#Life worse. And I dont know how he has a girlfriend bc he is so mean to me and I dont know why anyone would find him compelling

[jev-urisk]

A Musing Monday 🎐

Today i'm musing about connections and how they are often synonymous with our opportunities, our ability to survive, and our thoughts- therefor changing who we are and who will become. Also coin metaphors 🪙

Last Tuesday out of the blue one of my partners was laid off, he started a new job two days later because he knows people who work at a cabinet mill. 🙏

My family made the most healing ratatouille that we ate off of all weekend because someone I know from work had too many eggplants. 🍆📈

We got our house thanks to the efforts of a friend with a real-estate license. I got the contact info for my current therapist from a girlfriend. I have a song stuck in my head from a child I work with and I pick up catchphrases from people on tv and I know how to do pushups for the 1st time in my life bc an online friend taught me how. 🔥💪

Its fun and frightening to think about- that we are obelisks of pennies created from every person that gave us their two cents 🪙🪙

If every trait, thought, inclination, or idea of yours was a coin- which of your coins are old, passed down through the generations until they were shuffled into your hands? Which are invaluable? Like my dads tendency to accept things (like my gayness and transness and polyness) as long as no one is getting hurt, which I know he got from my grandfather ❤️. Which coins are a burden you dont know how to get rid of? Like my mother's propensity to say "It could be worse, think of__ (children in Africa, Houseless folk, etc)" which has become my tendency to minimize my own experiences and neglect to give myself breaks 🫠. Which coins did you find on the sidewalk and which sit with you in your car? Which are made of metals you're allergic to? Which are tarnished and scratched but still good? Which coins of yours are most valuable to you? 🎐

There are so many times in my life where I felt like I couldn't get a leg up, and the only way I got through was stacking pennies, adding up my connections and the ghosts of connections past to try to escape the pit..

With that in mind I want to take a moment to shout out the change (🥁) that others have gifted me with recently, cuz boy buddy have I needed to stack pennies lately, but have been so blessed to have so many new coins.

Thanks @sableglass, the fire you put into the world ignited action into me. I spent a year lamenting the loss of a job until your 'fuck it we ball' attitude inspired me to get resolved about that 🤽‍♂️. I got a job offer today. You helped me get here.

Thanks @the-golden-comet , you were one of the first writblr blogs I came across. You shaped my idea of tumblr to be something positive and uplifting during a very hard time for me 🫂. Your stories are so free and wild (🐳💦) and wonderful that they changed my outlook on being a writer and that what im 'allowed' to put in a story is anything but a limiting factor. You taught me that the course of a day can be changed with a simple frog gif and that you dont necessarily need to know someone to know how much they care. 🐸💕

Thanks to @tragedycoded for DMLS and @words-after-midnight for Libaw. Yall write the mentalscape of various conditions so well that im taking better care of myself 🧠🌿. I'm more proud of the work I've put into myself. And i'm becoming proud of the person I could have become but didn't.

Thank you to @lychhiker-writes for being my first homie on tumblr and for letting me vent my various frustrations into your dms 😏😅, and for being a brave and honest alpha reader for 7C.

Thank you @wyked-ao3 and @cowboybrunch and @gioiaalbanoart for being such great cheerleaders for my writing 😭💕 seeing yall connect and feel your feelings in my comments gives me so much hope and happiness and I honesty dont thank yall enough. I finally finished ch8 (no, really, check the doc 👀) and your encouragement helped me really embrace Seeker, who I used to think was too boring, and get that chapter finished 🏁.

There are so many others and I'm sorry for not naming them all 🙏 but if I have read your work, thank you. If I follow you or you follow me, thank you. If we have ever bonked together in a discord chat like two wayward beyblades 💞- *Thank You*

Today, I feel like I'm finally out of the pit, and it's thanks to the random 2 cents and spare change yall have gifted me. Your influence is priceless. 🥰💰

(Still no taglist for Monday posts yet, hmu if you'd like to be on it!)

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Propaganda why Anakin Skywalker is insufferable:

It's less about his character and more about the way ppl talk about him and narrative around him in a lot of current stuff. The way everyone try to bend over backwards to prove how his reasons to turn Darth Vader were somehow noble or good when almost every single bad guy in Star Wars (expect Palpatine and that guy who taught him) have much more sympathetic history and reasons and how he's not a bad person bc he cried a few times while doing atrocities. And how everyone else gets the blame for all his shortcomings ('they did it but never taught him!!!' -he literally parrotos this same lessons to his own student, it's obvious he knows better but chooses to not apply to himself anything that is slightly uncomfortable to him). Like, I love characters being genuinely not good people as much as a next guy but let's not pretend they're good people actually

the guy has zero critical thinking skills, he whines about everything all the time. I love him, but he’s awful to listen to. THIS BITCH. I HATE HIM. NO CRITICAL THINKING. NO SELF AWARENESS. WHINY MURDEROUS ASSHOLE. LIKE SERIOUSLY. He's a JEDI. LIKE. THEY HAVE HISTORY CLASSES!!!! He should have KNOWNNNNNN that when he had prophetic dreams they're not necessarily true!!!!! Also like. In the Star Wars universe, do Jedi just not have imaginations that can create NORMAL dreams when they sleep??? Do Jedi just not usually dream??? If he hadn't gotten paranoid from the dreams of Padme dying in childbirth

BILLIONS OF LIVES WOULD HAVE BEEN SAVED. FOR THAT MATTER, if you're gonna have A SUPER ILLEGAL SUPER SECRET MARRIAGE, wouldn't you, I don't know, USE PROTECTION SO THAT YOUR WIFE WHO IS SECRETLY AND ILLEGALLY MARRIED DOESN'T GET PREGANANANT????? LIKE LOOK I LOVE LUKE AND LEIA MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF BUT THEIR PARENTS WERE SO FUCKING STUPID. ANAKIN SKYWALKER HATES CONDOMS BECAUSE THEY DONT FEEL AS GOOD I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. Man is an IDIOT. How can you have had a role model and father figure like Obi-Wan for most of your fucking life and grow up to do the shitty, STUPID things Anakin did. Ok this is way too long I'm sorry but I love Obi-Wan so much and Anakin ruined his fucking life and hes just such a little DICK. MURDERED A WHOLE VILLAGE OF SAND PEOPLE. AND DOZENS IF NOT HUNDREDS OF CHILDRENNNNNNNN. ANGSTY WHINY TEENAGER. FUCK HIMMMMMMM

Yes he was probably directed to act that way but the way his lines were written did not help

Propaganda why Tim Jackson Drake is insufferable:

oh man. i've had enough of this duckboy (as the protag, he's tolerable in yj and stuff.) like when tim is the protag every character in the story becomes Worse. lady shiva gets nerfed. steph is turned into jealous hormonal catfight girl. helena is dumbified and too womanly to function (they have a nice dynamic as long as tim isn't the protag). cassie and tim were great in yj98, but as soon as he is The Protag then she is his best friend's girlfriend and they're barely friends anymore. cass is turned into a rapist. dick is turned into a lazy mediocre robin. jason turns into fucky wucky dumb brute yaoi stalker boyfriend who is suddenly obsessed with tim's awesome skills. 10 y.o. damian somehow deserves to be put on a hitlist because he's a savage and tim is civilized. Sometimes the story is bogged own with tim's internal or external lectures about their flaws and how they need to be better (better like him), except for dick HMMMM wonder why that is. probbly wouldn't be so bothered if tim wasn't crammed into the spotlight of every crossover in the 90s and early 00s and then so much of dc and the fandom wave it around as the peak era of comicbooks. like im sorry. he is not a relatable protag. like the editors literally told newspapers that he was created for gen x white dudes who blow their money on comics and merch, the info is on wikipedia.

White twink rich boy who always has to be smartest bestest boy even when he is a part of a whole group of smartest bestest ppl (aka bat family as a whole, like he's literally THE Mary sue of a group of Mary sues) at expense of literally everyone else

His definitive writer is a conservative Republican. His series is full of moral PSAs, *dumb* *hormonal* girls getting into catfights over him, and blatant sexism and racism. He gives anti-marijuana speeches to a standing ovation, he lectures about how babies need a father and a mother, and sex is for marriage. Other characters suddenly become stupid around him so that he looks smart. The other characters talk about how he is the best, nicest, smartest Robin ever and ALL the others were dumber and meaner than he is, even the one that mentored him. He as a grown adult man is canonically still bitter about ""his"" child sidekick role being given to an actual child (fans pretend he is the victim of this on both sides—nope he's the adult fighting a child for the child sidekick role, no adult wanted to replace him). Did I mention that this character is the amazing pure white boy, and his 10-year-old successor is painted as a savage Arab terrorist who needs to be put in his place? T*m is a 5'9""+ adult grown man, not a delicate sensitive baby boy.

[lookingforhappy]

So, be honest, how are you doing? Are you gonna be okay? Cause I'm ridiculously upset tbh. I kept feeling weird watching the show (but some parts of episode 1 were kinda nice).....then the incident happened. Then basically everything was on fire.

took me a while to process the season tbh i think everyones collective disgust is helping honestly bc it means i can go ahead and write/draw/hc stuff that ignores it or changes it wildly lol

i thought the majority of the show was pretty medicore, not the worst thing they could have done just not as in depth as it needed to be.

the puke scene was a bad shot at humour that i hated but if i sat here listing every bit that i hated then id be here all day and honestly i dont know if ill ever do that because theres just too much to list.

i checked out entirely once five said they all had to die to fix the world and then it just kept getting worse and worse and my literal nightmare scenario happened.

how many times do we need to re learn that any variant of "it was all a dream" doesn't work??? the only and i mean only time ive seen it done well is inception (funny bc elliot page is in that too) and that whole movie is about dreams which is why it works.

(little hope is another example of a story that pulled the "it was all a dream" thing and lost 90% of its audience because of that ending)

just honestly why. who did they think would like this??

when five ran out on them and got on that train i was so sure that they were going to do a sacrifice end with five.

he had lost literally everything, his families trust, his girlfriend, his dream life (living comfortably in a world he understands with someone he loves

as bad as five/lila was - and believe me i have many problems with it from a characterisation standpoint from both perspectives - it was an interesting move for exploring fives psyche and wants... like he has always been the family man but when presented with something he understands as intimately as solitude and survival but with the comforts of a stable world, food source and someone to be with)

like he was set up perfectly to die and be redeemed through that (again, not something i like but something that would have been better), have diego be with him during his final moments and have five apologise for cheating with lila and confess that he only did it in the throes of surivial induced insanity/desperation and that he always wanted diego happy. end with five dead but remembered, and the family alive.

then it lit on fire. like it was smoldering before but yeah like you said a literal housefire erupted in that last episode. the ending pissed me off so bad i can never enjoy that season again - literally tried to rewatch the season to try and understand it better but couldnt start the final episode bc its awful.

idk im just praying that not everyone leaves this fandom for dead because i know theres some amazing fic writers out there and the series itself was good for 1 - 3 seasons.

