#this hyperfixation is getting out of hand

[lastoneout]

As someone who is on a mood stabilizer(lamotrigine, in fact) what's happening to the people in these screenshots is not what happens to the average person who has hobbies and fandom-adjacent interests. My meds have never stopped me from loving with my whole chest, instead they simply give me the ability to balance my intense love of things with my real life wants and needs in a healthier way. They give me the ability to stop playing Minecraft before I give myself a migraine, or stop thinking about my OTP long enough that I can make a phone call and actually focus during it, that sort of thing. I don't stop having hyperfixations, I just am able to have one and also have a functional life too.

But these people were clearly missing something important in their lives that's place was filled by a truly unhealthy obsession(or like. had mold poisoning. that person is an outlier dw). They use the word hyperfixation but like, I don't think that's really what's going on. This isn't a bog standard hyperfixation on like Hero Academia or WWDITS, these were obsessions with real living celebrities, and fandoms for celebrities tend to take a dive into conspiratorial thinking and vague cult-y behavior REAL fast. Like, I mean, you can be a fan of a celebrity or band and be normal about it ofc, but I see the conspiratorial thinking pop up a lot more and faster in fandoms for real people. Genuinely combing over every single thing Taylor Swift has ever done or said 500 billion times to compile a dissertation on how she's been subliminally telling her fans for years now that's she's gay and attacking everyone who says otherwise because they don't get it and are just homophobes and like, fucking stalking and threatening her ex-boyfriends and spending every spare moment of every day posting about it with other people who are doing the same....that's not healthy. That's not a normal special interest or hyperfixation. That's clearly someone who is missing something crucial in their lives, be it connection with other people or stable brain chemistry or a community, and filling that hole with something similar but extremely dysfunctional shared with a community of people who are also unhealthily obsessed and thus promote and encourage unhealthy fixations and conspiratorial thinking at the expense of every single part of the rest of their lives. This is on the same level as like, someone's grandma who has always kinda been convinced Elvis' death was faked and in 2016 accidentally fell down the Q Anon rabbit hole, not someone who thinks about their blorbos holding hands before they fall asleep at night and is begging for someone to ask them about the tv show they're from so they can info-dump.

And like yeah fandoms can get you like that too, I've gotten too deep before and fallen in with conspiratorial thinking(almost always around ships tbh) and whenever I get out I feel pretty ashamed of letting that free dopamine and validation roller coaster make me act like someone I'm not, and ofc some fans will stalk and harass the people behind their favorite show or movie for ship validation or write up massive conspiracy boards about how "xyz ship is def endgame trust us see we connected the dots and we will destroy the lives of anyone who disagrees including the people who make the damn show" like I was at Phoenix Comic Con the year Andrew Hussie got mobbed(but not in the mob!! thankfully I didn't get caught up in all that!!), I know how fandoms can be, but overall what's happening in these images isn't something the average fan needs to worry about. If you aren't writing conspiracy boards about celebrities sexualities or an OTP and harassing the celebrities/creators about it, sending death threats to real people who disagree with your theory or like other ships, and spending every spare second of every day posting and talking about them to the point that you literally, physically, don't have time or energy for anything else then you don't need to worry about meds making you not like your favorite webcomic as much anymore. What these people are going through is framed through the lens of fandom, but was far closer to going to a Flat Earth Convention in terms of actual behavior and outcomes.

Your meds shouldn't make you stop liking things entirely. When I think about not liking things I genuinely loved as much as I used to I get a little sad because I miss them, when I think about getting riled up because I believed a show runner was specifically trying to spite ME I feel embarrassed, and I'm glad I stopped doing it and moved on to things that actually make me happy and aren't borderline conspiracy theories. That's the difference. These people aren't sad, they are straight up happy to be out, talking about how it's wild to look at the insane things they believed, and putting focus on how their lives are better now. They clearly don't miss these things because they've moved on. Or, in the case of the BTS person and probably the swifties, they still do like the artist or actor or band, they just aren't Obsessed(tm) with them to a truly unhealthy, world-view altering degree anymore. They can still love these artists and actors without that obsessive love taking over their entire lives.

So nah. The average fan does not need to worry about meds doing this to you. These people were outliers in unhealthy situations that improved when they got the things they were missing. That's almost certainly not what's going to happen to you.

(But also yeah even if you do find your interests changing, that's not always a bad thing. Interests change, we find new things to love all the time, it doesn't invalidate the joy we found and friendships we made to recognize that now we want to post about a different show or movie or comic. That's just how life is, we change.)

And if you don't like the way meds make you feel, you can tell your doctor and stop taking them. There are some meds out there that make me into a zombie that no longer cared about anything at all. And so I stopped taking them, told my doctor, and we worked something else out. Don't be afraid of change, but also, if it sucks hit the bricks.

[genderlessjacky]

Dissecting the intro to Arcane S2 and predicting what the season is about before I watch it bc im hyperfixating , (pt1 because I'm gonna do the whole series)

THIS SCENE of Vi standing down bc she is still VI underneath it all , she hasn't changed , she still loves her sister , she is still clinging onto her sister , I KNOW that the line "you finally got the name right" scene happens but I saw the clip where she refers to jinx and powder as two different people and "Im not gonna let you stain her memory" so she still loves powder , she isn't killing powder , she has been dead a long time ago , she is killing Jinx now

and this scene where she stands up and does the 'pew' thing , it represents her finally leaving powder behind , bc we know in S1 , powder was still inside of her , the animators confirmed it with the rig turning powder expression to jinx but I sense this rig wont be used in season 2 . this can also be seen as her 'rising' to the throne , to take Silco's place as leader . Rising up from the ashes she created. and the way the light frames on her eyes can also represent her fully embracing jinx

also this little cut of VI not being there probably means she doesn't consider her a sister anymore , VI isn't in her life anymore , Silco isnt in her life anymore , she kills anyone who gets near her . so its just her now

GAHH this shot of Ekko standing on the line as in him standing on the 'line' between Piltover and Zuan , being the neutral side of the two battling cities is great framing actually , but the way his feet stand out perhaps means he is finally taking action in S2?

and here we see presumably Victor , with a blanket , staring at the mask , and the line is there AGAIN , so maybe he is also leaving Piltover? perhaps to return to Zuan or stay neutral if were taking the line of light into account? maybe he finally took the 'mask' off , seen the two sidedness of piltover and had enough of it

and here we see Ambessa sitting in her luxurious couch , draping the cloth over her and holding a black rose while ignoring all the scattered roses behind her , maybe Noxes is somehow involved in all this , maybe the scattered roses she is ignoring mean her past , and how is she ignoring it and only focusing on the one perfect rose in her hands .

"When my back is to the world , that was smiling when I turned" were the lyrics playing here , I heard that Cait's mother died in the explosion from somewhere so maybe this means she is gonna take drastic actions out of grief that noones supports , and it ends in someone betraying her or turning against her or she does something irrational that pushes everyone who supported her away?

