#this has been a problem for a while I feel so bad for the french fans :(((

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Excited for the QSMP event stuff but genuinely feel so bad for the French community (+ streamers), how do they KEEP getting forgotten in things, even promo images? 😭😭😭

[magicalmanhattanproject]

man im just like. thinking about egg signs and how they've evolved over the course of the qsmp and how the qsmp has evolved over the course of the qsmp and just feeling so much love and affection for every part of the project. i dont have any grand overarching point with this just. like. here's a history of egg comms bc of the kind of person that i am

so wayyyy back ten months ago now at the start of the short and sweet egg event that was planned to last maybe a month at most, the eggs had their own custom, decorated signs!

[ID: Leo with a pink sign with an egg on the bottom corner that reads "hello" in all caps. Her nametag reads Leonardo. End ID]

They were extremely simple, single word signs. There was hello, hola, story, feed, sleep, and maybe one or two more and each was its own separate sign. The eggs could only communicate the most basic needs in words and everything else was through minecraft body language or just hoping their parents guessed right.

But obviously, there was a lot more that parents wanted to hear from their children. I'm not sure who was actually first, but the earliest departure from this system I know about is BadBoyHalo giving Dapper a simple oak sign so he could name his pet slime. (Screenshot from @/lxrd-ren)

[ID: Dapper wearing a diver's helmet standing next to a tiny slime in a boat with an oak sign reading "Bouncy (slmecicle but better)" End ID]

Parents quickly realized how much more convenient this was and pretty soon every single egg had stacks of signs to communicate with.

The next innovation came from Vegetta, who was the resident mod knower at the time. He knew about colored canvas signs and gave Leo signs in her favorite color purple because he loved her and gave her everything she wanted.

[ID: Leo's bed in her room under some Fooligetta fanart with a purple sign reading "<3" End ID]

Colored signs obviously had a lot of advantages. Being able to tell at a glance which egg placed which sign was a huge step forward in eggs being able to have long, complicated conversations as well as leaving obvious marks of their personality everywhere they went. It took a little while for them to be standard for every egg though. Bobby never stopped using oak signs even after Richas and Pomme both showed up with colored signs.

[ID: Two signs reading from right to left a red Pomme sign reading "we already started working on a guillotine factory" and a dark grey Dapper sign reading "thats the most french u have said so far pomme" End ID]

And this was the system for a while! And it worked pretty well for most people! The biggest struggle most people had was egg signs not being translated, but streamers adjusted to that by reading signs out loud so the translators would pick up on them. This also lead to adorable and fascinating dynamics like Richas swearing in signs he wrote for Bad and then warning Bad not to read them out. There was also the genuinely phenomenal development of Leolingo where Leo writes only in Spanish to Foolish because it's easier for her to write and he takes his time to puzzle his way through it and learn in a way that's super cool to watch someone else do onscreen.

Then Tubbo joined the server. And Tubbo himself had no problems at all with the system, but he is dyslexic and he casually mentioned offhand that it was getting kind of annoying to read signs after a ten hour long stream and the admin team Fucking Cooked.

Within 24 hours, they had TTS working on the signs. Within 48 hours, it was working on books too. I can't remember how long it took to get translation working, but it was definitely under a week.

And this opened up a whole new world of possibilities for the entire QSMP. The admin team has been on top of capitalizing on it for story purposes, but also just allowing the egg admins to speak in their native languages to everyone whenever they want has been so enriching for everyone involved. Leolingo is awesome but Foolish has been learning Spanish insanely fast and his process is a lot slower and more frustrating than most people can do in front of an audience of thousands of people without feeling discouraged. That's also one language. We've had everything from Foolish being able to check his work a bit more faster to Phil insisting on his eggs taking a day to speak to him in their native languages to Ramón writing a book for Fit in Cantonese, a language we haven't even seen on the server in any other context!

And all of it is fully understood and fully communicated! Sometimes the translators mess up but no one expects them to be perfect and people ask for clarification if the translator says something that doesn't sound right. It's not only a massive step forward in communication technology, but it's a great demonstration of how to use it and when you can and can't rely on it.

And finally, the most recent innovation! One of BBH's viewers sent him a dono saying they had trouble reading certain signs because they were too low-contrast. Bad, Richas, and Pomme just. Took it upon themselves to fix the problem right there and then. Based on One (1) bringing up their own personal struggle, those three came up with new signs that innovate tremendously on the originals.

[ID: Two separate images of the before and after. The first is the egg signs in their original colors with the corresponding egg's name written on them to demonstrate the font color and the second is in the new, higher contrast colors with the same text. The new signs also have custom decorations for each egg. The second picture also has two signs from Pomme in all caps that read "Send all the love to Richas he spent a whole night making this he's the best <3" End ID]

There are three main innovations visible in the above pictures

1: Obviously, the colors are higher contrast. The signs with white text have darker colors and the signs with black text have lighter colors.

2: The colors themselves are lower saturation. Richas said this made it easier for him personally to read them so he corrected that way, but that's open to change if it causes difficulties for more people than it helps

3: The decorations are for accessibility reasons! People with various different forms of colorblindness will find different sets of colors easier or harder to distinguish, but any of them can look at the decorations and use them to identify whose sign is whose instead.

But! Those innovations are not why I made this post! It's these ones!

[ID: The backs of the new signs when placed on the ground. Most visible are Chayanne's with vines and a hardcore heart, Sunny's with shining sunglasses, and Pomme's with an apple and the Eiffel Tower. End ID]

Richas added distinguishing marks to the backs of the signs too! This is something that Bad brought up specifically as something he wanted because it was hard for him to tell who was talking when he was using TTS from behind signs and couldn't see the colors at all.

We went from custom egg signs (a hotbar or so of words and nothing else to communicate with) through a long journey of expanding communication and expanding who we're bringing along on the communication and how easily they can join in and we've circled all the way back around to custom egg signs (they can say anything they want in any language they want and anyone will know it's them saying it from any angle)

and i guess i have enough feelings abotu that to write All This about it

[natlovesls2]

Stupid In Love

Logan Sargeant x Fem!Reader

*ੈ✩‧₊˚Word count: 5k

*ੈ✩‧₊˚Warnings: fluff, slight angst and arguments, reader is written as American but only mentioned a few times, brief use of one bed trope, possible grammatical errors, no use of y/n, switches pov and might not be obvious, a little rushed, swearing, alcohol, I'm American (I think that should be a warning 🤷‍♀️ ), American football, images used are not mine as are from pinterest, was written before Logans replacement =(

*ੈ✩‧₊˚Summary: Your sister invites you to her wedding, theres only one problem: you're single and your family has already been pressuring you about it. Logan offers to be your date, what can go wrong? or you and Logan being oblivious about your feeling for one another while fake dating

‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚₊‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚

You’re unsure of how or why you fell in love with Logan, but you fell hard and fast– so fast that it made it impossible for you to catch yourself before it was too late. What you did know was that your feelings were not reciprocated. Despite what your shared friends said, Logan was not in love with you, and he definitely did not look at you as if you hung up the moon and the stars. Though you were an idiot when it came to love, there was only one thing worse than someone who is an idiot about love. That is an idiot in love, and that's what you were– stupidly in love. 

“My sister is getting married, and our parents have made it their mission to rub it in my face. They act like I’m pushing fifty– I’m only twenty fucking two that's not old,” you groaned, letting your body drop onto the couch in your living room. 

Logan watched you from across the room– face scrunching up at the mention of your parent's comments, “That's definitely not old, so what if you're not dating someone? There are more important things in life.”

“They think otherwise; they think that my life is a failure because I’ve never been in a serious relationship, or at least not one I considered serious– like that somehow defines me as a person,” the sound of rustling in the kitchen catching your attention, “Are you seriously eating without me?” you ask, instantly sitting up, looking in the direction of the kitchen.

“No.”

“You’re a horrible liar; you're literally talking with your mouth full right now.”

“Okay, okay, sorry. But seriously, what's so bad about your sister getting married? Besides the comments made by your parents?” Logan asked, handing you a french fry as you approached the kitchen. 

“Nothing is wrong; she just had the bright idea of giving me a plus one; can you believe her? That fucking cunt, she knows I’m a pathetic loser with no love life, and she still gave me a plus one,” you dramatically shove food into your mouth.

“She did not,” Logan said, letting out an overdramatic fake gasp before breaking into a fit of laughter– bending over slightly and holding onto his stomach. He was a good friend– a great one even, but now, as he stood there laughing, you couldn't help but feel annoyed. It wasn't annoyment because of the situation or the fact that he was laughing at the situation– no, you were annoyed at the fact that he looked so good doing it. 

“You’re an asshole; stop laughing at me,” you say, throwing a french fry at Logan from across your kitchen island, watching as he attempts to catch it with his mouth and failing miserably. Even something so minuscule as that action, something he usually did when you threw food at him, caught your attention. 

“It’s not the end of the world; it’s just a wedding,” Logan threw food back at you, his smile falling as he noticed your pensive stare. 

“Yeah, a wedding where I’ll be hounded about finding a boyfriend and potential husband,” you let your head fall against the kitchen counter, letting out a loud sigh, silently whispering to yourself– asking the universe what you had done wrong to deserve this fate.

“If you’re really worried about getting made fun of, I’ll go with you. I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend,” he said nonchalantly, and you felt him rest his head beside yours against the counter. You turn to face him, opening your eyes to meet his own, and you immediately notice he's smiling again. A soft smile that makes your stomach feel fuzzy– the type of fuzzy you probably shouldn't be feeling. You could almost feel yourself shifting your head towards his own, but it never moved. It was a good thing, though you couldn't help but feel frustrated with yourself. Logan was your friend– you could probably consider him your best friend, yet here you were, feeling like a fool. 

“Really? You’re not joking right now?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper, afraid that the tone of your voice would betray you and reveal your thoughts and feelings.

“Not joking, I’ll do it," he straightens himself, resting his elbow on the counter, tilting his head, waiting for your response.

“You’re an angel, Logan,” you jump from your position to wrap your arms around him, hugging him tightly– you're sure you're cutting off his air supply. Though he'd never complain, Logan had never been the type to complain when you hugged him too tightly. It was something you never understood about him, why he put up with so much of your bullshit– the sudden wedding invitation included.

“Only for you,” he hugged you back, though not as tight as you were hugging him, gently patting your back, “So when’s the wedding?”

“In a month.”

“Oh, wow… you could’ve told me sooner,” his voice full of shock and disbelief as he pried himself out of the hug to look at you.You couldn't help but feel disappointed at the lack of close physical contact– something you rarely felt. Whenever you ended a hug with Logan, you felt normal, as if it were any other hug. This felt different, a type of difference that you couldn't quite place. Maybe it was fear, or maybe you just didn't know the feeling– all you knew was that you were glad you would have time with him on this trip.

“Well, I sorta thought I’d have a date by now,” you said, voice dripping with melancholy and regret. For a while, the first three months since you got the invitation, to be exact, you had hoped and expected to find a date. You had come close to doing so, falling short every time, realizing that you had high standards that most men did not meet. But as you stared at Logan, you wondered if perhaps, this whole time, you had been waiting for him– not him in particular, but someone like him. 

“Okay, well, where is the wedding being held?”

“My parents' house, where we grew up. It's a ranch, nothing too crazy,” you could already imagine the fresh air of the property and the salty breeze of the nearby beach. The thought of relaxation quickly crashed by the topic of your current conversation– the wedding. Of course, there would be no relaxation during a wedding, especially not at your sister's wedding, where you would have to pretend to be dating your best friend. 

“So more of a family only with a few friends, type of wedding?”

“Exactly,” you took a bite of the food that had gone forgotten for a moment, “I owe you big time,” you assured Logan. It would be shitty of you if you didn't at least offer up the idea of being indebted to him– though, truthfully, you knew Logan would never hold this above you, let alone actually make you pay the debt. 

“Yeah, you do.”

⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹

The drive to your parent's house from the airport is quiet, the argument from before still lingering between you. You feel Logan’s eyes occasionally dart between you and the road. He lets out a deep sigh, pulling over at a shoulder, turning off the ignition, and turning to face you— his eyes examining you as you look straight ahead. You could sense his hesitation, but refused to acknowledge the situation, still mad at what he had done earlier. The road was eerily empty, and as the sun set, the approaching night seemed to set the mood for the current state of your friendship— cold and dimming. 

“This was a mistake,” you finally say, turning to look at Logan, watching as he shakes his head— dryly laughing at your words.

“This would’ve been fine if you had told me your family was still close to your ex,” you can tell he is attempting to keep a calm demeanor, voice tense with a slight shake. 

“I didn’t think it was important,” you feel frustrated with the situation, and your voice showed it. You had meant for it to sound that way– you weren't mad at Logan; you could never be mad at him... or maybe you were.

“You didn’t think it was important to tell your date that your ex-boyfriend will be there too?” his eyes wide with disbelief at the audacity of your statements. You, of course, felt as if he was exaggerating– making a big deal out of something as small as a family friendship.

“This is fake, Logan— this isn’t a real date. It’s not like I had an actual obligation to tell you!” you yelled at him, mind foggy– you weren't thinking straight, aggravated in the situation at hand, and annoyed with your sister more than anything. Though you could feel your anger and frustration with Logan rise. 

He goes quiet, jaw clenching and hand gripping the steering wheel to the point where his knuckles are turning white, as he angrily turns the car back on. You were unsure if you should break the silence, afraid to further escalate the situation. The tension only grew the further he drove and the closer you got to your childhood home.

"Look, I'm sorry for overreacting. I know we're not actually dating, but I want your family to like me," he finally says as you arrive at your destination, nervously running his hand through his hair. 

"Hmm."

"Please don't be mad," he placed his head against the steering wheel, mumbling to himself-- you couldn't quite hear all that he said. Though you caught something about being an idiot and always ruining everything. 

"I'm not mad, and I'm sure my family will love you; who wouldn't?"

⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹

“Jade, this is Logan; Logan, this is my sister, Jade,” you introduce Logan and your sister, awkwardly motioning between them. 

“Hi, it's nice to meet you,” Logan stretches out his hand for your sister to shake, but instead, he is pulled into a big hug.

“Nice to meet you too,” She pulls away from the hug, looking Logan up and down– smiling widely, “My god, sis, you didn’t tell me you were dating someone this good-looking.”

“Jade, don’t.”

“What? He’s hot,” she insists, looking him up and down-- causing you an overwhelming amount of embarrassment. 

“God, I am so sorry,” you quickly say to Logan; you wished the earth would open up at that moment and swallow you whole. Your sister had the tendency to embarrass you, constantly bringing up your past cringe moments. Like the time you stuffed your bra in middle school, and she, for some reason, brought it up a few years later in front of your prom date. It wasn't that she did it with some malicious intent; she just happened to have no grasp on boundaries and social cues.

“No, no, it's fine,” he said with a slightly amused smile, clearly enjoying your embarrassment. He always got a kick out of seeing you embarrassed, and you knew this would be something he teased you about later. 

