#this is NOT a 28 years old man should look like. what is his deal.

[homiu-l]

WTF HAPPENED-

[chaoticace2005]

Why Vox needs to GET THE FUCK OVER THE RADIO DEMON:

(By Velvette, the only competent of the Vees)

(Her list for Valentino here)

1. He’s just not into you

2. We have better things to do than allocate company time to this.

3. He makes you look stupid

4a. He makes US look stupid (and Valentino already does that enough)

4b. Seriously how are we supposed to stop your boy toy from chasing whore around town when you can’t do the same with your ex? We need to set a (gag) good example for him.

5. What do you even see in him? Tacky coat. And that voice is so old-school.

6. You have two people who (reluctantly) want to work with you. Why spend energy on a guy who doesn’t?

7. This was seven years ago babe. Give it up.

8. I’m tired of finding your Alastor Body Pillow around the penthouse

9. Speaking of the body pillow, did you really have to spend 5k on it?

10. Company money should be used for COMPANY things. The fact we even have an “Alastor” budget is stupid. HE DOESNT EVEN GO HERE. ( @onesidedradiostatic )

11. He fucked off once, he probably will again.

12. Do you really want to fuck with someone who has the princess and king of Hell on his side?

13. It makes Valentino insecure about his sexual prowess, which is not good for anyone.

14. I have to LISTEN to him complain about it.

15. No matter how hard you try, nobody will ever beat “Susan” for #1 rival in that man’s heart. (Which is valid cause Susan SUCKS.)

16. Also you’re wasting company time by having Val put together shitty-Alastor look alike porns? Angel Dust does NOT look like Radio Demon ffs, I though Val was the blind one not you.

17. Your screens keep crapping out whenever you think about him, and we’re running out of ones in storage.

18a. I don’t want to keep having to go to overlord meetings for you because you’re having a breakdown over of he’ll be there or not.

18b. Speaking of breakdowns, STOP MAKING THE WHOLE CITY LOSE POWER.

19. You’ve taken over the entire office space with your Alastor-shrine. It’s not really an inconvenience, just creepy.

20a. Not to kinkshame but I walked in on you and Val fucking with Alastor-wigs on, REALLY?!

20b. Also I think you’re making Val insecure about his lack of hair.

21. STOP asking me to design Alastor-cosplay clothes for you. I don’t want anything to do with this.

22. I already have to deal with one pissbaby

23. Seriously, he isn’t into you. Maybe it’s cause you’re a mess. Maybe it’s cause he’s AROACE. Who knows.

24. You keep interrupting channels to brainwash people into hating the Radio Demon, when we should be brainwashing them into other things.

25. We can all hear you talking to yourself in the shower when trying to come up with shitty comebacks.

26. You display your dreams when you sleep, and while it was funny at first at this point it’s so boring. Val and I want to watch something actually interesting for once rather than the same shit.

27. You keep glitching out in bisexual whenever he comes up and it’s annoying waiting for you to put your shit back together again.

28. I’m sick of movie nights where we just watch your self-made compilations of “Alastor’s Epic Fails” or just watch security footage of him at the hotel.

29. Why do you even try and film him? Your shitty cameras can pick hardly anything up.

30. Honestly this whole thing is just pathetic.

31. Like it used to be cute but now?

[ovaryacted]

do you think re4make leon knows how to fuck? 👀

The little eye emoji at the end is making me laugh. But hmm, I've actually thought of this before in-depth, and if I'm gonna be completely honest...probably not. HOLD ON HOLD ON! HEAR ME OUT FIRST DON'T BOO ME OFF THE STAGE!

So in my mind (keyword: my), I don't think Leon would know how to "fuck". He's just not a #realfucker. HOWEVER, that does not mean he is an idiot when it comes to sex and what to do. He just doesn't have enough "experience" that would put him in a category of people who are masters in the bedroom, and that is okay! Frankly, I think it's more realistic and sticks to his loser persona.

I mean, we are dealing with a 27/28-year-old man with immense trauma and survivor's guilt who's been blackmailed into military service and literally thinks about dying frequently. He's in Spain fighting demons both literally and figuratively and has one foot in the grave at all times. No, I don't think he knows how to fuck, he probably hasn't even really done anything that would qualify as "fucking" in a healthy way.

He'd probably have limited chances to actually get involved with anyone, especially if he was being trained to the degree he was. Also, if he was under Krauser's supervision and being trained by him as a means of survival, he doesn't know anything about another human's touch outside of obligation. Not to mention the context of the period he was in the military (close to the early 2000s I think), he probably experienced a fuck ton of homophobia for being a "pretty boy" anyway and that would be a direct jab to his wavering self-confidence.

If anything, he's probably had some quick blowjobs or given them, but actual sex? Nah, his brain can't comprehend doing something like that when he's too busy wondering if he'll live to see another day.

Let us say he was allowed to fuck somebody, I think he would be clueless on where to start or what to do. Sure, Leon is smart and perceptive, he'll be able to adapt eventually, but it won't be a natural process. I made an analysis post about this topic a while ago, about viewing Leon as a sex god when he's the complete opposite in my mind, and I always come back to that because that's how I interpret him.

Does he know where the clit is? Does he know what to do with a dick? Sure, he knows enough about the female and male body to understand what to touch and what goes where. The thing he doesn't know is how to do it in a way that makes both parties feel good, and how it varies from person to person. Has he watched porn or looked through magazines? Probably back when he was a hormonal teenager with nothing better to do, or before he found himself in his current situation, but he doesn't like it. He doesn't see women in particular in the same light as every other form of media views them, so his perception of sex and how it should be done contradicts the norm. Or, he just assumes that he should know what to do, and since he doesn't or can't seem to figure it out, he doesn't bother trying to find out.

He doesn't give me those vibes that he's someone who would know what to do in the bedroom off that bat, and I'm not saying that to be a bummer but that's how I see him at least during this part of his life. But, if you trust him and make him feel comfortable enough by reassuring him as you guide him in the process, he will know how to fuck but primarily know how to fuck you.

Even if I say he doesn't know how to fuck (outside of the regular missionary but he finishes too early so it's embarrassing), he will always be a munch to me. That is his skill in the bedroom, his thing. I always say this but to me, the reason why he doesn't know how to fuck is because he's too damn busy diving headfirst into some pussy so he doesn't care about the whole "fucking" aspect of things. He gets off on getting his partners off, that's just the truth, my truth and I'm sticking to it.

[despairots]

CANDY NECKLACE: TIKTOK TREND

「 satoru gojo x gender neutral! reader 」

GENRE: slight suggestive themes, established relationship, crack, short story, sorta modern au, only for the phones though.

CONTENT WARNING: suggestive themes, swearing, not much i can cw, bottom reader.

AUTHORS NOTE: pls take this while i work on the oracle first chapter, i promise its almost done i just had this idea randomly. this is gender neutral but i wrote this with male reader in mind. yknow that trend where this girl has that candy necklace around her neck and goes around asking boys if they wanted some and she’d pull the necklace for them to take the candy in there month idk

being in a relationship with THE satoru gojo was bound to get you in the centre of attention (though you two have been in a relationship every since highschool years). students gave you pitiful glances that you had to deal with a literally man baby.

he’d whine and whine if you even decided to remove his arm around your waist to take a piss, it was annoying but you loved him anyways. if being a jujutsu sorcerer was your first job them being a babysitter was your second one.

not once have you seen a 28-year old man— who’s the strongest out there aswell— pout and act all dramatic when you decline him of a kiss. he would pull a heartbroken women act right out of his ass and hold onto you while staring into your soul.

(“after i birthed your kids!?”)

(“WHAT.”)

though, there was moments where he could act like a little child at one point and transition to a full on teasing boyfriend.

he would glide his fingers against your arms until they reached your lips—parting them with his thumb— as he neared your lips, teasing the air between you both before pulling back completely (which resulted with a bruise on his head).

he teased you and often worships your skin, leaving bruises and marks wherever he can reach. those happened when missions had to separate you both, making you both worry for eachother. And when you’re both in eachother’s arms, you know where that leads you both.

just today there was a mission that involved gojo, you, aswell as his students. the end if it, gojo had proposed a sleepover, so that’s where you are now.

a over sized shirt over you with gojo’s boxers and on the shared, a pillow in your arms and the lights shut off, only light source from the tv and the flashlight gojo had.

“.. and them boom! [name] nullified their ability and the curse exploded!”

the students (well, yuuji and kugisaki. megumi wasn’t interested) awed, stars exploding in their eyes as your eye twitched. now, he was just making shit up. you sighed, pinching gojo’s eyes and hearing him whine, “that isn’t what happened.”

he pouted, “i can’t tell my students how absolutely amazing you are?” yeah, he can. it boosted your ego but not when he was speaking a bunch of lies, “no, baby.” placing a kiss on his cheek as megumi internal gagged at the sight.

“we should play truth or dare. telling stories are kinda boring now. megumi, you in?” yuuji turned to the spiky black haired boy beside him, everyone knew his answer already.

“absolutely not.” plain glances were handed to him.

why did it almost reminded you of a highschool party by how yuuji and kugisaki laughed evily while looking at you? they’re scheming something you didn’t want to be apart of. you sweatdropped when kugisaki cleared her thought.

she looked at you with a devious gaze, “[name], truth or dare?” of course you were first, “truth.” god, you pussy! although, it seemed like if you picked dare it wouldn’t be any better then picking truth.

“how often do you and gojo do it?” your face paled while you turned to gojo slowly, and he had a grin on his face!? how insane is this guy!? “it’s a truth, [name]~ how often do we do it?” he teased you, pinching your cheek in his fingers.

“you’re not helping!”

