and underpins much of their society.

Here’s the Wikipedia intro:

Ohhh, that is some extra juicy context for Kacchan’s speech. Essentially, he is saying that everything up until now has been his tatemae, a public façade to protect his own position (strong, powerful hero etc), but that he can’t keep that up and he wants Izuku to see his honne, his true, private self.

Excuse me while I melt from the cuteness.

But WAIT! There’s more!

How much do you know about second-person pronouns in Japanese? (Nope, this isn’t about ‘kare’ again this time hehe).

You’ve probably noticed in the anime that Kacchan says “Temee” a lot, and you may have also noticed that it tends to get translated as cursing. So it actually just means ‘you,’ but like a really rude way of saying it, such that the only way of reflecting that in English is to replace ‘you’ with something like Bastard or Asshole.

Again, have an expert explain:

This and the below are from a very excellent article about second-person pronouns and how they are used for context and drama in anime specifically. I’d recommend reading it as the context is really interesting!

So although pronouns aren’t actually commonly used or necessary in much spoken Japanese, when they are used, it’s a deliberate way to tell you about the relationship dynamic between two characters.

But why, you may ask, am I talking about pronouns again?!

Because, dear friends, throughout the first half of his speech, Kacchan uses ‘temee’ as usual to describe his past with Izuku. I’ve highlighted it below, and pls also note the shaky speech bubble showing his nerves during the ‘honne’ section. 🥺

HOWEVER, straight after he says he wants Izuku to see his Honne, Katsuki switches pronouns from ‘Temee’ (v rude), to ‘Omae’ (very casual/familiar). Below is the page after the apology.

Considering we now know pronouns are not necessary to convey meaning, that’s a hell of a lot of omaes on one page!! Boy cannot get enough of saying it.

If you want more about the different pronouns, see below for a helpful table of common uses for both. And please indulge my shippy heart for highlighting the second usage (but, like ‘kare’, you never know)…

Katsuki is showing Izuku immediately and repeatedly that this is who he wants to be to him and how he wants the world to see them. His honne, his inner desire, is to be close to Izuku, to treat him as an equal.

He’s not just saying sorry, he’s showing that—at least from his perspective—things are going to be different from now on. But, like, also, that this was how he felt about him in private the whole time?! GAHHHH.

So there you go, the apology that was already a massive turning point in their story/relationship was actually even deeper and more beautiful than we all thought. Yet again, Japanese conveys nuance and intention far beyond what can be translated. 😭💕

[justporo]

A Night of Fake Smiles and Hidden Lies

Hi, uhm - I don't really now how to start. I am currently writing a long fic in which Astarion and Tav get invited to a ball. It's been going for a while and I thought (very selfishly and self-indulgently) how about I promote it a little since so many new people have joined. It's a still ongoing story. I'd say it's a very chaotic mix of sweet, fluffy, spicy even sometimes and some darker tones in between. I really pour my heart and soul into this project and try to challenge myself! But maybe it's better to just give you some sneak peeks (from like every other chapter)? I'd be super happy if you were interested to check it out! Thanks to @megschaef98 for suggesting some of your fave parts, ily!

To the chapterlist!

You looked at the invitation in his slender hands. Two golden lines framed the card and under a decorative print stood in elegant cursive writing: “His Lordship Lord De Grodt requests the pleasure of the Company of Lord Astarion Ancunín & Tav to a Ball at Herrenfordt Castle on October 5th, 1493 DR after dusk.” “They really only just wrote ‘Tav’? Should I be insulted?” “You don’t have a last name?”, Astarion asked while looking up from the card. “No, Astarion, I grew up on the streets, because my parents abandoned me – I’m only Tav, always have been”, you answered, only a tad of bitterness in your voice. “Well, my love, you could always just take mine”, the vampire replied smugly and grinned at you. “Weird way to propose”, you muttered under your breath but then immediately said before Astarion could react: “So what do you make of this?”

(Prologue)

So, you finally strode over and took in the garment: It was a striking deep blue that became lighter and a wonderful shade of purple up to lavender further down the skirt – impressively similar to the colours the sky turned when the sun set. It had a high collar that didn’t fully close around the neck in the front, so it allowed for a deep neckline that almost looked like a four-pointed star and long flowy sleeves that from the elbows down became cascading trains of fabric. The bodice was decorated with embroidered bigger four-point stars and smaller sparkles in silver and a few shiny stones. From the slender belt around the waistline down it became a luscious silken skirt that was carefully draped with few more star decorations that became fewer the more the colours lightened. It was quite frankly stunning. Regal and elegant, but not overly flamboyant which would have been something you would have never felt comfortable to wear. And the most important thing: no corset. You wouldn’t have believed it, but you were actually excited to put this garment on.

(Chapter 2)

All around people were standing as couples or smaller groups: chatting, slandering, laughing, drinking the champagne or eating the food being offered by the many servants passing through the crowd with huge silver trays. Some seemed to be well in their cups already, staggering or sloshing their drinks while talking and gesticulating animatedly. Some couples already seemed very handsy as well – hands wandering deeper from backs to more insolent regions, décolletages emphasised with a carefully placed hand or arched back, spines straightened and shoulders rolled back to look taller and more intimidating. Gold, diamonds and pearls seemed to be everywhere you looked. Everything and everyone was sparkling in their finery and giving off the aura of careless excess and frivolous debauchery. Jewels shone from daunting cleavages, signet rings clanked on chalices, flamboyant headpieces swung around during coquettish laughter, deep red lips left stains on crystal glasses and silk shone like liquid in the dim lighting. An impressive display of languid ignorance and luxurious degeneracy. And it was more than impressive even – it was intimidating.

(Chapter 4)

“So sweet, my dear darling, almost as sweet as you”, he whispered hauntingly while you felt drips from the delicious fruit run over your fingers and hand and waves of arousal ran through your body. Then he leaned in again, taking the rest of the strawberry out of your hand, his soft lips closing around your fingers, sucking for a short moment and his tongue flicking over your fingers. Astarion’s sparkling ruby eyes were still on you, patiently observing your reaction, one eyebrow twitching playfully. Your lips parted slightly and your eyes widened as the vampire then lifted your hand up farther and just licked the remaining strawberry juice off the palm of your hand, his fingers steadily around your wrist.

(Chapter 6)

The demon gave a low and rumbly chuckle. “I see”, he had said and with a snap his admirers had returned to roam his body with their hands. “But if you ever change your mind…” He had left the sentence unfinished, his gaze again boring into you until you felt almost stripped naked in front of him and Astarion had protectively placed his hand on your shoulder and quickly led you out of the room. So now you stood in the back of another dimly lit room and listened to this poet theatrically presenting some of his poems: “The moaning and the groaning, The sighing and the sobbing, Are quieted now, With that horrible throbbing.” He enunciated every word carefully, his tone and conduct underlining the meaning of his words – it was quite a thing to watch and listen to. People sat and stood around the artist in a half circle, the performance area marked by some small cold, bright mage lights that were the only light source in this room. The sharp illumination from below then made the performance of the poet even more ghostly. Astarion and you were both leaning against the wall in the back, observing the show in companiable silence.

(Chapter 7)

CHAPTERLIST | READ ON AO3 | MASTERLIST

[hestzhyen]

WSJ 2024 Musings

Please pardon the self-indulgence, kind void. It's the end of the year and I give almost everything that the magazine runs a chance, so I wanna reflect on the 2024 Weekly Shounen Jump "experience". Behold the kind of hobby data I track in spreadsheets (yes I'm a lonely person, please no bully).

