#this guy from back in hs
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strxnged · 1 year ago
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me a year ago would be freaking out
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starry-bi-sky · 4 months ago
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*stares at disciple SQQ falling into the abyss au*
oh you are so "SY-is-SJ" coded. You are so "fell into the abyss and suddenly remembered that oh i've been Shen Jiu this whole time, not just Shen Yuan. we are one and the same". you are so 'crumbling under the weight of the system and being in the abyss and the despair of never really being free and having suffered in both lives' built. you are so 'scrambling to come to terms with your existence and battling with which life is really yours, only to realize that they both are'. You are primed for going off the rails.
I'm so normal about this guys. i promise.
#svsss#mxtx svsss#svsss au#shen yuan#shen qingqiu#scum villian self saving system#scum villian#svsss role reversal au#IF I MAKE IT SY-IS-SJ THERE'S NO STOPPING ME FROM MAKING THIS AU QIJIU. LIKE IT MUST BE QIJIU IF I GO THAT ROUTE.#grinding my teeth. grips you by the shoulders tightly#the angst of YQY finding out SQQ fell into the endless abyss and falling into a despair that he couldnt save him AGAIN. him trying to go#through hell and high water trying to get him back. him and LBH are losing their shit. also the idea that YQY existed in SY's world too#not as an older brother but as a close childhood friend who was there for him for years up until their HS years where something happened#that caused a falling out. but YQY keeps trying to rekindle that friendship and never can in that world bc SY dies before they can reconnec#SQQ realizing that he misses YQY like a limb and thinking that if he sees him again he'll demand answers for his supposed abandonment but#also he just wants to hug him. just once. and then maybe punch him. not in that order. its the doomed soulmates guys. its the reconnection#obsessed obsessed obsessed. like HMMMM. SQQ knows YQY's fate from the book and the idea makes him so nauseous he has to sit down#bingqiu is fantastic but ALSO. QIJIU. 'SY-is-SJ' is decidedly perhaps my favorite trope for the time being if only for the pure and utter#self-hatred SY and SJ are going to inflict on each other. its about the mental breakdown guys. especially with chronically ill SY.#SJ hating SY for being sick. for being a shut in. they are a reflection of each other they ARE each other and they hate themselves#holding back from going off the rails about 'SY-is-SJ' au combined with him falling into the abyss#'no light no light' by florence and the machines is this au guys. ive decided it now
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milkbreadtoast · 1 year ago
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Jung Yeseo🥺🫶🤎
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rowan-ravenlake · 2 months ago
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not sure if I've posted about this before but I'm GONNA DO IT AGAIN
I wish sso would change the way you upgrade your stable. like maybe you CAN still pay it with star coins if you want (but for the love of god lower the pride 249 for two stalls is SO BAD) but maybe you can do like a week long questline with the carpenter guy instead if you want like how we used to upgrade the bridge to the harvest counties
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bunnyboy-juice · 4 months ago
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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seiwas · 5 months ago
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🎤 thoughts: is it normal for friends to kind of ~disappear after getting together with someone and is it normal to feel sad about it
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chompe-diem · 10 months ago
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already living in the au where riz is senior class president bc i know it's never becoming canon
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kavehayati · 8 months ago
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“In general I find the idea of being with a man disgusting but I don’t find it disgusting with him”
- spoken by a lesbian
#then I call myself straight yet I find it disgusting in every way LOOLLLL MAYBE IM NOT STRAIGHT AT ALL 😭#except maybe that one hs guy but like#I think I’d be disgusted if I learned more about him#dora daily#though I’m#not gay because I literally have no comment about women they’re just there yk IDK HOE TO EXPLAIN IT#though the reason I’m disgusted is cause there is not a single normal dude I’ve met ever 😭 they’re all grotesque PLS GOD I JUST EANT TO MEET#A NORMAL DUDE NOT FOR ANY REASON APART FROM HAVING HOPE THEY EXIST#I want to prove myself right that they exist LOL#like I have my dad and brother (they’re not the best examples of good dudes) then my little brother (but he’s too young for me to form an#opinion)#Then my cousins … no comment uhm#yeah lowkey weirdos for liking a girl who was in primary school while they were in middle or high school#then there’s the randoms irl who no matter how well things seem to go they always say something weird that makes you go of course he said#that he’s a man 😭#had to take a step back when mashaAllah boy said he sympathises with the dude who killed women because he was a loser who couldn’t get a gf#BRUH#it’s through this that I realise to some extent how bad relationships have a grip on people and just how much I clearly don’t understand#about others. IF I GET HARASSED INTO MARRIAGE PLS I JUST WANT AN AROACE DUDE LIKE LISTEN IF ALHAITHAM WAS IRL I WOULD BE THRIVING CAUSE HES#VERY AROACE IN MY HEART#I just want to co exist with someone like in an ultimate bestie kind of way is that too much to ask 😓
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disegnidipizzo · 2 years ago
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fun fact: women
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habibisagi · 5 months ago
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i had a dream barou took me to prom ;_;
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himejoshibutch · 4 months ago
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i hate that i always get frustrated all the time.. im unable to enjoy my hobbies or going out with friends.. it's like im very much obliged to programming all day and i dont have any life outside it i hate it honestly
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c0rpsedemon · 1 year ago
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ok fr last one but there's actually a bootleg of my school's anastasia and i'm linking it bc you all NEED to understand that my infatuation with this one girl's voice which started when i was in the 6th grade and still hasn't really worn off isn't based on nothing
