#this hit me while i was driving here
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I'm gonna be 19 in a few months.
I'm gonna make it to 19.
I never thought I was gonna make it to 19 when I was younger.
But now I'm almost there.
#glacier rambles#i'm in the parking lot trying not to cry#and failing#i have therapy soon#but like#this hit me while i was driving here#and i couldn't stop thinking about it#10 year old me thought 18bwas a pipe dream#12 year old me thought i'd be dead by 16#i'm almost 19#i hope i feel like this every timme i get older#shocked and happy to have made it y'know?
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im a little over a year into my new desk job. and it is crazy to me that the most dread i ever feel (job related atleast) is oooo bed toasty warm i dont wanna get up. like. i have not had job related suicidal ideation in a year. thats crazy to me. especially with how frequent it was at my old job. i still have nightmares about my past jobs. i havn't shaken my retail voice yet (which confused my coworkers when i switched from that to regular voice after i got comfortable around them). and its just so wild looking back now how working retail just effects your brain. like there has got to be studies done on this cause what the fuck was all that
#cryp txt#i love my new job and i think a huge part of it#is cause its a nonprofit#so we arent trying to suck shareholder cock we are just strictly trying to help people#im not trying to hit an imaginary ever growing number#ill be honest i took a paycut when i went to this job#and its made bills really fucking tight#but i would not trade that for the world#it is 100 percent worth not driving home and considering drifting into the other lane of traffic#its worth the fact that when i got suddenly very sick i was able to call my boss and she told me not to worry and that theyd cover my post#unlike when i had a ruptured ear drum and couldnt hear and still had to solo run a 10 hour shift#or when i had covid and still had to work the weekend while downing a full container of cough syrup#ugh sorry im working on getting a therapist so i dont have to ramble about all this here#but im just thinking thoughts and having feelings
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Another new Twister/Near Dark HC just dropped: Jo trying out typical vampire weaknesses to try and repel Severen because while the tornadoes haunt her days he's busy haunting her nights.
She tries the typical stuff: Garlic, silver jewelry, sprays him with holy water, and OBVIOUSLY hitting him with her car doesn't work the first time...or the second 🙄 The whole...consecrated ground thing she tries with some interesting results/consequences but I'm still writing that one hehehe It hits a point where the crew keeps a running list of what they've tried. But FEAR NOT SHE IS A WOMAN OF SCIENCE AND SHE WILL FIGURE OUT SOMETHING!!!
Meanwhile it's the cutest thing ever to Severen and he's just having a great time letting her attempt all these things because watching her struggle is endlessly amusing and equally endearing
Severen: Soooo...what you're REALLY saying is that you're always thinking of me 👀 ❤️
#driving her mad butters Severen's biscuits like no other#meanwhile she is out here fighting for her LIFE#Jo: -hits him with her car AGAIN-#Severen: God she wants me SO BAD 😩#'thinking about them' hours while I tentatively edit the first 'chapter' of the AU#Into the Twisterverse
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like i really think people outside small towns - especially in the south - wildly underestimate what it takes to leave them
like, here's what it took for me to move 450 miles from home:
familial support on both sides of the move, i.e.:
--people to help pack the u-haul for free
--someone to drive the u-haul for free
--a place to stay overnight after arriving in the new city for free
--people to help me unpack the apartment for free
--people to chip in on gas
--people to buy lunch/dinner on the way over
--people to give advice on where to look for apartments
--people to give me a place to stay while apartment-hunting so that i didn't have to go in sight-unseen to a new home
--a big one: a brother with whom i lived for a year at very cheap rent and expenses to save up what i could
a decent job in a niche in-demand field back home, which allowed me get a well-paying job here in the same in-demand field with enough experience to start off in a good place
a reliable, reasonably fuel-efficient car that could travel 450 miles without concern (which was paid off beforehand)
a $4500 personal loan from the bank (which i used every single penny of) - which also required:
--good enough credit to qualify for a personal loan
--enough income from the previous year to get enough from the loan to move
enough income pre-move to cover expenses for my final month at home and my first three weeks of work here before getting a paycheck
(aside: people were like "why would you start your new job less than a week after moving?? that's so stressful!!!" like my doll my dear my darling i needed the fucking paycheck as quickly as possible after moving)
