#this better not have awakened something in me

[admirationandromantics]

Old story of mine, but I deleted my last Tumblr account, so here it is again!! This is a collage au!

Here we go again

The party hadn’t started yet. The only ones in the house so far were me, Jesse, and Dina. Dina hadn’t even begun to get ready, only stressing about where the bowls should stand, and what ornaments to put under the sink so that they wouldn't break. She was the host after all.

“Just go and get ready,” I urge her, searching for bowls in her cabinets to put the food in. Drinks were already in the fridge, and people with common sense would also be bringing their own. I had labelled my flask of white wine with my name, just in case someone decided to steal some.

“Fine! Just put the vases in the lower cabinets in the kitchen, please” she asks, before hurrying to the bathroom to apply her makeup.

Soon, people began arriving, and we started playing drinking games, pointing at the one who`ve had the most sex, the one with the most exes, and on and on. In the middle of the game, the door opened again. Dina ran there, and we kept sitting in the living room. That’s when I heard the voice. Her voice. A cold shiver ran down my spine, and I pressed my lips together. If I knew she would come here, I would probably fake being sick, or lie about a college assignment. In the middle of my slightly panicked state a new question comes;

“Who is the worst at managing alcohol?”. Everyone raises their fingers at me.

“The hell do you mean? Several of you can handle less than me”.

“Maybe, but you only get drunk on wine, and when you first do drink, you never stop. I`ve seen you being hungover for days” Jesse chuckles, and the others also start laughing.

“It’s true honey”. I look up to find Ellie leaning against the doorframe to the living room, looking down at me. I roll my eyes, and scoff.

“Fine, I'll show you guys that I’m not just some fancy person who enjoys only drinking things that actually taste good” I firmly state, as I pick up two filled shot glasses, and down them both in fast manoeuvre. Everybody cheers, and I can hear Jesse say something about the other part he said, but I don’t listen. Ellie lifts her eyebrows surprisingly as she watches me, and opens her mouth slightly. She soon sits down, joining the circle. I was already drunk, and this was not going to make it better.

Ellie was, simply put, a bitch the first time we met. She was super cocky and couldn’t stop talking about how good friends she and Dina were. Every time she was around me, she eyed me up and down, like she felt threatened by me. She even made a number of walking harshly into my shoulder several times, not even apologising after. This was the first year of college, and I had just gotten to know Dina as a roommate. Before she introduced us, she was completely sure we would get along well. Spoiler, we didn’t. After putting up with her behaviour for about two weeks, I exploded. Called her a bunch of names and shouted at her for being such a rude person (I may have been a little drunk too). I realised after that I may have gone over the line and waited outside her biology class to apologise. I had a shitty week, and I guess I took it out on her. She eyed me once more and swore she would make my life hell. She did. Making fun of me publicly, tripping me in the hallways and always tried to prove everything I said wrong. It was exhausting, and I started avoiding her at all costs.

 ***

We played through several games, and soon everybody was either laughing uncontrollably or laying on the ground talking about deep, philosophic stuff (As everybody does when they're drunk). Dina and I were discussing Buddhism, while sitting cross-legged on the floor.

“I just think that it makes so much sense that they refer to his awakening as a type of rebirth” I point out.

“That’s wrong, many people don’t see it like that.” I could feel her presence behind me before she started talking. I breathed in deeply, before letting it out again and turned around. Her body sat tense on the sofa, leaned a bit forward while her elbows rested on her knees.

“The scripts are badly translated, and it could be anything that we don’t yet understand”.

I smile and use a sarcastic tone while agreeing with her. “Of course, you`re totally right”

“Are you saying I am wrong?”

“Exactly what I didn’t say”.

“Fine”

“Yeah fine”

I struggle to hold my laugh, as I can sense how stiff she is. I hold my breath for too long and snort, looking away from her immediately. She gets up from her chair and her voice lowers.

“What was that?”

“Nothing” I calmly state, a smirk lurking as I lift the glass to my lips. She notices, and huffs. I`m loving this, and feeling as if I've taken some of my power back.

After a few hours I had to go to the bathroom. My body is swaying, and I understand that tomorrow is going to be horrible. Jesse is always right. I try to take my mind off it as I’m washing my hands and staring into the mirror. Suddenly, the door opens, and Ellie is standing there, her hand blocking the way out.

“What do you want?” I ask, trying to keep a stern tone, but ultimately failing.

“Do you think you would get away that easy, trying to one-up me?”

I freeze. Shit, I thought she would get over that since I got my win for the first time in a while. My voice fails me, and instead of commenting back, I stand there, mouth agape.