Format

Title (start month/year, # of chapters) - thoughts & impressions. Each category sorted from oldest title -> newest

Axed (U19 or Close Enough)

Martial Master Asumi (06/23, 32 chapters) - I liked this and I genuinely don't understand why it didn't succeed. Nito and Nao were a great duo, the sport was lovingly depicted, and the story was unfolding at a great clip while being easy to follow despite me not knowing a damn thing about MMA. Nito was kind of annoying with how hesitant he was, but he was getting a lot better right before the series was cancelled. Chalking this up to Japan's shit taste I guess.

MamaYuyu (09/23, 29 chapters) - REEEEE I LOVED THIS except for the uninspired magic system and harem elements (Minerva best girl by the way). Also had a distinct lack of Mama Yuyu despite her being in the title. The horror aspects of this were amazing though and I hope the author does a spooky series. He really has a talent for depicting the unnerving.

Two on Ice (09/23, 28 chapters) - sports series have to be super gay or super good in premise to get me to read them and this didn't qualify on either point. Not sure what I missed but guess it wasn't much.

Green Green Greens (11/23, 26 chapters) - same as above and lol golf, good luck in a magazine mostly aimed at a school-age demographic (not even the Kuroko no Basuke guy could make it work).

Shadow Eliminators (12/23, 19 chapters) - a really rough start and bad pacing combined with a generic premise killed this from the get-go, I think. It's unfortunate because the author was really cooking by putting a guy in the heroine role (listen, I have my priorities and I won't apologise for them). MC-kun's story was actually interesting too and I would have liked to see it play out longer. At least he and the heroine guy went to the cultural festival together at the end, which is easily construed as romantic when it's just two people. Oh and the ninja girl who talked through a paper bag hand puppet was super cute.

Dear Anemone (02/24, 17 chapters) - fuck you, I liked it. I love dark body horror and this was really interesting despite some jumbled storytelling once the secondary characters were introduced. Probably would have seen more success in a different magazine... or I'm just coping hard. MC-kun was also totally in love with the Best Friend Guy that he admired so much and no one can convince me otherwise.

Kyokuto Necromance (04/24, 18 chapters) - I feel bad for this author. I liked Aliens Area too, and it breaks my heart that he sounded so defeated in his final author's comments when this got cancelled. I hope he tries again because he has good ideas and characters- they just need more time to get off the ground than WSJ typically allows.

Psych House (05/24, 17 chapters) - it was cute and I read it to the end, but it was deservedly cut short for being boring as hell most of the time. I hated the little scientist girl with every fibre of my being too which didn't help since she was a recurring character. I think there were only one or two chapters I actually enjoyed and I kept reading mostly because Nemuru (bucket kid) was a really well-done portrayal of autism. Just read the chapters where MC-chan's friends stalk her and Bucket-kun around town and the one where they go out shopping for pajamas for Bucket-kun. They're the best and only really worthwhile parts of this series (not even MC-chan's drama with her mom was compelling despite the very solid premise).

Yokai Buster Murakami (06/24, 21 chapters) - knew this wasn't for me right away, and seems like a lot of Japanese readers agreed. The jokes in the first three chapters weren't particularly funny or unique so I dropped it pretty fast. Everyone who thought it was "safe" because it was in the last slot as a comedy series probably shouldn't make bets or predictions in 2025.

Finished Series

Boku no Hero Academia (07/14, 430 chapters) - I think this is the last manga of it's kind in WSJ. The end of this series means an end to the mindset of extending a popular series until it runs out of steam (One Piece is a completely different beast in it's own league). All the big hit series in recent times like JJK and KnY were allowed to tell faster, shorter stories and Kagurabachi -the next mega-hit in waiting- is poised to challenge it's predecessor's speed run statistics. But I don't think BnHA overstayed it's welcome despite dropping it a few times due to lack of interest over the years. I have issues with the execution on main themes, how certain powers were handled, and the ending felt too rushed but it really wasn't a bad series at the end of the day. It deserved the popularity and I'll be interested if the author starts up something new. Shout out to Deku and Ochako for not being a horrible couple too- they had some genuine chemistry between them, which is unusual for a WSJ series.

Jujutsu Kaisen (03/18, 271 chapters) - I'm freeeeeee. Only slightly jesting. I feel bad for the author since he was in poor health by the end and clearly just wanted to end it, but I don't miss waiting to see how a fight turned out. JJK did that thing I dislike where characters biff and bam around a battlefield for eons without significant character development, so I read it in bursts instead of weekly until the last arc. The explanations of powers was clunky, some significant plot points weren't sufficiently followed up on for my tastes (mostly around Yuuji and his "brothers")... it was a bit of a mess of a manga but the ideas the author was trying to express were very good. I love how Yuuji got through to Megumi in the end, and what Megumi wished for, how Gojo saw himself, the blatant SatoSugu stuff, the idiot twins dynamic between Yuuji and Nobara- there was a lot of excellence in this series that got hampered by the sub-par battles. I hope Gege can rest and come back if he's still interested in doing so.

Cipher Academy (11/22, 58 chapters) - this ran a little too long to say it was "axed" but it was definitely cut shorter than the author intended. I like Nisioisin for more than his Monogatari Series stuff and I was hoping this would would stay longer, but alas. Iroha was great and I loved the unsexualized, un-haremized(?) female cast that surrounded him. I was too stupid to follow most of the codes and puzzles but that didn't stop me from checking in every week to see what went down. I also have the deepest respect for the various people who translated this series every week because it was absolute hell for them to do it even with some extra time afforded. Doing a good Nisioisin series translation without a book's worth of TL notes is already a feat, never mind trying to translate one involving tons of Japanese-language specific cryptograms and puzzles.

Limbo Series

Mission: Yozakura Family (08/19, 256+ chapters) - I'll admit I've never read this. All I know is that the jokes of it being so middling that it gets forgotten in every type of list are true because I also almost forgot to put it here. Apparently it's ending soon, so I hope the fans of it get a satisfying conclusion.

Undead Unluck (01/20, 236+ chapters) - I read this for a bit, dropped it, and don't remember why so I guess it wasn't worth following after all. Not to say it's bad, just not my speed I guess. Another series that's ending soon so I hope it goes out on a high note for the people who like it.

Kill Blue (04/23, 83+ chapters) - I tried to like this one, I really did. But I think the author would do better to stick to gay sports series that aren't golf. The premise was iffy for me but I was willing to roll with it until everything got bogged down in the haunted house arc and I dropped it out of boredom. The only notable thing this series has done done is daughterzone the middle school girl to the mid-40's(?) MC, which shouldn't be a relief but, y'know. It's not selling too hot so we'll see how long the author can coast off of the mega success of his Magical Gay Basketball series and the general lack of strong competition for spots in WSJ right now.

Nue's Exorcist (05/23, 80+ chapters) - never read this because I'm not into ecchi harem battle manga, but hope it's satisfying the people who do like it. Also not doing stellar in sales but it's not in a lot of danger either.

New Additions Still Running

Super Psychic Policeman Chojo (02/24, 44+ chapters) - I was a fan of Samon the Summoner so I gave this a chance, but it's too skewed towards referential comedy for my tastes. I do love this author's scumbag MCs though. It's not doing great or terrible in sales (for a comedy series) so far, so it's anyone's guess how long it'll last. It won't be overtaking Roboco any time soon though. Hope the Kochikame collab next issue gives it a boost to close the gap a little just because I like the author.

