#this fandom needs more content for him and by gosh I will provide it when and where I can

[softguarnere]

hey there, I'm here again with a headcanon idea

Btw thank you for that soft!Joe one-shot, it's so precious 🥺

I swear I'll buy a heart locket pendant and put your works in it

so, the request:

easy boys' reaction to reader who showers them in praise regularly (basically praise kink(giving)) (but not in a smut way as you don't write nsfw)

thank you in advance ❤️

Hello again! Thank you so much, that's so sweet 🥺💕 I didn't know if you wanted all the boys or just a few, so I tried to get as many as I could. It's been a while since I've had a headcanon request, so let's see if I remember how to do this . . . (This is written for the fictional depiction from the show -- absolutely no disrespect to the real life veterans!)

Dick Winters: So caught off guard at first. He admires your work ethic, so at first he's flattered that you seem to compliment his own hard work. But when he realizes how often you praise him, and for seemingly small things (in his mind, anyway) he's almost confused, because he's not really doing anything, but he also doesn't want you to stop. He likes it, but he's definitely more comfortable giving praise than receiving it

Lewis Nixon: He's not shy about how much he enjoys your praise, but he's also not cocky about it. He's not afraid to tell you how much he likes when you do it, or to ask you for it if he feels like he needs it. But at the same time, he's going to praise and compliment the hell out of you, putting you up on a pedestal, because he thinks you deserve to be treated that well, too

Ron Speirs: Tough boy. Strong boy. Doesn't seem like he cares what people say about him or like he needs validation, but he secretly craves it. So when you compliment or praise him it kind of flusters him how much he enjoys it. He can't quite meet your eye. So when you figure out how much he likes it and make it a regular thing, he has to adjust to showing you how he feels and how much he appreciates it and you in return

Carwood Lipton: Surprisingly, he's kind of averse to it at first because "I'm not really doing anything? I'm just existing, what is this?" At first he feels like he has to earn the praise he receives, but after a while he starts to get used to it. It makes him so soft. Give him a compliment for literally anything and he's just the human embodiment of the "🥺" emoji

Babe Heffron: He likes to consider himself smooth, and he is, but sometimes your praise hits him in a way that makes him feel like he's lost his footing. But when he finds it again, it's because whatever you've just said to him has given him x10 confidence. Something about you praising him makes him feel like he's on cloud nine, and he doesn't want to come down

Eugene Roe: He's not caught off guard, but he's also not super prepared for it. Give him a minute to process what you've said, and then the corners of his eyes crinkle as he smiles at you. He's the kind to immediately pull you in for a kiss when he takes a notion to do so, and if you keep making him feel that good, then he's going to take that notion quite a bit

Bill Guarnere: This man is such a flirt that whenever you praise or compliment him he thinks you're just being flirty and compliments you right back. It takes him a second to realize that 1) you really mean what you say to him and 2) that he really likes it. He's got a reputation to uphold, though, so when he wants you to praise or compliment him or something he's done, he'll go out of his way to do a good job because he knows what's coming

Joe Toye: Unlike most of the others, he knows that he likes to be praised (he's just not really sure how to bring it up). So when you figure it out, he's pretty happy with the situation. However, he's a gentleman, so he's determined to find out what you like so that he can make you feel good in return

George Luz: Surprisingly soft about it. You praise him for anything and his eyes soften, he gives you the sweetest smile, and it's just really cute. He doesn't intentionally go out of his way to try to earn your praise, so when you give it to him, he feels like he really deserves it, and knowing that he's made you happy just makes him really happy

Don Malarkey: Back in the Toccoa days, he would kind of play it off like the two of you were joking around, even though he really enjoyed all the praise you gave him, because it made him feel a little stronger than everyone else. After the war, he's been through a lot -- he's changed a lot -- so when you praise him for something, it hits different because it reminds him of the good ol' days, and that to you, he's still the same Malarky, and that some things never change

Shifty Powers: No matter how many compliments you give him, he can never get used to it. Even for small things, you compliment or praise him and a blush is creeping across his cheeks as he shakes his head, all flustered. He knows that this is just how you show your love and appreciation for him, but it makes him feel like the one who's lucky to have you

Joe Liebgott: Okay, hear 👏me👏out👏 Joe is a very confident guy (or at least, he likes to act that way) and he's pretty sure of himself. So the first time that you praise him for something, he's completely caught of guard as he registers what you've said, and then just completely fucking melts because holy shit, he really likes when you do that

David Webster: He likes to think that he's deserving of your praise, but something about it still makes his face go all hot and suddenly looking at you feels like staring straight into the sun. The more you do it, the more he starts to get used to it, but it never fails to make the tips of his ears turn pink and make him look away

Skinny Sisk: Depending on the mood, it either lightens his mood or has him falling in love with you all over again. Either way, he enjoys it. It's just that some days it's easier to take a compliment than others, and he's going to have to get used to it. But when he does, get ready, because he has the softest eyes and they're irresistible

Bull Randleman: He's a man who doesn't say things unless he means them, and he expects others to do the same. So when you praise him, he knows you must mean it. It never fails to make his day. He immediately just grabs your hand and presses a kiss to your knuckles

Floyd Talbert: Like Joe, he knows what he likes, but he's more confident in asking for it. However, he didn't expect you to be so good at it, or to give him so much praise. He loves it, though. And if you do it when he's not expecting it, he lets out this cute little laugh that he never really does at any other time, which is all the more reason to compliment him for anything and everything

[pumpkinpaix]

Hello! Feel free not to answer this question if it is in any way too much, but I've been wondering about something concerning the "western" mdzs fandom. Lately, i have seen multiple pieces of fanart that use what is clearly Christian symbolism and sometimes downright iconography in depicting the characters. I'm a european fan, but it still makes me vaguely uneasy. I know that these things are rarely easy to judge. I'm definitely not qualified to do so and was wondering if you have an opinion

Hi there! thank you for your patience and for the interesting question! I’ve been thinking about this since i received this ask because it?? idk, it’s difficult to answer, but it also touches on a a few things that I find really interesting.

the short answer: it’s complicated, and I also don’t know what I feel!

the longer answer:

i think that this question is particularly difficult to answer because of how deeply christianity is tied to the western art and literary canon. so much of what is considered great european art is christian art! If you just take a quick glance at wiki’s page on european art, you can see how inextricable christianity is, and how integral christian iconography has been in the history of european art. If you study western art history, you must study christian imagery and christian canon because it’s just impossible to engage with a lot of the work in a meaningful way without it. that’s just the reality of it.

Christianity, of course, also has a strong presence in european colonial and imperialist history and has been used as a tool of oppression against many peoples and nations, including China. I would be lying if I said I had a good relationship with Christianity--I have always faced it with a deep suspicion because I think it did some very, very real damage, not just to chinese people, but to many cultures and peoples around the world, and that’s not a trauma that can be easily brushed aside or reconciled with.

here is what is also true: my maternal grandmother was devoutly christian. my aunt is devoutly christian. my uncle’s family is devoutly christian. my favorite cousin is devoutly christian. when I attended my cousin’s wedding, he had both a traditional chinese ceremony (tea-serving, bride-fetching, ABSURDLY long reception), and also a christian ceremony in a church. christianity is a really important part of his life, just as it’s important to my uncle’s family, and as it was important to my grandmother. I don’t think it’s my right or place to label them as simply victims of a colonialist past--they’re real people with real agency and choice and beliefs. I think it would be disrespectful to act otherwise.

that doesn’t negate the harm that christianity has done--but it does complicate things. is it inherently a bad thing that they’re christian, due to the political history of the religion and their heritage? that’s... not a question I’m really interested in debating. the fact remains that they are christian, that they are chinese, and that they chose their religion.

so! now here we are with mdzs, a chinese piece of media that is clearly Not christian, but is quickly gaining popularity in euroamerican spaces. people are making fanart! people are making A LOT of fanart! and art is, by nature, intertextual. a lot of the most interesting art (imo) makes deliberate use of that! for example (cyan art nerdery time let’s go), Nikolai Ge’s What is Truth?

I love this painting! it’s notable for its unusual depiction of christ: shabby, unkempt, slouched, in shadow. if you look for other paintings of this scene, christ is usually dignified, elegant, beautiful, melancholy -- there’s something very humanizing and humbling about this depiction, specifically because of the way it contrasts the standard. it’s powerful because we as the audience are expected to be familiar with the iconography of this scene, the story behind it, and its place in the christian canon.

you can make similar comments about Gentileschi’s Judith vs Caravaggio’s, or Manet’s Olympia vs Ingres’ Grande Odalisque -- all of these paintings exist in relation to one another and also to the larger canon (i’m simplifying: you can’t just compare one to another directly in isolation etc etc.) Gauguin’s Jacob Wrestling the Angel is also especially interesting because of how its portrayal of its content contrasts to its predecessors!

or! because i’m really In It now, one of my favorite paintings in the world, Joan of Arc by Bastien-Lepage:

I just!!! gosh, idk, what’s most interesting to me in this painting is the way it seems to hover between movements: the hyperrealistic, neoclassical-esque take on the figure, but the impressionistic brushstrokes of the background AAA gosh i love it so much. it’s really beautiful if you ever get a chance to see it in person at the Met. i’m putting this here both because i personally just really like it and also as an example of how intertextuality isn’t just about content, but also about visual elements.

anyways, sorry most of this is 19thc, that was what i studied the most lol.

