#this chapter broke me

[friesucker]

This chapter broke me. The fact that the wife turned out to be a good person, the fact that after loosing everything in the war, Martha has managed to continue with her life has resound in me. It wasn't easy of course, maybe it was the hardest thing she had to overcome in her life (and this woman has been in two wars), but we are discovering this through her flashbacks, she is telling this as a storytime to Becky at teatime. So what does that mean? She already got over it, she survived. And you may think 'well of course, its been years' but i wouldn't judge her, i would even consider other reactions normal, like staying stuck in the past, because loosing the things and people you loved most to an absurd war simply is not fair.

Martha, you're so strong, i love you so much. I chose the picture of her breaking down after her performance because I understand how her dancing, having the chance to have a little of what she really deserved to live, could have reminded her of what it felt like to be alive.

[peanutseagle]

Aren't we just humans, after all?

[caluette]

gethsemane

[frogwithaflowercrown]

I colored a tbhk panel, enjoy

[writingjourney]

I think it would be so wonderful to keep your shared quarters with Copia mostly analogue. You keep his little tube tv and get a vhs player to watch movies. Maybe he still kept all these things from when he was younger, can tell you about how he got them, so many memories you can share. You play the video games of his youth and your childhood with him on his favorite console, the colors of the device already faded, some of the buttons barely working anymore. He even kept the original boxes of the games so you can add them to a cute little shelf along with whatever you want to keep in there, maybe some old books, a stack of polaroid photos, maybe your own games or cassettes.

You have a record player too obviously to listen to your favorite albums with the softest crackling noise in the background. And the rule for every date night is that it stays all analogue, no distractions. You can only watch and listen to the things you both own and love, no endless scrolling through Netflix or Spotify.

Your nights are so calm and relaxing. You put your phones or laptops away, just watch an old movie, soft white noise, the flickering picture of the tv illuminating the room along with his lava lamp. Some movies are in color, some are black and white. You don’t need any fancy gadgets, it’s about the experience, about being with each other, having each other’s undivided attention. More often than not you forget to rewind the vhs tape because you get too lost in each other on your far too small bed.

[magicunderstandsmyaddiction]

War is over??

[lilover131]

Chapter 70 Analysis

I’ll be frank right now. This analysis was hard to write. It’s hard to write not just because of how absolutely wrong all my theories were (lord, were they wrrrrrrrrrrrrooonnng), but because this chapter made me unexpectedly very emotional. I’m just speechless and cannot believe that CLAMP got me again like this. I just find it absolutely amazing how Ohkawa’s writing can steer you in a direction and make you think you know what is going to happen, and every single time, she turns you on your head. Fucking incredible. I honestly don’t know how she manages to do it. Just…everything clicks now and I see the puzzle in front of me showing its picture, and it’s beautiful and also so so heartbreaking at the same time.

 I’m not going to post a gif or image of the month this time, simply because I don’t feel like there is one that really is suitable.

Also, I apologize in advance for the crappy quality images in red of the screenshots I took. The English chapter has yet to come out in good quality and is currently only available on Youtube, so I had to make do with the red colored pages for now. 

 With that said, I’ll get started on my thoughts.

The color page this month is so stunningly gorgeous and it fits the theme of this chapter so well. It is beautiful and warm but also has a melancholy feeling that can’t be shaken. Sakura has a face that looks as if there is something missing, and by the end of this chapter, we know why.

 Admittedly, when the chapter first started, I was very confused. It seemed to jump straight to Kaito using the EXCHANGE card without time for anyone to stop it, thus making my theory that Syaoran would fight to keep it from happening completely wrong. Lol. But I’m not upset about this. Not seeing a Syaoran sacrifice made me relieved, at least for the moment…(I’m still not ruling that shit out for the future. Haha)

 But I wondered what it meant to see Sakura now as the Red Queen and Akiho as Alice. Did this mean Kaito had switched their lives after all? It certainly seemed to be the way things were going, and I was worried that he had been successful and wondered what the repercussions of this would be. It’s been well described in other CLAMP series (-cough- Tsubasa -cough-) that changing the fate’s design like this ultimately creates huge ripples and damages in the world around it. There is a reason it is considered forbidden magic after all, because of course if one could simply undo things or swap lives with people, why wouldn’t it happen all the time?

