#this is a terrible time to do this too because Everything Is Happening

[infinitelystrangemachinex]

Jayce and the fallacy of the butterfly effect in Arcane's narrative

If Jayce's symbol is the butterfly, then my theory is that we're going into a full "butterfly effect" narrative in Act 2. Either we'll watch it happen, or we'll only see Jayce come out the other side of it changed by the experience, knowing - or more importantly, THINKING he knows - what to do to change the future. Literally, to "defend tomorrow."

tl;dr: Jayce will encounter the butterfly effect in season 2. Viktor and Mel both foreshadowed this in season 1. I think Jayce will fixate on Viktor and will believe that stopping or changing Viktor either in the past or the present - most likely the present - will mean he can save the future. I believe this will lead to an even worse tragedy and may have the same effect as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ekko's approach to changing the future by sticking closer to the present - considering only tiny increments of time to alter more immediate future outcomes - will be the superior approach. I also think that Jayce attempting to change the future will create the conditions that push Viktor to become the Machine Herald.

One of the most common reactions even the casual viewer had to Arcane season 1 was this: "If [character] had just done this one small thing a little differently, [tragic event] wouldn't have happened!"

Arcane has been called a Greek tragedy for the main reason that because of how well built up the characters' personalities and reasonings are, there's no other way season 1 could have gone. There was no stopping the multiple tragedies that occurred, because with one event leading to another, the chain of seemingly inevitable events goes too far back to identify what one singular event caused everything, what one character made what one decision to put our characters on the terrible paths they walked.

Arcane is about to investigate this idea in its own narrative, and I think that Jayce will be the character to stumble into the flawed idea that you can change one event, or stop one character, and change the future for the better. This is because Jayce struggles with a few very interesting character flaws, one of them being that he believes himself to be the main character, and it is therefore his responsibility to intervene, be a hero, and fix things.

Viktor and Mel both foreshadow Jayce's future encounter with the butterfly effect.

Recall that Viktor said: "There is always a choice."

Jayce sees choices in black and white, believes that he has no other options but to go along with what he's persuaded and pushed into, and acts too boldly with too much power multiple times.

Recall that Mel said: "We can't change what fate has in store for us, but we don't have to face it alone."

Jayce tries to solve big problems on his own, and though he delegates to Enforcers and the like, Jayce relies on his reasoning and his alone to make important decisions if he doesn't simply become persuaded - usually through strong emotions like fear - by other characters. In addition, since Mel is specifically talking about Viktor's plight here, it's worth mentioning that while Jayce did say that he would help Viktor in acts 2 and 3 of season 1, Jayce does wind up leaving Viktor to face his fate alone. When Jayce tries to change that fate in s2 ep1, ep2 shows that only tragedy can come of this as well.

Viktor and Mel's statements here are not contradictory. Viktor makes the point that you can always make a choice. In context, he's literally referring to the classic "secret third option," because given a choice between aggression and passivity, war and surrender, Viktor chooses to defuse the bomb instead. Mel, interestingly, seems to believe that destiny is fixed in a broad sense, and she operates as a politician and diplomat and investor who navigates that line of destiny in the most optimal way possible. In reality, in context, she is referring to the fact that Viktor can't change the way he was born and so he has no way to change his fate and therefore must face it, which is true - she's only missing the information that Viktor actually does have the means to change his illness and his body. Her wisdom still applies however, because he'll have to accept the hand that fate deals him after he makes that choice. Will he face it alone, or not?

There is always a choice, there's even secret third options, because having a fate doesn't mean that you are doomed to make only one possible series of choices. What it does mean is that each choice comes with a hand that fate deals you. It is impossible to know what all of these branching choices and consequences are in advance, and it is just as impossible in hindsight - the branches are too complex and the end outcomes are all equally meaningful, just different. If Arcane season 2 is to be a tragedy, it may show us that each possible outcome is still tragic if you fall for the fallacy of the butterfly effect.

Jayce is counseled by some of the wisest, cleverest characters with the deepest life experiences in Arcane, but he hardly ever takes that counsel to heart. If he does, he still acts on that counsel in flawed ways that have unintended consequences. This will come to a head in season 2.

Viktor and Jayce both have a butterfly following them around in season 1. The butterfly effect refers to one small seemingly insignificant event changing the course of history, and changing that event therefore changes history. Viktor bled over the railing of a Hexgate in season 1:

And Heimerdinger sees what we can only assume is Viktor's blood contaminating (?) the Hexgate in s2 ep3:

This might be the seemingly unimportant "inciting incident" that Jayce (and Heimerdinger and Ekko) settle on as something that should be avoided or erased by changing the past (if they time-travel with Ekko, for example).

I doubt that, if this is what this crew chooses to fixate on, it will be the only event that is considered as something to change. But let's take this and run with it for the sake of discussion.

As silly as it sounds, how do you stop Viktor from allowing his blood to come into contact with the arcane? Stop Viktor's involvement with the Academy entirely? Don't invent Hextech at all? But what if someone else invents Hextech besides Jayce? What if future tragedy befalls Piltover because it didn't invent Hextech?

The possibilities and what-ifs could branch on forever. But because Jayce is who he is, and because his tragedy with Viktor is still raw and recent and frightening, I think Jayce's butterfly effect experience will have to do with Viktor.

My personal prediction is that the timeskip between s2 ep3 and ep4 will be Jayce experiencing a timeline where Viktor, taken over by the Hexcore, brings about an apocalyptic event similar to what Heimerdinger experienced in his past. Either Jayce and co. can't go into the past to change the present, or Heimerdinger and/or Ekko advise strongly against it to avoid a paradox. This will lead to them re-entering the canon Arcane timeline before this apocalypse, but still after the timeskip. Jayce, believing that destroying Viktor and his cult will save the future, and believing that resurrecting Viktor was Jayce's mistake to fix, attacks him. But the consequences don't unfold the way he hopes, because trying to change fate once the cards have already been dealt has led to tragedy before.

The butterfly is a symbol of something other than just the butterfly effect - change, evolution, and rebirth. If the butterfly symbolizes the butterfly effect for Jayce, then I think it has a different meaning for Viktor - the change and rebirth meaning.

I've always found it very interesting that we see a similar-looking butterfly on Progress Day... but made of metal.

Every time Viktor's situation changes, he adapts and evolves. If Jayce attacks him, if his cult is destroyed, if the Hexcore is causing Viktor to decay, if all of these things happen at once - he'll just evolve again, and I think the Machine Herald is the next step. And the Machine Herald will be a triumph for Viktor, but Jayce will believe that he's created something even worse. The resulting feud will be a personal nightmare for both of them.

I think this still allows Viktor to use his own agency to choose to become the Machine Herald (the MH will probably be the "secret third option" that saves Viktor, or there will be a secret third option that ends the feud) while still allowing Jayce to be offended and horrified at whatever the Machine Herald represents or is trying to do in the undercity. Introducing the element of time travel allows Arcane to explore the meta concept of tragedy and fate that season 1 was built on while showing that you can't "solve" a tragedy, because there are other terrible possibilities lurking behind alternate choices. Especially if what you're trying to change is singular people or events and not systems of power.

