#this got Very Long

[emyn-arnens]

Random questions . . . any thoughts about the relationship between Eowyn and her parents? Or about her and Eomer growing up?

Thanks for the ask! 💛 This is at least two months late, I'm sure. I saw the notification, told myself I'd think up some headcanons, and then the summer flashed by in a blink.

Let's go with a little of both, and let's pretend that I can read and didn't miss the "growing up" part and focus most of my headcanons on Éowyn and Éomer's relationship as adults.

One of Éowyn’s fondest memories from her childhood is of her father setting her astride his mare and leading her around the paddock outside their home, while her mother calls encouraging words from outside the fence. Her father gives most of his attention to Éomer, so Éowyn cherishes the moments she spends with him. It’s one of the happiest moments she remembers before tragedy strikes.

She resents the despair her mother falls into after Éomund’s death, both because her mother pays less attention to her and because she feels it makes her mother weak. When she grows older and begins to experience the same despair, she resents it and works to shape it into cold determination so that she may not be thought to be weak.

She resents, too, that she must become a nursemaid to her mother (and that Éomer is not beholden to do so) until her aunts arrive and lighten the load, but feels guilty for feeling so about her mother and feels that a better daughter wouldn’t entertain such feelings.

One of the bright spots during her mother’s illness is her aunt Trewhild teaching her the basics of wielding a sword, during breaks from taking care of her mother. With a sword in her hands, Éowyn finally feels like she's no longer powerless.

Just before her mother dies, she gives Éowyn a knife that her own mother gave to her and tells her to always keep it with her. Later, when Gríma stalks the hall outside her bedroom in the late hours of night, she takes strength from her mother’s knife, tucked beneath her pillow (have to thank @hobbitwrangler for this one!).

As much as she loves her parents, she resents just a little that her childhood was stolen from her and she was made to grow up too soon. Théoden tries to provide her with a childhood in Meduseld, but Éowyn never quite feels like a child again after her parents' deaths.

When Théoden falls under Saruman’s thrall, Éowyn is reminded of how she felt when her mother was sick—powerless to heal her, resentful at being shut inside and having to be her mother’s nursemaid, and resentful that she feels that way she does. The intervening years don't make the emotions any easier to bear.

Éowyn always worries when Éomer rides off that one day he, like their father, may never return.

Upon Éomer’s banishment from Edoras, he quietly commands one of the few household men that he knows to be loyal to him and not under Gríma’s influence to discreetly watch Éowyn’s door at night. Gríma soon finds out and has the man thrown out of Meduseld.

After Éowyn returns to Edoras for Théoden’s funeral, Éomer and Éowyn have many long conversations about the mistreatment she endured at the hands of her family and its role in her suffering and despair.

Since Éowyn and Faramir refuse to have any weapons displayed in their home, Éomer hangs her sword and broken shield over the door to Meduseld, facing his throne. In time, stories spread among the people of Edoras that the arms of the Lady of the Shield-arm guard Meduseld from harm.

Éomer later changes the laws of succession to stipulate that the crown can pass to male or female heirs.

He is known by all to display a fearsome temper when cases of harassment, assault, rape, or abuse are brought before him, and he codifies strict laws regarding such cases.

Éowyn is widely known to be one of Éomer’s most trusted counselors (along with Lothíriel), such that she is considered an unofficial member of his council, and a seat at the council table is always reserved for her when she visits Meduseld.

Éowyn and Lothíriel get on like a house on fire, which Éomer enjoys most of the time, except for the times when he finds himself on the opposite side of an argument as them and the times when they conspire against him (which happens more frequently than he would like).

Relatedly, whenever Lothíriel is losing an argument, she plays the “Éowyn agrees with me” card, and Éomer is forced to capitulate because he knows his limits, and facing the combined ire of Lothíriel and Éowyn is more than one man can take on.

Éomer names one of his daughters after Éowyn (or gives her a name inspired by Éowyn and her deeds; I haven’t decided yet). Éowyn would likely do the same, but I’m very fond of Elboron being an only child.

Elboron and Elfwine (and his siblings) often spend months at a time living at each other’s homes, learning of the other culture and people they come from. It’s Éowyn’s idea to do so, and the people of Rohan and Gondor appreciate the additional strengthening of the alliance between their realms. The people of Edoras and Emyn Arnen, in particular, are always delighted when the heirs visit and take great joy in teaching them about the other half of their heritage.

[cal-writes]

I feel like in a lot of your stories, your zoro exudes abandonment issues 🥲 Is that a conscious thing on your part? Or am I projecting lmao

I’m loving the little snippets of fic you post btw always brightens my day 😃

he does. it sorta happened subconsciously i think. im not sure if it started from my interpretation of his character in canon or from myself projecting lol

i think it might be a mixture of both like. the juxtaposition of zoro as a character who is very confident in exactly one area of himself and that is fighting and his strength. like zoro doesnt tend to get jealous until luffy implies someone might be stronger than him. i always think of something the youtube quinn curio said in a video about the umbrella academy talking about the character played by elliot page.

so i often read zoro as someone who thinks he needs to be the strongest so that has value or is allowed to be there

and another part i think is that zoro is a very lonely character. like we learn about kuina and that she died when she was 11 and that shook him so fundamentally that he's essentially living his life to fullfil that promise he made to her. we've seen koushiro and johnny and yosaku but they were very utilitarian. koushiro was his trainer, i dont think zoro ever mentioned him again since the flashback in like what chapter 5? and johnny and yosaku were a good way to bring arlongs bounty up and show the necessity of having a cook on board. sure they care of zoro and he cares about them but there isnt the sense that they are particulary close. zoro doesn't have a family like nami, or someone who seems to have raised him like family like luffy and sanji. if we take movie canon into it as well he'd have another friend from the doji similarly to kuina who he later thought had died due to him not being strong enough

and even now in the more recent manga chapters we see it implied twice that zoro is "a burden" on his crew, both from an antagonist but then also from a crew member. and unlike when sanji and zoro usually bicker, zoro doesnt respond. we have a panel of him flinching about the comment before he grits his teeth and continues.

addtionally during water seven when everyone is falling apart bc of whats going on he's not allowing himself to be vulnerable. we dont see him miserable or angry or sad because he sees his duty as having to hold it together and make sure everyone gets through this. like zoro was just as affected by merry's fate as everyone else but he couldn't show that (or he felt like he couldnt). its an incredibly isolating experience.

there is that manga panel which i might be misinterpreting bc the speech bubbles make it hard to tell who is actually saying it

like "huh you saved me" like he's surprised someone would do that.

but even if in that panel its not zoro saying it we still see himself punishing himself after getting injured in a fight even if he ultimately won. after little garden he trains until his feet bleed again, after the fight with mr one not only does he carry nami around for hours and gets shot while injured already he doesnt let himself recover, and then of course after thriller bark.

i always get the sense that zoro puts an enormous amount of pressure on himself as if he has to justify being there and has huge expectations for himself that he needs to meet.

and not to forget that on shabaody, he had no idea what happened to everyone else. he was the first to leave and for all he knew until they got the message from luffy, everyone died bc he was injured. i think that definitely festered.

like (its probably not that deep but you are reading this so far so youre in too deep now)

i thought it was curious. that zoro is the first one back. that he asked perona for help to find the way. as if he was worried. that if he came to late they wouldn't wait. so he made sure he was the best, the fastes, the first. he made sure to show off his new skills immediately. tried to show them off to luffy immediately despite it being a dumb idea to cut their bubble underwater.

so anyway yea i do end up writing zoro as someone who has abandonment issues tied in with his self esteem issues.

[palepersonaturtle]

Rewatching some scenes of Shinyu and Hongjo and i have to say their realtionship progression after they started dating in ep 11 is so well written i mean yes it is not perfect but it is near perfect for me.

Especially the fact that it is not only that they are in love with each other but there is desire/passion(sexual) in between them which is expressed not only by their actions but also by their words which imo many kdramas lack in that part. And i am glad that the writers didnt shy away in showing us the sexual tension between the couple in their realtionship.

And it is right from ep4 okay when shinyu was like "if it is not kiss that can break the curse then is it...?" Shinyu was down bad horny okay.

One more example is that noncon kiss in ep7. I mean yes that was problematic and he deserved to be punched. But he was eager to show his feelings and desire to hongjo and wanted to know how she felt about him. Also his imaginary kiss and bed scene

And most importantly this desire was mutual. Hongjo was attracted to him too. She very much gave into that kiss in ep6 but alas shinyu slept. She was frustrated. The next day she is like "you were terrible at it"

And it gets more interesting when start dating

They are comfortable enough to sleep in the same bed the same night they get into relationship. Hong jo very much wanted to be with him you can see how she was frustrated when he didnt come to her room. Also love the way Shinyu was testing the waters with the whole "if you say another word i wont stay still..." dialogue. See she was shy but not scared of it.