 The first thing noticed though in particular was that it wasn’t just Sakura and Akiho that seemed to swap in roles. The very outfits themselves were changed. Some of you might recognize them as the first versions of the outfits that Tomoyo had made and decided to start over on as they did not feel right to her. It seems now that this is because these outfits were originally designed for them to be in swapped roles, so Tomoyo’s intuition here seems to reign supreme again but also makes me wonder for the millionth time how she doesn’t have magic (lol). Another difference seems to be that Syaoran has taken on the role of cat in the originally intended method of just voicing rather than acting on stage. Initially, this also worried me as the reason he had done the role on stage physically was to be by Sakura’s side in case something happened, so by seeing him not do this, it made me curious as to whether his relationship with Sakura was still the same.

Moreover, we must keep in mind that the title of the story had also changed from what was originally written. Before, the story of the play was called “The Two Alices” (which now I realize is super sneaky Ohkawa!) before Naoko made a last minute change and titled the play “Alice in Clockland”. Even the story itself seems to have deviated from what we saw before in the previous chapters. Alice Akiho mentions that her family had a fourth chair at the table always open, but she never understood why. And Red Queen Sakura mentions how she doesn’t remember how she became Queen and only ever remembered being in Clockland. The story soon seems to develop to reveal that the Red Queen is actually Alice’s twin sister who was lost long ago. It seems to also have a happy ending with the Red Queen returning home to her family.

 Back on the rooftop of the school, Kaito and Momo are speaking. She asks him how he feels now that he has gotten what he wanted, which is still unclear to us at this point in the chapter.  He claims to be relieved that Sakura finally created the card he needed before Momo goes on to explain to us readers (bless her) on what has occurred. And boy, is it a doozy.

 The first thing was Sakura’s wish, which was simply to switch roles with Akiho and be the Red Queen instead. That seems fairly harmless in nature, but the second wish was for the artifact inside of Akiho to be exchanged to Kaito for his broken pocket watch. Naturally, taking on the artifact is absolutely huge because it was this very thing that the Squid Clan and the Association wanted to keep to themselves desperately. It was their grasp at power, which was all they cared about in this world. Additionally, Kaito had explained before that this artifact had already absorbed so much magic that if it took on anymore that it would crush Akiho’s soul, so what are the implications of that now in Kaito’s body, which undoubtedly already has a ridiculous amount of magic in it? We know already that he has shown no care for his own well being, so this seems to be more dire a situation than he was in before.

 Akiho now has Kaito’s broken watch, but she still has no magic in her body, so she could not use it even if she wants to, so this will not impact Akiho in any way. She seems to be completely free of the binds that tied her to her awful family who wished only to use her as a tool and did not acknowledge her as a person.

 But Kaito took it one step further…

 The scene changes to the end of the play where the girls are being applauded for their performance. Naoko tells them that she knew they were perfect for the role of Alice and Red Queen. And I’ll tell you right now that when I was initially reading this chapter, it was in French (because the English chapter wasn’t quite out yet), and I had to use Google Translate. Upon translating the next speech bubble, I found myself absolutely fucking speechless and wondering if I had typed something in wrong or if Google messed up the translation.

 Not only did Kaito take the artifact away from Akiho, but he also rewrote the past so that Akiho was born as Sakura’s twin sister. I think I can safely say that a majority of us had thought that Kaito was intending to swap Akiho and Sakura’s lives so that Akiho could have a happy life and Sakura would take on the misery Akiho endured. And I feel terrible now thinking he would actually do something so cruel, seeing as he honestly hasn’t really done anything to deserve that opinion. When you think about it, he never actually harmed anyone at any time, and even the trouble he caused was still much less dangerous than even what Eriol put them through (think about it, Eriol nearly had Syaoran cut Sakura in half when he controlled him with threads!). And additionally, most of the trouble was actually caused by Sakura herself with her out of control magic.

