#there are so many details I can re-appreciate

[sweetieviktor]

viktor x librarian! reader (headcanons + tiny scenarios) part 1

summary: how you've meet each other, when you feel in love and your first exchange of "i love you"s.

content warning: just tooth rotting fluff and cuteness between those two. :D

author notes: i know that sooo many people writed this same idea but i can't help it, it's just so cute and so good to write!! when i was writing, the words came almost instantly and gods, i love to write fluff so much!! oh, and today, when i was re-reading this with my friend i was thinking the whole time "damn i love him" ((and i was awoken until 3am yesterday trying to finish this one but i feel sleep and couldn't end it, but i finished it this morning and now, at night time, im posting in here! anyways, hope you guys like it. :) (there is more of this concept if you want to see it too! heres the link for part 2!)

» the moment the doors hang open, you turn to see who it is, and as you do so, the whole world stops.

» the prettiest man you've ever seen in your life just came into the library you work in. literally, the prettiest man.

» the way his fluffy hair falls around his face and his curious eyes keep looking at everything, scanning all corners of the room, every little thing he can, shining whenever he sees something he likes.

» and his boyish little smile, barely showing his teeth, that he was giving while talking to a furry someone just by his side.

“oh hi, dear friend!” waving, heimerdinger spoke, walking with tiny, fast steps in your direction, pausing when he was close to you. meanwhile the boy beside him was walking a little slower, his cane thudding softly against the floor.

he stopped near the yordle and looked at your face, giving a polite smile, offering to you his non-occupied hand, and you shaked it, giving him a smile of yours. “i’m viktor, heimerdinger's assistant. he said you could help me with some resources i might need, and i would very much appreciate any help your books could provide.”

“i hope you don't mind him coming here to do some researches, friend. he may come here often!” the yordle laughed, looking between the two of you and then walking away.

“ehhh.. so, do you have any books about-”

» basically, this is how you and viktor knew each other, through a friend in common. and, from this day on, he came to the library more and more often.

» at first, he just showed up, asked for a book you could provide and got out of the establishment. then, he tried to strike up a small talk with you whenever he was waiting for you to look up said books. now, he just straight up rants about any experiment he may be doing at the time.

» and if you're genuinely interested in his rant, he could go for hours just explaining every little detail to you, and he would love every second of it.

» because now he is a regular, you just analyze what he is up to in the most recent days and choose some books that might be useful to him, putting them in the drawer, below the reception desk. and when this happened for the first time he was almost flustered, because you cared enough to look up, sort and search for things that he didn't even asked for.

when you heard the door swing open, you looked at it's direction, smiling as you realized who it was. “hey, viktor! welcome again!” it was the third time this week he got to the library, looking for the same type of books, so you just worked a bit ahead this time. “i don't know if it is exactly what you need but i think that you could use these ones, they have some information you might like.”

“but i still didn't ask for anything..?” he stared at you with a puzzled face, trying to understand why you were giving him those.

“i just think it goes along with your research. also, i wanted to help.” you shrugged, smiling brightly at him.

and maybe this was when he thought for the first time “damn.. i might be in love.”

» after this, he always tried to stay closer to you, to say things you might like, to show you that he cared for you just as much as you cared for him.

» he even brought coffee (he got sweet milk for himself) and pastries for you both to share one day. and this was for sure one of the best excuses to transform a boring afternoon with no clients, into a lazy reading session, this, of course, until a client came and ruined the cutesy atmosphere between the two of you.

» of course he thought about asking you out before, but it was hard. he wasn't used to the feeling of love, of liking someone so deeply like this. so what could he do besides admire you everyday he was in your library? look at you with pure adoration, chuckle lightly whenever you said something that wasn't even that funny, and after it all just show you the most beautiful, bright and in love smile.

» he didn't like to belittle himself, but he really think you would be better with someone that wasn't him. you were so different, yet so alike him, it almost felt like it was meant to be.

» then, in one of his “oh, i will stay here for 15 more minutes and then i'll go home” times (that never lasted 15 minutes, to be honest), it was almost closing time, all of your coworkers were in their homes, no more clients in, simply, not a soul in there. only you both.

» you kept looking in his direction from afar, thinking to yourself how could you get someone so intelligent, so brilliant, so beautiful, so... him. you knew what you wanted, but again, it was hard. and, if saying your feelings out loud was way too scary, writing it all down seemed easier. so, you picked up a pen and a paper, writing in it everything that was inside your chest, your heart. you poured all your feelings into every word that you scribbled down.

» until you heard him packing up his stuff. you started to panic, and now there was only two options, leave the paper as it was and try to act neutral, or try to hide it and look even more nervous? well, there's no time to think! he was already in front of you while your head was spiraling nonstop.

“hey... you are fine? you look stressed.” he examined your face, tilting his head to the side, admiring every little feature of yours. your pretty eyes, your nose, your kissable lips...

“yes! i'm completely fine, no need to worry!” you put your hands on top of the little confession, smiling anxiously, hoping that he don't notice the sweet words you wrote down just for him.

“oh, what did you got there?” he looked at the paper, then at you, and back to paper. on a common day you would like to have his focus only on you, but it was making you even more nervous now, your stomach was turning itself, your hands were cold and trembling. and when he noticed it, he took your hand in his, and you could feel that he was shaking too. “hey... look,” he took a deep breath, almost like he didn't want to continue, like he was still choosing the right words to say. “i understand that some things we just want to keep them personal, only for ourselves. so, ehh, you don't have to show me what you wrote.”, he said with a nervous smile displayed on his lips, while caressing your knuckles with an almost feather-like touch, too afraid to ruin the moment and lose you right now.

and you didn't want to lose him too. even with your brain telling you that you shouldn't tell him, your heart knew you needed to say it, breaking itself or not. so it was now or never. “well... recently i've been thinking about our friendship, about what it could possibly be, about you.” you averted your gaze to the ground, wishing that you came up with fancier words and a better way to confess to him before it all, but you couldn't turn back now. “honestly i can't stop thinking about you, it's like you consumed every logical thought in my brain, everything that wasn't... you.” finally you looked at his eyes, just to see he already looking at you, eyes finally shining for you, because of you. “i love you, viktor. with everything in me, i really love you.” it seemed so right to say these three little words to him, to let him know how you felt since the first time you've seen him.

“and i love you too.” he came closer to you, still with his hand on yours, but now holding it gently, intertwining your fingers together, pressing quickly his lips in yours, smiling in pure awe, completely lovestruck after it. “i love you more than anything, my little star.”

[dekariosclan]

Attention Galemancers: Gale thinks you are wonderful

In celebration of Galemancer week, this post is dedicated to all my fellow wizard-lovers 💜

We’ve talked plenty about how much we love Gale—but in this post I want to talk about how Gale Dekarios loves us, too. Very, very much.

From Astarion-to-Gale pipeliners, to the gamers who played BG3 not intending to romance anyone, to players who thought they’d just play the game casually and mayyybe smooch the hunky Druid elf guy or hot fiery lady, we all played BG3 thinking we had a pretty clear idea of how it was going to go—only to find ourselves rizzed by the wizard.

But we didn’t just choose Gale—Gale chose us.

Remember, Tav does not initiate the romance; Gale has to choose to start the weave scene. So if you’re reading this and you’re a Galemancer, it’s because Gale wanted you to be one.

That’s right Galemancers: Your Pixel Husband©️ took one look at you/your Tav, liked you immediately, and told the other romanceable companions, ‘I beg your pardon, this one is mine.’ The rest is history.

Gale loves us just as much as we love him—and this goes for ALL GALEMANCERS, no matter how your romance went:

Did you go into the game already liking Gale and actively wanting your Tav to romance him? Then Gale applauds your excellent taste. It’s one of the many reasons he chose you! To like so many things about him, and right from the start…he thinks your generosity is quite wonderful.

Did your Tav choose another companion first, and only romance Gale later on/during a second play through? No matter. He knew that you would come to your senses eventually! (just like he’s sure Minthara will appreciate him at some point…) He just had to be patient. It’s fine; you were worth the wait, after all.

Did you get Sneaky God Gale and have to re-do your run/start a new one to get your human proposal ending? Gale knew from the start that you were special—and that you would love him enough to replay the game and fix any bad outcomes. He knew you would do whatever was necessary to correct his path so he could marry you! Seeing you do all that for him…well…it only makes him want you more.

Did you encourage Gale to become a God & have him ascend your Tav, too? Then GodGale is beyond thrilled he chose you. Like he says in the human epilogue: ‘I could spend an eternity in your company.’ Now he can finally do that! (One small request—please keep his ambition in check, but do allow him to continue to troll Raphael as often as he likes.)

Did you romance Gale, but have your Tav go to Avernus with Karlach to help her? Gale always knew you had a heart of gold, and that’s one of the reasons he chose you. A little distance & time won’t hurt a bond like yours—and he’ll have his hearth & home waiting for your return.

Did you read online guides to do Gale’s & Tav’s romance correctly and get the ending you wanted from the start? What divine calculus plucked you from the heavens and thrust you into Gale’s arms? He knew you were studious and detail-oriented from the moment he met you, which is why he chose you! To know you studied so hard in order to get a good ending for him…none have loved him so purely before.

— — —

In short: Gale Dekarios doesn’t toss the ‘L’ word around lightly. He only picks someone to be a Galemancer if he truly thinks they are wonderful—and that’s not just anyone.

In conclusion: Galemancers, you are wonderful!

Now go enjoy the rest of this week with your well-earned and well-deserved pixel wizard—who chose you 💜

[stealing-from-walmart69]

I don’t even know what to say. Gfm has decided to unauthorize my roommates bank account and will not accept any new re-verification and is threatening to refund everyone who has donated recently to the Al-Najjar campaign😭 Unfortunately it is not the first time as many such incidents regarding Palestinian fundraisers have faced the same issues (article about it here->) https://www.theverge.com/2024/2/29/24085175/gofundme-gaza-palestine-fundraiser-under-review-esims

Anyways with that being said I have had to make a brand new campaign, where I pretty much have to censor the truth that’s it’s for a family in Gaza’s survival in hopes it will not be wrongly shut down again. If you can please share and donate and help the new campaign kick off any support would be so appreciated right now 😭

I had to spare the details about Sarah being 16 and navigating all of this through a genocide for her mother Hanan, father Zyad who suffers with Crohns, and her little brothers Suleiman (12) and Muhammad (7). Their home was destroyed on the first of October (yes before the 7th) and these campaigns are for providing them enough money to supply the necessary food and shelter for survival as everything is extremely scarce and expensive.

I’ve attached the old post/campaign below for reference https://www.tumblr.com/stealing-from-walmart69/764158270059495424/donate-to-to-help-sarah-and-her-family-organized

[bwat5-blog]

Vi's Grief: An Honest Accounting

**Spoiler Warning for all of Arcane**

The reason I am giving my two cents on this when so many others have done such an excellent job already (check out the one I re-blogged, title is "all because of one woman" i believe), is because of a slew of conversation I have seen recently, making it out like Vi was just having a sad puppy phase waiting on Caitlyn, and that the moment Caitlyn snapped her fingers Vi came padding back for treats and pets.

In fact, what we are witnessing here is to me one of the saddest points of the story. In which a woman so characterized by her tenacity, her hope, her love and her spirit, just has nothing left. So to that end, I am going to be discussing the collective grief that brought Vi so low, and hope to relay the emotional weight and depth this moment should be given. (Even if the pacing of season 2 DID NOT).

Disclaimer: Anyone following me knows Vi is my favorite character and that I have written about her quite a bit. To that end, there be some things in this I just briefly touch on, that I probably got more detailed with in other posts. As always, thank you to anyone who takes the time to read and/or respond. Discourse and appreciation of stories and characters with heart and depth are how keep them alive. Below are a quick list of points I have explored in other posts regarding Vi's character that are relevant to this discussion but not needing full on analyses here.

Vi DID NOT make Jinx

Vi WAS NOT a bad sister

Vi IS NOT the Jinx

Powder:

The genesis of the grief and guilt Vi will struggle with for the rest of the story. In a moment of unimaginable pain, an at most 16 year old Vi lashes out at Powder who has seemingly caused the deaths of their family. She hits her, grabs her roughly around the face and calls her a Jinx before stalking away into the alleyway to cry. She almost instantly stops, looking at her sisters blood on her hands with horror, and stands to go back before Marcus materializes out of the shadows, stealing her away and throwing her in Stillwater for seven years.

I have discussed this tragedy in several posts and with heavy detail, so I will give you the overview here:

Every scrap of evidence before Vi lashes out suggests a loving, supportive, and protective relationship between she and her sister

While older than Powder, as I said per the writers Vi is 14-16 old during this time (I guess they never decided) which is extremely young

Vi tried not to involve Powder in this at all because she wasn't ready, and rightfully so. We have seen Vander's lessons regarding responsibility to those who look up to you settling in Vi's mind over the first three episodes. She knows there is a good chance they may not come back from rescuing Vander, and tries to keep Powder safe.

When Vi lashes out she has seen her entire family die violently, has narrowly survived a fight for her life against multiple adult thugs, and is wounded and afraid

There is no situation where a rational adult would blame Vi for what happened. But, grief isn't rational. One of the last lessons Vander imparted before his passing becomes a part of her so strong it will impact her forever in ways good and bad alike. "when people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish".

Vi loses everything, and everyone. Thrown in frightening, dark, violent prison without cause for seven years. Her whole world shrinks to the darkness in that cell and all she can think about, all she can focus on and hope for, is to someday make it right to the sister who looked up to her.

Jinx:

Seven years locked away from the world and when Vi gets her chance, she takes it. Lets quickly run down their reunion:

Vi immediately embraces Jinx and apologizes for everything that happened.

Jinx asks if Vi is real, clearly concerning but Vi doesn't bat an eye and just comforts her sister

When Jinx tearfully admits she has changed (the tone clearly indicating in a bad way as Vi understands) Vi does not judge or question, affirming that Jinx did what she had to in order to survive

After seeing Caitlyn and the paranoia and fear planted by Sevika and Silco in Jinx takes ahold of her, Vi continues to try and embrace her sister even pushing Jinx's machine gun out from under her chin

Fights back to back with Jinx against the firelights. We only see first real sign of fear/concern over Jinx's behavior when she realize how manic/gleeful Jinx is in combat, but Vi is taken by the firelights before it can be addressed

Vi immediately tries to take responsibility, accepts her, comforts her, and tries to protect her. They are separated and taken to the firelights hideout where she is reunited with Ekko. Ekko tells her unequivocally that Powder is gone. There is only Jinx, and that she works for Silco because she wants to. Now of course that is not entirely correct either. Jinx is an extremely complex character dealing with a multitude of factors to her decisions. What it really comes down to is this, when Ekko assures Vi she cannot change Jinx, Vi replies "I know my sister, I can reach her.. I have to try"

The Bridge:

After everything she has seen, and everything she has been through and been told Vi turns around from Caitlyn and Ekko, her every intention of going back into the Undercity for her sister alone. She only turns around after the combined betrayal by Marcus, and detonation of the firelights by Jinx almost kill Ekko and Caitlyn. Vi then is witness to her little sister breaking down and almost murdering them both, surrounded by the bodies from Jinx's bombs.

