ohmynaps

[littleeyesofpallas]

Oh hey so here's a thing that we never really got proper follow up on, and in fact if anything some late additions to canon just kind of... not quite "contradict" the implicit world building but kind of just exist without addressing the existing hooks?(i hope that makes sense) I'm talking around the subject... I mean the dual zanpakutou and what that actually seems to say about their wielders and how Ichigo absolutely does not fulfill that same criteria with his bullshit final zanpakutou, either played straight or as a subversion.

I have sort of talked about the zanpakutou names themselves but I didn't really stray into the territory of character analysis too much. Kyroraku and Ukitake both have implicit dual personas that are reflected in their swords, at least at first. And Ichigo pretty distinctly doesn't, not in the same way at least, although there is sort of a caveat to that, but I'm already getting ahead of myself...

I'll start with Kyouraku since his is probably the least consequential, and the most overtly addressed... On the one hand Katen[花天] probably comes from the more specific Chinese phrase Huā tiānnǚ[花天女], I specify because it has much more concrete artistic associations than [花天] does, either in Chinese or Japanese, and is a minor figure of Chinese celestial bureaucracy often depicted as a beautiful young woman flying thru the heavens scattering flower petals from a bouquet or basket of flowers. The garden she tends is comprised of all the most beautiful and exotic flowers, posses magical qualities such that the fruits of her garden can grant immorality or magical powers, and the petals she scatters all over the world bring happiness and good fortune.

Clearly her evocation here is an allusion to Kyoruaku's outward demeanor as a kind of pampered, decedent lover of good drink, music/poetry, and women. There are a few things in his name that all point to this as well, beyond just his visual design: Kyoraku[京楽] reading as "(Imperial)Capitol + Music/pleasure/comfort" and Shunsui[春水] as "Spring(the season) + Water," the associations with spring somewhat implicitly involving cherry blossoms, making the phrase sort of analogous to "rose water" or "sweet water."

And then Kyoukotsu[狂骨] is a yokai that takes the form of a skeletal old man that haunts the bucket of an abandoned well. It's got some weird uncertain regional etymologies that sort of suggest it could be any of a number of euphemisms, but I'm not certain which if any are relevant to this. There is one i stumbled into that, given the casual nature of all this, i did not think to record like a citation as i didnt think it'd be so hard to track down again... that said it was used as a kind of slang towards a crazy person or a raucous drunk. I don't want to lean too heavily on that when I can't corroborate it, but it did feel like it made a lot of sense: you drink(from a well) something you shouldn't(i.e. cursed) and it makes you violent and/or crazy.

And more over, their release call is,

Hanakaze midarete Kashin naki, Tenpuu midarete Tenma warau

[花風紊れて花神啼き, 天風紊れて天���嗤う]

"FlowerWind in disarray FlowerSpirit(s) cry, HeavenWind in disarray Tenma* laughs/ridicules."

There is a distinct bit of poeticism here with Hana... ka[花... 花...] referring to "flowers," Ten... Ten[天... 天...] referring to "heaven," midarete[紊れて... 紊れて...] referring to things "in disarray," and kaze... fuu[...風, ...風] referring to "wind." And notably while there are obvious thematic links back to Katen, there's not actually much reference to Kyokotsu, apart from vague tonal implications. Still, the message seems very clear: The pleasant scent of flowers and aesthetic of petals on the wind are disrupted, flower spirits/god(s) cry/wail in pain or otherwise distress. And at the same time, in the same way, a divine wind/winds of heaven, something that is implicitly a blessing or relief, a kind of god send, is disrupted and the evil spirit Mara laughs or jeers. A good thing is spoiled and divine forces make noises of distress and malice.

This just reinforces the names' dualistic themes that suggest there is a dark side to Kyoraku's penchant for unrestrained revelry. While that could be taken a number of ways, the most surface level one would seem to suggest that for all the boisterous drinking and partying he does, he in fact has a violent abusive drunken side to him as well, past some certain point.

Mara btw is a sort of "demon" in buddhism with a lot of associated themes, not the least of which being seduction, and the derailing of one's path towards enlightenment --in Japanese in particular his name is associated with sexual temptation and masturbation, and yeah he's the penis chariot summon in SMT. He is very specifically the giant demon featured in classical art of the samsara --the cosmological wheel of reincarnation within which all living things exist. So when Mara laughs, it's not just a matter of generic evil, it's the victory of base material temptation over enlightenment. By all rights this makes it sound like Kyoraku's shikai is a matter of trading in his easygoing demeanor for a more violent and darker side.

But as we know that isn't quite how things panned out... Rather, the reveal of that very change in tone just got sorta kicked down the road a bit and became a part of his bankai rather than his shikai. But the implicit themes of the zanpakutou's name, and the zanpakutout themselves, suggests that Kyoraku has two swords because he has two truths, two inner selves rather than one: the one that is personified by heavenly flowers, and the one personified by malice and drink.

And I guess just to clarify, I find it really weird that Kubo went and canonized Masashi Kudo's zanpakutou filler arc designs that way he did, and I still sort of regard them and even their inclusion in the manga proper to be kind of non-canon? I know that's a weird bold arbitrary claim, but even as he used the designs they don't feel like they contribute at all to their own theme or shtick. Like, they were clearly designed with no insight to the shikai's actual powers, the designs are nonsensical (the swords printed on her kimono? european oujo drills on a japanese design? the frills on a kimono? the nonsense exposed midriff on kyoukotsu? it's just a mess) they aren't even named accordingly, you'd think the light tone of Katen would lend itself to the shikai's children's game theme and thus the diminutive one of the pair, and Kyoukotsu the darker themes and thus the noh and bunraku theatre thus the older of the two, splitting them between children's play and adult play. But no.

Anyway... that just being part of the set up for the fact that...

Ukitake's got a whole daoist yin-yang thing going on. His theming is a little less obvious at a glance, but pretty distinct in the broader context of things, and eventually ironically nailed down a little more firmly by Kudo's still not especially canon design work for the anime filler: The courtly heian robes the kids are put in are part of the iconic onmyoji image of daoist mystics who served the imperial court as advisors in spite of their non samurai/nobility status. The yin and yang motif is alluded to in the "twin fish" aspect of Sougyo no Kotowari[双魚理]: "Law of Pair(ed) Fish" which is itself later alluded to in the Hell Jaws Wailing/Christening oneshot. Unlike Katen Kyokotsu, there aren't two distinct facets to the sword name, and unlike Kyoraku's katana and wakizashi set, Ukitake has a single sealed katana that splits into two for shikai, all suggesting that the nature of the two fish is that they are a singular unit rather than distinct facets. This makes sense of course because the nature of yin and yang as positive and negative elements is that they are in constant struggle but balanced, and cannot exist without one another.

But the nature of the zanpakutou, again, suggests that Ukitake's soul exists as both sides of that balance, that he is is innately capable of just as much "evil" as he is good. And this underlying tone of something sinister beneath his kindly demeanor is something Kubo sort of tries to paly with but never really fully pulls the trigger on. This theme is where the Fullbringer arc's underutilized bit where Ukitake has been using the substitute badge as a means of surveillance, and where Ukitake is implicitly the one who stripped Ginjo of his powers in the first place, having also monitored him during his tenure as substitute. It implies that, like Kyoraku's two sides to his drink and revelry, Ukitake's inner truth about being an agent of cosmic balance comes in a dark and a light form.

So then there's this thing about Ichigo's stupid new zangetsu(s) where he both has two swords now like Kyoraku and Ukitake, but also doesn't because we get the janky sort of excuse that "oh they're not really two different swords one's just a sheath and their true form is one sword."

And to be fair, while I find the explicit use of that line to try and handwave... i don't know what exactly, but it definitely felt like Kubo thought he was patching up some kind of plothole when he brought it up... we technically already knew that was the case leading up to the first time he addressed it with the final getsuga thing.

In the first inner world fight, the hollow was just a part of Zangetsu that he was able to sort of produce and later reabsorb, and implicitly the opposite was true when the hollow appeared alone during the Visored training: they exist as two sides of the same coin, and can just kind of flip flop control as needed. This made sense as an expression of Ichigo's misguided struggle to deny and rid himself of his hollow --he didn't have two spirits he had one, which again we already knew, but it needed to be confirmed and addressed to cap off Ichgio's arc of self discovery.

Then Kubo tried to sort of rehash this dynamic with the whole the hollow is the sword, and Zangetsu is actually Yhwach's quincy blood just holding the hollow/shinigami side back, but it makes distinctly less sense because when Nimaiya forges the new sword(s) the two spirits show up as separate entities, one per sword. Plus the stupid retconned excuse that, oh no they weren't ever actually the same thing, the whole absorbing thing was just Yhwach actively suppressing the shinigami side. So then what does this really say about Ichigo's nature? Does he have a dualistic nature or doesn't he? Are they two facets of his inner truth, or are/were they always the same singular truth and realizing that was the entire key to self actualization and his true power?

At face value the new explanation divides his identity into shinigami and quincy, despite him having no actual functioning identity as a quincy factionally or culturally, and on a personal level he never actually does anything to reconcile this identity crisis. I know it's a long way around to just point out that it fumbles the theming a lot here, when that was fairly evident even without the context, but I guess I just wanted to bolster that. In the first place i think everyone reading at the time understood it to feel very inauthentic as a twist? like most of the developments of the late arc. Just another case of Kubo phishing around fandom chatter for stupid ideas he could play into to siphon ratings out of.

But again the bottom line being that we had precedent for Ichigo to have two swords in one of two ways: Ukitake's style of having a single identity that encompasses both the best and worst of his inner truth, or Kyoraku's suggested style in which his two facets exist in distinct and separate entities but ultimately both reflect him as truths about his nature. But Ichgio doesn't really do that. His original balance of shinigami and hollow seemed to be a satisfactory solution in the style of Ukitake's, and if he'd just had one shinigami/hollow sword and one quincy sword, that might have been acceptable in Kyouraku's style, but the flipflopping between the two by making the final form just a big sword inside a different big sword where one of the big swords is a sword, but the other sword is just a sheath to hold the first sword(???) is just this bizarre gibberish of themes and symbols.

(I've had this thing sitting in drafts for so long i forgot abotu it. and I swear I had some kind of actual conclusion I was working toward across various rewrites but i don't remember what it was anymore... anyway it's taking up space in my drafts that could be better used, so out it goes..)

[javaghoul]

Partner has Relapsed

i don't usually use trigger warnings, but I'm going to put this under the cut. Nothing specific has been mentioned, but I know first hand this can be heavy.

When he is told that his partner has relapsed, Kaneki is heartbroken. And whilst he listens to his partner talk about it, when he's on his own later on, he gets wrapped up running over recent events, trying to spot signs that something wasn't right. He inadvertently starts distancing himself from them -temporarily- so he can make sense of it.

Uta is empathetic. He's been there. He understands. He knows he can't healthily stop his partner from doing whatever it is they're trying to recover from, but he does emphasize that they're to try and come to him first. He keeps a close eye on them.

Oh poor Hide is devastated, but does a good job at keeping it together for his partner's sake when everything is laid out. He's an optimistic sort, and reminds them that relapses are part of recovery, and it isn't failure. He's also reminding himself of this. Makes sure he's spending more time around them, almost to the point of clingyness.

The first emotion Touka feels is anger: they were doing so well, why why why did they revert back?! After she's said her bit, she gets more level-headed and tries to make sense of what happened. Like Kaneki, she ruminates over what happened, but then takes a more proactive approach and figures out ways she can help.

Depending on the context, Naki may not totally understand the complexity of the situation, but he does know that something bad has happened and that his partner is hurting. He's going to cry; for them, their pain, and possibly out of the frustration of not being able to do anything.

Like his niece, Yomo is pissed. He isn't as overt, he doesn't shout, but his normal quietness has a lot more texture to it. He's confused as to why they've seemingly gone backwards in their recovery. He's offended that they didn't approach him for help. He's furious at himself for not predicting this would happen. He's guilty because this isn't about him. He feels completely out of his depth.

[darklydeliciousdesires]

Light on the Darkside - Chapter Eight.

Huge thanks to all of you who are still loving the story! Heart eyes for you, besties :)

Previous chapters - One Two Three Four Five Six Seven

Tag list - In the comments. Please DM to be added/removed.

Words - 3,858

Warnings - 18+ throughout. Topics cover depression, suicide and eating disorders. Minors DNI!

“You’re very cuddly today, aren’t you? Not that I’m complaining, before you start with your mouth,” Ella spoke, sitting out on the grass with James beneath the tree. It was rapidly becoming their spot.  

Of course, he was. Come two hours’ from then and he’d be leaving for Birmingham. It gave him a feeling of spiky, piercing guilt, too, that she had no idea. “If I’m good for anything, it’s hugs.” 

She turned, fixing him with a truly wicked smirk. “I can think of a few other things, too.” 

“Oi, calm yourself, little. Don’t want Chris over here again yelling at us,” he chuckled, kissing her hair, breathing in the scent of daisies. God, he’d miss it. “But yeah, I am, innit.” 

“I think that’s extra incentive to work hard for our recovery and releases, you know. It’s going to be fucking mint, leaving here and getting to see you nakie,” she chirped, turning to kiss the side of his neck. Why the fuck did she have to put that thought in his brain, and be so fucking adorable while she was doing it? 

“Yeah, great for you, but you ain’t gonna take your top off easily and let me see what are very likely a right cracking set of boobs underneath, are you?” he snorted, tightening his arms around her. Now she’d reached seven stone, and even through her bigger clothes, he’d noticed that she definitely had a little more in the way of breasts. 

“Yeah, that’s still like, massively scary,” she confessed, “but you never know. I might.” 

“Dick tease.” 

“No,” she began, beginning to wiggle against his crotch, “that’s being a dick tease.” 

“Ells bells,” he warned, softly biting her ear. “Behave yourself.” 

“Sorry. Can’t help it, though. You’re too sexy.” 

“Ain’t a thing wrong with your eyesight, is there?” No, he couldn’t help a little arrogance there. If there was one thing James Kingston was very confident over, it was the way he looked.  

“Nope, but you’re such a bleedin’ big headed knob,” she chirped, squealing when he bit her ear again. “Stop that!” 

“Sorry, but I did warn you I’m a biter, innit.” he rumbled, moving her hair and kissing the side of her neck. Indeed, he had. All biting aside, they stopped winding one another up and just sat there, enjoying the warm August morning. Well, one of them did. James was fretting with every minute that passed. Two hours. One hundred and twenty minutes and he’d be gone, and Ella would likely be distraught over it.  

Even though it was for both their own good, it didn’t sit well with him at all. He mulled it over, wondering whether he should change his mind and reveal what was about to happen instead of passing on the letter he’d written the night before to Mary, weighing up the pros and cons for what felt like the hundredth time.  

No, stick to the plan. He knew what was best, even though the weight of it was crushing him.  

“I don’t ever think I’ve said it in as many words, but I want you to know something,” he began, hand rooted in the back of her hair, his fingertips teasing circles at the nape of her neck. “You’ve made my time in here so much more bearable. Thanks for that, for being so cool. I just want you to know I appreciate it.” 

“That was unexpectedly nice, for you,” she spoke, turning to wink at him. “And you’re welcome. You’re lovely, you make me happy and so yeah. You deserve it.”  

He kissed her hair, moving his hand to hug her tightly. “You make me happy too, little. Don’t ever forget that, even when I’m being a moody twat.”  

As the minutes passed by far too rapidly for his liking, his chest continued to tighten, his brain firing all kinds of thoughts. Call it off, tell them you’ve changed your mind, don’t fucking leave her. No. His decision was made, and it truly was the best way forward. The only saving grace of his departure was that she truly wouldn’t know until it had happened, Ella’s therapy session luckily scheduled for just before he was to leave. When it came to parting with her, though, oh. His chest virtually caved in on itself. 

“I’ll meet you back in the common room in a bit then?” she spoke, hugging his waist, beaming a smile at him.  

He swallowed hard. “You will.” Glancing around, he saw the area free of orderlies, moving quickly and pulling her into one of the side corridors that lead down to the female ward. There, he backed her against the wall, took her face in his hands and pressed his mouth to hers for the last time in god knew how long. He savoured it, every last second of kissing her, feeling her hands stroking the sides of his neck, getting lost in his hair.  

Pulling away was the hardest thing he’d done in a while.  

“Fuck,” she gasped, her cheeks flushed from the intensity of it. “What was that for?” 

“Felt like it.” He let himself bask for a few more moments, smiling at her, drinking in the very last of her loveliness. “Bye, little.” Dropping a kiss to her forehead, he vanished from the corridor and back upstairs, his entire soul burning. She was right, he guessed. He did have one, it seemed. Once in his room, he pulled on his leather jacket, swung his large rucksack over his shoulder and picked up the envelope containing Ella’s letter, ready to give to Mary.  

The lady herself was waiting for him outside of the main entrance, James giving the facility one last look over before he stepped out of its doors and into the arms of the one other person there who had made his stay bearable. 

“You’re doing the right thing, pet,” she told him with fondness, rubbing his back affectionately. “And don’t you worry yaself about Ella. I’ll look after her, promise.”  

Handing her the letter, he smiled sadly. “Yeah, I still will, but thanks for that. Thanks for everything, Mary.” 

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Don’t be a stranger, either. Pop in and see us if ya’s ever passing once you’re better.” Leaning up to him, she kissed his cheek, squeezing his solid arm. “Take care, love.” 