Astro Royale (04/24, 35+ chapters) - I was intrigued and willingly following along with this until chapter 8, at which point I dropped it like a shit-covered brick. The really unfunny transphobic "jokes" about a femme bad guy and dated gender role BS for the sister that was introduced have blacklisted this author for me forever. I don't care how much I liked the rest of the supporting cast, I don't care if the author writes a series that sells a billion copies with a single volume- I'm never going to give him a chance again unless he makes an effort to improve on how he treats women and trans people in his works (as if he'd care, I know). It's another series that isn't doing great in sales but probably isn't going to be axed imminently because it's still selling better than other stuff.

Ultimate Exorcist Kiyoshi (06/24, 26+ chapters) - please read this, it's got so much heart and soul! It's definitely not a perfect series -the action's nothing to write home about and the story isn't original- but the characters are top-tier and this author knows how to play with reader expectations. It feels like an earnest love letter to the essence of shounen manga that's just about found it's footing with the most recent chapters. Kiyoshi's in the same boat as Astro in terms of sales- not great, but it's being given room to see if it grows or treads water. I hope it grows because this is a joy to read almost every week.

Hima-Ten! (07/24, 24+ chapters) - the best way I can describe this after dropping it at chapter 2 is "ToraDora for people who don't want to read ToraDora in [current year]". Unfortunately I don't want to see ecchi of high school girls, so the panty shot in the second chapter made it clear this series isn't for me. It goes in the bin of "hope it does well for the target audience" titles. It's seeing some modest success, but it's got a long way to go if it wants to reach the same tier as Nisekoi and BokuBen (We Never Learn).

Ichi the Witch (09/24, 16+ chapters) - I trust the Iruma author with my life, and the artist also being a woman helped me believe that this wouldn't be a male power fantasy series despite the premise. So far it's delivered with phenomenal art and characters and a story that's just interesting enough to keep it in my mind. I do appreciate the author and artist's intentional additions of diversity through Desscaras (best girl no contest) and what could be some trans femme and/or gender non-conforming folks in a position of power. Will be looking to see how volume 1 sales fare when it comes out early next year. WSJ wants this to be a hit with the billing it gets already, though, so I hope it meets expectations!

Shinobi Undercover (09/24, 15+ chapters) - I'm honestly not sure how to feel about this series. The MC is fun to follow, and I like the main girl well enough, but it feels like this series isn't sure how to strike a balance between action and romcom plot beats. I think if it doesn't hit it's stride soon it could be in trouble. Happy to be wrong even if I end up dropping it though!

Hakutaku (09/24, 14+ chapters) - this is dead in the water and it kind of deserves to be. It's cute but there's not much else to say about it since it glosses over the interesting bits of game development and goes for emotional and cool moments that it doesn't build up enough to earn. I think the author has a passion for indie game dev but it's just not coming across that well with all the yapfests and skimming the technical bits. Then again, I'm a tech person that gets annoyed when my hobby/career/interest is simplified for non-tech people in ways I don't like, so... maybe I'm just elitist? Either way, I don't see this making it out of the U19 club with how poorly it's been doing in surveys and rankings. RIP hope the author isn't discouraged and I'll see this one out to the end.

Syd Craft: Love is a Mystery (11/24, 6+ chapters) - Bit too early to say how this one's faring, but it seems like a competent romcom. It's not a genre I like most of the time so I won't be reading further than chapter 4 but surely the BokuBen author will have another banger with this. Surely. I do like the MC at least. But it doesn't seem like it will satisfy anyone who wants actual mysteries to solve- it's a series that's firmly planted in the romcom territory while using Sherlock Holmes aesthetics for comedy.

Safe Series

One Piece (07/97, 1134+ chapters) - what is there to say about a legend? It's the face of the magazine and feels like it will be around forever despite Oda saying he wants to end it at some point. I don't have it in me to catch up with it but I respect the hell out of this series for it's popularity and longevity.

Me and Roboco (07/20, 215+ chapters) - I feel like too many jokes are lost in translation to fully appreciate this as someone who really only understands English, sadly. But it has an impressive run for a comedy series and shows no signs of slowing down any time soon. If your series gets a Roboco parody, you know you've made it.

Sakamoto Days (11/20, 195+ chapters) - the action never fails to disappoint! Even if the story gets boring at points, there's always some killer art to look forward to. I'm also really digging the current arc so it's good vibes all around for this series right now. Just wish the author could decide on how far he wants to stretch realism when it comes to people's assassin techniques. It's got an anime airing in the 2025 Winter season so I hope that brings in new fans (and has good direction and animation, which is vital to sell those stunning action scenes).

The Elusive Samurai (01/21, 185+ chapters) - I'll admit it, this is a series that I'm not worldly enough to appreciate. Historical fiction is a tough sell to me to begin with and being bombarded with completely unfamiliar names, locations, and events every chapter left me feeling pretty lost. I stuck with it for a while just because I liked AssClass and Neuro so much but I had to admit defeat around chapter 60 or so. Maybe the anime would be easier to digest?

Witch Watch (02/21, 184+ chapters) - dropped it early on since it's a romcom, but it seems cute and is doing well so I hope it stays successful for it's fans. Anime soon!

Blue Box (04/21) - I liked the one-shot and the author deserves all the success from the little I've read of this. Again, not my genre, but glad to see it doing well. Hope the anime is a hit too!

Akane-banashi (02/22, 140+ chapters) - easily would be #1 for me if not for a certain edgy sword manga. The art, the story, the characters- everything comes together perfectly to weave a compelling narrative that is absolutely an odd fit for WSJ, but enriches the magazine for being present. Everyone needs to read this series! It's crazy how consistently amazing it is! You don't have to know a thing about rakugou to get invested and fall in love. The current arc in particular has been 10/10 chapters for months now and I can't recommend it enough!

*Ruri Dragon (06/22, 26+ chapters) - another "not my thing" series- I tried it before it went on hiatus and it's alright, apparently very good for people who like Slice of Life and cozy coming-of-age stories. Glad the author's feeling better and is able to keep going.

Kagurabachi (09/23, 63+ chapters) - ...do I need to say anything? I don't write hundreds of thousands of words for any series but this one. It took over my brain and I've been completely enthralled for months now- it quite literally occupies almost every waking thought. Much like Akane-banashi, all the core elements come together in an incredibly satisfying way that makes it a must-read for fans of the genre it belongs to. The action is stellar, the characters are phenomenal, the story is blisteringly fast but still being competently told for the most part, and the way sensitive topics are handled should be held up as a model for other authors to follow. If you only read one manga in WSJ, you're missing out. But make it Kagurabachi.

*Digital Exclusive (not printed in the physical magazine)

Hiatus x Hiatus

Hunter x Hunter (03/98, 410+ chapters) - I love this series, I really do. Togashi's the only author who can get me to read his novel when I signed up for a manga. I always look forward to it's return and I hope the author's health holds up long enough for him to end it in a way he's happy with. Re-reading the current arc in full when it's finished will be a fun few week's worth of political gamesmanship!

Overall Thoughts

The magazine's in an interesting period of transition right now. Many of the new series launched this year aren't generating a lot of buzz, big and middling series have ended or are ending soon, and the near-future age demographics in Japan pose some serious questions about what WSJ will do to adapt and keep selling.

The magazine is nowhere close to being in dire straits, to be clear. WSJ is more of a publication for all ages that has a lot of appeal to 12-17 year old boys at it's core. But that demographic is shrinking while the aging population grows. I think this is why the magazine is experimenting with more mature series like Kagurabachi and Chainsaw Man from a few years back- they know they can't keep the same raw sales numbers up if they rely on the core demographic as much as they used to.