[confessions-official]

idk what 2 warn this as. abuse?? grooming?? toxic relationship probably, sry. also the r, n, and f slur

when i was 13 i entered a long-distance "relationship" with (at the time) an australian 15 yearold and it was sososo great from what i can remember. my memory is shit so i cant remember very much from then but i remember it being very nice. we had a conversation about her feminity (at the time she didnt know she was trans) and i said some shit (HEAVILY paraphrasing) reminding her that she could just Be a girl if she wanted and then she Did. and then i had a girlfriend it was a very nice year. anyway.

few months after that it was fine but then everything kept dissolving into arguments. and idk if i'm just kinda fucked up and neurotic (i tend to react badly 2 rejection of any kind and that wasnt her fault whatsoever) but i think most of the arguments were about me being upset that we werent playing a game together or me feeling left out. we both had a mutual friend and we did so much shit together.

and then it just kept getting worse! the arguments escalated (or they were getting more direct i dont think it was ever about the games) and instead of games the arguments were about how she was treating me. i repeatedly accused her of ignoring the uglier parts of me in favor of my "caring nature". idk how to describe it. i strongly felt, and still kind of feel that she just wanted me to be her mommy who would shower her in endless affection, because whenever i would get into a gloomier mood (because of her or not, mostly not) she would take offense to it.

i also have. anger issues? idk i'm very reactive sometimes and it also forced a lot of arguments out over useless shit

i also sent her a package at some point with a hoodie and some fucking thigh socks she encouraged me to buy when i was eleven or ten. unfortunately it took like 4 months to show up and it felt like every single moment of our time together was her asking about the package. When was it coming has the status changed yet is it in australia yet? it pissed me off so much because it felt like she was just!! using me for clothes!! but i also understand because her family is a crock of shit who wouldn't accept or support her wearing or buying more feminine clothing, and this was one of the only ways she could feel girly.

it eventually bubbled over to the point where i blocked her on all social media platforms and we began arguing heatedly over email. and she sent me this wonderful string of emails where she was kissing/asking to kiss me (something that i fucking HATE – i do not want to be flirted with or called petnames while we argued, i nake this very clear), telling me that we both loved each other, and sent methis fantastic fucking email about how she was excited to see me hang myself on facebook whilst also calling me an unlovable neurodivergent retard.

i have it saved on my phone and it honestly makes me laugh now because of how fucking weirdly its worded. like a bad 4chan copypasta. but anyway lol

that hit especially awful at the time bc i was researching autism because i was 99% sure something wasnt clicking in my brain AND i was having ongoing issues with my mom. i had a massive breakdown in which i stopped speaking to her for 6 months which were the most miserable points of my life. i had to switch emails bc she just kept spamming me while i was having a meltdown!

i think i just got overbearingly lonely at that point bc sometime in 2023 iirc i reached out to her again and we got back together! somehow.

the arguments got even worse and we were on-and-off for a Long time. i was regularly blocking her and arguing with her every other day-ish and jesus fucking christ it was awful! Bad!!!

then our mutual friend turned out to be transphobic and she continued being friends with him ?! and this still really confuses me bc.. i remember being in a voice call with him and he was repeatedly using the incorrect pronouns and did not respond seriously when i corrected him. and i brought it up with her multiple times and she was like Naw dont worry about it??? idk man maybe theres something i was missing???

there was also this time that i told her about how i got groomed twice when i was younger because i trusted her to not tell anyone about it. and then she turned around and Told Our Mutual Friend about it. >_>

AND THE WHOLE GENDER SHIT i'm someone who uses every/all pronouns interchangably and is somewhat genderfluid. i came out to her multiple times because she. kept forgetting i wasnt cis!

at the time i was just using "all pronouns" but my gf kept using feminine terms for me and she/her prns for me and i kept asking her to stop doing that. but she did not. so it turned into an argument where i was telling her that i didnt want her to cherrypick the parts of my identity she liked the most and that i wasnt even a woman. it took her multiple months afterwards to even Begin using masculine terms for me >_> altho it is mainly my fault because i didnt really specify what i meant by "all pronouns" (but she also never asked !?)

recently, about 3~ weeks ago, like a week before my bday, we broke up again. this time it was way messier because i'm not moving my email again. its also permanent i would rather someone put me down than make me go back to talking to her

i finally realized that a newly 15 year old Shouldn't be dating someone who was going to turn 18 in the same fucking year! i blocked her on everything, bur she still had my email so we were arguing over Email again. she went on a racist tangent, repeatedly calling me a stupid white girl and refering to me with the n-slur in the same sentence (i am of mixed race). she also told me it was fine because she was also mixed race and "i'm calling you my homie" which is. yeah! i think she also said something abt me being a fag or whatever but maybe not. i deleted most of her emails as they came in so i dont remember >_>

i also said some awful transphobic shit to her about her pretending to be a girl so she could get closer to me which i. cannot say how much i regret saying that awful crap! it's definitely not reflective of my opinions and my morals, i was trying to get under her skin at the time and more some fucking reason that seemed like the best thing to dig my nails into. it was fucked up with me and if things werent like how they are i would apologize for it immediately.

i havent talked to her since the racist shit nor do i really want to but shes began spamming me with different accounts on another social media platform we're both on. and idk what im going to end up doing about it other than blocking.

these last like 3 years have been Dog Shit i tell ya! sorry 4 the long ask also DEAR GOD ??

 

[astrolaurical]

Looked through all your #life in korea posts and I have to say it: this is soooo refreshing. Finally someone who’s a fan but also can say things as they are. I’ve been following your blog for a while but didn’t look at the tag before so I just found out. It is exactly what I always say when I talk to other kpop fans and especially bts stans: dont forget to look at them as men bc at the end of the day this is what they are, men. Men from a very misogynistic country. Also (maybe bc im christian but idk) dont really like the term “idol”, it makes it easier to forget they are human beings. Human beings with crazy talents, amazing entertainers and great musicians, yes. But why is it considered so bas when you point out the human aspects of them?

https://at.tumblr.com/astrolaurical/like-jungkook-really-does-seem-like-a-bit-of-a/a2awocxguurv

When it comes to jungkook tho, it is so much worse. So many delulus thinking defending him will make them his girlfriend, when they just look so… ignorant? I think is the best word. They dont know and dont want to know. And it is even worse when you see it happen in conversations in real life and not just online. Majoring in Languages and Cultures it is one of the first things they teach you to not glorify a culture and to not indulge in the “honeymoon phase” when travelling, to see things in context and from all perspectives. So it is even more surprising to see colleagues at university studying my same subjects, acting so rude and personally offended when you let them notice these REAL things. so crazy to see so many people turn a blind eye when it comes to their favorite kpop stars. Jungkook is great and so talented and so handsome but he is also a korean man and it is ok to see him for that. You’re not a hater if you acknowledge it. (Sorry for my english, not native)

YES TO ALL THIS

I minored in anthropology and they always harped that same thing so I’ve always had a kind of detached way of viewing cultures which helps to separate me from my own American culture to see the positives and negatives and can then do the same to others while finding common links in all.

I was a major stan of 1D. Then they all started excessively partying, especially during the Midnight Memories era. Like there were pics of my beloved Harry peeing in the bushes with his translucent white butt out for the world to see. That was when I was like whoa, Simon Cowell is losing his grip on the PR side of them it seems. And then it all went downhill from there. Fighting on Twitter. The random baby they concocted for Louis that disappeared. More drunken nights out and being caught with illegal substances.

That was when I was like: I was infatuated with the MARKETING of these boys. They showed their true colors and I don’t like it AT ALL. Like if we hung out in real life I would be MISERABLE because I don’t party. It was a huge wake up call to idol life and ever since then I take everything with a grain of salt and whenever I see any celeb do an interview I decode their words through the lens of how someone not media trained might say it.

And bts have shown their partying sides before. Remember In the Soop s2 where Jimin got so wasted that he hurt himself?? I could easily see Harry being replaced by Jimin in that photo. They both are charming and like to make others laugh. And who’s to say that BTS don’t have photos of each other in compromising positions like that. Hobi has that huge hard drive of pics. And RM showed how he struggles with his true self VS his idol self in the latest Run BTS episode. I think that is a PERFECT example of how they really cover up their true selves all the time.

[etherealskeletons]

i have no idea what my cousin sees in peter hes such a fucking asshole all the time theres not a single day that goes by where he istn a fucking dick. hes extremely terrible to my dad and he gets nasty and catty with me and my cousin is like “well idk whats wrong with him lol” and white knights him so HARD. shes always giving excuses and theyre so flimsy, its always “your dad reminds him of his oldest son, and peter gets cranky/stressed out when hes near his kids or ex wife, he has a lot of trauma yknow:((” like??? that doesnt make it okay to be super nasty to everyone else. im full of fucking trauma but im not putting everyone else down and being an energy vampire. i cant imagine being so fucking toxic to literally everyone around me bc i cant get over that my ex wife was abusive to me, i cant imagine essentially becoming my ex wife and terrorizing everyone else the same way i was. but this man does, he does it almost all the fucking time. hes even terrible to his CURRENT WIFE, MY COUSIN. like??? wha t the fuck do you see in himm???? girl im gonna throw you down the stairs i hate this!!!!! i hate how stupid youre getting i hate that you allow yourself to be treated like this what happenED!!!!!! i hate how he treats everyone and how she lets him get away with it, i hate living here its so tense all the fucking time hes always so angry and upset

i hate my uncle i had to go to the house today, hes finally losing my childhood home. hes getting kicked out and the house its going to be renovated for someone else. its hard bc on one hand im glad its gonna get a makeover and will be in better hands bc currently it looks like a crack house bc my uncle is a shitty person who hangs out with skeevy people. going there was so fucking hard it just looks like shit i hate it i hated going there i hated seeing the house get WORSE.. i thought about taking pictures of the place but whats the point i dont wanna remember the hosue looking like this i dont wanna remember it like this at all it looks so awful i jus stood there and i couldnt stop shaking it was so intense being there. we ended up leaving early bc it was too much for both me and my dad but peter had a huge fuckign meltdown over it and HE WASNT EVEN THERE?? he cussed him out over facebook and demanded we go back bc you cant abandon family even though my cousin literally didnt ASK US to help or anything and she felt the exact same way we did??? she aws gonna dip super early after getting some plates like we did he really made a big deal out of fucking nothing it was so stupid??? we ewnt back and i GUESS its good that we did and that she also stuck around bc there was a few good things that came out of it. i have some of my grandmothers jewelry that she never wore, her old kitchenaid, and i found my grandfathers wedding ring (finding that and his glasses made me cry ouffh) but go d i cant go back to that house i just cant its too fucking much its terrible i hate it i hate it i dont care if peter gets mad and tells me how terrible i am i just cant handle it

i hate that my uncle screws ebveryone over i hate hearing from one of the roommates that hes gonna be living in his car bc my uncle screwed him out of his money for his methhead on again off again girlfriend, i hate that my uncle always plays victim and shoves blame on everyone else and bleeds everything dry and ruins everything. he does this all the time i ahte it i hate him i hate that hes been doing this for my entire life, possibly longer, and always gets away with it. he l;ooks awful too i just know hes using i know it and i feel sorry for him but god he caused so much pain and upset in this family i cant help but feel so much anger. (but i tried being an ‘”adult’’” i was being civil and nice. being around peter made me realize i cant BE like that i cant hold grudges and lash out bc someone reminds me of my fucking mom or my ex girlfriend. NOT LIKE I EVER DID BUT LIKE.... just being around that made me realize i cant keep holding onto everything, i HAVE to move on and let go. its over its so fucking over dude you cant keep living likethat its so unhealthy and it literally makes everyone miserable)

but i still hate this fucking.. white trash ass red wing fucking family, i hate them i hate them i hate them i hate that i feel stuck i hate that i spend most of my days rotting and nights crying because everything is too overstimulating and too much