And throughout ep11 and ep12 we can see that their is a mutual sexual tension between them. Also i love how Hong jo is able to show her desire too. She actively asks kisses from him, tries to seduce him in his office which shows that being single all through her doesnt mean she has to be naive in the physical intimacy part of their relationship. Yes as her first time in a relationship she gets shy and giddy but she has desires and she is very much aware about it too.

About, their breakup, i know people were like there comes the noble idiocy of ep13 but i actually enjoyed it. It is the way they showcased their longing for each other. Particularly, when shinyu gets drunk. It is the way he hugged her, nuzzled into her neck and smelled her. He not only missed her emotionally but also missed their hugs and kisses. And same for hong jo too that little smile she gives before being sad again and the way she gave into that hug. She indulges him not only for him but also for herself.

And so for me their reunion was much more sweeter and earned because the curse is gone now the main barrier between their relationship.

That spiderman kiss on the couch. Many people are like hong jo got shy. But i personally felt that she (and him too btw) actually was so turned on at that point that if she hadnt stopped it would have escalated into some thing more and which wasnt good for shinyu since he was injured. Same when they were sleeping together, look at the way hong jo is smiling and shinyu's gaze lingers on her lips.

Now on to the main lovemaking scene. That was planned mutually by them okay i mean not verbally but they both knew what was gonna happen and they both wanted it. Their phone conversation says it all. Also the way he was like "take your time to change" and then she comes wearing his white shirt when could have wore any comfortable tshirt of his. They didnt knew it was gonna happen right at that moment but tgey knew they knew that this was the night. And i loved that because it was consensual and it wasnt just heat of the moment. It felt very much earned and sweeter.

And throughout ep16 we can see that how much they both enjoy the physical intimacy and are pretty much normal about it now. Him saying that he cannot sleep w/o her. She jumping on him taking charge. It all feels natural with them

Lastly, it also shows the contrast with the relationship shinyu had with nayeon. You see he never felt any attraction towards her that he never felt the need to even hold her hands.

[applejuicewerewolf]

"You shouldn't savescum in BG3, it's not something you can do in real DnD games either!" Well yes, but unlike in BG3, i can actually talk to my DM to clarify things, so we're both on the same page.

Like, I've spent the last hour or so trying to break into the Foundry in Act 3. I made my entire team invisible, entered turn-based-mode, and we snuck around the lower floor full of enemies, until we found the giant door. This door is both locked and also requires an INT check for your character to understand that it's rigged. Said check is a whole cutscene, which will turn off turn-based-mode. Also, invisibilty lasts only 10 rounds, of which I had 3-4 left by the time I came to the door.

So if I interact with the door, it both takes me out of stealth and eventually breaks my invisibility. If I had an actual DM here, we could communicate what exactly happens here, how the mechanics work, etc. Instead, the "DM" is like "yeah so as a real-life person you took 18 actual seconds to roll your dice, which is technically 3 rounds of combat, so your spell fades and your team gets discovered. Roll initiative."

As a DM I can tell you: We work together with our Players, not against them. Communication is key. If I had a person like that as my DM, I'd quit the game because they're a pedantic and sadistic asshole.

This is not critique on Larian's design btw. I realize that this game is MASSIVE and I am impressed by the way they managed to code all this small little differences that affect the story. I believe they did the best they could. What I am saying is that a computer programm can not and never will be able to adapt the way a human would. I cannot tell the computer "whoah hold on, you're being kind of a dick right now." A computer does not know about the Rule of Cool.

So I do the second-best thing I can. Reload the save, using the new information my digital DM gave me, and try again according to their rules.

[lisxdumbr]

lis please do rant!! i cant get my thoughts on the story sound coherent at all and i would love to hear what you think since this was so????? but good lord that was a lot huh. literally never getting a break in anyway as a 2winkP

-🌟

After god knows how much time I tried to get my thoughts compiled ! I apologize it this doesn't make sense but I am still very unwell, I just !! I figured I'd share

JESUS CHRIST WHAT IS GOING ON IN THE 2WINK CLIMAX

I do have to say, the story started in an extremely bitter way for me. Perhaps it was about my expectations for their climax being really opposite for the first half of it, but at the end everything came together and it ended up being a much more enjoyable experience than I imagined.

Akira is still a man that no matter how much I try, I can't predict.

The story starting with them communicating almost telepathically and Yuta feeling down was an entire throwback to many moments before. Setsubun. Volcano Island.. it's always that moment in which after a lot of stress you open your eyes and see everything in slow motion happening right before you. I think Yuta was hit with this realization and that's why everything started being a burden. The lights, the audience, just the thought of him and his surroundings.

I expected Ibara to have a more important appearance in the story, however I understand he was really busy with Double Face at the same time, I still respect the figure he represents to 2wink though, I think half of this story wouldn't have gone the way it did without that little push he gave them.

I think it started stressing me out when the Anzu plot came on board. Please don't get me wrong, I love Hinaan, I think everyone should read Daybreak Heliolite. "Anzu-san, you're smiling just now..." the comfort Hinata is able to give Anzu is incomparable to any other member of the cast.

However, Anzu is mad? Anzu is angry? Why hadn't this showed before? Why weren't there signals? That repayment fes mention really dizzed me out because. after skimming through it again, wasn't Hinata just meaning to grow and prove Anzu that they were not going to be under anyone's shadow ever again? Something, something felt so bitter to me about it. Hinata's reaction was not good either, everything felt so uncomfortable, you could smell the arson between them and I guess that's what made me so. so mad.

On the other hand, you have Yuta relying on Shinobu for everything, once again, as they have always been that close. Didn't this feel like climbing a stair? Yuushino climbs one side while hinaan climbs the other, why did it feel like a competence?

I felt conflicted and stressed about their attitude, why are they doing this and what is going on? I couldn't puzzle it together until the realization suddenly hit me and everything made sense.

Hinata is growing lonely. And at the same time Yuta is drifting away to try and search for his own self, the timing couldn't be better.

We feel loneliness when we feel that there's no one near us that we can rely on. Hinata was surrounded by many, many people, but none of them understood, none of them knew how it was and how it felt.

I think I got everything when the street kids kidnapped him to make him see reality, it was their way of saying "we're like you. the same way you're like us". Hina may have fame and money now, but his heart is as dirty and as fragile as those kids'. It was not a matter of dragging him to the shadows but rather to take the blindfold out of him by screaming "please help us".

Anzu and Hinata then notice how similar they are. Yuta said it since ! era, "so Anzu, you're a big sis too, right? I'll just give you an advice, never underestimate us little brothers". See that part where Hinata says Yuta is projecting his since onto him like a mirror? I think that's what Hina was doing with Anzu. "You sacrifice yourself for everyone and that's why I cannot stand you, because you're like me.. but better".

That's the moment when Hinata realized everything and discovered he didn't have to bear the world on his shoulders, that not everything had to be pain but that there's rather another answer and that being alone is also ok. Hinata is starting that path to find out his true happiness without relying on anyone but himself.

This is what I said once about Yuta wanting to change by separating himself from Hinata, but Hinata needing to stick towards Yuta's side not to fall into the abyss.

Hinata finally understood that's not true, he finally understood he's able to live by himself and that that is ok. And that's where everything started kicking in for me.

Hinata choosing kindness and love is the perfect ending for me. That part of the story moved me so much you can't even understand. I think if I had to put this into a performance I would put a rising sun being quietly observed by the calming moon. A relationship that will always be held so close despite it never touching.

And then of course, the epilogue that drove me to tears of incommensurable joy

Yuta loves Hinata. Yuta has always and will always love Hinata like he loves anyone in this world. He's also not talking to whoever here. He's talking to us. He's asking us to please watch them become what they have always dreamed of.

Do you remember that part on Love Letter where Yuta tried so hard to unveil Hinata's 'evil' side to help him? I think he actually did.. but instead of finding an evil, twisted person in it's core, he found a gentle and healing being. Like the ying-yang, they're the perfect balance for each other.

Forever in a sweet memory, that's what 2wink is and will always be.

[fruityfroggy]

🧠and📖for both characters, perhaps? :3c

YAYYY I’m officially in the game :Dc

Okay, put on your reading hats, here goes nothing

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lady Clef:

🧠: What was their original character concept? Do they have any specific theming?

Lady Clef was originally just going to be a flirtatious nightclub singer (I was going for that flirty r1999 woman vibe, iykyk). But after a while, I decided to base her off of the femme fatale trope in film noir, with a bit of a twist (kinda like a Bonney situation). So now, she’s a cunning yet alluring nightclub and lounge singer with questionable intentions. But she always gets away with all the mind games she plays with her obsessed “minions”. Though some do mysteriously disappear without a trace……

📖: What would an event/story featuring them be like?

It’s a good thing I’ve actually been thinking about this for a while already! But basically, I was thinking an event based on the film noir genre (similar to 1.2 essentially), since it ties in her theming.

