#this fucking scene broke me emotionally in a good way btw

[spearheadrampancy]

oh my god i just realised tumblr has never seen noodle cooper from my redrawing of The Video Game Moment Ever

[woe pilot be upon ye]

[chryzure-archive]

14, 15, 16, and 17 for the additional AU asks >:3c (all for ChrysiJacks and/or ChrysiMordred… shippers choice ✨

14. One-off AU (I.e., an AU you thought about once or twice) 

Definitely my Hanahaki ChrysiJacks AU! It was a concept I was reminded of that made me think, “Oh, yeah, that would be really fun to think of with Chrysi and Jacks! Hmmmm, alright, I thought about it. I’m good now.”

But now that I mention it, it would be fun to draw at least! And Jacks experiencing that horror of realizing he genuinely loves Chrysi, and not only loves her, but it’s unrequited… yeah, that’s good stuff. 

15. An AU that lives in my head rent free 

My Blair Witch AU for ChrysiMordred! Specifically based on the video game, where Chrysi goes back to Salem to help find a missing kid because she feels solidarity for the kid! Mordred is her boyfriend that’s along for the ride—along with their dog, Pip! (Side note: Pip prefers Chrysi, even though Mordred is the one that can actually speak to her. Why does she prefer the owner that doesn’t speak her language <//3 He’s heartbroken.)

When they get into the woods, however, Mordred finds that he keeps losing Chrysi for longer and longer periods of time, even though they were side by side a moment ago. Pip sometimes disappears with Chrysi too. 

Chrysi gets freaked out by it and tries to stop this whole “disappearing/separating” business by holding hands with Mordred the entire time (which, btw, Mordred’s been like, “Listen, the cops are here and doing their work, there are other volunteers, we should go home—bc you’re also not doing super well emotionally, with all these reminders.” But Chrysi keeps refusing and pushing forward.) UNFORTUNATELY, that doesn’t help matters and Chrysi and Mordred get separated magically for a fun while. 

They communicate purely through their walkie-talkies. Pip is with Chrysi. There’s awesome horror in the way of Chrysi being silent over the radio, then Mordred hears crackling and her voice going, “The tree is breathing.” HUH????

Also the scene where Chrysi finds a dead body in a building, and while she’s reporting it to Mordred (who is worried sick), she looks out at the window, then urgently goes, “Who the fuck is petting our dog? Who the fuck is out there and petting our dog?” Then she cuts out and Mordred is about to start screaming. 

Later, Pip returns to Mordred’s… idk, dimension??? After the “let sleeping dogs die” scene. Mordred patches her up best he can (and SHE LIVES, BC I’M DOING THE HAPPY ENDING). Once she’s up and walking, her ears perk up and she frantically runs into the forest (even though she’s still injured!!! Mordred’s freaking out! That’s their little puppy, who is actually quite large!). 

When Pip finds Chrysi, Chrysi is bleeding out from a stab wound from… the future her? The past her from the wrong timeline? Just STABBED and in a weird horror kind of way. She faints from blood loss right as Mordred finds her and Pip. He carries her back to the hospital—and while he’s waiting for her to wake up, he finds out that the missing kid’s corpse was recovered. He thinks he’s going to be sick.

(Though I could do a “best ending” version where the kid is found alive, I just… want to lean more into horror. It ends well for the main characters, but everything they did was all for nothing. EXCEPT it wasn’t for nothing—Chrysi broke the cycle, and no other kids will be kidnapped. But she just wasn’t in time for this one. And it will kill her when she wakes up.)

16. An AU that has so little to do with canon that it’s essentially an original story with pre-made characters

L… literally my A-Team ChrysiJacks AU… I don’t even know how to begin explaining that. So, imagine the A-Team (2010) movie. Imagine now that Chrysi died during one of their missions. Imagine she came back to life, but she’s definitely slightly wrong now. Now imagine she was stuck in a mental institution because of all that. Things get… really weird. I don’t even know how to describe it. It’s just weird! Because now there’s magic and there’s curses and Chrysi and Jacks are definitely in love, but also she did try to kill him when they finally saw each other again after *gestures vaguely at the whole “died and came back to life incident”* all that. Jacks is still like “It’s okay, she still loves me <33 I know her.” “If I were a zombie, you would be the first one I’d turn.” “True love :)” 

Again. I just… you can guess, right? How can I explain that? I mean, like, how??? How.

Side note: I looked up the ratings for that movie and, boy, do people not like it. Well, I love it. It’s funny and I enjoyed it. 

17. A comfort AU 

I always like thinking of a Phantom of the Opera AU as a comfort AU, for every single one of my ships :) There’s something about the combination of childhood friends, separated, finding each other again AND being essentially the pet songbird of creepy sewer guy that I adore. 

But I like thinking of Jacks being the “childhood friend” that Chrysi actually detested as a kid, but now she’s like “… Huh! Okay, he’s cute now. I’ll give him that.” And then him protecting her in the graveyard?? Nearly being hanged for her???? HMMMMMM, TRUE LOVE… SECRET ENGAGEMENT AT THE MASQUERADE?????? YEAH. YEAH. YEAHHHHH. 

[amwritingmeta]

15x19: A First Ending

This was a good episode! Oh, I know, I know - we didn’t get Cas back. But oh, boy, that should mean that Misha shot for five of eight days for 15x20 and that makes me want to rub my hands together with the hope of what that might mean. All the good things!

Oh, don’t hang your hopes on mine btw. I had very high hopes that we’d get Cas back, or very strongly established as coming back (as per 13x04) with a final scene of him waking up in the Empty or something like it, and that didn’t happen, but omg I’m so glad they didn’t.

When Jack started praying and reaching out to Cas my heart almost stopped. 

If Dean doesn’t instigate Cas’ return, then oh it would take away too much!

But then Jack’s moment didn’t lead to anything, and now, the more I think about it, there more it feels like a plant. A reminder of how he prayed to Cas the last time, and woke him. We shall see, eh?

And then we got Dean telling Chuck to bring Cas back, which was a pivotal plant as well. I’d been worried if they hadn’t mentioned Cas more than once, with Dean telling Jack and Sam that Cas sacrificed himself to save him, yeah? 

If there had been no more Cas for the entire episode then, narratively speaking, I would have started wondering what role Cas might actually play in 15x20.

But Cas was mentioned more than once. We even got to hear his voice and have that fake return to stir our... I almost wrote loins, but that’s not appropriate so let’s change it to stir our... martinis. 

Ah yes. We could all use a drink, I’m sure.

The dog as well! Dean was so happy and he carried the dog and petted the dog and put it in Cas’ spot in the backseat and was all, yes, emotional substitute! And then... poof. Because it’s not going to be that easy to replace Cas. *fingers crossed*

Here’s mostly why I’m hopeful for something quite different as the actual finale of the show, the proper wrapping up of these character journeys:

This first ending is for those who have followed the show explicitly to watch these two brothers. (yes there’s a word for them but let’s not)

It ends exactly how these viewers -- and quite possibly the writers who wrote it -- always saw the show ending. It gives an emotionally satisfying wrapping up of all the thematic threads of the show and gives the brothers their hard-won freedom, and keeps the brothers riding in Baby, together, indefinitely. 

And these viewers and fans will always be able to stop watching the show there and keep that as their perfect ending.

Except it’s not the ending-ending. Is it?

This episode neatly and gorgeously wrapped up the Michael/Lucifer/Chuck storyline. It wiped the slate completely clean. Especially with Michael killing Lucifer and Chuck killing Michael. These characters just completely annihilating  each other because they’ve all served their purpose.

And Chuck being drained of his powers and ending up ignored, never to be worshipped again, or even remembered, is such a fitting ending for him! And with Dean refusing to kill him, leaving him to his fate, I’d call that Dean integrating his Shadow.

No more fearing it. It’s powerless. Thanks to Jack (Dean’s inner child) who now holds all the power in the universe.

I’d say Dean Winchester has reached a point of internal balance.

And for all of these good things: Chuck powerless, Jack the New God, surely helping to fix what Cas broke by restoring Heaven (I’m assuming Heaven will be repopulated or that God’s grace will level it out) and Jack stepping into shoes that Cas once tried to fill and failed to, to the detriment to so many of his kin, is simply stunning.

I cried, properly, at Jack’s speech. It was beautiful.

But for all these good things and wrappings up of stuff, didn’t the ending feel kind of superficial? Like stuff was missing in those final five minutes or so? Like... I don’t know... Sam mentioning Eileen maybe? Because surely she was brought back along with everyone else, and one episode ago he was losing his mind over the loss of her.

And they didn’t even mention Cas. Jack mentioned Castiel as a good influence, but Cas was just bunched in with “everyone we’ve lost along the way”.

Meh.

Hey, it’s fine if all you care about is Dean and Sam and you think that they’re at their happiest when they get to drive along a road in Baby, listening to tunes and play-fighting and reminiscing about all those people that have come and gone, while they know they’ll always remain the same.

I mean, if we hadn’t gotten that montage at the end of this episode (a fucking MONTAGE ppl) I would’ve started thinking that maybe Misha was coming back to shoot flashbacks for 15x20, as we got to see the brothers remembering Cas (like with Mary), taking a walk down memory lane and driving around to well-known locales for a final hurrah.

But we got that fucking montage, ppl.

Leaving me to feel that they probably won’t also spend forty minutes rememberembering those same people. You know?

Also, dull. And Dabb is anything but dull. And Dabb loves pulling on stuff he’s hinted at in the first ep of the season. 

And I remember reacting to Sam being the one to escort the kid and her mother into the, what was it? The high school, right? For safety.

While Dean and Cas had that tense exchange by Baby, where Dean couldn’t not ask if Cas was okay and Cas saying, hopefully, that he was, but Dean remaining stone faced and distant. “Awkward” is what Belphegor called it.

Oh. Please let there be awkwardness in 15x20. I beg on bent knees. Beg, I say!

Anyway.

What is 15x20 going to be about if it isn’t about finally answering the question of what will make the brothers happy?

A balanced universe, of course! But freedom without love... sounds kind of lonely to me. 

So, have they answered the question of What do I want? yet? Is this what they want for themselves? More of the same? This season has hinted that it isn’t. It’s hinted very strongly that it isn’t.

So, I’m holding my breath that Dean’s final confrontation is to do with happiness and daring to want it for himself. Daring to admit to wanting it for himself. Daring to go after it... 

Cas does not belong in the Empty.

And hope that it’s telling how Jack didn’t even think to get Cas out of there and bring him home. God got Lucifer out of the Empty so Jack definitely has the power. 

And Dean didn’t ask him to get Cas out of there, not because he doesn’t still want Cas out, but because it would ruin the first ending for the people who want Cas to stay dead. Yeah? 

It’s kind of beautifully done, to my mind, as a nod and a thank you to the people who have supported one reading of the show. It’ll be difficult for them to go apeshit when Dabb and the writers can simply tell them they don’t have to watch further than 15x19 and be content that they’ve got an ending that lets them cling to the brothers as the begin all, end all.

And yes, I remain believing we will get Dean and Cas together-together before the end of the show. I have no clue how much of a together-together we’ll get, but for the show not to give us a clear understanding of how Dean loves Cas back is unthinkable at this point, and will stay unthinkable until the show tells me otherwise, because nothing but those two together makes even a lick of sense to me.

Dean’s feelings were in the subtext this episode because that’s where they always have been and hopefully fingers crossed because this ending wasn’t for us, it was for other sides of fandom, giving them room for denial, if they simply don’t want to see that what Dean wants is Cas back.

Our ending isn’t happening until next week.

Dean: It’s a helluva time to bail. There’s a lot of people counting on you. People with questions—they’re gonna need answers. Jack: The answers will be in each of them. Maybe not today, but someday.

For me this may be setting up for 15x20.

Dean could be said to be accepting the reality of Cas being gone this episode. He starts off not telling the whole truth about what happened with Cas (of course), he’s drinking himself stupid, he tries to demand of Chuck to bring Cas back, he finds that emotional crutch in the doggo and he moves into acceptance because what else can he do?

Especially if he’s still reeling and is struggling with his fear of happiness, with not feeling deserving, with it being easier to simply let it all go.

But.

Letting go of the need is healthy, allowing it to make way for the real want that is about choosing Cas, not because he feels lost without him, but because Cas completes him...

That would be something. 

(oh shush let’s get with the romance) (Jerry always brings it)

The brothers love each other, but throughout this narrative there’s been hints that they both long for more. So much more. It would be so weird if it didn’t all wrap up with more being wanted and chosen and offered and had.

So if the answers are to be “in each of them -- someday”, then maybe Dean just needs to reach a moment where he’s ready to admit to himself that he can’t stand the fact that Cas died not knowing that Dean loves him back.

I wonder if Sam will push for this admittance... I’d like to witness that conversation, that’s for sure.

And Eileen. I hope she’s back sooner rather than later next episode!!

What’s next episode going to be about if it’s not about the breaking of old patterns to make way for new ones...? Are we going to follow the boys around as they do laundry and cook and make a few tentative plans for their unknown future? They won’t be hunting much in 15x20, at least if Dabb is anything to go by. I guess there might be something brief as a final The Boys With Their Weapons Doing Their Thing, but... it won’t be a case episode. And it would’ve been strange if it was, you know?

So then. Hope. One more week breathing eating sleeping on hopes and wishes and we shall simply have to wait and see what we get.

I have every faith it will blow us away, but I’m also sitting pretty. Reining in those horses lest they run away with me. And whatever comes our way, I’m so grateful for this show!

[whateverthedragonswant]

Holy crap this episode was funny as hell until it wasn't and then we were plunged right back into the intensity. But great episode!!! I don't lb so I don't get spoilers but man I had a lot of reactions as I watched. Ngl, a lot of cursing and caps ahead but damn was this such a good episode:

“One minute before the blackout” - now we’re to 1 minute from 1 week last week

“The place where this heart’s from, it was a tragedy. But once we land, it’s gonna turn into a miracle, right?” “Yeah, I like that” -- so once we land and settle after all of this craziness, a tragedy will turn into a miracle? I like that *looking at you Eddie*

EDDIE GET OUT OF THAT CHOPPER RN, DO NOT DO THIS TO ME AFTER SEASON 4, DO NOT!!!

Bobby going in to save the heart, hmm...

Oh, thank God - Eddie, Hen, and Bobby are all safe

Dr. Salazar - we need more of her. I love her so much.

4 Days later - hmm...

Wow, they’re really bringing Harry to the forefront here, this whole kidnapping thing is going to happen isn't it?

