#this day was kinda shit but eh. eh.
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"how'd he get in? in-tru-da window?" Who does this man think he is. David Tennant? insanity. A madman. Anyways:
@cosmically-kissed sorry I got too lazy to render this but here's my end of the bargain!!
sorry this is kinda crap lmao
please go check out their version of this here!!!
#...kinito for scale#should i maintag this. should#.....ehhhhh#eh.#chonny jash#chonny jash fanart#yay#this is kinda shit ngl but hey i did. something#i still need to finish the soul render and lineart. both of thr soul drawings#ough#tomorrow's my birthday! weird!#going to bite someone. mrrrrow#mrrrp. meow#oh you're still reading the tags?#hi thanks for hanging out this long. this is pretty cool of you :)#i hope you have a wonderful day!!!!#also “madman” is a reference to the majestic tale (of a madman in a box) i know it's eleven's theme but SHHHHHHHHH
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every day, my new initiative to wait til a show is done airing to watch it seems more and more like the right choice. And it's not all shows mind you (I'm literally watching 3 right now), just shows that I have high expectations for, especially with plot and themes. It seems like pretty much every time I get my hopes up, the story inevitably fumbles so i'm better off waiting til it's over so I can get my expectations in order.
Like, I want to watch these shows while they're airing and join in the discussions and stuff but I also hate being disappointed when the show doesn't live up to my expectations and lately it seems almost inevitable that it won't, especially from gmmtv.
#last twilight was the worst offender because I initially did hold off due to lingering feelings from vv and then by like ep 8 it was still#strong so I thought it would be fine and then we all know how that went#the addicted remake which I really did want to be good#my love mix up thai which I should've held off on honestly because even watching a couple episodes of that made me so frustrated#and depressed#4 minutes#my expectations weren't as high as other people's but it was still kinda eh#I saw you in my dream#blank#debating whether the on1y one should be on here hmm because the announcement about the second season does have me feeling less annoyed but#also I'm still annoyed#I hear the sunspot#oh wandee good day cannot believe I forgot about that one#and peaceful property because that's what's inspiring this right now#only friends! though I don't regret watching that week by week#it was an Experience#25 in akasaka#there's probably so many I'm missing just because my memory is shit and I especially don't remember them if I end up dropping them out of#my watch list#which I've been doing a lot this year#23.5#I'm trying to have no expectations for Pluto other than being insane#hopefully it serves me well
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based on your tumblr, you seem like the kind of person you could just be with. like we could just hang out in the same place, sometimes having intense/deep conversations but sometimes just doing our own thing in the same room
i’ve been rotating this liddle ask in my soul for a few days because it’s just so soft like. 🥹. because like that’s just all i want in life yknow? and i love that this comes across with my general vibes apparently, at least for you 🥰 thank you, my wonderful friend, for seeing me like this 🥰🤍
#🤍#i love my moots#nice people being nice to me#idk like not to trauma dump or shit but i’ve been realising lately how i can be openly and actively soft and affectionate again#and this just kinda reminds me of how i can also accept the love these days?? how that happened very slowly but here we are??#i been domesticated eh? 🥰🤍
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At least I could disable the suggestions but just... I'm sick of it, I'm sick of companies trying to think for me
I'd rather be miserable but doing shit my own way than placid and glass eyed and just taking whatever companies tell me to
Like... literally just asking what I get out of writing a post on tumblr... zero suggestions, just letting me say whatever dumb stuff comes to my head
#the problem is that doing things my way is actually working well; it's just really slow and it's coming from a bad starting point#everything that makes me miserable was even more miserable growing up#you maybe see me and think that I'm doing really horribly; and that may be true; but I'm also truthfully at my peak right now#and frankly as much as I worry about it A LOT; I'm kinda still on the rise in a lot of ways#...I just take way too long to do things; I want to be quicker because a lot of this stuff isn't... it's not being slow and steady#it's being depressed and having trouble working on shit#but... when I do stuff my way the end result tends to be strong#I got a house in 2019 for instance... like in that economy; I feel like that counts as a pretty high roll outcome; you know?#the parts of my life I hate are all... it's like Marley in the Christmas Carol; I've got all these chains around me#and... about 80% of those chains are just my mom or my mom's choices... she blows through so much money all the time#it makes me want to die#but all that shit... it's the past haunting me and drowning me#but shit's better than it was and... I have more friends now that I did in the past; I'm closer to making money than I've been in the past#(part of it is that I kinda want to get shit stabilized in the household; be doing stuff like cooking before I try and sell shit)#(also understand that everyone in high school liked me... we just never saw each other outside of school)#(so it was a situation where I had 'friends'; by that standard everyone at school was a friend)#(but I didn't have a single person I was close with and I was totally isolated in a crowd)#(friend is just a word in english that has to cover a really really wide range of relationships)#(but these days I do have actual friends... just a shame none of us live in the same town... or even state; you know?)