The event is called “Quilted Shadows, Golden Guile” (yes I named it) and the storyline focuses on the layers of deception that can form in the social circles of wealthy/high class people in order for personal goals to be achieved. Lady Clef is seen as the main antagonist of the event, when she’s actually a victim of the true villain too (she’s still not a good person though). Oh and spoilers: Tennant makes a cameo (cuz double the toxic yuri, double the fun)

Since Lady Clef is one of the event 6 stars, she has a character story game called “Smoke and Mirrors”, which is kind of her villain origin story, and a meaningful choices mini game where you try to gain fondness from the right people at a fancy social gathering as Lady Clef. Special cameo characters have special effects too! (Special characters are: Tennant, Centurion, and Ringmaster (the second event 6 star, I just didn’t feel like fleshing him out))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Verdigris:

🧠: What was their original character concept? Do they have any specific theming?

Oh when I tell you I struggled when creating her. She was kind of a mess of different parts for a while, and I couldn’t figure out how her personality should be (all I could think of was “calm”, as a contrast to a canon character). But I eventually landed on the concept of a steampunk inventor who builds and creates new prosthetic/mechanical limbs for people. Her arcanum can create a special plant fiber that she incorporates into her inventions for elasticity and strength to the mechanical joints. Verdigris has also created these blobby critters called Dendrogues out of the same plant fiber to cure her loneliness.

📖: What would an event/story featuring them be like?

Even though I’ve pondered about this for Verdigris as well, I do have less of a clear concept when it comes to this one. The thought process is that she’s part of a story chapter since I had the thought of a specific angst between her and a childhood friend of hers where the “Storm” needs to be involved.

ANYWAYS, I was thinking maybe the storyline revolves around something to do with the arcanum in the woods near her home? The woods that bring back memories, better left in the depths of brambles. Yet an odd sense of comfort and serenity is felt by Verdigris here.

Though it might make more sense for it to have something to do with a historical event. Idk, I’ll think on that, cuz I don’t have any coherent enough ideas for it yet (there will be yuri tho, that’s all I know for sure).

[firefly-factory]

Daedra, Divines, and Slowburns

Rambling because I just realized some things about Astra's two potential relationships.

Both slow burns, because they're mer and they have time. Undecided which one is endgame.

Revyn Sadri -

Of the two, he actually makes a lot more sense. He's warm and gentle and has gotten to know her over a long time, first through business transactions, then as friends, and only more recently as, just maybe, something more. He reminds her that there are good people worth defending in the world, that it is okay to be kind, and that she will always have a safe place to stay if she needs it.

After her mother's death, she became interested in daedric worship. She has felt alienated from her own people (the altmer) since her birth, and feels more comfortable amongst the dunmer, whose faith acknowledges the violence with which change can occur. Religion is one point where Astra and Revyn connect. Although he isn't particularly devout, he knows a lot about the daedra, and Astra is actually sort of relieved to find someone who isn't fanatical about their religion

Ondolemar -

Speaking of fanatical. Ondolemar isn't 100% sure what he believes. But you'd never be able to tell from talking to him. The first time Astra heard him speak about the Divines, she was honestly sort of disturbed. It was like a switch was flipped- his eyes lit up, his tone became more regular and rhythmic, almost like he was reading from a script. She had seen that sort of switch before, whenever he father would echo Thalmor rhetoric, and it had disturbed her too.

But she can't look away. And when he isn't echoing dogma, he's actually surprisingly sweet. He introduces her to other altmer, finally giving her a chance to connect with the heritage she's been alienated from for so long. He answers her questions about Alinor, and tells her about what her father was like before his self-imposed exile to Winterhold.

For a long time, her most secret, stupid desire had been to connect to her people. Even after a Thalmor agent tried to execute her, 20 years prior, she had still wondered what it would be like to be part of that world. And Ondolemar gives her that.

I guess the problem in choosing one or the other, ondolemar or Revyn, is this:

It means that she has to choose between her two identities- Revyn understands the person she has become. Ondolemar gives her a way to be the person she always secretly wanted to be.

[alulaspeaks]

hallo alula, happy wincest wednesday! Do you have a headcanon for the moment that Sam shifted from 'I love my brother' to 'oh, I LOVE my brother'?

Hello z! I don't know how I missed this last week, but fortune has it that I should see it on the perfect day of the week. Happy Wincest Wednesday! Is it weird that I don't have a headcanon for this? I love first time so much, that I can imagine it almost anywhere. But I could see it happening like this: Sam gets close to the realization a few times. After Dean makes the deal, the amount of horror and desperation he feels is deep, like when you're out in the cold too long and it sinks into your bones and you can't shake it. He know the lengths they will go to for each other are not normal by other people's standards. But it's them and they can't do it any other way. So he might have a moment where he can see the shadow of it moving under the surface, like some behemoth in murky waters, but there is too much other stuff to worry about for it to break through.

By the time Dean gets back, Sam's too far down the path of vengeance and demon blood to come back. And he loves Dean, of course he does, but he's resentful in a way he can't look at, and Dean is weak, and Sam can't break his focus from his target, and he makes the wrong choice at every turn because even though Dean is back, he can't let it go, and the cloud doesn't clear until it's too late.

And then it's Lucifer and vessels and it's his fault and he's the least of them, the weakest. He finds his faith in Dean again and won't let Dean shake it, even when he wants to. And there's too much going on again. Too much of everything and they can never catch their breath, until that awful endless night before Sam says yes, when disaster looms and the worldly disaster almost seems better then the personal disaster that's coming, but what choice do they have? And that shadow is there again, shiny back breaking through the turbulent waters, but Sam doesn't dare look at it. He knows what's coming and what he has to do and he can't handle anything else. Can't even handle the idea of saying goodbye when the time comes.

And then Sam closes his eyes and falls.

When he opens them, he's in Bobby's panic room, and the fan spins lazy shadows across the floor, and the dust makes his throat itch, and it's so real, but it can't be. There's relief and hope and a little fear, and then he's up the stairs and he sees the back of Dean's head and the spread of his shoulders and he knows them so well, they're so familiar, and he thought he'd never see them again. And it's overwhelming and he feels it then. Knows it in a soul deep way, but he won't articulate it, won't name it until later.

When they're sitting someplace quiet and Dean, who is bruised in a way Sam can't understand yet but knows he'll figure out, hands Sam a beer and they're sitting side by side and not really saying anything and it's the best Sam's felt maybe ever, because he didn't think he'd have this, knew he wouldn't deserve it if he didn't jump into the pit with Lucifer, but he did it and somehow he's here, and he gets to have it. And for a moment the waters are still and crystal clear, and the shadow comes into view, and oh. Oh, that's what it is. Of course it is. And he rides out the feeling, the heavy thump of his heart, while he finishes his beer. And when he's done, he's got himself back in hand, and he doesn't say a thing.

[forestofsprites]

Castiel + a song that reminds you of him? 💚 for me it's Synesthesia by Andrew McMahon (not because of the autism link, it's the series of relatively mundane images coupled with the sudden burst of joy and bigger music for the chorus! The idea of seeing "pictures from a space shuttle" and then going "I can almost see my house :)" Is just so. Cas. To me. He can see the big picture but what he really focuses on is the small stuff)

(- it's me cawis)

HI LOVELY CAWIS!! thank you for stopping by! I enjoy that song very much, and also had it in a prototype Cas playlist that I made some time ago! It is an incredibly visual and truly reflective of its title sort of song. Your interpretation of how Cas slots into it is going to add some verrry lovely depth to my listen!! 💛

As for my own Cas + song moment, there a few by Sleeping at Last!!

One has lyrics such as

"The list goes on forever Of all the ways I could be better, in my mind As if I could earn God's favor given time Or at least congratulations Now, I have learned my lesson The price of this so called perfection is everything I've spent my whole life searching desperately To find out that grace requires nothing of me"

^ quite self explanatory and on the nose, but I enjoy it

Touch has lyrics such as

"Invisible machinery / These moving parts inside of me / Well, they've been shutting down for quite some time / Leaving only rust behind"

^ Perhaps a touch of s5/6 Cas, but predominantly it makes me think of him come later seasons, the lines between fallen, grace-struggling angel/aging human

& then from Five:

"I want to watch the universe expand / I want to break it into pieces small enough to understand / And put it all back together again"

"It feels like an out-of-body experience / But something gets lost from a safe distance"

"I'm hypnotized by this anomaly / Such strange uncharted territory"

"I finally feel the universe expand / It's hidden in heartbeats / Exhales and in the hope of open hands"

^ very... Cas's journey from s4 -> 15 to me

[faejilly]

Any random headcanons/theories about sh warlocks? The spiral labyrinth, how magic even works, why Magnus is the best (what I'm not biased, it's the objective truth, how dare). This isn't really a fic prompt, but i won't complain if you turn it into one 🩵

And a reminder to take care of yourself! If you need water or meds or a good nap

I HAVE SO MANY THEORIES!