“I haven’t seen you in so long; so much has changed since you’ve been gone,” she says, holding up her left hand to show off her ring with a wide smile. 

“Yeah, I know.”

“The old barn was turned into a little studio, so that’s where you two will be staying,” She leads you to the old barn, unlocking it and giving you a small tour. “Mom and Dad will be home later, but honestly, they probably won't bother you. Especially Dad, he's in a mood, but I’m sure Mom will drop by to say hello,” she says, standing near the front door, smiling at you and Logan, “There’s only one bed, so I’m sure you two will have fun, if you know what I mean,” violently winking at you. 

“Please ignore her; she's just trying to embarrass me– more than she already has,” you tell him, ushering your sister out of the studio. “Has she ever told you about that time in middle school when…” you quickly shut the door behind her before she can say anything and turn back to Logan, who is standing there with a small smile. You can't help but wonder why he's smiling or what he's smiling at. You can almost feel yourself smiling back– almost, but you stop yourself.

“Well I like your family so far.”

“You've only met my sister.”

“Yeah, but she’s fun,” he says, following you into the small kitchen, leaning against the door frame. 

“Whatever, you say. I was thinking I'll take the couch and you take the bed.”

“No way, there is no way my fake girlfriend, but very real best friend, is sleeping on the couch,” he protests, pushing himself off of the door frame to stand besides you as you rummage through the refrigerator. 

“Well, I won’t allow my guest to sleep on the couch.”

“We can share the bed, just put a pillow barrier between us.”

“Pillow barrier? What are we twelve?” you scoff, turning to look at Logan, eyebrows raised in exasperation. 

“Right, so I’ll take the couch.”

“You are not sleeping on the couch, Logan!” voice raised as your frustration with the situation continues to grow.

“Alright, I’ll sleep on the floor if that's what you want,” he said, attempting to hold back a smile, voice dripping with sarcasm.

“You’re being difficult on purpose.”

“Then lets share the bed”

“Fine!” you finally give in, knowing that there was no winning against Logan and you'd much rather save your sanity. 

“Okay, well, I’m going to shower; do you need to use the bathroom?”

“No, but I’ll make us lunch.”

“Alright, thank you,” he said, hesitating as if he wanted to say something else before walking out of the kitchen and towards the bathroom. 

⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹

“What are you doing?”

“Putting up the pillow barrier”

“I thought you said we weren’t twelve?” he asked with a teasing smile. You stared at him blankly, unsure if how to respond, watching as he lay on the left side of bed. “Come on, just lay down already,” he removed the pillow barrier, hugging one of the pillows as he patted the empty spot on the bed. 

Hesitantly you laid on your spot, turning to look at him, “You’re so weird.”

Logan let out a chuckle, “Yeah, but you love me,” he whispered, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. 

“Yeah,” you responded, closing your eyes– and you truly did mean it, you loved him. 

⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹

You expected the rehearsal dinner to make you uncomfortable, but you weren't fully prepared– hoping it would pass like a blur you wouldn’t remember. That, of course, had been foolish-- as you stood in front of the mirror looking at yourself, you couldn't help but feel the oncoming dread. 

“What's wrong?” Logan asks, coming to stand beside you, carefully fixing his shirt in the reflection, “You look like you'll throw up at any moment.”

Your expression is blank, lips shut tight and unmoving despite having been asked a question. It felt as if you were unable to speak, afraid to open your mouth and vomit before having anything to eat or drink, “I just… I’m nervous,” you play with the hem of your dress, flattening the bottom of it and using it as an excuse to wipe away the clamminess of your hands. 

“You look beautiful. I’m sure everything will go smoothly, and I’ll be by your side the whole time, I promise,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around you and resting his chin on the top of your head, placing a small kiss on your forehead.

⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹

You stood at the edge of the rehearsal dinner event, Logan by your side, as you watched the people around you socialize. In the center of the backyard was a long table with plates and glasses. Family from both sides and close friends are scattered around the yard as your sister and her fiance make their way around the place, speaking to everyone. 

“I’m glad you finally have someone in your life, little Jade,” your sister's fiance, Mark, commented as they approached you and Logan. “Jade told me all about you, and I’m not going to lie, I googled you,” he laughed, patting Logan on the back in a friendly manner as if they were old friends. 

“Find anything interesting?” Logan asks with an intrigued smile on his face. You're relieved that he isn't absolutely weirded out about being googled.

“Just the usual, that you're from Florida– and that's just rubbing me the wrong way. I also read that you're a Dolphins fan, and I’m a Niners fan sooo...”

“I think we can put football behind us,” Logan laughs lightly; you can't help but admire his laugh. It's the type of laugh that brings a smile to your face and warms your heart.

“Oh, definitely; I think you and I will be great friends. We’re practically family now; you better not break my sister-in-law's heart. I’m watching you, carboy,” he warns, doing the ‘I’m watching you’ hand motion as he walks off with your sister. 

“He seems nice,” Logan says with a small smile, subconsciously wrapping his arm around your shoulder, “Wait, did he call me carboy?” he asks, turning to look in the direction they had just left. 

“Yeah he did, he’s something, but he definitely likes you,” You smile up at him— your smile growing wider as you notice your father approaching the both of you. 

“Papa, this is–”

“I’m Logan, her boyfriend,” he interrupts you, stretching out his hand to shake your father's hand. 

Your father looked Logan up and down, analyzing the way he dressed, what he said, and especially how he held himself. He ignores Logan's outstretched hand, brows furrowing as he turns to look at you with a stern look. Your smile falters as you watch Logan's hand fall back to his side, and your father walks away from your conversation. 

“That went well,” Logan's voice was filled with sarcasm as he watched your father approach a young man your age, “Who is he talking to?”

“Hm?” you turn in the direction your father left in, body tensing as you see who he is currently conversing with. Micheal, your ex-boyfriend of three years– the guy your parents so desperately wanted you to get back together with. The guy you had thought you would marry and eventually have kids with. “That's THE ex-boyfriend.”

Logan scoffs, your father's sudden coldness making sense; he was the outsider causing the rift between you and the man your father wanted to see you with. You had hoped he would be accepting of Logan; he was usually a wholehearted person– the type to treat someone as if they had known each other their whole life. This was something you had always loved and admired about him, though the way he was acting today was the exact opposite of that. 

“Don’t think too much into it; let's just focus on what we have to do. We can talk to other people; my mom loves you.”

“Yeah, but your dad is definitely still in love with your ex. What are you going to do when you bring a real boyfriend to meet your dad?”

“I haven’t thought of that… oh god, don’t turn,” your warning goes unheard as Logan turns to see your ex-boyfriend walking towards the both of you. 

“So you're my replacement,” Michael rolled his eyes at Logan, face full of disgust, as if he was above Logan. 

“Nice to meet you; I’m Logan,” Logan straightened his back, clearly attempting to show Michael that he was not intimidated by him.

“Where'd you find him anyway?” Michael asks you, refusing to acknowledge Logan, let alone look at him. 

“That's really none of your business.”

He looked Logan up and down, as your father had, scoffing at Logan– as if he were better than Logan. You knew this was what he was thinking; he had always had a superiority complex during your relationship. Constantly reminding you that he would always be the best you could have. It was one of, if not the main reason you had decided to break up with him. However, he had charmed your family– your father, in particular, was in love with him.

“You don’t have to be such a bitch about it, baby,” Michael took a step forward, attempting to get closer to you.

“Don’t talk to my girlfriend like that,” Logan says, stepping between you and Michael with a stern look on his face.

“She doesn't love you; she was still texting me a few months ago. Did she tell you that?”

Logan turned to you, face showing slight betrayment– you were unsure of how to respond or what to do. You could slightly remember the text messages, mostly started by him, but you had still responded. Maybe it was out of boredom or sheer loneliness you had felt– or the complicated feelings you felt towards Logan.

“That doesn't give you the right to insult her,” Logan pushes Michael back with two fingers.

“Whatever, enjoy my leftovers– and know that her family will never accept you.” Michael walked away from the conversation, leaving a sour taste in your mouth. You didn’t want to be here anymore; you regretted dragging Logan into the situation. This would only ruin your opportunity to confess your feelings. Why would he ever want to date you knowing that your father had a weird attachment to your ex-boyfriend? Who would willingly put up with that; certainly not Logan. 

“Why does your dad even like him? He’s a piece of shit.”

“I don’t know. He doesn’t act like that around my parents; I guess he has them fooled.”

Soon, you all found yourself seated around the long table; to your horrible luck, you had been seated across from Michael. You weren't sure what came over you when you grabbed Logan's hand; perhaps it was nervousness or the shaking feeling you felt-- his hand served as an anchor in your opinion. It was keeping you from losing your mind as Michael smirked at you from across the table. 

"Are you okay?" Logan whispers, gently squeezing your hand-- attempting to reassure you and alleviate your many worries, leaning into you. When you don't respond, Logan takes it as his sign to continue talking to you, "I've got you, don't worry."

The sound of glass being tapped draws your attention to the foot of the long table, where your sister and her fiance stand. "I want to thank all of you for coming. It means so much to both Mark and I. To my parents, thank you for all the love and support you have shown during these past few days. To my sister, you have been the best sister anyone could ask for; I can only hope your wedding is next," Jade winks in Logan's direction, causing him to laugh, and your father glares at both your sister and Logan.

You smiled at Logan, and for a moment, you forgot it was all fake. It felt as if he was actually in love with you, as in love as you were. And as the night grew, so did your love for Logan. You were certain you were in love with him, and as delusional as it sounded, you hoped– longed for him to love you back.

⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹

The wedding ceremony had gone smoothly, it had been perfect and everything you could have imagined for your sister. That had never worried you much, you knew no one would have dared to ruin the ceremony. What did, however, worry you was the reception. It wouldn’t be out of the ordinary for some idiot drunken relative to cause a scene as they often did. And as you downed your fifth drink you began to think that the idiot might be you. 

“I've been looking everywhere for you,” Logan says, placing a hand on the small of your back. His sudden appearance snapping you out of your thoughts as he leaned against the section of the bar beside you. 

“Been here since the party started.”

“Hm, how much have you had to drink?” he asks, a concerned look etched onto his perfect face… perfectly kissable face. 

“Mm, not much. I could use a few more drinks” your words slurred and do little to convince Logan that you're not beyond your limit. 

“Let's just get some water in your system, yeah?”

“Nooooo,” you whine like a petulant child. 

He moves his hand that was resting on your back down to your hip, gently guiding you towards your assigned table.  You protest and grumble the whole way there, secretly loving the way his hand feels against your hip– so strong and warm. Logan sits you down in one of the empty chairs, giving the other people at the table a weak smile. 

“Drink up,” he says, gently placing a glass of water in your hand. 

“I don’t wanna,” you whine, dropping your head to rest against the table.

“I’m not giving you a choice.”

“You should like my mom,” You can feel his eyes on you, and you can almost imagine the small smile on his face. 

“Come on sweetheart, you gotta drink some water,” he says, voice softening, nudging your foot with his own. 

“Don’t call me that,” you lift your head off the table to look at him, throat tightening at the term of endearment. The whole place was spinning, your vision blurring a bit, the words in your mind jumbling together, “Don’t– don’t call me that,’ you repeat. 

“Why not? You’ve never minded the nickname.”

“‘Cause I’ll get used to it and I can’t get used to it.”

Logan started at you, confusion etching his face, and god if it didn't take every last bit of restraint in you to not lean over and kiss him. “What's that supposed to mean?” he asked in a whispered tone. 

“I– I love you,” you drunkenly confess, eyes blown out wide– you were sure you looked insane. 

“You’re drunk.”

"I love you and you don't love me–" you start, Logan’s hand coming to rest on your shoulder.

“Stop it. You can’t be saying things that you’ll regret in the morning.”

"You didn't deny not loving me," you say, voice dripping with embarrassment, tears beginning to sting at the corners of your eyes. 

“I’m not having this conversation with you”

"God, I feel like such a fucking idiot– just leave me the fuck alone," you drop your head back down, choking on your words, a few tears slipping down your cheeks. 

He hesitates for a moment as if debating what to do, he lets out a sigh, shoulders dropping, “We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

⊹˚₊‧───────────‧₊˚⊹

You sat at the back of the property, swinging on one of two swings overlooking the open meadow. The past few days replaying in your mind: the fight with Logan, the rehearsal dinner, and the actual wedding. The wedding… everything had come undone, there was no more hiding your feelings or attempting to disguise them as a friendship. 

“I was looking for you,” Logan said, sitting on the swing beside you, watching you closely. 

“Look, I’m sorry about last night,” you whispered, your gaze set on the scenery in front of you in an attempt to avoid looking at him. He let out a sigh attempting to find the right words, worried he’d ruin everything.

“You remember what happened?”

“No, but apparently Jade found me crying and I confessed everything.” It had been embarrassing, having to admit to your sister that everything had been a lie and that you had an unrequited love for your best friend. She, being the greatest sister of all time, calmed you down and comforted you despite having made a fool of yourself at her wedding reception. “I’m not upset that you don’t love me like that. I totally understand and hope we can still be friends.” It wasn’t an exact lie, you did want to be friends, even if it would pain you– but you’d eventually get over him, right?

“No.”

“No? As in we can’t be friends? Because that's fine too, I understand that I made things awkward,” you rambled, just wanting this whole to be over with, nervously picking at the lint of your old sweater that you now realized had once belonged to Logan. 

“God, you really are an idiot.”

Your head snapped to look at him, confusion written all over your face, your mind reeled at his comment. Your mouth opened slightly in preparation to respond, but you were unable to find the words. What did he even mean by that? 

“I love you too, dumbass, so damn much,” he let out a small nervous chuckle, smiling at you, reaching to grab your hand.

“You do?”

“Yes, I can’t imagine a life where I see you with someone else and I feel comfortable with that.” You searched his face for any hint of insincerity, any hint that this may be some sort of cruel joke. But you knew Logan, and you knew that he would never do something so twisted. “I want to kiss you; can I kiss you?” he asked softly, hesitantly reaching out to cup your cheek.

You nod, closing your eyes and leaning into him, letting out a shaky breath as your lips meet. Suddenly you were unusually aware of the clamminess of your hands and the pounding of your heart. His lips were warm, a deep contrast to the cold morning air that had been biting at you earlier. Logan's hand moved to tangle itself into your hair, pulling you closer, almost as if he was scared you'd disappear– as if you were part of a dream and he'd wake up any moment. You suppose that's why the kiss had suddenly felt rough and sloppy as he ran his tongue against your lower lip. 

He pulled away, resting his forehead against your own, smiling at you, “So you’ll let me take you out on a real date?”

‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚₊‧₊˚ ✩°｡⋆♡ ⋆˙⟡♡ ⋆˙⟡♡⋆｡°✩˚

*ੈ✩‧₊˚Note: This is the longest fic I've every written and I'm afraid it's not that good. I literally started this in, I want to say, January but honestly I have no clue. I'm just happy its done and I have the inspiration to write shitty stuff again.

[charlesslut16]

-only him-

summary : charles ignored you, so you went to your ex´s party.