enough food to bring along so i could eat between moving and getting that check
related, and also in the "familial support" column: people to help me pay for gas and/or feed me if i ran out of money/food
of course the baseline of a home to stay in at all back home, internet to do the zoom interview and find apartments to rent, as well as the structure in the hometown like a u-haul facility and a good bank with which i have a long-standing account
also, only having to move myself and my pets rather than having children who would need to have either daycare or schooling lined up on the other side of the move
now, like, obviously you can move without these things - and of course any kind of support system can take the place of my family, either friends or community groups or government programs - but they are not easy things to necessarily contact or interact with from hundreds of miles away, and not having them leaves you potentially very vulnerable in the new place, sometimes to the point of life-threatening
and i wasn't even that poor! i mean i was below the median income, but only by a few grand - and it still required a solid baseline at home, support on both sides of the move, and a personal loan, and i still barely managed to do it
"why don't you just move???" is such a severely, blindly, mind-bogglingly classist statement that it makes me just immediately disengage with whoever is saying it
like, even if you don't have roots in the place you're at, moving away is fucking hard and fucking expensive
--signed, someone who has been rankling deeply at the casual way people talk about "just mov[ing]" like that's a normal, easy, obvious thing to do and not something that is absolutely price-gated to hell and back
#classism#~~~the united states is a dystopian hellscape~~~#and that's just moving within the country! within single-day driving distance!#moving so far away that you have to fly or make multiple stops ramps up the cost even more#ugh i work with people who casually talk about how they've moved from like. california and shit. and it's like.#even the people who are kind and empathetic and mostly understanding are like...#like even if it's ''oh i could only afford it because my parents fronted me the cash'' - i mean that's closer to understanding it#but like you do realize that having parents who can front you several thousand dollars is out of the ordinary right?#the help my parents could afford was boxing/unboxing and driving the truck and buying popeye's on the way#and don't get me wrong!#i'm incredibly grateful for that help!#idk how the fuck i would have gotten both my furniture and my car here otherwise#i looked into those pods for moving and saw the cost and tbh i don't even recall now what it was#only that i took one look at the email#barked out an incredulous laugh#and replied with a ''thank you for your time'' email before hitting up u-haul#moving cross-country isn't something most people can just... do#anyway.#this has been stewing for a while sorry
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if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?
I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.
Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.
Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.
Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.
Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.
Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.
If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.
So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.
#asks#twdg louis#twdg minerva#twdg clementine#twdg violet#twdg marlon#twdg tenn#honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??'#then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha#also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore#like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it#not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed#for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there#it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like...#that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly#also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but#I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did#like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite#anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good#i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw#like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit#and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification#and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go#he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down#'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m#it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay#this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about#even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks#that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you