The Dinner Party:

Vi spent seven years in that terrible place, all with the dream of finding Powder and making things right between them. We have seen Vi stabbed, beaten, hunted and shot at all in pursuit of this dream. Jinx herself has at this point almost killed Vi herself. And even still, "when people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish".. All Vi can see is that she failed her little sister. From the sad and tender moment with Caitlyn in Cait's bedroom, to the fact that Vi goes after Sevika and Silco alone to put an end to it, she is carrying so much grief and sorrow over what's occurred. And its all made manifest at Jinx's dinner party.

This is a very intense scene and we could come at it from a lot of angles. To my view these are what matter:

Jinx has abducted Vi, Caitlyn and Silco

Jinx is finally acknowledging all of Silco's crimes against their family, but wants Vi to kill Caitlyn in exchange for "getting powder back"

Vi will not sacrifice Caitlyn but tries to keep Jinx and Caitlyn from hurting each other. Leading to Caitlyn having a shot at Jinx and not taking it before being knocked out

Vi and Silco "battle" over Jinx's soul leading to her breaking down but ultimately saving Vi's life over Silco. She then attacks the Piltover council, killing Caitlyn's mother

Interlude:

What follows is the aftermath of Jinx's attack and the eventual attack by Chem Barron on the memorial. The sister Vi fought so hard to get home to, has killed Caitlyn's mother. And worse yet, Vi convinced Caitlyn to stay her hand before it happened. Vi has tried so hard to protect the people she loves, tried to keep them safe. And while learning she cannot save everyone, and that the weight of the world is not hers alone are two of Vi's most character defining lessons. She isn't there yet.

The Ventilation Chamber:

"My sister is gone.. there's only Jinx now".

People have said Vi gave up on her sister too quickly, that she never really loved her, and that nothing justified donning the uniform and coming after Jinx in this way. As we have just been over it I won't list it all in-depth, but in short, Vi has been violently forced to recognize that Powder has become a violent, unstable, unpredictable murderer. And Vi still blames herself for this transformation that left only Jinx behind. So she does what she always tried to do, even if its the worst possible thing someone could ask of her. She puts on the uniform that has symbolized her parents death, her peoples oppression, and seven years of terror and abuse. So she can take responsibility and end the threat to the entire land that her sister has become. And it ends with her little sister ready to die.. happy believing it will be Vi's hands that end her.

Caitlyn:

Vi and Caitlyn are one of the driving forces of the story. Their love story has mattered so much to many people for many reasons, myself included. For this discussion, we are focusing on the moments that demonstrate their meaning to each other, and what is lost when it all goes wrong. Eventually I am doing a deep-dive on their story and going point by point, but this will focus more on the big picture.

Meeting:

After seven years of isolation and pain at the hands of enforcers. Vi is greeted by Caitlyn wanting information. They play their roles, Vi the cocky inmate, Caitlyn the uptight officer, until Vi reveals she has been beaten up. Caitlyn's response is a stoic thing. She does not march to the desk demanding justice. She does not get all teary eyed and beg Vi's forgiveness for her organizations corruption. She crosses the red line. She decides not to walk away. Later in their discussion, Vi accuses all enforcers of being "Asshole criminals in fancy uniforms". Caitlyn does not bluster. She does not fight. She does not curse Vi as some undercity thug and leave. She just listens. It's the sort of thing you would normally consider insignificant. But we see it from Caitlyn again later when she is talking with Ekko. Even if she doesn't believe it yet, Caitlyn listens. And Vi hasn't had that in a very long time. All concluding in Caitlyn Kiramman, scion of one of the great houses, freeing Vi from prison. The vulnerability in Vi's face when the door opens, and the shock on Caitlyn's face in response is beautiful.

Caitlyn Saves Vi:

Caitlyn's rescue of Vi from Sevika is when Vi's walls start to slowly come down. It's not an instant process. Even after being stabbed Vi is still making jokes, trying to do it all herself. But as the events play out we see the true beginnings of their connection. Caitlyn barely knows Vi. But she immediately engages Sevika to save her, and even trades her prized weapon to save Vi's life. The incredibly soft and tender physical contact between is so telling. And Vi for all of her tough, harsh exterior has been denied anything like this her entire life. Caitlyn has freed Vi, saved her life, and is likely the first real affection Vi has had in her life since before Vander was killed.

Vi Chooses Caitlyn:

We discussed this incident earlier pertaining to Vi/Jinx. So all we need to say here is that for the first time since being freed, we see Vi prioritize something.. or someone.. over getting back to her sister. The concern and relief in her face clear to find Caitlyn alive.

Caitlyn's Abduction/The Dinner Party:

We discussed this event in detail earlier. But some things we have to remember when discussing Vi's relationship with Caitlyn are as follows:

Caitlyn was abducted from her own home

Jinx offers Vi "Powder" back if she will kill Caitlyn

Caitlyn repeatedly tries to tell Vi Jinx is too far gone, but doesn't take the shot at Vi's urging

Caitlyn is violently knocked out by Jinx

Caitlyn has to watch as Jinx murders her mother

This woman that Vi has clearly come to care for, perhaps even love by now (hard to say it a shorter tv show), has now been terrorized and almost killed by Jinx repeatedly. And now so has her mother.

The Strike Team:

In the aftermath of Jinx's attack, all is thrown into chaos and confusion. Retaliation by Piltover upon the undercity is not a question. Its happening. Caitlyn is trying to manage her grief, while Vi is trying to be there for her and manage her grief/guilt over Jinx's part in it all. Caitlyn offers her the badge in order for them to be together to try and bring Jinx to justice, but Vi refuses. The enforcers are the symbol of too much pain from Vi's past. It takes the attack on the memorial for Vi to relent, knowing the only way she keep Caitlyn safe and have any control over what happens with her sister, is to join the strike team and wage war in the streets of her birth.

I have discussed the strike team and the morality of their actions in other documents so here I just want to talk about what this means between Caitlyn and Vi. Vi knows Caitlyn was going. And this was the only way to stay by the woman she loves. But i think at least on some level, even though they are hunting chem barons, and even though the use of the grey is not NEARLY what the fandom has made out of it, Vi is wearing an enforcer uniform, in Zaun's streets, doing violence. I don't know how that couldn't weigh on her. Even if logically she knows she is doing the right thing, it has to feel like a betrayal of where she came from. Caitlyn knows this as well but with each passing day is relenting more and more to her rage before Vi's eyes

The Kiss:

"Everyone in my life changed promise me you won't change"

We all knew it was far too late for Caitlyn to keep that promise. And as I have said in another post, it wasn't really a fair thing for Vi to ask. But does that make Caitlyn a liar and Vi selfish? No.. Caitlyn sees the woman she loves laying bare her fear and her vulnerability, in a way she knows Vi only trusts her enough to show. A way she knows Vi is only showing because Vi loves her.

And for her part, to ask someone who has lost a loved one not to change is impossible. That loss leaves a whole, and you can't be who you were before that hole was carved from you. But Vi has watched the woman she loves sliding further and further down this dark road unable to do anything but try and be there for and keep her safe. Vi's entire world was violently ripped away before she was imprisoned. And now the events of the last few weeks have taken her sister as well. Caitlyn is all that she has and she is afraid.

Heartbreak:

The fight in the chamber comes. It is fearsome, and terrifying, and heart breaking. But when it quiets, Caitlyn has Jinx in her sights. The woman who murdered her mother, who abducted her, who has caused Vi so much pain she is RIGHT. THERE. And Vi stops her.

There has been much debate on what happened. Perhaps in that moment, Caitlyn didn't care if she hit isha. Or, she truly believed she would not and was willing to risk it. Neither are the Caitlyn we know. So Vi stops her. Trying to get her to see the child in danger through Caitlyn's rage and pain.

This whole sequence turned my stomach. It feels like a violation as its supposed to. Once separated after the explosions, Caitlyn and Vi argue, and Caitlyn breaks her promise. She tells Vi she is no different than Jinx. Jinx who killed her mother. Who terrorized her. Who killed those enforcers and became Silco's daughter. And when Vi tries to stop her leaving. Caitlyn hits her in the stomach with her rifle. Leaving her all alone and in pain, crying on the ground.

Conclusion:

Well once again this ran longer than I meant it to. I for sure repeated some things some of you have seen from me already, and I'm sure there was a more concise way to do this. But much like Vi's breakdown over Vander's body at the end, or Caitlyn's becoming the commander, this is an extremely dark, bleak moment that the breakneck pace of season 2 flashes by. And a lot of people really seem to underestimate what she is going through. Up to this point, Vi had defined herself by her loyalty and strength. Her willingness to stand for those she loves no matter the cost to herself. She only knows how to live for those she loves, and believes that is all she is worth. Now, in a very short period of time, the hope of reuniting with her sister has been violently, savagely destroyed. The Last Drop is forever changed. Vander, Milo and Claggor are dead. And the woman she loves, the woman she began to believe loved her (we know Caitlyn does but her darkness is for another post), has left her as broken and alone its like she never rescued her from that prison at all.

[samwinchesterism]

in re: “cas knows dean better than sam”

“cas sees dean as a whole person and sam just sees dean’s façade as his big brother slash parent” but like how and where. outside of your fanfiction. season and episode. scene and line. if it’s so obvious and apparent you should have at least 3-5 concrete examples right? “sam doesn’t know dean carried him out of the burning house” yeah but did cas? outside of a footnote in the angelic manila folder they gave him between seasons 3 and 4 so he could better manipulate him and sam into doing heaven’s bidding? like if you’re going to say “cas knows dean better than sam” than you need to show how cas succeeds where you perceive sam to be failing at the very least. but even your perceptions of how sam doesn’t measure up are so warped, blinkered, and moronic that it wouldn’t even be worth much if you could provide the textual evidence, but at least you’d have a semblance of a point. like say anything without going “as an eldest daughter…” “well my relationship with my sibling isn’t…” please say anything without fucking projecting your own self-pitying crybaby bullshit onto your little woobie dean and using the actual canon text of the show. I’m literally begging you.

like the thing of it all is and always has been that you’re so hell-bent on twisting the sam and dean relationship to fit into this narrow and almost entirely inaccurate mold which is the basis upon which you build the entire Destiel Mythos that you literally lose all sense of media literacy. you don’t even miss the forest for the trees, you miss the trees for like, the pretend invisible things you’re seeing in between the trees, the forest is a whole long way away from your current level of perception. because the Destiel Mythos is based entirely on the fact that dean is Not Seen and Not Appreciated and Not Loved and Cannot Be Himself until cas comes along, and that Family (read: sam) Is Only A Burden on Him That He Must Be Freed From In Order to Flourish, so you keep trying to warp the sam relationship into something that is only one dimension of it – and keep ignoring the ways in which dean is seen, loved and understood within it, because you need to keep lying to yourselves that there is a narrative need to emancipate dean from something that he has never wanted emancipation from because it is ultimately a net good for dean in the particular circumstances of their lives. it’s also profoundly unhealthy, codependent, evil and toxic etc. (a lot more dean’s fault than sam’s but I will nawt be getting into all that right now) but that doesn’t change the fact that sam and dean both know and understand and feel deeply that they are each other’s person – that they know the best and love the most in the world. but that – which IS true canon fact – is incompatible with the Destiel Mythos so it must be ignored and all good sense must be thrown out the window in order to do it.

anyway i digress there are two main categories of Bad Thinking that i will be addressing below

childhood/ “parent/child” / blah blah blah

every single thing people are saying in favour of the deeply stupid thesis in the title of this post is proof positive of the very silly form of ‘analysis’ I just described. a few things:

“wah sam didn’t know that dean carried him out of the burning house :( this means that dean withholds things from sam to protect him because he is a PARENT and sam can only know things about him in the context of him being a PARENT to him” – what the fuck are you on about genuinely. first of all reducing the sam/dean relationship exclusively to parent/child is in itself foolishness for so many reasons that I don’t have time for right now. but also, it’s clear that this is just something that happened when sam was a baby that just never came up. in the scene (1.09) where this is brought up, dean is mildly surprised that he or john never mentioned that detail and then states that sam knows the rest of the story (i.e. the actual traumatic stuff) just as well as dean does – which is true, demonstrably whenever they talk about it.

obviously there are some things that happened to dean in their childhood that sam doesn’t know about (or didn’t know about, until told in whatever episode they come up in). equally, there are things dean doesn’t know about sam’s childhood, e.g. the fact that he was so lonely he needed a zanna (11.08). or how dean didn’t remember that sam was friends with barry cook until he mentions it when they go back to their old school (4.13). or about the nature of sam’s relationship with amy pond (7.03). these don’t mean that ‘sam withheld these things to protect dean out of parental love’ lol, it’s just that there are details and events in each of their lives that the other happens to not have been told about.

similarly “sam didn’t even know dean wanted to be a firefighter L” girl did dean know sam wanted to be a lawyer? in 1.01 he’s pretty surprised that sam has a law school interview. the point here isn’t “neither sam nor dean know each other well,” these are minutiae that aren’t relevant to how well you know someone as a whole, and very poorly demonstrate the bad and inaccurate point that dean withholds things from sam the way a parent does a child (on a constant or regular basis). obviously the way they were raised, sam was deemed too young to know about certain things until he got older and dean had to keep that secret, but as shown in 3.08 flashbacks, most if not all of this is eventually revealed throughout their childhood when sam is still fairly young.