(and also I got good sleep last night and just made a yummy drink! I even did remember all my meds with breakfast, too. AND MADE MY BED! It's a good self-care day. Thanks for checking in, that's very sweet of you. 😘)

I am IN FACT writing a "fic" that is full of all my weird lore/magic/worldbuilding thoughts called "The Down World For Dummies" By The High Warlock of Chicago. Who I made up, obviously, I don't care about canon for this. Her name is Runa Pryce, and the current draft is full of footnotes because I am easily amused and also #GNU Terry Pratchett. HERE ARE SOME (too many) HIGHLIGHTS BENEATH THE CUT (that do include the Spiral Labyrinth & why Magnus Is Best!):

Theory 1: Angels & Demons have nothing to do with religion/spirituality and are just multi-dimensional beings who get along like matter/anti-matter. This means that yes Angels are frequently assholes and Demons can in theory be fine because they're just weird individuals from other planes of existence. (Demons are mostly assholes too, because the things you have to do to travel dimensions basically disconnects you from your own world and that fucks most people up, even people who aren't human people.)

Theory 2: "Demons" are bad for our plane of existence because they basically eat it just by visiting, and if they're trying to get here in particular it's because they find our negative emotions especially delicious, so then they are generally very nasty to make the visit tastier.

"Angels" can't get anything resembling power/nutrition from our dimension, but can kind of scorch the edges of our reality if they're not careful. Which is boring for them, so that's why they're mostly not ever here.

HOWEVER, if angels accidentally break a dimension/realm, or the demons eat one all the way up, it screws up the balance between all the dimensions/realms, (and is possibly how some previously mundane realms 'fell' and became demonic ones) so the angels try to stop the demons when possible.

(This is in fact why Clary's Alliance Rune freaked them the fuck out. The Fae are the only known stable angel/demon combination. Every other attempt has pretty much made entire realms go boom.)

We're not really real to most of them though, and they're really really Not Human, so. As little contact as possible is probably good.

Theory 3: Multi-dimensional creatures cannot be killed when they're not in their proper dimension. Thus fighting demons & angels mostly just banishes them back home. However! If they're weak enough, their magical essence can't cross the Void between dimensions, and then they really do die. This is also why they usually need some sort of rift (or a very goaod spell) to get between dimensions. The Void isn't friendly, even to demons & angels. (Valak is actually a Void creature in this headcanon, thus why he is so very different than any of the other demons we see them fighting in the show.)

Theory 4: The reason demons keep making demon babies is the resonance of having an offspring of their own blood in a different dimension makes it easier to travel through the Void (they can both follow directly OR triangulate off the family ties, so to speak, and suddenly the trackless Void has directions, it's very handy for them) and having that resonance spread out among different dimensions gives them a boost magically in terms of raw power as well.

THIS IS SIMILAR TO HOW THE WARLOCKS MAKE THE SPIRAL LABYRINTH. It requires cooperative multi-dimensional magic, which no one else can do! You have to have multiple individuals with magical resonance in different dimensions who trust each other enough to balance out each other's magic enough to form & ward an area out of the Void that is resonant with multiple dimensions but not actually in any of them. Warlocks whose demon parent is from one of the lesser known dimensions are actually very valuable to the Spiral Labyrinth, because every new dimension they can add to the Labyrinth makes it both more stable and more powerful. (And probably bigger, though that's hard to tell with multi-dimensional spaces.)

Theory 5: I'm actually gonna quote the aforementioned fic-in-progress here, 'cause I like how my HWOC put it 😅

Warlocks are the children of mundanes and demons. They are inherently, naturally magical, with a magical core that is anchored in the Realm of their demonic heritage but resonates with the natural magic of the world they're born into. These cores continuously generate magic that is fueled and directed and shaped by their emotions. Warlocks are immortal and sterile, can cast spells and create potions out of a fantasy novel, are simultaneously, eternally, a part of and separate from the natural order of both their birth Realm and their demonic parent's Realm.

Theory 6: Is kind of specifically for my mer!Alec-verse, but I like to assume magic is very traditionally elemental since the Shadow World does seem to rely on very familiar magical tropes. In that case, magical species would have elemental strengths. Air: Nephilim, Earth: Fae (Seelies), Fire: Warlocks, Water: Mer-folk. (There's a whole thing in the mer!Alec-verse about how water magic is inherent to this Realm, rather than being about crossing between Realms like the other three, but I haven't quite figured out how that's going to manifest in the fic yet.)

Theory 7: Vampires & Werewolves are opposite ends of the demonic infection/magic spectrum, which is why they just really feel gross to each other.

Vampires are dead, after all, and Werewolves are Very Alive, heightened senses and healing factors and etc. (Elementally, to go back to Theory #6, Vampires are Death, while Werewolves are Life.) I like to think that, while not immortals, Werewolves generally live a few hundred years just because their bodies heal most everything that is part of mortal aging. They'd probably last even longer, except the Down World is of course prone to some vicious behavior and they tend to get injured or poisoned with silver enough over the years to slow them down. But! They cannot be immortal, because that is not life, that's like demons & angels, that's being inherently disconnected from your natural dimension just so you can fuck around with other dimensions. Werewolves die, because werewolves live.)

Theory 8: Fallen Angels are absolutely still a thing, formerly Angelic Dimension Natives who got corrupted or Fell or flung themselves willing through the Void for More Power. They can only survive if they can devote/link themselves to a demonic realm, and they are generally more powerful than anyone else because that means they have magical connections with two realms as well as the weird immortal power quirks of any other dimensional traveler.

Asmodeus is, for a variety of reasons (mostly spite probably), especially powerful even for a Fallen Angel, and Magnus is especially powerful even for a child-of-Asmodeus because he is one of the only Warlocks who really truly embraced and studied the native flow of magic HERE, both in terms of our leylines and weather and seasons and every other nerdy-thing he's ever learned, BUT ALSO, he knows he has to understand/acknowledge/face his OWN emotions to pull on that power. That's enough for him to get a balanced amount of power from his birth Realm as well as his Demonic Realm AND THEN, because he's the son of a Fallen Angel, he also gets his Father's Angelic Realm. And he's better at that than most Warlocks as well, because it's just more to learn, you know?

Theory 9: Many warlocks associate their emotions with their demonic heritage, since their magic usually manifested in a moment of fear/anger/loss of emotional control, but demonic magic isn't about emotions at all, that's the human side of them. Realizing that made a huge difference for Magnus after he got away from Asmodeus and started turning himself into who he wanted to be, rather than who everyone else thought he was.

This emotional awareness is also how/why Magnus can balance out the different magical influences through his emotions, because that's how humans work.

Which brings us to the fact that most of the warlocks we see have only one color of magic, but Magnus has at least three! The metallic gold & silver is very intellectual, all about curiosity and an academic sort of greed, always wanting to know more and mostly resonates with his angelic heritage. Blue is for elemental magic, instinctive and protective and comforting, natural magic, while red is demonic magic, pulled on through heightened emotions and, in his case, usually fear and/or anger.

[novafire-is-thinking]

Drift for the character ask game

one aspect about them i love

His intuitive understanding of people

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

Just one? Um…

Drift and Deadlock aren’t irreconcilable “sides” of his personality that “don’t make sense for the same character.” I won’t go off about MBTI and personality theory here, but much of his character arc aligns with what I know about personality pitfalls and development. His journey just happens to be a bit of an exception because of how drastic it seems.

one (or more headcanon(s) i have about this character

Drift is the sort of guy who will have an interesting thought and need to write it down almost immediately, lest he forget it. He would sometimes send these thoughts to specific crew members if he wanted to get them thinking about something or start a conversation. Most never bothered to respond, but those who at least read them came to appreciate the depth of insight. The absence of those random messages was felt after Drift was exiled.

one character i love seeing them interact with

Megatron. The two of them barely shared three lines, but those three lines are everything to me:

one character i wish they would interact with/ interact with more

Perceptor. They’re opposites in many ways, but I still think Percy has more in common with Drift than Ratchet.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

Drift taught Percy much of what the scientist knows about handling basic firearms, but Percy took it from there and figured out sniping on his own since it was outside of Drift’s area of expertise. The two of them would have shooting competitions during their time together with the Wreckers.

Soundwave met Deadlock once and was impressed by what he learned from his telepathic read of the warrior. After the war and the Lost Light adventure, the two of them met once more. Drift was the one who shared the details of Ravage’s last moments and what he knew of Megatron’s time on the Lost Light since Megatron only shared the short version. Soundwave was appreciative, and the two of them got to talking about where they’d come from, where they’d ended up, and where they wanted to go from there. Soundwave was impacted by the changes he saw in Drift, and the two remained unexpectedly close until Soundwave’s sacrifice at the end of Transformers: Unicron.