Harry charging neighbors and Michael and David in a sort of co-parent situation - first of all, Harry you are a GENIUS and love that Michael and David with Harry are being focused on in this episode, ahem, is there possibly a reason...?

Lou survived!!!! THANK GOD

Nearly 5 days Lou was in hospital

5 day head start for Hudson - is there something with 1, 3, 4 and now 5? I'm keeping track here, Tim

Buck is the power czar LOL - omg I love this man so much

Ravi!!! We need MORE Ravi!!! but where is Albert???

CHIMNEY!!!!! OMG I LOVE YOU - "Give me a charger or Uncle Buck will never see his niece again" - "Give him a charger" - "Well played" - "Let this be a lesson, never give that man a clipboard" - "Excuse me for being efficient" - "That’s one word for what you are" - okay #1 I will forever be in love with Chimney, probably one of my top favorite characters on this show & #2 LOVE this whole brothers interaction, Albert may not be there but Buck and Chim are still going with the whole older-brother-is-exasperated-with-the-younger-brother's-shit vibe

Oh God, here comes more cringe, yay... not so much

Eddie kisses Ana on the cheek AGAIN (Eddie, can you hear me? This is your subconscious speaking, when are you going to end this, my man?)

Ana says going to visit was Christopher’s idea since he missed Eddie and thought he was hungry - muy interesante

Buck rushing over to greet Christopher and hugging him tight is a moment I live for - outside of the whole Buck and Eddie story, I LOVE this relationship with all of my heart, I am so glad Christopher has Buck, he really is his second dad (with or without Eddie being involved)

Eddie not introducing Ana to Ravi (nor Buck saying hi) - Buck’s expression - “You must be Eddie’s wife” Christopher: “Not yet” I FUCKING LOVE THIS KID, OKAY!!!! Buck’s smile, he loves Christopher, too - love how Ana and Eddie don't say anything to dispel or clarify this

SAME FUCKING TRIGGER AND THIS TIME BUCK SEES IT!!!! OMG (Eddie, this is your subconscious again, you need to listen! The universe and I are trying to tell you something, please before any more shit hits the fan like me having to watch more uncomfortable interactions between you and your placeholder friend!)

Eddie sending Ana and Christopher on a tour with Ravi IN THE DARK at his work place so he can put SALADS AWAY

Buck’s expressions the entire time - Buck knows something's up

Ana’s expressions the entire time - she KNOWS

Thank God Bobby wasn’t around - hear me out, I have a reason for this that I am still working on in this long ass meta

Buck makes sure to not make eye contact with Ana (except quickly when Ravi is waiting to be introduced), even when Ana laughs at his “Constantly”

Eddie being a probie when Shannon came back in season 2 (and Eddie pulled her into the locker room to talk) & Ana being left to tour the station house with Ravi aka Probie - hello parallels & contrasts, my old friend

“I don’t want these things to wilt” - interesting choice of wording there, Eddie (newsflash, it's already wilting, Eddie)

I almost feel a little bad for Ana here because she did do something nice and she gets the brushoff and some discomfort/embarrassment in return (I mean the woman brought three salads in the middle of a blackout that she most likely made herself, come on - I'm sure some people think salads are easy to make but to those of us in the inexperienced/uninitiated cooks' club, it's not that simple)

Lila dead - hmm...are we surprised? (Hudson didn't give a fig about her and what's sad is Lou would have saved her)

“I think she was smitten like those other fools. I think she saw him being led away in cuffs and she intervened on his behalf” - interesting line there, Athena...

I need more scenes with Athena and Elaine - I know Elaine is the captain and Athena is on her own with no partner but I gotta say I am enjoying this

Athena! Why are you not warning the survivors!!! I mean I get it but still!!!

OMG “He takes Christopher all the time, he’s got the place memorized” - BUCK LISTENED TO EDDIE IN 3x03 - OMG!!!

Oh Buck my poor baby, he knows what they’re walking into - I LOVE Hen’s line of “Just smile, Buck” and then Eddie and Chim both smile wide at him - OMG I AM LIVING FOR THESE SCENES WITH THE 118

“Welcome to the Jungle” - nice touch 911

OMG Buck you are cracking me up - no animals are getting past him

1 hawk or eagle or raptor maybe? I’m not good with bird species okay!!!

3 emus again

1 bird I have no idea what kind (wondering if that’s what we saw the back of last episode near the emus)

Giraffe again

3 wolves

3 camels

Elephant

“The animal makes a move, control it” - YOU GOT THIS BUCK (yes we are finally getting that scene we saw filmed!!!)

Buck’s expression when the camel runs by is KILLING ME 'yeah, that's right Camel, back up, back up, you don't want any of this, yeah that's right'

Stuffed animals in the souvenir store, interesting

2 for $5 sign - even more interesting

1 alpaca

I guess I kind of wonder why Hen didn’t become a vet at one point in her life? Like I’m glad she’s a first responder and about to be a doctor but damn she knows so much about animals, she’s like the 118’s resident animal expert, that’s my girl

“We were gonna get one” - um...what? Hen...

“I wouldn’t” LOL oh Bobby you slay me

Is it just me or do we hear ET almost type music in the background as Hen lays chips down for the alpaca? Bobby mentioning the Reese’s Pieces, the flashlight shining on the Alpaca when it steps into view...are we getting an ET reference?

“It’s calling its friend!” *another Alpaca appears through coats “Clever girl” - a Jurassic Park reference - It’s a fucking Steven Spielberg reference, holy shit!!!!

Okay so that scene was Eddie looking over at Bobby, got it, near the fire trucks

Oh Buck I love you so much “So you ran from an Alpaca?” “Two Alpacas and no one was running” - both Buck’s and Eddie’s faces and then laughter are freaking hilarious

Chimney: “After careful consideration, I have decided not to endorse this park” - OMG I have not stopped laughing for like five minutes straight, can you imagine a Jurassic Park AU for this team? - shot of T-rex above Ripley’s Believe It Or Not (nice one, 911)

Weird looking bird that I've never seen before and 2 emus and 2 vulture, 1 hawk/raptor bird, 1 rhino

May is awesome!!! And so are those neighbors!!!!

Eddie in the tank top!!! Buck with a clipboard!!!

“Hey are you sleeping or just pretending?” Buck is taking no prisoners today

Buck is trying to make sure he’s not having any symptoms, omg, seriously how do you not love this guy???? Eddie you better make an honest man out of him soon, I'm not sure how much longer I can take this

“You don’t give up, do you?” Oh Eddie you did not just say that, to Buck of all people, come on man (hello season 3 Eddie, my old friend)

Get him, Buck! Get him!

“Since when do you panic?” “That’s what I said, I don’t panic” Buck once again out there proving that he knows Eddie better than anyone else

Oh wow!!! Eddie came right out and said it “If I’m being honest with myself I think it was Ana”

And there it is folks “She’s been a constant through all of this, staying with Christopher”

“Somehow we became a ready made family and I don’t know if I’m ready for that” - wow, this is an excellent scene, he’s totally letting that wall down to talk candidly with Buck, nice - and him being stripped down to a tank top for this scene just reiterates that fact, he's baring some things

“I think I’m gonna stick it out. Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon” - oh Eddie, you really need to shit or get off the pot my friend, this isn’t good for you, Christopher or Ana - how can you sentence all three of you to this? come on

“My kid loves her” but YOU DON'T - okay my heart is breaking, Eddie is making the same goddamn mistake all over again just like we predicted - Eddie please, what did Carla just say to you three episodes ago? Where the hell is Carla btw????

“Stick it out? That’s not the way you talk about someone you’re in love with” “That enough?” - thank you Buck, seriously THANK YOU

Okay my heart just broke again but for Buck this time “Eddie, I have been Ana” - aww =( I love my chaotic firefighter son with all of my heart

And of course Denial!Eddie aka repressed!Eddie are back, sigh - 5x03 has to be where it all comes to a head, it has to be, now even Buck is forcing him to face what he's trying so hard not to - word of advice Eddie, my repressed firefighter son, you can try to deny it mentally/emotionally all you want but it will come out one way or another, just like it's coming out in panic attack symptoms and anxiety - you have to end this, sweetie

And I think it’s very interesting that Eddie looks right at Buck during “If I’m being honest with myself” *looks away then right back at Buck* “I think it was Ana”, “staying with Christopher”, then right after “I don’t know if I’m ready for that”, “I think I’m gonna stick it out”, “Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon” “My kid loves her”

OMG Eddie’s expression when Buck says “I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who’s not all the way in and deep down you know it and it hurts. It hurts worse than the truth” — RYAN WHERE IS YOUR GODDAMN EMMY??? If anyone ever doubted that Eddie was in love with Buck, there’s the freaking proof written all over Eddie’s face at Buck’s line!!! It’s not something he thinks he can have and it hurts

Okay seriously, Eddie saying “Ana’s the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with Shannon” — VERY PURPOSEFUL MENTION OF A WOMAN HE’S WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH, EDDIE PLEASE, CAN YOU HEAR ME!!!!

Then they go right to Chim calling Maddie, uh huh, I see you 911

I really love Hen’s full support of Maddie btw & I love how Chim is able to talk to Hen about it all

Oh no!!! Maddie please don’t fall asleep!!!

Oh thank God!!!! It’s going to be okay, Maddie, you got her, it’s going to be okay - I seriously want to give my girl a hug and tell her it's going to be okay

Omg Jee-Yun is so cute!!!

Day 4 or day 5 hmmm - I'm still keeping track, Tim

“Why is it every time the world ends, it ends some more?” “It just keeps us on our toes” “More like knocks us on our asses” - Universe is that you?

Awww Bobby just called Athena “baby” <3 I'm not crying, you're crying

YES more Athena and Elaine

Lou is awake!!!!

Awww Lou =( I may or may not be ugly crying rn

I cannot tell you how relieved I am that Lou is alive

Oh God!!!! Athena get the cops there now!!!!

Yeah you should have let Harry charge them Michael lol, of course they were there to just use the generator power (though I love and appreciate the contrast they gave us in the neighbors who helped the boy with the ventilator so we know not all people take advantage)

OH NO GET AWAY FROM HARRY YOU BASTARD!!!!

On a side note, it’s nice to see more Michael and David but at what cost, Tim? Can we please get more of them and especially David in a more lighthearted episode for crying out loud? Is that too much to ask???

Go Bobby!!!!

Good for you, Athena!!!

Omg this is practically Athena’s nightmare come to life, shit

Omg Hudson unplugged the goddamn generator, THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

HARRY!!!!!!

I’M SORRY BUT ARE YOU TELLING ME THERE’S NO BOLO WITH A PICTURE ON THIS GUY?!!? - oh right, no power, but STILL

Okay that was super intense, I really hope Athena is the one to take Hudson down, just like Bobby said

I have a few more rewatches to do before breaking things down but damn, I think I need a drink after that one.

[alliterative-albatross]

So, I sent you (@disgruntledspacedad) a pretty long ask a while ago (back when you had anon on) and I'm decently sure Tumblr ate it (or maybe you ignored it, in which case, feel free to ignore this one as well). But then I saw one of those "writers appreciate feedback no matter how long" posts, so I'm back here. Here is my mediocre attempt to rewrite my original review of your work. Bear in mind that English is not my first language, so if at any point my phrasing sounds weird to you, you know why. Mandatory disclaimer/apology: this might get a little too long 😅

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

I remember being SO mad at myself for not finding this sooner. I binge read it one afternoon with no thoughts for any real life responsibilities I might have had (and no regrets). Javiears is one hell of an unconventional relationship in the beginning, and I really love what you did with them. The whole premise of your story is quite refreshing, and you somehow manage to convey the trust and mutual respect there two feel for one another without explicitly showing us the beginning of their "entanglement".

Also, fuck you for what you did to poor Emilio, that man was a saint and he deserved better! I honestly can't believe that I got so attached to a character that appeared so little in the story, but it happened, and his death kind of broke my heart.

But the Javiears reunion + mild confession was lovely, and felt completely deserved. And of course the sex scene. I won't lie, I expected a bit better from Javi there, but I did like how utterly /human/ it was. Capturing that humanity, the imperfections in each character is something you're really good at (more on that later).

AFTERSHOCKS

Ah, my emotionally constipated babies who really need to work out their communication issues. I do love them, though. And this short series did a really good job of delving a bit deeper into Ears's and Javi's psyche. Kudos to you for dealing with the medical "aftershocks" of living through an explosion AND using that experience to move your emotional plot forward. These two need to grow a lot before they can get to a stable point in their relationship, and you really manage to convey their insecurity and fear of commitment/intimacy while making it clear that they're in it for the long run and that theirs is a relationship that WILL work out so help them God.

IF I FALL

Ouch. Punch me in the gut while you're at it, why don't you?

But seriously, "If I Fall" is SO FUCKING GOOD. Don't get me wrong, it's angstier than an image of Jesus on the cross (don't judge me, it's Holy Week and I just got home from accompanying my grandma to church), but it somehow works beautifully. You, my dear, play heartstrings like they're a fucking guitar and I AM HERE FOR IT.

You're doing an amazing job at making me feel everything these characters are feeling, which is both awful (bc pain) and impressive.

Also, if anything happens to Ana I will cry, because she is adorable and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also, if anything happens to Ears I will cry, because she is badass and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Also also also, if anything happens to Javi I will cry, because he is loving and wonderful and has suffered way too much already and really deserves a break and some cookies.

Basically, I am really invested in the well-being of these characters and can't wait until they're happy and safe again (please tell me they will be, my heart can't handle much more pain).

A quick note on the angst complaints: yes, this story is way angstier than most other fics out there and it can be a bit too much at times, especially considering how many chapters of pain it's been. BUT it's obvious that "If I Fall" NEEDS this amount of angst to get where it's going, to send the message it wants to and to properly develop its characters. The pain is as important to this story as flour is to bread. You may not like eating flour on its own (I don't think anyone does), but you love bread (because bread is amazing) and you must recognize that bread NEEDS flour to work. It wouldn't be bread otherwise. And eating the flour as part of the bread even makes you like the flour because the bread is just DELICIOUS.

I fully understand and sympathize with the people who have elected to table "If I Fall" until it's completed so they can binge read it knowing there's a happy ending in sight, but in case you're feeling a bit self conscious about all the angst, please know that your story is beautiful not in spite of the pain, but rather /because of it/.