or possibly the dumbest one is that “wah sam doesn’t even know that dean reads books L” whenever that was he was also obviously joking because in more serious moments (e.g. 8.14) he admits that dean is smart/a better researcher than he is, literally remembers dean reading to him as a kid (8.21) so like. clam down  

one of the extra annoying variants of this type of ‘proof’ covers things that are very clearly novel pieces of information about dean that dean, sam, and the audience are learning about dean in real time. like if you’re actually watching the show to comprehend it as it was intended to be comprehended, instead of funnelling everything through the Destiel Machine until it’s unrecognizable slop that fits neatly into your pre-ordained molds that Make Destiel Necessary In the Narrative (when it actually isn’t, at all) it’s abundantly clear. the top two worst offenders:

“sam didn’t even know that dean is good with kids :( he doesn’t even realize that dean raised him :(” first of all you people need to understand that parentification does not literally create a parent-child dynamic between siblings but I digress – this doesn’t make any sense bro. in 1.03 dean admits he doesn’t know any kids as an adult. dean being good with his own kid brother when they were both kids is to any reasonable person not necessarily linked with him being good with other random kids when he’s an adult. in 1.03 it’s clear that dean himself is a bit surprised that he’s able to connect w/ lucas so well because he’s clearly not dealt with a lot of kids since sam grew up. the whole point of this is that dean, sam, and the audience are all sort of seeing a new side of dean. who again is just 26. after this very early episode, there’s no question from sam that dean is able to connect w kids. sam being a bit surprised by this also has absolutely zero connection with him not understanding or realizing that dean looked out for him when they were both kids – sam is standing there at 22 years of age talking about adult dean and children – of fucking course he doesn’t mean himself are you stupid.

from the very first season, sam is very clearly aware of everything dean ~did for him~ when they were kids, see e.g. 1.21: “Dean...ah...I wanna thank you. […] For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And I don't know, I just wanted to let you know, just in case.”

and 1.06: DEAN: Well, I’m a freak, too. I’m right there with ya, all the way. (SAM laughs.) SAM: Yeah, I know you are.

and then possibly even more stupidly, the one where it’s like “wah sam doesn’t even know dean can cook :( he doesn’t even know that DEAN was the one making him food as a babe in arms :(” – when sam is surprised that dean made something fairly gourmet and from scratch literally the first time they have ever had a permanent living space with a functional kitchen. in this VERY scene (8.14), dean himself points out that they haven’t had a kitchen before and when sam remarks on the irregularity of him doing serious cooking, he says “I’m nesting”, clearly showing that this is a novel development because they now have a kitchen, and that it’s irregular relative to past behaviour – both of them acknowledge this. because real proper in-depth cooking and making box mac and cheese for sam until he was like 11 and old enough to be left alone are two different things, which sam understands because he’s smart, unlike whoever chooses to make this point. dean never showed significant signs of liking to cook before this, which is what the exchange is about, but he did have to prepare food for them both when sam was too young – of course sam knows he had to, there are childhood memories referred to (e.g. 14.11) where sam is mentioned to literally help dean do the cooking as kids lol (and yes, genius, sam says ‘I didn’t know you knew what a kitchen was’ or something to that effect, but if you think he’s being 100% literal there I have an oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you)

again, obviously there are pieces that sam doesn’t know about dean, e.g. when he’s talking about his response to mary dying in 1.03. but again, Sam is 22, dean is 26, the last time they were in regular contact was when sam was 18-20, these are things that happen when people grow up, they’re able to reflect and share on childhood experiences if they’re close with their siblings as adults. it’s clearly not something that 26 y/o dean wanted to hide from 22 y/o sam. yes sam didn’t know everything about how dean felt when they were young, but that’s equally true in the other direction, and it’s such an irrelevant point in this discussion when, crucially, sam does learn these things about dean mostly fairly early on in the series (i.e. when they’re really not that deep into adulthood yet). cas was also not magically blessed w/ knowledge about dean, he also had to learn whatever it is that he knows, but somehow sam has to know everything about dean from age 7 or it doesn’t count when it’s sam lol.

“sam doesn’t know the One True Dean / doesn’t see through his facades”

the next branch of defending this flawed thesis is invariably that sam has little idea of the fronts and facades that dean puts up and is content to just believe them, whereas cas digs deep and sees the One True Dean that stupid sam always misses. there is nothing in the text that demonstrates this is true. multiple times, we see sam being very knowing of the fact that dean puts up fronts and facades. sam is also knowledgeable of the way dean perceives himself, and – demonstrated in multiple episodes before such sam lines were very poorly recycled and regurgitated into cas’s dialogue in 15.18, but keep acting like that was the first time anyone ever showed that they knew the One True Dean.

Obviously there are times where sam teases dean when he’s being more touchy-feely than usual, but 9.99 times out of 10 (as a conservative estimate in case there's something i'm forgetting otherwise i would say every time) that’s very clearly coming from a place of knowing the real dean vs. the façade he puts up because that’s the whole joke. and it’s allowed to be a joke because they’re siblings and that’s what siblings do lol. esp since sam and dean have touchy feely moments at the end of like every episode.

examples of all of the above off the top of my head (there are more than these, but these are the ones I can think of):

2.02 (about John’s death)

Sam: “I mean this ‘strong silent’ thing of yours, it's crap. […] I'm over it. This isn't just anyone we're talking about, this is Dad. I know how you felt about the man.”

Dean: “You know what, back off, all right? Just because I'm not caring and sharing like you want me to.”

Sam: “No, no, no, that's not what this is about, Dean. I don't care how you deal with this. But you have to deal with it, man. Listen, I'm your brother, all right? I just want to make sure you're okay.”

2.03 (Sam to Dean, also about John’s death): “You know, you slap on this big fake smile but I can see right through it. Because I know how you feel, Dean. Dad's dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can't take it, but you can't just fill up that hole with whoever you want to. It's an insult to his memory.”

Note that Dean essentially admits that Sam is right in these two instances in 2.04 bc I know yall have stupid shit to say about john too that has nothing to do with how anyone actually felt about him in canon

3.07 (about Dean’s demon deal – also proven true in later episodes)

SAM: Dude, drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punch line. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid.

DEAN: I'm not!

SAM: You're lying. And you may as well drop it 'cause I can see right through you.

DEAN: You got no idea what you're talking about.

SAM: Yeah, I do. You're scared, Dean. You're scared because your year is running out, and you're still going to Hell, and you're freaked.

DEAN: And how do you know that?

SAM: Because I know you! […] Yeah, I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And, I mean, I can't blame you. It's just […] I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. 'Cause... (can't find words; tears in his eyes) just 'cause.

5.18 [Sam figures out what Dean is doing re: his plan to let Michael possess him, tracks him down, and eventually is the catalyst for Dean ‘making the right call’, which he predicts] – e.g.:

SAM: No, you won’t. When push shoves, you’ll make the right call

DEAN: You know, if tables were turned…I’d let you rot in here. Hell, I have let you rot in here.

SAM: Yeah, well…I guess I’m not that smart.

DEAN: I—I don’t get it. Sam, why are you doing this?

SAM: Because… you’re still my big brother.

8.14 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18 + sam intrinsically understanding the trials are a death wish for dean): “I'm closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. You have friends up here, family. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't – I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it. […] I AM smart, and so are you. You're not a grunt, Dean. You're a genius – when it comes to lore, to – you're the best damn hunter I have ever seen – better than me, better than dad. I believe in you, Dean. So, please – please believe in me, too.”

10.22 (understanding how much dean has ~done for him~)

SAM: I'm saving my brother.

CASTIEL: You told Dean—

SAM: —I know what I told Dean. Cas, look. I've been the one out there, messed up and scared. And alone. And Dean—

CASTIEL: He did whatever he could to save you.

SAM: Yes. I mean, it's become his thing. I owe him this. I owe him everything.

10.23 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18, x2 – from Sam to Dean): “You were also willing to summon death to make sure you could never do any more harm. You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That's not evil, Dean. That's not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for... some other way. […] You will never, ever hear me say that you -- the real you -- is anything but good.”

11.13 (Sam understanding exactly how Dean feels about Amara being his ‘deepest desire’, and confirming that it doesn’t make him a bad person)

Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I’m…

Sam: Means you’re what? Complicit? Weak? Evil?

Dean: For starters, yeah.

Sam: Dean. Do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She’s the sister of God, and for some reason she picked you and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you…I’m not.

Dean: You know that I want her ass dead.

Sam: Yes. Of course. And I know you’ve also probably beaten yourself up a hundred times over it, but where has that gotten us? (Long silence) Just how bad is it?

13.02 (Sam perfectly explaining Dean’s psyche to Jack)

JACK: Is that why Dean hates me?

SAM: Dean doesn’t hate you. It… Look, sometimes the wires in Dean’s head get crossed and—and he gets frustrated, and then he mixes frustration with anger, and—and fear.

JACK: Why would he be afraid?

SAM: Because Dean feels like it’s his job to protect everyone. And right now, we need to protect you. But we may also need to protect people from you.

14.03 [Sam assesses Dean’s psychological/emotional response to the Michael possession; end of episode, Dean confirms that Sam’s assessment was fully accurate]

14.10 [Sam is the only one able to snap Dean out of his weird Michael mind loop by using their code word]

14.11 [Sam figuring out that something is troubling Dean just based on the fact that Dean hugs him]

15.17 (self explanatory at this point)

DEAN: Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he'll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can't live like that, man! I can't live like that! I won't!

SAM: I know you feel like that right now, okay. I know you do. But you gotta trust me. My entire life, you've protected me— from Dad, from Lucifer, from everything. I didn't always like it, you know, but... it's the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It's the only thing I've ever known that was true. So please... put the gun away. Just put it away, and we'll figure it out, Dean, we'll find another way, you and me. We always do.

like maybe there are some cas moments w dean along these lines too. i don't know, i don't remember what the guy says or does anymore it's been too many years and he is not memorable. but the point is where and in what capacity and based on what metric other than the amount of bad fanfic you've read does cas exceed sam in these respects.

so basically just. genuinely, what are you people literally ever talking about. go watch the show instead of saying stupid wrong stuff about sam on the hellsites all day. or watch another show (please for the love of god watch any other show this one is absolutely lost on you and it’s such a stupid one too i'm embarrassed for you)

[scarletwinterxx]

god bless your dad's genetics - choi seungcheol imagine

do you ever think daddy when you see Cheol or are you normal... hahahaha no but seriously this man this man he is THE MAN. my playlist of all Seungcheol coded songs are getting longer and longer🤣 and you already know Juno by Sabrina Carpenter is there THAT IS SO HIS SONG

anywayssss hope you like it!

if anyone want to be mutuals on X, i'm using the same un there😊

for my other svt fics, check them here

if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(pics not mine, credits to rightful owner)

"See you next dinner! Hopefully you got the baby carrier next time!"

"Okay, auntie bye!"

Your smile fades the moment the front door closes, Seungcheol chuckling at your expression. You feel him give your hand a squeeze, leading you down the road to where he parked his car

"Remind me again why I let you talk me into this" you grumble as you walk beside him

"Because they're family, it was nice to see your mom" he tells you, trying to simmer your irritation. He knows it's not meant for him but for the nosy relatives you try so hard to avoid.

It took a while before you introduced him to your extended family for this exact reason, every family reunion they would pester you about finding a boyfriend or a husband and you just always reply with a smile. When you did finally get a boyfriend you didn't even think about taking him to your chaotic family dinners.

But Seungcheol, god bless his heart, just wanted to be the best boyfriend so when your mom asked if he wanted to come of course he couldn't say no.

He already knew your mom so when you got to her place, she welcomes the two of you then goes around dragging Seungcheol by the arm to introduce him to the rest of the family.

It's cute to see your mom boasting your boyfriend, you would too.

The entire night went on like the usual then when it was time to say goodbye of course some of your aunties will make sure to say something.

You're glad it's over though. It really drained all your energy, thankful you now have someone with you. The two of you get in the car, he waits before you're buckled in before he starts driving back to the city.

"It was, but god the rest of them are nosy" you say

He laughs at your words, nodding his head "Your mom showed me all the baby pictures" he tells you

"Is that where you disappeared to? Oh god please tell me she didn't show everything"

"She showed me everything" he beams, if not for his big smile you would've been more annoyed but seeing Seungcheol happy makes you happy. If it's at the expense of your embarrassing baby pics then so be it.

"You were so cute, what are you worrying for" he asks, his hand finding your thigh like it always does whenever you're sitting on his passenger seat

"I'm very well aware I was a cute baby, you know when I see those pics I can't help but wish my daughter would look just like me"

Seungcheol looks over at you quickly, seeing you looking out the window. He can't help but smile at that, his mind already imagining a little in his arms with your nose and eyes and cheeks.

"Me too" he mumbles "One of you is cute but two though..." he trails off

That makes you look over at him, the two of you have talked about the future but not much about the details. You don't see a future without him and so does he.

He's very sure the two of you would end up on the aisle saying vows to each other, no matter how far that is down the road.

"You want kids?"

"Yea, in the future when we're ready. How ever many you want" he answers so casually but in reality his heart is hammering against his chest. He's a tough guy, he likes to think. But when it comes to you, even the little things you do can get him down on his knees.

"Really?" he can hear the smile on your voice, he gives your thigh a squeeze before taking your hand to give the back of it a kiss

"Really really, a little girl who looks just like you? I would love that more than anything. Have you seen you, babe? I bet you'll look good pregnant" he smirks, earning a light hit on his arm from you

You blush at his words, your mind and heart racing at the thought of having his babies.

"Fuck around and you'll find out" you say

"Oh don't worry, I'm planning to"

You laugh outloud but you just know there's truth to his words. Having Seungcheol as your lover will never leave you unsatisfied in all ways. He knows just how to treat your right.

"But how about you, do you think I'll be a good dad?" he asks, giving you a quick look

"What are you talking about? You'll be on fight mode everyday if we have a daughter and I'll love you even more for it. I just know she'll be in good hands" you say

"You're so daddy material" you jokingly add

"Okay back up, let's not go there yet. I'm driving" he chuckles

He was quiet for a few moments, thinking about a few things he wanted to ask "Did you have a hard time? going back between your mom and dad?"

"No, they were very good parents. I was always the first priority and I knew that. You know my dad told me it's easy to find a husband but it's hard to find a father for your kids. Him and my mom might not have been a good couple but they are great parents"

"I can see that" he says with a quiet voice. He knew about your parent's separation when you were a kid. How you spent your holidays in two households, how you celebrate everything twice.

'It's double the love' you once told him.

He can see that even though you were raised in an unconventional household, it didn't stop you from having a positive outlook on love and having a family of your own. And for that, he's thankful.