“come on! don’t be a wussy!” he wiggled his fingers infront of you, holding your pillow as shield as you answered, “twice or once a week.” kugisaki and yuuji fist bumped eachother, how horrible of them.

the game went on and on until kugisaki had asked you a dare, a dare that made gojo gasp in excitement. it worked since he was a sweet tooth aswell.

kugisaki cleared her throat, holding something behind her back, “it’s you once again, [name]. truth or dare?” you hummed, thinking about which one would have the least consequences. you had chosen truth more then you had choose dare— about 6 to 10– “dare.”

she laughed, pulling a candy necklace out from her back, watching gojo’s eyes sparkle. “i dare you to wear this candy necklace and after each round, gojo takes a bit out of each one.” you sulked into the couch, gojo patting your head.

gojo took it from kugisaki’s hand, pulling it over your head as it nestled around your neck. he pulled on the necklace, nearing close to your neck where you fault his breath against it before taking one of the candy from the necklace.

this was gonna be long.

bite after bite, dare after dare, and truth after truth. the necklace was halfway done and your embarrassment was starting to get to you.

the way he kept slowly tugged the necklace to his mouth while maintaining eye contact and biting into the candy made your breath hitch every time he did, he was teasing you, like he always did.

and the students knew aswell, that’s why they kept drawing this game out.

“truth or dare, gojo?” yuuji had asked, his phone in his hand as he stared up at his teacher, “dare.” he had more balls then you. after kugisaki had given you the candy necklace, your choices of picking dare was very unlikely.

“i dare you to show us your last photo for your eyes only.” oh. oh! the last photo was your blushing face in bed. was gojo gonna take this dare and have his students see him and you differently?

it looked like he was thinking long and hard until he had answer, “can i not take it?” you let out a relief breath that you didn’t realize you were holding in.

yuuji and megumi looked at eachother before shrugging, “okay but you’ll have to finish [name]’s necklace and tell us your favourite position—“

“you guys are minors! how do you know this stuff!?” you interjected with embarrassment, taking notice of gojo’s twitching fingers. he was holding himself back from throwing your legs over his shoulders and eating all the candy on your neck.

megumi slapped the back of yuuji’s head, “let’s just go to sleep.” you agreed with megumi’s words, hearing the other two whine before stomping to their rooms you had offered them.

sighing in relief, you threw your head back against the couch, feeling your embarrassment disappear from your entire body— until the necklace was tugged again and placed into gojo’s mouth.

there was a clear and evident look in his eyes that he wanted more, fixing your positions into something more comfortable before throwing one of your legs over his shoulders and leaning closer to your neck.

“i’m not finished.”

oh shit.

[tubbytarchia]

jim stream. i tried to keep it short. its not short.

(full server list thanks to martyn streams pinned message: Aimsey, Bekyamon, Fwhip, Lizzie, Mogswamp, Oli, Shelby, Scott, Joel, Sneeg, Jimmy, Guqqie, Sausage, CPK, Eloise, and Martyn)

jimmy logs in and martyns nearby. they almost immediately start calling each other discheads. martyn says that he (himself) is the biggest dischead he knows.

aimsey comes over and ALSO calls them discheads but aimsey believes the holes a donut so they get offended.

aimseys STACKED. 14 hours on the server already. its day 4. jimmy and martyn believe that they just live in the server now. aimsey IRL left a party early to go home and play minecraft.

the server crashed but they knew it was going to so jimmy and martyn just started chanting disc to make sure it was the last word said before the crash. he talks to chat for a bit and he says hes going to build a base today

server restarts and they all rejoin. aimsey kills a horse then combat logs when jimmy and martyn go after them. its really funny since everyone else is in full diamond and jimmys walking around with his stone tools.

jimmy does a mini tour of the disc (just pointing out where things are) and he doesnt stop talking but he does look over at scotts twice. like a double take. which is understandable cuz it looks like this vv

^^ which TECHNICALLY doesnt mean anything. building inside a wall is a common building thing and it does not mean he is referencing any past series. (gritting my teeth)

jimmy decides that he should probably get geared up before doing anything else and goes mining.

HIM AND OLI ARE. STREAMING ELDEN RING TOMORROW. ????? really out of nowhere HES GONNA BE STREAMING ON TWITCH????????????? who is this man. who are u. my twitch streamer. he yearns for twitch emotes. and an among us stream on wednesday WHAT is happening

someone came into chat to tell him that impulse thought he was 30. he got so deeply offended about it. he demanded the chat to tell him that hes 28 then decided to message him HIMSELF "i am 28 years old. and proud. not 30." impulse said something like "close enough" and jimmy is so annoyed about it.

jimmy learns that joel is having a statue built of him. he IS happy about it but he makes a really funny expression for a few moments

hes been digging a staircase down instead of finding caves like a normal person and he finds an underwater cave. he crafts some doors and mines some underwater diamonds......... pro gamer.....

shelby joins and sausage starts. being sausage

olis in chat and jim starts talking to him. he asks if theyre still planning to live together and olis like pushing our minecraft beds together???

his diamond luck is INSANE he just cant stop finding them.

its been like 10 minutes since the 30 thing and hes like HAS IMPULSE MESSAGED ME BACK YET? (he hasnt) hes too scared. jimmy i think ur the only one who cares but its very endearing.

callum cpk has joined the jimmy solidaritygaming polycule. i mean what. jimmy promises he will be back in 2 minutes then finds a massive cave.

(he starts heading back and then finds a mineshaft. i fear they are never seeing each other)

i was joking earlier but WHAT IS HIS DEAL LMAOOOOOO jimmy was like WHY ARE YOU SO DEPENDANT?????? ("is this how joel feels? like what im like to him?" okay. okay)

(i tuned into cpks stream and he is actually doing it. he is slowly getting higher. why does jimmy attract the most insane men)

jimmys talking about tango swag/twag and how its being used and he calls himself a tango stan. he says a tango tangie (like an ethogirl)

jimmy finally gets back. cpk jumps down and survives! it took half his hearts but hes fine enough.

martyn comes over and they start berating cpk for not being a dischead. cpks like i think ur pushing the line of what u can say and theyre both like what? and he just backs down immediately,,,,,,

they go to scotts house just to harass him for being a donut believer. yeah sure why not. jimmy says he doesnt like the sound of scotts composter (it sounds like someones just in your walls all the time) and scott says hes going to build one in jimmys house.

martyn walks off at some point and cpk and jim talk about sausage. ("callum you cant be encouraging it." "i didnt know i was honestly")

jimmy starts making fun of cpk for being a furry. thats rich coming from him. cpk says it back and neither of them properly deny it which means its canon now

they talk about their dogs for a bit and cpk says all his dogs are called jimmy. jimmy gets close to him and is like i knew you were obsessed. this is the first time omgggg and cpks like i cant believe thats true. and jimmys like joels been obsessed. jk its the other way around

cpk decides to move into the disc. atp i think over half the server is living in/around the disc.

martyns here again. theyre trying to fix a waterfall that oli (and sausage?) made thats like. really strangely shaped. they fix it then start running around and start talking about how welsh kirstys accent is (cuz jim tried to do her accent and martyn was like shes more welsh than that and they bicker for a bit) and they run past scott and martyns like oi scott do u think kirstys welsh as anything AND ALL THIS TO SAY SCOTT AGREED WITH JIMMY. BIG NEWS.

he talks to bekyamon. when he asked her what she thinks the hole is she said shes agnostic, which implies the disc/donut thing is a religion. this is furthered by jimmy saying he will respect her beliefs. interesting.

he can hear oli from far away and eventually spots him. his first instinct upon seeing oli is to hide and just start repeating everything oli says. they meet up and talk about how they have done absolutely nothing. they talk about base plans and making a farm better than the one on the other side of the disc wall. oli says "slash neg" out loud

they talk about whos the discheads. jimmy mentions that cpk took some convincing and olis like "we hate a man who challenges authority" im SO scared as to what the disc/donut thing is going to become. they talk to cpk about the disc.

shelby comes over too and shes. shes calling herself the rim lord. frowns. i dont watch either of them very much but i think i need to be scared of the shelby/sausage teamup.

MARTYN HAS GONE TO A TRIAL CHAMBER AND HAS THE ACHIEVEMENT. i tuned into his stream to see and he literally just went close enough for the achievement then left.

jimmy went up to sausages house and listened in on him for a bit. someone in sausages chat calls him a professional minecrafter and hes like "well some may say that. i built all of this without anything on my side monitor" and jimmy just went like ʰᵉˢ ˡʸᶦⁿᵍ

then sausage comes down and they talk. sausage says he was breeding for fwhip for 10 hours last night. cows and sheep of course. hes calling himself the lord of the rim.

IT GETS WORSE. THEY FIND FWHIP. FWHIP IS CALLING HIMSELF THE LEADER OF THE BOWLGE (PRONOUNCED BULGE). THIS CANT KEEP HAPPENING. jimmys like deadpan to sausage Youre the rim lord. and sausage just starts laughing. he cant keep up with his own bit.

jimmy leaves and types the kick command in DEAD silence. freedom at last.

end of stream. lizzie might be joining jim and oli for elden ring. we're so back. new video near the end of the week maybe.

awful

I maintain that I wouldn't be able to bear watching this myself. What is this 12yo humor man I love a lot of these guys so much but what!! What rim lords!! What bulge!!!!!!!!! Where am I is it still 2024

The bit with seapeekay makes me unreasonably angry. Why is he doing this. Why do we keep treating Jimmy as an object of desire and burdening him with things he is not responsible nor owes anyone. What is this "If you dont come to me fast enough, I will kill myself" ultimatum. What the fuck has Jimmy done to deserve this why are half the people like this to Jimmy. I'm going to murder someone. When will he be treated like a person again. When will he break away from the ecosystem. When will he find himself in a relationship of mutual nature again. Angry. Seapeekay I have no faith in you anymore

And grrrr. that thing. That fucking thing Scott is building. And Jimmy taking a double take. My son. My poor son. He's being reminded.

Good on him and Martyn though for going over to Scott's house just to harass him. Sounds dreamy

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s1 episode 16 thoughts

oh this was an episode that had me on EDGE. and then also laughing because it was so ridiculous. that man grew salamander hands.