“You too.” Turning to leave, he was greeted with a sad smile from Chris, who was driving him down to Birmingham in the facility van, Tony going with them too in the back. They both tried to make conversation with him, but as the vehicle pulled out of the driveway and hit the road, James fell completely silent. He often did when he was trying not to cry.  

With every mile of motorway that flashed by, he felt his stomach drop a little further. Jesus, had he just made the biggest mistake since locking himself in the bathroom and deciding to end it all? He’d honestly expected to feel more positive about his decision, the implementation of some common sense in a situation he was losing his head in. 

He didn’t. 

Pulling up outside Erdington Hall Psychiatric Unit just over forty-five minutes later, the first thing he noticed was how inhospitable the building looked. It was constructed of the same 1950’s brutalism architecture that could be found dotted around throughout the city, grey and foreboding, a definite aesthetic downgrade from Moor Acres. Inside, however, he was greeted by a warmth that had been found in few and far between people within his former facility.  

“Morning. Checking in James Kingston,” Chris spoke at the front desk, the young woman at the computer taking the file she was handed before beginning to tap at the keyboard before her. Behind her, a man in jeans and a raw cotton tunic top looked up, beaming a wide smile. 

“Aha! Just the young man I’ve been waiting for!” Hopping down from the long counter running along the rear of the office, he strode to the exit archway, rounding the corner to offer his hand. “Welcome, James. My name is Dr. White and I’m the senior psychology clinician here within the unit. Do call me Michael, though. Can’t bloody bear formality!” 

Shaking his hand, James was a little taken aback at his demeanour, such joviality the last thing he’d expected from a head shrinker. “Yeah, alright. Thanks.” 

His approach often bamboozled patients, especially if they were used to a someone who was as crisp and starchy as Dr. Beaumont. “I’ll have an orderly with you in a jiff, show you to your room and let you settle in for a few hours, then I’ll see you for a chat at 3pm, okay?” 

He nodded a little dumbly, waiting for the other shoe you drop. Chris and Tony said their goodbyes, the latter not lingering at all. There was definitely no love lost there. After all, James has given him a black eye when being taken down after the incident in which he’d attempted to cut his throat. He knew it was far from the height of maturity, but he still couldn’t help give Tony’s back the middle finger as he left.  

“James, I’m Phil. Follow me, mate.” 

Turning, his eyes nearly fell out of his head at the sheer size of the orderly who’d arrived with him. “Shitting hell, what the fuck do you bench, Ford Sierra’s?” he exclaimed. 

“Two hundred k’s on a bad day, two forty on a good,” he revealed as they began to walk, gesturing to James with a wave of his hand. “Looks like you do a bit yourself, like.” 

“Yeah, my old man used to be in the army and he taught me all the bootcamp stuff, bodyweight exercises and all that. I lift a bit, too, but nowhere near your level. That’s top grade strong, man.”  

After arriving at his room, Phil gave him a little more information regarding meal times (slightly different) checks (more frequent at every ten minutes) and a couple more details before leaving him to settle in, advising he’d be back at 2:55pm to take him across the unit to see Michael.  

Unpacking his belongings, he put everything away before flopping down on the bed, noticing it was much more comfortable than the one he’d had at Moor Acres, although the room itself was painted in a detestable shade of beige. He missed his bedroom back at home, with its large kingsize bed, bare brick on the original walls and black painted plaster on the ones built to section it as an actual room. 

What he missed most of all though? Back at Moor Acres, she was just entering the common room after her therapy session, not seeing James there so sitting down alone to wait for him to get back from wherever he’d gone. After a twenty-minute wait, it wasn’t he who she patiently waited for to come and find her, though. 

“Hi, Mary,” she chirped brightly, smiling at everyone’s favourite of the nurses. “Have you seen James? He’s meant to be meeting me in here.” 

Her mouth thinned a little, jerking her head back. “Come with me, pet.” 

Immediately, her face fell, her heart lurching as panic clutched at her insides. “Is he okay? Please don’t tell me you’re taking me away to tell me something bad has happened to him!” 

Mary shook her head. “He’s fine, love. Promise ya’s. Come on, let’s go outside.”  

While she believed that he was okay, Ella was still plunged into a world of icy cold worry. What if he was only fine because he’d been caught in time following another suicide attempt? She couldn’t fathom another reason for being taken off for a chat alone. It would fit, too, with his moods so up and down of late. 

Moving to the benches situated to the left of the main entrance, they sat down, Mary pulling out an envelope from her pocket. 

“So, where is he?” Ella asked, her eyes rounding, full of the concern. 

“This isn’t easy to tell you, sweetheart, but James was transferred to another facility earlier this morning.” 

Her world crashed, her heart dropping, her stomach knotting with an unpleasant stinging. Those words made a wave of nauseous tingling wash right through her, a little gasp leaving her mouth. “What? But, but why? I don’t understand! They can’t just move him like that, without giving him a chance to say goodbye! He hasn’t done anything wrong! Or did he? Did he try and beat up Tony again? Is that why he’s gone?”  

God, it killed Mary, knowing there was yet another blow to deliver to the poor young woman beside her. “You’re right, he hasn’t done anything wrong. It was James’s request to be moved, pet.” 

Her face fell, tears beginning to stream from her eyes as the distress of those words engulfed her completely. “But why? Why has he gone? I don’t understand, he was fine this morning and now he’s gone and he didn’t even say goodbye to me!” The shock of it kept crashing against her insides, like a formula one car repeatedly smacking against a barrier at full speed, Ella feeling hot, cold and tingly all over.  

“Here.” Proffering the letter forth, Mary shuffled closer, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulders. “He’s explained everything for you in here. Trust me, love. The last thing he wanted was to hurt ya’s. That lad adores you, believe me. He really does.” 

Taking the letter, she stared down at it for a few moments, placing it on the bench beside her before breaking down completely, her tiny frame shaking with the force of each of her choked sobs. Throwing her arms around Mary’s neck as she was pulled further into her warm, maternal embrace, that warmth provided little thawing to the frost that had clutched upon her heart.  

He was gone.  

“Here now, pet,” Mary soothed, kind hands stroking her back and her hair as Ella continued to cry. “It’s not forever, like. You’ll see him again. I’ve got to head back in and do me rounds on the men’s ward now, but read the letter, sweetheart. If you’re still feeling bleak, come find us a bit later and we’ll have a chat and a cuppa, eh?”  

“Okay.” she sniffed, her voice so small and lost as she wiped her eyes on her sleeve, thanking Mary when she pulled a packet of tissues from her pocket and offered her a couple. It felt like a void of utter emptiness had opened within her, Ella sitting on the edge of it, at risk of being swallowed whole with no James there to pull her back again.  

Grasping the letter, she stood up, taking the path down further into the grounds, only one destination on her mind. How different things had been just three hours before, sitting beneath that tree with him, basking in his affection. She understood why now, why he’d been quite clingy with her that morning, why he’d kissed her like that in the corridor when they’d arrived back inside. He was saying goodbye, yet hadn’t given her the chance to have that with him. He’d denied her and for that, she was furious with him through her pain. 

Her tears continued to fall as she pressed her thumb under the envelope flap, tearing it open and pulling out the sheet of A4 lined paper, taking a deep breath before beginning to read. 

Ella, 

I hate having to tell you this in a letter, or at all really. I couldn’t tell you to your face, though. I knew you’d have tried to make me stay, and I would have. Where you’re concerned, I don’t have much willpower, and I need to find some. Easier said than done for me though, innit, because you? You’re fucking amazing. You are. You make me happier than I’ve been in years, too. Remember that, yeah? 

As long as I’m around you, though, it isn’t my recovery I’m focusing on. It’s you. I can’t have that right now, little. It’s fucking messing my head up so much. I keep worrying about what it would do to you if I went off the rails again, did something bad, what that would mean for you and your own recovery. We both know it would set you back, and I ain’t prepared to risk that when you’ve come so far. I’m really fucking proud of you, you know, with how brave you’ve been in getting better.  

Crisps ain’t that scary, innit! 

It isn’t all because of this thing with us either, why I asked to be transferred somewhere else. I can’t fucking stand another moment of Dr. Beaumont treating me like a lab rat. There’s too much I have to figure out that I feel she ain’t helping me get answers to. She just asks her questions, makes her notes and expects me to make sense of it all on my own. Nah. I ain’t doing well with her type of therapy.  

You also need to remember something. I didn’t leave because I don’t want to be around you. I left because one day, I really fucking do, Ella. You deserve the best version of me, though, not the one whose moods are still all over the place and who still wants to die like, forty percent of the time. That ain’t fair on you, babe. I know you’re probably sitting there all sad and stuff, thinking I’ve abandoned you, but trust me, leaving you wasn’t easy. I’m gonna think about you every day I’m apart from you.  

Once we’re both better and released, I want to see you. Of course, I fucking do. Don’t ever, ever doubt that. I’ve put my number at the bottom, so call me when you’re out. If I’m still in, then Steve’ll tell you what’s what and keep you informed. I’ve told him to do that. He’ll probably flirt with you like fuck as well because he’s a horny fucking dickhead, but he’s harmless. Kinda. Just tell him to piss off. Hah! 

Miss you already, beautiful girl. Don’t you ever think, not even for a second, that I don’t.  

James x. 

Sitting out there, in their place, with only his words upon a letter to her remaining, Ella cried her heart out, wailing as she rested her head to her knees. Her bunched fists beat the ground either side of her, not quite able to believe it wasn’t something that she had done. Without him there, her poor little heart was shattered, lost in the grief of losing the man she felt so much for.  

She stayed outside for a further hour, still in tears as she entered the facility again, going to the common room to find her only other constant.  

“Ella, why the tears?” Andrea asked kindly, placing her near ever-present magazine material down.  

Flopping at her side, she began bawling all over again, feeling a loving arm slip around her shoulders. “James has been transferred to another facility. He went this morning, while I was in therapy.” 

Immediately, her eyes rounded. “He’s what? But why? I don’t get it!” 

“Here,” she sniffed, taking the letter from her pocket and placing it onto her lap. “He explains it all in here. I don’t know if he really means it or not, though.” 

Picking up the slightly creased paper, she smoothed it out against her legs and began to read, still holding her friend close as she did. Oh, god. Of course, he meant it, she could gauge, with the amount of honest affection that poured from every word the man had written to her. It wasn’t surprising that Ella couldn’t, though. After the deeply ingrained effects of being bullied, sincerity over her worth was something she simply couldn’t trust. 

Placing the letter down on the table, Andrea hooked her hand under her legs, lifting her onto her lap and wrapping her in a hug. “I’ll remind you of this again, what I said a few weeks ago when he was still here. James isn’t nice to anyone unless he means it; he’s very much that type of person. I know that and so do you. That voice in your head telling you that him leaving was because of anything bad to do with you is absolute crap. His letter proves it. 

“He did it so he could get himself better without his feelings for you hampering that, because he doesn’t want to maybe hurt you, should he have a blip and try and hurt himself again. You know what that spells out to me? A bloke who really cares about you, so now you have your incentive. Get better, get out of here and go find him.  

“You’ve got one stone left to gain. Think about it. Underweight, miserable and no James around, or out there living your life with him. I think it’s time to decide what’s the scarier prospect. Food, or going without the bloke you’ve fallen in love with. Because you have, haven’t you?” 

Ella sat and mulled over Andrea’s long speech. For someone who was always so concise, it was a lot to take in, doing so while resting her chin atop her red-haired head, pondering it all. She’d surmised it all so simply, the truth staring her right in the face. She just had to be brave and trust it. Trust him.  

“Can you come with me to dining room?”  

Her friend smiled. “Absolutely can. Let’s go.” Linking her arm with Ella’s, they left the common room, walking down the corridor and entering the almost empty room, Ella hovering by the counter before reaching for a muffin. That was the scariest of scary. Cake, chocolate, sugar. 465 calories.  

Taking a seat, she was aware of a few sets of orderly's eyes on her, peeling back the wrapper, looking over to where Mary had entered, the big, bubbly woman pausing. Taking a bite, the sweetness hit her tongue, the flavour so good, she could have cried. It had been about six years since she’d eaten cake. All the while, she shoved down her fear, her hammering heart, her sweaty palms with one thing; the thought of staring into James’s eyes before kissing him. 

“Are you really eating that, pet?” Mary asked, beaming as she lifted her bifocals to rest upon her mop of short, grey hair.  

“I am,” she spoke through her mouthful, Andrea beginning to clap, Tracy and Chris from the corner, too. 

“Eeee, now, my little treasure! Well bloody done! I’m so proud of ya’s! What’s brought it on, coming in here and choosing a scary food without being prompted?” To be honest, it was the last thing she’d expected after leaving her in tears just over an hour before.  

Swallowing the first mouthful, Ella closed her eyes for a moment. Of course, she only saw one person there in her mind’s eye. 

“Love.” She smiled then, thinking about him again. “I want to get better, get out of here, and go find my boy.”  

If there was any incentive in the world, it was that. 

[ipsen]

EtoKen Mini-Fic

inspired by @tatatatatara's tags. been sitting on this one for a LONG time LOL Root A-esque narrative. Some time during the timeskip after the 11th ward raid.

"Sneaking into Tatara's room now, are we?" Eto giggled.

Kaneki would have flinched had he not heard her flitting down the hall seconds before. He held up his excuse in his hand— Sen Takatsuki's The Black Goat's Egg— as a meager defense for his trespass.

"It's still wrapped," he half-explained.

It reminded him of more innocent days, when he was ignorant to the whims of the world and all the things distorting it. The fact that he was drawn to it because of that was an unfortunate affliction, one that he had to squash.

"So it is." She leaned on the doorway, arms crossed. "You know Takatsuki, then?"

He pursed his lips, hesitating for a second. "I'm familiar."

He gave away some, but not all. A bond with a fellow executive, especially one who knew more than she let on, was vital, but he had to keep his distance lest he lose focus. Still, as long as they weren’t trying to kill each other, it couldn’t hurt to indulge so long as he kept himself in check.

"Oho..." Eto stepped into the room, browsing the rest of Tatara's stack. "There aren't a lot of readers here in Aogiri, you know."

"So I noticed." Ayato didn't care. Naki was curious, but lacked the vocabulary. "Seeing something like Takatsuki was... surprising, was all."

“He has a strange fixation with her, for whatever reason,” Eto said, fingers brushing against the book spines. “Yet he can barely read kanji.”

Kaneki hummed. “He's from China, right?”

“Yep. He claims kanji gives him a headache.” She took one from the middle, letting the ones above it topple onto the table. “Oh, I was looking for this!”

He raised a brow. “Hakushuu?”

“You know him! But of course you do.” She held up the cover to show him. “This is actually my copy, did you know that? Turns out Tatara’s a bit of a thief too!” She cackled.

Upon closer inspection, he saw the black of ink staining the edges of the pages, much like all of the books in his satchel that she, apparently similar to Tatara, had stolen. “You like to annotate your books?”

“It enhances a reread.” She stowed it away into her cloak. “You prefer scribbling them in a notebook.”

“To preserve the original experience,” he explained. “And if someone else wants to read it, there won’t be spoilers.”

“Such foresight.”

Kaneki got the feeling Eto was mocking him. Or maybe she was complimenting his consideration. Either way, he didn't like it; he'd had enough of being toyed with to last a lifetime.

And yet... something stirred within him. Something like... relief. Yes, relief was the word. Relief that, at the very least, someone might actually be able to keep up with him. Relief that, inside this beast's belly, there was a fire to warm himself by before he journeyed to its heart.

However, there was still a beast to slay. Weeds to uproot. And it was his responsibility, as the one who knew, to be the one to dirty his hands with blood and dirt. He couldn't always waste his time whiling away the hours at the fire-- no matter how much he wanted to.

He made to leave, but before he got to the hall, he felt something get pushed into his hands. When he looked at what it was, it was Eto's ink-stained book of Hakushuu poetry.

"Tell me your thoughts when you have the time," she said, expression a mystery behind her bandages. "A reread always offers a new perspective."

Kaneki thought out all sorts of responses, many of them outright rejections, but ultimately settled for, "Maybe."

"Hmph. Half-ass," was all she said before trotting past him and leaving, unusually quiet.

Not only that, but the room was colder than when he entered.

[callsigncrash]

Eey I got an idea

Yamori, Naki and ur homelander boyos with a gn or male s/o that's autistic and has a lot of cute, happy stims, like swaying from side to side, flapping their fists when bored, whistling like a bird, hopping a bit on their heels, swishing their leg from side to side or bouncing their leg and such

But s/o has too anxious stims that can be confused by the happy ones, like flapping their open hands with a rather neutral expression when being rlly anxious, tapping their foot real fast and having to switch which foot their tapping since they get tired fast and that makes them sway a bit from side to side, whistling a rlly specific melody over and over again when scared or anxious, trying to swishing their leg/foot a but too agressively and bouncing it way too fast to be comfy and maybe scratching their own hands and arms ¯\_(ツ)_/

Idk I just got my own stims and hope that's some good examples and you can work with it, I was just curious on how the boyos would react to a s/o like that and such

Anygays! Have a great cycle of 24 hours! ^^

Autistic S/O HCs

Another ask that makes me feel seen! I’m not entirely autistic but I am on the spectrum and so is my dad so hopefully I do this justice!

________________________________________________

Yamori

He had a feeling so he was already observing what you did, what you like, and what your boundaries are. This man literally has a list.

He’s a very patient man so he doesn’t get annoyed with you at all. He also just loves you so annoyance is off the table for him when it comes to you.

Respects your boundaries like crazy.