When the two of you arrive at his place where you now mostly stay, he gets out first and opens the door for you. The two of you walk hand in hand towards his front door but he stops you midway

"I'm glad to hear you're happy. I promise that even if it might not be like that everyday, I'll never walk away when it isn't"

You look up at him, committing this moment to your memory "Me too"

"And I'll work even harder to be a good father"

Walking towards him, you throw your arms around his neck so now you're face to face

"I know you will be"

"I love you" he tells you because there's so much to say but that's all he can think of right now. Looking right into your eyes then down your lips then to your eyes again, he swears he's falling in love all over again. He swears he can hear his heart beating because fuck he's so so so in love with you.

It's taking every bit of his self control not to kneel down on one knee and ask for your hand in marriage right now.

You lean towards him, everything in his mind goes quiet and all he heard before you kiss him were the words "I love you, too"

[citrus-delight]

AK Awareness Masterpost | IMPORTANT

—————————————————

As many of us are aware some recent things have come to light about the creator of The Mandela Catalouge, Alex Kister, and his behavior towards those he had close connections with. A majority, if not all of them starting out as fans within the tmc community.

I would like this masterpost to serve as a guide toward all the statements that have been made so far so that they can be more easily accessed among all the noise.

Please spread this as much as you can. Reblogs are heavily appreciated.

Alex has hurt so many people during his time online and no longer deserves to have a platform. He must be held accountable.

This list was last updated 5/20/24

Support the victims.

——————————————

Ven & DB :

https://archive.org/details/warning-about-alex-kister

https://x.com/stirringjuice/status/1770604474068779263?s=46

Mitcha :

https://twitter.com/archofcorpses/status/1767609789654163814

Jeremy :

https://twitter.com/jayncrawler/status/1767667323346063719

Donut/Quinn :

https://x.com/donutqq_qwq/status/1767619637380841535?s=20

https://x.com/donutqq_qwq/status/1767683591314587648?s=20

Von:

https://x.com/hellhdd/status/1767674284158193880

Evan:

https://twitter.com/lunarjournalist/status/ 1767618487352983581

Bella :

https://x.com/spookyfilez/status/1767760756190142561?s=20

Ezekiel :

https://x.com/scaraphim_/status/1767751629523079370?s=20

Additionally:

Mel :

https://twitter.com/immelithink/status/1767639333454905443

Dei :

https://x.com/elibbro/status/1767751500653011337?s=46

Ivy :

https://x.com/vhst4p3z/status/1767694118627500167?s=46

Anonymous Victim :

https://x.com/smiles_bunny/status/1768669303035904474?s=46

———���——————————

Alex's Response:

https://docs.google.com/document/u/2/d/e/2PACX-1vQGk1kGN3LOn_zApZglMkq3cN1DKmfeCCkMwbZALxukeEyCK9eYuutpnE7945R_ezlFiT3ZYVG1iRYa/pub

Ven's Response :

https://archive.org/details/re-re_202406

[v3nusxsky]

Hi! I was wondering if you could do a fic of cock warming/bdsm. So, like, reader x larissa. R and Larissa have been in a relationship for some time and R happens to be a very bratty bottom. Well R has been very bratty to larissa all day, being sassy and sending NSFW pics to larissa and she's finally had enough. R gets pulled into Larissas office, and ends up facing a punishment. And it also happens to be the day Larissa is having a staff meeting. So she makes r sit on her lap during the meeting and cock warm her. R has to act like everything is fine during the meeting or else she's in trouble. Larissa is acting like having r on her lap cock warming her is the most natural thing in the world while during this meeting. Well, r being the bratty sub she is, starts to slowly move and grind on larissas cock, but not enough that people can see. She's clenching and griding around larissas cock and it gets to the point larissa ends the meeting early. After everyone leaves Larssia gives r the punishment she deserves.

~👋

Definitely deserved

*Authors note ~ well sometimes we all need to be pulled back into line right? No? Just me 😂 this one goes out to everyone who likes to push buttons*

Trigger warnings~ sub r, mommy Larissa, cockwarming, nudes being sent, bondage, bratty r, punishment, semi public sex?, spanking (r), oral (L), edging (r) , slight choking (r)

Prompt~ see ask^^^^

Being her house wife was everything and more. You lived a comfortable life, filled with love laughter and joy. Larissa, your wife, was the principal of Nevermore while you kept on top of the house duties and eventually would become a stay at home mother. That’s the plan. Although it’s not to say you don’t get a little bored these days. Once the chores were all done, there’s only so many times you can read the same books and watch the same shows before becoming bored. You loved Larissa’s dedication to her job, you do, but recently she’d been staying later in her office and well you missed her. Her company, her presence around the house and her touch.

You can’t help but use your free time to wrap your body in the new crimson red rope you purchased, aiming to get the tie perfect. Larissa always did love when her presents were wrapped so perfectly that it almost pained her to undo them. Almost. Larissa had no clue about your purchase due to her extended time at Nevermore recently yet you decided to get her attention the best way you knew how.

One thing about weems is she loves when you’re doing domestic duties. Something about her sweet little house wife sent her feral. You knew this. There had been many times she’s caught you washing dishes and lost the fight, ending up taking you against pretty much every surface of the kitchen she could. The time she sank to her knees as she had you spread across the kitchen island to eat you out like a starved woman or the time where she was so needy she lifted your cute little sun dress and sank into your needy cunt as her lips found their home in your neck.

After snapping a few pictures and videos you were half way through untangling the rope from your body when the memories hit you like a fright train. The perfect ideas for your collection of photos seemed to fall into place with ease. You quickly re tied the intricate tie once more, now only clad in the rope you ventured to the kitchen with the simple intention of scrubbing every crevice of the floor. A mundane task, but you figured she’d appreciate the sight. So naturally you set to work making sure to capture it.

When your name popped onto her phone screen once again she couldn’t help but smile. You always made her day brighter, the I love you texts and the ones where you detailed wanting her home with you, updating her on your day and wishing her well, they were just so cute. But today you seemed to have woken up in a particular mood, all throughout the morning she’d been gifted photos of you, snipets of what she could have if she were home. And the texts of what you wished she would do to you… it was overwhelming her in the best ways. But with this video she feared you may have actually broken her restraint.

“Pretty little house wife for mommy” was the only caption to the three minute video. You on your hands and knees in nothing but rope, perfectly on display for her, your focus on getting the floor to be sparkling was so intense you couldn’t even see your own beauty. It’s uncommon that Larissa loses control over her ability. Control is something she prides her self on. The high level of desire you provoked in the older woman caused her anatomy to shift. Something teen Larissa had many awkward encounters with. Well shit. Her lovely dress now tented at the apex of her thighs.

You weren’t expecting the sound of her ringtone as noon approached, you lay in the blankets ready for an afternoon nap. Yet you answered any time she called, desperate to hear her voice again. You couldn’t help but chuckle at the frustrated sigh the came through, a small win, only for her to command you come to Nevermore. This instant. Even bigger win. So with a small stretch, you dragged yourself from your comfortable spot to get ready to leave. It wouldn’t take you long and she knew that.

Walking to her office was a strange feeling, almost as if you were a disobedient school girl heading to detention. Upon entering the room you could instantly see the cause of her frustration as she held the door for you. You couldn’t help but smile at the way she was so affected by little old you. You allowed the shifter to guide you to her desk before seating you on her lap, effortlessly. Your hands coming to wrap around her neck as you chuckled, “happy to see me darling?”

“You have no idea what you have awoken in me sweet girl, I suggest behaving or I’ll have to punish you sweetheart. We both know how you would loathe that.” Her simple warning was temping to ignore. You’d behaved perfectly well if you didn’t say so yourself, so naturally you ground your hips down against her bulge for some friction, “I’ve been so good mommy, did you like your surprise?” You purred happily as her hands came to grip your hips effectively stilling them. “I think you can see just how much I liked it darling, don’t be such a bratty baby and help mommy out will you?”

Helping your wife out came in the form straddling her lap as she warmed her shifted cock in your tight little cunt. You couldn’t help but whimper of “mommy” at the slight stretch that occurred as you tried to accommodate the intrusion. “Shh you have to behave my love, mommy has a meeting with the alumni” she warned allowing you to get settled as her guests were due any minute. Once she was sure you were comfortable she allowed their entry and the meeting set off, no one even dared to questioned Larissa on your presence.

Lulling her into a false sense of security you decided to heed her warning, you sat ever so still just savouring the closeness to the woman, the feeling of her stuffed inside you was most definitely one of your favourites. But soon enough your interest in behaving dwindled, the meeting seeming to drag on for hours, no one having a clue what was going on behind the desk. Perhaps if they did they would all leave and you’d finally get what you crave.

It started subtly, a gentle shift feigning getting comfortable. Then progressing into slightly bolder movements as you got braver. You could feel the way your inner walls gripped her cock like a vice. Desperately needing more. Needing her to finally give in. But if you know your wife, which you do, you know she has the patience of a saint. It comes with the job requirements really but right now it would be the final barrier to jump.

To her credit, Larissa managed to make it through most of the planned material for the meeting, a few very uncharacteristically messy notes scrawled in her note pad as your greedy cunt continued to clench around her, desperately trying to drag her deeper within your core. “I, I’m dreadfully sorry but I feel rather unwell, could we reconvene at a different time?” Her voice was like silk yet left no room for arguments, the members murmured their agreements and well wishes before leaving the room. Only when the mahogany doors slammed shut, signifying that you two were finally alone did she pull you off her lap practically snarling her disapproval, “such a fucking brat.”

That was how you found yourself bent over her desk, your cheeks on full display for her. “You really can’t behave yourself can you hmm? Such a slut practically begging mommy to spank your pretty ass, you will count and thank mommy for every one.” Larissa clearly meant business by the way her slap echoed around her office, your head falling forward to the desk as you mewled in pleasure, “one mommy thank you.” The first five were delicious, the next five were starting to become saw but the last five she had to have her hand pressing into the small of your back as you desperately squirmed away from her sobbing gently as you counted the last hit, “fifteen thank you mommy.”

“All done sweet girl, what’s your colour for mommy” she murmured turning your body to face hers as she wiped your falling tears. “G-green mommy” you mumbled hoping to be given what you wanted. Mommy. Instead only being met with a smirk as her hand moved to curl around your throat, adding the right amount of pressure to be dizzying but safe. “Good then you don’t mind being a good little whore and showing mommy just how sorry you are hmm?”

You feel to your knees with a surprised gasp for air. “Want you to choke on my dick like a filthy bitch in heat” she growled making sure to weave her slender fingers through your hair as she guided your mouth to her member. Taking the swollen leaky tip into your mouth caused you to moan at the taste of yourself on her, only causing her hips to jerk forward involuntarily thrusting herself deeper into your throat than you were prepared for. “Mommys good little cock slut” she grunted as she started to find a pace. You always loved when she used you. In fact it got to you so much you were always on the edge of coming just from the act, unable to fall over the edge without her directly stimulating your throbbing clit. The way you choke and moan around her length sends her feral. And don’t even get her started on the way you go so brain dead you start to drool for her.

It didn’t take much to push the older woman over the edge, and it wasn’t long before she was rewarding you with white hot spurts of sticky cum that was shot straight down the back of your throat as you gaged around her. Only when she road the waves or her pleasure out fully did she allow you to move away, releasing her with a pop as you greedily sucked in air, all wide eyes and perfectly fuzzy for her. “Mommy” you whined, trying to rub your thighs together for some friction as she left you on your knees watching as she righted her clothing. “Fix your clothes darling, and head home I’ll join you soon. Oh, don’t even think about touching that pretty pussy of mine. Maybe this will teach you not to be such a fucking brat.”

Word count~ 1781

[pudding-parade]

It's the tutorial that no one asked for! And I blew my entire day on it, so you better appreciate it! :) No, seriously, this is as much for me as for anyone else. I don't do this process often, and when I do, I have to re-remember the steps, and sometimes I forget some of them and have to figure it out again. This will save future me from having to do that.

Even if you aren't me, if you're interested in being able to place diving lots in most any world you like and that has ocean, this will be relevant to your interests. Unfortunately, it is a sometimes fiddly process to get a working lot at the end, and I went into a lot of detail, so the tutorial is long, but please do follow it closely because if you skip a step or mess anything up, your lot will be wonky or it might not work at all, and I don't want to hear your whining. :)

Note that this is a tutorial for placing a new, empty diving lot, which is the first step in placing a downloaded diving lot or one that you yoinked from another world, but this tutorial doesn't cover how to get such lots working. This just shows you how to place an empty lot, which I'm assuming for this tutorial's purpose that you will then build/decorate yourself. Frankly, I've discovered that building your own is much easier than trying to ram square pegs into round holes, which is what placing downloaded dive lots often feels like, even if you know what you're doing. It can be as time-consuming, if not more time-consuming, to get a pre-made lot placed and working than it does to just build your own.

So, here we go.

Step 1: Pick Your Poison. Choose the world/save you'd like to plop a dive lot into, open it, and go into Edit Town. You can use any world you want, EA or custom, so long as it has accessible ocean in it. (More on that in Step 3.) I'm going to use Sunlit Tides, just because many people want to put dive lots in it yet can't always get them working.

Step 2: Cheats! You need some cheats, so open the cheat box by pressing Control+Shift+C and then enter these three:

testingcheatsenabled true buydebug on enablelotlocking on

Note that you need to enable testing cheats first because the other two aren't available otherwise.

Step 3: Placing the Lot. Go into World Editor and in the Lots submenu of it choose the lot size you want:

As far as I know, a dive lot can be any size you want from the minumum 10x10 to the maximum 64x64, any of the EA standard sizes or any custom size you might add using this mod. If you are bound and determined to try and place a downloaded/yoinked lot, then in my experience, it's best to make the new lot a little bigger than the lot you want to place, if possible, so that you have some wiggle room to get it to fit better. But, I'm assuming you're going to build your own here.

If you plan to do lots of terrain sculpting on your dive lot, bigger is better. That said, unless you're going to do something really elaborate, it doesn't have to be 64x64, the largest possible size, either. Smaller will mean that your prospective lot will fit in more places on the map. So, it's up to you. For this, I'm just going to place a 30x30 lot, because I'm not going to build/decorate it or anything.

Now, it needs to be said that not every world will be able to have diving lots. The world must have ocean, obviously, and that ocean must be routable or else sims won't be able to get to it. The ocean also has to be deep enough. Generally speaking, "deep enough" is if the water is dark blue. (Or green, or whatever color the lighting mod you use might make it.)