"i still don't get it. what does this have to do with us?" "robbing a jewelry store is a federal crime" (dana scully, in the flattest voice you have ever heard) "thanks" <- yeah i did laugh so hard i had to rewind at that point. so what!

mulder greets his old pal by singing his name... never beating the nerd allegations

(and clearly this is normal for them, because his friend says "i hate when you do that" which makes it even funnier)

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! he had his first case with the FBI at the age of 28! something went terribly wrong because he wouldn't shoot the robber, and the bad guy killed another agent! he has been blaming himself for this for years! and the robber, who was thought to be dead, is somehow back and stalking him!

when scully learns about this, she tells him that she thinks he did the right thing by not taking the shot, but this makes him VERY angry. he slams the door on her, and ran away to watch the dead guy's kid play football. ouch! that's gotta hurt. he tends to be very under control, so seeing him like this was jarring.

then he finds out he's being followed while still at the football game and screams "I'LL GET YOU, YOU BASTARD!" which had to make the kid's parents feel deeply uncomfortable

as if mulder hasn't suffered enough in this episode with the guy who killed his coworker and vowed to kill him coming back, the very same man to whom mulder earlier sang to as a greeting just said that "spooky mulder" is a "liability" and "an embarrassment" to the FBI. at this point in the episode my jaw dropped!

(he doesn't seem to take too much offense to this- instead seeing it as his pal warning him that maybe the guy who is stalking him is in the fbi- but i took deep offense on his behalf!)

the next scene we got was a flashback to the trial of the robber and i wrote "is this lawyer the same woman that played eve in the eve episode" but i don't have any immediate intention of finding out if that is true or not... but wouldn't it be funny if it was.

mulder stops his testimony and screams at the robber that he should "die like an animal, you son of a bitch", to which i wrote in my notes, was "another jaw drop moment"!

i love getting to see the composed character lose it. it's clear that mulder took this very, very personally, and that it haunts him. love to see an insight into the past and love that he looked the same in the flashback but with a slightly different hairstyle.

then medical scully comes into play when she requests the dead guy's records and notices that it seems impossible for him to have died of a heart attack if he was in perfect health a few months before... hmm...

(i love when scully goes Doctor Mode it is one of life's simple pleasures)

mulder was still at work at 10:45 at night in the next scene which is adding fuel to scully's theory that he doesn't have a life lmao

but then the robber breaks in and kills his friend, inflicting even more pain upon mulder, who has really had to deal with a lot, and this can only intensify the guilt he was already facing for not shooting the bad guy so many years earlier. it also shows that he remembers the details of those around him- the ages of the other guy's kids, their hobbies, that this friend was writing a novel, that his wife had died of cancer- all of which haunt him further

(also just evidence of his fantastic memory but this is the Sad edition of that fact)

scully does more doctor detective work: the guy who proclaimed our robber dead lost his license for doing unethical experimentation!

next we had what i wrote in my notes in all caps as a "SCULLY GLASSES MOMENT!" where she was writing her case notes and saying there was NO EVIDENCE to support mulder's theory that this fellow was de-aging himself. but someone was breaking into her apartment! and it was accompanied by eerie latin chanting!!!! oh i was stressed!!! he got away in the nick of time when the evil doctor showed up at her door!!!!

(also noticed she has a little fabric cat hanging on her door <3)

so the doctor gave this robber man salamander hands. mulder seems naturally disgusted by this but scully is in Doctor Mode and finds that fascinating. i find myself somewhere in between the two, laughing at the mental picture.

but the salamander robber stalker man stole the evil doctor's research, and is now bargaining with the US government to sell them the secrets of anti-aging! doctors hate this one man's simple tricks!

(mulder is very angry about this. i sympathize, but also feel that dealing with a salamander murderer de-aging guy is probably one of the less morally dubious things the FBI has gotten up to in its time, so make of that what you will)

scully comes out of the shower with wet hair <3 sopping wet kitten <3

(honestly she needs to move like people keep breaking into her place and it's stressing me tf out)

so now she has to be the bait because the bad guy robber stalker salamander is coming to her friend's recital! and she's nervous so mulder winks at her across the room. ohhhhhh my gosh. oh man. someone hold me.

(and dana scully is the kind of friend who goes to her pal's cello recital <3)

despite the stalking and killing salamander man has done, mulder is insistent on taking this guy alive, which speaks to his moral virtue but also provided foreshadowing for what would happen next: evil salamander hands takes scully's friend hostage thinking mulder won't shoot, but he DOES. and the eerie latin chanting returns while this occurs. more guilt! more guilt! that's what latin chanting is about!

scully is also shot at, and she looks down at her chest, sees a bullet in it, and sighs deeply. which would frankly also be my reaction. turns out she was in 8 layers of kevlar, so she's hurting, but she's okay. but i laughed a lot. ugh. shot at again. another day at the office for scully.

she then tells mulder she's proud of him for shooting that guy knowing about his reservations in the past. it is a full circle moment. scully was proud of him for not shooting all those years ago and now she is proud of him for pulling the trigger. she recognized the growth it took in each of those moments and the sorrow that lies behind mulder's seemingly aloof exterior.

overall, a really great episode!! i enjoyed it in both its seriousness and campiness of a de-aging salamander man being our monster of the week. seeing fox mulder tormented with puns about his name gave us a good look into his past that he seems to keep at a distance, and allowed us to examine his moral qualms with the need to pull the trigger and how he holds onto that Guilt that composes the core of his character. the guilt that compels him to do what he does, devote his life to tracking down extraterrestrials so he can find his sister, that guilt for failing to keep people close to him safe, and that guilt that comes from never being able to fully be in control of a shifting world around you. he Needs to protect and he cannot do that all the time and that eats him alive. a very compelling gentleman to me personally.

[mojowitchcraft]

Fave WIP Round-Up [Part 1]

Personally, I love a WIP, I love getting updates in my inbox and I love supporting and interacting with the writers as new chapters come out. So here's some of my fave WIPS that have updated recently, go show them some love! Find the rest of my WIP Recs here

Roommate Wanted by @lihhelsing [Now Complete] Rated E | Chapters: 16/16 | Words: 66k

Steve Harrington has a problem and it seems that Eddie Munson is his only solution. Nevermind that he has never met Eddie, or that he seems a little weird from what Steve can gather, Steve just needs a place to live that's cheap enough and Eddie is offering exactly that. A roommate in a one-bedroom apartment should be fine. Even if there's only one bed, right? They're never even going to meet each other since they keep opposite schedules. But Steve can't live with someone he barely knows, he has a weird curiosity about his quirky roommate. He has a genius solution and they begin to communicate through notes.

Slither by @mixsethaddams [Now Complete] Rated M | Chapters: 10/10 | Words: 71k

Eddie Munson has a reputation for using his podcast to tear apart any influencer that has the misfortune of coming into his line of fire. So when Steve Harrington, heir to a hotel fortune and king of talentless masses, pops up on his screen, it should be Eddie's easiest target yet. Right?

Better by You, Better Than Me by @palmviolet Rated M | Chapters: 35/? | Words: 182k

November 1983. Between unpaid bills, the supposedly straight jock he’s seeing, and letters from his convict dad, seventeen year old Eddie Munson’s got enough to worry about. But when Will Byers goes missing, it sparks a chain of events that will show there are more depths to Hawkins — and to certain people in it, like infamous Steve ‘The Hair’ Harrington — than he realizes. / or, the excessively long slow-burn in which Eddie is involved in the Upside Down from the very beginning.

In My Head (I See a Supercut of Us) by @kiaramori Rated E | Chapters: 13/14 | Words: 91k

"I just want him to know how I feel--and not be freaked out or anything. I don't need him to feel the same, I just want him to understand." In which Eddie accidentally makes a deal with a devil, and Steve's bisexual awakening takes him by force

as good a place to fall as any by @rewritingicarus Rated E | Chapters: 12/14 | Words: 73k

"Are you sure this doesn't look ridiculous?" says Steve, watching Eddie as he pads back behind the camera. "You definitely don't look ridiculous, man," says Eddie, shooting a few frames. "I know you probably feel it right now, because you're not used to it, but, trust me — camera loves you, dude. You look like a wet dream." or Eddie is a photographer in need of a model. Steve could do with the extra cash.

Crawling On Back To You by @rainbow-nerdss [Now Complete] Rated M | Chapters: 30/30 | Words: 109k

By anyone’s estimation, Steve shouldn’t have an opinion about Eddie one way or another, apart from the wild hair and crazed laughter which sometimes came from his lunch table in the cafeteria. But that’s only because nobody really thought all that much about anything that happened before middle school. Before Steve hit puberty, started playing sports, and most importantly, before he started hanging around with Tommy, Carol and the rest of the popular kids. Because Eddie Munson? He was Steve’s first ever friend — his best friend, really, for close to six years.

Coming Up Lavender by cairparavels [Now Complete] Not Rated | Chapters: 28/28 | Words: 68k

Steve goes to college with one thing on his mind: a new start. What he gets is the ghost of his sullied past as a roommate, forcing Steve to come to terms not only with who he once was, but who he wants to be.

Now Playing on WICR by @spinmewriteround Rated M | Chapters: 7/? | Words: 31k

A modern college AU, in which Eddie leads a double life: The Bard, a college radio DJ, by day, annoying group project partner by... other days. Both personas have loved Steve Harrington from afar for years, but when he lets his secret slip on air one day, it's up to his off the air self to prove that he means it.

Rolled a 1 on the Check, Rolled a 20 on the Save by @apuckishwit Rated T | Chapters: 30/34 | Words: 111k

A modern AU where, after his relationship with Nancy flames out in spectacular fashion, Steve finds himself feeling increasingly depressed and adrift. With nothing better to do with his time, he gives in when Dustin begs him to join his online DnD game to round out the party. To his surprise, he finds himself really enjoying it--the guy running the game is amazing, and super patient when Steve doesn't get something. He and their DM, Eddie, often find themselves talking on the games Discord server for hours after their session ends. For the first time since Nancy left him, he's starting to feel like things aren't so bleak. Still, when he has an opportunity to take Dustin and the others to the big gaming convention Eddie's planning on attending a few states away so they can all meet in person for a one-shot session, he's nervous. Really nervous. Like...way more nervous than he should be, just meeting a friend. Eddie IS just a friend...right?

