#this bad boy can fit so much religion headcanon

[bestworstcase]

Dammit, Tumblr ate my post, so I'll just get to the point:

I think Tyrian is part of the pattern of Faunus antagonists, in that he's the one who basically SNAPPED completely under the weight of discrimination and the idea that the world would never see him as anything except being evil.

This differs from other Faunus in that Tyrian likely would have been discriminated worse due to being an explicitly scary looking Faunus, having a scorpion tail that can double as a lethal weapon. He's also far too intelligent and erudite to just be a crazy person, which would only further highlight just how much discrimination brought out the worst in him. Adding in the fact that he seems to also have hailed from Mantle or Atlas (seriously, all the fucked up people seem to come from there), that'd only add an extra layer of misery on top of things.

Furthermore, given that his allegory is the story "The Scorpion and the Frog", it wouldn't be beyond RWBY to dissect the original intent of the story (namely that a monstrous person is always a monster who will backstab you because it's in their nature) with Tyrian. In RWBY's case, it's plainly made clear that NO ONE is born a monster, or remains a monster unless they are either forced to, or they CHOOSE to. Thus Tyrian cannot be innately a monster; he had to BECOME a monster.

And given all of the factors above, I think Tyrian just eventually broke so utterly that he'd rather burn everything to the ground than even bother to try to fix anything. Embrace being the monster completely and laugh in the face of everyone who thought nothing would come of it, that they'd suffer no consequences for harming him.

And Salem is his goddess because not only did she save him, but she also seemed to have an overarching goal that would allow him to exact his revenge, and laugh at the world as it burns. It also ties in well with his final location being Vacuo, given the theme of destruction.

But if Salem ISN'T that person he thinks she is, and the narrative reveals it as such...

I think he's gonna absolutely LOSE it. Because he sees no value in caring about a world that hates him, a world that he's dedicated every fiber of his being into despising in return.

...Dammit, I have some other thoughts about how this all ties back into the themes of the series, about systemic problems being the source of the true issues as opposed to being put on Salem alone, how this ties into his relationships with the other members of Salem's inner circle, but I've completely forgotten what it was after Tumblr ate my post.

tin hats ON!

so one aspect of the dynamic between salem and tyrian that has really interested me for a while is the possibility that she might legitimately be the ‘god of animals’, and if not the literal creator of the faunus then at least someone who became conflated with that entity in myth. i think there are a… suspicious number of circumstantial details to suggest this, among them:

- the close similarities between both faunus origin myths and parts of salem’s history (judgement and transformation by a stern god who seeks to enforce order, and subsequent persecution on the basis of a perceived connection to the grimm; transformation by willing submersion in a pool of magical water provided by a capricious, ambiguous god, followed by ostracism by humankind who resent the new faunus for being a reminder of what humans “could never be” <- weirdly coincidental phrasing there huh)

- parallelism in the lost fable of faunus persecution (strange creatures locked in cages etc) and salem’s apparent ostracism (living alone in the wilds among beasts and monsters <- tempting to read “beasts” as a euphemism for faunus here in light of the WOR faunus episode’s insinuation that faunus are traditionally seen as a halfway point between humans and grimm + WOR grimm episode noting that grimm historically were seen as demonically-corrupted animals)

- salem’s interest in recruiting sienna khan (a principled revolutionary) rather than support adam’s (an useful egomaniac) coup, and her choice to send hazel—by a wide margin the most dependably non-violent and reasonable of her inner circle—to make this pitch; especially in light of her conspicuous disinterest in attacking menagerie.

- and by the same token, the surprising non-presence of grimm in menagerie throughout V4-5, to the point that after arriving on the island itself blake does not encounter a single grimm until V6. likewise, the white fang being able to just fly grimm up to beacon and amity right alongside their own fighters. there���s… a genuine textual case to be made that grimm don’t hunt faunus the way they hunt humans?

- “your grace” is the style of address used for the chieftain of menagerie; salem’s disciples—most consistently tyrian—also sometimes address her this way, suggesting a possible connection to faunus culture in that “your grace” implicitly styles her as equivalent to the ruler of a faunus kingdom.

- and, notice how both faunus origin myths overtly and pointedly refute the cultural association of grimm with faunus? (judgment by explicitly labeling the belief that faunus lure grimm to attack human settlements as narrow-minded bigotry, and shallow sea by repeatedly bringing up the grimm for no other reason than to stress that the grimm really, absolutely, definitely DO NOT have anything to do with this story, we promise, stop asking.) if at one point the god of animals was explicitly identified as salem—as an immortal grimm-faunus lady with immense magical power, you know, maybe a “terrifying sorceress who commanded dark powers in the wilds among the beasts and monsters”—well, the cultural pressure that would drive faunus myth away from that identification is… obvious. if faunus historically embraced their cultural adjacency to the grimm because their god was a grimm herself, then the shift toward seeking full equal participation and integration into human civilization would have necessitated a concurrent rejection of the mythical closeness to the grimm and obfuscation of the precise nature of their god.

i think reading the story this way is really fun because it adds a neat layer to the narrative use of grimm as a symbol of faunus persecution—consider how things like blake miserably seeing herself in the grimm statue when she takes off her bow for the first time, or the white fang choosing to “don the faces of monsters” to rebuke humanity for “want[ing] to make monsters out of us” land differently if read against a historical context of faunus having to purge the grimm from their own religious traditions in order to seek acceptance from humankind and those older, deliberately obscured traditions lingering as pernicious, bigoted stereotypes. (particularly if the grimm really don’t hunt faunus—that would have given ancient faunus an extremely different cultural relationship to the grimm than what humans had, one of coexistence rather than existential conflict.)

*deep breath*

so getting back to TYRIAN

one idea that’s been sort of cooking in my brain for the last few months is, maybe there’s more to tyrian’s intense religiosity than simple nihilistic devotion. as you say, he’s erudite and remarkably perceptive* in a way that feels suggestive of either education or just being fairly well-read. that he gets along so well with watts also, i think, lightly supports this simply because i don’t think watts would be friendly with someone he couldn’t have intellectually-stimulating conversations with.

(*although i do want to firmly push back on the implication that “crazy” people can’t also be intelligent, well-spoken, or well-educated; psychosis, personality disorders, etc, the kind of mental illnesses that get categorized into the tyrian stereotype, all occur across the full spectrum of human intelligence and, likewise, aren’t Evil Serial Killer Disease and occur across the full spectrum of human morality).

i actually don’t get the impression he was from mantle or atlas; prior to joining salem he was a serial killer linked to a spate of murders and numerous other violent crimes across anima, and his file references a mistrali huntsman (f. pickerel) who spearheaded his arrest and was subsequently removed from the atlesian transport team for “failing to cooperate” after atlas personnel rejected his request for additional units to secure the transport. reading between the lines, it seems like pickerel was on tyrian’s trail for a while and knew what he was capable of, but the atlas military brushed him off. atlesian exceptionalism strikes again.

that does raise the question of why atlas was involved at all in the arrest and prosecution of a mistrali serial killer (one presumes he was being transported to atlas to stand trial), but… the same thing happens to torchwick after his arrest in V2; the vale council hands him over into ironwood’s custody, essentially outsourcing vale’s jurisdiction to atlas. it’s not outrageous to conclude this might be a common practice throughout the four kingdoms, with atlas serving as the de facto criminal justice system for mistral, vale, and maybe even vacuo too. (which: gck!)

anyway, all that to say, if tyrian isn’t outright from mistral (or an independent animan settlement), he at least seems to have lived there for a considerable portion of his life. if that’s the case, his apparent formal education and mistral’s reputation for being the worst of the four kingdoms on faunus rights together might suggest that tyrian received his education from a *faunus* institution—maybe in menagerie, maybe in whatever part of anima is home to the white fang’s secluded headquarters.

remember, the white fang has been around for a long time, but the aggressive revolutionary tactics sienna brought to the organization are a fairly new development as of the time of the show; she only took over five years ago. before that, under ghira’s leadership, the white fang focused instead on public protests and political advocacy… so while the narrative is light on the details (and this is very much getting into headcanon territory) two or three decades ago when tyrian was young and the white fang’s strategic approach prioritized uplifting faunus while critiquing discriminatory laws and practices (in contrast to sienna’s approach of direct action against the corporate apparatus of systemic discrimination), i don’t think it’s much of a stretch for the white fang to have been running or funding things like schools for faunus children who were unable to access human educational institutions; or alternatively, if tyrian was born *before* the faunus revolution (which is possible! we don’t know exactly how long ago it happened, only that it was after the great war!), any education he got would have had to be received from other faunus, because the legal right for faunus to attend human schools likely didn’t even *exist* yet.

either way, the possibility of tyrian having received, basically, an education grounded in classical faunus pedagogy (or perhaps less formally, just growing up soaking in faunus folklore and myth, the “didn’t get to go to school but devoured a bajillion books as a child” case) is. really fascinating to me in combination with the possibility that 1. salem might literally BE the god of animals and therefore 2. to someone with a thorough knowledge of ancient faunus folklore and religious tradition, salem might be immediately identifiable as such.

like… it brings such an interesting context to tyrian’s beliefs about salem to read him as, like, a faunus who grew up suffering brutal persecution in mistral but also deeply immersed in the ancient half-forgotten classics of his people. and there’s got to be, like, if you’re a person who is treated with endless hatred and cruelty on the grounds of an integral and immovable facet of your identity, and you try to cope with that by digging deeper and deeper into the past of your heritage, and eventually you start to unearth the really old myths from before your people began to seek acceptance from the same group that still viciously persecutes you thousands of years later… and those myths identify your people with the grimm in a positive way, perhaps even portraying the grimm as protectors of your people (imagine how ancient faunus might have perceived the grimm if the grimm mostly left faunus alone, but continuously and relentlessly attacked the humans who enslaved faunus and hunted them for sport)… you see where i’m going with this, yeah?

even if ancient faunus just wanted humans to leave them ALONE—which does seem likely, given how the shallow sea ends with the god of animals banishing humans from the homeland of their chosen people; i do get the impression that at one time in history the faunus didn’t really *want* to be equal participants in human society so much as they wanted humans to stop tearing down the societies they built for themselves—even if the ideal behind those ancient myths was simply to have a faunus society that could exist in peace, separate from human society, if you’re a modern-day faunus living out the consequences of a cultural shift away from that ideal and toward an ideal of equal status *within* human societies that are violently opposed to giving faunus equal status to humans…

…and if you’ve also, by virtue of growing up in human society, engulfed in the modern view—originally human but long since embraced by faunus too—that grimm are mindless, evil beings who crave the absolute destruction of mankind…

…like the reactionary leap to “our ancestors had it right, the grimm are our true kindred, but they didn’t go FAR ENOUGH!!” does seem. like it’s right THERE, you know? “we rejected the grimm to beg for acceptance from the humans and look where that got us; we should bring back the old ways and embrace annihilation”—and like yeah maybe tyrian just cracked so hard he landed on apocalyptic nihilism all on his own, but if you take as possibilities 1. a long-ago historical period in faunus culture when grimm were portrayed in a positive or even just neutral light, and 2. tyrian being well-read enough and interested in faunus religious history enough to be familiar with that tradition, the steps that get him into unhinged serial killer territory start to feel downright intuitive—and his immediate, overwhelming devotion to salem as his goddess then acquires all this fascinating context of like, in his mind he has Discovered the Truth about his own nature, this ancient long-obscured kinship between faunus and grimm, and rather than question the modern cultural belief that grimm Exist Solely To Kill Humans he has instead decided that this means he also Exists Solely To Kill Humans; and then he’s caught and handed over to the atlesian military aaand then the faunus goddess of those ancient myths leads a giant swarm of grimm to literally rip the prison transport apart to free him.

(it’s also hysterical from salem’s perspective. pov this serial killer decided to worship you on the basis of his wild misinterpretation of half-forgotten myths dating back to your miserable hermit era. he’s fantasizing about the blood-soaked good old days and she’s remembering that time she took a ten-year-long depression nap in a cave somewhere gsfksb)

anyway—it remains to be seen whether 1. any of this speculation is correct and 2. the narrative intends to explore it deeply if so, but this is, loosely, where my thoughts re: tyrian alluding to the scorpion tend to settle. the moral of “the scorpion and the frog” is something along the lines that evil people cannot help but hurt others, even to their own detriment, because to be evil is in their nature; but that is not the only variant of this story, and in one of its probable precursors, “the scorpion and the turtle,” the moral is actually this: “truly have the sages said that to cherish a base character is to give one's honor to the wind, and to involve one's own self in embarrassment.” in other words, the turtle—who is not killed by the sting, being protected by his shell—refutes the scorpion’s assertion that “my nature instigates me to sting” and suggests that the scorpion has, by acting as though he is no more than his basest instincts, simply made a fool of himself. the implicit suggestion here is that the scorpion could have chosen not to sting and is using his “nature” as an excuse to act on his every whim, good or bad.

which… aligns quite well with how i read tyrian and this. constellation of theories + headcanon regarding the grimm and the faunus and salem herself, the through line from tyrian finding comfort in these old stories and slowly leading himself down the path to believing it’s his nature and his purpose to kill humans and the eventual escalation to his present desire for pure annihilation. he isn’t acting out his true nature so much as he constructed an idea of what his nature is and then embraced it fatalistically as the truth; and while he killed his frog (pickerel), rwby has also quietly set the stage for tyrian to meet his turtle—the invulnerable friend who sees the truth behind his “irresistible nature” (and in some versions, retaliates by drowning the scorpion).

it’s salem. it’s salem. if tyrian dies i’m positive it’ll be by salem’s hand, and if he doesn’t i think it will have to be because she chooses to spare him; this:

is foreshadowing! this is what happens when salem doesn’t indulge the religious fanaticism! tyrian is at all times one ideological rebuke away from snapping and directing all of that pent-up rage and hatred at SALEM, and if salem’s decision to toss a beowolf at him after simply declining to forgive his failure is any indication, i think she knows that perfectly well. she’s carrying the scorpion across the river knowing that she’s going to get stung, inevitably, the instant his beliefs come into contact with reality, but he might as well try to sting a rock for all the harm it will do to her.

and then she either snaps his neck or does her thing of Being Immortal at him until he keels over from exhaustion and maybe becomes receptive to whatever she has to say—the former seems likelier by a wide margin but it’s also hard to predict what salem’s going to be like on the other side of the villain -> hero arc, which will necessarily involve her becoming less of a mirror, because it’s difficult to parse where she ends and the performance begins.

something of a final tangent, but there’s also a performative element to tyrian’s cackling lunatic behavior that i find really interesting; the mask slips a bit whenever somebody refuses to participate in the game. we see this most clearly during the fight with qrow in V4, when qrow just. decks him and tyrian is like:

tyrian is absurdly strong (i think he’s the only character we’ve ever seen tank a charged-up hit from nora? she knocks hazel clean through a wall and across a courtyard and tyrian just. blocks that. with his TAIL.) but he’s also… sloppy, undisciplined, and he relies on his unhinged, chaotic, creepy demeanor to compensate for that by throwing his opponents off their game. i don’t think this is a conscious tactic of his, but on some level he fights with the expectation that his enemies are going to be too freaked out to really hurt him. and then while he’s having a grand time toying with ruby by deflecting her bullets with his tail, qrow just fucking. cold-clocks him and then kicks him away. and he doesn’t know what to do! he’s so rattled that he can’t even DO ANYTHING except huddle there and stare while qrow casually walks past him to retrieve harbinger. qrow goes off-script and that *terrifies* him.