(a final note: if you want to read about a really interesting painting that sits in the midst of just a Lot of different works, check out the wiki page on Géricault’s Raft of the Medusa, specifically under “Interpretation and Legacy”)

this is all a really long-winded way of getting to this point: if you want to make allusory fanart of mdzs with regards to western art canon, you kind of have to go out of your way to avoid christian imagery/iconography, especially when that’s the lens through which a lot of really intensely emotional art was created. many of my favorite paintings are christian: Vrubel’s Demon, Seated, Perov’s Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane, Ge’s Conscience, Judas, Bastien-Lepage’s Joan of Arc, as shown above. that’s not to say there ISN’T plenty of non-christian art -- but christian art is very prominent and impossible to ignore.

so here are a few pieces of fanwork that I’ve seen that are very clearly making allusions to christian imagery:

1. this beautiful pietà nielan by tinynarwhals on twitter

2. a lovely jiang yanli as our lady of tears by @satuwilhelmiina

3. my second gif in this set here, which I will also show below:

i’m only going to talk about mine in depth because well, i know exactly what i was thinking when I put this gif together while I can’t speak for anyone else.

first: the two lines of the song that I wanted to use for lan xichen were “baby, I’m a fighter//in the robes of a saint” because i felt that they fit him very well. of course, just the word “saint” evokes catholicism, even if it’s become so entwined in the english language that it’s taken on a secular meaning as well.

second: when I saw this scene, my immediate thought was just “PIETÀ!!” because LOOK at that composition! lan xichen’s lap! nie mingjue lying perpendicular to it! the light blue/white/silver of lan xichen in contrast to the darker robes of both nie mingjue and meng yao! not just that, but the very cool triangular structure of the image is intensely striking, and Yes, i Do love that it simultaneously ALSO evokes deposition of christ vibes. (baxia as the cross.... god..... is that not the Tightest Shit) does this make meng yao joseph of arimathea? does it make him john the evangelist? both options are equally interesting, I think when viewed in relation to his roles in the story: as a spy in qishan and as nmj’s deputy. maybe he’s both.

anyways, did I do this intentionally? yes, though a lot of it is happy accident/discovered after the fact since I’m relying on CQL to have provided the image. i wanted to draw attention to all of that by superimposing that line over that image! (to be clear: I didn’t expect it to all come through because like. that’s ridiculous. the layers you’d have to go through to get from “pretty lxc gifset” --> “if we cast nie mingjue as a christ figure, what is the interesting commentary we could do on meng yao by casting him as either joseph of arimathea or john the evangelist” are like. ok ur gonna need to work a little harder than slapping a song lyric over an image to achieve an effect like that.)

the point of this is: yes, it’s intentionally christian, yes I did this, yes I am casting these very much non-christian characters into christian roles for this specific visual work -- is this okay?

I obviously thought it was because I made it. but would I feel the same about a work that was written doing something similar? probably not. I think that would make me quite uncomfortable in most situations. but there’s something about visual art that makes it slightly different that I have trouble articulating -- something about how the visual often seeks to illustrate parallels or ideas, whereas writing characters as a different religion can fundamentally change who those characters are, the world they inhabit, etc. in a more... invasive?? way. that’s still not quite right, but I genuinely am not sure how to explain what i mean! I hope the general idea comes across. ><

something else to think about is like, what are pieces I find acceptable and why?

what makes the pieces above that reference christian imagery different than this stunning nieyao piece by @cyandemise after klimt’s kiss? (warnings for like, dead bodies and vague body horror) like i ADORE this piece (PLEASE click for fullview it’s worth it for the quality). it’s incredibly beautiful and evocative and very obviously references a piece of european art. I have no problem with it. why? because it isn’t explicitly christian? it’s still deeply entrenched in western canon. klimt certainly made other pieces that were explicit christian references.

another piece I’d like to invite you all to consider is this incredible naruto fanart of sakura and ino beheading sasuke after caravaggio’s judith. (warnings for beheading, blood, etc. you know.) i also adore this piece! i think it’s very good both technically and conceptually. the reference that it makes has a real power when viewed in relation to the roles of the characters in their original story -- seeing the women that sasuke fucked over and treated so disrespectfully collaborating in his demise Says Something. this is also!! an explicitly christian reference made with non-christian japanese characters. is this okay? does it evoke the same discomfort as seeing mdzs characters being drawn with christian iconography? why or why not?

the point is, I don’t think there’s a neat answer, but I do think there are a lot of interesting issues surrounding cultural erasure/hegemony that are raised by this question. i don’t think there are easy resolutions to any of them either, but I think that it’s a good opportunity to reexamine our own discomfort and try and see where it comes from. all emotions are valid but not all are justified etc. so I try to ask, is it fair? do i apply my criticisms and standards equally? why or why not? does it do real harm, or do i just not like it? what makes one work okay and another not?

i’ve felt that there’s a real danger with the kind of like, deep moral scrutiny of recent years in quashing interesting work in the name of fear. this morality tends to be expressed in black and white, good and bad dichotomies that i really do think stymies meaningful conversation and progress. you’ll often see angry takes that boil down to things like, “POC good, queer people good, white people bad, christianity bad” etc. without a serious critical examination of the actual issues at hand. I feel that these are extraordinarily harmful simplifications that can lead to an increased insularity that isn’t necessarily good for anyone. there’s a fine line between asking people to stay in their lane and cultural gatekeeping sometimes, and I think that it’s something we should be mindful of when we’re engaging in conversations about cultural erasure, appropriation etc.

PERHAPS IT IS OBVIOUS that I have no idea where that line falls LMAO since after all that rambling I have given you basically nothing. but! I hope that you found it interesting at least, and that it gives you a bit more material to think on while you figure out where you stand ahaha.

was this just an excuse to show off cool (fan)art i like? maybe ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(ko-fi)

[arcadialedger]

How Catra and Zuko have been saving me lately: A (sort of) meta

A very long, personal post under the cut. This is really important to me, and I could really use some support, so if you could take the time to read and reblog that would be greatly appreciated. I just want to reach out.

Once again, please PLEASE read. I really need help.

Recently, I’ve found myself desperately latching onto the characters of Zuko and Catra, as many have in the past. To put it simply, I’m in one of the most difficult times of my life right now.

I’m transferring colleges because I was doxed by an online hate mob (long story) , and in general because I just didn’t belong at my old school. I went to three different high schools, moved around a whole bunch, and I don’t really belong anywhere. All of my friends are far away, my parents are busy working and I’m alone.

I just feel like I’m wandering aimlessly in darkness, unloved and unsure where to go. I’m faced with making a huge decision about my future with this transfer, and I’m terrified. Terrified I won’t make the right choice, and terrified it won’t be the newfound happiness I so desperately need it to be. But most of all, I’m terrified of being unwanted and alone again, wherever I go.

I’m used to not being wanted. I’m 4’10, not thin, and have been tossed aside because of my appearance my entire life. I’m 20 years old and haven’t been kissed (how pathetic is that). I moved schools and stayed in my room depressed because I never got to lay down roots and establish a foundation. Hell, I never even got to live as a teenager. I’m just behind and broken.

I was hoping Tumblr would be my place, where I could write and analyze and showcase my talents. Be wanted for once. For a while, it looked like it might be. Then a friend blocked me and made a callout post, due to me having a different opinion on a sensitive matter, and a domino effect began. I lost more friends and half of the fandom we’re both in blocked me seemingly at their word. I had featured this friend on an episode of my podcast at, had many fond memories chatting with them, and even bought a zine to support them. The loss hurt, and I was cut off from one of the few things I had. It was all taken away from me. My growth halted as I dealt with months of online abuse: including death threats, suicide baiting (these people knowing I’ve struggled with being suicidal), aphobic slurs (knowing I’m ace), mocking and editing images of my face. My Twitter was hacked, I lost podcast deals with creatives who my friends who blocked me and started all of this went on to interview because of said hacking, and I was threatened to be doxed. I suffered blow after blow while the people who hurt me grew and were rewarded, allowed a place here, and this continues to this day. The damage remains. I have to self reblog a whole bunch to get my content remotely seen in the algorithm.