"tell you you're the greatest" and here we see my boy Jayce being blinded by some type of light , and now we know that Jayce in S1 fully bought into the two sidedness of Piltover , maybe this season he somehow 'wakes up' , a light of truth shines of him , he is also injuried so maybe it was something that injuried him , that got though all his defenses , that finally woke him up to the truth

and HERE is the same black rose that I assume Ambessa was holding , maybe this season she somehow faces her past? the petal falling down may represent her somehow 'falling down' from grace?

okay if we assume this rose represents her past somehow or something she regrets , and its in the line of light and its framed in a way that it looks like a door is opening , maybe this season will bring to light her past or the thing she regretted? and she seems unwilling to put the rose in the light so maybe its against her will or something ,like she is forced to do so , maybe someone in her past caught up to her +

she is also seen scrunching up the rose the next scene so maybe this means she is trying to hide it or destroy the 'danger' from her past?

okay so the light is framed across her face and I've established that I think this line in some scenes means some sort of line between piltover and Zuan and in some scenes mean bringing something to light (and in some scenes its just for the aesthetic appeal) , and since she tried for peace in the last season before the whole jinx explosion thing. maybe this season she also tries to stand for neutrality , but the shadow hands maybe represent something or someone is forcing her to choose a side

and here we see jinx waving some sort of flag , and flag waving can mean declaring war on someone , and she looks transfixed on the flag , like shes mesmerized but also a look of sorrow? maybe she finally decides to finish what Silco couldn't , destroy Piltover and it has become her only goal

AAA okay the V on her face being an amazing detail aside , the light seems to be shining on her eyes alone , making the eye look like a similar color to Jinx's eye colour , so maybe proving my point that she somehow accepts that powder is gone and Jinx is the only one in her eyes

OKAY THESE FEW SCENES ARE A JOY TO FOCUS ON SO The lines colliding together , maybe means they are finally working together? being on the same side to stop Jinx?

OKAYOKAY SO the way they look at each other before hand and rush and kiss each other and end up 'butting heads' or flying apart? maybe they get together in this season but something or someone or some belief keeps them apart and they end up 'butting heads'?? POSSIBLE YURI MAKEUP AND THEN DIVORCE???

okay so this basically confirms that her mom died in this season or something major happens bc like the X written all over the scene and her panicking??

and also the hands in her shadow made it so that you can barely see any of 'her' in the shadow , perhaps this grief of her mothers death somehow scumming her so that she didn't even recognize her herself anymore

and her looking into the camera like she realized something , maybe she knew how horrid she was acting and the choices she made were wrong but still brought into them

and the way ekko ONLY runs on the line and never passes it? the fact that there are TWO lines maybe means he is uniting his forces against both piltover and zuan , viewing them as one entity or he is finally staying on one side?

and here , it blurs into one line , the other line cutting off and he jumps to the other line , it might mean something...

and jolly the way he jumps over the line , his feet not touching the floor and reversing time before her gets to the other side?? I fully support Ekko being a major player in this season

and the the next scene , the way Mel yells and the shadow hands immediately back away , maybe this season she is finally taking a stance on something

AND AHH the way she is in the same chair and instead of a red gown , its a white gown she is wearing (symbolizing purity ectect but ALSO possibly symbolizing her unwillingness to kill aka the reason she got booted out of Noxus) and instead of holding the black rose , she is reaching towards it and wanting to touch it and figure out what it is!! and she is also in the different pose then Ambessa , instead of looking all aloof on the couch , she looks down to earth and serious

and victors hand blocking the light and said light being the light that presumably shined on everyone , maybe he is also finally seeing the light in a way while the other had only a glimpse of it?

and him putting on the mask like RAHHH maybe he is going under some sort of facade? embracing the mask if you will? going undercover?? Turning into machine Herald??? PT 1 (you are here) / PT 2 (WIP)

[theforgottencrow]

Throws my ColorKiller shipchild out and runs/j

*cough* anyways meet Ethanol! :D

A tiny lil guy who just wants to run around and collect everything and anything shiny or related to dinosaurs <3

info time :3

(there’s lots of it sorry I love this goober a lot)

As stated Eth is selectively mute! They’re more or less capable of speech (however with trouble) but choose to stay mute and instead prefer using their speech tablet whenever available to them.

She usually carries a dinosaur bag along with her which is usually carried by Killer or Color. It usually just contains her speech tablet, and dinosaur stuff but may contain other items on occasion.

Eth has to wear the grey suit basically 24/7 due to the fact that her entire body is made from/covered in flames; the suit is fire resistant and keeps her from burning/setting aflame other people or items she touches :)

The stuff leaking from her eyes and mouth are actually a combination of highly flammable liquids!! (Do not let that stuff touch her own fire/colors fire or any fire for that matter it will explode istg it has happened.)

He walks on all fours! He’s been doing this ever since he first learned how to walk and hasn’t stopped since. Killer and Color have tried to break this habit, but uh- haven’t had much success.. Which means yes he does it in public too and he couldn’t be care less! He’ll waddle to his hearts content.

Relative to the walking in all fours thing Eth has to wear a child harness in public due to how they tend to get distracted and want to run after things. There have been far too many instances from when they didn’t have a harness and caused his dads to go searching for him, only to find him in the weirdest places..

She has a hyperfixation on dinosaurs! She’ll immediately grab anything she has related to them and start letting out the flood of information she has on them as soon as you mention or ask her about it.

She has an odd love for drinking shit like gasoline and other flammable liquids, which in turn actually causes her flames to FUCKING EXPLODE. She’s okay ofc it doesn’t actually hurt them and if anything makes them laugh at the sensations but that’s not exactly the same for the stuff/prople around her (or her clothes for that matter)

Following the thing about her tears and spit being flammable liquids Color DID NOT have fun with that when she was a baby. That man is trying to nap and his baby keeps fucking exploding from the shit mixing with her flames.

Her Theriotypes are a Cladospecies of dinosaurs as well as canids!

Older Eth has Sickles as shown in the picture as her weaponry! She loves sickle weapons quite a lot and if anything treats them like Ink does for Broomie.

Color realized quite quickly that due to her bodily construct Eth burns any and all clothing that isn’t fire resistant.. So Color learned to make clothing just for her! Now all her clothing, so things like her suit and etc are hand made by Color himself <:3

Killer heavily encourages her to set things on fire (much to Colors disagreement) and has even purposely set her off on people just for shits and giggles.

Okay that’s all for now, feel free to ask anything abt them or anything else you want! :D

[mytearsbuckochet]

What's your most hated Bummy scene?? I'll tell you mine. It has to be the kiss in the hospital lobby and buck getting outed because of his soot covered mouth. Never hated a 911 episode more than that. I love Buck. They just made a mockery out of him by that scene.

Where do I even start.. Couldn't agree more about the soot scene, although I'm more angry at the writers about that one than I am at Tommy, given how important it was to Buck that he came out to Eddie and Maddie on his own terms and how much weight he gave those interactions I feel like even though that one was supposed to be a cute little "hehe look this is very Buck coded", it fell short in that I would've liked everyone else at the 118 to find out in a more heartfelt way ya know??

In terms of my least favourite(s), the whole arc with billy boils was a very interesting play by the writers in that it highlighted the differences between Eddie and Tommy in a meaningful way. On one hand, Eddie, who has presumably been with Buck in the hospital the whole time he was being treated for his boils, is used to Buck's hyperfixations and Wiki deep dives, and finds them wholesome and cute. I reblogged a post a little bit ago where Buck told Maddie about how her and Chim always finish each others sentences and that theyre basically already dating, and then contrasted with how Eddie was finishing Buck's sentences in that scene. Buddie fanatic aside (I will admit im obsessed with these two idiots), THIS is the kind of domesticity I've always wanted for Buck's partners, where they acknowledge and love those little moments that he has.