#brielle's the one in the n95 mask (the video is too grainy to actually make out any of the ensemble's faces but she stands out)#and i'm the in my 'teenage tboy's diy first short haircut' era in every scene she's in#apart from everything abt the girl who plays anya. the tea on everyone else is that our director liked the boy who played gleb's voice so#much that she actually lowered some if not all of his parts to be in his range. the guy who played vlad was a total diva and uhm. the phras#'peaked in high school' has been tossed around at him a lot. and the fact that he came back to sub the year after he graduated isn't helpin#his case. also he pressured the girl who played anya's grandmother into wearing old age makeup + spray her hair grey bc he decided he was#going to wear it and since she's supposed to be older than him she had to too and used to waltz into the girls' changing room whenever he#wanted. everyone was like super shocked during auditions though bc we all thought he was a shoe-in for dimitry esp since seniors get#priority casting bc it's their last chance. but at callbacks (we had singing auditions via video and dance auditions in person and callback#were tacked on to the dance auditions) he kinda flubbed his song and then this freshman. who was with us via google meet bc he literally ha#covid at the time absolutely blew him out of the water and i remember walking away w brielle like 'holy shit [first name] [last name] just#lost a part to a freshman' (he's the kind of person you just have to full name otherwise it sounds wrong). that said i do think he made a#much better vlad then he would've made a dimitry and while he is. a lot. he's always been nice to me and i did briefly idolize him and his#stage presence way i did anya's singing voice but that faded when i got into hs and started actually observing his prima donna ways#(the one production we were in together before in middle school we didn't have any scenes together). the girl who played the grandma#actually shouted me out in cast circle and that's the only time that's ever happened to me. also i'm p sure her dad is/was dating someone m#dad and by extension myself work with so that's. Oh My God. like she (the one who works for my dad) brought him w her to a comedy show as i#think her bf but i'm not 100% sure and when he found out what school i went to he mentioned his daughter went there and despite the fact#that i basically have a script for when people ask me that question bc i do NOT pay attention to most of my fellow students and don't know#anyone i was like 'holy shit' bc i actually did. hm what else. the guy who played the tsar and i used to shittalk bad period dramas#backstage during the first part of act 2. also during the press conference scene i need you to picture all the bolshevik soldiers and#romanov royals doing the macarena behind the curtain bc that was absolutely what we were doing back there. speaking of the press conference#the really high singing w/o a clear source was actually anya standing behind the curtain on the other side of the stage bc she's the only#one who physically could sing the part. also in regards to the bolshevik soldiers. we were originally supposed to have wooden rifles but fo#some reason our director took them out so we had to just walk menacingly towards the romanovs. you can't rlly see me that well in that scen#but that jacket would NOT stay closed and for 2/3 performances i had to awkwardly hold it closed the entire time. luckily the one that was#filmed was the one where i was smart enough to bring safety pins and also saved like all of the ballerinas bc their costumes all started#falling apart at once backstage.#romeo.txt#theatreposting
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aquared · 1 year ago
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okay i am really brain-latched to this au i really do need to give it a proper name
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callilouv · 8 months ago
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damn genshin cc's r on fire and not in a good way
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arolesbianism · 9 months ago
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Every now and then I get haunted by my past as a dr fan because someone mentions it or smth and lemme tell you the worst case scenario is if they bring up v3 in an even slightly positive light because nothing will make me start giving a shit abt dr again except for my burning hatred of that damn game, I just spent like 30 minutes ranting to myself about how much of a nothing character Kokichi is in the bathroom after showering just to vent it out because if I don't rant abt v3 every now and then I'll explode and kill someone
#rat rambles#like I generally think I had a lot of dogshit takes and sucked ass at au making and character analysis back in my dr days#but like I still stand by most of my gripes with v3 even if my old rewrite concepts also sucked#look man those were dark times my previous main interest was cr and the one before that was hs#also I had never actually posted about my thoughts before so I was a bit trigger happy with saying shit with my full chest#Im still prone to having bad takes on things to be clear even with oni I had a lot of bad takes when I first got into it#tbf I was mostly trying to talk myself down from going deeper but I evidently failed. hard.#but yeah I should delete my old fandom blog became every day I see my old dr posts get notes and I die a bit more#oh wait one dr rewrite thing I still stand by is my humam chiaki shit I was onto smth#like I still agree human chiaki should have never existed but I also think her existing as an individual who was wildly different from#ai chiaki is deeply interesting and also leaves space for some fun fucked up tragedy shit for both chiaki's#like I still like a lot of my old ideas for my rewrite of that stuff especially likey characterization was off for most of the cast but I#was cooking with the basic concepts and narrative I <3 taking characters that ppl idolize post their death and shifting the narrative to#show that they weren't a hero nor could they ever have been they were just some guy who went through horrible shit and died miserable#its one of my favorite things to do in fiction even now so ofc Im still fond of my older stuff with it on some level#like mannn why did I have to go so hard on what ultimately amounted to an au character and proceed to drop the ball on everything else lol#anyways I need to sleep before I start talking abt chiaki more yall dont need to see that <3#I mean hey could be worse. I could start talking abt my old cr stuff. we'd be here for at least a week straight#my old cr stuff was mostly actually pretty good it simply makes me sad because I put so much work and effort and made some fantastic#pieces of worldbuilding and character concepts for a mobile cookie game that sucks absolute ass#I ofc will still happily recycle concepts from my old cr stuff but like so much of it is just impossible to remove from context its so sad#ok ok gn for realsies this time
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astrxealis · 10 months ago
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hiii :333 i think i am alive !! ( small update in da tags )
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