Edited May 7th to note completed fics Edited Aug 3rd to note completed fics

[offender42085]

Post 0496

Brett Kanoff, New York inmate 14A2758, born 1990, incarceration intake June 2014 at age 24, placed on parole 06/04/2019, with full discharge 09/28/2024

Manslaughter

Kanoff was sentenced in Orange County Court for killing Cameron Louis Kanoff by smothering him with a blanket at home in Port Jervis.

Kanoff was originally charged with second-degree murder and faced up to 25 years to life in prison if convicted. He took a plea deal to manslaughter against his lawyer’s advice, in exchange for the four-to-12 year sentence.

A 23-year-old upstate New York man has been sentenced to four to 12 years in prison for suffocating his 1-year-old son in 2012.

Brett Kanoff pleaded guilty to manslaughter charges in the death of his 1-year-old son, Cameron. Kanoff was accused of suffocating the infant with a blanket in September 2012.

“The autopsy showed I didn’t suffocate my son,” Kanoff claims. “I took the plea as a way to get things over faster.”

Benjamin Ostrer was Kanoff’s attorney throughout the court proceedings. Ostrer sought to exclude the confession, arguing that police took advantage of a grieving father. Ostrer’s position was that Kanoff falsely confessed due to a desire to please authority. The autopsy findings, he stated, do not corroborate what Kanoff claimed to have done in his “wacky confession.”

The autopsy revealed no signs of trauma or assault, no bruising on the infant’s face, gums or lips, no petechiae (ruptured capillaries) of the eyes. The findings, however, did show carbon monoxide in Cameron’s bloodstream, and also that he was suffering from bronchitis and pneumonia.

“I was not aware of his illness until the autopsy,” Kanoff said. The baby, said his father, was born with a bronchial condition and suffered from back problems.

According to Kanoff, the autopsy results initially attributed his son’s death to sudden infant death syndrome. The cause of death, he says, was subsequently amended to “suffocation” - “only because of what I said.”

Kanoff took the plea deal that gave him four to 12 years, against Ostrer’s advice. Ostrer maintains that his client is innocent.

“I do not believe he did it,” said the attorney. “Brett was very emotionally fragile and scared of trial. He feared getting 25 to life if he was convicted of the top charge.”

“I have nothing to hide,” Kanoff insists. “That’s why I’m so open to discuss this.”

He was “overtired” that September morning, Kanoff remembers. “I had been in the city working with my uncle, doing 70 hours a week, leaving at 7 a.m. and not getting home until 9 p.m. I was sleeping on the couch with Brett Jr., not even five feet from my youngest. My son was crying and I got up and gave him his bottle and put a blanket over him and went back to sleep.”

Upon waking about 11:30 a.m., Kanoff recalls “thinking everything was fine,” and went outside for a cigarette. When he returned, he says, he found his son “not moving.”

Port Jervis police responded to the 911 call from the address of Kanoff’s father, with whom he had been staying. Upon arrival, Brett’s grandfather, Herbert Kanoff, came running out of the house carrying Cameron in his arms. Emergency CPR was not enough to revive the baby, who was taken to Bon Secours Community Hospital, where he was pronounced dead.

“I felt like I wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out because losing my son tore me apart,” says Kanoff. “The memories are painful, and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about it.”

Cameron Kanoff was born Aug. 22, 2011. His twin brother, Caleb, died at birth. “My wife and I were heartbroken when we lost Caleb.” Kanoff says. “We did everything we could, but sometimes when you’re alone and look at pictures and see a family of four (including older brother, Brett Jr.) and know it should be a family of five, it is so hard ... Cameron was our miracle baby.”

Kanoff was married on Nov. 17, 2010 to Samantha Finch in Port Jervis. The couple has been estranged since shortly after the death of their son and Kanoff’s subsequent imprisonment. “She stayed by my side for a year,” Kanoff says, “but at a time when your spouse is looking at 25 to life, what do you do? She moved on.”

In the months leading up to Cameron’s death, Kanoff recalls struggling with finances, and the pressure to provide for his young family. “I would never change the age I had my kids,” Kanoff says, “but there were moments that were hard.”

While in prison, Kanoff is leaning on faith to help cope. “I want the (Port Jervis) community to know I’m not the person they think I am,” he says. “I am not a monster. I love Port Jervis and I love the people in it.”

“I take it one day at a time,” Kanoff says. “I won’t lie, some days are a lot harder than others. I find myself reading my Bible a lot to get through the hard times.” He believes, he says, there will be a day of reunion with lost loved ones. “The love I have for my children goes beyond this life and into the next.”

Samantha Finch, however, is left with the task of helping her surviving son cope with the loss of his siblings and the absence of his father. “I love and miss my children more than anyone will ever know,” she said. “It’s very hard to explain to a 4-year-old that his brothers are gone and not coming back. I’m in so much pain, but I try to do my best with everything.”

“I had my oldest son come to me asking about Cameron,” Finch said, wistfully. “He said, ‘he’s taking too long to come home.’ He told me how he loves and misses Cameron, and how he wants to give him this pair of shoes that don’t fit him anymore.”

3j

[inkribbon796]

Egotober 2023 Day 5: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue

Summary: . . . Florida Teen Arrested for Putting Humans in Jars at Florida Zoo

Prompt: Jar

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31

Bing liked humans, they were fun. Some were less fun than others, but on average he liked them.

And in Gainesville he saw all kinds of interesting and fun people. He liked going to school fairs and the schools definitely liked having an actual sentient AI talking to their budding STEM students. He had the names of hundreds and even thousands of budding scientists.

His names.

Bing wanted to see what they would become, what they would do.

One of his names however was causing problems in the city. And Bing only knew that cause this human child, a teenager really, was using something he had given to every name he kept tabs on. A little pin with a minute amount of dead nanites. Unusable, but noticeable.

A little budding eco-terrorist, and a dangerous one. Most of the time, his names resorted to firecrackers or at the most dangerous a pipe bomb.

This one was more dangerous, this one was causing civic engineering damage. They were smart, not just in what they were doing, but in being smart enough not to get caught.

And Google was starting to get interested. He refused to tell Bing why he was so intent on finding this person.

Fourteen hours after he’d called the Egoton branch for help, he got a call.

“Bing, what’s up?” Silver called.

“Finally,” Bing said. “Finished putting out fires?”

There was silence for a bit. “No. We’re fighting Irish and American immigration to get Marvin over here. Fuck Dark, and fuck no one here being able to read aura. What’s the problem? An eco-terrorist?”

“Yeah, one of Gainesville’s brightest is turning to crime to push back against a couple things in the city. And they’re smart enough not to get caught. We’ve been trying to catch this kid for four months.”

“How old is this person supposed to be?” Silver asked.

“Seventeen,” Bing said. “We think. They’re at least in high school.”

“Too young,” Silver said. “Between them and the guy that keeps trying to solve crime over here we might be dealing with a miniature league.”

“Don’t have to, dude,” Bing said.

“What does that mean?” Silver's tone sounded dangerous.

“Google’s interested in them, not Dark, Googs is hella interested.” Bing’s mind was already made up.

“We can’t have children fighting super villains, they’ll die. I’d rather fight against them than have them up against Dark. I lost Iblis, I will not lose anyone else.”

“Iblis wasn’t killed by a villain,” Bing said.

“I’m not arguing this with you. Dark travels down there to talk with some snake kingpin almost monthly. And he can be down there in minutes. I take either nine or three hours depending on where the fuck Egoton is because I sure don’t know where I am right now.”

“I can’t let Google have this kid, I can’t,” Bing said and hung up. Silver tried to call him back but Bing didn’t pick up.

Bing kept ignoring him as he broke apart into nanites and jumped from electrical outlet to outlet until he got to the nearby zoo where the latest situation was.

The eco-terrorist was in the zoo, terrorizing some of the patrons in, what felt like to Bing, the funniest way possible. Three patrons trapped under what looked like giant glass jars, ranting at them.

It was as adorable as it was dangerous. A seventeen-year-old in blue and black biker gear. It was almost enough to make Bing forget about how much damage they’d done.

“How do you like it when something throws things at you?” The teenage future-supervillain told a woman whose jar he was standing on top of. They sounded male-leaning but Bing had been corrected enough times.

“Well,” Bing said as he leaned against one of the jars where a young man was inside of it. Smiling. “Should I make the joke, dude? Or are you going to traumatize these people in a whole new way?”

The teenager almost startled and climbed off it before they could fall off of it. “Bing. You’re early.”

And they landed directly into Bing’s nanites. Nanites surged around them to bind the teen where they stood. Making it look like the top half of a jar.

“Nah, I was going to get you eventually, kid.” Bing said as he took the time to free the civilians and send them off.

Only one of the trapped people tried to beat up the tied and bound teenager.

Bing easily snagged him by the arm and threw him back. “Nah, big guy. You don’t need to pretend to be a man by beating up a tied up teenager.”

And for good measure, Bing audibly and visibly took a picture of his face. That got the guy to run off.

Leaving Bing with the “junior supervillain” on the mostly empty path. “Hey there.”

“I have a right to remain silent and I have a right to a lawyer.” The young villain said.

Bing used his nanites to unclip the kid’s motorcycle helmet. “You sure do.”

“Hey!” The teen said, trying to twist away. But the helmet came off and there was a perfectly normal teenage face.

Bing didn’t even need to start scanning his face. The android knew exactly who this was.

Logan E. Naraj. Honors high school student, and valedictorian at Buchholz High School. He/Him. The most promising of Bing’s names. Perhaps the single smartest student in the entire area, let alone in Gainesville. Maybe in the entire state, even. Not just in grades, Logan was devastatingly intelligent, and his eco-terrorist actions were proving it.

“I knew it had to be you,” Bing said. “You’re one of the only people smart enough to be doing half the stuff you’ve been doing.”

That seemed to disarm Logan a little bit, clearly not expecting a compliment. But he didn’t say anything in kind.

Bing stuck the helmet to Logan’s chest with nanites. Then Bing started taking Logan out of the zoo.

Police met with Bing about halfway towards the entrance. He was placed under arrest, and placed in the back of a cop car. Where Bing followed them closely to the station.

They got Logan into a little holding room, Bing not letting the kid out of his sight. It was only a matter of time before Google tried to sweep in. Bing couldn’t even guess what Google wanted with an actual human, but Logan had yet to actually kill anybody. If Google got involved he would quickly start.