Because my entire life, it feels I’ve never been allowed a win. I’ve never been allowed to have and keep anything good. I’m short and ugly, talentless with nothing to give to the world, my family has no money so I haven’t gotten to travel or experience a lot of things. I’ve spent my entire life envious of the “hot skinny girls” who’ve been wanted and dating since high school, who live in McMansions and get to go on vacations.

When I work to make good content on Tumblr and build a following talking about what I’m passionate about? It’s taken from me. When I work hard to get into my old college’s honors program and earn a trip to Greece which I could otherwise never afford, a global pandemic comes along and makes sure I don’t get that kind of positive experience in life.

I’m used to it all, being worn down and unwanted and losing. I’ve gone my entire life behind, lesser, and not enough.

And that’s why I’m so scared. I have a big decision to make, I’m at my own crossroads, and I desperately need all of this to come together for me this year. I’ve gone so long without happiness and love. I need this to be the light at the end of the tunnel, newfound happiness. I need to find newfound happiness. All I want is to escape the darkness, find peace of mind and function day to day doing the things I love without being stressed.

So when I see Zuko— so angry at the world for being given the short stick, abused, and never making things easy, and Catra— driven mad by comparison and feeling as though the world takes away everything from her? Gosh, I feel it so hard.

Because that’s just what I do. I get angry at the world for making things so hard for me. I compare. I feel like the world just takes and takes and never gives me a win. And so I’m never happy. I feel their pain and loneliness so deeply, and I’m terrified that I’m the villain because of it. I cry at the anguish and self loathing in their eyes because I have been there. I AM there. 

Like Zuko comparing to Azula, I feel lesser because the world has constantly told me I am so. I feel cheated and given the short end of the stick, as though life has it out for me. I get angry and lash out from my pain.I’m desperate for validation from people who can never give it to me. I’m so scarred from my past, I can’t believe I have a future. 

Like Catra, I’m always left behind. I’m lonely and driven mad by the unfairness of the world. It takes and takes until I’ve lost it all, but it never gives. I’m so afraid of losing anyone and anything else, I refuse to let anyone in. Because why would I deserve love? There’s nobody who wants me, no purpose for me on this world. I’m nothing, just constantly chasing an impossible goal of perfection to justify my existence. 

“You drive them away, wildcat”

Yeah, I know their hurt. I know what it all feels like. To be that broken, that insecure, that left behind and unwanted. The punching bag of fate. These characters suffering is so much of my own.

And that’s why they’re the only thing to give me hope.

Seeing them be where I am now, and where they end up, I allow myself to believe that maybe, just maybe, that can be my future. That I’ll get a happy ending. It gives me the courage to believe that what I’m so desperately striving for can happen. 

Zuko standing up to his father and forging his own path in life, which leads him to a better place as he finds his destiny and happiness after so many years of torment. We both have scars-- if he can overcome his, why can’t I?

Catra, after so many years of struggle, taking agency over her life back from those to abused her, and finally learning to accept the love of those around her. Opening up to pain and rejection and ultimately being forgiven. Catra felt so lonely, unable to see the love around her-- maybe I’ve been doing the same thing. Maybe I’ll find the strength to take my life into my own hands and find my own love.

It’s so empowering, a flicker of light in what feels like eternal darkness. I am so worn out and broken. I’ve never had love, or learned to love myself. In the real world, it is find to find hope.

It is only in these characters, who have felt my pain and found their way to a better place, that I find comfort.

I am one of so many who have been touched by these characters arcs, and they are one of the purest examples of why stories are important. Why the emotions narrative can evoke are important. It is not only escapism, it opens up a door to critical self introspection that can make a real difference in our lives. It holds up a black mirror of our lives, providing an outside view of our deepest, darkest emotions and struggles which can be so hard to understand when they’re inside. 

These characters, and their stories: insecurity, abuse, doubt, comparison, chasing validation, just wanting to find your purpose in life and happiness-- they are the stories of life, stripped down to it’s rawest emotions. 

There is power in redemption. There is power in rising from the bottom. 

As I said in my last post about Catra and Zuko:

“Their stories: being angry at the world, driven mad by comparison and a need for validation, making wrong choices, processing trauma, needing help but being too scared to open up and accept it, feeling as though they don’t deserve love or forgiveness, fighting to restore and maintain valued relationships, convincing themselves they’ve lost it all, feeling conflicted or confused, realizing what they thought they wanted isn’t fulfilling and hasn’t brought happiness, escaping years of mental conditioning which told them they were worthless, not seeing the love they have right before them, constantly fighting uphill for a life which seems to throw everything it can at them… Well, isn’t that just the most human story of all? And so their redemptions give us hope.”

I have been so lost and lonely for so long, and now I’m at a crossroads. I’m so scared to believe that this change, this new path, can lead to a better place, but these characters? They give me strength to. They give me faith.

This has been a rambling post of feelings, and I am thankful to anyone who has read this far. I’m just so tired of feeling this way, and needed to reach out and share this. If you are also feeling this way, know you are not alone. You are so very far from alone.

I just really don’t want to feel unwanted and unloved, like I don’t belong, anymore. I want to have a place here. I probably sound desperate because I feel that way. I don’t know how else to cry out for help other than sharing this.

 If anyone wants to message or send asks about this, please feel free to do so. I want, and very much need, to talk. 

[acesgroupchat]

So I've seen you discuss a lot about a lot of the characters in NIF and I was wondering what you thought about the magistrates? Primarily Shen Zhui and Cai Quan? I feel their really underated by the fandom bacuse they're neither pretty nor that engaged with the main cast besides Jingyan, but they're such good decent people and both honestly have some of the best quotes.

Hello Anon! oh man this is such a fun question. I agree, Shen Zhui and Cai Quan are super underrated in our fandom, but really just very fun dudes with a lot to recommend them. I wish we knew more about them honestly. I think you’re right that our fandom doesn’t produce a lot of content for them in part because we see so little of their lives and their connection to the other characters is so limited. They probably actually spend a lot more time with Jingyan than we see, because they fall under the “Jingyan, competent working prince” part of his life that tends to get montaged away in favor of MCSs schemes and various personal dramas.

Which is a shame because they are truly great!! What we do see of them speaks to two men who are genuinely kind, competent in their work, and actually quite good friends with Jingyan and friendly acquaintances with MCS.

They are also super interesting and dramatically functional characters, who provide important perspective on what it’s like to work in a corrupt system and keep your soul. I’ve written before about the way that the court under Xiao Xuan is kind of set up to make actual good work incredibly difficult, and one of the best things about NIF is the argument that it makes for rejecting the terms of abusive systems, and refusing to treat incompatibility with abusive systems as weakness. It doesn’t actually go full “abolish the imperial court,” which truthfully is what is called for but is just so wildly out of the genre and setting that it would break the frame (gosh that’s definitely not an argument I would have made two years ago).

We’ll start with Shen Zhui because he’s honestly my favorite dude: This is someone who has committed himself to doing the best possible work he can, as quietly as he can, and just accepts that he will pay the price for it. He’s not going to let that stop him from doing his job, which is courageous when it only means he’s going to remain a low-level bureaucrat in a vipers nest, but actually gets exponentially more brave once Jingyan taps him for #1 competent minister. This dude has a MASSIVE target on his back and accepts it with perfect equanimity. He literally has assassins after him and he’s still investigating corruption cases and interviewing witnesses with like four bodyguards max. His own people are like “please care more about your own well-being.”The only reason he survives act 1 is SHEER DUMB LUCK. If Jingrui hadn’t picked that day to get suspicious of his BIL he would have died in that alley.

Shen Zhui is not really a dramatic person, but he’s incredibly brave, and incredibly committed to his work. He’s the epitome of working within the system to change the system. It is SO CLEAR that of the three of them he was the only one actually in court for the Chiyan incident. Jingyan lost more, but he wasn’t actually THERE. He did not see. Shen Zhui knows that in order to do the most good he will have to compromise and be cautious and find workarounds and it does genuinely chafe at him (see: the moment when it looks like Prince Yu is going to get the disaster relief assignment and he wishes for lighting to strike him dead), but he does it anyway. Shen Zhui is in it for the long game, even when he must know that with his resources and his position there is no version of this where he “wins.” He will not be able to fix the system, but he’s completely committed to grinding out every bit of positive impact he can out of it anyway. There’s a definite nobility in that, and an endurance that is incredibly impressive.