PS: No, I'm not high/drunk, I just really like bread

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Silly thing to comment on, I know, but I do feel like it's important that you know how useful your ANs have been. There are many details in the story that I simply wouldn't fully get without reading your comments at the end of each chapter, and I appreciate your writing a hell of a lot more knowing how deeply you understand and care for each one of your characters. Plus, it is obvious how much work you've put into researching a country and a time period that are (from what I gather) unfamiliar to you, and I really do believe you've done an amazing job of it.

JAVIER PEÑA

My boy. I love your characterization of this complicated character, and I have eagerly read each and every one of your headcanons about him. I can't really say if your version is fully faithful to the source material because it's been a while since I saw Narcos, but your Javi most definitely reads like a real person. He's fairly consistent as a character, and I feel like everything he does is perfectly natural for him to do as a character. He makes for an unconventional yet deeply interesting romantic lead, and so far I have thoroughly enjoyed all his POV chapters/scenes.

OCs

I know you've gotten some flack for making her into an OC halfway into the story, and while I get why the sudden change may have felt like a disappointment for some, I don't share that sentiment. I firmly believe that this fandom is unfairly harsh towards Original Characters and their creators, and I don't really understand why. Listen, I love Reader fics, and consume many Reader fics. I have read dozens, maybe even hundreds, and I can safely say that I've only ever "inserted" myself in approximately 10% of those stories. Reader characters are not as blank as their writers may want them to be. They can't be. They're characters, and character have personalities and moral values and senses of humor and a bunch of other things. Reader characters may not have a backstory or a physical description attached (and even that's not guaranteed), but they're still characters.

And on a more personal note, pretending they're actual blank slates is naive at best and insensitive at worst. Reader characters are American coded 99% of the time, and white coded 95% of the time. Not every readers is white nor American, even if that's the predominant demographic on Tumblr. When I read a JavixReader fic about a woman who speaks exactly zero Spanish, I know she's not me. The story may be beautifully written and have an amazing plot and character development, but the Reader *isn't me*. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and some of my favorite xReader stories feature a "reader" who couldn't be more different from me, but it's something that enemies of OC fics should take into account. Particularly if they are white and/or American. But I digress.

HANNAH AARONS

Your character is amazing. She's strong, smart, confident, independent and an all-around badass. She gets kidnapped while pregnant and still focuses on problem solving and survival. But she's also overly guarded and mistrustful, and really needs to work on her communication skills. There are times when I absolutely love her and even admire her, and other times when I want to whack her with a slipper. She's no Mary Sue, but remains interesting and likeable throughout the story. She feels wholly human and real, and that's no easy task. I like her, I am invested in her, and I can't wait to see what's next for her. She's a compelling and three dimensional protagonist in a complex story who never fails to draw me in. I love her. She's your baby, and you should be proud of her.

Also, quick question about personality types: I know you've typed Javi as ESFP and Ears as ENTP (100% agree on both, btw), but have you given any thought to their enneagram types? I personally have always seen Ears as being somewhere on the thinking triad, maybe a 7 or even a 6w7, but I'm not too sure about Javi. 9w8 maybe? He could also be a 6w5 🤔

PARTING THOUGHTS

Basically, I love your story, your characters and your writing in general. You are a fantastic storyteller and wordsmith. You get into the heads of incredibly different characters personality-wise (Ears, Javi, Berna...) and manage to capture all of their complexities and quirks every single time. And it doesn't feel like it's something innate for you either. To me, it seems that you have put a lot of work and effort into understanding each and every one of your characters, who they are, why they do what they do and what they want. And let me tell you, all that effort has been more than worth it. "Better Love" is a fanfic, but it wouldn't be out of place in a regular bookstore, if I'm honest. I don't know what you do for a living or if you've ever considered writing professionally, but you clearly have the skills and the drive to create some masterpieces.

You are amazing and your writing is a gift. Thank you for sharing it with us, and have a nice day! ~ 🍪

~

My friend, I apologize for hoarding your first ask. I’ve been sitting on it because I’m not gonna lie, I enjoy going back and rereading it. It gave me a lot of comfort when I was in a pretty dark place, both personally and in regards to my writing, and I was reluctant to send it out into the the abyss of Tumblr where I might never see it again. 

That’s not fair, though. You put just as much effort into sending me that review as I put into my writing, and I apologize for never responding to you.

Okay, anyway, so twice now, you’ve made me cry. In a good way, I promise! 

I absolutely love your bread/flour metaphor. It made perfect sense. I want the emotional release of Javi and Hannah’s reunion to be earned, and in order to do that, the angst has to come first (there are also a few plot “ingredients” that have yet to make their appearances). Thank you very much for understanding that, and for voicing it so eloquently.

I appreciate your comments on my research and characterization. You’re correct that I’ve put a lot of time and effort into crafting a universe. In a lot of ways, I’m doing my best to stay true to the source material (regarding culture and timelines in particular), and in others, I’m branching into my own territory. 

On that note, I’ve never once regretted fully embracing Hannah Aarons’ identity as an OC. She’s stayed consistent in my mind from the beginning, and it was a relief to finally share my vision of her with the audience. And for the record, I totally agree with you regarding “reader” characters. Every reader insert echoes the perspective of their author, no matter how vague the physical description. I can only imagine how grating that must be from the perspective of a non-white, non-american reader. Thank you so much for sharing your insight! I will certainly keep it in mind the next time I write a “reader insert” fic.

Okay, enneagrams! I am much less familiar with enneagram than I am MBTI, but I agree 110% that Javi is a 9 with a strong 8 wing. I waffled back and forth on Ears a little, but eventually landed on 8w7 for her. It came down to the eight’s deepest fear, which is being controlled. That’s Ears all over, and the fact that she and Javi share that eight willfulness means that they might butt heads a little, which also seems very appropriate for them. Big thanks to @remusstark for her insight into the eight frame of mind - our conversations helped solidify my decision on this. :)

Anyway, I’m just rambling now. The big take-away point that I want you to get is that I am so, so grateful to you, both for your insightful feedback and your dedication in making sure that I actually saw it. You are an absolute gem and a deep thinker, Cookie-Anon, and if you ever feel like sliding into my DM’s, I’d welcome the opportunity to get to know you better.

Mad love and soft hugs, 

~ Jay

[clumsyclifford]

Hello again again bella! I do hope this is ok. I've just come from reading ch4 and wheeeeeeewooooop I come baring praises. Debated doing this on anon but nah this is better so you know your readers. Anywayz. I love love love love love LOVED it. I loved the banter between rian and alex. That seemed so natural like I was watching a ctl clip which btw I miss ctl. Jack being emotionally intelligent and mature let me praise you on this. Thank you for not writing him as a dunce. Boy has layers -though some think he doesn't and write him awfully unbalanced. - and I love reading it in your story. The patience jack is showing alex broke my heart. I want alex to remember him and their relationship and everything like I feel jacks pain and thats another testament to your writing skills. They FELL asleep on each other homie please this almost made me burst into tears. Seems like his brain is like poking through and reshuffling so that light can come back on and this is gonna end me. Lastly the end ok you ended on a alex laughing moment and I did love that even though half way through I was like "Bella I am mad at you" but then that was almost like a bandaid at the end. The part you said 5 is spicy when I tell you I am ready I AM READY for it. All in all banging job. As always you hit the mark.

HELLO vani sorry i didnt answer this right away but i was like how do i respond without spoiling the fic for everyone but like i wasnt ignoring you i PROMISE im dhgsdgldfkj okay well so im gonna reply under a cut so it's easier to scroll past this but also i think maybe tag this with "#yssdf spoilers" so like...........if you dont want the fic spoiled for you then blacklist that tag!! this is my solution to this. ANYWAY

firstly i appreciate you not being on anon very sweet thank you very much i DO like to know who's reading it it's nice :) YEAH RILEX RIGHTS!!!! their relationship is so sweet i also miss ctl so fucking much bro EVERY day dflkgdfgjlsj i am right there with you

omg of course he's a real guy and he really does have layers truly nothing grinds my gears like when people write a character as a caricature or as two-dimensional like PEOPLE ARE MULTIFACETED COME ONNN

i KNOW i dont even like..........cut the fucking cameras. am i right. like. BOYS. i like that you phrased it as "reshuffling" that's such an interesting way of looking at it. and YES!!! sometimes the end of a scene is an unremarkable moment. because that's just life.

i feel like you being mad at me means i did a good job so THANK you :) and yeah 5 is gonna be good but now also i feel like ive talked it up a lot so maybe not too good hdsflgksjd maybe i should just let you all experience it and shut up about it lmaooo so anyway thank you <3 i am so happy you liked it <3

[hedgefairy]

Well hello there. While I'm waiting for that breeches video I've been talking about to finally upload, here's

Bridgerton, Episode 4

Phew, half time!

If you've missed the other ones, the tag is Bridgerbore, btw.

Okay, so we start of with Dukey who's going home-ish because drama and heartbreak in the last episode. Stop pretending, nobody takes your pouting seriously! We all know it's twu wuv!

Erm. So, I know, I'm white and this is a delicate matter, but I gotta say I'm not super happy about the whole POC-justifying explanation here. I'd much rather have no explanation at all, it worked perfectly well in Merlin, and this is just as much historically inspired fantasy just with less magic, which I'm honestly quite upset about. I'd be far more okayer with the costumes and overall ugh-ness if there was magic.

But honestly, I'm not a fan of shoehorning that explanation in (it doesn't seem to come up in the books, either, where everyone is basically a baguette in terms of whiteness). The fact that the implications aren't discussed any further makes it even worse. We're talking about the British empire here, and while POC are apparently part of the society (but with more pressure, which... no, this is not how nobility works) the wealth and luxury of this age still stems from the exploitation of POC everywhere else. How isn't there a revolution going on? How is this not talked about? From all I see, Bridgerton is a fluffy, pastel, nice alternate version of the 1800s, and I don't get why anyone would put politics in there instead of just doing what TV tropes refers to as "colourblind casting" and be done with it. Either you do the alternate history thing thoroughly, or you just cast people for being pretty (and maybe good actors) instead of the idea the audience might have about a character's skin colour and have weird costumes and just roll with it.

Also the Queen's marriage seems to suck. I would have liked a deeper, more heartbreaking connection between George III and her, especially because I saw how my Grandmother suffered when she gradually lost my Grandfather to dementia, and it would have been a scene where we could see Charlotte as a person rather than a weird plot device in tafetta and bling, but no, she just seems as annoyed and bored and snappish as ever.

This is getting far too serious. Where's the snark?

We get some Tchaikovsky in the background, which is weird, tbh. Yes, I'm perfectly fine with them covering Top 40s hits and using waltzes from the 1950s, but I draw the line at something from the second half of the 19th century! It's not right! It screams its time of origin all over the place, and even worse, most of the characters would probably actually get to hear it later in their lives, it's not a decent anachronism, it just feels like bad research! This is serious business!

No really, where's the snark?

Oooh, I get it now. That was when I was really, really done with bingeing this show. Yes, I tried to get through as much of it as possible in one sitting. The notes read, in very shaky handwriting

I cannot possibly take more than that

in one day

, so let's continue a few days later when I felt like I could muster the courage to face it again.

So yes, I'm pretty sure this waltz is to young for this show.

Aww, look at that, flirting over cheese! I also like that one of the Featherington girls (I can't really tell the non-Pennys apart) has a suitor, they deserve nice things, too.

The musicians are a mood.

WTF with the hair and the strass. We don't like the strass. Make it go away.

I love Prince Freddy. The poor boy. It's doomed from the start!

Ah, Dukey (also at the ball, even though he was whining about things earlier) gets a heartbeat in the background, because twu wuv.

Middle Bridgerbro goes and meets with the Bohéme. I want more of that! That's finally interesting! That's my people! There's a cool bohemian lady with a pretty dress! People look interesting! Aaaah!

There's a random 18th century burlesque singer at this Regency ball, we need to talk about this. Oooh, it's Opera Girl! Cue Lord B turning into even more of an idiot while Ma Bridgerton tries to hook him up otherwise.

Of course Philippa (that's one of the Featherington Girls) can't possibly have anything nice. Thanks, Dad. You don't get to marry someone you like, that's the people across the street's thing! (by which I of course mean the Bridgertons, just in case anyone forgot the location layout here.)

Eloise is being weird to the housekeeper.

"Are you not supposed to be the smart one", the housekeeper retorts and I'm feeling it, followed by a "WTH, hero" about how servants are too busy to be Gossip Girl, you privileged prat. I think I actually snorted.

Penny gossips with Ducktail Colin, but he's more interested in Cousin, whose dress looks like it was made from the cheap curtains my ex best friend had in his first semester at uni, and God, I hate Daphne's kerchief.

Poor Prince Freddie is trying to propose to Protagonis Girl but of course there's Dukey in the background so she simply must run outside as dramatically as possible where he can find her as she equally dramatically rips the necklace Freddie gave her from her milky white throat. P&P-ish banter ensues. Yawn.

Dukey: * broods *

Daphne: * dramatically exits *

Dukey: * romantically follows her*, and oooh, snogging ensues, oooooh, instant second base, but Bridgerbro the Eldest (known also as Lord B) intervenes.

Lord B: "Marry her!"

Dukey: "I can't!"

Lord B: "Bitch!"

Dukey: "I can't!"

Lord B: "I want satisfaction!"

Me: "Don't we all"

Daphne: "You'd rather die than marry me?!"

(the fuck with her hair)

Middle Bridgerbro is still at the Bohéme-party, and still draws (naked people!). Gay vibes ensue, it's cute. This is Netflix after all, and it took four episodes to get some LGBTQ+ representation!

The Featherington's housekeeper looks a lot like O'Brien from Downton.

Cousin tells Penny about what a cutie Ducktail Colin is, also Penny's "night gown" is really cute (it's not a night gown. She's still wearing stays. It's also the only thing in the whole series that fits her well so far). Penny is super upset but gets interrupted by a hyperfocused Eloise. They fight, and Penny goes on about being mature and not being a "pretty Bridgerton", and that Eloise wouldn't understand. I get her, though, and really, having a perfect family and a "bad" family is such lazy writing.

Somber blah blah between Lord B and Daphne happens and Middle Bridgerbro gets dragged into it. He's informed that his life is pretty much over either way (either way being Lord B dying or being exiled for killing Dukey in the scheduled duel) because his oder bro basically just wants out of his duties. Sucks to be him.

Boxing Bro has to host a frustrated, possibly blueballed Dukey and offers himself up as a second for the duel.

Lord B goes and pleads with Opera Girl to get back with him (doooooon't) because of his little duelling plot and of course intercourse ensues. Girl, where's your self-respect?