[bluelockednyx]

Hey!! I loved your Rinsagi metas and posts. FINALLY someone in the fandom who doesn't infantilize Isagi and sees canon him. Yes Isagi is nice but not like.. nanase level friendly and nice. He's polite but a lil withdrawn and appreciates people's talents but absolutely will not let anyone walk over him. Also,exactly what u said, sadist Dom. Yes please.

And Rin, so many people reduce him to this one-dimensional character who's issues people treat like a joke. When that's not the case? Bachira at least knows his prblms, Rin has no idea at all. Like how horrible does your repression and mental state have to be that the guy that is literally suicidal tells you that you're in a worse place than him. Rin gives off high key depressed vibes.

It's a lot like Post WC kunigami which draws...interesting parallels esp when you look at pre WC kunigami and at how Rin seems a lot happier before the fight. I saw someone make that comparison.

What do you think? How do you think Rin would've been like if Sae had actually bothered explaining instead of what we got?

Also, any opinions on the Itoshi parents? We've only seen half their faces and nothing from them abt their kids's relationship. I mean, it kinda bothers me how we've seen the views of Isagi, Bachira, Chigiri, even Hiori's parents when he's not a main character, Yet we got no input from the Itoshis. Do they just not notice? Are they a bit neglectful esp since they let a 13 yr old Sae go to another country alone? Do they let their kids do whatever they want including fighting for a year? Who knows? I'll love to know your thoughts tho.

Again, thank you for the lovely metas which made me feel a little less alone in the fandom. Have a great day :)

Isagi stans, please rise up and help characterise him properly lmao

Stupid long response under the cut, as always.

Rant about my issues with the general fandom characterisation about Isagi. Sorry anon if this isn't what you wanted, I have a lot of Thoughts and Salt where Isagi is concerned, and I am Fandom Old who is growing incredibly sad with how divisive current fandom is over a whole host of things. Skip to Itoshi if you don't wanna read about Isagi + fandom musings. Skip to parents if you wanna read about my thoughts on the family dynamics.

Isagi is, for better or worse, the stock shonen MC. He's enough of a regular guy for the target readers, which are teenage boys, to identify with. As he's the MC, the story overall serves to validate and support him, so long as he fits the themes the author is working on, which for Blue Lock, is the concept of being the best at what you're doing, while also bringing out the best in others, and then working together successfully to achieve goals (i.e. the World Cup).

But, Kaneshiro-sensei's also a strategic writer. Isagi, because he's such a bland self-insert for the most part, combined with how he has a very weird form of Power of Heart, has wound up being an especially attractive character for those who like harem, or reverse-harem series. Which then, for better or worse, brings all the fujoshi fangirls around (the curse of so many attractive characters). But most especially the fujoshi fangirls who are a fan of all x MC ships. I am emphasizing all x MC here, because east Asian/gen Asian fandom, have grown incredibly restrictive and rigid about top x bottom dynamics, which is a whole host of other things and issues to talk about.

Look up any popular shonen jump title, you'll find that these shippers generally have the same tastes, and move around the same fandom circles. You'll usually find them shipping all x MC ships, from Izuku to Tanjirou to Yuuji to Naruto etc. Overall, how they characterise them never deviates all that much. It's the nice, 'innocent', naive, guy who is a bit of a pushover, and who has all the other hot characters wanting to get in their pants. That's where Isagi falls into as well, for these shippers. The more thorny and less 'nice guy' parts of his characterisation gets sanded down, though YMMV whether this is a skill issue by fandom or simply a cultural readership interpretation difference altogether.

On the Itoshi bros:

Yep, Rin has a lot of repression issues. I wouldn't go so far as to say that Rin has no idea at all about his issues (how else would he pick out Bachira's loneliness so quickly lol, also there's some hints from official guidebook), but he definitely lacks self-awareness. I also agree that he and Nagi seem to be on different areas at the spectrum of depression (Nagi being apathetic, Rin being hostile).

If there's anything to parallel Rin and Kunigami, I'd say that it's the 'loss of a dream' and 'loss of companions'. In the manga proper, Rin does seem happier before the fight with Sae, like how Kunigami looked happier pre-WC. However, the light novel shows that Rin was already repressing both himself and his style of football to imitate Sae long before then due to external pressures by his teammates and coach, and even more severely than Isagi, who also didn't have much of a relationship with his own teammates from Ichinan.

If Sae had tried to explain more than that one line about 'the world being vast', they wouldn't have such a strained relationship right now, honestly. While I don't think that Rin would have fully understood what Sae was trying to say because he lacked the experience and perspective, I do think he would have been more supportive, which would have been better overall, for the both of them. They were both idiots that night, lmao, though I do view Sae as having been punished by the narrative when he pushed his dream onto Rin.

About the Itoshi parents:

We know that Rin and Sae presumably used to share a room and a double bed as kids (albeit a fairly spacious one, from the looks of it), which makes me think that they're more likely to be middle class than upper class. Young Rin also accompanied Sae to his soccer practice games, rather than going off for other classes like say, art, which implies that his parents might not have been able to afford it. Sae also walked home with Rin, which further implies that they're parents are busy, though its more of a norm in JP. Possibly a double income household, to fund Sae, and later, Rin's coaching fees and time with the youth football squad. Also a household that seems to have no qualms about Sae, and later, Rin's rudeness and hostility, although they may tone it down around their parents. Sae must have picked his attitude up from somewhere.

I'm reluctant to call the Itoshi parents sending Sae to Madrid at 13 as intentionally neglectful, because there are cultural nuances there. I think the best parallel I can draw is parents from less-developed nations sending their children overseas from an early age to secure eventual permanent residency and establish a life in a more developed nation. Sometimes, home just isn’t good enough. And this is one of Blue Lock’s main story themes: that Japan’s football, as it is, isn’t good enough. They have neither the organizational structure, infrastructure, nor support to get the World Cup that Sae, Anri and possibly Ego, covets.

Sae's dream, and talent, is in football. He's been scouted by perhaps the most successful team in the Blue Lock world, with a world-class program for youths, and has been given the best chance possible, for any kid in his shoes, to fulfill his dream to be the best striker in the world. He's being sponsored, and he also left with a manager who would presumably, help take care of him whilst he was there. Sae isn't going there like say, Ashito from Aoi Ashi, who needed to go through a trial to even be considered for acceptance into the youth squad. He's going there as the equivalent of a golden scholarship student scouted for a potential future work placement, with the likely backing of the JFA.

What alternatives could his parents offer him if he stayed in Japan? His own speech to Sendou pre-blue lock vs U20 match encapsulates what could have been for him (Sendou is very much a foil to Sae, especially now that we know they're both redheads lmao). Being the best in Japan, a middle-of-the-road striker in the world, retiring with an average, albeit decent life. Sae's too egoistic, too talented, too greedy to be content with a life like that. I wouldn't be surprised if Sae had also begged his parents hard to let him go, since it's pretty much all he wanted as a kid.

That's without even taking into account the other problems his parents would face if they immigrated with Sae. How to take care of Rin and his education there, for starters. Rent and housing, finding jobs in Madrid where they likely can't speak the language, and face discrimination.

I think we don't get their parents faces because Rin and Sae's story, and their relationship with their parents, are simply emotionally distant. I don't think they have much parental control over Rin or Sae either.  Sae's been more or less looking after himself/being taken care of by Real Madrid + his manager in Spain since 13, and Rin has been strongly implied to be in much the same shoes since Sae left, to a lesser extent. I doubt they know the more minute details about Rin and Sae’s school life and team experience, both within and out of Japan. I even doubt that they know that Rin and Sae had a fight, honestly, though I can also see them being the kind of parents who will let their kids sort things out between themselves.

Overall: Itoshi parents takes care of them physically (buys them material things, makes sure they have a home to stay in, have a physical caretaker in their place), but emotionally? Rin and Sae seem to be pretty much left on their own. No wonder their relationship with each other broke down, and what little relationships they have with others seem like such a convoluted mess.

Thanks for sending the ask! I love hearing from people what they think about the latest chapters, characters, relationships etc. I hope you have a great day too!

[minteayoongimakesmewoozi]

this has been stuck in my head for a while now, so i present...

serpent tsuguko!ayame

- yeah, so iguro obanai and higuchi ayame as a hashira-tsuguko duo

- not off the bat though, cos obanai doesn't become hashira until a year after ayame starts training

- it's probably a ploy by oyakata-sama to get obanai to warm up to the other underlings. and also a way to get this tiny lil civilian girl to stop kicking his demon slayers into submission (giyuu refuses to take in the child and he's kind of at his wit's end)

- so yeah, obanai and ayame end up shoved together. or more like ayame is unceremoniously pulled up by her scruff and thrown at obanai

- as u can imagine, it doesn't go well the first few months. obanai is still Very Traumatised and ayame is a lil anger ball. he refuses to look at her, let alone teach her anything, so she spends a lot of time alone and in the forest. she does her best to refine the tracking skills she learned from her otouchan, but she also snatches a bokken and whacks it about sometimes

- it's about three months into their... arrangement that obanai finds ayame sitting on the engawa. it's the first time he sees her out and about in the daylight, but it's because of there's a black juvenile snake curled up next to her

obanai rushes forward, snatching her away from the snake. kaburamaru is mostly docile (with him), but thay isn't the case for most snakes.

