#this has been attributed to the plague but it's like...it's not as if she went with them to dover...

[fideidefenswhore]

okay i am still working on that henry percy write-up but another angle i wish was explored more:

very few allow for the possibility that chapuys was exaggerating jane’s support of mary as heir to the throne to the extent he was because he’s gone beyond and arguably to some extent, even against charles’ advice/instruction in his support of jane and active role in the boleyn downfall, over any princess charles wanted him to wed when it became clear there would be a new english queen (consort)....

of course he’s lost face regardless, but the solution to minimize that (basically, for promising different outcomes than resulted and overestimating jane’s influence on henry and the power that would be hers once queen) might have been to repeatedly insist that jane was vehemently attempting intercession for mary and even to reinstate her as heir, but that henry was dead-set against this, and of course, nobody could ever have predicted this (it was within the expectations of the ambassador’s role to predict political outcomes, an element where chapuys was more often than not, an abysmal failure, particularly wrt this timeline)

aside from the one report of the bishop of faenza ( she has five times thrown herself publicly at the King's feet, requesting him to send for his daughter and declare her Princess), who was not the most reliable source of the tudor court, this is not corroborated by any other contemporary source beyond a report that mary sat at the king and queen’s table for meals (much later), and the later spanish chronicle. chapuys’ own eventual face-to-face meeting with jane preceding mary’s capitulation contained commitment from her that was soon interrupted by henry, although of course chapuys attempts to spin this as best he can and save face later when events plummet soon after:

 the satisfaction of this people with the marriage was incredible, especially at the restoration of the Princess to the King's favor and to her former condition [...]  begged her to favor her interests; which she said she would do [...]  I begged him the day before, when he spoke about it, to take care that it did not contain anything which could directly or indirectly touch her right, or the honor either of herself or of the late Queen, her mother, nor yet her conscience; otherwise she would not consent thereto for all the gold in the world [...] Meanwhile I went to talk with this Queen's brother, whom I left very well informed of the great good it would be, not only to the Queen his sister and all their kin, but also to the realm and all Christendom likewise, if the Princess were restored to her rights; and I am sure he will use his good offices therein. [...] the King got into a great anger against the obstinacy and disobedience of the said Princess, showing clearly that he bore her very little love or goodwill [...]  In this case it would be important for the Princess to be declared heiress, at least in case of no male heirs. Has some hopes of this from the demonstration lately made by the King, the Queen's goodwill to her, and the words of Cromwell. [...]  it was proposed to deprive the Bastard and make [Mary] heiress [...]  the matter proceeded so far that, in spite of the prayers of this Queen, which he rudely repulsed, the King called the judges to proceed according to law to the inquest and first sentence which is given in the absence of the parties [...]  I even sent to [Cromwell] several times, when matters were so desperate, to advise the Princess to consent to the King's will, and I have since fully assured him that he should know before two months were over that there was no man in the world who had done better service in this matter than I. /  the danger of interrupting our negociations for amity, in which the English proceed so coldly that I know not what to say /  The ambassador writes that she was a maid of the late Queen, and afterwards of Anne Boleyn; that she is virtuous and kindly and welldisposed to the Princess, in whose favor she has spoken to the King, and that there were hopes of her being declared true heir in the parliament. / They have also renewed and aggravated the statutes against those who should use the name of Pope, which is also treason; and it is said they will cause the whole realm to be sworn again, in confirmation of the statutes against the Holy See, against the marriage of the late good Queen and the legitimacy of the Princess, to whom no one should dare give that title on pain of his life. /  [...] doubted whether he should have any child by the Queen; for which reason he intended, in a few days, to declare the Princess heir of the kingdom /  I think the Princess has acted more prudently, whatever Count Cifuentes and Doctor Ortiz may say, who in my opinion have not considered all the circumstances. /  The Princess is well. Since her reconciliation to her father, she has been treated even with more ceremony than in times past. /  As to the Princess, Cromwell tells me she will be declared heiress apparent without fail. /  She is now served as Princess. /  Chapuis writes on Sept. 2 that the Princess is well, and is served as Princess. 

jane either over-promised or chapuys exaggerated the vehemence of her promise (he certainly did cromwell’s... ‘without fail’ indeed); edward it seems made no commitment at all (none chapuys reports, at least...) and yet he is ‘sure’ he will do his utmost to restore her to her rights. 

the question becomes, what corroborating evidence do we have of chapuys’ reports on this dynamic as he reported? really it’s only mary’s letter to jane, which seems to be in response to a letter of support jane only wrote and sent after mary’s submission/capitulation (the copy of which has not, frustratingly, survived, although mary quotes it partially-- “no less full of motherly joy for my towardness of reconciliation than of most prudent counsel for my further proceeding therein"-- although it seems like jane was only able to keep one promise-- “of your goodness you promise to travel to bring to a perfection” was kept, but her request to “have in remembrance her desire to attain the King's presence” after the initial visit was not met for another five months-- “the delay of the coronation will do no harm except that the coming of the Princess to Court is put off till it takes place”). 

[dailydemonspotlight]

Mad Gasser - Day 55

Race: Vile

Alignment: Dark-Chaos

June 14th, 2024

Some demons are conspiracies. Some are mass hysteria. But if we were to combine the two? The interesting annals of American history have several strange sidenotes, but one of the most baffling is related to the sleepy town of Mattoon, that being an incredibly curious case of the Mad Gasser of Mattoon, today's Demon of the Day.

In September of 1944, as recanted by Colin Dickey on AtlasObscura, Aline Kearney was spending some time home with her young daughter, Dorothy, and sister, Martha. It was the height of the second World War, a time of panic and unrest, and while her husband was off serving the Navy, the constant stream of news about lives lost only led to further stress for poor Aline. As day turned to night, however, it went from stressful to downright bizarre. A strange, sickeningly saccharine smell flooded Aline's nostrils, though Martha, who was presumably in the room with her, had smelled nothing. Things went downhill fast as Mrs. Kearney's legs suddenly froze up, her throat constricted, and she became paralyzed from the waist down. Terrified, Martha went to call her husband, but as he arrived, the suspect had already left- a tall, cloaked man in a gas mask.

This first attack is inexplicable... as were the rest. The Mad Gasser struck 33 times over the span of 12 days after his story was picked up in the newspaper, with several families reporting to the police and news that they had been woken up deep into the night, legs frozen in place and throats dry and scratchy. While none of these attacks were fatal, the confusion surrounding them gave way to the burning question as to why they even happened. There wasn't any real motive for them, and they were almost purely random! Later on, an officer released a report that it was likely the result, not of an attacker, but rather toxic gasses blowing over with the winds from a nearby power plant.

However, that conclusion has been heavily disputed, and still to this day explanations are sparse. The most widely accepted one, however, is that of this not being an enigmatic attacker, but rather a case of widespread mass hysteria. The concept of mass hysteria, if you're not familiar, is effectively defined by 'a group of people acting in an odd way for extended periods of time-' historical instances like the Meowing Nuns or the Dancing Plague come to mind, but it can be attributed to even entire hallucinations or actions. As with the Dancing Plague, the people attacked were effectively uncontrollably stopping, experiencing hallucinations that brought them to believing that they were, indeed, a victim of a gas attack.

Combine the high stress of the times with the first attack spreading widely throughout the news, and you have a potent recipe for disaster. However, what still sticks out is the figure spotted running away from the first instance of an attack. Most people consider them to be a concerned neighbor who was checking in on the chaos going on in the house, but the way he ran away may bring different ideas to mind. Past this, several attacks later down the line mention a similar figure spraying gas into their houses almost like spray paint- while this was likely just a hallucination as well, the concept of a figure being responsible in-and-of itself for these attacks has purveyed throughout pop-cultural consensus, and it's this figure that is the Demon in question today.

The enigmatic figure responsible for these attacks is widely unknown, but what we do know about it is that they were an individual wearing dark clothing with a tight-fitting cap. And that's it. Yeah, there's not much else to any depictions, given that all reports of this man take place in the absolute dead of night. However, despite how little they had to work with, I feel like the Mad Gasser's design in SMT works really well to portray the idea behind them. It also looks frankly cool as hell.

[chloe-spade]

Sour Apple Chapter 1: Whistle while you work

Once upon a time, there was a princess.

The fairest of them all,

Who defeated a dark evil and went on to live happily ever after.

But what happens when you are no longer the fairest?

What happens when the one thing you attribute your worth to…

is stripped away forever?

🍎

Lorelei walked into her room, after a day of many duties. She cursed the day that tired her out. She watched as the Mirror's face faded in within the dark atmosphere inside.

Her eyes darkened as she saw the mirror and took a breath.

She hated that she needed to ask, but what had become around her needed to be heard.

🍎

My mirror tell me what you see today

What word of those beyond these walls

🍎

"It seems another has taken your place…," The Mirror hummed.

Lorelei could only look in shock, when she heard. She whipped her head back at the mirror, her lips trembling. "No… no… you told me that couldn't happen."

"The fairest can only be fair for so long."

"But it's all I am… it's all I've ever been."

Lorelei refused her life was already going downhill. Ever since she was a young girl and now onto adulthood. A plague was following her, cursing those around her, and she was done. The Mirror saw this and grinned coyly.

"We all grow old, my dear."

🍎

Beauty is power and all you are

You are nothing now

🍎

But you're meant to help me," Lorelei hissed at the mirror, now glaring at it. Her fists were clenched, blood underneath her nails from how hard they were clenched.

🍎

Though there are ways to gain it all back

I can show you how

Apples don't fall far from where the branch has been

But you'll do more than her

🍎

"I'm nothing like her." Loreli scowled coldly, "And I will never be like her."

The mention of her made Lorelei scowl. The pain she has dealt with from that wicked woman was too much for her to remember, and that damn Mirror knew that, as it smiled once again.

"Really?" The Mirror faux a question, "I see so many things that have made you similar."

"Enough."

🍎

Just tell me what spell I need for this to disappear

Make things as they were

All I've ever been

Gone in seconds flat

Pretty as a rose

Was all I ever had

Now I have a chance

To fix what was replaced

To let this kingdom know

I won't take second place

I can't lose to some nobody

(You can't lose)

I won't back down

(Don't back down)

Take what I have earned all these years

(Take what you've earned)

I'll claim my crown

(Claim your crown)

I cannot be beaten when it's all I've had

(You can't be beaten when it's all you had)

🍎

The story starts again anew

Watch as the chaos now ensues…

🍎

"Mirror, Mirror on my wall," Loreli spoke, gulping as she spoke the question, "Who is the fairest of them all?"

"Although, my queen, though fair may be, I see someone that surpassed the beauty of thee."

"Who?" Lorelei demanded, "You have already told me that someone has taken my place, but I demand who dares take my place? After so long."

"The person I see has fair skin that has been blessed by spring, eyes just as beautiful as the cloudless sky above and lovely curly hair that has reminded those of beautuful lavenders."

"Epel," Lorelei growled, rushing towards a nearby window, and opening the curtains.

She saw the young boy she has damned years ago, now 15, almost 16. He was now cleaning the stairwell that leads to the gardens, on the last step. His humming was angelic, lovely doves surrounded him as he did, and he didn't mind it.

It made her sick to her stomach, seeing the boy that destroyed her life, being so peaceful, though his look of annoyance from time to time made her smile ever so little.

"I don't have to be concerned about Epel," Lorelei scoffed, "he's nothing. Just a mere commoner who works for me." She walks away from the window and looks at the mirror one last time before leaving her room.

But on her way down, she looked out a window once again to see Epel, rinsing the stairwell, and running out of water. He groaned softly and walked over to the water well, ready to refill it.

🍎

Epel looks down at the well and sighs to himself as he moves the bucket down.

It was so long that he started to do chores, mainly scrubbing and dusting, but no matter what, he was so annoyed at everything and small things for revenge made things easier for Epel and his newly distressed state. However, he found some odd solace in Vil and a new hunter named Rook, who always found some food to feed him and clean him in private if necessary.

He was grateful for them, he had to admit. Even the accompanying letters from Jack made Epel hopeful for a new day, a day when he could escape from the chains he was bound by.

He just sighed and started to walk back to the well, in the middle of the gardens. Being by the well again reminded him of his departed mother, and her words whenever they are by the well itself. He looked around at the doves around him.

"Hey," he whispered to the doves, "Wanna know a secret?"

The doves cooed in response, though it made Epel feel crazy, talking to birds.

"Promise not to tell?" Epel smiles.

🍎

We are standing by a wishing well

Make a wish into the well

That's all you have to do

And if you hear it echoing

Your wish will soon come true

🍎

Epel could see his mother by the reflection like she always does whenever she is by the well every time. His hands touch the cobblestone as he starts to sing, and the well reflects his voice.

🍎

I'm wishing (I'm wishing)

For the one I love

To find me (To find me)

Today (Today)

I'm hoping (I'm hoping)

And I'm dreaming of

The nice things (The nice things)

He'll say (He'll say)

🍎

Many hear the beautiful song, even some nearby animals. It always reminded those of the previous queen, whom Epel always seemed to mirror at times, even when he was mischievous and stubborn. Regardless, he's still their prince, no matter what he looks like or what he does.

🍎

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah (Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah (Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah (Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah)

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah

🍎

From far away, wolf ears perked up from the beautiful song and followed the melody to the wall. Daring to hear the voice once again, he begins to climb the wall, the beautiful voice leading him.

Once he saw Epel, he could only stare and listen.

Epel, however, didn't notice.

🍎

I'm wishing (I'm wishing)

For the one I love

To find me (To find me)

Today (Today)

Today!

🍎

Epel gasped as he saw Prince Jack Howl in the reflection of the water and looked to see Jack across from him. He tripped almost himself from shock, but he managed to keep himself up.

"What are you doing here?" Epel demanded, "You know what will happen if Lorelei finds you. You'll be in big trouble or worse killed."

"Epel,"

Jack's hands held Epel's softly but firmly, stopping Epel from running away.

🍎

Now that I've found you

Hear what I have to say

🍎

Jack held Epel close, as they slowly danced, with Epel tripping from time to time, but he was interested in why Jack was even here in the first place.

🍎

One song, I have but one song

One song, only for you

One heart, tenderly beating

Ever entreating, constant and true

🍎

Epel blushes at Jack's song, feeling his heart beating in love. Epel didn't know how to express it, especially with him being secluded for 3 long years. How to express love when it's completely foreign and forgotten by someone?

Epel just managed to keep in.

The one thing he couldn't keep in was Jack presenting a beautiful scarlet ring to him, putting it on Epel's finger.

🍎

One love that has possessed me

One love, thrilling me through

One song, my heart keeps singing

Of one love, only for you

🍎

Epel looked up at Jack, and then back at the ring. He didn't know what to say, or even how to say it.

Was Jack asking what Epel thought he was? Marriage? Now?

Epel stood in the garden, staring at the ring in his hand. It was a beautiful ring, no doubt, but he couldn't help but feel hesitant about accepting Jack's proposal.

He loved Jack, that much was true. Jack was kind, caring, and always there for him. But the thought of being married, of being tied down to one person for the rest of his life, scared him.

He had always been a free spirit, never wanting to be tied down to anything or anyone. But he knew that Jack was different. He loved him, and he knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.

But still, the hesitation lingered.

"Hey," he said, taking Epel's hand in his. "Did you look at the ring?"

Epel nodded, still unsure of what to say. Jack could sense his hesitation, and he pulled him into a tight hug.

"What's wrong?" he asked softly.

Epel took a deep breath before speaking. "I love you, Jack. I really do. But the thought of being married scares me. I don't know if I'm ready for that kind of commitment."

Jack listened patiently, his arms still wrapped around Epel. "I understand," he said. "Marriage is a big step, and it's not something you should do if you're not ready. But just know that I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Whenever you're ready, I'll be here."

Epel smiled, feeling a weight lifted off his shoulders. "Thank you," he said, leaning in for a kiss. "I do want to spend the rest of my life with you, Jack. I just need some time to think about it."

Jack smiled back, his eyes filled with love. "Take all the time you need," he said. "I'll be here, waiting for you."

Epel smiles and holds onto the hug.

"But why did you propose to me?" Epel pondered.

"I got suspicious when I came to visit you after the party years ago. When we wrote to each other, you wrote that we should meet in secret after, but you never stated why. But every time I saw you, you looked like you had been crying, or just incredibly tired. Sure, you are still just as rowdy, but I knew something else was wrong. So, I asked Vil," Jack looked at Epel with sadness, "Why didn't you tell me that Lorelei was doing such horrible stuff to you?"

"Even if I did," Epel sighs, "I can't do anything about it. She's queen and if I escape, she'll send her best hunter to find me. Even his son too. I can't risk it, even though I just want to do so much to destroy her and tell the people of the horrible things she has done."

Epel's eyes darkened as he looked up at the window, where her bedroom his. "I want her to suffer, even just for a small bit, just for a day…I want her to pay for what she did to me. Sure, pranks can go a long way and I've been doing thousands, but I want something that could just make her learn that I am not someone who will just sit idly! I am the prince and she reduced me to this."

Jack stopped Epel, holding his hands again. Epel's face was full of rage, but a small hint of sadness. He knew Epel kept so much in and now, there was no one he could talk to about it.

"What about Vil?"

"His mother forbade him from even looking at me," Epel explained, "but he always made me some sort of dinner and had his hunter give it to me. Vil…Vil is vain, but not like his mother, and I'm glad I got to see that before all of this."

Jack made another proposal, "What if we ran away together?"

"Run away?"

Jack nodded, "I will make a vow. Epel, I vow to protect you, and I will make sure my kingdom will protect you as well. You can't live like this, Epel, and I decided to make this decision for you. Will you accept?"

Epel looked at what he was doing, cleaning the stairwell, and looked back at the well. He was practically wasting his life here, and even though his memories of his mother and father were there, that has been tarnished by the wicked woman he once affectionally called his stepmother.

He wanted an escape, and he'll get that.

"Yes," Epel answered, "tonight. Meet me here tonight, and we'll leave to your kingdom."

Jack smiled and gave Epel a small but passionate kiss.

"I'll be here."

Epel blushed as Jack leaped over the wall, disappearing from his view. He looks back at the well brings up the pale now full of water and begins scrubbing the stairs again, but with a smile and a song.

🍎

"He has done it, Roi du Poison!" Rook announced in delight, " Monsieur Dur à cuire has pronounced his love with Monsieur Crabapple, and they plan to run away. " Rook swooned with a grin, "It was a very romantic thing to witness."

"Good," Vil spoke, brushing his hair in the mirror, "but this is not over, Rook. You and I both know that."

"Ah, yes, I do know. Père has been keeping an eye on Monsieur Crabapple as well. I do fear that it may result in something bad happening to him, and I would feel immense guilt for it."

Vil looks back at Rook, "Then we should be cautious. Now, go on and leave me be. My mother is very impatient and I hate to be tardy to lunch."

Rook nodded and just like that disappeared off to do who knows what.

Vil could only just take a breath and began his walk to his dining room, now worried for his step-brother. Now he has to figure out how to protect him, even when he is far away.

To Vil's surprise, his mother was not at the dining area, like she was supposed to. She was nowhere to be found, which Vil found suspicious, and not trusting the situation, he went to the throne room. If anything, Lorelei was doing some extra work and forgot the time, it wasn't the first time she had done this.

"I want you to do something for me, my dear huntsman," he heard Lorelei speak, "you are the only person I can trust with this task, and I know you will do this without much hesitation."

"What is that, my queen?"

Vil watched as his mother presented a box, deep red with golden accents around it with a heart as its pin. She held it to the huntsman, her face showing evil intentions.

"You will kill Epel, take his heart, and put it in this box. I do not expect sloppy work from you."

Vil covered his mouth, horrified.

"Your Highness," The huntsman gasped, "Epel is still the prince! You can't just plan to murder him!"

"Enough. If you dare define me, your head might as well be on my stand for everyone to see." Lorelei threatened.

"R-right, your majesty," he gulped.

Vil stepped back and quickly rushed back to the dining area. He was panting, resting by a nearby window. He felt his heart racing, now scared for himself and Epel.

What made the situation worse was that he knew that his mother was not one to kid about something as dark as murder. Plotting murder like it was nothing against Epel, the same person who had lost both parents in such a span that it was upsetting.

He didn't know what to do, other than warn Epel.

Vil jumped as Lorelei and her huntsman walked out. He tried to keep his composure but it was difficult for Vil, knowing his mother's murder plan. So he just sat on the dining table.

He hoped that Rook would come to his aid.

Oh, what a lovely prayer Vil thought as Rook entered, with his usual gradient smile. Vil mentioned him close, so he walked closer and leaned down for Vil to whisper.

"Roi Du Poison, I feel something was amiss so I came right away," Rook spoke. "Now what has happened?

"My mother plans to kill Epel," Vil explained, causing a dramatic gasp from Rook. "She enlisted your father to do the job, and as evidence, he must grab a box and put his heart in it."

"As a prize? Now that is horrible, Roi Du Poison," Rook whispered back, trying to hide his shock.

"I need you to join your father and Epel, protect him. And give him one last message from me." Vil ordered.

"What is that?" Rook asked.

"Run, as far as he could," Vil spoke, "anywhere but not here."

"Of course, your majesty," Rook grinned with a smile, watching his father leave, "I shall depart now, please do wait for me."

Vil smiled as Rook kissed his hand goodbye and followed his father outside.

🍎

Epel found it strange, being outside the palace walls. His hair was combed and dressed in nice princely clothing, something that he didn't exactly miss, but that would've been a lie. Rook even found an old necklace that belonged to his mother before her death, and he wore it proudly as he felt the breeze around him.

Sure, he was still accompanied by Rook and his father, but even they could not stop this new sense of freedom he longed for.

"The air is nice this fine day, Monsioer Crabapple," Rook sighs contently, "such beautiful clouds and magnifique flowers, in such a beautiful spring."

Epel rolled his eyes at Rook and began to walk forward. He might just pick some new flowers for his mother and father, as the ones on their graves have been wilted for years and need replacement. He began to pick some flowers, mainly red roses and white lilies, the kingdom's symbol for their strange but romantic love, both on different ends of social status, and their love made it work.

His thoughts were interrupted by a chirp, a very sad one.

He followed to see a sad baby bluebird, picked it up carefully, and smiled.

"Are you ok?" Epel softly whispered, "What happen to you, little bird?"

Epel looked up and got up, "Ah, you must've felt out of your nest, didn't you?" Epel chuckled, found a nearby rock, and began to climb it to the nest, holding onto the branch as he helped the bird back inside, the bird chirping happily and nuzzling against Epel's cheek in appreciation.

"You are welcome," Epel spoke and climbed down.

Epel backed away carefully and watched the baby bird nuzzle against their parents, making Epel feel happy but a tinge of sadness was there.

Once he turned around, he saw The Hunter brandish a dagger towards Epel with inhuman speed. Epel gasped and ducked to avoid the sudden attack. He grabbed a rock and struck The Hunter in his head, defending himself. This made The Hunter stumble back, trying to recover.

"Monsier Crabapple!" Rook called out and rushed over to Epel.

"What is going on!?" Epel demanded, "Your father was trying to kill me!"

"Oh, I did not wish to tell you this," Rook sighed, "but the Queen has asked my father to harm you, to kill you. That why I am here, to lead you away! Far from here, and to safety!"

"What? But-!"

"Go! Please go!" Rook pleaded, making Epel stop for a moment. "It is for your own safety."

Rook gave Epel a basket of food and a lantern.

Epel didn't need more convincing as he began to run away, disappearing into the woods.

"Damn you, boy!" Rook's father hissed, "Do you realize what you have done!? That woman will have your head!"

"I rather it be mine than Epel's," Rook spoke back, "and I follow my prince, not the queen."

🍎

Epel felt trees grab onto him as he began to run away, the sun now non-existent in the dark woods. His mind felt like everything around him was more monstrous, especially for someone who never left the castle before.

The hoots of owls and the growls of wolves scared him every time he was distracted. He hated how he felt his heart beat with fear, as he continued to walk through.