PAIRING : charles leclerc x fem!reader

WARNINGS : bad translated french, a bit toxish behavior from charles, a bit of spice in th end.

note : i'm so sorry that it took me so long to write this imagine. If you want a second part just ask me :)

masterlist 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your boyfriend, charles leclerc, was so obsessive over you. He was the sweetest with you, but with other men, that were looking at you, he was the meanest. He was possessive over you. 

That he was protective over you wasn't a problem. You found it rather cute. He was looking out for you and protected you from all the danger in the paddock and the world.

You knew that he loved you deeply and that he would do everything for you. He was the best boyfriend you could have ever asked for, but the possessive behavior was just too much.

It was like he had a switch. A switch you would never see coming. Just like tonight.

"Charles, stop being an asshole and talk to me." You groaned out from behind him, as he was ignoring you while he typed on his laptop, before he pushed his glasses up.

He was ignoring you because of an argument you had last night. You told him that he was too possessive and protective of you, and he exploded, and since then he has been ignoring you. 

"C’est tellement enfantin, charles. Tellement putain, puéril. Vous n’êtes plus un enfant. Charles, tu es un homme adulte." This is so childish, charles. So fucking childish. You are not a kid anymore. Charles, you are a grown man. 

You stared down at him before you snatched his car keys to his Ferrari. Furthermore, you glanced back to see his reaction to still see his eyes parked on his computer screen.

You huffed out and closed the door behind you. You knew what could break him... 

Attending your ex-boyfriends birthday party, that attended many men. Some of them you knew from the past relationship with your ex, but the others were total strangers to you.

He would not like that, would he?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As you swayed your hips to the music, large veiny hands tightly wrapped around your waist, slightly startling you just by feeling the tight grip on your waist. You knew exactly who it was...

Charles.

"Qu’est-ce que tu fais ici à sa fête, mi amore?" He gritted in your ear possessively, as the grip on your waist tightened. What are you doing here at his party, my love?

You smirked at him and spun around as you showed him your dress. It was black with a slit and spaghetti straps. Fitted tightly so that it showed of your curves. 

"Love my dress, baby?" You changed the subject as he slowly scanned your body up and down. 

Just as you wanted to spin again, charles grabbed your hips tightly and pulled you into him, so you couldn't escape his grip and show off your dress to anyone else than him.

Your beauty was only for him. Only Him.  Your body, face, and everything else about you only belonged to him. Only to him. You were his. His Girlfriend. His woman. And his Everything.

This was the party of your ex-boyfriend. Ex. You were no longer his girlfriend, you were charles girl now. So why would you go to his party instead of staying at home with him, your boyfriend.

"Ne me rendez pas jaloux parce qu’à la fin de cette fête... Qui peut l’arracher à votre jolie silhouette? Moi. Seulement moi." He spat possessively as his eyes turned dark. Don't make me jealous because at the end of this party... who gets to rip it off your pretty figure? Me. Only me.

"Ce corps a été fait pour moi. Seulement moi. Alors pourquoi le montrez-vous à des hommes stupides qui ne peuvent pas vous donner ce dont vous avez besoin. Je suis le seul à pouvoir vous donner ce dont vous avez besoin. Moi." This body was made for me. Only me. So why do you show it to stupid men who can't give you what you need. I am the only one who can give you what you need. Me.

You gulped, knowing that your plan wasn't working... It just gave you a punishment when you got home.

"Vous avez 5 secondes pour sortir par la porte d’entrée et asseoir votre cul sur le siège passager de notre Ferrari ou il y aura-" you have 5 seconds to get out the front door and sit your ass in the passenger seat to our Ferrari or there will be-

He didn't even have to finish his sentence for you to get moving, making him chuckle deeply at how obedient you were.

[spoonsock]

3 AM shenanigans

Gwen Stacy x reader

Synopsis: It’s late, you’re hungry and your girlfriend can’t cook to save her life.

Warnings: none, this is pure fluff and typical teenage fucking around late at night.

Not proofread. I’ve come to realization I never proofread anything I write. Oh well.

Take this short little thing instead of a part 2 for show me love, I’ll write it soon I swear 🙏 also I’m glad that the whole community agrees that Gwen can’t cook lmaoo.

“I’m hungry”

“And how’s that my problem?”

You push the absolute bully of your girlfriend. “Ouch”, she says monotonously, eyes still closed, and you glare at her, knowing darn well she can feel you doing so.

You’re sleeping over at her place, her dad’s not home and you’re both laying on her bed, trying to fall asleep but the grumbling of your stomach is interrupting you. You ate dinner but it has been a couple of hours since then and. You. Are. Hungry.

You turn on your back to glance at the clock on Gwen’s nightstand. 03:05 it says. Whatever, you think, it’s never to late to eat.

“Gwendyy, I’m staaaarvingggg”, you pout at her.

“No” is the only answer you get. “…Fine, I didn’t want to resort to this, but I guess you leave me no choice”, you say before getting up from the bed and grabbing both of Gwen’s arms and dragging her upwards. The attempt of getting her to get up doesn’t work and she falls from the bed, making a loud noise as she lands. Before you can process it, she grabs your knees and pulls, letting you to fall flat on your butt with a thump.

You pretend to be hurt and she actually gets worried for a second and you use that moment to grab her hands and pin them above her head, getting on top of her as she’s laying on the floor, not letting her move, and looking her dead in the eye before saying how you need to eat or you’ll die and it’ll be her fault *she know’s you’re exaggerating ofc*.

Unfortunately for you, your girlfriend is Spider-woman. Idk why would you even think you could overpower her, she literally has super strength. So she easily turns you over and pins your arms above your head before whisper yelling at you how there will be no food making at 3 in the morning. The two of you toss and turn on the floor for some time, like a pair of fucking toddlers, giggling and wiping the dust off of the floor with your pajamas.

Eventually Gwen gives in and you happily lead her to her own kitchen. You’ve never cooked in her kitchen though, meaning you don’t know where anything is, so your girlfriend tells you to sit still while she makes you something to eat.

“You know what, if I really have to cook for you in the middle of the night, Imma cook you the meal of your life”, she says and excitement builds up inside of you, wondering what kind of a Gordon Ramsay bullshit is she about to pull. You watch her patiently as she brings ingredients out of her fridge and pulls out a bowl and cutlery from different drawers. She heats up some oil in a big ass pot and then adds a thing after a thing in it.

After a while, you smell something burning and you ask her if everything’s okay, but she assures you it’s all doing great and you decide to ask no more, even though you definitely heard the panic in her voice.

Aside from that, she looks super confident in whatever she’s doing so you don’t even ask her what is she making for you, and honestly, you don’t even wanna know. You trust her and you’re hungry and you’ll eat whatever she makes for you.

Or at least that’s what you thought, until she put the big ass bowl™️ in front of you. And in it was a suspicious liquid mixture of pasta, different types of something green, carrots (hopefully?), corn, jelly????, mushrooms, bacon, and other suspicious stuff. Gwen hands you a spoon and smiles brightly, all the signs of tiredness disappeared, as if she wasn’t desperately trying to fall asleep cuddled up next to you, like, half of an hour ago.

“Bon appétit, babe”, she says, putting on a bad french accent.

Your girlfriend sits next to you, waiting for you to try the meal (?) she has prepared for you, and you give her a hesitant smile before dipping the spoon in the bowl and then putting it in your mouth.

You couldn’t even get yourself to swallow whatever you just put in your mouth because the feeling of it on your tongue made you immediately start to choke. It was sweet, salty, bitter, spicy and cold all at the same time. You run to get yourself some water, trying to lose the taste of it from your mouth while Gwen watches you confused. As you are drinking your water, she decides to try the meal herself and has the same reaction as you do.

So you just stand there silently, in her kitchen, staring at the big ass bowl™️ on the table. It seems as if something will jump out of it and attack you. The liquid reminds you of a swamp and you don’t feel hungry at all anymore.

Gwen sighs deeply. The two of you decide to go back to bed and try not to have nightmares of the meal your dear spider girlfriend has prepared for you. At least you know she put effort in trying to make you happy, which warms your heart and you pull her closer to you to press a kiss on her forehead.

When you wake up, you see her dad in the kitchen, sitting down and staring at the bowl intently and quietly, as if contemplating his whole existence because of the bowl. “You tried it, didn’t you?”, you ask and he slowly nods his head, obviously still in shock from the taste of the meal.

That was the day you decided you’ll be the one to prepare food from now on.

Guys she was trying to make minestrone (soup) bc she saw a recipe for it somewhere and she really wanted to try making it. She’s so precious 🥹💞

Yes I put trademark ™️ on the big ass bowl.

[i520u]

11:11 𓂅𓏲•₊˚

NINE. 21:37

Sungchan is what you would call a fair-weathered friend. You can’t for the life of you remember when was the last time he was ever there for you when you were at your worst, in the context of as your friend. Then again, you can’t fully blame him either. He has university, you met him through Kamden—your neighbour. You never exactly sought out for him when you were at your worst. Why would you? You have Minjeong and Yizhuo. On top of that, your brother, Hanbin has been a great pillar throughout your whole life.

But yes, Sungchan had never been there on days where you could hardly get out of bed. Hardly eat, shower, and open your phone. Days where you force your body to sleep even when it’s not tired, even when it has rested for too long. 

You wondered why you were recalling these memories as you watched Sungchan climb up the remaining steps on the staircase, your favourite takeout in his hands, a genuine smile on his face. You currently weren’t at your worst in that moment, so why was your brain reminding you of all those times?

Rather than feeling sombre by the sudden waves of memories, you were glad that he was here now. Even if you weren’t exactly at your lowest, you still felt pretty shitty. You’ve always been slightly more self-aware about yourself than you let it out to be. You’ve always been a little more sensitive than most people, even if you do a good job at pretending you’re not because your self-awareness tells you that you’re annoying if you show others that you were hurt by something as minor as a slight change of demeanour from them towards you.

“Elevator’s under maintenance again?” Was the first thing he said once he reached your side, pointing towards the lift, where the indicator read ���OUT OF ORDER’ in capital red letters. You turned to look at where he was pointing, and nodded absentmindedly. You weren’t sure why you felt a surge of calmness with Sungchan standing right in front of you. Because, hey, it’s Jung fucking Sungchan. You weren’t sure how he had managed to tune down all those loud, bad memories that were playing in your head just seconds ago. You were confused by it.

“Sorry for making you take the stairs to the sixth floor.” You scratched the back of your head awkwardly, “not a problem. I’ve been through worse.” Sungchan’s tone was lighthearted as he gently ruffled your hair, not enough to make a mess out of it, but enough to make you smile a little.

He walked past you, placing the takeout he bought on the countertop while you closed the door and let it lock by itself. “I bought you a little something, because I feel like I was responsible for triggering your insecurity.” Sungchan frowned, at himself in particular. “Sorry, Y/N.” He added as he motioned for you to sit by him at the countertop.

As you made your way towards him, you also absentmindedly shook your head at his words, “I was the nosy one. Plus, I was just being overly dramatic over the phone.” You reassured him, climbing onto the tall chairs by the countertop. “Yeah but, considering how long we’ve known each other, I should’ve been a little more careful with what I say.” Sungchan countered, he took a bite from the french fry he had in between his fingers.

You let out a sigh as you unwrapped your own food, staring at it blankly. “You shouldn’t, though.” You murmured, your voice so quiet that people would’ve thought that you were just mumbling to yourself. Sungchan surprisingly heard you, though. “Why’s that?” He asked, sliding the drink he bought for you towards you. You shrugged, taking your eyes off of the food and back to him. “I should know these things. So that I wouldn’t bother them any more than I have. The last thing I’d want is to mistakenly interpret just how comfortable people are with me.” Your voice was calm, but your mind was a little bit of a mess.

It wasn’t directed towards Gyuvin, it’s directed to the fact that something like this had happened to you too many times. You knew you shouldn’t fully judge Gyuvin’s entire personality just from the two screenshots that Sungchan sent. Plus, he probably said that before the whole incident happened to him—before he had the chance to get to know you better. What was bothering you was something more internal. It was the possibility of Gyuvin still feeling that way even after getting to know you.

You let out a soft groan as you thought of that outcome. “Do you think I’m loud?” You asked without meeting his eyes, almost like you were embarrassed to admit that you were aware of this—you’ve always been aware, you just never let people know that you acknowledge it. Sungchan’s eyes slowly glanced at you from his own food, his chewing becoming slightly slow as if the gears in his head were slowly moving as he constructed a proper sentence to your question.

“Loud?” Was the only thing he ended up saying—or rather, asking. You nodded, still adamant on not meeting his eyes. Sungchan exhaled slowly from his nose, “are you embarrassed to ask that?” He asked, almost like he could see right through you. It was weird, really. Sungchan was the last person you’d ever consider emotionally intelligent. Yet, there he was, reading through your body language.

You didn’t feel like dragging the conversation by beating around the bush any longer, so you just nodded. “Why? Is it a bad thing to be loud?” He asked, like he was actually confused with why you would feel embarrassed about your own personality. “You’re not overwhelmingly loud, not in the sense that it’s obnoxious. You’re just talkative. It’s not a bad thing to be chatty.” Sungchan added before you could even answer his first question.

You weren’t sure what to say to that. He was giving you words of comfort, but at the same time he wasn’t denying that you’re loud. You also kinda knew him enough to have doubts in your head on whether he’s actually nice or not. You can’t help but be sceptical about Sungchan, because while you do know that he’s been a great friend to Kamden, and even to yourself—you’ve known him longer as a boyfriend rather than a friend. And god knows how bad of a boyfriend he was.

‘Maybe it’s different,’ a small voice in your head would tell you, and you cave in each time. Maybe it is different. Bad boyfriends don't equate to bad friends, after all. So you decided to trust his words. Not him, but his words. He was offering them out of kindness and respect for how you were feeling at the moment, and you should accept them.

“Right, chatty.” You nodded finally, after much pondering, “Yizhuo said the same thing too.” You added, finally taking a bite on the food that he bought that was only turning colder the longer you played with it. Sungchan nodded, almost relieved to see you reacting positively to what he had said. “She’s right.” Sungchan reassured again, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, his hand giving it a light squeeze. 

You took notice that that was the first time he ever initiated any physical contact that day, and you wondered if your previous break up–one where you swore that you and him will never get back together ever again–had taken a toll on both you and him. Because for once, Sungchan seemed a little more reserved and less touchy compared to all the other times that you both had broken up with each other. 

You don’t take it negatively, though. Maybe this was for the best. You and Sungchan, just friends. You don’t have to beg for his attention because he’s not entitled to give it to you all the time, and he doesn’t have to keep complaining about you being too touchy with some other guy.

“But she’s also pretty.” You added, and the momentary relief that Sungchan had was gone as fast as it came. “Minjeong and Yizhuo are also loud, but they’re pretty. People often notice their looks first before their personality. Then there’s me, everyone calls me loud first, before the ‘hey, you’re kinda pretty.’” You find yourself rambling. Sungchan wasn’t sure what to say to that, but he knew he shouldn’t leave your rambles unanswered. “You’re pretty too.” He said.