“What’s wrong? Lost your voice honey? But you were so open-mouthed a while ago”. She slowly walks forward, closing the door and locking it behind her. Her body is towering over mine, closing in on me till I feel her hot breath on my face. Alcohol and smoke. I back up as she puts her leg between mine and her hands against the wall. I blush.

“How drunk are you?” I ask, wondering if this is the best time for this.

“Not enough, you?”

“I'm fine,”

She starts pulling off her shirt, and I do the same. She’s flexing her arms, and I can’t help but admire her muscles. How her veins run down her arms and end by her long, slim fingers. Her hair is up halfway, but some strands are falling in her face. I meet her green eyes and decide this will be the last time. The last time we’ll do this.

“I bet you have missed me,” she smirks.

“I don’t care about you, and this will be the last time we do this” I state, already feeling hot for her. I may have said that the last time too, but this time I meant it.

“Keep telling yourself that honey”

[barbs111claims]

Hi

So 2 years ago I wanted to kill myself but then I had a huge “spiritual awakening” where I say things beyond human comprehension. And from that moment I decided to give life a chance, I knew that life actually had a meaning and that was for me to discover what was beyond what I could think. It gave my so much clarity of the world around me and who I was. From that moment I also started to randomly consciously manifest things without knowing about manifesting. I’m not kidding when I say this but in that time I manifested 6 million overnight while I was just kidding about being a millionaire while listening to my rich music and then when I woke up my parents had the good news. I also manifested others things that I thought where extremely special. But I didn’t really put in effort it was just fun experimenting with my powers.

So then I decided to deepen myself in the laws. I started with law of attraction. And I ended up meditating so deeply everyday that I was so passionate about finding the ultimate truth of reality inside me, that I was extremely depersonalised from my 3D and basically lived inside my brain. I could ask things and receive answers on my questions, like the one time i asked how to invent something that could end humanity ( I still have a full doc on how to build to most effective machine that could end humanity in less than second) I also got the answer of questions about reality and my vessel. So that’s when I realised there was nothing but me. And that I was experiencing myself from the experience of myself ( if that makes sense!) I found that there really was nothing and everything at once while I was giving meaning to it. So that’s when I started with extreme anxiety and depression because I struggled so much with intrusive thoughts, not being able to ground myself in this reality and being so so scared of my thoughts. Still to this day my thoughts scare me so much that I can’t help but experience anything other than fear from myself. It’s like I’m living in a constant nightmare. I have watched so much law of assumption post and videos dedicating every second of my day on being focused and disciplined to affirming and being in the state of having what I want, but it makes me so fuckiyn angry and I don’t know why. Everytime I see a post I feel depressed because deep down I know everything but everyday I wake up in the same reality where everything fucking sucks ( I have been forcing myself to be kind self love gratitude letting go void state visualisation whatever exist I’ve done it all) and when I finally have build up that trust that everything is working out in my highest favour and I always get what I want and the 3D can’t tell me nothing yk I can delude myself into knowing I have it but it’s been over a year and I just can’t bear this reality anymore I know I’m meant for another reality and there’s just nothing for me to find here anymore. And I really don’t know what to do anymore I feel like I’m stuck in this reality where everything seems to get worse. And my thoughts are also getting worded everyday for the last year but whenever I tried manifesting a better self concept mindset etc it got worse when i don’t even want to be the person that is in conflict with themsef because that’s just a idiotic thing to do. But can you help me out?🫶

wow. Thanks for sharing your struggles I'm sure it wasn't easy.

I really want to say that we all ARE Master Manifestors. Either consciously or unconsciously. It is amazing how you found your powers earlier but also I want you to understand that there is nothing to be afraid of because "Good or bad" doesn't exist to I AM. They are just Human made concepts.

I AM is I AM.

It is being. It is the vessel that comprehends, desires and thru I AM, it gets what it want.

I would suggest you to go back meditating and just focus on the day, your thoughts and journal them and do some introspection.

Every time you have a negative thought, observe them and ask why you have that. Is it the vessel's fear or your fear? (short ans: It's your vessel's)

So as we know the creation is already done. I AM exists anywhere, It is our decision to choose what we want. I know having that power might go good or cause anxiety but the truth is that it is so freeing.

Think of the times when you manifested and the fulfilment. Feel that feeling again.

Free yourself, you aren't gonna 'manifest' anything bad to yourself truly because you are the god of your reality and god doesn't worry for being a god.