(and he pays this back in V7 by setting up the confrontation with clover and pushing qrow juuust enough to get that intense focus qrow always has when he fights to slip, and then stabbing clover in the back the minute qrow got distracted. it’s settling the score by taking away the thing that gave qrow this power over tyrian the first time they fought.)

i think this could be an interesting thing for rwby to dig into, with tyrian, during the vacuo arc. he’s kind of a one trick pony; he’s great at being a violent fanatical nutjob but as soon as he’s cornered out of that role—as soon as he has to deal with someone who doesn’t give a fuck—he kind of just. locks up. and now he’s in spearheading the campaign in vacuo, a country whose people pride themselves on not giving a fuck. so between that and his general… lack of any leadership skills to speak of and the difficulty he seems to have with adapting/improvising away from a plan as the situation changes, vacuo is, i think, not going to be very fun for him. especially if salem stops in vale first en route to vacuo.

[amouramuro]

Bored and in the middle of procrastinating, then i got a silly idea to make a (not so) tierlist of a3 x hsr combo like what would a3 boys' path would be. Also to make this blog looks more alive xoxo

There are two types here. Left is their path as playable characters (aka ur standard dps/support/survival units), right is their path as in mindset/philosophy/religion/you name it.

Ofc this is all headcanons of mine and what i personally think about them. Gotta admit im getting rusty with their characterizations since ive been in a very long a3 dormancy... Im most confident with my assesment towards fuyu, then haru, aki close second to haru, and im least confident with natsu (sorry natsu peeps). And surely there are very stereotypical takes i put here

Elaborations or thoughts-behind-the-screen under this

First off, the game mechanic path:

I think i based this one on a mixed consideration of physical prowess + tendency when doing something, like manifestation of thoughts, or so they say

Destruction trio, ofc we all know their physical strength. Guy is like default dps in my head and i feel like his mechanic can be somewhat blade-like (im projecting two of my faves here, if im not obvious enough). Misumi reminds me of yunli with her parry kits, idk it just seems so misumi. Juza can be any destruction unit available in game rn, like hes canonically the most feared delinquent in that area around ouka and even the neighbouring districts.

Erudition trio, the aoe dmg dealer. First off homare because this absolute theater kid with extravagant flair and movements proven in anime and stage will just make me scream erudition. You cant tell me he isnt hitting all 5 mobs in one go with his kit. He reminds me of argenti so much. Sakyo deals with the five aki brats on daily basis so you know the gist. Also his kit being able to do aoe is in line with his efficiency-centered ass. Tenma is very loud /pos, and such a center of the show being an established actor himself, i feel like erudition unit fits him because he can deal with many people at the same time (im blabbering here, forgive me tenma stans)

Hunt quartet here, i feel like they dont need much explanation. Chikage hisoka masumi and banri seems very befitting as one-target dps/nukes, focusing on one hard hitting move per turn, good with enemies who dont do summons. Their physical prowess is made for that, me thinks

Abundance trio, well what more can i say. I mean i know omi is in akigumi but i feel like hes so gallagher coded dont u think. A buff guy can be a healer guys wink wink. Hes quite a pacifist guy in the roster and the fact that he cooks, simply healer. Sakuya my brightest sun my lovely son, it is just canonical that he has healing aura to everyone and everywhere. Same goes with muku!

Nihility quartet or dare i say line up of my favorite people /j. But like ofc, these people may not be the hardest hitting unit in the game but they provide debuffs and dots to the enemy. Very befitting of how these people, azuma tsumugi yuki and citron, behave in the stories. I would split tsumugi yuki as pure debuffer (dmg taken, def shred, etc you name it) unit, while azuma citron as dots sub dps (small initial hits, but they will k you over the time)

Harmony quartet, there are various reasons. Wan wan combi seems befitting with the roles of buffing and cheering their team up. Azami sure buffs too but with less cheers than the wan wan combi lol. And itaru would love to just provide buffs without needing to hit that much. He just loves to put workload to others if he could, doesnt he

Preservation trio, aka people with so much patience and resilience (i made it up). I know tasuku feels like that big bad buff guy who can hit you hard, but like personally hes a pacifist guy yknow. He can hit if he wants to but problem is ge doesnt want to. Thus i think this gym bros physical potential then can be utilized as shield more, like this guy got high def to shield his teammates. Hes just like gepard if u think about it... Anyways kumon also has good physical prowess being a baseballer himself. Im very ignorant when it comes to baseball and its terms, but well i feel like since he has a high mental and physical resilience as well he fits being a shielder. Tsuzuru, boy, he has 9 siblings. I think thats enough reason.

Onto the path as their base philosophy/religion/mindset/whatever terms throw it here:

This one is based on, as ive stated, mindset or philosophy that bases their action. Their idealism, of sort. Or aspects of themselves that may not be always visible/present. This one is harder istg this is like forcing me to do a character study. Anyways.

Erudition banri and guy. I feel like its just befitting of them. They may not be voluntarily choosing to follow Nous, like probably the intelligentsia guild. Theyre probably more like people who got the gaze of Nous instead. Since banri literally excels in everything he does, i go with the interpretation that he might be able to gain Nous' gaze, if this aspect of him is elevated inside the hsr universe. Guy is canonically smart as well and his early element being "of an android" reminds me of screwllum, if hes not a robot and just someone who thinks he is when he isnt. Like doing complicated mental math? Thats sexy and brainy and amazing and sexy and- gets dragged off the stage

Preservation duo... Also fits their game mechanic path... Well i guess. I mean again, their mental endurance seems befitting of a qlipoth followers. It doesnt have to be so devoted like they could be like regular belobogians. Obvs not ipc like fuck that imperialist institution okay /hj

These two father-son hunt duo, also befitting of their game mechanic. Obvs im taking the pattern of chikage's organization and revenge for august. Meanwhile masumi is a bit of a reach here since he couldve been an atheist/not following certain path. But im using the lone wolf interpretation of their characters that just wanders around the galaxy to help those in need and to uphold justice whenever they could

Now talk about nihility "follower", well as you guys already know, there is no such thing as IX's followers since the concept of nihility itself doesnt allow for such possibilities. But then again IX's gaze befalls anyone anywhere no matter how much they want to avoid it. I think of them three as doctor of chaos instead, those who have seen the despair, the nothingness, the futility—yet they want to prove there is still meaning behind it all, in everything IX deems meaningless. Tasutsumu and their fallout and their view on things they valued (godza and acting). Meanwhile juza have a lot of nihilist view about himself as well, but still want to change or be able to do better despite whats given in him

Yet another congruence of philosophy and mechanic, omi and muku is just abundance. As we all know the antagonization of abundance/yaoshi is just a xianzhounian propaganda led by lan guys /j. Ofc as we all know too aeon and their path merely represent a basic concept that is neither wrong or right, good or bad, just or unjust. I just think that omi and muku have that gentleness, altruism, benevolent nature. Not to say this in the naivety kind of way, but well the gentleness persist despite that many violence and turbulence that happened

Harmony guys yeahhh. Ofc the artists, the performers, those who wants to unite people with their art. Saur penaconian. They simply loves the harmony of the diversity, of many different colors

Now sakyo is the sunday of the previous trio /j. But idk i mean he could be a pathless type of person. Hes still a very orderly person and maybe despite not being so devout, he follows the path of ena like secularly. Meh, hes very much into order in canon as well we can see

Elation duo aha. Well, misumi is just a force of nature untamable and he is simply seeking joy (read: triangles) in everything he sees. Meanwhile itaru sure loves joy of playing video games amirite itaru. His laziness truly can land him in nihility but that would be too depressing. Again, they are truly the joy seeker

Trailblazer duo yeaahh. To seek of the unknown, to trail a path never been discovered before, to broaden the horizon. Seems so very sakuya and citron. Their trailblazing spirit is just so strong

Enigmata duo of the two most mysterious people in mankai company /j. I mean they both can be a follower of remembrance as well, since the motives of past and memories are very strongly present in their characterization and stories. Since enigmata and THEIR followers, by lore, are treated akin to Nanook and Anti Matter Legion, so like defo antagonist. So if we want a more friendly approach, memokeeper hisoka and azuma sounds befitting as well.

Last but not least, idrillas follower. Have i told you that argenti reminds me a lot of homare (or vice versa). Yeah. Like ofc homare the appreciator of beauty in the universe, the ever so gentlemanly knight, his name literally means honor yall. Homare is just knight of beauty coded. Meanwhile yuki and azami, well very stereotypical but hey they do appreciate beauty in every forms. They may not be part of knights of beauty and idrilla is long gone/disappeared, but their faith in beauty can persist

Alright i guess thats all i currently remember about these categorization. Ofc again this is just my headcanon and interpretation of the characters and lores in both games. I had fun (and suffer a bit) in making these crossover of my favorite medias. I just need to dump my thought somewhere, and my twt acc is not looking good haha. So here i am.

[hahahax30]

✨Headcanon time✨

Genevieve is Jewish. Ik ik she celebrates Christmas with the 19th cenqueery gang but hear me out. Imagine Madeleine going to visit Genevieve’s grave with Atalanta when she first arrives in Mirror. They collect rocks and when they go to put them on the grave, Madeleine starts crying because their rocks barely fit on Genevieve’s tombstone because there are so many other rocks and Madeleine starts to truly realize how much time has gone by since she’d been turned into a statue. (Also Madeleine decides to learn Hebrew and Yiddish later on as a way to honour her, like she did with Aaron and Sydney, only in a much healthier way)

Whenever Morgan does something badass and Lucas is proud of her, he doesn’t say, “that’s my wife!” He says, “I’m her husband!” Like “yeah, that bombshell of a woman choose me and my love of fucking CAD!!”

For his twentieth birthday, Sydney writes Camille a fairy tale about a boy cursed to be trapped inside his own body for all of eternity until he’s saved by his platonic Prince Charming and Camille and Marcus both get very emotional over it

I really hope these aren’t too terrible 😅

~headcanon time~

Tbh I had never thought of characters's religions, ik the 19th cenqueery gang would probably have to be Anglican (although I think Camille would end up being an atheist) and that Saz are atheists because *yes* but from now on Genevieve is Jewish! Also, ik this was to talk about Madeleine/Genevieve, but I have to talk a little bit more about Genevieve being Jewish because I've just realised that one of her descendants is named after a fucking Jewish king lol, and guess who's also of (distant) Jewish heritage?

Ofc, I'd have to read on Scottish Jews, get more info on Judaism as a whole since Genevieve would be religious (and I'm sorry but my knowledge of Judaism is very poor), and probably ask you if a writing doubt arises? But, yeah, you've just made at least 4 characters Jewish/ethnically Jewish/of Jewish descent.

Anyways, Madeleine actually hasn't visited Genevieve's tomb, because it's it in the middle of the Aboveground Scottish's nowhere, it's private property, and Atalanta has very bad memories of the place (even if she doesn't know that one of the tombs there was Genevieve's, since this happened before TSC). But Madeleine will eventually visit her tomb, with Atalanta, maybe Diana, and someone else. I want her to know everything the 19th cenqueery gang did to remember her. And I want Madeleine to keep their memory with her --in a healthy way ofc-- so I'll try to see if I can fit in that scene!

(If Madeleine learns Yiddish and Hebrew, Wagner let me tell you I have the *perfect* teacher for her dosnakajsjsjakaka)

As for Lucas, he's more the type to have a short-circuit every time Morgan does something badass, Xiuying probably has a 100-photo file titled 'Lucas.exe has stopped working' with his reactions, but YES. After everything they've been through, he won't shut up about being Morgan's husband when they marry. Listen, men from Mirror China don't change their surnames when they marry, but Lucas? Yeah, no, he's very proudly Lucas Hao, Morgan Badass Hao's husband.

ALSO

(But Lucas would like to disagree with you, that nerd does arrays for fun)

MCOSMWISNWIANSIWNSISNWOWK WAGNER THAT'S LITERALLY SOMETHING SYDNEY WOULD DO 1000%

I'd ask you if I could write a short story about this, but I won't lie, I don't have time and have to write biagc + other short stories (the Coraline/Adelaide short story pt2? Yeah I haven't forgotten about it lol), so... I fucking love that headcanon, and if you want to flesh it out into something more detailed, you can definitely do it (I hope that doesn't sound like I'm pushing you to do something, I'm not lol, please believe me).

THESE WERE NOT TERRIBLE AT ALL WAGNER

[nico-no-talk]

I have decided to make more headcanons of the gang and maybe go more in depth to a particular one that we may all know of

Sunny

As I said before, this boy can fit so much autistic symptoms

His parents are quiet close with their kids but it seems like they messed some things up like parents do: Mari is somewhat a perfectionist and Sunny may have undiagnosed autism

Quickly headcanoning Sunny's name might be Hikaru or any name that means light

ANYWAY, as he grew up, the more he verbally opened up to his friends and still uneasy with his family, except for Mari.