Now lets go ahead and look at Tommy's side of this whole thing: Tommy's reaction to seeing the boils + how he treated and viewed Buck's obsession as exactly that, an obsession + the graveyard scene??? You can break it down into "oh well Buddie have known eachother since s2, Bummy have been together 6 months", but from my perspective the fact that Buck didn't even realise Tommy didn't like women until their 6 month anniversary (???) just goes to show that they don't really know that much about one another. Tommy was completely right in the breakup scene; he was definitely not Buck's last, and the poor guy is definitely in need of some self exploration (#letbuckfuck) before I'd be happy to see Buddie honestly (and thats not even considering the work that needs to be done on Eddie, my guy is going through it rn with Chris). Anyway; I just read this amazing fic by playinginthundestorms (on ao3) and I think the way they described Tommy (slightly Tommy bashing), was overall how I imagine he sees Buck. It never really felt like Tommy was fond of these little things Buck does in the way that Eddie (and the rest of the 118) are, more seeing him as childish or juvenile as the fic described. And it makes sense, tommy is older than Buck. A whole other can of worms and probably the icing on the cake for me was the Abby debacle, the misogyny really showed??? like man you have not changed since Hen my lord. Calling Abby out for running off with some "himbo half her age" was wild considering thats what he is currently doing with Buck? Especially with all the shit she had to go through with her mum at the time? Like what on earth is your excuse Temu? Anyway, to cut a long rant short, I actually have given you like 50 reasons, but i definitely think that Tommy was a well placed plot device and it was obvious from the start. Also, ABC could've chosen ANYONE to be Buck's first experience with a man and they were like yep lets use the racist homophobe from Chim and Hen begins cos why not?! I probably would've had a far less negative opinion of him if he was a fresh character, and I think that's on purpose, I think it would be really interesting if they go down the road of hen and chim sharing their experiences with Tommy now that they've broken up, and that they didn't say anything cos they just wanted Buck to be happy. Definitely after that heartfelt scene with Hen especially, that I didn't get cos of that bloody soot scene.

[spookymystery67]

I Wish I Could Walk in Heels

AN: Alright, finally got this one done! It's a longer chapter than what I've been putting out recently so I hope you all enjoy it. Take it as an apology to make up for my slacking. I had planned to get it done in October, but then I got really hyperfixated on the live action and anime One Piece (still am to be honest). About 109 episodes in on the anime and have A LOT more to go lol. Anyways, enjoy!

Ps, this chapter is a little angsty. Little bit. At least I think it is. Also has gun violence and typical RE stuff. I noticed I gave up on the TW so hope none of you got traumatized. I don't think I write anything too crazy. We should all know what we've signed up for by now, right?

Chapter 23:

“My, you are a popular one, Luis.”

Ada's comment rang very true. Your eyes struggled to see through the harsh rain from the storm that seemed to appear so suddenly. Even so, you could still see the torches and hear the angry chanting of the villagers surrounding the house you and Ada were supposed to meet Luis at. If you had to guess, nearly every infected citizen of Los Iluminados was in attendance of your little get together.

“I don't remember inviting them to the party.” You half-heartedly joked as you ran along Ada's side, falling slightly behind her once you reached a rickety old, wood and rope bridge that groaned and creaked too much for comfort. “You?”

Your love huffed a weak smile, but could not respond when a sudden and harsh shake of the ground shook the fragile bridge and sent you both scrambling for something stable to balance and hold on to, so as to not fall to your doom.

Another shake. 

You both glanced behind you.

Another. 

This time closer. Something big is coming.

Ada tightly grabbed hold of you for what seemed like the millionth time in one night, grappling you both to the closest and safest roof top and off the bridge. This, somehow, gathered the attention of some of the villagers.

You stared in disbelief at the snarling giant that walked into the, already chaotic, scene. 

“What in the actual fuck is that?” Even with all your prior experience with what should be impossible creatures, you are still somehow always shocked and horrified by something new. 

At least you were never bored.

The giant took notice of you and Ada, before charging in your direction. Ada took action and zipped the two of you off of the roof of the now destroyed house, landing you both safely on the ground. The giant yelled angrily at missing, and turned around to face you once more.

“You deal with the villagers while I handle this?” Ada muttered to you, grappling hook in hand and ready to swing on the houses to avoid the creature while simultaneously weakening it.

Noting your inability to deal with such a huge foe, you nodded in agreement. “Be safe.” 

She squeezed your hip in acknowledgment before fully pulling away. “You as well, dear.”

With that, she turned to face the giant head on. “Sorry big guy. Can't let you go that way.” 

And off she went to fight and distract the giant from getting to the house. While she did that, you ran to a safe distance away from the crushing footsteps and the crumbling houses, picking off the infected stragglers that roamed the area as swiftly and quietly as possible. 

You didn't want Ada to have more on her plate than she already has.

Quiet wasn't an issue. If anything managed to hear you over the chanting villagers, roaring giant, and the howling wind and rain, you'd be genuinely surprised. And maybe even a little impressed.

Eventually, the giant fell on top of the two remaining villagers you didn't get to, dead. All was silent at last, with the exception of the pouring rain that was turning into more of a light drizzle, showing some sign of slowing down for at least a little while.

You saw Ada from afar walking towards the giant corpse. A pang of worry went through you when you saw how angry she visibly was. This wasn't normal Ada behavior. She usually managed to keep her emotions in check during missions. 

The closer you walked, you noticed a wiggling creature on the giant's back, a parasite if you had to guess. It moved like it wanted to get away from its dead host. Away from Ada.

Ada stomped her heeled boot onto the creature to lessen its writhing. She took out her pistol and aimed it at the creature. “Now stay down.” 

One. Two. Three gunshots rang out into the stormy night air. The parasite went limp and Ada gave one final kick of annoyance to the felled creature, tucking her gun away before she faced you fully.

“You alright?” You asked her, doing your best to mask your concern so as to not anger her further. She was clearly in a sort of fragile state at the moment. And you knew the infection had part of, if not everything, to do with it. She took a deep breath before nodding a yes.

“I was getting a little annoyed, but now I'm good. Let's go.” She beckoned, leading you away from the giant. “Sweet dreams.” She snarked to the corpse as you left.

More than a little annoyed. That much was clear as day. Every plan and action took during this mission has led to one problem after another. And everything with Wesker and whatever the dangerous virus was coursing through her veins did not help. 

You weren't sure how much time she had left before the virus took full control of her. Ada appeared to become more and more anxious about it too, as time went on and it seemed no progress was really made in retrieving the Amber. 

Still, you kept quiet. You didn't want to further irritate her. And if she didn't want to talk, then you weren't going to force her. 

Your thoughts were put on hold when you saw Luis safely strolling down the path just below the rock formation you and Ada were waiting on. He noticed you both and with a look of relief he sped walked toward you.

“Luis! Glad to see you made it out of that mess safe.” You called out with a grin. He smiled back at your genuine enthusiasm.

“Oh, that? That was nothing, Sénorita.” He gestured behind himself with a careless wave, as if he didn't just get away from a swarm of probably one hundred infected people looking for blood. As if he's dealt with bigger, worse things at some point and this was just a walk in the park. He smirked at your look of disbelief. “Got a smoke?” 