But the lack of noise when he went further made him hear whispers, insults, or evil laughs.

It made him run and not look back. He suddenly became overwhelmed and the trees began to grab him again, almost falling into a cliff. Well, he did fall into the lake that he thought was alligators and he was hyperventilating.

He ran before he collapsed and covered his ears.

"Leave me alone!" He screamed, "I Don't want to be here!!"

A scared mewl made him stop.

He saw a small rabbit now scared, because of his screams.

He looked around as the clouds moved away, revealing the sunlight and his surroundings. He was surrounded by animals of every kind, birds, rabbits, dears, turtles. They were all afraid because of Epel's screams.

He sighs, now calming down.

"I'm…I'm sorry," Epel sighs, "I didn't mean to scared you. I just happened to have a bad day and I took it badly. You didn't deserve that and I'm so sorry again. I just wanted to scream because I was afraid, and I don't want to be afraid and look what I did. Scaring animals. What do you do when you are scared?"

The baby bird chirped happily and started to whistle towards Epel.

"You sing?"

The baby bird whistled again with Epel singing along, creating a melody with each other. It made Epel happy as he got up, and walked towards the birds, continuing to sing.

🍎

With a smile and a song

Life is just a bright, sunny day

Your cares fade away

And your heart is young

With a smile and a song

All the world seems to waken anew

Rejoicing with you

As the song is sung

There's no use in grumbling

When raindrops come tumbling

Remember, you're the one

Who can fill the world with sunshine

🍎

He lets the animals surround him and lets him pet them. They were relaxed now and were happy to meet a new friend.

🍎

When you smile and you sing

Everything is in tune and it's spring

And life flows along

With a smile and a song

🍎

"I really feel quite happy now," Epel laughed, "I'm sure I'll get along somehow. Everything's going to be alright, but I do need a place to sleep at night."

Epel realized that was a problem for him, as he looked around at the animals.

"I can't sleep in the ground like you, or in a tree the way you do, and I'm sure no nest could possibly be big enough for me. Maybe you know where I can stay? In the woods somewhere?"

The birds tweeted happily and flew around him, pulling on his cape.

"Oh? Are you taking me there?" Epel grins.

Led by the animals, Epel was shown a beautiful old cottage, with flowers of all varieties covering it.

It made everything for Epel.

He rushed towards it and looked around, seeing the window clouded and not cleaned, and a disgusting smell filled his nose which he covered.

"It looks nice, but it does not smell friendly," Epel coughed as opened the door. Everything was around and full of dust, the mess was everywhere and the smell had gotten worse. He sighed as he entered the cottage and looked for some sort of well…anything, food, drinks, clothing but everything was so disorganized and it was disturbing for Epel.

"Seven little chairs? Are we in a childrens' house? Those poor children, they live in this dump."

He looked at the animals and puffed his cheeks.

"Well, we have to clean this messy place if I am gonna stay here," Epel sighed, picking up the broom.'

He started to hum to himself and he began to sweep. He slowly got carried away as he began to sing to himself, which made the animals around him clean.

🍎

Just whistle while you work

And cheerfully together, we can tidy up the place

So hum a merry tune, hmm-mmm

It won't take long when there's a song to help you set the pace

🍎

Epel whistles as he begins to grab some of the dishes and wash them, with the animals providing soap and water. His humming was contagious as squirrels began to sweep the insides and corners of the cottage, and birds and deer helped them with the clothes, washing and hanging them.

Epel swept again, as more of a finishing touch to the floor.

🍎

And as you sweep the room, imagine that the broom

Is someone that you love, and soon

You'll find you're dancing to the tune

🍎

Epel could only imagine him being with Jack once again like that morning, dancing around, actually having fun.

🍎

When hearts are high, the time will fly

So whistle while you work

🍎

Epel happily cleaned everything around, adding some lovely flowers to the dining table, and decided to create some dinner for himself, some hazelnut soup, and a nice meal after cleaning until nighttime arrived. He was feeling safe and now sleepy.

"I wonder what's upstairs?" Epel questioned, climbing up the stairs.

He saw a nice room with seven little beds with names imprinted onto them, but he couldn't see because of how dark it was. He yawns and feels the bed, immediately sinking. He managed to be comfortable and yawned to himself.

He closed his eyes, drifting up to dreamland as the birds covered him with a beautiful blanket. May the gods above protect the prince from all the horribles of the world.

[piltover-sharpshooter]

Cold Steel (Evil Caitlyn AU)

If there was one thing both sides of the Zaunite Rebellion could agree on, it was the fact that it should have never had reached that far. In another place, on another time, the ragtag group of Zaunites were stopped before they even got off the bridge, but on this world, whether it be a more emboldened group of rebels, a more imcompetent group of enforcers or both, the attack went as far as to reach low Piltover before they were pushed back to their city.

Caitlyn's father, ever the medic and the bleeding heart, decided he should go out in the middle of the attack to help whoever needed it help. They found his body five hours later, dead by a gunshot wound to that same bleeding heart, and Cassandra Kiramman, having been the one to find him, suffered a panic attack so severe it left her bedridden for the rest of her life.

It was on this enviroment where the Heir to the Kiramman name was raised, a father who had abandoned her to die for nothing, and a mother too grief striken to pay attention to her. No matter what she did, how much she exceled in her different fields from politics to shooting, Cassandra remained bedridden with a face of vapid imbecility, even as Caitlyn grew more and more resentful, going as far as to scream at her mother to show anything at all, to no avail.

Soon that anger turned from her parents to the dregs that had taken them from her, doubly so as it seemed that somehow the council became more and more open to Zaun's demands, 'A time of healing' they said, while the Kirammans were left in Tatters. They, who had been the ones to help Zaun the most throught it's history, were rewarded by being struck the hardest, then forgotten.

And as she stood there in her room swearing revenge on the city across the river...someone heard her voice. Camille Ferrors, the Gray Lady, a woman she had only heard whispers about, appeared before her, just as disgusted and angry at the scum of society that dared touch Piltover and the weakness now plaguing her city. She offered Caitlyn a choice, to set things right once more, to put Zaun in it's place and never let them rise again.

She didn't have to wait long for an answer.

From then on, Caitlyn would act as Camille's second, accompanying her on missions first to observe how she worked, then to help her plan, before finally killing her first target herself at the age of 15. After that was when the augmentations began, Clan Ferros had discovered the benefits of Hextech decades ago, secrets they shared now with the young Kiramman. Following the same process as Camille, she was implanted with a hextech heart, though in her case hidden behind armor plating, as well as hundreds of different cybernetics implanted onto her, new eyes, new lungs, new arms and legs and so forth. Soon another myth would join that of the Gray Lady, much more brutal and vicious, leaving bodies ranging from gunshot wounds in the head to drawn and quartered.

Soon the Zaunites would learn to fear 'The Metal Queen'

It was on her 18th birthday, when she was about to officially take command of the Kiramman household, that her mother finally woke up. They met in their living room, each woman unable to recognize the other, and as Cassandra hugged her daughter and promised everything would be alright now, the only thing Caitlyn could think of ...was how she felt nothing from her mother's arms. It was too little, too late.

Cassandra Kiramman was found dead in her bed the next day. The official record attributing the death to the years of stress and grief. Just like it was made to look.

Since then Caitlyn has assumed the position as council head, regaining back power and influence in months that they had lost in years, and though outwardly the most staunch defender of the twin cities' good relationship, every move she has made behind the scene has costed Zaun dearly, whether it be a new law tightening the grip on the city once more, or a high priority target eliminated in the shadows.

Caitlyn now waits, silently, as tensions keep rising once more, as civil war seems inevitable, she waits to show her hand and get the revenge she so rightly deserves.

Piltover would once more takes it place, not as the equal of Zaun, but as it's undeniable master. She'd stomp on the city's neck so hard they'd end up thanking her the boot. And FINALLY, after everything, she would find peace.

And if she could not save it from it's delusion.

Then let Zaun burn.

[3linaturabi]

زيارة عاشوراء 🌿🕊

Ziarat e Ashura is attributed to Imam Muhammad Al-Baqir ع who was 4 or 5 years old during the tragedy of Karbala. Imam Baqir ع transmitted this to all the Shia. Ziarat e Ashura bears such superiority and importance that no other Ziarat contain.

Imam Jaffar Al-Sadiq ع about Ziarat e Ashura said to one of his follower:

"O' Safwaan, when you're confronted with some adversity, then seek redressal of your grievances from Imam Hussain ع through the Amaal of Ashoora, Allah has pledged the fulfilment of demands

With this Ziarat and Allah never reneges on his words."

Ref: Miracles of Ziarat e Ashura

In Ziarat e Ashura we send blessings upon AhlulBayt ع and martyrs of Karbala. There's curse upon the enemies of AhlulBayt ع، upon those who attacked Imam Hussain ع

His children and companion in karbala, upon those who killed Imam Hussain ع , upon those who helped and supported the killers of Imam Hussain ع.

It has been told in Ziarat e Ashura that the pain and sorrow Imam Hussain ع and his household gone through was unbearable And excruciating.

There's no hardship in the world no matter how severe it is, it can be resolved by reciting Ziarat e Ashura. If you feel anxiety or your heart feels restless just recite Ziarat e Ashura and you'll feel divine peace.

Martyr Ayatollah Dastgaib Sherazi narrates from Ayatollah Shiekh Abdul Kareem Hayeri, that he was in Samarr'a for his studies and that time the city of Samarr'a was attacked by a deadly disease called Plague. Dozens of people were losing their lives on daily basis,

One night, a meeting was called at the house of Ayatollah's teacher, Syed Muhammad Fesharki, and there Mirza Taqi was also present. The talk was turned on the plague. Mirza Taqi said, "What if I suggest something that people will follow?" Everyone agreed to him. He suggested reciting Ziarat e ashura for the next few days and giving the reward to Lady Nargis, mother of Imam Mahdi عج. The news was spread in the city like fire, and people started to recite Ziarat e Ashura. It was noticed that not a single death was reported after that.

That's the miracle of Ziarat e Ashura.

Ayatollah Taqi Bahjat said :

"The existence of Ziarat e Ashura in itself is a proof of its miraculous nature."

Imam Jaffar Al-Sadiq ع said :

"I guarantee a few things who recite Ziarat e ashura

His Ziarat will be accepted

His actions will be considered virtuous, his salam will reach Imam and Allah will never return him back dejected."Haaj Mullah Hassan who was caretaker of Imam Ali's ع shrine narrates from Haaj Muhammad Ali who was very pious person and used to live in Yazd. He had a neighbor who was his good friend, both of them had grown up and studied together, later that friend started buisness of Tax collection. Few years later this friend died and was buried in the Mazaar where Haj Muhamad used to spend his night worshipping. After one month of friend's demise Haaj Muhamad saw him in dream where he was looking so handsome and smart.

Haaj Muhamad Ali asked him "I very well know the kind of buisness you were involved in. There was nothing in that work that would merits this great reward that you've received. Infact nothing except punishment could be expected from the kind of work you used to do.Then how did you received this great position and reward?"

The friend replied

"You're right, infact from the time I died till yesterday I was involved in a painful chastisement. But yesterday wife of Ashraf Haddad died and was buried few meters away from here Last night Imam Hussain ع came to visit her thrice and on the third visit Imam ع ordered that the punishment from the entire graveyard be removed. Hence now you see me in ease and comfort."When Haaj Muhamad Ali got up he did not know who Ashraf Haddad was so he went to iron market immediately and inquired about Haddad and reached his house. Haaj Muhamad asked Haddad

"Did you have a wife? "

He replied

"Yes she died yesterday and I buried her so, so place." Haaj Muhamad asked him

"Had you gone for Ziarat e Imam Hussain ع?"

He replied

"No, but why are you asking this?"

Haaj Muhamad narrated his whole dream and after hearing the entire dream

Ashraf Haddad said "My wife was very particular and regular in reciting Ziarat e Ashura."

We Shia are blessed wallah to have a divine treasure of Ziarat e Ashura.

-Syeda Fatimah Huda..

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Wonderful World - Part 8

I think you guys are really gonna like this part for a lot of reasons 😇

Series Masterlist

Warnings: mentions of homophobia, internalized homophobia, coming out, oral (male receiving), fingering, sex.

WC: 12.6K

Harry had spent a lot of his life alone. He was an only child and well, his parents had started an intensive, out-patient mental health facility when he was just a kid, so he did spend a lot of time without them for several years - not that they weren’t supportive and loving, they truly were, but quality time with their parents is just something that kids need. They had moved away from their hometown and into London when he was about 6 to do this, so he was removed from the 2 cousins he had and well, this kind of perpetuated his ability to be alone. And as things took off with his parents’ clinic they were able to open another location, and they now owned 5 of them across the whole of England. Even now as an adult, he’s quite isolated even from the few friends he has, but that doesn’t bother him. He had just never really noticed just how far removed he was until Rebecca came into his life. 

At the time he was just finishing his residency and he had a plan to allow himself to adopt a sort of hedonist approach to life for a bit, to make up for lost time essentially. During med school everyone is kind of a loner, you really get together to study or cry and rant about how grueling everything is, but socializing is not really something they’d do so he had kind of forgot about it. So when he met her, someone so gorgeous and smart and just as invested and obsessed with her career, he took his opportunity to just be with her. Truly, they had a lot in common, too much in common if that’s even possible, so he thought that maybe this would mean that their relationship would naturally flourish into a lot more. But the longer they were together the more it worried him that not even his feelings for her were flourishing as he expected. Harry had dated one person seriously before Rebecca and that was when he was 19 years old. He was head over heels with this girl, he attributed it to being young and naive and told himself that adult relationships just didn’t feel that way so that he could continue investing in what he and Rebecca had or were trying to have. He forgot about what attraction and interest in others felt until Diana came into his life. It really happened within 5 seconds of seeing her that a part of his brain that he had forgotten could be so powerful kicked in at full force. 

There were so many thoughts and daydreams and feelings that were floating around in his head or pricking his stomach with butterflies whenever she was near. It was exciting and terrifying all at the same time. He felt like a hormonal teenager who could hardly figure out which way was up. It was a “vie en rose” phenomenon; suddenly he was romanticizing everything and he was optimistic and subconsciously doing a little more to take care of himself, he was plagued with thoughts about her and hoping that she thought of him too. He was happy though, he liked feeling this way and it spurred things on even more knowing that she too felt something for him. Maybe it wasn’t as intense as what he felt for her, but there was hope because when he kissed her she had kissed back, ardently. And he knew that there were complications, but there was hope and it kept him going. But when he woke up this morning, annoyingly 3 minutes before his alarm went off, there was no hope. The rose-colored filter in which he had been viewing the world through was gone - as if it had never even existed.

“…if this situation isn’t evidence enough that we can’t-”

“I know. Maybe in another life…”

Those were the words playing over and over in his head like a damaged CD, he was stuck on that, in a loop and it hurt. It hurt to know that the person who had made him feel so happy was unattainable to him. He knew that life wasn’t fair, he knew that you can’t always get what you want, he could rationalize the issues that would come with pursuing her, but he didn’t want to be selfish and hurt Celeste in the process.

When his alarm finally went off he groaned and shut it off before he sat up and rubbed at his eyes. He stretched a bit and got up to have a shower, he would normally do a little yoga session, but he was in absolutely no mood for that at the moment. He also skipped breakfast, which he rarely ever did, and just decided to run an errand that had been on his mind for about a month now. When Harry pulled up to the animal shelter he didn’t want to be too optimistic that the cat he had dropped off a while back might still be there.

“Morning!” The young guy at the front desk smiled happily as Harry walked in.

“Good morning.” Harry responded with a smile.

“How can I help you?” He asked and Harry rested his hands on the counter top before sighed.

“So a few weeks back I dropped off a cat, she was all gray and had these big green eyes-”

“Like you?” The guy said with a smile and Harry smiled bashfully and glanced away for a second.

“Yeah, I suppose so.” He said before looking back at the guy with a chuckle, “I was just wondering if the owner was found? Or if she had been adopted already?” He asked.

“Did she have a collar?”

“Ummm no, but she was chipped. I know if they’ve been to a pound or shelter before you guys chip them too though. So maybe she’s just a stray.” He said and the guy nodded.

“That’s right…” he said as he started typing something into his computer, presumably looking through the catalog, “Do you happen to know the breed?”

“I have no idea.” Harry sighed through a chuckle.

“No worries, we’ve got a few gray cats in at the moment so I just want to narrow it down. What was she like?”

“Mmmm, she was friendly and cuddly. Kind of clingy,” he chuckled.

“Maybe a Russian Blue…” the guy said and then smiled, “We only have two of those at the moment and one if a kitten so I’d assume it’s the other one.” He explained, “Did you want to see her?”

“Yeah, if possible. And adopt her too I guess.” He said.

“Oh, right on.” He smiled, “Yeah, let’s go on back.” He said and Harry followed him down a hall and then another door that led to the cat enclosures, “Do you have other pets?”

“Ummm no, this would be the only one.” He said and the guy nodded, “Well, after you brought her in we had her spayed a few days later, so that’s all taken care of. She’s up to date on her vaccinations as well.” He said and Harry nodded, “Is it this one?” He asked stopped at one of the kennels and Harry smiled when he saw her curled up atop of the little tower in the corner of the enclosure. The little name card said “Misty”, it’s what he was calling her after Celeste mentioned that name.

“Yep, that’s her.” Harry said and the guy smiled.

“Great. So typically for adoptions we do want to socialize the cats with the owners first, make sure they’re going to a good person and all that. So if you’d like to hang out with her for a bit today and then put in your application before you go she can be going home with you whenever you’re ready for her next week.”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Harry smiled. 

“Alright, let me open this up for you.” He said and Harry moved aside, “Do you want to go to another room?”

“This is fine, I want her to feel comfortable with me first.” Harry assured and then just sat down at the entrance of the little kennel. Misty’s attention was fixed on him. She was looking up at him with a bit of caution.

“I’ll come back in about 10-15 minutes, yeah?”

“That’s perfect, thank you.” Harry said, slightly glancing back before turning back to the cat. “Hi.” He said quietly and extended his hand out in invitation for her to get closer. He smiled when he saw her tail started to wag in interest. He continued making eye-contact with her until she raised her hind legs and stretched a bit before she started to stalk over slowly. She sniffled at his hand before she approached, walking up to him between his legs and he smiled as she looked up at him and her eyes closed as he started to stroke her back and she almost immediately started purring.

“Do you remember me?” He asked quietly as she started to lower herself and he chuckled. Overall she was as sweet and clingy as he remembered, she was a beautiful cat. He preferred dogs much more as he had grown up with dogs at his grandparents’ house, but he didn’t have as much time for a dog. If this cat was a needier breed he didn’t even want to think about how much more needy a dog would be. Cats could certainly be on their own if they had stimulation around them and well, if he kept her at his practice then she’d get plenty of attention from people, he was certain of it. The time just flew by and before he knew the guy who had been helping him was coming back.

“So, has this sealed the deal?”

“Definitely.”

“Cool, I started on the paperwork.” He said and Harry smiled.

“See you soon, Misty.” He said petting her once more before he stood. As soon as the door to her kennel was closed she mewed loudly in protest and it just about broke his heart and he frowned, “Don’t worry, I promise I’ll be back for you soon.” He said to the cat and struggled to walk away. He felt a lump in his throat as he followed the guy back up front.

“She’s really attached.” 

“Yeah, one of my patients saw her out on the fire escape of my practice a few weeks ago. It was raining, who knows how long she was out there. I had to take her home with me since it was already late.”

“She knows you’re a good person.” Harry smiled as the guy said this.

“Well, I hope I am.” He said as the guy printed out the forms he needed to sign.

“What kind of practice do you have?”

“I’m a psychiatrist.” He said and he hummed.

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” He chuckled lowly.

“I mean, a lot of people need help so it is cool that you can help them.” He rephrased and Harry nodded.

“Well you’re right about that. How’d you get into this?” He asked.

“Oh, this I my shelter actually.” He explained and Harry’s eyes went wide.

“Oh, that’s sick.” Harry said with a smile and the guy nodded, “Sorry, I didn’t even get your name.” He said.

“It’s Cam.” He said extending his hand to Harry and he shook it firmly.

“I’m Harry.” He introduced himself before they let go, “Hey, I know that some people need emotional support animals, maybe we could look into collaborating or something in the future.” He said and Cam smiled.

“Yeah, that’d be great actually. We need to find these little guys homes. After COVID we’ve had so many animals surrendered. Especially dogs, tons of people got bored and got quarantine puppies.”

“Oh yeah.” Harry nodded.

“Yeah, the animals are also really codependent and have depression and anxiety and attachment issues when they come here and it’s also really hard for them, you know?” He asked and Harry frowned as he nodded.

“I can imagine. So are you a vet?” 

“Not yet.” He explained, “I’m on my third year, so almost done.” He said and Harry hummed.

“Well keep it up.” He encouraged the man who nodded and smiled. He soon brought over the forms he needed to fill out and once he had those all taken care of Cam explained the process the application would go through and soon Harry was off to work. He was looking forward to the weekend, he had the escape room with Henry and Grace tomorrow night, Saturday he would find himself at the farmer’s market, and then Sunday he’d be relaxing at home - his week had been mentally and emotionally draining and he needed to distract himself. 

*********

Geri and Ozzy had been flocking Celeste ever since she’d come back to school because they could tell the Megan was trying to talk to her and they didn’t want to give her a chance. Of course she wanted to apologize to her, in Celeste’s mind Megan was willing to do just about anything to not get expelled, it made sense. But she wanted her to be expelled, she deserved it after everything that she had done. She didn’t want to talk to her or even look at her until the school board was telling her that she was expelled. She just had to hang out two more weeks and then everything would be resolved. Megan deserved everything that would happen to her, Celeste had just recently been able to get back to playing guitar how she could before! Getting expelled was not as worse as what had been put through, it’s not like she wouldn’t get into another school. She was pretty and popular from the start so Celeste was sure Megan would have no issue making friends wherever she was off to next. 

“Hey guys, I’m just gonna go the bathroom and then meet you in the band room, OK?” She said to Ozzy and Geri who both nodded. They had a spring concert next week and they are rehearsing a lot. As soon as Celeste sat on the toilet she was filled with fear when she heard the lock on the main door latch quietly, almost as if she wasn’t supposed to hear it. Her body was covered in goosebumps and her breathing started to become short and shallow as fear of what would happen started to flood her mind. She cleaned herself up with shaky hands and tried to take deep breaths as she stepped out of the stall, but she didn’t see anyone. Maybe she had imagined it. She was washing her hands when the furthers stall creaked open and Megan emerged. Celeste’s eyes were wide in fear as she backed into the paper towel dispenser.

“Megan, please don’t do anything to me.” She said shakily, bringing her hands out before her to minimize the potential contact and Megan frowned as she saw the fear coming off of Celeste. She was barely breathing and she could feel how nervous she was.

“I’m not going to do anything to you, Celeste. I just want to talk to you. To explained what…what’s going on.” She said and Celeste frowned.

“I don’t care, Megan. I just want you gone.” She said and Megan frowned.

“Look, after everything I did to you I get it. But look, I just, I need you to read this, OK?” She said as she swung her backpack to the front to pull out the letter she had written.

“I don’t want your forced apology.”

“It’s not forced! I mean it and I just owe you an explanation.” She said, extending the folded up papers to Celeste, “Please just read it. Obviously, I don’t want to get expelled and if this help great, but if not, I get it.” She said quietly. Celeste looked between her eyes and papers she was extending a few times before she reached up and grabbed them from her.

“I’ll read this, but don’t expect me to forgive you.” She said and Megan nodded.

“I know.” She said and Celeste refused to turn her back on Megan as she hurried to unlock the door and rush out of the bathroom. She got through band well enough and Ozzy’s mom gave her and Geri rides home and as soon as she was in the safety of her home she had a thought to look at the letter, but decided not to. And she put it off like this with other things, like homework, putting away the dishes on the rack, putting her clothes in the wash…when her mom got home they had dinner and just before Diana got to washing Celeste looked over at her.

