#this happened irl

[drieddpetals]

inej: *walks into the kitchen, unknowingly silent* "what's up homesicle-"

jesper: *jumps* "OH MY GOD"

[cassieisinthebasementt]

Marella: Look at that geese!

Fitz: You mean goose?

Marella: No, geese.

Fitz: But there’s only one of them, geese is the plural for goose.

Marella: Geese

Fitz: Goose

Marella: G E E S E

[lafleshlumpeater]

Oh Leo,

This is exactly why you need a loving and caring partner who would drag you away from Bunker Nine and wrap you up in blankets and make sure you sleep for at least nine hours haha me

[dark-sundrop]

Solar:you can’t just fall in love with a person you just met!

Nexus: . . . It might be crazy what I’m about to say-

Dark sun: its love at first sight/glance-

Solar: NO ITS NOT!

Nexus: I have feelings towards them.

Ruin: you two could have dated but because dark sun stopped liking you and changed for eclipse now you are stuck having a crush on dark sun nexus.

Dark sun: WE LIKED EACHOTHER AT THE EXACT SAME TIME…?!

Nexus: yeah…

Dark sun: OH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING WITH ME!

[gerardpilled]

Yesterday I was explaining that my parents got 9/11 compensation money bc my dad was a first responder and @theliquidsmyhome said “oh so you have money because 9/11? You’re just like Gerard”

[bannythesillybunny]

“HOW OLD IS YOUR PLUSHIE- I MEAN SON?”

“WHAT?”

“I SAID, HOW OLD IS YOUR SON?”

“…GARFIELD!”

“HOW OLD IS GARFIELD??”

“.. 45?”

[the-nefarious-vampire]

as an aroace, im particularly dangerous, because i wont fuck or marry. i only know how to kill.

[drieddpetals]

nina & kaz: *arguing about sitting on the couch together*

jesper: "nina just go sit on that chair" *points to an all white loveseat*

nina: "yeah but that chair is completely white and it scares me"

kaz: *shoving her off the couch* "you're all white!!"

nina: "at least i'm not as pale as you! you feel a tiny sliver of sunlight and you're hissing like a vampire!!"

[eggylane]

me: i feel good maybe i should go to the island where everyone hates me

*goes to isla d* *feels bad*

[hoshizoralone]

ahhh my metroid dna is acting up ahhhh it’s making me want to kiss girls

[clownowo]

been replaying the Portal series I think this is where its heading

[pixiel]

This does not include obligatory 18+/16+ warnings on websites or online shopping - this is purely how others perceive you. Feel free to leave your age in the tags and how many apply to you!

[spicy-catboy]

Him: "But how would you warm up my strap so you can suck on it?"

Me: "You can put it between my thighs 😇"

Him: *flusters like a the pretty boytoy he is*

[gothghostiie]

something babysitter!reader waiting for price to drive them home while he's on video call with one of his friends, the little one in his lap, tapping around on the screen; until it somehow does something to make the screen go weird. he chuckles and shows you, inevitably holding the camera right onto you for a moment and showing you before turning it back on him. all you hear from the phone now is a curious hum. "who's the lil' tulip on the couch?"

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

This wine tastes like pigs blood!

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[twistcmyk]