 Was Kaito shady? Absolutely. Was he secretive and somewhat manipulative? Of course. But does that inherently make him a bad person? After this, I just can’t see it. What I’ve always enjoyed about Kaito particularly is that he always keeps you guessing. You never know exactly who’s side he’s actually on, and I’ve rather enjoyed learning more about him because of that. But one thing that always remained unfettered was that he cared about Akiho. In fact, Akiho seemed to be the only thing he ever showed any care towards (other than maybe her mother, but we still don’t know exactly how that story ended, and I’m sure we will learn more soon).

 And now that we know what his intentions were, I cannot help but see the clues written all over the wall absolutely EVERYWHERE. CLAMP has literally been dropping hints for years, and I can’t help but be angry for missing it all! Granted, that was the point, but fuck I can’t help but be impressed by the writing just for that alone. Every single mention of how similar Sakura and Akiho were, the mention of them ‘synchronizing’, even Akiho’s fucking name! I have always had a feeling that Akiho’s name wasn’t always Akiho because it felt odd that she had a Japanese name despite being born to English parents in England, but now I can’t help but think that Kaito had her change her name so she could fit neatly into her new life. And still in my head I cannot forget that one scene in the anime (episode 10) with the SNOOZE card where he came to pick up Akiho, and Sakura and Akiho said something with the same reaction at the same time, and Kaito just laughed. I always wondered why he laughed like that, and now it makes complete sense. He was laughing because he had always intended to make Akiho Sakura’s twin sister, and it was funny to him because the two of them were already acting like twins.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlT4JhTNgVg&ab_channel=AnimeCat

Not to mention the many many scenes of Kaito seemingly investigating all aspects of Sakura’s life, like her father, Touya, the house she lived in, her mother, Syaoran, etc. He did all of this because he wanted to make sure Akiho would have a good life with Sakura’s family, and that she would be surrounded by those that would protect her. And like…I know many of us noticed this and theorized he was doing this because he wanted to swap Akiho with Sakura, but I feel awful that I never considered them being twins as an option and assumed the worst. What he proved here by making them twins was that he wanted to save Akiho, give her a better life, but without taking away from others in the process.

 But there is one major problem with this wish… or rather two.

 Momo looks to Kaito and tells him that even with his magic, he cannot contain the power of the artifact. It is at this very moment that the pages of the book artifact appear beneath his feet, and some of his memories begin to show in the pages. It was when he was younger and had volunteered to go with Akiho on her journey to absorb more magic. Both the Clan and Association did not like this idea and showed distrust towards him, worried that he’d try to use the artifact for himself. But they decided to make a ‘compromise’ (assholes) by stating that he could take Akiho on her journey if he accepted the ‘Seal of D’. This seal is actually a curse that is intended to keep him in check and will activate if he tampers with the artifact in any way.

 Kaito seems to agree to this without hesitation and is warned that he can never break this seal, and if he does anything to ‘the artifact’ (god I wish they would talk about Akiho like the human being she is), he “can never return”. Do those words sound familiar? CUZ’ THEY FUCKIN’ DO TO ME.

 It turns out that the voice we have seen and heard in the manga and anime several times saying “You can never return” was directed at Kaito. The strange disembodied voice in Sakura and Akiho’s dreams was that of one of the Clan/Association members telling Kaito he could never go back if he broke this vow. And this also explains why Kaito had such a grim reaction when Akiho brought up those words before from her dream. It’s because he knew exactly what those words meant, but he still decided to go through with this anyways. From the very beginning, he knew he was going to sacrifice himself, and although we had our theories about this for quite some time, it is absolutely confirmed now.