“Mom?”

“Yes, mamita?” She asked with a smile and Celeste sighed.

“Megan approached me in the bathroom today.” She said and Diana frowned.

“Did she do something to you?” She asked immediately and Celeste shook her head.

“She just wanted to give me the letter, she said she owed me an explanation.” 

“OK, and what’s bugging you about it? Isn’t this what you wanted from her? To know why she was doing all of this?” She asked and immediately she thought of Dr. Styles, he would probably ask her the exact same question.

“Yeah, I guess…but I’m scared of what it’s gonna say.” She confessed and her mom grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Yeah, it is scary.” She agreed, and well Diana knew that it was more likely that the truth would make Celeste more angry than sad, “You don’t have to read it yet, you know? You can think about it for a few days. Or even wait to read it with Dr. Styles, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind being there with you for it.” She said, knowing that Harry was kind of her comfort person right now. She didn’t have an urgency to know what was written, she had a good idea of what it would say.

“You don’t want to know too?”

“Of course I do, but I also remember what we talked about and that sometimes you’d like to process before sharing with me.” Celeste smiled upon hearing this. It was hard for Diana to not be the first person she came to for everything, realistically she knew that would be the case the older Celeste got, but she was 14, she was still a child. But she had also told Harry that she trusted him with Celeste and with helping her, so she would let them work together before she demanded to know more. She might know the reason for why Megan did what she did, but she still wanted to know if she had mentioned that in her letter.

“OK.”

“Just take it at your own pace, OK?”

“I will.” Celeste assured. After helping clean up a bit she went up to her bedroom and got ready for bed and once in it she stared at her backpack forever until she just got out and felt around for the papers and brought them back to her bed. She took a deep breathe and unfolded them.

“Dear Celeste,

I know that by now you must hate me for everything I’ve done to you and I don’t blame you. I know you must think I’m this evil person and bully but I’m really not. I’m just confused a little bit right now. I’ confused about a lot of things and it’s scary. Scary enough that it pushed me to do things to you when you didn’t deserve it. I’ve been working with Miss Jones a lot and she’s helping me be less confused about the things I feel and I know you must think that I’, just writing this to not get expelled from school, but it’s not. Of course, I don’t want to be expelled, who does? But that’s besides the point. I am writing this because I was wrong for hurting you, emotionally and physically. I know that a piece of paper does nothing to fix that and I can’t take it back even though I wish I could. I am so sorry Celeste. Miss Jones said I didn’t have to share what I am about to with you, but I want to so that we’re even.” 

Celeste frowned as she set the first page down and then went on to the next page.

“I know that you don’t owe anything to me and that you don’t have to keep my secret but I know that you’re a good person and that you’ll do what you think is best. I know I deserve to pay back what I did to you in some way and if that means getting this out then fine. The reason why I’ve been so mean to you is because I’m jealous of you. Or was…I don’t know, I still might be a little bit. I’m jealous of you and Geri.”

Celeste’s mouth dropped open in shock as she read the next part.

“I think I like-like Geri. Or well, I do like her. I hope you’re not weirded out by that. But I just thought that maybe you guys liked each other and I was jealous. I tried to kiss her once and she rejected me and when I saw you guys together I got mad because I thought she thought I maybe wasn’t good enough or pretty enough for her. I made her promise not to tell anyone or I would do something bad to her, so don’t be mad at her for keeping my secret. And well, after talking to Miss Jones about that last week I realized that it’s not that I was mad at you, I guess I’m more mad at myself for feeling that way about Geri. And I don’t want to blame this on my parents, but they’ve always told me that feeling that way is wrong. And so I was made to feel bad for feeling that way about Geri. That’s why I’m a little confused right now because I can’t help what I feel, but I also don’t want to feel bad all the time and it’s a mess. It has nothing to do with you and I just made it about you. I’m so sorry.”

Celeste frowned as she read that and went to the final page.

“I don’t expect you to forgive me any time soon for what I did to you, but I at least hope that now you can understand what is going on. One of my friends heard you telling Geri that you go to therapy and if that’s my fault I’m sorry. But now I’m doing that too with Miss Jones and she’s helping me a lot. I promise that I won’t be mean to you any more and that I will stay away from your friend group. I’m also really sorry for the instagram page that was so messed up, I didn’t think about it until your mom was screaming in mine and my mom’s face at the principal’s office. I wasn’t thinking at all about how bad that could’ve been. Your mom is really nice by the way, I did deserve to get yelled at like that, but she was still nice after she found out, which helped a lot because my mom yelled at me all the way home after that. Anyway, that’s all I wanted to say and I hope that one day you’re not mad at me any more. - Megan Freeman”

Celeste was somehow more angry as she read that last bit, how could she not be mad at her? She literally took all her problems out on her and that was so unfair. She was also madam her mom because she knew and never said anything to her! She went back to the second page and set it on her bed before grabbing her phone and opening up her instagram. She went to her stories camera and snapped a picture of Megan’s confession about liking girls and her finger hovered over the “your story” button as she exhaled shakily. “…I know that you’re a good person and that you’ll do what you think is best…”, here eyes were drawn to that line on the screen and she groaned before she deleted it and fell back onto her bed. She was angry but as she thought about what she said about her parents she felt bad for her and now she was confused too. How could she feel angry and bad about someone at the same time. Then she thought about Geri and also got annoyed because she knew why she was getting bullied and she never told her anything about it. How would Megan have known if Geri said something? She regretted opening up that letter because now she was just in a state of frustration.

The next morning when she got to school and saw Megan in the hallway she looked extremely nervous and expectant and Celeste just glared at her before continuing to her locker. She was just gathering her things when Geri came up to her.

“Hey!”

“Hi.” She said burly before slamming her locker shut.

“Geez! Are you OK?”

“I’m fine. Is there something that you want to tell me?” 

“Umm no? About?” 

“Megan?” Celeste said and Geri looked at her with confusion.

“Not really, why? Did she do something else to you?”

“No, just…forget it.” She mumbled and walked off, forcing Geri to hurry off and catch up to her. All day she gave Geri the cold shoulder and she was so angry that she just wasn’t catching on to why she could possibly be upset at her. Even at the end of the day she hugged her stiffly before getting into the car with her mom.

“Hey cariño, how was your day?” She asked happily.

“It was fine…” Celeste mumbled as she buckled up.

“Are you hungry?”

“A little bit.” She said and Diana nodded. When she didn’t choose a place Diana just chose something and as soon as they got home she trudged up to her bedroom and Diana sighed, she had definitely read that letter and whatever it said definitely made her upset. She was eager to help her process everything, but she knew that if she needed her help she would ask, hopefully.

*********

Harry was still very distracted and the evidence to that was them not finishing up the escape room on time. This was the first time he had ever been so out of the loop that he couldn’t even get his brain to focus for an hour. 

“Well shit.” Henry sighed as the last 3 seconds passed and the timer went to zero. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Harry mumbled.

“It’s alright, there’s a first for everything.” Henry assured and Grace nodded in agreement. The door was unlocked and then the staff member came in and showed them the final two steps they needed to get out.

“Next time, guys! But don’t beat yourselves up, this is one of our hardest rooms.” The woman consoled them but Harry just rolled his eyes as he walked out first. He had an IQ of 130, hardly anything was really challenging for his intellect. He was just more in shambles over Diana because of how hung up he was on her. Almost like he couldn’t believe he was feeling this way over someone again. As the three of them reconvened outside Henry asked what the plan was and Harry looked between him and Grace.

“I ummm, am kind of feeling like I need to go put in some ground work.” He said glancing back to Henry who just nodded.

“Yeah, alright man. Should we eat first?”

“Yeah, we can split up from there.” Harry smiled. They went and had some dim sum place that Grace had been eager to try and soon they were saying their goodbye’s outside of the restaurant.

“Oh, Harry can I ask you something?” Grace asked and Harry nodded, “I’ll meet you in the car!” She called to Henry who had already baked away a bit. He shot her a thumbs up and gave Harry one last wave before he headed off to the car. He wondered if this had anything to do with Diana or maybe it was something else about Henry?

“What’s up?” He asked with a smile.

“Well, it’s more things than just one.” She said and he smiled.

“No worries, shoot.” He said and she exhaled nervously.

“Am I like…getting in the way of your friendship with Henry?” She asked and Harry furrowed his eyebrows as he heard this, “Because I feel like I am in a way, like I know you guys never lose at these things and you did today and the only difference was that I was here now sans Rebecca. And you did’t want to go out for drinks after and if it’s an issue I don’t have to come to these things.” She said to him with some worry and Harry shook his head.

“No, you’re not coming between us at all!” He assured and she looked into his eyes more sternly, “I swear it! And well, any time a friend introduces a partner things are bound to change in some way, that’s normal! But I promise you I really like you, Henry hasn’t really had a lot of official girlfriends, I’m sure he’s told you that he’s casually dated frequently,” she nodded, “but maybe I’ve met 3 people he’s been dating in total and you actually got asked to be his girlfriend, so…” Harry said and she smiled, “I like you, Grace. I’ve just had a bit of a week and I’m not up to our usual plans is all, I’ve been a bit off my game. Nothing to do with you, I promise.” Harry assured and she nodded.

“Are you doing OK, though? After Rebecca?” She asked carefully and he nodded.

“Yeah, I think it was the best thing for both of us. I think the fact that neither of us are bummed about it says a lot.” He chuckled and she did as well with a little shrug.

“Yeah, that’s probably true.” She agreed, “Ummm next thing I wanted to talk to you about was ummm…Diana.” She explained and he hummed. Mentally screaming at the sound of her name.

“I didn’t know that you were working with Celeste and I know that it’s best to keep some distance for objectivity and all that-” Well it was too late for that now. Harry thought to himself, “kind of stuff. So I’m sorry if I made you feel weird at any point, I know she was a little worried about that and made a point to not join for the most part until you’ve finished treating Celeste. I just wanted to tell you because you guys seemed to get along really, really well and I was hopeful that maybe she’d at least find another friend in you.” She explained and despite the pang of hurt in his heart upon hearing that he nodded.

“Yeah, don’t worry she told me as well afterwards. I planned on waiting to talk to her when she came in next after that weekend but she beat me to it.” He chuckled and Grace shook her head.

“Yeah, she’s on top of it all.” Grace said with a smile and he nodded, “Ummm, I’m asking you this because you’re not her therapist, but is she doing OK with everything going on with Celeste?” She asked and Harry sighed.

“Yes and no.” he said, “Like she knows what’s within her abilities to help with and what’s not, so that’s always a good thing and she’s great at respecting those boundaries. But I can also see that it’s kind of hard for her to do that, you know? I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like for her right now. Especially after that instagram page.”

“Oh my god, yeah.” Grace agreed, “I just wanted to see how you see her because she does share and talk to me about it, but I just feel like there’s something else going on that is eating away at her and she’s just not telling me, you know? But you’re right, they’re going through a lot at the moment and I’m sure that’s just weird for her to navigate.”

“Yeah. And you know, in my experience Diana really appreciates the open and direct communication, even if she might not particularly love what you have to say…” Grace giggled and nodded, “So maybe just ask if there’s anything else, you know?”

“Yeah, thank you, Harry.” Grace said with a smile, “And you know, I really like you too. You’re really great, I like how relaxed Henry gets around you.”

“We both do that for each other, which is pretty cool.” He smiled, “Any other questions?” He asked and she smiled.

“I think that’s about it for the moment. Thank you for making life better for the closest people to me in my life.” She said and he chuckled and looked away bashfully.

“I definitely think you make Henry far happier than I ever could, so give yourself a bit more credit. Between us, I think that you’re kind of everything he’s ever wanted.” Grace was now blushing as Harry’s words soaked in.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Well can I tell you something?”

“Of course.” He said and she bit her lip.

“I ummm, I’d sworn off of committed relationships after my dad cheated on my mom. I was just constantly so afraid of investing so much time in someone and then it going to shit over someone’s stupidity and selfishness. But I mean, with Henry I just…I don’t know sometimes I do feel stupid for letting my guard down and doing everything I said I never would, you know? But ummm, in my gut I just know that he’d never be like that but…I guess, sometimes I’m just waiting for the bubble to burst, you know? And I’m so close to being all in, I want to be all in! I just…don’t know how to get over this fear I have.” She explained and he hummed.

“Well let me tell you one thing, your gut feeling will never be wrong. It’s the one part of us that is still so primal and instinctual, and whatever you’re feeling there will never lead you astray. In this case, rationalizing will only lead you to leaning in favor of keeping that distance, because everything you’ve been through has conditioned you to feel that way and to think that way. I might be a little bias, but Henry is a really great guy and he would never do something like that to you or to anyone for that matter. Like I said before, he’s been so cautious about who he brings in and who he shares these parts of his life with. So just know that him involving you is pretty big for him, just as much as you being a girlfriend is big for you.” He said and she smiled, “So trust your gut if you want to see where this could go, because if you leave it up to your mind you will definitely find a bajillion reasons to back out of it if you want to.” She nodded and exhaled.

“Yeah, that’s true. Well, thank you Harry. We’re all lucky to have you.” She said before they hugged, “Good luck putting in some groundwork tonight! Hope you get laid.” She said shooting him a wink before she turned and started walking and he laughed.

“Hey, tell Henry that just because he has a girlfriend now, it doesn’t mean all of codewords and previous shenanigans aren’t sacred anymore!” He called after her and she laughed loudly and shot him a thumbs up before getting to the car. 

With that Harry headed to his own car and sat for a bit figuring out with bar to go to. Should he go home and get changed or just go somewhere casual in what he was already wearing? He decided to go home and freshen up and hit one of the higher end bars closer to home, he figured that if he went to a fancier place there’d be less chances of running into a student than if he went to something more casual and well, being closer to home meant being able to get someone there easier. He figured that he did need a good fuck to break out of whatever weird daze he was stuck in after Diana. Maybe if things went really well he could get a fuck buddy out of this, which he needed. He hadn’t had a wank to Diana, but he thought about it a lot. He knew that if he let himself get off to her that there’d be no way he’d put her out of his mind for a good long while.

Once at the bar it wasn’t hard for him to settle in and draw some attention. Harry was aware that he was handsome and that if in the proper mood he could charm the daylights out of anyone he well pleased, but it took a lot of his energy to get into that headspace and he hardly ever did it. This was an act of desperation; he so desperately needed a distraction from everything else going on in his head and he needed to take care of this tonight. He had maybe been sitting at the bar for 15 minutes before a woman came planted herself beside him. The bar tender immediately came over and she ordered a gin martini, after she ordered she spared him a glance and he looked back and offered her a polite smile and short nod in greeting and she did the same before she faced forward again. She was beautiful though and she wasn’t shy when her drink came. As they chatted he discovered that she had come with some friends and they had encouraged her to come “shoot her shot” as she had said. This was a clear indication that she was definitely younger than him but he didn’t care right now. So after a few more drinks and lots of intense eye contact and flirting she was scurrying off to grab her coat from her friends’ table and was wiggling her fingers to them in a dainty goodbye as they made their way out of the bar.

This girl was eager to please. As soon as they got into his car she went for the kiss and he allowed it because this was the whole reason he was out tonight. She was intense and forceful with her tongue as she pressed herself up against the center console. He didn’t hate her desperation, because he was feeling a bit desperate too, but he kept thinking about how Diana and him kissed. The only mouth he wanted on his was hers and even having this gorgeous and eager woman here with him wasn’t changing that for him.

“Mmm, wait, wait, wait.” He said as he broke the kiss, “First off, are you sure about this?” He asked and she nodded, her eyes locked on his, “You’re not drunk right?”

“No.” She assured with a smile and he smiled back.

“Good. Would you mind going back to mine or would you rather spend the night somewhere?” He asked and she bit her lip pensively.

“Do you live far?”

“No, maybe 10 minutes away at most.” He said and she nodded.

“OK, then.” She said and he smiled before he got the car started. On the whole way over she was palming at his crotch, feeling him growing and growing in his dress pants. He loved the friction and feeling of someone else touching him other than himself, he hadn’t tried to have sex with anyone in a while and quite frankly, this was long overdue in his opinion. As soon as they pulled into his driveway and smiled. “Oh, a house?”

“Yeah, I am an adult.” He said with a grin and she bit her lip to suppress her smile.

“So you’re pretty loaded.” She said as she turned to him as he shut off the engine and he glanced over to her.

“In what way?” He asked and she laughed.

“I mean… to own a house in the LA area. I kind of already have a good idea about the other thing.” She said more quietly towards the end of her sentence and he smirked.

“I’m alright.” He said humbly and she hummed at his mysterious response. Soon they were making their way inside and she wanted a tour, so he showed her around.

“You have really excellent taste.” She finished as they stopped at the dining room and then she pulled the curtains covering the large glass back door aside and peered out, “Is that a hot tub?”

“Oh yeah.” He chuckled, “S’been raining a lot though, so it’s not guest ready at the moment though.” He explained and she pouted as she turned to him.

“Bummer.” She said and he smiled apologetically.

“Sorry. I can show you the bedrooms though.” He said and she giggled at his not smooth transition.

“Yeah, show me.” She said regardless and he pulled her along down the hallway that led to the guest bedroom, as much as he needed a lay, he didn’t necessarily want her in his personal, private space. As soon as they made it inside he slid up the light dimmer so that she’d be able to see the room. He did sometimes sleep in here on those random occasions when his bed felt foreign. It had an ensuite as well, and a lot of his books and music were in here as well. “You’re so neat.”

“Thank you.” He said and she smiled as she continued looking around before she sat on the edge of the bed, she then crossed her leg and stretched a bit to get her high heel unstrapped and was quick to bend down and help her.

“Thanks.” She smiled as he unwrapped the strings from around her ankle, then he moved to the next one and he hummed as her fingers carded in his hair and he kissed at her knees and then up her thighs before she stopped him, “I ummm, have this thing about strangers not going down on me. Like I’ll still go down on you, but for me that just feels really intimate.” She explained and he nodded.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Whatever you’re comfortable with.” He said and she smiled. 

She pulled him up so that they were kissing again and she was now pushing him to sit on the bed beside her as she rushed to get his shirt off. Her fingers were quick and soon her lips where trailing down his jaw and his chest. Harry was warding off mental images of Diana as this girl kissed and licked down his abs now as he helped her with his belt. When he was able to get his pants down enough to spring his cock free she moaned and immediately wrapped her hand around it making him shudder.

“You’re so big.” She hummed delightfully before she glanced up at him and licked at his tip, which made his jaw clench in anticipation. She continued stroking the rest of his shaft as she started to use her mouth on the head of his penis. The suckles and strokes of her tongue to his slit had his thighs tensing up as he felt his orgasm was soon approaching. He tried to focus on something else to deescalate this a bit so that he could at least fuck her, but that immediately led to thoughts of what Diana had said and how upset Celeste had been at even the possibility of them two being together, and that was getting him too relaxed as he suddenly wasn’t in the mood for sex. He felt bad though because he had brought this girl over here for just that.

“D-do you want to have sex?” He asked and she popped off of him and she glanced up at him.

“I mean, yeah, but you don’t at least want to come like this first so that you can go a bit longer? I was kind of hoping I could get off too.” She said and he leaned down and kissed her ardently, forcing away any thoughts of the woman who he wanted to be with at this very second.

“I’m perfectly capable of making you come.” He said with slight offense and a confident smile on his face and she grinned into his kiss.

“I’m sure you will, it takes me a bit.” She said and he took that as a challenge.

“If you don’t come at least twice I didn’t do my job right.” He said and she grinned. 

He helped undress her and as she threw the decorative pillows off the bed he grabbed a condom and dimmed the lights per her request. He climbed over her and touched and kissed and licked at her breasts and down her navel, respecting her boundary of not wanting him to go down on her. She seemed to enjoy his dirty talk, so he worked her up that way and bit the time he was getting his hands down to her folds she was soaking wet for him, which he made sure to milk. When he finally got to her clit she was whimpering for more. And for some reason the soft sounds of her whimpers reminded him of the sounds Diana made when he had kissed her. He kind of let his mind take over and he sunk his fingers into the girl, feeling up her walls and curling his fingers forward when he reached the dip inside of her and she literally gasped.

“Found it.” He hummed haughtily and she moaned as he started to prod into that spot faster until her legs were buckling and she was easily coming undone as she clutched the sheets. 

Harry worked her through it until she was begging for him to get inside and so he quickly got the condom on and rubbed himself into her sticky folds, working himself up a bit more before he pushed inside of her with a soft sigh of relief. She was warm and tight and as he buried his face in her neck he immediately frowned when that delicious scent of cherries wasn’t  present. He groaned as he pulled his hips back and then slammed them forward again, but the more he thrust into her the more his mind went back to Diana. He thought about her hand in his, about their lips smearing together urgently, about getting stoned with her and looking into her beautiful eyes until she seemed to good to be true. He thought about just how much more of her wonderful self there was to explore. He thought about how bad he wanted her body, so he started to just pretend it was. His style morphed into one with more intention, he was going slower but deeper, making the girl under him whine and gasp. She was sucking on his neck hard and her nails were digging hard into his shoulders as she got closer and closer to her orgasm. He could feel her right on the edge so he ensured to line up with her properly to stimulate her clit as he continued to thrust into her. Mentally he was somewhere else and he didn’t mind it, especially as the girl beneath him came undone once again.

“Oh, baby. Oh fuck, Diana. I’m gonna come!” He panted and the girl under him froze.

“What?” She asked and upon hearing another voice he pushed himself away from her neck and realize what he had just done.

“J-just ignore me, m’sorry.” He said as he continued to thrust into her and she scoffed.

“No fucking way, you just called me by another woman’s name! Get off of me!” She spat angrily and Harry sighed but did as she requested. He was so embarrassed, this had never happened to him before and he grabbed a pillow to cover up his groin while he clambered off the bed to get to his briefs.

“Look I’m really sorry. Do you need me to give you a ride somewhere?” He asked and she scoffed as she picked up her clothes.

“It’s fine, just get me an uber or something.” She said quietly, still very offended at what he’d done, but he understood. She gave him her destination and then he gave her some privacy as she wanted to freshen up a bit. He ordered her car and then went to his bedroom to get on some clothes. She still wasn’t out of the room so he grabbed her a water bottle from the kitchen and waited around in the living room monitoring the incoming uber. He was beating himself up over this and he had hurt someone’s feelings all because his own feelings weren’t in check and he felt like an idiot, like a moron! He had no idea if anything he did would make up for it. Well, at least he’d kept his promise and made her come twice…when she came in she was still visibly upset and he handed her the water bottle which she took.

“Again, I’m really sorry for that. That’s never happened to me before-”

“Do you even remember my name?” She asked and he bit on his lip and shook his head shamefully. He supposed she had said it when they got to talking but he didn’t really pay any mind to it. “You’re kind of a douche, Harry.” She said flatly and he sighed.

“I know. I’m really, really sorry.”

“You shouldn’t have sex with other people when you’re hung up on someone else! It’s not fair.” She scolded and he nodded.

“You’re right. You’re absolutely right.” He said and she sighed and shook her head. It was kind of annoying that he didn’t get defensive or try to change her mind or offer to make up for this - he wasn’t a douche at all. That’s what made it more hurtful, that he was genuinely a great guy from what she could tell. They stood in silence for a few moments and she sighed.

“You’re not a douche, and whoever this Diana is, hopefully she gets it together and takes you back or sees you in the same way you see her or whatever.” The girl said, she just never repeated her name and Harry felt so bad because he wanted to at least remember and send her off properly.

“Thanks.” He said quietly.

“Maybe if she sees that there, it’ll make her jealous.” She said as she glanced down to his neck, “Sorry, I don’t usually leave hickeys.”

“It’s alright.” He assured and then his phone pinged, “Your Uber’s here.” 

“Great. Umm, well thanks for at least making me finish.” She said as he opened up the door and he chuckled in some embarrassment.

“Yeah, of course. Ummm, what’s your name again, I’m sorry.” He apologized again, as if this could be any more humiliating.

