#this ended up waaaay longer than i intended

[kitkatt0430]

Random Numbers! 4, 6, 7, 12, 17, 21, 29, 35

4.) Do you have any OCs? Do you have a story for them?

I've answered that one over here :D

6.) What's your ratio for rating your works?

So I mostly write gen/teen rated fics - it's not quite a 50/50 split between those since I do occasionally write M or E, but maybe a 48/47 percent split between G and T? Something like that anyway, I'm too lazy to do the exact calculations.

If it's T there's probably swearing and some violence to them, harder themes, maybe some kissing fades to black implied sex. My G rated fics might still wind up with swearing in them, but otherwise they're more likely to be of the lighter and fluffier variety. Not always, since I do enjoy leaning into angstier stuff sometimes.

I've been overly cautious with a few of my M rated fics that could probably actually be T rated, but I tend to be of a better safe than sorry mindset with those. Though the few E rated fics I've done have absolutely earned their rating.

7.) Your favourite ao3 tag.

Fix Fic/Fix-it/variations thereof. I absolutely love a good fix fic for canon ailments. :D That said, I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers too, so when I can get a combination of both? I will probably stay up reading waaaay to late as a result. Hello three AM, where did you come from?

12.) If you write in more than one language, what's the difference?

If it's not complicated and in, say, Spanish then I'll usually put the actual Spanish into the fic with a translation below in the end notes. Spanish in particular I did learn some of in high school though I admit a lot of that's faded. If what I'm trying to say is complicated enough that I don't want to risk online translators screwing it up for me (or my memory being too hazy), then I'll write it in English with something to denote it's intended to be another language. Usually italics, though too much italics can become difficult for me to read through when I go back for edits.

I'll also look up common phrases and idioms to try and throw those in where they'd work most naturally - especially when I remember to play with Hartley and Eobard's tendency to use Latin as their personal secret language.

17.) Past or present tense? Why?

Past tense tends to flow most naturally for me, though sometimes I'll slip up into present tense. I tend to mostly read books that are past tense, so that's probably why it feels more natural/flows better when I write.

21.) Can you accurately predict how long your fics are going to be? If you can, what's your secret?

If they're a one shot fic then, most of the time, they stay that way. But if the fic is longer than a one chapter fic? I'm probably not going to be able to predict very well. The shorter a fic is, the better I can guess. The longer the fic is, the more I risk having it wind up on hiatus with x/? chapters sitting there mocking me.

29.) What's the hardest thing about writing?

Keeping my focus on one idea long enough to complete it. I've got so many ideas knocking around in my brain and I want to write them all.

35.) Thoughts on writing challenges/contests.

I like participating in events like prompt weekends/week long/month long events. Or bingos. I like the self imposed challenges there of completing on time. But I'm not really into contests or gifting events. I'm not really a competitive person, I tend to find it amusing in others but exhausting when I try to be too competitive myself. It kind of sucks the fun out for me. So writing contests aren't really interesting for me to participate in for that reason.

[the-story-of-how-we-died]

Fixing Unity's Animation System

Idk if there's a big game dev community on tumblr or not, but I want to talk about this, so I'm gonna lol

The problem with Unity's animation system becomes obvious as soon as you try to do anything more complicated than "idle, walk, run, jump". Trying to add attacks or more complicated form of transitions becomes absolute hell. And no small part of this I attribute to the fact that it's a state machine.

(I think state machines are shoe-horned into game development anyhow, but that's a topic for another post)

So, I went out to create a new system that better fit my needs. I managed to categorize nearly all of my animations into three separate groups: cross fades, snaps, and cinematics.

Cross fades are animations that play continuously under some kind of condition, like idling, walking, running, falling, swimming, etc. etc. The important part of cross fades is that they don't have a predetermined end (ie. they're meant to seamlessly loop).

Snap animations are animations that do have a predetermined end, like attacks, dodges, emotes, etc.

Cinematics are, well, cinematics. I was mainly thinking cut scenes, but there's probably other uses for them as well.

And what about animations that don't fit perfectly into one of these groups? Well, I added support for specialized behaviors as well. I'm not certain exactly what these would do, but I made an abstract class these scripts can derive from with an `ExecuteSpecializedBehavior()` function to be called. (I think it's better to build in support for these kinds of things right now, even if I can't see a use for them.) this also isn't, like, an asset. I'll provide the scripts, but I'm not, like, claiming to own the code or the process or anything like that lol (or offering support for bugs). feel free to use/modify it however you want.

(This got waaaay longer than I intended it to, so I'm going to put the rest under a keep reading)

This `ChangeAnimation()` function is at the core of the entire system:

I had originally wrote out exactly what each of the variables not defined in the function did, but I think it'd be easier to just share them in a photo

Some things to note: It'd be possible to get rid of 'defaultClip' with something like 'animations[0]', but I didn't want to force myself to remember that the first thing in the list needed to be the default animation (as well, it prevents things from getting messed up if the order of the list somehow changes).

'AnimationName' and 'TransitionType' (which I've renamed to 'AnimationType' in the script, I'm just too lazy to retake the screenshot. I'll refer to it here as 'TransitionType' for clarity) are (clearly, probably) enums. I realize that an enum isn't the best type for 'AnimationName', but I felt that the ease of writing 'AnimationName.Idle' in a script was worth the extra effort of adding each animation to the enum.

I partially blame this on Unity, as there is (as far as I know), no way to play an animation via script except with it's name (which is a string, ofc). I thought of several ways I could've implement this, including consts or a static class, but I felt like an enum had the fewest downsides relative to its upsides (consts would require a reference to a class, and a static class would've been more annoying to implement inside the `AnimationWrapper` class)

I could've coded something that would've handled it better, but this seemed like the easiest way that's also fairly robust and is supported by default inside Unity.

'OnSnapAnimationEnd' is called via Unity's built-in animation event system. I tried really hard to make it so I didn't have to use it because I find it absolutely awful (supplying an function name by a string?!). But, unfortunately, Unity's way of adding them by via code is broken (because of course it is), so the workaround I came up with was to create one function that is called via the event which invokes another event that is far easier to subscribe to. (Plus, some extra functionality for the snap animations, which I covered above.)

The 'AnimationWrapper' class supplies both information about the animation (the actual clip, it's AnimationName, and its TransitionType), clip functionality (cross fade times and offsets), as well as a field to supply custom behaviors.

I don't know why it's low res, but oh well

And that's most of it. There are two extra functions ('OverrideCurrentAnimationSnap' and 'OverrideCurrentAnimationCrossfade') that I didn't supply photos of, but that's because I feel like just mentioning them clearly conveys their purpose. I plan on adding one for cinematics, as well, but since that part of the system isn't finished, I didn't see a purpose in adding it.

Normally I don't share my code because I don't feel like I've done anything innovative, but with this, I think it's good. It's not the most robust of animation systems, but it supports my needs and - imao - is so. much. easier. to use than Unity's built-in system.

Letting each script handle calling the animations they need is so much easier than getting a reference to the animator, getting a reference to a parameter, setting it up inside the script, setting it up inside the animation editor, defining all the transition, etc. etc.'Letting each script handle calling the animations they need is so much easier than getting a reference to the animator, getting a reference to a parameter, setting it up inside the script, setting it up inside the animation editor, defining all the transition, etc. etc.

Anyhow, even if this is just me shouting into the void, it made me happy to talk about it, so /shrug

Link to script

[noras-dc-shenanigans]

Another addition!