They were waiting for a state lawyer and CPS to come in for Logan. So all they could do, since Logan refused to cooperate, was wait.

One of the investigators came over to Bing.

“Your friend come for him yet?” The officer said.

“No, but that’s probably because the dude knows I’m here,” Bing shrugged.

“Do you know what he wants yet?” The officer was shifting around but Bing didn’t pull up a camera to see it. He just shook his head and they were quiet for a good minute.

Then the officer clearly felt like silence was a bad idea.

“Logan Naraj, glad to finally have a name for what might be a two-year stint in juvie,” the officer said as Logan sat on the couch, Bing refusing to take his eye off him. So the second camera had to come up.

“And not the first Naraj we’ve had in the system, probably won’t be the last time either.” The office was giving Logan a scoffing, dismissive look.

“Why?” Bing asked.

“His older brother is currently serving a five year sentence at Florida Corrections, assault with a deadly weapon. He was sentenced last year. No parents, no surprise really.”

“Hmm, don’t think you should be making comments like that about a kid smart enough to make death rays.” Bing’s synthetic heart gave out a little bit.

The officer didn’t seem convinced but Bing didn’t care, he only had to convince Silver. And Bing was trying to cover every argument Silver had. He needed to keep this kid out of trouble, eternally bench him, and keep him in school.

He was already sending out a couple of emails as he’d been taking Logan to the station. And as he was looking at Logan and hearing this human bad talk him, he got a response from the only person besides Silver that he needed permission from.

“He’s going to be my apprentice,” Bing said.

“Why?” The investigator said.

“Look, either I take him for the Coalition, and he does community service for us, or Google takes him and he builds weapons for Dark and the League. Choose.”

“You said that just Google was interested in him,” the officer said.

“Yeah, and Google works for Dark, if Googs has anything, Dark has it,” Bing said. “And I don’t know if you know what happens in Egoton but Wilford doesn’t stay in jail, now does he?”

Bing waited to go in when the CPS rep and the lawyer had finally gotten in. He let them go in and talk to Logan before Bing walked in without the cops.

He grabbed a chair and turned it so he could lean his arms on the top of the backrest.

“Hey,” Bing smiled. Before the lawyer could make a noise, Bing kept talking. “You don’t have to say a word. You’re probably going back home after this. I just wanted to cut to the point where we make a deal, not waste your time.”

“He doesn’t have to take any kind of deal,” the lawyer said.

“Oh, I know,” Bing said, still smiling. “In fact, I hope he sleeps on it. Decisions need time to make them wisely, and I know Logan here is a smart kid.”

The lawyer glanced at Logan, and Bing let them remind Logan not to say a thing.

Bing pulled out a little card with the Coalition insignia on it and Bing’s contact information. “I want you to personally become my apprentice with the Coalition.”

“You can’t be serious,” The CPS rep said.

“Oh, buddy, I’m very serious,” Bing said. He looked at Logan. “I know Googs has been contacting you, and I know because he was gloating about it. And I don’t want Google anywhere near you, dude. I don’t want Dark near you because anything Google has, belongs to Dark. Dark doesn’t care about anything but himself, that’s just a fact.”

Logan didn’t say anything, but his standoffishness didn’t seem as cold. Which was good.

“So we’re gonna take you home, you’re gonna think on this, and then if you want you call me. And we can start some balls rolling. Get you some more equipment. Have you not go to jail for almost destroying the bridge? Think of it as cutting around juvie and skipping right to community service?”

Logan stayed quiet but Bing could see the gears turning.

Bing smiled and walked out, leaving Logan with the humans, and a smile on Bing’s face.

The police were pissed, no surprise. They’d caught Logan but were unable to arrest him on the spot.

Bing watched CPS take Logan home, where he basically was by himself, and was given instructions not to contact Bing or Google.

The kid didn’t last the night.

Bing stood on his apartment step, to be polite, and waited as Logan answered the door.

“I’m not saying yes,” Logan said as Bing walked in.

“Well, this sure ain’t a no, dude,” Bing smiled as he looked around and basically placed a tracking marker in the place so he could quickly come and go from the place.

“Hey, you like Wendy’s, kid?” Bing said.

The kid just glared at him. “I’m vegetarian.”

“Neat, cool,” Bing smiled at him. “I’ll order something else.”

“You don’t eat human food,” Logan said.

“I mean, I can, but we’ll be talking about this for a while and you’ve been out all night,” Bing said as he sat backwards on a rickety kitchen chair. Leaving the slightly comfier armchair for Logan.

“I’m just allowed to join the Coalition?” Logan asked.

Bing gave Logan a huge smile. “I’m in charge of the South Branch of the Coalition, only Silver and Jackie have any extra say on stuff. I got Jackie’s approval a couple hours ago, and I can convince Silver. Don’t worry. The only thing you’ve got to worry about, little man, is staying in school, and staying out of trouble.”

“You’ve promised change,” Logan said.

“There are a lot of things wrong in this city, and with the country, Lo, you’re taking on the small fry. Normal people. I want bigger, dude. I want to take on people like Dark, people who are stagnating the city.” Bing said as he tried not to lean forward in the chair and break it.

“If I joined, what would I be doing day-to-day?” Logan asked.

“Investigative work, maybe researching various magical and no-magical artifacts, you’ll be in school a lot of the time, there’s no getting around that.” Bing said.

“Okay, if it’s between you and Dark, I guess I don’t have a choice,” Logan said.

Bing stood up and clapped his hands. “Alrighty, then, dude.”

Out of his arm he pulled out something that looked more like a watch then the rest of the Coalition communicators. “To our newest hero. Welcome to the party, my man.”

“Logic,” Logan said.

“That your name?” Bing asked.

“Yes, if I could pick one it would be: Logic,” Logan said.

“Perfect, my dude,” Bing said.

“Where do you stay, or are you allowed to tell me?” Logan asked.

“Hey, I live anywhere with good bandwidth,” Bing said, shrugging. “You need me anywhere, anytime, and I got you.”

“Noted,” Logan said, trying to act normal but Bing wasn’t fooled. Those facial expressions, that heart rate. He cared a lot, that made Bing very happy.

Bing held out his hand. “I can order that food, and then you can get some sleep. You’ve got school tomorrow, after all and we’ll keep talking about Coalition stuff after school.”

“Alright,” Logan said.

So Bing ordered some late night vegetarian Chinese food. Logan ate and then he went to bed, and Bing went to go and officially tell Google to back off from Logan. That he had it under control and Logan got to be theirs without also being Dark’s.

[whimsicallyenchantedrose]

Christmas Reruns 2023 Day 28: New York Christmas Serenade (1/4)

Merry Christmas if you celebrate it and happy holidays if you don’t!  One of the things I love about Christmas is watching reruns of all the old classic Christmas movies–Christmas is a big time for nostalgia.  A few years ago, I decided to incorporate that tradition into my fandom life and post my CS holiday reruns.  So here you go!  Enough holiday (mostly) fluff to get you to New Year’s Day. (With a new story posting on Christmas Day.)

Rating: G

Word Count: 1346

Other chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 29 30 31 32

Written in 2016, this CS canon divergence is a re-imagining of what New York City Serenade might have looked like if Killian had found Emma’s NY apartment just before Christmas. Can the magic of the season help Killian bring back Emma’s and Henry’s memories?

CS Genre: Canon Divergence (missing year between 3a and 3b)

A/N:  I don’t really know what time of year it was when Killian showed up at Emma’s New York apartment door, but for the sake of this canon divergence, I’m saying he showed up the day before Christmas Eve.

Emma shouldn’t complain; she really shouldn’t.  She had a job she loved, she had a roof over her head (a really nice roof at that), plenty of food to eat, a son she loved more than she thought it was possible to love another person, and it was the day before Christmas Eve.  She should be perfectly happy.

But she couldn’t help but think something was missing.

At first she thought she was just dealing with the inevitable melancholy that comes after the breakup of a longtime (well…longtime for her.  When you’re used to one night stands, having a boyfriend for eight months seems like an eternity) relationship, but that wasn’t quite it.  Honestly?  She’d barely even thought about Walsh since she broke up with him just before Halloween.  He’d been okay she guessed, but…well, there was no spark there.

No, it was more than breakup blues.  It felt more like loneliness. She glanced over her shoulder at Henry who sat at the breakfast table garnishing their mugs of hot cocoa with both cinnamon and little mini candy canes (in honor of the season), and the guilt hit.  She loved Henry, of course she did, but she couldn’t help but feel like someone…maybe several someones…were missing.

Emma had just passed a plate of chocolate chip pancakes to an excited Henry when the knock came at her apartment door.  That was…odd.

“We expecting someone?” Henry asked, already beginning to dig into his breakfast.

“No,” she said, her brow furrowed.  “Just…stay here kid while I see what this is all about.”

Emma didn’t know what she expected to see when she opened her door, but a pirate in full black leather and guyliner wasn’t it.  Nor did she expect the look of utter joy—like she’d just given him the best Christmas gift in the world—that crossed his face at the sight of her.

“Swan,” he breathed, blue eyes lighting up.  “At last.”

The pirate stepped forward, looking like he was about to embrace her.  For a moment, her mind went blank.  There was something familiar about this man, although she was pretty sure she’d remember meeting him before.  Aside from his odd choice of clothing, he was hot.  Not just kind of hot.  Like burn-all-of-New-York-to-the-ground hot.

For half a second, she almost let him envelope her in a hug, and then common sense returned.  Emma Swan did not just stand there and let crazy guys touch her.  She put a hand to his chest, warding him off.  “Do I know you?” she asked in a voice she determinedly made hard and unyielding.

“I’m…an old friend,” he said.  He wasn’t being entirely truthful, though he wasn’t lying either…not exactly.  What was going on here? 

“Look, Swan,” he said urgently, taking a tiny step forward once more, “I know you don’t remember me, but I need you to trust me.  Your family is in great danger.  They need you; they need the savior.”

“Look buddy,” Emma said, “I don’t know who you are or what kind of delusions you have, but my whole family is right there at that breakfast table.  My son is the only one who needs me.”