The dearth of mainstay mega-hits compared to years past is also why some series like Kiyoshi and Astro are being given more grace than if they had ran a few years earlier. Neither series is doing great in terms of volume sales, but they're not obviously unpopular enough to be easy axes for something with more potential. They have breathing room for as long as there needs to be more action/battle manga in the lineup and nothing more promising comes along. They're safer than ever with Undead Unluck and Yokozora ending soon too.

If we're talking mega-hits in the making -JJK and BnHA replacements- then the only clear option right now is Kagurabachi. This isn't to put my favourite series up on a pedestal! It's just that, historically, the WSJ series that get the most attention and recognition are action series. When people think of WSJ "pillars" they think of the battle series even if a romcom is outselling everything but One Piece (happened this month with Blue Box coming in #2 for volume sales of WSJ titles).

I think Ichi the Witch can find success but it's the only one out of everything that's been released this year that I have any significant faith in, to be honest. I want Kiyoshi to do well and keep going, but it's not exactly "hit" material right now and the volume sales reflect that. Everything else is too early to say or already not doing so hot for WSJ standards.

I think this could be an opportunity for experimentation. WSJ has had a pretty consistent lineup of an ecchi series, a romcom, some comedy, a drama/mystery here and there, and a lot of action. Adding pure Slice of Life series like Ruri Dragon and Psych House shows a desire to branch out in my opinion. The success of a pure drama series with a female protagonist in Akane-banashi is also encouraging. I would definitely like to see more genres! Maybe even a proper horror series...?! I'll be looking at the new 2025 serials with a keen eye for any new trends. Maybe in a few years we'll have the "pillars" be something other than only action manga!

Alrighty, that's a wrap. Thank you if you read this and I hope 2025 is good to you. May we all find a new manga series to fall in love with! And may it survive the axe!

[blindbatalex]

bruins hrpf recs from the server #1

What's that you ask? Why, it's a weekly fic rec list for bruins hrpf, brought to you by our humble server! We start with the theme of✨ self-recs ✨ to kick things off:

And In Flu Enza by @confusion-is-wonderful || various, team ensemble || 12,655 words

(and we no longer need to run) let’s not fight what’s in our blood by @fvcking-damage || marcheron || 94,775 words || author's note: longest thing i’ve ever written (so far!) and i had a lot of fun writing it. i wrote it with so much love and it’s a bit personal to me, how i reflected some of the things i’ve gone through into this story and through magic, it’s one close to my heart

BAM-BAM by @gaybroons || cambrick || 1,103 words || author's note: it is a very silly “stuck in wall” trope, and I feel like I had fun with it! :)

finally i feel like i have a home here by fvcking-damage || marcheron || 21,257 words || author's note: i like this one because even though it’s one of the first things i wrote, i love it so much! it was a trip rescuing this wip and reworking it for a completely different fandom— and making it work! i love taking things slow and making these two fall in love

I'm Losing the Feeling by @thebluejayawe || marcheron & team ensemble || 4,301 words || author's notes: ~,,,,I go back and reread this. This is a self promo of truth, I reread my own work and enjoy it sm. This whole fic was written for my exact interests. I’m vaguely happy more than me enjoys it

Love and Marriage by @blindbatalex || willypasta || 11,749 words || author's note: this fic is dear to me not only bc it pushed the boundaries of my abilities at the time but also bc i allowed myself to be as silly and self-indulgent as i wanted for once - and who doesn't want to see willy get adopted by the bruins vets ;)

Sweet by anonymous || marcheron || 15,559 words || author's note: i like it because it is about how everything is about sex except sex which is about being hungry.

take my hand by blindbatalex || marcheron || 7,670 words || author's note: person who thinks they are doomed only to underestimate just how much they are loved is like catnip to me!! besides i had a blast with the worldbuilding and the magic here.

They'd find us in a week (I’d be home with you) by @gaybroons || swaymark || 1,686 words || author's note: it was the very first fic I wrote!!! Opened the flood gates. Will always be special to me <3 there’s this one scene where sway is being hand fed berries that I really like, personally.

(we won't break, we won't die) it's just a moment of change by @munch4march || marcheron || 12,531 words || author's note: i love this one bc it's a 5+1 which is one of my favorite formats, but the 5 and the 1 are lowkey just little individual fics in themselves of brad contemplating the captaincy and the weight that comes with it while patrice is there for him. i think it's sweet

Wild Horses by @thebluejayawe || marcheron || 13,331 words || author's notes: ~I’m absurdly proud of this particular part of the series. Like. I feel like it’s some of my best writing and it was so long ago 😭I want back what I haddd

[rose7420]

Astarion BG3 GT Story

I've been wanting a GT Astarion story so this is self-indulgent...

Warnings: Language, Nudity

“I know how to cast a goddamn spell Astarion” You huff out as you stand up from the blanket you both sit on. He chuckles, standing up to follow you.

Ever since you’d been back to set up camp he’d been pestering you about your mishap. On your mission to set up, a group of goblins had ambushed and in attempts to take them out quicker, you’d sent a fire blast incantation. 

It backfired.

You wouldn’t lie and say it didn’t hurt like utter hell but to Astarion’s smug face, you’d never admit it. Thankfully at the time you had been carrying around a vial of healing potion and that cleared up the blistering burn. But for now, you were stuck with the irksome vampire until the rest of your party arrived. The group had split up into two; Shadowheart, Gale, and Karlach off to kill a nest of spiders and their matriarch. You made it very clear this was not an adventure you’d partake in with your arachnophobia and promised to set up camp. Astarion had conveniently left out through the whole previous weeks of the group’s journey of his fear of spiders too. But you knew how he was. A true diva to the core. Right now you’d almost rather take the spiders.

“You know it is rather unsettling knowing how undisciplined of a sorcerer you are. How in the world did you make it to be the unsaid leader of the group?’He clicks his tongue, steps matching with yours now as you trudge into the woods.

“Go find something to bite!” You groan coming to a stop.

“And leave you alone? Darling if something happened to you I couldn’t live with myself knowing I left such an atrocious spellcaster to defend themselves.”

His teasing words are the edge of the cliff for you. “That’s it!” You yell and cast a mute spell towards him in an effort to shut him up.

You know that it backfires again when a sudden, unexpected sensation washes over you. Your head spins for a moment with a wave of nausea. Then after a few seconds, it's gone. 

“Oh dear…” You hear a booming voice say. Astarion’s. You groan.

You open your eyes ready to yell some more. 

But then you stop.

All around you, everything is enlarged, and like you’ve entered a world of giants. Massive pebbles as big as rocks now, grains of dirt larger than your hand. It’s unrecognizable but it's the same place you’ve always known.

“Well now, that didn’t go as planned, did it? Was your plan to shrink me?”

Your head snaps up taking in the enormous form of Astarion now. And your mouth dries.

He was always a few inches taller than you, him having substantial height for an elf. But now he was godlike. It was mind-numbing to think about how fucking huge he was now. Your eyes follow the gigantic black, leather knee-high boot all the way to his crossed arms and smirking face. You stumble back, overwhelmed by his size and not bothering to mention the fact you cast a mute spell not reduce.

He continues to stand being the little shit he is. Not bothering to kneel.

“Are you going to say something or simply take in my charm little dear? I completely understand the latter choice mind you. What a pleasure I assume that you get to bask in even more of me than usual…”  Of course, he’d say that. He’s probably enjoying this entire thing. For all you know, he has a kink for tiny chicks.

You’re pulled from your thoughts as he shifts his weight slightly, making his boot crunch a leaf.