Cai Quan is so palpably younger that Shen Zhui, and he brings such a different but still wonderful energy. I’m genuinely not sure if he would have survived if not for MCS and Jingyan’s desire to reform the court, because he clearly has such a hard time standing by while injustice is done, even small injustice. They aren’t even off the palace steps before he’s criticizing the emperor’s poor treatment of Jingyan, and that continues to be the theme of his character throughout (side note: what is with both of these dudes committing light treason while standing around on the palace steps?? how are you not both dead?). He’s also hardworking but he has none of Shen Zhui’s patience. He’s ready to shake things up! There’s a very real sense that he’s going to push the needle as hard as he can as fast as he can with the resources available to him. He’s very like Jingyan that way, and it’s very clear at the end of the series that Jingyan is going to rely on that energy and that impatience to ensure that things get done quickly. It’s also very wonderful to see the sort of mutual needs that get filled when they join Jingyan’s secret faction. He needs allies in court and competent ministers when he finally takes the throne, but they need him just as much. For both of them he is the way forward, that will let them make the difference they so badly want to make. It’s no wonder that they jump at the chance to support him when it means they can do everything they were already doing, but now with more support and also a friend!

These two are great because they are a sort of matched set in terms of the things that are actually needed to reform the government. Between Cai Quan’s passion and Shen Zhui’s endurance they have a real shot at making things better, and they function as really excellent foils for each other.

Also they’re just such fun people??? They are so clearly friends and that’s incredibly charming. They’re also so protective of Jingyan and it’s adorable. In Episode 47, when Jingyan is like “I’m not sad, why would I be sad” and then wanders off sadly, the look that they share before they try to talk to him is DEEPLY hilarious and very cute. Particularly Shen Zhui has very dad energy in the way he looks out for Jingyan. And frankly Jingyan could use some people who are just straight up regular friends without the high-octane weirdness of MCS.

[magic-owl]

i wish these had numbers to not take up room but alas: what is your absolute favorite ship? what’s a ship you like that most people don’t? what is the most underrated ship, in your opinion? (choose any of your fave pairings for the following bc I'm curious about all your faves) rate [pairing] from 1-10 and explain why. what’s your favorite headcanon of [pairing]? what’s your favorite canon moment of [pairing]? favorite AU ideas for [pairing]? what song(s) remind you of [pairing]?

Thank you my dear! You are my Star Wars Friend so I’ll keep it SW focused (if you wanted to ask this to solely find out what else I liked BESIDES SW sorry lol just let me know and I can redo it). This got long because turns out I have a lot to say about my ships so answers under the cut!!! xD

Absolute favorite ship: This one’s kinda hard but I’m gonna have to go with Obi Wan/Anakin! I also like them a lot as a trio with Padmé, but overall I gotta say these two are just my faves? Why? Because they are such a M E S S and gosh I just love them so much. Ppl say they don’t like each other very much but come on, have you watched the TCW, have you watched RotS, they’re the greatest team there ever was, they’re constantly fretting and worrying about each other, they’re always teasing (the constant banter omg boys pls) at each other and hyping the other up and believing in each other and Ahsoka literally calls them her adoptive guardians in the Ahsoka novel, that’s how much of a family they were and ugh they’re just so married. And they’re such a TRAGEDY and it breaks my heart and it’s delicious to watch because in the final fight it’s just heartbreaking betrayal because through it all they love each other so much and that’s WHY they’re so furious with each other because to them it feels like the ultimate betrayal. Even after (when after everything, Obi Wan still loved Anakin too much to kill him himself) they’re constantly on the other’s mind, and ugh the pain hurts but in such a good way, and how in the end Anakin did the right thing and Obi Wan was RIGHT THERE to help guide him back to the light in spirit and now they can rest happily together for eternity (with some spare stressing about, ya know, Kylo Ren and the impending return of Sidious, but never mind all that). and on top of that, it’s my fave because I also absolutely love their relationship platonically as well, as much as I LIKE to see them together, it’s not necessary for me because they have such an enjoyable dynamic. *coughs* Sorry, so yea, they’re my disaster faves! 😅

A ship I like that most people don’t: See above lol. I get aspects of the Obikin ship can be problematic in the whole power dynamic and age difference thing, but I’ve only ever shipped it after Anakin was knighted as an adult when there’s literally not a problem with it (it was weird for me because I watched the prequels totally out of order. I actually saw the TCW cartoon FIRST and then I saw RotS and then I didn’t watch the first two for a while after that because I was a fool and listened to prequel bashers who said the first two weren’t good, so when I started shipping them as adults that was all I saw them as). To be honest, for the most part the PT fandom is done with the drama since ya know, like a good half of the SW general fandom still hates us, so no one’s really vocal about not liking it and our shipping community is mostly left to ourselves, but every once in a while I’ll come across a joke post/fanart of the two and OP will be all snarky in the notes like “tag as a ship and I’ll come after you with my spiked bat” (someone’s exact words btw) and it’s like ok jeez, do not interact then, was minding my own business dude...

My most underrated ship: Hmmmm....... Gonna have to go between Luke/Ezra and Satine/Padmé. Skybridger I understand since they’ve literally never met in canon, but come ON, they’d get along like a house on fire and argh they should have met, it would be great. I honestly don’t get why Pads and Satine aren’t more of a thing (THEY DON’T EVEN HAVE AN OFFICIAL SHIPNAME ;_; ) cuz c’mon they’re the subtler explosive yin to Obi and Ani’s wildfire yang. They get along great and work together really well, and they both seem to have a type. I am doing them a little better in my new OT4 fic, and I hope ppl like it!!! Ya know what, I’m also gonna add Kaeden (cute girl from the Ahsoka novel!) and Ahsoka because even if a lot of ppl actually ship them, they hardly have any content and neED MORE DANGIT THEY WERE SO CUTE!!!!!!!

Gonna go with Obikin for all the following ones cuz I haven’t had the chance to gush about my boys in a while and you’ve opened Pandora’s box

Rate them from 1-10: 10, plus a hundred more points because I love them, then subtract that hundred again cuz Anakin is an gotdang idiot who ruined it and now they both make me cry. My scoring reasons are that they make me feel all the emotions and I love them Ever So Much and argh.

Fave headcanon: Oh boy, I’ve got a couple actually!

Whenever they’re talking/arguing over the phone, they’re always subconsciously mirroring each other’s actions even when they can’t see what the other is doing. It’s kinda creepy because you’ll hear yelling and it’ll look like one of them’s talking to an invisible person in front of them when it’s actually each other.

There has been multiple instances of them both getting injured in battle because they were distracted watching the other be a total badass (not that either will admit it)

Neither of them are morning people. AT ALL. Obi Wan actually has self-discipline and is able to get up with an alarm and crankily drag them both up, but both are almost impossible to deal with until they’ve had caffeine in them, and it’s been established that unless you want to risk murder, neither of them talks in the morning until caffeine has been provided.

There has been many, many cases of accidentally taking the other’s robe and not realizing it but thinking to themselves that said robe feels more comforting than usual today.

A mutually drunken arm wrestling match absolutely turned into a mutually drunken makeout once. Neither can remember it, and they wonder why some of the clones have been acting funny all week.

Half of the Temple thinks they’re already dating.

Ok I’ll stop it here

Fave Canon Moment: Ughhh, this is HARD. I really like the “any closer and you’d be kissing it” line in TCW, basically any moment in TCW when one of them refers to Ahsoka as “OUR padawan”, the extra long stares and unnecessary touches they give each other in TCW, the elevator scene in RotS movie (THE NOVEL MAKES IT A MILLION TIMES BETTER), also in RotS the way Anakin is half-ready to straight up fight Palpatine when he suggests leaving Obi Wan behind to die, the RotS “No loose wire jokes” bit, the RotS “Roger. Roger.” bit (OKAY JUST THE WHOLE FIRST HALF OF THIS RIDICULOUS MOVIE), the way Vader built his big stupid castle where they had their breakup, the way he’s constantly mentioning Obi Wan when the convo wasn’t even about him, seeing them together again at the end of RotJ (whoops you asked for one, you get MANY SCENES)

Fave AU ideas: Again, there’s a couple!

Superpower AU: Can’t decide whether I’d put this in canon or modern. Most powers in this AU are stolen from inspired by X-Men, DC, and other popular media, so I’m torn between Anakin having Jean Grey/Dark Phoenix style powers while Obi Wan had a variation on Rogue’s with additional energy manipulation. OR it would be a thing where Anakin could commune with the dead a la Klaus from Umbrella Academy while Obes had sort of Avatar-style wind/flight powers. (Both are relevant for different plots).

Sith AU: I know these are far from unpopular in the SW fandom, but the way I’d do it would be to try and write two stories at once, update one every other week so one update a week total. The stories would what would happen if either of them became the Sith Apprentice after the events of Episode 1, and how their dynamic would be during Ep 2 and The Clone Wars with one of them on the other side. It’s funny because the way I’ve plotted it, the Sith!Ani fic would have very big Good Omens vibes, while the Sith!Obi one would have very strong Under the Red Hood vibes, so two VERY different dynamics going on xD

WWII Spies: This is one I 100% plan to write someday, even tho it is a very long time from now. It’s basically following Anakin as an American naval pilot who got injured in a crash and discharged. He still wants to serve and eventually his talent gets him into the intelligence end of the war and sent to Europe where he meets Ben, who’s been working with British intelligence since it broke out, and sparks fly. I’m kind of cheating here cuz as of now this is an Obianidala story, not just Obikin, but it’s one I’m very excited for

Phantom of the Opera AU: This idea I had when I realized that Anakin as Vader is kinda a Lot like the Phantom, but he’s also a Lot like Christine too. So it turned into Anakin as a talented ballet dancer getting preyed on by Palpatine!Phantom (there is NO romance there, Palpy is a total creep and will be treated as such) with Obi Wan as a combination of Raoul and Madame Gery and I have a bunch of ideas and idk if it’s gonna be an actual thing, but I want it to.