He goes out of his way to make sure that you’re not put in a position that could make you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable when you’re with him.

He strikes me as a guy who has days where he just prefers not to talk so if you get like that too, he already understands.

Feeds into whatever you hyperfixate on. He’s got money to throw around so go crazy.

He makes sure Naki understands your boundaries. He’s sweet but he’s a little too overexcited sometimes.

Likes to hear you babble on.

Gets on people for making you upset in any way. He doesn’t tolerate that.

His quiet and calm demeanor at home is a huge comfort and is seriously grounding.

Naki

He genuinely didn’t know until you told him.

He wants you to tell him if there’s anything that you need or if there’s anything he can do.

Your boundaries and needs are very important to him. Your comfort is his top priority!

Pays attention to your mood and surroundings just in case you feel like you need some time and space for yourself to collect yourself.

He likes how you think a bit differently than others. He’s a little odd so he likes bouncing his goofy ideas off of you.

If you’re someone who needs to be moving your hands or fiddling with something then please play with his hands. He really wants you to and he gets to be helpful!

He wants you to be open with him about how you feel so he’ll try his hardest to lessen any anxiety you might have about telling him things you’re feeling or needing.

Have hyperfixations on specific things? Tell him about them! He likes hearing about what you like and why you do.

Those days where you just don’t really feel like being sociable or verbal, he lets you do you.

He’s as supportive as a person can get so he’ll do anything and everything he can to be accommodating and make you feel loved and understood.

Homelander

Like I said in my OCD post, he doesn’t totally understand or have patience for it at first.

He’s probably one of those people who does the whole “Just be normal!” type of spiel.

He does soften up and become more understanding later on.

It’s a bit of a “learning curve” for him.

During your relationship, his tolerance for people gets a little better as he learns what you need, what your limits/boundaries are, and how you do things.

The first time it really becomes something he gets and finds common ground with was at a Vought event.

He didn’t want to go, and he knew that you really didn’t want to go but you had to.

The music and the people were very loud. It was overstimulating but he had to keep going. Gotta keep up appearances. Then he heard your breathing really change.

He looked across the room to see you in the corner. He knew he was overstimulated but he could handle it, you couldn’t.

A wave of sympathy hit him hard. Excusing himself as politely as possible, he quickly cut through the crowd to you. Taking your hand, he nodded at you. Within seconds, you were out of there and on the roof. The air was cold and it was quiet in comparison. To your surprise he asked you if you were ok and sighed. He really understood you now.

[firebirdsdaughter]

I’m very tired so excuse the melodramatic salt…

… But I guess ReVice was really like ‘there’s been two wilfully evil female characters! Oh no! We must quickly make our sole female villain Actually A Poor Sweet Victim!’ The trope is… Well, nothing technically wrong w/ it, it just feels sus to me after two pretty solidly evil ladies—Ora had her writing issues, but she  went for it w/ staying as a villain, and Azu/the Ark was probably one of my fave KR  Big Bads in a long time, and she deserved far better than that mess of a vcinext (I don’t have the special blu ray, you have the ��special blu ray!)—and Aguilera being the only female villain. Esp after my issues w/ Izu and Book Girl (who still had more personality than Izu and I can’t even remember her name), it feels like a ‘quick, make the girl innocent/cutesy/the damsel to be saved’ again (hilarious bc Izu and Book Girl shared series w/ Yaiba They Let Me Be A Not Good Person Yua, and Sudo Actually Does More Than Sit Around Praising The Hero Mei, and Aguilera herself has Igarashi Kinda A Rough Start But Doing Pretty Well I Think??? Sakura in her series)… Like this may not bother me if say, one of the other big villains (the… Giftex??? They make gifs??) were female,  or if there were other women at least visible in the villains. But there’s not. It’s just her. And 01 has forever poisoned/shortened my patience w/ ‘girl exists to be damsel in distress/adore a man.’

This is not to say they may not salvage the character by putting a spin on the trope ala Ora w/ a bit more effectiveness, maybe. Something else my exhausted brain can’t think of.

Like… I think it’s also I’m frustrated about Aguilera getting sympathy when really the situation’s not that different from Horobi, but nooo, obviously he wasn’t trying hard enough, but poor baby Aguilera’s not at fault at all, she was raised into this, it’s not her fault this is the way she sees the world! Like people actually kinda try w/ Aguilera (at least, Sakura seems to have had more of a talk w/ her than Aruto ever did Horobi when it didn’t benefit him, which isn’t saying much, sure, but…), but she’s still ‘a poor indoctrinated victim’ and Horobi’s apparently completely at fault for not breaking his years of indoctrination—esp when his indoctrination involved literal mind control and abuse while Aguilera was outside manipulated and treated like royalty—but his status as an ai and the Ark had access to his whole system puts it on the same status as ‘raised from birth/childhood’ at the least.

Also I don’t like Aguilera I find her bratty. Which is okay, like that’s what I’d expect her to be like from the life she seems to have lived.

Anyway bc I’m weirdly protective of Olteca (?) at the moment bc he kinda cute also I like him and Julio (?) as a partnership concept… I think it’s too early to assume he doesn’t care about her at all. Like, key word here is ‘cult.’ Also from what little I know, he’s totally a-okay w/ sacrificing himself and the rest of the crew for the cult. Y’all talking about indoctrination w/ her… Like that could absolutely, from his perspective, be caring. ‘We’re all  going to die to summon our god, isn’t that wonderful?’ and really meaning it. Like that’s literally the point of a cult, and that could actually be an angle for them, everyone disagreeing about what’s best. It’s like… When your cat just… Absolutely cannot understand why bringing you this dead mouse is not the answer to all your food problems. Also my guess is that being this ‘sacrifice’ is exactly what this bride stuff was all along, although I’m naturally not clear on the details, but that’s absolutely the type of thing this kinda doomsday cult would do. Maybe guy has just completely bought into the cult, and to him this is the highest honour achievable. Like I noted before, he’s down w/ killing himself and everyone else to do this, too. He’s not demanding anything of her he’s not jumping into as far as we know, and my impression is that he seemed, kinda like he thought he was enlightening her to some honour or something. It’s a cult. Like… That’s why the say ‘cult mentality,’ why there’s whole things dedicated to detoxing people trying to leave cults. It’s the definition of a cult.

But, Fire, why are you commenting on this KR and it’s characters even though you haven’t watched a single ep??? Bc I am so goddamn tired, it’s midnight, I procrastinate going to bed, I have had to watch that damn Amazon ‘we pay you fifteen dollars for fifty hours a day’ ad on yt, my feet hurt, I have no time sense, and I’m having horrible shoulder tension. I’m grouchy, that’s why. There is literally no deeper reason and me whining about this is kinda stress reliever.

[xinkypotatoechipsx]

Hi! I saw your post about wanting requests? Can you please do head canons of Ayato, Uta and Naki telling their s/o reader the truth about them? That they are ghouls? Of course reader accepts them regardless 🥰feel free to ignore if you like have a nice day/night 😊💕

Of course! I'm glad I've finally got a request for tokyo ghoul and thankyou for being patient I’ve been bombarded with school work again 💜

I hope you don't mind that I only did Ayato and Uta, I was getting stuck on what what write for Naki 😅 and apologies if any of the characters are ooc.

Warnings - Slight bit of angst, self doubt, Uta’s ending sucks and this is not fully proof read.

Ayato

☆To say the least Ayato was shocked when he found out that he had fell for a human and initiated a relationship with them, he has hated humans with every fibre of his being ever since his parents were mercilessly took from him and Touka when they were younger.

☆What changed his ways?

☆How were you any different?

☆In all honesty Ayato didn't know and he always beat himself up about it...Falling for some dumb human, it just wasn't him.

☆When he got to know you better, the more these inexplainable feelings began to overwhelm him and eventually one thing led to another.

☆You both ended up in a relationship together.

☆You guys became more open the more your relationship developed and began to trust each other (in this case for Ayato it would of been a long time).

☆After so long guilt began to creep up on him because he hadn't been honest about who he truly was.

☆Ayato knew that if he told you that he was a ghoul that you'd run away and never want to see him again because of what he is and because of how deceitful he has been .

☆When he thought it was the right time to tell you, hed make sure that you were both alone and preferably at home that way no one will hear and see you both.

☆Because of how long you guys have been in the relationship and how dependable you have become for him Ayato began to struggle with getting his words out, which frustrated him.

☆ 'Look I haven't been honest with you...I'm not what you really think I am.'

☆'I'm a ghoul.'

☆Silence engulfed the entire apartment.

☆Ayato was prepared for you to berate him, after all he deserved it for lying to you all this time.

☆When you told him that you didn't care that he was a ghoul and you love him matless he was speechless.

☆However Ayato wouldn't understand why you were so accepting and gre lw frustrated because he thought you were lying just so you wouldn't be attacked.

☆His Kakugan would appear, he'd stand up and laugh in disbelief. 'Why? Why on Earth would you still want to be with me...hell even love me despite what I am?'

☆Please give him lots of love and hugs 💜

(However, I feel like he may reveal himself as a ghoul if he wanted to end the relationship with you too)

Uta

~I feel that if Uta were to date you, you’d have to be quite unique…in a sense that you are your own person and don’t do things for the sake of trends etc.

~If you haven’t figured out he’s a ghoul well that is a surprise to say the least. Never the less, I think Uta would just say it at a very random moment. Or he may even try and bring up a conversation about it and then say something then. It all depends on how confident he is and how much he can trust you.

~Uta is a quite a complex character, in a sense that you usually can never truly know his true intentions and thoughts on top of whether he is being serious and truthful.

~One could say that he may find your flabbergasted state amusing, after all he does find humans in general to make him feel like this.

~Some could say that he is calm and collected when he brings up the topic.

~Yet deep down, I feel that he will feel a sort of anxiety. An emotion that he usually buries down in order to look professional and not weak.

~ He would understand if you’d want to end the relationship though, after all he is a very dangerous individual.

~If you need time to contemplate what he has just told you, he would completely understand and give you the time that you need.

~When you say that you accept him and you don’t care that he is a ghoul he would laugh.

~Laugh in both disbelief yet relief.

~He may even think that you’re crazy (in a good way) that you would say that you would want to continue the relationship.

~He’s happy never the less :)

[evenmoregreener]

Questionnaire of Laruku from B-PASS magazine (March. 1995)

Another translation of a translation from Russian. This "interview" was translated for Russian l'arc fan-club in 2018. I haven't found any other English translations on the net, so I decided that it will be interesting for you to read something like this. All credits are down below, big thank you to the original translator, what a great woman! 

The original Russian text has some typos plus English isn't my first language, that's why text might seem a bit of strange. About special signs: (translator's note) - notes of an original translator; "*" - my own notes; (?) - neither me nor the original translator understood the context. Please, enjoy!

1. Date of birth Hyde: 13th of Friday Tetsu: 3 of October Ken: 28th of November, Sagittarius Sakura: Secret 2. Blood type Н: Color of the blood - red Т: А or 0 К: АВ S: The hot blood of a man runs in my veins 3. Place of birth Н: Jelsarem's Rod Т: Kansai К: Alaska’s native S: Kingdom of Nerima (Nerima is a ward in Tokyo, where Sakura was born - translator's note) 4. Height, weight, shoe size, visual acuity Н: “?” Т: Small, light, 24,5 – 25 cm К: 178 cm, 56 kg, shoe – 25,5 cm S: 5 feet 8 inches, 120 feet, 10 inches, about 1,0 and 1,0 5. Body size Н: As in the previous Т: I don’t know К: I prefer В 85, W 58 H 88 S: “Nice body” 6. Which musical instruments and how many years do you play? Н: I've been playing guitar for 9 years Т: 11 years on bass К: From about high school S: Secret 7. Where did you work? Н: Mister Donats Т: At the record store К: Jewelry store, tutor S: Secret 8. Skills Н: Shaolin martial arts, second dan Т: Calligraphy К: Youth baseball S: Secret 9. Hobby and special abilities (besides music) Н: Bite Т: Radio controlled models К: Tetris S: To make people do something

10. Philosophy of life Н: Do not stick sticks into the rice Т: I sleep today for tomorrow, tomorrow I sleep for today. (a phrase from manga - translator's note) К: Hurry slowly S: Live today 11. Real name Н: Jiji Т: Teppi К: Jakenosuke S: Sakurajima Samuel Tarot

12. Favorite musicians Н: Depeche mode Т: Me К: The The (an English new wave band — translator's note) S: Ishihara Yūjirō (Japanese actor, singer, film producer - translator's note) 13. Favorite celebrity Н: Takeda Tetsuya (Japanese singer and actor - translator's note) Т: Me К: Isshiki Sae (Japanese actress — translator's note) S: Saburo Ishikura (Japanese actor - translator's note) 14. Respected people Н: Yoshitada Hirai * Т: Me К: Professor Ichinose S: Takakura Ken (Japanese actor - translator's note) 15. Favorite films and films that you’ve recently watched Н: The Omen. Recently watched Jurassic Park. Т: Favorite film – The Outsider, recently watched “Cría cuervos” (Spanish film of 1976 - translator's note) К: Perfect World, cried when watched, although usually I don't cry during films S: Jingi Naki Tatakai (Battles Without Honor and Humanity) 16. Favorite books (including manga) and books that you’ve recently read Н: Stephen King. Recently read compilation that’s called Night Souls (?). Pretty interesting. Т: «Harper’s Bazaar», Vogue Italia, recently read Matsumoto Hitoshi’s “Isho”. К: «Kirin», about motorcycles, novels for men. It’s a bit of awkward, but I buy Young Rose which I love to read for a long time. S: I can't list everything. 17. Alcohol and tobacco Н: Both, about 10 years already. Alcohol – a little, tobacco – one piece. ** Т: I don’t smoke. Alcohol – yes, except sake, I drink rarely though. К: I love Kassis, always have it at home, drink 2-3 times a week. I don’t smoke right now. S: Any alcohol, I can drink a lot. Per day I smoke more than two packs (Seven Star) 18. Do you love animals? Do you have any pets? Н: I do, but I have allergy. Т: I do. I had 5 dogs and one cat, now I don’t. К: I love obedient and loving. S: More than pets I love girls. 19. The concert that left the strongest impression Н: GASTUNK in EGG PLANT (legendary club in Osaka of 80’s - translator's note) Т: Shiki-Yakou (the name of tour Dead End of 1985) К: In Aichi Kinrou Kaikan (concert hall in Nagoya — translator's note) S: Radio concert Anikies (Dankon Anikies – fictional band that was made up by ken, sakura and kyo (Die in Cries), when ken and sakura were guests at kyo’s radio program «kyo MIDNIGHT　ROCK　CITY» on 9th of December, 1994 - translator's note) 20. Three most beloved albums Н: Some Great Reward of Depeche Mode, God’s Own Medicine of The Mission, La Vie En Rose of D'erlanger*** Т: Laruku’s new album, Tierra, Dune К: Black Sabath – Heaven & Hell; Cure - Disintegration; Kisugi Takao (Japanese singer and composer - translator's note) - Best collection S: Secret 21. Recently bought CDs and your impressions of them Н: No Т: Second Coming/The Stone Roses К: Suede (Britpop band - translator's note) S: Secret 22. Concert that you visited recently Н: Haven't been on the concerts for about a year, but sometimes before Shibuya live watched Modern Choki Chokies (a Japanese pop band from the early 1990s - translator's note) Т: Echobelly (a British rock band — translator's note) К: kyo-chan’s solo S: Secret 23. TV shows that you often watch and radio shows that you often listen to Н: Doramas and MIDNIGHT ROCK CITY Т: TV – BEAT UK, I don't listen to radio К: Yoru-ni dakarete (dorama of 1994 - translator's note), though it has already ended. I don’t listen to radio, since I don’t have one S: I’m interested neither in TV nor radio 24. Favorite dish, favorite color and flower Н: Japanese cuisine. Monochrome color. Flowers that grow well in an apartment, even if they are not watered Т: Sushi, tillandsia, cacti, I like all of the colors К: Favorite dish – ice cream, caviar, sushi. Favorite flower – orchid. Favorite color – silver S: Anton rib (dish that was mentioned in Kinnikuman - translator's note), sakura, black 25. Musical instruments that you can play and ones that you want to learn to play Н: Guitar, bass, acoustic guitar, would like to learn to play flute. Т: Several guitars and basses К: Guitar, bass, synthesizer. Would like to learn how to play saxophone S: Variety which you can find in stores 26. Thing that you want the most right now Н: Hot blood of some girl. Т: Sharp Zaurus P1-5000 К: Onsen, pool S: “?” 27. How do you spend your weekend? Н: Sleep Т: Vacantly К: Go back and forth S: Stay under the waterfall 28. What do you do when you are all alone at home? Н: Sleep and writing lyrics Т: Play the guitar, listen to music К: Watch TV… S: Drumming Japanese drums 29. A dream that you have seen lately. Н: Back at night souls of dead sheep were hurrying through the window, I was worried where they are going. I told Sakura: when the sheep will come back, let’s go after them, but they didn’t come back. Т: A dream where I somehow ended up eating sushi in America. К: Relocation S: In loincloth and a bandage on the head I wandered in a stormy sea. And that was awesome! 30. Most attractive feature Н: Compact, compact and compact Т: “?” К: Ankles. Strong side: strong legs. Weak side: often catch cold. S: 31. Role in the band. Н: Probably, bringing everybody together Т: President К: Am-group (?) S: Educator of the head of singing monkeys 32. Describe in one word what Laruku is Н: Cloudy sky after heavy rain Т: Rock band К: Rainbow S: Soul of a man 33. What do you expect from the other band members? Н: I’d like everybody to stay as healthy as they are now Т: Perfection К: Rainbow! S: Soul of a man 34. Where do you want to go abroad? Н: Paris Т: To America К: Any countries where I could live. To drive back and forth S: Country on the shore of the Japanese Sea 35. Where have you been? Where have you recently traveled? Н: During the vacation in September traveled to Nagano to visit Osamu's house four years later, I would like to live calmly in the district of Karuizawa station. Т: To Okinawa. It was beautiful. К: Morocco. It was hot. S: In Morocco I saw the waves of the Atlantic Ocean 36. What do you recommend to see in your hometown? Н: On the roof of Nisshou haitsu Т: A lot of yankees. К: The view on the fast stream S: Secret 37. Enjoyable things that you like during tours (except for concerts) Н: Food Т: Except for concerts, nothing (laughs) К: You can overeat S: Meet different locals with the soul of a man 38. What do you definitely do before the concert, what do you pay special attention to? Н: I am in a deep thought Т: I listen to Metallica at full volume К: Going to a toilet S: Warm up and stretch of the muscles 39. What do you pay special attention to before the interview? Н: I find out the topic Т: So as not to be late К: I try to be serious S: Worried about whether I can express and tell about my masculine soul 40. What do you carry with you all the time? Н: Watch and two bracelets because I like them Т: Nothing К: Bracelet, necklace - I feel uncomfortable without them S: Pants 41. Memorable thing Н: The bracelet that I bought when I first came abroad. I really wanted it, but pretended that I am not interested, and bargained. But since there is no set price, I don’t know if it’s cheap or not. Т: No К: Various guitars, they are associated with different memories. S: Secret 42. Three biggest news in the last six months Н: 1. Motoka’s wedding. 2. The house in front of my window was demolished. 3. Because of the house, which has now been built, the lighting has become worse. Т: Promotion trip; creation of an official fan club; award from the director! К: Couldn't go to the sea. Swam in a pool in Morocco. Was in onsen. S: Secret 43. Plans for the end of the previous year and the beginning of the new Н: Composing music and lyrics Т: Car driving and karaoke К: Continue visiting onsen. S: Polish my masculine soul 44. Your personal plans for 1995 Н: Enjoy work Т: Become an artist № 1 К: Necessarily swim in the sea. Master the butterfly S: Gain a soul of a man 45. Music that you listened to this morning or last night Н: Laruku’s new song T: Morning call from the manager K: Maribeth S: Pink Floyd 46. Dish that turns out well when you are cooking Н: Chinese cuisine Т: I can't cook К: Ikuradon S: Sashimi 47. The image of the ideal woman Н: An optimistic and domestic woman Т: No К: Fujiko-chan S: That looks like Shiraishi Hitomi (Japanese actress - translator's note) 48. Favorite sport Н: No Т: No К: No S: Judo 49. If I were born again... Н: I would like to become an astronaut and fly into space Т: I would like to be genius К: I would like to be a dolphin S: I would like to be a woman, in order to live and not talk nevermore about the "soul of a man" 50. Goals in life Н: Enjoy the rest of the years Т: It’s a secret К: Live a long life S: Soul of a man 51. One word for readers of our magazine Н: If you're not careful, I'll bite you! Т: Nice to meet you К: Hello, this is Ken. I'll continue in answer 52 S: Life in a loincloth and headband 52. Free theme Н: Woof Т: Nowadays Laruku are fully different! К: In 1996 I want to perform a lot at concerts. That is why we definitely will meet, so look forward! S: And this year there will be Anikies!

