#this feels v accurate
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i learned to turn and look the other way
#gravity falls#the book of bill#stanley pines#grunkle stan#dipper pines#mabel pines#dipper and mabel#book of bill#this was the companion piece of the first meeting illust#thisisnotawebsitedotcom#sorry i got too emotionally attached to the door handle coloring to erase it & make it bg accurate#caption is from the song “death & destruction" by weezer#that song has like max 3 sentences but i feel like its v stan..
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Even with TBOB and thisisnotawebsite.com there's... Still so much we don't know about Bill. Like ok yeah he's given a tragic background, we know a bit more about his henchmaniacs, but we really don't know a lot. Like, what happened directly after he accidentally destroyed his dimension? It isn't said. Sure time baby KNOWS about Bill's destruction of his dimension, but it seems like he didn't show up after Bill's dimension was destroyed to apprehend him because he only knows about Bill after Bill tries to make a deal with him, causing Bill's wanted poster. And how did Bill become basically the overlord of the nightmare realm, and gather all his henchmaniacs? Like there's a good period where we just don't know. And it's implied he's shocked and horrified (likely even dissociates, since he does that) after he destroys his dimension. But his characterization doesn't seem by that point to be one that immediately goes into a self-destructive, violent god-becoming maniacal spiral of self hatred; it's more one to be overwhelmed with grief and spend a good long time in the midst of his grief, then necessarily he's about to DO anything. And generally speaking trope wise, there's steps missing; typically in this sort of scenario, the usual progression is this:
characterized as monster due to being different in some way
tries to prove their not
ends up hurting someone anyways
gets further villainized, and antagonized by others
Acceptance of being a monster, and goes okay? You wanted a monster? I'll be a monster.
Now this fits Bill's early life, up to number 4, but we don't know what happens immediately after. It's possible he just went into his spiral immediately after, but it feels wrong, because it is missing the part of someone further villainizing him beyond himself which causes him to lash out due to the expectation (and internalized) idea that he would cause harm. I'd assume maybe some kind of interdimensional authority showed up and accused him of purposely trying to kill his dimension, which triggered his "okay, then I'll be a monster", or even a situation where his 'monstrosity' through the badge of killing his dimension is garners him respect. Considering that his henchmaniacs are chosen out of monstrosity and violence as a badge of honor, it feels very much like this would make sense, except none of them really know about Bill's dimension. He doesn't brag about the violence of it; he only calls it a liberation, contrary to the idea that Bill ever used it to gain clout. Instead, it's more likely that an interdimensional authority showed up and accused Bill, except from circumstances, it doesn't seem like it was Time Baby, so not sure who it would be... but at the same time, that expectation is often required for the character to truly embrace their 'monstrosity' and become truly violent. Or perhaps it was delayed after the destruction of his dimension, later when he begins to run with his henchmaniacs and disregards the law, but that also doesn't feel satisfactory for character development. Or perhaps I'm just overthinking this trope...
Also, how did he have his powers? Some is clearly stuff he's always had; pyrokinesis from that one rhyme, the ability to see into 3d, and he was somehow able to destroy his dimension by whatever he did to let Euclydians see the stars (telekinesis?), but beyond that? Was he always all-seeing? How did he become a 'dream demon'? Are his deals actually binding or does he lie? Are these things that he acquired later, because Euclydians seem to be written about as if they usually don't have any of these abilities, nor the abilities Bill is known to have when young, nor did Bill seem to be able to be all seeing when he was younger. Plus, how was Bill able to survive the destruction of his dimension, if he's technically made of the same stuff as everyone else, who all seems to have a physical form? Why then does he seems to be characterized as a being made of pure energy and thought; is that just in Earth's dimension, or does he have a physical form within the nightmare realm? There's multiple things that are contradictory about his body (mouth-eye, yet talked about removing his exoskeleton to feed--not sure exactly when this was mentioned--plus his mouth located under his bricks and bowtie in his exoskeleton in journal 3). But he seems so thrilled by his physical form though on earth, and we know that physical forms exist within the Nightmare realm as Ford was in it... yet it seems like hes characterized to have no physical form, so did he perhaps lose his physical form when his dimension died? Did he technically die with them too, but with his powers was able to survive essentially as a ghost like he tells Dipper you become without a body?