“Don’t think it really matters anymore.” She said softly, “Night.” She said and hurried across the little walkway and into the uber and just like that she was gone and he had even failed at a one night stand. 

Harry was embarrassed and ashamed and he felt so fucking lonely now. He was shutting off the lights as he made his way to his bedroom, he’d clean the guest room tomorrow. And as he laid in his bed he just sighed as he stopped avoiding the thoughts of Diana that were invading his mind. He didn’t know what it was about her that made him feel so out of control, but he loved it. And well, he felt kind of dumb because he was certain that as much as she probably had a crush on him, she didn’t share the same affinity for him as he did for her; or at least he had no evidence of that and well, a kiss doesn’t really mean much in reality. He was in deep and he felt kind of dumb for pining after someone who barely even felt the same as he did. But even more than that, for someone that was off limits to him. It saddened him because he craved getting to know her, every part of her.

*********

Once again, Celeste was upset about something that she wasn’t ready to talk to Diana about. Diana was certain that it had to do with something that Megan had written in her note, she wasn’t sure why she would mention her in it, but it was very possible and she was working on the assumption that it was that. As much as she was impatient to just get to the bottom of it, it was Sunday, meaning Celeste had therapy tomorrow so she was sure that she’d have plenty to talk about after she met with Harry. For now she would just jog because she needed some space from Celeste’s brooding and the lovely things Grace had to say about Harry after they hung out on Friday. She pretty much zoned out as she focused on her music and her thoughts and when she broke away from her metal prison she realized she had made it to the park the was about two blocks away from her house. She sighed as she slowed down and just let herself wander over to the swing set on the edge of the playground. It was only 7am, so there were no children here, just two other runners all the way across the park, they were barely starting to loop back in her direction. She started to create momentum to swing a bit more, just enough that she could feel a bit of wind on her face. 

She not only had the things with Celeste on her mind, her brother, Damian, would also be coming along to the board meeting to be an extra support for Celeste. He had been in Spain for the last six months and so his usually constant communication with Celeste had been lacking a bit, which she understood, but he wanted her to know that he was there for her and that she mattered to him. That would be great, but if he made a trip here she knew that inevitably, her mother would also make an effort to drop by, which was the last thing she needed with everything going on.

“Hey, thought that was you.” She heard and glanced to her left to see none other than Harry in his running clothes and a cap on his head. He looked glorious with the early morning sun shining behind him. And he was littered in tattoos. Sure, she’d seen the cross on his hand, but she’d never seen his arms fully and well his chest, and knees were inked too. It was surprising. And well, he was wearing a tank top and running shorts and she could see just how muscular he actually was and it was making her mind grow foggy.

“Oh wow!” Diana said with a smile and he looked at her confused, “Never seen you in all your glory before.” She signaled at him with her hands and he chuckled as he realized what she was trying to say. He wondered if she was good shocked or bad shocked by his tattoos. He started when he got to med school and well, he did go into a bit of a frenzy, but he didn’t really regret any of them. He hoped that this didn’t make her less attracted to him as she continued to look him over as he stopped in front of her. He was getting nervous so he changed the subject.

“I’ve never seen you around here. Do you run here often?” He asked and she looked into his eyes now and shook her head.

“No, never. I just kind of zoned out a bit and went a bit further than I normally do.” She explained and he hummed.

“Must have a lot on your mind.” He said and she nodded. They suddenly heard a car horn honk loudly and turned to the sound and when she saw it was nothing she focused back on him and well she felt a pinch in her heart when she saw a hickey at the base of his neck. It started to grow in her chest and spread out to her arms and it reached all the way down to her fingertips. The steady prickling feeling of disappointment and hurt was never a nice feeling and she looked down at her shoes instead as she talked herself out of feeling upset over this. When he finally turned back to her Harry noticed that she looked a bit bummed out, “So are you OK?” 

“Oh yeah.” She said and glanced up to him, but she couldn’t help and steal a glance at the love bite again and it was hard for him to miss her looking it over too. He felt satisfied, but also crappy because of how it all happened.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, just Celeste is mad at me again. I suspect it’s about the apology letter Megan wrote her.”

“She’s not talking to you?”

“Yeah, just not about that. I’m sure she’ll bring it up to you tomorrow in session.” She said and he nodded, “I just…I’m really impatient to know when people have a problem with me. Because I’m a fixer, I want to fix things I did wrong you know?” She explained and he nodded, “I also hate to be the one that brings said things up…” she chuckled and shook her head at the irony.

“Confrontation is hard.” He said simply and she nodded with a smile. 

“That’s for sure. Ummm…my brother is gonna come for the board meeting.”

“Oh, that’s good!”

“Yeah, it’s great that she’ll have more support. It’s just…when my brother comes into town my mother tends to descend upon me as well and…” she felt a knot forming in her throat and he frowned as he stepped closer to her; one of his hands was on the chain of the swing and the other on her shoulder. She had her bottom lip bitten hard between her teeth and her eyes were all glossed over, she was fighting from crying and it made him upset to see her that way, “I’m sorry.” She said quietly and Harry shook his head.

“No, love. S’alright.” He assured and she glanced up to him at the term of endearment he let slip, “S-sorry, it just came out.” He said and she shook her head.

“It’s OK.” She said as their eyes met. How she wanted to tell him that she liked it, she liked it when it felt like they were just two people with endless possibilities before them. She had been keeping her distance emotionally, she already liked him, but she didn’t want to like him anymore than she did at this time. It was mostly surface level at this point, there were parts of him that she knew and that she liked, but they were basic things, really. Nothing like he had said of her the other night. She wanted to speak of him that way, but that would require a lot of sacrifice that would just end in hurt and she didn’t want to hurt anymore. She felt that she had hurt enough for her entire lifetime and still, it kept coming as if she hadn’t had enough.

“What is it?” He asked quietly and she swallowed thickly.

“I just…was thinking how this must feel really one-sided to you. How you’re always helping me and listening to me and learning about me and that…must suck.” She said and he smiled softly.

“It doesn’t suck.” He said to her, “I really don’t mind it.” He assured and she smiled.

“It’s not that I don’t want to reciprocate, I just…can’t.”

“I know. With Celeste and everything-”

“It’s nothing to do with Celeste, it’s just me.” She confessed, “I don’t want to get hurt anymore. And I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose, but just our situation would and…I also don’t want to hurt you. And if these run in’s leave you feeling sad or something, we don’t have to.”

“I’d rather talk to you for five seconds than not talk to you at all.” He admitted and she swallowed thickly as she looked into his eyes, “It’s worth it for me. To get to know you and understand you. Maybe it is…self-destructive and pointless, but it makes me happy. Even if it’s just for right now.” He said and she sighed, “Doesn’t it make you happy? When we see each other and get to be like this?” He asked as his hand slid down over hers and she nodded.

“It does.” She agreed quietly as she enjoyed the warmth of his hand over hers, “But it’s also sad because I know it’ll be over too soon.” She said and he smiled at her.

“Then don’t think about that, love. Just be here with me, right now. Who cares about everything that comes after.” He said quietly and she smiled.

“Yeah, you’re right. Sit with me then, we can see who swings higher.” She said with a playful smile and he smirked.

“Oh, you’re going down.” He said confidently as he let her go and got into the swing next to her. She was going higher, considering that she was smaller and lighter than he was, but he was getting up there. They were laughing as the wind rushed through their hair and they just allowed for the fun of the moment to exist without a concern for what came next.“And now we have to jump off!” Harry shouted.

“Are you crazy!? No way!” She laughed.

“C’mon! Live a little!” He encouraged and she groaned. “Watch!” He said and just propelled himself off of the swing and he did land on his feet despite stumbling a little, “See! C’mon. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He assured and she groaned in anxiety because she wanted to do it, she did but she was so scared. She decreased her height and speed a bit to something that seemed doable and just before she could chicken out she propelled herself off of the swing and sure enough, it was scary but exhilarating as she flew through the air a couple feet and landed on her feet in the sand, she was about to stumble but soon Harry’s hands were on her waist, steadying her and she placed her hands against his chest as she laughed and he did as well, “Told you I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” He said with a grin and she smiled up at him.

“Do you ever get tired of being right?” She asked through a smile and he smirked.

“Would you?” He asked and she laughed quietly.

“Definitely not.” She said and he chuckled.

“Exactly.” He said lowly. 

She hadn’t pulled her hands away from his body and he was still holding her around her waist. Her body was buzzing in his touch, as it always did. His eye contact did things to her, it made her feel like he could see everything in her mind and in her heart and it was scary, but also quite relieving. She wanted to be able to do that to him too, to just understand him. To learn what each of his looks meant, the gestures he made, the things he said. She wanted to be intimate with him because it just felt like it happened so naturally and because in her eyes, every force in the universe was pushing them closer together and it was getting harder and harder to resist. Before she could talk herself out of it she tiptoed and slid her hands around his neck and he didn’t even hesitate to dip head down so that their lips collided delicately and beautifully. He wrapped his whole arms around her waist to pull her even closer and it just felt right to be in his hold. Her heart was fluttering and her breathing was bated as their lips moved together, kiss after kiss, and it just didn’t feel like enough. His lips were so smooth and he had been chewing some fruity gum that made him taste so good and she couldn’t help it as she opened her mouth up a bit for him to slip his tongue inside. She hummed in satisfaction as he swirled his tongue at the opening of her mouth before he deepened the kiss to slide it along hers. 

Harry moaned into their kiss when her fingers tangled into the bottom of his hair and tugged it a bit. They were in public, so he was trying to keep his arousal at bay, but it was getting so hard do so. Their mouths moved together without urgency, their kiss was slow, but deep and full of every emotion they were feeling towards each other. It was just them right now in this moment. Sure, there was this nagging little voice in the back of her head telling her it was wrong and that they needed to stop, but she didn’t care, she was just happy to be kissing him again. She smiled against his lips when he nipped at her bottom lip playfully and it kind of interrupted the kiss, but he just started to smooch around her mouth and her chin and the corner of her mouth before their lips met once again in a slow kiss which seemed like the last one, they opened their eyes and looked at each other for a few seconds with the biggest, dopiest smiles on their faces. 

“Sorry for just springing that on you.” She said a bit bashfully and he shook his head.

“It’s OK.” He smiled, his dimple was carving deep into his cheek and she melted at how cute he was, “Do you want to sit down for a little bit?” He asked and she nodded. She was sad to feel his hands leave her body, but soon he was extending his hand out towards hers and he pulled her along to a bench that was some feet away under the shade of a large tree. They sat close, with their intertwined fingers resting on his thigh. She lifted their hands as she saw the bottom of another tattoo under his running shorts. They were the high-cut kind so they did ride up a bit more now that he was sitting.

“Another one?” She asked before glancing up to him and he smiled.

“Yeah. I’ve got a lot.” He said with a smile and she hummed.

“What is it?” She asked.

“A tiger. Wanna see?” He asked and she nodded. They let go of each other for a little bit  so that he could show her the full thing. She looked impressed, rather than put off and then started looking at the ones on his arm, pointing out the ones she really liked.

“That’s cool. I’ve always wanted one, I just think it’d hurt a lot and I’d wuss out.” She confessed as she rejoined their hands, a detail which did not escape his mind.

“They don’t hurt that bad.” He said to her with a little smile, “It’s more of a stinging sensation, I’d say. Like when you get scratched or burned a little and it just stings.”

“Oh…interesting. That’s not at all what I would have imagined.” She said pensively and he smiled.

“Yeah, it’s alright. It’s just when you have big ones it can get painful or tiresome. None of mine are really that big to be honest. Just my thigh one really…Oh and I have some laurels right along my pelvis, those hurt.” He recalled, “Oh and my stomach one too, that was probably the most painful one.” He said.

“Stomach one?!” She asked and he chuckled.

“Yeah, it’s a butterfly.” He said to her and she smiled.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He chuckled, “Wanna see?” He asked and she nodded. He lifted his tank top and maybe flexed just a little bit as she reached out and touched it as she shook her head in disbelief.

“That’s really gorgeous actually, but you’re insane for this.” She giggled and he chuckled.

“Just a tiny bit.” He agreed as she pulled her hand away and he let his tank top fall back down. She had a mental image of scratching down his toned chest and torso while she rode him and immediately her cheeks went pink and he grinned, “What?” 

“What?” She asked as she glanced up to him.

“You’ve gone all red in the face.” He pointed out and she cleared her throat. 

“Nothing, I just…didn’t really think about touching you there and I guess the realization didn’t strike until afterwards.” She fibbed. He wanted to believe her, but her eyes had this kind of dark look in them that he knew was an indicator of something much more lewd.

“Oh…right.” He teased and she looked away with a nervous smile, “Hey, nothing to be shy about.” He said and she shook her head.

“I’m a little shy.” She said and he smiled.

“It’s OK, me too.” He assured and she scoffed in disbelief, “I really am!” He defended and she smiled.

“I’m just giving you a hard time, Harry.” She assured and he chuckled and looked down to where her hand was resting and he interlaced their fingers again and just looked at them together. His hand was swallowing hers, but he liked how dainty and small it looked in comparison to his own. But despite the size different he liked how they fit and she seemed to like it too as her head rested on his shoulder and he smiled. “I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel about everything.” She sighed and he hummed.

“That’s sweet of you. Maybe you will someday.” He said and she hummed.

“Yeah, whatever you need I’ll be there.” She stated assuredly and he smiled.

“Thanks, love.” He responded quietly. He did trust her and he knew that at some point she’d come through for him as well. 

“I have a question for you.” She said.

“What is it?” 

“Where’d you get that hickey?” She giggled and he laughed as well and shook his head.

“A failed hookup from last night.” He confessed and then glanced down at her and she was smiling, he wasn’t sure if she was just amused with his response or happy that he said it was a failed hookup.

“Last night, huh?”

“I was sad and lonely, OK? And…I thought that might help.”

“That never helps.” She pointed out and he chuckled.

“You’re right, but sometimes it’s worth a try, OK?” He defended his actions and she hummed.

“Yeah…I suppose. Why did it fail?” She asked and now he was red in the face as the memory resurfaced, “If you don’t mind me asking.” She added and he bit his lip as he thought about being honest with her or not. And well, considering how they were right now he felt that maybe this would kind of be laying it all out on the line.

“Ummm…I…kind of said someone else’s name during.” He said quietly and she started to laugh and leaned further into his hold through her fit of giggles and he chuckled as well, hugging around her as she laughed, “You’re laughing but that’s never happened to me! I almost cried from how bad I felt. But I genuinely didn’t even remember her name. I wasn’t even drunk!” He chuckled and she just continued laughing before she glanced up at him as she shook her head.

“I can imagine. I have secondhand embarrassment just from hearing that.” She giggled and he shook his head in shame again and she giggled, “S’alright though, s’always a bit weird when you first hook up after a breakup.” She assured comfortingly as she looked into his eyes and he bit his lip before he leaned down to kiss her again. A small ‘mph’ sounded between them as she wasn’t expecting a kiss then, but she easily gave in to him as his hands grabbed her face gently. His nose rubbed along hers as he pulled back a bit.

“It wasn’t Rebecca’s name that I let slip.” He whispered his confession against her lips and his eyes fluttered open at the same time as hers.

“Oh.” She whispered.

“Yeah.” He responded and he was nervous now as this fact settled between them. Diana felt that her entire body was suddenly burning from the inside out. Her tummy was flipping and turning with excitement and it was satisfying to confirm that just as she’d thought of him a few times now, it was the same for him. But even still, she wasn’t sure whether she should just run away to avoid acting on every impulse in her body or stay put to assure him that she didn’t mind. There was only one right thing to do because it was the feeling that was coming from her gut. She leaned up and connected their lips again, this kiss was far more sensual and slow, but the tension between them was palpable; they were in public, they had to show some restraint even when their bodies were begging them not to. It was a bit hard for her to want sexual intimacy with someone, but something about Harry made her feel like he was the one for her. The one that would change everything. They were startled apart by a dog that was barking nearby, but then he just pecked her lips with quick kisses a few more times, which made her smile, as they actually made some more distance.

“Sorry, got carried away.” She said as she caught her breath and he chuckled.

“It’s fine. Perfectly fine. Wonderful even.” He smirked and she playfully rolled her eyes.

“Ummm, I should probably head back, I’ve been gone way longer than usual.” Diana said with some disappointment.

“I literally live around the corner. Right over there.” He said pointing to the neighborhood behind the far end of the park, “I can drive you.” He offered and she smiled.

“As lovely as that would be, if Celeste saw the next time you’d see me I’d probably be in a body bag.” She joked as she stood from the bench and he did as well.

“Are you trying to tell me that she has violent and homicidal tendencies, because I can totally work on that with her in session.” He said with a playful smile and she shook her head.

“Don’t ruin the joke, Harry.” She groaned and he smiled and pulled her in by her arm.

“I’m not, it’s more funny actually because that’s totally within my skillset!” He defended as he pulled her into his chest and she hugged around his waist as he hugged around her shoulders. She sighed and then stayed silent as she listened to the steady thumping of his heart for a few moments.

“What are we gonna do?” She asked with some sadness laced in her voice. “This is getting more and more difficult, Harry.”

“I don’t know, love.” He sighed, “I literally don’t know.”

---- Tag List ----

suspended ATM until shadowbanning is lifted! PM my primary blog if you want me to message you when I update!

[durgalmaple]

okay there's a something i want to talk about.

you ever read or watch something and end up really liking it? so you go online to look for more stuff relating to it? but it turns out that everyone else who watched it likes it in a completely different way than you?

that's me and Monster Musume: Everyday Life with Monster Girls

tl:dr: i like Monster Musume in a way that practically no one else likes because of the nature of the series.

(note: there's a couple descriptions of some ecchi stuff and some kind of yucky stuff, so if you don't want to see that, be warned)

Monster Musume (further shortened down to MonMusu) is an ecchi harem anime/manga about a guy who becomes the host of a bunch of monster girls who all love him. it got an anime adaptation in 2015 which covered the first twenty six chapters, and there are 82 chapters in total, with an 83rd chapter coming soonish.

being an ecchi, the main focus tends to be something along the lines of "what sexy situations can we put this guy in?" and "how can we get a bunch of boobs on screen?"

i went into this series knowing this, and with one goal in mind. i wanted to know if this series was actually good.

the answer: no, but it gets close to being kind of good

the series is positively absurd. the main character has only been refereed to by his actual name once, two kaiju battles have happened, the most recent chapter was about the main character playing yugioh against a mummy so that the company that's puppeteering him could get the rights to yugioh! it's genuinely fucking funny! however, i think it's ecchi nature bogs it down significantly.

in chapter 29, Centorea (who is a centaur)(creative name i know) and her mother (who goes unnamed)(probably named Horsea or something) have a jousting match. they're fighting for their ideals, which sums up to a battle between tradition and progression. at the beginning of the chapter, it was shown that while Centorea is a very skilled jouster, she's not perfect. she hits off the mark, and this bothers her. however, MC has something that he's sure will help. he give it to Centorea and it's a very big bra. I should mention, Centorea has really really big boobs. see, her big boobongos bounce when she runs, which throws off her stance making her miss the mark. i think this is a funny joke. anywho, Centorea and her mom joust a little bit more and in the final round, they give it their all and once the dust settles, because the author hasn't met the Boob QuotaTM, their boobaroobas are out. this really deflates a bunch of the tension from the chapter, and miffs up the ending. i mean it's still alright, but it's just that one bit that brings it down.

this is something that plagues a great deal of the series. there'll be a good chapter and then it gets messed up by the Boob QuotaTM.

the chapter which i think gets hit by this the most is chapter 32. in which MC, Miia (who is a lamia), and Rachnera (who is an arachne) help a shrine maiden (who's also a Nine Tailed Fox) put on a play and it's really nice and cute, and then Okayado (who is the author) fills the Boob QuotaTM. this, along with the next chapter, broke me.

the series has other problems however. it hasn't touched the harem aspect of it in years, characters stagnate, and then there's literally just Suu.

Suu is a slime girl. she's one of my favorite characters. i think her characterization is really fun and interesting most of the time. however, this is Suu

can you see the problem?

(note: Suu has two forms. small Suu and big Suu. pictured above is small Suu, i don't want to picture big Suu. i've kind of just accepted that small Suu and big Suu are two completely different characters which i can attribute different actions to)

i think that anywhere else, Suu would be an amazing character. however, because Suu is in Monster Musume: Everyday Life with Monster Girls, her existence is just really uncomfortable.

i can at least find solace in the just sort of ignoring the parts i don't like about Suu, or even making an actually interesting character trait out of it.

however, i'm not the only person in the world that likes MonMusu.

Monster Musume is an ecchi series for people who like ecchi, so a lot of the fandom for it is ecchi stuff. i like these characters as characters, whereas a lot of the fandom like these characters as something hot to look at, which makes it hard for me to find things i like because everyone else is just posting boobs.

while yes, i like boobs, this is not the place i want to look for boobs.

and that's it. send post.

(this was made because i recently found out that they had announced a second MonMusu game)

[scalamore]

[thoughts] Tory/Lari - On Rupert becoming Emperor

I could have sworn I made a post about it, but guess not. I find it interesting that both Tory and Lari tell Rupert that he'll become Emperor, but he attributes the credit (for lack of better word) to Lari. Objectively, Tory did most of the work in ensuring Rupert becomes Emperor, as she was created for this purpose. Eva had trained him from an early age to be good at politics, alchemy, and general knowledge, as well as training him how to read other people/get them to do what he wants, and of course, feeding him poison so he could be resistant to it. After she died, Tory took over in making sure he stays on track on their mission. Rupert continued his studies and obtaining his own power/wealth, while she acted as a spy/assassin to get rid of his enemies in the background.

The thing is, while Tory always reminds him to stay focused for the sake of the mission, to become Emperor, and how she's doing all the dirty work for his sake, the tone used is that she's spurring him on to become Emperor out of his guilt for being the reason why she was turned into an alchemic doll in the first place. It's what his mother wanted, so of course he's going to fulfill those wishes, esp since she DIED for his sake to become Emperor. (Vol 5 + Ch 88) It's more of an expectation that he WILL become Emperor.

Rupert knows that his plans are perfect, that he WILL become Emperor or he'll die trying - When he shows some weakness in front of Tory, she simply tells him that pain is necessary in pursuit of becoming Emperor (omitted in the novel version of Ch 84). Actually I think the phase "life is all about pain" was omitted from the manhwa? In any case, Rupert mentioned it a few times, and lari learns that Tory is the one who taught him that phrase - and for the first part of the story, Rupert had used that as sort of a mantra to keep him going. Over the course of the story, we see how hard he worked to achieve this goal. Tory, Louis, and Fassbender are his underlings/tools, they offer him not emotional support. He's been utterly alone for most of this - we see how tired and fatigued he is from the whole ordeal (his eye bags!!). He never complained in S1, but as we see him getting closer to Lari and opening up, he, just like any other person, has a lot of weakness: overworked, anxious, and stressed. He always has moments of self-doubt that he'll die at any time, that he'll fail, he won't accomplish anything. That's why he uses the lopium to help him calm down and sleep - otherwise, insomnia plagues him + wakes up from nightmares about the Emperor/Eva. There were times when he just couldn't sleep - like in chapter 60, where he would go outside for fresh air, and he would find Lari doing the same. While neither went into details of the cause of their inability to sleep, the two felt comfort in each other's presence - the idea that both are miserable and lonely, but at least they were less lonely. Vol 5 goes into detail in Rupert's POV that there were many times when he couldn't sleep, and somehow Lari would find him, trotting up with a lantern in hand, and ask if he was doing ok, if he felt sick and if he needed help. Despite having worries of her own and couldn't sleep, he still very much appreciated how she worried for him during those moments.

Tory may have first mentioned it in chapter 45, and especially after rescuing her from Duke Ventibolt's mansion and after becoming crown prince, he NEEDs Lari's existence now. Even if Lari is in denial about how much she cares for him and tries to convince herself she doesn't - she actually does. Now more than ever, Lari openly shows him her concern for him, worries if he's doing well, if he's eating well, if he's eating enough, if he's taking care of himself properly if he's getting rest, if he should get MORE rest etc. She genuinely does care for him.