* Marked in credits to HYDE’s “Roentgen” album as an art director and designer. ** Probably he meant one pack. *** Was covered by HYDE in D’ERLANGER TRIBUTE ALBUM ~Stairway to Heaven~.

Translation from Japanese: Liubov Chachanidze aka Diana_ Translation into English by me (The Green Explosion inc.)  

Original: https://diary.ru/~l20arc-en-ciel/p216393417_anketa-iz-zhurnala-b-pass-za-mart-1995-goda.htm

[nian-7]

Hiii it’s the desperate Yoinara content person hereeee

If it’s alright could you do a fluff alphabet for both Yoinara and Naki ? If it’s not too much that is. :)

- 🫧

hi again! no problem, i hope you enjoy

Yoinara, Naki x gender neutral!reader sfw alphabet fluff

Affection

Yoinara isn't big on affection but he doesn't do the minimum. It depends on you. If you want a lot of affection, he'll oblige. He doesn't mind if you want a lot or a little.

Beauty

His favorite thing about you is probably your face. He finds it pleasant to look at but he does like your personality a lot as well but finds himself looking at you a lot.

Comfort

Terrible. He's awful at it. He's so blunt that sometimes he ends up saying the wrong things without realizing it. He doesn't mean to, it just slips out.

Domestic

Terrible at cooking, mediocre at cleaning and almost anything else. He lived on his own for a while so he can do basic housework but cooking is out of the question.

Equal

You both are pretty equal with things. He's very chill overall and often times doesn't argue with you and just goes with it.

Fight

Again, he's pretty chill and will often times just attempt to calm you down if you're angry in an attempt to not turn it into a fight.

Gentle

Yoinara is pretty gentle. Once again, he is pretty chill and the same goes for his actions. Doesn't try to push you around or force you to do anything either.

Hugs

He doesn't mind them once in a while. Again, this really depends on you because he doesn't particularly mind if there is a lot of affection or only a little.

Impression

He probably didn't give you a second glance at first but, the first thing he did notice about you was your smile. He doesn't know why, but every time you smile, he feels more at ease.

Jealousy

He doesn't get jealous at all. He gets protective over you but not when you're talking to someone else or anything.

Kisses

Once again, this depends on you. He'll give kisses if you want them or he'll receive them. He really doesn't mind either way.

Little things

He lets you sit with him when he works on school things. You both don't have to talk or anything, he just likes that you're there.

Mornings

In the morning, he'll usually wait for you to wake up as well so he can start getting ready for whatever he's got to do that day.

Nicknames

Not particularly a fan of them. He doesn't mind simple ones but he prefers to just use your name for you.

Open

Half and half. Sometimes he can be open but other times he'd prefer to not share certain things at that specific time with you.

Patience

He has an immense amount of patience. He's had to deal with students for a while and it's given him lots of patience.

Quirks

He wears his red glasses all the time and everywhere. He doesn't even need them too see clearly yet he still wears them and sometimes you tease him about it.

Romance

Don't even ask him to try to be remotely romantic. He's not sure of the first thing he should do, you'd probably have to tell him what to do.

Security

Yoinara is pretty protective of you although, nobody could tell from a glance. His family being Senders has to do with a part of him wanting you to be safe and protected by him.

Try

On the outside, it seems like he's giving the minimum effort. On the inside however, he really is trying and often times thoughts about you are swirling around in his mind.

Ugly

He has a bad habit of not seeming like he cares or being too blunt, even with you. He does care but it's a bit harder for him to show it.

Vanity

Could be more concerned about his looks. He doesn't care, he looks presentable enough to go in public and calls it good enough.

Whole

He doesn't notice it at first but he does feel a lot better about himself when you're with him. He feels less on edge and more comfortable.

Yuck

If you brush off his sleeping habits and tell him he's overreacting, he honestly would feel a little bit hurt by it. He wouldn't want a partner to tell him he's overreacting when he really isn't.

Zzz

Yoinara has a lot of trouble sleeping due to the Ayakashi a lot of times and his nightmares. He often will wake up multiple times during the night because of it.

Affection

Since Naki is out on acting gigs a lot, he doesn't get to see you as much as he'd like to so when he does he loves affection. Hugs and kisses are a must.

Beauty

He always liked your hair for some reason. Maybe because he likes the style or the color but either way he loves it and loves to brush it and style it if you'll let him.

Comfort

He often isn't with you to be able to comfort you but he does try hard over the phone. He'll always call you if you need him to and always says the right things to make you feel a lot better.

Domestic

He's normally out on acting gigs but for those acting gigs he's likely had to learn certain skills. Not so surprisingly, he's very neat and organized.

Equal

Things will often have to fall on you but he apologizes and always tries to help out more when he can.

Fight

He's very passive and often times won't want you to argue with him. Mostly will avoid conflict, especially with you.

Gentle

Naki is very gentle. His hands hold you like you might break and his touch is always so light that it almost tickles a little bit.

Hugs

He loves hugs, especially when he hasn't seen you in a while, you'll normally greet each other with a hug.

Impression

His first impression of you wasn't anything out of the ordinary. He thought you were nice since you had always tried to talk to him when you could.

Jealousy

He doesn't get jealous. He honestly likes to meet your friends to just see how they're like. He's very sweet and honest with you as well in the rare case he does get a little jealous.

Kisses

100% a must with him. He loves to kiss your hand or honestly anywhere. Affection is always a must with him after he hasn't seen you in a while.

Little things

Naki lets you braid his hair. He loves when you brush it and play with it too. He thinks it feels so comforting and nice and it's a common occurrence with you both.

Mornings

In the morning, you'll receive a cute message from him saying good morning with an emoji. It's honestly a great way to start your day.

Nicknames

He doesn't mind them. If you're okay with them then he is too. He'll gladly give you a nickname if you want him to.

Open

He's mildly open. He trusts you but he feels he should keep a lot of things to himself so he doesn't worry you with them.

Patience

Very patient with you. He's always so sweet with you that he could never lose any patience with you.

Quirks

He has a cute habit of twirling his hair when he's bored and it's cute to watch because when he sees you, he gets a little embarrassed about you watching.

Romance

Naki isn't too romantic but he does try. He'll bring you a flower or a few flowers when he can, he'll kiss your hand since he thinks it's pretty romantic as well.

Security

He does value your safety and protection and although he doesn't feel he can do much to protect you, he can be a little protective but not that much.

Try

Always gives his best effort. He knows it's hard since he's working a lot but he always gives you gifts and makes sure you're doing well!

Ugly

He'll often pull at his hair when he's stressed, often times pulling out strands of it and although he doesn't mean to, he can't seem to break the habit.

Vanity

He's pretty concerned with his looks as he is an actor and his looks are pretty important for his job to be successful.

Whole

He feels a lot more like himself when he's with you and dare he say even more complete. He likes the feeling so much that he doesn't want it to go away.

Yuck

Naki couldn't have a partner who verbally puts him down. He's not too sensitive but if you can't handle him being away all the time and put him down because of it, he couldn't handle that.

Zzz

He does have a little trouble when it comes to falling asleep and he is a bit of a light sleeper but overall a very easy sleeper.

please do not repost any of my work without my permission, thank you for reading.

[pterodactylterrace]

Guys Like You

Title: Guys Like You

Chapter: 5

Chapter Summary: Dinner and a movie is considered a date, right? Even if your rambunctious toddler is running around? Not that this was a date or anything, though that didn’t stop Faye from calling it one in her head. 

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Light smut? It gets heated, ok. Adults only, please. 

Words: Just under 3K for this chapter.

{Prologue} {Chapter 1} {Chapter 2} {Chapter 3} {Chapter 4}

Faye was stirred from her much needed slumber by the smell of something cooking, her empty stomach growling at the prospect of food. It took a second for her hazy brain to wonder just why she was smelling food when she lived alone with her three year old daughter. Her eyes flew open in panic as she leapt from the couch, rushing to the kitchen and catching herself on the doorframe when the dizziness from her frantic movements caught up with her.

"Briar!" She gasped, wide eyes searching the kitchen for her daughter.

"Mommy!" Briar cheered, bouncing happily from her perch on Henry's left hip.

"Henry?" Faye asked, shaking her head to try and clear the fog of sleep and adrenaline, desperate to make sense of what she was seeing. Why was Superman in her home, holding her daughter?

"Sorry if we woke you." Henry apologized, glancing back her way and continuing to stir something on the stove. "Turns out Briar is a huge fan of broccoli."

"Brockey!" Briar yelled, looking up at Henry expectantly.

"Shh, Mommy just woke up." Henry soothed, handing her another raw floret.

"What? Why is she yelling for more broccoli? Is that my apron?"

"Are you alright? Would you like some tea?" Henry asked cautiously, his brows knitting together at his host's confused state.

"Who willingly drinks tea?"

"You are in England, Miss Warren. Tea is very important here." Henry scolded playfully, hoping she would come back to her senses.

"England? I'm in England and Superman is in my kitchen, wearing my fucking donut apron? Why are you holding my baby? What's going on?"

"Faye, are you awake?" Henry asked, setting Briar down and wiping his hands off on the apron as he slowly approached her like she was a wild animal, unpredictable and liable to pounce.

"Yeah, I'm... I'm getting there." Faye sighed, rubbing her hands over her face, hoping to scrub away the fog of sleep. "I smelled something cooking, and I forgot you were over and I thought Briar got into something-"

"No, no. Briar's fine, I've been minding her. You laid down for a nap because you weren't feeling well, remember?" Henry gently prodded, brushing her dyed strands up and away from her forehead, his palm lingering to check for any sign of a fever.

"That's right. I'm sorry." Faye sighed, subconsciously leaning into his touch. "Briar just gets into everything and sometimes I just panic without thinking."

"No need to panic, the little one is fine."

"Brocky, Henry! Brocky, Brocky!" Briar insisted, her tiny hands grasping his thumb and little finger, trying to drag him back to the counter.

"You have a problem, little missy!" Henry chuckled, letting himself be drug back by the toddler.

"It yummy! Mmm!"

"You can sit down and rest, if you'd like. You look like you were about to pass out in the doorway."

"That's because I almost did pass out." Faye grumbled.

"Is this something to be concerned about?"

"I just jumped up from a dead sleep and sprinted across the house. Pretty sure head rush is normal after that. What are you cooking?"

"Well, I don't know what you had planned, but Miss Briar requested dinosaur nuggets and broccoli with cheese."

"Requested or demanded?" Faye scoffed, finally coming back to her senses fully.

"Demanded. Quite firmly, actually. Though she has just been eating the broccoli raw instead."

"Briar? Can you do Mommy a favor and set the table, please?" Faye requested, looking down at her daughter, happily stuffing the raw vegetable into her mouth.

"Ok, Mommy!" Briar agreed around her mouthful, small bits of green escaping her lips as she spoke. She scurried over to one of the cabinets under the counter and pulled out her plastic Frozen themed dishes, running over to the small table with them clutched to her chest. "Mommy, you get Anna, I get Elsa, and Henry can get Kristoff!" Briar decided, placing the different plates around the table.

"That's great sweetie, now can you go potty and wash your hands before dinner, please?" Faye instructed, Briar dutifully dashing off past her mother to accomplish her tasks.

"I'm sorry for just dumping her off on you like that." Faye apologized, moving to stand next to Henry and survey what he had been cooking.

"You didn't dump her off on me. I offered, remember?" Henry reminded, rolling his eyes and bumping her shoulder playfully, grabbing her around the waist when his good-natured jostling threw his tiny host off balance and almost to the floor.

"That was a deliberate attempt on my life." Faye declared dramatically, gripping his forearm as she regained her footing.

"My sincerest apologies, your majesty. Next time I'll make sure to do the job properly."

"Oh, thank goodness, I've grown quite tired of this whole living thing. Death sounds quite charming. Quite charming indeed."

"Please tell me that wasn't your attempt at a British accent."

"My British accent is way more convincing than yours." Faye declared, sticking her tongue out at him teasingly and bumping his tree trunk of a thigh with her hip.

"Ah, you've crippled me." Henry groaned, slowly leaning his weight onto her shoulder. "You're going to have to carry me for the rest of my life now."

"You've got another leg! Hop!" Faye groaned, pushing back against his muscular chest.

"Mommy, I'm back!" Briar announced as she came running back into the kitchen.

"Did you wash your hands?" Faye asked, raising a brow at the tiny girl.

"Umm... hold on!"

"That was a no." Faye chuckled, pushing harder against Henry.

"Seems like it." Henry agreed, dramatically draping his arms over her shoulders and leaning on her harder. "Now about my wounded leg."

"Your wounded leg? I'm pretty sure my ass took more damage than your thick ass leg did!"

"Oh, really? Now how should I rectify that?"

"Obviously you should be the one carrying me around." Faye joked, yelping in surprise when she found herself hoisted up and tossed over his shoulder like she weighed nothing at all. Stupid Henry with his stupid muscles.

"Now if you want me carrying you, you really should stop kicking." Henry scolded, pinning her legs down with an arm around her thighs.

"What are you going to do about it?" Faye challenged, continuing to kick her feet childishly.  A squeal escaped her throat and her mouth dropped open in surprise when he unashamedly pinched her left ass cheek. "Mr. Cavill!"

"Miss Warren!" Henry responded, setting her down in the seat marked with the plastic Anna plate.

"Mommy, I washed my hands!"

"Did you use soap?" Faye questioned, her heated glare never leaving Henry's eyes.

"Hold on!" Briar gasped, running off again.

"Does that child walk anywhere?" Henry asked, shaking his head at the little girl.

"Not really. She always runs from place to place like the FBI is pounding on her door and she has to go flush her little stash."

"What exactly is she stashing?"

"God only knows."

After dinner, Henry offered to clean up the kitchen, Briar practically dragging Faye down the hall, insisting that it was bath time. Thankfully he was still in the kitchen when Briar had gotten out of the bath and made a naked dash back to her room, squealing with laughter as her mother desperately tried to catch her with the towel.