“You simply don’t remember, love,” he began, “I can help you…”

“It’s time for you to go,” she said, giving a little push to his chest until he’d crossed her threshold, “go peddle your crazy to someone else.”

With that she shut the door in his protesting face.

“Who was that?” Henry asked around a bite of pancake.

“No idea,” Emma said.

“Really?” Henry asked.  “Are you sure?  It’s just…something about him seems really familiar.”

“Must be a coincidence,” Emma said with a shrug as she sat down to her breakfast.  “But enough about psychos who show up at our door.  Let’s talk about the weekend!  We’ve got a lot of Christmas-ing to fit into the next three days that I have off.  What do you want to do first?”

Emma tried to forget the handsome pirate, she truly did.  She tried to forget him as she and Henry went ice skating.  She tried to forget him as they rolled out Christmas cookies and cut them into festive shapes.  She tried to forget him while Henry played his video game and she covertly wrapped his presents.  She tried to forget him when she and Henry sat down to watch Elf that night.  She tried to forget him as she lay in her big, lonely bed.

But somehow mystery pirate man wouldn’t leave her thoughts no matter what she did.  When she woke up on Christmas Eve morning after having a weird dream where she and the pirate guy were in this weird jungle place and she kissed the living daylights out of him, she gave up.  Clearly she was going to get no peace until she found him again and heard him out, found out what the hell he’d meant by “your family needs you”.

As luck would have it, Emma didn’t even need to dig into her bail bonds person bag of tricks to locate her target.  She’d promised Henry she’d take him to the zoo in Central Park that day to see the Christmas festivities. And who should she see sitting on a park bench just outside the zoo’s entrance, but pirate man?

The man got to his feet as soon as she was in sight.  “Emma!” he said in excitement.  “Fancy seeing you here, love.”

“Seriously?” she asked, adding extra briskness to her voice to counteract the way the butterflies had started to swoop in her stomach the moment she saw him.  “You are a stalker.”

“Not at all,” he said.  “It was you who followed me here.  Perhaps you, Swan are the stalker here, aye?”  Turning to her left, the man nodded at her son.  “Henry!  Good to see you!  Enjoying your Christmas holidays?”

Henry gave the man a suspicious glance and then broke into a smile.  “Yeah, it’s been great!  Three full days with mom before she has to go back to work…amazing!  But…do I know you?”

The man ruffled his hair.  “I’d wager not, at least not to your knowledge.  Killian Jones at your service, lad!”

“Cool!  Where’d ya get the pirate costume?”

The man looked down at himself and then shrugged.  “I’ve been wearing this attire for such a long time I don’t recall where I acquired it.”

“So, Killian, would you like to come to our apartment for Christmas Eve tonight?” Henry asked before Emma could stop him.  “We’ll light up the tree and watch Christmas movies and hang our stockings and everything.”

The man…Killian…shot her a questioning glance.  “I don’t wish to impose on your family traditions, lad, but if your mother doesn’t object I’d like nothing in all the realms more than to accept your invitation.”

For long moments, Emma stood in indecision.  Her brain was screaming at her to run away as fast as possible.  People did not invite strange men dressed in crazy attire into their homes—not unless they had a strange desire to be murdered, that is.  But her heart…well, her heart kept (illogically) insisting that not only could she trust this Killian Jones, somehow she actually knew him.

What came out of her mouth surprised even her.  “Sure.  Come by the apartment around 7?”

But really, no one should be alone on Christmas Eve, should they?

Killian’s brows rose almost to his hairline.  Safe to say that was not the answer he was expecting either.  “I shall look forward to it, love.”

NEXT CHAPTER->

[wickedsrest-rp]

Name: Luhan "Lu" Lem Species: Muse Occupation: Music Theory Professor / University Orchestra Conductor Age: 99 Years Old (Looks about 28) Played By: Percy Face Claim: Xu Kai

"I ask this one thing: let me go mad in my own way."

TW: Eating disorder

Lu was the youngest of seven children. He knew very little about his mother, only that she was human, and that she was someone his father inspired. His mother wrote a collection of poems that Lu read until the spine wore down and the papers fell out, then he bought a new copy. Some of his siblings found and met their mothers but Lu could never bring himself to. He liked the woman he knew in those pages. He didn’t want her to change.

Though children yearn to feel close to their parents, he never found that he could. From the beginning, he knew he was expected to blend with his siblings, to become part of the monolith of smiling faces that loved to inspire art wherever they went. He did try to love it. His older sister would talk of a new artist she met and fed from seemingly every week. Always a new name, a new face, a new endeavor, but Lu found that shallow. He wanted to stick around to see the fruit of his work.

The first time he ventured out on his own, he went to Seoul. It didn’t go as planned. He met a painter, they struck a deal, and he stayed. He stayed to watch what happened, where his career went. He stayed so long that the poor man died the morning of his first art show.

After Seoul, he went to Paris. This time he met an author. They struck a deal, and he stayed, but this time he kept some distance. She published three books in four years and died in the fifth.

Then he went to New York. It would be different this time, he knew what mortal limits looked like now. The author lasted longer than the artist. He could be better. He managed to squirm his way into Julliard with his piano and there he met the person he could never bear to see harmed. He was beautiful. Lu swore to him again and again that the way the sun caught his hair at golden hour made it look like he had a halo. He was a flautist and instead of striking a deal, Lu did nothing but play with him. He would not risk him. He would starve before he risked him.

And so he did. He starved until his glamours slipped and his beloved looked upon his bright eyes, his pointed ears, his shimmering skin. He told him that he was the one with the halo all along. Lu felt sick with concern, unsure how much he saw, if it was too much, but his love was okay. He wasn’t harmed. On the contrary, he was enthralled, and he wanted answers. Lu gave them to him.

He should have known this artist, this wonderful musician would want his help. When he asked and begged for it Lu refused but after a while, he gave in. Only a little. He’d only feed a little. He managed to make it last as long as he could. His lover had an amazing career, was a renowned flautist after ten years together, but he was growing so thin. Lu stopped feeding from him when he noticed but then while they played together, sometimes he would slip. He would feel himself full of vivacity and look toward his lover with a grin only to see him pale. He knew he should leave him but he couldn’t. Why was it so hard only to be in love?

He couldn’t claim to be surprised when the love of his life died young. It was his fault and he was well aware of that. He knew what he was doing and he stayed anyways because he loved that smile. Lu finally understood why his father never stayed in one place very long. He tried to live like that. He hopped from country to country, feeding only when he was starving, and leaving soon after. He felt hollowed out, like nothing good was left in him. How could he inspire anyone when the world felt like it all turned to rot?

His travels soon brought him to Maine. He was tired, he wanted to be somewhere quiet. He works at the university teaching a few classes in music theory as well as conducting the student orchestra. He should love a job like that but he’s beginning to find that he hates it. His passion for music was never his own and the person he took it from was gone. The only reason he stays is because he feels closer to him for it.

Character Facts:

Personality: Indulgent, melancholic, sincere, melodramatic, loyal

Lu has a reputation for his unusual feeding habits. He’s always preferred to only feed from one at a time, for a long time, though many muses prefer some more variety in their lives. He likes to sink into the minds and creativities of those he feeds from. He likes it to feel like friendship, like a connection that is forged and that is made to last. He’s only recently discovered why that was naïve and now he dreads having to feed.

He is originally from the Jiangxi province in southeast China, but his family preferred a nomadic lifestyle that lent to many travels. Lu is fluent in six languages because of this and though it wasn’t what he was taught by his family, he’s found that he quite likes having roots that bind him to a place.

None of his tastes are his own when it comes to art. He likes the kind of art a painter he fed from makes, the kind of novel the author he fed from makes, and so on. He wants to be buried in and surrounded by the kind of art he helped inspire.

If there’s an opportunity to be dramatic and display his misery to the world, he’ll take it. If he’s unhappy, why shouldn’t everyone else be?

[sophiamcdougall]

I have tried very hard to find some deeper motivation for my irritation and I cannot, but it infuriates me the way some people on this stupid site and elsewhere talk about ... fictional immortal-ish characters. 90% of the time, your elves and Vulcans and other whatnots that look mostly human but live 4+ times as long have the same deal: "reach development stages pretty much exactly when a human would, then age very slowly if at all". Occasionally you get species like hobbits which genuinely seem to have a somewhat longer childhood and reach adulthood a little later. But even then they're not, like ... living in slow-motion, what would even be the point of that? I mean, when Bilbo's away for a year his neighbours conclude he's either gone and got married or that he's dead; they don't think nothing of it because a year is only two months in hobbit, or whatever. But I keep seeing people pulling these stupid dog-years takes like "He's played by a 28-year-old, but the character is canonically 67, which is about 19 in Morflanian terms, so that's why he's so impulsive and immature! Also his 32-year-old human love interest is actually cradle-robbing and the ship is problematic" and no that is not how anything works. Morflanians may view a 67-year-old as young and foolish because they are used to levels of maturity and experience inaccessible to humans. But you, dear reader, are not a Morflanian, and there is no possible reason he should appear to be basically a 19-year-old human to you! If he has human-level intelligence, it makes no sense that he absorbs and learns from experience far slower than humans do (unless the canon actually establishes that, in which case it should show in other ways!) Maybe he's more prone to youthful hi-jinks than his elders, but if he's more frolicsome/impetuous/whatever than the humans on the team ... that's probably just how he is.

I remember people saying it wasn't that bad that Booker from The Old Guard betrayed everyone he claimed to care about because, he was, in immortal terms, "really young"! The Old Guard immortals are just normal humans who discover one day that they've stopped aging and can't be permanently killed. Booker is a 250-year-old human man. Which yes, makes him the baby of the group, but he's ... he's literally older than any real person. If I wouldn't give a healthy 70-year-old a pass for being neurodivergent and a minor, why would I do it for someone 3.5 times that age?? If brains supposedly mature at 25 that happened to him 225 years ago!

And stop problematising adult-to-adult human/elf romances for heaven's sake. Apart from how vampires need to leave teenage girls alone.

Just enjoy your "what if endless youth" fantasy/thought experiment and stop being silly, please.