For instance, in Sunlit Tides here, it's pretty obvious where the deeper water is:

But you know what? I'm going to place a dive lot in some of the shallower water, anyway, because I/you actually can, within reason. And if you're interested in doing this in Sunlit Tides, I'll warn you that the deep spot in the pic above has a very uneven bottom. It's really not a good place to put a dive lot. And I'm not sure what the deep water on the outskirts of the map is like, but the good news is that much of the deeper and flat-bottomed shallows, as I've noted, work well.

So: With your chosen lot size selected, move your cursor around in the ocean where it seems to you that the water is "deep enough" until you come to a spot you like and where the lot grid is green. If the grid is never green, then the ocean likely isn't routable at all and you won't be able to place diving lots in that world. I have never run into that, myself, but I also haven't done this all that often, so it's certainly possible. Anyway, I'm picking here:

My advice would be to not make your lot too far off-shore even if you can do so, or else it will take sims a long time to get to it. Especially merfolk, because they always swim out to dive lots rather than take a water taxi, and they swim much more slowly than a water taxi moves. Once you find your spot, go ahead and place the lot. Doing so will create a square island, not a sunken lot. That's fine. We'll fix it in a moment.

Step 4: Change the Lot Type. Click the lot's icon and change the lot type to community and then choose "Diving Area" as the subtype:

Note that this option will only show if you've enabled lot locking. So if you didn't enter that cheat up in Step 2 or if you entered it incorrectly, rectify that situation now so that you can set the lot type.

Step 5: Sinking the Lot Enter the lot and flatten it with this tool in build mode:

This will submerge the lot so that it's level with the sea floor rather than being an island. You can now move the camera down under the water and have a look at your potential diving area, like so:

In particular, check the edges of the lot to see if there are any huge drop-offs or other great differences between the level of your lot and the surrounding terrain. Whether or not this will happen is world-dependent. Some worlds have very uneven/jagged underwater areas, which is what will make you end up with drop-offs, while others, like Sunlit Tides here, are (mostly) pretty flat.

You can see in the above pic that this lot is a little sunken along two of its sides. That's fine; that small amount of difference can easily be smoothed out with the terrain sculpting tools. If there are steep drop-offs or upward slopes, you can sculpt the lot to try to blend it with its surroundings, but be advised that 1) Interactable objects like dive caves can't be placed on uneven terrain and still be usable and 2) If you end up really deep down, the camera goes wonky and it's frustrating-to-impossible to build or play the lot. So, if you've got a huge drop-off and/or a steep upward slope on one or more of the edges of your lot, I'd recommend just trying a different spot. But, it's up to you. If you feel you can work with the uneven edges in some way, have at it. You are braver than me.

Step 6: Save that MFer. Once you have a lot you're satisfied with, this is a good time to save. So, go back to Edit Town and do that.

I recommend saving often during this entire process because, I don't know about your game, but sometimes mine will "hang" or even crash when moving between Edit Town and Build/Buy, especially if I do it a lot. And with this process, you will be doing it a lot, not to mention exiting out to the main menu and then going back into the save a few times. Since getting a dive lot placed can be a fiddly business, it sucks to lose a lot of progress to a hang/crash. So, in my opinion, you can't save too often, but in this tute I'll only prompt you to do it when you must.

Step 7: Exit Stage Right Remember long ago in the last step how I said you'll be exiting to the main menu a few times? Yeah, the first time is now. You do this because, for whatever reason, the game doesn't register changes made to the "structure" of dive lots without exiting and re-entering the save. So do that. Once it's reloaded go back into Edit Town and then back into the new diving lot. Because now it's time to place a dive buoy.

Step 8: Deploy Buoy The dive buoy is located in the debug items, so if you haven't turned on access to that yet, do so now. Then, go into the buy menu, sort it "by function," not the default "by room," and you should see this question mark here:

Click that, and then I recommend that you go to the filters on the right-hand side of the menu and choose just Island Paradise objects. Because you'll be going into the "Misc. Objects" tab and, especially if you have all EPs/SPs, there's a crap-ton of objects in there to sort through. So, filter, then choose the "Misc. Objects" tab, and you'll see this much-more-manageable selection:

Choose the dive buoy, as indicated, and place it anywhere on your dive lot. It doesn't matter where because (spoiler alert) this one's going to be deleted, anyway.

Step 9: Ogle That Shapely Buoy Once your buoy is placed, move your camera down to the ocean surface and have a closer look at it. Like so:

See how the ball part of it is just sitting on the surface of the ocean? That's bad. If you were to leave it like that, you'd have sims (and sharks, if you place a surface shark spawner) swimming/snorkeling in the air, if the lot would work at all. But don't panic! We can fix it. We just need to shift the entire lot down a l'il bit, so let's do it!

Step 10: Copy the Lot to the Library Go back out to Edit Town. Check to make sure that your lot designation is still "Diving Area." (Because during this process, it will sometimes change.) Then, save the lot to your library. The game will give you a warning about cancelling all sim interactions or something. That's fine. Just put a copy of the lot in the library. The thumbnail in the community lot catalog will look like a blue square.

Why are you doing this, you ask? Because now you're going to bulldoze the original. Why? Because we need to move the entire lot down a little bit, and you can only do that by placing a fresh copy of the lot. And you may need to do this several times until you get it at the right depth, so having a copy of the lot in your library is necessary. You can delete it out of the library once you've got your dive lot in the right place, if you want.

Step 11: I'm a Steamroller, Baby Once you've got a copy of the lot safely in your library, bulldoze the original lot you placed. Once bulldozed, the game will change the lot designation back to "No Visitors Allowed," so you'll need to change it back to "Diving Area."

Step 12: Go Down on That Lot To move the lot down when it's placed, you need this cheat activated:

setimportedterrainoffset -0.1

The value at the end can be whatever you want, as many decimal places as you want. A positive number will move the lot up, and a negative number will move it down. (You can use a larger negative number to make deeper a lot that's too shallow, and it can also be helpful if you're intending to try to place a downloaded diving lot on this lot so that it might better match the depth of the water in whatever world it came out of, but this won't always have the effect you want. For one, your lot will be down in a hole.) For the purposes of this tute, all I need to do is move the lot down a teeny bit so that the dive buoy on the lot is sitting IN and not ON the surface of the water. Hence, the -0.1 value.

(Now, I should mention that other tutes I've seen will have you just lower the terrain right under the buoy to sink it a little bit rather than doing this bulldoze-and-replace-with-a-whole-lowered-lot thing I do. This method can work, but I don't like it for various reasons that I won't go into for brevity's sake. I'm just telling you what I do, which has worked every time I've placed a dive lot, including shallow-water ones like this one.)

Step 13: Re-Placing the Lot Go into your library and place your saved lot back where it was. DO NOT ROTATE IT or else things will get screwed up. (Namely, your lot will become an island again and resinking it won't really work.) Just click "Accept." And then check its lot designation and change it to "Diving Area" again, if necessary, which it probably will be because stupid game.

Step 14: Ogle that Shapely Buoy 2, Electric Boogaloo Now, enter build mode and move the camera down to the ocean surface again to check the dive buoy. Ideally, it will now be sitting IN, not ON, the water, like so:

If it's still sitting on the surface, the lot needs to be deeper and therefore moved down farther, so go back to Edit Town, bulldoze the lot again, change the value of the imported terrain offset cheat to a larger negative number (Perhaps -0.5) and try again. Be aware that, as I said, once you get to larger numbers (as in greater than -5 or so) you start ending up with your diving lot down in a hole, which may or may not be workable.

Now, there is a marker on the buoy, the little black rectangle I outlined in the pic above. If the ball part of the buoy is at least partly in the water but that marker is still above the water, as in the above pic, the lot will still work, but there will be a "hop" (and sometimes a pause) when a water taxi or a swimming merperson crosses the boundary of the lot. The higher the marker is above the water line, the larger that "hop" will be. (Because, if you haven't figured it out yet, the dive buoy is what tells the game where sims can swim, vertically, on a dive lot.)

If such a hop doesn't bother you, you can leave the buoy as-is. If you're a perfectionist like me, you go back to Edit Town, bulldoze the lot, and change the value of the terrain offset cheat to try again. Do this as often and with as many decimal places as your level of perfectionism demands. :) I'm not that fussy, so I usually just move the lot down in increments of 0.1 until the marker is at or below the water line but the ball of the buoy is not completely underwater because you don't want the ball completely underwater, either. At least some of it needs to be above water. So, fiddle as much or as little as you feel you need to.

(For reference/scale, the gap between the marker and the water line in the above pic would probably be fixed by an offset of about -0.15 instead of -0.1. But it would also be fine as-is unless a little hop at the lot boundary will bother you.)

Step 15: Bye-Bye Buoy! Once you have the lot so that the buoy is where you want it, DELETE THE BUOY. I repeat: DELETE THE BUOY. Yes, DELETE THE BUOY. For whatever reason, dive lots drawn from your library that contain buoys won't work. I don't know why. They just don't. You need to place a fresh buoy. (I'm pretty sure this is why lots of people can't get downloaded dive lots or lots that they pulled from other worlds to work. Sometimes the answer is simply to delete the buoy, if the lot came with one, and place a fresh one.)

Step 16: Exit Stage Left Once you have DELETED THE BUOY and only once you have DELETED THE BUOY, go back to Edit Town, check to make sure the lot is still designated as a diving area (and change it back if necessary) and save. Why? Because now you need to exit to the main menu and reload the save again. So do that.

Step 17: Fresh Meat Buoy! Once the save is reloaded, go back into Edit Town, and check to make sure the dive lot is still designated as one. Redesignate, if necessary. Then, go into build/buy and place a fresh buoy, just as you did before. This one will be staying permanently, so place it where you actually want it to be. (Which really doesn't matter; aside from defining the vertical space of the diving lot, it just designates where your sim "enters" the lot.) If you want the lot to generate sharks on the surface, you can also place surface shark spawners now, too, as few or as many as you want, and because you have properly adjusted the height of the lot, the spawned sharks will not be swimming in the air. The spawners are also in debug mode, under the fish spawners. (There is also a spawner for underwater sharks. Do not put that one on the surface. Make sure you only put surface shark spawners on the surface.)

Step 18: Set the Lot's Skill Level You set the required skill level for the diving lot by going to buy mode (if you left it), making sure the hand tool is active, and then holding down control and shift while clicking on the dive buoy. Choose the option "Set Required Diving Level…" from the menu that comes up:

…and then from the resulting options under that choose a NON-ZERO number. For some bizarro reason, buoys default to level zero when placed, and a diving lot set to skill level zero is inaccessible even if a sim has level 10 scuba skill. (Good move, EA! Why is zero even an option if it doesn't work??) So, pick whatever skill level you'd like, so long as it ISN'T ZERO. (I suspect that this is another reason why people can't get downloaded dive lots that they place in a world to work.) Once you have the skill level set, go back to Edit Town and save.

Step 19: Test And now you're pretty much done. All that's left is to test the thing to make sure the lot works before you bother with building/decorating it. So, return to the game and send a victim to your new, empty lot and see if they successfully arrive (with or without a "hop" at the lot boundary) and successfully get themselves underwater. (My advice, for testing purposes, is to just give the sim you pick enough diving skill to use the lot. This can be done with NRAAS Master Controller.) Don't bother with doing anything further with the lot until you make sure it works.

Here is evidence that my lot, though shallow, works:

If your lot doesn't work, then something went wrong somewhere. Most likely, you missed a step or did a step wrong. I know there are a lot of words here, but they're all necessary to (more or less) guarantee a working lot in the end. So, try again. It's possible that you will have to pick a different location and start over, but I've been able to get a lot working wherever I've placed one, so long as it was in deep-enough routable ocean.

Step 20: PROFIT! Assuming that your lot works, "all" that's left is to build it! :D I'm not going to go into detail about that. It's all up to you. You can sculpt the terrain, paint it with whatever terrain paints you want, place objects, whatever. If you're in shallower water, any objects you place that are tall enough to stick out of the water will just be chopped off at the water line; you won't be able to see the rest above water. The corals and stuff are in debug mode under "Underwater Objects," but if you don't want the tropical look, so long as you have moveobjects turned on, you can place (almost) any object you want down there, aside from things like walls and fences and other build items that can't be drawn underwater. Rocks, plants, trees, columns, and anything from the buy and debug catalogs are all good. If such an object has a function, sims won't be able to use them, though. They'll just become deco. (So, no underwater basketweaving sculpting. Sorry.) So, go to town. Have fun. For this tute, I'll just mention a couple objects and their settings and we'll finally be done.

Miscellaneous Objects:

First, treasure chests. Like the dive buoy, they're located in the "Misc. Objects" of debug mode. There are two versions, one for land and one for water. Obviously, on a diving lot, you want the water one if you want any at all. If you do want to use them on your lot, place down as many as you want, and then set the diving skill level necessary to open each one and designate the treasure each one will hold. You do both by holding down control and shift while in buy mode with the hand tool active and clicking on a chest, just like setting the skill level of the lot on the buoy. This brings up this menu:

The "Assign Treasure" option gives you eight different treasures for the chest. You simply pick the one you want. The "Set Required Skill Level" option allows you to assign the diving skill necessary to open the selected chest. You can choose any number you like from 0 to 10. (Yes, zero is OK for this purpose, even though no one with zero skill can scuba dive, so…Yay EA.)

Then there's the dive caves. I think they are in the "Underwater Objects" section of the debug catalog; I'm not sure because a mod I use moves them to the regular rock section. Anyway, there are two styles, which you're probably familiar with, but they both function the same way. If you have more than one of them in the world, even if they're all on the same lot, your sims can travel between them, much like a subway. Unfortunately, I can't show you how to set this up because that mod I use to move the caves to the rock section also makes them recolorable, but it breaks setting up this functionality and I don't feel like hunting the mod down and taking it out. But it's pretty easy. You Control-Shift-Click on each one, give them a name, and then you can connect them by using the names you give them. Again, it works much like subways. It's pretty self-explanatory.

Finally, there's the fog emitter. If you're unfamiliar with this object, it's a base game object located in the "Misc. Objects" section of the debug catalog. The thumbnail in the catalog looks like this:

And it looks like this when it's placed:

They can be used on any lot, they disappear in live mode, and they can generate not just fog but many, many different effects. Literally thousands of different effects. You place the emitter where you want, and then control-shift-click on it and choose "Set Visual Effect" from the resulting menu:

When you click on it, you get this:

In that window, you type/paste the code for the effect you want. Of course, you will need to know the code for the effect you want. For your convenience, I've uploaded my list of effect codes, which is complete and includes the codes from all EPs, here. It's just a text file, and the codes are in alphabetical order. Since the list is all-EPs, some of them may not work if you don't have the EP the effect comes from, but if that's the case, then any such code you enter simply won't do anything.