Sunny likes to play with toys like any other kid does but he only likes toys that he can role play with such as his stuffed toys and building blocks that he can make homes for

When he was in this 11th year of being alive, his parents got rid of his building blocks as a way to help him 'grow up' since what kind of 11-year old play with building blocks still? They didn't touch his stuffed toys since they knew he would kick and scream way more than with his blocks

Sunny was devastated when he learned his parents tossed his blocks and cried for weeks that his friends, his stuffed toys, didn't have homes anymore

Mari decided to earn money with Hero's help to get him a new set so he won't be sad anymore, and knew he liked the feeling of smooth wood against his skin

After his 12th birthday party, Mari asked to not toss this set out and just keep it for any kids that Mari and Sunny may have in the future. Even Mari wasn't sure if Sunny would want kids, but it was something that managed to convince their parents

Speaking of Sunny speaking, he is somewhat semi-verbal around his friends but he does talk most of the time with them since he felt like it doesn't hurt when talking to them unlike with the rest of his family.

Speaking of family again, Mari's name might be short for Mariko since the transition to the 'ko' may have been difficult for Sunny to pronounce but her name might actually be Mari since it is a Japanese name as it does mean 'real logic' if written in a certain way

Their parents may have gotten a speech therapist for Sunny to help him pronounce words better and so the other adults will stop saying things how strange he is

Stims includes, minor biting, finger snapping, whistles, finger tapping, hand flaps, and random noises. Why random noises? Because I do too

Post-canon, Sunny's mom decided to actually get him diagnose and help him out more so he can graduate in school quickly since he did drop out of middle school

He did managed to get back in school within his age-grade and goes to separate rooms during testing for his classes

For long weekends, he tries to visit his friends as often as he can, especially Kel since he likes the way Kel's hair feels and enjoys feeling the callousness on his hands

Mari

Mari Mari Mari

She is a perfectionist, even towards herself since he parents often compared Sunny to her, saying how Mari was able to do a lot of things when she was Sunny's age

Seeing how they made her a goal for Sunny, she tried to be the perfect image of what it is to be normal

Do after school activities, have hobbies, play music, have friends, fall in love, have long hair since she's a girl and he's a boy, only like boys and show him to only like girls, so on and so on

After the building block incident, thats when she realizes that Sunny will never be a 'normal' kid and go out of her way to make his life easier. She'll continue to be his role model but for a new and better reason

She bought him some of his stuffed toys since he liked the texture, picked out clothes that he liked but had to make the tough choice of getting him 'normal' looking clothes so he won't get bullied, eat any of the food he hates, continued to play the piano since he likes the sound, is happy that she stopped softball because he hated going out to her games because of how loud it is and it felt cramped to him, and so many other things

When hanging out with the gang, Mari allowed herself to relax and not focus on Sunny

Kel

Middle child syndrome screams

Despite it being just being him and Hero for the longest time, he was still an afterthought for his parents when it comes to Hero and Sally

He didn't mind. He thought thats how parents are with multiple kids. Sunny's parents were kind of the same as his so he thought he was right but Basil's didn't make any sense

Like everyone else, he has never met Basil's parents and thought they just worked all day and play with Basil at night

But Basil said it wasn't, so it confused him more but he stopped questioning it after thinking about it for a while

As Kel gotten older, the more he realizes that he sort of has 'jumpies' like Sunny does but it was different. It helped him feel less tighten-up and felt better

He asked Hero during on of his visits, Hero explained that Kel may have ADHD or ADD.

"Oh" it clicked

Kel wanted to do something 'smart' on his own for once and decided to research on his own about himself and Sunny

He learned lots of things and became more open minded about a lot of things: gender, sexuality, neurodiversity, polyamory relationships, religion, and many other things

Hero

Biggest Asexual with Mari as well

Only became an overachiever because he loved the praise he got from everyone

Honestly, I dont got much for Hero, sorry man

Aubrey

Bisexual energy

Her father made sure she was a perfect little girl: wears dresses and skirts, like pink, wears a bow all the time, keep herself neat, come home right after school and ask first if she wants to keep playing, not playing with boys especially the rough playing boys

After loosing her shoe and meeting everyone, she decided to stay around them and be herself: rough housing, wear blue, wear spare shorts that either Mari, Sunny, or Kel may have, take off her bow as often as possible, be out of the house as possible to be with her friends, and may have a crush on an older girl you see almost everyday

When her dad left, everything came down: mom gave up, money became tight, Mari is gone, no one is around with her, and start doing things she never done before because of obligated morals

She started dating Kim, hung out with the hooligans, wore 'less' clothing, rude, crude, tomboy, carried weapons, and dyed her hair

Post-canon, she stopped some of her bad habits: wore clothes that are modest whenever she felt like it, a little more polite but still a little rude, stopped carrying weapons, and kept the pink hair in memory of Mari. Still dating Kim since she loves her more than anything in the world

Basil

Who the fuck names their kid Basil? His name was probably Jermey and just he liked the word Basil so much that he said a lot instead of his birth name. He got the name Basil since it was the first thing he planted

For years, no one in the gang knew Basil was a nickname, just accepted that his name was Basil and his parents just liked plants, not realizing his parents are not around a lot

Bet you anything, since Basil vents to Sunny a lot, he may have talked to him about sexuality and gender a lot with him, coming out to him as gay and might be non-binary in some way, still wasn't sure

Sunny was the one he told that Basil was a nickname but he wants to be his actual name

"But, your name has always been Basil, hasn't it?" Sunny asked

Basil had vowed to protect Sunny at all costs since that day and also be proud of himself no matter what and to always introduce himself as Basil, no matter how scared he was

Post-canon, after being in the hospital and some for of mental hospital for some time, after being officially released, Basil came out to everyone else

"Wait, so Basil was a name you picked this whole time?! That is so cool!" Kel cheered as he lifts Basil up in the air in joy

No one dared to ask what his deadname was and use whatever pronouns he asks them to use: He/They but still struggles to respond to they/them pronouns since he never told anyone else other than Sunny

Annnnnnnd thats all I got. Feel free to ask more from me

[gay-otlc]

Keepers Of The Chaos (3)

Summary: Tam, Linh, Dex, Keefe, Biana, and Fitz are part of the tiny fandom for Keeper of the Chaos, and Tam and Linh’s podcast convinces some of their other friends to watch it as well. The group finds themselves strangely invested in this show, where students at Tumblr High School who work together to write about an elf named Sophia, cause incomprehensible chaos, and fight their rival Pinterest High School.

Content warnings: Cursing, religion (Jewish Vackers), and Amsterdam (just in case, I know that was stressful for some people).

Word count: 1621

Notes: Most of the episodes are just events stolen from Lynn's roundup, Dex's memes are here

(Read on AO3)

The life of an amateur meme maker on dumbles dot com was a strange one, that was for sure. After finishing xyr favorite show- Ze-Ra: Monaerchs of Powhir- for the third time, Dex had searched for another show to fill the void in xyr soul. Biana recommended this show called "Keepers of the Chaos" and described it to xem. Xe was doubtful at first, but after watching the first episode, xe was hooked.

Xe used to not have many friends at xyr school, so xe did what every neurodivergent queer teen would do- made an account on dumbles dot com. People seemed to like xem- or at least, they liked dizznee-plus's memes and edits of Ze-Ra characters. Even after Dex befriended xyr squish, Fitz, thons sister, Biana, and aer girlfriend, Sophie, xe continued making content on dumbles. Around that time, the Ze-Ra fandom started dying off, and xyr memes started getting fewer note

In a sudden, two am burst of inspiration, Dex made edits of some of xyr favorite characters, like Ref, Akki, and Rose, with their respective pride flags (all of them bi) over them, and captioned it "we must be gay." The post blew up, or at least, what could be considered blowing up in Keeper of the Chaos's tiny fandom, and that was how Dex found xyr calling as an amateur meme/edit maker for KOTC.

History had been repeating itself, with the KOTC fandom starting to die off, until it was revived by an announcement from creator Saturn Nolastname- a season two would be released soon. Frantically, Dex made a meme about season one episode two, with the car salesman meme. Xe edited "chaos keepers" onto the car salesman, "the rarelynoticed" on the car, and "this bad boy can fit so many stripper outfits into it."

That had been... an interesting episode, to say the least. The chaos keepers had been talking about the antagonists of "Sophie and the Dark Duck"- a rebel group called the Rarelynoticed. In the information packet they'd been given, it was confirmed that the Rarelynoticed wore black cloaks and armbands, but no other clothes had been mentioned. Somehow, the chaos keepers came to the conclusion that the Rarelynoticed really wore neon pink leotards and green stripper heels, then drew this idea.

Needless to say, the Tumblr staff did not let them write that into the book. Nor did Lynn, the unofficially chosen leader of the group. Unfortunately for her, this didn't stop the chaos keepers from drawing more of these- or the fandom from making a ton of memes. In addition to the car salesman meme, a post with Drake saying no to "wearing normal fucking villain outfits" and yes to "leotards and stripper heels" gained popularity within the small fandom.

Though nothing could match the absolute shock of seeing the Rarelynoticed stripper outfit for the first time, Dex decided to rewatch the episode anyway- it was funny to see the chaos keepers freak out, and maybe xe could get some good screen captures. The good Saturn Nolastname indulged xem, and xe captured an excellent scene of most of the chaos keepers either laughing or screaming at the Rarelynoticed stripper outfits, with Kimber- one of xyr favorites- sitting on the side, explaining to Juno and Kaitee why Bianca Cracker was bisexual.

Xe went over to dumbles, posted the picture, added an image description, and captioned it "Live photo of me not caring when my friends talk about sex/romance." Xe chuckled to xemself- this really was how it felt to be aroace. Xe tagged it as aromantic and asexual as well, since dumbles added flag colors. Smiling, xe went to go check xyr notifications.

Xyr jaw dropped when xe saw that @lordofthesnuggles- Fitzroy (Dex didn't know thons middle name) Vacker thonself had liked and reblogged all three of xyr memes, even adding compliments in the tags! Xe'd had a bit of a platonic crush on Fitz for... a really long time, but xe always felt too awkward to talk to thon, so it was nice to see that thon appreciated xyr humor.

Feeling energized- and excited to procrastinate on xyr math homework- Dex went to watch the next episode: Dark Duck Is Jewish Now. Being Jewish xemself, this was a really funny episode to xem.

Lynn had been writing a sort of spinoff- it would be called fanfiction, but it was for her own story- about some of the Dark Duck characters celebrating Christmas, and added a throwaway line about Bianca and Finn Cracker celebrating Hanukkah. Then, her fiance, Shai, had taken that idea and run with it, writing a list of ideas about what would happen if the Cracker family was Jewish. Hir friend Sam had jumped on the idea, and soon they had abandoned writing the actual Dark Duck in favor of writing a story about Jewish Dark Duck characters. Some of the other Jewish chaos keepers, like Ref and Cat, helped out.

To be honest, it kind of surprised Dex that no one had made a joke about the Jewish Crackers just being matzah, so xe supposed xe would have to be the first.

Xe posted that observation, quickly getting a like from Fitz- which made xem smile. After a few minutes, Dex posted another meme: Shai and Sam standing in front of a door with a sign that read "elves don't have religion," and them saying "This sign won't stop me, because I can't read!"

It was accurate.

While that episode was great for Jewish representation, and funny, the Banana Noir episode was just plain weird.

It focused less on the Dark Duck than most of the other episodes, and was more about the crazy interactions of the chaos keepers. The episode was named for Banana Noir, who was really Cat Noir, but in a banana suit. Banana Noir was the son of Mellie, who looked like a shark, and Nora, who had platonically married faer. The mothers tried to arrange a marriage between him and Akki, who loved the side characters of the Dark Duck series. However, Akki wanted to marry Amelia. After a lot of shit that basically no one understood, Banana Noir's attempts were thwarted, and Lynn officiated the wedding between Akki and Amelia.

Yeah, Dex had no idea what the fuck was going on either. Xe'd watched an episode of Twins of the Chaos and a youtube video by arsonpog analyzing the Banana Noir chronicles, as it had been dubbed by the chaos keepers, and both expert opinions seemed to agree that Saturn Nolastname and the rest of the writers had probably been on crack when they made that episode.

The next episode made slightly more sense, though it was a low bar. After taking a break from the "official" Dark Duck story, the chaos keepers began collectively writing a Cinderella story about the characters Sophia and Bianca. People weren't allowed to be queer in the official story, but the chaos keepers still wanted to have fun with their obviously gay characters.

Even to the viewers of the show, who only received secondhand information about the Dark Duck characters, knew there was no way any of them, let alone all of them, were allocishet. The exact identities weren't entirely clear- when Dex had made edits of the characters' official art and xyr headcanons for their pride flags, a few people had disagreed- but both the chaos keepers and the fandom knew that despite what Shannon said, Sophia and Bianca were in love, and their Cinderella story should have made it in to the official Dark Duck story.

While excerpts of the Cinderella story were quoted in the show, most of it was left unclear, so Biana had taken it upon aerself to write aer own version of it. Dex was expecting an update later  that day, actually, or maybe the next. Ae wasn't always 100% reliable with aer update schedule. Still, Dex looked forward to when it eventually did come.

After the brief calmness from the Sophianca Cinderella episode, season one episode six, Amsterdam, exploded back into chaos. A few of the chaos keepers decided to discuss a fake scene in the book in which crazy shit went down, with the scene supposedly being located in Amsterdam. It had never been written and was never going to be, but everyone discussed it like it was real. Some of the highlights involved all the Dark Duck girls having swords (and the chaos keepers being gay for them), and a speedboat chase scene through the canals. Fitz had a popular theory that the chaos keepers would actually travel to Amsterdam in order to commemorate this crazy part of their lives. Almost as popular as that was a meme Dex made, with a man labeled "chaos keepers discussing amsterdam" and gesturing feverishly to a wall covered in papers and red string.

Of course, episode seven (Dark Duck Disney) was chaotic too. Everything was chaotic with this group, it was in the title. Shannon announced that the winning Dark Duck story would be adapted into a Disney movie. After past experience with terrible book to movie adaptations, the chaos keepers panicked. They panicked so much that it became major news within their school, which until then, had been largely ignoring the chaos keepers. Once the discussion about the movie settled down, they talked a lot about how in awe they were that their Dark Duck shenanigans were trending within the school.

But of course, none of that compared to the last episode of the season...

Dex changed xyr profile picture to include an ominous pair of teal eyes and sighed.

[palmett-hoes]

what's your take on the foxes mbti?

oh buddy ur never gonna believe this but i wrote a foxes MBTI post YEARS ago

im also not into mbti anymore and haven't been for many years so that post is probably still more accurate and in-depth than what i could give you now. i’m just gonna copy the whole thing but i read it over and it still totally vibes w how i understand the characters, like way more than i was expecting it to. i only made one edit (it’s marked) and it was to add a detail not change anything

i hope you’re really really into mbti otherwise this’ll probably be gobbeldegook

.