"Briar, we've talked about this." Faye scolded as she snatched the little girl up and carried her to  her princess themed room. "You can't run around naked when other people are over."

"I'm nakie!" Briar giggled, pressing a sloppy kiss to her mother's cheek.

"Yes, you are. We gotta un-nakie you now so you can go to bed." Faye coaxed, setting her daughter back down to rummage through her drawers for pajamas.

"I wanna wear panties!"

"No, love. You're still having accidents at night. You need to wear a diaper to bed." Faye explained, pulling out her daughter's unicorn onesie.

"Ok." Briar relented, scurrying across the room to the box that held her diapers. "I want a story!"

"Which story?" Faye asked, sitting on the edge of her bed as her daughter tugged on her pull up.

"Umm... hmm...." Briar hummed to herself, tapping her index finger against her chin as she thought. "Dinosaur book!"

"The one about the dinosaur cleaning it's room?" Faye confirmed, helping her daughter into her pajamas, booping her nose when she zipped her up.

"Yeah, yeah!" Briar agreed with excitement, rushing over to her little bookshelf and pulling it out for her mother.

"Alright, let's get you tucked in."

Twenty minutes, two stories, one night light, eight stuffed animals and at least half a dozen good night kisses later, Faye finally closed her daughter's door, fully expecting Henry to be ready to leave by then.

To her surprise, he seemed to have made himself at home, sitting in the middle of her couch, scrolling through her Netflix account.

"Find anything good?" Faye asked, plopping down next to him and curling up against one of the arm rests.

"Well, The Witcher looks pretty promising, but it's a series. Don't think we have time to watch it all in one night." He mused, shooting her a playful smile.

"I've heard about that one. It has great costuming and make up design."

"That it does." Henry agreed, continuing to scroll through the various movies and shows.

"You find something to watch, I'll get movie snacks." Faye delegated, pushing herself back up and heading back to the kitchen. This was happening. This was really happening! She grabbed a bag of chips (or crisps, as Mrs. Anderson called them) and cookies (biscuits, dear) along with a couple bottles of hard cider. Henry rose a  brow at her beverage selection, to which Faye shrugged and popped the cap off of hers, offering the opener to Henry as she sat back down.

"You don't have to go out of your way on my account." Henry pointed out, removing the cap from his own bottle.

"Oh, sorry. Did you want water or a juice box instead?" Faye sassed, taking a slow pull from her drink, Henry's eyes instantly being drawn to the way her lips curled around the mouth of the bottle.

"So, uh... I hope a horror movie is alright. It was the first thing that really jumped out at me."

"It's fine, but if I run out screaming, you have to fight the monsters all on your own."

"Toss me a coin." Henry shrugged, hitting the play button and settling back.

It had started out slowly, really. Faye began by inching toward Henry's side as the movie gained intensity, finally pressing herself into him, wide eyes fixed on the screen as one hand nervously clutched the front of his shirt. Next was his arm, wrapping around her and pulling her in closer. All just to comfort her, of course. He had no ulterior motive whatsoever.

Then she started hiding her face in his chest during intense sequences, pressing closer to him with every passing moment. After that, he'd rested his cheek on top of her head, his other arm reaching over and squeezing her hip reassuringly.

During the climax of the movie, Faye found herself halfway on top of him, the side of her face pressed into his chest as she bravely tried to continue watching the film out of the corner of her eye. That was when Henry took the initiative to pull her fully into his lap, her legs on either side of his hips as she hid her face in his neck, his arms holding her securely to his muscular frame as she hid from the horrors behind her.

She gradually moved her face away from his neck, her doe like eyes flicking up to find his blue gaze already watching her closely. He released his hold of her, gently brushing her hair from her face with both hands and sliding around to cradle the back of her head, raising his brows slightly, silently asking for her permission to take the next step.

Faye was the one to lean in, Henry meeting her lips eagerly as her hands plunged into his curls. It started off slow, both trying to learn the other, gradually becoming more and more passionate as the seconds passed. Henry nipped at her bottom lip, wanting to deepen the kiss to which she happily complied, moaning softly into his mouth. His hands trailed from her hair, slowly down her back, finally coming to rest on her ass, giving it a firm squeeze and grinding her hips deliciously against his. He was right. It was plump, yet firm enough to grab a perfect handful. All those nights he laid awake pondering were finally rewarded with a definitive answer.

Her hands ran over his arms, taking in the feel of his hardened muscles and groaning softly as his hands continuing to knead her ass greedily. Slowly she began moving her hips on her own, purposely dragging herself across his rapidly stiffening cock, shivering in delight when he sighed happily into her mouth. Henry finally broke the kiss to rest his forehead against hers, groaning softly as she continued moving. Friction, wonderful, delightful, promise filled friction against his sensitive shaft, driving him crazy.

"So damn pretty." Henry breathed, his hands sliding around to grip her hips, pulling her down more firmly against him. "Just like that." He encouraged, his head falling back as his hips jerked up of their own accord. "Feels so good, just like that."

"No, no." Henry corrected, leaning forward to push her back when she tried to hide in his neck again. "Wanna see your face. Let me see that gorgeous face."

"Fuck... Henry." Faye moaned softly, grinding her clit against his erection the best she could through their layers clothing. Some things definitely had to go.

"Off.  Off." She begged, tugging at his shirt desperately, to which he quickly complied, grabbing the back of his collar with one hand and whipping it off, tossing it out of the way and returning his hands to her hips.

"Don't stop. Keep going." Henry panted, his strong hands encouraging her to move faster against him as he leaned back in for another kiss, this one even more heated than the last. Faye's hands finally found his bare chest, partially bracing herself against him, mostly wanting to feel him beneath her palms. His coarse chest hair and hard muscle, covered in a light sheen of sweat felt right against her tender flesh.

His hands slowly crept from her hips up and down her waist, beginning to inch her shirt up as he went. Large palms found the bare skin of her ribs, his thumbs sweeping across her heated flesh in slow arcs, his lips never stopping against hers. His hands deliberately slid from her ribs to her stomach, fingertips mapping her skin without any care for any imperfections Faye may see in herself. To him, it was all wonderful, uncharted territory that he wanted to commit to memory.

Faye gasped softly, breaking from their heated kiss and grabbing his wrists when he tried to slide his hands higher to her chest. "Hen, no."

"Shit." Henry whispered, his eyes instantly going wide with panic as he leaned away from her, trying to give her some space. "I-I'm sorry. I got carried away. I should have asked first, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cross any lines-"

"Hen." Faye interrupted, pecking his babbling lips to try and calm him down. "Shh, Hen, it's fine. You didn't cross any lines." She assured gently, her eyes shifting away nervously before she forced herself to continue. "They're... they're just really sore right now, and having anyone touch them doesn't seem like much fun for me at the moment." She mumbled, an embarrassed flush overtaking her face.  

"Oh thank God." Henry groaned in relief, letting his head fall to the back of the couch as his hands covered his face. "I mean, I'm sorry that you're hurting, that's terrible, but I thought I fucked everything up just now."

"No, you didn't fuck anything up." Faye sighed, hiding her face in his neck. "But we probably should stop for right now, since... you know." Faye sighed, gesturing vaguely down to her waist.

"You know, I really don't care." Henry offered after a second, his cock stirring at the prospect of the night not yet ending.

"Well, I don't want our first time to be a bloody mess." Faye countered, playfully nipping his collarbone.

"First time? Does that mean you're planning for us to do this more than once?" Henry asked suggestively.

"It depends on if you're any good. Why? Were you wanting me to be a one night stand or something, Mr. Cavill?"

"Fuck no. I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page." Henry snorted, gently wrapping his arms around her again.

"Sorry the timing sucked."

"As long as you're giving me another shot, I don't even care."

Give him another shot? Yeah, like that was ever a problem for him. Someone really needed to remind him of who he was. Or just hold up a mirror so he can see his stupidly handsome face. Guys like him almost always get another shot. That's just how it worked. No one in their right mind would pass up on an opportunity with him, and Faye was most certainly in her right mind.

[cina-full-moon-xanadium]

Kamen season tier list? 👀

Damn anon you're going straight for the one that starts fights huh? Well in all fairness I'm pretty sure I have posted it before but... let's go with a slightly different format

Rather than ranking everything all on the same scale I've got different tiers of the same colour here representing what I like about each series in them. So don't get me wrong I love OOO more than Black and Ghost and ZO; it's just I love it for different reasons. So! While there's a fair bit of overlap between the two (Blade and Build especially), the top tier is essentially the ones I associate most with Kamen Rider's ultimate original meaning of a spiritual respect for life in all its forms and the need to fight fascism that naturally stems from those ideals; while the second tier is the ones that don't really follow that but which I still loved on a deeply emotional level. This franchise got me feeling things! Also Vulcan here represents his and Naki's arc in 01, plus the 01hers movies specifically because yeah 01 is that kind of show

Moving on, the third and fourth tiers are pretty self explanatory -- ones that I liked for a deeper reason, and ones that I just thought were a fuckin fun time. Decade has SO MUCH going on thematically but Ex-Aid was just some bullshit happening and I really can't fault it for that

Finally, yellow tier is ones that. I'm sure are really good! I've seen a lot of great analyses of them and in Ryuki and 555's cases specifically I think they're amazing seasons and respect what they do! But I really can't get into them! For different reasons these ones just failed to captivate me. And then red is the ones I actually don't like, with Kyoki representing Hibiki 30 onwards specifically

Did I really just write out a guide for my tier list which is probably self-explanatory anyway? ... yeah, I guess so! But I just wanted to make it clear. It's a complicated franchise to me that required a bit more than the usual rankings. And also, yes; that IS a lot of Kamen Rider I've watched! The only ones I haven't seen at this point are Skyrider, Super-1, ZX, Black RX and of course Revice, Black Sun and Shin Kamen Rider! I'm a bit obsessed

[sincerelyella]

It’s Your Love - happy birthday Burnsy!

Book: The Royal Romance (AU)

Pairings: Drake x OC (Alyssa); Liam x MC (Ella)

Song Inspiration: It’s Your Love by Tim McGraw & Faith Hill

Characters belong to Pixelberry; OC Alyssa Devereaux belongs to my sister @burnsoslow​; Ella Brooks belongs to me.

Summary: The gang coordinates a surprise for Alyssa’s birthday.

A/N: It’s my Burnsy’s birthday and I’m sure everything I’m going to say she already knows! Firstly, I’m so sorry I changed my mind about which AU and which song for this fic like 47545024 million trillion times. Burns just freaking gets me mmkay? She’s my nakie twin, my soul sister, my football bestie and my biggest cheerleader. GUYS! Idk how I could have gotten through this year without her checking in on me, our football conversations or her amazing (and haaawwwwt) fics. Some dialogue in this fic, btw, was taken from a conversation we really had (and as usual, she is hilarious).

Burns, you know that I love you a BUTT TON and I will fight ANYBODY for you (where’s my vaseline?!) Thank you for always being in my corner, for giving me SEVERAL pep talks this year (because I’m dramatic), for believing in me when I sometimes didn’t believe in myself, and for loving me SO HARD. I really hope you have an amazing day and you enjoy your bday dessert and that you like this little fic.

-> please note, this is a rereblog and I am adding this fic to my ML. Today is not actually our sweet Burnsy’s birthday even though we would all like it to be lol

A/N2: This is set in The Loft AU by the way! Check it out here if you haven’t seen these guys’ shenanigans.

Warnings: Adult language, sexual innuendos, and major fluff guys!! The birthday girl wanted to be swooned and I will do my damndest to give her whatever she wants today.

Thank you so much @alyssalauren​ for letting me vent and letting me harass you with my whining … and listening to me change my mind about this for WEEKS - and also prereading for me along with @ofpixelsandscribbles​. I love you guys so much!

Words: 3149 (oops)

Alyssa was not feeling well. The more she coughed, the more she felt like death. “Oh, God, I feel like my brain is going to explode into itty bitty pieces,” she moaned with her arm draped over her face.

Drake bit his lip in an effort to stop a chuckle. She’s so fucking cute, and whiny. But cute. “Baby, it’s just a cold, you’ll be fine.” He slid onto their large king-sized bed and began to rub her lower back.

“It’s not! It’s the plague! Those kids at school don’t cover their mouths and sneeze up into the air! Like, I can see particles of their spit, just wafting,” she complained as she waved her hand in the air, mimicking the particles. “I bet you it landed on me or I inhaled that shit and now, look at me!” Her cute nose was reddened slightly from blowing out copious amounts of snot. She was seriously thinking about shoving some tissue in each nostril just to make sure nothing dripped.

Drake moved his hands upward and massaged her shoulders gently. “I can make you some soup,” he nibbled on her earlobe. “And make you feel … relaxed.”

“Mmmm,” she shivered at his words and sniffled. “Yes, baby, make me feel relaxed!”

A little while later

After Drake’s impressive two hour session of making Alyssa feel better, loud knocks sounded at their bedroom door.

“Lyssa!” Ella bellowed. “Lyss, you’re not answering my phone calls! Are you dead?!”

“No,” she croaked from the bed and stifled a laugh when Drake tripped trying to put on his boxers. “I was just getting my back blown out by my hot boyfriend.”

“Ew, TMI! Okay, are you covered up? I’m coming in!”

“No!” Drake yelled as he hurriedly threw on his pants. “Do not come in here, Brooks! I’m fucking naked!”

“Like I haven’t seen a naked man before,” Ella pushed open the door and rolled her eyes at Drake. “You aren’t even naked, Walker, get a grip.”

“No damn privacy around here,” he grumbled as he looked for a shirt in the closet.

“Hi!” Alyssa called out hoarsely from the bed as she tucked her comforter around her naked body. “I didn’t go to work today, I felt like death was coming for me.”

“I could hear you coughing from the kitchen. So, your blood pressure and that gnarly cough you have are what’s concerning me.”

“Yeah,” Lyss frowned and sniffed. “The cough is rough.”

“And gunky huh? Are you spitting up weird colored stuff?”

“No, it's clear and phlegmy!”

Ella narrowed her eyes on her best friend. “Lyss, did you take your blood pressure today?”

“I … umm no, I don’t like the machine.”

Ella let out a sigh. “You have to babe!”

Lyss’s bottom lip quivered. “I get scared my arm will explode.”

“Lyssa.”

The lip quiver always works with Drake. “… yes?”

“Your arm won’t explode.”

“If it malfunctions it could!”

Ella rubbed her hands over her face. “Alyssa!”

“In one of the Halloween movies, Michael Myers killed someone in the hospital by putting a BP cuff around their neck and pumping it until their head exploded!”

“What the fuck? Okay, no more Halloween movies for you!”

“But-”

“It’s not going to explode, Alyssa. You need to take your blood pressure. Do I have to hogtie you?”

“No ma’am, I’m taller than you!”

“By ½ an inch!”

Ella switched tactics. “If you don’t do this, I’m going to get Drake on you.”

Lyss giggled. “That’s hardly a punishment.”

Ella’s eye twitched and Alyssa held back a laugh.

After another 10 minutes, Alyssa finally agreed to only check her blood pressure if Ella did it for her and Drake had to hold her hand. Once the numbers were acceptable to Ella, Alyssa added to her terms. “Also, I want chicken noodle soup and those little soup crackers” - she sniffled - “and coffee.”

“Why not tea? That’s better I think,” Ella brushed some hair off of her best friend’s forehead.

“Coffee.”

“Cream isn’t a good idea for-”

Drake gave Ella a look.

“I mean … sure!”

“I’ll get started on that, baby,” Drake leaned over to kiss his girlfriend on top of her head. “Be right back.”

Ella waited until he closed the bedroom door behind him. “Lyssa.”

“Hmm?” She was already settled into the fluffy pillow and her eyes fluttered shut.

“Do you have a fever?” Not waiting for an answer, Ella leaned forward and felt Alyssa’s forehead with the back of her hand.

“Nu-uh,” Lyss mumbled and coughed.

“Lyss?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t you want to put on some clothes?”

“Mmm, nope, I’m good naked.”

Ella chuckled. “Okay.”

She stood and left Lyss alone to rest. Ella wandered into the kitchen to find Liam and Drake as they stared into a large pot of broth.

“Is she asleep?” Drake asked while he stirred.

“Yep, she’s passed out,” Ella peered into the pot. “You need to add more onions.”

Drake tasted the broth again and shrugged. “Okay, more onions it is.”

Liam handed Drake the bowl of green onions. “So, what do you have planned for her birthday? Are you proposing yet?”

“I had planned to take her to the park and have a picnic,” Drake paused as he tasted the broth again from the ladle. “But seeing as how she’s not wanting to leave the bedroom, I might have to rethink my plan.”

“Hmmm,” Liam tapped his fingers over his mouth. “Why don’t you just have a picnic in the bedroom with her?”

“I guess,” Drake frowned. “That’s not very romantic.”

“You’re trying to be romantic, Walker?” Leo said as he walked into the kitchen with Maxwell with several bags from Nordstrom.

“Yeah, I am, if you must know.”

“I can help you out!” Leo’s wide grin made Drake narrow his eyes.

“What’s in it for you, Rys?”

“Oh, I just love helping my friends! Let me put all my stuff down in the bedroom, I’ll be right back.”

As soon as Leo was out of earshot, Drake hissed. “I don’t trust him!”

“I know,” Max replied. “It’s Leo we’re talking about. After he saw the movie Titanic he started the Billy Zane fan club.”

Ella stopped washing the dishes in the sink and turned. “Wait, what?!”

“Yeah,” Liam added. “Look it up, they’re called the Zaniacs.”