Fear is no stranger to you in this daunting lifestyle. That quick feeling of your heart skipping a beat and limbs electrifying as you meet your opponent's glare. 

But here you’re useless. One step from his boot and you’re simply another bloodstain on the ground. 

So that’s exactly when you start to run. 

Rationally you know he has the upper hand in almost every way. He’s fast, an expert at hunting, and the small detail of him having a hundred feet on you now. Except it’s you who's smaller than a dormouse and vaulting over twigs that minutes ago you'd snapped with your boot. 

The ground starts to rumble under your feet, causing you to stumble. No doubt Astarion is already on your heels. You still keep running, no idea where you’re headed but far away from-

You stumble, barely managing to avoid falling headfirst into a river.

Well a river to you, but merely a stream to the vampire not far behind you.

You dare glance behind you and see Astarion stalking towards you, his pace unhurried as if this is an afternoon stroll and not a chase. 

You wager you have less than seconds to clear the “river” before he’s caught up. You take a few steps back and start a running leap. You get ready to jump, feet just about to leave the ground when the earth shudders. You misstep, tumbling down the slight slope straight into the running water. 

Your lungs seize with the freezing temperature and you desperately reach out for anything to keep you aloft and not down the stream. The muscles in your arms strain paddling to keep your head above the rapid and take a breath before you’re swept under the current. For a split second everything is peaceful and silent. The only pain is the burning in your lungs. 

Then something cups beneath your body, a tad warmer than the current temperature but not by much. Then you’re lifted away, your body instantly curling up with the chill of the air and your sodden clothes. You cough the water from your lungs.

“I think that went well, don’t you? I’m personally delighted you ran off into the forest like a lunatic! What in the hells were you thinking?” Astarion says, his voice loud. You cover your ears, shivering now. 

He must notice how you don’t respond as he begins to tuck you into his chest with more grunts of complaint. His fingers are surprisingly gentle as he uses the collar of his ruffled undershirt to cover you with. Thankful for the refuge and warmth you close your eyes and pull it around you. You feel every thump of his heart here. An odd but not unfamiliar place for you since you’ve only been this close to Astarion once. 

The one night he was so weak he tried to drink from you in your sleep. You had woken up with his fangs bared at your throat. Immediately he scrambled away, the only time you’d seen him so unsure of himself. He’d explained how weak he was and how he only needed something that would be easy to drink from and no requirement of being hunted. Seeing him as a vital part of your team you allowed him to drink from you. Not to mention you couldn’t bear to stand the sight of the bags under his eyes, how desperate he’d become to make himself vulnerable enough to ask for your help. 

You remember how he’d leaned over you, how his eyes met yours asking permission one last time. With either hand planted beside your head, he’d tilted your jaw up tenderly before sinking his teeth in. The pain had been icy sharp, but his tongue lapped your blood and it settled into a dull, pleasant ache. 

You blink your eyes back to reality as his finger twitches from the sensation of your tiny foot brushing the soft pad. As you tuck your legs in you notice his many rings that adorn his fingers. The one on his middle catches your eye with the ruby gem atop it. The jewelry is elegant and you think of how much it suits Astarion. Your heart still pounds, even with a small twitch the movement of something so big startles you and your stomach flips. You wrap your fingers in the soft cloth of his shirt and deeply inhale to soothe your nerves. And for the first time, you notice how silent Astarion is. 

Peeking a look up at him you see his defined, taught jaw. He’s clenching it looking straight ahead. It’s astounding how much of your vision he takes up. And you can’t help but admit how attractive he is. His throat bobs as he swallows, at one point you’d imagine running your tongue over it but now the damn lump is bigger than you. And the firm chest under you is only a fraction of the rest of his solid, lean body. 

“Are we there yet?” You ask

Astarion looks down at you, huddled in his shirt collar and in a small puddle of water his palm had created. “Patience little mouse.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Why? It’s fitting no?”

“Well then I guess that makes you a…” You search your mind for a fitting creature of his stature compared to you now. With a sigh you have nothing. You settle for ignoring him.

“Don’t go quiet on me now…” He says raising you to his eyes. The sudden elevation is dizzying and you shoot forward to hold onto one of his fingers. 

“Astarion!” You chide him.

“Apologies…” He smirks not being apologetic at all. Probably secretly loving how your chest is pressed tightly against him in your embrace. 

“Serves you well making me chase after you on your mad run.”

“You didn’t have to chase after me.” You pout.

“And become some creature’s next meal? How dreadful of an end for you though…”

You roll your eyes, but notice how his hand curls around you as you shiver. He lowers you back to his chest and almost smothers you with his shirt collar piling it on top of you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later on when Astarion finally gets you both back to camp...

“You can’t sleep in wet clothes.” He says holding out a palm for you to drop them into. 

“It’ll b-be fi-fine As-Astarion.” Your teeth chatter and you bite down to keep them from clacking. 

You sit on his pallet with him towering in front of you despite his sitting position on the ground. His eyes darken as he looms over you. “You’ll take them off or I’ll take them off for you.”

Your heart quickens and you nervously chuckle, “I kn-knew y-you were kin-kinky bu-but-” 

Your words are cut off as his hand whisks you from the ground, placing you in his palm. “A pitiful attempt at seduction on your part my dear. You know I can’t in good mind accept your invitation when you are colder than me… now help me warm you up. You're tinier than a pixie.”

He’s gentle as his fingertips pinch the hem of your shirt to get it over your head. You undo the buttons at your breast to let it slip over your head. He sets them on the ground and lets you go about undoing your bottoms and the wet fabric falls with a slap to his palm. 

You don’t make a move to remove your undergarments. He gives you a questioning look with a lift of one eyebrow. 

“Oh no darling I meant it all. Don’t worry, although tempting I suppose I’ll leave you be tonight.” The side of his mouth quirks in a smile with your blushing face, revealing a glimpse of a sharp fang. 

You roll your eyes and shuck off the rest throwing your bra at his face. It lands on the slope of his nose, so he crosses his eyes to see it making you laugh. With an unimpressed look, he peels off the garment and lays it with the rest. 

“Cheeky little pup…” His eyes flicker up and down your naked form.

You blush and lean back into his palm, feeling very exposed. Not that you aren’t.

“I need some clothes you pervert.” 

Astarion’s eyes are heavy, darkening as he continues to stare. “I suppose you do. Though I don’t have a habit of carrying anything your size darling.”

“I’m not going to stand here naked! Besides I’m cold.” You whine.

He exhales. “Fine, I’ll see what I can do.”

Instead of setting you down on the pallet, he brings you to his shoulder. “What do you expect me to do?” You ask him. Certainly, it can’t be safe up here.

“Climb aboard my little pet.” He purrs. Your stomach jumps from the name.

“Astarion! I could fall! And then you’d miss me and my terrible spellcasting abilities.”

“Ah! You admit it! You were dreadfully awful at it. I suppose you being the size of a mouse and quite adorable make up for it.” He maneuvers you in his hand, instead of standing he has only two fingers gripping your waist. He deposits you right beside his neck. 

The sliver of bare skin feels intimate as you begrudgingly sit down. You even feel his pulse beneath you.

“Hold tight.”

He stands up without warning and your soul leaves your body as the ground moves. It’s all you can do to find something to hold on to which is his beloved hair. Your death grip is certainly noticeable but you can’t seem to care.

“Ow!” Astarion shouts as you watch his hand appear and part you from your only saving grace. You hold tight, not willing to let go while your heart races.

“A little warning next time you stand or anything for that matter! Fuckin hells…” You squeak out.