“I do. The kind you like.” Ada remarked, though she made no move to hand over the pack of cigarettes he earlier abandoned with radio numbers written down to get into contact again. 

“Now, where is the Amber?” Ada questioned, done with the pleasantries and wanting to finish the business at hand.

“Unfortunately, it's not on me at the moment.” He sighed as he walked forward and began to attempt a climb up the rocks to get to you both, grunting with the effort. “And you really should be telling me what-” He paused, huffing from the exertion, before continuing.

“What a good job I did. Busted my ass and managed to hide it right before I got caught. Which,” He stumbled during the climb, but saved himself from slipping. “Is why I'm still alive!”

His triumphant tone made the corners of your mouth tug upward in amusement, but it quickly turned into a frown once you glanced to your left and saw how his words affected the already on edge Ada. Hopefully she won't do anything extreme.

He had nearly made the climb, but still reached his hand out for additional assistance from one of you. You went to help, but Ada stopped you with a gentle hand on your arm before crouching down with a sigh to be more leveled with Luis.

“The deal was we get you out of here when you deliver the Amber. No Amber, no 'protection’, Luis.” She reminded him. There was no room for nonsense in her entire demeanor. No more time to waste. 

He gave a forced and slightly annoyed laugh. Likely in irritation from the long day he's had and Ada showing no appreciation for the fact that he was trying. Though in her mind, he wasn't trying hard enough. He was just wasting both of your precious time.

“Such a stickler for details, huh Ada?” Her deadpan expression didn't waver. He glanced at you with a look you couldn't quite decipher, and you shrugged unhelpfully. He let out another sigh before grumbling. “Alright. I'll go get it now, how about that?”

He reached out a hand for help once more, waiting a long moment. You nudged her and Ada finally gave in and helped him up the small, yet hard to climb, cliff.

Once he was up, he patted himself clear of dirt and looked back to the house the villagers bombarded with a tired sigh. “And I do have something else I need to get too.”

Your girlfriend and you shared a look. You gave a huff and shook your head muttering, “This ought to be good.”

—

The castle. Luis had led you both back to the castle. The place where your mission had officially started and where everything had gone to shit pretty much instantaneously. You'd hoped once you left it the first time that you wouldn't have to be back. 

And yet, here you are.

Luis had climbed halfway up the side of the castle he had led you all to enter from before Ada had decided to just grapple you both up the tower, not even bothering to attempt the climb or help the struggling Luis up the rest of the way. He huffed and finished the challenging climb by himself, muttering to himself all the while.

You and Ada remained silent as you waited for him. Ada, not only because she was pissed, but also because she was stuck in her own head, running through the statistics of how many more distractions and side quests she had in her before the virus took over and she lost total control of herself. You just let her be, not having much to say that would soothe her concerns due to you feeling the exact same way. 

You wish you could continue to tell her it would be alright, but the longer this mission takes, the more you see her condition beginning to take its toll. Not just in her behavior. Now it is visible in her physical appearance as well. 

Her eyes had changed. The infection took form in black, vein-like, lines within her eyes. You had noticed prior to finding Luis, when Ada had been manipulated by the bug creature, that similar veins had covered her face while she clutched her head in pain. A clear sign of the virus and its power over her. So to see it remain permanently in her eyes with the monster not in sight… 

It was clear that time was running out.

“You probably didn't plan on coming back here, eh?” Luis questioned as he finally crawled through the hole in the wall you've entered from. 

“I had hoped not.” You admitted. You noticed Ada's calculated silence became more of a simmering, angry, silence. She was not happy with the man. Not one bit.

“Well, plans do change, no?” Luis said, trying to catch his breath from the climb. 

Ada's silence gave him pause. Noting her mood, he turned to you hesitantly before voicing a question you all already knew the answer to. “Are you angry?” 

Her silence spoke volumes, causing you both to grimace. “You're angry.” He concluded. He paused again, debating his next words. You shook your head, knowing by his hesitance that what he has to say won't be good.

He ignored your silent advice, quickly spilling out his next sentence. “There is this one thing I must do before I can recover the Amber.” 

You winced, glancing at Ada who went from a silent simmer to boiling over in about three seconds flat. This won't be good.

Ada was giving Luis a look that could kill, and in return he held his hands up in a placant gesture. 

“Before?” She questioned, voice deceptively calm. And before you could stop her, she had her pistol drawn and pointed right at the man's head. 

“Ada!” Your startled call went ignored by her.  

Heels clicked angrily against the hard floor as she took threatening steps toward Luis, who had raised his hands even higher in an attempt to convince her not to shoot. “This is not a negotiation, Luis. So choose your next words carefully.”

“Oh, woah…” Luis fumbled, taking a shaky breath before taking a slow step to the side. Then another. And another. Ada's gun remained pointed at his head as she turned with him, finger on the trigger and ready to shoot if he gave her an answer she didn't like. 

“Ada-” 

“Stay out of this, Y/n.” Ada told you. Her cold tone gave you pause. While you know it wasn't you she was angry at, you still didn't want to test her when she's like this. 

Especially not with Luis's life on the line.

“It's fine, Sénorita.” Luis said, before giving his full attention to Ada. You listened and backed off. “Listen, there is someone who needs my help… You know me – always the good Samaritan!”

“Let me guess. Leon?” Ada smirked slightly as Luis looked surprised that she knew about Leon. Though her grip on the gun didn't falter.

“Yes! Exactly! Leon and that young woman…” Luis began to slowly back away. Young women? The president's daughter? “They are both infected. They need this medicine. It slows the infection. And I know it works. I used it on myself. So I-”

“And why does this matter to me?” Ada interrupted, quickly closing the distance Luis had managed to make between the two of them. You could think of a few reasons why it matters.

Luis paused, and as if hearing your own thoughts, stated matter of factly, “Because you too are infected.” 

Ada and you shared a look. You were surprised he noticed, given how most of this mission has been spent away from Luis with you and Ada chasing after him.

Luis shook his head, exasperated. “It's what I researched for all these years. And I see the symptoms already showing in your eyes, Ada.”

For the first time since Ada drew the gun, Luis turned his back on her and walked further away with a little more confidence. Even when he was at risk of being shot in the back.

“You must already feel the effects, eh?” He slowly crouched over a trap door, still somewhat mindful of the woman holding the gun on him. “The medicine will stop them for a time. Just, trust me. You have a lot to gain, and nothing to lose!”

Ada seemed to agree with that statement. “Okay. But this is your last chance. We do this first, and then the Amber.” She placed her gun back into the holster with a final stern look, before turning to search around the room for anything useful to be brought with her.

“I'll let Leon know!” Luis exclaimed, happy he convinced her to help. 

You were relieved. And so, so glad Ada agreed. This might be her only chance. Granted, it's not a cure. But it would give you both more time to find the Amber and find an actual cure.

You stood awkwardly in your current place as Luis reached for his radio and made a call. “Hola. Luis here. You guys still around?” He questioned.

A very familiar voice snarked through the speaker of the radio. “Well I wanted to go home, but Ashley just had to see this castle first.”

Ashley. The president's daughter.

Luis grinned. “Perfect, because I have a present I want to give you. Medicine that will help to suppress the progress of your… problem.” 

“Where do we go?” Leon asked.

“Let's see… Come to the courtyard inside the castle. We can meet up there.” Luis decided. “¡Ciao!” 