This is why Ekko's approach with his Z-drive will be superior to Jayce's sweeping attempt at changing the future. Ekko's goal has always been societal change. He creates his own punk society in the undercity, more progressive and successful than anything Vander or Silco ever created, and a better bastion of safety, hope, and progress than what Heimerdinger founded in Piltover. Trying to change systems by going back in time is most likely futile. But taking what Ekko has already built in the Firelights, curing his tree, and fighting for the Firelights' survival bit by bit by optimizing the present with the Z-drive shows that:

It's more worth it to focus on becoming wise (Ekko's mask is an owl) and making choices you won't regret

It's best if you don't face your fate alone (act as a collective and take care of each other)

Consider every option, not just the obvious black and white choices

Maintain and fix what you've already built instead of abandoning it once things get difficult

Adapt as needed if the choices you made lead to dark consequences, and once again, stick together and take care of each other when the bad times do come

That's my Act 2 but, ultimately, my season 2 prediction based on the butterfly symbolism we've already seen. Ekko's involvement is what will give the series the at least partial happy ending that the creators have referred to. I personally don't think that the Viktor/Jayce feud will end quite so well, but maybe, they will still survive.

[merakiui]

the symptoms of being human.

jade leech x (gender neutral) reader note - being human comes with its fair share of very specific symptoms. or: jade has lived in saltwater his entire life. never has it leaked out of him before. // HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY BESTIE @heyyy11!!!!!! 🎉 many wonderful wishes of health, happiness, and good fortune for you!!!! :D it isn't a lot, but please enjoy this little gift i prepared in celebration!!!

But a mermaid has no tears, and therefore she suffers so much more.

A long time ago, a human penned that line in reference to merfolk and their inability to shed tears. A fact as intimate as that couldn’t have possibly been common knowledge amongst humans, or so Jade assumed every time the story was regurgitated at bedtime. He always did that: apply logic to areas where logic wasn’t needed. His teachers used to tell him, “Jade, sometimes you need to suspend your disbelief in order to immerse yourself in a fictional world.” He could try—and try he did—but he’d find himself lingering on that quote every time.

A slight amendment to that: merfolk can cry and they do suffer, but whether they suffer more is impossible to know without further study.

Jade operates under the notion that there are explanations for everything, even the wildest of lunacy. There is comfort in comprehension. He would spend hours holed up in his sleeping nook, poring over stories and texts on humans and beastfolk. He would compare and contrast them. Can a tearless cry indicate the amount of suffering per species, or is such an abstract concept even remotely quantifiable? Perhaps it is because merfolk cry silently that they suffer. Because there is no one who can hear their weeping in the deep sea. Because there is no physical proof.

It’s easier to recognize the physical signs of grief, for what happens within is shrouded in secrecy, veiled in the depths of the heart.

So when Jade comes onto land for the first time, human skin stretched over a skeleton altered with a potion, every inch awkward and aching, the sea leaks out of his pores. He feels like a pufferfish not yet expanded but on the verge of bloating, deflated and weak, salt still spilling. And he knows it’s salt because he swipes two fingers under his armpit and brings them to his mouth to taste. It’s saltwater.

He later learns, while sitting in Professor Crewel’s class and listening to him drone on about anatomy, that this is the phenomenon known as sweating. Jade sweats when he exerts himself, when his body temperature rises degrees over what’s internally comfortable and he needs to cool down, when he ingests something spicy, when he’s sick with a fever, when he’s stressed… It’s a fascinating facet of human biology he was previously unaware of.

Azul called these peculiarities “symptoms of being human,” and what intriguing symptoms they are! He hopes to experience even more as he completes his education on land, regardless of how troublesome they might be.

Having a symptom of something implies the affected is ill in some way—as if humanity itself is an illness and this human body serves as more of a hindrance than help. Jade will forever be an eel merman, and this body is just a clever cloak crafted to make his life on land habitable. Although there are moments where he thinks his original form would suit a certain task. Like swimming or any sport in the water, really. But he likes to struggle and fail, learning from every human mistake.

These symptoms are not terrible. Not to him, at least.

He meets you in the woods. You’re hunched over the ground, patting a compact lump of freshly disturbed soil. A burial, he thinks, but then he’s not certain. When you fashion a little marker out of sticks and ribbons, it occurs to him that he was right.

“Hello to you, too,” you say, turning to glance at him.

There’s something that stills in the air. A feeling catches and tugs at his heart. He can’t explain it—still can’t even to this day—but something trickles out of his eyes then. A droplet of water and then another and then more until silent streams are falling thick. He blinks until his once-blurry vision clears, only to find you’re looking at him fully now.

Jade gathers the wetness on his fingertips and licks curiously. Salt.

Horrifyingly, he’s sweating from his eyes.

He doesn’t panic. A grotesque part of him wants to know what else these eyes are capable of in this body. 

You draw in breath through your lips. A gasp. “Oh! Are you all right?”

He nods because even if his brain doesn’t understand it yet his heart does.

You are the person he’s going to spend the rest of his life with.

This isn’t fiction, and he doesn’t have to pretend to accept it as his temporary reality just to enjoy the story it promises. He knows. His heart—the eel-mer heart—knows. This salt is a symptom of being human, but a symptom of being a mer is that there is the strongest sixth sense for finding one’s other half.

“Are you sure?” you press, rising to your feet, digging through your bag for tissue. “You’re crying!”

He blinks back at you. I’m…crying.

He’s not sweating. He’s crying.

“Forgive me,” he says even though he knows there’s nothing to apologize for. “My eyes must not be working today.”

A sympathetic smile spreads on your face. “Did you come here with anyone?”

He shakes his head and explains rather simply that he’s come on account of club business. “I’m the only member in my club,” he elaborates unnecessarily, “and so I often come here to hike and forage. I suppose I wasn’t expecting to run into anyone on this route.”

“Club? You’re a student?” Before he has a chance to respond, you add, “No way! What school? I’m from Royal Sword.”

“Night Raven.”

“Whoa! That’s so cool. I’ve heard lots about that school. Oh, sorry, I’m totally chatting your ear off. If it’s not an issue, would you like to walk back together? Don’t take this the wrong way. I’m just worried about you.”

The affable conversation was so smooth Jade almost forgot he’s been leaking—crying—the entire time.

“Why would you be worried? I assure you there’s nothing in this forest that could harm me,” he says, holding a hand over his heart.

As if it isn’t the woods that might hurt him but, rather, the person standing in front of him. He has never felt any need to protect his heart, but now he thinks he must. If he’s to offer it to you in the future, he wants to do so when it is perfectly whole and packed full of happiness.

“Um… Well, I just don’t want you to do anything…harmful,” you say, stringing the words together awkwardly. “People care about you. They’d miss you.”

He glances past you at the burial. Just above, a nest of baby birds chirp noisily. He understands now.

“As it happens, I’m currently quite content.”

“You are?”

He tilts his head at you and smiles, teary-eyed and most likely red in the face.

“I am. Very much so. I’ve experienced another human symptom. I couldn’t be any happier.”

You exhale a quiet, semi-amused breath. “I’m glad.” Your hand is held out next. “I’m (Name). It’s nice to meet you.”

His webless, clawless hand closes around yours. “Jade Leech,” he greets.

— — —

“You look good,” Floyd compliments, watching Jade fuss over himself in the mirror. “Shrimpy’ll think so. And Mama. Pops, too.”

“So everyone,” he replies smartly, his hands shaking as he smooths the nonexistent wrinkles in his suit. They reach for the jewelry strung around his neck. He’s wearing his mother’s pearls. Tradition and memory are twined throughout each one. For every hand that holds this chain, a new pearl will be added. It has been in his family for ages. After today, he’ll add his and the necklace will be a pearl longer.