As he says in Ch 97, he shows his weakness and vulnerability in front of Lari - he's never been like this in front of Tory - and tells her that he's endured this whole time. He's been enduring everything - being a powerless princess, the abuse, the physical and mental trauma, the fear of failure, the emptiness, the loneliness - but now he reached his goal, what else is there? what left is there to endure? what will he do next? is life going to be him putting up with everything from now on? will it ever get better? has nothing actually changed?

Even in his moments of insecurity and feeling lost, Lari always gives him reassurance that "He WILL become Emperor" with a smile of encouragement (Ch 60, 68) He doesn't quite understand why she's that confident and such certainty, but she's pretty convincing - the novel version of Ch 97 goes into detail that Rupert made it sound like he was able to become Emperor because she convinced him that he would become one inevitably. I find this interesting because Tory and Lari essentially say the same thing to him - that he will become Emperor, but with Tory, he has a sense of obligation and guilt, that the expectation is on him to become Emperor, that he needs to become Emperor or die trying, that "life is all about pain". (Expectation) Meanwhile, with Lari, she cares about his well-being, and his happiness. She may not be able to help him with tangible things as much as Tory, but she helps out much more in the sense that she offers him intangible things like emotional support - and that's what Rupert truly needs: someone who cares for him, and offers him reassurance, comfort, and warmth to live another day, that all his preparations weren't in vain, that he WILL succeed, that there's hope for happiness and a better future. (Encouragement)

With such encouragement like that, and a strong desire to protect her as well - the source of his happiness and light - of course, he'll do everything he can to become Emperor. Because now that she's around him, if he dies, so will she. (Ch 78) And the drive to protect is powerful indeed. That's why he gives Lari so much credit for her involvement in helping him become Emperor.

[spookyspaghettisundae]

Recording Ends

The following transcript is composed from the first audio file recovered from a personal device of Olivia K. Sutton, resident of Bennett City. As of the writing of this transcript, she is reported missing.

[ “New Recording” starts. ]

My name is Olivia K. Sutton. I am switching to audio recordings because writing this all out will take too long to document my search, and my camera stopped working after being exposed to water in the Longhorn Hills Memorial Cemetery. I need to know that I am leaving clues behind in case I disappear like the rest of them.

Ever since the entire school bus of children went missing in Longhorn Hills, I have been looking for my son, Nathan. I have yet to find any evidence that would… make any sense. At least any sense in the conventional understanding of sense.

It seems impossible that a bus could go missing in a place it could not very well drive into. A place it was never meant to be in the first place. Not that anybody would believe me without proof.

And I am feeling increasingly paranoid that this entire disaster is being covered up. The video I uploaded was taken down, and I can’t get any answer on why exactly that was.

I don’t know who to turn to or trust anymore.

All I know is that there is a strange history of people disappearing in Longhorn Hills. I learned of this in my visit to the Longhorn Hills Historical Society, and I am now fully convinced that the circumstances surrounding everything can only be described as…

Unnatural.

Following the last known location of the missing bus to the Longhorn Hills Memorial Cemetery, I encountered strange glowing writing that was only visible on video recordings, and I heard the singing of a children’s choir in the distance. This lured me to a mausoleum in the center of the cemetery, where I was visited by… ghouls, I guess. I do not know what else to call them, so I will be calling them ghouls from here on out.

They spoke to me, and I was too terrified to follow what must have been empty and false promises. They claimed that Nathan was with them, which I refuse to believe. I managed to escape the creatures by crossing water from the flooding, which the ghouls did or could not follow me across.

Ever since, I have been plagued by awful hallucinations. I know others in the region have been suffering the same. The authorities attribute it to a chemical leak from a local plant, but I am not convinced. Just like the haunted looks on the face of any police officers I’ve talked to in person, everything they say to placate us rings hollow.

I think it’s all part of a larger cover-up. Contrary to what you might be thinking now, I don’t hope to find proof of that. If there is a conspiracy covering up all these strange events, I don’t want anything to do with that. I don’t want to put myself or anybody else in danger.

I just want to find Nathan.

All I know for sure is that there must be a connection between the unnatural phenomena and the children’s disappearing. This is what guided me back into Longhorn Hills, and to the Historical Society, which is something like a combination between a museum and a library, a repository of all the local community’s collective art and history. Like a few other places in town, it had been spared from the flood because of its location on one of the wooded hills in the area.

The rain has finally stopped, and it has been days since the flood in Longhorn Hills. I was going a little bit stir crazy at home but also dreaded going out again. I was staying away from alcohol and any medication, hoping to keep my head clear. Wherever I looked, I expected to see those slimy, black figures with their white-glowing dots for eyes. Instead, I only saw empty spaces where my son should have been. His chair at the table, his room, his favorite spot on the carpet in front of the TV…

My hallucinations turned those shadows of him into those creatures, whispering to me from the dark, and only vanishing whenever I turned on the lights.

His dad has been calling me, but I have not been picking up. He probably still has no clue about the incident and was just going to beg for money, anyway. Even if he knew, what on Earth was I going to tell him, anyway?

The drive into Longhorn Hills was… eerie. Desolate. Debris littered all roads, and several homes and businesses looked abandoned, even after the flood had cleared. Watermarks staining all structures showed me just how high the flood had reached, and I now consider myself lucky in having gotten out of town that day when I did. There were no fatalities, but plenty of people had been trapped in the top levels of those buildings overnight.

If I had been isolated on some building in the middle of a flood, after the ghouls, and the leeches, I would have lost my mind.

It was like there… it was like there was something else, darker, in the flood’s muddy waters. The stains themselves were like afterimages, ghosts of something buried. I have had recurring nightmares of water since that day. Fleeting in the details, but I always remembered murky waters right after waking up. Not drowning in them—followed by them. Seeing the water stains dredged up the same uneasy feeling those nightmares had been leaving me with.

According to the news, the flood had flushed out and displaced some of the cemetery’s bodies, washing them into town. I have purposely avoided looking into this for now. I have given up on listening to any public statements anyway, for reasons I already mentioned.

The curator at the Historical Society, Mister Holt, is a kindly elderly man dressed in a brown tweed suit. Exactly what you would expect from such a place, in such a town. He was surprisingly spry and helpful, patiently answering all my questions and helping me conduct my research.

Though I didn’t reveal to him what I had been through all week, I could read the doubts on his face, and I knew that my trauma from encountering the unnatural events in the cemetery had taken a heavy toll on me. I suspect that he knew I was one of the mothers of the missing children. Maybe that’s why he was so nice.

That toll… whatever he saw… maybe it is PTSD, coupled with the hallucinations, that make my demeanor so haunted. I can see it in the mirror every morning. I look like I haven’t been sleeping, and I sure as hell feel that way. Looking for ways to quickly escape any place I visit, and feeling watched by shadows, always flitting out of sight whenever I turn. He must have seen it.

The Historical Society’s archives were far more extensive than I had expected, and my research began to paint an unsettling picture.

Longhorn Hills was built upon the riches of Alden Spice. I know, I know. Funny name. But the town’s history was anything but funny.

Spice was a prospector who first discovered gold in the local rivers. As with many gold rush boomtowns, an entire population cropped up out of nowhere as other prospectors flocked there on his heels. They named the place after the abundance of longhorns in the region.

Alden Spice got rich off the gold he found, but nobody else in Longhorn Hills would ever strike out as lucky as he had. Nobody ever discovered any concrete source. Likely, the gold came from elsewhere, washed downstream or something. There are only loose theories.

Spice helped fund many local businesses in the early days of the town, owing another part of his explosive growth in wealth to these investments. Longhorn Hills flourished in its early days, drawing droves of new prospectors and farmers and other folk whose hearts were filled with hope for the future.

All they found was misery instead. That explosive growth in Spice’s wealth continued unabated while the town’s growth floundered.

Beyond his investments in and around town, prospectors found something else instead of gold: they chanced upon coal. Spice, who then had already become the mayor of Longhorn Hills, got in early on coal mining while his rivals were all still burning through their funds to find gold. Spice would end up making a killing on the coal mining business, watching while all his rivals bankrupted themselves into oblivion.

Together with several cattle ranches, Mayor Spice was quickly found sitting on a sizable number of properties and an abundance of wealth. That earned him the nickname of “Lucky Spice”. Meanwhile, articles from the time suggest that the rest of Longhorn Hills was impoverished and miserable. Numerous people were working themselves to the bone in those coal mines and on those ranches, and the wealth pretty much only wound up in the mayor’s coffers and the manor of Lucky Spice.

Things changed after the arrival of Enoch Bell; a Baptist missionary whose fellowship grew as quickly in the squalor of Longhorn Hills as Spice’s riches had grown off the fat of the land. Neither Bell nor the other parishioners ever said it publicly, but I find it likely that some of them had been slandering Spice as a devil-worshiper, feeding into the fact that the magnate never attended church. Some accounts say that townsfolk of Longhorn Hills were arrested for libeling Spice as a witch or warlock, having traded his soul for wealth.

There’s even an unflattering painting in the Historical Society that someone made of Spice that suggests as much. In this rendition, he looks like evil incarnate. The brim of his pitch-black hat looks as sharp as a steel blade, the red on his shirt is drenched in blood dripping from the hat’s edges, and there is a sinister fire in his eyes, almost distracting from a small pentagram on the amulet around his neck.

While I was studying that painting, my hallucinations caught up to me again. Lights started flickering and inexplicably going out throughout the archives. A thin sheen of water covered the cement floors, and I was worried that the rains and flood had returned, when I saw Nathan, standing in the shadows. His eyes glowed bright white, like tiny dots, staring back at me.

He asked me why it was taking so long to come home after work. He said he was hungry and frightened because the power and lights had gone out. Every word came out as a whisper, though it also looked and sounded like hundreds of moths flapping their wings.

His presence felt… so real. I knew it couldn’t be, and fear held far greater sway over me than any motherly instincts. Still, I feel bad that I ran away from this… this thing, rather than towards it. Even if it wasn’t Nathan, shouldn’t I have been there for him?

I bumped into the curator in my panic. That broke the hallucinations somehow. He had brought me more material from other parts of the archives to help complete my picture of the town’s history.

The water, the ghost, none of it was really there. Just in my head.

Anyway, I digress. The history of Longhorn Hills.

One night in 1858, an angry mob of fanatics became responsible for the biggest crime in the town’s history. In the “Night of Fire”, as it was reported in Bennett City papers, these people lynched several dozen innocent souls, accusing them of consorting with Alden Spice and the Devil himself. Countless lives were ended by hanging, drowning, or being burnt alive. With the intent of inflicting upon Spice that same fate, the lynch mob marched upon his manor that night.

A riot of rumors say that they found him alone and dead in his home, bled out in his office after having slit his own throat with a knife. His desk and walls were supposedly all painted in occult symbols, using his own blood. The mob burnt down Spice’s entire estate that night, leaving no trace of the event, and erasing anything that might have backed up those rumors. It is also possible that they murdered him.

Many more innocent people died tragically in the spread of uncontrolled fires, burning down several buildings in town. Other lives and homes were spared by a sudden rainstorm, causing a flood in Longhorn Hills which also claimed more lives. A once-in-a-millennium kind of event, they had believed back then.

Though it would take considerable time to mitigate all damage from deaths, fire, and flood combined, the community of Longhorn Hills in the 1860s recovered, owed in part to the coal mine reopening mere days after the calamity.

Many people had disappeared from Longhorn Hills after that frightful night, either having moved away, or vanished inexplicably. Speculations point to several having evaded lawmen, dodging responsibility for the actions of the lynch mob. No records exist to name anybody responsible in the killings, nobody claimed to know the people responsible by name, nor was any justice ever meted for the incident.

To make penance for the horrors of that dark night, Enoch Bell washed his hands clean by claiming that the church had neither instigated nor condoned such actions. Under his leadership, the town instead established the Memorial Cemetery out in the woods, where the church spent weeks consecrating the grounds. Many graves set up there were empty, serving as reminders to the people lost in the Night of Fire.

In the center of the cemetery now stands the Longhorn Hills Baptists Mausoleum, in which Bell was eventually interred, alongside many other parishioners.

That had to be the same place. Where the ghouls had chased me from.

I do not know or understand how all these things are connected, but I know deep down that they are somehow. Everything—all the events—they feel like symbols, rhyming and repeating across time. Rain and floods, disappearances. Occult symbols, either painted in blood, or glowing in ways that human eyes cannot see.

Are these angry, hungry ghosts? Bound here by tragedy and inhuman crimes? I cannot say for sure. Why would they abduct an entire school bus of innocent children? It made so little sense, and yet… it felt like I had assembled the edges of a jigsaw puzzle. The picture in the center was still missing, but the rest fit together.

I had already started looking into more recent accounts, from the twentieth century, regarding any people going missing in Longhorn Hills, when my research was interrupted.

The sheen of water on the floors had returned, albeit deeper this time. Probably an inch of it at this point, as if it was gradually rising. I only noticed because of the freezing cold of my feet, tearing me out of my concentration, and how I felt how my socks and shoes were soaking wet.

The water was brackish in color and appearance. Brown and muddy, like the flood water I had crossed to escape the cemetery. In this water, too, worms were wriggling beneath the murky surface. And a choir of whispers sounded like children had invaded the library, punctuated by eerie giggles.

I expected to see the ghoulish apparition of Nathan somewhere, but instead stumbled into the curator.

But it wasn’t really the curator at all. It was… something that wore his tweed suit, only the suit was sagging, and littered with holes where the fabric was coming apart. And rather than skin, this thing masquerading as Holt was made of crumbling clay. A gaping black hole was all I could see in place of what should have been his face, with moths crawling out from its impossible depths, fluttering away, and crowding around the lights of the Historical Society.

I fled. I’m not proud of it, but I fled. I could not tell if the hallucinations were clashing with reality. I could not tell if I had hurt the kindly Mister Holt by pushing him in my escape. I pushed very hard to get past that figure.

(Olivia Sutton audibly sighs here.)

On the ride back to Bennett City, images flashed before my eyes, suggesting that I had seen blood. My gun, on the passenger seat, still contained all of its bullets. Had I hurt Mister Holt? I am too terrified to find out, and I will call the Historical Society right now to find out, and then the police if I get no answer.

I cannot keep doing this alone. I need help. I need someone who can help me tell reality and these hallucinations apart. I am not entirely convinced about them being hallucinations, or the result of some chemical leak. I feel like I know the truth is hiding in the shadows between reality and… this. All of this. This… other world.

But who can I turn to now?

[ “New Recording” ends. ]

[ultramagicalternate]

ULTRAMagic Alternate Lore 19 - Ellen the Wayward

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Master Post

Ellen the Wayward is an unsung hero. Being an immortal thanks to alchemy, she has roamed the Earth for eons, looking to spread knowledge and enlightenment. Having quite the storied history, her escapades have had countless impacts on numerous people across ULTRAMagic Alternate. Her story is too long to tell in its entirety, but certain events stick out amongst the others. From humble beginnings in Ireland to fighting in wars to starting her own company, she has a myriad of tales to tell.

Early history

During the 3rd century in Ireland, a girl was born who would eventually become the individual known as Ellen the Wayward. While we know that Ellen was born on June 1st, 250 AD (thanks to her keeping track of her age and birthday), not much is known about her early life. What we do know is that she was interested in the arcane and spiritualism. It's likely that the arrival of the Tuatha De Danann prompted this. Recovered stories from the time that were not altered by Christianity hint that Ellen and other individuals may have fought alongside the Tuatha against the Fomorians. 

What Ellen has told us is that Lugh had inspired her to take up Alchemy. At some point Ellen must have discovered a means of immortality, given her age and how young she looks. While she does not talk about it openly, she does have a Philosopher’s Stone. At around 500 AD, Ellen began to explore Europe and even went into west Asia. At this point, she was a wanderer who imparted knowledge to those who would listen to her. Her presence has been traced from the British isles to Egypt, India, northern Russia, and even as far as Japan. 

Around the 12th century, she took up the name of Ellen due to having forgotten her original name. It didn't matter all that much to her given that her journeys and travels were more important. Moving into medieval times, the era of the plague (14th century onwards) was a source of great frustration for her. Time and time again, she tried to tell people that humor theory was wrong and that people needed to quarantine to slow the spread of the black death. Seeing the poor state of Europe after the hundred years war (a conflict attributed to the poor conditions that caused the plague to spread) did not fill her with confidence in humanity’s future.

At some point, a silver haired chaos angel was wandering around and making observations on the plague. Ellen met this angel, who introduced herself as Zozena, going under the name Valentina Pari. Valentina had the idea to unite humanity under one mind and spirit. Naturally Ellen knew this was a bad idea and gave the angel a stern talking to. She would advise Valentina to return to Inferno and really think about what she was proposing. With Valentina out of the way, Ellen could focus on the plague doctors again. The amount of times she had to correct and/or stop them is too high for her to properly recollect.

The Carrickfergus Incident

While not too much happened during the Renaissance period, Ellen was happy to see Europe moving forward. Things were still a little primitive, but the art and general progression of society was a sight to behold. To Ellen's surprise, she was called back to Ireland in 1760. The seven years war had riled up the Fomorians and revealed that Balor Fomorian was not actually dead. The French had invaded Ireland in the battle of Carrickfergus which caught the attention of the king of the Fomorians. Balor viewed the French as “a bunch of pansies” and was not going to take their invasion sitting down. 

What followed was Balor seeking any surviving Fomorians and reforming his armies to invade France and begin a conquest of Europe. Balor also wanted to recruit Jorgmungandr to facilitate a bridge to Europe. When Ellen arrived in her homeland, she was greeted by Lugh, Odin, Thor, and Chernobog. Ellen was one of the few surviving non-Tuatha that Lugh knew of and she had a lot of experience under her belt from all of the centuries she had been alive. 

The ensuing confrontation involved Thor getting into an arm wrestling match with Balor with Odin being the referee. It is widely believed this altered the surrounding landscape with how fierce the match was. In the meantime, Lugh and Ellen would convince the Fomorians not to invade Europe. Finally, Chernobog would talk to Jorgmungandr since the great serpent was fully aware of what was going on with Balor and the French. 

Pursuing Dracula

In the year 1900, Ellen would meet a quirky, Dutch doctor by the name of Abraham Van Helsing. He was an open-minded, philosophical man of science who was hunting down Dracula. Vlad III Dracula was a powerful necromancer at the time who had worked closely with Aleister Crowley. The former voivode had gained more knowledge of Inferno and the Occult from his temporary partnership, born out of Crowley's need for tomes that Vlad had access to. Vlad had been in correspondence with a demon who had given him knowledge of an interesting ritual that could be facilitated by a forlorn goddess from a long lost civilization. This would make Vlad immortal by drinking the blood of humans, ideally sourced from virgins.

Abraham had thought he had dealt with him in the 1890s, but he was wrong. Together with an undead Victor Von Frankentstein and a New York professor by the name of Professor Marcel Matheo Germaine, Abraham was on the hunt. With Ellen's help, they were able to track down Dracula to Romania. Ellen would be pivotal as she was able to cast a spell that would turn the voivode into a tree that would never bore leaves or fruit. Little did they realize that Vlad had a son, Vlad IV Dracul. This boy would go on to call himself Dr. Lucius Wolfgang Faust due to a falling out with his parents, despite them still using his birth name.

World War II

An interesting event occurred during World War II in relation to Ellen, Abe, Abraham, and Victor. Abraham and Victor had recently formed a clandestine organization they called "The League." Their goings on were their own, but they were dedicated to the preservation and protection of humanity. Ellen and Abe had crossed paths with the two in Britain at the height of World War II. Abraham wanted to meet with Ellen to ask her to join The League, but this meeting was interrupted by a German bombing raid. 

The four had to scramble to find cover, but that quickly proved impossible. Bombs were going off everywhere and the roar of plane engines thundered above them. Abe surprised everyone when he picked up a Lee-Enfield and started trying to shoot down the Germans with magic enhanced bullets. Even with his magic, the bullets were too small and imprecise. Any further enhancements would cause the bullets to explode. He shot down two planes and damaged five, but the planes would not cease their attacks. The group needed heavy artillery right then and there, something that could pack a punch while protecting them.

Abe went on record cursing the planes, saying "Damn those Germans and their hit and run bullsh_t!!!" Abraham then had an idea. He had learnt of a prototype tank called the TOG 2. It was nearby, but it was also a massive gamble. The designers of the tank had not accounted for the German blitzkriegs and had made the tank slow, bulky, and unbelievably heavy. Since it probably was not being used or attacked, it would have to do. Ellen then cast a spell to warp them to it and back. Before they could take the TOG 2 into battle, they had to make some changes. Ellen and Abe quickly saw what Abraham meant when he had described it. 

With Abe's help, Ellen performed a transmutation ritual that made the tank lighter and stronger. With everything all set, everyone hopped in and Ellen warped them back. The Germans seemed to be winding down, so they were not expecting what came next. The now TOG 3 charged up the roads and took aim. Ellen's ritual had also given the tank a revolving tri-barrel, allowing pseudo rapid fire. This is where Abe came in, since he had the reflexes and skill to perform the rapid fire.

The first attempt had Abe fire off three rounds. The first two missed, but the third hit the plane he aimed at. This startled the Germans, causing them to focus on the TOG 3, which was just what the trio needed. Bombs and bullets hammered the tank, but it stood its ground. Abe was easily able to take down six planes before the Germans realized they needed to quit while they were ahead. The TOG 3 took down two more planes while the Germans were retreating.

Naturally the TOG 3 had taken damage and the group were rattled, but that battle got Ellen and Abe's blood pumping. They were going to do whatever they could to screw over the Germans. The TOG 3 made a trek of destruction and vengeance all over Europe, causing various deities to get involved behind the scenes. Ellen also took the opportunity to destroy a handful of German military bases and camps that just so happened to be committing atrocities and war crimes.

Unbeknownst to Ellen at the time, but the tree she had sealed Vlad III Dracula with had been disturbed. The Voivode was back, but this time he had a more noble cause. Ellen had stumbled across him and was hesitant to help him. She changed her mind when Vlad stated he was going to save his love, Fausta, from falling into the hands of the Germans. Ellen was conflicted, but she could not say no to him. She provided whatever help she could, in order to rescue Fausta.

Modern Era

The 20th century was something else as Ellen had grown pretty irritated with humanity after the World Wars. Ellen had been tipping off certain entities during World War II as to what the Germans were doing and set off for the United States of America. It was about time she saw what America was all about. After taking her time to explore and learn all that she could, she began drafting the idea for a company of her own in the 1980s. It would focus on selling goods and services based on the arcane and the occult, aided by Ellen's vast knowledge on the subjects. She had noticed that magic, alchemy, the occult, mysticism, and wiccan beliefs were all over the place in America. 

There were signs of mages and sorcerers, but they were few and far between. Ellen figured why not create a company that would allow these people to come together and facilitate their studies? The company, Arcane-Life (called Wicca-Life in some timelines), would form in 1990. Ellen had also run into Valentina again, who had caught wind of what Ellen was doing. The now reigned in chaos angel was a lot more calm and collected than she was in medieval times, so Ellen was happy to work with her. This would lead to the two becoming good friends. 

The company was a modest success. It generated enough profit to stay in business and grow over the years. Jumping ahead to 2019, Ellen would catch wind of two people: William and Samantha. Sam was interested in magic and alchemy while Will seemed very familiar to a certain professor Ellen had met back in the early 1900s. On an ending note, there is a company Ellen despises called Herba-Witch. This company is an MLM and Ellen has made it one of her life duties to bury this MLM six-feet under.

About Ellen

Discussing Ellen’s personality is tricky to talk about. Back in her early years, she was an insanely rowdy tomboy. She did not give a hoot that she was a girl, doing what the boys were doing with fervor. Her pre-Ellen years had her very starry-eyed as she had not been fully exposed to Europe yet. Her future travels would end up bringing her back down to Earth. The medieval era had turned her a bit cynical and made her more stoic and reserved. It was not until the incident of 1760 that reignited her fire. This would be pivotal in creating the modern day Ellen. 

