#this is THREE whole games that i play

[landofdoom]

On the left: spring, Year 1. On the right: spring, Year 5.

I want minecraft 1.20's bamboo wood in my first world, but that world pre-dates the change where your world has to be checked as "experimental" at creation in order to access snapshot assets. Predates it by a lot. But, the 1.20 update that is no longer experimental nor a snapshot should be released on June 7th, and I can make bamboo stuff until my eyes fall out.

In the meantime, I've been playing Stardew Valley. I figured from others' videos that it's like a cross of Pokemon, Minecraft, and Sims 2: Seasons, and it kind of is, and I like it rather a lot.

Looking at my own screenshots here, there are clearly more trees now than there were then, but I think there's only one (1) that has never been cut and replanted. Guess I need to put a tapper on it now, to remind myself to keep leaving it alone.

[croquettish]

Claustrophobia as a Metaphor for Hans' Feelings for Henry

All right. I'm ready to go full tinfoil hat here but I have a theory, y'all. And there is a lot of evidence to back it up even if you decide I'm off my rocker for most of it:

I think Hans' claustrophobia exists in parallel to his feelings and, more importantly, how Hans feels about his feelings for Henry.

We first get the hint that Hans is claustrophobic when he and Henry get tossed into the dungeon at Trosky:

This is immediately post-divorce era. The boys haven't quite yet made up and Hans has gotten his first taste of what life is like without Henry. He did not care for it, and that realization comes alongside an incredibly unexpected vulnerability that Hans is not used to and has not had to deal with before.

The threat of losing Henry before was of course something he could conceive of before, most recently following Henry's ~terrible fall, but that would have been losing him in the abstract. If he lost Henry because of their fight, that would be (at least in his eyes), 100% his fault, at least in part because-- as you'll recall-- Henry was ready to make up literally the next morning. Earlier, even, if you watch the way he tries to look at Hans while Hans is stubbornly staring away as if to keep from being persuaded by Henry's puppy dog eyes.

The divorce era presented a different sort of loss, namely losing Henry not because of God's will, but because of his own stubborn pride. He got Henry back after, but the risk was there and it's only after getting him back that the full weight of what he almost lost hits him. At the beginning, when he's still panicking in the cell, he's still in what he perceives to be the proverbial doghouse, and he promptly follows this up by eating crow and apologizing to Henry for being an asshole.

Panic abated.

Until Henry is taken away from him, of course, and the walls truly start closing in. I have to really commend the creative direction of this scene in particular because that zoom out + transition to a Dutch angle is so fucking haunting in this scene while we watch Hans clearly trying not to have a full breakdown. It really induces the feeling of claustrophobia even if a person doesn't suffer from it themselves.

Henry was taken away from him, and as far as he knows, he might never see him again. No wonder the walls start closing in on him.

After that, things return to normal. No bad claustrophobia concerns for some time, incidentally. Henry is there, and his feelings regarding Henry are completely logical and rational. What a good friend Henry is!

The next time we see Hans' claustrophobia flare up is after Nebakov is hit by the Finger of God/bombard. Hans is trapped under a beam and is (understandably) freaking the fuck out. We also know from his dialogue later on that this scene magnified his claustrophobia even more than it was before.

What's notable, however, is that Henry at this point is barely conscious and isn't responding to Hans. As far as he knows, Henry isn't alive. That bombard could have easily killed any/all of them and tbh it's kind of a miracle that it didn't. Never mind that after his brief foray into consciousness, Henry is promptly hit by a full-length ceiling beam and (presumably, logically) knocked the fuck out. Meanwhile Hans is being crushed by his own fear of his feelings.

We obviously don't know what happens between the time of the tower's destruction and the scene in the cart after, but we do know that Henry was woken up at dawn to the commotion and by the time they get done being tortured, it's very late at night. So presumably Henry was out cold for a while there. Not only are the walls closing in on Hans here, they're literally crushing him. The fear of losing Henry is more present than ever.

And to make matters worse, he has no idea when or even if he's ever going to see Henry again. Henry has no value as a hostage. He could easily be simply disposed of without a second thought.