#hugin rambles#hugin rambles gf#bill cipher#the book of bill#tbob spoilers#thisisnotawebsitedotcom#gravity falls#gravity falls meta#bill ci the triangle guy#theres so many questions and i get part of it is just not explained and likelye never will be and thats also FUN to play with#but its also super curious because there is a v large time where you DONT know a pivotal part of Bill's existence. like he presumably also#dated a howling void? when does that fit in or is it another bit?#but like... the implications about his power and his form and euclydia burning. like fuck#also putting my chips on he was accused directly after and escaped the authorities. and has been chased since and he was like well okay ill#be fucking monster then actively#although it is an interesting thought experiment if it was slowly over time it snowballed into him having a god-complex#also like LOVE getting into how magic works. like okay tell me the technical details. fanfics which go into this i devour with delight#is he an actual demon or it is it just classed as he makes deals? are these deals binding? is it also something that then peovides hik with#power in that sense? oughhh so many good questions.#trying not to feel like Ford excitedly pulling out a clipboard to record all my theories and failing whoops#also like im aware parts of this will be not accurate and perfectly smooth for Bill's powers and char development because its always been#predicated on whats funnier rather then it being a self-formed idea fully fleshed at the beginning of the series
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sir john what
#hehe i think i’m funny#who wants to go on a picnic and read love poems to each other#+ then suck on some tiddies#i def read most of the poems in this book i promise it’s not just a prop and ya girl can read#did u guys know i love green#i feel like it’s almost fall vibes + i’m v v excited#curly + curvy#i would wear a bra but i don’t want to#if u read the tags this far u have a crush on me sorry we have to be lovers now#😘😘#biblically accurate asteroid
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no idea when im going to finish this so take the sketch for now !
my solution to dnd brainrot was just to create a way too fleshed out ham dnd au <3
#hamilton#hamilton musical#hamilton fanart#thomas jefferson#alexander hamilton#jamilton#thomas jefferson x alexander hamilton#dnd au#thomas: arch fey pact of the blade warlock#alex: storm sorcery sorcerer#burr: wizard#because wizard v sorcerer fueds are hilarious and i feel like accurate to their dynamic#as much fun as wizard alex would be#thomas obvi a warlock because ofc he would inherit power and not work for it#and because being soulless makes sense for him hes a dick#i could word vomit about this au so much
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okay i need feedback from the autism mentall illness website um. this is going to read like an AITA post. brother vs half-sister (who are currently my dependents do to their own individual disabilities + ptsd/depression) spat i will skim the details on but i'm worried my sister will discount my take since i'm not autistic myself so. am i crazy to call it ableist to look at an autistic person (23) who is clearly going through it dealing w long term depression, a world that doesn't give a shit abt him, unemployment, very self-isolated and burnt out barely leaving his room because the world is an ableist dumpster fire with zero opportunities for him, and then bring up childhood abuse he's suffered and his diagnosis as reasonable factors on top of this to worry he'll [checks notes] abuse my cat just to hurt me or even worse have a breakdown and kill me and his other sibling in a violent episode, a train of thought i probably wouldn't even be having were he not [checks notes] mad at me for the first time in my life?
like i don't have any other read on this kind of fear-based characterization other than ableism. like those are very real things in his life but she never points out any current violent behavior, of which there are none, only the one (1) instance of him lashing out when he was like 14 and Officially Diagnosed Low Empathy she thinks is a concern and Hateful Looks toward her since he stopped getting along with her, that's it. i tried explaining to her why i, someone who's lived w him his entire life, can vouch for how unlikely he is to do anything like that, especially when it's again not based on anything he's actually currently doing except for isolating in a way that is much more indicative of him potentially being a danger to himself than anyone else, and being cold towards her specifically, and i thought she had let it go, but when i brought it up off-hand in a conversation tangentially related, she continued to defend and justify her Concern about the potential directions his behavior could lead to because [checks notes] other people in similar situations have lashed out and killed their entire families according to. true crime books or videos she's watched on youtube as far as i'm aware. ignoring the fact that her and i have had the same or Worse childhood abuse and have acted similarly isolated in the past, or for her literally just as currently as him, and she's not expressed any worry past or present about either of us doing anything like that, in my opinion obviously because i haven't cut her off due to our differences like he decided to. like am i big sibling biased because this is pissing me off so bad.