With that, he hung up the call and turned to speak to the two women patiently and impatiently waiting for him. 

He stood up and set to opening the trap door leading out of the room. “Sorry to keep you both waiting. Shall we?” 

You glanced back at Ada and saw she was ready to go. You nodded as Luis opened the hatch on the floor. “We shall.”

He grinned as he led you both out of the room and down a stairwell. “There's a hidden laboratory downstairs. My stuff should be there.” He explained, jumping down the remaining gap in the stairs to the floor. Likely destroyed due to lack of maintenance in this area of the castle. You jumped down right after him with Ada right behind you.

“Along with the suppressant?” Ada questioned.

“Right,” Luis nodded. “Though first we have to get past this locked gate.” He said, gesturing to the barred area that was preventing you all from going further.

“Leave it to me.” Ada abruptly ran off before you could offer assistance. You shrugged it off, not much you could do given this requires the grappling hook. Which you have yet to get the hang of using and probably never will.

As you and Luis waited, he decided to start up a conversation with you. “So…”

You raised a brow at his hesitance. As if he is trying to figure out if what he is about to say is crossing a boundary. “So?”

He paused, muttering a quick “fuck it”, then proceeded to ask his intended question. 

“Trouble in paradise?” He asked, noting the growing tension between the two of you that you had since excused and ignored.

Not expecting that question, you stuttered and spat out an, “Excuse me?” Wincing slightly at how it came out a little harsh. Not intending to hurt the man in front of you, just taken off guard by the personal question.

Luis scoffed. “Oh please! You two went from the ultimate dream team to practically walking on eggshells around each other.” 

“We still work well together.” You answered, slightly confused by where he was going with this.

“Yes you do, Sénorita.” Luis amended before continuing, “Though I can't help but notice the growing tension between you. What happened?”

You were curious, “Why do you want to know?” 

“Well…” Luis shrugged nonchalantly, leaning against the wall behind him with a grin. “I like to think that, despite our short time knowing each other, we are friends. You did save my life after all. And I think I'm allowed to be a little concerned about my friend.”

Your growing defensive demeanor softened slightly, sensing no lie coming from the man in front of you.

“Does that mean Ada is your friend too?” You wondered. He exaggeratedly pondered for a moment.

“Eh, I'm still not so sure about that one. A little testy, no?” He jested, grin widening when the joke resulted in a laugh from you. “But in all seriousness, is everything alright between you too. What with the, uh, virus.” 

Your smile dropped with a sigh. “I'm just worried about her. She hasn't been fully herself. Not the usual Ada I've come to know and love. I just don't know what to do. I- I don't want to make it worse.” You quietly admitted.

“Has she tried to hurt you?” He asked with concern.

“No. But I can see that she grows increasingly more worried that it will happen at some point. She's been slowly distancing herself from me. Not in the physical sense, but mentally. Like she's preparing for the worst case scenario.” 

Luis hummed, “I see. Well don't worry too much, Sénorita. We will get her the help she needs before the worst can happen. Okay?” 

He grinned with a comforting pat to your shoulder. You weakly returned it. Grateful for his considerate words, but also not entirely convinced it would be so easy.

After all, nothing on this entire mission has been easy yet.

[baekhyuns-purple-buttplug]

Shits getting out of hand bruv

Joke always gives everything his best, his all and only keeping Jack is in his mind he entire timie and Jack is always only ready to accept it but never to reciprocate it. MAN FUCK THIS STUPID ASS SHIT I WANT JACK TO SUFFER, TO GROVEL AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS. IM HIGHKEY SICK OF JOKE ALWAYS GETTING THROWN AROUND AND PICKED UP BY JACK WHENEVR HE WANTS NGL

LIKE I UNDERSTAND U JACK BUT FUCK JOKE IS TRYING FFS

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I DONT HYPERFIXATE ON ANY DRAMA CAUSE YINWAR ARE CAUSING MENTAL DISTRESS TO MEEE

[cringe--is--dead]

𝔽𝕚𝕣𝕤𝕥 𝕄𝕖𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤

ℕ𝕖𝕜𝕠𝕞𝕒 𝕄𝕒𝕟𝕒𝕘𝕖𝕣 ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣

𝔸/ℕ: I started re-watching Haikyuu so the hyperfixation is coming back STRONG!

Direct sequel to this blurb!

You took everything you had said earlier back; nervous didn't even begin to cover how you were feeling. The closer to the camp sight the bus got, the shakier your hands got. You did your best to hide them, though the worried looks Yaku was sending your way says you weren't doing a great job at it.

"Hey," You could feel the bus begin to slow down as Kuroo turned around to look at you, the playfulness that had been present was gone, and you were grateful for the small smile he was sending your way, "You'll be fine. We're going to be the first team there more than likely, so you have time to get adjusted before everyone else shows up."

You nodded, moving to stand as Nekomata called for everyone to hop off the bus. The third years and you were the first ones off the bus after the coaches departed, grabbing your bags and waiting to make sure everyone else deboarded.

Lev groaned as he stretched, "That was way too long to be sitting."

Yaku rolled his eyes, gently nudging the first year to continue walking, "Only for a tall freak like you."

"Hey! That wasn't nice!"

Kai wandered over to you, offering to carry one of your mini bags for you, and you agreed, wanting to once more go over the notes he and Nekomata had curated for you to study. You may have begun to understand volleyball more, but after expressing your fear of embarrassing yourself in front of these other teams, they had made you more things to study.

"The other teams have managers too," You two began walking, Kuroo and Yaku ahead of you, already bickering about who knows what, "I'm sure you'll get along well with them. Karasuno has a newer manager too, so you two will probably be in similar boats."

You let out a breath, "Right."

"I'm serious," You glanced over at him, "It'll be fine. We were all nervous our first training camps, but you get used to them."

Nodding, you entered the building where your rooms would be. Each team had their own room, and due to the smaller numbers, the managers all had one room to them. You were too scared to ask earlier if you had to room with your team or by yourself; both sounding not ideal.

You entered the room, dropping your bags off in a little area, mentally claiming the small spot as your own. That wasn't too presumptuous was it? Maybe you should wait for the others to show up, offer them first dibs.

Sighing, you shook your head to yourself, there was no point in worrying about it now. If any of the other girls had issues you'd quickly move your stuff-- easy fix.

A knock at the door had you turning, Shibayama peering in curiously, "Hey, we're going to set up in gym one right now, and Kuroo wants to know if you'll lead some warm up drills?"

And the day starts.

"Are we starting practice matches when they show up?"

He shook his head, "He says Lev and Yamamoto have too much energy, so this is more to tire them out so they don't annoy him."

You snorted at that, sometimes Kuroo reminded you of an over exhausted pre-school teacher. Glancing at your bag, you followed Shibyama out and towards the gym, you'd change later.

You had gotten held up by a teacher before you departed, and in turn, weren't able to change out of your school uniform. It wasn't uncomfortable per say, but you'd trade out the skirt for a pair of Nekoma sweatpants before the practice matches started.

The chatter inside the gym wasn't loud, but you could hear it from right outside. Inuoka and Lev were helping set nets up, Kuroo was discussing something with Kai, and when they saw you, they motioned you over.

You left Shibayama who promptly went over to help with some other set ups, making your way to your captain and vice-captain. Kuroo raised an eyebrow at you.