And if you still have worries, Loa is basically Law of assumptions so just assume that every time a negative thought pops, your new story manifest quicker. BE CRAZY. It's your reality<3

(btw your thoughts or your mindset getting worse are just affirmations, you can ditch the old story any moment now)

[feralkwe]

“we can get away from all this; start over. no one has to know what you did.” ;D

you're my favorite person on the planet. i could have gone a lot of ways with this one, but you had the best suggestion that i could not turn away from. i also could have gone two distinct ways with that, and had to choose--angst or happy? which road did i take?

enjoy!

~*~

The chilled air swirling around the remains of the Aitiascope might have caused Kit to shiver had the moment in which she stood not numbed her to all else but him. Themis. Elidibus, standing before her, eyes lightly lidded and the soft shag of his hair tossing about in the breeze. The whole of her world was focused down to him, his words, his recounting of the peaks and valleys of their entwined fates throughout his life, both as her Ascian foe, and her lost lover. Now that the threat of Athena had been quelled, now that the others involved had returned to their proper places in time and space, nothing else mattered. Her heart ached, swollen within her chest until her lungs scarce had space to draw breath. It had been eons for him, but for her, hours. Hours since she disentangled herself from his embrace and dressed, the flutter of her beating heart barely settled to a normal rhythm, and said goodbye to him.

So, when he looked at her, that incandescent smile he saved for her directed at her once more, and said, “Then this all has meaning. Our time together—every moment—was worth it. And I am unburdened by regret,” something inside of her snapped.

“I’m not.”

She heard herself say it, felt the words on her tongue before they passed her lips and became real. Yet, she could not quite believe she’d said them out loud.

His face shifted, the peaks of his smile slipping in so infinitesimal a way that had she not just spent hours studying and memorizing every feature of his face, she’d have missed it. “What—”

“I have regret,” she pushed ahead. “I regret leaving you behind to everything that happened after. That is my burden. That I walked away.”

“Kit…” He struggled visibly, lips taking the shape of the many words at his disposal and finding none appropriate. “Please.” Soft. Gentle. The delicate threads of his tone barely had strength to carry the deep chords of his voice, let alone the sadness which wound around it now. “Do not make this harder than it needs to be. My guiding star. No longer can we delay the inevitable.”

“Inevitable to whom?” She didn’t think. Just as she’d done after their fight earlier, when he clutched his chest while his aether began fraying before her, she held up her hand, pouring forth of her own. His brilliant blue eyes widened, his mouth dropping open as it infused him. “I can’t say goodbye again. I won’t.”

His hands came together at his chest as he bent forward, thrown by the sensation. “Your aether.”

“Is yours. However much you require.” She stuttered in step then gave in and rushed forward. She grasped his face in her hands, frantically allowing it to channel between them. Every other emotion gave way to the swelling of hope, and tears brimmed at her lashes. “Just… do not leave me.”

His hands came to rest over hers, his expression troubled in reaction to her desperation. “There is no place for me here any longer. My time walking the star is passed. My duty at its end.”

“There’s me.” She leaned down, pressing her brow to his. “We did it. We saved the star. It will go on, but I can’t.” Her shoulders shook and she realized she’d begun sobbing. “Not without you. Don’t go. Please. The world owes us for everything we gave up in its name.” It was selfish, both to him and those she was ready to leave behind, but she couldn’t stop it now that the idea was in her head. “We can get away from all this; start over. No one has to know what you did. What I did. We can find somewhere and just… be us.”

His eyes closed, his head tilting into her touch. “A star as bright as yours should never—”

“I don’t care.” She’d given so much. They’d given so much. This was the one thing she ever asked for herself, and until this moment, she’d accepted she could never have it. But she didn’t have to, did she? “You have earned your rest, yes, but take it with me. Please, Elidibus. Themis.” His name. His true name. They didn’t have to be the Warrior of Light and Elidibus anymore. They could be Kit and Themis. “Stay. All the journeys, the travels, the adventures ahead. They are meaningless without someone to share it.”

He pulled back enough that as his eyes blinked open he could meet hers. “Surely there are others who could—”

“They’re not you.” It hurt in its truth, but she could not endure the lie. “Who knows me and understands me better? Everything we’ve been to one another? Let it matter.”

The twists and turns of the course upon which fate set them had to matter. It had to mean something. It couldn’t mete out to each of them all it had over so many millennia, couldn’t inexorably entwine them, only to rip them apart now.