#j.txt#autism#ableism#very sorry to hang all my dirty laundry like this but she is absolutely the type of person to not take accusations of ableism seriously#due to being disabled/traumatized herself and i. feel like she thinks just because she's fixated on and consumed so much about like#mental disorders and illness and whatever she thinks she's an expert on it#enough to like. non-gendered equivalent mansplain peoples' own traumas and disorders to them lol which she has done to me as well#my brother actually last i checked felt like his diagnosis wasn't even accurate#but to me knowing our mom was v ableist antivax about her understanding of autism and a very neurotypical definition of it#it makes sense if the criterias or definitions don't feel accurate to him#idk. IDK#um. if this gets no engagement i'll delete it rather quick probably i just#don't wanna talk out of my ass when i'm not even autistic yk#i'm very aware i can be biased about him vs her because i actually grew up w him and he's younger than us but like#i havent heard him use her own diagnosis and childhood trauma and ugly moments in this way to justify his bad faith characterizations of he#so it's very much. just something she's doing. if my brother started doin it too i'd have the same conversation but he hasn't which i think#is u.m Telling <3#like She's the one actually complaining about how he assumes the worst of her in everything she does now and it makes her feel awful#meanwhile she. probably doesn't say any of this to Him but boy has she talked about it with me!#if it's not obvious we are all very mentally ill trapped in a house 2gether trying to save up to move so we can get away from each other lo
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WHAT TAROT CARD ARE YOU?
JUSTICE.
What would you do to ensure justice? You know full well I don’t speak of lofty ideals and courts and magistrates, dearest. What would you do to those that hurt you? If I dropped them in your lap, what would you do? What kind of pain could you possibly inflict upon them? You are right to do so. You are right to want to do so. Ignore the screaming, dearest, you are the hand of justice now, and they hurt you. Do not look too closely at their faces, dearest. You are within your rights. You spell out your own rights, now. Are you happy about it? Are you certain that this is the right person you hold by the hair? Does your anger hurt less now?
tagged by: @kaerinio u cute puta ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ tagging: @sanctissimx (leander + sen!), @sunderer (babygirl), @tearenola (juno!), @rotdame , @biskael , @sil3nth1lls , @remauriel , @zorkaya , @deathdates , + you !
#studies. ╾ (hc)#v. interesting and accurate answer#i think vere holds a lot of anger and resentment in him from being chained by the senobium for so long#and his hatred has probably grown towards the people of eridia too#i'd say he definitely feels wronged in that he's been taken from his home#and made into a tool and/or experiment for humans to abuse their power with#even if he's also just their “guard dog” unwillingly
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hey guys does anybody know whats the date today
#.... SORRY.#posts by me dot com#ok. i rembered it was hs day today and did this in about. 1 hour. at 5am rip#i. TTRULY did not spend enough time + i dont rmb enough to give them accurate and true classpects. but#okay. heres my rationale for all of them#callie rogue. obvs. her family are smugglers. she took one of those smuggled goods (serpent egg) and tried to give it to someone better.#stealing and redistributing hope etc. hope i chose for idea of potential & infinite possibilities (destiny peregrines).#also if i rmb right.. hope is one of the classes for like losers. which. i mean that is all of duck teams. losers who realise they suck#AND kick ass#sol blood. connections & bonds we fight for. also his whole arc abt family. etc etc#page because. ok uh#pages have a whole thing of starting out as nobodies and becoming someone. v dteam. i did also consider giving him knight but. ultimately#wanted to draw sol in the page shorts shorts. so. well.#calder i was. least sure abt#gave him void i think relates to his feeling of smallness/insignificance/uselessness + the helm...#and a knight. bcus hes a selfsacrificing guy. also his entire character is like... protecting ppl. very knightly#i dont remember that much abt the knight class tbh tho. RIP#also not featured but oliana/aryox seers of mind. OBVS#......... we are NOT main tagging this one gang B)
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Wait hold on I just noticed something really funny.