Ellen is a fun-loving, philosophical intellectual. She is insanely patient and prefers to play the long game, most likely due to her extensive history. She also has a tendency to mother people she takes a liking to. Currently some of her favorites are Samantha and her wolf-spirit Familiar, Brendan. Ellen does not have too many flaws due to being alive for close to 1800 years, but she does have a tendency to get a little testy with people who try to talk down to her. And sometimes she forgets her responsibilities and focuses on her personal interests.

- - - - -

Abe and Lucifuge

It's unclear when Ellen picked up Necromancy, but it is widely agreed that it was most likely during the 12th century. That is when she was first seen with the demon, Abezithibod. Despite having mastered Alchemy, she was not satisfied and felt she needed to learn another type of magic. Necromancy seemed appealing given that she was a bit of a lone wolf due to her hobby. 

The two jived as Abe was impressed with Ellen's drive to help and educate people. A fool's errand, but her determination was something he could respect. Normally a new necromancer would have chosen a devil as their summoning partner, but Ellen wanted to challenge herself. Plus there was the fact that archangel Raguel had recommended her to Abe. Necromancy was a little tricky at first, but Ellen got the hang of it with Abe's help.

During the 16th century, Lucifer had caught wind of Ellen's exploits with Abe, thanks to Beelzebub. He was very appreciative of Ellen's mission and felt the urge to help her in some way. Seeing that his right hand demon was a bit bored with nothing to do, Lucifer sent Lucifuge Rofocale to travel with her and Abe. Lucifuge was a bit nervous at first, but Ellen and Abe welcomed him with open arms. And it was a good thing too, as the Plague was really starting to wear on Ellen. This was a welcome change of affairs.

Ellen had been getting a bit more easy going during this time and she found that Lucifuge had a bit of a charm to him. One passionate night later and Ellen was pregnant. Ellen did not intend for this to happen (so she claims) and she needed to stay on the move because of plague flair ups. Lucifuge being the gentleman that he was, agreed to raise the child and take responsibility for them (which endeared him to Ellen even more). The child would come to be known as Heinrik Rofocale (Alternatively: Heinrik of the Black Flame). Ellen still has a massive crush on Lucifuge to this day. Only time will tell if they end up marrying (which given her infatuation with Lucifuge makes it a definite). 

ULTRAMagic Alternate © 2022 William Ford II (ChaoticTempleKnight)

Frankenstein © 1818 Mary Wollstonecraft Shelly

Dracula © 1897 Bram Stoker

[writer-and-artist27]

[Image Description: Four screenshots from Fate/Grand Order showing in order, (1) the Bond Level Up screen for Alter Ego Meltryllis, where her Bond Level has gone up from 9 to 10; (2) the “Craft Essence Extracted” screen that shows Meltryllis’ Max Bond Craft Essence of “Dazzling Radiance”; (3) a screenshot of Meltryllis' Servant card, with emphasis on all 10 of her bond diamonds in the level screen being filled and about to be enhanced to Bond 11; and (4) a “Bond Level Limit Released” screen that shows Meltryllis' Bond Level limit being broken to reach Level 11. End Description.]

I kinda wish I didn't have my phone on silent since it kinda made a notification on my screen when I took the last screenshot, but at the same time, I'm just silently jumping in joy.

The last member of my Grailed Servants, as of today, October 21, 2022 - just hit Bond 10. It took... well, definitely more than 3 years to have a full Support List of Bond 10 Servants, but I'm definitely glad to have it now.

It may not mean much in the long term of life things, but for my creative life, for the stories that lets my mind wander without consequence, it feels like getting an Olympic medal that's just for me.

Thankie, Melt-san. You may not have been the first Alter Ego Servant I summoned - that honor goes to Mecha Eli - but you're still one of the best and I'm glad I Grailed you and went through your story in the SE.RA.PH. event. This is for you.

Song included with the story as always~

------------------------------

Meltryllis wasn't sure what to make of the dreams that plagued her programming since being summoned into Novum Chaldea. If it were any other bug, she could've purged it on her own or even ignored it. That was how an A.I. like her worked. At least, that's how it should've been.

But seeing images of another her, interacting with the Master that summoned her, made any trashing processes freeze in place.

Because in those other images, that other her seemed happy. Surprisingly gentle, too, something that Meltryllis could only attribute to interactions with Passionlip and Kingprotea (to an extent) before. Not even being sadistic with that other Vy.

But at the same time, that other her seemed anguished. Hurt. So lacking in pride. Meltryllis couldn't understand it.

Until the moment her dreams showed her the moment that other Vy melted into bubbles.

It certainly explained her other self's pain, her personal vendetta against Kiara that went beyond even her own hatred for Mother. Kiara had no place in the Digital Sea, both in the Moon Cell and what Meltryllis knew of what became of the Seraphix oil rig, so for her to get away with killing her Master was just unthinkable.

Vy deserved better than an end in bubbles.

It was why when Vy offered a Grail to Meltryllis the first time that Meltryllis couldn't stop her. She knew from those dreams that Vy had a bad habit of overworking herself - not even receiving her metal human legs was any surprise then. But for a Grail to be given - now that was a rare treat. An overflow of EXP that no number of NPCs could replace.

And with the bright rainbow flame flickering in front of her, Meltryllis knew that this was another overflow of Vy's version of love.

"Albrecht," left Meltryllis' mouth in a huff, a wry smile starting to stretch the corners of her lips, "you know what this means, right?"

With a tired-looking smile to match, Vy nodded. "I want you to stay as long as you can, Melt-san," she murmured, raising the Bond Chalice up to Meltryllis' towering height like it was a reward for Meltryllis alone to take. Even though Meltryllis knew she wasn't the first Servant to receive such a rare thing, it warmed her cold heart nonetheless. "You've helped me out more times than I can count, back in Seraphix and the Lostbelts, so the least I can do in return is appreciate the ballerina who keeps inspiring me, right?"

Meltryllis took in a breath. "Vy..."

"This isn't the end, you know. I want you to come home with me to meet the rest of the family like the other Grailed are once this world-saving is all over. I have the plane ticket reservations thanks to the new Director. And besides." Vy giggled, taking a step forward to take one of Meltryllis' unmoving hands in hers to squeeze, slowly slipping the Bond Chalice between them so that it sat on top of Meltryllis' sleeve. "I'm glad I met you, Melt-san," she whispered, tugging on Meltryllis' hand softly. "Thank you for staying with me."

Recalling that other Vy and her last smile before the bubbles, Meltryllis bent over to bump her head with her Albrecht's own in return, smiling back. "Thank you, my Albrecht," she whispered, closing her eyes and willing the itchiness in the back of her vision to go away. How odd. "Thank you for treating me like a human being. I sincerely hope you live a long life."

To an artificial A.I. like Meltryllis, Vy's love meant the world. EXP or not.

[perpetual-help]

If I might ask, how did you return to Holy Mother Church?

Well, the short answer would be by the graces won for me by The Blessed Mother. I owe everything to her intercession.

I was a cradle Catholic who fell away from the Church during my later teenage years. I abandoned God out of anger and also out of a growing curiosity in the occult. I studied and practiced (and eventually mentored in) witchcraft for about six years. Towards the end of the six years, my pursuits into witchcraft grew darker and more sinister. To give you an example of the mindset I was spiraling towards - back then, I was becoming more acquainted with groups who condoned human sacrifice / cannibalistic rituals / cursing for the pleasure of causing chaos and misery / knowingly working with demons. I thank God that I was spared from going any further in these groups than simply learning what they do or what they encourage to be done through text, and nothing more.

I met someone I will call “H” through a mutual friend (in person.) My first impression of H wasn’t a very good one, given that I could tell from our first interaction that H was a Christian. Back then, I could differentiate between Christians and non-Christians by the feeling of the air that would surround them, and if I found them to be Christian, there would be an immediate swelling of hatred towards them. I had a tarot reading done for H and I to see whether it would be worthwhile to humor a friendship with a Christian, and the person who gave the reading claimed that H and I were actually soulmates. I took this seriously and decided that, since H and I were apparently connected in such a way, I had to make an effort towards H’s wellbeing, even if it never led to anything romantic. H attended a small Pentecostal church that would post its service online, and I would occasionally watch some of the sermons in order to mock and laugh at the ridiculousness of it. They would “speak in tongues,” give “words” to people, run around in “the spirit,” and do other things that I found stupid but thoroughly amusing. My interest was especially piqued by the idea of “speaking in tongues” - because, when some of them would “speak in tongues,” I could understand what they were saying. (More on my present thoughts about this later)

H suffered from depression, which I considered a blight to the both of us, given that we were allegedly soulmates. One Sunday, H said they did not want to go to church because of the depression, and so I offered to go with them, knowing that they would leap at the opportunity to drag a heathen to church. On my way to the church, the voices I recognized as my “spirit guides” at the time were leaving me with strong internal impressions such as: “He is going to say that your chains are breaking, ignore him.” And “he is going to single you out, don’t fall for it.” My answer to these impressions was “fine.”

When I entered the Church, I felt an immediate repulsion. People were dancing and singing pop worship songs, and I internally questioned why I had chosen to do this. Sure enough, the pastor did single me out. Most of what he said to me could be attributed to cold reading, but it was entertaining. I was told “Your chains are breaking. You wear your past bad relationship like a scarlet letter on your forehead.” and “You’re going to meet a Godly man and your relationship will be like out of movie. When you do, cling to him.” I’m not sure how to describe some of the sensations I felt during parts of the service. At times, I felt like my skin was crawling, or like my skin was burning, and other times as though my throat were closing and I was being choked. I initially brushed these feelings off and tried to convince myself that it was social anxiety, but that experience lingered with me even after the service. H and I talked a lot after church, mostly about the Bible and different parts in the scripture. I had a lot of questions and H was kind enough to offer loving and well-thought-out answers. I went home and cried, and it was the first time I had properly cried in several years. I wasn’t sure why I cried at first, but the day’s events recurred in my mind’s eye and I recalled how horrible I’d felt while people worshipped around me. At that moment, I genuinely wanted to know the truth - I wanted to know whether God was real. And, if He was real, I wanted to know whether He would help me. So, I prayed. I asked God this: “If you are real, please touch my heart so that I know.” Immediately, I enveloped by this warmth and peace, and something I can only think to describe as perfect love and tranquility. My heart felt this so intensely that it seemed to be overflowing in and through me, and I wept. I only then was able to realize how absolutely miserable and exhausted and anxious and depressed and wrathful I had been for so long. I wept, and I promised to give myself entirely to God. In return, I asked Him to help me to become a servant pleasing to Him - to love Him more, always. The demons I once considered my “spiritual guides” and “deities” showed their true colors after this experience. I would say, for the first year of my conversion, I was tormented a lot in different ways - but especially in my dreams, and by feelings of intense anxiety and despair that would be thrown upon me out of nowhere and that coupled with the sensation that the walls were closing in. The voices and impressions I once recognized as “friends” started to say things like “you can’t be saved, you’ve already given yourself to us.” among other lies. These torments continue today, and in other ways, but they aren’t as constant as they were towards the beginning.

I threw away six years worth of junk I had acquired which left my room essentially empty, but it was a liberating feeling. I started to attend the Pentecostal church, but my time there didn’t last. They hosted a woman who called herself a prophetess who spoke in tongues, but what she would say would be blasphemies. People would shout “amen” and “alleluia” to these utterances, and I began to understand that this group didn’t know how to discern the spirit. The breaking point for me was when the pastor claimed that Jesus had to learn how to perform miracles - that, and, the glaringly obvious inconsistencies between his sermons and scripture. There was an unhealthy focus on titles of ministries and “what God can do for your health and wealth.”

I lasted three months at that church before it clicked in my head that the Catholics were right. This, was also in part due to my rediscovery of the Bible verses that referred to Jesus’ command to eat His flesh and drink His blood, and a dream that followed. So, I went to confession for the first time in probably 8 or more years. It was a frightening experience and I cried during the entire confession like the wimp I am, but the liberation I felt afterwards far outweighed it all. A couple of days after my confession, I attended Mass with my mother. During the Transubstantiation, while the Priest held up The Body and Blood of Our Lord, I smelled a strong incense. I only noticed the smell because I normally disliked Church incense for how strong it is, but this one, while it was strong and impossible to ignore, it was the most beautiful smell I’ve ever encountered. (There was more crying) After Mass, I asked my mom whether she knew what kind of incense they used, and she deadpanned “They didn’t burn incense.”

Now that I have had more time to process the beginnings of my conversion and especially my encounters at the Pentecostal church, I am of the impression that I was able to understand their “tongues” because it was demons speaking through them. I’m aware that there’s a Charismatic Movement of Catholics who also claim to speak “in the tongues” but I am always wary of such claims, and I avoid such practices like the plague.

God is so merciful and so loving, and my entire life is a testament to this. I did nothing but offend Our Lord and hate all things good and Holy, but still, He called out to me and saved me from the miserable state of death I hadn’t realized I was in. All Glory to God.

As St. Germanus of Constantinople said: ”There is no one, O Most Holy Mary, who can know God except through thee; no one who can be saved or redeemed but through thee, O Mother of God; no one who can be delivered from dangers but through thee, O Virgin Mother; no one who obtains mercy but through thee, O Filled-With-All-Grace!”

For this reason, I also attribute these great graces given to me by the intercession of Our Blessed Mother, and I owe her nothing less than my life in return for this favor she has shown me.

I hope my answer has satisfied the question without being too tedious.

God bless you, and keep you.

[lumosandnoxwriting]

Honey, Flowers and Pinky Promises - Fred Weasley

Title: Honey, Flowers and Pinky Promises Pairing: Fred x Fem!Reader Summary: Fred denies himself the one thing he wants most in life, a future with Y/N, to keep her safe. So, what’s he to do 5 years later when she reappears in his life, safe from harm and with their future together already started. A/N: For the anon who wanted Fred breaking up with the reader before he leaves school, only to find out she gave birth to his kids a few years later! This was actually a very cute idea and very fun to write! As always feedback is appreciated and requests are open!!

tag list: @pandaxnienke​ @feltondarling​ (send a message if you'd like to be added!)

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“Everything is all set,” George says quietly as he takes a seat next to Fred at dinner. “I figured out where our brooms are, and I found the spell we’ll need to get them out of the enchantments Umbridge has them locked up with.”

Fred hums and nods absentmindedly, not really paying attention to what George is saying. He’s too busy watching Y/N. She’s sitting a few seats away with her friends, laughing at something one of them has said. Y/N looks absolutely gorgeous and carefree, and Fred’s heart pounds in his chest as he watches her.

“Everything all set on your end?” George asks, nudging Fred.

“Almost,” he responds. When George smacks him upside the head Fred finally turns to glare at him. “What the hell was that for?” he asks, rubbing at the spot George’s hand hit.

“I did all the hard stuff! All you had to do was pack the bags and set up the swamp for us to set off,” George scolds. “We leave tomorrow, Fred!”

Fred rolls his eyes. “That’s not what I was talking about git.” He turns in his seat so he can look at Y/N again. “Bags are set and so is the prank.”

“Oh,” George says softly, feeling stupid. He follows Fred’s gaze and frowns. “You haven’t told Y/N yet?”

“No,” he admits. “She’s not going to like what I have to say so I’ve been putting it off for a few days to get as much time with her as possible.”

“I thought Y/N supported the whole joke shop thing?” George asks, his confusion evident in his tone. “There’s only two months of school left, I can’t imagine she’ll be that mad.”

Fred bites his lip and tears his gaze away from Y/N so he can look at George. “It’s not the joke shop she’s going to be mad about.” Fred swallows thickly. “It’s the fact that I’m going to break up with her that’s going to upset her.”

“What?” George asks in shock as his eyes widen. “You’re joking right?” When Fred doesn’t move George hits him. “Tell me you’re joking.”

“No, I’m not joking,” Fred whispers, hanging his head. “It’s for the best.”

George nudges Fred so he’ll look up at him. “What do you mean? You’re madly in love with her and she’s madly in love with you, how can breaking up with her be a good thing?” George leans forward to whisper in Fred’s ear. “You’ve talked about marrying her, Fred. What changed?”  

“The world has changed, George,” Fred says suddenly, scaring his brother. “Percy disowning us, us joining the Order, our family being a target for You-Know-Who and the death eaters. I can’t bring her into that, I can’t risk her life like that.” Fred clenches his fist. “I love her too much to let her get hurt.”

“So, you’re going to break up with her, to keep her safe?” George asks, trying to understand Fred’s point of view.

“I know it seems weird but it’s the only way that I can keep her safe. Even if it kills me to do it,” Fred sighs. He lets himself look at Y/N again, and his heart breaks when she returns his gaze and smiles at him warmly.

“Freddie,” Y/N greets as she takes the last few steps down the staircase and into the common room. It’s well past midnight, and Fred had left Y/N a note to meet him downstairs. She moves over to him quickly and sits next to him on the couch. “I feel like I’ve barely seen you this week.”

Fred resists his urge to cuddle her close and leans in to kiss her briefly. “Sorry, love. Been busy doing stuff with George,” he lies. Truthfully Fred has been distancing himself from her over the past few days. He knows breaking up with her is for the best, but it doesn’t make it any easier. Y/N is like a drug to him, the more he’s around her the more he craves her touch and her presence. If he allowed himself to spend every waking moment with her like he desired he’d never get the nerve to end it.

“Joke shop stuff?” Y/N asks excitedly and when Fred nods she smiles at him. “I’m so proud of you, Freddie. You’re working so hard on all that stuff with George, and I just know you guys are going to make it big.”

“Thanks, love,” Fred says quietly, praying that his voice doesn’t crack. He leans forward and presses a lingering kiss to Y/N’s forehead, taking a deep breath in. She smells like honey and flowers and Fred thinks it’s the most comforting scent in the world. Normally it would make all the stress leave his body, but tonight it punches a hole in his chest.

Y/N pulls away from Fred and cups his cheek so she can make him look her in the eyes. “What’s wrong, Fred?” The use of his actual name knocks the air out of Fred’s lungs. He’s always Freddie to her, unless they’re talking about something serious. “You’re not acting like yourself. What’s going on?”

Fred moves away from Y/N further down the couch, and he puts his hand up to stop her from following him. “We need to talk about something.” He can feel tears forming in the back of his eyes and he blinks furiously, trying to keep them at bay. “We can’t, we can’t see each other anymore. Be together anymore.”

“What?” Y/N asks, her voice cracking. Tears spring to her eyes and start to slowly wander down her cheeks as confusion and sadness start to flow through her veins. At dinner just that evening Y/N had mentioned to her friends that she suspected Fred was going to propose after graduation, and just a few hours later he’s shattering her heart into a million pieces.

“I’m breaking up with you, Y/N,” Fred says clearer, his bottom lip trembling. “We’re done. Over with. I can’t be with you anymore.”

Y/N sobs and when she reaches out to grab Fred he stands up quickly. “Don’t do this Fred, please. I thought everything was okay with us. What went wrong? I can fix it Fred, please.” She wipes away some of her tears, but fresh ones just keep replacing them when she looks into Fred’s cold, emotionless face. “I love you Fred. Don’t you love me too?”

Fred closes his eyes, so he doesn’t have to look at the pure heartbreak on Y/N’s face. He loves her more than life itself, and that’s why he has to do this. “I don’t love you anymore,” he says coldly, opening his eyes to look Y/N in hers. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly, before turning around and heading up to his dorm, the echoes of Y/N’s sobs following behind him.

-

Y/N doesn’t think much of it when her period doesn’t arrive like it’s supposed to three days after Fred and George leave school. She just had her heart broken by the boy she thought would be her forever, so it makes sense to her when she misses it completely. And when she starts to feel lethargic and has random nausea spells in the following few weeks Y/N attributes it to stress; her chest still aches with the thought of Fred and NEWTS are coming up.

Y/N doesn’t start to panic that it may be something more until she misses another period. Her chest still feels empty without Fred, but she’s just graduated and she’s excited for her life to continue on. But the nausea is still there, and her ankles have started to swell, and she can’t help but notice that her boobs are sore pretty much all day every day. When she wakes up one morning and the smell of her mother cooking eggs sends her heaving into the toilet, Y/N can’t deny what she’s known deep down for weeks. She takes a test that afternoon and confirms her fears.

Pregnant.

Her parents are upset when she tells them the next day, and they urge her to send an owl to Fred immediately. By this point it’s no secret to anyone what Fred and George are up to, their joke shop has been open for weeks now and is the talk of the wizarding world. Y/N has often thought about heading to Diagon Alley to check up on Fred, but she always resists those urges. Fred was her first thought when she saw that little pink plus sign, but she can’t bring herself to tell him. Fred clearly didn’t want her to be a part of his future, and she’s not sure she’s ready to let him be a part of this future with her.

Y/N is 10 weeks along when her mother escorts her to her first doctors’ appointment, and to no one’s surprise its twins. Up until this point her parents had been adamant that she consider adoption as well, but as soon as the doctor announces its twins, Y/N’s decision to become a mother is solidified. These babies are going to be the perfect combination of her and Fred, her last connection to the boy she still loves.  

Y/N gets a job doing copywrite work for the daily prophet, and a hefty inheritance from her grandfather allows Y/N to move to a cute brownstone in London when she’s eight months pregnant. She avoids Diagon Alley like the plague, too afraid of running into Fred or George. Her family and friends try and convince her to reach out to Fred, and Y/N really does try. She has dozens of unsent letters in a box under her bed, dating all the way back to the day she found out she was pregnant. Y/N thinks about sending them often, but her stomach lurches each time she tries to.

She gives birth to a perfect, healthy baby boy and an equally perfect and healthy baby girl on a snowy day in December. Y/N names her son Phoenix, to match the fiery red hair that’s already sprouting out of his tender head. And she names her daughter Electra, to match her bright eyes and to remind Y/N that she and her brother are the light at the end of a very dark road. They both remind her so much of Fred, and it makes her journey into parenthood harder than she thought it would be.

The war is tough on everyone, but Y/N manages to survive it. It’s hard, raising two children alone during the darkest times anyone has seen, but it builds her confidence in her parenting abilities. She falls in love with herself and being a mother, and it only strengthens the bond she has with the twins. They’re without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to her and watching them grow swells her chest with pride. In the blink of an eye the twins are 4, and the world Y/N had created for them suddenly comes crashing down.

-

“Damn,” Y/N mutters to herself as she examines the jar that usually holds Abraxan hair. “Forgot to get more.” She’s not the best at potion making, but she had found one in her youth that will temporarily change the color of your hair, and Electra had woken up that morning with the desire to turn her fiery red locks purple.

“Mummy said a bad word,” Phoenix teases, kicking his legs excitedly.

Y/N turns around and playfully rolls her eyes at the twins. They’re sitting at the table gobbling down pancakes as per usual. While they both sport the same red hair as their father, Phoenix is the spitting image of Fred, and it used to make Y/N’s heart ache. But it’s been almost 5 years since Fred broke her heart, and the pain no longer lingers. Electra takes after Y/N, her soft features and eyes nearly identical to her own. Unfortunately for Y/N they both inherited Fred’s love for pranks and jokes, and she finds herself collapsing into bed every night exhausted from the mischief they create.

“That’s because Mummy is allowed to say bad words,” Y/N teases. She puts out the fire beneath the cauldron she’d been brewing her potion in before taking a seat at the table with her kids. “We’re going to have to run into Diagon Alley after breakfast. I need to stock up on some things to make your potion, Ellie.”

“So, you can say shit, but we can’t?” Ellie pouts, putting her fork down.

“Hey!” Y/N says, trying not to laugh. “What did I just say? Bad words are for adults to use during the appropriate situation. They’re not for little kids to say at the breakfast table.”

“That’s so not fair,” Phoenix sighs, putting his fork down as well. “How old do we have to be to be adults?”