He feels like he needs to pace up and down a mountain. Like he needs to strip this seaweed-esque suit off and jump into the ocean to feel free of constriction. Clothes are always so…unique. That’s the word he chooses to use. Another symptom, he’s certain, because clothes are to humans as colors are to merfolk. Humans attract each other with fashion styles just as mers flash colors and patterns at those they intend to charm.

“Everyone,” Floyd echoes, grinning to ease the tension. “C’mon. You know everything’s gonna be fine.”

Logically, Jade is aware of that. There were rehearsals and lists and triple-checks. Everything is in order. He’s ready. You’re ready. Illogically, he thinks he’s about to shake out of his skin from either excitement or anxiety or a combination of both.

Floyd’s hand comes down upon his shoulder. He relaxes beneath the squeeze. “You got this.”

“I do,” he whispers, turning away from the mirror with a smile.

He waits for you at the altar. A feeling he knows well enough claws at the back of his eyes. It’s been steadily encroaching since this morning, or perhaps it’s always been there ever since he first met you.

When he sees you, his world comes together and everything is warm and wonderful. There are tears on his face, tracking down his cheeks in hot streaks. It’s not embarrassing even though, somewhat flustered, he mouths to his parents that he’s simply sweating from the eyes. A symptom they’ll soon experience in their temporary human bodies.

Out of every human symptom he’s experienced, he thinks this one is his favorite.

You meet him at the front, and beneath an awning of the prettiest flowers you join hands.

“How do you feel?” you murmur, your thumbs running over his palms.

He’s going to say he feels like his world is brighter and wrapped in silk—like he’s looking love right in the face.

Through his tears, he smiles and says, “Like my eyes are working properly today.”

You giggle around a rising sob. Happy tears, he notes, much like the ones sticking to his face. “Weird. Because mine don’t seem to be working today.”

“A shame. You can’t see how beautiful you are.”

“I trust you.”

“I can’t promise mine won’t sweat halfway through the ceremony, but I appreciate your faith in me.”

“It’s fine. Mine are already doing that.”

And it’s everything to him—you, this union, the tears, these messy, complex symptoms of being human. Everything.

Jade thinks he’d like to rewrite that old quote from his childhood.

But a mermaid has no tears and so that may be true in storybook blue, but it is her heart that weeps for everything she has experienced, is experiencing, and will experience; the good and the bad, the happy and the sad.

[confiaenanaa]

Can I request an angsty one where the reader and Marshall/Em/Slim (whichever you prefer) they have an argument and at one point he tells her he doesn't need her, he can have whoever he wants and they won't complain about anything like she does. And obviously she feels hurt bc it's always been an insecurity of hers that he could have anyone. And he just confirmed her fear. Hopefully with a happy ending tho🙏🏻❤️ please and thank you! Sorry it's so long lol.

needed - eminem

fem!y/n x Marshall Mathers

masterlist

synopsis: Marshall says he doesn't need her, but what does he do when he doesn't have her?

warnings: cursing, drinking

A/N: loved this request! very fun to write. if you guys want anything written, my asks are open. hope you enjoy!

-Fuck you! 

-Oh, piss off!

Shouts could be heard from the Mathers residence that night. Y/N and Marshall were arguing over something stupid, again. They seemed to be having these arguments more and more often these days. This time, however, they were arguing over Marshall’s lack of communication. He’d have a bad day, be rude to Y/N, and when she’d ask what was wrong he’d blow up at her without telling her what bothered him. Today it seemed like he’d had an extra bad day. 

…

He got home from the studio later than usual. Y/N was reasonably worried, and when she called, he wouldn’t answer. So, once he got home, she asked him a ton of questions; questions like “where were you?” “what happened?” “are you alright?”. This angered him to no end since he hates explaining himself to people.

He refused to answer questions. Y/N knew he’d probably just had a rough day so she decided to make him his favorite home-cooked meal and some hot cocoa and treat him to a lovely night at home. But, when she brought him his food and drink, he just told her he wasn’t hungry, even after seeing all the effort she was putting in for him. 

That’s when something inside of her just snapped. She set the plate and mug on the table fecklessly, spilling some cocoa in the process. Marshall seemed a bit startled, knowing Y/N doesn’t usually throw fits like this and she usually keeps her temper in check. 

-God, Marsh! Would it kill you to at least give me a thank you? I’ve tried so hard to find out what’s wrong, and you won’t tell me! What happened to me being your #1 and your best friend? And come on! Look at this meal I made for you! Can’t you see how badly I want you to let me help you? 

-Fuck! I’m sorry I’m not living up to your boyfriend standards, Y/N! But, clearly, I had a rough day so just drop it! 

-You know what Marshall? I have bad days too! But you don’t see me bitching about it and acting like a little kid every time something doesn’t go my way! And even when I do feel upset, I tell you what’s wrong! Because I actually care about your feelings and I wouldn’t want you to worry!

- Oh, so, now I don’t care?! All I ever do is care about you Y/N! I write songs about you, I buy you everything you look at to make you happy, not to mention I make you feel pretty damn good!

- It’s not about that Marsh! God, are you even listening to me?! I don’t care that you’re upset, or that you’re in a bad mood or feeling mean; I just want you to tell me! I want you to communicate with me! I want us to work through our problems calmly, without me having to shout to get your attention!

-You always say that, but you never actually do it! Whenever you’re upset you just stay quiet! So don’t go telling me how to deal with my problems because you sure as hell don’t know how to deal with yours!

-Fuck you!

-Oh, piss off!

-Fuck, Marsh! This isn’t about me! We can work through what I do, but you seriously need to stop! 

-Stop it, Y/N! Stop already! If everything I do is so terrible and wrong, then why not just break up with me already? 

-Because I love you! I care so much about you and I just wish you could see it.

-You’re just saying that because you know I don’t need your ass. You know I can get with whoever the hell I want and they won't criticize me or complain about everything I do half as much as you do!

Y/N stayed silent for a bit. Her heart dropped and she could feel the lump develop in her throat. All this time she was with Marshall, she’d had her insecurities. But, he helped her work through them slowly. He helped her make sure she knew he’d never hurt her like that.

But, now, all that hard work was out the window. With those simple words. The tears began to prick her eyes and she looked down at the floor to try and conceal it. She felt like a little girl being yelled at. She felt helpless, and small. The man who was supposed to love her the most, to protect her, had failed her. He made her feel alone.

Marshall instantly felt a wave of regret wash over him. He felt it surge from his mind up to the tips of his ears down to the points of his toes. He looked at the girl he loves, knowing how badly he just hurt her. He opened his mouth to apologize, knowing he’d gone too far and he didn’t mean it; but, before he could, she had walked past him and into their bedroom. He quickly turned on his heels to follow her. 

Y/N was grabbing a few of her things: a hoodie, her phone charger, some gum, her earbuds, and some shoes. He once again tried to apologize but she wouldn’t hear it. He followed her all the way down to the garage and watched as she hopped in her car and sped off. He wasn’t sure where she was going, and, to be honest, neither was she. 

She hated herself for complaining and she hated him for being so mean to her. But, deep down, she knew she loved him more than anything and everything. She gripped her steering wheel harder, and turned up the volume of the song she was listening to. 

She pulled into the parking lot for some random bar she heard of from one of her friends. Her friend said it was the best place to go if you’re feeling sad or having a rough night. 