While the compliment felt nice, it didn’t go unnoticed to you that he still didn’t deny that you were loud—and possibly annoying.

“Do you think we were toxic towards each other? As a couple?” You asked, yet another random but heavy question thrown onto Sungchan. Despite being taken aback, he didn’t flinch at your question. “Maybe.” He answered softly, his arm still around you, “but, I had fun. You were fun.” He smiled, the hand on your shoulder went up to ruffle your hair gently again. “You’re really feeling gloomy, huh?” Sungchan chuckled softly, “let me take care of you until your brother comes home. I don’t think we should leave that mind of yours all by itself. Don’t want you self-sabotaging, right?”

You chuckled at his words, you wondered how he knew all of this about you, because you swore that he never cared enough to know your habits. Your patterns when you feel insecure. To be honest, you didn’t even feel that shitty anymore about Gyuvin. It’s just that your brain was just… purposely making you feel sad with all your past regrets. It was just one of those days—that you’ll undoubtedly get over the moment you wake up in the morning the next day.

Though, a thought came to mind just when you were starting to feel comfortable around his presence. Sungchan is a fair-weathered friend.

masterlist | previous | next

SYNOPSIS -͟͟͞☆ gyuvin tells himself that he’ll be okay, and losing friends is a part of growing up. he firmly believes that having to move schools in a different city was the universe telling him to try again. he then meets you, and he hates you. he knows he should be thankful that you saved his life, but every time he sees you, he gets annoyed.

NOTE -͟͟͞☆ thank you to my bff vivi again for helping me improvise this chapter 😜 also i feel like the story is going a little slowly so i’m gonna do something about it soon…

🏷️ ; @lluvjjun @p-romise9 @daydreamer5006 @gvuyin @jayujus @meoszn @lovefooi @mins-fins @qunwooks @gyuvinfan @annoyingbitch83 @ilovegyuvin @igotkpoops @deafeningtyrantmilkshake @purerehua @xinxinyy @rickysgfundercover @loverb0yz @keita-luv @nonamenonamenon @sunoosluvr @flor206-blog1 @j4dorebooks @rksbae @alwayswook @idkwatodoanymore @livelaughlovelicky @dimplewonie @kdjdh @antwe @andsjun @soobiverse @jiseokzzz @countmekocho @minkkumaz @cowsidfk @softyminhee @raeewe @girlokarina @ihrtjeongin @hanjisbeloved @jiaant11 @ilovechanhee @keilovr @bbangricz @444yizhuo @qnrui @wave2love @iraa567 @backzuhaz @jakahbot @satoreu @doobinnies @yizhuotv @manduhao @onlyhoons @kyanmeai @taereae @beomibeom @poollabug @ilovewonyo @eternallyhyucks @ajybeo

[lemon-natalia]

The Locked Tomb Reaction - The Unwanted Guest

it’s taken a while, but finally I’ve been able to get around to liveblogging this! my understanding is that The Unwanted Guest takes place in that period of time where Palamedes is ousting Ianthe from Naberius’s body? so i’m intrigued to see what actually happens, as well as how Muir writes in a new theatre-play format

‘kissing or feeding; we can’t be sure’ haha what the fuck. we’re really going in right off the bat with the surrealist horror here. i had a feeling that Ianthe’s mindscape might be a disturbing place, and apparently i was right

ok so i’m willing to suspend my disbelief that this is just a description for the reader to understand the concept but … does either Palamedes or Ianthe’s subconscious know what a 20th century English butler is?

ohhh my god Ianthe’s in a French maid costume, is this because Palamedes considers it sexy. this is so cursed. once again suspension of disbelief, but do either of these characters know what France is?

i am very much enjoying the dynamic between the two of them here, especially how unimpressed Palamedes is with, well, everything Ianthe 

oooh okay thats intriguing, there’s another person’s voice here. my first instinct is that it’s Camilla, given Palamedes is currently in her body

wow Palamedes’ immediate response to a game of essentially 20 questions is to immediately get philosophical and start a debate about whether the soul can be changed. he sounds like the kind of person who would be absolute hell to play Scrabble or Trivial Pursuit against 

what they’re talking about here is very interesting though. i like the little glimpses we get, primarily through the Sixth and the Fifth, about what academia and science looks like in a world with necromancy. whether the soul can be changed is kind of a big hypothetical in the real world, but in TLT where you can literally summon or ‘consume’ a person’s soul it would be much more directly relevant 

also a very interesting point (at least what I think he’s saying?) from Palamedes here that just because the Lyctors lived for 10,000 years doesn’t necessarily mean that the thanergy powering them is perpetual, it could just be declining very very slowly

okay so the Voice just started talking about ‘Camilla’s idea’, so presumably not her unless she’s talking about herself in third person? it could theoretically just be Palamedes debating with himself? 

Palamedes briefly trying to play bad cop/Ace Attorney and intimidate Ianthe is hilarious 

Ianthe’s insistence that she didn’t murder Naberius because it was his job to die for her anyway is an … interesting perspective

‘she and I both understand that the goal is always worth the cost’ ngl i think Harrow herself would have something to say about that, given she literally gave herself a Claire’s lobotomy in the hope of saving Gideon. it wasn’t so much Harrow who decided that Lyctorhood was worth defeating Cytherea, but Gideon deciding for her 

once again i feel horribly bad for Naberius Tern, whose worst crime was pretty much just being an asshole

hah has Palamedes picked up a cigarette habit from Pyrrha. i’m enjoying the insight into his thought process here given that he generally comes off as knowing more than other people all the time, so it’s nice to see him actually in the process of figuring stuff out 

‘She wandered around like she was the protagonist’ HAH Ianthe i have bad news for you 

aww it’s sweet to get Pal’s view on Gideon here, namely that he thinks she’s smarter than even she gives herself credit for and that he was initially jealous of her dynamic with ‘Dulcinea’ but came to like her anyways

‘My problem was reminding myself you were a child’ ohhh my god the mysterious voice is Dulcinea! i can’t believe this is literally the only time we’ve seen Pal and Dulcinea actually interact. and isn't this possibly the first time that they've had an 'in person' (so to speak) interaction since most of their relationship was sending letters to each other?? oh i am not okay

okayy i’m interested in what Dulcinea’s saying here about how she seems to have died again and ‘something awful’ happened to her soul … it doesn’t seem to totally line up with what happened at the end of HtN, especially with her mention that there are two shores on the River. again everything seems to point to the nature of the River playing a big part in AtN 

woooh Magnus Quinn reference, my beloved 

oooh i love the contrast between Ianthe’s descriptions of her relationships with Corona and Babs - despite Babs being the one who was actually the cavalier, the kind of co-dependent relationship she has with Corona is much closer to the relationship between the other cavaliers and their necromancers. which is why the fact that she’s apparently the only Lyctor to outright murder their cavalier vs her admission that she wouldn’t have used Corona is very interesting to me

‘Coronabeth herself is part of your goal’ i’m very interested in the long-term goal of Ianthe in general. obviously one part was becoming a Lyctor, but i do wonder if she has something else planned, i doubt she’s content to just sort of do what John wants her to do forever

‘Jeannemary Chatur regaled me with the story at breakfast’ woooh Jeannemary reference. also this is such a cute detail

ooooh Palamedes's newfound cigarette habit is from Ianthe not Pyrrha, that's very fun

and Palamedes’ final point here that the soul is permeable is not just very satisfying against Ianthe’s general smugness, but has very interesting implications for all of the Lyctor characters, especially the fact that their titles are named after their cavaliers. for example, how much of Mercy’s devotion originally came from her versus the fact that Christabel pre-Res was a literal nun. and what does it mean for John and Alecto exactly - how much of the same person, or even human, is he after literally eating the soul of a planet

ok this isn’t to do with the Unwanted Guest exactly but i am very concerned by the notice at the very end that ‘Hell Will Break Loose’ in AtN. it already sounds ominous enough without considering that the previous notice, ‘Gideon will return’ at the end of HtN was done in the most painful way possible 

overall i really enjoyed this! what i really like about the additional short stories Muir writes for TLT is that you get to see little character moments and explore bits of the lore that would have dragged the main story down a bit, so it was very fun to see Palamedes and Ianthe interact one-on-one and debate a bit

and now i really have run out of stuff to liveblog about these books rip my sanity

[atthebell]

do you have any recommendations/resources to learn spanish?? i've been using busuu for about 104 days now, imo opinion it's actually pretty fun and i like it but i think my main problem with it is that it goes too fast?? it's hard to explain. it's also started to feel kinda repetitive to me. i still love busuu and i'm going to continue with my course, but it'd be nice to also have something else. like, preferably not an app, maybe a textbook or a website or something :D i don't really WHERE to find resources for language learning, despite being bilingual, i never really had to look on the internet to learn the languages i speak now, i picked it up from the people around me you know?

i've also been ''using'' duolingo but tbh, i really hate it. it feels boring to me, everyday it's ''ok what sentence am i going to be forced to write for the 40th time today?'' the single 'square' has 5 lessons and a 'unit' has around 10-8 of those squares and to finish a 'unit' you have to do about 50-45 of those lessons, which is shit because a 'unit' is only going to teach about 3 sentence structures and if you're lucky maybe 5. it's so shit, those greedy fuckers basically made it unusable. i've been using for about 140 days now, every single day i take at least one lesson, and it STILL has not taught me a SINGLE spanish tense. btw, i even had an entire phase where i would finish UNITS in about an hour and a half (1 min or less for every lesson) and still not a single ''pretérito Indefinido'' actual pain 🫠🫠 one day ll delete that app, one day (i guess that's why i like busuu in the first place, it actually teaches you these tenses and even some slang while duolingo makes you write ''papá, quiero visitar a nuestra abuela'' for the 700th time this week)

i want to watch vods and stuff, but tbh, i feel way too embarrassed? like, i don't know enough spanish to really understand them and even when they say basic sentences that i understand, i still have to listen to it multiple times and slow down the clip for me to really get it. the thing with spanish is that i'll understand the meaning of the words being said but i need to take a second or so to really comprehend what they mean together you know? i don't want to have to watch the stream slowed down because that would definitely make me feel stupid 😭 maybe when i have better spanish i'll start watching vods. although i do listen to spanish songs sometimes, it's fun :D

first thing: you don't have to feel embarrassed about needing time to process things/needing to listen to things slowed down. language learning is difficult and there are a lot of obstacles for many people; this is something i do understand and want to stress that i get that it's hard. you are not a bad person or an idiot or whatever for having a hard time understanding things-- you are still learning, and besides that, sometimes hearing things isn't someone's strong suit (it absolutely did not use to be mine, but i've practiced a lot and gotten much better at it. i'm still much much better at reading text in other languages, but it is something you can always improve on). if you need to take extra time to watch things, that is not a personal fault of yours nor does it make you stupid. everyone has different skill sets, and you can always practice to get better.

second thing: my own criticisms of both busuu and duolingo, along with their strengths. duolingo first, because i've used it since like. idk like 2016? not consistently but i've used it far more over the years and i'm very familiar with various changes they've made and the esp, ptbr, and french courses. busuu ive only been using for a few months

to get it out of the way, the recent change to laying off translators and using more AI in lessons. this sucks, obviously, for a myriad of reasons. machine translation cannot match with human translation, and frankly never will be able to. there are vast amounts of nuance and cultural context necessary for translation, along with the fact that an AI led course does not actually hit on all the things someone needs, particularly on a basics/foundational level. and from an ethical standpoint, laying off a ton of human translators because you think you can replace them with inaccurate machine translation sucks and is why so many people have dropped duolingo, myself included.

duolingo also has limitations in terms of format-- it gamifies language learning, which can make it feel more accessible to people and makes people want to open it and practice every day. however, most people use duolingo to do one lesson once a day and that's it. they're not getting in practice from lessons previously completed, they're not drilling vocab or conjugations, they're not actually maintaining or even remembering what they've already learned. obviously there are people (like myself, when i still used the app) who practice far more than that and continue to drill previous lessons, but that's not the majority, and it's not incentivized by the app. the paywalling of completing certain lessons and being able to drill error words also sucks for this reason. basically duolingo is not an ideal setup for actually maintaining knowledge once you go through it the first time and also the way the courses are laid out just. does not, imo, actually make sense. they rarely actually explain what they're trying to teach you and they don't get into enough detail on most concepts. and there is no incentive to review, which is hugely important. not an ideal situation for language learning, especially on its own.

my pros for duolingo: it gets you to practice daily. this is honestly what i use busuu for at this point-- when i get a notif for it, i open it up and flick through a lesson, but i also pull out a textbook or two to look at things there and practice stuff. if whipping out duolingo every day helps you practice a language, that is, at bare minimum, something. preferably you should be studying for at least 15min if not up to an hour or more of a language a day in order to really pick things up and maintain them; you can absolutely use duolingo or busuu for that (busuu i think is far less well formatted and oftentimes the lessons are very specific vocab, at least in the later courses).

for busuu, my issues are like. it's a poorly made imitation of duolingo, aside from a few things. the community aspect is something i REALLY like-- being able to send an exercise to a native speaker and get feedback on what to work on is great, especially with how it's a short answer question that lets you form your own sentences and try out vocab in context. that's a wonderful feature, and i really think it gets at something duolingo is completely missing.

but yeah like i said in terms of the lessons, busuu has very strange ways of teaching things. firstly, it's usually super specific topics and vocab that aren't paired with anything conceptually that helps you progress. usually in a language course, it's best to pair a concept you're working on with either relevant vocab or something that can be used to talk about similar subjects/in similar ways (for instance, subjunctive with food/restaurant vocab, so that you can build sentences both with the new vocab and using the new verbal form in ways that make sense, i.e. "I'll have whatever she's having, If I were to order the pasta, I would get a salad too," "If I were richer, I would always order filet mignon" (side note subjunctive is very difficult for eng speakers so idk if these examples actually make sense 😭))

also busuu will repeatedly teach me something phrased one way or with a certain word and then mark me wrong and insist i use a completely different word/phrase. i cannot figure out why it keeps doing this it's very frustrating. and it has recently been teaching me some european portuguese which is not what the course is supposed to be so i'm just baffled by what's going on there.

another positive for busuu, at least in contrast to duolingo, is it teaches you the vocab and phrases before quizzing you on them, which duolingo does not do. this is like a positive and also an "eh, idk" because i get why duolingo does that-- it's trying to throw you into using surrounding context to figure out what a word means, and that's a very good way to practice, but i think it doesn't necessarily achieve it well and sometimes will just spring random words on you without enough context for you to know what it's referring to without just clicking on the word anyway.