#(I like all the people I went to high school with; they all cared a lot and were very bad at it)#(couldn't figure out that like... just give me some company; that's a good 80% of what I'm lacking)#(...I think part of it was they were all stoners and I wasn't; so they felt like... eh... like something something)#(and when I say all stoners I mean... I think... easily 80% of the school; probably 90% and maybe higher were all stoners)#(it uh... was not an easy thing for the staff; cause they obviously all knew; but... figuring out how to best handle it)#(like hell; I wouldn't want to deal with that)#(also like 95% were smokers... you have to understand that most of these kids were rich kids)#(off the top of my head I can only think of 2 other kids who were poor... just... uh...)#(if I named the city the school was in; you'd probably be like 'oh... makes sense')#(I liked everyone there; everyone liked me... just... they were very bad at just basic stuff like spending time together)#(eh... you don't need to hear more)
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This'll get deleted, just my stupid rants so you know ignore it and stuff. Mainly just me typing the feelings out.
#damn bad thoughts o clock#feeling generally alone and unlovable#gonna die alone#that kinda shit#but you know not just in the romantic kinda way#i ruin any relationships#friends leave me too#in the end i know I'll be alone#and that everyone will move on and forget me#one of those days i wish i was brave enough to end it#and not just cry into my pillow#eh#it is what it is
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d.ate being famous because of the first game and constantly being like "what the actual fuck" about it is so funny to me lmao
#ash rambles 💚#HE'S SO TIRED HAHAHAHA#my partner in (not) crime 🔍#ash teases him quite a bit for it#she helped just as much with the case in the first game since she's also a detective#but she quit the force like a decade ago-#these days she's a private detective#but lmao poor d.ate#his y.akuza online story is about that too akdjaksj he keeps getting recognized everywhere!!#someone save him lmao#actually nah it's kinda funny watching#the thing he remembers most about that crazy case is that it's sorta what made him realize 'wow we're in deep shit... maybe i should tell my#old detective partner how i feel about her...'#i love him..#my bf sent me one of those 'date m.akoto (m.akimura) or d.ate m.akoto' memes. none. i will date d.ate m.akoto-#kissie attack for him!!! the coolest badass dad in the city!!!! the coolest detective ever!!!#actually. eh. ash is a better detective and he literally says that in the first game...#... but shhh we can let him have his moment in the spotlight just this once!
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welp those done & over with. kinda dont wanna quick access the weekly just for the namecard challenges but also not sure if im in the mood to do the SQ today either...... since im p sure the mid fight cutscene will play normally even if ur doing quick access for a weekly :/
#yes. i somehow didnt register At All that it was gonna be challenger achievements not the coop ones all this time#despite knowing the card was coming from leaks. i was just fucking transfixed man head empty just narwhal#i did the WQ first it was vibey . but now im just kinda eh#contrary to what youd might think. unless its like hype hype shit (4.2). when ik ajax is in a story i usually delay it rather than speedrun#im savoring his presence man. in 1.x i straight up saved his SQ until his rerun got announced bc i started during zhongli banner#so i didnt have him. and i was like bro it could be an year before he comes back (lol. lmao even) what if i miss him. i need to savor this#so i only played it like 3 days after the 1.4 rerun announcement KJWJKWDJKAWDJKDWJKWD#genshin#gaming tag#rambles
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i would like to hear about the wip known as sigh 👀
Alas, sigh is not one of my erasermight fics hxfhcc (although maybe I should write an erasermight fic called Sigh at some point bc that might be nice. Idk what it would be about though). It's a broadchurch omegaverse fic that I started writing 1) to procrastinate on my important wips (sweats while trying not to look at lmbyw) and 2) because I looked in the omegaverse tag for that fandom and saw it didn't really have any. There's three, I think??? One of which has multiple fandoms tagged, and two of which are in another language. "Well," I thought to myself, "someone has to be the one to inflict omegaverse on this fandom, don't they?" They do not. It is a peaceful fandom. But I'm gonna do it anyway
The fic itself isn't really shippy, I'm going for a platonic angle between the two characters, and there isn't gonna be any smut, so I could be inflicting worse on this poor fandom. If you're interested, there's no deep or interesting reason it's titled as "sigh". The "sigh" is a reference to me sighing at myself in disappointment for starting yet another wip instead of writing any of the things I should be writing
“They’re taking me off my suppressants,” she says. “Thought you didn’t want to talk about it.” “Shut up, or you can get out and walk the rest of the way there.” It’s not an empty threat, and he knows it. Wisely, he decides to shut up.