When she walked in, the bar looked exactly how she felt. It was dimly lit, the smell reeking of alcohol and cigarette smoke. There were barely enough people to call a crown in there, all sitting far apart with a drink in hand. Everyone looked glum in there, so she’d blend right in. She sat at the bar and ordered herself a few shots of rum. She downed them quickly, not feeling much different. She then ordered herself a vodka, which she kept refilling until the bartender just gave her the bottle. 

She kept feeling her phone buzz in her pocket. She assumed it was Marshall. She didn’t really want to respond, but she still looked, just in case. It was actually a text from her best friend asking what happened. Of course. Marshall texted her friend to see if Y/N was okay (since she usually goes to her best friend in times of need). Y/N decided not to answer, she was in more of a “fuck the world” kind of mood.

She set her phone down on the counter, finally feeling the effects of the alcohol. She wasn’t sure how she was going to get home or if she was going to get home at all. Before she could continue that thought, she saw a series of texts, making her phone buzz repeatedly. 

The contact name read “marsh :)”. She truly didn’t want to speak to him at the moment. She wasn’t sure why what he said affected her this way, but it did, and he knew that. She knew she was probably just being sensitive, but she couldn’t help but feel attacked. 

She looked at her phone again and saw Marshall’s concerned text chain.

“hello?”

“babyyy??”

“look baby i’m so sorry i know i messed up big time. please call me back so i can fix this.”

She didn’t bother reading the rest. She got more texts from him and her best friend. They seemed really concerned now. It was unlike Y/N, not answering the phone. It was cold, far too cold for someone of her character. However, Y/N wasn’t in the mood or the headspace to care about her character. She was too busy trying to keep her head upright as her vision blurred a bit from the effects of the white russian she was creating in her stomach at the moment. From that point forward, she couldn’t really recollect anything that had happened. The next thing she knew, she felt a pair of strong arms lifting her up by the waist and into their arms bridal-style. 

…

The next day, Y/N woke up in her bed alongside a snoring Marshall that had his arms wrapped around her tightly. She slowly shimmied out of his embrace, head beginning to pound when she stood up. She went downstairs and sat at the kitchen table with a small tonic for hangovers in hand. 

As she was washing the cup she was just using, Y/N heard a set of booming footsteps as they pounded against the wooden staircase. She turned around to look at Marshall. He looked incredible. His hair was a bit tousled and his eyes and lips were puffy. He came down and approached her without a second thought. The first thing he did was put his lips against hers. The kiss was warm, brilliant. 

Y/N crumpled under his touch. He pulled back and smiled slightly at her. His heart grew seeing her in front of him. He smiled even wider when he saw her smile back; however, he knew he wasn’t forgiven just yet. 

-Wait, look, I gotcha something.

He quickly walked into the living room and grabbed a small box and turned to the kitchen.

-I bought this a while ago. I wanted to give it to you somewhere better but this seemed like the right time.

Y/N opened the little box gingerly, a little nervous to see its contents. Her jaw dropped a tad when she saw it. 

A small ring, diamond encrusted and the exact type of metal she wears. It was perfectly tailored to her tastes. She looked up at him, eyebrow slightly raised.

-It’s a promise ring. I know what I said last night was fucked up but I didn’t mean it at all. I love you more than anything and you know that. I could never be with anyone else knowing that you’re out there in the world. 

He took the ring out of the box and secured it onto her finger. He then kissed her hand softly. She smiled taking in the view.

Then, she knew, more than anything, that she was truly loved.

[sassypotatoe1]

Oh I know this one! I'm a huge horror fan and not in the usual way I don't care for slashers or final girl survival horrors, I like the more actually spooky and less gruesome stuff, and a part of loving horror is understanding the genre.

No one in my family enjoys horror, fair enough it's not for everyone, and a lot can be said to criticize horror and various horror sub genres. Rape and vore and gore is used too often as shock factors or tactlessly handled. Platforming fucked up world views accidentally or otherwise through horror and using the fact that it's horror as an excuse? Meh not a fan but somewhat more understandable.

The thing about horror as an overarching genre is that it's not intended to scare, I mean it is but that's not the central goal. It's meant to explore the things we are most uncomfortable with. It can do that through scaring, but also through tragedy, through mystery, through thrills and chills (more lighthearted spooks), through morbid comedy, and through heavy fictionalization of very real things.

The thing is, though, horror is only effective specifically with the people whose horror it's addressing, and even then only if it addresses it correctly according to the expectations and experiences of that sub group. (I hit post before I finished oops)

A horror that is effective for me is one that rather focuses on the beauty, reverence and tragedy of the beyond, than cheap scares and shock factors. A ghost story where the ghost may or may not be real. It could be a supernatural entity doing spooky shit, or it could be a manifestation of the deepest most painful experiences of human existence. A ghost can be a malevolent entity, or a figment representing malevolent experiences that are difficult to understand and wrap your head around.

Haunting of hill house explores sudden and traumatic loss, bly explores a loss you know is coming for a long time before it arrives, the turn of the screw (another adaptation of the short story bly is based on) focuses more on how terrifying mental illness can be for those who suffer from it. Lavender (2016) explores imo csa tactfully, depicting it as a family of ghosts luring a lone survivor of a tragedy back home to take revenge on the actual killer, while also exploring how survivors of childhood trauma and especially csa can feel shame and responsibility for the things that happened to them. It even addressed suppression of traumatic memory semi effectively.

You can tell my bias for the sub genre of trauma and tragedy explored through a lense of the supernatural. This sub genre of horror isn't good to everyone. They rarely have gore, they have limited or highly artful jump scares, they favor subtlety over shock value and they make use of the set and the score to tell the story rather than any scary events overtly portrayed. They still have those, but it takes second stage to the story. People who love more traditional horror, jump scares, ghosts that are visible and vocal and violent, straightforward stories where everything is explicitly explained, that's more appealing to a lot of people.

Slashers rose to fame because of the rise in serial killers, found footage worked because we were shifting from analog to digital media and digitizing old analog media unearthed a lot of random shit and sometimes strange and unsettling shit, and people wanted to explore that concept more deeply.

In the 60s horror was a pretty new genre to my knowledge. The closest we got was snuff films (which are mostly lost to time thank god) and Gothic horror, monster films with practical effects, it was a whole new concept and they were testing the waters with godawful tech and even worse makeup, but they stood the test of time because they were the first steps to a whoooole new type of media, where people could explore the most extreme and terrible things we experience in a way that is safe, it feels safe. People like horror because you can walk away from feeling the things you're too scared to feel usually, and go right back to regular life like nothing happened, because technically nothing did.

Now I'm no film historian, the above information is pieced together from random shit I've heard and read and watched over the years, but I think I got the gist of it. Horror sucks from generation to generation, person to person even, because whatever is happening in society at the time, or to the individual in their life, will affect what themes and tropes hit hard for them.

Hill house works for me because I've experienced sudden and traumatic loss and it manages to capture how the grief actually feels over the years. Bly manor works for me because I'm queer, but also because my grandmother had Parkinsons, my grandfather had dementia, my other grandfather had esophageal cancer, and knowing what's coming didn't make a difference in any way to how intensely I've grieved them.

Lavender works for me because I was traumatized by csa and early exposure to sexual materials, and I have had to fictionalize my trauma to be able to cope with it my whole life, and my memory isn't reliable, and if I'm ever driven to it by highly extreme circumstances I would probably benefit from getting retribution for all the shit everyone in my life has put me through.