@7arami

~~~~~~~

😃yesssss! Or like they’re fighting a magic user whose just spewing out random spells, and people are getting turned purple and sprouting feathers and just random stuff and then Marvel gets hit and just crashes in a flash of light, and they get to where he went down and find Billy unconscious in the crater.

Justice League:…

JL: Marvel has been de-aged.

—Takes him back to Watchtower medbay—

Billy: (wakes up)… where am I? What’s this place?

Plot Twist! He got hit with a memory spell, and the crash knocked him into mortal form! Cue my favorite thing— MiSuNdErStAnDiNgS. 😈

Billy freaks out, runs, they look for him cause kid+space station+panic=BAD, and he freaks out and does what he’s always done when cornered: Shifts and hides!

JL: Anyone found him?!

Superman: (using x-ray vision to search nearby rooms)…uh, maybe?

JL:… Well?!

Supes:… so either someone brought a kitten onboard, or Marvel has always been able to do that.

Batman: There’s a tiger cub hiding in that supply closet, isn’t there.

Supes:… not exactly…

—Closet is opened. Tiny orange tabby kitten hisses and growls ferociously.—

JL:… he’s adorable.

Cue them attempting to convince this tiny tiny spitting ball of orange fury that they’re not kidnapping weirdos.

Flash tries to just grab him real quick and run him to a safer room.

Flash gets bitten through his gloves, and spitting ball of fury is now trembling ball of terror after realizing they can grab him at any time I’m helpless they’re so big they’re gonna hurt me-

Martian Manhunter chose that moment to listen in.

Everyone is now mad at Flash.

They decide to call in The Backup.

Titans/Young Justice/Someone’s Sidekick:… You want me to what?

—After a few hours of carefully ignoring the kitten as he slowly calms down and inches closer and closer to the Sidekick who totally can’t see him, no-siree—

Billy: (purring loudly, belly-up, getting scritches): Well they’re weirdos, but maybe they’re not so bad.

JL: (sighs of relief) Great, now how do we fix him?

Tawny: (looming behind them) You don’t.

JL: (various levels of surprised responses (there are screams)) How did you— never mind, can you fix him, then?

Tawny: (knowing full well it’s just a memory spell that will wear off in a few more hours) Of course, I’m older than your entire species.

JL:… there’s a few different ones here right now, which species?

Tawny: Yes.

The next day, Marvel shows up with no memory of what happened while he was under the spell. But they all remember the tiny orange kitten that was so so scared of them, and can’t help but wonder…

What kind of life did Marvel have, that he was like that as a child but so joyful now?

(This got waaaay longer than I thought, and also ended angstier that I intended. Oh well!)

Shifter Billy/Captain Marvel

Billy was born with the ability to shape shift into a scrappy orange tabby cat. His ears and canines remain sharper than normal, and his eyes do the flashy thingy in the dark along with night vision. He can also hiss, purr, and growl.

Captain Marvel also has these features, but shifts into a large tiger. I mean LARGE, like horse sized.

The League just thinks the teeth and ears are from the magic, then they all get a small heart attack when they ask him to meet them somewhere at night and turn around at a snap! and just see the floating eye glare much higher than a normal predator would be.

Now they think he’s some sort of eldritch being in human shape, especially when they hear him actually growl a few times.

I have two ways his tiger form could be revealed, both equally hilarious:

1. The league has to fight Klarion, Teekl takes on their saber tooth form, and Marvel just straight-up snarls and launches, and when they collide in the middle suddenly two huge orange cats are just ripping into each other. Teekl has larger teeth, but Tiger Marvel is just larger, and as long as Teekl is distracted they can’t help Klarion so the League is able to beat him. He takes off, calling Teekl to follow, and Wonder Woman has to lasso Tiger Marvel when he tries to chase after them. He’s in Hunt Mode.

2. They have to fight demons, but they turn out to be immune to magic, so Marvel gets taken down, but then there’s a flash and suddenly this huge tiger is rolling around with the demon and just rips its throat out. And proceeds to keep doing so for the rest of the fight. Then after the battles over the tiger flashes into Captain Marvel, who has blood all over his mouth and nails and a look on his face that wouldn’t look misplaced on a satisfied house cat, after eating your pet bird.

But this leads to scenes where someone will walk around on the watchtower and find this giant tiger just napping in all of those strange places where you’d expect to see a house cat.

But with a tiger.

The Sidekicks love him though, they like to pile on to take naps, lulled into a peaceful sleep by the rumbling purrs and the knowledge that they are safe.

——————————————————————————

As you will notice, I like the point ears/fangs look for Marvel. You will be seeing plenty more.

[cad-faoi-maeglin]

Head Canon Time! Mairon and Relationships.

Technically, Mairon has been in a lot of relationships, but most of the time these were part of some plot, some deception to get him what he wanted. Mairon’s a practical person (with a rather questionable moral compass) if sweet nothings and sex helped him achieve his goals, he had zero issue with using these as tactics. A good example would be Ar-Pharazôn. There were plenty of rumours doing the rounds of the Númenórean court that it wasn’t just the Maia’s council that allowed him to rise above the level of a captive. Not that anything was ever officially confirmed or proved...  So, if you look throughout his history, you’ll see that technically he’s been one half of many couples.

However, Mairon didn’t view these acts solely as tools. He actually attached quite a lot of importance to closeness (platonic or otherwise) and physical intimacy and no amount of important goals would ever be enough to make him compromise on this. So, if he wasn’t willing to compromise, how did he go about having all those strategic relationships? Well, this is where his aliases came in. (Of course, this obviously wasn’t the only purpose of his inventing aliases for himself, but we’re not interested in those other purposes for the minute.) His aliases allowed him some much needed distance. He wasn’t the one in the relationship, it was his alias. He wasn’t the one who claimed to love whoever his latest victim was, it was his alias. And he never invited anyone into his bed. He’d fuck them anywhere else they wanted, but never in his own private spaces. That would be too close. That was reserved for someone he genuinely wanted and those were rare. The distinction was important to him. All these people fell in love with a fiction, almost no one was allowed to fall in love with Mairon (though, if we’re being honest, not many would probably want to. ‘Dark Lord’ and all that...).

All of that means that, while he technically has been in many relationships, as far as he’s concerned, he’s only had three.

1)  Eönwë

Mairon’s first relationship from back when the world was new and even the Ainur could be considered young. It was a simple thing. If he had to label it, Mairon would probably struggle. It was neither a friendship nor a romance, but seemed to fall somewhere in the middle. When they were free of their duties they would spend much of their time together. Mairon would tell Eönwë of the shaping of the Earth as it was carried out by Aulë and his Maiar and Eönwë would tell Mairon of his duties as the right hand Maia to the King. And when the two wanted to be alone, they would go to their secret spot where they could sit in silence for hours just cuddled up into a ball together. When Mairon’s ambition and thirst for power drove him to turn traitor and join Melkor, Eönwë was the one person Mairon felt like he was actually betraying. Even though by the end of the third age he had come to hate his former friend/love, as he hated most everything else, he never could bring himself to view their memories with distaste. It was the first and last relationship that he had had that was uncomplicated and brought him nothing but happiness.   

2) Melkor

This one had come as somewhat of a surprise to him. He had not expected to ever turn the Vala’s head, nor had it even been his goal, but turn it did. Mairon had never been afraid to show his more insolent side to Melkor. While others behaved carefully around their master, Mairon was always unashamedly himself. In his arrogance he didn’t see why he should be anything else. It earned him his master’s respect and eventually his interest. Unlike his relationship with Eönwë, Mairon’s relationship with Melkor was decidedly a romantic one, especially in it’s beginning. They would bring each other gifts, share in private jokes, each would bring the other news of something that they thought they would find interesting, one would sit in silence and watch, awed, while the other worked. When they ruled separate fortresses, they wrote to each other constantly. Melkor was also the one who introduced him to sex and all the fun that they could have with that. As much as he’d later hate to admit it, Mairon was smitten. The best part was, he didn’t have to be anything in particular around Melkor. He could just be himself, like he was with Eönwë, and Melkor would return his feelings. Though they knew Eru would never recognise it, the two considered themselves married.

However, this wasn’t to last. Melkor was changed when he returned from his imprisonment. Mairon had never been able to figure out whether it had been the isolation or those fucking silmarills or both which had poisoned Melkor’s mind. Melkor became withdrawn, unpredictable and aggressive. Mairon had to carefully calculate his responses to his master (oh how often he was reminded of his lower position now!) in order to not wake his wrath. Though the two continued on for a long time after this, and Mairon tried with all his strength to hold them together, he regarded this as the real end to their marriage. He never stopped hating that Valar for this. 

3) Tyelpë

This was another of Mairon’s difficult to pin down relationships. It blurred the lines between plot and genuine in a way that made Mairon deeply uncomfortable. Technically, Tyelpë did not know who he really was, but so much of what Tyelpë loved about Annatar did not come from fiction but from Mairon himself. In truth, not much of Annatar was a fiction. Mairon didn’t see the need. He was genuinely a Maia and a smith and he had come to share skills and techniques. Aside from concealing his own name and history, he didn’t see a point in making up much else. He kept his usual bluntness and arrogance. It seemed to only add to the sense of divinity his presence instilled in others. He kept his usual demanding standards in the forge. It apparently just made him look more the part of the expert. He kept his sarcastic sense of wit. It only endeared him to the word-loving Elves. As a result, it was very much Mairon that Tyelpë had fallen for and not Annatar. And Mairon very much felt the difference. His tactical side told him to use Tyelpë’s feelings to his advantage. The rest of him told him that in this instance it mightn’t be wise. He did it anyway. At no point was he ever certain in his motives towards Tyelpë. Of course the Elf would be easier to manipulate if he pretended to be in a relationship with him, but he was never meant to enjoy the relationship as much as he did. In his moments of greatest weakness it was not Annatar who kissed Tyelpë, but Mairon, it was not Annatar that shared in private jokes with Tyelpë, but Mairon, it was not Annatar who brought Tyelpë potentially interesting news, but Mairon. Once, fueled by good drink and Tyelpë’s grin, Mairon had been tempted to tell Tyelpë everything and to try to convince him to join him, just so he could keep the Elf by his side once the forging of the rings was complete. He quickly realised what a ridiculous plan that was and managed to hold his tongue. Tyelpë never did find out why the Maia had suddenly burst into tears. Mairon was more careful after that. Mairon hated the way Tyelpë made him feel so loved and unloved at the same time. He knew that if Tyelpë ever found out who he really was all traces of affection would disappear in an instant, but despite that, all of his favourite things about Annatar were all parts of the true Mairon. This hatred manifested itself as the extreme brutality he visited upon Tyelpë when questioning him about the three rings’ whereabouts.          

[socksnstuff00]

"i always tend to ship the main character with the hot redeemable villain" can u give me an example?

duuuude enemies to lovers is MY jam lmao specially if it includes the main character lol idk why but i live for this. so, off the top of my head and having already mentioned supercorp ..

exhibit A. the ship that started "shipping" for me

Kim Possible & Shego (Kim Possible)

there's not even a lot to say lol i mean .. the homoeroticism ..

exhibit B. the one straight ship lol

Zuko & Katara (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

nothing against my boy Aang but back in the day this was my shit

exhibit C. THE LIFETIME SUPERIOR SHIP

Clarke & Lexa (the 100)

the sexual tension was off the charts lol i mean, how did it end up like it did is beyond me

exhibit D. the BIGGEST WASTE OF POTENTIAL i've ever seen

Emma & Regina (Once Upon a Time)

i will be FOREVER mad with this show, how dare them? they had every romantic trope on tv checked and also a son in common then what happened? heteronormativity of course

exhibit E. the show that finally did the thing

Catra & Adora (Shera)

perfect example of enemies to lovers done right! happy gay ending included, a total dream for me.

exhibit F. the baby gays that did the impossible

Luz & Amity (The Owl House)

again, enemies to lovers done SO right! amity wasn't a villain for long but the transition from the first image to the second was glorious and also something i never thought i was gunna see on fukin disney of all places.

exhbit G. another one for good measure lol

Sasha & Anne (Amphibia)

there's plenty of cute and valid ships on this show but knowing what you know about me till this point its very predictable that i would gravitate to these two lmao. i dont know where the show is going with them or if even is gunna be any romance intended at all but these two are my candidates anyway.

[prsfphone]

volatile | t.r. x reader

word count: 1596

warnings: nsfw, penetrative sex, dirty talk, light degradation, breath play

a/n: this is the fic that won the poll last week! waaaay back. i also had no idea how to end it. sob.

he stroked his hand across his cock, fingers shining from where he’d had them buried in your sopping cunt and if there were anything you wanted to say, well, the only thing that came out was an agonized whimper as his free hand traced against the skin of your inner thigh, your leg propped on his narrow hip.

you probably shouldn’t complain, though, you knew. it was so rare that you got to see tom naked and, oh, how lovely it was when you did. alabaster skin, pristine and almost glowing in the dimness of his empty dorm.

it was a shocking contrast to go from the glowing marble of his skin to the unknowable, black depths of his eyes, swallowing every drop of light that might have made the mistake of touching them—swallowing you.

your heart was pounding in your throat and you were aching between the thighs and thought you might throw up from how nervous you were. the juxtaposing whirlwind of feelings was jarring and you hardly knew what to do next—dizzy with the headiness of opportunity sitting before you.

you rarely got to see tom naked—and by rarely, you meant never. you’d seen glimpses of his chest when you had your head in the crook of his neck as he held you against the wall of whatever empty room you’d dragged him into and fucked you between being an annoying twat of a prefect and his next class. you’d seen his forearms when you happened to stumble upon him late at night in the library, and there he was, buried to his shoulders in books with his oxford’s sleeves rolled up. and you’d felt his cock more than you’d ever actually seen it.

so your surprise when tom charmed you into his candlelit, empty dormitory was palpable. so was your suspicion—you’d heard those rumours about tom and that girl last year. not that you believed them—and really it was so silly to be scared of him now, when he’d had you all alone previously and done nothing but make your legs shake.

the thoughts were lingering with persistence but the misgivings were hard to hold on to when he smiled at you—all straight, white teeth and a dimple on the side and nearly nothing in his eyes—and tugged you forward to sit closer, against his abdomen, just above where his cock was hot and heavy and begging for your attention.

“what’s the matter, sweetheart?” he cocked his head, curls flopping onto his forehead. one hand slithered up your chest to rest against the skin over your heart. blood pulsed in your ears and nearly drowned out the rest of his words; “do i make you nervous?”

you shivered palpably against him, into him, and he chuckled when you lied and told him no. “such a little liar,” he chided with a disappointed shake of his head. his face was blank but there was an air of smugness surrounding him. “and you know how i feel about liars, don’t you, my pretty girl?”

“i’m not scared of you tom,” you asserted, brows furrowed.

a serpentine smile pulled at that graceful mouth. “now, who said anything about being scared?” he leaned forward now, nosing at your jaw, your throat. he bit down, hard, and you gasped, tried to jerk away—but there was nowhere to go when tom was holding you so close, so tight. “because there’s a stark difference.” he carved a path, leaving marks, all down your throat to your chest, back up to your shoulders.

you tried not to squirm against him. tried to ignore the throbbing pulse between your thighs that he’d ignited (and had yet to do anything about). “they’re synonyms. why does it matter?” you couldn’t think of a single reason that it did with his mouth trailing fire across your skin. with a start, you remembered you had hands and managed to catch him by the jaw with the both of them. you drew him back and stared into his eyes. “why are you wasting your breath on semantics instead of kissing me?” the words came out breathier than you intended—no longer airy and teasing; now husky and challenging. begging.

your hands snaked down his stomach, to his trail of hair, until you found his cock and wrapped a hand around it.

for all his bravado and firm, unshakable confidence—well, he gasped awfully loud as you traced the pads of your fingers whisper-light up and down the shaft of him and his fingers dug into your hips, more than hard enough to bruise.

“kissing?” he finally managed. he sounded distracted—thoroughly distracted. his cheeks were burning bright red and you smiled.

“mmm,” you hummed, lifting yourself up over him, lining him up with your entrance. “among other things.” his head kicked back with a loud, painful-sounding thud against the headboard as you sunk, inch by inch, down on him.  as he pushed, bordering on painful, into you, through you, another broken, sobbing moan fell out of your mouth.

“oh my god,” it was both prayer and vindication.

“fuck—yes—sweetheart, just like that—so tight—” he was babbling and it was admittedly the way you liked him best. he hit his head again when you lifted up and sunk down on him again, faster this time. you did it again and again until your thighs were burning, aching, and you were so close—so close you thought if he even moved you an inch you’d come.

“tom, i can’t,” your forehead was pressed against the jut of his collarbone and his chest was heaving.

“poor little slut,” he cooed, breathless. he pulled you down flat against his chest and flipped you over unceremoniously. “want to come so bad but can’t even do it yourself. need me to do it for you. pathetic.” he was hovering over you now, face so close you could taste his breath, and something about the way his sweat-slick body slid over yours, across it as he picked a much more brutal rhythm than you’d been able to manage sent you careening. you pulled him down by the neck hard, scrabbling for something to tether you to the bed while he sent you into orbit.

he ripped your hands away from his neck, thrusts never faltering, and pinned them high up above your head, stretching you taught while he pressed his pelvis hard against yours. with tom so close, so very tight to your body, every thrust made him brush up against your clit and nipples. the friction was overwhelming and, at the same time, mere background noise—static—when he stared at you like that. when he moved just like that. he swallowed every sound in a sloppy, endless kiss while tears ran down your cheeks and into your hair.

“it’s too much,” you cried.

he laughed. his eyes were insatiable. he devoured everything you had to offer—and then took some more. “aw sweetheart, i’m just giving you what you wanted. you wanted to come so bad. why are you being ungrateful, hmm?” his words sent shivers racing through you and he groaned loudly when you squeezed around his pistoning cock.

“tom,” you gasped his name.

his free hand found your throat and the two of you pressed even closer as he used only his knees to hold himself up. his thumb flicked across the skin at the side of your neck. his thrusts turned from frenetic to slow. pointed.

no—purposeful was the word you were looking for.

he nipped at your earlobe. laughed again, a low, deep sound that rumbled through his chest and into yours. “sweetheart,” it was both chastisement and taunt. “squeezing around me so fucking tight—are you close?”

a neurotic chant of yeses spilled from your open mouth.

“i’m ruining you, aren’t i, pretty girl?”

“oh my god—yes!—tom—please!”

“say thank you.”

you tried—half-heartedly, and he knew it. he moaned, tipped his head back. the hand around your throat tightened. tightened until breathing was hard, then harder, and then impossible. your hands grabbed at his. pulling, prying, to no avail. your face felt hot. your stomach was in knots. your lungs burned and panic threatened to envelop you just as deeply as pleasure—maybe the rumours were true. maybe this was how tom had killed that other girl—

“learn your manners and i’ll let you come.”

but he held your throat tighter and all you could manage, painstakingly, was to mouth the words:

thank you.

his lips quirked in that smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “good girl,” he praised. he didn’t let go. “such a good little slut for me.”

air came rushing back but you barely felt it around the orgasm finally tearing through you. you panted and flailed and wondered if tom had broken something inside of you. the waves came and came and didn’t stop and maybe if you’d been present enough, you’d have felt the way tom squeezed your wrists hard enough to bruise black, the brutal final thrust before he spilled inside of you.

the world felt bleary and there was a cleaned-out feeling in your chest like you’d run hard and fast for a good while when the waves abated. tom had pulled out of you and was laying with his head on your chest. you were already sore and without thinking, began carding your hands through tom’s mussed hair. a shiver ran through him at the contact. it almost made you want to laugh.  

[moku-youbi]

The scene from Klaus' perspective. This is from waaaay deep in part 2, but have a glance if you like:

The kissing becomes sort of a routine for them, at bedtime. The first few times, Klaus nervously anticipates what might follow. He doesn’t want to deny Five, but he’s also unsure what might happen if Five tries to turn this into something else. But there’s never more than a gentle, close-mouthed brush of Five’s lips over his own, and soon enough Klaus relaxes.

It’s nice, actually. There weren’t a lot of kisses shared around as children, even from Mom. Pretty much every kiss Klaus has ever had has been sexual in nature. This is different. Instead of arousal, Five’s kisses make him feel loved and cherished. Safe. Warm.

Ben doesn’t usually hang around when they’re sleeping, as it can be unnerving, but he’s seen it enough times that Klaus knows he’s just dying to comment on it. Klaus fully intends to wait him out, because just because Ben has weird hang ups and wants to sexualise everything doesn’t mean Klaus has to give him the time of day. But after a couple of weeks, he finally caves.

When Klaus woke that morning, Five was already awake and watching him. Up close, his features all blur together, softening him. Despite the chronic malnutrition that’s stunted his growth, there are undeniable changes in the structure of his face. There’s still a some baby fat in his cheeks. Even their food situation hasn’t gotten rid of that. But he’s thinned out, his jaw a little wider, chin and brow more pronounced. First thing in the morning like this, with his hair all tousled and pillow creased cheeks, he looks much younger. When he noticed Klaus’ open eyes, Five gave him a slow, sleepy smile and his eyes fluttered closed, lashes dark against his cheek. For the first time, Klaus found himself the one closing the distance between them and slotting their mouths together.

Then Five pulled back with his nose wrinkled in an adorable expression of disapproval and said, “You need to shave again–you’re getting all prickly.”

Klaus dug his fingers into the soft curve of Five’s waist, making him laugh and twist away. “Easy for you to judge when you only have to shave once a month,” Klaus says, wagging a finger at him. “Just you wait–when you’re all furry you’ll have no room to complain.”

Nonetheless, Klaus takes a mirror and his razor onto the back porch so he doesn’t have to clean up a mess inside. Which is how he finds himself sighing at his reflection, where he can see Ben standing over his shoulder with crossed arms and a supremely judgemental expression on his face.

“I know what you’re going to say,” Klaus mutters.

“Oh,” Ben says, brow furrowed in faux confusion. God, he’s such a bitch. “So you agree there’s something that needs to be said.”

Klaus rolls his eyes and redirects his attention to his face. He is much hairier than he prefers, but it’s a lot of effort to do any sort of fancy grooming without a trimmer, and he’s not going to waste precious electricity on that. Thank god for that sugar daddy he had about five years back, now, who’d paid for electrolysis for his chest and tummy, or else he might have to resign himself to bear status, and he just doesn’t have the build for that! These days he mostly just goes for a clean shave every few days or so, but sometimes it ends up being longer. It’s not a bad look, in general, but Five’s right that he’s let it go a little too long this time, getting close to two weeks.

“Come to mention it,” Klaus murmurs, as he lathers his hands in shower gel, “it is a little creepy when you spy on us in bed.”

“Ugh.” Ben kicks the chair Klaus is sitting on. “Now you’re just being gross on purpose.”

“You’re the one making it sexual.” Klaus rubs the gel over his cheeks and down his neck, massaging it into the hair.

“You don’t get to pretend like I’m the one being weird,” Ben says. “You don’t get to do that thing where you play like you’re so worldly and I’m an idiot just because you’ve screwed around a bunch and I died a virgin. Literally anyone would look at what’s going on and think it’s problematic.”

“Well, gee, Ben.” Klaus pauses, hands to his cheeks, and looks wide-eyed around, turning his head exaggeratedly in all directions. “I don’t see anyone looking at us…oh, could it be–is it because Five and I are the last fucking living creatures on the planet?!”

“Nice.”

Klaus gives him a cheery grin and wipes his hands on the washcloth. “I want you to look me in the eye and tell me you honestly believe Five’s interest in you isn’t sexual,” Ben says.

Razor halfway to his face, Klaus pauses, shoulders slumping. “We’ve already had this conversation. Things are fucked up enough without trying to make Five feel bad about wanting physical affection.”

“What about what you want?” Ben demands, suddenly sharp.

“I don’t mind it, Ben. I like it! It’s just a kiss.” He puts down the razor again, pinning Ben with a stymied expression. “Do you–you want one?”

Ben practically jumps in shock, skittering a few feet back, then scoffs. “Oh, so now we’re moving on to deflection.”

“I’m serious.” Klaus reaches out a hand to him. “Are you hurt because of how long we went not being able to touch? We can, now.”

Ben crosses his arms again, hugging himself, and Klaus drops his hand. “I'm not fucking with you, you know. Kissing can be platonic, Ben. Brothers can kiss.” He shrugs and turns back to his mirror. “If you change your mind, let me know.”

Klaus isn’t lying, exactly, but he isn’t not trying to get Ben to drop it by making him uncomfortable, either. Because, well…he knows it’s not platonic on Five’s part, but that doesn’t mean it’s sexual. Yes, Five gets aroused by physical sensation, but his affection is so chaste, uncomplicated and adolescent.

And if Ben’s worried that Klaus is having any impure thoughts, he doesn’t need to. It’s strange, given how Klaus spent the majority of his live chasing all forms of pleasure, particularly sexual, that since ending up in the apocalypse, it’s less than an afterthought. He enjoys Five’s touch, and sensual pleasures like a nice hot bath or the feel of a soft fabric against his bare skin, but it doesn’t spark any sort of arousal where it might have once.

Okay. So, there are butterflies, sometimes. Klaus can’t help that. He was so fucking gone over Five when they were kids. Like a puppy trailing after him everywhere he went. Or maybe more like a peacock, strutting around, making himself as big and loud and colourful as possible to draw Five’s attention. And Five would give it, grudging smiles hidden behind the fall of his hair. Fingers catching hidden from their father and siblings by the fall of their jackets. Letting Klaus lean all over him during photoshoots, or invade his room when he was too bored or too lonely.

Every smile, every touch, every stolen moment together felt like a hard-won prize. Something for Klaus alone. A giddy rush in his chest, a sick pitch in his gut like the floor falling out from under him, but Five was blinking there to catch him. Back then, it had felt like only a matter of time before one of them spoke the words. Before one of them was brave enough to take that final step when they were lying in bed listening to music, sharing a pillow, and they only needed to close the last little distance between them.

It was childish, but also not exactly as innocent as Klaus protests to Ben. They’d been teenagers, afterall, and Klaus was a precocious kid. He spent a lot of late nights fantasising about Five for sure. A lot of cold showers the next morning. Even after Five had gone, before Klaus accepted he wasn’t coming back, or if he did, things wouldn’t be the same. In that time, Klaus had more than one boyfriend that was a poor imitation of Five, where he could close his eyes and imagine.

That dynamic is gone, of course.

If It's Not Love (Then It's the Bomb) Chapter 21, we're finally getting some apocalypse flashback here!

With some quick and dirty estimating, I think there will be about 12-15 more chapters in part one, of which over half are written, yay!!

(meanwhile, total word count for parts I and Ii combined has now exceeded 200k, what am I doing with my life?!)

[theramseyloft]

Beginner’s housing for a pet pigeon

We can go into the complexities involved in housing multiple pigeons at a later time.

Right now, we’re going to focus primarily on setting up for a single bird who is intended to be a companion animal.

The biggest problem you are going to run into is that the housing commercially available for birds is designed either to display a finch or a parrot.

Finch cages make excellent hospital cages for pigeons, but that is their only useful application.

A Hospital cage needs to be small to discourage the bird from moving around too much and doing anything other than eating and drinking, so that their recovery, be that from disease or injury, can progress with as few delays as possible.

A healthy bird cannot tolerate this degree of confinement for long.

Parrot cages are huge and expensive, but too narrow for a pigeon to be physically able to use.

The bare minimum requirements for any cage a pigeon will be housed in for more than an hour a day is that it be two inches wider than the full wingspan of the bird at the narrowest point, to allow their wings at least an inch of clearance on either side.

They are cliff nesters that don’t roost on branches. Round perches hurt their feet, so they need either flat platforms or square perches.

Pigeons cannot climb the way parrots can. They can only walk or fly, and they cannot comfortably fly if their wings will clip into things like hanging toys or ramps.

So they tend to prefer their enclosure be as uncluttered as possible.

Socialization is best done outside the enclosure, so that’s where most of the toys should be.

Dog kennels set up like this one above are kinder to both the pigeons and the wallets of their care taker than pretty much any indoor bird cage available.

A Labrador sized (usually marketed as a “Large”) kennel will fit bird about homer sized and smaller.

Larger breeds or breeds with longer flight and tail feathers will need a larger size as a base line.

These are very simple to modify.

The nest box is a bunny/ferret corner litter box, about $8-10 at most pet shops. Easy to clean and comfortable.

The perch is a garden stake cut to length, about $5 from the garden center at Walmart or a hardware store like Lowes or home Depot.

Honestly, if I had this to do over, the birds would get a wider, shallower food dish.

Pigeons are ground foragers. It’s easier for them to eat comfortably from a shallow dish than a deep one.

The water dish can be as deep as the pigeon can reach the bottom of.

This is the upper level of a ferret nation Double modified for my first breeding pair of Lucerne waaaay back before my loft was built, when I had a grand total of four breeding pair of pigeons and 16 pairs of Ringneck doves.

This one also has a garden steak cut to fit as a perch.

Their nest box is a large dog bowl full of timothy hay.

Notice that this enclosure has a single hanging bell toy exactly at standing head height for the birds, well out of the way of their wings.

This probably looks unbearably spartan, especially if you come form a parrot back ground.

Remember that pigeons cannot climb and will not fly in a space where their wings may bump into clutter.

The cage for an indoor pet pigeon should serve the same function as the kennel does for an indoor dog:

That is NOT where the dog lives!

At most, it’s where they sleep at night, and where a puppy stays when they can’t be supervised until they’ve learned the house rules.

Pigeons are absolutely smart enough to learn house rules just like a dog or cat.

And pet pigeons are happiest when they have the freedom of motion to exercise, play, and interact with their human flock mates at will.

While they can free fly an entire house, a single bedroom is enough space for most breeds to move around happily.

Pigeon proofing is pretty simple.

They aren’t capable of chewing like parrots, so no need to worry about your electrical chords being damaged and your bird giving them self a nasty shock.

They can’t damage wood or drywall or fabric by chewing.

Pigeons don’t eat plants, but do like the feel of ripping them and will use strips of leaves as nest bedding, so house plants may need to be protected by glass covers.

Things displayed on shelves in the room or rooms the pigeon will have access to need to be heavy enough or well enough wedged in that the bird can’t pull them down if they land awkwardly on them or push them off if they bump into or try to squeeze past them.

Papers need to be stored where they won’t be scattered by the wind that their powerful wings kick up in flight.

Any crevices too high or awkward for you to easily clean need to be blocked some how.

Poop is simple.

The poop of a well fed, healthy pigeon with a good diet should be round and solid enough that it can be easily picked up with a square of toilet paper or a tissue when wet or vacuumed up when dry.

Once you know your bird’s favorite perches, you can make clean up even easier on yourself by laying down puppy pads under them that you can just change out as often as needed.

Once a pigeon has mastered the house rules, you can do away with the cage entirely.

This is the feeding station we set up for Ankhou and Bird-bird.

On the little feed tray for cats were the feeder and waterer with oystershell offered free choice from a dish between them.

Pigeons are one of the very few animals that recognize their reflection in the mirror as a a reflected view of themselves, instead of another bird.

Most like to practice dancing, strutting, their sweeping charge, and bow-cooing in front of mirrors, so those are excellent enrichment for them.

Being cliff nesters, bricks are simply the most comfortable thing for a pigeon to stand on.

Strutting back and forth on the rough surface in front of a mirror will help them keep their claws blunted.

The bricks are holding down a crinkle sack for cats, laid out flat. 

Pigeons love noise stims. Particularly crinkly, jingly, or chiming.

The noise it made made dancing in front of the mirror extra fun on the crinkle mat.

The dead keyboard serves a similar function.

This beans box from Walmart full of straw served as Bird-Bird’s nest box.

She laid eggs fairly regularly, and slept in there most of the time.

Ankhou was a man of simple tastes. 

This baby doll blanket on the nightstand at my bedside was where he slept at night.

Social bird was social and wanted to be as close as possible to us at all times and involved somehow in everything we did.

Pigeons like to take baths, and our free flying pet liked to be offered the opportunity to take one when we showered, but did not like to actually be in the shower with us.

So we got him a little pyrex casserole dish about as long as he was that stayed on the side of the bathtub and made a habit of filling it for him before we got into the shower.

Anhkou didn’t care much for forage pans or puzzle toys, but many pigeons do and they are very simple to make.

A pan or tray with a few fists full of straw, paper strips, sand, or a mix of all three with a high value treat like Safflower seeds sprinkled in to find mimics the way rock doves would forage for seed in the wild.

Puzzle feeders for pigeons are as simple to make as crumpling a sheet of paper with a few high value seeds inside.

Pigeons love crinkly sounds and tugging on the crumpled paper or blowing it around by flapping at it will reward them with a few spilled seeds and a fun noise.

The little wicker balls for kitties with a jingle bell inside complete the holy trinity of stick-texture, shiny, and jingly, and many pigeons love to kick, peck, and toss them.

They like to pick up and shake and toss bread ties with a small jingle bell fastened to the end.

Bird-Bird’s favorite toy was the bell intended to go on a kittens collar. 

She liked to strut around with it holding it by the loop by which it was supposed to fasten and very softly jingling it.

Q-tips with the cotton tips removed and toothpicks with blunted or clipped ends are basically pigeon Legos.

Miniature wind chimes like this little angel and her harp are fun auditory stims too.

If you can swing it (ha!), pigeons enjoy swings, as long as the perch is flat.

Experiment with your birds and see what kind of enrichment they enjoy. ^v^

[mtap-comics]

Here comes the next fill in for my Bad Things Happen Bingo Card:

Fandom: My time at Portia

Pairing: Arlo x Female Builder

Summary: Elenya was just mining some iron ore when the earthquake hit.

Word count: (too much) 10'657

Prompt: Crush Injury

Author's note: This one got waaaay out of hand. It got a lot angstier and a lot longer than I intended to, and I have the feeling it's a bit boring at some places, but I hope you get trought to the end.

Warnings: mention of blood

Read on AO3: Link

Rocky Rain

It was a warm spring day in Portia and Elenya was currently in the abandoned Ruin 2, having run out of iron ore again. She had just replenished her supply 2 weeks ago and it was now empty again. Even after more than 2 years as a builder in Portia, she was always amazed at how quickly she used up that stuff. Her whole life in general always took a very surprising course here. 

When she arrived here, she would never have expected what she would accomplish here and especially not that she would get married. To the kindest, most just and handsomest man she had ever met. 

At the thought of Arlo, she paused her mining for a moment and smiled dreamily to herself. They married last winter, almost half a year ago and she was still as in love with him as she had been the first time they kissed. She sometimes still couldn't believe that he had chosen to share the rest of his life with her.

Continuing to smile, she put her pickaxe back in place to continue digging her next tunnel. Over the last two years, she had worked out a strategy for collecting the most ores and relics. She always dug a tunnel first until she came across a good spot with ore. Then she mined everything until she was standing in a more or less large cave. From there, she dug further in all directions to pick up everything useful along the way. If she came across a good spot with ore again, she would build another cave. Arlo called it her mouse maze. 

She was currently working on a new tunnel and was not far from her first cave. It must have been about 2 p.m. when suddenly the ground beneath her began to tremble and stones and sand began to trickle down on her. 

What was that? An earthquake?

She quickly dropped her pickaxe and ran back into her cave. She had supported it with a wooden beam and hoped that this was the safest place. More and more pieces of stone fell from the ceiling and just as she burst into the open space, one of them hit her in the head and everything went black around her.