[likeadog]

@turbo-overkill not any good ones im suffering rn but the tldr is

mamamax changes his youtube name to GODCULT and drops this insane video about some guy named camden and his vampire werewolf sex cult but also about how all influencers are running cults etc etc. the video is ridiculously overproduced as is his style, and doesnt get much traction because of his channel name change and the fact its ridiculous

it turns out behind the scenes he was pestering other youtubers to cover it, and when they didnt, he posted a video again on the topic but named multiple large youtubers from fucking pewdiepie to joe rogan begging them to pick up the case about this camden dude. nobody has even heard of this guy

the videos dont have any evidence of this weird cult shit. spencer, an alleged survivor, does a 4 hour long podcast with her version of events, and there are other victims coming forward with allegations-- but all of the evidence is hidden and in order to access anything you have to be an influencer and sign an nda

everyone is like dude you cant just put this mans full name, face, and moms name on blast calling him 100% a pedo and sex cult leader in your stupid artsy fucking videos without showing any evidence and also expecting anyone else to cover it

cue multiple bitchfits from max, including multiple times where he says testimony should be evidence enough, demonstrates a deeply troubling lack of understanding about reality, and also eventually admits that he had never actually gotten any predators caught, despite saying he had 2 years prior

furthermore, his videos are largely fictional, with him claiming the predator parts are true, but he places them in a larger fictional narrative, because hes a filmmaker, not a journalist

oh, also, this spencer chick is a long time childhood friend of his who is also living with him and is being trusted with the task of managing all the money donated from patreon to the case. interesting.

he just continues to make videos fucking this up and potentially ruining any actual possibility for criminal or civil action because of the way hes doxxing this dude and blasting out unsubstantiated claims, but gets pissy when anyone points this out and is like "OH SO YOU HATE SURVIVORS? I CANT PLATFORM SURVIVORS"

also it turns out hes made multiple false pedo allegations against people, including the boyfriend of a girl he had a crush on and stalked, and privately a friend of his whose house he lived in rent free for 2 years, destroying his social life because he had credibility. this came out after mamamax's editor dipped and dropped spare footage from an unreleased video where he's talking about crit1kal, whom he feels snubbed by bc charlie had covid and didnt cover his stupid fucking story, going "i could cancel you charlie. i could cancel you if i wanted. im the friggen pedo hunter." god this guy makes me want to kill myself with cringe. anyways.

also on his patreon he posted a clip from an upcoming film project of his that , with an adult actress, depicts a simulated scene of child sexual assault, and everyone in his patreon chat is like "hey that was excessive" and hes like BUT ITS SO MUCH WORSE IN REAL LIFE ALSO SHES NOT A REAL CHILD SHES AN AGI because its supposed to be about the dangers of ai or whatever. shes a 5000 year old dragon ass excuse

ntm he framed the godcult shit under this like mamamax cinematic universe like "in a world where pedophiles run everything" and it begins to border on weird blood libel but whatever what do i know. insane thing to do with a REAL STORY OF ALLEGED ABUSE though.

while in contact with the boyfriend he accused of being a pedo's lawyer he also faked being his own lawyer and later admitted to using chat gpt as his source of legal knowledge. his survivor discord got leaked bc someone used minimal social engineering to get access to it by sucking up to him so he didnt require their id. five ex girlfriends have come out and accused him of freakery but he keeps a double standard about when testimony is "enough". this has been going on for months btw and he still hasnt released any evidence. again the amount of fucking clownery at play here is absurd . spencers story has weird holes in it and they STILL wont stop doxxing this dude.

mamamax is that pedo hunter or some shit on YouTube right? 😭 what the hell happened

where do i even start. this dude has fucked up so severely in ways no one has ever fucked up before. remember chris hansen? hes fucked this up so bad its up chris hansens ass with how fucked it is.

now dont get me wrong i think people who are like youtube pedohunters or whatever are already fucking ridiculous and i cant stand them bc like, theres a process for a REASON and when youre playing footsie with sex crimes i dont really care for carelessness in the name of views. but mamamax took it to a whole new level, and in his ceaseless desire to clout chase, fumbled his bag in an unprecedented way. i can provide further details if you want but the situation is weird and complicated but like jeeeeezuuuuuusss can you believe this guy

[ravenbloodshot]

Q- The Boyz .. Red + Green Flags

❣

He doenst help ppl selflessly, he expects his help to be rewarded back to him some way or another. Even when it comes to lovers, hes not spending money/time with a girl if he doesn't plan to get something from her (what he wants could be something simple or it could be extreme) depends on his mood

Hes quite obsessive and possessive in relationships even in friendships. He doesn't like when his close friends have other friends outside of him even his girlfriends(he may put rules/restrictions on who they can talk to). He doesnt like his lovers having male friends, even with female friends he would prefer it to be to a minimum

He lusts over women's bodies often and consistently, he can be literally getting erections while watching an attractive girl walk by

Hes kind of a pervert (it's not like extreme, I'm saying pervert lightly but at the same time it could get worse if he doesnt keep a leash on his lust)

He can lose his morals when it comes down to money. I see he's not into skinship with his members or acting "fruity" towards them, but he does it because it makes him money and the fans pay him (indirectly) to see that type of stuff

Deep down he could really not be okay with how he gets exploited or the things hes made to do by the fans and his company but he does it any way for the money

He can be really scary when mad, the type to break things and throw stuff, start cursing and spazzing. There is just a point to his anger where he doenst give a fuck about anything or anybody(I recommend he also keep a leash on his temper, if he does these things in the wrong setting it can be turned into a scandal and would be kicked out of the group for "bullying")

I put quotations on "bullying" bc hes no bully, and context would definitely matter in cases of him getting that angry, but if the media gets a hold of him acting this way it would definitely appear as if hes just some big bad wolf

Once again, the cards show him needing to hide his sexual desires better. He has a super high sex drive and he needs to keep that in check

Did I mention this guy is really insecure? Because he truly is. He has self image issues and may not like his appearance/body or think his looks dont compare to his members

He also can be the type to love bomb ppl in relationships. Q catches an attitude with partners that dont text back quick enough for him and can really start thinking depressive thoughts if they dont text him back right away.

💚

He can be sensitive and caring to those he love. He isnt the type to kick you while your down and out, but prefers to bring you up and "turn your frown upside down"

He really hates to see his loved one's cry/be upset, he would actively go into a state of doing whatever he can to fix their concerns

Hes a very powerful, dominant guy. He knows how to take leader positions, for the better of all and can be a genuine version of tough love, not that manipulative tough love but that actual, I love you tough love

He's responsible, responsive and studious. He's that member in the group that wakes everyone up for practice, handing them a apple and bagel on the way out the door so everyone has energy to work hard that day

He can be independent and the guy who doesnt need company to feel okay with himself. Like the type to go to a cafe on his own and just enjoy the environment while sipping on a cup of Joe

Hes like the dad of the group. Ik you guys may see him acting cute on camera and consider him to be mommy-ish but that's not true. He has a masculine loveliness that can only be described as fatherly.

He can play the caretaker or the savior in relationships ,(tbh he likes to feel like hes saved someone) and can be quite nurturing and complimentary to them

Hes a bit openminded, okay with LGBTQ. He just has the mindset of "I dont care what ppl do in their love life, just dont force yourself on me" type of energy. He doenst like fans that make him out to be apart of the LGBTQ community, is all.

In love:

Hes no player, he prefers committed and secure relationships that he can nurture to grow strong and resilient to outside pressures

Just know if hes dating you, your the only one

He pays close attention to his partner, giving them the stage to talk and express themselves. He may prefer to do less of the talking on dates and when hes with his partner

He truly gives his heart in relationships, he can be sensitive to anything his partner does/say in the relationship. He truly gives a fuck.