Shapeshifter AU: Canon, not very complicated but they can all shift into animals. Obi Wan is a kind of cougar panther cat with a fluffy ginger tail, and Anakin is a big grumpy black Krayt Dragon with a stump for a front leg.

Not A Jedi!AU: One in canon in which set like the Sith!AU, two different stories exploring how their dynamic would be if one of them wasn’t found by the Order. As of now, I’ve got Anakin as the warrior pirate prince of Tatooine, after having grown up and staged a slave rebellion, then promptly put his mother on the throne, and Obi Wan’s there to negotiate something during TCW and things happen. For the Obi Wan one, he’s a political journalist and war correspondent who keeps on running into Anakin’s assignments and popping up where he’s stationed and Anakin has to keep this idiot from getting himself killed/stop asking me annoying questions that criticize the Jedi and the government.

Dark!AU: A kind of morbid canon divergent fic where Padmé dies early and unexpectedly (Palps didn’t plan it). Anakin goes off the rails and Obi Wan agrees to go with him on a murder vengeance roadtrip to try and keep him from Falling or the Sith from getting to him. He kinda fails and they both Fall in a way and it ends with them hunting down Sidious’ players one by one. I’m not entirely sure I want to continue with this tho because it plays strongly on the Fridged Woman trope, which I can’t stand. I’d have to figure out how to give Padmé some sort of active role after her death...

Songs to describe them: There’s a couple (I could have very well gone cranky but I decided to do (mostly) serious))(also my music taste kinda stinks)

Icarus— Bastille

Anna Sun— WALK THE MOON

Animal I Have Become— Acoustic cover by Vitamin String Quartet (original by Three Days Grace) (seriously y’all listen it’s sooooo gooooood)

Warriors— Imagine Dragons

My Demons— STARSET

Ignorance— Paramore

Set Fire to the Rain— Adele

Stubborn Love— The Lumineers

How to Save A Life— The Fray (yes i am aware it is stereotypical angst song leave me Alone it FITS)

Viva la Vida— Coldplay (tbh this fits like the entire PT but I liked it)

Raised by Wolves— U2 (another more PT-centric, but this one works dangit)

Bonus Broadway Song! : Confrontation from Les Miserables (now that ya think of it, that would be a pretty good AU too.....)

Bonus Broadway Song! : The Tango Maureen from Rent (I always imagined this one as Obi Wan and Padmé about Anakin, but it would be about something other than cheating cuz canon has established Anakin views cheating as a worse crime than murder, so yea)

Bonus Broadway Song! : Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better (aight this one’s mostly a joke but come ON don’t tell me that’s not completely them xD)

[starspangledbanner27]

**CHAPTER UPDATE - Chapter 1 posted**

Fandom: Saving Mr. Banks (AU)

Description: AU take on the movie, exploring what might have happened if the author of the Mary Poppins books had been someone very different from P. L. Travers.  For Carrie Schultz, the chance to collaborate with Walt Disney Studios to bring Mary Poppins from the page to the screen is a dream come true.  However, matters grow complicated when animated penguins prove to be a point of contention, a friendly working relationship turns into more than she bargained for, and Carrie struggles to prevent Walt’s team from discovering her own hidden afflictions. 

Characters: Carolina “Carrie” Schultz (OC), Don DaGradi, Walt Disney, Richard M. Sherman, Robert B. Sherman, Ralph

Rating: T

Genre: Drama/Romance

Language: English

Read on Fanfiction.net, AO3, Wattpad, or below.

To Laura, Amber, Brittany, and Dr. Riley: Thank you so much for beta-reading my work and providing constructive feedback.  This story would not be what it is without your advice and encouragement.

To my mom: Thank you for always being there for me.  Posting my work was a big step, and I am immensely grateful for your loving support.

A/N: Readers, please note that as this story is an AU, the first two chapters will focus entirely on OCs.  That being said, if you as a reader are like me and prefer to jump straight to the parts involving canon characters, I will direct you to the middle of Chapter 3 (coming soon), in which my main OC meets Ralph at the airport.  Either way, I hope you enjoy the story and, of course, leave reviews! :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Saving Mr. Banks, Mary Poppins, or any of the characters from those two movies.

Chapter 1

I am seated on a bench in the garden with a pencil held idle in my hand and my notebook lying on my lap, my eyes closed and my face turned upward to the summer sky.  A smile curves my lips as a soft breeze comes up out of the west to dance through my hair.  Somehow this all seems strangely familiar, yet I can't put my finger on why.

The breeze flutters around for half a minute, tickling my ear and stroking my hair, before leaving a parting kiss on my cheek and flying off toward the east.  But no, wait—its farewell was only a playful trick; it has now doubled back around to greet me once more . . . only this time, instead of caressing me gently, it bites my nose and pinches my ears, twirling my hair into a tangle as it careens westward.  And then, almost as soon as it returns, it is gone. 

Strange, I muse.  How odd for a steady west wind to suddenly stop like that and return from the east.  Wind's in the east . . . I can't help smiling to myself as I gaze up at the clouds, half expecting a certain British nanny to come floating down out of them carrying a carpet-bag and a parasol.  But my thoughts are interrupted by a sharp rapping noise. 

Knock-knock-knock!

I glance around, perplexed as to the source of the sound until at last I glimpse a woodpecker hammering away at a nearby tree.  I watch him with an inexplicable feeling that he doesn't belong here—that I have been here in this exact moment before, and he hasn't. 

Knock-knock-knock!

His persistent tapping disturbs me.  I wish he would stop. 

Knock-knock-knock!

“Shoo!” I cry; but he carries on with his task, unperturbed and undistracted. 

Knock-knock-knock! 

I shout at him and wave my arms wildly, but he ignores me. 

Knock-knock-knock!

The noise is exasperating.  I press my hands over my ears, but it remains as loud and clear as ever.  Why will he not cease?!  Why can I still hear it?!  Why is there no escape?!

Knock-knock-knock!

Knock-knock-knock!

Knock-knock-knock . . .

Knock-knock-knock!

I ascended out of dreamland long enough to wonder who was at the door, then promptly decided I was too tired to care.  Just as I was drifting back to sleep, my sister burst into my bedroom.  “Rise and shine, Carrie!”

“Mmph . . . what's going on?” I mumbled.

She threw the curtains open before coming over to kneel beside my bed.  “Today's the day, sis.  If you don't get up, you'll miss your plane.”

“What plane?”

“You’re going to Los Angeles, remember?”

At that moment it all came back to me—my book, Mary Poppins, Disney—and I sat up frantically, throwing the covers off.  “Oh my gosh, I forgot! What time is it?!”  I pressed my hand to my forehead, partly in panic and partly because the too-swift motion had given me a throbbing headache. 

“Shh . . . relax, Carrie.  It's only eight o'clock; you have plenty of time.  But you need to get up and get ready now.”

I nodded.  “Okay.”  I slid forward to the edge of the bed and waited, gathering my strength.  My sister watched for several minutes; and finally, when I made no move to stand up, she laid her hand on my back.

“Carrie . . . do you need help?”

“Maybe just a little,” I said without meeting her eyes.  I hated asking for help to complete such a simple task; yet at that moment I just didn't have the strength in me.  Fortunately, she understood; and without another word, she wrapped her arm around my waist and supported me as I dragged myself to my feet.  “Thank you,” I whispered. 

“What are sisters for?” she replied with a grin that somewhat alleviated my embarrassment. 

She stayed there holding me up long enough to let me find my balance.  At last I managed to take a few shaky steps over to my dresser and lean against it as I pulled open the door to my closet.  She stood there watching me for several moments, and finally she spoke again. 

“Are you okay now if I leave the room so you can get changed?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“All right.  I'll be out here if you need anything.”  Just as she was opening the door to go out, she paused and turned back to me.  “Carrie . . . are you sure you still want to do this?  Because you know in Los Angeles I won't be there to help you out of bed.”

Part of me resented her for saying that.  I'm not an invalid yet! I wanted to scream.  But deep down, I knew she was right.  I sighed deeply.  “I'll make it somehow.  I have to do this, Sam.  Otherwise I'll never get the chance.  Anyway, it's just the first few minutes of the day that are always the hardest; once I get going, it's not so bad.”