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well boss said reese has no indication of any uti or crystals only a tiny amount of red blood cells which can be caused by the manual expression. coworker insisted there was no point in taking rads to see if he's blocked from the string so going to try some laxaire and hope 😬🤞🏻also then my boss gave me a ride to the bus stop so i didn't have to carry the huge crate which was uncharacteristically nice of him 🤨
#already plotting in my head how trying to get him into emergency surgery on the weekend would go and its not great#on account of the fact that i simply do not have enough thousands of dollars for the er proper. or a way to get there but i could probably#figure that one out but not so much the money#he had a god awful time he had to see a d*g and that was horrible he hissed at it (chihuahua less than 1/3 his size)#he was SO scared i feel horrible and i almost cried a lot of times just from looking at him 😭#anyway i'm glad we did a ua though that does help some of my anxiety but now the problem is the string#it probably had a big knot in it so i'm not totally convinced it would even be able to exit the stomach but if it did thats terrifying#i don't think it was super long just the big knot#coworker also insisted strings cant cause blockages only intussuseptions which does not sound right to me particularly if it was a bulky#but not long string such as this one. but what do i m#*know#i'm still really stressed and we have to move tomorrow ugh#i forgot to grab the laxaire at the clinic so i'm going to have to go out and get some but i have to go drop off a goodwill bag anyway#ugh also while my coworker was trying to get pee from him she said “if you bite me i'll smack you in the face i dont care if your moms here”#and i didnt say anything but if she had done that i think i would have lost my mind. what the fuck is wrong with you#she is like that with all of the animals and it drives me insane or like she'll brag about how her rottweiler lifted his lip at her so she#beat him and stepped on his head (???) like some would accurately identify this as animal abuse and yet youre a vet tech???#like these animals are all having a horrible day why the fuck don't you have two seconds of patience instead of immediately going to#“oh you threatened to bite me let me force you into tonic immobility”. again what the fuck is wrong with you#same woman who justified hitting kids in the face btw. of course#my boss is actually much nicer to them for the most part than she is he's just a total douche to people (me) its weird#like i just think you should not have made your lifes work being a vet tech if you think its cool and fine to smack dogs and cats around for#not immediately doing what you want or for expressing discomfort or fear#and they are almost all fear reactive i think there have been maybe two cats that i would describe as aggressive and not just fear reactive#and i'm probably wrong honestly! theres always a reason#anyway. please everyone pray or vibe or whatever that my cat doesnt get his guts tied in knots because i dont have $10000 and his insurance#doesn't kick in for two weeks i think (i got it last night in a panic having intended to do it months ago but thought he had to have a vet#relationship in order to get it)#i'm still really scared lol. god bless#me
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Every time I see an out of state license plate on the back of the car that's causing ridiculous amounts of traffic in my town I go ballistic very quietly
#we're a pretty popular tourist town and it SUCKS#GO SOMEWHERE ELSE FOR SPRING BREAK#GO TO SOME OTHER BEACH IN SOME OTHER STATE#I HEAR THAT THE GULF COAST IS LOVELY#if you come here any you dont know how to drive in the rain im exploding you with my mind#if you go ridiculously slow or break with nobody in front of you or you start swerving all over the road I HATE YOU#AND ITS ONLY TOURISTS#DO YOU FORGET HOW TO DRIVE THE SECOND VACATION STARTS?? ARE YOU TAKING A BREAK FROM ROAD LAWS TOO???#GET TO WHERE YOU WANT TO GO#AND USE TURN SIGNALS#I CANT TELL YOU HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE ALMOST GOTTEN REAR ENDED OR SLAMMED INTO BC THEY NEVER PUT ON THEIR TURN SIGNALS#and if you do an abrupt stop in the middle of the highway. for ANY reason other than that youre trying to spare some poor animal or person#from being hit. GET OFF THE ROAD. PLEASE#YHE RAGE THAT FILLS MY BODY WHEN PEOPLE WHO APPARENTLY HAVE FORGOTTEN ROAD ETIQUETTE WALK RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME#WHILE IM TRYING TO DRIVE TO THE GROCERY STORE
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i feel like a grandma not knowing how tumblr works again. is this a blessing or a curse
#txt#ill fill up my queue here eventually.... my irl friend keeps telling me abt cursed stuff so im like. well. i have to return#holy shit ppl do not look while theyre driving this is insane#im at a coffee shop rn waiting for that same irl friend and thos intersection is hell#theres a one way intersecting w the main street anf so many ppl turn into i5#ALSO LIKE. ppl have litteraly almost gotten hit while walking and its PEDESTRIAN RIGHT OF WAYYYY#raaaah this is insane
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California girls are unforgettable.
California drivers make you fucking life flash before your eyes.