[iustitians]

ooc; mun & muse introduction

(peeks from behind Neuvillette's shoulder) Hello! Several members of GH will recognize me from The Officers Academy, but several will not, so I figured I'd post a little introduction, seeing as the pages on Neuvi's blogs aren't ready yet.

Call me Neffi! I'm a 28 year old she/her disaster from Poland (timezone GMT +1). I have some 7-8 years of roleplay experience in English, though this will be the first time in quite a while I am writing something outside of the Fire Emblem fandom. I have actually only been playing Genshin for only a month and a half or so, but I've been hooked, so I'm already caught up with the main story (though not all story quests yet and I get very confused when stuff from past limited time events gets mentioned, lmao). Aside from Genshin, I mostly play Fire Emblem and Honkai: Star Rail.

In terms of any roleplay rules when writing with me, I'm willing to RP with anyone and I'm happy to write most stuff, but there are some things I won't write and would prefer not to be exposed to, namely sexual NSFW of any kind and themes of heavy alcohol abuse (I'm happy for our muses to share a glass of wine, I'm not happy to have a libation and deal with its results. Your muse can offer, but mine will decline). Never hesitate to approach me if you'd like to discuss and make sure something's fine by me! For my part I'm also always happy to do my best to accommodate for my partner's needs.

As of now I'm also not really interested in shipping. I don't know who will feel more awkward, me or Neuvillette, and it's something I'm neither good at nor very comfortable writing.

---

As for the man, Neuvi is generally going to follow the events of the 4.1 update. When 4.2 comes out, I will adapt as needed, depending on what events occur and what information is revealed.

Neuvillette is something of a spoiler-heavy muse in some regards - however, it's not a given that said spoilers will be mentioned. His true identity is not open knowledge to anyone except (as of now) the Traveler and Paimon. If you believe your muse would know/figure out/sense/etc who he is, we can discuss it before we thread.

Should these themes come into play, I will be using the #genshin spoilers tag on my posts that feature information from the latest story events.

I think that's all from me for now. It's nice to see you and I'm looking forward to writing with you! <3

[datturtle]

For as long as I can remember, there's been a voice in the back of my head that's constantly telling me what I'm doing wrong, and what I should be doing instead.

It feels like I have a permanent Filipino mom installed in my subconscious. Whenever I have something that I know I need to do, the voice in the back of my head tells me I should stop what I'm doing right now and just do that thing instead, stop wasting time.

Even when I'm just trying to relax and do some thing W that I enjoy, that voice in the back of my head gets even louder. It tells me I don't deserve to enjoy myself. Why haven't I done X, Y, or Z yet? How can I even live with myself like this?

So I go ahead and try to do X. But when I do, I'm constantly distracted. I'm second-guessing my ability to do it properly, and overanalyzing my every attempt at doing X. Then I ultimately fail to do X. The voice in my head tells me I shouldn't be having this much trouble with this at this point, am I really 28 years old? What a sorry fucking excuse for an adult. I keep making such stupid mistakes, and REPEATING these same mistakes. I don't think I'll ever learn how to do this properly.

I have put off doing Y for a long while, and the voice in the back of my head gets even louder.

Why have you been putting off doing something so simple? Just go fucking do it, you idiot. This is why you never get anything done, because you take so long thinking about doing Y without actually doing it. What are you preparing for? You're gonna fail anyway, so why even bother planning so much? You're hopeless.

So I finally do Y, and I feel momentary relief. But then the voice gets smug.

Wow, that took you long enough. See, you could do it after all. If only you just listened to me earlier, then this wouldn't have been such a big deal. Why don't you just do what I tell you to do, when I tell you to do it? You're so difficult. You already know I'm right.

My mood is sour. I don't even feel like doing Z anymore. I'm not even confident in my ability to do it, and now I'm exhausted just thinking about it. It's better that I don't even try, and wait till I'm in the right mindset to tackle it.

And the voice goes,

Wow, you're really gonna use that excuse again? You're tired? What have you even done? You've failed at doing X, barely accomplished doing Y, and you're not even gonna start on Z? You're gonna wait for the right mindset? Okay, so when is that happening? Because it sure as hell has managed to escape you for the longest fucking time. You don't have the right to take it easy right now. You'll never catch up at this rate. You're just a fucking waste of oxygen, you know that? Other people don't even struggle this hard doing such a simple task. Look at the people you know. Do you think they struggle with doing Z? No, because they've all grown up. They learned to do that on their own so long ago. But you? You're nothing but a fucking child in a man's body. You let your fear of failure control your whole life. You're just a loser who refuses to look reality in the face, who ignores his own problems and keeps finding all sorts of excuses not to do the things you know you have to learn how to do on your own. You're not a victim, you're just a coward. You're fucking cringy. You're embarrassing. You're disgusting. I hate that I have to live in such a shitty, half-assed life. You're just wasting your time. You never get anything done. You always let people down. Especially those close to you, who just want you to get better. What results do you have to show for all that effort you told them you were putting in? Huh? Why do you keep letting them down? Do you actually not care about them? You're really gonna make excuses when so many people are counting on you to get better? You even started to make a list of all the things you have to do, so you wouldn't forget. So you can't even use that excuse anymore. So what is it, huh? Tell me, why won't you just fucking do what you're SUPPOSED TO DO?

I've had it with this voice. So I just choose to ignore it, and do whatever I want to do. But the more I try and ignore it, the louder it comes roaring back, when I least want to hear it.

I decide to try and finally enjoy W. But it's different this time. That guilt in the back of my mind has grown 10x larger, and it's only getting worse. Now I hear the voice in the back of my head judge me at the games I'm playing.

Wow, this is something you're doing for fun, right? Why are you so bad at it? If you can't even get good at the things you're trying to enjoy, why even bother? You're wasting your time. If you're gonna spend time getting better at something, at least spend it on learning to do something that will actually improve your life.

Okay, there goes my relaxation. But maybe I have a point there. So I decide to channel some of that energy into getting good at journaling. After all, it's something that I've been wanting to do for a while anyway.

But I have slip-ups from time to time. Whoops, voice is back.

You're so inconsistent with your journaling, are you even trying? It takes 30 days to establish a habit, but you've failed half a month into the new year. It's like you don't even care about getting better. This clearly isn't working out for you, so why don't you just give up and save yourself the trouble? Hey, with all this time you spent on getting better at journaling, why didn't you spend that time and energy on Z? You could've been done with it by now.

It's like I can never win with this voice. It's an endless hate machine, that does nothing but cast judgment. It never acknowledges what I do right, and it has a seemingly endless amount of energy to point out what I do wrong. Whenever I accomplish anything I set out to do, instead of feeling a sense of satisfaction, I just feel relief. Relief that I don't have to worry about doing that thing. And then go on to doing the next thing.

It's an endless cycle with no mental reward, that I think has ultimately led to me burning out. I want to change it. But whenever I do try to change it, I end up thinking I just want to rip that part of me out entirely. And that never ends well. It ends up coming right back, manifesting in ways that I least expect--sometimes even externally, directed towards the people I care about. I hate that the most.

I've come to understand that I don't need to necessarily discard this voice. It can be useful at times. I just need to learn that I will always have these types of thoughts, they're a part of me that I just need to accept. I don't have to let these thoughts inform my actions. But that's much, much easier said than done.

Yeah, considering how much trouble you had just doing Z, good luck trying to get rid of me. I'm the voice that's gotten you this far, after all. You're nothing without me.

[90363462]

What?! Only 35 Percent Of Men Go Down? Say It Ain’t So.

Seven guys weigh in on whether that's facts or nah. 

Shellie R. Warren

Sep. 30, 2019 05:39PM EST

Songs are amazin', man. While I was reading an article on Cosmo's site—one that we are gonna get all up into in just a second—it's crazy what came to mind. OK, so here's my music trivia question for the day. How many of y'all remember Novel from back in the day? If you don't, let me trigger your memory a bit. Here's the chorus to his song, "Peach":

I can eat a peach for hours Especially when it's sweet not sour I love it when it's juicy; it's doin' something to me I can eat a peach for hours Maybe we can talk for hours Maybe take a raindrop shower You can be my queen; I can be yo' king I can eat a peach for hours

I don't know. Chalk it up to being a really lucky gal, I guess, but back in my sexually-active days, these were the kind of men I knew; not figuratively. Personally. Also, most of the sex I had was in my 20s with men who are also in their 20s. That's why it kinda threw me off when,according to a survey that was conducted by the condom manufacturer Skyn—brace yourselves now—only 35 percent of heterosexual millennial men perform oral sex. Then, to add further insult to injury, according to an exclusive poll that was conducted by Skyn and Cosmo, "Fourteen percent of 18 to 22-year-olds said they 'don't think it's necessary.' And nearly 50 percent of 18 to 27-year-olds are more comfortable having sex than they are giving oral (compared to 32 percent of 28 to 32-year-olds)." What in the world is goin' on?

I read all of Cosmo's article and it had some good content in it. But whenever I hear stuff like this, the natural journalist—and Black woman; not necessarily in that order—in me usually likes to do my own investigating.

Why Men Literally NEED to Have Oral Sex

First, the technical stuff. Going down can trigger the production of oxytocin and DHEA in both partners; this can protect them from heart disease and while calming them down so that they can get a good night's rest. I've been knowing for a while now that vaginal fluid is the ultimate probiotic because it contains between 100,000 to 100 million Lactobacillus cells (depending on the woman). This is a good thing because probiotics are what support our digestive tract. Probiotics also build up our immune system, can help us to lose belly fat, decreases allergy and eczema-related symptoms and can even reduce depression, stress and anxiety. So, strictly from a health standpoint, 65 percent of men are truly missing out when they don't "eat the peach".

Then there's a strong relational point. According toscientific research, a woman is less likely to cheat if her man is a cunnilingus partaker (I feel led to add here, a "good cunnilingus partaker". It's one thing to do it; it's another matter entirely to do it well).