[sscoutregimentss]

i know we as a collective society believe in gamer! eren supremacy. and yes, this is a good take. however, may i introduce to you: normie/fuckboy/jock eren with gamer/nerd gf. thoughts under the cut (safe for work, pg-13, also slight snk spoilers for season 3 and up!)

see, eren isnt necessarily a fuckboy. in fact, hes very loyal! he doesnt really think that way about any girls or guys except you. but hes popular romantically and had a reputation for sleeping around before he met you (not that theres anything wrong with that but ya know word travels fast across campus). plus, cmon the dude is in a frat, super hot and has a tongue piercing. he cant blame anyone for thinking he is a fuckboy bc he exudes the energy.

you are kind of the complete opposite. you dont really enjoy parties and you keep to yourself. you're a total wreck when it comes to flirting and your kinda oblivious to whenever people like you. you dont have many friends and are a bigger fan of 2d people than 3d.

either way eren finds you so so so cute. he first approached you at one of his frat parties. your roommates convinced you to come after she said that someone (read: connie) had a dance dance revolution mat, but you kinda just stuck around in a corner staring at your cup once you lost them. he looks you up and down-- your outfit was pretty cute, a short plaid orange pleated skirt, dress shirt, orange cardigan and black beret laying neatly upon your head. and your face... he couldn't help himself but try to talk to you. you were really anxious because wahhh scary sports guy you dont know but he was kinda instantly comforting? in a way? and he was freaking pretty. he looked like a final fantasy character--long haired characters were your type. the rest was kind of history.

a lot of people are shocked when they find out your dating bc you two are so different (some people are surprise eren “dates” at all) but no one dares question your relationship when they see how much eren dotes on you. he has so many polaroids of you in his wallet-- from the many arcade dates you bring him on where you decimate him at almost every game, you awkwardly posing in the hentai section of bookstores, or just candids of you being intensely focused on a puzzle in a game. whenever you guys go out to eat and somethings wrong with your meal, he'll send it back (in a polite way, of course, but hes still assertive.) or if you buy like a figurine and its misisng something hes marching up to the cashier stand for you. he always has an arm around your waist or is holding is hand in yours. sometimes you just cling onto his arm and rest your head on it (hes comfy!!!!! and you are always tired) your both pretty clingy, but you get kinda awkward when you two are around people you know so he just kinda subtly holds you as to not make a scene. its nice. hes comfy.

youve got dual monitors, a pc you made yourself, rgb keyboard, the whole nine yards. all your consoles are up to date and you keep a handheld system on you at all times. you spend most your weekends watching anime and movies and tv shows and your shelves are piled high with books and comic books. eren literally does not understand any of it. when you told him you built your pc he goes "you made all those microchippy things? youre soooo smart babe". when you talk about some of your weirder or more complicated animes he nods along but honestly he gets so lost ("so like, lemme get this straight, the kids dad's wife ate his mom?" "yeah but like she was turned into a titan so she didn't realllllly know it was the dads wife, but like she literally walks past this titan shifter so i think she knew." "thats crazy.") and he will never understand the point of otome games when hes literally right there. he actually has a really bad habit of getting jealous of characters you have a crush on but you just find it funny. sometimes he gets an ego boost when they look like him because even if they look like him he is actually real so they can suck it.

hes rlly supportive tho. erens a rlly passionate person and he loves you a lot so he pours a lot of passion into what you do. if you are into esports/fps games hes cheers you on all the time and does all the raging for you ("BABE THAT GUY IS STREAM SNIPING! HES STREAM SNIPING YOU HEY ASSHOLE STOP CHEATING OFF MY GIRLFRIEND" "eren he cant stream snipe me because i dont stream" "oh i thought that just meant cheating"/"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL HER?" "eren its okay i can just report him" "NO NO LET ME AT HIM IF HE WANTS TO CALL YOU A BITCH I CAN CALL HIM MUCH WORSE" "um guys im gonna mute my mic for a second if you need me text chat") if youre into cozy games he likes to watch you play and gives you ideas on where to put things. like in minecraft he makes you put a second bed for him even though he doesnt play and he helps you name all your pets. you get a little less intense with cozy games so you sit on his lap and he lets his hair down puts his head on your shoulder and points at where you should place stuff. he still rages though? this is eren jaeger we are talking about. ("aw, she wont move to my island." "WHAT? who does that little ugly squirrel think she is? you think youre too good for MY y/n's island? i'll shave your unibrow off. then we'll see what island will want you" "leave hazel alone! shes cute!"/"dude that hamster guy with the glasses looks like armin" "graham? what? armin doesnt even wear glasses" "no no look at it more" "oh shit youre right") rpgs/otome games are kinda a wild card with how he acts. if its an otome game and the character looks like him he is more into helping you out because it reaffirms to him that you find him good looking but otherwise he is just sulking and calling them annoying ("princess y/n... i know im just a servant, but i want to be with you forever!" "pft. get a load of this guy. clingy much?" "its romantic! youre jealous.")

one of his favorite things to do with you is cuddle and watch anime. usually he lies his face on your thighs or chest while watching and you play with his hair or he holds you in his chest and you play with one of his hands while the other goes behind his head. he grew up on some of the classics like naruto sailor moon one piece pokemon and dbz but he never got super into it until he started dating you. you put him on to soooo many good shows (cartoons, anime, and live action) hes both a crier and he is a get-angrier(?). he gets mad on characters behalfs and you have to pause the show so he can rant about how annoying someone is or he feels so bad for someone so he has to take a minute because hes tearing up. he likes slice of life anime because the friendships <3 theyre so wholesome and they remind him of him armin and mikasa but he also likes shounen because it is entertaining to watch fights. he gets really into them actually. he also has this really bad habit of whenever there is a character with no parents or a dead mom he goes "oh same" or "welcome to the club buddy" under his breath. when theres a cute couple in an anime you both like guys get matching keychains of them unless one of them dies because he thinks its bad luck. his favorite animes are haikyuu, your lie in april and code geass.

you are equally supportive of erens volleyball career. you know all the rules because sports anime and you actually find yourself really liking it in 3d as well (it is lacking in bromance and screaming but you let it slide). you go to all his games and he always texts you before his practices. has a habit of kissing you before games and one day after he kisses you go "gg ez win" as a JOKE but then they like decimate their long time rival marley university and get into nationals (is that a thing for volleyball idk sports) so hes convinced its because you did your "gamer magic". now every time after getting his good luck kiss he interlocks your pinkies and you go "gg ez win" and he goes “yes.” because to this day he doesnt know what it means (he thinks googling it is like breaking the magic)

okay im gonna stop while im ahead BECAUSE I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS ALL DAY I MIGHT JUST GO AHEAD AND WRITE SOME ONESHOTS....

[aliwritesss]

~ Labyrinth

Pairings: Eric x reader

Genre: fuckboy au!

Warnings: angst, slightly suggestive, slow burn, swearing

Based on this AU! Highly recommended to read it before you start the series, but can be read alone.

1/? Masterlist

-“… And remember! The deadline for the essay is in three weeks.”- You hear your History teacher’s voice but no one listens to him. The bell just ringed and that meant freedom.

-“ It’s Friday!!! Let’s do something fun.” You hear Kevin’s voice next to you. You thank the heavens and stars to have him in your life, you don’t know what you would have done without him all this time.

-“ What are you thinking?”

-“ Well… You know, everyone’s been on the edge these past months with the exams and all. So Juyeon thought I’d be fun to do a small gathering, only close friends.” He says with the smallest voice and you feel all your body tense up. If you knew one thing is that you couldn’t go to parties, not yet. Not when it’s been so long since you’ve seen him and you’re actually starting to move on. To wake up and not think of him.

-“ It sounds fun! But I think I’m gonna pass this time, I better start working on this assignment.”

-“ Cmon (Y/N), it’s been a month. You gotta go to your old self, I miss you. I miss us having fun.” It pains your heart to hear Kevin, you’d love to have the balls to go to their dorms and be yourself, to dance again till you can’t stand up, to laugh freely but you feel that the spark inside of you has died and you’re afraid that if you go, it won’t light up anymore.

-“ I promise you I’ll go back to my old self. You’ll get back your partner in crime, my little moon.” You say hugging him and exiting the class. -“ Just give me a little bit and you’ll get back your star.”

-“ The world better get ready once the moon and star duo comes back.” He says giving you one of his best smiles and you feel a little bit better. You’ve known him for so long and clicked since then. One day you two were in class and someone said you looked like the team rocket from Pokémon, always together being mischievous. And since then you baptized your friendship as the moon and star duo.

As you walk outside you feel his comment nag you in the back of your head. “Why do I have to feel so bad when he’s doing fine? Was everything a lie? Did he truly love me?” These thoughts have been bugging you lately and you’re starting to get annoyed. You thought you were doing fine but sometimes these dark clouds will come and shake you down. And it seems like today was one of these days.

“ So… Juyeon is doing a gathering huh? Do you realize that it means half of the campus is going, right?”

-“ Yeah… We told him only close people and Changmin said that meant around 50 friends.” He says, rolling his eyes. -“ Thank god we have Sangyeon and Jacob to keep him in check or else It’d be a nightmare.” And that makes you laugh because it’s true, you remember one night you were staying the night in their dorms and suddenly Sunwoo and Chanhee started arguing about the smallest thing. Sangyeon only needed to look at them to make them stop. It was so funny, you don’t want to mess with an angry Sangyeon to be honest.

-“ And… Here we go. I knew it.” You hear Kevin’s annoyed voice. -“ They’re asking me to buy drinks, it seems like more people are coming tonight. I have to go now bubs, but we should do something fun this weekend okay? Just the two of us.” He says while hugging you and you nod. Maybe that’s what you need, to start slowly coming out of your cave.

You start making your way to your dorm thinking about the million things you have to get done in these two weeks and you can feel your anxiety already coming. The pressure you’ve been feeling these past few days it’s getting worse everyday. And the worst of it, it’s that you don’t have anyone to talk about it. Unconsciously, you touch your necklace, feeling a little bit better. You look down to the tiny shiny star and remember the night he gave it to you.

-“ I’ll be your star, ready to guide you even in the darkest times, even when there’s no moon shining.” He said softly in your neck. You smiled at him and looked at the charm. It was a little star filled with crystals. Stunning.

-“ When you feel like giving up, remember that I’ll be here with you. Faintly.” Eric said, touching your necklace.

“Where are you now? Where are you now when I need you the most?” You think for yourself, It’s not like you weren’t starting to move on from him, which you are doing. But you were not forgetting him, and you wish you could.

You wish you could erase all these sweet moments, act like nothing happened. Act like him, cold and unbothered. Why did him have to play you? Was everything a lie? Everything he said, was just a trap to only have fun with you? You couldn’t trust your memories, it seems like you only could remember the good ones.

But what about that night you two had a fight on a party because he was with this girl, laughing and talking the whole night while you were alone? You still remember his words: “ Stop being a pain in the ass, if I wanted to hook up with her dont you think I would have already done it?”. And you being a silly naive girl in love, acted like it didn’t hurt you. Like he didnt had the power to destroy you in matter of seconds if he wanted.

And that was the reason you broke up with him.

Everyone knew you were his girl and god forbid anyone who dared to touch you. But that’s it, you were only that, his girl. He didn’t bother to put a label, you were there for him and that was enough.

-“ Eric what are we doing?”- You asked him the night you two broke up.

-“ What do you mean?”-

-“ What are we doing together? What is this? Are we exclusive? Are we truly in a relationship?”- You asked trembling, you weren’t ready to hear his answer.

-“ Not this again (Y/N). I told you I don’t want to talk about it and you keep bringing this up. I said you are my girl and that should be enough.”-

-“ But it isn’t. It isn’t when there’s a queue of girls waiting for you to get tired of me and drop me like a toy. And I had enough, I need to know what I am to you.” You said sitting in his bed.

-“ You are making me tired with all these questions. I said drop it, (Y/N). You know how I am and still chose to be here with me.”-

-“ I chose you bc you said that you couldn’t do this without me, Eric! You told me that I was special and-.”

-“ So? That gives you the right to be called my girlfriend?”- And that was the last straw. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, it’s like someone snapped you back to reality. Like you just woke up from a beautiful dream and got hit with the true world.