She nodded.  “Yeah, okay.  I'm going to head downstairs and make breakfast.”  But once again she paused and looked at me with soulful eyes.  “I love you, sis.”

“Love you too,” I replied, trying and failing to muster a carefree smile.  I turned away lest she see the tears in my eyes; and behind me I heard the door close as she exited, leaving me alone.  Drawing a shaky breath, I chose a dress from the closet and changed out of my nightgown, noticing with dismay that my body was going through the motions a little more slowly than yesterday or the day before. 

As I slipped my dress on over my head, I could hear the clanking of pots and pans down in the kitchen as Sam cooked.  The noise made something tickle at the edge of my mind—clanking . . . banging . . . knocking.  The woodpecker.  The dream.

That dream—it haunted me at least three times a week.  I couldn’t escape.  The sequence was always the same . . . except this time it had been interrupted by that blasted bird, which I now realized had sprung up as a dream-world manifestation of an actual sound—my sister's knocking on my door to wake me up.  I paused for a moment, considering that I ought to be thankful, for I knew what would have happened in the dream if I hadn't woken up.  Always the same, exactly as it had been on that first day . . .

No—I would not think about it, not on a day like this.  Today, of all days, I should be happy.  I am going to Los Angeles . . . the very thought sent a surge of energy through me, and I scurried off to the bathroom to finish getting ready. 

~~~~~~

Thirty minutes later, I descended the stairs, the smell of breakfast greeting me as I entered the main part of the house.  I stepped into the kitchen just as my sister, who was facing the sink, called out loudly, “Carrie! Are you almost ready?!”

“Hey, Sam,” I replied, amused.  She whirled around in surprise. 

“Carrie! I thought you were still upstairs!  Oh, gosh, I must have blown your ears out.”

“Well, at least they're still attached,” I bantered, but for once she didn't laugh.  Instead, she came over and wrapped her arms around me. 

“I'm sorry,” she said quietly, her voice betraying that she was close to tears.  I pulled away, unable to bear it. 

“Sam, since when are you so concerned about my eardrums?” I teased. 

“I'm sorry, it's just . . . I don't want to cause you any more pain than you're already . . .”

“It’s okay, sis, nothing to worry about.”

“But—”

“Sam, please.  You promised you wouldn’t do this, remember?  I told you, I’m fine.”

She nodded, turning back to the counter to wipe her eyes.  “Well, anyway, breakfast's up.”

“Ooh, yum!” I exclaimed, eager to change the subject.  “What's on the menu this morning?”

“Bacon and pancakes,” she replied.  Her voice was still quiet and sad, but I could tell she was trying to conceal it for my sake.  “Have a seat at the table, and I'll bring it in.”

“Well, let me help.”

“It's okay, I've got this.  You go sit down.”

“Sam . . .”

“You need to focus on getting ready, Carrie,” she said firmly, looking me in the eye, and I knew better than to argue. With a sigh of resignation, I headed into the dining room. 

The first thing I noticed as I sat down was that Sam's husband, who always joined us for breakfast, was missing.  “Sam,” I called, “where's James?”

“Oh, I sent him outside to check on the car,” she explained, bustling into the room with a plate of steaming pancakes and bacon. 

“What's wrong with the car?” I asked as she set the plate down in front of me. 

“Nothing, as far as I know,” she replied, “but we can't have you being late to the airport because of car trouble.”

I stared at her.  “It's a twenty-minute drive to the airport, and your car is in perfect condition.  What's there to worry about?”

“I'm not taking any chances, Carrie.  This is your special day, and I won't let anything ruin it.”   With that, she marched off to the kitchen, chin held high.  Once she left the room, I chuckled to myself and said a quick blessing before beginning to eat. 

Just then, I heard the front door open.  “Hey, honey, I'm all done!” James called as he shut the door behind him.  From where I sat looking through the doorway, I could see him enter the kitchen and lean against the wall, inhaling deeply.  “Mmm, what's for breakfast?”

“Pancakes and bacon,” she replied.  “How's the car looking?”

“Clean and healthy as always, just like I told you it would be,” he reassured her. 

“The tank is full?”

“Yep.”

“You changed the oil?”

“Already did that yesterday.”

“And you checked everything else?”

“Yes, yes, and yes.”  He moved to stand behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders.  “Sweet Samantha, haven't you learned by now to trust your husband?”

She turned to face him.  “A better question is, haven't you learned by now to humor your wife?”

He laughed.  “Touché.”  They stood there grinning at each other for several moments before he leaned in to kiss her, at which point I decided to remind them of my presence.  

“A-he-hem!”  I peered through the doorway at them.  “Guys, I hate to interrupt, but we do have to be at the airport in an hour.”

They pulled apart and looked over at me sheepishly.  “Sorry, sis,” Sam giggled. 

I sighed and shook my head in mock exasperation; but truly, I was happy for them.  They had something special, something I had always dreamt of . . . and something fate had chosen to deny me.  I felt a little twinge of bitterness at the last thought, but I quickly suppressed it.  It’s not their fault, I reminded myself.  It’s not anyone’s fault.

Before I could dwell any longer on this train of thought, James entered the dining room with a full plate for himself and one for Sam.  “So, Carrie, are you excited to spend three weeks in Los Angeles?” he asked as he set them on the table. 

“Excited?  Yes . . .” 

Detecting my slight hesitation, James caught my eye and smiled understandingly.  “Nervous?”

“A little,” I admitted. 

Sam walked through the doorway just in time to catch the end of our conversation.  “What are you nervous about, Carrie?” she asked, laying her hand on my shoulder.

I took a moment to swallow my bite of bacon before answering.  “Well, meeting Walt Disney, for one thing.  That man’s a walking legend, and I’m just . . . me.”  A thirty-year-old author from Cedar Rapids, Iowa, flying halfway across the country to act as consultant for a movie adaptation of my book.

“So?” James asked through a mouthful of pancake. 

Sam shot him one of her “you men can be so insensitive” looks before turning back to me. “Oh, Carrie, I'm sure you have nothing to worry about as far as that goes.  Remember, underneath all that fame, he's just another human.  Don't let yourself be intimidated.”

I gave a half-smile, and she patted my back encouragingly before sitting down to eat.  Easier said than done, I thought in regard to her advice.  I only prayed everything would go smoothly; for if it didn’t, I doubted I’d have what it took to face down the Mickey Mouse mogul himself.  

The three of us finished breakfast with time to spare; and while Sam cleared the table, James headed upstairs and brought down my suitcase and carry-on bag to load in the car.  I offered to help with the dishes, but Sam wouldn't hear of it; so instead I went up to fetch my purse and make one last trip to the bathroom.

After washing my hands, I leaned against the sink for a few minutes, staring into the mirror. There I was, about to spend three weeks in Los Angeles helping make my book into a movie, something many authors only dream of; and at that moment, the only thought in my head was—am I up to this?  The Carrie in the mirror stared back at me, her eyes full of doubts and questions; but before I could give either of us a definitive answer, I heard Sam call from the bottom of the stairs.  “Carrie! You ready to go?!”

Taking a deep breath, I stood up straight and squared my shoulders.  “Coming!” I replied; and without further hesitation, I grabbed my purse and headed downstairs.

Tag list… let me know if you want to be added or removed!   @iwillalwaysreturm | @writings-of-a-narwhal | @24hourshipping

[calzonekestis]

So, I’m older. I’ve got about 1130 followers. Gonna give a shout out to my homies, with a follow forever/bias list thing where I also compliment y’all bc you deserve it.

@prof-anity Davis is my best friend in the world. Davis is my best friend in the sea.

@thelordvader Bethany is the coolest nerd I know. She’s smart, witty, pretty (selfie game unparalleled), and pretty… much always right. We had been mutuals for years but somehow over the past two years or so became friends and it is still an honor.

@viktorfrankensteins Listen I’ve followed Royan for a while bc Bethany did and I trust Bethany’s judgement, but in just a matter of a few months Royan somehow managed to become one of my most beloved and valued friends. I’ve only known her for a short while but if anything happened to her I would kill everyone on this hell site and then myself.

@jjoelswatch Sarah is honestly one of the first people I remember following on tumblr, like back around 2012, and it’s bc of her I became exposed to Bethany and like… I don’t even know when we really became friends? After being mutuals for so long, it just sort of happened and she’s been a constant and comforting presence ever since. Except when she sends me sad Star Wars videos. That’s not comforting. She’s one good natured people I’ve encountered on the internet tho.

@thealbooty  Alberto is someone I met through Davis years ago, and again, I don’t even know how it happened. One day they were just there, and tho I don’t talk to them nearly enough they are just one of the nicest and raddest people you could meet. I’ve seen them grow from a youngling into an Adult, and gosh, the word could use more people like them. Kind, pure, smart, amazing, spectacular. Killer eyebrows, tbh.