Slashers aren't good to me because it's cheap shock value, and I feel like a lot of my generation feels the same. Though they seem to be making a bit of a resurgence, and I'm curious to see what the reasons are. Older generations don't like the more subtle mindfucky horror I like, because they don't want to have to think about it. They want cheap thrills and chills and excessive gore that you have to suspend your disbelief for.

I haven't been able to figure out what about slashers are good to older generations, but I would like to know more. This is getting too long and I think I've said what I wanted anyway so yeah, the world sucks in different ways now than it did 20/30/50 years ago, and fictional media will reflect that.

"Why does Gen Z suck shit at horror?" every generation sucks shit at horror. In the 2000's they were sucking shit at found footage, in the 80's they were sucking shit at slasher flicks, in the 60's -- Jesus, in the 60's they sucked so much shit someone went and made a whole TV show where a bunch of guys watched horror movies from the 60's and made fun of how much shit they suck.

[variety-fangirl]

On My Own / Rafe Cameron x fem!reader

Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Summary: It's the morning after Rafe's threatening behaviour, you're still shaken up, but JJ convinces you to go to the police for the safety of you and your baby. Your relationship with JJ also takes a turn for a huge change.

Warnings: typical toxic Rafe behaviour, swearing, threats, police reporting.

Authors note: Feel free to skip this! Here we are again with my terrible timing and scheduling. For the longest time, I had no ideas for the next part and my scheduling took a turn for the worst. I've been trying my hardest to get into University for the past 3 years and am finally here! There's been a lot going on personally behind the scenes for me too, so things have been difficult tbh 😅 But I've finally figured out where I want this next part to go, I also took longer to write this so it was a longer part for the wait 🫡

Word count: 2.6k

After a filling and delicious breakfast made by Sarah, you showered and dressed for the day. You knew you would need to speak to the police about Rafe's behaviour last night, but honestly? You didn't want to. You were frightened by the power he held because of his family and wealth. Peterkin was the only one you could trust if you were to report him, you knew she would listen and take you seriously. She wasn't corrupted or took bribes to hide the truth, she always did the right thing if she could.

You had been mulling over the idea all morning as you brushed your wet hair. You wanted to protect your baby from being near Rafe if you could, they deserved better than to deal with an unstable and cruel man like him. Did you regret your baby? Absolutely not. But did you regret ever getting involved with Rafe? Yes, more than anything. You knew what you had to do, you just didn't know if you had the strength to do it. (hehehe).

A knock sounded on your door, pulling you from your heavy thoughts. You were honestly thankful for the distraction. John B poked his head around the door as you called him in with a smile. He entered your bedroom, opting to sit on the bed next to you. He bumped shoulders gently with yours, "Hey you. How are you doing?" He questioned as you peered at him. You bumped his shoulder in return, offering your most convincing smile.

"I'll be fine once Rafe is away from me and my baby." You mumbled as you rubbed your clothed bump affectionately. John B nodded and placed his hand on top of yours, always the big brother you needed. He brought his arms up and around your shoulders, lovingly pulling you into his chest. "We'll make sure he never comes near either of you again, and even so, we are all here to protect you. No matter what." You slapped at his arm playfully, "Stop! You'll make me cry!" You could already feel the hormonal tears building in your eyes. That telltale burn. He laughed loudly, not stopping you from hitting him.

Once he calmed down, he teasingly learnt closer to your ear. "Sooooo, what's happening with you and JJ?" the clear smirk sounded even in his voice, you could feel the motion against your head. You turned to glare at him, not at all serious, "Do me a favour? Just fuck off." You pushed at his chest gently, not budging him but it's the action that counted for your pride. He laughed once again before letting you go to look at you properly.

"Seriously though. What's going on?" He questioned with a gentle smile as you scooted to face him fully. You knew you could trust John B with anything and that it wouldn't leave this bedroom unless necessary. You shrugged, "Not sure. Didn't even think he saw me that way until this morning. Now I'm rethinking everything, but not necessarily in a bad way." You commented thoughtfully. You were honestly surprised that your best friend was in love with you, and for years for that matter.

"I mean, I think you should give it a shot. You know no one would love you as fiercely or loyal as him. And he loves the baby already. Plus, you've been best friends for years, so you know him well." He mentioned, naturally bigging up his best friend like the good bro he is. "Only if you want to though, of course. No pressure, I won't mention this conversation to anyone else. Just think about it yeah?" He pulled you in for a proper hug, a natural bear hug that had you sighing contently.

You nodded against his chest, wrapping your arms around him in return. The feeling of love and warmth pulling the tears out of you. "Ahhh, for god sake!" You yelled laughing, frustrated with your over-emotional hormones. You both laughed, yours coupled with sniffles. He held you till you pulled yourself together, chatting about how best to go about things. Until you were ready to let go and go to the police station.

John B left the room whilst you finished getting ready for the anxious day ahead of you. You were beyond nervous, especially about how Rafe would react. Lord knows he would hear about your visit to the station through nosy dickheads watching you. You could already feel a headache forming. You groaned as you put on your shoes, with great difficulty, and then made your way downstairs to join the gang.

Everyone was here, waiting for you whilst they ate or drank coffee. Not everyone was a morning person, *cough cough JJ and John B*. But everyone was up and here for you. They had all been filled in with the details of what had happened. JJ offered to take you to the station while the group returned to John B's. You were so thankful for them all, but JJ most of all. He'd held your hand, metaphorically and physically throughout this whole process. No matter how tough it's been or how difficult you thought you were to be around, he was always there with encouraging words. Not once frustrated with you.

You and JJ pile into your car to go to the station, while the gang returns to the chateau. JJ drove instead of you and insisted on doing so, whilst you bathed in nerves. Music from the radio played quietly in the background as you stared out the windows. You hadn't realised your leg was bouncing repeatedly against the floor, that your hands in your lap were pulling at your sleeves, or that you were biting the skin on your lips absentmindedly. You only noticed when JJ's hand grabbed your knee, rubbing the area soothingly.

You turned to look at him, your knee now still, "it's going to be okay, sweetheart." JJ reassured, trying to calm your chaotic mind and seeping nerves. You placed your hand on top of his, taking a deep breath in as you laced your fingers with his. You place your unoccupied hand on his arm, cuddling his arm into you. You hum contentedly at the warmth he naturally produces, snuggling closer to him. You caught soft wafts of his cologne wrapping around your senses and it instantly helps calm you.

You sigh, "Thank you." You speak quietly, comforted by his desire to help you feel better. He squeezes your knee, not needing to say anything, he already knew you were grateful. He hums, "What were you thinking about in that beautifully stressed brain of yours anyway?" he wonders with a reassuring smile, his eyes staying on the road ahead. You also look forward, watching the sunny scenery go by. People were going about their normal day-to-day activities, some rushing around or exercising. Everyone else's normal lives... unlike yours, which was chaos because of one single man.

You breathe in and then out through your nose deeply before answering him, "Thinking about... what Rafe will do or how he'll react when he finds out. I don't imagine it'll be long. That prick always seems to hear about everything, even before others do. It's like he has eyes everywhere at all times or something." You huff in frustration, looking out the passenger window, "I can't eat, shit or piss without that asshole knowing... So who knows what he'll do when he finds out I've gone to the station to report his behaviour." You whisper the last part, feeling dejected about what was to come with him.