.

.

i used to be obessively into mbti so here’s an analysis based on cognitive functions mostly.

SKIP IF YOU WANT. for anyone with no idea how it works, here’s a quick rundown: cognitive functions are about the way people think, process, and prioritize information, not necessarily how they act, though people who think the same way often act the same. the 8 letters that make up a type represent how people process and prioritize internal and external stimuli. every letter actually has an ‘internal’ and 'external’ form so there’s Thinking (internal(ti) and external(te)), Feeling (internal(fi) and external(fe)), Sensing (internal(si) and external(se)), and iNtuition(internal(ni) and external(ne)) t’s always go with a corresponding and opposite f (like ti and fe always go together), same with s’s and n’s (ex: si and ne always go together). a set of  t, f, s, and n in a specific order makes an mbti type.

neil: intp (ti ne si fe)

neil has incredible analytical ability although it’s very programmed for survival but he’s also a fast thinker and very quick to adapt to new environments. he also approaches things from original angles that other people dont consider, all that sounds like high ti/ne. the lower functions fit well too. in times of stress, he returns to old habits and falls back on what’s familiar, that’s classic low si. his emotions are also very exterior. he’s bad with other people from lack of exposure, but he’s committed to harmony between those close to him and has an impeccable ability to read the emotional states of others while being completely oblivious of his own, and his sense of self is tied to exterior things like exy, friends, keys, and legal documents (lol) that’s fe

andrew: intj (ni te fi se)

ni is really hard to describe but it has to do with being able to draw conclusions from scattered input, which fits with andrew’s uncanny ability to spot lies and obsession with finding out the truth, especially with high te, which is about spatial order and logic, think of how prioritized he is with the physical order of things: who sits where, who wears what, etc. a lot of people want to make andrew infj i bet as like a “subversive reading” but he’s definitely not. i used to be really close to an infj and they have hyper-empathy, as in she would describe not just caring about other people and being able to read their emotional states but literally feeling the things the people around her felt. this is a common result of the ni/fe combo, and the reason why andrew is definitely not infj. tertiary fi fits very well instead because andrew is deeply attuned to his own inner emotional state. he’s self-confident and doesn’t care about other people’s perception of him, but he’s also very concerned with his own feelings and understanding them, even if they’re repressed. he’s also very aware of his physical surroundings, which plays into his deductive ability, although it’s not his focus. that’s low se

kevin: estj (te si ne fi)

kevin is a classic estj. he’s controlling, demanding, and driven. he tries to control the actions of those around him and gets very distressed when things dont run smoothly, as well as having strong feelings about improving efficiency. high te people make great managers. kevin’s whole story arc is about breaking old habits, which is a very si problem. it has to do with trusting and craving memory and familiarity, and explains kevins need for endless repetition. he’s innovative, though, coming up with new strategies and drills (ne), it’s just based on what’s already familiar, and you can see him spiral into creating all possible worst-case scenarios when he’s stressed (low ne stress reaction, they like to be prepared). finally, he’s a dick, but he cares about other people and wants to improve their lives, as well as being very reliant on other people’s perceptions of him to define his own self-image (low fe)

dan: esfj (fe si ne ti)

dan’s top priority, over everything else, is her team. she wants her team to improve, she wants her team to win, she wants her team to work together. it’s all about the collective. we also see that she’s very open with others and makes a lot of effort to both make new ties and maintain old ones, that’s high fe. she’s sentimental and attached to the past too (si)  esp the photo wall, but we also see her very unwilling to let go of the past ie the monsters but eventually willing to change and grow to mend team cohesion (ne). we also see the fight in underlying logic (low ti) with her: she knows the team needs the monsters to cooperate but she cant figure out how to do it

matt: enfj (fe ni se ti)

so enfj’s experience infj hyper-empathy too, but to a slightly lesser extent (primary fe is more group cohesion, secondary fe is more understanding others), and through this we see matt’s easy-going open friendliness and ability to befriend even prickly little neil, because he has an extremely good sense of what other people are feeling and need, it also explains why he doesn’t hold a grudge against the cousins in the same way dan does, because he understands where they were coming from. se is associated with a general boisterousness for life, as it’s about experiencing the world around you, which explains matt’s happy-go-lucky disposition and puppydog behavior. the ti aspects mostly go into supporting fe/ni empathic senses

allison: entj (te ni se fi)

i mean, allison’s controlling, both in that she orders other people around and in that her physical being and space are very planned and organized (her clothes, her hair, her makeup, etc) but at the same time there isn’t much sentimentality to her, like how she doesn’t care when her car was destroyed. she easily replaces things because she cares about the object’s purpose, not its history and that all smacks of high te/ni. and i mean, the se definitely contributes to her love of designer things and killer looks, because she cares about the world immediately around her, and why live if not in luxury? and fi? is there any character more aggressively self-confident than allison reynolds?? going against her parents’ wishes for her takes a really strong, independent sense of self, but we also see the problems that can come from not worrying about other people, in how she starts fights and can be abrasive and catty

renee: infp (fi ne si te)

okay this one was really hard tbh. a list of other considerations: isfp, istp, and infj. it’s very easy to read renee as high fe because she’s kind, but i think it’s a mischaracteration of why she’s kind. it’s not because it comes naturally to her, it’s because it’s a conscious choice that makes her feel better about herself. high fi people often read as fe because they’re so comfortable with themselves and in tune with their own needs that they can then go and provide for others. i associate her religion with ne, because contemplation and acceptance of the divine later in life is a very metaphysical undertaking that undoubtedly requires a lot of abstract thought. renee’s storyline also revolves a lot around using things from her past and putting a conscious effort into leaving things from her past behind (how she still uses the skills she learned from her past in new ways ie sparring with andrew and protecting the upperclassmen v/s how she held on to her knives even when she knew it was detrimental to her moving on) this sounds like si. her protective instincts also feed into the te need for order, but it’s a looser leash than say andrew, as it’s lower on her function stack but still present

nicky: esfp (se fi te ni)

godd nicky is like a prototypical esfp. i mean nicholas “sex, drugs, and parties” hemmick cant be anything but se dominant. nicky is all about living it up and living in the moment. like he’s sporadic and ive seen it lead people to think he could be enfp but he doesn’t think enough about the meaning of things to be ne dominant (like how he makes somewhat predatory jokes and such, he’s all about the here-and-now while ne is about the past and future simultaneously). also he of all characters has incredibly prominent fi, as his whole character is about living unashamedly as himself as a gay man and the immense self-awareness and inner strength it takes not only to come out to unaccepting parents but also to leave and start a new life when they rejected him. however, fi is also indicative of his communication problems with his family, as he’s unable to tell that the cousins are fundamentally different from him in their needs and boundaries, leading him to pushing them, making them uncomfortable, and being unable to help them, because he’s unable to understand them. the rest are much more hidden, but a party boy shopaholic like nicky would probably need some amount of te order in like an organized chaos fashion (and he’s often headcanoned as liking to throw parties) and you do see him become somewhat pushy, even controlling in those scenarios. ni is the hardest but could maybe be seen in how he’s attuned to the cousins reactions for all that he cant predict them/doesn’t do anything on his own part to prevent them (the way he handles andrew is like if someone poked a rattlesnake knowing damn well what it would do and then freaked out when he got bit)

aaron: istj (si te fi ne)

im a little iffy on this one and worry it might be an analysis based on his trauma instead of complimentary to it, but aaron’s arc is about breaking out of his habit of holding on to the past. he refuses to work towards moving on from his mother’s death, refuses to listen to things that contradict his preconceived notions, and refuses to make changes in his life that could improve it. that’s unhealthy si. he’s really a very unhealthy istj, and most of his traits manifest through his unhappiness with his life. take his te. that would imply that he needs control over his surroundings, but aaron is incredibly bitter and unhappy BECAUSE he doesn’t have control of his surroundings. he doesn’t get to make his own choices, he doesn’t get to control his space, and he hates it. his relationship with katelyn is also indicative of being an istj. it’s stable, not a passionate fling, but aaron is mocked for wanting that white picket fence, married with kids in the suburbs kind of life, and his relationship, which is his primary source of happiness, is built on stability, which is a very si thing to do. in terms of fi, it is aaron that ultimately forces change between himself and andrew. he may have been pushed but he ultimately came down to him knowing what made him happy and what made him miserable and acting on that. also, he’s an ornery asshole who clearly doesn’t care what other people think of him. fi. i dont really have anything to say in terms of ne, probably because he’s so unhealthy but also because he’s not too explored. heyy istj’s make great doctors

wymack: isfj (si fe ti ne)

okay this one was genuinely the hardest to decide on but ultimately i came to the conclusion that wymack, much like renee, is such a developed person that he loses many defining traits of the functions, and can be read in many different ways. so: wymack’s primary goal is the safety and betterment of other people (ie his team). he wants to help people overcome their pasts, which is a very atypical approach to si, but is si nonetheless. on a personal level, too, he’s never able to move on from people, and specifically never moved on from kayleigh,  continuing their shared dream of an exy team for abused kids long after her death. as ive said before, fe in a secondary position is about deep understanding of other people, and wymack’s ability to understand what other people are struggling through is legendary. the ti mostly serves as support to the fe, serving as the analytical backup in allowing him to understand others. as for ne: he is most definitely an innovator with unusual ideas, or the foxes wouldn’t exist

riko: estp (se ti fe ni)

riko is basically what happens when an estp goes bad down to the core. he’s obsessed with personal glory and immediate self-fulfillment (se) he has no impulse control or fear of consequences. interestingly, high se is often associated with athleticism, because high se people are intensly focused on their surroundings (exy). his ti is also super unhealthy as he gets obsessed with ideas that dont really work with objective reality, like his obsession with ownership and power dynamics despite them not actually being efficient, even backwards. the tertiary fe he uses to manipulate. he doesn’t empathize with others, but he can tell their emotional state and what’s important to them, and uses it to coerce them and destroy their sense of self, like how he knew he could get neil to the nest by threatening andrew. EDIT: /additionally, fe people especially in the lower half of the function stack tend to derive their sense of self from the perceptions of others around them, which riko very much shows in how he needs to be acknowledged as the best and won’t allow any competition for his title, as well as his desperation for acknowledgement from his family/. finally, that ni allowed him to keep multiple plans in place focused on one ultimate goal: getting kevin back. the sheer amount of schemes he sets up in order to fool and push people the way he wants is honestly kinda impressive, but he’s a toxic shithead and im glad he’s rotting. definitely not representative of all estp’s

.

.

.

this is honestly SO funny to read back a few years later bc HOOOOO boy was i way too into this stuff. and this was written a couple years after my Peak MBTI Obsession, which was honestly scary

[gingerbreadart1]

Really loving the latest artwork and lore! You are so creative! Can't wait to see what's next! No rush though, I know the good stuff takes time.

Oh my gosh thank you!!!!! I'm having a bit of a writer's block when it comes to the actual story, so I've been kinda messing around and doing research about different things. Idk if it's obvious yet, but I'm a huge nerd. I especially love science and sci-fi(duh) as well as biology! I actually wanted to be a doctor with some kind of focus on congenital disorders when I was a kid. Weird kid, I know. Anyway, I love thinking about lore and nerdy shit, so I'm gonna take this opportunity to do just that! Beware under the cut is a very long essay about space, civilizations, rambles, and math. Lots of math.

So, I have no idea where I want to start, but I know what I want to talk about so I'm gonna pick something and roll with it. First thing's first, the Kardashev scale.

Because this isn't an English class and I don't have to re-word shit, I'm gonna copy and paste from wikipedia for this one: "The Kardashev scale is a method of measuring a civilization's level of technological advancement based on the amount of energy it is able to use. The measure was proposed by Soviet astronomer Nikolai Kardashev in 1964." Cool? Cool.

So yeah, basically it's an easy way to say how advanced a civilization is, and it's broken up into three types.

A Type I civilization, also called a planetary civilization—can use and store all of the energy available on its planet.

A Type II civilization, also called a stellar civilization—can use and control energy at the scale of its planetary system.

A Type III civilization, also called a galactic civilization—can control energy at the scale of its entire host galaxy.

Just to give you a grasp of what that means relative to us, humans are estimated to be a type 0.73 civilization. We're expected to get to type 1 in a few hundred years or so. Here's where math comes in. Note: I hate, and am not good at math. So, take all of this with a grain of salt.

So, a Type 1 civ. is usually defined as one that can harness all the energy that falls on a planet from its parent star (for Earth–Sun system, this value is close to 1.74×10^17 watts), which is about four orders of magnitude higher than the amount presently attained on Earth, with energy consumption at ≈2×10^13 watts.

Before I go any further, I want to ramble a bit about their star

For my own personal headcanon that the Irken planet is slightly dimmer than earth, I'm gonna make the Irken star a K0 type star. For reference, the sun is a G2V star, meaning it's a yellow dwarf. A K0 star is kind of inbetween red dwarfs and yellow dwarfs. Quick explanation on the letter-number thing, (as best as I understand it, disclaimer I am not an expert) The letter is the classification of a star based on heat and luminosity, going O, B, A, F, G, K, M, L. O being the brightest and hottest (and largest typically) and L being the opposite. The number is size. A higer positive number means a smaller star. A G2 yellow dwarf is smaller than a G-3 yellow dwarf.

Make sense? God I hope so. Anyway, I picked a K0 star for a couple reasons.

They live longer. Our sun has a lifespan of about 10 billion years, but a K type star has a lifespan of 18-34 billion years. Because of this some scientists think they're a prime place to look for life because of their long stability.

They emit less ultraviolet radiation, which can damage DNA, making the developement of life less likely to be hindered by this star

They're 3-4 times more common that G type stars, so it's literally more likely that the irken sun is a K type anyway

They're dimmer and cooler (but not by much) than G type, which fits into my own personal HC about a dimmer sun.

ANYWAY now to get back into the first topic, the Kardashev scale. The irken sun has a temperature of 5,240° Kelvin (8,900° F/4970° C), a radius of .85 (367,445 m/591,345km), a mass of .78 (3.42^30lbs/1.551^30kg), and a luminosity of .40 or 1.531^26 watts.