~~~~~~

She couldn’t have been out for long, because when she came to, the dust around her was still settling. Her head hurt like hell and she was laying on her back, the jet-pack digging uncomfortably into her back. 

Fuck, what happened?

The relic scanner laid beside her, the lenses cracked, but luckily the headlight was still working, so she was able to see the destruction around her. How she could still be alive was a mystery to her. All around her were large chunks of stones and ores. The individual passages that led away from her were all buried, only her small cave had barely survived the earthquake. If she hadn't put up the support beam in the middle, the ceiling would probably have collapsed completely over her.

Damn it, she was completely trapped.

Her first instinct was to panic, but she tried to suppress it. That wouldn't help her now. 

Cautiously, Elenya first tried to assess her head wound. She could feel something warm running down her temple, so it was definitely a laceration, but while her head hurt awfully, she didn't feel woozy. With some luck, she escaped a concussion.

Next she tried to take off her jet-pack, but as soon as she tried to sit up, excruciating pain shot through her left leg, causing her to choke on a scream. She fell back, her vision going black for a moment. When she regained consciousness, she was on her back again, her breath coming in gasps and her stomach twisting with nausea.

Oh God, what was that? She never felt such pain before.

It took her a moment to regain her composure, but when the worst of the pain had passed, she tried to sit up again, this time without moving her legs. Her head complained about the movement, but she needed to get rid of the jetpack and she needed to know what was wrong with her leg.

When Elenya finally sat, her vision momentarily blurred in front of her, and it took her a moment to focus her eyes again. She wished she had stayed put. A large chunk of rock had landed on her shin, just below her knee, burying it completely underneath. Her nausea intensified at the sight and she had to take a few deep breaths in and out to keep from retching.

When she had regained her bearings somewhat, she tried to make out the extent of her injuries. Her right leg was spared except for a few bloody scrapes and when she concentrated through the pain, she could fortunately feel her left foot, which indicated that it was also spared. Her free arms had also received minor scrapes and she was covered in dust from top to bottom, but otherwise her leg was probably the main problem.

Removing her jet-pack, she carefully let herself fall back to the ground. Her head was swimming and she had trouble keeping her rising panic at bay. God, what if someone else was buried? Someone who might not have been as lucky as she was…

Her breathing quickened, images of crushed bodies appearing in her mind. The nausea became stronger again and she had to swallow deeply a few times.

Fuck, she couldn't think like that! She had to think positively or she would go crazy down here.

She just had to be patient. The earthquake had certainly been felt throughout Portia, so the collapse must have been noticed. The Civil Corps was probably already on its way to clear the ruins, along with Albert and Mint's help. She just had to wait.

Elenya tried to distract herself with the thought of her open commissions, ignoring the fact that she would probably not be able to fulfil them. She couldn't tell exactly how much time passed, it could have been 5 minutes or 20 minutes, when suddenly a voice sounded to her right, slightly above her head. A voice she would recognise anywhere, even through the thick layer of stone that separated her from him.

"Elenya, sweetheart, can you hear me? Are you in there?"

Arlo. He was here. He found her.

Relief washed over her.

"Arlo! I'm here!" Her loud call sent stabbing pains through her head, but it was worth it.

"Thank God. How are you? Are you hurt?"

His voice was laced with concern and she would have liked nothing more than to deny his question, but she had to tell him what was going on.

"Could be better. I hurt my head and my left leg is buried. I can't get up..."

Her voice broke on the last words, her suppressed panic coming back full force.

"Fuck fuck fuck, I'm so sorry, darling. Please hold on a little longer. We're about to secure everything so we can get you out of here. Just a little longer, okay?"

Worry could be heard in his every word, but his warm voice alone helped her quickly quell the panic. Then a second voice rang out, but it was too muffled for her to understand.

"I'm afraid I have to leave for a moment, sweetie. They need my help. I'll be back to check on you in a bit though, okay?", Arlo's regretful voice then came through to her. 

No, he couldn't be leaving!

"Wait! Was anyone else hurt?" She needed to know, but even more she needed to hear his voice a little more.

“Don't worry, sweetheart. Everyone else was able to free themselves and only got a few scrapes. Just focus on yourself. We'll have you out of here soon, too. Promise." Arlo sounded firm and left no doubt about his statement. Elenya could hear his retreating footsteps and tried to cling to his words.

Just a little longer. She just had to hold on a little longer.

With difficulty, she continued to try to suppress the pain in her leg. Thought instead of her warm bed, Arlo right beside her, tenderly caressing her cheek...

After about 5 minutes, she was snapped out of her daydream when she could hear footsteps again, this time followed by a loud "clang" echoing through the small cave. Startled, she flinched, but then was able to assign the sound to a pickaxe. Someone was picking away at the collapsed wall.

A few blows later a few stones trickled in to her and a small hole became visible. "Elenya? Are you still with me? Can you tell me where you are exactly? I can't see you from here, I'm afraid." Arlo was back. And now she could hear his suppressed concern even better, which he tried to drown out with his "Captain" voice.

"I'm still here. Don't worry, except for my leg, I'm relatively fine. I'm lying just to your left." Grateful that she didn't have to yell now, she spoke to him as calmly as she could. She knew her husband, didn't have to see him to know that he was just being eaten up inside by worry and guilt. And she couldn't let that stand. Her own panic and pain completely faded into the background, only her wonderful, self-sacrificing idiot of a captain mattered to her now.

"Please don't worry so much. You guys will get me out of here, Dr. Xu will patch up my leg, and then you can take me home and coddle me all you want, okay?" A slight chuckle from the other side brought a smile to her face. Mission accomplished.

"Of course. Mint, Albert and Higgins, with the help of Sam and Remi, are diligently securing the ruins entrance and slowly working their way here." A brief pause. "Does that mean you'll do everything I tell you for once? Let me take care of you?" His fond voice let her smile deepen.

"Yes Arlo, I will. Just please don't blame yourself for this, okay? You can protect me from almost anything, but even you don't stand a chance against Mother Nature. Can you promise me that?"

Silence. 

With a sigh, the smile disappeared from her lips. Mission only partially successful. So she had at least something to do when Arlo will keep her captive in bed.

"Elenya?" The second voice from before sounded again, but this time she could identify it as Remington's. "Hello there. How's my favourite builder holding up?" He sounded concerned too, and she was sorry that she was causing everyone so much worry.

"Hey Remy, as well as can be expected. But the sooner I'm out of here, the better." She sounded lighter than she felt and a deep laugh came back in reply.

"As strong as ever. But we'll get that done. I'm afraid I'm going to have to steal Arlo from you again for a moment to do that, though." Her heart grew heavy. She didn't want to be alone, but of course they needed every helping hand they could get.

As if he had read her thoughts, Arlo's voice rang out again. "I'm sorry, darling, I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?" "Okay..."

Over the next 30 minutes it dragged on like that. Arlo helped with the tasks and came back every few minutes to talk to her briefly. Sam also came over once to relieve her loneliness.

But something felt wrong. The more time passed, the stranger she felt. She felt cold, the nausea returned and even lying down made her dizzy. A haze settled around her vision and it became harder and harder to concentrate. In addition, her skin was covered in cold sweat and her heartbeat accelerated.

Arlo had just been with her again, he had asked her something and she must have answered, but she couldn't remember what. By now she could also hear the voices of the others, so they must be on the verge of breaking through to her, but the sounds became more and more blurred. A deep exhaustion overcame her and she lost the fight against consciousness. Everything went black.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Arlo had just returned from his patrol of South Block when the earthquake hit. He was about to enter the Civil Corps headquarters when the ground beneath him began to vibrate. It wasn't too strong, but still he quickly pulled Spacer out from under the stall and got as far away from the building as possible in case something collapsed.

The tremor lasted about 30 seconds, then everything was quiet again. A quick glance over Portia told him that all the buildings had held and the residents were cautiously coming out of their houses. Hopefully no one was injured.

But before he could think any more about it, a loud crash sounded to his right, directly from abandoned Ruin 2. Startled, he turned around and his heart sank.

Oh no, has the ruin collapsed?

Before he knew it, he was already on the platform directly behind the elevator door of the ruin, looking down into the chaos of stone, ore and sand. The individual tunnels that were still there this morning during his check-up were partially buried and in several places the ground has caved in.

A quick glance at the jet-packs told him that four people must be in the ruins and fear spread through him. Were all four buried?

He would have liked nothing better than to grab a jet-pack himself and start searching immediately, but he knew that doing so alone was far too dangerous. Reluctantly, he left the ruins again and could see with relief that Sam and Remington were just coming up the path to the headquarters.

"Sam, Remy! Get over here!" he called to them and quickly the two hurried towards him. "Arlo! What's going on? What happened?" Remy reached him first and noticed his panicked look. He quickly filled them in. "The earthquake caused the ruin to collapse."

"Oh no..." Sam had also reached them by now and horror spread through the other two civil corps members. "How many people are in there?" asked she immediately, her gaze hardening with determination. "Four jet-packs are missing, but I don't know who is..." Arlo couldn't finish his sentence.

Suddenly the conversation with Elenya from this morning came to his mind. She said she had run out of iron ore for a commission and that she wanted to stock up this afternoon. In the abandoned Ruin 2...

Everything inside him contracted painfully and horror ran through him. Oh no…

“Arlo? What’s wrong?” Remington shook his shoulder slightly and he looked at his two teammates in horror. "Elenya..."

"She's in there?" "Yes, she needed iron ore..." Sam's face looked just as horrified as he felt, only Remy had a better grip on his emotions. "Don't worry about it. We'll find her. Along with the other three people who were inside."