Henry could die, and it would, in Hans' eyes, be all his fault. At this point his feelings on the matter are guilt and a tremendous amount of self-pity (as we later learn from Brabant). As if to coincide with Hans being confronted with his feelings regarding Henry and the loss of him at this point and time, he ends up stuck in his gilded cage at Maleshov.

Once again, the walls are closing in.

We learn about how he felt about this only later when we chat with him at the Devil's Den:

The big problem with the room, Hans explains, was simply that he couldn't leave.

If we bear in mind the claustrophobia : confrontation of feelings metaphor here, this makes sense. Henry could be dead. He could have been tortured. He could still be in captivity. Hell, depending on how you play Henry being tortured, he even tells the torturer to just go ahead and fucking kill him because he's not talking. Henry was ready to die.

Hans knows Henry. Extremely well. He knows that Henry has some truly insane principles that he will stick to no matter what. There's no doubt in my mind that Hans probably knows there is a good chance that Henry doesn't make it through this. And he's confronted with all of these feelings over an extended period of time where he gets to sit and spin.

In light of that, I think it's interesting that he calls it a hole, because I would never use a word like that to describe what is effectively a fancy hotel room. But figuratively speaking, of course it's a hole for him. He's despairing. He needs Henry in his life and there's nothing he can do to get to him or to save him. He can't leave.

And then, of course, Henry shows up after all. No wonder Hans looks so unbelievably elated to see him. Of course, this is when Henry brings up the secret passageway. Hans is told that he can leave this enclosed space for another, even tighter enclosed space!

Now, if you pick the correct dialogue option here and tell him that you'll make it through, together, Hans of course discloses that the shit about how it's not ~chivalrous was bullshit and that it's because he might endanger him:

He just spent the last x amount of time (depending on how long you had Henry dilly-dallying around Kuttenberg and its environs) trapped here and steeped in his feelings regarding Henry. The fear of losing him is at the top of this list. To Hans, going into that passageway could also make him lose Henry. And it would be his fault. Again.

There's also something to be said here about close quarters. If we're to return here to the metaphors, then those close quarters force Hans to confront his feelings for Henry. Henry even says it himself back when they're in the Trosky dungeon together:

From there, it's on to Raborsch. Which is where things get very interesting.

Hans is told that he's going to be getting married. Much like in the Trosky dungeon, we get that zoom (albeit in the other direction this time) and then his POV. The way time seems to slow, the wobble of the camera... being something of a panic attack haver myself, this is exactly what it feels like. It is honestly impressive how well they mimic the feeling of it. And the way it's executed almost makes it look as though the room is shrinking.

This is my own personal headcanon that will probably not be shared by most people, but I think this is the moment that Hans realizes that he's in love with Henry. It would make sense for him to feel faint and like the walls are closing in on him in that moment.

It's also the worst possible moment for him to realize.

And then he proceeds to try and shove those feelings aside and repress them as best as possible. Nevermind that yet again Henry isn't there to help support him.

There was a wonderful post going around the other day about why Hans' responses to the romantic dialogue options Henry chooses sound so platonic. Because... yeah. He's holding that shit in TIGHT. He is on LOCKDOWN.

And we see that reflected in where he chooses to place himself physically after that point!!!!

After the announcement, Godwin can find him outside on the balcony getting absolutely hammered and talking to Rabbi Jehuda.

Even at the Devil's Den, where he's objectively free, he feels... crowded. Like the walls are closing in on him:

No fucking wonder. If he just realized that he's in love with Henry, then at this point in the story he's still trying real hard to repress that shit. Hans is erecting these walls himself as if he's trying to choke these feelings out of him. It also makes sense why he's constantly going out to get away from this confrontation of feelings as much as possible, riding out whenever he can:

Even in the group meeting with the Devil's gang, he says this:

Now it's the whole tavern! Anywhere that has walls and a roof is choking the life out of him! And of course here Henry is suddenly fucking everywhere.

When talking to him about the rides he goes on in the surrounding areas, this line of inquiry leads him to ask if he's fucking poaching again, and Hans comes back by saying this:

Allow me to just say.

And I cannot stress this enough.

He did not need to tell Henry that.

Henry tells him as much, but it feels fairly obvious that this was said with intent. It's like he's trying to reinforce his own heterosexuality to both him and Henry.