#california#driving#katy perry#im californian#california usa#i have nearly gotten into 3 severe accidents this week because of other drivers making really poor choices#like crossing over 4 lanes while going over 80 and trying to cut through less than a car space between me and the car in the lane next to me#if i hadnt noticed and hit my brakes they'd have hit me.#also a semi truck that decided to shift lanes on a y. from the other side of the y. no indicator or nothing#jut the fucking hope that i would notice and give him space because hes bigger as he floors it in front of me.#i hate driving here#why is it 90% of my job
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I live in a city that’s got a lot of accommodations for cyclists except no one here gives us the space we need so biking to work every day is so goddam stressful
#I live just over a mile from work and my university doesn’t have good parking + you have to pay for it even as an employee#half my commute has a bike lane and the other half is in residential areas that say cyclists have the right of way to the whole lane#and are also speed zones#TWICE this week I’ve almost been hit#people drive in the bike lane. go 30+ in residential areas closer than 3 ft to me. I’m so sick of it#New Orleans had NO infrastructure for cyclists but I felt so much safer biking there than here#which is wild because I was HIT WHILE BIKING in nola#here though people just dgaf#and it’s not even students! it’s always someone in their 30s or 40s#runon post
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lmfao ridiculously fucked up for 7pm 😭😭
#stream#i’ve had like ? what ? 6 drinks ?#1 shitty mix + 1 prosecco + 4 ? 5 screwdrivers ? that was more SCREW than DRIVER let’s be HONEST ALSKALSKLASKLASKLAKSL#i cant be trusted to walk right how much less drive#i’m SCREWEDD ALSKALSKALKSLAKSLAMS#anyway#love that for me#i want attention sooo bad i keep hitting up this guy that ghosted me whenever he’s on bc i think it’s funny to harass him ALSKLAKSLAKSLAKALA#i love it i love bothering him bc i know his ego is too fucking big to admit he doesn’t want to meet again so it’s like well#just going to piss u off while ur having ur midlife crisis ❤️❤️❤️#it’s soooo fucking funny.#I LOVE BEING ANNOYING#like he’s 1 of a few men that i will ALWAYS piss off when i see online ALSKLASLASKLAKSAKSAA#anyway i’m DRUNK auntie is here i’ve been so fucked up for days it’s fine
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had the most miserable experience today.
#Got invited to the party of someone I know and like well enough. And it ended up being a lot of people younger than me which is fine#But I also felt a little left out#And it wasnt like the kind of younger than me where they like need help playing the games and stuff#Oh also all of them were from a church youth group so that adds something#And I wanted to leave at 5:30. But my sister wanted to stay a while longer so we stayed.#And somehow my brother showed up#Well I know how he got there but he wasnt supposed to come#But I had to wait even longer since there were then 3 people I had to take home. But my brother told me he wanted us to go to the store to#buy a plushie for his girlfriend#Which on the surface is very cute. But it actually sucks bc his girlfriend is a secret.#And on the way to the store. I already wanted to go home but the party host called my sister bc my sibling left their phone at the party#And my sister said 'oh we will just turn around' but I was eager to get home and I said to the sibling who lost their phone that they shoul#pay me a couple buck s for the gas to make a return trip to the party. Also I had eaten a cookie that was contaminated somehow while I was#driving so here I was trying to coordinate getting the phone back and also trying to not ingest the rancid tasting cookie AND trying todriv#And I ended up hitting the curb loudly while getting into the parking lot at the store. My sibling who lost their phone got out of the car#And started to walk away. I raced after them and they told me that they were just going to go home#I told them no way in hell was I letting them go in the dark by themselves with no phone. They did agree to come back with the rest of us.#but very grudgingly#We got the plush of fucking course he picked the most massive one. And I had to pay bc he didnt have cash on him. And I cant even vent to m#mom abt this bc explaining this would mean letting out abt my brothers girlfriend and he already fucking hates me so that would only make y#Life worse. And I dont know how he has a girlfriend bc he is so mean to me and I dont know why anyone would find him compelling#And hes 5 years younger than me and I've never dated. I'm not exactly in a rush to date but I'd like to have SOME experience.#And hes been dating her for a while too. I told him he cant just have this covered for him forever hes gonna have to come clean one day#And so I'm reeling and having an awful time mentally bc I think I've severely hurt the feelings of the one sibling who likes me#And I had to go to the store when I really just wanted to go home and I had my sister giving pointed comments abt my decisions and the fact#Might have been poisoned by a rancid cookie and I have no one to tell abt this and to top it all off I feel like none of them even understa#How incredibly stressful and awful this made me feel#I am simply not going to take them places for the next month unless I absolutely have to#Bc thats the only power I have in this situation#Also my most minor guilt is I set out to post less vents on tumblr. And this is a vent so :(
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by popular demand and since i hit 1k! here’s a part 2 💞 find part one here! art by @ _3aem on twt!!