Lord F comes into his dark study (we haven't seen much of him yet overall, he probably was too busy gambling) and hark, there's Lady F like the mafia boss I feel she should be, wo berates him about said gambling and that they're broke and how much he sucks. He starts crying, thumbs up for male vulnerability!, but it's kinda played for laughs via her awkward patting of him. Because of course (and I bet the late Daddy Bridgerton would never have lost his composure like that, but he didn't gamble, either, and these are the Featheringtons)

Lord B leaves Opera Girl for THE DUEL (I feel like this almost deserves a ™ by now).

We get gallopping horses! The drama! The panache! Daphne asks Ducktail Colin where it's going down because she wants to stop them, insert pandering feminist ranting about her choosing her own life but I don't really feel it and I wonde where her bangs go when she sleeps because her hair looks so different all of a sudden.

Lord B makes Middle Bridgerbro promise to care for Opera Girl in case he dies.

More gallopping horses! Daphne and her billowing cloak are pretty epic, to be honest, and there's Ducktail Colin on her heels. It's basically a family outing now!

Ugh, I like the seconds in this duel so much more. They should just off and go for a pint or something and leave Lord B and Dukey to their misery.

Duelling protocol ensues. Ten steps, blah blah, nice camera work, though.

Daphne full on rides into her brother's bullet, but she's fine (it would have been so dramatic, can you imagine? It would have been interesting!).

Oh no, they were seen (by her romantic rival, back when they had the dramatic make-outery in the park at the ball after the botched proposal. Sorry, Cressida is such a much better name than Daaaaphneeee. I have a RPG character called Cressida, I might be biased.), she's ruined if they don't marry!. and so she is basically emotionally blackmailing him into marrying her. But he can "never give [her] children!", and goes on how she deserves a household full of love like her family home because the Bridgertons are such a perfect family. God, they all annoy me so much.

Daphne ends the duel by saying that the Duke and her are to be married, with a pained facial expression, no less. I think I just wanna throw a pie in her face or something.

And that concludes Episode 4. That was a long one! Only four more to go! So this is

To be Continued!

Thank you for making it this far with me!

[hyena-frog]

One of the most amazing scenes in Dark Age was when Darrow talked to Atalantia - he was broken emotionally after seeing his beloved wife and Sovereign trampled by the mob, but he never gave in, he still called out that devious bitch (btw, Darrow swears a lot in DA, that's how much shit escalated). It was glorious and heart-breaking at the same time. Darrow can compertimentalize his emotional baggage extremely well, but 😭😭😭 What are some Darrow DA acenes you loved?

That chapter was so hard to read. 😭 That chapter, and up until the moment when Virginia’s supplies finally arrived, was Darrow’s lowest emotional point in the whole book. (I nearly cried at the end of the chapter when he lay down to stare at the ceiling, clutching Pax’s key.) But Darrow kept it together, even while Atalantia gloated. I was fascinated that Atalantia complimented him (even though she was being totally gross about it), and said: “No betraying inflections. No microexpressions of grief. Simply obduracy, despite the dread clawing at the back of your eyes—a doomed army, a lost child, a dead wife... That is a Peerless Scarred...” (Page 283) Society Golds can call Darrow the “Slave King” and other derogatory things all they like, but even their dictator can acknowledge this lowly Red has a steel spine.

I like to think Darrow’s call outs both before and after Atalantia broke the news of what happened in the Senate got under her skin too. First he tells her she was Magnus’ least beloved daughter for her debauchery, then that she is afraid of Darrow and his army and of “becoming Pyrrhus.” I can’t help but notice the next time we see her private quarters, the meditation chamber has become austere and empty, almost like she took some of those words to heart and changed her frivolous decorations to something more in keeping with an Iron Gold. But that’s just me.

Compartmentalizing emotions is something Darrow does well, maybe too well, to the point even Sevro can get fed up with it (but that’s mostly on Sevro). But that trait is exactly what kept Darrow’s army afloat on Mercury. Even with his heart broken, he didn’t compulsively decide to give in to Atalantia’s demands nor did he decide to attack her in some suicide charge. He was able to think clearly enough to admit he can’t make an unbiased decision and left it up to his high command. It was both a sign of respect for his army and clear proof that he truly doesn’t believe in his own myth. He’s just a man. I think this is ultimately what pivots Harnassus to being 100% behind Darrow as leader. And what snaps Calloway out of his stupor after Orion’s death.

(Everyone swore a lot in DA. Shit escalated at an exponential rate. Darrow, Daxo, Core Golds like Cicero and Atlas. I’ve never seen so many “fucks” in this series. And little Electra got in a “cunt” or too. Whoever says Pax and Electra don’t act their age have obviously never met the same kids I have. 😂)

The simplest answer to your question about which Darrow scenes I loved, is all of them. I loved everything Darrow did in this book even though his story line was the heaviest overall. But I thought long and hard and came up with 5 scenes I enjoyed the most (presented chronologically, not ranked):

1) “We brush away light resistance at the downed Storm God.” (Page 134) I get such a thrill every time I read that line. It’s so funny (and satisfying) to read Darrow’s nonchalance after Lysander’s attempted stand against Darrow just a page before. Boy got his ass thoroughly thrashed. Meanwhile Darrow didn’t even know he was there. He had bigger fish to fry.

That said, this first point actually goes to the entirety of Darrow’s last chapter in Part I. Him running back and forth all over Heliopolis to help his army, to the point Harnassus thought the men must have taken hallucinogenics, because there is no way all of them saw Darrow during the battle, right? And Darrow having a heart attack from over-stimming and general exhaustion, but still wanting to fight. 😭 He’s so good. When Harnassus reached up to cup Darrow’s face, told him to rest, and that they will carry the rest, it was the first time I thought there was more to the man, which I’m glad paid off at the end.

And of course, Screwface’s legendary “Hic est Lupus, motherfucker.”

2) “Sevro’s Palace” — It was Darrow’s only moment of comedy in the whole book (aside from occasionally teasing Rhonna about Alex) and I cherish it. From Glirastes’ dramatics, to Rhonna refusing to go into Sevro’s room for the sardine side quest, to Darrow getting an ass full of needles because he didn’t think Sevro booby trapped his room (of course he did, boyo), to this part:

(Page 494) -chef’s kiss- It’s so good.

But then the comedy quickly turns heart-wrenching as Darrow is forced to truly reflect on Sevro’s absence for the first time since the end of Iron Gold. We learn a lot about Sevro through Darrow’s eyes, like Sevro’s soul being his armory, that is, his family. How Sevro being raised by an absent warlord affected him and informed his decision to leave for Luna. How Darrow understands the decision even if he doesn’t agree with it.

What ultimately gut-punched me good was how seeing Sevro’s soul laid bare like that made Darrow resolve to ask for his forgiveness, and to be a better husband and father.

3) “Meat Straw” — The infamous “twitching meat carpet” line is disgusting yet everyone remembers it. Just like Darrow’s violence throughout the finale. Horrific but beautiful in a way. But I like the very end of the chapter the best:

(Page 691) Why? Reaper laughing like that was hot. I don’t have a deep reason for everything. 😂

4) This one is technically cheating because it’s multiple scenes but, I liked each time Lysander acknowledged how cool or frightening or cunning Darrow was. Here are a couple specific examples from the final battle:

(Page 693) Really cool imagery comparing Darrow to a tiger.

(Page 695) “Red acrobatics” 👀👀👀

5) The final showdown between Darrow and Lysander. What I like to call the razor jousting scene. The two of them on giant sunblood horses, charging each other down a dark street, is just the coolest mental image this book gave me. Even though Lysander cheated with that extra razor, and it resulted in one of the most tragic casualties of the book (Darrow’s razor). I’m glad Lysander got a shattered arm out of it. Plus, Darrow remained seated despite his own shattered arm and a razor in his lung, while Lysander went flying, the Pixie.

Thank you for the ask!

[amandabe11man]

a VERY LONG post about Hell on Wheels

YEAH i forgot about this post in my drafts... it’s been like a year since i finished the show now and i feel i’ve barfed everything out into this post (that i can think of), so here it goes (you’ll have to shield your eyes after the spoiler warning if you don’t wanna be spoiled btw. i can’t seem to be able to add a read more-link...) :

SO... i finished watching “hell on wheels” at last, pm half a year since i started. it’s funny because i was under the impression that i’d sOMEHOW be able to binge all five seasons within just one month (reason: i wanted to watch it before my free trial on HBO’s website went out). honestly, that wouldn’t have been possible because it was a LOT more emotionally draining than you’d think at first glance... after being gutpunched three times in a row in season 4, any reasonable human would need a little break.

anyway, it feels-- weird. i’ve never been big on following tv-shows so i haven’t been able to relate to that feeling ppl describe once they’ve finished a show they’ve become so attached to, except NOW i can relate. the show’s not groundbreaking, it’s not perfect, but i’ve had a lot of fun. what a ride it’s been...

looking back, i’d say HOW’s biggest weakness is its tendency to forget or ignore certain plot points. i guess that’s not too weird, with such an arsenal of characters, but still, i find that’s what bugged me the most, if anything bugged me at all. for example--

[SPOILERS for those who might wanna watch it after seeing me go on abt it, idk]:

first off, what REALLY grinds my gears is how ezra dutson’s plotline was handled. it was set up perfectly in the beginning; having him escape from the swede (who promised him that, and i quote: “i’ll find you, ezra! i always do”), the original plan was obviously for ezra and the swede to “reunite” some time in the future so that ezra could tell everyone that the swede killed his parents, thus tying up loose ends and giving some closure to that whole arc. some might say this would’ve been too predictable, but i would rather have that predictable storyline than having it just end unceremoniously like it did, with ezra dying ACCIDENTALLY and off-screen by sidney snow’s hand, simply as a way to further bohannon’s pain and set the stage for ruth’s final arc. this might’ve been fine, if the writers had made it so that ezra actually, y’know, TOLD SOMEONE WHY HE’S AN ORPHAN TO BEGIN WITH. but they didn’t even give the viewer that form of closure, instead just deciding to use him as a plot device for the other characters’ increased angst... bohannon and the others were never even made aware of ezra’s last name, and this is all what bugs the everliving SHIT outta me: the only ones who know, or will EVER know, ezra’s full story is the swede and the viewer, tho after season 4′s end, ezra is never mentioned or acknowledged again-- not by bohannon, and not even by the swede. ezra went from convenient character with a PURPOSE to “nameless” orphan forgotten by history. thanks, writers...

then there’s the whole deal with campbell coming to town to reinforce The Law™, which wasn’t a bad arc, mind you-- campbell and his goons were the most infuriating little shits for a while there-- but the thing is; didn’t campbell LIE to his men about the president giving him the position as governor? i might’ve misunderstood it, but i’m PRETTY sure the president didn’t give him THAT much of an upstanding role, but that campbell just went ahead and took that position anyway? if that was indeed the case, then that’s another plot hole, cause nobody finds out about campbell’s possible trickery to become the governor. nobody rats him out, despite literally no one in “his” town liking him all that much, so they’d have no reason to protect his “secret”. (correct me if i’m wrong on this one though. i might be misremembering things)

then there’s the other pretty infuriating issue of bad guys never getting called out for doing bad shit (unless it’s the swede, who gets all the blame, all the time), for example:

major dick bongbendix(???idk he had a silly name like that) is presented VERY MUCH as a bad guy in the beginning. y’know, just casually beheading natives on all his missions and collecting those heads and taking them to the bar like a fucking nutcase-- those little details. he also seemed to believe in racial biology, so yeah, definitely not a good guy. but by the end, he’s been watered down into some quirky guy who’s ALMOST on friendly terms with the main characters. yeah, uh-- seems everyone (writers included) collectively forgot the whole public display of cut-off heads he had going on...

aaron hatch: started off as a guy too proud for his- or his family’s own good when he shot the police officer, BLAMED IT ON HIS FUCKING SON and then just kinda let bohannon hang the kid even though it was pretty obvious hatch was just shifting the blame away from himself. THEN he reappears with some other mormons and causes a full-on shootout in the town (probably getting some people killed, i don’t remember), TAKES EZRA (also a mormon) HOSTAGE SO THAT BOHANNON WILL COME WITH THEM WILLINGLY and passive aggressively forces bohannon to marry his daughter who bohannon knocked up. somewhere along the line, hatch’s bad side is just thrown to the wind, and bohannon at one point describes him as “a good man”. yeah, ABOUT THAT--

sean and mickey mcginnes: unlike the ones mentioned above, these two started out as seemingly decent dudes, but ended up pm as secondary villains in the end. however, like the ones mentioned above, they hardly face any consequences for whatever crap it was they did in boston, OR the fact that they killed and fucking mutilated/dismembered a man in cold blood (a man who WAS gonna kill them, yes, but HE did it because he thought they had killed his friend, which wasn’t a farfetched idea since mickey DID brag about killing the dude even though he didn’t actually do it). sure, they face their OWN demons as time goes on, they get ostracized, and they start losing faith in each other as well, which ends up with mickey killing sean before the latter can confess(?) his/their crimes. so, while sean was spineless and a creep, at least he thought about finally owning up to what he’d done in the end, whereas mickey lives on to keep doing shady shit, killing people, and getting increasingly more corrupt. he does end up pursuing new goals in the end, but it’s obvious he’s not happy about it anymore. that’s-- really all the comeuppance he ever gets, and the only one who knows about his shady businesses are pm just bohannon, durant and eva (also, personal gripe here-- they seemed to not settle for “just” tarring and feathering the swede and publicly humiliating him, but i’m pretty sure i recall mickey telling bohannon they were thinking about having the swede killed too. keep in mind, this was BEFORE the swede truly lost it and started killing people left and right. apparently, being kind of a douche about taxes is bad enough to warrant being tortured and cast out by the entire community... i’m obviously biased here, but still-- the mcginnes bros’ double standards are amazing to behold)

now that i’ve aired some of that out-- here are some highlights, according to me:

unexpected friendships, like that between eva and durant. i’d say the swede finding that stray dog and fawning all over him qualifies into this category too

durant and campbell fighting in the mud before finally coming to an agreement -- just- durant and his competitors being petty as fuck, honestly. it’s hilarious

bohannon trying to get through to elam by reminiscing about their friendship, especially since bohannon isn’t one to show his feelings often OR get sappy -- in fact, EVERY time bohannon loses his stoic facade is a good moment. when he was gonna bury elam and he just broke down completely for the first time since we were introduced to him... that shit had me in tears as well, but man was it a great scene

jimmy two-squaws

every time the swede opens his mouth (yes, even when he’s spouting some lies and bullshit like that)

ruth’s character development. i admit i didn’t like her at all in the beginning, idk something just felt off about her, but man did she ever grow on me. just-- how everyone kinda relied on her eventually, even though she’s only like in her 20′s or something... she still became a pillar of the community. bless ya, ruth :’ı -- also, her essentially adopting ezra was Pure as heck. I Lov it

the fact that this was the 1800′s and the only backlash the (openly) LGBT characters faced for it was pm just “yeah they’re a bit confused maybe but they’re not hurting anyone”. maybe that’s not very realistic but WHO GIVES A SHIT AMIRITE

mr tao just being a sweet old man

chang’s sunglasses, straight out of Django Unchained

mr toole’s complete heel-turn from racist POS to someone who sticks by his word to turn himself around. that shit was impressive coming from him, tbh

bohannon just calmly running into a buffalo by the train tracks

mei posing as a grown man instead of a boy (which is what she looks and sounds like, oml)

another thing i realized is that bohannon is a classic gary stu. there’s just no getting around that fact after seeing him being revered by most everyone he meets, how he’s somehow the only person able to build the railroad(s) fast and efficiently, and even wooing the literal PRESIDENT and becoming close friends with him-- all this despite his Bold and Brash personality. of course, there’s more to bohannon than these gary stu-symptoms, but i felt someone should bring it up, for the lulz