He must sense your racing heart and relents, pulling his hand away. “Fine… let's come to an agreement. You keep your hands out of my hair as irresistible as it is. I’ll make a better effort to forewarn you of any sudden movements. Deal?”

You grunt and let go of his white curls, hands still shaking from the height you’re at. 

“Oh darling, scared of spiders and now heights…what am I to do with you? Hold on.” You begin to snap at him asking what in the hell he means by both those sentences when his hand engulfs you, tucking you snugly against his shoulder. 

“Ah here we are.” He says lifting his hand away and nudging you to the side with a fingertip. You watch as he puts on a chain necklace. 

When his hand retreats your left staring at it. Did he feel he had a fashion crisis and desperately needed an accessory?

“It’s for you so you feel more… steady. I understand it may be quite daunting to be up so high. And so you quit pulling my hair.” You can tell its hard for him to admit he cares so you quietly thank him and scooch over to wrap an arm around the chain. Instantly you feel more secure.

[senualothbrok]

Could I make a bit of a self-indulgent request?

Because I went through a heavy loss of an important person in my life, and along the way one of the things that comforted me was Gale's story and romance, and I would kinda want to read about how Gale would comfort a tav who's gone through some loss and grief. It could be platonic or it could be romantic but Gale's such a comforting character and I feel like he would give good comforting energy

Hello dear anon. Thank you for your ask. It's lovely to hear from you and there is nothing self indulgent about this at all!

Firstly I'm very sorry for your loss. I am sending you love, hope and healing. And hugs if you like hugs.

I know that like you, and me, many people have found comfort from Gale through very difficult times. He is kind, and caring, and always there for you. He loves you with his whole heart. These things are so healing, especially through grief and loss.

I can definitely write a one shot centred on Gale supporting a Tav through grief and loss. I have some ideas for this already.

I have a couple of WIPs at the moment so it may take me a week or two - apologies - but I will definitely do it.

Thank you for your request, and I truly wish you all the best 💜

[biromantic-nerd]

Tagged by @dustorangeheartssnow

Number of stories posted to ao3: 78

Number of stories posted last year (2024) to ao3: 6 (or 5 + 1 chapter update)

Word count of works posted last year: 30,862 BUT! Since I had a chapter update, it counted that first chapter so it was actually 30,862 - 5,141 so 25,721 words in 2024

Total word count: 652, 774!!!!! Uh WHAT

Fandoms I wrote for in 2024: Merlin BBC, DC Nightwing Batman, Supernatural

Pairings: Gwaine/Merlin for one and the rest were all gen. (Love gen) [edit bc I FORGOT my Ash/Sam fic is technically a pairing]

Work I’m most proud of (and why): Okay there is one standout answer in my mind, easy. It's my "With Magic Soaking My Spine" Merlin fic. I had this idea that I loved and I thought it was far too big for me to write, but I did it anyways out of love. I poured SO MUCH love into that story. I can't believe I almost didn't post it - or write it at all - because I thought I wouldn't be able to give my idea what it truly deserved.

It is, by far, the work I am most proud of. The idea that I loved was this 'what if misunderstandings au' that I knew I wanted to make comedic but as I wrote it knew I wanted to make it so sad as well. And I am so proud of how balanced it turned out. I also set out from the story to make it a love story between friends - a dedication of sorts to platonic relationships - and I could not be any prouder of how well I achieved that goal.

I wanted to focus on tender friendships, funny misunderstandings, and heartbreaking vulnerability. And I do think I achieved that.

So no matter what sort of 'oh I wish this wasn't so clumsy' or 'I wish I had polished the transitions better' - this fic is the work I am most proud of.

And that it resonated with so many people - I just am grateful and proud. That does make me really proud. This fic has the most 'Oh I actually laughed' comments out of any of mine.

Also!! I'm really proud of "Been Waiting For The Sun" (also Merlin BBC lol) because I set out to write something that was like how I used to write and it turned out pretty imo. It had the depth I wanted, the romanticism of an internal reflection. So that one really ended up how I had wanted to, how I envisioned it. Usually my fics fall short of my too large aspirations. But that one ended up how I'd imagined it.

Work I’m least proud of (and why): Sometimes I get really embarrassed about my fics because I know they're self indulgent. (Which is okay! I know that! But it still hits me sometimes.)

I only cringe because know they could be written way way better. At the time of writing, I really was a lot better at accepting my faults and writing to write without being self conscious of my shortcomings because at least I was writing and having fun.

But the thing is!! I never want to rewrite them because they are oddly charming in how bad they are. Because you can SEE that it's just my love for the ideas that kept me going. And people resonated with that!

So in a weird way I am VERY proud of how 'bad' they are. Because they're so full of love, and I think that's something to be proud of.

I'm not going to name a fic, actually, because I AM proud of all my fics. And I know how much hard work and love I pour into writing these, and so I just can't ever throw one under the bus. No matter how embarrassed I am by myself I get, I also just... cannot pick one. I thought I could but seeing some typed was like breaking my heart what do you MEAN I'm least proud of that fic or that one when I love them so so much because they are my children

share or describe a favorite review you received: I have so many I love!! I always think of the people who are in a situation where they are not supposed to laugh but do; they are in public, they wake up their cat, it's 3am. I have SO many favorites!!! Myth and Audie's comments on "Been Waiting For The Sun" are so sweet. And there are SO MANY really insightful comments on my DC fics (dustorange dear I know you are reading this and YES! You especially!!)

But my first thought for comments is ALWAYS this one from "With Magic Soaking My Spine" bc they were reading the story and stopped to comment about this part I had thought was particularly funny and HAD TO TAKE A BREAK from it I love it.

^ That is THE comment I think about first when I think of comments I've received. I love it so much.

But here have some more faves (all from With Magic Soaking My Spine because I just love the way people comment about it lol)

A time when writing was really, really hard: These past few years!! Okay more than a few.

This is a little personal and I don't want to get into the specifics of it, but writing has increasingly been a mental and physical challenge for me. I am progressively getting dumber and dumber - this is a fact, not a fish for compliments - and so that makes writing really hard in multiple ways. Mentally and physically, it just makes things harder to write by far and those are my biggest obstacles. It's like banging my head on the wall over and over again but I WANT to write despite that resistance - and sometimes my head is like a wrecking ball that it finally breaks through the wall enough for me to do so but the process just is painful. Emotionally, I do really struggle as well and lose motivation to write, even putting aside the mental and physical barriers that make writing hard for me, because I get frustrated with myself for not being the person I thought I would be if it wasn't for my existing factors.

I think it's something most people will think they can relate to - falling short of their ideal self - but I am being very literal about this. I don't just feel like I am dumber; writing is genuinely painful for me because thinking is painful for me and so my brain just... cannot think like it used to. And is dumber as result.

A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Okay tmi but as I told my friends "I don't WHAT is in the water for SPN but it made me write a kink fic" (rated T though because I'm me) and I'd never ever had guessed I'd write that. But it was fun and imo a fun character study exercise.

A favourite excerpt of your writing: Okay from 2024?

When Sam re-entered the dining area, it took only a couple steps for Dean's head to swivel upwards and to the side, pin-pointing him with an intense look before his shoulders eased. Keeping his eyes on Sam, he grinned a brilliant smile and said something to Jo that made her scowl. He turned his gaze back to her as he laughed, loud and bright.

I like that because the Sam/Ash fic "The Smell of Your Hello" wasn't about Dean at all but I managed to do the brothers' intense bond justice in just the couple lines where Dean did show up.