Compare all this to our sun (Temp of 5,780°K, radius 1, mass 1, and luminosity of 1, being 3.827^26 watts), basically the Irken sun is smaller and less powerful.

Back to the Kardashev scale. Modern day earth is .73, right? I imagine that Irkens are somewhere in the high 1's, like 1.7. The reason I'm not placing them in two is because I don't headcanon that they've built a dyson sphere or a matrioshka brain.

For those who don't know, a Dyson sphere is a hypothetical megastructure that completely encompasses a star and captures a large percentage of its power output. These bad boys are imagined to look kindof like this

Cool as hell right? Also not something I think Irkens would be focused on. they're more about outward and conquering expansion rather than efficiant energy consumption and useage.

With that in mind, I'm going to say on the civilization range Kardashev scale Irkens are 2.000279. The reason for that tiny decimal amount is because a level 2 civ is one that has full control over their solar system, and a level 3 is one that has full control over their galaxy.

Galaxies are huge. Really huge. The Milky Way galaxy (In W&C Irkens are in the Milky Way as well) is on the smaller side, but it still has 100 billion stars, and 100-400 billion planets. Of those planets, an estimated 300 million to 50 billion may contain life, but most people stick it down at the low end of 300 million. So I'm going to use that number as well.

To figure out where they are on the scale, I have to figure out how large the Irken Empire actually is, so I looked at some other fictional empires.

In Star Wars, there are 1.5 million planets under the galactic empire, and an additional 60 million colonies (which can be as small as a space station or something idk)

But in Star Trek, there are only 150 planets in the federation.

In Dune, it's the whole Universe.

So there's a lot of variation here. Personally, I think under a thousand planets is a good number for a rapidly growing Empire that has unrealistic visions of grandeur, so I placed the amount of planets under their control to be 837 and called it a day.

Thus, 2.000279 on the scale.

Now with that number I'm gonna assign Irk a year. Physicist Michio Kaku suggested that it will take a few thousand years for humans to reach type two status, so I'm going to use that as a starting point to work on.

One might tack on a few thousand years to 2021 and call it a day, but I can't do that because the Gregorian calendar is religion based, and irkens probably don't have Jesus so it would be weird to base make a year for them based off of the Gregorian calendar. So instead I'm going to use the Holocene calendar. If you haven't heard of it, you're missing out! It's a very cool calendar that respresents and encompasses all of human history, and it's a very simple change: It adds 10,000 years to the current calendar, so for example, it is the year 12,021 on the holocene calendar. Cool right? The reason for this 10,000 year addition is 12,000 years ago is right around the time humans actually started settiling and building structures and beginning to farm. Thus, the birth of human civilization.

So I'm gonna be unrealistic and apply that 12,000 year first farm -> cell phone period to Irkens, and then tack on... idk let's say 2700 years. Cool beans, now we have a 15,700 year old Irken calendar. Except, 15,700 human years isn't equal to 15,700 Irken years. They're different planets, with different rotations, so they have different years. I have a previous post where I mention some basic statistics about the planet, go check it out! But for here, know that an irken year is 1.3 times longer than an earth year, so their calendar is actually going to be in the year 20,410 in the same amount of time. Let's say it's 20,417 just for funsies.

Hip hip hooray, Irk has a calendar! A year! Woohoo!

And with that, this post is long enough so I'm gonna end it here, but I plan on making a subsequent post that deals with evolution, speciation, and whatnot so stay tuned!

[oikawasass]

i’ve been listening to too much freddie dredd so take this

bakusquad + tododeku as eboys

⠀⠀‣ headcanons.

⠀⠀‣ warnings : swearing.

katsuki bakugo:

the “im gonna have that super idgaf about anything aesthetic and just roll my eyes while edgy music plays” eboy

skinny ass 5 following - 113k followers ratio

user grxundzxro

fits consist of black and neon orange, chains, huge platform sneakers, baggy black cargo pants and graphic skull tees, oversized bomber jackets

his ears are 100% pierced

his comments are just....

“have my children” “stomp on my throat as hard as you can” “hes so pretty 🥺🥺🥺🥺” “rip me in half i’m fucking begging you”

mf knows how powerful he is and is so cocky about it

only posts once or twice a week, has gotten half his shit taken down for “violating community guidelines”

it’s mostly just him showing his outfits, but the occasional vid of him telling kaminari to go fuck himself does pop up

but he also posts a lot things of him shopping, along with vids of him and his friends that make everyone feel jealous and lonely

$uicideBoy$, Ghostmane, KAIBA type beat for his sounds

is weirdly good at transitions bcus he refuses to be bad at anything, this we know

straight goth boy vibe, that’s it.

shouto todoroki:

the “I don’t even know what i’m doing on here half the time but bitches love anything i do anyway because i’m just really sexy” eboy

skinny as ratio mf (2) hes following like 15 people while he’s got ‘round 100k

user would just be “shoto” which makes everyone wonder how the hell he managed to get it

clueless soft boy kind of vibe

imagine if benji krol didn’t know how to express basic human emotions, that’s shoto

his comments?

“you are a prince I would die for you” “you’re so pretty I love you” “DHDJDDGS 🥺🥺💗💗🥺🥺💗💗” “break my back please god put me in a wheelchair”

let’s mina pain little snowflakes and flames on his cheeks for him to film and post

turtlenecks, black khakis, expensive sneakers, rings, probably owns an overcoat. everything is top branded and bought on his dads credit card obv

i feel like he’d listen to artists like oliver tree, clairo and cuco

posts maybe once every two weeks, he always forgets to post. when he does it’s those little aesthetic vids of his outfit, him walking around town, getting coffee, recording his friends being stupid.

he totally died his hair half and half for tiktok.

eijirou kirishima:

pure. purest of boys. the “i’m so mfing adorable not a single one of my fans can find it in them to weirdly sexualize me they just want to kiss me and hold my hand” eboy

he would have a pretty even ratio, probably like 300 or so following to like,, 90k followers

redriiioott or some kind of clownery like that for his handle

sweet boyfriend material vibe!! everyone is in love with him

“he’s so baby” “worlds cutest boy I love you” “can we hold hands pls” “if someone doesn’t kiss his fucking forehead I swear to god i’ll do it myself”

posts all the time! it’s mostly him goofing off while he’s working out or him and the rest of the bakusquad annoying bakugo in some way.

him and kaminari 100% do tiktok dances together, there ain’t a single one they don’t know

he still doesn’t know what a shirt is and has gotten vids taken down because of it

thrasher tees and black sweatpants are his religion. let’s mina and bakugo dress him up for videos sometimes since they have the best fashion sense, they really like to put him in striped long sleeves with some kind of graphic tee overtop. also bandanas ™️

conan gray, verzache, don toliver and that’s CANON

posts himself dying his hair whenever he does his roots and somehow makes fyp everytime.

denki kaminari:

“i’m the goofy boyfriend everyone dreams of but can’t actually have” eboy and that’s it.

he’s following one person and it’s dr phil. his 90k followers all admire it.

user inthetrapwithurmom

the biggest clown out of the gang, as expected.

depending on the video, his comments consist of “pls you’re so cute” “what the fuck is this 😭” “I think i’m in l*ve with you” “kami is everything okay at home?”

tucked in open button ups, trousers or ripped skinny jeans, chains, beanies, doc martins and black af1’s

posts vids of him speaking complete gibberish at like 4 am when he hasn’t slept and is sleep deprived, ends up getting a “your followers are worried about you” notification in the morning

he 100% forces bakugo to do the renegade with him and kiri any time they go out in public

also dances to cannibal by ke$ha and will NOT hesitate to throw that shit back

probably listens to a fuck ton of chase atlantic and the nbhd, has “i threw glass at my friends eyes and now i’m on probation” in his playlist somewhere too

probably does vids of him touching up and dyeing the little black lightening bolt in his hair which always lands him on the fyp

he let mina and hagakure do drag on him once and posted 600 videos of him feeling himself in it

overall tiktok god

( hi I would do sero but hes literally the exact same as kaminari i’m ngl )

izuku midoriya:

unbelievably baby

is only on the app bcus all his friends were on it and he wanted to feel included

his username is something like stanallmight and that’s canon

he’s following everyone in 1-a, 1-b (except monoma), the support class, general studies, anyone really. he’s got a solid 112k followers

it’s like, imagine if benji krol was really shy. that’s eboy midoriya

his comments are 90% people screaming at him to date either todoroki or uraraka.

he doesn’t post too often since he’s pretty shy. but when he does he’s with his friends, either trying to do dances with kami and kiri, or uraraka painting pink clouds all over his cheeks

when the comments aren’t “JUST FUCKING DATE ALREADY” they’re his followers screaming about how disgustingly adorable he is

baggy cargo pants or tight jeans, normally wears a belt, collared shirts underneath big baggy long sleeves, probably wears converse and white af1’s, HOODIES.

he wears little hair clips sometimes after much convincing from hagakure and mina

have i mentioned hes baby? because he’s baby

[orange-waterfalls]

Reader w/wings hc's p.2: lesser- known egos/egos i just didn’t wanna put in the last one

ty @fancybootm for the request!

A/N: IT’S BEEN A WHOLE ASS MONTH SINCE I GOT THIS I AM SO FUCKING SORRY. school is suck. anyways. my brain convinced itself that I had to have the same amount of egos in this one as the last one so shit's long again. I had a bit of trouble but scrounged up enough of them. uhhh I don't... we don't really know a lot? about the personalities of these ones? so I just went with what I thought. for Heistiplier, I like to think Mark in AHWM and ADWM is a completely separate person from Actor. Like until we get to the Actor timeline he is a separate person altogether. Night Guard Mark is like mark from the fnaf musical because i can and fuck you. the egos are very random and from many lesser known videos so uh. you might not know all of them. I didn’t even know all of them at first. some of these fuckers annoy me to no end so I had to make them more likable for my own sanity cjfufydy. I only skimmed through after I wrote so it might suck lol. Uh rated T for cursing. Mentions of religion and mental health. Enjoy!

Y/N(reader) w/ wings headcanons p.2

Ed Edgar saw you as a profiting opportunity.

Bastard only uses you for commercials at first

Wings sell shit, don’t they? Kids are into wings these days?

One day you get pissed and just punch him

He respects you after that…

He’s very loud, of course, and your ears tend to be sensitive

He tries to quiet down when he sees you make a face

It’s difficult because that… that’s just his normal volume

He talks about his son sometimes. Not to you specifically

He gets sad… you still don’t completely understand what happened.

Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t either

You instinctively wrap your wings around him for Safety and Comfort

He is a MAN who DOES NOT CRY but goddammit, he was close 

He enjoys your company

The Silver Shepherd thought he was gonna rescue you

He’s a superhero, he HAS to save you, right?

Nah, you’re the one saving him more often than not

He tries not to be jealous, but goddamn

Your wings are just. So big. And pretty

He’ll complain to you about his girlfriend “cheating” on him

You know the bullshit he pulls, but you listen because why not

He appreciates that you at least pay a little bit of attention

He doesn’t do a whole lot of hero work, but he usually brings you along

Just for a bit of extra support

More often than not, you’re doing most of the work

You let him believe he did something, though

You boost his very low ego, and so you get along

Derek Derekson was a little bitch

Also saw you as a profiting opportunity

Yelled sometimes when you messed up

You took deep breaths and tried to stay calm the first few times

Then you snapped, calling him a variety of... words...

He stopped yelling at you, but not much else changed

You got along well with Eric, and he appreciated you for that

He does care about his only living son, at least a little

You two don’t… talk a lot

He’ll watch you from afar, occasionally

You constantly encourage him to TALK TO HIS CHILD and GO TO THERAPY

You still don’t like him, and he feels the same way

But he’s… trying

Randall Voorhees thought you were badass

He wasn’t as used to magic and weird shit as the others

You were absolutely awesome to him

He’d never seen an angel before!

Even though he didn’t really KNOW that you were an angel

He just assumed and refused to change his mind

Harder to hide you wings in crowded cities, like where he lives

You spend a lot of your time with him cooped up in his apartment

He felt bad, so he rents a mountain cabin up in Albany whenever you visit

You two ski and snowboard look me in the eyes and tell me the bitch isn’t a snowboarder

He’s a construction worker, so he’s usually busy

You visit him on his lunch break sometimes.

The other workers claim to see you, but he’ll always deny it

He buys a pizza whenever you visit and you eat it together

You two are so cute it’s sickening

Yandereplier claimed you as their new senpai

They saw you, you had wings, you were nice

And now you are Senpai

You aren’t sure why you get a weird feeling whenever they call you this

Luckily, you don’t have many friends, at least none that they could kill…

They showed you their weapon collection to impress you

You were scared and also impressed

They take you to a cherry blossom tree near their house

You talk and hang out and eat lunch

They don’t call you senpai anymore and they talk to you normally

And you no longer stare at the blood on their uniform

Night Guard Mark prayed you wouldn’t try to kill him

He might have PTSD from Freddy Fazbear’s

Those animatronics left a mark…

It took a little while for him to trust you not to harm him

When he did, HOO BOY is he a chatterbox

He has so many theories about the Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza Chain

Dark’s told you not to talk about the actual lore. It might break his spirit

You get very worried sometimes

He looks like that one picture of Charlie Day. You know the one.

Sometimes he gets panic attacks

You wrap him in a cocoon of your limbs and wings to ground him

He likes you for that

You hang out, playing games and watching movies. No horror. Absolutely NONE

You can handle him, and he likes you

Dr. Plier was curious about you

He wondered how you felt about… everything

He asked if you were ok one day and you broke down

He felt guilty and bought you ice cream

He sees you as a sort of… psychological experiment

Like he asks you very strange and slightly personal questions

Ok, very personal, but he’s a therapist, what can you do

He eventually stopped the interrogation and talked to you normally

You get along fine, but it’s kind of the same situation as Dr. Iplier

Chef Iplier wasn’t really all that phased

You were surprised by this because… well… wings

But he just… treats you normal, for the most part.