A magical seal appears over his chest, almost undoubtedly at this point the ‘Seal of D’, and in my initial read, I again was using Google Translate on the French pages before I saw this text, and it fucking broke me.

I started crying almost instantly. To know that he was a boy that grew up caring for nothing, wanting nothing, liking nothing…to say that the very spell that will undo him is the first spell he ever wanted to use. It’s fucking heartbreaking, and for the first time other than when he laughed, I could see a smile on his face that I knew was 100% genuine in every way. He’s not hiding anymore. It is the smile of someone who feels he has just fulfilled his purpose in life and is ready for the end.

 Momo emulates me and most of the fandom by shouting and crying that he’s an idiot before he completely vanishes within the pages of the book. Sakura halts briefly, having felt something, but appears to brush it off, and lord I wish she wouldn’t have. The rooftop is now empty with neither Kaito or Momo, and the chapter ends there (because of course it does).

 -Wipes tears and blows nose-

 Okay, so this chapter messed me up emotionally, but I honestly loved it. It’s so beautiful and devastating at the same time, but I think I finally have an idea of where the story will go from here. Sakura still should have her magic and she has already developed the ability to remember things despite rewinding of time etc. But I think RECORD will also play a part. The card has been extremely useful in showing things that didn’t even happen in the real world, such as her dreams, but it has also been shown in the anime to show records of past events that happened prior to Sakura even being born and never experienced. I also think the watch will play a part. We know now that Akiho has a broken pocket watch and will likely not be able to remember where it came from but have melancholy feelings when looking at it or some sort of heart ache. I think this watch will assist in bringing Akiho and Kaito back together.

 The ‘Seal of D’ also appears to have the same kind of appearance as the dragon from Sakura’s dreams, so I believe that the curse the Association and Clan put on him will have turned him into this dragon, and that he is currently roaming the world of the book. Because Sakura’s dreams showed the dragon in Tomoeda, I think that he will somehow break through the book in this form at some point, but there is still definitely the question about the Cloaked Figure, and it is still debatable who that will end up being. We know that part is still to come as Sakura has yet to wear the ‘sleeve’ she mentioned before that she would have on when she finally meets the Cloaked Figure for real. 

 God, just when you thought the climax was finally here, it seems we haven’t even reached the tip of the iceberg. This is most definitely why CLAMP needed another full volume to finish it, and I’m all for it.

  I am so fascinated to see the next chapter and what this new timeline is like. Does Akiho know about Kero and Suppi etc.? What has gone on exactly in regards to the Clear Cards? And what about Syaoran? Does he still have the Sakura cards? What are the actual ramifications of this massive timeline change? And Lillie? What happened to her if Akiho was never born her child, and how did this affect Nadeshiko?

 SO MANY QUESTIONS!!

 But we’ll get answers here real soon, and I look forward to talking about them all with you! See you next month!

[this-is-mimosa]

i posted 4 new content from the new chapter. this is me keeping it minimum. i want to cry and rant a lot more but i am trying to keep it normal. one last post, and i will go to bed and stop for tonight....

[kbondoxxxxav]

they’re neighbors au

[fima11]

uni ruggie? feat. fima

i need to cope with exhausting uni life so now Ruggie is a uni student as well.

(a small glasses card spoiler)

8 a.m. class got cancelled just for us to find out about it at the doors of uni.

public transportation is a nightmare.

proud Ruggie's bestie.

[bluevelvetea]

So start by saving me, Itadori.

(Find my reference here)

[levifontana]

DRDT SPOILERS

FOR CH2 E15!!!

.

.

I don't want to die.

[ferngle]

Ok so I read "Reaping what you sew" by @/thetriggeredhappy a week or so ago. Definitely did not get the feels. No tears were shed... anyways-

[riolone-moon]

ADA with kid Atsushi 😭❤

Close-ups below T-T

[surreal-duck]

couple of pin designs for some of my fav manga !!

[soulsty]

Goodbye Houseki No Kuni 💚