"You're still in your school uniform?"

You shrugged, "I was going to change before the actual practice matches started. Didn't want to waste precious time tiring Lev out."

Kai chuckled, while Kuroo just sighed, and the mental image of him as a pre-school teacher was back. He handed you a clipboard, "It'll be a shorter night, but we figured these starting rotations would be good. Only a few teams will be here today, the rest arrive tomorrow. So we'll just be in this gym for tonight."

Two courts, four teams. Okay so there were three other schools showing up today, no worries. Fukurodani, Shinzen, and Karasuno today. It seemed in order, Kuroo was good with scheduling, and to be fair you didn't often have to correct his work. He was just paranoid from when he royally screwed up during exam week; the poor guy was running off of no sleep and way too much coffee.

You handed it back, "Those are two of the teams I'm supposed to be weary of, right?" The question was asked dryly, and Kuroo huffed at your tone.

"Don't appreciate the sarcasm, but yes. Thank you for asking." Kai just chuckled, patting him on the arm.

"Lev, I swear to the gods if you don't stop-"

"Yaku, come on! What's the point of a training camp if we're not training?"

"We're just warming up now, put the ball down!"

You sighed, understanding Kuroo's petulance from earlier. Damn rooster-headed captain laughed as you stalked over to where Yaku and Lev were bickering.

"Yaku's right, Lev, we're going to run some drills before we start with anything else."

Lev pouted at your words, and Yaku looked far too smug after bullying the first year. You raised an eyebrow at him, "If you both have enough energy to be bickering why not run some extra laps, hm? I was going to have everyone start with fifteen, but I think you two need a bit more than that. Does twenty five sound good?"

The two blanched at your words, the sickly sweet tone you had adopted since filling this position, you had been told, was terrifying. Yaku looked sheepish, rubbing the back of his head, but decided against arguing.

"Sorry," Lev muttered, and you nodded.

"Now put the ball back, Lev, and the two of you can get started. I'll have the others join you when you hit ten laps."

He nodded, the pout disappearing as he thought of something, "Oh! Watch this!"

Before you or Yaku could say anything, he launched the ball, clearly aiming to throw it directly into the basket. It made it, in a sense, before bouncing off all the other balls inside, and flying out the still open door. He stared after it, almost surprised by the outcome.

"Go start your laps." Was all you said, sending the two off.

You could hear Kuroo's stupid cackle from across the gym, and turned quickly, glaring his way as well. "You wish to join them, captain?"

He sobered up rather quickly, "No. I'm good, thanks."

You huffed, turning to gather the stray ball. Nekomata chuckled from where he and Naoi were talking. You all had barely been here and these troublemakers were already... well, making trouble.

The ball had bounced further down the sidewalk than you had thought, and you had to walk a good few meters away to get it. Though before you could lean down to grab it, the presence of someone startled you.

This kid appeared out of nowhere.

He was staring at you, almost as confused by your presence as you were of his.

"Um, hello?" The hold he had on his bag tightened as he awkwardly greeted you.

He was short, bright and unruly orange hair. He seemed nervous, reminding you of one of your younger cousins whenever he got caught doing something he shouldn't have been. Maybe he was wandering around and didn't think anyone would be here.

"Hey," You squatted to grab the ball, walking a bit closer to him, "Are you lost? I don't think you're supposed to be here, kid."

His cheeks burned bright at your comment, and he stammered over whatever he was trying to say.

"Hinata! What did I tell you about running off, man?"

You two turned, a guy about your age calling out to the red head, Hinata, also carrying a bag at his side. The two of you made eye contact, and the man froze where he was standing.

No one said a word, and you awkwardly moved the ball around in your hands, "Um, are you his older brother?"

Hinata sputtered at the question, "He's not my older brother!"

The other guy didn't say anything, simply staring at you silently. It was starting to make you feel a bit uncomfortable. "Uh-"

"Pretty girl!"

His shout caught you off guard, and you felt your shoulders raise, cheeks burning at the words shouted your direction. Mouth parted slightly, you took notice as other people began walking into view.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh shit.

You turned to Hinata, "Are you all here for the volleyball training camp?"

He nodded enthusiastically, "We're Karasuno high school!"

"Oh." Was all you managed to say, looking from him to the others who were walking up curiously.

One of them stepped forward, the way he walked reminded you of Kuroo some, and he smiled at you. Oh he was... he was handsome. Your cheeks burned even hotter at your own thoughts.

"Hello, I'm Daichi, Karasuno's captain. Who are you?"

"Oh, uh," You were stammering like Hinata had been when you called out to him, introducing yourself, "I'm Nekoma's manager."

He blinked, "Their manager? I didn't know they had gotten one. That's great!"

He smiled down at you, and you felt your heart flutter some. This was dangerous.

Wait, weren't you supposed to avoid this team? Because-

"What!" Someone else came into view, standing next to the buzz cut guy who called you pretty a few minutes ago, "Nekoma got a manager too?"

You stepped back, the attention scaring you, and you were beginning to feel like you had when you first became Nekoma's manager. "Uh, yes?"

"She's so pretty!"

"Stay strong, Noya," The buzz cut guy grabbed his friends shoulder, "We must remain strong!"

Those two. You were supposed to avoid those two.

You failed.

"Hey!" You had never been so happy to hear Yamamoto's yells before, "Back off our manager!"

You felt yourself breath a bit easier as your team came out of the gym, Lev and Yaku looking a bit more winded than the others. Kuroo hurried over to you, smiling at Daichi.

"Well well, I thought you all weren't going to be here until later."

Daichi sighed, "We thought so too. Kiyoko really saved us with motion sickness medicine for Hinata though, so we pulled through."

"I would have rather your managers meet ours before the rest of your crows," Kuroo muttered, standing close enough to you that you could feel his body heat, "Especially your rowdy second years."

"Yeah, sorry about them," His apology was directed towards you, and you waved it off.

"Oh, no, it's- it's okay!"

"Yachi and Kiyoko are putting their stuff away, if you want to go introduce yourself to them."

He really needed to stop smiling at you, it was not doing good things to your heart.

"And change into something that's less cute," Kuroo muttered to you, half playful, half serious.

You self consciously tugged at the end of your skirt, those sweat pants were really calling your name. You quickly bowed towards the rest of Karasuno, "It's nice to meet you all! I'll be back!"

With as much dignity as you could muster you sped walked back towards the rooms, cheeks warm and heart fluttering. You thought you were going to have more time to calm down before meeting more strangers? Oh you were so making Kuroo do some type of drill he hated as punishment.

Outside of the manager's room, you took a moment to compose yourself. You patted your cheeks, hoping the flush would die down soon, before softly knocking on the door to announce your presence, before sliding the door open.

"Um, hello," You stepped inside, the two figures turning to look at you.

One of them was a bit shorter than you, she seemed like a first year. She had cute little star hair clips in her hair, and she seemed almost more nervous than you were. The other one was down right beautiful, and you were regretting agreeing to come to this training camp.

You introduced yourself, "I'm Nekoma's new manager. Daichi said you two were Kiyoko and Yachi?"

The taller of the two, Kiyoko, smiled softly at you, "Yes. I'm Kiyoko, this is Yachi. It's lovely to meet you."

"Yeah!" Yachi echoed, voice a bit louder than necessary, all nervous smiles, "I didn't know Nekoma got a manager!"