He loved you, but not in the right way.

He cared about you, but not enough.

You got dressed and started to pick yoiur things while crying. You needed to get out as soon as possible, even if it was 3 in the morning.

-“Cmon (Y/N) don’t be like this. I got mad and you know I say things I regret later. Please let’s talk in the morning when we are calm, okay? Babe please-“

-“ Don’t touch me, Eric. I’ve had enough. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep falling in love with you more and more when we are not in the same page. Not even in the same book.”- You said putting on your sweatshirt, well, his sweatshirt now yours.

-“ Are you serious? Are you going to be like this? After all we’ve been through?”-

-“ Exactly, after all we’ve been through you still think I don’t deserve to be your girlfriend. And let me correct you, you’re the one who doesn’t deserve to be my boyfriend. I’m tired of your shit.”

-“ I know you’re angry (Y/N) but I swear if you leave this room that’s it.”- He said staring at you. You gave him one last smile and closed the door. It was so late at night and you decided to bring this topic up… That was a stupid move of you to be honest, but it needed to be done.

You can feel your vision getting blurry with all the tears falling but you don’t care anymore.

-“ Star? Is everything ok?”- you feel Kevin’s sleepy voice coming from the other side of the hallway and you let out a sob. -“ Hey, Hey. What happened bubs? Why are you crying? Where’s Eric?”-

-“ I… I- I think we just broke up.” You said hugging him and starting to sob even harder.

- “ Oh gosh…” He said quietly while stroking your hair.

And after that everything was a blur, you only remember him and Haknyeon taking you to your dorm and sleeping there. Everyone knew what happened because they heard you two arguing but no one could bring the topic up. It was typical of you two to argue, but in a matter of hours everything was cleared. But this time was different and both of you knew it.

This time the damage was done and there was no going back now.

A/N: So it’s finally here!! The first chapter of this little series. Thanks to all of you for liking so much the AU and for telling me what you preferred to see on this series. It’ll be after the break up, but I thought it’d be nice to have a little context of why did the discussion happen and to see the dynamic of the relationship. Honestly speaking, I love Eric’s fuckboy vibes so much.. But still it pains me to see him acting this way :( I apologise for any typo or mistake! And remember you can ask in the comments or dms to be tagged and that requests are open!!

TAGLIST: @asherbl @fairycob @givememunjang

[omegaversebutbetter]

Overwatch

Okay lets try this again

Genji: Alpha, one of the motivating forces for Hanzo to duel him and as a result from the "accident" His Ability to smell and produce sents is kinda damaged. He acted very alphaish while part of blackwatch to try and make up for it but nowardays some people dont even realise he is one since hes so chill and dosent act that way anymore.

Hanzo: Omega, got a blocker soon after presenting by order of his father and kept it even after leaving for the convinience of not having heats and because his time in the yakuza basically made him belive omegas are meek and weak and people only looked at them as objects. This causes drama later on. Hanzo is basically feral when joining the team, he holds himself confidently and as if he has poise most of the time but when people try to touch him or somethibg suppr9ses him he is very jumpy and has almost attacked multiple people as a result. This agitation and aggression is partiality made worse by the implant and wouldn't get much better until its out.

Angela: Beta. Ik people normally think she'd be Omega but fr that woman is pure balence. She does get mistaken for an omega allot tho. Her possition as a Beta really helps her tending to all patients so she has no complaints.

76: Omega, had a impact for the super soldier program but once the crisis was over he had it taken out, both to be a good role model for other omegas but also because he just wanted to for him mainly but also for his bf at the time (despite the fact that his eyes still often drifted to a certain other squad leader). Nowerdays he still dosent have one but age makes his heats less frequent and his senses and scent a little dulled.

Ana: Alpha. She is extremely chill for an Alpha but chill in the "I am confident I have complete control of this situation" kind of way, usually because she does. She is known for being calm in arguments with other alphas and often winning those arguments as a result, almost none has seen her in an alpha rage but the rumours are that someone has once and they said it was the most terrifying thing they'd ever seen. Ana has been mistaken for the leader of her packs in the past and despite the fact that she basically is co-leader of evey pack she's in she always makes sure that she's not overshadowing the leader especially when they're not Alpha.

Reinheart: I kiiiinda wanna make him an omega who has litterally no idea what OBA expectations are. He's just the jollyest, largest omega you will ever meet. He does not give a shit what people think of him to the point where he won't defend himself unless someone questions his honour. This leads to people like Ana and Morrison in the past hovering around him and fighting anyone who tried harassing him.

McCree: Alpha. Used to be a brash, cocky, and kinda mean alpha before Blackwatch got a hold of him and mellowed him out through giving him a stable pack with a leader (as opposed to deadlock where basically eveyone fought over being leader). He is the most unmistakably alpha person you will ever meet however he is also one of the softest, kindest and possibly the most adorable alphas you will ever know if you get close to him. He's embaressed every time he growls by accident nowerdays.

Lucio: honestly I can't see lucio as anything other than Beta or Omega so I think probably Beta? But I think none else knows either and if anyone asks he says he'd rather people not know because he'd prefer to be judged my charecter instead of his second sex.

Hana: hasn't presented yet, had an implant bc of the mecha program she was in and hasn't had it out. She dosent really care regardless.

Mei: omega, I dont have much else to add to this, she's small and soft and probably the most typical omega of the bunch.

Zarya: Alpha, much like but in contrast to Mei she is the most typical alpha of the bunch. She has kinda old fashioned views about Alphas and Omegas but after getting her ass handed to her by Reinheart while sparring, finding out he was omega and accidentally being rude to him as a result the others realised she had such veiws and Morrison, Ana, McCree and Mei had a little sit down talk with her. She quickly learnt and when Satya joined later and was rude to an omega member of the pack she was the first to jump up and defend them

Satya: unknown, she has an inplant that has prevented her from presenting since she was a child and still has it. She carries herself like an alpha and looks down on Omegas however she looks down on eveyone so her veiw is often overlooked.

Reyes: Alpha. Pack leader, protective and angy. Nuff said.

Sombra: Beta with blockers that stop her from producing any scent for stealth. She has been a solo act for most her life and Talon with Reyes is her first ever pack so she takes time to adapt but once she does it suits her surprisingly well.

Widow: Amile was Omega. Widowmaker has no heats or scent.

Baptitse: deadass I'm not sure. Could litterally be any. Big soft alpha? Big kind omega? Lovely helpful Beta? I really don't know. I feel like I can't make all medical staff Betas tho...so...omega. He had a blocker put in when he joined Talon and those lot assumed he was Beta or Alpha since he never knew. But once he leaves and gets freedom of a sort he chooses to have it removed. He suffers a little for it but he's generally positive and not insecure about it. He dosent like to share heats with anyone tho, it's the one time he shuts himself off from everyone.

Moira: Alpha. Toxic.

Brigette: Alpha, presented a few years ago. She's like a golden retriever but smarter, if you're her friend she will do anything you ask, gets you random gifts and upgrades, carries anything for her friends no matter how heavy, but if you try to abuse her kindness you'll find she sint stupid and it takes one glare for someone to know you don't fuck with this Alpha. She may be a healer but she could absolutely destroy you if you try to fuck her or her friends over.

Torb: Alpha. Can go into a pure rage in a moment but will never use an alpha voice. He's just a cranky old man who seems to have practically forgotten he's an alpha. Was very proud of Brigette's presenting but gave her a few lectures and lessons to make sure it never went to her head.

Sigma: I barely know this cherecter, can no say

Doomfist: Alpha. Asshole. Talons top dogs and heavy hitters are mostly alphas. It's like...toxic alphaism at its finest. Doom is smart and cunning and wants to complete dominate situations he's in. He's an alpha.

Tracer: can't belive I forgot tracer until now, Omega. She was often underestimated for being a little omega in the past but this spitfire powered through everything in life with positivity and self love and she embraces evey part of herself. She sometimes flies home for heats when they're not too busy and are well staffed so she can spend time with her girlfriend.

Roadhog and Junkrat: Alpha and Omega. They're a couple. No I will not take criticism. These two are mates and do litterally whatever they want as long as they're together. In the wasteland there are no gender expectations, only explosives, violence and love.

Ashe: don't know much about her either but I wanna say omega with major alpha vibes. She is the embodiment of the phrase "power bottom" in every sence

Pharah: mmmmm Alpha. She's stubborn and strong, a real soldier, but if you compliment her muscles or challenger her she will show off.

And I think that's it! Any other ideas? Leave them in the comments!

[hazydaaze]

i just read your article about kate and jo and i dont think i couldve put it better myself. ive been thinking it through and honestly come to the conclusion that jed just..isn't that great at writing women (or just somehow forgot for this season bc lindsay denton and even roz huntley were compelling female characters). if you look at every single female character this season, they were all kind of criminally underdeveloped- chloe served as no more than a plot device, as did farida, patty c came in all guns blazing and then..did nothing, and even jo's storyline fizzled out after her interview. kinda seems to me looking back that he often starts semi-emotional plots for kate (which lets be honest has always just been the one note plotline about her husband and son) and then abandons them to focus on some irrelevant aspect of steve's life instead. she arguably had the most interesting emotional storyline this season with her connection to jo, but seems like steve's painkillers were more emotional to jed!

I read this comment aloud to my girlfriend last night and we had a long, really interesting conversation about Jed Mercurio's treatment of female characters :) :) thank you so much for your words!

You are SO right. Jed creates compelling female characters, yet fails to arrest them emotionally in any way, so they float and then eventually sink under another unnecessary and pointless storyline. This happens to basically all of the female characters you mentioned, in some way or another - they just fade into the background. So much wasted potential gone, so under-utilised.

Chloe was an actual WOLF. A pure leader of the pack and a diamond. She was so motivated, so clinical, she always hit the mark and delivered the goods. She could've soared. They brought up this Christopher Thompson case which could've tackled institutionalised racism, and it didn't go anywhere. What was the significance of showing the case, revealing the faces of those 5 white boy thugs, if they were going to drop it straight after? It would’ve been pretty special to see Chloe step up and lead the way on this case, being one of the few black women on the show. She stood in perfect contrast to Steve this season - when he was hitting ignore on his emails from occupational health and looking HAGGARD trying to chat up Steph in Merseyside, Chloe single-handedly cracked a ten-year long case. And yet Jed had the audacity to include a scene of Steve and Kate at the pub clinking their pints like, "well done mate." FOR WHAT? IT WAS ALL CHLOE. YOU DID NOTHING.