#if this appears in the tags for this fandom: i am so sorry#sort of#kinda#sorry that this is how you find out about it instead of stumbling across it in the wild#i may not finish this fic though bc it's not really like. a priority? like i don't consider it a fic i HAVE to finish#with some fics i'm like 'no i have to finish this one no matter how long it takes' like i am with lmbyw and the villain erasermight au#but this one is just like eh whatever i won't push myself to finish it#so for all i know i may give up completely and it may never see the light of day#the people may yet be spared#we shall see (in six months time at the earliest jsdajkfsadj whoops)#oh look she speaks#oh shit the inbox
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i suppose get not liking jawn but uh. if you're like super into parx you realise they're choosing to be his friend right. this is like a slightly less extreme version of gerard way fans who despise lindsey
#i had no idea what anyone was talking about until today and none of them provided sources so i'm still kinda. eh.#by and large i do not know the ins and outs of his personal life nor do i want to.#even if new information comes up i'm just gonna do my thing and remember i'm not a twitter parxie who feels immense guilt every time they#like a guy who has iffy friends#parxies wouldn't survive a day in mcrblr#i just don't get where you people (who like parx and related bands) draw the line here#gerard has made music with jimmy euringer#otto is in a relationship with kinda gross stuff going on and a girlfriend with the worst judgement i've ever seen#i've heard shit about the madden brothers#awsten has done some stupid shit#pete wentz is. i'm not even going to bother to dissect all of that because i know i'm not a good source of information#idk i just find it odd that there's such a sudden large hullabaloo about this as if the scene hasn't been a mess the whole time#transmission📻
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Haha don’t you just love when you’re reminded just how sexist and racist and homophobic your father is?
Video and audio description below the cut!
A video made with the trending sound that says “I haven’t stubbed my toe in 5 months. I said with joys. I was then shot 57 times” in a monotone voice with slightly spooky music behind it.
[Start image Description : The video is comprised of three drawings for each sentence. All drawings of are a person from the shoulders up. They have curly hair. In the first drawing they look happy, with the subtitles saying “Wow! My dad hasn’t said anything problematic yet!” In the second drawing they look slightly mad, with the subtitles saying “I said with joys”. In the last drawing they look resigned, with no subtitle.
In the third drawing there are 5 quotes around their head. The top left says “Gay people are an illness”. The top right says “Intersex people don’t exist”. The bottom left one says “Indians like being on reservations”. The bottom right one says “I can give a name sign”. And the bottom middle one says “Deaf culture is ‘Woke’”.