I'm sure we all remember the incredibly gay moment of Domi quoting her father at Jeanne to talk about "enjoying her beauty:"
But! I just realized that this line was changed a bit from the real de Sade quote. The real life version that's usually quoted is this: "Sexual pleasure is, I agree, a passion to which all others are subordinate but in which they all unite." To be really reductive, it's essentially saying "everything is about sex."
Which like. This line as written was already a lot. But so long as there was no translation weirdness, we can assume that Mochijun picked this line out for this scene based on the "sexual pleasure" version. Hello lesbians.
#I took a look at the japanese version of this scene#and as far as I can tell 'acts of pleasure' is the accurate translation of the vnc version#so I assume this was a deliberate censorship choice on mochijun's part. which. fair#can't just come out and say the word in your shonen series#also now that I'm really looking at it. I can feel an essay brewing about this quote in the context of vnc#there's some v v interesting thematic relevance going on there#both with the original and the altered version#vnc#vanitas no carte#the case study of vanitas#english major hours#domijeanne#domijeanne tag
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I actually don’t think I’m strong enough to make it through the rest of brokeback mountain this shit is devastating
#it’s so EARNEST and raw and like filmed so beautifully and so full of feeling I can’t got to the end#bc I have seen the back half of this movie once w my dad bc it was playing on tv and so I’ve seen like from when Anne Hathaway arrives on#but god I don’t think I’m strong enough wtf do you mean Ennis is happily playing in the snow with his wife#I’m abt to be Jack Teist in a way that is gayer and more accurate than everyone else bc I was just in Wyoming for the last year#and the whole time I thought this was set in Montana like then they were like throwing out town names like I KNOW THAT SPOT#and the Basque shepherds part is so accurate bc they r still a big part of the sheep/ wool industry culture n v cool ppl#one of the only decent things I wrote for that job was about the sheepherders festival god I should’ve gotten one of those shirts ugh#need 2 go to that museum to see the cowboy poetry before I move all my shit again#mine#brokeback mountain#movies
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(pjo spoilers if you havent seen it yet but bestie the book came out almost 20 years ago....where u been)
this is just about the pacing and actual format of the show but i feel like lukes betrayal could've been so much more impactful if we actually saw more of luke (and his bond with percy) throughout the show. and i don't necessarily mean add more luke scenes. even just moving the scene of them training in the forest to half way through the show (or better yet the beginning) could've been a huge help. we learned the episode before that percy thinks its clarisse. we knew it wasn't going to be clarisse because we could tell there was supposed to be some grand revelation and him thinking its clarisse sort of eliminates her as the culprit. the way they framed it made it obvious luke was the traitor. annabeth is obviously not it. they already sorta went down the grover path. we know it's not going to actually be clarisse. what other kid were we introduced to? luke. by process of elimination it had to be him. and if you didn't already figure that out by then, adding the scene of luke and percy training and talking at the beginning of an episode that reveals the traitor when we haven't really seen luke for most of the show? pretty dead giveaway. we had maybe an episode or two actually at camp? we could've snuck the scene in there instead. or we could put the flashback at a more inconspicuous point like midway and not....literally the finale. like...idk the conversation luke had with percy in that scene felt like it would've reflected better in percy if we had seen it earlier. like...before he met his dad idk. i do recognize this show is for like 13 year olds and it's not that deep but 🤷🏻♀️
#im probably definitely being picky#im still v happy for rick#i feel like if anyone critiques this show the fandom will jump down your throat since its more accurate than the movie and rick likes it#i know we all want to love it but if we dont thats okay....and even if we do were allowed to critique it jfc#anyways dont jump on my dick this is just my opinions and preferences#pjo critical#pjo#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#percy jackson and the olympians#disney pjo#luke castellan#charlie bushnell#walker scobell#pjo spoilers#...🦇
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hey, something i've been struggling with recently is i've been struggling with "finding my people" because i'm a minority in my hometown, and a lot of people... aren't. they don't understand me, and often when i try to get them to understand they seem like they fall back into the old systems they were traumatized with (elitism, classism ect.,). 1/2 -solidarity anon
Im gunna say this at the top, this is so rough and im so sorry you gotta go through this sweetie. We are so isolated and filtered into categories within our current system in order to keep that isolation and to fight solidarity and unity. Now I cannot know for 100% sure what your going through or the extend your suffering. But will say I am from and currently still live in a oil loving, god fearing, anti-LGBT, and very racist city while i was raised wiccan by a poly core family and all my gay aunts/uncles and have been dreaming of an earthship my whole life plus every summer id be stuck in an even more harsh farming community that was so small they gotntheir first street light when i was 9 and the chruch is also town hall (mayor works in a wing off of the building). So there is at least some overlap in the experiences your having.