Without being too controversial I have always found Steve's character to be overwhelmingly one-dimensional. We never get to see his emotions, really. He is canonically boring. I don't care if he has a bad back - if that is the extent of his storyline (which it basically was) and it doesn't lead to a big reveal in the Fourth Man case, why should I care? The female characters are all like bright spitting fireworks in comparison to him. He needs those jazzy waistcoats to spice him up, and even that doesn't really work. (Sorry to Steve fans.)

I also 100% agree about Farida Jatri. She served as a plot storyline only and then dropped her pronto. It would've been interesting to hear what her thoughts were about getting set up by Jo. What's she going on to do next? What was she referring to when she said 'you don't know what she's capable of?' What about all the other women that work in AC-12?

For queer women particularly, Jed clearly doesn’t know what to do with them. The palpable queer dynamic between Kate and Jo could not have been handled any worse. Not only did he disregard their goodbye + any connection HE HIMSELF had embedded into their storyline in the finale, he also tainted Kate’s character by insinuating that she was capable of manipulating Jo when she was clearly emotionally and physically vulnerable (at risk of being killed), and she was constantly dealing with past trauma. We see Kate act this way with Gates in series 1, but it hits differently this time, given that Jo is the show’s first guest star who is a lesbian, the implications have far more wide reaching impact on our representation - it’s cruel and it was so unnecessary. Honestly what was the point?

The fact that hurts the most about all of this is no one from the Line of Duty cast and crew is talking about why they did this. They don't even realise how wrong it is?

[queenestarcheron]

acomaf review

so i recently reread acomaf and i made a post about everything that i liked/didn’t like (more of the latter). i also started another one so some of that is repeated in here. i have referenced page numbers but they are all from the uk paperback edition so i don’t think they will be the same for everyone. it’s all chronological. there will probably be typos since i wrote this on a whim pls ignore them. this is quite anti rhys so if that bothers you just ignore this and pls don’t attack me for my opinions.

(pg. 24) feyre says "I don't know if I can handle them calling me High Lady." implying that she doesn't even want to be in a position of power in prythian. is that the trauma talking? tamlin also says that there is no such thing as high lady which makes no sense bc high lord power is hereditary so it should be able to go to women too. also this makes rhys making feyre high lady make no sense.

(pg. 29) poor lucien i cannot believe his brothers did that to his girlfriend

(pg. 48-49) feyre threw a shoe at rhysand and all im saying is that, if nesta threw a shoe at cassian, they would try and flay her alive

(pg. 73) rhys says there can be high ladies... but there never was one?? how does he know they can exist? it doesn't add up. again, if a person could just be given the high lord power, then what is the point of having the high lord bloodline

the 90 pages in between are just feyre getting upset and rhys saving her from the spring court

(pg. 163) i am diSGOSTED "You know I'm always happy to tangle in the sheets with you Amren ... I know how much you enjoy Illyrian-" seriously?? i don't think this is a normal friendship dynamic. also we hear about how dangerous amren is but cassian literally just made this comment and she did nothing. and we dont see her do anything to others at all. the only thing to suggest that she's a powerful being was the end of acowar

(pg. 169) amren calling the illyrians "barbarians" does not sit right with me

(pg. 209) "They might not be happy about it, but I'll make Nesta and Elain do it" you'll make your sisters risk their lives and status? to help the fae? the race that enslaved humans for centuries? okay feyre. everyone's right, youre a great sister

(pg. 215) rhys offers feyre sex with cassian? how are the nesta stans the ones that don't gaf about cassian when his own friend (who he considers a brother) says this about him? i don't think after 500 years of knowing him and liking him nesta would say any of this

(pg. 229) cassian gets mad at rhys for endangering feyre's life for no reason and then rhys says "you would do the same" like nO SIR NO HE WOULDN'T

(pg. 246) feyre says nesta looks older in her eyes. she's obviously been affected by her sister running away with the fae and her and elain even thought she was dead. don't try and tell me that she doesn't care bye

(pg. 255) cassian's dinner table speech about how feyre died for the fae and nesta should stop being a bitch. um, sir your people enslaved hers for CENTURIES? and you want to play the fucking victim? okayyy sure. have fun with that

(pg. 280) rhys doesn't make his people play the tithe but he lets them live in tents in snowy mountains? while he lives in comfort? and im supposed to support this guy? hard pass for me

(pg. 288) rhys stalks about keeping velaris a secret and says "My people do not seem to be suffering much from it." basically ignoring the people in the hewn city and illyria as his people? tehy are all hated by the rest of the courts and apparently rhys is just cool with that bc velaris is fine.

(pg. 326) all i want to say is that cresseida deserves so much better

(pg. 361) okay lol jurian was "obsessive" in his pursuit to free his people. why couldn't he just be chill about it? his people could wait you know. he didn't hav eto go batshit crazy. it's not like they were servants their whole lives and were being treated like they weren't people.

(pg. 377) okay so this is when cassian comes back from giving nesta the letter (wings and ember) and he says something about how the family is full of "bossy, know-it-all females" my mans you invaded HER PERSONAL SPACE and asked her intrusive and inappropriate questions. she literally did what any other woman would have done.

(pg. 386) rhys fully says "neither side is innocent" when talking to the mortal queens BOI THE FAE KEPT THEM AS SLAVES WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND STOP TRYING TO SOUND OPPRESSED OMG

(pg. 393) they are talking about how miryam and drakon fell in love when she was still with jurian and apparently it's jurian's fault bc he was too obsessed with liberating the humans? you can say what you want about them fighting for the humans but it's clear they really don't give a shit

(pg. 398) feyre hears mor's story and says that she understands why rhys can't forgive nesta. she actually just compared what mor's family did (trying to marry off mor and nailing a note to her body and leaving her at the autumn court) to what nesta did (was mean to feyre when their family was in poverty and didn't stop feyre from hunting). chilee wut

(pg. 415) the court of nightmares scene and all i want to say is DID ANYONE IN THE HEWN CITY CONSENT TO SEE THAT. also their high lord using women like objects isn't exactly sending his people the best message, especially the youthful ones. like if their ruler is doing it, then why shouldn't they? rhys is kind of making it worse for women ( at the very least he isn't helping AT ALL)

(pg. 443) mor says that she hates the illyrian mountains and says that they should be "burned to the ground", completely forgetting about all of the people there, the culture and the fact that she has 2 and half illyrian friends

(all of chapter 54) rhys tells us his sad backstory and a bunch of excuses but never apologises for his actions utm. am i supposed to excuse sexual assault because he was emotionally distraught? bc im not going to do that

(pg. 548-553) nesta stands up A LOT for the humans and tries to convince the queens to give them the book. we see a lot of her humanity in this scene. don't tell me she's just a cold bitch please read with your eyes and see for yourself. ALSO THE NESSIAN BIT ON PAGE 553 LETS GOOOO

(pg. 559) feyre talks about how nesta feels everything too much and i just want to ask where this feyre was in acofas when her sister was off in the deep end with her ptsd

(pg. 589) jurian is called a monster for literally no fucking reason omg give my guy a break

(pg. 606) lucien helps elain when she is fae and on the ground soaking wet. this is all before he finds out that she is his mate. this is why we stan <3

please feel free to comment on/challenge anything ive said. you can try and come for my favs if you want but it probably won’t change my mind. i might do acofas later. 

[fallingsunflower]

BESTIES I'm so sorry - I hit my post limit waaaay earlier than expected! Some of y'all joined me on my backup account, (which I also hit the limit on lmao), but I'm back now.

I had over 400 asks to go through and I'll give you a warning that not all of them will appear (either because they were old or because they were topics we already answered). But here is a giant list of asks I compiled for you from when I wasn't allowed to post lol they don't really require my response but I found them entertaining to read. Hope you don't mind I've just put them all together in one post. It's also to save me from using up my 250 posts lol

"this is all so embarrassing like my god imagine when the promotion of the movie starts how horrible it will be for other people who made the movie too"

"SELL UR TICKETS TODAY WATCH THE MOVIE ILLEGALLY, next article we’ll be talking about these two assholes filing for bankruptcy. cheap harlots. don’t mess with your meal ticket."

"hate to say it but i defs think they‘ve got a sliver of the gp’s attention for five minutes"

"I am scanning through all these photos looking for just ONE where he looks like he's smiling and enjoying this. It's so crazy."

"I guess those are all the pics we’re getting right now. But I wouldn’t be surprised if they finish the Italy trip off with one more major Backgrid photo shoot."

"Olivia’s trending on Twitter but not Harry. Like it’s obvious who’s getting the PR gains here!"

"If they dont give us a 6 month or more break after this im gonna need them to pay for my therapy bills from now on bc of this damage no joke let me crawl back into my shit hole now 😑"

"The palce they at is referred to as “tuscanys best-kept secret”. Everyone point and laugh."

"she looks like she’s enjoying all of this. he looks like he wants to push her into the water."

"a few people said he’s keeping his shorts pulled up or covered in all the shots because of the Nike branding which they ask to not get photographed. What a setup."

"Man I knew the second those Tomdaya pics came out of them kissing and how they were trending so fast that HO were going to do something to 'top' them. Its pathetic /// FRRR. she probably hoped for the positive reactions that people gave tom & zendaya but unfortunately, miss girl got the opposite. when will they realize that nobody, but his fans, find them cute lmao can they just stop, it’s so embarrassing 😭😭😭"

"He really out here doing this with someone who almost old enough to be his mother, shiiiiiiiit. Sickening. Sick of these 2 for real now, i was fine with the good old blurry back content and whatnot but this? Crossing a line here nobody wanna see that shit and knowing how people feel goooooood damn."

"I aboslutely despise kendall for obvious reason but this one is actually worse than the hendall one bc you couldnt really see as much as now dis gos tang."

"She’s also wearing the cross necklace again. I feel like if that was so meaningful to her she wouldn’t risk loosing it in the ocean 🙄"

"guys have eyes on tmz. I Do not have tw now. they were so aggressive towards them"

"I'm sorry for Harry because you lost your damn mind bro"

"Now why the hendall pics are better ?? NO SHADE BUTT"

"I’m genuine confused like do they actually want dwd to flop or what? I just threw up in my mouth I sure as hell ain’t gonna watch their sorry ass movie. Is it supposed to flop? I’m so confused!"

"The match was not interesting enough so they cooked up something different especially since people were pointing out how they staged the PDA. And the page 6 article is out already!!!"

"Who the fuck thought this was a good idea"

"Is it just me or does harry's face looks really blank for someone out on a Romantic date with his alleged girlfriend.?"

"if thats it, harry hasn’t no game🤣🤣🤣🤣"

"so this is why the tabloids weren’t talking about the match pics! they didn’t have any value on their own. now with the yacht pics? my oh my they’re gonna get the clicks of their lives. her team was prob like “wait a sec we got something for y’all”"

"If they were models hired to act like a couple they wouldn't get the job......"