The most relevant effects for a diving lot all start with "ep10," but there are others you could possibly use, too. Some of the names of the codes are more helpful than others in terms of knowing what it will do. Generally, you need to experiment. But, you can add schools of fish, single (but non-catchable) fish of all kinds (if you want catchable fish to spawn, you need to use the spawners, not the fog emitter), sharks (non-interactable), light rays, bubbles, glows, fog, all sorts of things, if you're patient enough to go through the list, look for interesting possibilities, and try them out to see if they will work for you. There are whole tutorials dedicated to the object, if you look for them. There's also a mod that makes them shiftable, which can be very useful, here.

One final suggestion: If you go through this process in a world that you know or even just suspect that you'll want to use again and you'll want the dive lot(s) you made in that future save, for the love of pie keep a copy of this save file somewhere. That way you won't have to go through all this crap again. Because even if you save a copy of your finished lot, unless you manage to place the empty initial lot in the new save in the exact spot you placed it when you built the lot, it's not likely to be quite right. So beware.

And with that, I think we're done here. If anyone has any questions, or if you decide to try to make your own diving lot and have questions along the way, feel free to hit me up and I'll do my best to help. Just keep in mind that I'm not an expert by any means.

[sits-bound]

Bound: The complete lyrics of Taylor Swift

I sure hope my niece isn't on tumblr…

She is turning 17 this month, and while I know she reads fic, I don't know if she'd really appreciate a bound copy of Crimson Rivers. I do know she loves Taylor Swift, though. I've seen plenty of lyric books floating around that people have bound, so I thought this would be a fun idea. (Bonus: it's another book I can show friends and family!)

However, not being a Swiftie myself (I think she's a lovely and talented woman, I have nothing against her, I have several of her songs on exercise playlists, but my taste runs more to 90s britpop) I had a lot of questions.

Do I include all of her lyrics? From all the way back?

What's up with these "from the vault" songs? Do I include them?

What's the deal with the re-releases?

Do I include Christmas songs?

Why on earth did she have to write SO MANY SONGS?

Fortunately, I have friends who were able to answer these questions for me.

Yes, all the way back

Yes, include them

I don't know, but there's a new album cover for them

No (a completely arbitrary decision, but related to the next point)

This book could have been over 500 pages. I was trying to reduce the page count as much as I could without sacrificing readability or content. But as it is, it's 462 pages and a few more would have been fine, but what's done is done. Anyway, as to why she is so prolific, I have no idea, but I am impressed.

Thank GOD I found a google doc on reddit with all of the lyrics. I think if I'd had to copy and paste from somewhere, my niece would be getting a copy of Crimson Rivers instead.

The cover was foiled with my Silhouette, and I was so pleased with how it came out. I used this tutorial on Instagram for my settings. But I couldn't do that with the spine, because lining it up would have been impossible. So I stenciled that on. And a friend advised me to use the cat charms on the ribbon.

Details: Bookcloth: Brillianta in this gorgeous pink Title on cover and spine: Beloved Sans and Beloved Script Body text: Adobe Garamond Pro

[ganondoodle]

watching a video of someone playing an older game (not even THAT old) and constantly having to hear them go 'omg can you imagine how much more pretty and good this would be if it ran at 60+ fps with highest end graphics of the current modern games and in 4k???' over and over while also commenting on some graphics looking slightly muddy and how ugly and shitty 30 fps is

and i just cant help but get incredibly annoyed at that, cant you just appreciate the game for what it is?? the constant focus on smoother everything and graphics so detailed it looks faker than the real world is such a limited view on games- more polygons and higher res textures doesnt equal better ffs

i, and i might out myself with an unpoluar opinion here, but remakes are in my opinion often rather unecessary, just rerelease the old game, just make it avaible for people, officially, you dont have to reprogramm the entire thing!! maybe upscale it a little so it doesnt get stretched into a blurry mess if possible but even that i will work with no problem!! there are cases where its pretty much an entirely different game (FF7?) and i get seeing one of your fav old games get some new paint can be really cool, not arguing against that- what i dont like is that those remakes replace the original as that isnt made avaible, only the new version- like i wish i could play windwaker on my switch, but i cant stand the "HD" remake of it and i know if it ever were to get ported it will only be that version like the original doesnt exist anymore and my earlier point that many people consider more fps, more polygons, more resolution as automatically better

i dont need games to be running at 60+ fps, 30 is enough, sure id like it to run smoothly on that without huge drops, but when its stable 30, why would i need more? more often than not i prefer simplified graphics bc they often focus on the most important parts of what they are trying to achieve or work with an interesting style to compensate and i LOVE THAT, also id like to not have to download 100+ GB even when i would turn it on its lowest settings anyway, save me the space- and that is if i even got hardware that can run it at all, my computer struggles with slime rancher and i dont have the funds to buy the newest consoles nor computers

im not against remakes per se, but the fact that the old will more often than not disappear entirely and remain unavaible forever and that higher end graphics are automatically seen as better drives me nuts

[frownyalfred]

i LOVED the new eye in the sky chap! of course, you have the soul-crushing rage-inducing angst pile on bruce's end, but i also really appreciated the duke-hal moment; he's so level-headed about the situation that you don't really build up too much stress over him, but then you brought in a different kind of heartbreak with the realization that he's been in this position enough times to know that the least provoking thing he can do is to do nothing at all.

and the FUTURESPEAKING jesus CHRIST — it’s a different type, but your time manipulation fuckery is almost equally as hard to wrap your head around as the stuff in tenet (the nolan movie), it's genuinely so impressive. (sorry, i'm just gonna run my mouth here for a minute, but the idea really caught me and now i Have to share all my thoughts just to get them out of my brain, though i hope that you'll be generous enough to weigh in as well😅) i'd imagine that there's actually relatively very few people, in-universe, who can do this so that duke hears it correctly, because you have to be able to focus your mind and put enough intent into the idea that you're about to say something that it "registers" as the imminent future—which means that you have to, at the same time, be completely repressing your knowledge that you're NOT going to actually vocalize whatever it is, because that intention would obviously counteract the first. and THEN, to make what's already quite a tough mental exercise even more impressive, bruce is: thinking of a futurespeak-response, putting enough focus/intent behind it for that future to crystallize (and again, it's a double-headed task, because of the repression required as well), and then cutting that off in order to think of and say something completely different, *all in about just the same amount of time a normal person would take to respond naturally in a conversation.* (also, slightly less mind-boggling but still quite impressive to me and i want to give him his props: duke, in that last bit at the end at least, is maintaining both his awareness in the present and the mental effort of using his powers to see the future, in order to hear the exact same voice say two different things at the same time, and is able to not only maintain the background effort needed to hear both things, but is taking in enough detail to see/hear/notice "both" bruces' tone and body language. ...i mean, maybe that's not so impressive to people without auditory processing issues lmao, but as someone who's constantly asking people to repeat themselves, or really having to focus on the sounds when somebody's speaking to me, even in one-on-one conversations, it certainly impressed me!)

anyways, yeah, this just inspired a lot of interesting trains of thought for me and i wanted to share lol. your fics are always such great reads, can't wait for your next update! Hope you're well💜

Thank you so much!!!! You absolutely nailed what I was trying to get at with Duke’s powers. I really didn’t want over explain it and have people roll their eyes, but I also didn’t want to leave readers mystified as to what he was doing.

Duke and Bruce are supremely well matched in this fic for that reason among many others — Bruce has a freaky brain and understands time/intention well enough to be able to think, speak, and re-speak that quickly.

He can compartmentalize like no one else. I am not obviously that smart, but the way I thought about it was playing competing melodies on the piano with two different hands - once you find the rhythm, the way they work off each other, you can maintain both easily. Where they gap, where they overlap, where they compete for your attention.

Duke is good at glimpsing a few seconds forward/back but definitely not for long periods. Like Bruce said, he’s going to need help to train that and avoid burning himself out! Luckily he’s just listening and not double speaking like Bruce is.

Someone on ao3 left me this in the comment section and they’re so right lol:

I feel bad for Hal, just a little, just like Duke does. He was tortured by Kal essentially, and where he does want to hurt Bruce (a lot) there are still some lines he won’t cross. I don’t know if that makes him redeemable or just not entirely beyond redemption. I think Bruce seems to know this too — teasing him with that moral code he used to hold so tightly to.

It was definitely a fun space to play around in! Writing this fic is difficult for me (agh worldbuilding) but whenever I try I’m pleasantly surprised by how much fun I have. Thank you so much for reading!!

[scarletwinterxx]

as long as stars are above you and longer if I can - chwe hansol imagine

hellooo ~ so this was requested and tbh I was also in my vernon brain rot week so here we are😅😅🥺🥺 hope you like it!

if anyone want to be mutuals on X, i'm using the same un there😊

for my other svt fics, check them here

if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

Hansol, as many already know, is a man of very few words. He hates useless facts, always talks straight to the point and will only speak when asked. He's the perfect person to spill your secrets to because he'll never talk to anyone else about it.

As a lover, he has his own way to show his feelings for. He loves you in his own ways, he's a savant when it comes to you. You always say he spends that much time being quiet because he's too busy reading your mind

"Admit it, you're a mind reader" you jokingly accuse him

When it comes to you, he'll laugh at the silly little facts. You're his exception.

"Just with you, darling"

You don't even have to say anything, he already knows what you need. He would always know what to say, when to say it, how to say it. He just always knows.

"Sol?" Even in a room full of people and loud noises all around, he heard you. In a flash you have his undivided attention. His conversation with his bestfriends forgotten but they're already used to it. His eyes speaks for him whenever you're around.

"Mhm? You cold, darling?" he asks, already shrugging his jacket off to put it on you. Once you're all bundled up, he takes your hands and blows warm air on it. All you had to do was say his name and he does the rest.

You're hungry? he'll order food for you, doesn't matter if he's with you or not. Your address is registered on his phone, ready to send food deliveries whenever you need or want it.

You coming home late? He'll pick you up or on the rare times he can't, he'll book the taxi himself so he'll know all the details and monitors the trip until he's sure you safely made it home.

You mention your favorite snacks to him? he stocked up on it at home, always making sure to never run out of your favorites.

You need cuddles? he'll be there no matter what time of the day, ready to dot on you and smother you with his love.

He got you all memorized, down to the little details you might not even know about yourself. Like how you always put sanitizer on your hands after touching anything because you hate it smelling like anything else, so he now carries one with him wherever he goes. Or how you pick on your thumb when you're nervous, so when notices this he holds your hand and draw random patterns on your skin to distract you. He even got you a bracelet you can fidget on when he's not around to hold your hand.

Or the fact that you always put your hand inside his pockets, his jackets or jeans or whatever it is. You don't even notice it, you just always do it. So he lets you be.

He loves you so loud, you don't even need words to know. But still, he tells you.

In those vulnerable moments you see all of him, all the emotions he keeps away from everyone else but bares all of it to you.

"Hey, I love you"

You were caught off guard by his sudden declaration of love but it makes you smile nonetheless.

"Suddenly?" you chuckle, you were just cooking ramen as midnight snack and he's here to spend the night with you after having a Harry Potter marathon.

"Where's my I love you too?" he's standing beside you, bumping his shoulder against yours and his head against your own. Like a cat.

"You're cute you know that?" you chuckle, standing on your tiptoe to bump your nose against his "I love you, too"

Then the of you continue on what you're doing.

That's how it's like loving Hansol, he shows he loves, tells you he loves, makes you feel he loves you every second you're with him. Even in silence, his love screams so loud you'll never forget it.

[commander-rahrah]

Talking to the Moon: Part IX

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader Word Count: ~2570 Warnings: some borrowed in game dialogue, no use of y/n, canonical warnings apply!

archiveofourown: here

masterlist: here

part I: here part II: here part III: here part IV: here part V: here part VI: here VII: here VIII: here

Summary: Set in the end stages of Act III. The party faces it's biggest threat, yet Astarion can't help but worry about his future with you.

Notes: Hi folks ♡ What a hiatus! But I'm now officially married and loving life with my partner and doggos! This chapter is a bit shorter, but I didn't want to get too nitty gritty with details of the last fights leading up to the netherbrain (cause there is too many scenarios/decisions about who you bring and side with etc. etc.) and also because that's not really what this fic is about so... lol. I just wanted to add in little Astarion POVs and twists here and there for wrapping up the main game/known content so then I can get into the custom/headcannony stuff for the end! I would say there is probably 2 chapters of this left where I can wrap up this little story and give these two little heroes a happily ever after!

Thank you so much for reading! As always, kudos and comments are very very appreciated ♡♡♡

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Astarion’s red eyes couldn’t help but always go to you — visions dancing in them as he envisioned his future life with you.

Like when the group was in Lady Jannith’s house a week ago — ghosts and possessed furniture aside — all he could do was imagine the grand home was both of yours. Lounging on the settee with his head on your lap. Reading a book on one of the high backed chairs in the study. Ravishing you on the large, luxurious four poster bed. In the tub. On the balcony.

He thought his desire for you would be a slow build, a steady incline like the last few months had been. As you had slowly re-wired his mind and soul with your patient, gentle touches. As you showed him what it was supposed to feel like. At first it had been casual touches, then slightly more intimate gentle caresses. Then you kissed him again — gods, he still thought about that kiss on those crumpling ramparts. Then it was more than just his lips you put your mouth on, spreading kisses over parts of him that he had never thought of in that way. And it was like his body was set on fire in a whole different way.

But when you both reached that precipice and jumped off that cliff — when he finally got to have you, again, he was ruined.

You had ruined him. He felt like he could never have enough. Gods, he loved you. And you loved him. You repeated it, continuously to him — the words uttered so often to him that they were beginning to sound like a prayer. You loved him. You said you would love him for the rest of your life.

Your whole life… Just a fraction of his.

You would love him for the rest of your life.

And then he would miss you for all of his.

Save of him suddenly finding a cure for vampirism or you being turned immortal he would lose you one day. A thought that rattled the vampire to the core. Astarion had tried to broach the topic, but you kept brushing it off. To be fair, the entire group was constantly dealing with the looming threat of total annihilation thanks to the Netherbrain — but he couldn’t help but worry. You had finally given him something to hope for, a future to look forward to. Pardon him for being concerned it would be cut prematurely short.