But that being said, how I got weirdly connected to people and involved in so many projects and stuff might not work for you.
Personally? I just yelled and yelled about the injustice of the system at work, about cool forestry projects and people buying ghost towns to start up Co-loving villages. Sharing discworld and different philosophers with coworkers backed up by their fave hobby. About how terrible the conservative politics are. About how cool transit could be if we funded it. About community art projects and how cool solar glass would make things look. About drags shows and events and did you know there is A SOUP FESTIVAL? I'm autistic and have only really interacted my whole childhood with friends with ADHD so my brain is weird and won't shut up once it starts going.
As a result of my ramblings, I have gotten a lot of responses mostly ones that are positive since if they didn't agree with my absurdist philosophy ramblings or solar project ideas they'd just leave the coffee shop. If they enjoyed it, say they want to join a community garden/event or if someone was as stoked as I was about again UNLIMITED TASTINGS SOUP FESTIVAL than we'd chat about that. The thing is a lot of these things have overlap. Someone who wants to convert their lawn into a pollinators habitate prob also likes little libraries and as a result prob also likes the idea of dark sky street lights. And down the rabbit hole you go.
That being said... my best actual advice is 2 pronged.
RESEARCH and REACH OUT
I personally have done years worth of research on my city. What local events and politics are happening? Even in rural places there is at least garderns, there's engineers, there's usually a LGBT focused club. And from these spaces, you can build a network. Doing research I found out about 5 different organizations in my city (most of which was founded 40 yrs ago??) That where sustainability focused. Doing research made me realize how cool community associations could be and how I could help mine out. It also gives you all those ideas for convos.
Second, I reached out to those groups about weird ideas I had, about if I could hang up posters for them in my local area, if I could buy groups worth of tickets in advance, and than also reaching out to the ppl I already talked to and had these ppl interact. My fave example of this is T. T is an engineer who built a fully functioning solar car during his degree program but specializes in hydroponics (how we ended up talking was over plants) he than gets shown my fave farm near by and now he's building the farms hydro system and Seedling house. Writing in to newsletter ppl and showing off weird layout design. This is ultimately very anxiety indusing. What if I'm bothering them? Why should I be spamming them like this? But the secret here is-
No one will ever be mad about you showing interest in their interest once you find those ppl. They want the interaction just as much as you do.
#sprout guide#solarpunk#community#hopepunk#connecting is so hard and swallowing differences that might seem hostile is so hard#asks#if you need more direct answers id need a more accurate idea how small/area if the place you live in sadly#so this is v broad#but feel free to DM me bout it with more details if you want
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pretty boy
#these needed their own post because as you know he is my boy mein junge <3#actual race post soon btw its just queued cause i dont like posting too much at once but podium seb is v important to me#im very in love w when they just focus on the race winner when they play the anthem#this is probably an unhinged comment but like wow its crazy how much his hair has grown since the beginning of the season#where did my little kiwi fruit go dskjld#but he has not yet reached the peak angelic curly haired beauty of 2010#in typical catie fashion let me please disclose which song i listened to while making these#bcs like when you listen to a song on loop while doing something they just become inextricably linked in your mind#'Linger' - The Cranberries#id say its pretty accurate to how i feel abt him#YOU KNOW IM SUCH A FOOL FOR YOUUUU YOU GOT ME WRAPPED AROUND YOUR FINGERRR#sebastian vettel#2009 british gp#2009 british grand prix#sv5#f1#formula 1#formula one#we do a little bit of f1#season: 2009
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I'm really afraid I don't know how to really write geto anymore,
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WHAT'S YOUR ROLE IN THE FOUND FAMILY DYNAMIC ??