“Why does that make me angrier than anything he’s ever done?!”

Liam shrugged. “He also roots for Billy Zabka’s character in The Karate Kid.”

“Alright, guys! It’s romance time!” Leo announced as he came back to the kitchen.

Three days later

Leo, Maxwell, and Liam were busy setting up things for Drake and Alyssa’s outing at the beach.

“Why is Ella not helping us?” Maxwell huffed as he and Leo carried large boxes of twinkling lights.

“She’s here for Lyss, and to make sure Walker doesn’t sweat too much and get dehydrated,” Leo laughed as all three looked at Drake in the kitchen pacing back and forth.

“Fuck you guys,” his chocolate brown hair a mess after running his fingers through them more times than he can count. “I’m just … nervous.”

“Yeah, we can see that,“ Leo cackled as they walked out into the hallway and waited for the elevator.

“It’s going to work,” Liam reassured his best friend as he grabbed the guitar by the door and followed Max and Leo out.

“Drake, it’s going to be fine,” Ella put her hands on his shoulders to stop him from wandering around the kitchen; it was making her dizzy. “Liam is the King of Romance. Don’t listen to Leo, Alyssa is going to say yes.”

“How do you know that?” He began to babble and couldn’t stop himself. “What if this is too soon? What if she hates my singing? What if she says no?”

“You should be worried about whether she’ll get out of bed,” Ella looked towards the bedroom door.

“Oh my God, is she still in bed?!” He inhaled too quickly and began to cough.

“Okay, Walker, I was kidding. You know she adores you. She said ‘I love you’ first for crying out loud,” she gave him a concerned look. “Are you getting sick?”

“No, I don’t … get sick,” he sputtered as he continued to cough.

“Well you are pretty delicate, maybe you should slow down.”

He waved off her comment as his coughs began to dissipate. “I’m not delicate, I’m just” - he lowered his voice to a whisper yell - “proposing to my girlfriend and I don’t even know if she’s going to like this damn plan!”

Ella rolled her eyes. “Okay, so let’s just forget that you got sick watching Frozen.”

Drake glared. “No. I did not.”

“You also got a nosebleed watching Up,” she smirked.

“Oh my God, will you ever let that go?!”

Ella let out a chuckle. “Okay, fine then, why don’t you go and take a shower?”

“I already did,” Drake looked down at his sweat-stained shirt.

“Yeah, why don’t you go and take another one.”

He nodded. “Be right back.”

30 minutes later

“El! I need help!”

“Lyssa? What’s wrong?” Ella let herself into the bedroom Alyssa and Drake shared.

“My sinuses hurt and I dropped my dress and my book on the floor.”

“Okay?”

“Can you pick it up for me? It hurts to bend over.”

Ella hid a smile and bent to pick up Alyssa’s black dress and her book titled Remember Two Things. “I’ve been meaning to read this, how is it so far?”

“Oh it is so good,” Lyss put the book on her nightstand and pulled the dress over her head. “I’m at chapter 18 and these two have been in love since college-”

“No spoilers! I’m going to read it after you,” Ella found Lyss’ shoes under the bed and helped her put them on. “You take that medication I gave you?”

“The pill was too big.”

“Alyssa!”

“I’m kidding, yes, I took it,” she dimpled. “It was a gel capsule.”

Ella let out a sigh of relief. “Okay, good. You don’t need your sinuses to act up while you’re out.”

“Where is he taking me?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

Alyssa pouted. “No, I don’t.”

Drake appeared in the doorway with a brand new shirt that was miraculously dry. “Ready baby?”

“Yeah, I’m ready,” she stood and wrapped her arms around her best friend. “Thank you for helping me!”

Ella shooed the couple out the door and quickly called Liam to let them know they were on their way.

***

“Baby, why did you take another shower?” Alyssa eyed Drake’s damp hair.

“I … slipped in something Max spilled on the floor in the kitchen.” Fuck, I suck at lying.

“Oh,” Lyss chewed on her bottom lip and studied Drake’s side profile as he drove his truck through the streets of Los Angeles. “I was thinking … you’ve taken such good care of me while I’ve been whiny and sick and I wanted to thank you.”

“Of course, I care about you.”

“I love you, baby, I feel like we’re so good together.”

“We are, Lyss, I love you too,” he reached over and intertwined his fingers with hers.

Drake slowly pulled the truck into a parking spot and turned off the engine. “Come on, I have something I want to show you.”

Alyssa nodded. She hopped out of the car and took Drake’s outstretched hand as he led her into a walkway with arching shrubs above them. “What is this place?”

“It used to be a secret spot I went to when I was single,” he glanced down at her while she stared up at the greenery in awe. “I would just come down here to be alone.”

Suddenly, the archway lit up in thousands of little twinkling lights that illuminated their way down to the end of the walkway. “Oh my God,” Alyssa squealed. “I love this so much, it’s beautiful!” They came to the end of the lights and began to walk onto sand.

“Only a little bit further,” Drake mumbled as he took in the ocean, then focused his gaze on the large purple blanket that was sprawled out on the sand a few yards in front of them.

“What’s that?”

“It’s a little picnic the guys set up for us,” he gave Alyssa a nervous smile. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes! What’s for dinner?”

“Taco pizza and for dessert,” Drake excitedly climbed onto the blanket after removing his shoes. “S’mores brownie pie.”

“S’mores?!” Alyssa peeked into the large basket that held the pie. “Can we eat dessert first?”

Drake let out a loud laugh. “Whatever you want, baby it’s your birthday.”

Lyss opened the box where the taco pizza sat and she inhaled deeply. “Oh, no, we’re eating this first.” She grabbed a plate and separated two pieces, one for her, one for Drake.

“Thank you.”

They settled into a comfortable silence as they watched the waves cascade over the sand; the sun was slowly fading, disappearing behind the ocean, leaving its yellow-orange coloring over the blue hue of the water. Alyssa was sitting in between Drake’s legs, her back against his chest.

“This hit the spot,” she patted her stomach. “Taco pizza just like in Remember Two Things.”

“That’s where I got the idea from,” he kissed her on top of her head. “You told me how taco pizza sounded amazing and I had to get that for you.”

“You are amazing,” she leaned her head back and touched her lips to his. “Is that a guitar? Why didn’t I notice that before?”

Drake’s face turned a bright shade of red. “Uh, yeah, I had Liam bring his guitar out here.”

“Do you” - she pulled away from him and turned all the way around with widened eyes - “do you play guitar, baby?”

He nervously scratched the back of his neck. “I … Well, sort of. Liam taught me when we were teenagers.”

“That is so hot,” Lyss mumbled and she bit her bottom lip. “Will you play for me?”

Drake nodded. “Hopefully I’m not too rusty, it’s been years.”

“I know I will love it.”

Drake picked up the acoustic guitar behind him and began to tune it. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he went through each string and turned the knobs in turn. Alyssa watched as he dug into his jean pocket and pulled out a guitar pick. How is a man with a guitar so sexy?

“Here goes nothing.”

He strummed the guitar and smiled when it didn’t sound off-key. He took in a deep breath and began to sing.

Dancing in the dark, Middle of the night

Taking your heart, And holding it tight

Emotional touch, Touching my skin

And askin' you to do, What you've been doing

All over again

Alyssa was taken aback. She had no idea he played guitar or sang a note until today. Drake Walker singing country music just did something to her; not to mention the fact that she loved this song.

Oh, it's a beautiful thing, Don't think I can keep it all in

I just gotta let you know, What it is that won't let me go

She couldn’t stop herself, she started to sing along with him. It was a duet anyway.

It's your love, It just does something to me

It sends a shock right through me, I can't get enough

And if you wonder, About the spell I'm under

Oh it's your love

Their eyes were locked as they sang together. Alyssa harmonizing with him made his stomach do flip flops. He was a nervous wreck just thinking about singing and playing this damn guitar in front of her. But once she started to sing, he wanted to stop so he could hear her angelic voice instead of his rough one.

“Drake?”

Her voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realize I stopped.”

“That was so beautiful,” Lyss’ eyes were full of unshed tears. “I had no idea you could sing, baby.”

“I’m sorry I stopped, I wanted to hear your voice instead of mine.”

“Come on, let’s keep going!”

“I … I wanted to ask you something first.”

“Okay, what’s up?”

He set the guitar down on the blanket next to him and reached into his other pocket. “Lyssa,” he pulled out a black velvet box but didn’t open his hand just yet. “I wanted to make your birthday special, and I was so fucking nervous because I didn’t know if you’d like all this.”

“Anything we do together I love, baby,” she grasped his free hand with both of hers. “Don’t ever think I won’t like something you plan for us.”

Drake nodded. “I love you and I chose that song because it’s your love that keeps me wanting to wake up every morning,” he opened his left hand and she saw the box in his hand.

“Is that …”

“Alyssa Devereaux,” Drake opened the ring box and there sat three round diamonds on a gold setting. “Will you marry me?”

The tears were falling and one hand was clamped over her mouth in shock. She was crying so hard and overwhelmed with so much emotion that she struggled to speak. “Y-yes, Drake, yes!”

Drake’s entire face lit up at her words; he slid the ring on her finger and leaned over to kiss her. “Do you have any idea how happy you’ve made me?”

Cheers erupted from behind some bushes behind them, and the couple turned in surprise. Leo, Maxwell, Liam, and Ella jumped out, all with their phone cameras pointed in Drake and Lyss’s direction.

Drake scowled. “What the fuck?”

“Guys!” Alyssa jumped up and waved her left hand in the air. “We’re engaged!” Ella pulled her in for a big hug and the two of them began jumping up and down.

“Nice going, Walker,” Leo smirked as he shoved the last piece of taco pizza in his mouth. “You still sing real pretty too, just like in middle school.”

“Fuck off, Rys,” Drake snarled.

“You did good, brother,” Liam stepped forward and pulled his best friend in for a manly hug.

Drake gave him a half-smile. “Thanks for setting this up, and for all your help, Li. I know Twiddle-Dumb and Twiddle-Dee didn’t help much.”

Liam shrugged. “They picked up your pizza and pie. Got one for themselves while we were waiting for you to pop the question.”

“Taco pizza is the bomb,” Maxwell announced with a mouth full of food. “You guys are engaged! When’s the wedding?!”

“We’re still on cloud nine from being engaged, Max,” Alyssa chuckled. “We’ll all plan it out when we’re ready.”

“All of them?” Drake asked incredulously as the gang began to clean up the picnic area. “All of them are helping us plan?”

“You’re stuck with us forever, gorgeous,” Leo called out to Lyss. “You sure that’s what you want?”

Alyssa looked over at her fiancé, who just so happened to look at her. “I am so sure.”

[callsigncrash]

Ayo here I am again to flood your ask box bcz I'm getting inspired by random pics at pinterest

This time I wanna ask for a Yamori and ur favs with a s/o that at first, when they started falling for each other and such, Started avoiding Cc and when asked about it by a Cc's friend the s/o just said that they rlly like Cc but they like them so much that the S/o thinks the Cc will get kinda freaked out but said Cc hears about that and then yay confessions-

But again, got inspired for that ask bcz of this here and imagined my self insert of just hugging Yamori like the character is hugging the cat-

Anygays, have a good cycle of 24 hours:3

Romantic Avoidance

I’m so sorry for taking so long with your requests and for just not making my stuff as long as usual so I tried to get back into the swing of things with this one. I think I’ll also use this prompt for my characters on @lactoseandsuffering so if anyone is interested in that, take a look there. As always, thank you for another wonderful request! ❤️

________________________________________________

Assuming that y’all are just talking and working, he’d be somewhat miffed if you started avoiding him.

Even when the two of you are around each other, you don’t talk as much as you used to and you seem a bit intimidated.

He didn’t think that he’d get as upset as he is after a while but he is. Did he do something? Are you being blackmailed somehow? Did you come to your senses and realize how messed up what he does is and are going to find a way out before he can tell you that he- no. He’s not going to dwell on this. He’ll just have you come to his office.

You seemingly have scheduling conflicts because he can’t seem to find a day where you’re not out on orders or just not available.

It gets to a point where he decides to personally go and ask your peers what was going on.

Of course, there’s a little resistance from some but after a bit of talk, one of them finally tells him the reason you’ve been avoiding him.

When he learns of your feelings, the anger and annoyance is replaced with pride. You just unknowingly fed his ego.

He gets Naki to tell you that you’ve got to go with him for something important, what that was, you didn’t know. Naki takes you to a spare room and tells you to wait for him to come back.

After a while of waiting, the door opened. You turned, expecting to see Naki, but saw Yamori instead.

He smiled at you and put his hands in his pockets. He walked a bit closer before speaking.

“So, someone’s got a crush on their boss?”

The huge grin across his face thankfully gave away that he wasn’t mad.

After a bit of talking he lets you know that he’s realized how much he misses your company and how much he wants you to be around.

Expect to do most of your jobs with him from here on out.

[transsexualhamlet]

the many sins of tokyo ghoul :re

or: 13 reasons why :re is fucking terrible not clickbait

Disclaimer: I think no matter how long this post gets I’m missing something, so let’s just outline the worst ones. And I mean to be transparent, the only reason I actually read :re was so I could make this post... (and bc i wanted to see the what, five panels of hide) Well, I couldn’t stand hating it without evidence beyond hearsay and General Vibes. But I knew it was gonna be bad, I knew it was going to ruin me jesus christ. Obviously I’m not hating on people that like it, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with genuinely enjoying it (I do genuinely enjoy parts of it, and by parts i mean chapters 1-50 with exceptions and 75) I think it’s wonderful if you can derive joy from it (lmao) but I can say that through my lens in life, there’s so much fucking wrong with this goddamn fucking piece of shit manga and I feel the need to yell about it because i am ✨autism✨ so let’s get going (this is r e a l l y long just a warning)

tl;dr Ishida stay in your fucking lane

1. Transphobia and Homophobia:

alright here we are first off with the big one and if I had to choose, one of Ishida’s greatest sins here. It’s quite unusual in mangas like these to have any sort of representation for such things in and of itself, and yeah of course that annoys me, but having no represntation at all is like so much better than getting actively harmful representation. Most manga that aren’t specifically about those things shy away from those topics, and it’s tiring but it’s normal. You wouldn’t want a mangaka to try to write about something like that without experience or informed opinions. So I say if you can’t write something correct, just don’t write something like that in at all. Ishida clearly,,, does not get this.

And it’s not just the case of Mutsuki, who, well, gets it bad enough, there are three full fucking trans characters Ishida made like, just to shit on. 

Big Madame- god, made like that specifically to perpetuate the predatory trans woman trope jesus christ is Ishida friends with JK fuckface Rowling. Ah yes the ugly, human trafficking, predatory, pedophilic killer that tried to make their male child more feminine? Has a dick. Really? Could you be a single bit more transparent about your fucking agenda here? I really don’t have to say much here.

Kanae von Fuckwald- Technically Ishida says here that basically this bitch was just like??? Pretending to be a guy for years just to what?? I don’t even know?? Get together with Tsukiyama? Cause he’s fucking gay or something? I don’t even get it but like i read this post yesterday and that’s a whole ass thermian argument. It’s like “oh well this is fine because well this person’s not actually trans and therefore the representation thing doesn’t apply”... it’s useless. You created the character that way and you made it intentionally to for whatever way promote this idea that people would “pretend” to be a different gender and that eventually they’ll realize that it’s a “lie” and they never really wanted it. This is what you’re saying about the real people who are,,, actually trans? Jesus christ. Also thinking that a twink like that would be trans? God yeah trans guys can be feminine but buddy that’s clearly not what you’re going for here.

And of course, Mutsuki- There’s just... so much wrong here. I mean like. Before we even get into anything about his character and what they did to him let me just discuss his entire design. Buddy like if you had to choose one person in that show to be trans that’s the least likely one. Ah yes, the feminine one. With the androgynous haircut and the shy disposition and the physical weakness compared to the others. God that’s like, a fujoshi’s take on ao3 of what character should be trans. As much as yeah of course, trans guys can be feminine, they are in no way obligated to be such and you shouldn’t make them more so to be more “believably” so. Ask any actual trans person ever. A character like that is just perpetuating the notion of trans guys being inherently more feminine or trying to pretend to be otherwise.ThEn, of course, there’s the ridiculous sexualization, infantilization and fetishization of this character, going through a thousand plot hurdles to make him constantly stripped, put in girls clothing, chased by perverts, assaulted, ET FUCKING CETERA. Give him a fUCKING BREAK. Creating this character the way he’s portrayed in canon (including so called backstory of murdering parents because of sexual and physical abuse) is perpetuating a notion that someone would be a trans guy because of internalized misogyny and/or trauma instead of because they’re just... a guy. It’s just it’s just it’s just Really bad. Plus taking his character, demonizing him and making him like, supposedly love haise (which i Really hate for a thousand reasons, god that’s like, a parent and child type relationship they have there not romantic,,, god,,,) try to like fucking murder touka and stop seeing sense, and then just... return him to being infantalized. God. Jesus christ fucking goddamn it I love Mutsuki and he deserves better.