I would also like to highlight here that to Hans, it's always outside that this heterosexuality occurs. Even at the baths those hookups are merely in tents. The girl from Bohunowitz he found in (or near) a hunter's camp in the forest.

So we see a pretty direct correlation here. The inside of pretty much any building (or passageway) that also contains Henry or the Absence of Henry (in the abstract) is profoundly unsafe. This is the space where feelings always seem to happen and where Realizations™️ occur.

So! The outside is safe! Nothing can get him there, not even his feelings for Henry!

It's interesting, then, that Hans decides to invite Henry into that very space not long after:

Even in the space Hans uses as an escape (including as an escape from Henry), he still wants Henry there. Much as I discussed in this post, Hans views hunting with Henry in this scene as an escape into the past. Pre-betrothal, pre-feelings. A simpler time and a return to normalcy.

Naturally, he has to counteract Henry's presence in the Comphet space by bringing up as much heterosexuality as possible:

He brings this up regardless of how you respond.

Depending on your dialogue choices, you then learn that the girl from Bohunowitz is named Karolina. (Tbh if I didn't know better, I'd assume she was fucking made up seeing as she shares a name with the same girl he was running after in The Amorous Adventures of Bold Sir Hans Capon and there is no such girl to be found in Bohunowitz.)

Regardless of whether you chose to tease him or grumble about his womanizing, Henry makes it pretty clear that he doesn't want to hear about it. He says something similar as well earlier, when Hans says that the girl from Bohunowitz (who may or may not be made up) gave him a ~ride:

Hans quickly changes the subject, but Henry keeps them on topic and brings it up again, effectively asking him if these wenches are more important to him than he is:

(Tbh it's pretty fucking obvious from these interactions that Henry is already feeling quite a lot here and is looking for validation from Hans... which Hans then, perhaps unwittingly, provides. Maybe he just can't help himself. The truth slips through the cracks.)

Hans immediately reassures him, of course:

At which point it's Henry's turn to brush him off and put some distance between them again.

Distance which Hans immediately closes up again...

... only to freak out and instantly backpedal.

The assault on Maleshov really hammers this connection home, where even outside, he can't run from his fear.

In this case, because the Finger of God fires and hits the fortress walls.

Hans falls back and just... stares.

And just stays there for a while. For long enough, in fact, that Henry and Godwin have to come help him up.

Henry, in this instance, is both the problem and the solution: all Hans has to do is accept the fact that he's in love with him—with a little help from Henry.

And then we get to the Italian Job. Hooo boy.

It does not escape my attention that these two dialogue options come up in the same conversation, one of which of course leads to a romance choice:

Henry tries to insist on how much he enjoys Hans' company only for Hans to brush him off. Quite substantially. Like if I was Henry I'd be fucking gutted or at the very least baffled that my friend could be that obtuse when I'm over here dropping all these hints.

And then, of course, Hans promptly panics again when Henry brings up the underground passage and asks if he's joining him in going through it (almost as if those two bits of panic are related).

He even brings up societal judgment! But I think it's that last one that carries by far the most weight. He's still looking for any possible way out that he can find and asking for validation from Henry while he's doing it. Which is asking quite a lot of Henry imo.

Of course, then he suddenly doesn't have a choice anymore. Which is also where Hans actually comes to terms with his feelings. He has to go through the passageway. There's no choice. The walls are closing in and he has to accept it or he'll go insane if he keeps repressing any of this any longer. The narrative is practically telling him: you can't run from this anymore. His feelings for Henry are real and they're right in front of him and they're not this terrifying thing that he's been running from all this time.

Katherine tells Henry that Hans was trailing behind Godwin and her "like a dazed sheep" and that she hopes he didn't get lost.

The good news is that he didn't. Instead, quite the opposite happened: he finally found his way to accepting how he feels.

And when he does, he finds that he's no longer afraid of them. Suddenly, as if out of nowhere, confronting his fears meant that they're not nearly as terrifying anymore.

Again, Henry asks if he's really all right, and Hans insists that he's never been better. No fucking wonder. This was a come-to-Jesus moment if ever I saw one.

And then he checks on Henry. All this time, he's been looking at his own fear, stuck in this, quite frankly, closet, and not thinking about how Henry has been feeling.