Sometimes he’ll pet your wings, but only if you let him

He loves how soft your feathers are

He doesn’t make that his entire perception of you

It’s a nice change of pace

He tries to cook for you sometimes, but uh. It doesn’t go well

You’re still confused as to how someone can set a glass of water on fire

You mostly just order take out

You hang out like normal people

Which neither of you are, but you’re both fine with that

Paranormal Investigator Mark is obsessed with figuring you out

Nearly had a panic attack when he first saw you

He wanted to prove the supernatural exists, but he didn’t have a lot of evidence before

And then your mystical-ass came along

Like the Jims, he tried to get pictures, and they all ended up blurry

He threw a fit over it, and you felt kinda bad

You tried to take the picture yourself but it came out the same

He gave up after a while

He info dumps about paranormal stuff to you

It can last from 5 minutes to 5 hours

You do pay attention though, and that makes him happy

He takes you on investigations sometimes

You don’t do much except break shit with those giant wings of yours

He stopped taking you on investigations

Cooliplier is not sure what to think

You have wings! Great! There’s absolutely nothing he can do about that

Not the most normal, but not the weirdest either

He tends to put on a tough-guy persona around new people

You were a lil intimidated

Then you became friends and mans did a full 180 around you

Went from “Your daughter calls me daddy too” to “I’ll have her home by 9 sir”

His personality is sort of a mix of the two

Catch you both screaming the lyrics to Mr. Brightside at 12:00 am

Took you to a mosh pit once

You got kicked out cause of the wings

He felt bad, but you had fun

He teaches you how to dance and roller skate

You also go for rides on his motorcycle

Once you just started flying while he was driving and it was the most fun shit ever

You’re “buds”, as he often tells you

Goopiplier likes you a lot

They like having another not-completely-human creature to talk to

I mean, some of the others aren’t exactly human…

But they’re not the best conversationalists…

Then again, neither is goop.

They mention the Dark Gods ONCE and suddenly no one wants to talk to them…

But you do!! Yay!!!

You mostly just hang out, do whatever

Watch movies, play games, or just talk

They like to draw you

They’re not very good, but you keep them all anyways

Sometimes they do… rituals. While you’re around

You are… a little scared, but that’s okay!

You have sleepovers and act like teenagers

You mock the others and then giggle, getting louder as you go

They’re not that funny, but you had to be there

Elder Jeremiah is terrified of you

He nearly pissed his pants when he saw you

He thought he was finally going to have to pay for his sins

He started crying, and you panicked

Why the FUCK was this 20-something-year-old well-dressed man crying at you???

He dropped his bike and fell to his fucking knees and begged for forgiveness

You felt very uncomfortable with the whole situation

You told him to get up bc he was dirtying up his pants

He eventually stopped crying and you told him you were not an angel

Also not a demon, as you said when he asked

He avoids you, mostly, still thinking you’re gonna drag him down to hell

He stopped the uh. The stealing since you came around

He will hang around/with you sometimes to see if you “reveal your true form”

You haven’t yet, and never will, BUT WHEN YOU DO, HE’LL BE THERE

He does think you’re very nice, though

Preistiplier thinks you’re an angel sent to assist him

He is doing holy work, it only makes sense that He would send a helper

He was disappointed, to say the least

He then came to the conclusion that you lost your memory of being an angel

You couldn’t exactly dispute it, since you don’t remember

So, he takes you on hunts

You don’t do much except make a bunch of fucking NOISE with your WINGS

He’d hoped you’d smite the demons

Or at least scare them, but they know you’re not an angel

He still takes you on hunts because, he’d never admit it, but he… gets scared

You promised not to tell a soul

You confess your sins to him sometimes

They’re usually not what he considers sins, but he listens anyways

He thinks you are a good person, and he enjoys conversations with you

Heistiplier was just normal around you

Well… as normal as he can be

You’d enjoy his company a lot more if he didn’t have such a god complex

You still like him a lot

He likes you too

Even if you did refuse to rob a bank with him

He’s a very… exciting person

Though you don’t really want to be around him when he gets upset

The entire world literally seems to revolve around what he does

He’s a drama queen, and completely feral

It’s worrying at times

You two are normal friends

Playing video games, watching youtube, etc. etc.

You listen to his stories and wonder how he's not dead yet

But you can admit, he's really fucking funny

[tinalbion]

Can you do a Mayor Buckman scenario or headcanons of what would happen if he were to meet his S/O after finding her locked in the trunk of a car of some soon to be victims driving through Pleasant Valley? He notices the car's tail lights have been kicked out and an arm is sticking out and weakly moving. She is dehydrated and on the brink of heat stroke from the Southern Georgia sun, but still alive. So Buckman saves her while the visitors are distracted?

This is honestly such a great idea, oh man, imagine how he would react to something as crazy as that?! Never in his day would he expect this. Let’s just right into it!

No Time To Die

The town had greeted their new guests for their ‘Guts ‘n Glory Jubilee’ this year in the sweltering Georgia heat, Buckman was already getting a good feeling about this year since not one car, but three cars filled with lost college kids stumble on their little town. Pleasant Valley would be eating great this year, the thought of their carcasses hung in the butcher window, being prepared for the barbeque. It brought a wicked smile to Buckman’s face as he stood there and thought of it. He was brought back when one of the male students had asked him about the facilities, to which he prattled off some excuse for them, then he beckoned to the girls of the town, who all gathered on the stairs and flaunted all that they had to the willing group, which once they had seen the look in their eyes. They knew the kids were sold on staying.

Everyone had gathered around and excited to have guests of honor for their yearly celebration, their mouths already watering at the thought of the taste. Granny Boone was already preparing refreshments and finger foods for their guests while the mayor was doing all the sweet-talking, making sure that they wouldn’t up and change their minds. A few other townsfolk gathered around their small group; a spunky short-haired blonde girl who went by Miss Peaches, two girls who could have been supermodels that were clinging to each other, and a young feisty child that went by Hucklebilly, had all gotten in closer to their mayor and stared up at the group of young adults. Then there had been a properly dressed young man who walked up to Buckman’s side, standing straight and gazing at all of the delicious options he had before him. 

“Harper, my boy,” Buckman placed his arm around the young man’s shoulder and patted him, “please show our guests the best accommodations and make sure they feel...welcomed,” Buckman gave him that knowing smirk and allowed the man to guide a few of the ladies inside while their other friends followed, though one hesitated before walking in. 

The town was anxious to get the festivities started now that they all agreed to stay, but Buckman knew that it was a process and it would take a bit of time to fully convince them all to let their guards down. He was walking around their cars and surveying the makes and models until he noticed that the bumper of one of them had been significantly damaged. The taillights had been busted out and one of the lights had actually been dangling from it, then his eye noticed the slight movement from the trunk door. There it was; a hand. Fingers wiggled slowly and weakly, but they were moving, they belonged to someone locked in the trunk. 

This was a new thing for Buckman to witness but he was also very curious about how this would play out, so he beckoned over his eldest son, Rufus, to assist him with opening the trunk. The taller man quickly grabbed a metal pipe and jammed it into the crevice of the trunk, away from the hand that popped out, and sprang the trunk open. 

That was when he saw you, a glorified hot mess, panting from the heat that was trapped in there with you. You couldn’t even move your hand from its spot, the bones and muscles so sore and in so much pain that it would hurt less to just remain still. Your tongue was so dry, your throat felt as if it were on fire, you couldn’t remember what happened or how you got to this point. You did your best to open up your eyes to see what was going on, but the heat was just too unbearable for you to even give a damn right now. 

Buckman looked down at you and you barely stirred as you were freed from the extreme heat that was contained in the trunk, that was a bad sign for sure. You looked so beautiful despite the absolute shit you had already obviously been through. Your skin was bruised and blood had been smeared on your face, he couldn’t even tell if it was yours or someone else’s, but it was so dried and stuck to your skin that it flaked off when he ran his thumb across it. 

“Damn,” he muttered and looked around, his eyes landing on Rufus. “Make sure those kids are occupied enough, don’t let ‘em leave,” he warned as he lowered the trunk to avoid suspicion. 

Rufus agreed obediently and took off toward the main guest house, where he greeted Granny Boone in the doorway and quietly explained the situation. Her face rose up and stared at him with a horrified expression, but Buckman waved his hand as a dismissal, so she took the sign and went inside with Rufus. Buckman would have to take care of this himself.

He peered down at you and shook his head, his mind reeling with what the hell kind of people he would be dealing with, though they were insignificant Yankees that he and his townfolk would pick off one by one. You, on the other hand, were a special case in this situation, and he never figured he would be the one saving a life instead of ending one. With ease, he scooped you into his arms despite how heavy you should have been with your body being dead weight, your head cradled against his chest as he quickly made his way toward the old chapel where he and his family would hold meetings. It would be the safest place for you to be while the college kids focused on everything else but their obvious lack of religion, so he figured he would store you in the loft where there would be privacy. 

Buckman carried you up the ladder and brought you ice-cold water, and once it hit your lips, your body came to life and you greedily sucked at the rim of the glass, sipping at the refreshing liquid. You had been so thirsty, you couldn’t remember when the last time you had a drink was. 

When you were pulled a bit out of your stupor, you looked up at the strange man with a confederate eye patch, but you didn’t scream or try to claw your way out of there. He was your savior, he wanted you to live. Why? When you tried to speak, you coughed and could barely breathe as you tried to regain yourself.

“Calm down,” Buckman warned and placed a hand on your shoulder, “just drink and relax. You’re safe right now, just stay here and those little Yank bastards won’t find you, you hear me?”

His southern accent was rather calming even though you had no idea who this stranger was, but he was saving you and you had no words to say to him as the tears easily flooded your eyes. You mouthed out a ‘thank you’ as you gulped more of the water down, finally content with the amount you had. Once you rested your head back down onto the plush pillow that was placed under you, you looked up at the man again and smiled weakly.

“Thank you,” you said in a breathy tone, “you saved me. He was gonna kill me, and-” You felt another coughing fit come up, but you stopped yourself in time and took a few deep breaths. “I’m Y/N,” you huffed out, “I just...thank you.”

Buckman smirked and placed a damp cloth onto your head, doing his best to keep your body as cool as he could without sending you into shock. “A pleasure it is, Y/N,” he replied and patted the cloth all around your face. “The name is Buckman, I’m the mayor of this pleasant little town, and it just so happens that your captors came to the right place.”

He left off on that thought as he got to his feet and looked down at you. “Now I need to make an appearance in town, make sure those kids are nice an’ occupied, just keep here and I’ll pop in ta make sure you’re well and taken care of. Granny Boone will fix ya somethin’ up nice and good, get some food in yer system.”

You wanted him to stay, your nerves eating away at you, scared to be left alone. Your hand immediately shot out and gripped at his pants leg, your hand was shaking. “Please, don’t leave me,” you begged quietly, “what if they find me?”

He chuckled and knelt down to meet your gaze. “Don’t worry you pretty little thing, they won’t. I got you nice and hidden, no way they’ll find ya. Only ones who know about you here are the people I trust the most. You can count on us to take care of ya, I give you my word as mayor of Pleasant Valley,” he assured you as he placed his hand over his heart. “Now don’t you worry, I’ll be back right quick with some good ol’ home-cookin’.”

He left it at that and left you alone with your thoughts, the adrenaline drained from your system as you lay there in an excruciating amount of pain. But you wouldn’t be feeling much of anything if this random stranger hadn’t intervened. He promised to keep you safe yet asked for nothing in return, but that didn’t matter right now. You were alive and allowed to live another day.

[hopeshoodie]

Pros and cons with dating the boys?

I’m gonna have to answer this in separate posts because I’ve just finished Bobby’s and it’s already too long. I’ll tag these all #pros and cons (and maybe do them for s1 and s3)

Bobby McKenzie 

Cons:

He’s so insecure. He never realizes how genuinely delightful he is because he has this huge impostors syndrome thing, and constantly thinks he’s going to be ‘exposed’ as not genuine or not funny. This manifests as him overcompensating around new people- being excessively jokey. That’s a problem if MC is ever with her parents/boss/networking, because while she loves his goofy side she can’t always drop all pretenses to be silly with him.

HE NEEDS TO GO TO THERAPY! No one wants to be told that, and it’s a huge insecurity for him that MC thinks so.

He doesn’t agree to run around in the rain with MC. That’s a major con for me.

He’s not really protective because once they’ve built up trust he Trusts Her. This can be annoying if MC’s ever trying to be bratty/make him jealous.

He internalizes everything, which is good for when MC wants to win arguments, but really bad for actually resolving issues. Little things tend to build up- MC and Bobby don’t fight often, but when they do it’s about a million things at once because they don’t communicate well. 

This is just a headcanon but I feel like Bobby is an atheist and is super condescending towards religion, which can absolutely create issues if MC is religious. 

His last name. Don’t get me wrong, it matches his first name, but I’ve met too many bitchy McKenzies and MacKenzis to want that as my surname.

He’s great at baking (but usually only brings extras home from work, so it’s not often something that MC specifically likes. She of course feels compelled to eat them because Bobby! Made it! But it muddies the water of what MC actually likes because he just assumes she enjoys everything she tries. This culminates in her baking a birthday cake flavor that she really doesn’t like, which seems like a debacle in the moment. 

He dresses like a 14 year old boy or a 29 year old lesbian. 

His love language is quality time, which can be annoying to MC if she’s busy with work or has a different language because she hates making him feel unloved or forgotten about. Especially if she embraces celebrity status on social media after the show, I think Bobby takes it personally when she’s on her phone if they’re out together or talking.

Pros:

*slaps his icon* this bad boy can fit so much love in him. Seriously. He just understands where she’s coming from, is so forgiving and supportive, and above all else cherishes MC. Obviously all the LIs do (I think Noah, Gary, and Bobby are the most outwardly loving), but Bobby absolutely dotes on MC.

Obviously the most amazing hot chocolates/cakes/desserts/breakfasts ever. Combine that with MC being a good cook and their home always smells delicious. 

He’s willing to wait for her forever, so if she needs to travel for work/wait before having kids until they have savings/wait to introduce him to her family until she’s sure it’s real, he’s supportive. 

Goofy baby! It always annoys me when Marisol scolds MC for sliding around the grocery store or Rahim rolls his eyes when MC says something off color. Bobby never lets one of MC’s jokes flop. 

He’s a good dad. Probably one that people roll their eyes at because he goes all out with everything- wearing a princess dress in public if his daughter asks and absolutely decking the house out with christmas lights- but he loves those kids more than anything. MC won’t have to worry about always waking up with the baby because he is right there with a bjorn and a bottle. They’d raise really well-adjusted and loved kids. 

He’s not super invested in his job. Yes he absolutely takes pride in Bobby’s Boops, but he’s happy to take time off when needed and delegate to other people. I think the shop makes decent profit, but it’s not about expanding or maximizing at all. He pays a living wage and respects all his workers. If they ever fall on hard times that won’t become a major stress in the marriage- he’s willing to close up shop and look for the next thing.