[palukoo]

so a couple months ago i relistened to w359 and made a 18000 word document while doing so containing iconic quotes, my reactions, feelings, et cetera. heres some highlights with varying amounts of context. (theres lowkey spoilers for the whole series btw)

""""i empathize too much""""

crazy how i still vividly remember walking outside [my old job] and to starbucks while listening to the spider ep... trauma

i mean i dont love it but it makes me feel things

GABRIEL THATS TOO ON THE NOSE

"let me have my badass space chick victory cocktail"

god like i AM team what wrong with handcuffs but I WOULD NOT HESITATE to kill hilbert for hera

the girlssss are fightinggg

THE SAD W359 MUSIC IS KILLING ME

like memoria who maxwell who jk jk

i love you renee minkowski marry me

local idiot's heart is in the right place

HARPOOOOOOONSSSS

lovelace lovelace lovelace loveLACE LOVELACE

"maybe she's some kind of clone thing" EIFFEL... this is day 1!!!

i hate these self sacrificial idiots

no no no not this music again ill cry

yall are so emotionally stunted it fucking hurts but damn if you dont care

literally how are they still alive

i want to hug her so much omg

alan rody shut the FUCK up im crying

rip zach valenti's throat

face the death reality via math

jacobi being a piece of shit

maxwell said lets kill hilbert rights

this is a kepler hate blog

minkowski thinking her emotions dont matter to the mission oh ho ho

"youre gonna straighten up" cutter they cant theyre not straight

maxwell and jacobi show up and blow up lads

"and you should really be more careful with your queen" KEPLER WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

wolf 359 stop making me stan these literally terrible people

FUNZO FUNZO FUNZO

i am caring about men tonight lads

theyre both awful sure go ahead have history

hilbert you interrupted their emotional moment they wouldve had a MOMENT

hera said im gay

ohhhh nooo interpersonal conflict makes me sad

hug minkowski rn

FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC jacobi and maxwell are iconic

minkowski how did you not kill him

how much do yall use the words "good enough" and "cant"

"are you an alien" GOD the Hints

"one of our... sexier jobs" vs "this is gonna said less sexy after that"

eiffel stop cockblocking them

y'all's choice of pronouns IS illuminating

PROTECT HERA AT ALL COSTS

aw eiffel... minkowski... communication is KEY

oh yeah THATS what the psi wave regulator is for.... SURE

hilbert read the room

JACOBI you can't just describe minkowski like that without giving me a heart attack

how many times have all these bitches almost died

SORRY ANYTHING THEY SAY I LOSE IT

oh minkowski finally flipped (VALID)

oh wait that fact isnt fun at all and im literally crying

LIKE sometimes you save someone's life at great personal risk only to kill her a little while later

minkowski cries to “back to before” from ragtime

i feel to many things about the gals here idk what to tell you i love them thats the problem

its gay and it hurts!

lovelace laughing at people who can and will kill her... hot

OH WERE STARTING LOVELACES SELF SACRIFICE ALREADY

they let lovelace say FUCK

OH WAIT NO I FORGOT ITS WORSE

THANKS FOR MURDERING ME WITH YOUR TEARY ANGRY VOICE

ouchie anyways gay or no but also gay

hilarious and sad at the same time?

MAXWELL dont be a bitch... i expect this from jacobi and honestly i actually expect this from maxwell too but i dont like it

NO NOT THIS MUSIC

BROTP BROTP BROTP

i cant say anything else im too busy crying

UGH I COULD WRITE ESSAYS ON MY THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS THE MESSAGE THE TAKEAWAY BROADLY THE PERSONAL EMOTIONAL ANGUISH THE DESIRE TO HUG HERA ITS

im mad but thank you... all of you... explain... 

stop stop stop im literally so tense gone straight from sobbing to freeze instinct

GOD I HATE ALL THESE SURVIVALS GUILT IDIOTS

OH theyre all about uncertainty... the what ifs... okay... ouch ouch ouch

give everyone awards for bolero

eris are you gay

she said gay rights and AI rights

like i know i know we been knew but goddard really is so awful

Hera stop narrating Lovelace’s ongoing existential crisis

HOW IS THIS NOT GAY (I know how it’s not gay but. Let me have this)

KEPLER stop giving Lovelace insecurities and existential crises

Team back off lovelace for the win

like not to be dramatic but her arc is beautiful

oh boy thats my girlsssss

THATS FLIRTING MINKOWSKI

god i love that concern for your gf keep it up minkowski

COMMUNICATION? WITH THIS CREW? BOLD

GOD angrey hera is great

you know hera is having the time of her life witnessing it

eiffel you just ruined their romantic moment

minkowski is gonna kill them

a much better gayer more altruistic light

WE’RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT COMMUNICATION

WAIT I WAS BEING CANON DAMN I THOUGHT I WAS BEING CREATIVE AND PERHAPS OOC BUT IM IN THE CLEAR I GUESS

god hera has needed to snap at eiffel for so long

i can already feel myself about to get hit with the tears... the emotions

that shit hits different renee

The implications that Goddard like destroyed global warming omfg

it’s the moral grayness babeyyy

when it hits you with minkowski's shaky sigh first thing you know its gonna hit different

MINKOWSKI i need you to. love yourself as much as i love you

GOD the mutual concern they always have for each other is touching whether or not you think its gay. i think its gay

HERA WOULD YOU ASK A COW TO NOT BE A COW

oh of COURSE they cut coms first

lovelace is man, butterfly is quote, it says "is this flirting"

jacobi i need you to chill

but jacobiiiii thats lovelaces schtick

oh eiffel... you fucking idiot who gets really lucky sometimes

this game of chicken where theyre both chickens and kepler doesnt know any of that and each of them only know half

minkowski said im an ethics teacher now

who taught minkowski empathy in high stress situations?

yeah so i stay hitting the nail on the head

“kepler SHUT UP” is what brings everyone together

this is, como se dice.... kinda gay

this statement does not bode well for that

“Maybe less talking to yourself” he says to himself

ugh, to be Pop Culture Man™️

RACHEL i love you even tho I also hate you

Rachel if you make one more hand joke I’ll lose my mind

HER NAME!!!! IS HERA!!!! And I love her!!

i have a vivid mental image of post-series eiffel doing stand up like chris fleming style 

"my crew has made it very clear through a series of looks and gestures that one more slip up and i am out, thats it, so im taking this job very seriously"

"minkowski is very overprotective in a weird, erratic way, like when your seat belt randomly locks and its like i appreciate what youre trying to do but im going 4mph in a drive way."

"so when something like this happens you have to at least consider going away for a long time and living on a cursed space station"

"you know how when maxwell and hera are talking ive never felt less needed, you know, like ‘cause you guys would be totally happy alone on a rock in the middle of a lake"

"this is the kind of body you look at and go he'd probably be ok in space without a space suit"

the whole "theater kids" video is actually him going off about minkowski

minkowski is too swole for her own good

jacobi im gonna need you to take the redemption arc more seriously

i love my crazy crazy bitches

this FUCKING music

GOD HOW DOES PRYCE JUST ALWAYS GET WORSE

she just like mutilated that man he is doa absolutely destroyed one hit ko

can you tone down the gay, sweetie

you did it you broke rachel and Goddard down to their bare essentials

GOSH shes so AWKWARD 

so damn jacobi was just IMMEDIATELY ride or die for maxwell

this is too much for my poor baby heart

pryce & carter literally are just like lets do eugenics, lets do genocide

when hera says ill pull a yall and sacrifice myself for minkowski and lovelace 

god like cant believe KEPLER got a redemption arc (well not arc but you know)

ah yes the most tragic scenes all take place at once :)

I HAD TO STOP LISTENING TO BRAVE NEW WORLD CAUSE IT MADE ME TOO CRAZYYYY

THE SCRIPT SAID IT NOT ME

i love space moms!

this fucking music ALAN RODY IM SUING FOR DAMAGES

like the document also does have a lot of like deep thoughts and meta and parallels and discussion of motivations but this is just fun random things i said

[changhomin-hatsukoi]

Aku Cinta Kamu

cr: Malec Moments @ YT

‘Aku Cinta Kamu’... my ass~

First of all, how the heck an episode that literally was titled using the most iconic #malec sentence in the entire series didn’t have ANY malec interaction at ALL in it? (yes, there were malec moments but they were all flashbacks so they don’t count)

Okay, that aside.. I’m not.. well, overly mad of this episode. 

Unpopular opinion:

I like emotional passionate (very) dramatic Magnus. 

He didn’t just throw away the lock.. no sir~ he bloody incinerated the thing to dust. 

He won’t just drown his sadness in ice cream and bad chick flicks.. nope. He was th~is close to take all his memories of Alec and send it to Oblivion, never to return. 

The very second he got his magic back from his dad, he made a portal and ran away... 

And at last, he broke down crying in his Dad’s arms (do NOT condemn MAgnus for this..atm, to him, Asmodeus the only one he has.. the only one that seek him out when he is at his lowest)...

To Asmodeus who must’ve live thousands of years, I wonder if sometimes he sees Magnus as his rebellious petulant teenage son instead of a respectable, experienced 800 years old warlock he is. 

Ah~ Magnus.. you really is too adorable.

I understand why Alec wants to protect you always and indulge in your every whims.. ^^;;

I read some of the comments saying that Magnus should be smarter.. like he should realize Alec would never break up with him that way.. that he should be more suspicious of Asmodeus just casually strolling around NY like he’s scouting the place to build his second kingdom. 

Um.. may i remind you that Magnus just been dumped by is The One like few hours ago.. So i think we could give him a pass for not being his usual witty self, okay.. 

PLUS we can see what’s really going as we are the viewers/3rd person pov but for those who directly involved, they are too emotionally compromised to see clearly what’s going on. 

And also to those who are angry coz unlike Magnus, Alec seems pretty (semi) alright with the situation, please be reminded that Alec is a soldier.. a warrior.. and he learned not to show his emotions quite so freely as Magnus. 

Work comes first and feelings second (and in private). 

Which is why they complements each other so well.. Alec grounded and stabilizes Magnus whereas Magnus taught Alec to loosen up and enjoy life. 

I also think in a very weird unhealthy maybe even sadistic way, Asmodeus really loves (or at least intrigued by) Magnus. In the books, if I’m not mistaken, Asmodeus mentioned that he is most proud of Magnus. 

Of course, God knows how he treated Magnus when he brought little Magnus back with him to Edom.

Jem.. Bro.. When you said you’ll take care of it, i didn’t think you meant you would talk cryptically to Magnus and btw, THANK YOU for reminding Magnus that he could very well erased memories of Alec on his own >.>

Talk is good and all~but if you could please tie Magnus up and speed-delivered him right int Alec’s arms would be much more appreciated, thanks~

Hmm~ what else...

Ah.. It is now canon that Alec most definitely gonna be the disciplinary Dad while Magnus is the ‘lets spoil the kids’ Papa.. 

I love it~! 

God fucking dammit! I’m sure if we have more seasons, there will be malec kids!! (damn you to hell, Freeform!!)

Finally,

lbr~ malec has definitely taken over as the main couple AND the main storyline from clace. 

Clace: weird threesome incest plot thing

Malec: Shakespeare worthy plot with scheming in-law, heartbreak, misunderstanding, power abuse and not to mentioned demons will literally be release on earth because hell definitely hath no fury like the Magnus scorned.

Imagine: we could have at least one full season of Asmodeus bringing Magnus back to Edom and teaching him to be ruler of Hell. With Alec desperately trying to get him back... (i hate you Freeform!!! You dont deserve this show!)

I am also lowkey sad that Magnus really get all his memories of Alec locked up. Why? Coz I imagine Alec could unlock them again by kissing Magnus. You know, that scene where Magnus treats him like just another stranger and Alec can’t take it so before he knew it, he grabbed Magnus and kiss him deeply and fully and somehow that kiss broke the memories lock.. ah~how Disney like and very romantic that would be... XD

HEADCANON

Alec: Magnus.. sweetheart... I’m sorry~... please don’t be mad anymore..

Magnus: How dare you dumped me! Just because you are so damn gorgeous with ass to die for and those husky voice that gives me the shiver not to mentioned those abs and...

Asmodeus: ... Son, focus please..

Magnus:..uh yeah.. well Alexander Gideon Lightwood, you think you can just break my heart and walk away? Take this! and this~!! *starts throwing fireballs around*

Jace: Wow buddy, I thought my problem was bad when my girlfriend started weirdly flirting with her own brother.. Your boy is out there literally destroying the world coz you guys had a fight. Ah, there goes Raj.. his pants is on fire..

Alec: It was Asmodeus’s fault!

Asmodeus: Hey, don’t bring me into this.. You were the one who summoned me.

*Alec & Asmodeus starts bickering*

Magnus: BOTH OF YOU WENT BEHIND MY BACK??!!

Alec:..er.. Honey~.. calm down.. l..let me explain..

Asmodeus: I’m pleading the fifth

Magnus & Alec looks at him incredulously: We’re not even fucking mundanes! 

Izzy: .... men.. *sigh*

Clary: .... ???