Even so, Henry is worried. At which point Hans gets to reassure him that, no, he's all right. In fact, the one holding him back and hurting him most in all of this has been none other than himself. If anything, Henry has been encouraging all this time. He does his job well. And that includes loving Hans.

Henry suggests that he overcame his fear, and Hans insists that no, that's not quite it.

Which makes sense. You don't just overcome your fears by facing them. Certainly not something like claustrophobia. It's also unlikely that an actual miracle occurred here. If you listen for his idle talk before or after this conversation, even Hans is absolutely baffled that he just... overcame his fear. Just like that.

To me, that suggests that this is about something else entirely, and not tight, enclosed spaces at all. He's always been afraid to face this part of himself.

In fact, if we recall what happened during their successful siege on Maleshov, Hans fell and couldn't recover without aid. Here, he fell and got himself up again because... it didn't kill him. It's okay to have—wait for it—fallen in love with Henry.

Is this a stretch? Maybe. But the fact that it happens twice makes me think that it was done with intent.

(If I wanted to bring in a real stretch here, I'd suggest that there's meaning behind the fact that Hans helps Henry up to his feet several times, first after his terrible fall at the beginning, while they're walking to Bozhena's, and again after he's on the floor getting kicked at the Semine wedding. If this was meant to be a hint as to where Henry realized that he was in love with Hans, having lost him first almost to death and then again to the divorce arc, it wouldn't surprise me tbh. He fell, and Hans was there to be his solution—the only difference is that Henry wouldn't have had a problem accepting it the way that Hans did. But, like I said, this one is a stretch.)

All of which brings us to the second confession.

Henry tried telling him this same exact thing before, after nearly losing him to the noose and their temporary split. Now he's saying this exact same thing again. Which feels... pointed and frankly intentional.

And this time, Hans responds in kind. He also cares about Henry. He's just really bad at showing it sometimes.

Because of course he's bad at it. He's spent the whole game thus far stuck in a closet of claustrophobia battling against his own internally homophobic demons.

But his success in a) escaping that closet and b) battling those demons brings us to the promised land.

Where they fuck in a (relatively, considering Hans' fear from before) small room and with Hans underneath Henry, the safest ceiling to come (down) on him of them all ♥

[dragonsareawesome123]

The little smirk that Allerton gives when he sees that Lee isn't looking at him after Allerton said that he'd think about Lee's offer is crazyyyyy

[front-facing-pokemon]

[foxx-queen]

thinking about the fragment of mythal's spirit finding flemeth. 'she was betrayed as I was betrayed'. morrigan confirming the version of flemeth's history that saw her living in poverty, sold by her husband to a lord who desired her. the parallels to the warden city elf origin. morrigan telling us it's easy to imagine how flemeth and mythal related to one another. 'betrayed by those sworn to love her'. mythals murder at the hands of her fellow gods, the figures that were her husband and children in dalish legends. 'mens hearts hold shadows darker than any tainted creature'. mythal being a fragment of who she was, split from herself, lost, and she 'clawed and crawled her way through the ages' to a woman betrayed and wounded and left for dead locked in the dark.

thinking about what that moment might've been like for both of them. flemeth lifting her head to a spirit reaching out to her. the fragment of mythal finding a place to rest in a soul that resonated with her. 'your grief must come later... in the dark shadows before you take vengeance, as my mother once said'. did flemeth mean mythal, when she spoke of her mother? was that something mythal said to flemeth in the moments before they became one? 'duty must come now'. duty to the world? flemeth carried mythal through the ages, nudging history when required, aiding and preparing the world for a reckoning she knew would come. 'considering what the world has done to me, I have already done more than it deserves'. the moments in history that could be read as mythal attempting to mend a world she helped to break, and wanting to protect the world that formed from what was broken from being destroyed all over again. she couldn't have done that without flemeth, who had no hand in breaking the world to begin with.

'i am but an old woman, whom the world has largely forgotten'. thedas as we know it wouldn't be there without flemeth. she was murdered, and solas painted her as an elf because he saw her as no more than a vessel for his oldest friend, and refused to acknowledge that he was murdering her too, because she was just a fragment. they'd lived for centuries as one person. kieran mentions that he feels lonely without the old god soul. it must've been lonely, watching and guiding the world as she did. maybe she doesn't hide that shes an old woman because of how the years might've weighed on her. 'regret is something I know well'. mythals regrets are never spoken of, because we never get the chance to hear them. would one of them have been burdening a mortal in such a way? or is that not something she could regret, because of how she came to her in the first place?