Y/N takes a sip of her coffee, shaking her head. “Older than 4 I can tell you that.”

“Five then?” Electra asks excitedly, her eyes lighting up.

Y/N gives both twins a look that makes them burst out into a fit of giggles. “Hurry up and finish your breakfast or we’ll never make it to Diagon Alley before it gets crowded.”

45 minutes later Y/N apparates into Diagon Alley, a twin holding each hand. Normally she avoids taking the twins with her whenever she needs to shop, fearful that Fred may be lurking around every corner. But she just needs to grab a few things, and it’s early enough that most of the stores are closed, and when Y/N looks over her shoulder it seems that Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes is no exception.

“Here come on. We just need to grab a few things and then we’ll go home, and I’ll be able to put the potion in your hair, sound good?” Both twins nod excitedly and Y/N smiles at them. “And no running away!” she adds with a laugh, before pulling them both into the store behind her.

“There were just the cutest little red head twins outside,” Verity calls dreamily from her place in the front window. They’re still a few minutes from opening, so she’s waiting by the door for it to be time to unlock it.

Fred comes down the last few steps from his flat into the shop, fixing his tie. He comes to stand next to Verity, peering out the window with her. “Really? George and I better watch out, they may try and steal out thunder,” he jokes.

It’s started to barely snow when the door to the Potion supply store just down the road swings open, and two little kids with fiery hair are running out to twirl around in the snow. Fred goes to say something, but his mouth runs dry when someone else follows the kids out. “Y/N?” he asks, almost unable to believe what he’s seeing. He hasn’t seen her in almost five years, and his heart has started to pound in his chest.

“You know her?” Verity asks, watching as Y/N chases the two little kids around in the snow.

Fred nods, almost unable to believe what he’s seeing. Y/N is there in front of him and Fred’s blood runs cold as he watches the little girl run into Y/N’s arms. “Hey Verity. How old do you reckon those kids are?” Fred has a few nieces, but he’s absolute shit at telling how old kids are.

Verity hums, watching them closely. “I’d say anywhere from 4 to maybe 6? It’s kinda hard to tell through the window but they’re definitely no younger than 3.” Fred makes a noise from behind her, and she turns to look at him. “Why? What’s wrong?”

Fred just stands there, unable to form a coherent sentence as his brain puts the pieces together. Not only is Y/N out there with two young children, they both have fiery red hair that looks quite like his, and their approximate age makes it very likely that Y/N could have been pregnant with them during their last year when he broke up with her.

Before Fred has truly processed the fact that those very well might be his children playing in the snow, he’s throwing the door to the joke shop open and heading out into the cold. Both of the kids are giggling like crazy, and it makes Fred’s knees quiver as he approaches. “Y/N!” Fred calls when he’s only a few feet away.

Y/N freezes at the sound of her voice being called by someone far too familiar. She grabs a hand of each twin and pulls them close to her side as she stands up. “Fred,” she says flatly, looking up at him. Her heart feels like it might beat out of her chest, and she can’t help but look Fred up and down. He looks older, more mature, but still so familiar to Y/N.

“What are you? What is? Who are?” Fred stutters as he tries to find just the right words.

He lets his eyes wander from Y/N’s face down to the two little kids standing at her side. Both of their cheeks are flushed red from the cold, and as Fred looks at the little girl there’s no denying that she’s Y/N’s daughter. Her eyes are the same color as her mother’s, and her cheeks have the same roundness. He looks to the other child then, and his jaw nearly drops. It’s as if he’s looking at a baby photo of himself that his mother has hanging on the walls of the Burrow. The little boy has the same brown eyes as Fred, and an almost identical freckle pattern splashed across his cheeks. If there was any doubt in Fred’s mind before it’s gone now. There is no denying that he’s the father of these children.

“Mummy,” Electra asks, tugging on Y/N’s hand. She waits for her mother to look at her before she continues. “Who is that?” she asks, pointing towards Fred.

Y/N swallows thickly and squats down so she’s eyelevel with the kids. “That’s Mummy’s friend Fred, from school. I’ve told you about him and his brother, George. Remember?” She gestures behind Fred, towards the shop. “They own the joke store where Papa buys all those little things for you two to prank me with.”

Both twins giggle at that, looking at Fred with awe. He can barely believe the words he’s hearing, and he’s frozen in place. The little boy lets go of Y/N’s hand and takes a few steps towards Fred and holds his hand out.

“It’s great to meet you, Mr. Fred,” Phoenix greets. When Fred tentatively bends down and shakes his little hand, he smiles. “I’m Phoenix and that,” he pauses so he can turn back to point at his sister. “Is my baby sister, Electra.”

“Only by 5 minutes!” Electra shouts, running towards her brother. Phoenix takes off then, and Fred watches as they chase each other around in the snow, the wind blowing through their hair and both of them laughing like crazy.

“They just turned four, in December,” Y/N says as she stands up.

Fred tears his gaze away from them so he can look at Y/N. “How could you not tell me?”

Y/N shrugs and looks away from Fred’s intense stare. “You made it pretty clear that I had no place in your life or in your future, I didn’t want to go through that again. And I didn’t want to share them with you, if I’m honest.”

“Share them with me?” Fred asks, trying to contain his anger. “They’re my kids Y/N. Not some stupid toy.”

“Obviously I know that, Fred,” Y/N sneers with a glare. “But I was barely 18 when I found out I was pregnant, and I’d just had my heart shattered out of nowhere by the guy I thought I was going to marry. So, excuse me for not running right to you. I was freaking out when I found out I was pregnant and being rejected by you for a second time wasn’t high on my list of priorities.”  

“I still deserved to know,” Fred responds, less angry. He hadn’t of even thought about that. Of course, Y/N would have been scared and unwilling to come to him. He still can’t think about the night he ended things without getting emotional, and he can’t imagine how it felt for Y/N, especially finding out she was pregnant only a few months later.

“I know, I know,” Y/N admits sadly. They both just look at each other for a moment, the twins still running in circles around them.

“Where do we go from here? I can’t just pretend they don’t exist,” Fred says quietly. “I want to be in their lives, Y/N. I need to be.” Fred pauses to swallow the lump in his throat. “But there’s things we need to talk about. About that night, the things I said to you. Can we do that, please?”

Y/N nods and reaches into her bag for a spare piece of parchment and a pen. She scribbles something down and reaches out to hand it to Fred. “Here’s my address. Come by tonight? The kids go down at 8 so come any time after that, we won’t have to worry about any little ears listening in.”

Fred grabs the piece of parchment, letting his hand linger on Y/N’s for just a moment. The contact sends a shiver down his spine and Fred thinks his heart might just beat out of his chest. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Great.” Y/N calls both kids back to her, and they each wave at Fred before taking their mother’s hand and apperating away.

-

“Mummy?” Electra asks that evening as Y/N is getting her and her brother ready for bed. The twins are standing on little stools and brushing their teeth while Y/N runs a comb through their freshly washed hair.

“Yes, my love?” Y/N responds, making eye contact with her in the mirror.

“When can we see your friend again?” Electra asks once she’s spat her toothpaste foam into the sink. “The one from today?”

Y/N bites her lip and starts to braid Electra’s hair. “You mean Fred?” Electra nods as best she can and Phoenix nods excitedly next to her. “You guys like Fred?”

“He’s so tall!” Phoenix muses with a giggle. “You think I’m ever gonna be that tall, Mummy?”

Despite the fact that they’re the same age, Phoenix is already a few inches taller than Electra. He clearly takes after Fred, so Y/N is sure that he’ll end up being just as tall as his dad. “I think you might be, bud.”

“And he’s got red hair like us!” Electra adds with a giggle. “I’ve never met anyone with red hair before.”

“Well your hair isn’t red right now,” Y/N teases as she wraps a hair tie around the end of Electra’s braid. Her potion making was successful, and for the next few days Electra’s hair will be a soft purple color. “Can I tell you guys something crazy?” Both of the twins turn so they can look at Y/N and nod happily. “Everyone in Fred’s family has red hair.”

“No way!” Electra and Phoenix gasp at the same time.

“Everyone?” Phoenix asks in awe.

Y/N nods and reaches out to ruffle his still damp hair. “Every single one. And you guys have something else in common with Fred too.”

“What is it? What is it? What is it?” Electra asks excitedly, bouncing on her stool.

“Fred is a twin too,” she says with a laugh, pressing a kiss to Electra’s forehead. “His brother George that he runs his store with is his identical twin.”

Phoenix hops off of his stool so he can come over and hug Y/N’s leg. “Wicked. So, we can see him again?”

“Maybe, sweetheart. I’m not sure yet,” Y/N says honestly. Fred wants to be in their lives, but they still have so many unresolved issues. The last thing she wants to do is get their hopes up only for Fred to be gone just as quickly as he came.

Electra wraps her arms around Y/N’s middle and hugs her close. “Please Mummy,” she begs, looking up at her with wide eyes. “He seemed really nice. And he was really cute!”

“Electra,” Y/N laughs. “That’s enough out of you. Fred is my friend and I won’t be having any talk like that.”

“Do you think he’s cute?” Phoenix teases, looking up at Y/N with a cheeky grin.

He looks so much like Fred in that moment, and it nearly knocks the breath out of her lungs. “You two are crazy. It’s time for bed, monkeys. Let’s go.”

“That wasn’t a no!” Electra shouts as she jumps from her stool and follows her brother out of the bathroom.

-

Y/N has just come down the stairs from putting the kids to bed when there’s a soft knock at the door. She sighs as she looks around at the mess her living room as turned into. Y/N planned on cleaning up a bit before Fred arrived, but it took forever to calm the twins down after their conversation in the bathroom. She’d had to read them two stories and admit she thought Fred was cute before they would drift off.

“Hey, come on in,” Y/N greets as she pulls the door open for Fred. This is the first time she’s seen him up close, and he’s just as handsome as she remembers. Y/N tries to calm her heartbeat down as she shuts the door behind him. “Sorry about the mess. The twins have just started getting their magic and it’s hard to keep up with them.”

Both Electra and Phoenix had started to exhibit signs of magic just after their fourth birthday, and ever since they’ve been more chaotic than usual. If Y/N didn’t know any better she would think that they somehow have managed to already control what little magic they have, because it always seems like they’re working together to cause as big of a mess as possible.

“Don’t worry about it,” Fred says as Y/N waves her wand, watching as things fly back into place. “George and I gave Mum a run for her money, so I’d expect nothing less from my children.” The words feel funny in his mouth. His children. As exciting as the idea of being a dad is, Fred would be lying if he said he also wasn’t scared shitless.

“Can I get you something? Wine? Firewhiskey? Tea?” Y/N asks, gesturing for Fred to take a seat on the couch.

Fred sits down slowly, watching Y/N fidget. “Most people assume I drink coffee.”

“Well I’m not most people,” Y/N responds, flushing slightly.

“You’re not wrong about that,” Fred says quietly. “I’m alright, Y/N. Thanks though.”

Y/N nods and sits down next to Fred, making sure to keep a good amount of distance between them.  “So,” she starts, looking over at Fred. “Where do we even begin?”

“I don’t have any idea,” Fred answers truthfully. “I never really thought I’d ever be having a conversation like this. There’s so much I wanna say to you. And stuff I wanna ask you. But I have no idea where to start.”

Y/N clears her throat. “Can I ask you a question?” When Fred nods she takes a deep breath to try and calm herself. There are things she needs to know the answer to, no matter how much it hurts. “Why did you break up with me? It came out of nowhere, for me at least. One minute we were talking about building a life together and the next, you were gone.”

“There was a lot of stuff going on, with my family,” Fred starts, trying to find the right words to explain himself. “My parents were a part of this secret society founded by Dumbledore to fight Voldemort called the Order of the Phoenix. And just before Christmas break my dad was almost killed by Voldemort’s snake during a mission.”

“Fred,” Y/N says softly, fighting her urge to reach out and grab his hand. “How come you never told me any of this?”

“I wasn’t allowed to, Dumbledore’s orders. But going through all that, it made me think about stuff. About me and you and life outside of Hogwarts. George and I decided that we would join the Order once we left school, and I couldn’t put your life in jeopardy like that, Y/N. Our family was being targeted by death eaters and followed around. I knew it would only get worse as time went on. And if you had gotten hurt because of me, I would never be able to forgive myself,” Fred pauses, running a hand through his hair. “So, when George and I decided to leave school early to start the shop, I decided it would be best to end things with you. That’s the only way I knew to keep you safe.”

“So, you didn’t just randomly stop loving me?” Y/N asks meekly.

“God no,” Fred answers immediately. “Y/N I loved you more than life itself. If I knew you were pregnant, or you came and told me I would have grabbed you and ran as far away from Voldemort as possible. It killed me to lie to you like that, but I wanted you to be safe and happy, even if it meant that it wasn’t with me.”

Y/N goes to respond, but she lets out a groan when the phone rings. “Probably my Mum, I’ll be right back. If I don’t answer she’ll just show up and I don’t think either of us wants that.”

Fred laughs as Y/N walks away, unable to stop himself from watching. Having children has done great things to her body, and he can’t help but appreciate it. He’s thinking about how beautiful she still is when the sound of soft pattering on the stairs catches his attention.

“Fred?” Electra asks, her lower lip wobbling as tears streak down her face. “Where’s my Mummy?”

“She’s in the kitchen. Do you want me to go get her?” Electra shakes her head, and before Fred can process what’s happening she’s heading towards him with her arms outstretched. Without hesitation Fred picks her up and places her in his lap. Her little legs wrap around his middle and she tucks her arms into her chest before resting her head on his shoulder. Fred’s hands shake as he hugs her to him tightly, one of his hands coming up to stroke her hair. “What’s wrong, Angel?”

“Bad dream,” she sniffles.

Fred’s heart melts as she snuggles in closer, and he starts to slowly rub her back. “It’s alright, Angel. You’re okay. Everything is going to be okay.” He presses his cheek to the top of her head and inhales deeply, the familiar scent of honey and flowers overwhelming his senses. His chest aches as Electra, his daughter, cries, and he so desperately just wants to make her feel better. “I’m right here, Angel. Nothing’s going to hurt you. I’ll keep you safe.”

“Promise?” Electra asks, pulling away to look at Fred.

Fred leans forward and presses a kiss to her forehead. He’s aware that he’s probably breaking about 100 boundaries, but he can’t find it in his heart to care. His little girl is sitting in his lap crying and he’s going to make sure she knows he cares for her. “Promise,” he answers, holding out his pinky finger.

Electra lets out a giggle and hooks one of her pinkies around Fred’s. “You have to keep it now, forever,” Electra reminds him, squeezing his pinky tight.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Fred presses another kiss to her forehead before he wipes away some of her tears. “Feeling better now?”

“Loads,” Electra confirms with a nod. She bites her lip, giving Fred a look. “Can I ask you a question?”

Fred chuckles. “Sure, Angel. What’s on your mind?”

“Do you think my Mummy is pretty?” she asks, shocking Fred. “Because she thinks you’re cute.”

“Does she?” Fred asks in surprise. Of course, Fred had hoped Y/N would still find him attractive, and he hasn’t stopped thinking about her since this morning. He never imagined that he’d be reunited with Y/N so he never let himself imagine creating a future with her, but now she’s back in his life with his kids and Fred would be lying if he said he hasn’t thought about what that could mean for them.

“Mhm, she told me and Phoenix before we went to bed.” Electra nudges him. “So, do you think she’s pretty?”

Fred smiles at her. “Don’t tell her, but I think your Mummy is absolutely gorgeous,” he tells her quietly.

Electra giggles excitedly and hugs Fred tightly. “I think you should ask her to be your girlfriend. Mummy’s never had a boyfriend even though Grandma keeps trying to give her one.”

“Oh?” Fred asks, raising his eyebrows at her. “And how do you know all this?”

“I can be real quiet when I want to be,” Electra answers, giving him a cheeky smile and a wink. “Papa thinks it’s because she’s still in love with our Daddy.”

Fred practically chokes on his saliva and he has to take a few deep breaths to calm himself down. He can hear his heart pounding in his chest and his pulse is thrumming. “Do you know a lot? About your Daddy?” he asks, unable to stop the question from coming out.

Electra shakes her head. “Mummy doesn’t talk about him a lot. Only if Phoenix and I ask. She tells us stories sometimes and talks about how funny and kind he is. And that they loved each other tons. But that’s it.”

“Does it make you sad? That you don’t know a lot about him?” Fred asks. This is definitely not an appropriate conversation to have with a four-year-old, but he can’t seem to stop himself.

“Sometimes,” Electra answers with a shrug. “I love Mummy so so much and she’s the best Mummy in the world. But I think it would be nice, to have my Daddy around too. And I think it would make her happier too.”

“What would make who happier?” Y/N asks as she comes back into the room.

“Nothing. I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Electra answers, winking at Fred.

Y/N crosses her arms and gives the girl a look. “What are you doing out of bed, Ellie?”

“I had a bad dream. But it’s okay, Fred made me feel better.”

“Well that was very nice of Fred to do,” Y/N says quietly. “But since you’re feeling better I guess you can get back in to bed now, hm?”

“I guess,” Electra pouts. “Can I ask you a question first?” she asks, holding her arms out for Y/N to pick her up.

“I suppose,” Y/N answers, picking her up and settling her on her hip.

“How come you lied to us? Before bed you said you didn’t know if we’d see Fred again, but here he is, sitting on our couch.” Electra’s tone is stern, and her eyes are narrowed at Y/N.

Y/N laughs. “I never said I wasn’t going to see Fred again. I said I wasn’t sure you and your brother were going to see Fred again.” Electra frowns at that and Y/N presses a kiss to her forehead. “Now say goodnight to Fred.”

“Goodnight, Fred,” Electra grumbles as Y/N starts to head back up the stairs.

“Goodnight, Angel,” Fred says back with a chuckle.

“I’m sorry about her,” Y/N says as she comes back down the stairs a few minutes later. “I hope she didn’t say anything too crazy.”

“Nothing too bad,” Fred reassures with a laugh. “Though she did mention she’s quite the eavesdropper, so I’d keep an eye on her.”

Y/N groans as she flops onto the couch. “She told you about the boyfriend thing then?” When Fred nods she groans again, her cheeks heating up. “It’s all she’s talked about for weeks, literally anyone that will listen to her gets to hear about the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“I think it’s cute,” Fred insists. “She clearly loves you a lot and just wants you to be happy.” Fred bites his lip. “How come you don’t date? If you don’t mind me asking. Electra has theories but I’d like to hear from you.”

“Of course, she does,” Y/N says with a laugh. “Truthfully, I’ve never had the desire to date anyone else. I always say it’s because the kids are young, and I don’t want to confuse them or bring people around them, but I have gone on a few dates here and there. No one ever feels like the right fit. We were together for so long that everything just always seemed so natural between us. Like we always knew what the other was thinking. Trying to date other people just feels weird, and artificial.”

Fred nods, running a hand through his hair. “I feel you. I’ve had my fair share of failed relationships over the past few years. I think the longest one lasted maybe three months?” he sighs. “I realized I kept trying to recreate what we had with every girl I dated and it’s not fair to them. What we had was special. Irreplaceable.”

Y/N watches Fred for a moment. Before today she had been positive she moved on from Fred, he hardly occupied her thoughts anymore and her chest would only occasionally ache. But after seeing him today, finding out the truth about what happened that night. She can’t help but notice that feelings for Fred she buried long ago have started to rise up again with full force.

“So, you’re not seeing anyone right now?” Y/N asks quietly.

Fred shakes his head and turns so he’s facing Y/N fully. “No, and I haven’t been for quite a while.” He looks her up and down, trying to decide what to say next. “But there is this woman, who I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since I saw her today.”

“Oh?” Y/N asks coyly, subtly moving a bit closer to Fred.

“Yeah. And just a few minutes ago her daughter was telling me how cute her Mum thinks I am, and that I should be her boyfriend.” Fred smirks as Y/N’s cheeks flush red. “And I couldn’t help but tell her daughter just how breathtakingly beautiful I find her Mother.”

Instead of responding, Y/N chooses to be bold and she grabs the front of Fred’s shirt, pulling him into a slow kiss. Their lips move together just as perfectly as they always have, making it seem like no time has passed between them at all. Y/N moans as Fred deepens the kiss, letting him pull her onto his lap.

“You’re incredible,” Fred pants as they pull away. He leans forward to press a kiss to her forehead. “I’ve missed you so much, Y/N. You have no idea.”

“I’ve missed you too, Freddie.” Y/N buries her face in Fred’s neck, letting him hug her close. They sit there in silence for a few moments, just enjoying being together again.

“How should we tell them?” Fred asks, breaking the silence. “About who I really am? I’m okay, with being just your friend Fred for a bit while we figure everything out. That might make it easier.”

Y/N pulls away and gingerly grabs Fred’s face. “You deserve to be in their life as their dad and they deserve to have you in their life that way too. I thought seeing you with them would fill me with jealousy but honestly, seeing you with Electra, it made my heart burst with happiness. And Phoenix would not shut up about you before bed, it was actually really cute.”

Fred chuckles. “They’re just like their Mum, can’t resist my charm.”

Y/N flicks Fred on the nose and then kisses the same spot. “I’ve been thinking about how to tell them throughout the day and I think I have a good idea. All you have to do is come by again tomorrow, around 8 again. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect,” Fred murmurs, before pulling Y/N into another heated kiss.

-

“Alright guys, it’s time to start getting ready for bed,” Y/N says as she walks into Electra’s room the next night. Both kids groan and turn to pout at their mother.

“Five more minutes,” Phoenix begs.

“Please, Mummy!” Electra adds.

“You can have five more minutes.” When both of them cheer Y/N puts a finger up to quiet them down. “Or we can start getting ready for bed right now and you’ll get a special bedtime treat. Which would you prefer?”

Phoenix and Electra look at each other for a moment before they drop the toys they’d been holding and run past Y/N into the bathroom.

“Is the special bedtime treat that we get to sleep in bed with you?” Phoenix asks thirty minutes later as he snuggles into Y/N’s pillows.

“Not quite, it’s even better than that,” Y/N responds as she helps Electra on to the bed. She drops to her knees then and grabs a medium sized shoe box before standing back up.

“What’s in the box?” Electra asks as Y/N climbs into bed and settles in between her and Phoenix.

“Well,” Y/N starts, letting her hand slowly drag over the top. “There’s a few different things in here. When I first found out you two were growing in my belly, I started writing letters to your Dad. But I was too scared to send them, so I kept them all in here.”

“Are you going to read them to us?” Phoenix asks softly.

Y/N shakes her head. “Not tonight. There are a few other things in here I want to show you. Inside this box along with all of those letters, is all the pictures I have of your Dad and I from when we were at school together.”

“We get to see them?” Electra asks excitedly.

“Mhm,” Y/N confirms with a nod. “You guys are getting older now and it’s time you know a bit more about him.” Y/N slowly lifts the lid of the box and grabs the small stack of photos on top. She takes a peek at the first one, before holding it out for both of them to see. “This is from our seventh year, we were walking down to Hogsmeade, the little village outside of school. And one of my friends took this picture of your Dad carrying me on his back.”

Electra and Phoenix’s eyes roam over the photo. Fred isn’t very visible in the photo, just his red hair is visible over Y/N’s shoulder. This is one of Y/N’s favorite memories she has of Fred. She’d stubbed her toe just as they left the castle, and Fred had made a spectacle of it. He insisted on carrying her everywhere, no matter how many times Y/N demanded he put her down.  

“Show us another one,” Phoenix requests quietly.

“This one is from our sixth year,” Y/N explains as she shows them the photo. “Hogwarts participated in something called the Triwizard Tournament, and there was this great big ball on Christmas.” The photo just captures Y/N and Fred’s side profiles, each of them smiling as Fred sways them side to side.

Electra frowns and her eyebrows knit together as she looks at the photo. “Hey, he looks kinda familiar,” she muses, looking up at Y/N. “I think I’ve seen him before.”

Phoenix pouts. “What? That’s not fair.”