JJ squeezed your knee again, to try and help calm your raging nerves and worries. He nods, "I know. It's going to be difficult but we need to stop him somehow. He needs to stay away from you and the baby, he's dangerous. Or I'll do something that'll get me into trouble." JJ mumbled the last part, seemingly more to himself than to you. You sigh, the last thing you wanted was JJ getting intro problems or going overly out of his way for you. He does enough for you as is, so you don't want him to do anything more.

-

It wasn't before you reached the station and parked outside, opposite the building. You sat in the car for a few minutes before going in, trying to calm yourself long enough to talk to the sheriff. It was beyond frustrating that this was where you were at in your life. That this was what you were dealing with because you stupidly fell in love with the wrong man. You wanted to smack yourself across the head for being an idiot, despite knowing his reputation. You fell for his charm and good looks, like an absolute fool. But now you were here and you couldn't change the past. But you could shape your future.

You look to JJ and nod, letting him know you are good. You both get out, taking your time with JJ's help and walk towards the building. You were going to use every trick in the book to stop Rafe from coming near you or your child again. You would report and record everything that Rafe has done that would class as a risk to your child to keep him away. So help you, you would protect your child with everything you could. With your own life if you need to.

You make your way inside and speak to the man at the reception desk, requesting to speak to Peterkin privately. He points to the chairs behind you in the small waiting area, "Wait here for a bit while I speak with her. She's busy at the moment, so it may take some time." You nod in understanding, "It's urgent, so I can wait. Thank you, sir." You reply as you turn to sit with JJ on the wooden chairs. The chair squeaked in protest from overuse and years of never being replaced.

You and JJ wait as patiently as possible, chatting to keep yourselves entertained and pass the time until Peterkin arrives. JJ held your hand the whole time, sensing your nerves returning tenfold. If your leg repeatedly tapping against the ground or your fiddling free hand had anything to say about it. You were waiting for around fifteen minutes, getting more antsy as each minute passed by. By the time Peterkin called you to go into her office, whilst JJ waited in the waiting area, you were a sweating bucket of nerves.

Peterkin closed the door behind you both as you took a seat opposite her desk, your hands resting on your stomach. "Some water?" She asked with a smile, walking over to her cooler. You nodded, "Yes, please." You were in need of something cold to cool you down and quench the thirst that had formed since waiting. She filled a cup and then offered it to you before sitting at her desk, "Thank you." You said gratefully.

"So, y/n. What kind I do for you? Congratulations are clearly in order." She motioned to your stomach with a kind smile, she was always so nice to you. Still is. "Thank you, not long to go. My pregnancy is actually related to why I'm here." She nodded, giving you the opportunity to speak up.

You gave her the rundown of what Rafe had been doing since the day you confronted him about your pregnancy. It took you half an hour to mention everything you could, trying your hardest not to forget any details. She asked questions where necessary and nodded when listening, all while writing down notes. Peterkin was well aware of Rafe's behaviour, he was a celebrity at the station. Peterkin wouldn't admit it but she did not like Rafe at all. She was completely understanding and comforted you when you teared up about last night.

"Damn, honey... That damn Rafe. I'm sorry for what he's been putting you through, you don't deserve any of that. But legally? I can't do anything. Unless he threatens or hurts you and your baby physically, I can't report anything for you. My hands are tied. Off the record: No matter how much I personally would love to see him punished. That kid is nothing but trouble. But as soon as something else happens, with Rafe, there is no doubt that he will, okay?" She sighs frustratedly, knowing already how deflated and frustrated you must feel.

You nod, hiding all the true feelings that wish to come to the surface underneath. "I understand, if there is anything that I can do, please do let me know. And I'll inform you of anything else that happens. Thank you, sheriff." You get up from your seat and make your way to the door feeling completely hopeless about what you'll do with Rafe next. Peterkin stops you just as you're opening the door, still in the doorway. You see JJ getting up from his seat at the sound of the door opening.

Peterkin hands you a sticky note with her name and number in black pen, "anything you need, just call. Anything. Okay?" She rubs your arm gently after she passes the note to you, a motherly comfort sort of rub. It made you smile, despite all the negative emotions you were feeling. You nodded, "Thank you."

You walk towards JJ, putting the sticky note in your bag for safekeeping. You'd add her contact info to your phone later on. "You good?" JJ questions with concern laced in his tone. You'd been in there for a little while, he'd probably been worried about you. You smile as you look at him, wrapping your arms around his bicep and leaning into his side gently. JJ smiled down at you in return as you answered him.

You explain everything to JJ on the way back to the chateau, all while trying your best not to think all that Rafe had planned since last night. He was beyond angry at you for doing nothing wrong, but in his eyes, you'd double-crossed him. It gave you chills. JJ did his best to assure you that they would all look after you and that he'd kill Rafe if he came near you or the baby, which you appreciated deeply. But you didn't want to get them involved. It wasn't their fault, it wasn't yours either, but you'd made your choice that first time you let Rafe lure you in with a kiss at the back of a house party at Sarah's.

You'd figure something out, you always did. You wouldn't let Rafe win, no matter what. That prick got his own way, way too often. But not this time, no. Rafe was going to stay away from you and your baby. Even if that meant having to flee somewhere he wouldn't find either of you. You turned and looked at JJ as the car stopped, both just taking a moment before you went inside. "Oh, you have something on your cheek." You pointed out, looking intently at his perfectly clean cheek. He started rubbing at his cheek confused, "gone?" he questioned with furrowed brows.

You shook your head, "come here, I'll get it for you." You motioned for him to come closer and as soon as he did, your lips were on his. Just a simple 3-second pec, to test the waters, despite his confession to John B this morning. You pulled away and stared at him with anticipation of his reaction. His eyes were wide in shock and you thought you'd fucked up. You went to move away but JJ grabbed the back of your neck and desperately pulled you in, crashing his lips against yours with a moan.

The more you looked at JJ, the more the talk with John B from this morning played on your mind. You'd been thinking of JJ as something more ever since, trying wouldn't hurt, would it? He wouldn't hurt you the way Rafe did and will. JJ was different and you couldn't lie that you'd never looked at him that way. Trying wouldn't hurt, would it?

Taglist: @bardi4l @fictionconnoisseur @thecraekenslover @brooklynscherry-z

[rekino2114]

Hmmm, how about Teruko with a boyfriend who's actually like Rose and has a perfect memory. And Teruko comforting him over the negative side effects of having one. Such as remembering every accident she's been in and how she looked after they happened and the trauma of seeing her after she was almost killed in chapter 1.

Teruko tawaki with a reader with perfect memory

[Spoilers for all of drdt]

A/n:tbh I have no idea why I got so much into writing this.......actually I do know, I love teruko, and I love comfort fics so that's why

Teruko always knew of your condition. She knew that it could sometimes be helpful but that it was mostly a curse, and she did her best to help you with it, even if it wasn't much, you were still very grateful that she was there to help you.

You never told her that you actually remembered all of her accidents, how she looked after all of them, the terrible expression of pain on her face, the bleeding wounds, and the screams. Those images filled your worst nightmares, ones you had of losing her. It would have been too much guilt for her to bear, to know that ,even indirectly, her luck and her were the cause of your sleepless nights.

But that changed you went to Hope's peak. On the bright side, you got to meet Rose, and you two got along amazingly, bonding over your condition and helping each other deal with it, teruko even asked her for advice just to help you.