For a time, an excruciating chain of moments, they remained motionless. Only the ebb and flow of her aether moved. His mouth gaped, and Kit could read in his eyes that he weighed every single word she said as he’d weighed all things over the course of his long life. She wanted to shake him. To scream at him to stop thinking and just act. To let the impulse of his heart lead for once in his existence. But she also knew that if he did, he would not be the man she’d fallen hopelessly and wholly in love with, perhaps longer ago than she cared to admit. She had to give him space to deliberate, to decide for himself for perhaps the first time ever, what he truly wanted. And if that was not a stolen life with her, she had to accept that. That, she reasoned, was what it truly meant to love him.

As it turned out, he did not need it. “Yes.”

“Yes?” She bit her lip, sinking her teeth into the flesh of it to make sure she was awake, and this was real. “Yes?”

“Yes,” he repeated. He used his hands over hers to pull her down for a kiss, something she needed no further encouragement to indulge. No more words were needed, not right now. There could be words later, as finally, they would have a later.

[ikeafleshlight]

after all these polycule 141 fics i'm like scoot over please. i want us all to kiss each other and have fun

[ohmigoshiloveu]

This is what I meant when I was talking about the ‘Arthur is Emizel’s mom’ agenda. I think Emizel should grow up to be a guy that people don’t think is a prince because The Queen’s not blond and he clearly didn’t get it from Arthur. Do you feel me?

[heatherchasesyou]

guys I might be discovering something lately--

[honeydots]

stuff from my (xanlow) mermaid au~

[therantsofawriterrr]

[masquenoire]

"What is that? Wait, no... don't tell me, that's a fuckin' Sundance A25, isn't it?? We're going out on a big mission tonight and you had the bright idea to pick something like that as backup??? You know what that is, that's SHIT! Which is what you are! You are shit, dumbass!"

[puppyeared]

i think the reason why im so drawn to spirit tracks and pkmn scarvi is that having the legendary/princess as a companion rather than a goal that marks the games completion makes me feel satisfied the way i would after helping a friend

my brother always teases me about how I still havent finished botw after almost 7 years bc "id rather be out picking flowers" which i wont say is untrue. and yes i know Zeldas been holding off ganon for 100 years, yes i can get some sort of idea what her relationship with link was like by recalling memories and going through her diary. ive always loved botw for its unique storytelling and setting which makes it stand out, because it lets you get to know who you're saving.

but because theyre memories, it only works if theres something for the player to investigate that already happened. its retroactive (but effective nonetheless)

on the other hand, spirit tracks does something similar but instead of having the player try to piece together memories and interpret them as a spectator, you actually have an opportunity to get to know zelda yourself by talking to her and working together. besides making it a gameplay mechanic, giving the player control over how they interact with zelda makes it so much more personable.

and I find that making the goal feel personal instead of an obligation gives me more of a reason to work towards it. I know what kind of person botw zelda was but as the player, shes still very much a stranger to me. but spirit tracks zelda? thats my friend!!!! she invited me to go to the beach after we get her body back!!! i dont want to whip her to make her move faster thats mean :(

you know how hostage negotiators are trained to introduce themselves and get to know the person theyre negotiating with because its harder to hurt someone when you know what their favorite food is? its kinda like that, because it feels like im helping a friend than being told or led to do smth

and although i havent played scarvi myself, i feel an attachment to koraidon and miraidon even just watching playthrough clips because its like!! thats my weird scaly dog!! it loves sandwiches and we're friends!!! you know!!!!!!

[chiptrillino]

why aren't we drawing bato more... he is such a headsome guy.... like we should apriciate him more???

[arosnowflake]

The problem with BOTW is that it's obnoxiously popular in the LOZ fandom to the detriment of other games but also unfortunately it's genuinely really really fun to write fanfic for.

[danaty-consolation]

Me, before watching the MLB movie: The show had a lot of flaws in writing, it had unnecessary drama, and that took all my love for the series, so I only loved the fan content and romantic canon moments without context.

Me, after watching the MLB movie: I love this concept again, everything is fixed now. The characterization is way better and now I actually ship Ladynoir, this movie made me want to draw more of my MLB au with my fave ships-

[leadendeath]

ive only done a redraw of an old art of mine about twice ever- and i've been drawing forever.

but. the thought that:

"oh yeah, even if i'm not happy with this right now, i'm always getting better so i could always make a better version when i Do have more skills for this :)"

is saving me from total "hate myself" "can't do any of this"-type art block + negativity rn

[danielnelsen]

im rereading asunder and keep having to remind myself that all these characters have french accents fml

[miscling]

I want to infodump,

put a kink in my ask box so I can talk about it at length.