"stupid girl," he hisses. "what are you doing?"

ayame keeps her eyes on the snake. "he was all alone."

most people are scared of snakes. women especially. but this is a girl, and she saw a juvenile snake all alone and brought it back with her.

he warms up to her. just a little bit.

enough to teach her his breathing style. she already has the serpent to match.

- ayame under obanai's tutelage is quieter, but with a tongue as sharp as any snake's fangs when she chooses to speak. it takes some time for the snake - she names him kuromaru - to warm up to her, so she's littered with bite marks. by the time she leaves for okutama after the first year of her apprenticeship has started, kuromaru has mostly stopped biting her.

- ayame calls obanai shihan! since he's the creator and only master of breath of serpent.

- when she leaves for final selection, obanai gifts her a blue and white striped scarf to match her haori. she offers him the faintest of smiles and a polite bow, and leaves with kuromaru curled in her yukata sleeve and the scarf firmly tied around her neck.

- obanai bought her a pair of socks like he did for mitsuri, but when ayame emerged in the standard uniform instead of one like mitsuri's, he heaves a silent sigh of relief and tosses the socks away.

- her nichirin sword is the same as obanai's! although the tsuba is a simpler version of his, with only one snake encircling the entire thing, the colour of her wavy edge is blue on one side and lavender on the other. she's only the second breath of serpent user, so they just shrug it off as a strange effect of being a breath of serpent user. it could be because she isn't bonded with kuromaru the same way obanai is bonded with kaburamaru.

(he's a little annoyed at the blue, bc it almost looks like tomioka and he knows the girl admires that stupid water hashira.)

- obanai and ayame aren't a very affectionate pair. he isn't as harsh with his words with her, that's true, but the most touch-based affection they've shared is when he pats her on the shoulder for a good job.

- ayame ends up both touch-starved and touch-averse as a consequence. u can imagine how well the first meeting with zenitsu went. (yeah, kuromaru bit zenitsu. he was sobbing about poison for a moment before ayame had to explain that firstly, snakes are venomous, and kuromaru isn't venomous. she still ends up nursing his wound and he asks her to marry him. he gets punched in the face for that. she panicked okay!)

- she doesn't know the full story of obanai's past. he tells her bits here and there, so she knows that onis did something terrible to him, and that his mostly-female family had treated him very unkindly. she leaves it at that; she doesn't have to know everything.

- u can imagine how pissed obanai was during the hashira trial though. he knows his tsuguko is loyal, and she's too kind

- they end up in a big argument while she's in rehabilitation. they don't shout, but kuromaru and kaburamaru were hissing at each other mutinously, and they never do that. ayame doesn't talk for days after that. she just pulls up her scarf to cover her mouth and fumes silently until the rest of the idiots squad eventually pulls her out of her funk

- fracture arc goes differently after mugen train. when tanjirou and ayame return from the rengoku estate, obanai pulls ayame away from tanjirou and orders her to stay away from all of them. he's going to focus on her training as a tsuguko, so she won't have time to fumble around missions with those lesser slayers. the logic is sound, but it also isn't made in a logical manner; she knows he's being driven by emotion.

but she can't ignore a direct order from her shihan, the same way she couldn't ignore a hashira's order when rengoku-san told her to stay back.

- (obanai heard that his fool of a tsuguko had somehow ended up on that mission. he rushes to the site of the crash - of rengoku's death - and pulls her into a hug for the first time. both ayame and kuromaru are so flabbergasted that they can't move.)

- ayame goes on missions with obanai. she's not quite happy, but she can't argue that all the extra training he's beating pushing onto her helps. she writes letters to tanjirou, zenitsu and inosuke and tells her shihan that it's from aoi and kanao. shirogane is the only crow that enters and leaves, so he doesn't know otherwise. kaburamaru knows, but he turns a blind eye to it. that's his only rebellion against his companion.

- rld starts something like this:

"you sure iguro will be okay with this?" uzui-sama asks doubtfully.

ayame blinks at him, scratching her snake on the head. she shrugs. "what shihan doesn't know won't hurt you."

"don't you mean won't hurt you?"

she smiles. "no."

- u can imagine how furious he was when he found out ayame went to yoshiwara with tengen and the rest of those bumbling fools she calls her friends. he reads tengen the riot act when he arrives in yoshiwara and carries ayame to the butterfly estate himself.

- he spends a month sitting by her bedside. in the dead of night, he'll pull out a book and read it to her until his voice goes hoarse. he even ignores zenitsu when he visits. (it burns him that he was too late, and that he had to rely on the kisatsutai's most idiotic band of slayers to save her.)

- ayame and mitsuri are really close! mitsuri is found in obanai's company, and so is ayame. they have a closer relationship in this au than in fits, because she doesn't feel like mitsuri's regard is unfounded.

- yeah so they have a lot of fun in swordsmith village. even during the battle, ayame has seen mitsuri spar a lot, so she can weave her attacks between them effortlessly. she's a breath of serpent user after all.

- ayame still learns breath of water, but it's a lot rougher than it fits. she mainly learned from watching tanjirou, not from formal teaching. it's similar enough to breath of serpent - it's a derivative of breath of water after all - so she gains a better mastery of her second breathing style.

- yes, it pisses obanai off, but it means his tsuguko doesn't die, so he'll allow it

- (damn you, tomioka)

- he also berates her for her poor choice in choosing tomioka as a crush. tomioka! of all people!

- speaking of the other hashiras, sanemi doesn't approve of ayame bc of akihiko, but obanai is less prickly after taking her in, so they're... cordial. barely. they glare at each other a lot behind obanai's back tho and kuromaru has "accidentally" bitten sanemi a few... dozen times.

- when ayame performs breath of serpent, what she conjures up is a black serpent instead of white. they both assume it's because kuromaru is, well, black, and it's reliant on the snake the user is bonded to

- all just speculation. they're still the only two breath of serpent users in existence.

yeah so that's all i can think of so far. i need to go sketch some ayame and kuromaru now cos they are SO CUTE.

[fallsekings]

A Meta About William's Fantasy world

It's been a while since I've talked about this guy, but I feel the need to do so because I had this huge disconnect with the direction that they were taking William in \W/estworld S3. I didn't understand it, what happened, why the huge change in character and his shift in personality towards the Hosts... etc. etc. But I am going to put my thoughts about that now, that I have had some distance, beneath a cut because this can potentially have a lot of triggering topics for some folks.

I would say that I am not going to go into a lot of depth about this but it might get pretty lengthy. I have a lot of thoughts about this now and some personal first hand experience that I've gone through recently, and something I am trying to work on... However, it's been a few years since I've watched \W/estworld at this point (shame on me), so I probably won't be pulling out many quotes, if any... but here we go.

So, as I've begun to examine my own life and what I am currently dealing with to fix my own mental health, is that I began to disappear into my own little fantasy world. This game is called State of Survival, it's a zombie mmo mobile game, where you join an alliance, make friends and fight other alliances. There are different ranks in each alliance, R1-R5. R5 being the leader. I'm an R4, so I'm basically an "official helper" of the alliance of about 100 people. What this means is that I am responsible in organizing events, helping with conflicts between alliances, being a mediator between players... and well you get the picture.

As I've said a few times before... I haven't had a good past couple of years and my coping mechanism has been this game. I disappeared into a different reality where I felt "more important", like I was capable of helping people, and it started feeling like State of Survival was a real world and like the problems in it were real, too, the makers of this game has made it that way on purpose, to get you addicted to it.

So what happens when you're depressed about the real world and you find a world more meaningful than the real world? You want to disappear into it. But that is unhealthy, because the fantasy world can start becoming better for you than the real world and why would you want to deal with your problems in the real world when you can sit it on the back burner and just disappear into a more idealized world?

I hope you all can see where I'm going with this? William was the same way from the moment he stepped foot into the park. He resisted it at first but the more he became immersed in the game... the more the real world seemed fake, because it was horrible. He was a book nerd (which he disappeared into those stories too), who got into fights, was probably bullied, his father was a drunk, who blamed him for all of his problems... and this was all before Incite came along and started deciding people's lives for them.

Here in the game William could become a more idealized version of himself. A version of himself that was confident, strong and someone who was not a doormat. He clung to this version of himself that he created because it was easier for him to accept this, what he perceived to be, stronger more confident version of himself that was capable of getting what he wanted... that he couldn't have before this new found confidence. His anger at how his life had turned out was freely released in the park... especially after Juliet died. It was a wakeup call for him that something was wrong but he didn't know exactly what... so he had to go searching for it... for some meaning behind everything...