also neither app are good at teaching you verb conjugation or tenses which is really unfortunate for spanish and portuguese in particular, as they're both languages where verbs are really really key AND where understanding tenses and their names are important, particularly for native eng speakers who never got taught tense names or like. any terminology for languages in english 🙃

also here is a thing i wrote up complaining about duolingo & verbs ages ago: Duolingo does not teach you things explicitly. It expects you to pick them up in a semi-immersive style, which works okay most of the time for most people but for many people makes actually learning and understanding parts of a language very difficult. For instance, it won't teach you the exact difference in usage between ser and estar, in Spanish or Portuguese. This difference is something I spent weeks on in Spanish class in high school and continued to review the rest of my time learning Spanish in an academic setting-- it is a key element of two of the most important words in the language. Duolingo also doesn't explain stem changes or irregular verbs and their typical endings-- it simply expects you to pick these up and memorize them through sentence usage. Basically it's very obvious Duolingo was created by english speakers who were never taught key elements of their own language (this is not a dig on their personal fault; i was also never taught any of this shit about english) and don't know how to go about teaching a language, and the limited format doesn't help.

third thing, finally getting to what you actually asked: there are a lot of resources for learning spanish online! i'm not as familiar with them as i'd like, as i learned spanish in an academic setting, but i'll do my best to list some things out and anyone else can feel free to add on. i've been meaning to make a language learning advice post for literally ages and i guess this is going to become it lmao.

here is a video explaining how to make duolingo work for you along with other resources: A Linguist explains how to make duolingo actually work (tl;dr pair duolingo with conversation partners, textbook work, listening to music, watching movies, etc. etc.)

i've tagged this with my language learning tag, which has a bunch of resources including some specifically for learning spanish.

tumblr user salvador bonaparte has a drive of free textbooks you can check out here, including a ton of spanish resources. i also recommend looking around the internet/specifically linguistics tumblr to find more resources as well as looking at used bookstores/amazon/etc. for spanish textbooks to use, as that will provide a more thorough foundation along with other programs/types of learning.

i've never used babbel or any other online program like it, but spanish tends to be one of the more resource-heavy languages because it's so widely spoken, so typically spanish programs on various apps/sites are REALLY thorough (duolingo's spanish program is by far their best course, with a ton more resources than most other programs. you can go up to the equivalent of at least c2 on there i believe, versus many other languages where they don't even list the CEFR levels)

finally, the not-so-online answer: if you're in college/have a nearby community/junior college, consider taking spanish classes there! this option probably costs the most out of any others, but i genuinely think an academic setting is the a great way to learn a language for many people. if you're not one of them, that is totally fine, but an actual spanish course at a college is likely to be the most thorough way to learn the language. also many CCs/JCs offer spanish classes online, so if you can't drive or for whatever reason can't go to in-person courses, you'll likely still have options.

this is everything i can think of right now but i also want to add once again that learning a language is difficult!!! i know that, and i know that i complain a lot about monolinguals, but i am specifically complaining about people who refuse to engage respectfully with languages that are not their own and dismiss anything they don't understand as being stupid/not worth their time/culturally worthless. i am not complaining about people like you, who are trying really hard to engage with non-english content AND are trying really hard to learn another language.

i also think learning languages is one of the most incredible experiences there are and that expanding the kinds of cultural and social boundaries that you engage with is a really important facet of humanity that i wish more people would participate in. i get riled up because this is something i'm really truly passionate about, not because i think anyone is stupid or whatever for not learning. i want people to just try it and give it a chance, even if it's hard for them, and i'm glad that you are trying, anon. <333

[ladyniniane]

The worst Greek mythology retelling?

Unless you live in a cave (lucky you), you can't have escaped the wave of Greek mythology retellings. Some are bad, some are good and most of them are mediocre. Among those I've read, one was particularly bad and cringe and we are going to dissect it today.

PSA: As you can see, I didn't include the book's title in the post, nor use specific tags. This post is primarily aimed at me and my mutuals. If you disagree, feel free to block me and mask my username. You're the master of your ship and the only one who can curate your internet experience. Rude comments will be sent to the Tartarus blocked. And I mean, you aren't going to change my mind anyway so don't bother trying😎.

Now that we are done, let me introduce you to this book.

I already see some of you in the back rows being like "But Niniane, why did you bother with this? It's obviously going to be bad!". Well, sometimes I need things that are light and easy to read. Everyone needs to turn their brain off from time to time.

And besides, it looked inoffensive. The idea of modern women being isekaied during the Trojan War is fun. As a writer and enjoyer of OC fanfics, I absolutely love new takes and dynamics with existing characters.

Except that...it wasn't fun at all! Let's dive! And I hope you're prepared because it's gonna be a ride.

-So it starts with the goddesses being fed up with the Trojan War and male egos (Lego des Zhommes if you're French). They decide to find a way to stop the war. So far, so good.

-And their solution is to...send modern women back in time. Yeah, because they think that ancient-era women are too weak and meek. Only independent modern women will be able to handle those strong warriors:

"modern mortal women are different from ancient women [...] they're independent and smart and not used to bowing down and taking orders [...] maidens from the ancient world are not equipped to handle such a man, but I know that modern mortal women are different ---stronger, smarter, more independent."

Yes, you've read correctly.

First of all, it reeks of victim-blaming. If the Trojan women had been more assertive, they could have stopped this. It could have prevented them from being raped and enslaved! They just had to lean in and...Stop, stop. And I'm sorry but those ancient women are more equipped with dealing with that sort of men because they live with them every day. Idk the goddesses could have just...empowered the Trojan women so they could resist? Send the Amazons to help (with more success than in the original myths)? Give them a safe place where they could be protected?

-So, anyway, the heroine is transported in the body of a Trojan princess. But there is another problem. The heroine's friend who transmigrates with her is black. And she gets turned into a white woman. The reason? "Jacqueline’s lovely dark skin would be too hard to explain among the golden Greeks"(sic.). Here, we can see that the author didn't bother doing her research. Many stories regarding the Trojan War have an African king come to the Trojans' aid. The ancient world was furthermore interconnected. So yes, it would have been f*cking easy to explain. And to add insult to injury, our black woman turned white becomes the servant of the main character and is treated as her property.

-So anyway, MC becomes Achilles' war prize. And being a war prize is such a cool and fun life! You can wander around the camp, with no fear of being sexually assaulted!

-MC is a therapist and wants to try to help Achilles. She thus practices hypnosis on him and decides to have sex with him while he's still in that state. So, she basically rapes him. The worst thing: she knows it's wrong, but she does it anyway and she isn't sorry.

-Then, Achilles tells the MC that he has frequent bouts of berserk rage and that he even raped a woman. But he didn't mean to do it. Poor meow meow.

Needless to say, I stopped here. This wasn't fun, this was downright insensitive. The ending is predictable: MC ends up with Achilles and MC's best friend with Patroclus because no one can stay single!

Anyway, that was, imo, the worst Greek mythology retelling.

[pruneunfair]

My rewrites for TRE characters in my fanfic

so about 6 months ago I fell into the Au pipeline and it ended up resulting in a bunch of stories that's basically if maximalism was a 7 season long book series. One of those seasons combines tons of characters from different manhwas I read but it's mostly a new interpretation of remarried empress with some Oc's.

Navier

One major change I made is that Navier isn't the protagonist anymore but I didn't want her to be a cold blooded villain either. If you ever went on history tik tok specifically the tudors and the French revolution, there's a lot of people who romanticize Anne Boleyn to the extremes of villainzing Jane Seymour or babying Marie Antoinette as a sweet coquette girly who was unfairly killed by "savage revolutionaries" or claiming Elizabeth I as a feminist girlboss who only wanted to end her fathers bloodline. These historic women weren't the most awful people and they definitely were victims but that doesn't mean they didn't have noticeable flaws that affected the lives of others. That's the direction I went for my version of Navier, she still cares for her loved ones and makes good decisions but she was raised with a classist mindset, not pouring wine on maids and poor people but viewing them as emotionless husks with only one purpose which explains her apathy to slaves. I also gave Navier a backstory beyond wanting to be a perfect empress which was a relationship with her mother that is inspired by Catherine the greats relationship with her mother, so yeah not very great. Unlike the original she is fully aware of what Heinrey is doing but she barely cares (not much of a change from the original tbh) the goal is that I still want Navier to be a little likeable while also making her complex and realistic as an empress.

Sovieshu

I didn't give Sovieshu as many changes and for the most part, he's the same as he was in the original: a toxic partner who pushes his faults on other people around him. In this version though instead of becoming cold and cruel to Navier to moment Rashta shows up, the two have already been drifting apart for a while and it only got worse when Navier had a miscarriage a year prior to the story. Sovieshu is more of a cautionary tale of how misogyny is encouraged in boys at a young age, in his youth, Sovieshu had all the love of his mother since his parents struggled to conceive and only had one son. He wanted his father's love more than anything but Osis was about as interested as you'd expect, only wanting his son to be a great Emperor and nothing else, to please him, Sovieshu started to emulate the misogynistic views of the men around him which grew to be his actual beliefs. The only person that kept Sovieshu from turning into his dad was the former empress until she takes her own life, leaving Sovieshu with Osis as his influence. I still want Sovieshu to remain a scumbag but it will be more of a tragedy in how the future generations can never improve if we continue the cycle of abuse.

Rashta

I think Rashta is the most altered out of all the original characters since she's not even a villainess but rather a sort of anti hero. Her past as a slave is more fleshed out, her childish manner is age regressing to try to gain back her stolen childhood and she doesn't try to befriend Navier after getting the message that Navier wants nothing to do with her. In this version she's the best friend and later love interest of the new protagonist who bottles up her past and feelings to please others so she can keep her cozy life in the palace and that becomes a problem as the lack of care causes Rashta to grow more depressed and even has a few panic attacks. She won't do a good portion of the horrible acts she does in the original since she now had actual friends and because some of her sins are just so contrived to make her hateable, but she still is petty and holds grudges so she doesn't feel too bad when she ruins Nians marriage or snubs Lebetti, she'll even be conflicted since she feels guilty that the slaves on the Rimwell estate are still suffering but she doesnt want to risk being removed as concubine if she tries to call for slaves rights but she does find her voice and will start to push for slaves to be freed mid-way through her term as the empress of the eastern empire. In the end, Rashta does become Empress of a different empire after spending a good 7 years healing from her trauma and getting a good education, she lives her days with her kids and dies at the age of 81

Heinrey

Hes one the main antagonists here, I kept his love for his wife and family though but it's not an "uwu my queen!" Or really anything puppy like. For Heinrey I wanted to make him a true white lotus and he's has more vibes of a comforting friend with soft mannerisms and tones in voice, he loves Navier dearly because I still think even monsters like him can fall in love but the reason he tortures and kills people who don't side with Navier isn't even because he's that adamant about Naviers honor but rather because if someone were to find out his sadistic nature to those who disagree with him, he can use the "puppy husabnd" excuse to appear as a sadistic sweetheart. It not only scares the shit of his people into respecting him but it also wins him a little sympathy points since "he's just a hopeless romantic" I wanted Heinrey to appear uncanny too, like you know somethings off about him but if you said anything people would just be like "what are you talking about? He just really loves his family." His death is also pretty brutal, naturally Heinrey makes a lot of enemies and during a war arc he is shot down while in bird form leaving him at the mercy of a former maid he pushed over the deep end, she offs him, plucks him, cooks him, and serves him to the remaining family members of Lazlo.

and that's only the main 4, I did almost all of them with the exception of McKenna since he's honestly the only good character thats written well in remarried empress.

[2btheanswertothequestion]

Lesson/Plan

Kissing Lesson #2

(Lesson 1 | AO3)

Eddie has a problem with obsessiveness. If he finds something he likes, he holds onto it. Delves deep. Becomes an expert. Previously, his obsessions were regular things that anyone with a modicum of taste might enjoy. Fantasy books. Heavy metal. DnD, naturally. All tangible-ish and accessible to him. Currently, he's not so fortunate. Because his latest obsession?

Kissing.

More precisely, it's kissing Steve Harrington.

Yeah. 'Shoot for the moon,' they said. 'You might land among the stars,' they said. Only he boarded a spaceship and didn't notice until he was walking on the sun, somehow making it back to Earth without burning up. And now… now he can't stop thinking about how to make a repeat trip.

He truly has no idea how. Zero fucking clue is what he has.

He's never done this before, y'see; he doesn't know how to proceed. Is it off-putting in the wrong way if he went up to Steve, his good buddy, and told him the friendly French kiss they shared changed Eddie's life? And yes, Eddie has no frame of reference, but he's nevertheless certain that no one else will come close to what Steve did to him. Is he allowed to admit that? That his first kiss is bound to be the best he'll ever have unless Steve kisses him again?

Everything Eddie knows about the world tells him that, were he to do that, his next kiss would be with a fist. Although, everything he knew about the world got sort of turned upside down mere months ago. Not just regarding the existence of monsters and mind-raping lichs, but also telepathic teens, reanimated sheriffs, Russians, and jocks who are nice. And considering it was the aforementioned nice jock's idea to kiss in the first place…

So, yeah. Pardon him for being slightly confused about stuff. Especially since Steve doesn't seem to share the confusion. No, see, Steve's gone on like usual, to the point where Eddie might've convinced himself it was a dream if Robin hadn't given him knowing looks afterward. Which means Steve told her. That's fine. Eddie expected nothing else. He hasn't told anyone yet – needs to keep this close for a while longer, roll it between his palms to get a better feel – but it's good to know he could without upsetting Steve.

Then, the remaining question is: can he talk to Steve about it without upsetting him?

Only one way to find out.

The keyboard click-click-clicks as Steve helps a customer find a movie she's rented before but can't remember the name of. Eddie hangs at the side of the counter, waiting. His plan is foolproof: ask Steve while at work so, in the case of backfiring, he can flee, fake his death, and vanish forever before Steve clocks out. Unfortunately, Family Video is bizarrely busy this ordinary Wednesday, and Eddie's been passing time reading synopses of unshelved VHSes and trying not to get caught staring at Steve as he works.

At last, she leaves (the movie she wanted was Gremlins – who the fuck forgets Gremlins?), and Steve is free to also lean on the counter. It brings him into Eddie's space, close enough to speak softly and still be heard; close enough to kiss- No! Bad, Eddie! Talk first, then kiss (hopefully).

"Did you want something?" Steve asks. "Or are you hanging around for the view?"

If he only knew.

Dropping the VHS back in the pile, Eddie smiles like he's not developing stress ulcers at this moment.

"It's about what happened last week."

"What happened?"

"You know."

Eddie taps his own lips; Steve's eyes widen in understanding.

"Oh, yeah." He nods, unbothered, as if this happens to him all the time. Shit, maybe it does. "Yeah?"

What Eddie's supposed to ask is if a repeat is in the cards. What actually emerges when he opens his mouth is, "Was that a good kiss?"

Look, he's working his way toward it, all right?

Steve scoffs. "Of course. I wouldn't let your first be bad."

"Right. Then I'll categorize it accordingly," Eddie says gravely; Steve lovingly rolls his eyes. "And… how did I do?"

"With the…?" Now Steve taps his lips (plush, pink, peh-lease get your mind out of the gutter, Eddie). "S'all right. Better than all right! It was good. You were responsive. But, uh, kinda passive."

Eddie, who's leaned in with interest in the feedback, recoils indignantly.

"Passive?"