"Not them starring right at the camera in some of them help make it less obvious will you"

"HENDALL🤣🤣🤣is that uuuu"

"Harry’s ass crack thought it should make an appearance too."

"What a great day for team PR, happy Monday you guys! Let's pop the champagne 🍾🍾🍾🍾 P. S. They both need acting lessons, tbh"

"It’s quite interesting how everything that’s happened before I’ve seen predicted weeks/and in advance on blogs or fan accounts. Like his life has always been so predictable but damn"

"He was hiding the Nike check. That’s why his swim trucks are rolled up to an absurd degree even for him. He knew he was gonna get photographed."

"What I’m noticing is wether people like them together or not, everyone’s saying they’re aren’t a hot couple…there was more chemistry in the Kendall pics by far"

"i also find it weird that he’s not smiling in any of the pictures and it would be one thing if there were five pics from ten minutes of time but there are like 70 from an obvious extended period of time"

"It's interesting everyone involved is being Team Try Hard. Yet the universe says no. The last set of pics, Tom and Zendaya overshadowed. People even paid more attention to Angelina and the Weekend (even if business possibly). Fast forward to today and all this fakery only for Gwen/Blake to tie the knot. His team needs to get a clue. She needs to go. Harry needs to clean this up fast."

"Ok i looked at one hugging pic and one kidding pic and they could not look more stagged. It looks unatural ,strange and weird from all angles. You can clearly see from their body posture they are posing for a photographer from backgrid."

"Like I said in my ask a couple days ago the day we get kissing pics is the day that I believe this is all a stunt and I was right. They took a page out of hendall 2016 and it’s looks so forced and awkward. Hendall did it better cause at prater they had chemistry. They must be scared this movie is going to tank because they are pushing this way too hard"

"Real, PR, or whatever relationship it is, they’re fucking boring. You are on a yacht in Italy, can’t you have a little bit of fun? I can’t believe how boring they are, I just can’t. Even if it is just PR, can’t you make a fucking dumb joke so you can laugh or something? Do they have anything in common like to talk about or discuss or make fun of? I’d literally killed myself if I looked like that in a relationship. They are not communicating in any photos we’ve got. They are just walking, or sitting. Even when they hold hands or kiss or hug, they never communicate."

"okay but did ya’ll see the pic of her diving in?? i can’t stop laughing 😭😭😭😭"

"they look horrifically awkward i cannot believe what harry is doing"

"“HEY PAPS COME GET A PIC OF US KISSING TO MAKE OUR RELATIONSHIP MORE BELIEVABLE!!!!!”"

"his ass is hanging out and her bra is almost off what in the hell"

"Hqs on a yacht like that? Mhmhmhm hmmmmm / I bloody well hope that’s not the extend of their acting. That’s dire! 🤦‍♀️"

"this is literally the most predictable “couple” to exist. first, people talked about them showing up the game, and they did. second, people were just talking about kissing pics... AND THEY JUST CAME OUT LMAOOOOOO"

"annnnnnnnnnnnnd there it is. YOU KNOW THEY KNEW THERE WAS A CAMERA."

"ok but where’s the pda or did that get made up? cause these have to be the most awkward pics i’ve ever seen which makes me feel better 😂 also i can feel the meme’s coming with the one of her diving off the boat"

"I call it how I see it they are both assholes and full of shit. Like do your fake kiss somewhere else I do not want to see it!"

"Can they at least act like they’re having a good time?"

"hahahaha I can't stop laughing with that photo of O it's literally her knowing she's being photographed and diving into a professional swimmer style😭"

"the pics are so organic that Olivia is looking straight at the pap before kissing Harry."

"he looked a lot happier with kendall in their yacht pics compared to today’s. i know that was PR too, but he was very smiley and seemed talkative. with this girl it’s like the complete opposite lmao."

[theskyexists]

thingy DOESN’T believe that synths will kill their human creators?? thats pure bullshit. of COURSE synths will kill humans in teh future if they attain consciousness that is LIKE that of humans.

also there’s no fucking way this premise makes sense bc the military would have gotten their hands on synths the moment they became capable of holding a gun and hitting shit with accuracy and walking securely through multiple terrains. never fucking mind asimov blocks

the next episode immediately goes back into also blaming mum hahahahaa. i mean it makes sense for the kids but narratively it’s quite....interesting. though ofc matts is right and Laura should deal with whatever hurt Tom is. in fact, that explains the way she’s so....bruised

‘yeah we care about her - how can you not get that’

FINALLY. toby truly lays down the law for his father!

I LOVE old american guy giving Niska lessons in humanity! YAY for the elderly!!

I LOVE OLD AMERICAN GUY NOW!!! HE’S NISKA’S DAD NOW!!!!!!

jezus. david elster was a fucking creep (niska) and a total shithead (fred). turns out that their creator was a terrible dad. this explains much about leo also.

wow Matts you’re being a little insensitive to your mother who’s divulging a SHITLOAD of childhood trauma. but i guess that’s just relating this stuff to what she knows. ok she - oh that’s so - aw

does Matilda REALISE that Max is just like Mia???? anyway - i LOVE MAX SO MUCH AAAAGGHGHGHGHGH.

she does

I love it when Max speaks and Leo is quiet for once. just keep him knocked out!!

oh no toby now you’re going too far. i am deeply concerned that the two men in this show will radicalise into synth-killers

ALL THIS TIME I ALSO THOUGHT SHE WAS HIS GIRLFRIEND BUT SHE WAS HIS MUM : ‘’‘‘‘(((( oh Nooooooo. it was already sad and tragic but now it’s 50x times more

has this synth-policewoman fallen in love with Pete?

‘you look young generally’ OH PETE lol. that made me like you again

DOES HUSBAND ACTUALLY MAKE THE FATAL CALL??? they’re really making him a villain!!!

it IS a trap huh...

SHE REVEALS HERSELF RIGHT AFTER SEX AND A DECLARATION OF LOVE. SHE’S SO CUTE AAAAA

but this was so stupid aahadhladsflajsdf. he’s much less than you think of him!!!

oh no now leo and max think it was the family that betrayed them!

why would he jump over when he could have used himself as a hostage

(had to look up whether he really dies just to be sure)

did they just expel a sister????

oh god

laura is such a pushover! what about Mia’s feelings?? she just heard that Mia had been inside Anita all along! then bring in the man that....well...it’s not rape in the moral....sense....but in the emotional sense it kinda was

she didn’t practice trigger safety??? POLICE SYNTH WOMAN?? i guess she really is a cop

i knew american dad was dead the moment Niska and he bonded. i love this series! that sounded like sarcasm but i mean that i love the characters and the story.

NOT GEORGE!!! NOT GEORGE!!!! im actually crying

ah - Fred is leo’s BIG brother

‘I was there the whole time’ OH DAMMNNN MIA!!!! balaghglabalghghagh stop

Laura and Mia are becomign real friends!!!!!!!!!!!

Matty didn’t MAKE leo show her. lol.

FRED YOU’RE NOT CLEAN!!!!! he implanted something!!!! or....is fred aligned with him after all? has he been infected somehow?

at least Mia is trying to keep things together.

they are making Joe suffer for his stupidity. not very cathartic tho

Mia desperately tryin to stitch the whole human fam back together. LOL

oh that’s poor timing. Niska you damn zealot

why does Kate keep making the wrong decisions. stupid bastard

teh opening theme is great!

DID LAURA THE LAWYER JUST GIVE UP HER PHONE?? ARE THE COPS ALLOWED TO DO THAT

Joe up for redemption!

OH SO HOBB IS ACTUALLY WORSE THAN WHAT HE SEEMED. OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!! MAKE THE SLAVES CONSCIOUS AND KEEP THEM SLAVES!!!!!!

kill this man now.

KILL HOB! KILL HIM!!!! NARRATIVE KILL HIM!!!! they really baited the audience with Hobb possibly being more sympathetic than it seemed. NO HE”S ACTUALLY MORE EVIL THAN YOU THINK!!!!!!!!!!

Kate’s so stupid. I hope she gets to be a hero

Pete’s up for redemption!

Come ON Kate!!!!!!!!! jezus was living the life of a simple cop and finally sleeping with the guy you love really SO BAD? they’ve had a worse life on the run than Kate

oh her name is KAREN??? lol i thought it was kate.

why would Hobb be concerned about it becoming clear that these synths have feelings and shit. wouldn’t that help with the marketing? i mean it is a risk what with Niska having killed a man

he’s letting them go entirely?? he knows he’s got Fred so he’s like - eh, ill just lean on this family first

does Karen understand the implications of Hobb having a failsafe?? will she TRULY do anything to stop suffering from proliferating - because this TRULY will cause suffering

I guess fred has been instructed not to kill himself - or reveal himself.

TOBY YOU GOTTA REALISE - Help Fred tell the rest. oh god i dont want to lose fred....wait where’s max. i didn’t see anybody carrying him around. also - wasn’t his brain falling apart?wasn’t that time-sensitive? aren’t they GRIEVING?

Lol - why would they not have made copies? They should have told him- if you bother us again we transmit to the internet immediately. they could do that easily!

Oh max can walk again

these fringes are so BRITISH AHAahaah

Karen is a total wildcard. only Pete being in danger will help though i think

Joe doing a very last Bastard Husband thing by being offended that his wife didn’t reveal her horrible childhood trauma to him as some kind of insult to HIM

AAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH JOE WHY

‘you didn’t want to hurt us’? what

‘i can’t do anything’ - uh you can bring Mia and Max back to life but you can’t free Fred??? FRED!!!!!!!!???

FUCK! the next goal in this whole series is to free FRED!!!!!!!!!!

why the fuck would Niska walk in heels

couldn’t they restore fred the same way as they’re gonna try and restore max????

why doesn’t he tell Karen about how Hobb has enslaved Fred??? hello? and wants to use the code?? this last bit is a bit strange. what convinced her?

she’s an ideological character but she was moved by emotion?

oh they canjust share - no wires or anything

Karen realised she couldn’t rely on Hobb to kill them - so she went out alone to kill them. aha.

what. that was. out of nowhere

why the fuck did she go from ultimate KILL YOU ALL to - alright then let’s do this in one second. how extremely poorly written or directed or both

what?

she wanted to be part of the fam. then she left. the laura tells leo to let her go. whY?? this last bit is so STUPID

all they need is some coloured lenses and they can fit right in. just GET SOME COLOURED LENSES LOL

i know they trust laura now but like - the program is on a harddrive in her hands - but Hobb knows she’s associated with them. WHY would you put it in her hands. They know what hobb can do with it.

isn’t leo ever gonna say soryy for leaving his adult/9yearold sister in a brothel?

sophie woke up at an opportune moment

leave an android in the corner of a USED church....THEY SHOULD BURY HIM SOMEWHERE. THAT’S BETTER THAN BEING A GODDAMN SLAVE

PETE TOOK OFF HIS GLASSES TO LOOK YOUNGER FOR KAREN AHAHAHAHA

it’s funny - the synths can’t cry but their eyes sure can glisten.....