In this sense, his life, as Emily had put it, he himself was a lie. Because he was good at pretending to be someone he wasn't. In multiple aspects of his life. He became fractured into multiple versions of himself (which we see in season 3), because he lived many lies. Some better and some worse than others. Young William was the best part of himself... but also a lie... and so that's why he sort of flipped out and killed all of the past versions of himself in that scene... I think we know which one I'm talking about.

But the problem with the park is there were no consequences for actions taken within the park. Which made this fantasy world fall flat for William. In real life, there's consequences for your actions... not so much in the park. Right? And so he spends all of this time in the park following the maze, the game, and getting lost in trying to find some deeper meaning.

And sometimes when you get so lost in a game, you forget that it's not the real world... and this leads to escapism, deepening depression, derealization, depersonalization, and just in general... you forget how to deal with real people.

For those who doesn't know what derealization and depersonalization is, because I didn't until yesterday, I'll post the definitions below:

Derealization is a mental state where you feel detached from your surroundings. People and objects around you may seem unreal. Even so, you're aware that this altered state isn't normal. More than half of all people may have this disconnection from reality once in their lifetime. Depersonalization-derealization disorder occurs when you always or often feel that you're seeing yourself from outside your body or you sense that things around you are not real — or both. Feelings of depersonalization and derealization can be very disturbing. You may feel like you're living in a dream.

And this began to happen to William. Everything was a part of a game, nothing was real, people were out to get him (which Ford knew about and played around with and messed with William even more). And this... is where what happens to Emily comes in.

William shot her because he thought she was part of the game. That she wasn't real. That she was a host. He lost sight of reality... and shooting her was like his wake up call... How could it not be?

You see my disconnect with William between S2 and how he changed in season 3... is that I didn't quite understand how he could go from seemingly wanting to help the Hosts and wanting to "set them free", to someone who hates Hosts and wants to destroy them all and wipe them off the planet. I had people telling me that it was a pretty big and understandable shock. He killed his daughter. And I get that...

But I didn't fundamentally understand that shift until recently. He was deep in the game and he didn't realize it. So deep he didn't even realize his real daughter was really standing right there in front of him. And so this shift in William comes from... William having this wakeup call that the park wasn't real. It was a game that Ford created and messed with him in. The game had caused his daughter to die. The Hosts were a part of this game. A game. Not real. And so his mentality had to shift to... what is real and what isn't? If he had killed a Host? So what? A Host could be brought back... but this was real life... reality wasn't so fixable. There was no bringing Emily back the way Hosts could be brought back... and there was a certain anger there... much like Hank from D:BH, when he lost his son on the operating table to an Android. Hank absolutely detested Androids... because when he lost his son... a human doctor might have lost sleep, cried a little, felt like a failure to save a child... an android didn't feel anything. They could die over and over again and be brought back. The android would lose no sleep over his son dying...

But getting off track a little here. William's wake up call meant that he had to put a hardline between himself and the game. The Hosts. Everything that he got wrapped up in that led up to the moment where he killed his daughter. That meant that William went from seeing Hosts as potential to be real, alive and free... to something that wasn't real and never could be.

And I know it seems weird to go from one extreme to another and that's where I got caught off guard with his character too... but William got a wakeup call from hell... and every bit of it was his responsibility. He was the one who got lost in the fantasy world when he was younger, that led to him buying the park, that led up to him getting so lost in his delusions that he became a fractured lie, he could no longer tell fiction from reality... and he woke up. As if he woke up from a dream. A really bad one... and he had to accept the reality outside of the park as being the only one that really existed after this wakeup call.

Anyways... in conclusion. My boy is a mess, but I think that I understand him a little better as I start to realize that State of Survival, like the park, is not the real world and I have been trying to sit the game down more often and deal with the real world more often. A fantasy world can warp your sense of reality and it's something we don't think about as we get to know the Hosts and their perspective of things. We even start feeling bad for them. I love the Hosts myself, don't get me wrong... but when you start seeing a game effecting your reality... It's a sign that something unhealthy is going on and you may need to back away from that for a bit.

[userjoel]

i had such a...warm? affirming?? interaction at my local bookstore today

i'd walked around, picked up the books i wanted to buy, brought it to the cashier, and he saw 'play it as it lays' on the top of my stack and asked if i picked it up from the front shelf. i told him yes cus it had been on my to-read list for months now!! and since it was the last one i felt like it was a sign to buy it and he says 'oh cool i put it out there this morning and i was hoping someone would grab it today!! i'm so glad u did'

then he saw james baldwin's 'another country' right under that and like picked it up and SHOOK it and he goes 'THIS IS MY FAVORITE. it's so so good it's a shame it isn't that well known cus it's not the first work people think of when they talk about him. i'm so excited for u to read this for the first time!!'

and i had 'the master and margarita' at the bottom and he says 'okay i haven't read this one but judging by your other two choices i think i'm definitely gonna have to check this one out next'

i was debating between driving to the nearest barnes&noble or the local mom-and-pop shop and it just made me glad i chose the latter :') all physical bookstores are important spaces but there's something about going to a smaller, more intimate store to support their business and to interact and build relationships that way!!

[wordsbymae]

(I will probably complete this later because I started to think of an answer but lost my mind)

I'll start by talking about bitter reader because I was already thinking about more things about her and you had exactly the same line of thought as mine regarding Alwyn

I also like the concept of persephone and hades and honestly it's one of my favorite promps mainly because I find it very realistic, I think a depressed reaction on the part of the reader is very logical and expected because she only married for money and even though Alwyn already has her loved it she didn't know him well.

The reader's breach of expectation is probably one of the main reasons for your reactions, remember when you mentioned that the reader imagined Alwyn as a blond and handsome guy like a charming prince, not talking about appearance but about personality I see what the reader wanted a charming prince (a gentleman) ++ the romance that accompanies the stories, much of her attitude comes from the sadness of having to see all the girls being courted and acclaimed while she is ""auctioned"," grabbed and thrown on top of a horse for a stranger.

But still the reader feels the need to at least make an effort to love Alwyn because it was """he""" (among many quotes because it could have been anyone) who saved her people from poverty and hence the lack of attitude against Alwyn.

I feel like I just rambled too much so a summary: reader is sad that she couldn't have a traditional romance, that she didn't go through this experience but still lives with Alwyn out of obligation

What else could have helped her sad attitude: her sisters who would probably condemn her for marrying a thug, watching her father fall apart, the fact that Alwyn is a no-nonsense person (I imagine she gets even sadder when Alwyn mentions any sexual relationships past and worse compare her with the prostitutes), and also the change of environment because even if there are other women in the gang most are probably made up of men who laugh whenever her new husband talks about her breasts

Communication between the two is extremely complicated as in this AU there was not all that conversation that led Alwyn to show a more sentimental side so he just took her to bed and took what he wanted and later on while Alwyn has a death grip around her reader and mutters nonsense reader can feel tears running down her cheeks.

Alwyn realizes something is wrong when the other day he asks reader what she would like to eat/do she mutters a "You choose I don't care"

He takes you around the place and introduces you to the members and the whole time you keep a polite smile and he realizes why when he saw these nobles at events they had the same kind of smile

And from there the flattery begins, the dresses, rings and necklaces never stop arriving and the reader is just suffocated

The reader's attempt to stop the flattery is to try to initiate more affection with Alwyn just leaning her head on his shoulder while you sit together hug his arm as you walk reader is just trying to live one of those novels she always read in the library books but this one dumb man thinks that everything is an initiative for sex and tries to have sex in totally random places and the reader gets uncomfortable which makes her start to look at him with disgust and try her best to not start some kind of contact which only makes the situation worse

There comes a point where the reader is just depressed around the corners and seems like she doesn't even listen anymore when alwyn asks which of the dresses you want him to steal for you and Alwyn is on the verge of insanity

I don't remember what I was going to say

I'm sorry if it's hard to understand or the punctuation/grammar is wrong because I use google translator and it doesn't always understand what I mean

Also I'm sorry if it's a bit ooc for Alwyn because I talked so much about the reader that I forgot to talk about Alwyn

*For anyone else reading, the following is all discussing an Alternative Universe where the reader is a lot more miserable marrying Alwyn and thus it does not affect my 'canon' unless explicitly said. I hope you guys still enjoy it! I love the thoughts anon^^^ has and how realistic, in-depth and multidimensional they are :D

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Anon you just get me. You understand everything going through my mind before I can even make sense of it all. To be honest, if I hadn't been in such a (needy/insecure) mood when I wrote the original fic (and I actually thought everything out rather than winging it as I wrote), I would have done something very similar. Cause it was a vent fic I did base the reader off of me in certain ways and I made it have a happy ending cause I wanted a 'resolution' as such that I could control. But if I was to be completely honest I love the idea of the reader being so depressed and sad at the prospect of her fairy tale romance being ripped from her.