"Uh huh. Most girls enjoy when you take charge. But some chicks like to call the shots and be dominant."

Eddie scowls. "I didn't mean to be passive. I wasn't sure what I was doing, or what you'd be doing."

"That's understandable. I didn't mind it. It was…" Steve smiles, eyes heavy-lidded in a way that doesn't make Eddie's stomach flip, nope, not at all. "...a nice surprise for you to be so pliable."

Passive. Pliable. Those words and 'Eddie Munson' do not go together! He's a man of action, a doer! And yet. For another kiss or two? Eddie could be putty, if that's what he needs to be.

"So, you don't go for dominant chicks then, huh?" he asks.

"I didn't say that. I'm fine with either. A good kiss from the right partner is… I mean, I'm flexible."

Shrugging, Steve then gathers the returned tapes in his arms and starts reshelving them. Eddie trails behind him.

"I seriously could do better, you know," he says.

"Hey, it's okay," Steve says without looking up from the movie in his hand. "You were good. With practice, you could be amazing."

Jackpot. The conversation is heading where Eddie wants it to. Now he just needs to give it one last push…

"'Practice'." Eddie snorts derisively. "With whom?"

He's about to lay down the final breadcrumb and say 'with you?', but Steve is quicker on the ball – looking over his shoulder, eyebrow raised, he says:

"I said it was lesson one, right? Kinda shitty of me if I don’t follow through with lesson two."

Eddie’s eyes might just pop out of his skull, they're bugging so hard.

"You- Really?" he squeaks.

Steve nods absent-mindedly, rearranging two VHSes that were ordered wrong on the shelf. "Why not? It's not like my recent dates have been mind-blowing – I'm not missing out by hanging with you instead. Honestly, I'd rather spend time with you anyway."

That sonofabitch. He can't say stuff like that. Not to a dude he 1) knows is queer, and 2) is offering to provide tonsil-cleaning for as a friendly favor. If Eddie didn't know he was straight, he'd assume…

Well. He shan't look down that hole, lest he falls in. Dwelling on impossible what-ifs will only depress him.

"So," Steve says, depositing the last tape. "Tonight?"

Kissing while sitting is different from kissing while standing.

Duh, right? But it's not something that even entered Eddie's mind until it happened. He can't begin to describe the differences, though, so don't ask him to – he's too preoccupied with memorizing the shape of Steve's molars.

They got into it immediately. He expected a degree of awkwardness when rolling up for his 'lesson', but Steve apparently doesn't do 'awkward' when it comes to making out. He just invited Eddie inside, told him to sit, and planted one on him the moment he got comfortable.

It's good because it's straight to the point, removes the weirdness and potential second-guessing. It's bad because the responsible voice in Eddie's head (which has Wayne's twang, if anyone's wondering) insists they must talk about it for real at some point. At the moment, Eddie ignores it – he's climbed into Steve's lap and is straddling his waist. He's not interrupting this for anything.

It begins uncertain, him hovering and his hands gripping Steve's shoulders. But as Steve's hands roam over Eddie's thighs and cup his ass, he figures it's time to stop thinking so fucking much and simply do. He lowers himself on shaky legs and grinds their hips together until Steve moans into his open mouth. Steve holds him closer, tighter, trapping the heat between them. The mansion is chilly, but Steve is warm and Eddie is sweating, damp spots growing in his pits and on his back. He's a wreck, just like last time, head spinning and heart racing, and he wants to ruin Steve the way he's being ruined. Give as good as he's getting.

Digging his fingers into Steve's hair – upper layer stiff with hairspray but softer underneath – and tugs. Steve makes a delicious noise; Eddie tugs again, and louder. Eddie pushes into him, curls their tongues, bites at Steve's lip, licks roughly when he groans, and starts over, all while tugging, grinding, tugging, grinding.

Steve breaks the kiss. His eyes narrow suspiciously.

"This is because I called you passive, isn't it?"

He doesn't specify what 'this' is. He doesn't need to. Eddie smirks in lieu of an answer; Steve huffs.

"You're a brat," he says.

"That's no way to talk to your student."

"This is no way to act with your teacher."

"You're not really a teacher. What are your credentials? Do you have a diploma?" Eddie gasps, melodramatic. "I bet you're not even licensed! You're more like a tutor. The smartest kid in class hired to ensure I don't fall even more behind."

"Oh, I'm hired?" Steve pulls Eddie flush to his chest, needing to crane his neck to look Eddie in the eye. "What's my salary?"

Eddie rises to his knees. He quite likes being taller than Steve. Likes those huge hazels looking up at him, pupils swallowing the irises.

"We'll discuss the financial details later," he says. "The point is, I'm your boss."

Steve rolls his eyes. Then he heaves them both aside, slamming onto the couch with him on top. Eddie squawks, his head nearly thumping into the armrest.

"Shit!" Steve says, panicked. He cradles the back of Eddie's head. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you?"

Eddie laughs. "I'm fine, dude."

Steve frowns, delicately prodding Eddie's skull as Eddie shakes, strings of giggles spilling out. It wasn't every day he almost got brained on Steve Harrington's luxurious white sofa while Steve Harrington laid on top of him.

Satisfied that Eddie's laughing fit wasn't due to head trauma, Steve's expression shifts from contrite to tender. He brushes stray locks off Eddie's face, the touch featherlike. As if he's handling something valuable.

It creates a lump in Eddie's throat that aches. This experience is alien. Wayne, bless him, while loving, isn't the gentle or sentimental type. In Hellfire they trade benign roughhousing and the occasional clap on the shoulder. Dustin is the cuddliest of them, but there's a difference between little-brotherly hugs and the sensual caress from a beautiful man, muscles flexing as he holds himself up in order not to crush you.

Eddie tilts his head up and looks at Steve, thinking Come on, please? Reading him like a book, Steve reattaches their lips; swallows Eddie's sigh.

These kisses are slower, lazier. They take their time exploring each other's tastes (Steve's is minty). His hand finds Eddie's, fingers splaying along each other before interlocking. Breaking the kiss with a smack, Steve then trails his mouth from Eddie's jaw, pausing to give extra attention to the scars, to the crook of his neck, nuzzling deep. It tickles – Eddie giggles and tries not to squirm, lest Steve stops.

"Is it always like this?" he asks, voice breathy.

"No, not always," Steve murmurs against his skin. "Only when… I'll tell you later, okay?"

Eddie hums in agreement. All his brain power is dedicated to keeping his dick in line, because as accommodating as Steve's been, even he must have a limit. He must. And Eddie's betting that limit is someone else's boner poking his leg. Steve's not making it easy for him – he nips at Eddie's earlobe, which is oh so good, then licks circles over Eddie's pulse point, which is even better, Jesus Christ.

Try as he might to avoid it, his instincts win: Eddie's hips buck, his groin rubbing against Steve's thigh, and the friction. It's delicious. Superior to what his hand or any pillow has ever provided. He could come just like this.

Steve flinches away with a gasp. His hair is unkempt where Eddie has run his fingers, mouth red and wet from the necking. Hazy eyes focus on the bulge in Eddie's jeans; he figures this is it.

"Oh, yeah," Steve says, as if he just remembered where he left his keys. "We can make this lesson two."

Sliding back, he unbuckles Eddie's belt. Eddie lies frozen, gawking as Steve deftly opens the cuffs and pulls the strap out of his belt loops. This can't be happening. He's hallucinating. He really did hit his head on the armrest and is stuck in a fucked up coma dream. His subconscious is taunting him.

He says, "W-wait, what-"

"You don't want that?"

Steve's eyes are huge; he's pushing out his bottom lip in an adorable pout. But why is he making such a perfect impression of a kicked puppy now?

Eddie splutters. "Do you? Are you okay with this?"

"Yes?" Steve says, the 'duh' at the end unspoken but still so loud. Except there should be no 'duh' in this situation. The only way this could logically happen is if Steve asked Eddie to jerk him. The wrong person's pants are coming off!

"You don't want me to, um, to you?"

Steve blinks rapidly, long lashes fluttering with surprise. "You've done it before?"

Eddie glares at him. Of course he hasn't! Not to someone else. But, "Have you?"

"No," Steve says evenly. "But I've had it done to me. I know how to do it. I'll demonstrate and then you can try if you want."

And what is Eddie supposed to say to that? 'No, thank you'? Perhaps if he were a stronger man. Alas, he has smoker's lung and failed PE twice due to lack of attendance. He has the ability to muster strength for amp-carrying and little else.

He says, "O-okay."

Grinning victoriously, Steve pops the button on Eddie's jeans. Pulls everything down. Doesn't comment upon the X-Men print on the boxers. Regards Eddie's cock, at half-mast and growing, with a fiery resolve. He licks his lips.

Then he dives and takes the cock head in his mouth.

Eddie yelps when the warm wetness envelopes him. He'd flinch too, if Steve hadn't kept Eddie's legs and hips in place using his own weight. As it is, he can do nothing but gawk, mouth drying where it hangs open, as Steve bobs his head up and down Eddie's dick.

It feels wrong to watch. Like this isn't meant for Eddie, even if it directly involves him. He'd sooner shave off his hair than look away, though. This is the front-row seat to the show of his life; he doesn't give a fuck whether his name is on the ticket.

Steve goes slow and deep, hollowing his cheeks and swirling his tongue. Drool trickles from the corner of his mouth, gliding along the shaft.

Eddie's panting, chest heaving so fast his lungs barely have time to gather oxygen. The sweat is pouring, pooling by his neck and in his palm and on his forehead. His vision blurs and darkens; he blinks to clear it because he has to see this. Has to drink in every second because his gut is already tightening, balls drawing up.

Steve pulls off, gasping for breath, but quickly resumes, flattening his tongue and running it up and down Eddie's swollen cock, so ready to burst it's turning purple. Steve's eyes are molten gold when he catches Eddie's gaze. Sizzling and gorgeous; they make Eddie whimper. Steve smiles, lips shiny and cheeks flushed. Then he drags his tongue over the bulging vein on the underside of Eddie's cock, moaning in bliss.

Eddie comes, a high-pitched whine ripped from his throat. He sags into the couch cushions, boneless, too weak to watch Steve lap the sticky spunk off his softening dick, but perfectly able to feel it. So he lies, eyes closed, breathing and feeling, breathing and feeling.

When done cleaning, Steve crawls up the length of him to collapse half on top of Eddie, half wedged between him and the couch's backrest. His own erection bumps Eddie's hipbone.

Eddie slurs, "Hey, d'you wan' me to…?"

Steve chuckles and presses a kiss on Eddie’s jaw.

"Dude, you're so out of it. Give yourself a break first, and then we'll see. Maybe we'll do it next time."

"Okay," Eddie sighs.

He snuggles closer to Steve and his warmth. The living room lights are too bright and it reeks of sweat and come and a chill is settling on his dick since Steve didn't pull his pants back up. It's quiet, though, excepting Steve's soft breathing, and the way Steve is stroking Eddie's stomach is really nice.

He relaxes in Steve's embrace, thinking about next time.

------------------------------

No taglist this time; don't ask for one unless you want to vex me.

Lesson 3 (eventually)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for wanting my brother to eat other foods?

so my (19m) brother (14m) has an extremely simple diet of fried chicken, pizza and french fries. we both suspect he has autism (i've been diagnosed with autism and our symptoms line up) so i'm Assuming these are his safe foods, and yes it's unhealthy but it's better than nothing. but we do Not have the money to sustain his diet, it's just me, him and our mom (41) struggling with mental illness so neither of us can hold jobs for very long and mostly rely on food stamps every month, and they run out very quickly. and it's usually me or my mom making the chicken, the pizza is microwavable, and the french fries are either pre-packaged so he can put them in the oven, or i'm making them from scratch. and these have to be made alongside mine and mom's dinner. everyday. and when the food can be made by him it's all gone within a week (we buy alot at once but that drains money fast).

so the thing is. i said Assume they're his safe foods because he's literally (and i mean literally i've been with him nearly all day everyday his entire life) never eaten anything else besides simple sandwiches (we also make for him) for school lunch, so he doesnt even know what else he likes. he's tried my ramen noodles once before but threw it away immediately for what he says was "a texture thing" and thats IT and now he's averse to eating anything at all. i'm tired of having savings from what work i can do spent on him when nobody feels like doing all that cooking, when we have leftovers in the fridge of food he refuses to eat. i don't really use my money on anything else besides going out with friends every once in a while, so i kind of feel selfish not buying him food and letting him starve himself even though we have other things he will eat, he just doesn't want to make.

i also feel bad because i know he thinks he's a burden because of this and it makes him feel worse to bring it up. we've gone through a different food related problem with my mom (who's gotten better) getting upset at us for saying we don't want to eat after she complains that we have no money to eat, and it made an ED that i still struggle with so much worse and i don't want to be the one potentially doing that to him.

kindof related but it's also just bugging me, he does not do any chores. he doesn't clean his room, leaves empty (or half full) bottles everywhere, when he's making his food he uses all the oven trays and plates and piles them in the sink when i've personally complained that he could just wash them immediately, it takes 10 seconds. it's so annoying even though i'm not the one doing the dishes either (i wash all my dishes immediately after using them). it might be influencing my thoughts on his food habits even though it's not the same issue.

TL;DR we are broke with spotty income, my brother only eats chicken, pizza and french fries, rarely makes the food himself, isn't interested in eating anything else, and im getting asked to pay for takeout whenever we don't want to make his food for him. and i do not want to pay, so i feel bad.

so AITA and being selfish with my money when i should be looking out for him? and WIBTA if i got my mom to get him to eat anything else? (she thinks we can't force him but we are throughly annoyed). especially while school is out for the summer and we're not making him at least 1 grilled cheese everyday. or is my gut correct and we are seriously coddling him when he's 14 years old and should know better?

What are these acronyms?

[nautilusgays]

Amnesia AU drabble:

Somehow Nemo hits his head badly, maybe during ramming something or fixing the blade and it restarted unexpectedly.

Obviously, Aronnax is called out of his room by a crewman to an unconscious Nemo with a scary injury. He is so focused on stemming the bleeding and assessing the damage he doesn't register that at least three crewmen have been speaking to him in fluent French the entire time until hours later. A problem for Future Pierre he mutters.

Nemo spends days slowly coming in and out of consciousness. Every time he wakes Pierre is there, he's taken to sleeping with the connecting door open or on a chair, to feed him and tend to his wounds.

There is only one issue, which Nemo is refusing to mention - lest it make him seem unfit for duty: he has no idea who Aronnax is.

Everyone else he knows, but not this kind, gentle man who has been caring for him, who's presence makes him feel warm and full. Trying to puzzle together context clues Nemo comes to a conclusion that surprises him:

Aronnax must be his romantic partner.

He didn't think he'd be in love again, but this man had everything he looked for and liked in a partner, and was clearly comfortable with physical contact, not to mention he was interacting and chatting in a friendly manner with the members of crew that had come to help him.

Once he reached the conclusion he begins to behave as a romantic partner.