The video ends with the CapCut logo in the middle of a black screen :End image description]
#Ravens art#video#uhhh idk what else to tag here#Raven spews words#No but yea within a span of three days he said so much shit#I kinda had to simplify most of it/paraphrase for the purpose of being easily readable#But these are the vibes of what he said#Also if the image/audie description looks wrong or smth tell me cus I don’t typically do them outside the alt id#Oh btw if anyone sees this (I doubt it but eh) and wants clarification on stuff feel free to ask#It’s kinda hard to convey all the tone and meaning from an argument with just a phrase
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Ohhhh hahahaaaaah fuck lol
Lmfao apparently the reason I wasn't Alarmed™ when a truck almost hit our car yesterday, despite normally being Stressed ASF™ in cars is because I was hitting the idc-if-i-die-rn point lmao
#vent#kind of?#no definitely vent post ig#i should feel bad? probably? but i just kinda feel eh abt it#tw: sui thoughts#tw: sui ideation#tw suicidality#ive been in several car crashes and have been jumpy since then. they all happened in the same fucking year too lol#real reason i broke up w/ my then bf lmfao jk but also... bruh two crashes in one day like 2 hours apart? rly?#(got caught in a snow storm but still) (and we broke up like 7 months later but reGARDLESS)#(no actually he ghosted me basically right after my bday but we kinda awkwardly danced around eachother for another 2 months b4 i said#fuck it and broke up with him. he started datinbmy ex bsf's new bsf w/in a couple weeks. said ex bsf slammed me into a locker#for breaking up w/ my ex gf who gaslit me emotionally sexually and physically abused me. so like. dude what the fuck#bc like he KNEW alllllll the lore and shit w/ that. and he just. ditched the whole frriend group lmfao.#said i was “braver than him” for actually breaking up w/ him. third wheeled my bsfs (who broke up a week later) for the rest of the summer#and ironically went on vetter 'dates' w/ them than i ever did w/ my ex bf lmfao)
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Randomly remembering a time me and my lesbian friend got drunk in a semi-formal dinner and thought this guy who had literally told us he went to a gay cruise was straight
#I even asked him to repeat it three times#the last time I was like “I don't think I head you right”#so he started explaining how some politician's daughter was lesbian to the country hosted gay cruises and shit#i don't remember the country guys I was drunk#and then I went “Ooohhhhh me and (my friend) would fit right in there#and he asked if we were lesbians#but I didn't wanna out my frinds and my brain farted for a second so I said “you could say that”#and he said “eh labels don't matter anyways#but them my friend was like what did he say#and i explained to her#and we both kinda went#“ooh straight allies~~ we stan”#and we only found out he was gay#when three days later another friend present at that dinner told us he was#because he showed a picture of his house to another guest (presumably at the same dinner)#and upon her compliment#he responded with#“of course it's well decorated it's a gay man's house”#and my lesbian friend and I were (supposedly) right there#we both proceed to die inside#im only posting this because I have an exam in 20 mins and I cannot get this off my mind
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erm I ate ice cream so now my day total is like 300 cal and I hate myself for it I was gonna fast fuck
#tw ed not ed sheeren#gonna start the fast tmrw#and again ideally I’m not breaking it until Friday but eh#it’s not even that long of a fast anymore man#but low key idk#I hate hate hate binging so much#or js not feeling absolutely disgusted by food#now like#I’m filled with so much regret when I eat and I feel so shit when I don’t like tf#I lost an okayish amount but I’ve gotta lose more#like I’m hoping to do a crazy jump like I did a few weeks ago and lost 8 lbs in a day#or at least lose like 10 in a week or smth#and then after I lose 25 I can consider slowly upping my calories until I’m at 700 and then slowly down them back to fasting by november(?)#or idk#I was gonna do a fast from the 13th to the 31st so#rn I’m kinda tapering my calories down back to 0
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#i keep thinking abt amth my therapust said#i was talkibg abt my continuing-to-develop-feelings for my irl . vs the weird clusterfuck of emotions i have for my ex#n the wrirdness i have abt it#anyway she was trying ti help n whatnot. but one thing she asked me was#'what if this with [Dacted] is enough for fuckass mcgee to come foreward' n om kinda . i hope not .#bc i may b a libra venus but if theres one thinf i dont like: its romance decisions. n ive alwys hated the idea of a being in a love triangl#just bc . someones going to get hurt. always . n i dpnt like tje idwa od two ppl being Inro me.#i mean i get it. its not from a place of low swlf worth bc i know ppl are into me and do like me#bur i Hatw the idwa of haing tk choose between tso ppl???#and its all hypothetical#but i do have a mini gut feeling tbat ill have to decide or make a decisio in regards to this anyway#terrified of the idea of being happy so keeping everything n rveryone at this weird middle ground#as if i can keep rhis up much longer bc i have a feeling if i dont budge ill b forced to budge#anyway .