But on the other hand, the killing game started.

Teruko became ten times more protective over you, even to the point of sleeping in the same room to make sure you weren't killed, which you definitely weren't complaining about, but it made hiding the nightmares harder.

Despite being with you most of the time, she still trusted Xander and went alone in the computer room with him, which resulted in her getting stabbed. You almost threw up when you entered the room, seeing not only Xander's body but your own girlfriend with a knife in her stomach was too much, even after she woke up the only thing you could see was the blood on her shirt.

You helped her during the trial, defending her until the last moment, and you were actually very helpful, especially because of how well you remembered the crime scene. Even if remembering all of that was emotionally hurting you, you knew that if everyone voted wrong, not only would you die, but you'd have to see teruko executed too, and that would have just destroyed you before your death.

You tried your best to close your eyes during min's execution, arei's body discovery and ace's death, but you could still see the rabid dogs, hanging body, and just every way to die in your mind. It hurt so bad, every memory felt like a nightmare replaying in your head. You tried to hang on to good memories of teruko, but those were ruined because all you could see was fresh blood and a sharp knife penetrating her abdomen.

As if all that wasn't enough, teruko was about to get shot. You genuinely could not imagine what terrible pain she was going to feel and you just could not handle seeing and remembering all that, you wanted to scream to cry to get in front of her but for some reason your body froze and you couldn't. you saw levi get shot.

After staying in the trial grounds for a while and thinking in her dorm, the first person teruko wanted to see was you. She wanted to apologize for everything, especially for letting you see that scene, but she couldn't find you in the dining hall at breakfast and after suppressing the horrible idea that immediately came to her, she decided to ask Charles

"Hey, where's y/n?"

"He didn't leave his room since the trial"

"What?"

"Yeah, eden went to check on him but said he sounded weak and sad and that it's better to leave him alone"

"You didn't think of actually going in his dorm?"

"Eden told us he said he wanted to be left alone"

Teruko sighed angrily and went over to your dorm, she couldn't imagine how you felt, she had been so selfish, only thinking about herself and the killing game, that she completely ignored how her boyfriend would feel after seeing all those bodies, she mentally reprimanded herself as she knocked on your door

"Y/n, it's me teruko, open please, I wanna talk"

She released a breath she didn't know she was holding when after a bit,you opened your door, you looked so miserable, the red eyes making it obvious you had been crying, she immediately pulled you into an hug and went inside the room, closing the door in the meanwhile.

She was ready to comfort you to tell you that everything was gonna be alright, that now that she was ready to start trusting other people again, she was going to protect you even more. She herself didn't know how much she believed in what she said (except for the last part, she was definitely going to protect you) but she needed to be there for you.

What she wasn't ready for was for you to pull yourself out of her arms and chest and start walking away from her

"Y-y/n what Is it?"

".......i-i'm sorry teru it's just......I want to be alone right now"

"But that's not going to help you, you have me y/n please let me help you"

"I........i"

Teruko instantly got worried when she saw you starting to shake and cry again. She went to hug you again, only for you to burst into tears and curl up in a ball

"I....I can't do this anymore! *sniffle* all the blood, the wounds, the pain, i-it's all so clear, i hate it, please make it stop!"

You started breathing heavily, almost hyperventilating. Teruko stood there shocked for a moment before regaining her composure and understanding what was going on. She pulled you into yet another hug, but this time, she held tighter onto you and started comforting you right away.

"It's alright y/n, I'm here"

"T-teru"

"I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now, what rose said during the trial, it must apply to you too.......and all the accidents I've been in, you remember them don't you?"

"I......I'm sorry, I didn't want to worry you"

"It's fine, I know, but I'm sorry"

"It's......It's not your fault"

".........*sighs* OK, but just know that I'm here and I will never leave you, no matter what happens, I'll always be with you, no matter how many accidents happen, I will survive for you"

"..........thank you......so much"

"It's the least I could do, but please, in the future, whenever you're feeling like this tell me ok?"

".....ok"

You got up and wiped your tears, when you looked back at teruko.....the blood was no longer there, you could only see your beautiful girlfriend, all the good memories you had with her flowed into your mind and you smiled and hugged teruko again

"Thank you teru......you have no idea how much I love you, the mere thought of you made all the bad memories go away"

Teruko chuckled and wrapped her arms around you, she was so glad to have this effect on you, and she would keep all the bad memories away from you whenever you needs

"I'm happy to hear that y/n, I love you too.....so much"

[penguinkyun]

chapter 166 review

continued cw for discussion of canon suicide

ITS THE FINAL CHAPTER......!!!

honestly. i really really wish i could give praise and a positive review about this chapter because its the end of a manga i really truly loved and enjoyed and it makes me really sad that i can't do that

because this ending is shit. thanks akasaka!

with two chapters remaining, i knew that any fallout would be rushed and underexplored without the time it would deserve but it really does amaze me how this chapter managed to feel both rushed and excessive in its exploration of grief

just like kana last chapter, focusing so much on rubys grief here feels oddly exploitative (but everything about these last three chapters have felt exploitative and excessive so) and yet we did need to see rubys reaction so its just this contradictory mess of too much and too little at the same time

i guess it feels that way because like @aihoshiino mentioned, of this trend in the latter half of the manga of showing horrible things happening to the characters, but theres either very little or no healing and rebuilding to provide catharsis. aquas death is horrific and theres no resolution or refutation to the self hatred he has of himself and he died believing his only role while living was to be in service of others and everyone else is shown grieving in detail for a few pages before moving on because theres not enough time to give their emotions the space to breathe and not enough time to give them the space to heal and rebuild so it just feels like an endless cycle of suffering and suffering with tiny hints of healing and then its back to suffering and it is so draining to read through

its kind of sad that ruby, who is supposed to be the second main character of this series, doesn't even get to narrate the last chapter, like she narrated the beginning of the first chapter after ai's death. all her thoughts and feelings are told to us by akane instead of her- her story can't even be told by ruby herself

burning.mp3 sure is playing loud during the beginning of this chapter

ough mem's notice that shes taking a break contrasting her one million subscriber video...that sure hurts

and what hurts even more is why the fuck is taiki not at the hoshinos family grave where aqua would be buried. why is he giving a bouquet to parents he absolutely hates instead of being allowed to grieve the brother he actually loved and cared for???