bestfriend!satoru who always takes you on late night drives if you’re feeling upset. he’ll buy you something sweet and when he drops you back home he’ll always leave you with a little kiss. he doesn’t want his favourite girl being sad.
bestfriend!satoru who absolutely adores the way you smell. everytime he’s near you in class he places his hands out for some of your hand cream and he sits there sniffing his hands afterwards.
bestfriend!satoru who will always suggest a horror movie when it’s movie night with your friends. he knows it’s only a matter of time before you’re freaking out and you’ll climb into his lap. ‘sshhh you’re okay baby i’ve got you’ and while you’re distracted his hands will find their way under your top and start stroking your back and tummy.
bestfriend!satoru who insists on massaging your back when you come round. ‘take your top off baby it’s just me’. he’s working on getting you to take off the bra too, all in good time.
bestfriend!satoru who is so used to you wearing long sleeved and baggy hoodies that the random times you wear something that clings to your figure he all but passes out. suddenly his hands are all over you and to everyone else in the room you probably look like a couple. (just how he intended)
bestfriend!satoru who insists kissing your best friend on the lips is normal. it’s cute. ‘come on baby another one. i’m your best friend’. is using tongue normal? he doesn’t care.
bestfriend!satoru who wears compression shirts around you all the time because he overheard you talking about how much you like guys with big biceps. he doesn’t want to sound big headed but he’s caught you staring a few times now.
bestfriend!satoru who goes through your underwear drawer when you’re not present. he wanted to know your cup size but the pink and the lace got him distracted.
bestfriend!satoru who really is such a perv when it comes to you. he can’t help it you’re like a drug. sometimes he knocks his pen off the table because he knows your sweet self will quicky bend over to retrieve it for him. he’s left with the adorable sight of your panty clad ass, white ones today just how he likes. ‘thank you baby.’ ‘you’re welcome toru.’ god you’re just so cute.
bestfriend!satoru who helps you dye your hair. he doesn’t care that he’s leaving with splotches of black on his arms and hands. it’s worth it when you give him those big hugs with your arms wrapped around his neck.
bestfriend!satoru who is in love with your handwriting. ‘course a pretty girl has pretty handwriting’ it’s all cursive and slanted, he even makes jokes about you writing something for him to get tatted.
bestfriend!satoru who knows you love to cuddle. he was never much of a cuddler himself but he would have to be sick to pass up on the chance to hold you. ‘no of course i dont mind pretty.’ your head lays on his chest and one of your thighs covers his stomach. he could die like this and he would die happy. (preferably he would die in between your thighs but)
bestfriend!satoru who gets upset when you’re laughing a bit too loud when talking to suguru. he knew for a fact suguru was not that fucking funny.
bestfriend!satoru who absolutely abuses pet names when it comes to you. His baby His pretty girl His dolly
bestfriend!satoru who’s always patting your bum. for what reason who knows.