With difficulty he managed to bury his panic under his captain persona and nodded gravely. Four people were in danger and the fact that one of them was his wife was something he had to ignore for now. He was responsible for the safety of everyone in the city and could not allow himself to be distracted.

~~~~~~

The three of them now made their way into the ruin and each grabbed a jet-pack. But before they could even start looking for the missing people, a commotion sounded to their left. Surprised, they looked in that direction and shortly after, Higgins burst out of the ground, two tourists in tow.

"Damn earthquake. I don't have time for this shit!" Cursing to himself, he wiped the dust off his clothes. 

Brief relief spread through Arlo. At least 3 of the 4 missing are so far well, even if the most important one for him was still missing.

"Higgins! Are you okay?" Tensely, Arlo watched the three people approach the platform with cautious steps. At first glance he could not see any serious injuries, but that could be deceptive.

"Yes, everything's fine so far. I just came across these two... tourists... when the earthquake hit. We were lucky and close to the surface, so I was able to get us out of here." By now they had reached the platform and flew up to them with their, thankfully still intact, jet-packs.

Sam and Remy immediately turned their attention to the distraught visitors and Arlo turned to Higgins with a serious look. "I’m glad you are okay. Can you estimate approximately how much of the ruin has collapsed?" Sceptically, Higgins looked up at him. "Why do you ask? Is there anyone still down there?" With a heavy swallow, Arlo nodded. "Yes, Elenya."

Concern was briefly visible in Higgins' gaze before he covered it with an annoyed look. "My rival always manages to get herself into trouble, of course. I'd say the most collapsed on our right, as far as I could sense. How do you plan to find her in here? The area is huge." 

That worried him a lot too, but he already had an idea where she might be. Two weeks ago, she had accompanied him to the ruins in the morning because she was looking for a certain relic part. There she had shown him her latest "mouse maze" and he still knew where the entrance was. He had also seen it during his patrol this morning. Exactly where Higgins suspected the biggest collapse...

Damn, why hadn't he noticed this morning that the ruin was unstable? It's only because of him that Elenya is now under there, trapped or maybe even buried....

He couldn't even think about it. That his little builder, the light of his life, might be lying buried under stones, alone, frightened, or maybe even....

He quickly shook off the thought. He had no time to wallow in fear. Elenya needed him now, trusted that he would find and save her.

Determined, he straightened his shoulders and finally answered Higgins: "I might know where she is. But to get her out safely, we need the help of Albert, Mint and you. Can you get those two for me and tell them what happened here?"

With a now also serious nod, Higgins put down his jet pack and relic scanner and made his way out. Satisfied that the first step had been taken care of, he turned to Sam and Remy. In the meantime, the two of them were able to calm the two tourists down and convince them to go outside.

"Remy, you come with me. Sam, you wait here." His captain's mask sat perfectly again and confused looks met him. "All right, but what's going on? What am I waiting for?", Sam asked him worriedly. "I think I know where Elenya is. The problem is, the spot is exactly where Higgins thinks the biggest collapse was. So we have to hurry. Higgins is just getting Albert and Mint so they can help restore stability. You wait for them here. Remy, we're leaving."

He sounded very harsh, he knew that, but he could apologise later. Ignoring the worried look on his best friend's face, he strapped a jet-pack to his back and flew off in the direction he hoped to find Elenya's tunnel still intact.

A little further back, just before the wall, a hole did indeed appear. Arlo landed as lightly as possible in front of it, so as not to trigger possible landslides by further vibrations.

"I'll go in. Wait here and show the others where to go in, once they arrive." Remy obviously didn't like his plan, but didn't object. "Okay, please be careful though, Arlo. We don't know how unstable it is down there." 

He didn't bother replying and instead took the first step into the tunnel. Elenya wasn't a fan of the jet-packs, that's why her paths were always slightly downwards, so that one could walk down without any problems. With light steps he followed the path until, after only about 20 metres, he found himself in front of a wall full of boulders.

Damn!

But if he remembered correctly, just behind the debris should be her first cave. On a hunch, he called out to her. "Elenya, sweetheart, can you hear me? Are you in there?" And sure enough, "Arlo! I'm here!"

Pure relief flooded through him. He had found her.

"Thank God. How are you? Are you hurt?" He hoped so much that she was just locked up, even if he knew that was just wishful thinking. If it were, she would have freed herself by now.

"Could be better. I hurt my head and my left leg is buried. I can't get up..."

Her voice broke on the last words and his heart overflowed with worry. She was in pain and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Fuck fuck fuck, I'm so sorry darling. Please hold on a little longer. We're about to secure everything so we can get you out of here. Just a little longer, okay?" Before she could answer, Remy appeared behind him.

"Hey, you found her? Very good. How's she doing? Is she hurt?" Concerned eyes looked towards him. "Yeah, she has a head injury and her leg got buried. But other than that, I think she's fine so far." "That's not so good news. But Albert and Mint have arrived and we need your help in deciding how to proceed."

With a heavy heart, he parted from Elenya and made his way back to the surface. There he first told the others what the situation was and how Elenya was doing. Everyone was very worried and a plan was quickly worked out.

Higgins and Sam were sent to bring in as many beams as they could, a ramp was placed from the platform to the surface of the mine for easier transport and Mint set about inspecting the tunnel. Dr. Xu was also alerted but was told to wait outside until they had finished the stabilisation work. The fewer people who put themselves in danger, the better.

They worked for the next half hour. Mint calculated as best he could where the support pillars needed to be, Albert drew the plans and Higgins cut them with Sam's help. Remy and he then set them up while he talked to Elenya from time to time. He was allowed to knock a small hole in the wall to understand her better, but further shaking would have been too dangerous.

While talking to her, he once again was surprised by her strength. Although she was the one who was injured and trapped, she was more concerned about other people, tried to calm him down and even in front of Remy she did not let herself show any weakness. But just as they were about to stabilise the last section, there was suddenly no response from her.

His painstakingly suppressed panic finally burst out and he desperately called out to her. "Elenya! What happened? Answer me, please..." 

Silence.

"Arlo, what's wrong?" Remy's voice rang out behind him and distressed, he turned to the others. "Something is very wrong... She's not answering anymore..." Horrified looks met his eyes. Even Higgins no longer bothered to hide his worried look.

What had happened? She had been fine until just now, considering the circumstances. Why didn't she answer any more?

Everything in him cried out to simply tear down the wall in front of him, ignoring all caution, and only with great difficulty did he manage to close off his feelings again. "Mint, how long until we can finally tear down this damned wall?" The young engineer looked from him to the wall, just as worried about Elenya as everyone else, and then up at the ceiling of the tunnel.

"One more support beam right here, then we should be able to carefully remove the rubble. The less vibration we cause the better. I don't know how stable the cave behind it is." His words were confident and Albert immediately set about measuring the height so Higgins could cut the beam accordingly.

Less than 5 minutes later, there was finally a gap big enough for someone to squeeze through. Without even having to ask, Higgins stepped aside to let Arlo through and relieved, he did just that.

But as soon as his lamp hit Elenya, everything in him froze in shock. His gaze briefly fell on the large boulder lying on her leg, but what shocked him the most was her face. It was devoid of any colour, there were deep shadows under her eyes and the dried blood from the head wound drew a grotesque contrast against her pale skin. She looked as if she was...

Oh God, please, she can't be...

Before he knew it, he was kneeling beside her, ripping off his gloves and pressing his fingers against her neck. Fear and panic were eating him up, choking him and bringing tears to his eyes. His trembling hands took an agonising moment, but then he finally felt it. A heartbeat. Weak and far too fast, but it was there...

A single tear spilled over and his shoulders slumped in relief. She wasn't dead. She was still with him...

But, what was wrong? Why was she unconscious? The head wound didn't look deep and apart from her trapped leg, he couldn't see any serious injury.

A hand came to rest on his shoulder and he looked startled into Remington's face. He had not noticed that the others had widened the gap and had now also come into the cave and were looking at him anxiously.

He cleared his throat briefly to get rid of the lump in his throat and then told them all in a firm voice. "She has a pulse, but it's weak and very fast. We need to get her out of here, now." 

More quietly, he then asked Remy desperately. "What's wrong with her? Why isn't she waking up?"

"I can imagine why." With a grim face, Remy pointed his lamp at the rock resting on Elenya's leg. Confused, Arlo looked at the horrible sight and it took him a moment to see what Remy was pointing at. It was hard to see on the dark floor, but a pool of blood had formed under the stone, already large enough for it to peek out from underneath.

"Fuck... The stone must have cut her leg. The weight is probably the only thing that has saved her from bleeding out so far. We need Dr. Xu in here, now!" Arlo said the last loudly to the crowd and Sam immediately ran off towards the exit. 

He felt sick at the thought that she could have bled to death here all by herself without him being able to do anything about it. To get this image out of his head, he quickly turned back to Elenya, placed his right hand against her pulse again and with his left he gently caressed her cheek. Her skin was cold and clammy, but the faint pulse under his hand soothed him.

"Oh sweetheart, please hold on a little longer...", Arlo whispered softly to her, stroking from her cheek up through her hair. He was about to turn back to Remy to ask him to take the lead, since he definitely won't leave Elenya's side again, when a soft whimper sounded from the very same.

His head immediately snapped back to her and he gently called her name. "Elenya! Darling, can you hear me?" Another whimper sounded. Arlo could feel the whole room tensely holding its breath and after a few encouraging words from him, confused green eyes opened. 

"Hi there..." With a relieved smile, he looked down at her and gently cupped her left cheek with his right hand, carefully guiding her gaze to him. It took a moment, but her slightly clouded eyes managed to focus on him.

When she recognized him, a slight smile spread across her lips and another weight fell from his heart.

She was awake!

"Hey sweetheart, how are you feeling?" Stupid question, but he had to make sure she stayed awake as well. "Hurts..." Her voice was raspy and pained and tears filled her eyes. It hurt him. "I bet it does. If I could, I'd take the pain on myself, believe me. But you just have to hang in there a little longer, okay? Like you said, we'll have you out of here in a minute, Dr. Xu will patch you up, and pretty soon you'll be driving me crazy trying to get back to work."

A tear escaped from the corner of her eye, but as hoped, the slight smile came back to her lips and gently he wiped the tear away with his thumb. "Everything will be fine, okay?" "Okay."

Remington, meanwhile, had taken the lead without prompting and was planning with the others how to get the rock off Elenya as painlessly as possible. Arlo paid them no further attention, trusting his people and focusing instead entirely on Elenya. 

To distract her from her pain and to keep her awake, he quietly started to tell her about his first trip to the Collapsed Wastelands, just 10 years old and armed with a wooden sword. As he did so, he caressed her cheek incessantly and ran his fingers through her hair to further soothe her. 

Her misty gaze told him she couldn't really follow his words, but his voice seemed to help and she leaned into his gentle touch. In mid-sentence, however, she suddenly interrupted him. "Arlo?" Her voice was barely audible, but he was close enough that he had no trouble understanding her. He immediately fell silent and looked down at her questioningly. "I'm... cold..." Her body had begun to shake slightly and her breathing quickened.

Damn, her body was going further into shock! He quickly took off his jacket and threw it over her torso. They had to keep her warm somehow!

However, before he could ask for help, Sam and Dr. Xu finally arrived. Sam was carrying a stretcher on her back and Dr. Xu was dragging a large doctor's bag.

"Dr. Xu! Quick, her body is shutting down! Help her, please." The panic was back. They were so close to finally having her out of here and now this.

"I was already afraid of something like this, so I brought everything we need. Here, take this blanket and try to keep her warm. I need to tie off her thigh to stop the bleeding. Otherwise, we won't be able to lift the rock off of her. Is she conscious?" Dr. Xu quickly rushed toward them, already rummaging in his bag to throw him a shock blanket. 

Arlo quickly spread it over Elenya and then bent over her head again. Her eyes were closed, but as soon as he put his hand back to her cheek, they opened again and wandered unfocused over his face.

Fear constricted his throat, but he managed to answer Dr. Xu. "Barely. But her eyes are still open." "That's good. Unfortunately, this is about to be very painful for her, but you have to keep her awake at all costs, okay?" Dr. Xu looked at him seriously and he could only nod. He knew what the doctor was trying to say. If she were to pass out now, she might never wake up again.

Before this scenario could even settle in his mind, he immediately suppressed it. Elenya needed him now with a clear head. He couldn't permit such thoughts to enter his mind.

At his nod, Dr. Xu set about tying off her thigh and Arlo turned his attention back to Elenya. She followed his movements sluggishly and confusedly, and he smiled reassuringly down at her. "Hey sweetie, it's going to be okay. Dr. Xu is taking care of your leg right now and Higgins and Remy are going to lift the rock off of you right after. I just need you to stay awake for me, okay? Can you do that for me?" 

It took a moment for her brain to process his words, but then she answered him with a slight nod. "That's great. Just focus on me. Nothing else matters, okay?" Softly, he started to pet her hair again with his left hand. With his other, he gently took her right hand in his and gave it an encouraging squeeze.

She flinched briefly as Dr. Xu tightened the tourniquet on her thigh, but otherwise didn't let anything on, and her eyes remained fixed on his. 

He was about to continue his story from earlier when a short piece of wood was held under his nose. Confused, he followed the hand to Dr. Xu's serious face. "Put this between her teeth. She might bite her tongue off, if you don't." Comprehension spread through him as he saw Remy and Higgins behind the doctor, tampering with the rock, and his heart contracted painfully at the thought of what was about to happen.

With a grim nod, he took the piece of wood and gently slid it between Elenya's teeth. She let it happen without resistance and just continued to look him silently in the eyes.

"Sam?" Dr. Xu turned to the blonde-haired woman. "Can you hold her hips down? She can't move her leg once it's free." With an equally grim nod, she positioned herself behind Arlo to keep a steady grip on Elenya's hips on the floor.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart, but this is about to really hurt." Carefully Arlo slid his left hand under her head so she wouldn't accidentally slam it against the hard floor and with the other he took her hand in his again.

Behind him they counted to 3 and then the rock was lifted. Elenya's eyes instantly snapped open in shock and her hand cramped in his. Bruises would probably remain, but that was the least of his worries.

To escape the pain, she instinctively pushed her head back against his hand and squirmed against Sam's grip. Tears streamed from her eyes and her pain-filled whimpering could be heard even through the wood.

His heart broke in two and tears came to his eyes as well. He couldn't bear to see her in such pain.

As soon as her leg was exposed, shocked gasps went through the cave. Arlo didn't even want to know what the leg looked like, instead holding Elenya's gaze captive with his. She was still writhing in pain and her eyes looked up at him in despair. At a loss of what to do, he leaned down further to press his forehead gently against hers and whispered soothing words to her, hoping to give her some comfort. 

"Shhh, it's going to be okay. I'm here. Dr. Xu will be done with your leg in a minute, so your blood will finally stay where it belongs. Just a little longer, sweetie. You can do this. You're my strong little builder after all."

"Okay, her leg is splinted and there's a pressure bandage over the wound. I'll take the tourniquet off now, then we can move her. She needs a blood transfusion as soon as possible. Remington, Arlo, can you lift her onto the gurney?" 

Startled, Arlo looked up when he heard his name. He was so focused on Elenya that he didn't even notice how Sam had gotten up in the meantime and led everyone but him, Dr. Xu and Remy out of the ruin to clear the way. As the words registered in his brain, Arlo broke away from Elenya with a gentle kiss to her forehead. The adrenaline triggered by the pain had left her by now and she lay motionless, her eyes barely open. The piece of wood that was between her teeth lay unnoticed on the floor and her head lolled to the side as soon as he pulled his hand out from under it.

They couldn't waste any more time.

Carefully they lifted her onto the stretcher Sam had brought with her, Dr. Xu making sure that the pressure bandage did not slip. Remy then took the handles by her head and Arlo took the ones by her feet. With sure steps, they wound their way through the narrow path to the surface, Dr. Xu right on their heels.

~~~~~~

As they stepped out of the ruin, Arlo was first blinded by the sunlight. The sun still shone bright and warm, regardless of the fact that his entire world just lay broken and injured before him, barely conscious. In the sunlight, he was also reminded of how terrible Elenya looked. Her whole body was coated with dust and covered in small cuts, her face pale and sunken, and the first drops of blood could already be seen through the bandages.

He had never been so glad to enter the clinic. Phyllis was already waiting for them and they quickly loaded Elenya onto the hospital bed. He wanted to stay by her side, but Remy pulled him aside so the two medics could get to work.

As soon as Elenya was no longer in his field of vision, however, something inside him broke. It was as if all the suppressed fear and panic returned in one fell swoop. His legs buckled out from under him and it was only thanks to Remy's firm grip on his upper arm that prevented him from hitting the ground with his knees. 

Everything inside him contracted painfully and this time he couldn't stop the tears. His wife, his everything, was almost taken from him and the thought ate him up inside. He didn't even notice how Remy led him out of the clinic and only became aware of something again when he suddenly found himself on the couch at Civil Corps headquarters. Immediately he wanted to jump up again, but a hand on his shoulder prevented that.

No! He couldn't leave her alone!

"Arlo! Calm down! Elenya is in the best hands. Dr. Xu and Phyllis are taking care of her and you would just be in the way. Please, get a hold of yourself." Brown eyes pierced his with concern, and only then did he notice how frantic his breathing had become. Strained, he took a few deep breaths and slowly, his racing heart calmed down.

Anguished, he ran his hand through his hair and then buried his face in his hands. "God, Remy, why did something like this have to happen?" His friend dropped down beside him with an exhausted sigh and put a comforting hand on his back. "I don't know, Arlo. But it's going to be okay. Our Elenya won't be brought down that easily. Especially not by a rock. Stone and ore are shaped by her, not the other way around."

A short surprised laugh escaped him, but Remy was right. He was always surprised at what these little hands could create with just a few tools. The proof could be seen all over Portia.

With the help of his friend, he made it through the next hour without losing his mind. Not a soul disturbed them in that time and he wondered if Sam had something to do with it. He was infinitely grateful to his two comrades for keeping a cool head, even though Elenya was also their friend. As much as he hated it, he wouldn't be able to fulfil his duties as captain at all right now.

He was just wondering how much longer they would have to wait when the door to the headquarters was finally pushed open and Dr. Xu came in. He looked exhausted, but his expression was calm and collected. Immediately, Arlo and Remy jumped up and looked at the doctor expectantly. He did not hesitate with his information.