#shits fucked fuckass mcgee still on my ass abt my decisions#except hes not egen taljibg to me abt them. hes bitchibg to our mutual friends like. dawg fucling talk to me#im shitty w u bc u dont talk yo me. u shat over my olive branch n basically pretwnd i dont exist. why wouls i wanna ask u to hang out#ofc im gonna ask [dacted] bc were actually friends. u arw not my friwnd. i xan b civil but u made it clear thats Not smth u wany#for qwtv reason idc ? but im literally just followibg the code o was given . its laced w my own weird bitternnmess#that is slowly dippibg the more days pass actually byt . eh its whatwver#i dont hate being around him and i dont get mad when i have to be around him. its a mwh neutral feeling now.#ujless its just us teo n then i wanna bolt for the hills bc What is this energy between us here . im Incomfortable and idk if#its my own projection so slay ig
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PLSSSS I DIDN'T EVEN THINK THAT AC FANDOM WOULD SHIP HAYTHAM AND SHAY NAUURRRR. years ago I was wondering why there ain't no shay x liam artworks tho, now I also wonder why there ain't no shay x gist fanarts
#I was just remembering my good ol' days when I was scrolling through ac fanarts#never thought I would be amongst them ac fanartists#haven't gotten into ac yaoi yet tho because I don't know whom to ship#like yeah I've done some drawings just for myself but it's like eh I just wanted to#it wasn't serious shit but just yk I want to draw yaoi w this character and I will#and if I don't have anyone to ship them with for it to feel right then fuck it I'll just draw em w a random character cuz I need yaoi#but like to really feel the connection between the characters. nuh#but I've only played 3 ac games after all so maybe it will come#and I haven't finished ac3 yet tho I'm stuck on that ship battle level it freaks me out#there's a certain possibility that I won't draw ac yaoi at all because I need my ships to be meaningful and I can't ship characters without#a certain dynamic between them#I still hope tho that there will be a some kinda homoerotic relationship#and Ik many ppl ship malik n altaïr but I tried to play ac1 and malik was such a bully#I never finished ac1 btw#and there's no remaster for ps4#black.session
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Thinking abt the random card au again. Why must it go so crazy hard I miss it sm
#rat rambles#random card au#no matter how far I drift from my bndori and sekai peak days the random card au keeps hitting me like a truck every now and then#it just scratches an itch that I havent been able to satisfy since my cr days years and years ago#I wouldnt say the random card au has super similar worldbuilding to my old cr stuff as that was much more large scale#but it still has a similar appeal to me I think#I think its the building entirely new worldbuilding based off of designs and general vague starting concepts and bringing them all together#that gets me invested as it feels so satisfying slotting it all together and then actually getting to play out the story in this new web#I loveeeee jumbled webs of worldbuilding and characters that all tie together in a way that makes it almost impossible to completely#seperate one cast of characters from another#I love the feeling of a world with a bunch of intertwining plots like that even if it makes it near impossible to format a normal story#like my cr stuff was just so much man I still miss it sometimes even if I hate cr itself#Ive become a much better story creator too now so I know I could make what I had so much better nowadays and I already like my old stuff#it just makes me all the more sad that I went so crazy hard on worldbuilding for a franchise that sucks ass </3#it may have been two of the worst years of my life but Ill also never reach that worldbuilding high again I think#oh also it made me actually start the slow slow process of getting more ambitious with my art and doing more digital stuff#rly thats the biggest reason the random card au pains me so since I wanna post stuff for it but man do I not wanna draw anyone from it#first of all human characters so already eh but also Id have to adapt the cards theyre based on into a design I can actually draw#so as much as I wanna make a billion random card au animatics I cant even bring myself to draw them normally#you see olivia and jackie are easier to draw because I just made shit up for their designs and as such made their designs very simple#but I cant just make shit up for bndori and sekai characters they actually have designs and hair that Id have to adapt to my style it sucks#I just wanna draw doggy arisa is that so much to ask for (yes yes it is I dont wanna figure out her hood)#also rip mygo yall will probably never get in but who knows maybe one day Ill have my second bndori era and then y'all will get in#its rly just the fact that they likely wont have enough cards to properly add them for another few years#especially if that other band also gets in if that happens neither are getting enough cards until the servers shut down lol#like I Could just pick and choose but thats boring#kinda ruins the point of the au y'know?#like tbf Ive cheated in the past by reroling two and limiting my options with several sekai characters#but thats just because at the time most sekai characters had almost no usable cards for this au and the two I rerolled were also unusable#like Im sorry but I couldnt just add normal ass hagumi and masking it wasn't happening
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