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: A Wedding

Masterpost

6x08: A Wedding

It’s kind of fitting that I’m writing this on the weekend that Darren and his lovely long time girlfriend/fiancee Mia are getting married.  It’s also Love, Love, Love week in the TDB rewatch, and I mean Valentine’s Day weekend (but eh I’ve never cared about that.)  

Anyway! ..  Alright guys - we’re here! The culmination of the entire Klaine arc -- right here and...  Alright, let’s be honest, this episode is, well, lacking.  Personally, I think they could have added another hour to the episode - fleshed out the reunion just a tad more, given Blaine’s mom an actual story, and maybe not tie Klaine and Brittana in a nice bow together (personally - Klaine eloping would have been an interesting route).  

But this is Glee.  And it was more interested in being propaganda for gay marriage.  And hey!! I’m totally here for all the gay marriage, and LGTB rights -- yes let’s do that!! But here... they sacrificed organic story for their message, which is mostly why I think this episode is disappointing.  It kind of forgot about the heart of the characters

High-End Barn Wedding

So - we kick off the episode with Wedding Planner!Kurt... so for all of you who wished Kurt had planned his own wedding, well -- he mostly did.  Actually, Artie is supposed to be the one who’s the wedding planner - but what has he really done?  Really? It seems fitting that Kurt would take over the job. 

While I don’t hate this episode (or even feel as disappointed by it) the way some of you do -- there are a few things I am sad we didn’t get with Klaine’s impromptu wedding shenanigans.  I would have loved to have seen some kind of bachelor party shenanigans -- complete with a return of Cooper to crash either Blaine’s or Kurt’s weddings.  I mean - how much fun would that have been?? Not to say that later, Cooper didn’t show up and throw some bachelor parties anyway after they got married. ;) 

So, here’s my first issue with the episode.  Kurt has a whole scene where he tries to calm down Brittany cause she’s freaking out and projecting her anxiety about getting married onto the little details of the barn set up.  (Huh - totally wish we could have seen pre-wedding neurotic Kurt, too.)  Kurt’s calm and collected and gets things going.  

Okay, what frustrates me is that in the script - IN THE SCRIPT - there’s a moment where Brittany lingers on more about Kurt and his called-off wedding, and Kurt gets a little dreamy about the wedding planning, etc, etc -- and honestly, this one section would have fixed, like, 90% of my issues.  See -- narratively speaking - Kurt needs a reason, a catalyst to run off and go see Blaine.  He doesn’t have one in the episode, which makes the whole reunion feel out of nowhere and jarring.  -- Likewise, in Love, Love, Love - the reunion was slightly out of nowhere, but at they at least alluded to it in a few lines and slightly set it up at the end of season 4.  

But this time around, episode 7, being totally Blaine focused doesn’t have room to give Kurt his ‘ah-ha!’ moment.  Which means there’s a link that’s not there.  It was in the script... and then they cut it out.  Why?? I don’t understand.  

So, if they didn’t want to go that dreamy over a wedding thing - they could have also give Brittany the chance to tell Kurt about Blaine and Karofsky splitting up -- which would also be a catalyst and cause Kurt to start running.  Mostly, though, this episode just isn’t well written.  **shrugs** 

Anyway - we get some awkward jokes from Brittany about Kurt’s ‘boyfriend’ being older than his dad.  Which is - ew.  But also I really don’t think Kurt is considering Walter his boyfriend, especially since Kurt just kinda doesn’t even acknowledge the comment.  Meanwhile, to prove this episode is just awkwardly written - there’s a joke in here where Brittany doesn’t know that Burt Hummel is Kurt’s dad.  But the set up is that Kurt calls his dad by his first name -- which he’s never done... ever.  Who would say their parents’ name instead of saying -- hey my dad could help?  

The details of this episode are... just not good, which is truly the unfortunate thing.  

Run, Kurt, Run

So -- without any kind of set-up this scene feels... well... a little awkward, so let’s pretend Kurt has reason to feel that he and Blaine are actually going to the wedding together (there’s nothing missing from the script that sets it up either, btw.)  

Basically - he’s doing the mature thing of telling Walter first that it’s over -- not that there was much to end, honestly.  Obviously, he’s been talking to Walter about the Brittana wedding - enough so that Walter thinks they’re getting tuxes or something, (he’s really kind of assuming here) but Kurt says straight up - no, he’s going with Blaine.  And the subtext here is --- hey it’s been fun, but I’m totally getting back together with my ex -- as if I haven’t talked about him enough, he totally kissed me, like, a week ago, and I came back here to get him, and I think we’re ready to be ‘on’ again, so you’re a nice dude, Walter - but I’m going in the direction I’m supposed to be.  

Walter doesn’t seem shocked or surprised or even hurt that this is all going down.  We get a lovely speech about young love and how Kurt should feel lucky that he gets to be in his youth to experience young (gay) love.  And, I mean.... it’s a nice speech and all, but it feels more like older gay talking to younger gay about how he wishes he could have been wiser in his youth to run towards love.  And an other example where the episode leans in to the idea of ‘gay marriage good’ rather than showing us how it can be good by organically letting these couples have their moments.  Oh show... 

The part I do like about Walter’s speech, however, is the advice he gives Kurt (which is actually similar to Brittany’s only taken in a different direction).  He tells Kurt to go live, get hurt, get back up again, hang on to love, and, well, god I’m going to say it, don’t stop believing.  And it almost feels like this is something that Kurt’s been waiting to hear for a while -- this kid has placed a protective shield around his heart for a long, long, long time now and he’s ready to be fully open with it again.  He’s ready to let Blaine in fully -- and this is the reason I’m fine with the wedding being so soon after the reunion (even if the narrative is super awkward).  

This whole journey from mid-season three to now has been about growing up, and figuring out how to be adults in love, and understanding that being in an adult relationship is different than the fairy tale their relationship started out being.  And I love that concept -- love it! Even if I think how they told it is bumpy, awkward, and lacking a few key moments.  

So -- in a mirror to the scene where Blaine and Karofsky split up (yeah - this “break up” is definitely the same kind of sentiment) Kurt starts running to go find Blaine... 

Alright - so while this little reunion scene is rushed, I do like the urgency of it.  From the moment Kurt runs in the door - he’s all, I love you, I’ve always loved you, I want and need you -- right now.  He’s anxious - because he’s completely being emotionally honest right now -- and that’s not something Kurt really ever does.  Blaine’s a little shocked at this development - but he’s been ready, too, so hey let’s just confirm we’re back together and call it good.  (And yes, they probably had sex right then and there with the door open - because TV logic, but also because they just need to be with each other right now, and the talky stuff can wait until after the physical release.) 

So.  This idea that they get back together without solving their issues... here’s what I want to say about that.  First of all -- Kurt has his one line of -- ‘I know everything was a mess before but now it’s not’.  And, yeah, that does kind of wallpaper over things nicely - but I’ll argue that it’s also true.  They had to work a lot on themselves this time around and they did that (mostly between season 5 and 6, actually).  Kurt -- who sometimes runs away from the emotionally difficult situations (he broke it off with Blaine because he feared emotionally difficult would lead to something that can’t be fixed) has now run back into Blaine’s arms, knowing well that his heart will get bruised in what will be their long relationship -- but like the advice he gave to Blaine last season, it’s about trust, and he trusts himself that it’ll be okay.  

Look - they’re always going to have issues, because every couple does.  They’re always going to have things to work on and work through -- because that’s real.  They aren’t two kids in a fairy tale relationship anymore, they’re two adults understanding what being in an adult relationship really means.  And yeah, Glee could have fleshed this moment out, could have Kurt and/or Blaine explicitly say that - but you know? They really didn’t need to.  

They fixed themselves in the early episodes of this season, the elevator gave them their friendship back, along with the ability to be with each other in an enclosed space, and Transitioning demonstrated that the spark is (as it always was) still there.  So all they had to do was ditch the plot devices boyfriends and commit to each other.  

And I do love this little moment, as Blaine just is like ‘fuck it’ and goes in for the kiss.  While Kurt relaxes into his arms, finally able to reach the goal he set out for himself in the beginning of the season.  My only “issue” with this scene is that they could have let it breath a little longer -- let the kiss be a little longer as they begin to enjoy each other again.  But because this is Glee, and five million things going on, it’s cut away from very quickly.  

American Gothic

So - according to, um, something this cute little moment was just Chris and Darren screwing around.  I’m not gonna meta Klaine and American Gothic (the name of the famous painting in case you didn’t know.)  

Instead - I’ll take a moment to talk about Blaine’s mom.  Again, in the script, more stuff about her -- the reason she’s there was to do Brittana’s make-up (and, you know, be apart of the the mom’s group number).  It’s hinted that Blaine’s dad left her and Cooper says hi.  Geez.  I also think it’s super weird that she hasn’t met Carol -- but did the writers give a shit? Nope, I just feel bad for Gina Gershon who is a lovely actress and they could have done so much with her, but instead do virtually nothing.  I mean she and Blaine don’t even get a scene together.  Ah well.  

This scene is also, well, awkwardly written.  Does Burt not know that they’re back together? (I find that hard to believe.)  The prep work for this scene just don’t make much sense.  Okay -- who was this written by? Hmm staff writer Ross Maxwell who’s been there since season three.  He wrote Dance With Somebody, but also Previously Unaired Christmas and Sweet Dreams.  This was directed by Bradley Beucker who did a lot of the big Klaine episodes, so I can’t even place fault there.  Idk - this episode’s details are just so jarringly off, and there’s enough of them that it does take me out of the story a little bit. 

Alright, so beyond my complaining about awkward set ups.  Kurt gets told for the second time in fifteen minutes that he’s got to squeeze life to the fullest.  You can’t predict what’s gonna happen next -- death, hardship, etc, etc, so live your best life, whatever that might be.  Burt (hilariously) blames his philosophizing on there being a wedding, but Glee’s season 6 meta kick is still firmly here.  

The thing I love about Kurt here though as he listens to his dad (and Carole) ramble on... he’s so happy and relaxed and reflective.  Being together with Blaine again has just put his life back on track again.  He is where he’s supposed to be and for the first time since the season started - he’s smiling and wistful and I love this kind of zen Kurt.  But he’s also paying attention to his dad, too.  This is all obvious set up for Kurt’s decision to get married on the spot, but it’s a nice sentiment, too -- that yeah, take a leap of faith - because you never know how long you’ll have the chance to do so. 

Legit Brittan-emergency

I like the first few seconds of this scene - where they’re just casually chatting about the wedding while holding hands.  They’ve been (nicely) not separated since they got back together, and I like this underlying theme that they want to have close physical contact as much as possible cause they missed quite a lot of that over the summer.  

Anyway - Sue storms in and ruins the moment - and they aren’t playing dumb again! They won’t be getting locked in an elevator in a barn in Indiana so Sue can force them to have sex.  Nope - that’s for the fic writers ;) 

She’s got something else in mind... 

Hey... at least she used the their season 6 (?) promo pics and not the creepy version she had in her hurt locker.  It’s hard to say when Brittany got involved.  I’d say the moment Sue walked in with the tuxes and the stand-ups.  But Brittany claims she had this figured out while planning the wedding - which explains her kinda weird passive-aggressive attitude towards Kurt in the first scene, but since half of it was on the cutting room floor, it’s hard to buy here.  But, you know, Santana’s gonna be okay with it and Brittany stops time with her mind, so you can figure the timeline out yourselfs on that one.  

So, let’s break this down a little, shall we?  After Brittany gets through her rambling about Klaine being role models (sure...) Sue jumps in and continues to break the fourth wall.  Yeah -- she manipulated and kidnapped them, but she is... not us in this instant, but the writers.  Because that’s what writers do -- we torture our characters so that they can have the happy ending we want to give them.  

However, the Doylist view is not a favorite among many, so I’ll say - I’m not excusing Sue for her behavior.  Don’t manipulate and kidnap people... it’s not nice and can be pretty hurtful.  So - no, I’m not condoning Sue’s actions -- just explaining how Sue’s outside the narrative completely at this point.  

I know a lot of people didn’t like this whole idea of Kurt (and Blaine) being what feels like forced to get married.  And I will say this -- no one was forced to get married.  No one was coerced.  And had the script done its job correctly (I mean it tried - within the Walter and Burt speeches respectively) Kurt (and Blaine) being thrown an impromptu wedding would have felt much more organic.  But this is Glee... in a world where real life rules don’t always apply.   

I will say... had Kurt not wanted to - he would have flat out said no.  No one has ever pushed Kurt Hummel around, least of all Sue and Brittany.  In no way, shape, or form did anyone force Kurt to get married.  And I really would like to make that clear -- there’s always a choice.  

So - here’s the thing... Kurt’s mind is spinning.  Things like this, this is crazy.  His entire life, he’s tried to plan out to be perfect, and it’s always kind of blown up in his face.  At the same time, life has always made him struggle, and now he gets the chance to have something nice -- and that’s... unexpected in the least.  

Let’s hear his arguments...  

This is crazy -- because it is.  Who shares their wedding with someone else just for the hell of it? No one - because that is ridiculous. 

He and Blaine just got back together -- but Kurt isn’t that concerned about this part of it, because he does know he and Blaine are forever.  He’s beginning to get giddy with the idea here, but no - logic still prevails. It’s not that he and Blaine just got back together that’s the issue... it’s that Santana wouldn’t let them. But, eh, no, Santana’s gonna let things go cause plot.  

He then says the following... It’s romantic.  Sweet.  And a little weird.  Not -- I hate this idea.  Not, it’s not going to work.  Not, I don’t like these kind of surprises and I feel threatened.  No, he’s smiling and excited and his mind is reeling at the prospect.  He’s trying to be (semi-)logical about this, but his big, romantic heart is winning out.  

Kurt says there’s no possible way they can get married, and looks to Blaine for confirmation... 

Meanwhile, Blaine’s in the background.  He’s a little timid, because he’s the one who never stopped wanting to be married.  His only line is (lamely) about the rings, which Sue has covered.  Honestly, I would have asked about the marriage license, but I’m sure Sue has one of those already forged as well.  

But the thing is - when it comes down to it, Blaine’s ready -- he’s always been ready, and he’s just waiting for Kurt to finally, finally say yes.  We get them holding hands, as Blaine stutters his way through an awkward speech.  And then we cut to commercial....

Ug.  