I do like "An Ounce Of Peace Is All I Want For You"'s

The hair length looked a little familiar. With silent eyes, Dean measured it and tried to compare each strand to his Sam. It was a difficult task. These days, he often couldn't bear to look at his Sam. He counted bangs and layers and tried to match it in his head. There was a time when he could've placed each and every strand, no matter the way it parted. But now Dean looked and looked and could only visualize that maybe it was different from Sam's silhouette.

Uh of all time? Hard to say!

Maybe from "Twinges When It's About To Rain"

Today, just as it has always been in these years of doing this, he enters the room and approaches the couch. Bruce glances over the novel in his hands and then resumes reading, now with a small smile. Dick climbs onto the couch with years of practice, snuggles close to Bruce in a way that isn't possible outside this parlor room, outside of this couch so beloved to Bruce first and now beloved to Dick as well. A family heirloom of emotional attachment.

I REALLY like that last sentence. It's one of my faves.

I think - out of all time - it once again comes to "With Magic Soaking My Spine" as the winner. It's my favorite fic of mine for a reason, I guess.

"Do you ever think about the Fisher King?" Merlin blurted out. "And about how lonely he was?"

Arthur shook his head. "The Fisher King was long dead when we came upon him. He couldn't have been lonely. Merlin, is everything alright?"

"He still must have been lonely," Merlin argued even though he couldn't tell Arthur that the Fisher King had been alive only moments before Arthur had entered that room. "Being in that room, all alone, knowing he was going to die."

Arthur stood up, alarmed. "Merlin, what are you - " He stepped around the desk and raised one hand, as if to touch him.

"I think I'm lonely too," Merlin continued on, and Arthur paused. And then, gently, he let his hand come upon Merlin's shoulder like he had intended.

"I understand," Arthur said quietly.

Merlin shook his head. "I don't think you do. But I want you to."

Arthur stared at him intently, mouth pursed as he contemplated Merlin before him and his words. "Alright. Then tell me."

Having that vulnerability in my comedy fic was absolutely necessary and I think it's one of my best passages and one of my best characterizations. I can hear Merlin say it.

How did you grow as a writer last year: At the end of the year, I really tried to just embrace my writing regardless whether or not it was what I wanted it to be. I actually had some days of clarity in December where I got a lot of writing done and tried to focus on being thankful for that instead of wishing that I could do better than I am able to do.

How do you hope to grow this year: I want to write things and not hold them up to my personal standard. I used to be better at that, but it's so hard for me because I know I can do better in theory. But I will end up not posting at all if I waited until for myself to be 'better.'

It's a hard balance, but I want to try and accept my shortcomings while still trying to make things as polished as I can. I really do wrack myself over it, and I want to try and give myself the grace to be stupid. Yeah maybe there's no ending or no intro, but that's okay. Maybe I could have written this better, had I not been in the physical and mental state that I am, but I AM this way, and so maybe my writing shouldn't be on hold until I am 'better' because I'm not getting better. I don't need to be better in order to exist. Yeah, I want to give myself permission to exist in messy, stupid ways.

That being said!! I hope to grow by not giving up on myself either!! I don't want to accept that I can never try! I am ALWAYS trying!

It's such a hard balance for me, but I hope to grow by trying less and trying more - which sounds wild, I know.

Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.): Okay so. I do have two friends I go to and just tell them all my writing ambitions and they kindly cheerlead for me, even when it's not their fandom. But they are my cheerleaders more than them influencing me. You know, I have to go with @future-dregs bc SO many of the tag conversations we have just get me so inspired to create something. The conversations make me go '!!!!' and then I just am excited.

Anything from your real life show up in your writing last year: Yes. I'd like to say [redacted] but like. I'm already oversharing so! Here we go!

Writing about mentally ill characters tends to work in experience from my life. It's just one of those things. Writing about Dick Grayson, Sam Winchester - yeah I draw from experience.

And I was undiagnosed for a long long time (still am for some of the things) so characters that aren't ~officially~ mentally ill are my Favorite kinds. Like they are - it's canon for sure but they're not given a name for their mental illness. So I can rub my little hands together and do whatever I want.

Also "tell yourself it's never gonna happen again" is inspired from my life 😬

Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Honestly dustorange said it best: "If what you want to write doesnt seem like it will have an audience and no one will want to write it but you REALLY love your idea, WRITE IT and do so with such like satisfaction and like dignity that you’re writing something truly a product of YOU and YOUR intuitions and knowledge and desires and thoughts, not just some burned-CD version of what you think some abstract Audience arbiter of popularity wants. Don’t even worry about things being popular. I know people say dont worry about that and then it is sad when your thing is unpopular or less popular and its like okay well. But its serious and its very important to not let people pick you up and move you from what you want."

But I guess my advice would also be to write whatever you want. Write the 'overdone' trope that's been done a million times. YOURS is worth writing. Get weirder. Write the fic you think no one will read but YOU want to write. Your idea seems too common? Too outlandish? Write it.

It seems not enough? Write it!!!!

You'll be amazed at yourself later. In the moment it might feel awkward or embarrassing. But when you listen to your inner self, there's something inside you that grows. It's a muscle you are strengthening. And the only way to do that is to do that! It feels clumsy sometimes trying to follow your heart, but you can practice! You can grow more comfortable with yourself!

And this is not to be confused with 'you have to come up with ideas on your own.' That is not what I mean by listening to yourself. Community is such a beautiful, fun thing, and if you get ideas from that then that's wonderful! You don't have to abstain from writing about the things you talk about with other people in attempt to 'only listen to yourself.'

But what I mean is that if you are enjoying an idea, you are thinking about it, and you find yourself wondering what that idea would look like - give into it! Give it a chance! And if you did get your idea from community discussions, please forget what the 'reception' of your idea would be like. I know sometimes I feel like my idea wouldn't live up to the hype or the intelligence that other people bring to the table. So sometimes that's scary or cringe! I get it. But that's what doing it for you means. You want to imagine what this idea looks like? Please do so. It's like trying a new flavor of ice cream. Maybe it'll be a sample, maybe you'll take home a pint, maybe you love it, maybe you think you are the only person in the world who would taste this flavor, maybe you think it should be popular but will be overlooked because of other flavors, maybe you're scared of not getting your usual flavor, maybe you convince yourself to not get ice cream at all because of it. But listen!! You can!! You CAN!!

Once I wrote a rarepair fic where I was the 2nd ever fic for that pairing. There was NO demand for that, I thought, but I wanted to write it. It's one of my favorite fics even though it's cheesy because I wrote it for me - and also personally because I feel like I did their characterizations well. Six years later as I'm checking, there are now 13 fics total with that pairing. And I just think that's neat.

My fics have moments or scenes or conversations that are so self indulgent. My friend read me for filth and once said I write the conversations I wish I could have. And it's true! That inspires a LOT of my writing! I just like to write the things I want to work through, whether that's fluff or angst or whatever.

And I think there's a lot of pressure for people to finish multi-chaptered fics but you can literally start an infinite amount of them. If you want to work on something new, you are ALLOWED! I often take YEARS in between chapter updates. Also so far only 1 (one) person has ever complained about it lol. So don't think that you have this obligation to never start something unless you know you can finish it. Start it anyways!!! So many of my favorite stories are 'incomplete' but they complete ME!!! Don't be afraid of starting! (I'm still working on that for one shots lol! It's scary thinking you won't ever finish something but you have GOT to try anyways!)