"Okay, I don't know how, but Elenya was very lucky overall. The blood loss was the main problem. Fortunately, she had donated a whole unit of blood a few weeks ago, so we were able to stabilise her for the time being. Her body should be able to regenerate the rest of the lost blood by itself. There's not much to say about her head wound, it was mainly superficial and we just cleaned and bandaged it."

With a sigh, Dr. Xu dropped into the chair next to the couch and instructed the two to sit down as well. Reluctantly, Arlo complied with the request, though he would love nothing more than to rush out the door and wrap Elenya in his arms.

"Now for her leg. The impact of the rock tore her skin and in addition several blood vessels were injured by sharp edges. We were able to stop the bleeding and stitched up the wound. As for her tibia, I was pleasantly surprised. Besides the crush injury, the bone is broken in two places, but the fractures are very clear and there were no splinters, which I had actually expected. I've set the fracture, but as long as the swelling is still so bad and the wound hasn't started to heal, I can't put a cast on her yet. What still worries me a bit is her foot. The blood supply was not completely cut off, but unfortunately I can't completely rule out nerve damage. However, we won't be able to determine that until she wakes up."

Relief flooded through Arlo. It all sounded terrible, but she would get back on her feet. Soon he could take her home and shower her with love. But something about Dr. Xu's voice told him that he still had something unpleasant to say.

"Thank you very much Dr. Xu. It all sounds good so far, but I sense that there is still a 'but'..."

"Well, she was trapped down there for a good hour, surrounded by rock and sand. While the flowing blood regularly flushed some of the dirt out of the wound and I cleaned it as best I could, I still fear that an infection cannot be averted. Her weakened body will react strongly to it, so we'll have to watch her closely for the next few hours."

Renewed concern mingled with relief and he couldn't take it anymore. He had to see her. Now.

Dr. Xu must have seen it in his eyes, because he said, "Yes, you can go see her. Phyllis should be done with cleaning up by now."

Arlo didn't need to be told twice and quickly made his way back to the clinic. When he pushed open the door, he was greeted by a reassuringly smiling Phyllis, but he only had eyes for the room divider behind which his wife lay. Fortunately, Phyllis did not stop him and with careful steps he approached the hospital bed. He had trouble associating the figure lying there with the otherwise energetic woman he loved.

Her face was still far too pale, a square compress was taped over her head wound and her left leg was heavily bandaged. It peeked out from under the thin blanket that lay over her and was elevated with several pillows. All the blood and dirt got washed away and an IV line carried a clear fluid into the back of her right hand. She looked even smaller than usual.

With a heavy heart, he stepped completely up to the bed and carefully took her right hand in his, mindful of the IV needle. His index finger automatically found her pulse at her wrist and the steady heartbeat underneath it let even the last tension flow out of his body. Exhausted, he sank onto the stool next to the bed and a last, relieved tear escaped his right eye.

"Oh, sweetheart, please get well quickly. We need you. I need you." Without letting go of her hand, Arlo leaned over her and placed a lingering kiss on her forehead. Then he leaned back and began to watch over her sleep, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb.

He didn't know exactly how long he sat there, when suddenly a hand came to rest on his shoulder. Surprised, he looked up, straight into Sam's green eyes. "Hey boss, looks like our favourite builder is getting back on her feet. Knew nothing would knock her out that fast." She grinned encouragingly down at him, and Remy, standing behind her, nodded at him with a smile as well.

He smiled back, but it didn't feel right. Until Elenya woke up, he would continue to worry.

Their smiles dimmed a little and Remy spoke up this time, "Don't worry too much, it'll be fine. And you don't have to worry about Portia either. Sam and I can manage without you for a while. Concentrate fully on Elenya. She's going to need you at full strength." "Exactly," Sam agreed with him, "we'll manage. Speaking of which, you might want to take a trip home for a bit. A shower would do you good and you can bring Elenya something comfortable to wear while you're at it. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to lie around in that piece of cloth called a hospital gown any longer than absolutely necessary."

Confused, Arlo looked down at himself and noticed that he was also covered in dust from top to bottom due to the rescue operation. A shower would definitely be in order, but he just couldn't let Elenya out of his sight. On the other hand, Sam was right and she would definitely feel more comfortable if she could put on something familiar. Struggling inwardly with herself, Remy finally took the decision from him.

"Go freshen up and eat something, Arlo. Sam and I will stay here and keep an eye on her, okay?" Remy's voice was as calm as ever and Arlo conceded defeat. His best friend, as always, knew what was going on inside him and what to tell him.

With a heavy heart, Arlo stood up and said goodbye to Elenya with a gentle kiss on the forehead and a soft, "I'll be right back, darling." With a slight nod to Sam and Remy, he made his way home.

He decided to walk to clear his head a little. His insides were a jumble of emotions, from fear, to relief, to guilt, it was all there. Strangely, no one ran into him, but he was only aware of that subconsciously and paid it no further attention.

But even when he arrived home, his thoughts were still as confused as before. Plagued by "What ifs..." and "What could he have done better?", he made himself a sandwich with automated movements, ate it and then stood under the shower. He tried hard not to think about how Elenya had been happily buzzing around him just this morning while they were both getting ready for the day. His heart clenched for what felt like the thousandth time that day and a few tears mingled with the water.

After the shower he felt marginally better and he picked out the most comfortable clothes Elenya owned. He packed for several days, both for Elenya and for himself. The book she was reading also went into the backpack and just as he was about to leave, his eyes fell on the grey sweater lying over the back of her couch. Actually, it was his, but Elenya probably wore it more often than he did. It was old and soft and swallowed her small frame every time she wore it. She loved that sweater, especially when it smelled like him. Said it made her feel safe, especially when he had to stay out late.

He quickly threw the jumper into the backpack as well and headed back up to the clinic.

Just as he passed the west gate, Mayor Gale came rushing up to him. Immediately, more guilt welled up inside him. Portia had been rocked by an earthquake just a few hours ago and he hadn't even checked to see how the other residents were doing. What kind of Civil Corps captain was he, after all?

"Arlo, good thing I caught you." Slightly out of breath, the man stopped in front of him. "Hey boss, sorry about that. Is everyone all right? Was anyone else hurt?" Gale waved him off. "Don't worry about that. Everyone's fine and apart from a few broken plates and pieces of furniture, nothing happened. Nothing that can't be fixed with a few hardworking builders, at least. But I didn't come to see you to talk to Captain Arlo, I came to see Arlo, a loving husband. I sincerely hope Elenya feels better soon. I know what it's like to lose a loved one and am very glad you were spared that today. Please don't think too much about what could have been, but what is. Your loving wife may be a little battered, but she is still with you, breathing and alive." 

Sadness wavered in Gale's eyes and Arlo once again marvelled at how strong the mayor was going through life despite his loss. After that afternoon, he didn't know if he could have done that himself.

"Thank you very much... Gale. I will try to follow your advice." A warm smile came in reply. "That's all I expect. Now go back to your wife. We can manage without you for a while, so don't worry about Portia. I'll also try to calm any anxious minds so you won't be swamped with visitors right away. She will need her rest."

With another thank you and a quick goodbye, he hurried on up the hill with his head now a little clearer.

He was gone for maybe an hour in total, when he pushed open the door to the clinik once again, but what greeted him there made him freeze for a moment. Dr. Xu and Phyllis were standing around Elenya's bed talking animatedly. Sam and Remy stood right next to the door and watched the two with a worried look.

"What happened? What's wrong?" Panicked, he looked to his two best friends and Remy, thankfully, didn't hesitate with his answer. "As already feared, her leg has become badly infected. She suddenly developed a high fever and they have trouble getting it down.”