tagged by: @heartxshaped-bruises (thank you!!) tagging: @itsacriime (benz) @idleds (musician sg) @adorajpg (micah) @meantome
and more tags because i cannot for the life of me figure out why tumblr won't let me @ more than 5 in a row: @volonata @tewwor (ravi) @weedzkiller (matthew) @xinxiins (lcy) love you all !!
golden verse: THE PROTECTIVE ONE — it does not require much for you to take someone under your wing. you have a knack for seeing the best in others and rooting for them, and they look up to you in turn. they feel that you are safe to go to in times of chaos or strife, and are calmed by your presence. you take extra measures to make sure everyone feels supported. things that others might not even consider, you have already likely accounted for. in most scenarios, you are "the leader." your struggles tend to come from your desire to provide things to others. you want to give, to see those you love happy, to make wherever you are a place of comfort. your failures hit you hard because you see this as your responsibility, and you hate to let people down. …okay, yes, there's no avoiding it: this is the parent friend.
otherside verse: THE HEART FULL OF FAITH — at some point in your life, you've probably been told you're "the glue" keeping a certain group of people together. you look on the bright side of things. you are able to convince someone that everything will be alright. your (found) family walks away from you feeling strengthened by your faith and--let's face it--wisdom. hopefully, you aren't being taken for granted in this. keeping morale up comes naturally to you. you probably do plenty without even realizing it. you're a good listener, thoughtful, kind. even leaders come to you for guidance. you may or may not be keen on being in charge yourself, but you are trustworthy, and you do right by the people who depend on you. the only person you can't always see clearly is yourself. it's easy to tell someone their potential but incredibly difficult to realize your own. you need the support of others just as much as they need you--but once you're put to the test, you'll realize you had the right stuff in you all along.
bitter verse: THE BRAINS — people are not so much your forte. you are more at home with thoughts, ideas, hobbies, skills. as such, you probably have to learn how to work well with others--but once you do, hey, it has its moments. while you are treasured for your ability to solve problems, people also have this unique love of novelty. when you break from your schedule, when you say something no one is expecting--that's novel. you are as curious and lovable as the subjects you study. you are family. this place is not the same without your witty comments and wry observations. you definitely feel more comfortable when someone needs a straightforward answer than a shoulder to cry on, but it's not impossible to give both. know that your family loves you for more than that, though, and will (usually) remember to respect your boundaries.
#ooc#games#v: golden.#v: otherside.#v: bitter.#//oh my god#golden and bitter are so accurate#did nOT expect otherside tho#he could be so full of love and light but he doesn't feel it right now :c
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No but something I love is how fucking loyal Miklan really is (in Hopes specifically since we don't have enough information in Houses).
At the camp, he takes his job seriously. Very seriously. He doesn't act begrudging or like he's just doing anything by force. As the chapters go on he not only goes from relatively aloof to a full fledged commander (which is great development in that span of chapters btw considering how fast the story has to progress) and one who fights for Faerghus because he wants to (why would he reassure the player that he's going to, literally, hold down the fort? Why doesn't he flee when his life is in immediate danger despite that Dimtiri prefers his allies to flee and save their lives over sacrificing themselves? Why does he like helping citizens who had their lands destroyed by the war, despite being a bandit who used to plunge towns just like those?).
At any time when the Empire was attacking, he could've surrendered and even joined their side because of not liking Faerghus and its people... if he didn't like Faerghus and its people. Also, someone brought this up to me once that Miklan likely has family in the Empire still, because his mother was from the Empire. He had a perfectly good out that wouldn't even necessarily be considered treason to Faerghus, i.e. surrendering and going to the Empire to protect that side of his family.
He doesn't. He dies for Faerghus. It was both a matter of honor due to the fact that he was finally living the life he always should've been and wanted to be respected for that, and also his loyalty that followed in the past's wrongs being righted. No matter what you think of Miklan post disinheritance, he was the heir who was removed because he didn't have a Crest. All over just that, despite that Sylvain having a Crest never meant they didn't still have someone capable of fighting off Sreng invasions.
They had someone able to wield the Lance of Ruin, so why did it matter if he was officially the heir? Miklan felt like his life was stolen from him (and I'm not saying what he did to Sylvain was okay either). Dimitri gave him all of that back and he started to become loyal to Faerghus and its king because Dimitri was giving the chance even the man's own father never gave him from the moment Sylvain was determined to have a Crest.