Oh yeah and then the homophobia, this one’s smaller because... most of the trans people are here to go “it’s gay... wait it’s not Really gay so it’s ok” but I would like to leave a small note here for all the gay characters who got thrown under the bus not just in re but in the original, like, you know, Nico and shit? I really do not know shit about Nico but all the things about Jason? God if I had a thing for one person that you shouldn’t try to portray as representation it’s Jason. IDK what’s up with him and Naki but god it wasn’t healthy. (i’d like to say here that i love naki and i think naki deserves the world but honey there are better heroes than yamori) Anyway yeah I think that’s also bullshit and Ishida should stay in his fucking lane. (or her i guess, i just feel like it’s probably a guy bc of just... so much sexism)

Ok, now that we have the big one out of the way-

2. The mishandling of portrayals of various mental illnesses:

I’m not an expert on this one like I can say about the gays TM but just like in general, the whole manga’s very messy and portrays a lot of gritty stuff, and Ishida clearly attempts to throw in some mental illness for fun, but god fUcking damn it they’re bad. I couldn’t really even give you examples bc it’s pretty widespread and i’m stupid, but it was really like trump throwing paper towels “and you get a demonization, and you get an infantalization, and you get a butchered character, and you get a fetishization-”

3. Ishida having no fucking clue how science works

This particular factoid led me to have a very hard time reading this manga because it went from being about like, yknow, torture and fights and crying and stuff to weird experimentation bullshit and mutated whatever and everyone’s a hybrid now I guess. When I heard this thing about the quinxes, I thought that made no sense, because I was like “yeah but wait,,, how tf does that work didn’t Ishida say earlier that kagune literally were fueled by human meat isn’t that like the entire point the ccg is against?” and then Ishida’s explanation of how they’re not just exactly like Kaneki is that “oh yeah well there’s like, metal around it, so it’s different.” OH YEAH OK THAT MAKES PERFECT SENSE NOW, THANKS.

The thing is... there’s no way of actually regulating that. You couldn’t move a kagune unless it was attached to your cells, and if it’s attached man, it’s attached and it’s part of you. Also yelling “frame two” won’t like make it any bigger lmao, either you’re gonna have it based on theoretical science in this universe or you’re going to have a dumb supernatural magic pokemon fight deal. The whole thing makes no sense. The science issue isn’t just about this either, it’s also about how the entire thing basically undermines the point of the whole story. When you blur the lines between human and ghoul with little to no real rules or basis in real science, every rule kind of just becomes cheap plot convenience.

So the Quinxes can eat human food unless they use their kagune too much, alright, but Kaneki couldn’t eat human food before he’d even ever used his though the only difference between their bodies was this,,, theoretical metal thing?? And Haise... was never really covered, before he went black hair emo bastard and like vored Eto, did he eat human food like the rest of the CCG? He certainly cooked it. And the squad that lived with him wasn’t aware he was a ghoul until he pulled out the kagune. So I’d assume so, but then how could he have a kagune, how could he survive when his body still was like that?

Is it the RC suppressents? Then couldn’t he just have taken those and lived as a human the entire time? Is that all he fucking needed, is that the only difference between human and ghoul? It doesn’t make sense and the rules are bent so much they don’t function anymore. Ishida like write down your rules somewhere even if they’re bullshit, they shouldn’t contradict each other.

Damn man I’m not even going to go into the dumbass rules of the half humans or the special fast aging thing or the fucking,,, folded up cells deal,,, or the Imagination Kagune, or the fucking,,, Dragon, or the zombie ghoul apocalypse or the “whole new species made of just kagune” i don’t even have the time it is fucking ridiculous and I can’t even with it. Physics. Laws of physics. If not biology, at least follow physics Ishida??? Please???? And if you’re not you need to do that consistently??

4. character glow ups actually being character glow downs 

(with the exception of nishiki, he baby now, and akira, i think her development was valid af)

God, this one gets me every time. Touka was cool. Touka was fucking badass, she had a complex character with many motivations and wants, and in the original having her eventually kind of soften bc of Kaneki is valid. But taking her and turning her into like literally nothing but Pretty Housewife Yearning For Husband At War? God, kill me. She’s a strong person. She can like Kaneki without the guy being her only character trait. Also uh, Touka and Kaneki being a couple was valid before this change, now I honestly can’t stomach it. Like they were the kind of “both bisexual” m/f couple that we stan. No longer I guess.

She’s the most egregious example, but I’d also like to point out Juuzou, not everything they changed about him is bad, honestly we fucking stan his knife legs, but he’s kind of like a rip off L now? You got rid of his ~unhinged~, we do not stan. I’m on the fence about him bc i think that kind of is a valid transition to adulthood and I guess he’s grown up, but again, why change his fucking hair color? What is the explanation for this?

Also Hinami. I mean, I don’t really care about her a lot in general, but it’s weird to see her as like an adult when Ayato emo boy looks like exactly the fucking same and they’re like,,, supposedly the same age. 

There are definitely more I’m missing here. Honestly, Hide was valid. God him with his fucking burlap sack. With a fucking lenny face on it. I can’t with him. That’s so Hide. But there were some bad ones.

5. one hair color change was my limit, enough said

black white black and white black white more white god bitch get some variety

6. Showing me great new characters and then promptly ruining them

And you can tell this one’s about quinx squad, my favorite bastard children. God, I love them. They’re the only good things about Re other than Hide and Haise and like everything else, Ishida took them and went “what if i *guts*” god why. I love these kids with all my heart. Why. Why. Why did you do that to Mutsuki. Why as soon as Haise isn’t in the room they all get themselves tangled up with pedos. Why they gotta break up the squad. Why make all of them lose all the wholesomeness and lessons they learned from Haise. Why do you ruin them all with weird unreciprocated random crushes on each other when they’re like basically siblings. Why fuckinG KILL SHIRAZU HE IS THE APPOINTED CHIEF DUMBASS OF THE SQUAD WHY HIM. WHY. WITH SO LITTLE IMPACT. YOU COULD FUCKING MISS IT SO EASILY. THAT’S NOT RIGHT. AND KANEKI JUST FUCKING ABANDONS THEM BC HE HAS HIS MEMORIES AGAIN N O ? NO ACTUALLY NO.

7. the casual racism and sexism :)

i just :) can you stop having girls constantly bring themselves down for being female :) and making them be oversexualized, less full characters :) always in some way connected to a guy :) more weak and hurt more often :) my fucking god :) also yeah it’s way less prevalent but there were a few racist caricatures thrown in there for taste if you don’t know how to draw lips just don’t

8. Ishida being too much of a pissbaby for a real death scene

Basically: undermining the impact of “deaths” fom the first series while also randomly and badly killing off new characters. Oh that character that died in the original in a really cinematic way that made you cry and think about the meaning of life and how beautifully tragic this story was? Oh lol they’re not Actually dead. (x10) Doing that with Hide (at least in the manga, not the anime, god root A really did it with him but we’re not talking about that) was valid, seeing as I love him your honor and in the manga one of the lessons that his character hinges on was like in chapter 75 to live on instead of giving up even if it hurts and all that... (this is obviously kind of the opposite from root A where his character was like more about sacrificing for kaneki since kaneki had already done so much, i think both are valid but we’re Talking About The Manga) he was done well. That was right (even though i think they should have done More of it) but there were so many characters this kind of thing was done to without the proper adjustment in the handling of the messages given here. 

Like with Koma and Irimi, who,,, honestly should have stayed dead because their entire character arc kinda ended there and showed how they were sorry for their actions and this was how they were making it up. And then they just like... come back. And fight more. Really? This wasn’t the only instance either, same deal with Shinohara (though him coming back made me cry) it like, kind of undermines it if you’re going to have Juuzou derive his character development from that. Either Juuzou gets to keep his unhinged and his dad, or he loses his dad for real and he also grows up. God guys choose. What’s the message you’re playing here. (at least they kept Yoshimura dead, his death made me cry and I would have stabbed something if it wasn’t real, probably Ishida.) And even with Kaneki himself, god, if he can’t die from being stabbed straight through the fucking eye, what COULD kill him? It really diminishes the anxiety you feel about “omg is this person gonna die i want them to be ok” if they basically evade the laws of physics and their own previous character arcs 70 times. I’m definitely forgetting more of the same, Ishida can’t write a good death, he needed the anime writers to do it for him.

9. Kaneki. Just. Kaneki. 

God they fucking butchered this man. I could go on about his character is weird and confusing in the manga from the beginning, but we’re focusing on mostly all his weird :re character development, the bad handling of Haise and his memories, and all his iterations.

Before I read :re, what I could glean from fanart and the occasional fic that wasn’t tagged properly was really confusing and kind of a mixed bag. I knew Haise was Kaneki but without his memories, now in the ccg trying to be a pacifist and going :DDDDD a lot yknow. And what I came up with in my own mind for that change was a deal of (this makes more sense with the anime canon tbh, the manga honestly doesn’t do any of this well) like Kaneki after The Shit Went Down With Hide (whichever canon you’d like to interpret that as) he basically realized that he really couldn’t be a ghoul, he didn’t want to be, he didn’t want to hurt people and he wanted to be happy and make other people happy instead of what he thought was right before (trying to fight to protect others on his own etc) because that mentality had gotten people he loved hurt, and well subconsciously I guess that kind of factored into his development into Haise and maybe caused his memory loss (along with the, yknow, shanked eye.) So when I started to read it that kind of checked out, this is what he’s trying so hard to be now. But then this whole bullshit of the whole other like, 37 different versions of kaneki complicated things. 

Haise was scared that when he got his memories back he would cease to be, well, Haise, and he would just like revert back to what he was before everything. Which I can understand him being scared of and I think was a good point in the plot for him to worry about that, but I was like “oh honey don’t worry that’s not how it works” and was kind of vying for him to eventually get his memories back, come to terms with the fact that those were his memories, he did do those things, he was half a ghoul, and maybe come back to his original fight of wanting to bring the humans and ghouls together, still caring about his human people in the ccg and all. That development was real, and it wouldn’t just go away if he got his memories back, he learned a lot and grew a lot and he has a different outlook on life now. Right?

Fucking wrong I guess. Dude gets his memories back (very ambiguously, it was really hard to tell when that even happened tbh) and like. Turns into a flaming ass looking like ebony darkness dementia raven way. Haise gone. Fucking completely. No trace left. Doesn’t care about his kids anymore. When he’s done with that and goes white again he’s just Kaneki again and there’s really not enough left of things that like, really wouldn’t go away? He loses the flair? The dumbass? The :D? The Extra? WHY? Why would those things go away? Haise shouldn’t have been right that he would disappear when he got back his memories. That killed me. I love Kaneki and all but H a i s e. He is my b o y. H i m. With his e n e r g y  s h o r t s. And his m o m. And his c o o k i n g. And his k i d s, I l o v e him. And Ishida doesn’t seem to realize that they’re... literally the same person. Haise isn’t just some stupid bastard occupying Kaneki’s body, he’s a valid part of Kaneki himself and to be honest, peak Kaneki. Should have stayed that way. Would have been great for Hide tbh. Not just having him pretty much revert to his old self, but basically respond equally to both names and balance the world between human and ghoul. I would have loved that. What happened for real? It doesn’t make sense and it breaks my heart.

Some people on the interwebz try to kind of even that whole deal out by trying to say he like, has DID, which although is obviously a valid thing, like, so does not apply to him. God I’m like so not an expert on this but I feel like it’s not that hard to tell. His 87 little Kanekis in his head aren’t separate personas, they’re metaphorical representations of his past morals, experiences, and ideologies that all conflict. Again Haise here is peak conflict because when he gets his memories back, he has all these different conflicting ideas that were all previously separate. They’re all him. Tortured Kaneki constantly yelling at him in Jason’s chamber is basically again, a metaphor for how he’s denying his ghoulhood and the trauma that he’s been dealt. It’s not that this dude still exists just the way he is ready to show up at any moment lmao. Ishida kind of dealt with that badly too because Haise really said

after his memories happened so I can see why people might, but it’s... not right, and it’s Ishida’s fault about that which is Incorrect

Also just blanket statement, black reaper Kaneki? Fuck him and all he stands for. 0% valid. I can excuse literally every other version of him. But wh y. God he leaves the room and Urie starts misusing his power and getting groomed by a pedo, Saiko is just, left behind and sad, Mutsuki gets captured by a perv and mentally destroyed again, Shirazu dies and the bitch is like like “lol it’s your fault” yeah helpful, die

10. P- the- the porn chapter-

Idk about you but that was so fucking unecessary??? Not even going off of how terribly awkward and weird it was to have it there when the opening was “i’m sad about my best friend who’s gonna get executed what do you do when you’re sad about your best friend” “i simply do not think of him or i might actually just curl up and die” “yo lmao same” “wanna fuck” Like ok um I’m biased bc i’m not straight but I like, really hated that. Even just flipping through the pages as fast as I could to get to the end of it like. God. It’s not a fucking hentai. I’m here for the plot. If you’re not gonna release the director’s cut of kaneki fucking voring hide, i don’t think i need to see 20 pages of straight fucking sex. And if you absolutely must have porn, kaneki is a fucking bottom. That man gets pegged do not try to prove otherwise. You started it out that way god I love how they’re like “oh god wait that looks kind of gay, the woman being dominant, better stop that right now” god Ishida not having a single iota of knowlege about his own characters aND THEN SHE GETS PREGNANT? NO. Excuse me. No. I just. I. Why. This isn’t. A fucking porno. This isn’t tentacle porn i swear oh my god kill me

11. Giving the wrong characters attention

Basically, redeeming characters that should have been redeemed and not going into/discussing characters that should have been redeemed/had more backstory. For example, Tsukiyama can go fucking die. I like, do not even care rich boy. I don’t understand how anyone could think he needed to be redeemed he’s just a gay attention whore who really needs to let this kid get on with his merry fucking life. I don’t care. I literally did not need to read three whole books about his dumbass hangup over eating Kaneki. Kaneki doesn’t fucking want you bitch move on. He didn’t need to be redeemed or seen to be in any way sympathetic, no one wanted it. Same with that bitch ass Furuta, he wasn’t really redeemed but he was given w a y too much time to play out his sob story. God man Rize doesn’t fucking want you. These gross ass simps. I swear.

On the other hand, I kind of liked Eto even though she’s a pile of shit, and I got mad when they didn’t really go into much about her. And you know who could have gotten much more screen time/development? TOUKA. God, I love her and she was just sitting around in the background being straight. Let her have some spicy development. Also obviously, Hide. He was... so underappreciated and underexplained? What happened with him? He didn’t just pick himself off the ground in the sewers and go ‘well i’d better get back to the ccg now’ we have a whole two years which are completely unexplained, most of which he was off mysteriously being involved in things but completely missing the eye of Haise and other major players. Where tf was he? How did he get around? What was he even doing??? I wanna know about that! Not all the characters I hate’s tragic backstories that make me feel 0% more sympathetic towards them :)

12. ARE WE ALL JUST GONNA COLLECTIVELY IGNORE THE WHOLE VORE THING???

Ok like i know i say “the entire reason I read :re was __” but like to be honest this was the turning point, I saw pictures of hide’s vore face and went like

So I was like “god fucking damn it ok, Ishida would you care to explain this to me” *cracks open re*

And then they DIDN’T.

Like. It’s actually laughable how much that entire situation was just glossed over. They gave that maybe like two pages. Like what. I. This manga has more sex scene than no homoing that. They just don’t even bother to. I feel like Ishida had that as a plot point but realized halfway in how it looked (i.e., really fucking gay) and decided that was something that he was just gonna, not deal with. Just act like that’s a completely normal heterosexual bro thing to do. Like of course anywhere would be pretty gay but Kaneki chose his face. His face. Like his face and his wholeass neck and his shoulders and nowhere else. (and assumedly like, his tongue, seeing as how the dude can’t talk... bruh) Dude really said extreme hickey. French kiss to the max. Ishida clearly did realize that generally, you can only get a bitten off face by,,, having your face bitten off, which is just inherently really fucking gay. Like, I’m just at a loss as to how it even makes sense. You wouldn’t think that the skin off his face, and specifically around his mouth, would really be the most nutritious thing to consume? I can get like the shoulders but generally you’d think something like his arm or leg would be 1.less inconvenient, and 2.much more logical and nutritious? But NO, Kaneki was like “you know what i’m gonna do? eat your Face” and hide’s like “lmao sounds cool”

(not to mention, wasn’t there another guy with a vore face somewhere? like that old guy in the ccg with the bigass turtleneck, i wanna know about him) But like... my bro Ishida went “yeah this happened but i’m going to cover it up with speech bubbles and the ends of panels guys they clearly had their socks on” Dude didn’t even TRY to explain otherwise. Like hey man, that’s pretty damn gay, you are kind of at liberty to either tell me why otherwise, or accept those implications and acknowledge them?? It’s really hilarious when you ignore it cause it’s like

kind of

pretty damn

WEAK of you to leave it at that fucking pissbaby

hmmmmmmmmm however could this happen i guess we’ll never know

13. What the fuck was even the plot omg

God I’ve been writing this post for like five hours so like, I’ll keep it short but like it made sense in the original, not to be like an anime fan but the anime made fucking sense (not re i mean like the original) this lore is so fucking stupid god, the horrors of the entire fucking dragon arc bleach my eyes, unresolved plotlines who???? (the whole ‘oh yeah also ur dying of old age’ thing etc, is kaneki like??? still doing that?? or was that randomly resolved with the whole spewing ovary bullshit i’m going to fucking kill myself) and to top it off, good job Ishida at a real fucking cheap ending. 

You gave them. Fake human. Really? They just come up with artificial human at the end. Kind of undermines the entire fucking story my guy. Ah yes throw out our whole plot. That was the whole tragedy. You gotta eat human. The ghouls have to eat human and that’s tragic bc they have to kill people or whatever. Or i guess they fucking don’t well fucking ok. God you could have just had them negotiate a kind of peace where the ghouls can get dead humans and such, there are plenty of them and no one has to kill anyone then, there could be a rule system for it, it would be messy but eventually everyone would be ok with it, and I think that would work a lot better than “quick fix i made some hamburger helper human you can eat it fine” guys wtf. It’s like Ishida started plotting out the ending for re approximately 2 hours before his deadline. Anyway yes I hate re and I love yelling about it thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

something to get off my chest..