"Oh, darling..."

~~~~~~

What followed were three days of worry and sleepless nights. Elenya was barely responsive, plagued by high fever and pain, her eyes were always hazy and the only thing she responded to was his voice and touch.

Arlo himself hardly got any sleep. He incessantly wiped the sweat from her forehead and neck with a cold cloth, helped her eat soup, read to her from her book and generally did everything to make her as comfortable as possible. Dr. Xu and Phyllis tried different medicines to bring down the fever, but the only thing that really helped were regular cold wraps around her thighs and arms.

He was completely exhausted. Sam and Remy made him sleep at least a few hours every day in his old room at headquarters, while one of them watched over Elenya, but he never slept more than two to three hours a night. Fear, worry and guilt drove the most horrible images into his head. Each time he woke up plagued by nightmares and could only calm down again when he held Elenya's hand securely in his.

At the end of the third day, the fever finally broke and Elenya's face relaxed for the first time in a long time and she slept peacefully. Relieved, Arlo watched her for a while, repeatedly brushing gently through her hair and across her cheek, until exhaustion caught up with him as well. With his head pillowed right next to her hand on the mattress, he fell asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~

When Elenya woke up, she felt completely exhausted. Her limbs were heavy and opening her eyes alone was exhausting, but she could finally think more clearly again. She remembered the last few days only vaguely. Most of what remained was unbearable heat, pain and a warm voice. Along with gentle touches and the feeling of safety. 

Arlo.

With difficulty, she turned her head to the right and squinted against the bright morning light. Searching, her eyes wandered around the room until they finally lingered on her familiar redhead. His head lay not far from her hand, pillowed on his own arms and his face turned toward her. His eyes were closed and his features relaxed. An affectionate smile settled on her lips.

He had stayed with her all this time.

Carefully she raised her hand. Her whole arm trembled with effort, but she managed to place her hand gently on his cheek. As soon as her fingers touched his skin, however, Arlo startled and looked around the room in confusion. "What...?" When his gaze finally noticed her open eyes, his own widened in surprise and a relieved smile spread across his face. 

"Elenya, sweetheart, you're awake." "Hey Arlo..." Her voice was all raspy from not using it and she was assaulted by a coughing fit. The movement jolted her left leg and a whimper escaped her. Damn, that hurt.

Arlo jumped up at the sound and reached for the glass of water on the small table next to the bed. Gently, he lifted her head with his left hand and put the glass to her lips. "Here, drink slowly, or you'll choke even more." She tried to listen to him, but it was hard. Her throat was completely parched and if he hadn't held the glass back, that's probably what would have happened.

When the glass was empty, he carefully placed her head back on the pillow and sat on the edge of the bed. His right hand first rested briefly on her forehead and then slid down to gently cup her cheek. With a happy sigh, she leaned into his touch.

"Good, your fever is finally down. How are you feeling?" Blue eyes eyed her anxiously, and Elenya tried to smile reassuringly at him. "I feel drained, but I can think again, and as long as I keep my leg still, hardly anything hurts. I guess Dr. Xu gave me the good stuff."

"Yes, he did. Even though it didn't do much for a while, I'm glad you're feeling better so far." His shoulders slumped in exhaustion and comfortingly she nuzzled against his hand. A loving smile and gentle caress of his thumb against her cheek told her she had done the right thing.

Her eyes threatened to close again, but an important question was buzzing around in her head, which she absolutely had to ask. For a while longer she enjoyed the warmth of Arlo's hand and smile, and then hesitantly asked. "Arlo... What exactly happened?" As she already feared, the smile immediately disappeared from his lips and with a sigh he leaned back a bit, taking his hand with him.

"What's the last thing you remember?" "I... was in the ruin. Then there was an... earthquake and part of it collapsed. I got trapped and... couldn't get away, but then... you found me. We... talked, but then... everything went black..." Exhaustion made it difficult for her to speak, but she fought it. She just had to know what had happened.

"God, I was so scared when you suddenly stopped answering me. I think I aged 20 years in the last four days." Tormented, he looked down at her and her heart contracted painfully. She could not let that stand. Desperately she tried to lift her hand to his cheek, but halfway her body gave up. Arlo, fortunately, saw what she was about to do and quickly grabbed her hand before it fell back onto the bed and cradled it against his own cheek.

"You look pretty good for a 50 year old though," she tried to cheer him up. He may had deep shadows under his eyes, his hair was dishevelled and his beard could use a shave, but in her eyes he was still the most beautiful man she'd ever seen. The fond smile he gave in response only emphasised that even more.

"Very funny, sweetheart." He pressed a gentle kiss to her palm and then lowered their intertwined hands into his lap. With a serious look, he then continued with his narrative. "The rock that fell on you had torn a big wound in your leg and you were slowly bleeding out. When we finally reached you, you had already lost a great deal, but we were just in time. Dr. Xu and Phyllis fixed you up, but the wound had become infected. You had a high fever for the last 3 days and were unresponsive. As for your leg otherwise, the bone is broken in 2 places and will probably take a good 10 weeks to heal completely. But that's nothing that either of us couldn't handle."

10 weeks? 10 weeks in which she couldn't work properly? She would go crazy!

But before she could worry about that, Arlo made a noise as if he wanted to say more. He swallowed hard once and to her horror tears sprang to his eyes. "God, I'm so sorry my darling. This is all my fault. If I had inspected the ruin better that morning, no one would have even been allowed in until it was secured.... I put all the people in Portia in danger..." A tear escaped from his eyes and he sat completely slumped on the edge of her bed.

All sleepiness disappeared from her and desperately she tried to sit up, but her body wouldn't play along and instead she just jolted her broken leg. Pain shot up from it and made her hiss. Immediately, two strong hands gently pushed her back into the pillows and Arlo looked at her indignantly. "Elenya, what are you doing?"

A frustrated grumble escaped her. Her wonderful husband was being a complete moron again, and she couldn't even sit up to hug him! 

"I want to hug you! But my damn body won't cooperate..." She pouted, eliciting a soft laugh from Arlo. "Your body's been fighting a bad infection for the last few days, you're going to have to give it some time to recover. But wait, I'll help you." He slid back a little more on the edge of the bed until he was sitting level with her thighs, then leaned down to her and gently slid his arms under her shoulder blades. He had to contort himself quite a bit to do this, but that didn't seem to bother him much. Slowly he pulled her up until she was sitting upright with her head resting against his right shoulder. But even the slight movement made her dizzy and she buried her face in his neck, whimpering softly. 

His arms shifted their grip slightly and he pulled her protectively against his chest. The dizziness luckily quickly subsided and happily she snuggled against him even more. Being wrapped in his arms has always been the best feeling for her. And as she hoped, it helped Arlo too, because although his grip didn't loosen, she felt the last of the tension release from his shoulders and a relieved sigh escaping him.

They stayed like this for a while, enjoying each other's closeness, when Elenya remembered why she had originally wanted to hug him. With effort, she disengaged her head from his shoulder and tried to catch Arlo's gaze. She didn't have to search for long, because he was already looking down at her in confusion.

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Do you need to lie down again?" His blue eyes were laced with concern and she gave him a soft smile. "In a minute, I first have to get those stupid thoughts out of your head. After all, as your wife, that's my job." A furrow appeared between his eyebrows and she would have liked to smooth it out with her thumb, but she was already struggling to keep her head up with her own strength.

"Will I ever be able to convince you that not everything bad that happens in Portia is your fault? You're the captain of the Civil Corps and a strong fighter, yes, but even you can't beat Mother Nature. Accidents happen, love." A sheepish shrug was the only response she got. 

Okay, that hasn't worked so far. Then she had to approach it differently.

With a sigh, her eyes closed exhaustedly without her consent, and Arlo immediately took that as an excuse to duck out of the conversation. "You should lie back down, honey. You need to rest." 

Damn that stubborn man!

"No, I'm not done with you yet. Would you blame Sam or Remy for the collapse if one of them had controlled the ruin that day?" Challengingly, she looked up at him, and scandalised, he looked back. "Of course not. How could they have known something like that would happen?" 

Waiting patiently, she looked at him until he realised what he had just said himself. Silently, he averted his eyes from her and her expression turned sad.

"Then… why are you doing this to yourself, Arlo?" Instead of answering, he hugged her tightly to his chest again and buried his face in her hair. She let him take the time he needed to sort out his thoughts and instead listened to the strong heartbeat beneath her ear.

"I... I was so scared for you. I can't stop thinking about what I could have done better. As soon as I close my eyes, I see your deathly pale face and the pool of blood under that rock in front of me. I could have lost you..." His voice broke at the last words and so did her heart. 

His arms around her back tightened and so she spoke against his chest. "You did everything you could, Arlo. You found me, got me out of there in time, and now I'm here, with you..."

A hand detached from her back and instead placed itself against her cheek to lift her head. Warm lips settled on hers and lovingly Elenya returned his desperate kiss.

"I'm so glad we found you." Arlo pressed another soft kiss to her lips and then looked at her with love. "Me too..." A heavy yawn came over her and this time she allowed him to gently lay her back on the bed. He pulled the blanket that had slipped down up to her chin and brushed a loose strand from her forehead. 

All her energy spent, her eyes fell closed, but something prevented her from falling asleep. Tiredly, her eyes opened again and, seeking help, she looked at Arlo, who was just about to sit down again on the chair next to the bed. "Arlo?" " Yeah?" "I'm really cold..." Now that Arlo's body heat was missing, she felt how cold she was. The thin T-shirt she was wearing under the equally thin blanket and a pair of short sweatpants didn’t do a really good job at keeping her warm.

"Oh, wait, I have just the thing. Actually, I brought it for you, but because of your high fever I wasn't allowed to put it on you. Here." Confused, she watched him take off the sweater he was wearing and only then did she notice that it was the one she liked best. With his help, she managed to pull it on and was immediately enveloped in warmth and his wonderful scent. Relieved, her eyes closed again and a soft smile crossed her lips.

"Rest, my darling. I will be here when you wake up. I love you." A soft kiss on her forehead was the last thing she registered before she fell into a finally restful sleep.

In the end, she couldn't say whether she had said her reciprocated "I love you too" aloud or not.

She slept.

[tvitr]

uwu I don’t make the ruwules

(Okay fine, reasons/opinions below the cut but be warned! I won’t be holding back on game or book spoilers. Or rambling. This got longer than I anticipated lol)

BETTER IN THE BOOK

Eis “Fireman Sam” Glover: I don’t know what the game was trying to do with this one. I guess he gets overwhelmed by the fire and loses his composure or gets scared or... something?  Also why did he not bring a hose. Or a mask.  This is why so many reviewers thought Wonderworld was a metaphor for purgatory and all the inhabitants are dead I swear. Who cares, the book handled it a lot better. I wouldn’t say it’s perfect, but there’s definitely a good idea here with some interesting themes. The gist is that he feels ashamed following his captain’s orders to retreat during a serious blaze, which his colleagues disobeyed, and his colleagues are later hailed as heroes by the press.  Is Balan the Book trying to take on toxic masculinity...? How brave. Tl;dr, the book conveyed the story a Hell of lot better than the game. Honestly I’m surprised this is the only one.

BETTER IN THE GAME

Haoyu “Airplane Boi” Chang: So the book tried waaaay too hard to draw a parallel between Haoyu and Fiona (aka, Dolphin Girl) to the point that they both share a similar backstory, in that they had a hobby which led to a near-fatal accident and now they’re too traumatised to resume said hobby. And that’s not a bad thing per se but... “near fatal accident” was already Fiona’s backstory. We didn’t need a duplicate. And this is more personal preference, but I kinda liked Haoyu’s story in the game anyway. His failure at building a functioning aeroplane out of crap he found in his garage is endearingly funny in the game, and the resolution of him taking time out to sit down and study before building anything is a nice spin on the whole “if at first you don’t succeed” theme the chapter wanted. 

Sana “Bird Lady” Hudson: So the book decided they didn’t want to make Cal an angry sore loser so guess what? They made Sana an angry misanthrope. Wonderful. Okay maybe that’s harsh, but she definitely came off as very bitter and unsympathetic in the book. Like there’s a scene at the end where she harasses a firefighter and tries to steal a fire engine because they’re working on a building fire and not supervising her park. That’s not a character you wanna root for. That’s a Karen. The game had a better plot thread and resolution to her story rather than a boring cookie-cutter “humans vs. nature grrrr humans are so evil” story, like the game story here had a bit more depth to it and approached the topic more maturely than the book did. Which is ironic considering how hilariously edgy the book gets sometimes, but I guess throwing a few smashed eggs and frozen bird skeletons into your story doesn’t mean anything if you’re still going to paint such a black-and-white narrative.

Iben “Frozen Elsa” Bia: This story didn’t need dialogue. Like... we don’t need her to justify why she’s upset her parents are dead because we’d already assume that. They’re her parents! Of course we’d assume she’d be upset! They died! Simultaneously! That’s horrible! WE DON’T NEED HER TO EXPLAIN THIS! Also her dialogue in the book was... pretty terrible, not gonna lie. Like if you’re gonna insist on dialogue at least make it gOOD. I’m actually planning on just reviewing her book scene so I can fully articulate just how bad it is anyway, so stay tuned for that mess lol.

FINE IN BOTH

I mean there’s not really too much to say here but anyways:

Jose/”The Farmer” having a family in the book gives him a bit more depth, even if we never hear from them again after his backstory dump.

Fiona/”Dolphin Girl” almost drowns in a slightly different way, with a dolphin straight up pulling her mask off rather than knocking it out of her mouth, and the book also goes more into detail about her love for diving and dolphins. Also the book ships her and Haoyu like. So hard. Like they never shut up about how similar they are or what they other’s doing or if the other’s okay or not. By the end of it I was expecting them to just start making out in front of everyone, they’re that obsessed with each other. And it would be funny if they didn’t use this to wreck Haoyu’s backstory like I mentioned earlier.

Yuri/”Bug Kid”/”Is that a Pokémon reference?” is now being kinda bullied for liking bugs, which yeah gives her more depth and reason to be upset but I also kinda related to her just being that One Kid with interests that nobody else had. But it’s not as bad as some of the other changes, so I can let it slide.

Atillio/Clown and Bruce/Old Man are the same, nothing to say here.

Lucy/”The Artist” is a total drama queen but then again so are Art People so I can let it slide. I did like them changing her problem from “artist’s block” (seriously?) to her feeling too under pressure to create masterpieces, unless that’s what the game was aiming for? Oh who cares.

JUST A BIG MESS

Cass “Dead Cat Girl” Milligan: This is a weird one because the story is the same between the game and book (though the book mentions she witnessed a more severe car accident rather than a speeding car which she assumes kills the cat, and the cat isn’t even her cat, it’s a stray) but the story itself is... flawed. According to the book, they wanted to convey the idea that running away from the accident was irresponsible, and she just needed to look back and she’d see her cat is okay, but the game kind of makes it look more like Balan turned back time to save her cat, and the book mentions a serious car crash which I don’t think anyone would willingly return to. I feel there’s a better way to convey this idea of being responsible for your pets, like say her cat escapes from the house and gets lost, and her resolution is going out and properly looking for it. That’s a more effective (and natural) way to relay that message, especially as they weren’t going to commit to the idea of grieving a lost pet.

I’M CONFLICTED

Cal “Chess Daddy” Suresh: God this was a tough call. On one hand Cal’s game backstory is one of the ones most YouTube players single out as the weakest backstory in the game. He’s just “that guy who lost one game of chess”. Being right before Iben’s level certainly doesn’t help. I could honestly write a separate post about how bad the story placements are in this game but that’s too long for here.  On the other hand, I still... kinda like it? Like I like this idea of him being a sore loser with a bad temper who needs to learn some humility, sure it’s not as serious as “I almost drowned” or “my parents are dead” but one of the few good things about the game is that it balanced “serious” stories with “benign” ones, if that makes sense. HOWEVER His book scene is... probably one of the best written in the whole book. Which isn’t saying much, but it felt like it hit the intended degree of darkness that the rest of the book was trying to hit. One of my main issues with the book is how much it edged up everyone’s backstory, which doesn’t sound bad but when you have 12 characters with edgy backstories to sit through, it starts to feel like a 14 year old's first attempt at writing an angsty fanfiction very quickly. And yes, Cal’s story is dark and angsty but it felt like the perfect balance of dark and angsty. Or as perfect as the book can get. Like even Balan’s annoying rhyming dialogue sounded good for the tone of the scene. Man maybe I should just do a review of both his backstories in a bigger post.  Obviously I could be biased because I’m a sucker for chess aesthetics and dark skinned men with long permed hair so I’m just putting more thought into him but still.

[malandro-x]

I've been gone waaaay longer than intended! I apologize!

In the beginning of the year I was going through a depression, ended things with a toxic friend that I'd known for 10+ years that affected me more than I wanted to admit, and was overall just not at my best. Which meant my muse suffered for it, which is terrible.

I've been spending my time mostly on Facebook in the Helluva/Hazbin fandom, which I adore! I will still have my main stuff there, as well as that being my main spot to talk to my close friend who's helped me mentally without even realizing it. Overall I'm in a much better head space now! I also have been missing my boy dearly! So I thought I'd try being active here again! I may be spotty within the next week cause I will be visiting my hometown, but after that I hope to be here more!

So if you wanna do things with José, please hit him up!!!

[skellebonez]

69, 71, and/or 79 with some Red Son bondin with cats that Xiaotian (and literally everyone else) is Not Allowed To Touch otherwise said cat will rip their hands off? (and you might get some more cat asks cuz there are a lot of good prompts for this- just tell me if you don't want me to lmao-)

It's been taking me a while to get to a lot of these for... many offline related reasons, but I hope the wait for this was worth it! I would very much welcome more cat related asks if you are still willing to send them in! This is slightly similar to a past fill I did, but waaaay longer and with a very different cat.

You see that death glare means she likes you./When you aren’t paying attention, they watch you./How did you get that scar?

Sandy had warned them all about Feng, so named for the exceptionally windy day he had found the poor cat outside in the docks. She wasn't a young cat, but she wasn't particularly old either, and she was one of the few cats living with Sandy that was not in any way a therapy cat. She was gorgeous, extra fluffy and white with bright blue eyes that drew you in. And she was very, very, temperamental and very, very, deaf.

Feng likely didn't have the nicest life before Sandy found her and took her in, and while she got along just fine with the other cats she took months to warm up to Sandy alone. And he spent almost all his free time with the cats! So anyone else who was just a random passerby in her eyes was new danger stay away no trust to be found here.

Xiaojiao learned that the hard way via an incredibly nasty scratch and a terrifying sounding hiss when she went to pick her up before Sandy had the chece to shout out the necessary warning. Xiaojiao was fine with it, given she scared Feng by grabbing her, and was more careful to approach the cats a lot slower after that. And she liked having a story to tell when people asked "How did you get that scar?" ("Twas a feriouscious beast of a feline!" she would tell them.)

So that was why Sandy was so surprised to enter his house boat to feed his cats only to find Feng sprawled out all over Red Son's lap as he gently scratched her behind the ears.

"Uh..."

"I thought you said the last three times I was here that this one would 'leave me alone if I left her but would take off my hand if I touched her', Sandy," Red Son said with a chuckle, moving his hand to scratch under Feng's chin. Her purring, already as loud as Xiaojiao's motorcycle, grew louder as she turned over onto her side in his lap.

"Normally, yeah," Sandy said with a chuckle of his own, scratching the back of his head in awe. "It took her a long time to even warm up to me, and she still won't let Xiaojiao or Xiaotian touch her at all even with them leaving her alone like I ask them to."

"Maybe it's my extra body heat," Red Son mused, noting the other two cats curled into his sides. "It's kind of hard not to know when I'm coming near you."

"Well, when you aren't paying attention they watch you... so, yeah, that makes sense to me!" Sandy laughed heartily as he made his way into the kitchen, preparing some tea and snacks for the two of them. "She must have remembered it was you who made it feel warmer in the room and once she got used to that she started to, no pun intended, warm up to you."

Red Son hummed softly as Feng stood in his lap and stretched before curling up in his lap in a more comfortable position, claws pulling at his pants as she kneaded his leg happily.

~

"Red what the hell?" Xiaotian asked in fear, looking at the red clad man and the white cat in his arms. "How are you holding Feng? What did you do?"

"Exist?" Red answered with a shrug and a chuckle, sitting next to the Monkie Kid with a smirk. "Do you wanna hold her?"

"Won't she try to murder me?" Xiaotian asked with a squeak at the end as Feng turned to him, face looking nothing less than "angry".

"Don't worry, she trusts me," Red soothed as he scrathed her ears and held her out. "Besides! You see that death glare? Means she likes you."

Before Xiaotian could protest a second time he found himself with a lap full of tense and glowering cat and he froze. He stared at Feng. She stared at him. Then Red Son reached out slowly and ran his hand down her back and she practically melted into Xiaotian's lap and for the first time ever he heard her purr.