Y/N chuckles and shakes her head. “Let me show you one more photo, okay?” She takes the next photo and holds it face down for a moment. “This one is just your dad. I took it in front of the black lake just a few weeks into our last year.” Y/N flips the photo over slowly, watching as both Electra and Phoenix focus on it intently.  

“Wait a minute, isn’t that,” Electra starts.

“Fred!” Phoenix finishes excitedly. “So, Fred isn’t just your friend?”

“No baby,” Y/N says quietly, trying to keep her emotions in. “Fred was my boyfriend at school, and he’s your Dad.” Y/N pauses, and she hears the front door click shut. “And I think he just walked through the front door.” Both Phoenix and Electra squeal excitedly as they scramble off the bed and head towards the stairs. “Be careful!” Y/N shouts as she starts to follow them.

Fred has barely taken off his coat when he hears the sound of tiny little feet running towards him. He turns towards the stairs just in time to hold out his arms and catch Phoenix and Electra as they jump off the last few steps and into his chest. He wraps one arm around Phoenix and the other around Electra so he can hug them tightly.

“Hello to you too,” he chuckles, pressing a kiss to each of their heads. He inhales deeply, overwhelmed once again by the scent of honey and flowers. “You guys miss me that much already? I just saw you yesterday,” Fred jokes, trying to hide how emotional he feels.

“Yeah but yesterday you were just Fred,” Electra giggles.

“Today you’re our Dad,” Phoenix adds with a laugh.

Fred laughs and puts them both down on the ground and crouches so he’s eye level with them. “Is that okay? That I’m your Dad?”

“Is it okay? It’s like the coolest thing ever!” Phoenix insists, hugging Fred again.

Fred returns his hug, rubbing his back. He holds his other arm out and looks at Electra. “What about you, Angel? It is okay with you?”

“Better than okay, Daddy,” Electra confirms, letting Fred hug her tightly.

Y/N comes down the stairs then, tears forming in her eyes as she watches Fred hold their children close. Phoenix is the first to notice her presence, and he pulls away from Fred so Y/N can pick him up.

“Why are you sad, Mummy?” he asks, wiping away a few of the tears that have started to stream down her cheeks.

“I’m not sad, baby,” Y/N insists. “Just really, really happy.”

Fred stands up then and picks up Electra, settling her on his hip. “Hi love,” he greets, leaning forward to kiss Y/N briefly.

Electra squeals in delight as their lips touch, and Phoenix pretends to gag, causing Fred and Y/N to laugh as they pull away.

“Does this mean we get to be a family? Forever?” Electra asks excitedly.

“Forever,” Fred confirms, kissing her on the forehead.

“Pinky promise?” she asks, holding her little pinky out.

Fred hooks his pinky around hers, gesturing for Phoenix and Y/N to do the same. “Promise.”

[neonnoir-ao3]

Some Words of Comfort.

Recently, I’ve seen a lot of people (especially those who have read spoilers/are actively searching for leaked content) lament about their future reactions to the deaths of our beloved characters in-game.

We all knew this was inevitable, and that them living was not an option for the plot of the game, but the time has finally come to face it head-on.

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I understand that someone outside this community might be like “it’s just a game”, but I know it’s way more than that to many: the concept of a female villain that, to many, can be seen as sympathizable and even endearing, is a bit of a new concept— especially on such a large scale as this instance.

In addition, Lady Dimitrescu and her daughters have become a bit of a comfort item for some (with an emphasis on sapphics/wlw, from what I’ve seen personally) in the form of a large, protective, and caring hypothetical partner, or even just a maternal character one can appreciate simply because of her love for her children. Regardless, most of us are here due to some desire for comfort.

Take my own story with this community, for example:

(tws for death, covid, suicide, and general medical emergencies)

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Frankly, 2020 and the beginning of 2021 have ruined me. I lost two men who were the only two positive father figures I’ve ever had. The last of the two tested positive for covid and deteriorated within days, to the point where less than a week after testing positive, my family was making the choice to pull the plug. This all occurred days before Christmas and my birthday. On the first day of the spring semester, having not had the time to properly mourn my grandfather, my mother is in the ER for multiple days with an internal infection that doctors said likely would have turned septic if she had waited to come in any longer. This led to three surgeries throughout the next few months. (Oh, and one of my relatives quite literally dropped dead on that first day of class, too). I am also estranged from one of my parents, and they have been trying to contact my family: they have multiple untreated mental illnesses (severe NPD, bipolar, and more) and they are extremely aggressive in that state of mind and they are agitated extremely easily. That only brings more stress, along with resurfacing trauma and related emotions. Every moment of every day has been a struggle. So much so that I failed half of my classes voluntarily simply because I couldn't do them anymore.

To be perfectly honest with you, I didn’t expect to be here right now. I expected that the pain of simply moving forward would have finally overridden my fears of death and that I would have already ended my suffering by now.

Then, in late January, I saw something trending on Twitter. About a new female villain in an upcoming horror game. And it went from there.

As cheesy as it sounds, this fandom and its content seriously saved my life. In the darkest of days, I’ve come to this tag for comfort. The oddest way I found said comfort was through those who were attracted to Alcina aesthetically. I have extremely long-term trauma related to being bullied and being the victim of a hybrid catfishing/'Oreo Game' on early social media by peers in middle school to the point where I do not think of myself as being able to be loved, let alone being worthy of it. Finding this community not only provided a great form of escapism (and opened a door into a fantasy world where I could imagine my own person vampire milf gf), but also gained a little bit of self-esteem (as many of you know, I share a lot of visual qualities with Alcina. -yes, I'm still kinda freaked out about it-) via seeing people where features/attributes like mine were actively praised and desired rather than insulted and pushed away like they have been until now.

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(okay sorry that kinda turned into a trauma dump but I needed to emphasize the fact that this community has seriously helped me during a really dark point in my life, and I know I can't be the only one with that sort of experience)

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What I’m trying to get across here is that, like many others, this community and its content have been comforting and therapeutic, and it really is more than just a game to us. It’s entertaining and even a form of escapism in these extremely trying times. We all have some degree of PTSD from surviving a literal mass plague— and this is something we're using as a method of coping. a distraction. a coping mechanism.

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With that being said, here are some ways to hopefully assist in lessening the emotional stress:

(please note that I am not a mental health professional and these may not be healthy coping mechanisms for everyone.)

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Understand that it’s just a game.

I know, this sounds completely counterintuitive, but it’s more or less about keeping your level of immersion down. Personally, I can’t do scary shit in general: I have to listen to music on low volume while watching dark ARG vids at night or when I’m alone because I get too into it, and then my paranoia kicks in. Sometimes just pausing for a moment and grounding yourself/reminding yourself that this is a video game: a jumble of code and 3D rendering that doesn’t have to affect your views/headcanons if you don’t want it to. Did your favorite character just get slaughtered? Nope, that 3D rendering of them just got un-alived, that’s all.

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Ignorance is Bliss/We are the Captain Now

Simple: Capcom can’t even pronounce Dimitrescu right, or even acknowledge the way it’s correctly said in Romanian culture itself. How can you trust them to give you a perfect canon? That’s the thing: with that logic, you can’t. What they say is true means little (if anything, for that matter) to your headcanons and preexisting ideas of the Dimitrescus. In short: fuck ‘em.

I’m currently seeking a double major in pop culture, and one of the cool things I’ve learned so far is affirmational vs transformational fandom. Affirmational is where official canon is seen as the law of the land, and followed to a T. Transformational is seen as much more inviting for audiences, allowing them to bend canon as they wish to fit their own creations. This fandom is obviously transformational, so take that game canon, rip it up, and get back to whatever you were doing.

Capcom’s canon is not the end-all, be-all. Far from it, actually.

Want to still acknowledge canon? Godmod your way out of it.

Character A died? It’d be a shame if they emerged from the rubble they 'died in' a few hours later, very beaten but alive nonetheless... how awful would it be if they sulked away, nursed their wounds, and continued to live... (/s)

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Ignore it completely.

Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there w be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the in any way. Stay with the version in your head that makes you happy.

Get Creative!

If you're into creating fanart, writing fics, or even just posting a list of headcanons, take some advice from the late Carrie Fisher: "Take your broken heart, and make it into art". Make the fluff oneshot of your dreams! Draw the fanart you've been wanting to! dump lighthearted headcanons into the tags! Not only will it cheer you up, but sharing it with the community will spread the love!

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I know a lot of people are struggling with this emotionally (especially with the pandemic making entertainment like this even more important sources of escapism and coping mechanisms) and I hope that, at the very least, I was able to help comfort one person who reads this.

Remember: give it time. Once the game drops, there will be a wave of grief, but eventually, we as a community will recover, and get back to business as usual. Think about it like the flowers that bloom after major wildfires: after a period of loss, some beautiful can still come of it.

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💙

[retvenkos]

sprinting through cobblestone streets |

The Dragon Prince - Callum, Rayla, and Ezra, x Platonic!Reader, slight fluff requested by @biqherosix​​

tw: a mob, feelings of inadequacy

word count: 2.3k

prompt: “have you always been this idiotic?”

A/N: alright, so i know the request just said callum,,,, and i was going for that originally,,,, but then this happened. i hope you don’t mind? i was going to rewrite it but then it was 2k words and i couldn’t part with it.

Summary: Being half-elf, half-human, there was nowhere that (Y/n) truly belonged. But perhaps their luck would change, when they run into a group of idiotic travelers about to be run down by an angry mob...

Being half-elf in the Human Kingdoms was risky living. (Y/n) had been born on the human side of the Breach, and yet, every day was a danger - a possibility that fear would threaten their very existence. (Y/n) had known very early on how to live as an outsider; they knew how to hide their more telling attributes and how to stay away from towns. They lived in secret, away from everyone else and only stopping into town when necessity called for it, but there was always a low level of risk, to their existence. Not a day passed where (Y/n) wasn't constantly looking over their shoulder; there were always on edge, even in the comfort of their own home.

(Y/n) had been to Xadia once, when their elven parent begged their Queen to take mercy on (Y/n), for they were just a child and a victim to their parent's whims. It wasn't their choice to be half anything - all they had ever wanted was a place to be whole. The Lux Aureans turned them away, and before (Y/n) could return home, they tried to run away.

They had foolishly thought that other elves would take them in - that perhaps Xadia was a more just place than their family had feared.

They had made it far, but not far enough. 

(Y/n) was brought back to the Human Kingdoms with their hood pulled over their head to hide their pointed ears. In Lux Aurea, it had been a horror that they did not have any horns. Here, in this place they would learn to call home, it was a blessing that there was less of them to hide.

(Y/n) had learned long ago to make no friends, to keep their head down and work hard, praying that perhaps, one day, they would be allowed into Lux Aurea as something other than the child of a traitor.

One day, (Y/n)'s parents had woken them in the middle of the night, pressing coin into their hand and telling them that it happened - they had been found, and they had to split up. They had kissed (Y/n) on their forehead, and it was the last they had seen of a friendly face for a year.

(Y/n) had run, only settling down to create roots when they had made it to Katolis - far from where each parent would be. They were careful, in this strange, new kingdom, settling in the thick of a wood where men rarely traveled, preferring to stick to the wider roads. For months, they lived without incident, only visiting villages for supplies twice - walking for days at a time so they weren't seen in the same place twice, and not coming from the same direction.

When supplies were running low once more, (Y/n) took the last of their coin and headed toward a new village - one further away, where no one would know their face. It had been a week's walk, but the burn in their thighs would be worth the protection. They slipped in amongst the crowd easily enough - the day was cold, the seasons changing to something with more of a bite and everyone had a thick cloak on, most of them with a hood pulled up, barely above the eyes. (Y/n) had found a villager to barter with easily enough, and it was when they had almost secured a reasonable deal that they heard the shouts that plagued their worst nightmares.

"You're an elf!"

Their blood ran cold.

(Y/n) had spun on their heel faster than lightning, their hand flying to the dagger they kept strapped to their side. Their heart was pounding with enough force to knock out any attacker they came up against, and despite the fear that struck their heart, (Y/n) kept a cool head. In a crowded marketplace like this, it wouldn't be long until innocent farmers became an angry mob, their ranks full of pitchforks and butcher knives. They expected to worst to greet them, but when (Y/n) turned, the horde of villagers wasn't looking at them at all, but three other travelers, one of which was unmistakably an elf.

"An elf? No way!" One of the travelers - a young boy with messy brown hair, chuckled nervously, projecting his voice in an almost comedic way, trying to wave off the villagers as the group slowly backed up, edging themselves towards the mouth of the street, where they might find a chance of escaping. "We're all very much human, here..."

(Y/n) slipped their bag of coin into their pocket, ducking and weaving through the crowd to edge their way closer to the ostracised group. If (Y/n) could find an outlet, maybe they could sneak off and save their own skin. But if they could create a distraction of some sort and pull the elf and her friends to safety, maybe they could be given some type of reward...

A reward that might earn them a place in Xadia.

 "My human friend is wearing an elven costume! Y'know, for... a play?"

(Y/n) sighed at the lame excuse before pushing over a street cart.

The villagers were startled, caught off guard by the loud crash and apparent destruction, and it was just enough time for (Y/n) to rush forward, seizing the elf's arm and dragging her forward out of the crowd. The boys followed in suit, and together they got a head start, sprinting through the cobblestone streets.

"Hey!"

The villagers got their bearings quick enough and were only more enraged by the idea of a chase. (Y/n) took a sharp turn down the narrow street that they had originally entered into town from, ushering the group forth. A hay cart stood in the middle of the street, and (Y/n) picked up the young boy that held a glow toad by the back of his jacket to help him vault over the obstacle. The other boy from earlier - the one with the terrible excuse, jumped over with a fair amount of success -  the adrenaline mixed with some quick thinking leading him to step on boxes nearby like makeshift steps, making the jump easier to handle. The elf jumped over with remarkable agility and (Y/n) followed in suit, the sudden movement pushing their cloak back, revealing their best-kept secret - their elven shaped ears. 

(Y/n) cursed but didn't have time to scramble for the hood, instead choosing to press forth, leading their new allies into the woods, where they had just enough time to find a hiding place from the mob, the hay cart having been the perfect barrier.

Only half of the villagers passed by their hideout, judging by the cacophony of footfalls and heavy breathing, accompanied by the gruff voice of one villager, who decided to round everyone up and wait by the main road - they would have to get out, somehow.

The group had managed to stay exceptionally still, while their pursuers cleared out of the wood, but (Y/n) could feel three pairs of eyes watching them, their level of scrutiny unsettling.

When all was quiet, (Y/n) dared to venture forth, and they found the woods uninhabited. The three that (Y/n) had saved were slower to exit their hiding spot, and when they did, they turned on (Y/n) quickly - the elf already whipping out her swords.

"Who are you?"

"You mean other than your savior?" (Y/n) said, putting their hand on the hilt of their dagger - just in case.

"What are you, then?" The elf took a step forward, her accent punctuating her every word. "You're not human, but you're not elf either."

"I'm both."

And the revelation was just enough to stun the elf, allowing the idiotic boy from earlier to step up. "Well, thank you for your help back there. Right, Rayla?" —he shot a glance at the elf and she pushed her lips together, clearly still on edge— "I'm Callum and this is Ezran with Bait. And you are...?"

"(Y/n)." They crossed their arms against their chest, narrowing their eyes.

"(Y/n)," Callum repeated, nodding his head slowly as he shot wayward glances back at his friends, who were still assessing the situation. Ezran peered up at (Y/n) with a trepidatious kind of respect while Rayla still held her swords out, her brow furrowed, mirroring (Y/n). 

"What were you doing in a human village, (Y/n)?" Rayla all but spat, tightening her grip.

"Apparently being smarter than you - have you always been this idiotic?" (Y/n) turned to look at Callum and he reeled backward, offended. "Going into a village market with an elf is a death sentence! You could have been caught."

"You went in there!"

"Because I had to! You are a human traveling with an elf - you could have easily gone without her."

Callum blinked, tilting his head to the side. Little Ezran walked up, tugging on his brother's sleeve. "(Y/n) has a point, y'know."

"Yeah, well, we just didn't think of it," Callum mumbled, earning a scoff from (Y/n), which elicited a glare from Rayla. "But in our defense, things were going smoothly until I tripped and pushed Rayla's hood back."

(Y/n) chuckled darkly, rolling their eyes, and Rayla took the opportunity to press forth. "What are you doing here, anyway? Shouldn't you be in Xadia?"

(Y/n) took a step closer, as though daring Rayla to make a move. "Shouldn't you?"

"Whoa!" Callum stepped between the two, gingerly pushing them apart. "Shouldn't we all be?"

(Y/n) shot him a suspicious look - one that they had been saddled with their whole life. It felt odd, almost, giving it to someone else. "Why would you be heading to Xadia? Why are you traveling with an elf, anyway?"

Callum chuckled nervously again, grabbing the back of his neck with one hand and pointing at (Y/n) with the other. "I mean, no better place than Xadia - right? The magic, the elves, the dragons..."

"Callum doesn't know what he's talking about," Rayla recovered, but there was a slight shake to her voice - a tell. "He's taking me to the Moonshadow Path - we're friends. He's not coming with me. Humans don't belong in Xadia."

But Callum winced at that, and Ezran looked down, his feelings hurt. If Rayla noticed, she found no point in disputing her statement, choosing instead to press forth.

"Do you?"

And (Y/n) thought of why they had saved this group of idiots in the first place... in the hopes that they would get the recognition needed to belong in Xadia. For a couple of humans, a glow toad, and a Moonshadow elf, they seemed pretty intent on making it to the magical world beyond the Breach. Whatever their reason, it must have been good, seeing as they banded together, despite the hatred that ran between their races. (Y/n)'s immediate reaction was to leave and never look back - face the consequences of saving these odd travelers and find a new village to buy grain from, continuing to live the way they always had - but they couldn't. For a reason that was beyond what (Y/n) had always thought to be true, a feeling that went beyond their mantra to make no friends and keep their head down, they felt the urge to stay.

Ignoring the voice in their head that screamed at them to not make such a stupid mistake, (Y/n) lifted their hand and pushed away Rayla's sword with the tip of their gloved finger.

"I don't belong anywhere. But I hoped that by saving you, maybe I could." 

Ezran took a sympathetic step forward, coming out from behind his friends, and looking (Y/n) deep in the eye. There was something in his gaze that made (Y/n) feel like he understood them, despite their lives being so different. Callum put a hand on the younger boy's shoulder and (Y/n) noticed it was in his eyes, too. They turned to Rayla, and she looked away, but there was a fury in her eyes - a familiar wave of anger that had to be righteously earned from being cast out, from being an outsider in a place that should have been home. 

Suddenly, it dawned on (Y/n) that this ragtag group of wanderers didn't belong anywhere, at least, not anymore, and were walking to Xadia with a hope that (Y/n) had lost long ago.

"You can belong with us if you want," Ezran spoke up, and his words seemed to have the conviction of one twice his age, as though he had been born to royalty. (Y/n) entertained the idea as they considered his words. He certainly held the air of a royal, and he had nice enough clothes to be in the nobility.

"Ezran." Rayla fixed him with a look, one that implied they had secrets to keep.

"They saved our lives, Rayla, we can't just leave them."

The elf hesitated, but Callum stepped forward, a bit of suspicion still swimming in his eyes, but something more hidden beneath. "What Ez means to say is that you can journey with us if you want."

(Y/n) raised an eyebrow. "And you're sure Rayla isn't going to kill me when my back is turned?"

"Not if you don't give me a reason to," Rayla said, and Callum turned to her with a poignant stare.

"We need all the help we can get, Rayla. We need to be safe if we're going to make it back to Xadia"

"Do you trust them with our cargo?"

(Y/n) cocked their head, and Rayla looked at them with a harsh glance. Callum sighed. "I don't think we have much of a choice."

"Alright, then," Rayla sighed, taking a step forward and extending her hand. (Y/n) hesitated for a moment before pulling off their glove, exposing their lack of a fifth finger, and clasping it with hers.

"You'll take me to Xadia?"

And Callum was the one to answer, shaking (Y/n)'s other hand with his own. "You can walk with us as long as you'd like."

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[demi-shoggoth]

2022 Reading Log, pt. 2

Several of these books were read while quarantining with a COVID scare. The PCR test turned out negative, so back I went to teach, where I could potentially be exposed for real...

006. Life as We Made It by Beth Shapiro. This book isn’t quite fish or fowl, and as such, I found it slightly frustrating. The first half of the book discusses how humans have influenced evolution through overhunting, domestication, conservation and so forth. There’s some very interesting material about the author’s paleogenetic research, particularly into things like bison populations in North America during the Ice Ages. The back half discusses genetic engineering, and how it has been used and how it can be used. During this section, the author proposes that genetic engineering be used on wild organisms to reduce the amount of time, money and labor are spent on managing species. Some of her examples I agree with (engineering black footed ferrets with genes that make them resistant to plague) and others I don’t (gene drives to wipe out mosquito populations). But in both the introduction and the afterword, she implies that she’s proposing widespread genetic engineering of wild animals and plants, and not just a few target organisms. And she never fully addresses this. If you’re going to make a big sweeping claim like that, defend it. If not, leave it out. So I read the entire book waiting for that shoe to drop, and it didn’t.

007. Aesop’s Animals by Jo Winpenny. Inspired by the study that determined that some corvids can do the trick in Aesop’s fable “The Crow and the Pitcher”, this book looks at animal behavior through the lens of fable. The species covered are ones that Aesop used, so lots of dogs and wolves, foxes and crows and less parrots, octopuses and dolphins than are usual for animal behavior books. This is something the author discusses, how recently moving animal cognition research away from primates has been, and how much bias still exists in the literature towards some groups and away from others. The book discusses behaviors such as deception, tit-for-tat reciprocal assistance, the mirror test, tool use and whether animals have a sense of self, other and the future. Along the way, she proposes some more realistic alternatives for some of the fables she debunks, like “The Ape in Sheep’s Clothing” (terrifying) or “The Shepherd and the Rat” (adorable).

008. Patient Zero: A Curious History of the World’s Worst Diseases by Lydia Kang, MD and Nate Pedersen. This book discusses infectious disease in humans, both general trends (history of germ theory, antibiotics, zoonoses) and specific outbreaks (the 1918 Spanish Influenza, the arrival of plague in San  Francisco, etc). For the individual outbreaks, it uses the “patient zero” format as a lens to discuss the human stories behind the diseases, but also acknowledges when we don’t know how a particular disease got started (the Spanish Influenza, for one). COVID-19 is discussed in the book, as part of a section about the politicization of disease. I read a lot of books about infectious diseases, and I still definitely learned stuff from this one (like about the typhus epidemic in Oxford, attributed to a Catholic prisoner’s curse).

009. Twelve Caesars: Image of Power from the Ancient World to the Modern by Mary Beard. I thought this book was actually going to be about the lives and deeds of the “Twelve Caesars” of Suetonius (Julius Caesar through Domitian). Clearly, I should have paid more attention to that subtitle, because this is about representations of Roman emperors, particularly those twelve. How we can or cannot know if statues are original Roman, Renaissance imitators or something in between. How Roman coins became the basis for European portraiture, and how images of emperors appear as cameos and references in unrelated pieces of art. How images of the Twelve Caesars became collectors items, and how different collections may have created alternative lists. It’s all very interesting, and stuff that I hadn’t really done a lot of delving into previously. The book is also gorgeous—full color throughout, on nice paper quality (it’s heavier than most of the books I own of similar size).

010. Hate in the Homeland by Cynthia Miller-Idriss. Like the name suggests, this book is about the rise of far-right extremism and white supremacy in the 21st century. Miller-Idriss is a specialist on modern German politics, so there’s a lot of material about the rise of the far-right in Europe that was new to me in this reading. The book focuses less on the “who” (profiles of white supremacists) or the “why” (why people can become radicalized) and more on the where and when—what spaces are being used by hate groups, what merchandising they’re using, how have the ideas become mainstreamed. For such a heavy topic, it’s a surprisingly breezy read; at 178 pages, I got through the whole book in essentially a single sitting.