I almost don't want to say this but hell why not, I can relate to it a lot in the sense that the reader has watched as her sisters have fallen in love and have gained true romance. Their husbands actually fell 'in love' with them (i did quotations cause they got married in like a week) and they got everything the reader has prayed for and she has just had to sit and watch it happening in front of her. I think I said something in the original fic where the reader's hope was shattered of ever finding love when some men took steps back when her name was called by her father. It was at that moment everything fell apart and she realised that she really might never fall in love. She was forced to finally face the prospect that she really was undesirable or unattractive to men (You do not need to be attractive to anyone to be deemed worthy of a happy life!!) In her eyes that last chance has passed, cause now her father is seeing it as a business transaction rather than ensuring his daughters' happiness. I mean think about it, if he really wanted to he could have married them all off to the highest bidder first thing, but he gave them a chance at love, and seeing that his youngest daughter failed to ensure a match changes his attitude towards her. He still loves her don't get me wrong but now he is forced to act like a Lord rather than a doting father. So yeah, the reader feels like she has lost her chance and will never get to fall in love or do all the romantic stuff that comes with it. Like shy hand-holding or secret notes or long walks in the gardens or outrunning their chaperones to sneak sweet kisses in dark corners. She'll never get that.

I think she still would have held out hope though (no matter how small) for her future husband to be (like you said) a charming prince, a person who would be romantic with her. But when she got told Alwyn was to be her husband that illusion shattered. All the stories of him were of a bloodthirsty, rough, vile man, so she really just was heartbroken at the thought of it all. To her there was to be no romance between them, instead of gentle touches, he would grab and grip and pull, instead of sweet words, he would shout vulgar and horrid things. And he didn't help himself at the wedding threatening the priest and saying he wanted to be balls deep in her by sundown, it really just reinforced her thoughts and feelings of him. In this verse I see her crying walking to the altar and her father getting quite mad with her. Telling her this is all her fault and that if she had just submitted to his wishes she would have married an old rich man who would have died within the year at best and at worst in 5. She doesn't stop crying and just stands there silent with tears slowly dripping down her cheeks. Alwyn was honestly expecting this reaction but he's got the rest of his life to make her love him so he doesn't really care (at this stage, he is impatient though and snaps in like 4 days).

And yeah Alwyn is not a romantic guy, he very bluntly stated that he was expecting sex at the end of all this in front of dozens and then slaps her arse as he has her thrown over his shoulder. To this reader it makes her feel like a very expensive prostitute, like you said she doesn't know he actually loves her (more like obsessed) so she views this whole thing like him just wanting to brag about fucking a Lady or having her around like an accessory or to be frank like prized livestock.

This was not the wedding she dreamed about at night. There was no sweet kiss or loving vows, there were no butterflies at the sight of him or an intense love between them. I don't know if you know the show Vikings but there is a scene where a princess is forced to marry a Viking and it is very much like that. I have linked it here so hopefully it works! The reader is coming to terms with the fact she will be bonded to this man for life and it terrifies her. And when there is no carriage?? And he begins to rip at her dress? when she is forced to 'pleasure' him while riding (Him making her grind against him doesn't really go anywhere, he was just teasing her, but to her, he might have well slapped her, it's humiliating).

And yes!!!!!!!!!!! it really could have been anyone!!!!!! It was just fate (and my writing) that had Alwyn being the first man to walk in to ask for her hand (he demanded it) and the reader would have been willing to try and be a doting and 'loving' wife to anyone who wanted her (its medieval times so feminism doesn't exist, my bad). She doesn't speak out of turn, she doesn't get mad when riding he says all those vulgar things about her, and she does what he says and submits to him. And Alwyn being an idiot sees this submission as almost an act of love (at least at first)

I LOVE THIS THOUGHT!!!!! In my verse, all of her sisters have left the castle except her eldest, but let's say they came for her wedding. I think those three would be so disgusted with her. Why did she have to have such high standards for men, why not marry some old man or whoever else father wanted you to marry. To them you dragged out your people's suffering, to them you were selfish and shallow, and now you have ruined your father. He will forever be known as the lord who married his daughter to a criminal. and let's not forget he fell to his knees in sorrow at the sight of you leaving him with Alwyn, to him you are ruined (not a nice thought but he is a medieval man so he really just sees you now as corrupted).

And I also really like the thought of him comparing her to past women (in a creative way, it would not be nice to the reader), she was obviously a virgin when they first were together and in this verse I see him getting frustrated with how unresponsive she is. She has been told by her sisters to just lay there and be quiet and to not fight him (they may be mean but her sisters still love her and they were worried he may hurt her) and to think of somewhere nice. But he is getting frustrated that she doesn't make a sound or won't touch him so he says something nasty about how he wished you at least faked it like a prostitute or showed excitement like all the other women he's taken to bed, don't you know how lucky you are? don't you know how many women wish to be in your position?

and yes! The casual mentioning of them having sex or him going into detail about how her body to his men makes her really uncomfortable. In canon, he stops telling his men all that when she is listening (he does it now behind her back) but that is because she had such a physical reaction to it, this reader is trying to be a good wife so she holds that all in which makes him think it's ok to talk about all that to his men when she is sitting right there.

Yes yes yes!!

" Communication between the two is extremely complicated as in this AU there was not all that conversation that led Alwyn to show a more sentimental side so he just took her to bed and took what he wanted and later on while Alwyn has a death grip around her reader and mutters nonsense reader can feel tears running down her cheeks."

exactly right!! He just takes what he wants and then holds her in a death grip afterwards maybe this is when he compares her to past women before going on to tell her what would happen if she tried to leave him.

"he’ll whisper to you in the middle of the night when he doesn’t think you’re awake that he doesn’t think he’s good enough for you, the bastard so of a lowly knight married to a lady. he talks of how he is terrified some lord is going to catch a glimpse of you and steal you away from him or worse you’ll freely go. he whispers how he will never ever let you go and if you try to leave he will butcher your father’s people before stringing your family along the castle walls, then he’ll find whoever you runaway with, watch as he disembowels them and then how he’ll fuck you next to their corpse. he says all this before kissing your head and going back to sleep."

(I didn't want to write it again so I just copied it from his alphabet and cut the bit where it says she loves him. )

But yeah after all that you just lay there crying.

Exactly right! when he figures something is wrong (wow what an emotionally intelligent person figuring out the wife he practically kidnapped might be having a hard time adjusting) he is going to try everything to get you to show affection.

"The whole time you keep a polite smile and he realizes why when he saw these nobles at events they had the same kind of smile"

I love that^^^^^^^ remember he is a master liar so he can see it from a mile away. he can tell you hate it here, that you almost hate him. But he thinks it's because you're a lady and you're not getting what you're used to. So yeah he'll steal all these expensive things and the reader is there drowning in gifts and jewels, while all she has ever wanted is gentle affection.

I love the idea of the reader trying to stop it, she's not silly she knows hes' trying to buy her love like he already bought her body. so she gives it to him in small doses, almost replicating the falling in love she's always wanted, shy hand holding and sweet notes left in his pockets about how she hopes he comes home safely (he's off burning a village down). and I ADORE the idea of the reader reading romance. as someone who only started reading romance start of this year but absolutely loves it, I love the idea of her trying to escape into romance books (giving him a small list of books she would like asking him to please get them for her, he's a dumb man so he doesn't realise what they are about but he sees it as a step in the right direction because he can prove he can provide for you and that you're starting to rely on him) and trying to replicate all that love into her life. Maybe with time, she would grow to love him.

and yes he would see everything as a yes to sex and the reader gets soooo uncomfortable and upset cause all she wanted was a nice picnic under a beautiful oak tree where they might finally get to know each other and now she is on her hands and knees while he ruts into her from behind, and her hand is smushing the cake she baked for him.

Oh yeah, she looks at him with disgust. she tried to fall in love with him but he makes it impossible, he is always calling her a heifer, always trying to have sex with her in the most uncomfortable of places, always discussing her body with anyone who would listen and he makes fun of her romance books when he finally figures out what they are.

I really like the idea of reader just falling apart mentally while he makes a list of all the colours and fabrics he thinks would look good on you and what dress styles he likes on you and which ones you like as he plans for a new heist while you just sit there, stewing in all this frustration and depression (not the mental illness just the extreme sadness) and he can see that and just snaps and like I mentioned in the last one he grabs whichever man he dislikes the most and forces you to tell him you love him while holding a knife to the poor man's throat. No matter how many times you say it he doesn't believe you.

Hope you liked it!!!!

Also no need to apologise!!! English is my native language and yet I still can't spell very well and kinda suck at grammar, so don't apologise for the mistakes google translator makes! Also if I put too much slang or abbreviations in please tell me and I can fix them up for you! And I love the thoughts you have for him! They are very much like the ones I have as well when I think of what could have happened if I made the canon a lot darker than what I have planned.

Thank you for your thoughts and all the best!!

Lots of love mae xx