"Holy shit you have to do this with Xiaojiao, she will never believe me."

[the-gay-prometheus]

Frankenstein AU Segment - “A Time to Mourn” Part 1

Uh- hi - I couldn’t figure out a better title for this one so. We’re stuck with this for now until I think of something better.

Anyways.

This one takes place quite a while after the segment called 'Try.' There's a bit of context missing because of this but... Hopefully it's not too confusing.

A bit of background on this. I knew for a while that I wanted to introduce Ernest and Elizabeth into the main story by having Victor, Henry, and Agape visit William’s grave and be found entirely by accident, but I wasn’t really sure how I wanted to make that happen. And then, in my brain’s infinite wisdom, I came up with.... whatever the hell this is.

Fun fact - part of the writing process for this legitimately had me physically sobbing. Which is kind of sad considering... this isn’t even close to the most painful part of the AU as a whole. Point is though, it took me way longer to write because how in the world do you put into words something that there are no words to describe? I know for sure I still wasn’t able to do it justice despite spending weeks thinking it over and writing and rewriting it, but I think I got it as close as I could possibly get.

Now on to the somewhat disappointing part: this segment is technically going to be posted in two parts. I didn’t intend for it to end up being another two-parter, but what ended up happening was that I suddenly realized I had five pages of content written for it already despite still having more to write and, if I had ended up introducing Ernest the way I originally wanted to, that would have taken up another page or two at least. That would have ended up being a nine to ten page segment - which is waaaay too long if you ask me. This does unfortunately mean that Ernest’s true introduction is going to be delayed, but....

There is a bright side to this, though! I have a new idea for the full introduction of Ernest, and this means that Ernest will actually be getting a segment that is primarily focused on himself way sooner than I originally anticipated. I think he deserves as much, to be honest. 

...All of that out of the way, on to the story.

A few warnings for this one: Mentions of blood, death of a child, and breaking bones (if you catch any I missed, please let me know asap!)

As always, likes, reblogs, and comments of any kind are highly appreciated!

It was before the sun rose that Victor awoke, somehow feeling entirely alert despite having only slept a few hours. He sat up in bed, staring at the wall in silence as he prepared himself for the day and the journey ahead. Henry stirred beside him, and though Victor hushed him quietly, his hazel eyes shuttered open. Still half asleep, he yawned and wriggled slightly, pulling the blanket over himself more before slowly starting to half sit upright. “Mm… it’s not already time for you to leave yet, is it?” he grumbled, voice raspy from sleep.

“If I want to make this as quick a trip as possible, yes,” Victor sighed in return, reaching over and taking Henry’s hand.

“And you promise you’ll be back in two days at most?”

“I promise,” Victor answered quietly, lifting his hand and gingerly kissing the back of it. Henry smiled slightly, shifting his grip and returning the kiss with one of his own on the back of Victor’s hand. Victor smiled back, but the expression soon faded into a more solemn one. “Do you promise you’ll keep him here until I come back?” Henry nodded.

“I promise. We’ll… probably go climbing or something,” he replied, sitting more upright and leaning his head on Victor’s shoulder. Victor rested his head against Henry’s, staring ahead once again.

“You should probably talk to him today, while you’re at it,” he suggested. Henry glanced up at him.

“Only if he brings it up. I don’t think he’d take it well if I was the one to bring it up.” Victor was silent, but nodded after a moment. With great effort, he pried himself away from Henry and slipped out of bed to prepare himself for the journey ahead. As he dressed himself, Henry stretched and pulled himself out of bed, walking over and wrapping his arms around Victor from behind once he was fully dressed in his traveling clothes. Victor leaned back into him as Henry placed his chin on his shoulder, raising one hand and placing his palm on Henry’s cheek. “I wish I could come with you,” Henry murmured quietly.

“I know,” Victor replied, “but someone needs to stay and make sure Agape doesn’t leave.” He sighed softly. “In a perfect world you could come with me and I could trust he wouldn’t follow but… we both know him. He’d follow even if he promised not to.” Henry nodded.

“You’re right. But I’ll still miss you.” Victor smiled, pulling back and turning to face him. He stood on his toes and rested his arms on Henry’s shoulders before kissing him softly, Henry reciprocating as he wrapped his arms back around him.

“I know,” Victor answered as he pulled back again. “I’ll miss you too.” Despite Henry’s reluctance to let him go, Victor moved to grab his black coat from the hook by the bedroom door.

“Please take care of yourself while you’re gone,” Henry requested, walking over and helping him to put the coat on. Victor nodded, popping the collar up.

“I will, as best as I’m able.” Just as he opened the door, Henry took hold of his arm and pulled him in for one last kiss, which Victor certainly didn’t protest to. After a moment, he gently tapped Henry’s shoulder, and Henry begrudgingly broke away, a sort of pouting expression in his eyes that made Victor smile. He walked out of the room, silently opening the front door and stepping outside. Henry followed him to the door, standing in the doorway as Victor took a moment to look up at the starry morning sky, admiring how the black of night had begun to lighten around the horizon with the coming sunrise.

“Victor?” Henry called as he watched his husband begin to make his way toward the trail that would lead down the mountain. Victor paused and turned.

“Hm?”

“I love you.” Victor smiled.

“I love you too. I’ll be back before you know it.” With that, he turned again, and disappeared into the trees.

---

“Agape?” Henry called out, worry in his voice as he trudged through the forest, frantically searching in every direction. “Agape?!” After Victor left, he had crawled back into bed and - despite intending to only sleep until just after the sun fully rose, he had managed to sleep in until noon. When he awoke, he realized that his son was nowhere to be found. Though he tried to keep calm, he was terrified. After all, he promised Victor that he wouldn’t let him leave, but now he couldn’t even find him. He searched each of Agape’s usual favorite thinking spots - the pool in the mossy clearing, the circle of stones that looked like they had been intentionally placed in the middle of a stand of silver fir, the grove of collapsed larches from some long-past avalanche, the massive waterfall that dropped from the edge of a cliff and left the forest around it coated in mist - he was still nowhere to be found. The final place he could think to check was the alpine meadow on the other end of the forest, and as he passed through the final tangle of branches, he breathed a sigh of relief as he caught sight of the one he was looking for. Agape stood very still, his long black hair and dark cloak gently billowing in the mountain breeze as he overlooked the peaks on the horizon. Henry approached him slowly and solemnly, standing at his side and staring off in the same direction. “Agape I… I was hoping you would have come and talked to me this morning.”

“You were still asleep when I awoke,” Agape replied after a moment’s silence. “I did not wish to wake you.”

“Instead you worried me half sick,” Henry pointed out, turning his eyes to him.

“That was not my intention.” As he stared out over the distant heights, Henry searched his expression for how he was feeling. “I needed some time to… think.”

“About?” Henry asked, sitting on the grass and motioning for him to sit as well. Agape looked down at him, and hesitated for a moment before sitting beside him.

“I required time to think about what I should do,” he concluded, looking down as he brushed his fingers through the grass around him. He turned, his eyes settling on a patch of wildflowers further down the slope. “I… wish to pay my respects.” Henry tensed.

“That’s… that’s a wonderful idea Agape but, well-” He paused, unsure of how to word it and worried he might take it the wrong way. “Well… Victor- he… See, that’s- that’s where Victor is off to at the moment. And he specifically requested to be-” He cut himself off as Agape suddenly stood, and began walking over to the patch of wildflowers. “Agape?” The tall figure bent down, and began plucking a few of the flowers. Curious, Henry stood and walked over to him. As he walked over, Agape straightened himself upright, and held out a small handful of the flowers for Henry to see.

“As I recall, flowers are a customary gift for the dead, correct?” he asked. Henry was about to reply, when he caught sight of the flowers that Agape held. They were small, pale blue, and grew in clusters on long, vibrant green stems. “Myosotis alpestris,” he recited, recalling the scientific name from one of his and Victor’s many excursions to this spot. “Commonly known as-”

“Forget-me-nots,” Henry breathed, looking up at him. Agape nodded.

“Indeed. They seem… most appropriate.” Suddenly Henry was conflicted. On one hand, he knew Victor needed time to grieve alone. After all, it had been two years, and all that time, he never really had a moment to spend truly grieving. But on the other hand… there was Agape. Clearly seeking something, likely closure or forgiveness, and who was he to deny him that?  “If I wish to arrive there in a timely fashion I should leave presently,” Agape continued, breaking him from his thoughts.

“I’m coming with you,” Henry blurted out before he could consider trying to change his son’s mind. Agape gave him an odd, yet comforted look.

“I would much appreciate your accompaniment, Henry, but if that is the case then we truly must leave right away unless you intend for me to carry you.” Henry shook his head.

“That won’t be necessary,” he answered. “Though I may take you up on that offer on the way back.” Agape nodded.

“I understand. In which case, let us be on our way.”

---

By the time Victor arrived at his family’s cemetery, it was well into the night and the full moon coated the land in an eerie pale gleam. Throughout his journey he had felt strangely numb, as though the reality of it all still hadn’t set in yet - which was especially strange, considering it had been two years now. Still, as he stepped beyond the gate, it seemed as though the weight of every body that lay beneath was piled on top of him and for a moment he struggled to breathe. Memories flooded back of his time in Ingolstadt, digging through graves in the middle of the night, sorting through corpses, picking and choosing which parts he would take and which he would leave behind. Although he knew he had nothing to fear, a chill ran down his spine as he felt like a hundred spirits had gathered around him to judge him for his actions. He shook the thought away, gripping at the collar of his coat and pulling it to cover his face as he walked onward. Searching through the names he once played amongst as a child, he finally came across the headstone he was looking for, and upon seeing it he suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Resting serenely beneath a willow was a small granite stone that read ‘William Frankenstein ~ Tragically murdered on May 7th aged 8 years.’ It felt like a nightmare. It felt like it shouldn’t be real. Even after all this time, he couldn’t picture it. The last time he had seen his brother, he was no more than an infant, and he couldn’t fathom what the body six feet beneath where he stood might have looked like. Though his throat was suddenly dry, he shuddered and swallowed hard as he reached out and placed a hand on the cold stone.

“I-” His voice cracked as he began to speak. “I don’t… I don’t know what to say to you. I… I don’t have the words.” He hesitated, clenching his eyes shut. “How, William- how have I continued on knowing that your innocent blood is on my hands? I’m... I never should have-” He sucked in a shaky breath, then suddenly recoiled as a horrible vision swam in his mind. He could see it clearly: his creation’s horrible hand upon the throat of a child, yellow eyes burning with fury as he squeezed the life out of his infant brother. A squeak of disgust escaped his throat at the thought, and he trembled. “I never should have done it. I never should have created it. I- If I hadn’t you would still be alive and- and-” His trembling worsened and he broke into a cold sweat. “Good god William, what the hell am I doing? That thing, that demon, he slaughtered you with his bare hand, and here I am playing the father figure. You, my own brother, perished from his malice and I have been treating him with dignity he most certainly doesn’t deserve!” he exclaimed, his voice hoarse. “How blinded by my own fear of what he might do have I been? How insulting it must be to see me treat your murderer with such care.” He nearly fell as his trembling worsened, and he caught his fall upon the edge of the headstone with a gasp. Slowly, he recovered and stood. “How-” he was cut off by the sound of footsteps, and for a moment fear gripped him until he turned. Walking into the cemetery were two familiar shapes, and though in other circumstances he might have been glad to see them, in this particular moment he felt his blood boil with rage. “You’ve got an awful lot of nerve to follow me here,” he seethed as they approached, his eyes narrowed as he glared at them. Henry sighed, glancing away as he stopped just a few feet from where Victor stood.

“I know- I’m sorry but-”

“No, Henry,’” Victor snapped, clenching his fists. “You. Promised.”

“Yes, I did, and I shouldn’t have. This isn’t about me and it isn’t about you either. He-” Agape slowly walked forward, his expression seemingly blank as his yellow eyes stared down at the headstone. Victor felt rage coursing through him at the sight, his mind still reeling from the dreadful vision he had witnessed only moments ago.

“Get the hell out of my sight,” Victor snarled at the creature, his hand shaking as he forcefully pointed toward the exit. Agape didn’t respond, instead simply taking another silent step. Henry wanted to speak up, but kept his mouth shut, knowing nothing he would say could possibly help. “How dare you come here! After what you did to him you-” He cut himself off as the creature took another step. “Are you listening to me? Get. Out!” he cried, pointing once again toward the exit. Another step. “I swear if you take one more step I will not be responsible for my actions,” he hissed. Another step, suddenly more unsteady this time. Victor felt fury swell within him and he suddenly lunged toward his creation. Henry grabbed him before he could lay so much as a finger on Agape, and Victor in turn was about to push him away to make another attempt at striking the creature, when his eyes caught sight of pale blue clutched between his creation’s boney hands. He hesitated suddenly, his vision focusing to realize that Agape held a small bouquet of various wildflowers he had plucked along the journey to the cemetery, though most numerous in the assortment was forget-me-nots. His eyes widened and he felt some of his rage dissipate as Agape took another faltering step. Henry, seeing that Agape was struggling, instinctively moved to help him, but Victor raised an arm and stopped him. “Agape?” Victor managed to hoarsely call out. The creature did not answer, and simply took another step, now standing directly over the grave. All seemed unnaturally silent, no rustling of branches in the breeze or calls of nocturnal creatures, just silence. Victor felt his heart sink as he beheld his creation suddenly tense hard. “...Agape-”

There was a war suddenly raging within the creature’s heart. Such was his anguish at the thought of his crimes that he felt as though every stitch was tearing out of its seam. His memory flooded with dreaded images he had tried so hard to suppress, and it overwhelmed him. As he tried to keep his composure, his grasp on the flowers tightened. Terror gripped him as the soft crumpling of the stems sounded more like sickening cracks in his ears and the damp feeling of now crushed stalks felt more like blood covering his hands. Though they were only wilted flowers, in the vision of his troubled mind, he held the broken neck of a young boy, and in horror he released his grip. He stared down at his hands, shaking violently, before suddenly collapsing to his knees. An indescribably banshee-like scream of pure agony escaped him as he threaded his fingers through his long black hair and gripped the locks tightly as though he were ready to rip them from his own skull. Both Victor and Henry flinched at the dreadful noise, Henry turning away and Victor struggling to hold back a sob of his own. Tears gushed from Agape’s eyes, falling heavy into the grass below, and he struggled to breathe between the cries of despair that escaped him.

As Victor took in a shaky breath, he felt himself tremble as his thoughts flooded with everything he had just said. After all this time, he had never really considered how Agape might have been reflecting on his own actions, or how he too might have been hiding just how much emotional pain he was in regarding that fateful event. And, if this was still the cold hearted murderer he had considered his creation might be, then why would he be in such clearly torturous distress over the death over the one he himself had killed? Worse yet, he knew better - he had seen just how far Agape had come in coping with his emotions and relating to others. He had seen the amount of care and sympathy this miraculous creature showed toward Henry and himself, how selfless he had always been. After all, even though Victor wished that perhaps he had stayed dead, it was out of a deep familial love that Agape had used the very elixir and device that was meant to create an everlasting companion for himself to instead restore his creator - his father - to life. And, in a very real sense, Agape was still a child. For a child to spend two years silently coping with a trauma so intense, though it may have been a trauma the child himself caused, was a burden that Victor could barely comprehend. All at once, whatever malice he still held for his creation within him melted away, and, making the first move, he walked toward his son and shakily placed a hand on his shoulder.

Agape had finally begun to quiet himself while Victor had been hesitating to make any movement, but as soon as he felt the hand of his father placed gently upon him, he felt a sudden swell of heartbreaking pain and he lurched with a sob. In his mind, he deserved no sympathy, and feeling that this man who had just moments prior hurled threats at him was moved so deeply by his grief that he might entirely change his own damaged perspective, shattered his already guilt ridden soul. Victor himself could no longer hold back his emotions, breaking into tears of his own. He flinched slightly as he suddenly felt a hand placed on his shoulder, and exhaled a shaky breath as he recognized the gentle touch as his husband’s. Henry lingered there behind him for a moment, but slowly moved to his son’s other side, kneeling beside him and resting a hand gently upon his back. Though he opened his mouth to speak, he was shocked into silence as Victor spoke instead.

“I am so-” He hesitated, tensing and shuddering before inhaling sharply and continuing. “So sorry.” The words hurt to say, there was no denying that. The moment they left his lips it felt like a dagger cutting into his chest and a fire burning in his throat. Agape’s still tear-filled eyes widened as he heard them, but he stayed silent, not daring to speak in fear of even the slightest chance that his words may only serve to condemn himself more. Once he regained his composure, Victor went on. “I may be cursed with the knowledge of what happened, with knowing that what I did played a part in sealing his fate, but you…” He swallowed hard, and knelt down beside him, reaching out and turning Agape’s face toward him though his son’s yellow eyes averted from his gaze. “You who have changed and grown, who I have watched make such strides of progress toward returning to the kind and gentle soul you once possessed-” Agape winced at his words, strands of his long black hair falling over his face and hiding his eyes. Victor gently pushed the locks away, tucking them behind his ear. “To be forever stained with vivid memories of what you once did, and to hide the pain it must have caused you as you came to realize that action was such a grievous atrocity for the sake of keeping peace - I can only imagine what a living hell it must have been for all that time.” Picking up one of the flowers, though damaged, he held it up and inspected the pale blue of its tiny petals. “I thought maybe you had simply… forgotten. That maybe to you it had been such an inconsequential action, that maybe all it was, was a means to an end.” He placed the flower down in front of the headstone, and gazed upon the engraving. “It doesn’t make logical sense, though, to think that you might have forgotten, given your… impeccable memory. So maybe that was a lie I told myself - to make blaming you and resenting you justifiable.” He glanced over at Henry, who was staring at him from Agape’s other side with a kind, compassionate smile despite the tears still rolling down his freckled cheeks, and in an instant his guilt and regret melted away into a gentle warmth that seeped through him and turned his pained expression into a similarly soft smile. Agape’s immense frame trembled with a long, labored exhale.

“I am undeserving of your sympathy, Victor. The crime I committed was unforgivable.”

“He never said that your crime was forgiven,” Henry pointed out gently. Agape gave him a pained glance. “Killing a child for the sake of gaining compassion by force is unforgivable, it’s true. But no matter how unforgivable an action may be, no man is born or created innately knowing what is forgivable and what is not. It’s what he chooses to do with the knowledge of his actions that determines whether he himself is worthy of forgiveness or not.” There was a long pause as Agape considered what Henry said.

“Given all I have done and everything I am, would I be considered worthy? Was his murder not so damning that I should be forever condemned? Is there any stride I could make that could in some way restore my dignity of one worth the forgiveness of those he so grievously harmed?” He struggled to steady his voice between each still labored breath, each pulse within him carrying a dull ache of still ever-growing guilt and shame.

“Well,” Victor began, reaching out to him and wiping the tears from his eyes. “All things considered, I would say-” He cut himself off as he perceived in his peripheral vision a gleaming light that seemed to be quickly approaching. He looked to Henry, who seemed to be staring out at the glow with squinted eyes. “Henry,” he whispered somewhat harshly. Henry turned his gaze back down to him. “What is it?”

“Someone is coming,” Henry whispered back. Agape flinched at his words and made a quiet noise almost like a yelp, suddenly clutching at the edges of his cloak and pulling it tighter around himself. Both Victor and Henry hushed him softly, though they looked to each other with concern.

“What do we do?” Footsteps could be heard approaching through the grass beyond - two steps and a gentle tap with each stride. Henry lifted his eyes back up toward the approaching figure.

“...I’ll handle it,” he muttered. “Besides, we can’t risk… you know,” he added, gesturing toward Agape. Victor nodded silently, dropping his eyes to the ground and placing a hand back up onto Agape’s shoulder and squeezing tightly - half to reassure him, and half to give himself something to hold on to as he tried not to imagine the worst. Gently pulling the hood of Agape’s cloak over his head, Henry stood, turning toward the figure and trying to determine who it might be. The voice that called out from beyond sent a sudden chill through Victor’s veins and a new fear gripped at his heart. He wasn’t ready for this. Not here. Not now.

“Hello? Who’s there?”

[prydon]

Just came into this inbox to give an agonized screech because i finally caught up on constellations and I’m in SOOOO MUCH PAIN WHYYYYYY. Also the way you write mag is literally so good. Like the manipulation he’s doing is so well done and I want to punt him into the sun. I feel SO BAD for Peter and juno omg 😭 I just know this story is going to be angsty and delicious I’m in PAIN

SORRRYYYYY