Any projects you’re looking to starting (or finishing) this year: My FebuWhump fics are actually progressing really good, so I'm going to be able to participate this year! And not only participate but quite a few! I'm really surprised! And one of them, I am far more proud of than the others. I am really looking forward to posting that one! (SPN fans be on the lookout for 'A Garden Locked Up' come February 👀)

[wordsofoleander]

🌸 answer me, my prince!

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀

a suave prince with all he could ever ask for. a starry-eyed editor who longed for more. two unexpected penpals from vastly different worlds.

they were undoubtedly fated to meet, but never face-to-face.

❥ 735 words ❥ tags: au, fluff, slightly angsty if you blink, very very self-indulgent, no beta we die like chads, mentions of cove, qiu, and my ol2 mc! ❥ notes: the hyperfixation was so strong i emerged from inactivity. i finished the comic this fic shares a title with last weekend and refused to move on,,, made for #baxtermcweek (day 4 prompt: au), hosted by @minthe-drawings

▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀

He doesn’t realize how long he’s repeatedly been opening and closing the empty book chest until he slams it shut a little too loud, snapping him out of his reverie. His eyes dart left and right and his ears stay alert in case he accidentally woke anyone up.

He hears nothing, so hopefully the coast is clear. He opens the book chest again, and the letter he’s waited all night for sits perfectly inside, having appeared out of thin air. 

He needs not wait to carefully examine the envelope or admire its design (far more cleaner-cut and colorful than what he's received from others over the years) as he immediately gets to reading.

—

Prince Baxter Alexander.

You’re getting better at pressuring me to reply to you faster and faster. It scares me a little.

Regarding your story, I think what you did for their sake was quite admirable. I can’t even imagine going as far as to pretend to be Cove’s fiancée for his protection, let alone for 5 years! But back to you. Since you didn’t end up falling in love with each other, does this mean Lady Ysabel’s lover is much more good-looking than you are? Would you mind getting a portrait of the Laird Qiu for your friend?

—

Silly Iri.

(You’ve never asked me for my portrait. You wound me. Nonetheless, I forgive you.)

You of all people should be able to know that not every long-standing friendship necessarily has the potential to end in romance.

—

Like us?

—

We are a bit of a special case because I do not think of Ysabel every day.

—

(Oh, what am I going to do with you?)

Ever the type to give people the answers they want to hear now, are you? You’re surrounded by far more impressive people in your daily life, people you can actually talk to and see.  I highly doubt that you think of me every day.

(PS It’s way past midnight, so I should probably get ready for bed if I don’t want to be late for work. Sleep well, my prince.)

—

Irina Clarice, my sick twisted friend.

What? Is laying my entire self bare to you, heart and soul, in the written word last night not enough for you? After all the times I’ve spent my evenings waiting for your letters?

I specifically chose this time of year to get away from my parents under the guise of avoiding the heat and helping the monks at the scriptorium. Summer, after all, is the perfect time to do something crazy, pursue a new beauty, to start anew. I confess to you that I imagined nightly sneak-outs to rendezvous with someone who’s caught my eye, but all this time, I’ve been holed up in the scriptorium’s writing room, idly and politely waiting by the book chest on my desk in anticipation to see if you have replied to what I’ve written about my latest misadventures. Before I knew it, I’d already spent the entirety of my summer getting to know you. Now I do know you, and there is no one else like you anywhere else in the world. 

Tragically, we shall never have the chance to meet, so I don’t think whatever it is I’m feeling in my chest can be called love. My fate is sealed. 

Still, whenever the sight of someone so beautiful catches my eye, thoughts of you fill my head, and I become almost upset, complaining that no matter who I meet, they will never be anything like my Iri. So, my dear friend, do not tell me that I do not think of you every day. 

I do not recall you mentioning having felt this way towards your childhood companions, nor your devilishly handsome Xander from the antique shop,  so I shall regrettably but with dignity take this as a victory.

On a lonely night on the month of heat’s end, Your Baxter Alexander.

(PS Clarence and I are departing tomorrow at dawn for Golden Grove to attend Qiu’s wedding, just in time for the beginning of fall. Bringing the book chest with me would be far too bothersome for such a short trip. I expect to be away for about three to four days.

Even so, worry not your pretty little head and get a good night’s rest without my letters to bother you, Iri. I hope you do not miss me too much.)

[wordy-little-witch]

I've been on edge about Milton for a while and only now do I have some semblance of calm and chill. With that in mind... self indulgence as a reward!!!!!

Regressor headcanons under the cut for LoA

Shepherd

• he is semi verbal in that headspace, and he tries to only ever regress when he's truly safe. It.... doesn't exactly work out too well, especially in Borovia

• his comfort item are his guns and also his poncho. The Doc also has many little toys and bits n bobs for him, but those are home in Rattlesnake

• Sarnax is the first to realize smth is Up. Aside from my personal hc about Tieflings (can explain more in another post if anyone is interested), lizardfolk have a sensitivity to things like pheromones and subtle scent changes. Sometimes Shep smells of brimstone, ash, and coffee - sometimes there's a milky, honeyed tinge. He doesn't know what to make of this initially beyond "hmm odd" but does become a bit more... attentive, if not protective. It's mixed results.

• meanwhile Victoria also notices small things in Sheoherd's behavior, mannerisms, etc. I think personally she's probably had some passing interest in psychology before dropping it for.... many reasons. But she notices some things and keeps a secret note of them. It's only months into the expedition that she notices a pattern and begins to suspect a form of regression.

• Professor Clayton is blissfully unaware, I won't lie. However once it does come up, while he doesn't understand, he DOES do his best to comprehend it. Initially it's out of concern for the expedition. Then it's out of care for his friends and companions. He oscillates between incredibly hands on and very avoidant. It takes a while for him to chill

• Kana does not understand but she claims she does not need to. She simply has to respect it, and she already adores Shepherd as a friend. She will protect him - heart and body alike.

• Shep meanwhile is WILDLY AGAINST THIS but he also... doesn't really have any options. The stress is building, he already slipped up once and he doesn't want to run the risk of slipping again with more dire results. So he is actively making efforts and is hating it all the while.

• once he's more comfortable, he's DEFINITELY got his favorites. Sarnax, of course is Simply The Best. The avatar of Garyx in his lantern is also very much beloved. The first time the other's each caught sight of Mini Garyx Grooming Shep resulted in a lot of cooing, heart skips and some very difficult-to-hide urges to SQUISH

• Kana doesn't think herself very interesting to children, but she has a soft spot for them - for Shepherd especially. They both have a similar enjoyment for more active activities. 12/10 playmate

• Victoria was incredibly hesitant at first, but she also may just be the best babysitter/big sister type of deal. Story time, games, listening to little info dumps, etc.

• Clayton was hesitant at first, then faaar too overbearing. Once he mellows out, he's good too for tiny tiefling duty. He also may or may not spoil Shep a little, and it's to mixed results.

• Sarnax is Shep's USUAL person. He doesn't actually need a caregiver, but sometimes the company is nice. They like to curl up together near fireplaces or the lantern, and Sarnax will tell him stories of Garyx and his own childhood tales.

• Shep doesn't have an age range - it fluctuates and the needs change on a case by case basis. He DOES wind up with a special lil friend á la the Order of the Silver Dragon ((It's a stuffed silver dragon, originally made for one of the knight's child. Shepherd calls him Auggie))

• He Will Nom Anything - if it can get in his mouth, it's gonna get bit. Many foes have learned this the hard way.

• nicknames for him include "little ember" (Sarnax), "dear" (Victoria), "big man/little one" (Clayton), and "little brother" (Kana). (((Honorable mention, the dragons involved call him little drake)))