Oh, and for any guy who may be reading this, doesn't do "it" and says that a woman is shallow if not getting oral is what will make her step out, to that, I say this—on the surface, you would be correct, sir. But look deeper. First, how would you feel if your partner (especially if you happen to be in a serious relationship) didn't want to go down on you? And secondly, I don't think that not being on the oral sex receiving end is so much the issue as the selfishness—and, from where I'm sitting, immaturity—is.

Just recently, I wrote about sexual deal-breakers. And, you know what? When it comes to this particular sexual issue, if you and your partner start off the relationship with the understanding that oral sex is not your thing—either of y'all's thing—while that personally baffles me (LOL), I respect that. To each their own. But if you're out here thinking that fellatio should be a given, but cunnilingus isn't on the table—or, as the guys in the poll put it "isn't necessary"—that's a whole and entire problem. You not being an oral sex reciprocator means that you care more about your pleasure than your partner's. And that, dear sir, is what could possibly cause a woman to cheat. Hey, I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying I can very easily connect the dots on that.

Still, I'm not gonna be out here patronizing the fellas by assuming that at least some of them are aware of the information I just shared. Especially since I do happen to know a few guys who feel like since they are "packin'", their woman is fully satisfied without cunnilingus (uh, they might want to ask her). That's why, aside from what I just shared, I decided to ask some guys in my world what they thought about the study. The names are changed (because you can be private and freaky, right?) but their responses are verbatim.

Do Guys Like Going Down on Women? 7 Men Have the Answer

*The names have been changed for anonymity

*Perry (35, Married)

"It doesn't surprise me that guys in their 20s and early 30s struggle with giving oral sex. There are so many dumb decisions that are made during that time, including not really getting to know our sexual partners. For a lot of young men, it's not even about fully experiencing sex. They're just out here trying to get a nut. It wasn't until I really started to feel for a woman that I wanted to see all that sex had to offer. I will say this to the guy bucks—you don't know what you're missin'. There is nothing like pleasing a woman. You realize you never really know pleasure until you do."

*Maxwell (24, Single)

"35 percent? That's hilarious, man. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing, but I was out here, 'peach eatin' as you call it, before I even got head for the first time. If I'm gonna be really real about it, I did that before I had sex. Maybe it was all of the porn I saw. Maybe because the first girl I did that to had never experienced it before. I've never really thought about it. I just know one time was all I needed. A brotha is definitely hooked!"

*Damon (40, Engaged)

"I'll be real with you. A lot of us perform oral sex on a trial-by-trial basis. Some women we're into enough to do it and some we're not. Some ladies might be upset but, some have the right hygiene, some don't. Some landscape in a way that's appealing, some don't. Some, we don't even see as someone we want to get that close to or with. I think the number is higher than 35. I just think that 35 may be the amount of men who do it all of the time. A lot of us are way pickier."

*Allen (29, Single)

"I know we've got a lot going on when we ejaculate, but unless a woman has been with a woman in that way, they don't get that they have a lot going on down there too. Some of us just need to ease into all of that. My first time story is I always thought I would never go down on a girl. But one time, the head that I got was so f—kin' good that I was like, 'I'm a punk ass nigga if I don't try and make her feel the same way.' I haven't looked back since. Damn, where's her phone number?"

*Keith (32, Single)

"I think that if a man likes to kiss, he likes to kiss everywhere. That's all I got to say about it."

*Rashad (45, Married)

"Don't let these lames fool you. If a guy doesn't go down, it's more about him than you. On the emotional tip, it's a vulnerable act. We've got a lot of ego too, so it's scary to think that we might do it and our partner won't be pleased. A lot of men try and project that not going down is about the woman, but it's all about him. Don't @ me on that."

*Shawn (30, Single)

"I don't think you can fully know a woman until you have consumed ever part; her p—y included. I don't just mean the woman you're with at the time. I mean, you have a lot to learn about all women until you do. The smell. The sounds that she makes. The way she touches you when it happens. Even the way that she cums—it's all just…different. It's like she's letting you in on a side to her that is classified information. That alone makes it a hell of a turn on. Hell, addicting. Men do it. Men like it. Those who don't should categorize themselves with the rest of us."

Welp. There you have it. It's not like I didn't try and find "one of the 35 percent". Thankfully, the men I know find oral sex—whether they are giving or receiving it—to be very, very necessary. Not to "cunnilingus shame" those who don't but, maybe this lil' write-up will at least give you something else/more to think about.

After all, in the wise words of some man who I'm sure goes down on a regular basis—"Don't knock it until you've tried it." Peach-eatin' will richly bless you in more ways than one. If you don't believe me, read this all over again. And again...and again (while listening to Novel to totally gas you up!).

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:

Who Knew Oral Sex Has An Official Time Limit?

Are You Ready To Amp Up Your Oral Sex Game? Try This.

Oral Fixation: 6 Ladies Share Their Best Oral Sex Tips and Tricks

Jill Scott Is Proof That Oral Sex Can Be Empowering

Feature image by Giphy

How Long Should Oral Sex Last? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›

How To Have Better Oral Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›

How To Have Good Head Game - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›

Best Blowjob Tips And Tricks - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›

Make Your Partner Better At Oral Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›

14 Men On What They Love About Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›

Men Explain, in Great Detail, Why They Don't Eat Pussy - VICE ›

18 Men Explain Why They REALLY Don't Want To Eat You Out ... ›

Here's What Guys Really Think About Going Down on You ›

What It Really Means If a Man Won't Go Down on You | InStyle.com ... ›

Your Vagina Is Terrific (and Everyone Else's Opinions Still Are Not ... ›

Sent from my iPhone

[readingforsanity]

The Wife Before | Shanora Williams | Published 2022

Samira Wilder has never had it easy, and when her latest lousy job goes south, things only promise to get harder. Until she unexpectedly meets a man who will change her life forever. Renowned pro golfer Roland Graham is wealthy, handsome and caring, and Samira is dazzled. Best of all, he seems to understand her better than anyone ever has. And though their relationship moves a bit dast, when Roland proposes, Samira accepts. She even agrees to relocate to his secluded Colorado mansion. After all, there's nothing to keep her in Miami, and the mansion clearly makes him happy. Soon, they are married amid a media firestorm, and Samira can't wait to make a fresh start...as the second Mrs. Graham.

Samira settles into the mansion, blissfully happy - until she discovers long-hidden journals belonging to Roland's late wife, Melanie, who died in a tragic accident. With each dusty page, Samira comes to realize that perhaps it was no accident at all - that perhaps her perfect husband is not as perfect as she thought. Even as her trust in Roland begins to dwindle and a shadow falls over her marriage and she begins to fear for her own life, Samira is determined to uncover the truth of Melanie's troubled last days. But even good wives should know the truth is not always what it seems...

Samira is going nowhere in life. At 28 years old, she isn't married, has no children and has virtually no career to speak of. After watching her mother work herself to death after her father split, Samira vowed to never allow work to control her life.

When her roommate and best friend Sheila tells her that she would like her long-term boyfriend Ben to move in, Samira knows that something needs to change. In addition to that, Samira's brother, Kell, has cut her off financially after his fiancee discovers that she is pregnant and requested that Kell inform Samira that they would no longer be able to take care of her.

While working as a waitress at an event one evening in order to make $300, Samira meets professional golfer Roland Graham. He is handsome, tall and everything Mira has been looking for. Roland is currently suffering with the death of his first wife, Melanie, and he has been accused of being involved in her death in some way. He has spent the last 3 years dealing with the aftermath of her suicide/homicide, and is amazed that Samira never heard of him before.

Despite Kell's opinion that Samira leave him alone, the two of them take their relationship to the next level very quickly. They marry at his mansion in Colorado, and begin their life together. Samira feels constantly haunted by Melanie's presence in the house, as it is the same house that she once lived in. With the idea that she would begin working in graphic design and selling her designs for extra cash, Samira wants to take the shed that once belonged to Melanie and make it her own.

She begins working through the things inside, where Roland's mother once placed all of Melanie's things after her death for Roland to deal with another time. In her search, she finds six journals that were written in by Melanie, and inside, she uncovers horrifying truths.

Inside, she learns that Melanie and Roland's first cousin, Dylan, had been sleeping together and that Roland was none the wiser of their indiscretions. Melanie attempted to end her marriage to Roland while vacationing in Hawaii and things quickly took a turn. Melanie was sure that something evil was afoot, and that she wanted to get out of the marriage, but Roland wouldn't let her.

When Samira learns from Kell that Melanie and her sister, Miley, were both involved in the rape and molestation of their persons by a man named Calvin Thompson, Samira enlists SHeila and Ben to help her and go investigating him. Calvin is adamant that Melanie lied about their supposed nonconsensual relationship, and that it was in fact consensual. Once Calvin's guilt got the better of him, he attempted to leave which then led to Melanie and Miley going to the police about the supposed rape and molestation.

Samira begins to wonder if the body inside of the car was actually Melanie's. Melanie and Miley were identical twin sisters, and they shared DNA, meaning that it could have been Miley inside of the car and Melanie could be alive. Samira confronts Roland with everything, and she understands now that he had nothing to do with Melanie's death.

They return to North Carolina, and during their search of Calvin's home while he isn't home, Samira finds a camera where Calvin had been holding the two sisters hostage. In one of the videos, he shoots Miley up with heroin, and when Mira opens a suspicious looking freezer inside of the shed, she finds Melanie's head and various body parts.

They learn that Calvin had kept them hostage, and that the body in the car was Miley's. Calvin had given her too much heroin and she overdosed, and he had cut up Melanie's body and placed it in the freezer.

When they return to Colorado, Samira also uncovers that the person behind Calvin finding the sisters was Dylan. Dylan had been discovered to have been stealing from Roland and giving the funds to his family because he was jealous of Roland and had been for his entire life. He reached out to Calvin and gave him the information he needed, but he didn't think that Calvin would end up murdering her or Miley. But, he was the one who ended up having Miley's body driven off the cliff, and he planned to continue stealing from Roland for as long as he wanted. He threatens Samira to keep his secret.

At the end, 8 months after the events with Calvin, Dylan's body is discovered inside of their mansion, having been dubbed a suicide after a suicide note was found on his body. But the reader is led to believe that Samira was behind his death as his throat had been slit with a pink pocketknife that once belonged to her.

3/5 stars.