What happened in his life before Dimitri had him brought to him as soon as he became king is, in a way, almost like it never happened as far as Miklan's behavior. It was obviously there at first, but over time it's like it never happened. That is, if someone met him and didn't know about his past, by chapter 9 they'd never even know he'd had that history. He was the person he would've been years ago if he hadn't been disinherited, which led to the mess that led to him being disowned (and he says he just "left", but Matthias doesn't mince facts. At all. If that had been the case he wouldn't just say he disowned him. He would admit Miklan ran away. That means Miklan claims he left as a means of coping and trying to convince other people that it was his choice and not forced on him).
Miklan became a lot more loyal than he's ever given credit for, both in the game and in the fandom. Gwendal did recognize it, but that's about all we're given.
Gwendal corrected himself when Miklan died, referring to him instead as Sir Miklan instead of the insults he was spewing during their fight which were very clearly pissing Miklan off; but Miklan kept fighting and defending the fort, not just because he wanted to prove Gwendal wrong but because he was here because he was pulled out of his life as a bandit. The people he was defending the fort for were the people who effectively gave him his life back.
Basically, he would've been there in that fort defending it anyway if he had lived the life he should have to begin with. If his value was acknowledged all along, he would've been defending the most important fort in Faerghus all along (if this exact scenario occurred and everything was the same except him being disowned in the first place). He would be there being the commander and fighter he was supposed to be.
Mind you, it was the king himself who gave him that chance, meaning the person who reigns over Faerghus and has the most power to change whatever the hell he wants - including how people with Crests and without are treated. Miklan was part of a fight to better their society and be part of the new generation taking over. Nobody could truly change things unless the king - the top power - had the thought to change them (not saying Lambert thought the political climate was good the way it was, but he clearly had other priorities and it didn't seem to be something weighing on his mind. He may not have even truly noticed the problems and power discrepancies because he was so focused on other things).
However, the moment the king thought to change all that old stuff, Miklan was one of the first people who came to mind, and one of the first people he took action regarding, to integrate into his new army (and he even mentioned completely rearranging his army and whatnot, and then we find out he had Miklan located basically right after becoming king. We had a two year timeskip and Miklan had been there for those two years because of how soon after Dimitri was crowned that he had decided to bring Miklan back and give him another chance).
If the king sought to change things and was taking active action to prove it, that was something Miklan could see and realize was actually going to happen. It wasn't a blind trust - he could see Dimitri was actually doing it. He had a reason to be able to trust him with this.
He was also able to trust the people who were watching over him, i.e. the people Dimitri had making sure he didn't revert back to any sort of banditry. Those people could have easily faked it, made up that he did something and that they had killed him on the spot. Dimitri trusted those people not to do that of course, but those people were not told to bring him to Dimitri if he did anything. They were told to apprehend him and kill him immediately (which is reasonable, given what he'd done in the past, and they wouldn't want to try to wait to get Dimitri over to wherever they were. If Miklan escaped in that time, they'd just have a big problem on their hands).
So that is to say, those people could've just faked it at any point and killed him. They didn't. They, like Dimitri, were willing to give him another chance provided he didn't do anything bad.
The same goes for Felix and everyone else who had qualms about him being allowed into their army. Dimitri explicitly stated if anyone had issues with his appointment as a commander to "by all means" kill him themselves. He literally made it an open option for his friends to just up and kill him if they truly couldn't forgive him (which at that point was more reasonable of a time because the war was still new and people didn't know if they could trust him with this specific appointment yet. By later in the story I don't think it would have been as reasonable for someone to try to kill him after he'd already been proving himself).
In other words, nobody did it. Everyone, literally everyone, backed off and respected Dimitri's decision (and technically Sylvain and Matthias' as well). None of those people, even when given open opportunity, turned a weapon on him. Not one. These people all gave him a chance. These are the same people he died fighting for, and for himself to be able to feel like he was fighting and dying for what he would have to begin with if he hadn't been disinherited - Faerghus and its people.