The first time he calls Pierre "mon chéri" the man goes bright red and seems to swoon - Nemo is delighted at the cute reaction and it reinforces his assumption.

Nemo is confused why Pierre always turns his head when he moves to kiss him, so he only catches his cheek. The Professor talks of concussion and recovery. To Nemo those are not good enough reason to get a kiss from his beloved but clearly his man is a doctor and will not be swayed. This only convinces him even more: his wife, after all, had also been extremely smart and stubborn.

He calls him "mon chéri" in front of some of the crew, some of whom speak French, who are shook. Nemo assumes that, for some reason, he has been hiding their relationship - perhapse that is why Pierre seems so hesitant - and resolves to be more confident in showing him he's not ashamed in anyway.

Pierre is spending half his life tending to Nemo and the other half being incredibly flustered and confused by Nemo's behaviour. Hes worried about the extent of the brain injury, somehow Nemo has injured himself so badly he thinks he's in love with him! He talks to the crew, well at least those who know French or Latin, they just laugh and give cryptic responses or mutter 'finally' while walking away.

Nemo has now been freed from bed rest and he is being an unintentional menace to Pierre who's poor heart can't take it anymore. Having unrequited affections for the Captain had been bad enough, but being in love with a man who's injury was making him act romantically was even worse. Many nights Pierre would cry himself to sleep over the unfairness and pain this was causing him.

One day, Nemo finally manages to initiate a deeper kiss. At first Pierre kisses back, losing himself in something he wanted for so long, Nemo is relieved and kisses him deeper but then he finds himself an arms length from his partner, who is crying with kiss swollen lips.

"Captain, I have put up with this for too long. Your crew said I should be gentle with this news, but I, as your doctor, believe you are now well enough to hear this without it causing any complications to your injury: I am not your lover or partner or what ever you have convinced yourself I am. My complacency in allowing this continue for your health has brought me great pain. I hold deep affection for you but before your injury you were never interested and I accepted that. But this is too much. I know you are not hurting me intentionally but it is tearing me apart."

Nemo stands there. He doesn't realise he's crying till he feels a drop on his hand.

He asks his first mate for clarification. The man corroborates Pierre's Aronnax's story. When Nemo says he felt happy and warm when he looked at Pierre even before he knew who he was, his first mate looks at him kindly, "the professor was wrong about it being unrequited, but you always could put on a good mask when necessary."

Only a few hours after Pierre had returned to his cabin, locking both doors, there was a strong knock, 'please, Pierre, I know now.' he doesn't move from his position under the blankets. Nemo tries the handle, locked. He tries the one from his room, locked. Pierre thinks Nemo finally got the message when the door unlocks. Of course he had a second key.

As Nemo spills his heart to Aronnax more and more memories resurface and everything begins to click into place for him. The Professor notices as Nemo remembers, properly, who he is. Bracing himself for a rejection, perhapse even anger, he waits for Nemo to come to his conclusion.

"I have been in love with you for a while, but I was terrified."

As their eyes meet Aronnax barely has time to whisper, "for me, since we met." Before Nemo closes the gap between their lips.

Finally, everything was how it was supposed to be.

[journeyman-tier-fibercraft]

Man finished! I rate him a solid very cute out of ten.

This guy was published as a doily insert plus edging for a linen table cloth (seen Here). The linen part was of zero interest to me so I knit him as a stand alone doily and I very much prefer him as such. Chart A (the "doily") and Chart B (the "edging") match up for knitting in the round as a single doily.

Below the read more is going to refer a lot to the charts, which I got from the amazing Ramona French. While this is the only version of the charts I've seen, looking at the Rav page it seems to also be cut into A and B charts in the same spot. It makes sense in context of the original pattern but I don't like it, both for the reason i'll get to below and also because I straight up just don't like how it looks in the original pattern.

Even without the alterations I'll propose, I think he's a good doily just as he is. The problems I have are barely noticeable/nitpicky now that he's blocked out.

Starting with the edging vs doily distinction. This problem starts with the original pattern since it has you knit chart A for the insertion and chart B for the edging around every insertion and the linen tablecloth edges. But divorcing the actual charts from the linen, the charts really should be rows 1-31 of A as the "doily" and Chart A rows 33-41 and all of chart B for the "edging". The reason I'm so specific about this is because it's focus for any changes I would make. The end of chart A and the beginning of chart B flow together perfectly. It's where the doily/center flower ends (Row 31) and the edging begins (Row 33) that is the problem spot.

(I should've picked a darker colour foam to block this out on, sorry if it's hard to see)

The large center petals (doily) end with a yo, twisted knit 1, yo at the very tip. Then the set up row for the edging is all knits with a yarn over... that is off center of the petal. In a more personal gripe, I don't like how the mesh in the flower portion looks next to the edging. It's not bad (and would probably bother me less if it weren't off center) but it's not my favourite.

The mesh not looking nice next to the edging is an easy fix that comes directly from a doily that has a very similar feel to this one. Sechsblatt is another doily I've knit and also has a 6 petaled flower with mesh between the petals and an edging, but it's edging is separated by several rows of plain stockinette. In my revised chart I added just one odd numbered row of stockinette. I'm not 100% on this change, it's something that you just can't know if it looks good until it's swatched out.

The change I am 100% on is centering the yarn over to be directly above the tip of the center flower petal. There's a number of ways to do so, I'm honestly surprised it wasn't done for the original pattern. My revised chart moves the k2tog on row 35 to directly over the center stitch of the petal, which required moving the start of the repeat one stitch left. This also needs swatched out but I'm fairly confident it'll line up, at least better that just being blatantly off center like it is in the original, and since the k2tog was just moved instead of being added, the stitch count should still work out.

All other changes to the chart were simply made for personal preference/printing convenience.

Eventually I'll knit this revised version but I don't have a timeline on that yet, knitting the same thing multiple times is bad for my attention span. Regardless I would wait because I want to see how the crochet bind off holds up. I usually pin out every chain of the crochet bind out individually but I thought pinning two together looked really good on this particular doily. It made the blocking process a lot tighter. That could've been because I accidentally stretched it too much in the first place (I forgot this doily was 6 parts instead of 8) but it was incredibly funny to behold.

[marie-swriting]

Confession Of Love - Jake "Hangman" Seresin [1/2]

Top Gun Maverick Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Part two

Part one - two (French version)

Summary : You've been seeing Jake for four months but you're still not officially dating. It's going to happen soon, though, right ?

Warnings : Jake is an asshole (it's not against him, I love him, I swear), angst, cheating, alcohol consumption (be careful with your alcohol consumption), maybe some grammatical mistakes as English is not my first language, tell me if you see some or if I missed any warnings.

Word count : 4.7k

Song inspiration : Foolish One (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault) by Taylor Swift

you take the new arrival of books in the box next to you and put them in the correct shelves. You pay attention to place them in alphabetical order and sometimes, you take a look at the back cover, adding then a new book to your - long - to be read list. You set the last book of a saga in its place when a masculine voice comes behind you.

“Sorry, would you have a book on how to apologise after cancelling a date last minute ?”

“Jake !” you exclaim, taking him in your arms. “What are you doing here ?”

“I felt bad about yesterday. Those are for you.” he says, breaking the embrace and handing you a big bunch of red roses.

“Oh, thank you ! They’re beautiful.” you smile, pecking his lips, “But I already told you it was okay. You were tired because of your day at work, I get it. We can always plan something another time, like tonight for example. My shift ends at 6:30 P.M, you can come pick me up at seven.”

Hope can be heard in your voice on top of nervosity. Jake and you can’t see each other frequently because of his job as a naval aviator and he’s also often hanging out with his friends. You’re aware it’s normal for Jake and you to not spend every single day together though, two or three times a week would be a good start you think.

You look at him, waiting for his answer impatiently but as soon as you hear him sigh, you guess his answer. Even if you expected it, you can’t help but feel disappointed. 

“The problem is I already told my colleague I would spend the night with them.”

“It’s okay. You can send me a text when you’re free.” you affirm, forcing a little smile.

“Perfect. I’m not gonna bother you much longer. See you.” he says and kisses you.

You lovingly watch Jake leaving. Once he’s not in your line of sight anymore, you smell the roses and your disappointment leaves your body to let affection take over. It doesn’t matter if he wasn’t able to have some free time for you that night, he always makes sure to make it up to you like today. You stay in your bubble and walk in the direction of the backshop to put the flowers down. You find a container to put your roses in when your colleague Cora blows your bubble.

“Who gifted you those roses ?”

“Jake. They’re pretty, aren’t they ?”

“Wow, he must feel ashamed about a lot of things.” she comments, gazing at the flowers while you put them in the makeshift vase. 

“Not at all. Why do you say that ?”

“Like they always say, the bigger the bouquet, the bigger the guilt.”

“No one says that.” you state, frowning. 

“He cancelled again, didn’t he ?” she says, her question sounding more like an affirmation.

“He has a good reason.”

“I bet he does ! I don’t understand how you can still be with him. If my boyfriend was always cancelling dates, I-”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” you interrupt her, avoiding her gaze.

“What do you mean ?”

“We’re not really dating.” you inform and she gives you a look so you quickly add : “We’re taking things slow. Jake can be on a deployment any day so we don’t want too many strings attached.”

“Wait, you’re telling me you’ve been with a guy for more than four months, you go on dates, you kiss, you sleep at each other’s house but you’re not official ? He’s worse than I thought. I mean, Y/N, don’t forget about his reputation ! Jake doesn’t do serious relationship. And just to prove it to you, has he finally presented you to his friends ?” Cora asks and you stay silent. “That’s what I thought. Why are you still with him ? He’s going to break your heart just like Logan.”

“He’s different !” you say, angry by her words and the mention of your ex. “Look, you don’t know him and you know nothing about my relationship with Jake so stop giving me unsolicited advice. I’ve learned from my mistakes, I know what I’m doing.”

On that note, you pass by your colleague and go back to your work. While you keep reorganising the books, you can’t prevent yourself from thinking back to your conversation with Cora. You know she didn’t mean any harm but you’re annoyed by the way she thinks you’re too foolish to know how to handle your love life on your own. You’ve known men… stupid ones, to stay politically correct, however you know better now and Jake has proven to you he’s different from your exes. It’s not because he cancels a lot of dates that he’s a bad guy. He is a nice guy. You’re sure of it.

At the end of the day, you take back your roses and bid Cora goodbye without adding anything else, still pissed off by her words. Upon arriving at your place, you put the roses in a real vase and set it on your dinner table.

That night, you spend it alone eating, watching Pride And Prejudice. As you’re watching it, you can’t help but melt because of Mr.Darcy’s confession of love to Elizabeth. You’re waiting for the day where it’ll be your turn, the day where, like those cheesy romances you read, you will get your confession full of love by the love of your life. You know you look like a hopeless romantic but you grew up with this idea of great love stories where the man is perfect and you’ve been searching for him since your teenage years. Maybe Jake will be this man and he’ll confess his feelings to you soon. You like him a lot and you wish you could share the future you have in mind with him.

Once your movie is over, you take your phone and check your notifications. You haven’t received anything. Not a call, nor a message. You thought that maybe Jake would send you a text to tell you about his day or at least say some nice words but nothing. Radio silence. It should be a good sign he’s having fun with his friends and yet, you can’t stop yourself from thinking this silence sounds like some bad signs ; he doesn’t seem to miss you. Sure he’s with his friends, you know he’s not spending his night on his phone though, a text wouldn’t be too much ! With mixed feelings, you put down your phone and start watching another romantic movie.  

During the whole night, you keep checking your phone without any change. When you go to bed around midnight, you keep on sighing and your mind starts thinking back to your relationship with Jake and to doubt it. 

Once you’re laying down on your bed, you glance one last time at your phone and when you see nothing new, you groan and aggressively put your cellphone on your nightstand. You change position in your bed and try to fall asleep, in vain. You toss and turn and yet, you don’t seem to be comfortable enough and your mind who is currently overthinking doesn’t make things better. This lack of message from Jake hurts you more than you care to admit. One thing is certain, you won’t get your love confession tonight. Maybe you shouldn't have gotten ahead of yourself so much ? Maybe your relationship with Jake won’t last ? Maybe there was a little bit of truth in Cora’s words ? You shake your head, hoping to get rid of these voices who start to make you more puzzled. If you discuss it with Jake, surely the situation will get better. Right ?

At least, you feel like the situation gets better the following week. You haven’t really talked with Jake but you’ve been able to see each other more often. 

Today, you spend the afternoon together. You don’t do anything special. Jake just came to your apartment and you stay on the couch watching movies and talking about random things. 

Your head on his shoulder, you think you were right to trust Jake. When he has the time, he’s the perfect… boyfriend ? Partner ? Friend ? Whatever the word may be, he is perfect. You never argue and your conversation knows no awkward silence ; everything is for the best in the best of all possible worlds. You even feel like you’re getting closer and closer to the moment where you’ll finally be official. You’ll finally be able to call him yours and you’ll be able to share more than some hours here and there with Jake. You can imagine a whole future with him, that’s why you want to believe so hard that what you have is something good, despite the particular circumstances. 

As soon as it’s getting late, Jake gets ready to go back to his house. From time to time, he stays to sleep at yours however when he has to wake up early the next day, he prefers to go home, his apartment being closer to his workplace. Once he’s set to go, Jake walks to the door while you follow him, tiredness visible on your face.

“Send me a message when you’ve arrived.” you say, yawning and Jake tenderly looks at you.

“I will.”

“Can we see each other next Saturday ?”

“I’ve already got something planned with my squad at the Hard Deck.”

“And do you think it’d bother them a lot if I came with you ?” you ask with a small voice before embarrassment catches you. “Sorry, it was rude. I shouldn’t have invited myself like that. It was stupid. I… Tell me when you get home. Good night.” you exclaim, ready to close the door but Jake stops you.

“It wasn’t stupid. Actually, I’ve been thinking of introducing you to them for a long time now.”

“Really ?”

“Sure. We’ve known each other for four months, it’s normal for you to meet them. I’ll pick you up and we’ll spend the whole evening together.” he states, putting his hands on your cheeks.

“Perfect.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

Jake gives you a smile before pressing his lips on yours. Your kiss only lasts a few seconds and you enjoy it as much as possible, celebrating this new milestone in your relationship. You’re still not official, nonetheless he wants to introduce you to his friends, you’re on the right track. Once Jake breaks the kiss, he tenderly strokes your cheek before turning around and walking away. You watch him leave then close your door, a goofy smile on your face.

When you get to the Hard Deck, Jake’s arm around your waist the following Saturday, it’s not a goofy smile you have on your face anymore but a nervous one. You know Jake is close with his colleagues and you want to make a good impression. You hope with all your heart this moment will go well. For you, this is a key moment and you can’t allow yourself to make a wrong move.

As soon as you find the group of people wearing Khakis, except one man is wearing a Hawaiian shirt, your hands become a bit more clammy. Jake quickly introduces you to every member of his squadron and you do your best to remember their names. For now, you only know Natasha’s name, as she’s the only woman. Jake proposes something to drink and judging you need to relax, you ask for a beer. He kisses your cheek before going to the bar, leaving you alone.