I’ve read about this a bit, and went through some thoughts from others and I’d like to say something. Can fanfiction writers be a bit more inclusive to POC(I’m going to be focusing on black readers, as that’s where I can say what I feel)  and such. The writing from the people I read from is fine, so if you’re one of my fanfic writing moots, don’t worry, you’re in the clear :). It’s just a general PSA type thing of me saying “Please include us, I feel out of place and misrepresented and with writing and fanfiction, I kind of feel left out when I see certain things in a fic or whatever it may be.” Been bothering me a little bit.

Examples Where Inclusion Could be Added:

“Ran fingers through S/O’s hair” As a black girl, I’d love for this phrase to be real, and to happen, but sometimes it’s just not happening. I’ve got tighter textured hair, and I’d enjoy for a character to put their hand on my hair, or take a small piece and scrunch a tiny curl.

“When the character puts their hair into a ponytail” Along with the running their fingers through my hair thing, a lot of the time, my hair won’t be going into a ponytail and stay slick and whatnot. Improvements could be to put their hair into an afro puff, or putting a headwrap on, etc.

“Pale, white as snow skin” This one’s a bit self-explanatory. Now, I will acknowledge vitiligo, and those who have it. That, as well as some POC having albinism. Those scenarios do count, but I can only speak for myself. Compare black skin to the sun, and how it shines beautifully in the golden rays. Also, don’t refer to black/brown skin tones as chocolate, caramel, or mocha. There’s tons of other things, other than food, to compare it to, or to just call it beautiful because it is.

“Discoloration” A lot of the time, POC might have discoloration of the skin, and uneven skin patches, and yes, I know this isn’t just a black people thing, white people may experience it too, but that’s where that comes in. Mention discoloration, or make it a topic to shed light on in a fic.

“Silky smooth hair” My hair is not silky smooth, and it may never be that way. It’s curly, coily, and a lot of the times, dry. It’s rough to the touch, and the curls have their own feel and pattern. Perhaps, you could shed some light on how the hair feels. Do NOT compare it to sheep wool, carpet, anything rough like that. It’s demeaning and rude. Instead, make it seem perfectly imperfect, our hair isn’t going to be like fresh sheets.

“They had long hair, reaching (blank) length.” A lot of our hair IS NOT LONG. Or what is considered long in this white beauty standard. Yes, my hair stretches to my back, but does it look like that upon immediate arrival? No, no it doesn’t. Try mentioning different hair styles that the reader might have it in, such as braids, a hijab, headwrap, afro puffs, cornrows.

How Curly Hair Dries. I am acknowledging that fact that any texture of hair can and does grow out of any person’s head, regardless of race. However, I’m mentioning it. If the fic is talking about it raining, or them getting water on their hair, or being in a pool. Mention how their hair droops then shrinks, because curly hair does that. How it may get frizzy, puffy, all that jazz.

“Character straightened their hair, character did French braids, character did hair crown, character curled their hair” Now, I know black hair does a lot, but we do NOT straighten our hair every day. It takes too long, and it does too much heat damage. We can do French braids, but they don’t come loose immediately. They’re protective styles for a reason. We also can do hair crowns, but like I said, it’s going to be a STRUGGLE. Mention other hair styles, and other black hairstyles, and what the character does or doesn’t do to it everyday. One day it might be moisturizer day, or wash day. They could do a wash and go, or leave it down, braid it, twist out, braid out. Whatever it may be, add it in.

SFW Fic Ideas That Include These Things:

The character’s S/O, or boyfriend, let me say for this example, Nathan Young (teehee) asks if he can help on a wash day, and they approve. He also has curly hair, but it’s a different texture to most black hair, and mention that too. How he might ask for help, try not to hurt them, gets confused at how much product they might have to use. (A LOT).

The character’s S/O or boyfriend, thus again, using Nathan as an example, asking how they might style it, if he can help. He learns how to braid, twist, add in coconut oil, moisturizer, all that. Combing correctly and not RIPPING their hair out,

The character’s S/O or boyfriend helping with hot oil treatments, and heating everything up, parting hair, adding things where they need to be added.

The character might be having a really rough hair day, and they help out, combing through it.

The character might get turned down at work because of how their hair is styled, angst, comfort, fluff. Add in how they feel, how it made them feel, all those negative emotions.

Character got called an “angry black woman”, and how she deals with it, how her S/O deals with it.

Character got turned down at work simply because of the color of their skin, mention the angst (and the fight their S/O had with the company.)

Character wants their hair played with, but carefully. Mention how their S/O twists their finger around their hair, trying not to hurt them. Calling their hair beautiful, a crown, precious, angelic.

Character has their hair touched unwillingly in public, they have a break down, comfort, fluff. How they retort in a respectful way.

Character educating their S/O on what’s okay and what’s not okay to do with their hair, how to care for it, how to touch it, when to touch it.

HEADWRAPSSSSS. Character’s head wrap is always coming off at night, S/O giggles, helps them wrap their hair, always looks forward to helping them find it in the morning.

S/O has never been with a “black girl” before, mention how wrong it is to say something like that, how insensitive it is.

Character goes on a date, a person says “I’ve never been with a black girl/chocolate girl.” before, and storms out, person is ignorant. Mention how they go back to future S/O (friends to lovers yessss) and cry over it “I’ll never treat you like that.”

NSFW mentions below the cut.

“Character touched their pink nipples.” My nipples are NOT pink, thank you very much. They’re much darker than our skin colors. Mention whoever you maybe writing about slowly circling their tongue around the (specific color) nipples, don’t just default to pink

“Character touched their pink pussy; saw their pink pussy.” All vaginas are NOT made equal, let me tell you. Vaginas are different colors, depending on your skin tone. A lot of the time, with POC, they fade into pink, and the actual inside of the vagina is pink, but not the surrounding area. The skin around the pubic mound darkens in color, and the closer it reaches the vagina, the darker it may be, due to discoloration, skin rubbing, etc.

STRETCH MARKS. This one isn’t race specific, every color of skin can have stretch marks, BUT the color does differ. As a person who has stretch marks, mostly near my nether regions, the darker the skin they’re on, the darker they’ll be. Try adding in sprinkles of stretch marks for ALL of your characters.

Body Shape. Now, there are curvier white people, and I do acknowledge that fact, but with black people, there is a certain body type that a lot of us have. Big titties, fat ass, big hips, big thighs. NOW, black people and POC are sexualized and fetishized a fuck ton, and I’m tired of it. If our body types are mentioned, and it’s a specifically black or POC character, don’t make it all that they’re about, especially when writing about smut. Yes, they can be thicc, and beautifully so, but don’t oversexualize that about them.

“Character grabbed on to their hair, pulling it tight.” I don’t like my hair being touched without permission, forget the pulling. Have it where the character might ask permission to touch their hair, even if they’re getting down and dirty.

NSFW Fic Ideas That Include These Things

Character wants their pussy licked, and their S/O mentions how beautiful their pussy is, how beautiful their skin is.

Character and S/O see each other nakie for the first time, mention their pubic hair (if they have it, make it inclusive). Mention stretch marks, how they feel as their S/O/ drags their fingers, tongue across them. Tongue dragging against their nipples (mention color).

Character doesn’t want their hair touched during intercourse. Mention the talk about it, potentially angst if S/O accidentally touches it or unintentionally upsetting them about it.

Character does wash day, turns into something dirty, grinding, close contact.

Character is doing their hair, S/O gets turned on by how careful she is, how her body is so still, how she has no care about how her breast spills out from her bra.

Character is doing a hot oil treatment, oil gets on their body, titties, drips down, S/O gets turned on.

These are just my feelings, a couple of suggestions. Fanfiction is something I enjoy writing, as well as enjoy reading, and I want it to be inclusive for everyone, not just the status quo, and the “average reader”. I hope someone finds something out of all of this, and takes it to heart. :)

[littleeyesofpallas]

Bleach - Name Games

Continuing with the zanpakutou posts... One that seemed to get broadly misinterpreted is,

Katen Kyokotsu(花天狂骨)

...written as 花: “Flower,” 天: “Heaven,” 狂: “Madness,” and 骨: “Bone.”  Viz translated this as "Flower-Heaven Bone of Madness," and later changed it to “Flower Crazed Heaven Bone Spirit.”  But what I keep seeing overlooked is that Kyoukotsu(狂骨) is the name of a youkai; a white haired elderly man emerging from a well to act upon a grudge, cursing people who would drink from its well. (It’s also a homonym with the word for Kyoukotsu(胸骨) “Sternum” written “Breast”+”Bone” which is played on in Kyokotsu’s design for the anime as a skull-clad busty woman.)  “Bone-Spirit” actually does seem like it’s referring to the youkai, but then it scrambles up all the other adjectives and nouns. 

Kyoukotsu(狂骨)  is also a slang term in some regions for someone in a state of looking wild and and in noisy disarray --which basically refers to either a a mentally unstable person, or a raucous drunkard.  I think the logic in that might have to do with the idea of the Kyoukotsu cursing its well, and the idea that a belligerent or gibbering drunk being that way from having drank something evil... i.e. from a cursed well?  Given the nature of zanpakutou as reflections of their wielders’ inner-selves and Kyouraku’s disposition as a frivolous drinker, it may have been meant to imply a darker side to that.

I’ll be honest, I can’t tell if Katen is supposed to evoke “A Flower (from) Heaven” or “A Heaven (made/full of) Flowers.”  They more or less imply the same tone, but it’s the difference between a singular item or a whole landscape.  The only more specific phraseology I can find that would point in one direction over any other is katengecchi(花天月地) which refers to a scene of flowers blooming in moonlight, and kind of makes me lean more toward the landscape imagery of a field of flowers so beautiful that it is like heaven.  But I don’t know that those terms are even really related.

Together, at least to me, it seems to give off the impression of getting sloppy drunk in a field of flowers, which seems pretty in line with his general vibe.

But adding to these themes, his release call is notably longer than most, and appears to be specifically split up into one call for each of his two identical swords (and Ukitake’s the same, but noticeably Ukitake’s sword can’t be interpreted as two different names, like what they did with Katen and Kyoukotsu).  These and Ukitake’s, more than any other zanpakutou calls, and more like the hadou spells, lean into Kubo’s affinity for poetry --something he also indulges in in his tankobon poems.

花風紊れて, 花神啼き: “Flower-Wind* in disarray, Flower-spirit(s) call out/cry/wail”

*I think... think... maybe...  this is supposed to be an abbreviated form of Kachou-Fuugetsu(花鳥風月), written “Flower, Bird, Wind, Moon” which is a term used in classical Japanese art to refer to “the beauty of nature” as subject matter.  It doesn’t have to literally include Flowers, Birds, the Wind, or the Moon.  Basically, it just refers to a nature scene meant to display the beauty of nature (as opposed to being a slice of life or a strictly historical depiction, or other non-aesthetic-primary focus.)

Also the construction Kashin(花神) here written as “Flower kami*” doesn’t seem to refer to a specific deity, but worth noting is that it’s a homonym with Kashin(歌神): the kami* of Waka and of song --Waka being a traditional Japanese form of poetry, which are also sometimes translated as “muse” if that gives you a better sense of what they are.  Functionally they are closely related, because it’s the spirit of nature that inspire poetry/song about the beauty of said nature.  Moreover, as discussed previously, Shunsui has a distinct theme of both flowers and of music, so both feel kind of relevant here.

*I feel like this is kind of a Japanese mythos 101 thing to point out, but if you’re not aware, Shinto being an animist religion means they believe in an innate spirit in basically all things.  The word kami does not mean “god,” it refers broadly to that innate spirit that all things possess.  The most powerful kami are analogous to gods in other religions, but a kami’s only real definitive quality is that it is a spirit and that is exists...  the spirit of a flower has no power nor grand design nor will, nor any other quality that would make sense attributing to what we call a “god” in the West.  But that doesn’t make it any less a kami.

Also the naki(啼き) here is the same root as the nake(啼け) that Urahara and Benihime uses.  It can, in this context, read like “yelps” or “wails” or even “screams” but all in the tone of, “cries of distress.” (As opposed to quiet weeping; it’s “cry” as in the sound, not the tears.)

Also it’s kinds awkward but the verb midarete(紊れて) is the conjunctive form of the verb “to disturb” but I don’t know how to say that in English without throwing a lot of extra words into it, and I didn’t want to imply that there were more words and their implicit meaning involved.

And then...  

天風紊れて, 天魔嗤う: “Heaven-Wind in disarray, Tenma* laughs/sneers/ridicules”

I feel like “Heavenly Wind” here is supposed to refer to something more specific than just the two words mashed together, but I can’t really find anything that clarifies this for me...  But my first assumption is that like kamikaze(神風) “Divine Wind” it’s meant to describe a favorable wind, sent to protect or relieve someone in need; hence it being “spoiled,” “thrown about,” or “dispersed” being a bad thing, in the same tone as the Flower-Wind phrase above.  It’s the same verb, but i feel like “disarray” of something like “a wind” doesn’t visualize clearly.

And the specific term Kamikaze went from a general term to a specific title to refer to the two notable historic typhoons that coincidentally sank invading Mongolian fleets in the 13th century.  For their immense power and convenient timing they were attributed to acts of the divine defending Japan.  In turn it’s why the Japanese kamikaze pilots of WWII were so named.

*Tenma is the Japanese name of the Hindu Mara, of Buddhist mythos.  He is a kind of temptor figure presiding over both lust and desire as well as hesitation and fear such that they interfere with a buddhist's ability to meditate, focus, and adhere to their virtues.  In particular he's responsible for having tempted Siddharta Gautama Buddha with beautiful women. (in some iterations said to be the deva's own daughters.)

Yes, it’s the same Mara as the SMT franchise, but the giant penis monster Mara isn’t based on any real mythology, it’s actually a pun on the Japanese Mara(摩羅), written as “chafe/rub/polish/grind (against) thin-silk,” and used as a term meaning “obstacle to Buddhist practice” in accordance with the actual Hindu Mara’s role in mythology.  I’ll be honest though, I don’t know if the construction is supposed to reference masturbation or dry humping.  Maybe both?

So, trying to work all this into something a little more readable in English, what I think the overall vibe of this is, is...

“The-Beauty-of-Nature is being thrown into disarray, and the Flower-spirits wail;  Saving-Graces aren’t going to arrive, and ‘The Devil’ laughs(mockingly).”

The theme here is that the beauty of nature suffers, a heavenly blessing is interrupted, and a demonic figure laughs at it: There’s nothing to sing about, there’s no relief, the tempter wins.  It’s actually a little weird because thematically it feels very much the opposite of what his shikai actually does.  I feel like he wanted Shunsui using his shikai to be that moment of serious-ing up, but by the time he came back around to actually using it, he wanted to keep Shunsui’s powers more in line with his personality and save the change of mood for his big bankai reveal instead.  but we’ll get to that in a bit...

For context, Kyouraku Shunsui’s own name reading as “Capital(City) Music, Flower Water” points to his lazy personality: he’s a big city type who’s all about lounging and luxury and sweet indulgences.  So, his sword release by contrast is those declaration that playtime is over, Kyoraku is done being lazy.

Broadly speaking I never really liked Masashi Kudou’s anime-original designs for most of Bleach’s filler arcs, other than just not really aesthetically fitting with Kubo’s design sensibilities(all Kudou’s designs look like bad cosplay with big swatched of empty solid space, flat colors, no color balance, and no implicit weight or texture) they don’t really gel with most of their names and themes, but Katen Kyoukotsu in particular got kind of tragically reduced to a generic waifu design.  I honestly really hate that Kubo went and ran with that design for Shunsui’s bankai.

And speaking of bankai...

Karamatsu Shinjuu(枯松心中)

is tacked onto the end of the same name as the shikai to make the new bankai name.  Kara(枯) and matsu(松) just read as “Withered/Withering PineTree.”  Fun fact: when chapter 647 first ran in Weekly JUMP, the title was Kuromatsu(黒松) which is the specific species of “Japanese Black Pine,” Pinus thunbergii, which is the specific iconic tree used in Noh theatre.

And Shinjuu(心中) is written as “heart”/”mind” and “inside,” meaning “inner thoughts/feelings” but in the context of the bankai’s theatre theme refers to a “double suicide”/“lover’s suicide.“  It’s a theme in classical Japanese theatre and literature (but notably in Japanese puppet theatre) that when lovers, or sometimes parents and children are unable to live together due to social restrictions, they will tragically but nobly opt to die together with the expectation that they will be reunited either in the afterlife or in the next life via reincarnation.

I like the idea behind his powers and the progression of forcing people to play by the rules of children’s games, to forcing people to play by the “rules” of theatre plots.  But I was surprised his bankai didn’t come with the drawback of forcing himself to abide the same limitations: they both get sick together, they both drown together, they both hang themselves, etc...  The initial scene’s power walked right into this, but then the effect disappeared with the subsequent scenes...

All in all there’s just a lot going on in these names despite how little most of it ever really got addressed or elaborated on in the series.  Like a lot of stuff that got sort of awkwardly shoehorned into the final arc it feels like it wasn’t really played out to its fullest potential, but it’s still a super cool assortment of themes and motifs to think about.