@frostborn is someone who I believe I first encountered through the wonderful ladies listen above, and she herself is just really nice and awesome? She’s another person I don’t talk to nearly enough, but she’s just a lovely presence on my dash. Always liking and reblogging things, making me feel valid.

@rocktheholygrail Dana makes gifs and things, and is always willing to let me exploit her skill by taking requests. She’s also just super chill and friendly, and likes my selfies when I post them, ergo she also makes me feel valid. We also enjoy the same terrible bleached asshole, which I’m not gonna give any context for whatsoever. That’s a bond that connects us tho~

@readytocomply IDEK how or when I started following Stef. She’s another person who is just super nice and chill. She’s talented when it comes to both edits and cosplay. She’s just a great person and I’m glad I know her.

@uncleclustersthirdbrain and @helenawayne, I hope you’re not offended by me lumping you together, but I mean… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Two people who I also first encountered around 2012ish, when I was an obnoxious outspoken teenager. We kind of drifted apart and fell out of touch for a while, but we reconnected actually around this time last year. Because Donnie’s fucking talented, and I wanted to reach out and tell him that I was happy for him/proud of him. Buy his comics here. Morgan ofc is also talented, and has a YouTube channel here. They’re just both good people, who care about people, and they have a cute dog.

@88ecto Derek is someone I’ve respected for going on a decade but somehow over the past year or so, we’ve become really good friends? I’m not even sure how that happened, it’s still surreal for me. He’s actually the one person on this list I’ve had the pleasure of actually meeting. Not to sound like a broken record, but he truly is just a good person. Also, plug.

@apol-lo Cristian. Again, someone who I don’t talk to nearly enough. He’s a good person. Another person who I’ve seen grow up, better himself. He should be proud, cause I’m proud of him. You’ve did alright for yourself, buddy.

@diaryofawriter Again, I don’t remember I met Jess tbh. She’s just been another presence. Whenever I need to rant or vent, she’s there to provide an ear or distraction. Good writer, good friend. She’s rad.

@fullonzombae Kim also likes the bleached asshole. No, I still won’t give you context. She’s got a kind heart, a sharp wit, and is a talented writer. She’s also British, so that automatically gives her some class.

@timelessmulder Emily-Alice and I aren’t even the same fandoms anymore but I wouldn’t recognize my dash without them. Again, they’ve followed me since my tumblr beginnings. She has seen things. The highs, and the lows. A rational and grounded person, who is lovely and deserves good things.

@kryptonians I think I encountered Gil through Davis? I’m not sure. He’s just a good dude. Decent. Rational, funny, and all around good people. He likes Superman. That makes him alright in my book. Pretty much all of my DC exposure comes from his blog these days.

@thejazzdalek Max is another awesome guy who has been a mutual for ages, and that I don’t talk to enough. There’s a pattern here. We have a lot of the same fandoms though, and he’s always been friendly towards me.

@cimikat It’s Katie’s fault I started watching critical role, tbh. Yet another person I’ve followed since the beginning of time. Or at least, 2012. She’s just really sweet and chill. Marvel, Star Wars, whatever content she puts on my dash is Good Content.

@chujo-hime Stacy was “tumblr famous” imo and I remember having a mini freakout when she first followed me. Again, just a constant and friendly presence. A voice of reason, and back during the fandom wankery and ship wars that were going around 2013 or so… that was hard to find. Nothing but respect for her.

@ilikethequiet Ally is the photoshop fairy, and another friend who lets me exploit her talents. She reminds me of Bubbles from Power Puff Girls tbh. Really endearing and happy and fun, tho she’s not afraid to call out bullshit when she needs to. We need to talk more/write together more, friend.

@dreamimpcssiblethings Kath, you honestly are the sweetest person I think I’ve ever met tbh. We don’t talk as much as we used to, and that’s on me. You’re smart, and I love listening to you ramble on about things you’re passionate about and I’m sorry I suck and usually only reply with emojis. You’re another person the world could do to have more people like, but you’re one of a kind my friend.

I’m sure I’ve forgotten someone, and if I have, I’m truly sorry. It’s not a slight. Ilu. I know there are some people I’ve left off bc they’re not really that active anymore on tumblr so.

Also. @mulaney. Notice me.

[jennycalendar]

"hey come off anon" *anxiety noises* I will. maybe do that sometime. I don't use tumblr the Conventional Way™ so I haven't actually used my personal blog in yonks. I usually use one of my other 2 and they're both character blogs from different fandoms because I'm an Aspie so I hyperfocus on specific characters- in this case it's Giles tho so I got a lot to say and you don't seem to mind so I'm just. gonna dump some more on you just tell me to stop lol

SO I have a lot of thoughts about Giles and trauma, specifically response to it. Like Jenny says, she feels bad that she doesn't feel better because of his fluttering about and it's been talked about a lot that it's a very realistic and valid way to feel. Rupert as well, fretting and trying to help, is equally realistic and understandable, except he's no stranger to traumatic incidents. Surely he'd realise she needed some space, having had similar feelings with his own traumas? 1/6

Except I don't think he did. Rupert went through a lot at the Watcher Academy, locked in rooms with hungry vampires and made to look through tears into dimensions that send grown men insane, and finally watching his friends and classmates slaughtered in front of him as a result of the the Council's negligence. The Lorophage Demon had been about to feed on him too, and he was saved at the last minute but noted that all of his trauma had been drawn to the forefront of his mind. 2/6

All of it fresh in his thoughts at once. And I think he was very much left alone with those thoughts until the meeting with his father, where he was told to get over it, that his feelings didn't matter. That his friends didn't matter. That he didn't matter. I don't think he ever wanted space. I think he desperately wanted someone to give a shit. And I don't think that ever went away (e.g. drinking with the dangerous, unscrupulous Ethan because hey at least he'll listen while I vent) 3/6

And even when his Gran tracks him down and shows concern and tries to comfort him, Edna Giles was a Watcher of the Council. Used to lead it. Her grandson was not, would never be, the highest priority. She sets him straight by convincing him back into the Council, where he proceeded to repress like it was going out of style and throw himself into the role she provided and we all know what that did to him in canon. It stopped him being dangerous, but it didn't really help him. Council M.O. 4/6

Whereas my dumb au has him separated even further from the Council and in with people who aren't ordinary but won't encourage him into self-destruction. People he can be himself around while he figures out who that is, who can help him see his magic for what it is- something he can do, that what he does with it is up to him. He doesn't have to be a copy of his father to be a good person 'cause right now he's a mess but these kids give a shit and Jenny gives a shit and that's so much. 5/6

It's a chance to explore the kind of person he could have become if given the chance, and to see how that different person could have changed things with the Scoobies (with Jenny who could have been so good and with Willow and Xander and Faith who all needed someone to give a shit) and the Hellmouth and whatever Watcher they'd send to Buffy and everything, for better or for worse. (I'm so glad you like my dumb ramblings from before btw!!!) 6/6

don’t undersell yourself!!!!! i seem to have so many people in my life as of late who r doubting their contributions n their words even more than i do and when i get these lovely asks n thoughts it’s so important that you know i appreciate them greatly & my inbox is always open, anon or no

anyway um. oh my gosh? i’ve had v long conversations w/ one of my giles/jenny friends re: the subject of giles’s trauma & his general tendency to repress things, because i absolutely agree with everything you’re saying here. like i feel like giles’s desire to Be There For Jenny could 100% be read as him wanting to provide for her what he wants from someone else. hlsdkf i wish i had Good Things to contribute but your asks always knock me out of the park. so. all of this is excellent content

which is i guess why i’m always so soft for giles & jenny?? the one moment we see him being vulnerable and genuinely open, imo, is in the dark age, when he’s telling her that he’s not a safe person to be around. and also like...that’s the one time we see him comforted. like he looks at her and you see him thinking “this is someone who doesn’t want to go away” and there’s a very real, very genuine moment there for him. of course things get confusing and painful after that and i definitely don’t want to disregard the fact that jenny’s own journey is similarly complicated but like....i’m realizing now as i type this that it’s possible he wants to give her that feeling. he wants to make her feel just as comforted as she makes him just by Being There. which is so completely valid and again why i’m always so proud of him for just backing off (tho i of course feel bad for him, because who wouldn’t? that’s such a painful way to have your past dredged up. literally the worst-case scenario)

[inagoenthusiast]