the plot of this fic was planned through the next few chapters like seven months ago, but once i actually got to this part i was like.... "oh no i feel so bad about this" lol. the childhood section ended up being waaaay longer than originally intended, too, so i got more endeared to annie etc than i expected.... which of course made writing the most recent chapter that much worse :') i am both excited about and daunted by writing the next one, though!! it's a long time coming and i wanna do right by it...

thank you so much for taking the time to write this, it means a lot <3 there is a lot of angst to come, for sure!

[makeste]

not (really) BnHA related but do you have personal tips/advice to get better at writing in English? every time I read something you write (be it meta or reactions or other things) I'm flabbergasted with the way your writing seems to flow so easily while staying extremely fun and concise, and your vocabulary which is sooo impressing!

first of all, thank you so much! I wish I had better advice on hand to offer, but all I can think of is basic stuff lol. but it’s what works for me, so here goes.

1.) use a thesaurus. I’m going to be completely honest here lol, my vocabulary is not really that great. or I guess to be more accurate, it’s not that I don’t know the words, it’s that I often have trouble thinking of the exact word I want to use off the top of my head. but I usually do know the right word when I hear it! so I use thesauruses a lot, especially when I feel like the word choice is important for the sake of clarity. my favorite one is powerthesaurus.org; I basically have this open in a tab on my browser at all times ready to go if needed. what I like about this one is that people can rate the suggestions they like best and also add new ones, which in my experience means you’re much more likely to find the word you were looking for close to the top of the list. I use it so much I even donated to them lol.

2.) get your ideas out first, then go back and edit. idk if this is a common thing or not, but for me a lot of times my thoughts are all jumbled around when I first try to write them down. and often I find that if I spend too much time trying to make them sound coherent, I’ll lose the flow of ideas and the post will sort of fizzle out. what works better for me is trying not to worry about that so much when I’m initially writing everything down, and focusing on just getting all of my thoughts out there in text form first. afterwards I can go back and edit and organize them and reword the parts that need rewording.

3.) don’t stress so much about the finer details of your writing. this is a big one for me lol. so for example, for me personally, I struggle a lot with writing transitions. a lot of times when I’m writing meta, I try to organize it point by point (btw it’s helpful to outline these when you’re starting out, if you’re not doing that already). but even when I’m trying to be as concise as possible, these points usually end up being waaaay longer than intended because I have a tendency to go off on tangents about random things (basically, something will pop into my head and I’ll write it down, and my brain will go “oh and ALSO, speaking of this thing...” and then I’ll write several more sentences or even paragraphs about said topic). and then when I’ve finally reached the end of one section and am ready to move onto the next, I often find that it’s hard to make that transition feel natural. there have been times when I’ve fussed about this way too much, because I wanted the wording to feel right, and that really dragged out the whole process.

but what’s helped a lot with this is being willing sometimes to just say “fuck it” and not worrying about it at all and just adding in something like “but enough about that, on to my next point,” or, “anyways I went off on a tangent there but let’s try to get back on track.” basically I just loosened up about it, and I think that’s helped, or at the very least it’s made the writing easier for me. so yeah, I think my general advice here is that if there’s a particular aspect of your writing that you’re struggling with, try to embrace the fact that it’s not going to be perfect, and try to roll with that. and a lot of times it turns out not to be nearly so big of a deal for the people reading it as it was for you writing it lol.

4.) the simpler the better. this isn’t a hard and fast rule by any means, but for me personally, my ADHD brain gets exhausted pretty quickly when I’m reading stuff that uses a more academic tone. even if I can understand it, my brain sort of rebels at the idea of reading it and I really have to focus hard to make it through. so I try to make my own posts as readable as possible. I don’t necessarily try to dumb them down or anything, but I do sort of subscribe to the “explain like I’m 5″ mentality where you’re trying to explain your ideas as simply as you can without actually sacrificing precision or accuracy. I think one of the more effective ways to do this is to try and adopt a less formal tone. a lot of times that one single change will make the thing easier to read, even if you’re discussing something really wild like theoretical physics or whatnot. for me at least, something about a writer being more casual makes it easier to follow what they’re saying without my mind wandering off.

and last but not least, 5.) practice. this is by far the most important thing. people improve their skills with time and repetition. I don’t know if my writing has improved much since I started blogging regularly, but I do know that it’s gotten a whole lot easier. words flow a lot more smoothly for me now than they used to, and I don’t have to stop and think about what I’m trying to say nearly as much. so that’s my biggest piece of advice. write meta, write stories, write whatever you like (but don’t force yourself to do it, though. try to find something that’s easy and fun for you to write about), but just do it as often as you can, and you are guaranteed to improve at it. a lot of people also say to read as much as you can, which is absolutely true as well, but really if writing is your goal than writing is what you have to practice. and it doesn’t have to be anything fancy or formal or otherwise Impressive, either; even just debating with someone on a forum or sharing theories with a group on Discord helps too. literally whatever you feel like doing. try not to focus on how good it is, and just have fun doing it. I know it’s the oldest advice in the book lol, but well, it is for a reason.

so there you go! not sure if any of that helps (especially since I unfortunately can’t offer any advice from a multilingual perspective, since English is my first language and really the only one I’m even a quarter fluent in), but it’s my best effort lol. and the thesaurus really is excellent though so I do recommend checking that out at least. thank you for the ask!

[samthemarvelfan]

See You Again: One Shot

Summary: 5 years after losing Bucky, you find yourself still trying to adjust to your not-so-new version of normal. One knock on your front door changed all that.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC, Steve Rogers.

Warnings: A bit of angst and then pure and squishy fluff.

A/N: Hi everyone! Okay so this one kinda got away from me a little bit (AKA its waaaay longer than I intended.) Still, I hope you like it all the same. 

Taglist:@iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 @warmvanillafeels @heartofagamotto @ravenesque @pinknerdpanda @wintersoldierissucharide (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!) Tags are OPEN! Just send an ask :)

Monday.

The sound and smell of sizzling bacon filled the kitchen. Your iced coffee was within an arms reach, using it to kick start your morning.

“Mama, I can’t wait til next year.” Your daughter said proudly, coloring at the kitchen table.

You smiled to yourself, tussling her hair as you put her plate of pancakes and bacon in front of her.

“And why is that, sweet girl?” You asked.

Maggie put down the yellow crayon she’d been scribbling furiously with. “Because Mama, then I get to ride the bus and go to school! Remember what you said? When I’m 5 I get to go to big girl school!” She held up a picture of a wonky school bus with a smiling girl inside.

A chuckle escaped you. “You’re so smart, baby. Do you remember everything I say?”

She nodded taking a big, sticky bite of pancakes. “Yeah. Most of the stuffs anyway. Can you put this one on the ‘frigerator?”

“Of course.” You hung the picture with a homemade play-doh magnet she’s made for you at summer camp last year. Maggie ate happily, as you played music and did the dishes. Mornings like these were your favorite, soaking in the happiness of your daughter before you had to head to work.

You were snuggled with Maggie on the couch, watching Blue’s Clues. She wiggled taking a sip of her apple juice; a treat in her eyes. Usually, you only gave her water.

“Mama, Blue starts with the letter ‘b’!” She shouted excitedly, turning to face you.

Her cerulean eyes lit up at you, looking for confirmation.

You released a shocked gasp, “Oh my gosh, it does! You’re so smart, Maggie!”

She smiled proudly, before turning back to the tv.

“Mama?” She called to you.

“Hm?” You said absentmindedly.

She looked up at you with big eyes once again, “My Daddy’s name started with a ‘B’, too.”

All at once, it’s as if time moved a bit slower. You try your best to hide your reaction from Maggie. “It sure did, baby girl. Well his nickname did, anyway.”

She let out a small giggle, “Oh jeez, I’m so silly, Mama!” She said, pretending to hit her palm against her forehead.

The smallest tears prickled your eyes, “Yes you are, baby. I love you.”

“Wuv you, Mama.” Maggie said, climbing onto your lap and giving you a wet kiss that still smelled of maple syrup.

Glancing at the clock, you notice the time. “Maggie, grab your bag and put your cup in it, Uncle Steve will be here soon.”

She squealed in delight. This was the routine, Steve comes Monday’s and Saturday's to spend time with Maggie, and you do some light office work down at the VA. It was only two days a week, but it made you feel somewhat normal.

As normal as could be.

Steve arrived at 10 am on the dot as usual. “Hey, Ella.” He said smiling, kissing your cheek.

“Hey yourself, someone is excited as al—“

“Uncle Steve!” You were cut off by a high-pitch scream and the pitter-patter of little feet running toward the door.

He crouched and smiled immediately, “Hiya, munchkin!” He scooped her into his arms, carrying her back into the house.

“I brought you a surprise.” He said as he held her.

She instinctively covered her eyes, “I won’t peek! I won’t!”

He placed her down, and pulled a small container of bubbles out of his back pocket.

“Wanna go to the park and maybe blow some bubbles?” He asked her with a smile.

She gasped, “Bubbles! Bubbles, Mama! Uncle Steve brought bubbles!”

You smiled at her excitement, “I see that, baby! Go get your shoes on quick!”

Your smile faltered slightly as Maggie ran to grab her shoes, and Steve noticed.

“You okay?” He asked, rubbing your shoulder.

You nod subtly, “She mentioned him this morning. Just wasn’t expecting her too—hell I never expect her too.”

He smiled, “She’s a smart one, that kid. Remembers everything.”

You smile in an attempt to push the pain away, “I’m always so impressed when she talks about him. It’s like she knows him, Steve. Even though she’s never met him.”

Steve heard the wobble of your voice. He sighed with empathy, before enveloping you in a hug. “He’d be so proud of you. You’re such an amazing Mom, and Maggie...” Steve said pulling back, you noticed the tears brimming his eyes. They must’ve matched yours.

“Maggie is everything good that Bucky ever was. Even more so because she’s half of you. God, she reminds me so much of him.” He smiled fondly.

You feel your lip quiver, “5 years, Steve. I can’t believe he’s been gone that long.” You wipe your eyes quickly, knowing Maggie will be back any second.

Steve cleared the tremors from his throat. “I know.”

“I just wish I got to tell him. I can just see the look on his face...he would’ve been so happy.” You imagine fondly.

“Mama! I got my...Mama? You okay?” Maggie asks, slowing down as she enters the room.

She walks up to you with arms up, and you hoist her to your hip. “Mama’s okay, baby.”

She grabbed your face in her little hands, and shook her head. “Mama sad...” she said quietly.

You kiss her forehead, and hold her to you close. “I’m was a little sad, baby, but seeing you made me so much better. I love you, Maggie.”

“I wuv you, Mama, and I wuv Uncle Steve.” She said happily.

“You do?!” Steve asked, tickling Maggie’s sides.

She laughed for a moment, before clinging to Steve’s neck. “Yeah, and I wuv my Daddy too. I bet he was so nice, Uncle Steve.”

That’s another thing Maggie definitely got from Bucky; knowing just what to say and when to say it.

Steve smiled, and pushed some hair out of her face, “Your Daddy was the best, kiddo. I promise.”

You looked at the clock once more, “Shoot! I gotta go, have a good day, baby!”

You kissed the crown of Maggie’s head, and kissed Steve’s cheek before handing her bag to him, “Lunch is—“

“In the bag.” He said smiling.

“Yeah. Oh and the sunscreen—“

“Little pocket on the front.” He said, handing you your keys.

“Right, oh and don’t let—“

“Don’t let her have anymore juice because she had some already. I got it, Els. Go.” He chucked, ushering you out.

“Okay, okay. Bye, guys!” You said happily.

While you knew talking about Bucky with Maggie was always a good thing, the missing him never got easier. Sure there were days you thought about him less, but he never really left your mind.

Not when the daughter you share is waking you up every morning with hugs and snuggles and kisses.

Bucky missed everything.

He missed the diapers, all those diapers. Her first laugh, and when she said ‘mama’ for the first time. He missed her learn to crawl and her first steps. Bucky never even got to heart her heart beat.

These were things you should have shared with him—memories you should’ve made with him.

You’d gone to therapy. You’d been walked through the stages of grief more times than anyone should have to be. Yet, the hurt was still there. It’s always going to be there, and that’s the life you’ve got to make work now. This—this is your normal.

Friday

“Maggie, don’t touch those cookies, little missy!” You shout from the living room.

She comes sulking out of the kitchen, “Mama you left them on the counter! I see them! They’re right there!”

You chuckle as you finish wrapping the vacuum cord back up to put away. “Yes I did, and they’re for after dinner.”

“That’s not fair!” She whined, fake tears being forced into her eyes.

“Maggie Jane I am in no mood for this. You can either sulk on the couch with no tv, or you can go play in your room until I say your spaghetti is done. Whatcha think?” You asked in your sternest mom-voice.

She wiped the fake tears, “Okay Mama, I go play.”

You bent down and smooched her forehead, “There’s my girl.”

Her feet padded down the hallway, and you made your way to the kitchen, putting on a pot for the pasta.

As you wiped down the counters, you felt something strange; like a surge of energy. The kind that is palpable, and makes your hair stand on end. It was hard to explain, but it was like suddenly the air was electric.

The kitchen lights dimmed four or five times before settling back to normal.

Goosebumps prickled your skin and you’re mind began to race.

“What the hell...” you whispered. “Maggie, you okay?” You called down the hall.

“Yes, Mama! I’m playing with my play-doh!” She responded happily.

Thank God... you thought to yourself.

After what happened 5 years ago, any time something felt off, no matter how small it seemed, you automatically assumed the worst.

You open the shades above your sink. The sun was shining bright—brighter than it had in forever.

“Huh...” you thought aloud.

Before you made the pasta, you sent a quick text to Steve, making sure he was still coming for his weekly dinner. After almost 20 minutes and no response, you figured something came up.

“Maggie! Dinner!” You shout, putting her plate and cup on the table.

She ran into the kitchen with delight, “S’ghetti!” She shouted, grinning from ear to ear.

You scooted her in closer to the table, before sitting in the seat beside her.

“Mama? Where’s Uncle Steve?” She asked taking a bite of her pasta.

You scooted some of the food around on your plate, “I’m not sure, kiddo. I think he might’ve gotten stuck at work.”

“Can we call him?” An innocent question from an innocent mind.

You shook your head, “No, baby. Well call him tomorrow.”

The rest of your evening was relatively calm, considering the unsettling feeling you’ve had since that episode in the kitchen. Maggie had her bath and 2 bedtime stories, and was now safely and soundly tucked in bed.

You, on the other hand, lay awake in your own, your mind unable to quiet the eerily familiar thoughts that something was wrong.

You still hadn’t heard from Steve, which is very unlike him, so you decide to text him once more.

Hey, haven’t heard from you. Weirded out by what happened earlier, idk if it was a power surge or what but now I’m anxiety city. Call me please, so I know you’re safe. Love you.

You sat with that for about an hour, before you eyes betrayed your mind. Your lids felt 1000 times heavier and you decided sleep would be a good idea since Maggie is a notoriously early riser on the weekends. You’ll call Steve in the morning, and if necessary, you’d send out a search party.

Saturday.

You’d surprisingly woken up before Maggie. This meant hopefully and hour or so to yourself, maybe watch a movie without animals that sing? That would be paradise.

As you padded through your living room with your coffee in hand, you jumped hearing someone scream outside.

You put the coffee down and quickly check on Maggie, still sound asleep. Her sound machine muffling the screams and cries from outside.

Peeking out the window, you see your neighbor crying on her knees. She’s holding someone, a boy, no older than 12 or 13.

“Miles?” You ask yourself. He was your neighbor’s son.

He’d also vanished 5 years ago.

“That’s...that’s not possible.” You whisper.

Then you hear it again, more cries. Cries of joy, from all around your neighborhood.

You fumble with the blankets on the couch, searching for your phone. You find it and quickly dial Steve’s number, but it goes straight to voicemail.

Your body is shaking as you hear the beep. “Steve, I-I don’t know what the hell is happening. T-There’s people who...I don’t know. I’m freaking the fuck out! Call me soon...please.”

A knock at the front door makes you jump. You slipped your phone into your pocket, and walked to it slowly.

With your hand on the knob, you hesitate, feeling your body screaming at you not to open it.

Another set of knocks, softer than the ones before had been.

You let out a puff of air, and swing the door open. When it revealed your visitor, you swear you could have fainted right then and there.

This couldn’t be real. He couldn’t be real.

“Hey, Sugar.” He said breathlessly.

His hair was in a bun at the nap of his neck, and he was dressed in a black Henley and sweats to match. His face was bruised and cut and the circles under his eyes showed whatever he’d just been through definitely wasn’t easy.

You felt like you were gonna collapse. The room was spinning and your vision went blurry.

“Y-You’re dead. You’re dead, James.” You spoke. What else could you say?

“Ella, you gotta sit down, your pale as a ghost.” He grabbed your hands and pulled you back into the house.

Bucky kicked the door closed, the sound of it slamming seemingly braking your trance.

“Let me go!” You shout, pulling away from him.

“Els—“ he starts.

You shake your head, “No...stop. You’re not real. I’m hallucinating or something.”

When Bucky first died, you saw him everywhere. Swearing to yourself, and your therapist, that you could still hear him—smell him.

He reached out and stroked your cheek, “I swear to you, Doll, I’m real.”

Your eyes stung with tears, “H-How?”

“It’s a long story. One that I promise I’ll tell you but I really just wanna hold you for a second.” He breathed.

You stared at him. Bucky was, for all intents and purposes, unchanged. He looked the same way he did when he vanished.

You on the other hand looked entirely different. The crinkles by your eyes were more defined, there were stretch marks on your belly from carrying Maggie, and those chronic bags under your eyes from raising her alone.

Bucky took a tentative step forward, before taking your face in his hands. He took you in for a moment, and then wrapped his arms around you. “God, you’re so beautiful.” He said into your hair.

You felt yourself melt into him, something you’d done so many times, it’s no wonder it happened so naturally.

“You always know just what to say.” Your voice was trembling.

You inhaled him. A lifetime of memories flooding your mind, along with all the pain you’d felt for the last 5 years. You shut your eyes tight, keeping the warmth of his body against yours. “I-I can’t even begin to tell you—“

“Shh, I know. Believe me, Els...I know.” He whispered.

You looked up at him. His cerulean eyes reminding you of all the life you’d lived with him, and of the one you’d loved without him. But Bucky was here, standing in the home you’d once shared together.

You swallowed the lump forming in your throat, “Buck, I need to tell you...” your voice drifted off.

Bucky brushes the hair out of your face, “What is it, Sugar?”

You shook your head, still having trouble believe this is real. “I just, I don’t know where to start, James...”

He kissed your forehead sweetly, his warm lips soothing your soul in a way you didn’t know you needed until this moment.

“Start from right now. I don’t know how to navigate this...but we can figure it out. To—“

“Mama?” Maggie’s small voice interrupted Bucky’s words.

You peek around his large form to see your daughter clinging to her stuffed piglet that shows all the signs of being well-loved for the past few years.

You sigh contently, “Good morning, beautiful girl.”

She quietly walked by Bucky, looking up at him as he stares at her in disbelief. Maggie held her arms out for you and you hoisted her to your hip.

“Ella...” Bucky says breathlessly, looking between the two of you.

He sees it immediately. The eyes that are mirror images of his own, the dimple on her cheek matching the one you have on yours.

You kissed her temple. “This is Maggie.”

A muffled sob sounded from Bucky’s chest, “Maggie...” he whispered happily.

She turns her head at the sound of her name and looks at him, watching him for a moment, taking him in.

“Does your name start with a ‘B’?” She whispered, fiddling with her stuffy.

Bucky smiles and let out a small laugh, “It sure does.”

Maggie turns back to you, her eyes wide with excitement. “Is that my Daddy, Mama?”

You squeeze her tight, blinking the tears away. “It is, baby.”

She wiggles to be put down on the floor, so you oblige.

Confident as always, she walks up to Bucky, and he crouches to meet her. “I’m Maggie.” She says, holding back a giggle.

Bucky smiles and strokes her hair, “Hi, Maggie.” He chokes out.

She spots the tears in his eyes and turns to you. “Mama? Is Daddy sad?”

Daddy

A word that was once so painful for you to hear her say, was now your favorite sound in the world.

“I don’t know, kiddo. Why don’t you ask him?” You say, crossing your arm comfortably.

She turns back to Bucky with her arms raised, and he scoops her up without a second thought. She places her little hands on his face and look at him, “Daddy sad?” She asks.

Bucky’s lip quivered, and he shook his head. “No, beautiful. D-Daddy isn’t sad.” You could tell he couldn’t believe he was saying that word.

“Daddy is so, so happy.”

Bucky has spent the day getting to know his daughter.

Maggie had shown him all of the pictures she’s drawn of him over the years. They’d had a tea party for lunch, and played with her play-doh.

You’d put her down for a nap, and Bucky washed the dishes from lunch. It all felt so routine, domestic...

Normal.

Bucky told you everything.

Thanos. The army. Natasha, and Tony. Oh God, Tony...Your heart hurt for him, and the thought he’d never see his daughter again.

“I’m so sorry, Sugar.” He said, sipping coffee from his mug.

You shook your head in disbelief. “Why are you sorry?”

He thought for a moment, before he grabbed your hand, entangling your fingers.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I made you do all this alone.” He pulled you close to him, so you were leaning against his body.

“I should be apologizing to you, I never even got to tell you...” you drifted off.

He turned your face to his, and put his lips on yours.

Passion wasn’t even an accurate enough word.

This was gratitude. This was fear, it was heartache and lust and yearning all wrapped into one.

This was love.

Bucky pulled away slowly, resting his forehead on yours.

“You’ve given me everything, Ella. Maggie...she’s--she’s incredible, and you made her that way.” The tears in his eyes finally spilled over, as did yours. “I can’t wait to get to know her.”

“I love you, James. I love you.” You said quietly.

Bucky stroked your cheek, “I love you, too.”