WHY IS HE AT THE HIMEKAWAS GRAVE. WHY. WHY TAIKI WHY. THIS MAKES NO SENSE HE HATES THEM??? WHY WOULD HE GIVE THEM FLOWERS??? WHAT THE FUCK. WHY IS THIS THE LAST TIME WE SEE HIM???

coughs. anyway

the ending really is just "aqua died and we were all sad about it. then we moved on."

and its honestly terrible that everything is going exactly as aqua predicted. his death only boosted ruby and 15YL, and everyone else was able to get back on their feet in what feels like almost immediately. i don't want the characters to suffer more or any of them to commit suicide like half the predictions were in the weeks after 164, but the way its presented here- due to the lack of pacing and rushed ending- the narrative is retroactively justifying aqua's suicide and thats. well bad! its bad message to send! rubs forehead. seriously the messaging is all sorts of fucked up this chapter

i dont actually have all that much to say about the rest since its pretty much what i figured-- akane and kana going all in on acting and everyone getting their footing back

we really just brought in two random bkomachi members out the wazoo!

the two stars in the sky did get me a little though i wont lie

what i didn't expect though was akasaka taking the themes of the series and burying them even deeper than six feet under in the final chapter

because ruby's essentially become Ai 2.0 here, even more than she was in c.159. she's become a liar that lies constantly as being an idol, hiding her pain so she can continue to shine- the very ending that neither ai nor aqua wanted for her, the very thing she never wanted to become– how is this a happy ending? or even a bittersweet one?

hoshino ai was a greedy girl for wanting happiness as an idol and happiness for herself, so what does this chapter tell us? what's the moral of this story? that you shouldn't want happiness for yourself? hoshino aqua died without ever receiving the fulfillment and happiness he wanted, ai died because the toxic culture and misogyny around idols and idol culture prevented her from living her life in happiness, and hoshino ruby survives without any fulfilling happiness in her life? is the lesson here you shouldn't be greedy for too much happiness? that you simply need to grin and bear it? thats an absolutely terrible message to send!

this ending feels like holding dry ice because of how devoid of any warmth it feels

the last panels are so cold— ruby saying goodbye to a wall filled with the commodified versions of her mother and brother (especially their signatures what the FUCK) and one single true picture of them both and its from her childhood and going to a job she lost any sort of joy and fulfillment in and has to hide her pain everyday with lies

it'd be one thing if ruby had to lie if she still found any sort of enjoyment in being an idol but none of that is there! It's just empty.

sidenote: ruby do you not have a single picture of aqua as a teen?? even gotanda has one wtf?? what about miyako??? this is not the time for product placement!

ALSO WHY A PLUSHIE. OF ALL THINGS. WHY AN AI PLUSHIE?!

the fact she says ``towards the future [you] illuminated for me`` is so insulting to those deaths because. neither of them wanted this for her! and ai didn't die for her and as far as she knows, aqua was murdered so this line is as confusing as it is wrong

its such a bad ending for ruby because being an idol was something she wanted to do for two lifetimes and now she has everything except her family and the happiness that she used to have doing it

sighs. in the end the saitous were the only ones with their dreams fulfilled huh? they got an idol to the dome.

kana never got her dream fulfilled, akane couldn't save aqua, ruby lost all her family and lost the love and enjoyment she found in being an idol, aqua died horribly without ever seeing any of his dreams come to fruition. ai's wish has been desecrated completely. towards stars and dreams? hah. what a terrible name for this arc. what a bitter ending.

despite all this, i really do love this manga and thats why seeing this ending destroy all the themes it had of breaking the cycle, of moving forward, its sad. and heartbreaking.

its a fun ride though! and i enjoyed being here and reading this manga. honestly a little emotional now thats its officially oshi no over! i'm not done with this series though and probably will still be posting and discussing it for a long time to come! in the end, i love all these characters way too much to let go now and they have all been a pretty important part of my life, so...happy end of series everyone. i hope you all enjoyed this ride as much as i did!

see you all!

[rosewaterandpinkseasalt]

if we’re going with that though—do we think steven would really figure that out during the timeline of the show? we only see him up until the age of sixteen. he’s processing everything he’s been through (which is a lot) and he’s in a terrible mental state. i think this is something he’s going to reflect on & really figure out in post canon. if anything, a tiny silver lining is that the end of canon reminds young people that they don’t need to have all their traumas resolved right away! his relationship, too, is something he’s still working on but we can kind of tell they’re always going to be together.

i can’t help but sympathize with steven & as someone who’s older than him i really like how you always acknowledge the outside perspective! lots of rose haters see the show from steven’s perspective and forget that they can have an outside one, too. i try to look at both.

through steven’s eyes, he has a whole belief system set up and so much happens throughout his adolescence that, while he changes and goes through unimaginable things, he doesn’t know what to believe anymore. he starts to only see extremes. he started off with imagining rose as this perfect mother for comfort, and then he learns things about her that are quite alarming (i.e., bismuth being bubbled, not telling garnet and ame and dad about being a diamond) and feels this bitterness & anger. he even begins to question if she’s a bad person. it’s going to take awhile for him to process and figure out everything.

in a very similar way, he has trouble with how he feels about himself. he grew up isolated from lots of kids & finding out he was a protector & a healer, but as time goes on he struggles with self blame and self doubt. he begins focusing so much on protecting others that he forgets about himself—which makes him lose some self awareness, too.

so, when he’s in fight or flight like that and he needs to make a last minute decision, he chooses something that’s extremely self destructive but with the intention to protect the person he loves most. & that’s interesting to me because he’s not only reminding me of one mom here—he’s reminding me of pearl, too.

situations involving life or death & fight or flight, when the person already has lots of unresolved trauma and mental health issues… these situations can easily bring out some troubling aspects of people.

i have so much empathy for steven & pearl that i can’t bring myself to say that they were bad hurtful partners—really, they were being self destructive. & i think connie and rose were upset but more so because they were worried about their partners and they couldn’t do anything to protect them. it’s not something that would end their relationships or lessen trust—but it’s definitely a good example of how putting your loved ones over yourself & not having self compassion can cause issues when they feel the same amount of love for you & want to protect you, too.

@selkie-soup you know steven & connverse better than i do, but this situation is just very interesting to me and i thought i would chime in! i hope this is soup approved :3

it irks me so much when people act like Connie is in the wrong for how she acted after the trial. It ignores three things. One- Connie is 12, of course she won't act "perfect". Two- she tried to talk to him irl but Steven was at the cabin with the gems + his dad. Three- Connie has a right to take space, even if it was in her best interest it's not unreasonable she was hurt. She wanted to be there for him and they promised to protect each other (not to mention if any of Pearl's ideology still effected her) and she felt like their promise was broken. It was for the best she was left behind but she can still have complex feelings about the topic.

[invisiblerhythmcat]

going out twice in one day

let's see how this goes...

[naamahdarling]

.

[box-dwelling]

Got to this point in my astarion orgin run so that why it's in my head but I really feel like he would have such a negative reaction to the myconids. Astarion's feeling around necromancy are probably pretty complicated but "reviving the corpses of our enemies as slaves who have no agency" would set off all his alarm bells.

Like I am aware they are more complicated and are defending themselves however I do think that is not something he would consider because the panic attack has him sneak attacking before he can think

Anyways given he often ends up in the underdark with the other spawn it would probably be an interesting thing to explore in fic

[puppyeared]

footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia

[mad-hunts]

have i ever talked about how barton is genuinely jealous of people who seem happy because he feels so hollow a majority of the time that even when he's 'happy,' he's not really happy? because i just 😭 yeah...

[forgotten-daydreamer]

vent moment but my health is a bit worse than i let on, which is weird ik since it seems like complain about it all the time here, and apparently i also look sick, because two separate people in their 40s or 50s asked me, 24, if i needed their seat on the bus. kind of them. but humiliating nonetheless.

[sskk-manifesto]

(｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

[la0hu]

masha broke a bowl by accident in the kitchen and when i brought her the broom and dustpan and asked her if she was okay, she looked at me, straight-faced, and said, "no, i'm not okay." and then i realized she meant that she still feels emotionally abused by the house somehow, and i felt a flash of anger because i am so sick of her shit, and i rephrased, "are you physically injured?" and she gave me another look and said "i'm physically okay." and then when connie asked from her room "what's going on?" masha replied "nothing new." like fuck off ohhhhhhhh my god