Such worries were flooding through him now, his pale fingers trembling as he looked around the ominous cave. It was dank and dark. It smelled absolutely disgusting, and his boots were wet from having to swim to shore. Yet his red eyes could not stray from you for long, not even as you checked on your friends, grabbing their shoulders and giving them determined nods. He had to force the lump in his throat down into nothing just to keep it together.

He needed to be strong. You needed him to be strong. The vampire needed to put his fears of what the expiration date of "forever" would be for him and his mortal love — if only for long enough to stop the chaos of the Absolute once and for all. No instead he would focus on what he will do once you all won. The celebrations and adventures still to be had. The touches to share, expensive wine to drink and stories to whisper.

His thoughts steadied as you approached, though the smallest line in between your brows caused him worry. "You always pick the most romantic spots." He teased, grabbing onto your waist as you sidled up next to him.

You raised a brow, a smirk tugging on the corners of your lips, "Says the man who brought me to a cemetery."

He barked out a laugh, "Touché."

Your laugh didn't quite reach your eyes, which were instead darting around the cavern nervously.

"Darling," Astarion grabbed onto your chin tenderly, forcing you to look at him. His red eyes flickered back and forth over your features before he finally spoke, "There is no limit to what I would do for you. For us." Your bottom lip trembled at his declaration, silver lining the bottom of your eyes for a moment. "I waited centuries for you. Nothing will stop me from being yours. Not time, or vampire master, or a monstrosity of a brain." His pale thumb brushed the tears away from your eyes, and his lashes blinked his own away, "I love you, my moon."

"I love you, Astarion." You whispered shakily.

He placed his cold lips on yours, more softly than he had ever done before. So soft and tender that he didn’t even realize he was capable of it. Both of his hands cupped the sides of your face, using the momentum to pull your chest flush against his as he deepened his kiss. Before you could react, he pulled away though, letting out a husky breath. "We better survive this. Because I never want to stop doing that."

You blinked yourself out of the stupor he had put you in, looking up at him with shining eyes. "We will."

"Get a room lovebirds!" Karlach's teasing voice echoed from behind. "We gotta brain to kill."

The rest of the group had soft smiles on their face as they looked over you both, before stepping forward with determined nods. 

You straightened your shoulders, standing at full height as you looked over your shoulder to the ominous path ahead, though your fingers still stayed twined in Astarion's. "Shall we then?"

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Gods, were you strong.

Stronger than him undoubtedly — even with his spawn nature and physique.

The concentration in your brow and lip as you held the golden sphere around the group, your hands never faltering as mind flayers and spells and a dragon were hurled at you. Yet your powerful magic kept them all safe, shielded and protected by your will.

The unwavering focus in your eyes as you faced the monstrosity of the Netherbrain. Astarion’s knees had trembled and his dagger would have fallen through the sky if it wasn’t for the enchantment tying it to his palm. But you didn’t falter — though he wasn’t sure if you took a breath the entire time.

Your quick nerve as you and Gale formulated a plan together— the group falling head over heels through the air as you all hurled from the falling Netherbrain and nearing the water below. Your hands steady as they mimicked the wizard’s, casting the spell that defied gravity at the perfect moment.

The conviction in your voice as you said goodbye to some friends — but convinced others to save themselves. Sending Karlach and Wyll off together, bidding Lae’zel farewell for now. Convincing Gale that he himself, as he was, is good and pure and right.

The strength of your mind as you yet again concentrated on a spell — covering you both in magical darkness as Astarion had to flee the sun. The strength of your arms wrapped around his torso as he cried into your chest — already grieving the feeling of the warm light and the new life he had found in it. The strength of your love for him — whispering to him that he would be alright, that it was okay — huddled together in the forgotten alley until with your spell and your soothing voice you were able to coax him from his hiding spot.

Your strength to be vulnerable — to let the mask fall once you, Astarion and Gale were alone. Looking at the empty chairs at the tavern table that once held your friends — now all spread across to different planes of existence in a matter of moments. Your tired, sad smile as you and Gale gave each other comforting hugs, whispering your pride to the other after all of the anguish and turmoil had settled. 

How easily your fingers laced through Astarion’s cool, pale fingers as he dragged you away upstairs to finally be alone. Behind the wooden door, both your masks fully dropped as you embraced each other tightly, faces pressed into each other's necks. “It’s… over. Truly over.” You muttered into his skin, your warm lips eliciting goosebumps on the sensitive skin. 

"Ha," A half-hearted chuckle escaped him, shaking you both slightly. In this moment, it truly sunk in. You were here, you were both here. No tadpoles or mindflayers. No vampire masters or ascendancy to haunt you. You were both yourselves, safe and whole. "It is."

You pulled away to look at him, your eyebrows knitted together, "I thought I would feel more-"

"Relieved?" He finished for you. 

"Yes. I am but... I almost feel more unsettled now than ever before. I can't stop thinking about our friends, our city, the children..."

He grabbed your shoulders tenderly, giving them a squeeze, "No one expects you to have an answer for those things. You've done so much already." 

You flushed, looking down between the two of you. "We have. All of us."

But he lifted your chin with a curled finger, raising your gaze to look back up at him, "Don't sell yourself short. No one would have made it this far without you, my moon. I know I wouldn't have." 

You only sniffled as you blinked away the silver tears that were trying to fall from your eyes. 

"Now, I think the bare minimum the hero of Baldur's Gate deserves is a good night's sleep. Don't you think?"

"Ugh, I feel like I could sleep for a century actually."

"While I don't think I want to part with you for that long, I surely understand the sentiment." He winked, before leading you over to the soft bed in the center of the room. "Sit."

You silently obeyed him, watching him as he kneeled to gracefully untie the laces of your boots before sliding them off. As he worked on helping you change, he could practically see the gears whirling in your head. So he shook his head softly as you finally opened your mouth to speak, "Rest, my love. We can talk about the rest later." 

You nodded in agreement, before reaching across to the other side of the soft mattress and patting it, "Will you lay with me?"

"As long as you will have me."  

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You had hoped for a dreamless night — you had even done a half hearted prayer to Selûne as your head hit the pillow that your mind would find peace after the insanity of the day.

And by her grace or pure luck — or perhaps it truly was from the exhaustion of these past few weeks — you slept. Your mind was clear, and quiet for the first time in months. No dreams, nightmares or visions had come to plague you either. 

As you slowly woke up, you lavished in the sensation of the mattress enveloping you, the soft blankets covering your body. The sensation of Astarion's weight and presence next to you made your heart flutter and stomach warm. When you finally cracked an eyelid open, you found that the vampire's red eyes were already trained on you. He was laying on his side, his head perched on his hand braced on the pillow. His lips quirked up as he realized he had been caught staring.

“Hello, darling.” He whispered affectionately, reaching out to move a stray hair from your face. 

You smiled at the tender touch, before looking around the room quickly. You couldn't tell what time it was — courtesy of both of you 'sunproofing' the room before heading to bed. You suddenly realized the hours you would keep would become very different — not that it bothered you. “Did you sleep at all?”

“Hmm, barely. I thought after everything I would and yet… too much on my mind I suppose.”

"I seem to remember someone giving very specific instructions to get a good night's sleep. Did that not apply to you, starry?" You said with a smirk, stretching your limbs above your head lazily. 

His eyes followed your movements, his lips parting slightly before he spoke again. “I was just thinking of freedom.” He shuffled slightly closer on the bed, “How we're free of the parasite. I'm free of Cazador. How I’ll never be in someone’s power again. And all it cost… was my life in the sun. Now I belong to the shadows. And I can't help but think... now what?" 

Your lips pulled into a sad smile, shifting closer to him as well, “If it’s what you desire, I will help you find a way to walk in the sun again.”

His red eyes went round, “I— do you think it’s possible?”

“I think the last few months have proven that anything is possible.”

A chuckle bubbled out of him, “I guess you’re right. And even if there’s a small chance… plus, it would mean we setting off on another adventure together." He said fondly, before looking back over at you. "Is that what you want? Is this what you want? I would understand if you wanted to go your own way…”

You pressed your fingers to his pink lips, halting his thoughts spiralling down. “This is my own way. With you. Have I not made that clear before Astarion Ancunin?" 

He kissed the pads of your fingertips, before drawing them down to hold to his bare chest. “Good. Because as selfless as I am, I really didn’t want to let you go." He said cheekily, nuzzling closer into you. "We are rather excellent together you know."

"And united there is nothing we can’t do." You said confidently. 

He arched a white brow, "Even making a vampire walk in the sun?" 

"Even that. Though it may not be an exciting adventure at first, it may take some hours in a library completing research first." 

"Ugh, I was hoping you wouldn't say that." He said dramatically, rolling out of your arms to sprawl across the soft mattress. 

You chuckled at him until the sound of a heavy thud outside your door made you both whip your heads forward. With a furrowed brow, you slipped out of the bed and cautiously approached the door. 

It opened with a creak, though no one greeted you on the other side. Looking down, you found several tomes and volumes of books in a neat pile on the floor. Bending low you scooped them up and carried the large stack into the room.

"What in the heavens are those?" Astarion questioned, flopping onto his stomach on the bed as he watched you cross the room. 

You placed them down on the little wooden table next to the bed, before running a finger down the spines with a smile. A Book of Light & Darkness, Curse with Vigor: Casting & Undoing, The Magic of Freedom... 

A folded piece of parchment was placed in between the first two books. Grabbing it, you opened it and instantly recognized the curling cursive inside. 'I hoped you slept better then me. But I had an idea in the middle of the night and made a visit to a friendly wizard's tower. We best get to work.'

You laughed as you handed the note over to the curious Astarion, "It seems Gale had the same idea as us." 

"Well, I guess that means we aren't getting rid of the wizard anytime soon." He said with a fanged grin. "Good, I was just starting to get used to him." 

[ithebookhoarder]

Javier Peña req (and Steve as bestie). Y/n is their partner and is feeling extremely burnt out; running on empty, coffee, cigarettes and not much else. She’s barely sleeping or eating and constantly has a tight chest and racing heart. They both know something is up with her but she just shrugs it off until one day, Javi is out on a raid and she reaches her breaking point. Steve manages to get her home but can’t reach Javi until he gets back to the embassy etc. Also, please could you throw in a little Carrillo cause😍

Burned Out (Javier Peña x F!Reader)

A/N: I’ve missed Narcos and my DEA boys, so thank you for this prompt, whoever sent this in. I really appreciate it. I’ve been in a bit of a slump recently with writing for this blog, so it’s great to have something to focus on and pour myself in to - hope you enjoy it!

Warnings: Swearing, smoking, alcohol, reference to depressive / self destructive behaviour, description of a panic attack, mild smut, canon-typical violence, death, reference to drugs / overdosing. 

Masterlist

You knew exactly when it started. When you began to feel yourself beginning to sink downwards into the quicksand that was your life. 

It was a bad day… well, a worse day, if you were being honest, given that life in general in Bogota was hard and full of bad days that left you feeling numb inside. Whereas you were normally able to banish the darkness by spending time with the friends you had collected since your arrival to the city, not even Javi’s gentle kisses or Steve’s dirty jokes or Connie’s homemade deserts could do the trick. 

The day had been bad for many reasons.

One, you’d lost a contact with direct links to Escobar, that you’d spent weeks working on. 

Two, you had lost them in a drive-by shooting that had killed not only them but countless civilians too. 

Three, some of your asshole colleagues decided to spill coffee all over your files meaning you were forced to work late to re-type them up for a briefing the following morning. Even though you had got it done, you knew you had likely missed some details, the ink far too smudge to even begin to try and understand what had previously been written. 

However, that day had only been the start of it. The start of the downwards spiral you found yourself tumbling into. 

Sure, the others had noticed there was a change about you. Yet, it wasn’t as if they knew what was causing it or how to fix it. 

Javi especially knew what you were like - you were like him after all. Spilling your guts wasn’t your natural reaction to handling things. You kept your emotions bottled up inside of you, cramming more and more in, forcing that lid to remain firmly screwed in place even as the pressure began to build. 

And if the lid did threaten to pop off? Well then, you lost yourself in him. In the love that existed between you, and the intimate knowledge you shared of one another. After all, Javi had said it himself, “who needed therapy when you had sex and good whiskey?” 

A night of passionate fucking was all it took to take the edge off… to let a little pressure escape, delaying your inevitable eruption… But that was just it; you would erupt. It was inevitable. There was no way on earth you could sustain the relentless routine of long hours spent at work, with coffee doing its best to act as a replacement for your bed. 

Hell, you could feel the toll it was taking on you both mentally and physically, from the way your hands shook slightly, to the way your chest felt too tight to breathe sometimes. Then there was the fact your clothes were starting to get baggy, whereas they’d once clung to your frame like they’d been tailored for you. 

“Here,” Javi had smiled one afternoon. You could smell the sandwich in his hand before he even set it down on the desk in front of you, accompanied by a packet of chips and a can of your favourite soda. “Grabbed that for you on our way back. Figured you’d forget lunch - again.” 

A weak smile tugged at the corner of your lips at the kind gesture. “Thanks, Javi.” 

“Anytime, hermosa.” He said it so calmly and easily that you felt your heart skip a beat as you realised how lucky you were to have someone who cared about you so deeply. It was why you made sure to tear a corner off of the sandwich and pop it in your mouth. 

The relieved nod Javi granted you told you it was the reaction he’d been waiting for, as he took a step back to let you finish eating and working in peace. 

You knew he’d be back to check you’d finished it in a matter of minutes. So, you were quick to chuck the rest of his lunch in the waste paper bin behind you, burying it further under a pile of discarded documents you’d already finished looking through. 

It was fine. You’d eat later. Maybe you’d even try and cook dinner for you and Javi… an apology for being so distant lately… 

Somehow, despite lacking the gift of prophecy, you knew deep down that that was unlikely to happen. Just as you knew it was unlikely Javi would even make it home tonight. For the last week straight, both he and Steve had been called out on some last minute, late night errands by Carillo - not that you minded all that much. 

Not having Javi’s arms to fall into meant you felt less guilty about working late yourself. About only making it back to your empty apartment long enough for a quick shower and a power nap each night. 

It was ironic to think of Carillo, though, given that your brief conversations with the Colonel in question had been the closest you’d come to finally releasing some of the hurt and the pain inside of you. 

You didn't know what it was about him, but somehow, the Colonel had an ability to draw you out. To make you open up and share things you would never otherwise dream of. 