No really, why did this have to be an act break cliffhanger? Again, this writing! You could have had Blaine give a nice speech about being ready, and just waiting for Kurt and being okay with whatever they choose to do... and then Kurt could say that he does, indeed want to be married to Blaine.  It’d have been a nice romantic moment here that... well, is no left to fanfic writers, I suppose.  I also think it might have helped give Kurt some agency some felt he was lacking in this scene.  

In addition, there is a nice wrap around moment - Kurt says in the series premiere during the break up scene - maybe he doesn’t want to get married.  Now he’s faced with that choice again, and it comes full circle.  Well... maybe in fact, he does... 

I will say... the end of the scene, Kurt’s not scared Blaine will say he wants to get married and he’ll be forced into it.  He wants to see if Blaine really does, because if he does -- Kurt’s given his choice.  He’s scared, but also thrilled, because he could be given a pass to indulge on this huge romantic moment. 

At Last 

The moment Kurt comes on screen, we know his choice has been made, and look how he has this happy-drunk look on his face.  As soon as Blaine said (off screen) that he wants to be married, Kurt probably snapped to and bam! let the romance happy-times begin.  He knows -- based on all his previous experiences - that marriage won’t be an easy thing.  He does.  But now is their time to have a wonderful and lovely start to their marriage (and free!!) why not take this leap? 

Anyway, I kind of love that he gets to walk with Brittany.  They’ve got an interesting history together - and are both special unicorns, and I love that they get this little aisle walking moment together.  

Meanwhile - let’s talk about the song At Last, beautifully sung by Mercedes and Artie.  Klaine’s season 6 story, again being told not in songs that they’ve sung.  This song is very them - and was originally going to be used during their car makeout session back in I Do, but I’m glad they saved it for here.  It does fit Klaine, Brittana, and the whole gay marriage thing nicely.  

Look at this bb waiting for his future husband to walk up the aisle.  Again, I love how happy Kurt is! How relaxed! He even looks younger in this scene, because, c’mon, when’s the last time he’s been /this/ happy??  (Totally, btw, not the face of someone who doesn’t really want to be up there ;)) Kurt Hummel is getting married - and he is fucking excited about every last ounce of it.  

Burt’s Speech = Gay Marriage Good and worth fighting for!!  (I’m so glad they legalized it the summer after this was out) 

I do like that in Burt’s speech, however, he does mention, again, some sentiments he did back in Love, Love, Love -- marriage is freakin’ hard.  But it’s worth it if you keep working at it.  

Oh - which probably brings me to another issue people had.  All season Kurt keeps reiterating that they’re too young to get married.  (And yeah, ngl, they are - and I really didn’t need this in my Klaine story)  But two thoughts on this  

1 - Kurt was holding on to the too young thing as an excuse for the other issues they were having... yeah, he didn’t want Finchel to get married because they were too young, but also definitely not ready.  Kurt’s been through a ton, and at this moment, knows he and Blaine are committed to each other, so why not make it official -- especially since they are gay, and now can get married, it is a big deal.  

2. I’ve talked a lot about Klaine being a fairy tale - and, while I don’t believe the story stops once you get married, and also believe Klaine was spiritually married back in Love, Love, Love, their story remains being framed as a fairy tale, and this is the happy ending, so narratively, it does all make sense. 

The vows.  Yeah, um, okay.  So - my biggest issue here is that they’re all spliced together.  This speech, kind of, doesn’t work - I mean, Santana says she’s been bullied? Really? They’re trying to tie both narratives together and tie that in with the theme of ‘gay marriage good’ and ug, c’mon.  They could have nicely had one couple go and then the other, and it could have been a little more personalized.  But whatever.  

I will say! I think Kurt has the best lines, though.  I love, love that he talks about being someone who always walked in the dark, and that Blaine did not force him into the light, but tore the stuff down that covered the sun.  It’s really a beautiful notion - and one that says just how much Kurt loves, appreciates, and wants Blaine in his life.  He’s always walked on his path on his own, but he doesn’t want to be alone anymore - Blaine is vital to him, and he always wants Blaine there to help him through.  

I also like the sentiment that they’re a work in progress.  It’s a nice nod to the fact that it isn’t the end of the story (while it is mostly for Klaine and absolutely for Brittana).  

(Also - possibly shallow side note - Chris and Darren are just way better actors than Naya and especially Heather, and putting them side by side is a little jarring, too.  Oops.) 

Because touch and holding hands has always been a part of their narrative... 

Old Marrieds... 

Happy Big-Ass Double Gay Wedding! 

Was it everything you ever wanted? Meh, no, but I’ve never been a fan of weddings in general - and nothing was gonna be able to top the proposal anyway.  This is where the whole double wedding with a theme of social progression got in the way - because I think it stripped both couples (a little) of their own personalized story.  But it was fine, and did what it needed to do.  And Klaine got their happily ever after. 

OTP

Yes, Kurt’s face is how I feel about (most of) the rest of the episode.  We could have gotten a nice moment between Blaine and his mom - instead we get a full minute of Brittany’s dad being awkward and weird and unnecessary.  

So, then Santana goes into this whole speech about OTPs.  Omg... I know some people got uncomfortable with the fourth wall breaking in The Hurt Locker (both parts) but here I get a little squicky.  Who uses otp in real life? And Santana has hats, god... 

But, that aside, Kurt’s face is loving and happy when Santana mentions that he and Blaine have found each other - and it’s sweet and nice.  And... omg, you can tell they’re back together again because to the background my lovely couple -- we’re playing by season 3 rules again! 

No, okay my biggest issue -- bigger than the whole they don’t really get a first dance thing - is that they don’t get a moment to reflect -- at all -- about getting married.  And this is kind of a trend -- they get together in Original Song, do they really get to reflect on that? Eh.. not really.  What about their first time in The First Time?? Nope - they don’t speak about sex again for a long, long time.  What about getting engaged??? Eh, not really anything on that -- so I shouldn’t expect anything.  But man - it would have been nice if they had one private moment together just so they can have that one private moment together to revel in the fact that they are married and together-together.  

(so, now we’re to two scenes this episode is missing for Klaine - shoulda been a two hour long episode...) 

Instead of anything meaningful, we’re going to have songs now because we’re contractually obligated at this point to do something in this music-related show.  (god, does this episode shoehorn in the music).  I am kinda laughing at HeYa, though, cause it’s so, so meta.  I’m also incredibly glad there was never a song Called CrissColfer.  

Why didn’t Kurt, Blaine or Santana get to dance during this song though? Boo...At least they’re in the background...?  Oh wait, they do at the end? And Blaine kinda dances with his mom, while Kurt dances with Carol? I mean, it’s kinda cute, but I’m still rolling my eyes a little. 

And then we get more songs! This time the Treble Tones bring up the Moms for - I’m So Excited. I mean, I get it - if you’re gonna have Gloria Estefan on and not have her sing, it’s a bit ridiculous.  But, ngl, I’m a little bored by this one.   And it’s essentially two in a row (though the unnecessary Tina proposes to Mike plot happens in between).  Kurt freaking out over Carole going crazy is kinda cute, but not enough to help the second half of this episode from being bogged down in musical numbers that feel obligatory. 

We close out the reception-of-no-plot with Our Day Will Come.  I like the little intro, where Kurt gets giddy about calling Blaine his ‘husband’.  And it’s a sweet thank you to Brittany and Santana for letting them do the thing.  But..  

Okay, this is where I would have wanted, maybe... a more romantic song, sung by someone else, so that Klaine could slow dance.  That was, like, the one thing I wanted in the second half of the episode, and I didn’t get it.  I am a little sad about it.  But at least they get to sing and look lovingly at each other?  

This song is... fine.  I’m surprised they hadn’t done this particular quartet before.  It’s got a nice 60′s island beach theme going on.  And it’s... again... a gay marriage = good song.  It’s not really about Klaine or Brittana, it’s about gay people getting married.  And - really, I promise, I am so happy that everyone is now able to get married here in the U.S.  I want all the gay rights (and all the rest of the letters, too).   But, c’mon, guys, you can sell that without being explicit -- these characters meant enough to enough people that just by them getting married and having a normal and organic way of things, it would have sold your message just fine without having to hit us over the head again with it.  

There is a little bit of the lyrics I’d like to pull out though... 

Kurt with Blaine: Our dreams have magic Because we'll always stay In love this way

If you’d like to know how the writers think this romance will play out... well, then, there ya go... and the show’s now over, so this is the way they’ll always be in our hearts.  :) 

The Gender Gentle AnderHummels

So, this is perhaps my favorite scene in the episode, and not just because of Kurt in that Kitten sweater.   I think it’s because it’s the only scene in the episode that breathes a little, and allows both couples not to be saddled with the weight of carrying a HUGE MESSAGE of a VERY SPECIAL EPISODE - but about these two couples being themselves.  It’s also the only time we really get to see Married Klaine interacting outside the tiny bit we get in the series finale.  

Sue’s there to give them their honeymoon packages -- (oh Sue, meddling still in their plans...) And it’s okay that you guys only get a weekend versus Britanna’s month in the Bahamas... Brittana doesn’t get any more screen time, and you guys only get your one episode off.  So, there’s that.  

But then we get this little tag at the end (complete with season 2 scoring!) where Klaine and Brittana get a moment to themselves.  I like that Blaine says that he can’t believe they got married, while Kurt is totally not fazed by that at all, and instead is amazed they survived the reception.   (I’m sure the two of them snuck out early)  

But then there’s this moment, where Kurt reaches behind him, automatically, for Blaine’s hand and they both look so, so happy.  There was a big post going around for a while with intensive meta on it about this single moment, and man, I wish I could remember what it said, because it probably summarized it much better than I can.  Beyond the whole hand holding thing -- again, the two are just so comfortable with each other - having found each other, and having made a life long commitment.  

And, here’s why I think getting married wasn’t such a bad thing for this narrative.  The ring is a symbol.  And that somewhat toxic downward cycle the two of them can get into now gets reversed.  Blaine is secure in his relationship, and of being loved, as well as being able to be out on his own, not relying on Kurt entirely, and because of that, he doesn’t get clingy or insecure, which in turn gives Kurt the breathing room he needs, and when Kurt is feeling not closed in, he becomes affectionate and open and will continue to reach for Blaine’s hand, and marriage is a reminder (to both) that they have to keep on working because they’ve made the commitment.  (This was a horribly worded paragraph, sorry)  

But my point is - they are now secure as individuals and secure in their relationship, and while, yes, I needed a few more scenes to flesh out and have the story make full sense, I’m happy to have this last scene that kind of encompasses everything together and puts the nice bow on it.  They are both so, so happy and relaxed and in love in this scene, and it’s amazing because of it.  

And yes - Brittany will probably call them on their anniversary every year (I kinda love the meta of that -- that Klaine and Brittana are always tied together now), but they’ll probably only see each other once every five-ish years or so.  Their lives will go on and they’ll grow up further and away from each other.  But, their love is all tied up together, and it’s a happy moment for both couples.  

So yeah, that’s the wedding episode! It feels... slightly anticlimactic for as big as the series long story was -- but you know, even with all the scenes I’d have wanted in it, I’m not sure if it’d ever had been fully satisfying.   And, you know, it’s true what they say about it being about the journey not just the ending.  But, you know, they still got married, and the story still is something we’re talking about, and I still love that it kind of marries the idea of the fairy tale with a real relationship.   

And, I’m a little sorry this is the end for Brittana, because it does feel, in a lot of ways, like a penultimate episode.  Brittana is now done (which is another reason I think they got the bulk of the episode) but Klaine’s story has room for a little more in the final episodes - and I’m glad they get to have their nice little coda.  

[tovanori]

have any mamamoo fanfic recs?

oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy

Archive Of Our Own

I’d Like To Be With You, Really by Zucchinis (bc_bread) - A bunch of one shots that are non-linear but are connected. One of my favs really. The characterizations are very nice. (Incomplete, 6/?)

Darling, denial is my middle name by teabreathingdragon - Moon byulyi. Arrogant. Irresponsible. Cute. Annoying. You really don’t like her. Second POV Yongsun. From Trainees to Successful Girlgroup members. (Complete, 6/6)

Engraved on Me by fromhowarts ( @missbyulyi ) - Soulmate AU, College AU. (Complete, One Shot)

All Nighters by mytholora (shipsinkandsails) - Also a bunch of one shots and non-linear ish collection but are all connected. One of my favourite things to happen in a fic are in here hue very well written. (Incomplete, 8/?)

Oh Baby, Look What You’ve Started by jinxfabray - FAKE DATING AU BUT WAS IT EVERY REALLY FAKE? (Complete, One Shot)

Officially Girlfriends by krscnl - ANOTHER FAKE DATING AU that I really wish would update guys it’s so good I love how it’s written, the characterizations here are so nice and the humor is on point. (Incomplete, ¼) Author update when i crei everytime I reread it.

Flowers of Love by wheeins - Soulmate AU where there’s a flower on your wrist that will bloom when you fall in love. (Complete, One Shot)

The Valet by fireroasted - One of the first fics I read for Moonsun. Moon Byulyi was the perfect Valet. It was a simple agreement: to be the perfect platonic companion for women everywhere. Her dream job was fulfilling and uncomplicated. Until it wasn’t. (Complete, One Shot apparently I thought it was chaptered lmfaoshjdfk)

GLASS: A Metafic by fireroasted - Cries about this fic. It’s so meta that it hurts. By the end you’ll be like, ‘damn when will this happen to me?’ (Complete, One Shot)

Beyond The Sea by fireroasted - Yongsun had run away from the city to live a simple life in a small fishing village. Everything was so simple, easy, and comfortable. Until her luck runs out, and nothing is easy anymore. (complete, one shot)

From Bitter Coffee Dates to Burnt Dinners (if it’s with you, it’s all good) by pabottokhae - I think this is one of my top moonsun fics. College AU. Slight One Sided Wheebyul (wheein’s side). (Complete, One Shot)

fast_car.mp3 by plue - Based on Starry Night MV. Cheesy and Cute and perfect. (Complete, One Shot)

Introspection by @missbyulyi and @welldonedragonnim​ - Modern working age AU where Yongsun works at the Convenience store Byul frequents late at night. (Incomplete, 11/?) I love that this fic shows that there’s more ways to get ur people together other than dramatic break ups that happened because one party was an asshole by cheating or something. PEOPLE DRIFT AWAY AND I LOVE THAT THIS WAS PORTRAYED HERE.