"I really only started a few weeks ago, Kuroo had to beg me to come to the training camp. He also said you all would be a bit later coming, so I'm sorry I wasn't here to greet you two."

"No, it's alright," Kiyoko waved off your apology, "It was good luck and proper planning that got us here now, something I fear we often lack when traveling."

Yachi nodded, "Yeah! I'm going to start packing a mini first aid kit, and I'll keep motion sickness medicine in it for any time we travel in the future."

That didn't seem like a bad idea. Granted, none of your teammates got sick traveling, but it wasn't out of the realm of possibilities.

"Oh, if you don't mind I need to change," You motioned towards your uniform, "Then I can meet you all back at the gym."

"We can wait for you if you'd like," Yachi offered, voice tentative, "Only if you want though!"

"Oh," You blinked, before smiling, "That would be nice, yeah!"

These two were so sweet, you were starting to look forward to this training camp. Yaku and Kai were right, they were all nice, and even the quick talk with the other team, they all seemed sweet.

This would be fun, you were sure of it now.

[fromthehouseofgerber]

Another thing y’all are collectively forgetting: how hot Oj Haywood is. Yeah Angel is our babygirl pathetic little man crust who canonically mines cryptocurrency and we love him for that but Oj is badass to the point where it’s extremely attractive. Like we have cowboy horse daddy right here and y’all are literally ignoring it. Blessings and peace.

[strange-big-earner]

thinking about TF2 House MD AU

with Medic being House cuz we love a medical malpractice king. Engie being Wilson, seemingly sweet & normal but actually a fucked up little guy. And Spy being Amber, cutthroat bitch <3 + Spy haunting Medic

they also have hot crazy malpractice & gay sex together but that's beside the point

[yourlocalabomination]

I saw people talking about how Ted would own so many patterned button ups and had the AWFUL realisation me and this man would share a closet.

(Also long haired Ted propaganda be upon ye)

[girlboyburger]

with my move around the corner and life feeling sort of real again, i'm having Regular Thoughts about hobbies i've been meaning to revisit...

[lemongogo]

anyways . silly thing

[ironsoftie]

Once Odysseus is back home. When everything's settled down and he's able to find some semblance of normalcy… Have you thought about how he fares back on Ithaca? Because I have. How some days are so light and easy yet others feel like trying to tread water in a storm-tossed sea.

Maybe you’ve thought of a moment where Odysseus and Telemachus are outside sparring, and Telemachus lands a really good hit? Odysseus laughs off Telemachus’s concerns, clutching his now bruised shoulder, and turns his head to joke that his son would be a better fighter than Eurylochus soon. Instead though, his words taper off and his eyes go slightly unfocused when he realizes the tall, broad-shouldered friend he half expected to see isn't standing there laughing along with him. Where for a split second, Odysseus could swear he smells acrid ozone despite the sky above them being clear and bright?

Or maybe it was a time when Odysseus had been walking with Penelope in one of the markets across Ithaca, only to catch a passing glimpse of a mop of chestnut-colored curls precariously held up by a red band ahead of him? When, for an unending second, his muscles lock in place and the air in his lungs freezes. That is, until the man in front of him turns his head and sorrow comes crashing back down into his bones like a rouge wave. It wasn't the warm and familiar smile of his dear friend Polites greeting him, but that of a stranger.

Maybe it was one of the times where Odysseus finds himself walking the halls of his palace aimlessly, and his eyes find one specific spot on the floor. The same spot where his mother, Anticlea, had once taken a very young Odysseus into her arms to comfort him after he’d taken an unfortunate tumble and broken the skin on the palms of his hands and knees. Stones that had been scrubbed clean of his blood then, only to have been stained afresh with the blood spilled from one of Penelope’s suitors upon his tumultuous return to Ithaca.

Perhaps there was even a time or two where Athena had begged Hypnos to help her friend rest easy after yet another night of Odysseus jolting awake with the same prayers for her aid stumbling their way off of his trembling lips. As if he was still trapped on that island. The island where his desperate prayers for her aid had been able to go no further from its pristine shores than he himself could.

Do you think Odysseus has moments where he cannot quite quell the discomfort in the disconnect of actually being safe and home within himself? After all, he'd argue, how could he when the loss of his men- his friends- still weigh on his mind and body like the Earth weighs on Atlas's shoulders. How could he while the parts of himself he lost, gave up, and had taken from him were scattered across caves, across the underworld, and across so many islands he could almost loose count if not for what had transpired on them? When, sometimes, he doesn’t quite feel fully himself, and wonders if perhaps he was starting to follow in his father’s footsteps.

Moments where everything weighs so heavily upon him that he feels as if all he can do is sit on his balcony and look out across the waves on the horizon. A sight that once brought him such comfort, now only acting as a reminder of what he had done and gone through while sailing its waters.

Or maybe you've thought of something else entirely. Of how Telemachus would fill the quiet that falls between them when his father’s gaze goes distant. Where he begins to share stories from his own childhood until Odysseus’s eyes are clear and focused raptly on him as he speaks so as to not miss a single moment of the tale?

Where all it takes Penelope's hand brushing his hair back from his face as she hums and holds him securely in her arms for the voices of those who aren't there anymore to gently fade to murmurs in the back of his mind? Where she weaves, and he sits nearby and works. Sometimes pausing just watching her hands dance skillfully across the loom, letting the rhythmic sounds relax him.

Where he finds himself tucking the hair behind her ear gently after catching Penelope staring at him as if she also couldn’t fully comprehend that he is back. Or maybe you’ve thought of times during meetings with visitors to their kingdom where he gets lost in thought so Penelope silently snakes her arm around his and clasps his hand in her own to bring him back to himself subtly enough so as to not alert their guests.

How Athena might sometimes fly past the couple's balcony after Odysseus has had a particularly rough day. Where, landing, she’d rest her wings and perch on the balcony’s hand rail just outside of their bedroom, clearly in his line of sight. And there she’d wait to hear Odysseus's sigh as he finally relaxes into the bed below him. How Athena, goddess of wisdom and war, would keep watch and ensure his family’s safety. He didn’t have to be on guard when he was attempting to try and rest. He could trust her to rouse him if he was needed. Of course, she would simply ensure he was never needed on those nights.

Or perhaps you've thought of the times where Odysseus can simply relax and laugh freely with his family. Where he looks at them and finds peace in their smiles and in the familiar halls and rooms of his palace. Where the sea breeze refreshes his mind as he walks around his island. Where he finds himself fondly remembering those that were lost on the journey home, and doesn’t find guilt smothering him for simply thinking of them. Where he stops questioning if this was yet another dream that he’d wake up from once he opened his eyes next.

Where he reaches out and cradles Penelope's face in his calloused and scarred hands, and the soft warmth of her skin and weight of her hands landing on his forearms to simply hold him back settles something fragile in him like balm on a burn he hadn’t known he’d received in the first place.

Maybe it was the first time Telemachus calls him father and Odysseus knows he means it and wasn’t just using the word as a formality. When Odysseus stops being the unreachable legend he was built up to be, and becomes a man and then a father in his son’s eyes.

Where he feels the familiar rush of Athena's approval in his mind after using a particularly good turn of phrase to secure more resources in a trade deal, and can finally accept that he actually has her blessing and favor again.