part 3 !! part 4 !!
taglist : @haruhatake @moncher-ire @startwithrecords @ranatherealestsigma @chjinua @whozeurdaddy @sukuxna0 @purp1eha1o
#jjk#jjk x you#gojo satoru#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen toji#satoru gojo x reader#gojo x y/n#gojo fluff#gojo smut#satoru gojo#jjk headcanons#gojo headcanons#jjk satoru#satoru x you#satoru smut#jjk gojo#gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojo saturo#gojou satoru x reader#satosugu#geto x reader#jjk drabbles#jjk x reader#tojbnuy#jujutsu gojo#jujutsu satoru#jjk fic rec#jujustsu kaisen x reader
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i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.
she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.
so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.
babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?
you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.
skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.
(it was not my best costume.)
my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.
so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.
i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.
so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.
so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.
"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"
and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said
"overalls"
and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."
and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.
the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.
first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.
second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.
and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.
she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."
"lets watch shrek 2."
so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.
every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.
and god help him when he figures it out.
other bad dating story here.
#funny stories#dating#dating fiascos#minions#the minion incident#anecdotes#fuck shrek#and fuck shrek 2#like its the best in the shrek series but that movie is basically my trigger now
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oooooh i am deeply unhappy actually
#hate my job#hate my apartment#hate the town im in#really really hate my job#trying to get a new apartment seems so unobtainable#there’s so many fees and credit checks and my renewal is in a month and i can’t find a new one so i guess im extending for another year#stuck in this hellhole#I can try to get a shorter lease but it’s like $150 more per month and if I still can’t find anything within that time im doubly fucked#genuinely just want to fade away into dust im sick of living like this#i feel sick and stupid 90% of the time#i finally got to take a vacation away from here and couldn’t even enjoy it because i got sick#and things were not planned well#and my partner bailed on all the events I wanted to do w them#and i get back to the apartment a mess and just feel so defeated#and i get back to work and we still have fucking mice everywhere#and no one’s done planos or price changes or ANYTHING i usually do#so im trying to catch up on two weeks worth of stuff. while also trying to prepare for truck tomorrow because no one sent the battery#pallet out so now we have two of them. and a taller than me pallet of core returns all unwrapped#and im having to come in every Sunday when I was promised those off#which is the only day we are able to do a dnd/group chat hangout and i always end up being the reason it gets delayed and i just Know ppl#be frustrated with me#im just tired and sick of this life#i don’t even know how you’re supposed to do jobs for so long without driving off a bridge#im still not even hitting the 40 hours i was promised and yet im losing my mind genuinely#i am stupid all the time. i forget basic things. I have to have people retell me things twice before they click#I wasn’t always like this. like something is WRONG and my doctor (who is quitting) is like#we’ll have you practiced mindfulness and meditation#yeah. ill get right on that#RAAAgggh I hate it here im cryin at work like a LOSER
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fuck this stupid baka life
#so fucking tired of getting hit with a curve ball every fucking time I try to make progress into my education for my career#first it was the classes i need just not being available - losing my summer -#having to take those two (one being VERY intense and heavy) while recovering from surgery (why i wanted to avoid summer classes)#then it was the financial aid situation with having a dead semester thanks to the summer classes + the program application window#which was handled but was annoying#and now it's finding out that the test I need to take by the 25th in order to get my results in time is just. not available near me#like for 50 miles. and for months. only possible date is over an hour away. i have an unreliable van atm. and appointment only from 8-10#which is only enough for one out of three sections of the test#meaning i would have to drive over there 3 TIMES in a row next week tues-thurs IF each slot has the space#i hate this fucking shit so much. like i get why i need to do this but MAKE IT MORE ACCESSIBLE. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK#at least my partner will have an easier time bc the test he's doing is WAY more available around here#raiii rants#sorry it's 2:30 am. i had to drop $300 on a very important test im nervous about. and now i have to jump through hoops to take it.
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