I believe You Have The Wrong Number (Or just the right one) by @missbyulyi​ - Yongsun drunkenly tries to text her ex, gets Byulyi’s number instead. (Complete, 20/20)

Life may not be fair but it sure is beautiful by @missbyulyi​ and @welldonedragonnim​ - Historic AU. Princess Yong and Royal Guard raised as a boy Byul. (complete, 25/25)

In The Dark Eternity (like sunshine, you fell down to me) by thewoundupbird - GOBLIN AU. Grim Reaper!Yong, Goblin!Byul. You don’t have to know anything about Goblin to read this. Angst btw. (Complete, 5/5).

All The Time In The World For You by captainwangtang - Future Fic where Yong and Byul date other people and it doesn’t really work out. A really good future fic tbh. (Complete, One Shot)

Apples by SlyEclipse - No one told Yongsun that the infamous ‘Big Bad Wolf’ was greasy. (Complete, One Shot)

The Mistake by mytholora (shipsinkandsails) - Yongsun snaps and Moonbyul gets hurt. Angst with a happy ending. (Complete, One Shot)

Being a Girl Crush is Dangerous Sometimes by mytholora (shipsinkandsails) - Byul gets stabbed.(Complete, One Shot)

I’m pretty sure there are for Ao3 but these are the top ones time to move onto

AsianFanfics

AFF is such a………. challenging site…… you can’t organize ur upvoted stories so I just… this might not be the best that I can give but I tried my best….

Urikkiri by kayden411 - Byul is serving life in prison. Solar is serving life without Byul. Honestly I was so skeptical about this fic but once I ran out of things to read I finally read it and holy shit it’s really good please read it. (Complete, 13/13)

You’re Right by byulbelly - AU where Yong lives off of her pet tortoise who is more famous than her and Byul as an emotionally detached medical practitioner that has a pushy step brother. Somehow they make it work. It’s such a nice and cute fic, very nicely set up and written….. I wish it would update soon :’D(Incomplete, 6/?)

Hey, Soccer Girl! by jinstal - AU where Yong is always at Byul’s soccer games. (Complete, One Shot)

Before You say, “I do.” by @byulyi​ - Modern AU. Domestic af. Girlfriends to Fiances to Wives. (Complete, 18/18)

Backtrack by RielleB - AU. Friends with benefits Wheebyul (But purely platonic). Angst with a happy ending. (Complete, 3/3)

Moving by Azrahunter - SolEric and YooByul, end game Moonsun. Angsty as fuck but it’s a good read. (Complete, 20/20)

Taste. by themoonishers - Coffee Shop AU (kinda? It started in a coffee shop so lol). From Strangers to finally getting together after like 4 years jsahdkjl. (Incomplete, 27/?)

That Kind Of Love by Mufasaisalive - AU where Yong is a flight attendant and Byul is a police officer and they meet at Wheein’s party. It’s…. so good but the grammar and stuff might be off sometimes and that’s okay honestly. Sometimes the names change too??? but whatever :’D it’s really good y’all. I love…. it so much…. (Complete, 3/3)

Welcome Back Idiot by Mufasaisalive - Byul is back after 2 years and she has some things she needs to patch up. (Complete, 15/15)

Laundromat at the Corner of the Street by Cyaboron - Yong’s washing machine broke so now she goes to this dinky Laundromat where she meets Laundromat expert Moon Byulyi. (Complete, 6/6)

Waltz Of The Moon and Sun, Flower Road by Joezette - Teacher!Yong, Inspector!Byul and Byul’s son Minhyul. (Incomplete, 6/?)

Next Scene (Forever Love) by mrsstefsunyanzi - Actors AU. For the first time in her acting career, Kim Yongsun was left stumped when her co-portner kissed her on the lips or the fact that it wasn’t even part of the script. (incomplete, 16/?)

Hotel Guest by ashensprites - In which Moonbyul is staying at a hotel and her boredom leads to some entertaining results. Needless to say, Solar is highly amused. (Complete, One Shot)

How To Say FxxK You in Flower by reebye - Yongsun works at a flower shop and Byulyi is really passive-aggressive. (Complete, One Shot w/ Bonus chapter)

Stay Awhile Longer by Malfunction - Where Yongsun is a cuddler for hire and Moonbyul is in need of a little warmth. (Complete, One Shot)

Shut Up And Dance by GrumpyGay - Neighbors AU. (Complete, One Shot)

Flowers, Tattoos and Hearts by weakink - Florist and Tattoo artist AU. This is actually a Wheesa fic with a side of Moonsun but it’s really good I’d recommend it :) There’s a moonsun bonus :D (Complete, 9/9)

35 fanfics all in all + 1 wheesa fic :’D I hope y’all enjoy this list.

[amwritingmeta]

14x18 Promo

Look, I don’t know about you, but I cannot stop giggling at that edit. Because, keep in mind, they edit the promo for effect and that scene is bound to be at least a little bit heftier than the stunted moment we got out of it, and the moment itself feels incredibly spliced together to me.

I mean, seriously -->

Cas: I failed you. Dean: You’re dead to me.

It’s so blunt and out of the blue when looked at as is. It’s like a farce of their constant failure to communicate. Like a highlighter of what exactly is the fucking matter with them that they can’t get their heads out of their own asses for once. Cas with his overriding sense of duty and it being the only way he can relate himself to anything and anyone (even when that’s not his true motivation at all) and Dean with his stubborn harsh judgement and need for control like, yeah, you failed us, you are dead to me now.

It’s fucking hilarious! Because it’s so in your face, get me?

Which is why I cannot wait for the whole exchange, because it’s bound to be longer, and wouldn’t surprise me if it went more like this:

Cas: I failed you. MORE DIALOGUE ABOUT WHAT FAILURE FUCKING MEANS LIKE NO YOU DIDN’T FAIL US BUT WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU? YOU WERE NOT HERE. (please) Dean: Anything happens to the kid, you’re dead to me.

Yeah?

But if there’s no lead-in like the one above, and that statement is an actual statement made by Dean in that scene, effectively ending this exchange with that note of separation, meaning he is literally being a bitch-faced little ungrateful asshole and cutting all ties with Cas because Cas once again thought he could and should take matters into his own hands and fix things on his own without properly telling or including the brothers and discussing it beforehand (a strategy he learned from the brothers themselves but whatevs) (nobody’s really in the right here btw) then I’m still laughing.

At Dean’s bitch-faced ungrateful assholery. 

You’re dead to me.

JFC with pom-poms doing the split, are you fucking even serious right now, you emotionally repressed control freak drama queen? *oh the frustration is sweet* *i love it* *and I LOVE Dean ok* *this is not having a go at dean day* *just him being a right dick*

If the sentiment of the scene is that Dean cannot believe Cas has gone behind their backs again (which seems to be the case) then that scene might very well be all about underlining how Dean No Self-Worth Anywhere Ever Winchester still doesn’t get that everything Cas does is FOR HIM AND HIS BROTHER. How Cas truly considers the bunker his home and how he believes they are better together with all his heart.

I mean, a gentle WAKE UP! feels in order here.

So then, either we get a moment of sincere tension where Dean is laying down the cards (and finding an out with regards to his feelings for Cas and his perception that Cas doesn’t feel the same) telling Cas that the rest of their relationship rides on whether Jack is okay or not at the end of this adventure. Yeah?

Meaning this is not a separation, but a raising of the emotional stakes for their joint love story arc, as well as a beautiful underlining of how incapable Dean Winchester is with handling his true emotions.

(quietly celebrating the fact that Dean says dead to me rather than dead to us)

Or we get a moment of separation, where this exchange is all about Dean rejecting Cas for doing what Cas has always done and seemingly being incapable of changing his stripes, and Dean’s had it. Meaning that withholding information (or perhaps failing to see how that information should be shared) gives Dean an out regarding his feelings for Cas and his perception that Cas doesn’t feel the same, effectively giving himself an excuse for shutting Cas out of his life, because Dean is terrified of what Cas actually means to him.

Such a separation could be a push into gaining some actual emotional perspective for the both of them, as well as bringing Cas into a situation where Anael’s words this episode will weigh a bit more heavily and he might have to examine them a bit more closely and make up his own mind about what being alone means to him. Does he need the Winchesters to know his place in the world? Does he know his place in the world? That sort of thing.

But, if I’m honest, Dean’s statement feels like a setup for something that may or may not come our way a little farther down the road.

Like, if/when something horrifying happens to Jack (like if he goes the Big Bad and Dean is stuck with that promise he made at the start of S13 that if it comes to killing him, Dean will be the one to do it) then this might cause a severe rift between Dean and Cas. 

One might hope that Dean would be so far along in his progression that he’d be on the cusp of opening up to the idea of not blaming others or himself for circumstances out of everyone’s control (hello Sam in 14x17) but, you know, it’s all about the drama and emotional conflict, yeah? 

Anyway, I hope we all rest assured that everything happens for a reason, and a good reason at that. 

I honestly think that Cas needs to be pushed out of the damn nest if he’s ever to understand what will truly make him happy. (and I do believe happiness is his greatest weapon against the Empty) (he’s just still too frightened to see it) But perhaps Cas doesn’t need that. Perhaps Dean being a bitch-faced ungrateful asshole is what Cas needs to understand that duty first and being willing to always just go out on a limb without anyone knowing it isn’t the way to go.

Dean’s not angry, he is worried. Always. And he goes into defensive mode because, I would say, that worry is hard to bear when the man you’re worrying about doesn’t seem to get that you’re fucking worried. Cas going off on these self-appointed missions is pretty much him disregarding Dean’s emotional investment, and what does that tell Dean? That Cas does not get it. Yeah? 

While Cas is just being the dutiful soldier who sees himself doing what he has to. No big deal. It’s how they handle things. Because Cas doesn’t understand the emotional investment Dean has in his wellbeing, because Dean has never made that investment explicit in any way.

Like, for example, saying: Dude, when you died it fucking broke me.

Aw, this show, this show. 

This is all mild speculation based on barely two seconds of a promo so let me pass around the salt and ask that you sprinkle a hearty helping all over this read, yeah? We shall see what comes our way, but I’ve no doubt that, in the end, all will be well. 

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

[jieun-didnt-deserve-that]

why i mcfreakin LOVED the season 2 finale

ok so i kNOW the season 2 finale was like 3827328 years ago bUT,,,, consider: i havent stopped thinkin about ks since then and im starved of content

so basically ive seen a few ppl saying they thought season 2’s finale was anti-climatic but i rly dont think it was at all (especially for sangwoo if ya get me ;))))) ok ill stop) but to be honest we should have seen from when they were taken to the police station that bum was never going to confess and unfortunately for seungbae, bum is like the only shred of evidence seungbae has for his theory on sangwoo. it was engineered so that bum was the one in control here because he was obviously never going to say anything. first of all, he doesnt know the police dont know he killed jieun. this whole thing wasn’t even about her it was about the ceo’s daughter bUT HE DOESNT KNOW THAT!! also even if he DID, he has two options: tell the truth and go back to his abusive uncle who constantly physically, emotionally and sexually abuses him OR lie and go home with sangwoo who constantly physically, emotionally and sexually abuses him BUT occasionally is kind of nice to him (and gets him cake). ALSO we can see that bum would probably not even rat sangwoo out even if his uncle was out of the equation because we see at the start of season 2 that bum was desperate not to leave because “outside is scary” (i feel ya bum i rly do) and when sangwoo told him he was disgusting after he opened up about his uncle he immediately jumped to the conclusion that sangwoo was going to say he doesnt need him anymore (even tho, as much of a mouldy sock sangwoo is, he didnt actually say that) he straight up tried to kill himself. like with no hesitation. so we can see how incredibly dependent he is on sangwoo anyway, so with all of that weighting on him, bums not saying jack shit to seungbae.

but bum isnt the only reason the mission (mission? that sounds very extra considering what bae did was stand on a metal pole and break into a guys house) failed was seungbae himself. his methods are far too rash and he lets his emotions get in the way of his judgement. we can see already from the scene in the bathroom that he doesnt weigh out the risks and consequences of what he does. i mean the guy 1) broke into an ALLEGED SERIAL KILLER’S house 2) without a warrant 3) without letting anyone else know he was there 4) with only a taser and that fuckign pole to defend himself. clearly he aint good at rationally assessing his actions before he takes them ESPECIALLY as he already had some red flags from acting like this in the past. anyway so baes methods are completely ridiculous and the tipping point was when he beat the shit out of sangwoo while he was still handcuffed. like dont get me wrong it was awesome and im sure we all wanted to see that motherfucker get decked (i know i did) but it was also very, very stupid. so with the combination of seungbaes rash methods and bum’s array of reasons not to snitch there was NO WAY sangwoo was getting convicted of murder anytime soon.

and as for the final scene, that was really just showing us how now sangwoo has EVERYTHING he wants. the one person who was suspicious of him has been FIRED and he knows he will never see him again, the police are pretty much on his side now because he knows how easily manipulated they are, he knows that he has bum’s unwavering loyalty 1) because if he leaves he wont have anywhere to go 2) because he knows hes terrified of getting caught because he killed jieun (HE killed jieun, sangwoo has made it very clear to bum that its HIS fault by calling him “mr murderer” and stuff) and 3) he knows bum will never leave him anyway because hes just that dependent on him. so him choosing to ,,, do that ,,, OUTSIDE (and inside if ya get me ;)) (like im not gonna lie every time i read ch 35 i CACKLE at the line “i am inside”) as a display to bum and kind of to himself that he really has it all and he will always win like i saw this post about how he even won that rock paper scissors thing with jieun and he won against yoonjae at the arcade and NOW he has won against the fucking police department (DEPENDABLE POLICE FORCE FOR A SAFE COUNTRY MY A S S) and ALSO we have no idea which direction season 3 will take like after s1 it was kind of obvious like oh shit what they gon do now jieun is dead (rip my sweet angel btw, just so yall know i would die for her even if it wasnt fucking necessary) but s2 really doesnt hint @ anything so thats why i think the season 2 finale was fucking great.

ONE MORE thing i think that the whole dynamic between bum woo and bae is so clever because if bum didnt remind sangwoo of his mother he probably would be dead bc sangwoo would have killed him but he keeps bum with him because believe it or not he is dependent on bum too. like the two times he thought he had lost him forever (ch 27 and ch 13 i think) he lost his SHIT. and if bum hadnt had such a horrible childhood he wouldn’t have obsessed for years over being saved by sangwoo in the millitary and wouldn’t be so emotionally dependent on him. and if bae was more rational and calmed the FUCK down he would be able to find a better way to apprehend sangwoo. but each of these flaws in them keeps the structure going and that is why not only the season 2 finale but the whole damn series is so fuckign good, thank you for coming to my ted talk