He doesn't forget all the bad that has happened, but he finds ways to live more in the present than the past that sometimes haunts him.

He struggles. Of course he does. There’s so much that he still deals with; but having Penelope, Telemachus, and Athena around is enough to get through even the worst of days. Healing is slow, yes. But he heals all the same. They all do.

[potatobugz]

i feel like im going insane

[maplemaplemaplemaplemaple]

the most efficient way to light a cigarette! probably.

messy because artblock but my brain wont be satiated unless its drawing sashamilla 24/7 oops

[dxxtruction]

I've said this once, and I'll say it again, framing Armand as 'wanting Louis and Claudia dead' or 'planning their murder' makes 0 sense with any context the show provides us.

This still means he's 100% complicit (!!!). In fact, the very idea he could've prevented it at all puts the onus on him pretty highly. Compounded also on the fact that, as his lover, he had special obligations to Louis that he neglects by doing this, and the matter of racist intent that's involved in this that everyone's obligated to stand against on principle. Not to mention this is murder. Suppose one could say the very conditions set by the coven make one easily groomed to complicit-ness, but this is simply yet another explanation for things there's never any real excuse for (Don't be like Armand and try). But, it also begins to highlight why it's not a very good read of his character to blanket this as his sole doing, and as his desire at all to do. As it would completely ignore Santiago's much greater role in perpetration (Being the leader in creating, with the other coven members, the context for the complicit-ness to occur), as well as not considering the role the Laws, and ultra-violent dynamic of the coven, played into what Armand decides on. It ignores the whole narrative.

The option presented to Armand surrounding the trail was never his own making. The choice to take part in it at all is actually a lack of choice, because it doesn't actually concern his own choice in it. (Basically, he wouldn't ever come to it himself or willingly. Making it not validly consensual). It's likely as well the only reason he's directing it is because he'd know how to. He hadn't chose that part either, and frankly never really had to begin with. This is all especially true under coercion, or threat of violence - yes, even if he could act against it. The point is whether a victim of it believes there is threat, or that there could possibly be one, not whether it actually ever posed a real one.

When it comes to choice between the Coven or Louis, they exist as more options towards opposing obligations than anything else, and neither outcome, as he sees them going, is what he would actually choose were he to have a choice in it. Which he doesn't. (No one can choose outcomes, only predict them.)

Except, Armand could've created a choice for himself, but didn't. He could've found a way to prevent it, but didn't. He chose his own choiceless-ness, over making the potential for something he'd always prefer - and so would be a real and consensual choice - but didn't, because he didn't feel he would be able to have it the way he wanted. Paradoxically trapping himself into doing something he doesn't want, because he can't have what he wants. He not only becomes choiceless then, but wantless. Total self effacement. Reinforcing an enslavement that is now false. Living in Mauvaise foi - bad faith. (The Sartre cameo was foreshadowing of this exact thing.)

Perhaps he does this because he's become incapable of letting himself have that level of self, or awareness. Letting others decide his fate for him is all he can accept, when this is the only kind of self he knows. And/Or because the far worse option was simply the only one he could have any greater certainty in the outcomes with. There is also still the threat posed by a united force of the coven as well. This all points to Armand already being very easy to coerce into it, fact, he'd already been heavily coerced when he was groomed repeatedly to all this centuries prior.

The thing to understand though is he was never going to actually come to the trail, let alone having ever wanted Louis' demise, when what he really wanted was Louis all along. Only because there's an opposing threat presented to him, does he actively work against himself as he doesn't see to any alternative. (And Claudia was always a footnote in all this to him, a literal footnote in history, so wouldn't have factored into his decision much... don't read into this also being a footnote. RIP Claudia, miss you dearly.)

Also in coming to this choice-less decision, he knows nothing can prevent the coven from turning their backs on what they've already set their hearts on doing. They'd mutinied to get this. And, he knows as well he can't force Louis to love him, or for this matter, love him forever.

In having to decide on something, he appeases the thing that threatens him the most, which is the coven. And with a mere feeling of a threat from Louis, his obligations to him are taken as only thereafter fleeting. Though this doesn't mean he'd stopped loving him. Simply stopped acting out the biggest obligation to someone you do love - which is keeping them safe, and alive, if you can help it. (He is in love; doesn't act in love). So no, this doesn't mean he wants or orchestrates what the coven is forcing him to do - this makes no sense. But that, within the dynamics of the coven, which have changed to be against him, and the laws they seek to uphold with this change, there is a high-controlling obligatory threat to violence he must also accept to eliminate all threat to himself. Real or not.

Now, how real that threat is with his decision, is granted not the most plausible in a physical sense. (and factor that he could've come to a plan with Louis and it would be doubly true.) - but if you consider Armand as someone who wouldn't know how to fair well without other people, or at least desperately not want that, there's a certain level of threat still to suddenly becoming very isolated. And more importantly totally alone. This is the main threat to him, really. If he had, let's say, made a plan to run off with Louis, and he were to then leave him down the line, this would be a threat to him in the same way as losing the coven would. The coven provides a security that Louis could not in this sense - but it's just that. A security.

It's very: siding with an abusive parent/guardian because at least they provide a sense of some protection, or dare I say mercy, on you. Even when they're completely opposed to your wants/needs/autonomy.(etc.) (Notable etc. - he'd been fucking them all for years, like the lack of metaphor is so striking.)

He does end up making choice for himself in the end though, and that is resurrecting Louis + not saying the truth to Louis. He chose this WAY too late, but it's probably when outcomes started to change from how he thought they would go that he realized the errors in his thinking. That, given this, he also would never have known if Louis would leave him. And so rescuing Louis from this was an option the whole time to avoiding threat, if he had just seen he could've had that. That he could've had what he wanted and just chose that for himself. Even up to the very moment.

He's tragic in this way, but you almost don't want to view him like this because he'd reaped all the rewards over choices he never made. Choices he would've made if he were (... well, Lestat), but really a more self-respecting person who actually understood the thing he wanted, [love], and the trust it takes to have that. Because Armand chooses to lie, or obscure truths, he sets this relationship up to always have inevitably broken on lack of trust.

He is a perpetuator of manipulation, and does do things which mimic the neglectful and highly-controlled kind of abuse the coven was offering him, and past abusers were inflicting on him as well. Once he's to himself, with only an obligation to himself and to Louis as a companion - as was his want and choice - he therefore takes full responsibility for those choices he makes. He can't just be complicit in those things. You might almost want to excuse (not forgive) what comes before it, because the choice wasn't of his autonomous consent, and he was highly susceptible to fall into it - and for Louis I think he does (technically it's only his right to do as well*) - but even Louis can not excuse for things Armand of his own volition chose to do.

Because Louis has some self respect, and does understand love requires trust, he had to end things there. The fact Armand still wanted to fight for it anyway says a lot about his own development throughout all this time, and how it's not moved very much forward from where it started. To end off, I would think this sets him up for a lot of growth in later seasons. He's literally hit a wall, and has to now redirect his life.

*When I say 'technically' it's Louis right for the purposes of respecting this is fictional media this right only naturally extends to the community Louis represents: [Black people, Black queer men, Black abuse survivors, etc.]. These people do not have to side with Louis excusing it, and that should be respected always more than Louis own excusing of it wrt the shows text. In other words, there's no excusing it except through Louis eyes. That's how that has to work.