[behrooz-najm]

BIRTH NAME: Behrooz Hakim Najm NICKNAME: Bez AGE+DOB: 26 years old, March 5th 1994 GENDER: Non-binary/agender PRONOUNS: they/them NATIONALITY: British  ETHNICITY: Indian EDUCATION: High school diploma, six week cop training HOME TOWN: London, UK CURRENT LOCATION: Pleasance, Ohio OCCUPATION: Junior Detective RELIGION: Islam ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Good FAMILY: grandmother and extended family in London, UK, aunt and her four kids in Cincinnati, Ohio, USA. FACECLAIM: Viveik Kalra @phqextras

+ Innovative, warm, witty, kind, protective, geeky +/- Intellectual, observant, horny - unreliable, outspoken, easily distracted

++ BIOGRAPHY

full biography here

Tdlr; Behrooz is the child of a mother who disappeared and a father who drank himself to death before they were even one year old. As a result they were told to lay low and not make themselves another burden to the family. After being contacted by their aunt, Behrooz tried everything to try and meet her. At nineteen they traveled from London to Cincinnati, Ohio, the United States, where they moved in with their aunt and started a six-week training program to become a cop. Their grandmother called them crazy for their choices, but that only made Behrooz more intent to succeed. At age twenty-four they were made a detective, as part of a commisonar’s reelection program, promoting a British Muslim who also openly identified as Agender was the best promotional stunt. Soon as she was reelected, Behrooz was transferred to Pleasance, Ohio. 

++ WANTED CONNECTIONS

++ A FRIEND AND CONFIDANT: Behrooz moved in recently, they never shy away from a conversation with a stranger, and neither have you.

++ THINK AS… VERY STRONG COFFEE: every single morning - save for a few days especially on the weekend - you have stood in front or behind Bez in the line at Daily Grind. They’ve struck up a conversation several times, they’re friendly, boastful, very open, and you are very confused. But it works.

++ HIDING SOMETHING?: They’re a cop. They’re supposed to find the bad guy, they’re supposed to notice when something is off about someone. And you are very certain that the reason why they keep on checking in on you is because they think you’re not who you want everyone to think you are.

++ I SUPPOSE? WHY NOT: Friends with Benefits. ‘Nough said.

++ AND I WOULD WALK FIVE HUNDRED MILES…: hiking by yourself can be interesting, but hiking together helps heal the soul. Behrooz has seen you take to the trails a few times, and they’re very keen to join you.

++ SOME FUN HEADCANONS

++ Wears a lot of loosely fitted clothing outside of work

++ Continues to pray five times a day, alas they do that on their own. They try to drive to a nearby city every weekend that has a mosque. Religion still calms them down. 

++ Is very open about who they are. Whether their gender identity, religion, or where they’re from, they’re not used to hiding it. That and having been the poster-boy for a future commissioner has made them unable to hide it as well, at least within the police force. 

++ They come off as rather lazy, drinks a lot of coffee, and falls asleep on the job. They’re less outspoken, more silent and observant, that and their quick reflex to smile makes them appear stupid. 

++ But while silent and observant on the job, Behrooz in more personal situations is a bubbly individual with a lot to say, a lot to ask, and a lot to joke about. They’re friendly, eager, presenting the very best that they can. They give people way too many chances and they get far too personal with most people. They’re kind and curious in their demeanor, more likely to strike up a conversation with a suspect rather than state them their rights. 

++ They believe in the occult, they can be rather spiritual and superstitious. It has nothing to do with their religious background however, but they think the USA is filled with spirits and mysteries that nobody can make much sense of. A continent of pain and genocide. Or in their words; a fucked up place if you ask me. 

++ They regularly send back letters to their aunt - despite not really sure where they stand with her - detailing what they’ve been doing. 

++ They love to go hiking. Nature is a place where they can be alone and recharge just as much as a mosque is. Also placing a prayer mat outside is one of the best experiences, it makes them feel even closer to Allah. 

++ INCREDIBLY helpful. They have some background in coding, so they tend to jump on things when ICT is concerned, they also are a great listening ear. 

++ Horny, very horny. 

++ No task is too small. Getting coffee, no problem, they’ll probably make a friend along the way. Printing some papers, not an issue. Writing out a report, give them five minutes. Behrooz does everything with the same conviction. 

++ They’re very chill with the nickname Bez. Though they’re formally known as Detective (or Junior Detective) Najm. 

++ They never did learn what happened to their mother. From what they have been able to figure out - another reason why becoming a cop was not such a bad idea - their mother was never heard from again after delivering a baby in a New York hospital. She did survive however, and the man with her was named Hakim Najm, who helped her out of the hospital. Between then and Hakim arriving back in London with a little baby, things are a blur. 

++ Their house is an absolute mess, coffee mugs everywhere, clothes on the floor. They’ve considered hiring someone to clean, but never got to that part.

++ Confused about the idea of being called an adult, still very much feels like they’re a child. However, this is mostly because despite their position in life, they often feel like they’re on a road without any road markers. 

++ They don’t drink, they don’t do drugs, and they’ve been eating less and less meat because they can’t find Hallal anywhere nearby. Being raised in a strict Muslim family, Bez’s one huge obstacle when becoming a cop was the idea that they didn’t want to consume alcohol and also not touch it - a statement that got them fired after two months working in a grocery store in London because for that reason they didn’t want to be a cashier. However there have been instances where they’ve been asked to take in bottles of alcohol for evidence, and they’re very uncomfortable with the notion.

++ Receives the question: “Behrooz, are you paying attention?” way too often. 

++ Gets lost in thought a lot. 

++ Heavy British (Cockney) accent. (Think John Constantine)

++ They’ve read the Quran, although their grandmother never taught them Arabic beforehand, so they’re currently reading it in English in between classes, thesis writing, and walks.

++ Is always running from one place to the next because he has too much planned on a daily basis.

[faerynova]

I love your comic with akako and kaito! I also have been trying to figure out how I'd like to reconceptualize Akako in some writing that I'm doing, but I've been feeling a little stumped. Would you mind sharing some of your Akako thoughts / headcanons?

hell yeha im just gonna wordvomit some stuff about her then

i pretty much scrap the lucifer/demonic aspect with whatever im doing with her just because i dont jive with it that much, and thats a personal preference. i saw her gaudy egyptian clothes and went SHES KEMETIC I NEVER SEE KEMETICS IN MEDIA SHES KEMETIC NOW

in verses and crossovers where Magic Is A Thing then i keep her at roughly the same power level as the manga--able to hypnotize people, fly, voodoo dolls that work, rituals for elaborate and powerful spells, straight up visions from a crystal ball--all that fun stuff.

BUT if im in a mundane verse (which is... most of them) then i tone her WAY the fuck down and make her basically like... a real life witch. does she have power/real magic? well thats kind of up to the reader. she believes she does, as it’s part of her practice and religion. but its more of divination with tarot, energy work, spells to increase luck, some rituals on the full moon and maybe the occasional spirit/ghost summoning if circumstances call for it.

a handful of headcanons regardless of how much magic she can do:

172cm / 5′8″

Born August 8th (Leo)

She’s trans.

Probably straight.

Possibly has (undiagnosed) narcissistic personality disorder? Still debating on this one but I think it fits.

Kemetic, meaning she worships Egyptian deities. (Specifically Thoth.)

Has a mild obsession with lavender-scented things.

Carries lapis lazuli and onyx in her purse.

but ALSO ive got kind of a loose backstory with how ive reimagined her for my own stuff which im still working on but heres my thoughts:

Her weird henchman is scrapped completely.

Her parents are dead and she was raised by her grandma, who taught her about witchcraft and Kemeticism.

She’s trans and realized it when she was pretty young, maybe 8 or so, and her grandma didn’t entirely understand it but she was supportive and went along with her wearing girls clothes and all that stuff--had some trouble with the name change, but it wasnt malicious. She was just Old and had a hard time remembering Akako’s new name.

Combination of having a really overbearing/commanding personality combined with transphobia means she had pretty much no friends in school.

Really REALLY attached to her grandma and when she died (Akako was 11ish) it left her kind of lost. She got taken in by a (distant?) uncle (replacement for igor i guess) who wasn’t cold to her, but he didn’t know how to take care of kids and Akako shut herself away and ended up clinging really hard to witchcraft as a way to try and keep her herself together.

Moved away to live on her own as soon as she could. Still gets a small allowance from her uncle, but she supports herself with a part-time job doing... something, I’ll get around to figuring that out.

Going into highschool she 1) made sure no one knew she was trans and 2) upped her sex appeal to gain more attention because... lonely. Hence her boy-crazy tendencies. It’s gotten her superficial popularity, but no real friendships or relationships.

“All men will be my slaves” is replaced with toying with boy’s hearts and stringing them along to get what she wants, and she has a hard time seeing why it’s wrong because she doesn’t really have anyone to tell her no, and has no healthy relationships to fill the void if she stops. It also applies to stringing along older men sometimes, like in their 20s, but like everything else: nothing ever actually happens. She just likes playing with them. (in a verse with magic, hypnotism still applies.)

She sets her sights on Kaitou Kid because she wants what she can’t have ofc, and Kaitou Kid seems like a pretty good prize--and gets pissy when he doesn’t respond to her advances.

She and Kaito kind of become friends under duress (Kaito doesn’t like her knowing that he’s Kid and that she’s always coming onto him, she wants something more than friendship.) They kinda slip into it accidentally.

Actually she and Kaito have to have a screaming match before they can actually settle in as friends, specifically pertaining to Akako wanting to help Kaito on heists (to get closer to him) and Kaito insisting she’s only getting in the way, and Kaito yells something along the lines of “If you want to get close to me, just spend time with me like a normal person!” and shes like ??? and kaito is like “D. Do you even know how to do that.” and now kaito is like fuck i feel bad for her actually maybe i should invite her to hang out after school or something.

Cue Akako making her first real friend and being like oh shit this is really nice actually.

Akako does eventually start helping behind the scenes on heists.

and uhh thats about all ive got for now, but theres my akako thoughts!!

[abbacchiosbelt]

Can I get wedding headcanons for all of La Squadra? Like what style of wedding they’d have, how they react to their s/o in their dress or tux, that kind of stuff...! Maybe even wedding night HCs if you want...?

under the cut for length!

Risotto prefers a smaller and more traditional wedding, perhaps even in a Catholic church if you don’t mind. He may have lapsed on his religion, but his upbringing was important to him. It’d be a very private affair for your safety — his men are there as his closest confidants as well as security. Still, Risotto is in awe that he found someone willing to spend their life with him. Seeing you walk down the short (but still decorated with the perfect touch) aisle in your custom-made dress or tux leaves the intimidating man at a loss for words. 

The ceremony is short and to the point, with Risotto leaning down to whisper his own handwritten vowels to you. He’s actually rather reserved and shy about showing affection in front of others, so his special words are for you and you alone. 

There’s an interesting twist to your ceremony, though. Risotto makes the rings then and there with a mixture of your blood and his using Metallica. It’s a bit morbid, but 100% Risotto.

After the ceremony, the men will escort the two of you to a private villa before heading off for the night, stationed nearby (but not close enough to impede on your privacy) in case anything were to happen.

Risotto insists on cooking you your favorite meal with a glass of expensive and perfectly-aged wine. While it’s not traditional, it’s his silent way of thanking you for all you’ve done and everything you will do for him in the future.

Once he has a glass (or three) of wine in him himself, he’ll set up the record player so the two of you can share a private ‘first dance’ before he whisks you off to the bedroom to finish the night.

Formaggio never thought he’d be the type of guy to get married, so he’s at a loss for what wedding planning entails. While he chimes in with his opinion, he’s far more likely to leave it to you. The only thing he wants is an open bar — though he does promise to behave himself. It turns out to be a lovely little wedding ceremony, held in an outdoor space that’s far from peeking eyes. While the men of La Squadra spend most of the night playfully ragging on Formaggio, they’re happy to see their friend happy. Formaggio absolutely cries and laughs in joy when he sees you all done up in your wedding outfit.

Risotto is the officiant (because they can do that online now, as discovered by Melone) and most of the time is spent with Formaggio loudly & proudly declaring his love for you. Once the ceremony is over, he’ll sweep you off your feet in front of everyone and carry you to the cozy indoor reception area. (With that bar he wanted!)

The rest of the night is pretty lively, with lots of dancing and drinking. Formaggio gets extra handsy with you on the dance floor, to no one’s surprise. He just loves you so much!

With the night finally winding down, Formaggio is more than ready to christen your now ‘marital bed’ with several rounds staking his claim as your husband. 

Illuso, if his career choice was something different, would have an extravagant and over-the-top wedding. As it stands, he can’t afford to have something so flashy, let alone risk your safety by having something that stands out so much. Still, he takes a big part in the wedding planning process and manages to combine both your ideals to create the perfect wedding for both of you. The venue is beautifully decorated and Illuso manages to get a few of your closest friends and relatives there privately. It’s everything you could have asked for with the hints of the dream wedding Illuso once planned for. (There are always vow renewals...)

Illuso looks more than handsome in his tux, but he feels like the luckiest man on earth when he sees you in your wedding attire. You’re more than stunning — you’re picture perfect to him. Once again, Risotto acts as an officiant and the two of you share both traditional and personalized vows.

There’s delicious food catered by some of Italy’s best chefs (apparently someone had owed Illuso a favor) and a substantial cake that both of you smash in each other’s face. All in all, it’s a lovely little wedding that could fit right inside a twee wedding blog or magazine, had you made it public.

The night is just for you and Illuso. Your sweet husband will take you into the mirror world so absolutely no one can interrupt you — you’re completely safe with him, as he always wants it to be.

Pesci gets really into wedding planning with you! With your encouragement, he feels a little more confident in making decisions and the two of you bond further while planning your wedding. You decide on an early evening beach wedding with just you, Pesci, Prosciutto, and Risotto. Pesci is a shy and private man, so he doesn’t want a big audience and knows you’ll be okay with it too. 

Prosciutto officiates this time and helps Pesci set up grabbing your rings with Beach Boy — it turns out very sweet and Pesci can’t stop smiling when you laugh in delight at his retrieval of the rings. He thinks you look absolutely stunning in your outfit and turns bright red when you call him handsome. It’s very cute.