'regret that she would never see me again'. maybe it is a little jarring for players to hear morrigan speak of flemeth without all the vitriol we've come to expect. to hear something like sadness when we know what their relationship is like. but we saw flemeth's face when morrigan told her that she would not be like her, in her instant defence of kieran. it's been ten years since morrigan absorbed flemeth and mythals combined memories. she knows everything she's done and everything she's suffered, and how she might've felt about it all. all those regrets. sometimes we don't have to forgive the people who've hurt us to understand them. sometimes we love them despite it all.

[buttercup-barf]

Been looking into Super Mario RPG recently... Guess which new guys are my favouties.

[numerousracoons]

Have mistresses on the brain AGAIN so enjoy a Maria Kaina art dump and my pretentious explanatory tags

[yuttikkele]

i like how while the dsmp was going on we were all like “awww the brothers! ctommy and cwilbur the brothers!!!” and now we look back and all collectively say, “their relationship was incredibly toxic, actually.”

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

ford: would you be interested in a dd&md campaign where nothing bad happens whatsoever

stan: what’s the fun in that?

ford: the escape from our chronic depression

stan: …can i raid a dragon’s hoard or somethin

ford: you can. you can even mock the dragon so hard it dies

stan: holy shit yeah i’m in

[sysig]

Maybe requestober prompt of soft?

Day 5 - Pile o' plushies

[sieglinde-freud]

lowkey the more i revisit three houses the more boring azure moon becomes to me. like i like dimitri and everything but everytime i see that route im j like “thats it?” and sometimes i feel crazy bc everyones like “isnt this the best fire emblem story in the history of fire emblem and isnt dimitri the best character ever” and im like well. well i. i dont. if you say so…

[garygoldenbignaturals]

i have an idea swimming in my mind rn and i hope i dont jinx it by poasting it before really doing anything with it. a really small interactive experience-thing (i'm not really intent in calling it a game bc it's nothing too complicated) about iggy waking up from her second torpor to the year of 2004, around the events of bloodlines. it's mostly text-based, basically just a visual novel with pictures and animated scenes in the style of signalis' cutscenes, encompassing her past a bit and how she came to meet jaden, along with all the npc oc's i've made out to populate her story. it will have a dress up segment bc i enjoy playing with her fashion and it's gonna take inspo from style savvy for the ds. just a little something to explain thee ignatia vitali to people, and a project i could do to better my 3d modeling, animating, and writing skills lol

[wolfsong-the-bloody-beast]

This quest annoys me. A lot. So far, I've never done it. I intend to try with another character at some point. I originally thought I'd try it with my human noble for RP, but he's a relatively nice (and rather religious) guy, so I feel like the disrespect of desecrating an ancient burial site, even if it's a culture he may not understand, is still a bit too much. I mean, I don't see a problem with being able to do it as an option, I guess. I just feel like that being the only solution to the "puzzle" is kind of stupid. Hell, at least don't lock the damn mosaic piece behind it. I don't even need the loot.

On this playthrough, I managed to exploit the mount glitch that lets you clip through the door of the crypt without destroying the graves, just to retrieve the mosaic piece. Also, found out too late that there is a mod for this.

[densewentz]

alrightttt. my sweet chickies have their official Big Girl brooder area in the house and a big ol' new baby run in the backyard (although its not secure enough for them to be left unattended yet so for now it's more or less a supervised recess yard lol)

They had SO much fun out back today in all the dirt and woodchips (Sugar found a little worm and went ballistic) and their new big brooder room inside is like a little chicken resort ngl

Nilla, of course, is still Queen of the Roost. But an underdog contender, 2 week old Poppy, is taking home the belt for Bravest Bird overall

Poor Nilla, always being stalked by the lollipop guild

[anintroverteddarling]

Might be too busy to upload the video I mentioned so Imma yeet some doodles I made at school ... ... ... I can't believe this is what I do when bored:

These are very cursed Eddie doodles because why not?

[phoenixiancrystallist]

Month 1, day 12

Flick grows in his shininess! :D Also he has an ear now lol