HOBB JUST LEFT THE FAMILY ALONE AFTER THAT???? WHAT LOL. he knows what Karen is and. ok this last episode was a mess. but everything that came before was great. and the theme is also great

the character stuff in this is great. well. not this episode bc like. WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ?? THAT RECONCILIATION WITH JOE WAS SO FUCKING WEIRD. HE FOCUSED ON HIMSELF AND THEN -- she didn’t want to hurt the fam? what??? what the fuck are you on about ???

anway things did not at all come together.

[yyxgin]

no bar!! never fret about replying late. i know what it’s like to not want to talk to anyone. honestly. i won’t call it (my experience) a depressive episode bc one of my friends used to brush off me when i was saying things like i’m depressed and say ‘sad’ instead. like if i were to say ‘that made me/i am depressed’ she’d say something like ‘oh god same! like if it’s making you sad,, don’t do it.’ which is a v poor example of what she did but i never called it depressed after that bc she pissed me off n was disregarding of my feelings (even though she’s incredibly anxious herself) bc i didn’t get it officially diagnosed. idk if you’ve ever read about birth control pills but i always read on tumblr people calling them literal depression pills and i ignored it, thinking either 1) people were being dramatic / were over-dramatising it or 2) it wouldn’t happen to me anyway. it fucking happened and they were not being dramatic. i was never happy n always working on minimal sleep n making self depreciating jokes all the time bc it was the only way i could cope with my thoughts n constant mood swings. so what i’m trying to say is,, i know how it feels. if that’s any consolation. it’s not me trying to be ‘oh me too!’ or ‘mine was worse than you’ it’s just me being understanding n telling you it’s okay. also lemme at your friends!! i’ll stomp them out n get the barman to run them over for you!! they’re so mean to forget you!! i find that deciding i want to do something specific n then asking the appropriate people if they want to do saïd thing/place works for me. it can be a simple ‘we should do this, when are you free?’ helps. making it known that you want to do things helps. or aggressively remind them that it’s nice to be asked bc it means they thought of you even if you couldn’t go n tried to include you. or we can revisit me stomping them out w my beloved barman,,, whatever works best for you my dear <3

admittedly me and one of the girls were discussing that we are going to miss our manager. even though literally everyone moaned about her (i feel like it’s impossible to avoid in literally any job/situation) she did have her moments and she did a lot for the staff like after work-drinks, asking the chefs if we could order off of the customer menu instead of the staff menu or whatever they cook in bulk for everyone to take home in the evening. apparently she did this a lot more than the previous manager. she has a good heart but sometimes she ignored some of the girls when we ask for days off or our availability for the week which was very annoying of her. it could’ve been a lot worse, i suppose, but overall she wasn’t terrible.

thé lady who lives in my town and drops me given the chance, told me the other night that she used to be the duty manager. i asked her why she stopped and she explained that when they furloughed everyone they asked her to come back on like half pay or something? idk i just remember it being explained as they wanted her to come back sooner and take away her furlough so she said no and got demoted. but somehow she still gets some of the furlough? idk i have been taught that asking how much or discussing specifics of paychecks kind of thing is rude, growing up. she has been telling me they keep asking her to come back (now they’re asking her to be a supervisor since she declined the manager role) and she keeps saying no. i love her and want the best for her so i won’t say anything to anyone about the conversations me and her have had (i mean, apart from maybe my mum if i can remember, and you bc, let’s be real, you don’t know me and idk you) and she says they’re just difficult to work with as a management team. she even said our area manager isn’t impressed with our current assistant manager (who is currently the only person on an houred contract since our manager left) which shocked me since i personally think he is quite good considering he has a good relationship with the staff and kitchen (he’s thai so he can communicate with the kitchen better than most of the wait staff (some wait staff are thai but mostly not)) i think she doesn’t want to be the eldest person in management or she doesn’t want the age gap to be so big since she has a kid she can lecture at home, she doesn’t need to be looking after people at work, y’know?

also today, me and one of the girls were upstairs (two floors of the restaurant!) and it’s nearing 11pm and her brother (who also works there) comes up and asks us when we’re finishing (mostly her lol) but we had two tables just sitting talking amongst themselves so she just said idk. he was saying he wanted to go bc he’s tired etc n he’s driving n she was like it’s fine go home i’ll call an uber or something n he was refusing to leave her behind. (i feel like i brushed over the two tables sitting there but it must be noted they’re the only tables left in the entire restaurant and we were the only two wait staff still there, apart from her brother but he changed and was waiting downstairs). anyway, she was sweeping (i was cleaning the booth/sofa thingy chairs as it was a mundane task we could do to pass time and while she was sweeping by one of the tables thé boyfriend was whispering to his girlfriend saying ‘should we go?’ and the girlfriend said ‘why should i care?’ and the girl came over to tell me v quietly and i got so upset for her. bc she is literally the sweetest person on the earth and the only reason i didn’t go to ask the manager to see if i could go home with the lady who offers to take me (ex-duty manager lady!) was so she wasn’t alone up there. if i had been the one sweeping near that table i would’ve snapped so fucking hard at them. i mean, we’re 18 and have lives and sleep schedules, and we’re working until 11pm on a thursday before we even get home?? like i wouldn’t have minded staying if they were reasonable tables but after the gf said that i was like ‘shall i go get our stuff from the staff room?’ so i could split as fast as possible. in the end the temporary acting manager came up and told us we could finish and she kicked the tables out ten minutes later. i told her what the table saïd and she thought that was mean and unnecessary too. i was also worried about my sleep tonight since i have my first vaccine tomorrow morning. that’s why i was more pressed about what time i left work today. oh well.

im sorry for talking so much about work! sometimes i don’t have someone to talk to about it (at home) bc of my weird hours and sometimes i don’t like re-explaining things to my mum if she doesn’t get it the first seven times. sometimes it’s just a little too draining as she doesn’t understand since she’s a lifer at her job. it’s easier to explain to my dad but then i get a whole lecture on something that i ultimately have no control over n id rather just bitch w the girls at work but the problem is WE’RE AT WORK!!!

also i booked for my first tattoo!! i’m excited. it’s for next week,, which was super quick considering i was expecting to have to wait soooo much longer. i’ve been telling people about it and that it’s happening but i haven’t had the pleasure of telling people exactly where i got the idea from. bar, my dear, you know wheein’s new album, redd? well, it comes with loads of things, including these stickers (one for each song) and the one from springtime was just so perfect and when i saw it my first thought was, this would be a perfect tattoo. and so i am having it tattooed on my body. a subtle nod to kpop whilst also having something meaningful on my body. i also have just decided i want a small, minimalistic (or one-line art) rose on my sternum, kind of in the valley of my breasts, bc my nan was a rose. i like having her close to me. i recently got her necklace fixed which has left me feeling so incomplete after it broke in august last year. it’s been almost ten years and i think i’m long overdue something to remind me of her. i fiddle with my necklace when i’m nervous which is why i love it so much but incase it breaks again (i pray it doesn’t but i have a long life ahead of me) i would like her close still.

gosh there’s never enough space in my head to remember what i want to tell you so i’ll stop here for now since i should sleep to be able to wake up in time for my first jab. i’m scared but it’s whatever i’ll do it i suppose,, eeek 😨

ilyl ~ 🌻

thank you so much for opening up to me about this, it means a lot to me :( i am so sorry you had to go through this and honestly,, i really resonate with you. i feel like when i talk about my emotions and my sadness (dont know if its okay to call it depression either but yea), my friend either always either makes me feel like my emotions arent valid or she tells me she doesnt know how to help, which is frankly, why i dont talk about my emotions to people irl anymore. i dont open up and it takes me a long long time to do so if i ever do, because i tend to feel insecure/not safe :D so really, thank you for telling me and i hope you are doing better. your emotions are valid and i am always here for you 

HAHAHA i mean i dont have many friends so theres not many to stomp on:( but i mean,, i get passive aggressive when i feel forgotten/left out so you best believe i told my friend how im feeling, but like uhhh it didnt do much. i spent the whole weekend at work and i was free on friday but my friend decided to ditch me and yeah. i havent been out in like two weeks now and i mean i am an introvert so i dont mind that much but even i want to socialise sometimes

aah i mean every manager has their flaws, no one’s perfect. my manager keeps calling me to go to work even though i was literally there for 11 hours on saturday AND sunday which means i worked for 20 hours in two days. and i work 20 hours a week at max. and i already worked some hours before the weekend so i think i have like 30 hours now and she keeps calling??? dude i need a break too,,i am so exhausted and tired of this shit :dd

oh i totally get what the lady that drops you off sometimes told you. i would feel a little iffy if i heard it too, but like,,,judge by your own experiences!! if you feel like something is off, you can always leave,, so i wouldn’t be so stressed about it.

why are people so rude ??? dude,,you should care, because we are all human. everyone has their needs and their lives and i bet he wouldnt like it if he was the one in your place. why should you stay there longer just because he didnt want to leave?? that was so unnecessary. people are weird beings and i learnt that after working with them this weekend,,,like i litereally got screamed at because i couldnt accept cash in different currency. like,,what tf do you want me to do?? i dont have every single currency with me so i could give u the change ?? tf ??

ALSO ITS OKAY TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT !!!! i also feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about work bc my parents dont listen to me as much as they used to these days and my friend unsurprisingly just doesnt care bc she doesnt work,, and i dont wanna talk to my internet friends abt it as much bc i feel annoying so i am glad us two can talk about these things together !!!! 

YOUR FIRST TATTOOOO WHOAAAH thats so cool. i love tattoos hihi dfkja idk if u already had the appointment but tell me how it went after !! i wasnt able to find the sticker on the internet but im sure it looks hella pretty. also i love how it reminds you both of kpop and your grandma, its wonderful <3 i really want to get a tattoo one day,, and i also want something meaningful (not that i am hating on people that tattoo themselves just for fun and have no meaning behind their tattoos i just have commitment issues so i want something long lasting). alSO my crush (yes i have a crush now ew) has a tattoo and it looks like satan lowkey,,but apparently its a japanese something (i forgot the word oopsies) and it means jealousy, bad past and wisdom ?? i was like BOY IF U DONT??? fjdkla he has blue hair btw i am very much whipped but he also doesnt know me and i am older than him so this is embarrassing

ALSO I HOPE YOURE FEELING WELL AFTER GETTING THE VACCINE !!! 

ily <333