“I can’t believe you’re real.” Natasha starts with eyes wide open. “When Bagman told us he wanted to present us to someone, I thought he was joking. I never thought he was the kind of guy to settle down and I have to admit, I’m surprised to see you can put up with him.”

“Once you get to know him, he lets the arrogance go and you realise he’s a nice guy.” you respond, laughing.

“Hangman said you two met four months ago, right ?” Bradley questions.

“Yes, at a café. I had just gotten my coffee when Jake bumped into me and, long story short, he offered me a new coffee with his number on the cup.”

“I see he still knows how to make a good first impression.” Natasha jokes. “What do you do in life ?”

“I work in a bookshop. I’m paid to be surrounded by books, I couldn’t have dreamed of anything better.”

“That’s so cool ! I should come sometime. I haven’t read a new book in a long time.” Bradley informs you and instantly, your eyes shimmers with excitement. 

“Oh ! I can give you recommendations if you want. What genre do you prefer ?”

Ensued then a conversation about your favourite topic : books. Bradley tells you some titles he likes, novels he’s been meaning to read for years and you listen to him with passion. You give him a whole list of authors and books to check out and he writes them down on his phone. Thinking you might have some other recommendations for him later, you ask him to give you his number. At the same time you’re saving his contact, Jake comes back to you and puts his arm around your shoulders.

“You’re not stealing her from me, aren’t you Bradshaw ?”

“We were talking about books, a subject you might not be familiar with.” Bradley retorts and Jake smirks.

“Oh no, she talks about it all the time. You haven’t finished getting new suggestions.” Jake says, faking desperation in his voice.

“Hey ! You’ve discovered good books thanks to me.” you defend.

“True. Anyway I’m going to play pool. You’re good here ?”

“Yeah, I am.”

Jake smiles at you before going to find his friend at the pool table. You stay with Bradley, Natasha and Bob, who just came next to you. You keep getting to know each other and you feel better, realising you don’t struggle to fit in - you’re not really the social butterfly, preferring your books more than people.

As the conversation goes on, you learn that Bradley is a good pianist and you ask to see him play. He doesn’t need to be asked twice and walk to the piano before playing Great Ball Of Fire by Jerry Lee Lewis. Natasha, Bob and you sing with him and you’re quickly followed by the other people in the bar. Jake comes to you and sings by your side and sometimes he spins you around.

Once Bradley finishes the song, you laugh with your new friends, glad to realise you’re having a good time. Jake asks you if you want something else to drink and you inform him you haven’t finished your beer yet. He tells you he’s going to grab another drink, leaving you for a moment.

“Natasha wasn’t joking when she said you were an outstanding pianist ! Very good choice of song, by the way.” you compliment Bradley.

“It’s my favourite. My dad used to play it when I was a kid. I have good memories with this song and my parents.”

“I can see that. Your parents seemed to be cute together.”

When you talked earlier, Bradley quickly told you about his parents and you have to admit the way he speaks of their relationship, it looks like a story from one of your favourite books.

“They were !” Bradley confirms with nostalgia. “Maybe too much. I’d like a relationship like theirs.”

“I’m sure you will. You seem like an amazing guy. You deserve a love story as beautiful as theirs.”

“You too.”

Bradley smiles at you before talking about his pianist skills while you’re searching for Jake next to the bar. You expected to see him with a drink in hand, but it’s a vision of Jake with a woman who has her arms around his neck that you find. Your eyebrows furrowed, not knowing who this woman is and why she’s so close to your… to Jake. Jake gets rid of the woman’s arms then tells her something. He comes back to you at the same time where Bradley excuses himself to use the bathroom.

“Who was she ?” you question, not giving him the time to start a conversation.

“Who ?”

“The woman who was literally in your arms.”

“Oh, huh, I don’t know. She tried to flirt with me but I told her I was already in good company.” Jake explains with a flirty smile yet, you stay sceptical. “Y/N, I swear I don’t know her. You don’t have to worry.”

“I’m not. I’m curious, that’s all.” you lie.

Not fully convinced by your affirmation, Jake put his hands on your cheeks before leaning in and kissing you with passion. Even if you still have some doubt, Jake’s kiss helps you to calm down.

However, it’s really during the following weeks that you feel much better. Jake is being more present, casting away every doubt you have in mind. He’s managed to have some free time for you and you’ve even spent three days together, something never done before in your relationship. This time, you’re sure, everything is alright. Everything Cora told you or even everything you thought was fake. No matter what people say about Jake and his love life, you are the exception. Jake cares about you and he’s honest. Your relationship has a real future.

You’re so over the moon that you’re not as sad as usual when Jake tells you he can’t spend the evening at your place because he’s exhausted. You wish him a good rest before reading your book again. You’re in the middle of a chapter when you receive a message from your friend Laura who you haven’t seen in months. She asks you if you want to come to the bar next to her place. As you miss your friend, you accept without a second thought before getting ready. 

Once you arrive at the Scented Sky bar, you have a big smile on your face, impatient to meet Laura. Once you leave your car, your eyes find their way to a vehicle not too far away who looks like Jake’s. At first, you think it’s just a mere coincidence then you pay attention to the licence plate and recognize that it is Jake’s. Instantly, you frown. You don’t understand how he can be there when he told you he wanted to sleep, not to mention the fact this bar is far from his place. 

You keep searching for a rational explanation while you go to the bar. Before you walk through the door, you glance at the window and your eyes get teary at what you’re seeing. Jake did lie to you. He is at the bar and far from being tired as he presses his lips on a woman, the same woman at the Hard Deck he swore to you he didn’t know. The world is crumbling down your feet as you’re looking at them kissing passionately and being in each other’s arms. Tears are running down your cheeks and you can’t stop them. You want to go in and insult Jake with every bad word you know yet, the shock is so strong you turn around and go back home, trying to understand what you just saw.

When you close your door, you lean on the wall before sliding down and bursting into tears. You have your head in your hands, totally desperate and angry, not only at Jake but at yourself too. You wonder how you couldn’t see the signs. Now that you think back on it, you realise that, indeed, every element was in front of you : he keeps an emotional distance, he never uses pet names, you’re never his priority and so and so forth. You thought you found someone honest and you feel like a fool as you realise it isn’t the case. You should have listened to Cora, you should have listened to your instinct. You thought you learned your lesson, especially after your relationship with Logan, apparently you still have a long road ahead of you.

Once your sobs calm down, you stand up and throw yourself on your bed, not really taking the time to change your clothes. You stay there, laying on your back, staring at the ceiling, without understanding what’s happening. In the end, you are not the exception. As always. And you never will be. You will never have your love story, your confession of love, your happily ever after. 

Your phone notifying you of a new message interrupts your downward spiral. You take it and when you see it’s a text from Jake wishing you a goodnight, you want to answer him with a long paragraph, explaining how much you hate him. However, you don’t have the strength so you delete his number and block him on your social media. You feel lighter but still miserable. You don’t want to see him ever again.

Your wish is not granted. You’ve been able to avoid Jake only for a week. Despite all your efforts, Jake forces the hand of destiny by coming to your workplace. You see him entering the bookshop but you keep working, pretending to be too busy. You don’t even react when he’s in front of you. Your lack of reaction confuses Jake. He expected you to throw yourself in his arms and yet, he is taken aback by your silence.

“Hey, Y/N, it’s me.” he starts with a big smile, “I saw you weren’t answering my texts and I can’t reach you on social either, weirdly, so I got worried. Everything okay ? Are you ignoring me ?”

“I don’t know, did you give me a reason to ignore you ?” you question looking up to him, forcing a smile.

“Huh, no. I mean, I don’t think so.”

“Then no, I’m not ignoring you. You’re such a nice guy, I don’t see why I’d want to ignore you.” you exclaim, ironically.

“Ok, I’ve missed something. Can we talk about it ?”

“I don’t want to talk to you !”

“If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, I think I deserve at least an explanation. I mean, we’ve had something for four months.” Jake demands and this is your last straw. 

“In the back shop. Now.”

Because of your authoritative tone, Jake doesn't dare to make an inappropriate comment and follows you while you go to the backshop. Cora looks at you from afar, completely confused by the angry expression on your face - you haven’t told her anything about your discovery, feeling too ashamed.

Once you close the door behind Jake, you cross your arms on your chest and glare at him.

“So, what’s up ?” Jake casually asks.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” you start, trying so hard not to scream, “I thought you were too tired so why were you at the Scented Sky ?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t try to outwit me ! A week ago, I asked you if you wanted to come to my place to which you gave me the stupid excuse of “I’m too tired to come”. And yet, when I went to the bar, I saw you, in great form.”

At your last sentence, Jake’s eyes widen, panic visible on his face. His brain tries to find a rational explanation however before he can say it to you, you quickly add.

“And do I need to specify you weren’t alone when I saw you ? You were with the woman from the Hard Deck. You know, the same woman you didn’t know at all. And not to mention you were kissing her.”

“I have a good explanation,” he fastly says.

“Oh yeah ? Which one ?”

Jake stares at you and chooses his words carefully before speaking, as if he was in front of a wild animal. He never saw you mad before. He didn’t even think it was possible so he doesn’t know the way you could react if what he says came out wrong.

“She was flirting with me again and before I could react, she kissed me.”

“I just told you I saw and you keep taking me for a fool ?” you retort, shocked by his lie. “You were the one who pressed his lips on hers, your hands were on her hips ! How can you think I’m gonna believe what you’re telling me ? How could you do this to me ? I thought we had something !”

“I…”, he stutters before starting with a calm voice, “Look, I told you I wasn’t ready for a relationship, nothing was official between us and-”

“And I get it !” you cut him off sharply, “But It doesn’t give you the right to make me believe you care about me just for you to go see someone else. You know, if you had told me you weren’t ready for a relationship and you wanted to meet other women at the same time, I would have told you I didn’t want that and we would have called it quits ! You haven’t been honest with me when I’ve given you everything ! You’ve betrayed my trust just like the others.” you sigh, your eyes getting teary.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I swear I had the best of intentions.”

“If that is you with the best of intentions then I don’t want to imagine how you’d act if you didn’t care about the person ; you’ve ruined everything. You’ve taken me for an idiot for months and you have no remorse about it ! All I did was defend you, repeat to everyone you were someone nice and you’ve proven to everyone you live up to your reputation and that I am the stupid and desperate woman who only sees the best in the worst guys. Tell me honestly, were you even gonna tell me one day you didn’t want anything serious with me or were you gonna let me guess it by ghosting me ?” you question and Jake doesn’t answer. “Your silence says it all. I can’t believe I could have thought you were good. But, at least, you were useful for something. I had to learn to listen to my instinct when it tells me to walk out from a relationship instead of persisting. Thanks to you, I’ve finally learned my lesson. I hate you, Jake.” you pronounce, staring him right in the eyes. “I don’t want to see you ever again.”

“Y/N, wait-”Jake tries to say.

“No ! Leave and never talk to me again.”

Jake doesn’t add anything and leaves the room without looking back. Once the door is closed, you let your tears run freely down on your cheeks. You sit down, not having enough strength in your legs when the door opens once more, letting in Cora. She doesn’t wait before taking you in her arms. She affectionately strokes your back while you’re sobbing.

“I didn’t know what I was doing. You were right, Cora.”

“I wish I wasn’t.”

“I’m so stupid.”

“He’s the stupid one here, he doesn't know what he’s lost.”

Cora’s words should be comforting and yet, it makes you feel worse. Jake might not know what he’s lost but you sure do know what you’ve lost, time, love, energy and above all, trust. You know you’ll need time to heal from it.

And indeed, you need several months before you can spend a day without thinking about Jake. Now you can finally start to move on. This relationship, though short, has left a trace in your heart, just not like you wished. Since your split-up, you’ve decided to put yourself first instead of waiting for a man to show you his love. You need to understand what you want and what you deserve in a relationship and you can only do that alone. You need to know how to exist and to love without depending on the gaze of a significant other. 

For the first time in your life, you are your own priority and you feel good as a single woman. You wouldn’t be against the idea of living your epic love story one day but you are satisfied with your current life. You’re self-sufficient and that is the most beautiful confession of love you could ever have.

Top Gun Maverick Masterlist

Speak Now TV Masterlist

Part two

[thebirdandhersong]

songbird's life sparknotes (both joyful and painful moments) from the past little while:

read Brian Doyle for the first time and it broke me :')) it BROKE me. If you haven't read his work, I highly recommend. That man has a tender voice much like Mary Oliver and Frederick Buechner.

read a bajillion things (book count: 72), a third of which were picture books about nature

I had one really bad day where I broke down WEEPING because on top of losing my favourite sweater (a gift from a good friend who moved away -- every time I wear it, I feel like I'm being hugged by her), being overwhelmed by schoolwork and job applications, and encountering Worse boy problems, I found that someone had been stealing from my one-pint box of French vanilla ice cream (which was literally the only thing holding me together). This hit so hard when I found one scoop's worth of ice cream left in that container

found my favourite sweater (THANK GOD)

read a bunch of Robert Macfarlane and John Koenig and Jenny Offill and Mary Oliver

listened to a lot of acoustic indie soft sad music and then had to pull myself together and listen to acoustic indie soft happy music to feel better

found that I did not, in fact, enjoy Paradise Lost, or Milton, in general

had to force myself to stop listening to Lizzy McAlpine and Phoebe Bridgers because that ish was breaking my heart

got my heart broken even more exponentially by real life, non-musical events that were unfortunate and annoying and caused a great deal of inner turmoil

learned to play guitar! and am learning to finger-pick the strings (a difficult endeavour that I have yet to master)

survived midterms. Barely

led Holy Week devotions at the dorm and LOVED it

was chosen to present a paper at the department student conference (!!!!!!!!) so am working on that now

lots of family and friend time!

was driven around for 30 min by the world's worst driver (godson) and thought I was going to die or throw up. I did neither, fortunately

cried at every Christian club meeting and church service I attended (I kid you not) because I was overwhelmed by God's grace and loving-kindness despite Everything. also partly because Everything was a lot

LOTS of walks to the sea!

Sunday mornings playing guitar under the trees. You guys it's so good it really heals my heart :')

ICE CREAM DATES WITH THE GIRLS

the boy situation got, astonishingly, Worse and then better and then even WORSE. when I was asking for prayer a second time here during Lent, it was specifically because I had two-ish days of straight up agony. It was not a good time.

the boy situation 1 (spoiler: a second one appeared. Lol what is life) ended up resolving in: the boy I was horribly in love with (the one mentioned in previous posts) is semi-dating my good friend now

the boy situation 2 (a recent and unexpected development that has caused a surprising deep stab of pain! fun times) has now resolved as of today in: I'm literally never opening my heart to anyone ever again :) I cannot deal with this anymore :) I cannae DO THIS :) God help me (a fool and a clown) :) I CAN'T TAKE THIS NO MORE

however God is good and I am resolutely holding onto hope. The sun is here, the cherry blossoms are blooming splendidly, and I have school and work and future things to worry about!