OH MY GOD I NEEDED THIS BLOG IN MY LIFE!! I was wondering if you could possible do a character analysis on either Kirino or Kurama? THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing your opinions about GO - GO is my whole life ;w;

THANKS YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO IMPORTANT!!!!!

Plus it means a lot from me- especially because you provide such excellent content about Go, that you recognizing me just makes me feel so great!!! Now on with it!

I know you are a fan of Kirino(so am I nobody can resist him), so I’ll start with him. I actually loved Kirino as a character, and I was quite disappointed that Level 5 basically diminished him to this position of a pretty boy who basically follows Shindou around. Instead of Kirino being Shindou’s shadow, I see Kirino as more than that. He’s a trusted confidant- and one of the only people that Shindou really could be himself around. Shindou’s and Kirino’s personalities have some clear similarities, so I see that there is a true connection there- and not just a superficial “I shall follow you my love” dynamic. Kirino overall seems to me as a person that’s very peaceful, and altruistic. He cares about the team, and in Galaxy, it’s shown that he becomes temporarily Captain- which shows that he has leadership qualities as well. Also Kirino wasn’t as salty as Shindou when he didn’t get picked for Earth Eleven, which shows a very mature personality(and Shindou actually got in- while Kirino didn’t). He also dealt with other obstacles he faces- like Kariya’s entire presence, and his short jealousy about Shindou’s skill overshadowing his own in Chrono Stone, in a very calm and dignified manner. People always say that Shindou is the epitome of dignity and grace being a rich child, but I think it’s Kirino. He actually is probably more dignified than Shindou, and a LOT less driven by emotion. I see Kirino and Shindou being two sides of the same coin- like yin and yang, where Kirino is the more mature one who keeps Shindou in line(probably the reason why Rantaku is so appealing to shippers). Like I said, Shindou and Kirino have a lot of similarities- but the way they handle things make them two different yet appealing characters. Shindou’s somewhat forceful and pretty strong on his word, while Kirino leads from the background. The simple fact that Kirino is mature and able enough to deal with the entirety of Shindou, just shows why they’re such good friends(and he dealt with Kariya too like damn man). People, it’s hard to find people like that, so if you find a Kirino- KEEP HIM!!! He’s a once in a lifetime friend- and he’s always there to help. Truly, Kirino is the embodiment of a supporting character. He’s literally the most supportive person in the entire Raimon team(excluding Tenma bc Tenma’s annoyingly perfect). 

Now for Kurama. Kurama’s actually another one of my favorite characters, mostly because he’s so underrated. Just like Kirino and Shindou, many people lump Kurama in with Minamisawa(gosh spelling his name is literally like spelling Mississippi). The Go fandom really needs to recognize Kurama as his own character and not one half of a ship. Mostly because Kurama has such potential for character development. It would be fair to say that he’s one of the characters that truly grew throughout the series. Yes Tsurugi did too, but Kurama’s growth was more natural- while Tsurugi’s was obvious and he had a motive behind it. That’s exactly why Kurama’s so compelling- he changed as a person on his own accord. Even Tenma didn’t have to persuade coerce him into being a person who cares about soccer as a whole. From a kid who was pretty selfish(as seen in the exchange between him and Shindou while skipping practice), Kurama transformed into someone who truly shows his skill and love for soccer. He’s actually a truly dynamic character, and I thank Level 5 for placing someone like him on the team, because it shows that with the right circumstances and the right company, anyone can turn into a better person. Something along the lines of rehabilitation- except it’s not like Kurama did anything that wrong. It’s a beautiful theme to have surrounding a character in a kids show, and kids who see this instead of just looking him over- will truly gain a thing or two. I’m not even a child, and I learned things from Kurama’s change. Also, to stop being dramatic and sentimental with my morals and stuff, I’d have to say that I’m also pretty salty that Kurama doesn’t really make any good shots and his shots are mostly used as a tester to show the power of the opposing GK. Like gosh, Tsurugi isn’t the only good Forward out there. Also Tenma is a Midfielder, and he made more shots than Kurama. But he’s Tenma, so that literally overrides everything. Now to get back, Kurama’s an overall great character- especially bc of his awesome character development. 

[pigeonacademic]

Correction: @rooby-the-rapscallion @lethal-cuddles

Yes, Yandere Dev has a damn to give, to the point where he's implemented Pose Mode, Mission Mode and other things TO KEEP HIS FANS OCCUPIED WHILE HE WORKS ON OSANA. If he didn't give a damn, he wouldn't have done all that extra stuff to make sure we had something to do!

Also, the reason why Midori is a thing is to embody THE USELESS EMAILS HE KEEPS GETTING THAT DON'T HELP HIM AT ALL AND INTEREFERE WITH HIM GETTING STUFF DONE.

Do you even WATCH HIS VIDEOS? Of course not, you're a hater, and you can't be bothered listening nor reading ANY explanation he has. He's the SOLE PROGRAMMER who's constantly communicating with people who help him work on his game, and a lot of those people PROVIDE ASSETS HE CAN'T MAKE, and he doesn't need bullshit that doesn't do anything other than clog up his inbox.

So, you think that young people are annoying? :) Okay, and it doesn't matter what the age of his fanbase is, he still gets annoying as hell emails that he keeps saying TIME AND TIME AGAIN TO NOT SEND HIM. Gosh, you people act as if he's a Content Creating Robot who doesn't need breaks from his job.

Yeah, because apparently he’s not allowed to have SOME free time to do as he pleases to get a break from coding. HOW DARE HE take breaks!!

There's a fine line between critiquing and WHINING, like how you and everyone else has been doing. Also, HE STILL MADE PROGRESS. HE IMPLEMENTED A ELIMINATION METHOD THAT IS MOST LIKELY RIVAL SPECIFIC. Yes, he put her head in a fan-BECAUSE ITS A PART OF THE GAME. He actually coded in everything to make that happen, and if you've actually watched his videos you'd see HE'S MADE A LOT OF PROGRESS, stuff he can't show us yet BUT ITS THERE. I mean, that's dumb of you to say no progress is being made when there IS progress being made, constantly, and I'm sorry if you missed this but HE'S WAITING ON ASSETS WHICH IS WHY DEVELOPEMENT IS SLOW. HE'S EVEN SAID IN ONE OF HIS VIDEOS HOW HE GOT A MAJOR ASSET IN AND HE WAS ABLE TO MAKE MORE PROGRESS. Then again you just want a reason to bitch at some developer who's struggling enough as it is to release updates on time to where he's becoming fed up with the fandom, because most of you aren't even halfway through high school yet and have no idea how difficult a project like this is.

I dare all of you to go make your own damn game, right now. Coding is HARD, especially if you want to make it a serious game! Okay, now add the stress of a FANBASE that get pissy and rip you apart every time something happens that you don't like. You won't do that? Why not? Too hard for you to handle? Because you got things to do? Well, so does the Dev. If you can't do a fraction of what he does then don't use this as a Complaint Column.

In fact, if you’re sooooo mad at the lack of development THEN OFFER TO VOLUNTEER. Unless you don't meet any requirements that show you're competent enough to take on a stressful project. 

Here's the thing, hun:

SHIT HAPPENS.

Partly due to the fact he needs people to help him AND waiting on assets, AND because people like you are spreading a bad word around which deters people that could have heloped him, so you're partly to blame. Besides, he recently partnered with TinyBuild! Isn't that progress to you? No?

-Because he didn't think the game would get as popular as it has! -BECAUSE HE NEEDS ASSETS AND PEOPLE AREN'T DELIVERING THEM WHEN HE NEEDS THEM, THAT IS ANOTHER REASON IF YOU BOTHERED TO WATCH WHY HE HASN'T BEEN ABLE TO MAKE ANY PROGRESS. -Yeah, because HOW DARE THE MAN HAS A HOBBY HE CAN ENJOY! Like, I think if he's playing games like this he's bound to get some ideas, its not like he just buys the games to see "hm  what can I use for my game" he gets ideas as he plays them.

Then why don't you LEAVE? It'd be better for everyone.

You people bitch on him for not spending every single waking breathing moment programming. 

He chose to work so he can get more stuff done JUST so you asswipes would stop bitching on him for it, but noooo apparently he's damned if he does, damned if he doesn't.

Proof these people JUST WANT TO BITCH. He's actually taken  the initiative to DO SOMETHING about his workload but here you rockheads go "NAH THAT DON'T COUNT!!" WHY DOESN'T IT COUNT?? More people would mean MORE PEOPLE TO CONTACT TO MAKE SURE ITS GOING ALONG NICELY. HE CHOOSES TO TAKE THESE THINGS ON HIMSELF BECAUSE OTHERWISE HE'D HAVE A LOT MORE PEOPLE TO BE IN CONTACT WITH, HE'S DOING IT TO SAVE TIME.

Like fuck y'all, you don't care about him as long as he gets your game done. If you can't accept the fact  he's a human and can only do so much with what he has and THEN shit on him for DARING TO SOLVE HIS PROBLEMS by saying it doesn't count,  then you need to leave this fandom and take your rotteness elsewhere to bug the shit out of more people.

If you have any ACTUAL criticism of Yandere Dev then please feel free to post them, not bullshit you know DAMN WELL he cant help or has tried and can’t succeed. 

 You're not welcome here.