In the end Miklan was in both rank and heart a top ranking commander of Faerghus and he both appreciated it and knew he appreciated it. He was looking forward to the future Dimitri would bring, basically saying that he thinks Dimitri is a fool ("weak-willed") for it but that he now believes in it too. If anyone wants to try arguing those points, I have receipts as the young folk call them, fresh from Miklan himself about his feelings about it as spoken to Catherine and Shamir!
Miklan fought for the future he was hoping to see, and he died protecting that future. Again, not something he by any means whatsoever had to do. He was tasked with guarding the fortress, but was never told to lay down his life defending it. After years and years of being hateful and angry, he finally had some peace of mind and hope for what he could be. He was loyal to Dimitri in the end because Dimitri was loyal to him - that is, he kept his word and Miklan was able to thrive in Dimitri's society without being a bandit or having to worry about his future because of his status.
Like Dimitri said, the only thing holding him down by that point were his past mistakes. It was up to Miklan to do something about that for himself with the opportunity he was given to fix it. Dimitri said here, fix it, and Miklan said okay, and worked to fix it. For me the saddest part is that he didn't even get enough time to properly fix it and be able to be free of his past. He died for Faerghus though, with his dying words being that he was able to buy them time (to arrive and fight back against the attacking Empire). That's not something someone who holds a resentful grudge would say in their last moments. He was grateful he managed to buy the other fighters time, even though it cost him his life.
hopes was a dumpster fire a whole lot of times but its incorporation of miklan into the plot was not one of them. miklan fire emblem my love you will live on in my heart and in my fics. i am also deeply grateful to hopes for uh i guess hopes-canonizing (hopesonizing???) basically every one of my headcanons about him before the game came out.
#Miklan#Miklan Anschutz Gautier#remember the time i mentioned working on a fic and it was an au and like#i had planned to kill him and glenn off together for the plot? and how i scrapped it bc i got too attached to them?#and i couldn't go through with it when i thought abt sylvain and miklan's could be would be relationship?#that was me on the right track for the rest of my life. even back then i see i had a FEELING#i just KNEW something. funny enough in hopes miklan has a line that's like#pretty close to what i had him say in the fic... so uh my assertions and understandings of his character#were scarily accurate before we had anything but him as an enemy in houses to go by#and what dimitri talked abt post that chapter. uhhh maybe i am a miklan whisperer???#anyway miklan is easily by far the most underrated character in the entirety of hopes#and one of the most underrated characters overall#he has one of the most interesting stories from start to finish (esp in hopes)#how he was a noble family's heir to being disinherited to becoming an angry and hateful child#to growing up like that bc evidently nobody tried to steer him on the right path#to getting disowned only to be disowned for a lol measly for few months or so TOPS in hopes lmao#before being told to come back. in houses he was disowned presumably exactly as long but#dimitri wasn't the top power of faerghus. he couldn't have made the decision he got to make in hopes#so ofc the whole yeehaw lance of ruin thing happened. in hopes' case he was gone that long and just#took a vacation basically and came back and was basically told /B E H A V E/#except everyone was finally trying to steer him in the right direction even if it was SUUUPER fucking late#and he was grown up and set in his ways/behaviors/mannerisms that arose due to his childhood and onward#BUT from there and after being a very spiteful bandit he pulled himself together and was genuinely happier for it#enough to the point of considering himself ''weak willed'' to have started to believe in these visions dimitri has for the future#it makes me sad how he died in ag and like... even outside of ag there was never any hope of that family being whole#they weren't whole from the moment sylvain was determined to have a crest#and they couldn't be whole in houses bc dimitri never had the chance to change anything#then in hopes they could never be whole bc a different gautier dies in every hopes route#my poor fam never even had a chance to be whole again even though they genuinely tried so hard to be ;n; ;n; ;n;
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putting some of the explorers personality test questions through a shitty old english translator to try to emulate how pla!arceus talks and this one has me dying laughing holy shit
#leaning loos...#yeah i dont think i'll be using this one auhsduihsfuikhg#im not going for accurate bc i doubt its v accurate in pla but this is. too much lol#kinda shifting some questions a lil too. pmd is obvs aimed at kids#but the older i get the less it feels like it makes sense for most these protags to be children y/k? i wanna generalise the school question
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