Maybe it was his candour? You’d noticed that about him since you'd started working together; he had a blunt demeanour, saying what he thought regardless of the affect it could have on another person. 

Now, it wasn't done with malice, per say, but rather as the result of a man who had the weight of an entire army on his shoulders and an impossible task. He just didn't have the time to bullshit anyone - especially when you both lived in a city full of people all too willing to lie and cheat. 

It also came from a weird sense of respect, of seeing people as equals, deserving of the truth just as he expected the same in return. No matter how painful it may be.

Needless to say, it was one of the reasons you'd grown to respect the man - and dare you even say, like. 

Still, when he decided to loiter on the other side of your desk, late one night, you felt yourself stiffen, as if suddenly all too aware of every little gesture your body made and what it gave away.

The Colonel missed nothing.  

“You look like shit.”

Wow. Don’t beat around the bush. 

“Jeez, your wife married a charmer, Colonel,” you scoffed, dragging on your cigarette, sparing him a fleeting glance. “Speaking of, doesn’t she want you back home? Or do you prefer my company that much that you’d rather stand at my desk at 11 o’clock at night?” 

“She’s out of the city, visiting her parents,” he rebuffed, clearly not taking the bait as he dropped into the empty seat opposite. In fact, he decided to reach across and steal one of the cigarettes from the packet on your desk, lighting it for himself in a gesture that made it clear he wasn’t going anywhere for now.  

“Good for her.”

“Yes, it is. I think time away from this place is good for everyone.” 

You could feel the accusation lacing his words, as well as the heat from his continuous stare. “Then why didn’t you go with her? Not enough vacation days?” 

He scoffed, a bitter smirk twisting his lips upwards. “You’re funny; I can see why Peña likes you so much. Like calls to like, as they say, even if you try and hide it behind that smile of yours.” 

You bit back a laugh. “What can I say? I lucked out in that department and got my Mom’s smile. My sister was not so fortunate. She always had my dad’s features - meaning she looked more often than not like she was sucking on a lemon.” 

“This is the sister that died from an overdose, correct?”

“Yes.” 

“The anniversary is this week, is it not?” 

He asked it so calmly and casually that anyone would have thought he’d asked you what the weather was like outside, or what your favourite record to listen to was. 

At least his concern now made sense. It was the kind of detail he would remember, and you were honestly more surprised by the fact it had taken until now for him to bring it up. 

He’d probably been itching to ask you about it all day, aware of the date even if your two partners were not. Well, they might have been, but neither had said anything which was your preference if you were being honest. Hence your rapidly cooling demeanour towards your colleague. 

“I’m fine, if that’s what you're trying to fish about for, Colonel,” you sighed, staring back down at your desk again in an attempt to dismiss him. “You don't have to worry about me. I’m good. Thanks. So can I get back to work in peace? Or did you have some other question for me?” 

Carillo sighed, simply choosing to smoke his cigarette, letting the tension linger along with the steadily growing haze around you both. 

He didn't need to say the words aloud; his actions did all the talking for him as he reached over and helped himself to a file off of you desk. 

He didn't buy this ‘calm, cool, and collected’ act you were pedalling. Not for a second - something his stare alone gave away, even if he refused to say it. Instead, he chose to read, and work, and smoke along side you so that you would not be alone. 

He had his eyes on you... watching and waiting for the moment that your carefully constructed walls came crashing down... the only question was would they crush you in the process?

It was about a month later that the inevitable happened; that you finally hit rock bottom. 

It had just been a causal remark that did it, of all things. A casual remark that sent you tipping over the edge. 

You had just returned from lunch and hadn’t even sat back down at your desk yet when you noticed that someone was missing.  

“Yo, Steve?” you queried, quickly glancing up at the empty seat next to you. “Where did Javi go?” 

Now, you couldn't be a hundred percent certain what Steve said next but you knew he’d said something about Carillo, a lead, and a raid ... 

“What?”

“I said, Javier went with him,” Steve repeated, staring at you with growing concern. You realised he must have already repeated himself. “What? Why? What is it?” 

“Javi went too? He… he’s there? On that raid?” 

“Yes, y/n, that’s what I just said - hey! Where you going?” 

You didn’t even realise your feet had started moving, not until you heard Steve’s confusion as he yelled after you. 

But you didn't stop.

You couldn’t stop, not until you were outside - not until you were far enough from that place that you could actually stop and fucking breathe. 

When did it become so hard to breathe? 

When had the room become so small? 

Why did your mind suddenly feel the need to go to the darkest place possible? 

It was just a raid... one of hundreds Javi had gone on since arriving here in the country, just as you had also gone on your fair share. So why was your head suddenly picturing him... lying there... injured, or worse... dead. 

The number of bodies you’d stared at, lying in the streets in a macabre tableau that had become all too familiar by now - all part of this fucking job. A job you signed up for, hoping to vanquish the bastards who had taken so much from you and those you loved… yet, every day, it seemed you had failed as more and more innocent people suffered… and to think, that Javi - the man you loved more than anything - who you had neglected terribly to the point you couldn't actually remember the last time you’d woken up next to each other - could be amongst them… 

It brought you to your knees. 

“Whoah, y/n. Easy. What’s wrong?” 

Steve’s voice sounded distant, as if you have been submerged beneath water. Yet, you could tell he was beside you, dropping down onto the kerb before hauling you close. The warmth of his touch was enough to tether you to him, to reality, as everything around you seemed to spin in dizzying circles.

You could feel it as his hands rose, cupping your cheeks, turning your head and trying to get you to look at him. 

When you finally did, he could see immediately that your eyes were glassy, like you weren’t really seeing or hearing him. 

He knew that look. 

“Y/N,” Steve murmured in a soothing voice. “Y/N, look at me. Look at me.” 

He paused, waiting until your eyes trained themselves on his face, some of the cloudiness starting to dissipate. 

“Good, that’s good. Now breathe. Just breathe,” he instructed, taking a few deep breaths himself to show you how.

It took you a moment or two, but you eventually became fully aware of your surroundings and what your friend was telling you to do. 

Following his lead, you took a few shuddering breaths, then a few more. You kept breathing until you could feel the racing of your heart slow and the fear that had felt crippling just moments before begin to ease.

You were exhausted.

Wiping at your face, you tried to banish the tears that had left a salty trail burning down your cheek.

Steve doesn't say anything for a long minute, instead choosing to pull you into his side and light up a cigarette, which he was quick to offer you.

“T... thank you.”

You sat like that for a while... just watching people and cars passing by, smoking like two people on a perfectly ordinary break.

No one bothered to stop and ask you two questions. Hell, no one even shot a glance in your direction, everyone too busy with their own business to stop and give a shit about yours.

So you sat. 

And smoked. 

And said nothing... not until the cigarette was nothing more than a stub.

Steve was quick to take it from you, before it could burn your fingers. Tossing it aside, it had clearly served its purpose. 

He stood and offered you a hand. 

His face left no room for debate as he stated calmly, “Come on, I’m taking you home. Now.” 

“Come on. A couple more steps, Y/N,” Steve urged, guiding you up the stairs to your apartment. 

His hand was warm, firm even, as it pressed against your lower back. 

He’d been like this since the moment you’d left the embassy, steering you and hovering over you like he expected you to simply topple over at the slightest breeze. 

It was touching, yet irritating all at once - a sentiment you were too busy trying to put one foot in front of the other to even attempt to unpack. You were also just too goddamn tired. 

“Here we are.” Steve’s words startled you. “Home sweet home.” 

You didn’t remember giving him the keys, but you must have as he opened the door a second later and herded you inside. 

There was emotion in your throat - threatening to spill from you. You were holding on by a thread and he knew it. Just as Carillo knew it, and possibly Connie too - 

Wait, Connie?

You blinked as you realised that at some point the woman had also entered your home, most likely having been summoned by Steve on the drive home. 

You wanted to feel guilty at the thought of her being dragged into your mess, but you were honestly too tired to feel anything other than grateful as she hurried over to you, offering you a cup of what you assumed was tea, as well as two pills. 

To help take the edge off, she explained, urging you to take them. Doctor’s orders. 

It was impossible to miss the way that they were both staring at each other - sharing anxious glances as you swallowed the tablets and dutifully sipped the tea. 

They were worried about you. Hell, you were worried about you, and Javi, and Steve, and everyone else you loved and cared about - that was what had got you in this mess in the first place. 

Damn it.

You heard them say as much as you marched yourself to your bedroom, claiming you were going to try and get some rest whilst you waited for news. 

If they bought it, you couldn’t tell, but neither protested as you left them. 

They simply let you go, allowing you the space and privacy to crawl into your bedroom, bury yourself in the unmade sheets, and lie down for a while. The medication had clearly started to work as you felt heavy... tired... 

Lying there, you could hear their voices... faint murmurs drifting down the hall. 

You caught only snippets as they tried and failed to keep their voices down, just as your parents had once done when you were just a kid. Still, despite their efforts, you caught enough to know that there was still no word from Javi, or about the raid he went on. 

“-called Javi- no reply.”

“Carillo - try again -”

“-worried about her - stressed.” 

Eventually, the words began to fade away, replaced instead by your body's sudden need to sleep. It was pointless to fight the drugs now in your system, or the comfort of being wrapped in the bed sheets that still smelled of Javi... not even you were strong enough to fight it as you felt yourself drifting off into sweet oblivion.

"Sweetheart?"

You must have still been dreaming - that was the thought that crossed your mind as you swore you heard Javi's voice.

"Javi?" you moaned, fighting against the grogginess that greeted you as you tried to open your eyes.

Despite the fact it was clearly now dark out, you could easily make out the face in front of you, illuminated from behind by the bedside lamp. The sight was almost angelic - as if some divine being had deigned to answer your prayers and return the love of your life back in to your arms.

“It's ok, I'm here, sweetheart,” Javi purred again, brushing your hair back behind your ear and pulling you close. “I’m right here, ok? In one piece - promise. The raid went off without a hitch. Even snagged ourselves a new asset for you to take a crack at.”

Your eyes shimmered with tears as you quickly burrowed into his chest. You didn't really hear what he was saying, too busy focusing on the fact that he was here to say it at all - here - alive - in your arms. 

The reality hit you as you began to let it pour out of you: how relieved you were, how much you loved him. You also grumbled something about fucking telling you when he next decided to run off on a raid without so much as 'goodbye' - else you’d shoot him yourself. 

“I’m sorry, carino. I am.”

And you believed him. 

"I love you, Javi. So much."

"I love you too," he purred, "and I'm so sorry, I knew you were struggling, but when Steve told me-"

He didn't get to finish whatever the hell he'd been about to say. You didn't let him.

Instead, your lips surged hungrily towards his and as only Javi could, he kissed you back, soft and slow... as if desperate to reassure you through actions alone.

You felt him chuckle into your mouth as you grew impatient, grinding your hips against him in a silent plea for him to fill you. To join you. To bury himself, and the day you'd both had, in a moment of bliss.  

It was a special kind of neediness, reserved for just him, and one that was only sated once he had fully joined with you, as one being. Safe. Whole.

Yes, in an ideal world he would have waited until after talking to you to lose himself in such a way. After all, Steve and Connie had filled him in on the troubling turn of events that his absence today had triggered - and he'd be lying if he said the idea didn't scare him shitless, that you had broken down so completely...

He could only thank God that Steve had been there for you - especially when he couldn't be himself.

But he was here now... and you had time to start trying to make sense of this mess. Together. Carillo had assured him of that, informing him in no uncertain terms that you both had the next few days off from work. He didn't want to see either one of you back in the office until you'd begun to sort through the mountain of shit you were buried under.

So, yes. If you wanted to lose yourself for tonight, to use him to forget the world outside for a perfect moment, then he was only too happy to oblige.

He’d wait until the morning to have a proper conversation. 

He’d go down and whip you up some breakfast before trying to get you to open up to him about everything that had happened today… about the worries and concerns you’d been keeping locked away inside of you. 

Then, after you’d fallen in to pieces in his arms, he could try and start to put you back together again. As a team.

[niuniente]

Hi! I've been meaning to draft up a message to you about Death Head's Deal for a while now, but it never really felt like the right moment. Because I enjoyed it so much, I wanted my review of DHD to be really thorough--and so I was put off of saying anything until I had the time to re-read the whole comic again. But when you posted that you didn't realize you had an audience, I realized that my desire to be thorough had done the opposite of what my original intention was, which was just to express my appreciation for your art. Not saying anything was definitely worse than saying something less elaborate than what I hoped for. Well, luckily I have the power to change that!

Death Head's Deal captured my interest from the very first issue, so much so that I remember reading it during my shifts at the anarchist bookstore and while taking baths at home because I didn't want to put it down (my poor laptop...). The worldbuilding is so thorough and intriguing, the aesthetics are top-notch (the real-life photos add a fun dimension to the art--it reminds me a lot of a book I read as a kid that incorporated vintage photographs into the plot), and Alrick is just such an incredible sweetie that I can't help wanting to give him a hug even though I generally don't like touching people. Before I was even done reading the whole comic I had already told 3 people to start reading it. My twin brother and I had a few phone calls where we just discussed the plot together. Our favorite characters are Alrick and Grimm.

I still plan to review the comic in more detail sometime, but for now, I hope you get the picture that I really love DHD and I'd love to see it gain a bigger following.

Sincerely, your fan DJ

Thank you so much for taking your time to tell me this! I have gotten nice messages later and I'm not going to lie, it has boosted my inspiration and desire to draw DHD. Because I know there are people reading and interacting with the series. They wish to read more. They wish to have more time with these characters in this world. That's what I also want to provide but I felt like there really wasn't that many people out there. Or that people had already gotten bored. I used to get tens of asks and comments after every update to my inbox here and now, I'm lucky if I even get 1. So, like from 40 asks to 0 made me feel like "Oh. They're not interested any more. They don't want to read more".

To know that the series and the characters exist out there in wild outside of my comic - like in the phone call with your brother - is absolutely WILD! I'm only a small person making a small indie comic. Of course people are going to speak something big outside its frames, like LOTR or Star Wars, but my little thing? I'm super happy!

My wish is that DHD (or some other series in the future after DHD) would grow up big so that it can reach out many people. I wish that the world and the characters would inspire and most importantly COMFORT as many people as possible. I have received so much from existing series and characters, so I wish that I could offer the same to someone else.

I'm looking for your long feedback later, when you're ready, but THANK YOU SO MUCH for telling me already! It has boosted me and made me feel more like it is worth to draw the comic, people will be delighted from it.