Prosciutto and Risotto watch carefully while you and Pesci ride off in the sunset on the boat Pesci saved up so long for, the two of you headed towards a private island to spend a short honeymoon on. The cabin is stocked with plenty of supplies and the two of you get to enjoy your wedded bliss in private!

Pesci’s favorite part of the night is watching you lounge happily on the deck while he maneuvers the boat towards your destination, for once feeling completely confident that he’s made the best decision of his life. He thinks that all night, especially when you playfully push him onto the bed and show your thanks for the smooth boat ride. 

Prosciutto turns into a Bridezilla. It’s what you knew would happen, yet seeing it happen is something else. He keeps it away from you, somehow, but you feel a little bad for the wedding planners. Still, your wedding is nothing short of immaculate and you can barely believe your eyes when you walk into the completely transformed venue. Prosciutto is very smug and happy about it. Like Risotto, he prefers a traditional ceremony. A few close friends and family are invited, and Prosciutto is waiting to show you off the second he sees you walking down the aisle. 

Once he’s assured that everything is going perfectly, Prosciutto can’t help but show you off to everyone, exclaiming how unendingly perfect his bride/groom/partner is. It’s not like him to be this affectionate in public, so you don’t mind eating it up.

No one can quite believe that Prosciutto is acting so domestic, but they’re happy for their teammate and friend. Watching him make googly eyes at you while you cut the wedding cake has Ghiaccio gagging and Melone lamenting about how he wishes he could find love like that.

Night brings you to a private plane ride to somewhere out of the country with Prosciutto on your arm, riling you up by whispering all the things he can’t wait to do to you on your honeymoon. Tonight, you might become a member of the mile-high club.

Melone is over the moon that he’s found someone to marry — but surprisingly, he prefers a short and private ceremony. There’s just so much he wants to do with you and well, he doesn’t really want to deal with the whims of other people. He’ll relent a bit and wear a proper tux for you... though don’t expect to be wearing your own wedding outfit for long once he sees you in it.

Everyone is well-aware of what Melone wants to do with you and have been privy to his unending affections for you more than once, so they’re more than happy to scatter once the ceremony is over, leaving a very happy Melone carrying you bridal-style to the limo waiting outside. 

Thank god for partitions, because Melone can’t even wait until the car takes off to get his head between your legs. He’s incredibly in love with you and he wants to show it the way he knows best — physical affection and sex. 

There’s a lot of touching and kissing and fucking all night until the two of you are worn out, and that’s when Melone gets mushy. He reads you a private set of vows he wrote while he strokes your hair. Despite everything, Melone is quite the romantic and enjoys the cooldown of the day’s activities almost as much as the day itself. Almost.

Ghiaccio will not behave if you have a big wedding. There are just too many things that could go wrong — it’s not that he doesn’t want one, but he knows he won’t be able to control himself if something happens. Instead, the two of you opt for a very private ceremony and a more public reception, inviting only a few friends along with Ghia’s teammates. The ceremony is officiated by Risotto with Melone acting as a witness, and Ghiaccio refuses to let the men hear his vows. He has no inside voice, so they hear anyways and pretend not to.

Though he struggles with saying it out loud, he thinks you look perfect in your wedding outfit. He’s convinced that someone from above was looking out for him when they sent you, although god forbid Ghiaccio ever say that out loud.

He relaxes at the reception when things don’t have to be so mushy, but he does get rather smug and rub it in everyone’s faces that he’s married now. You can only smile and laugh, running your hands through his curls and watching him blush. It’s a perfect night.

Ghiaccio slows down that night, making sure to worship every inch of your body in a show of how thankful he is that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with him. There’s nothing in this world he wants more than to protect you, and getting married is his way of showing that he means it. 

[echodrops]

*Slides in on a office chair* Now that you shared some of your HaaH headcanons for Shiro and Hunk, can you do Lance and Lotor?

Didn’t want to post these until I finally had some time to update them a bit and trim out spoilers, but I got a second last night, so here you are:

HaaH Lance and Lotor headcanons:

(Under the cut to save everyone’s dash)

First, a warning: Neither one of these characters’ backstories or plot event headcanons remotely line up with the show, one because I originally wrote most of this stuff around the time season 2-3 was being released and two, because I stopped watching Voltron after season 6 and have no intention of watching the rest of the show due to my dislike for the directions the writing took. I went back and updated some stuff, such as the names of some of Lance’s siblings, to more closely match what came later in the show… but for the rest… I’m just gonna do my own thing and pretend canon does not exist.

Lance:

- The literal definition of “rich as fuck.” When relaxations on economic policy were passed in Cuba that increased opportunities for private business, Lance’s grandfather made a solid deal for three massive sugar refineries. Today, artisanal coffee houses across the world utilize the sugar refined in Lance’s family’s factories.

- Grew up in a giant villa on the peninsula just outside the town of Varadero, on a sprawling property that included a long stretch of beachfront and individual bungalows for visiting family members and the family’s several live-in staff members.

- The whole family is incredibly down to earth despite this. Lance’s aunt and grandmother insist on having a hand in every family meal, Lance’s parents always make time to be involved in the children’s activities, and Lance was taught from a very young age never to take advantage of people, regardless of their position in the world.

- Lance is the baby of his immediate family by almost ten years. He was an accident that occurred after Lance’s mother believed she was too old to become pregnant. Of course his parents never treated Lance like an accident and loved him, but still, Lance has never been able to shake the idea that he wasn’t planned—and therefore he wasn’t wanted.

- He has four older siblings, two sisters and two brothers.

- All of Lance’s siblings are extremely successful in their careers. Lance’s oldest sibling, his sister Veronica, is a captain of the Cuban Navy and commands the impressive warship Audaz. Lance’s second oldest sibling, his brother Yuniel, is a decorated conservational ecologist working to protect Matanzas’ native forests. Lance’s third sibling, his brother, Marco, is a famous solo folk musician who made it big in Cuba. Rachel, Lance’s closest sibling, runs an immersion-based cultural heritage museum that preserves the rich and complicated history of Cuba and its people.

- In short—Lance grew up surrounded by the rampant success of his older siblings, watching as they excelled at everything they pursued—which just bred a greater and greater sense of insecurity in him, as he feared he would never be able to measure up.

- On Lance’s eighth birthday, in an attempt to cheer up his very depressed youngest son, Lance’s father dragged the family’s telescope down to the beach so that they could watch a space shuttle launching from the cape in Florida. At first Lance couldn’t work up the slightest interest, but when he finally saw the huge plume of the shuttle, arcing off into the unknown depths of space, he had a Moment™. Lance knew, right then and there, exactly what he was going to do with his life, something that none of his siblings had ever achieved: he was going to go into space and explore worlds unknown.

- Lance decided that he had, absolutely HAD, to go to Galaxy Garrison when he grew up. This part worried his parents, who pointed out that Garrison was not only in another country but also a solely English-speaking school and extremely competitive. Nonetheless, Lance was determined that he would not settle for anything less than the absolute best.

- Was totally that space obsessed kid. Still thinks Black Holes are the coolest thing in the universe. His parents bought so much “Astronaut” ice cream that they probably kept that entire industry afloat.

- Lance attended Garrison’s summer Astrocamp in Arizona when he was nine. Quickly made friends with his cabin-mate, Hyrum Tava. The nickname “Hunk” came about from a slip-up when Lance tried to compare his new friend to one of his favorite American cartoon characters, the Incredible Hulk.

- Even after leaving the Astrocamp, Lance and Hunk stayed close friends, exchanging frequent emails and phone calls, which helped Lance stay on top of memes popular trends back in the states.

- Shiro was Lance’s cabin leader at the Astrocamp, and his kindness and exciting stories about actually visiting space(!!) made a huge impression on Lance. Lance… may or may not have had a celebrity shrine to Shiro made of photos and news clippings taped to his wall for several years. Whatever, every kid does it and he took it down eventually, gosh!

- Identifies as bisexual, but has never successfully dated anyone, male or female. Due to several bad experiences and close calls, Lance doesn’t talk about his sexuality or express any attraction to men except around people he is extremely comfortable with. Hunk has known for years, of course. (In fact, it was Lance’s struggle with his feelings that helped Hunk develop strong sympathy for LGBT people, despite the fact that his religion is very against it.)

- Never had a real kiss. Might be just a tiny bit desperate to have a real first kiss.

- Also might buy a bit too much into the idea of needing to be stereotypically attractive to fit in. Although his nightly beauty regime is now a comforting routine, it originally stemmed from Lance being extremely self-conscious about his looks. He’s more comfortable about his body than he used to be, but he still frequently compares himself negatively against others; do you know what kind of hell it is to have to share a locker room with people like Shiro?

- Cries at the drop of a hat. Sad book? Sad movie? Abandoned kitten? Dropped something on his toe? Tears times ten thousand. Lance was never pressured by his family to “man up;” in fact, he was always encouraged to empathize, so Lance is extremely sensitive to others’ feelings. (He and Hunk are a great fit in this regard.) He can perceive even minute changes in people’s emotions and is always ready to cheer up people who are down.

- He can’t read Keith for crap though. Not really his fault. Keith’s a literal alien.

- Lance’s extreme empathy actually backfires on him. Because being sensitive to others is second nature to him, it’s often hard for Lance to remember that not everyone is as perceptive as he is. Lance has, many times, mistaken the other paladins’ obliviousness for indifference. Everyone on the ship cares deeply about Lance and would never want him to feel bad about himself—but not everyone on the ship is perceptive enough to notice when Lance’s insecurities are affecting him.

- Wasn’t put in the cargo pilot classes at Garrison because of his flight test scores—most green cadets have zero flight experience and all do pretty badly at first. Lance was placed in cargo class because he scored too high on a combat sensitivity test, indicating that he was a poor fit mentally for becoming a soldier. Fighting monstrous looking aliens is one thing, but Lance would have coped very, very badly if he’d ever been required to kill another human being.

- Struggled to fit in at Garrison. After the crushing disappointment of ending up in cargo class, Lance also dealt with a lot of people treating him like an outsider because he was an international student. “Why is someone from Cuba trying to join the U.S. military? Are you a spy?”

- Couple that with the complicated student visa process and how his status as an international student might affect his ability to take part in Garrison-sanctioned internships and cross-border activities, and Lance felt utterly alienated at Garrison in his first few months.

- May… or may not have done exactly what his parents taught him not to do by looking for a scapegoat to take out his frustrations on. Keith, the lone wolf, ace pilot pretty boy who was too cool to even talk to the rest of the cadets (really thought he was too good to even make eye contact with Lance, huh?!) was an obvious target. Keith had every single thing that Lance had ever wanted in his whole life—the combat class, the talent, the prestige, the respect, the effortless looks—and he didn’t even seem happy to have it!

- Lance had never hated anyone before in his entire life, but Lance hated Keith—Keith basically came to stand in for every obstacle in Lance’s way, every mocking insult thrown Lance’s way, every harsh reminder from the professors that he’d never even be close to good enough, never measure up when someone like that existed… Lance started to honestly believe that the only way he’d ever be able to achieve his entire life goal was if Keith was taken out of the picture—something that proved unfortunately true when Lance was bumped up to combat class the moment Keith went missing from Garrison.

- Lance never actually said any of this stuff to Keith’s face before Keith left Garrison (Lance dreaded his parents finding out he’d been rude), but he would shit-talk Keith to anyone who would listen, a bad habit that was reinforced by people actually accepting Lance more when he started gossiping and spreading rumors than when he’d just tried to be genuinely nice.

- Even though he’d like to repair his relationship with Keith now that they’re teammates, Lance has no idea how to do that after so much time has passed. He really has no clue how to treat Keith normally after building him up into such a bitter rival. It’s… a work in progress.

- A big fan of RPG games and roleplaying. Definitely gets the most in-character when it comes to Monsters and Mana. His favorite thing about meeting new cultures is discovering nifty space items that look like key items from video games. Used to play old school RPGs with his cousins every afternoon. Playing with Pidge is extremely nostalgic for him.

- Has a host of other hobbies that don’t get much use inspace but are nevertheless impressive: he can surf, dive, and was part of a traditional dance group all the up until he left for Garrison. He doesn’t tend to think much of his hobbies as they’re not exactly practical skills you need every day in a space war, but the other members of Team Voltron are quietly impressed whenever they’re reminded of the cool things Lance can do.

- Lance has the strongest bond with his lion of any of the paladins. His connection with Blue is so innate that he can actually activate Blue’s abilities from outside his lion.

- The first one of the paladins to transform his bayard and the only one whose bayard can take three forms. And no, none of the three is a sword because what was the point of that, even??? Lance can wield his standard blaster, a long rifle, and dual pistols. The strength of theshots from Lance’s bayard can be consciously controlled—his thoughts and intentions determine whether a shot has the strength to kill or merely stun.

- Lance’s incredible aim isn’t a natural talent. Actually he’s spent hours and hours in a shooting range he found in the castle, working on perfecting his shot. Just like the gladiator levels on the training deck, the targets in the range keep getting harder and harder, but Lance is progressing very well. No one but Coran knows that Lance has been training so hard with his bayard, since Lance desperately wants to pretend his skill is all natural and has sworn Coran to secrecy. Coran covers for him by pretending he’s sent Lance off on absurd cleaning missions all the time.

- Is 1000% Coran’s favorite of the paladins. Coran won’t even try to lie if asked. Although Coran has never expressed it out loud, he sees Lance as an example of the brave, kind-hearted son he would have hoped to raise—if his son had survived the war. (On Lance’s part, although he’s also never shared this, Coran reminds him very much of his beloved uncle, who passed away when Lance was very young, but whom he still remembers well and extremely fondly.)

- After his uncle passed away, Lance’s aunt moved in with Lance’s parents permanently, and Lance essentially helped to raise his two very young cousins, Nadia and Silvio. Lance does have very good experience with children—unfortunately for him, what human children respond well to doesn’t always work for Galra kids!        

Lotor:

- Has not spent 10,000 years kicking about the universe. We’re not doing that weird “If he’s immortal because of the rift creatures then how come his governess is still alive?” plot hole song and dance routine from the actual show. Lotor was born after the war decimated the Alteans 10,000 years ago, but due to Haggar’s condition (aka being, you know, dead), he was essentially unable to live on his own and was placed in cryostasis very shortly after being born.

- Roughly 20 years before the discovery of the Blue Lion on Earth, Haggar used advancements in quintessence manipulation technology to successfully revive the infant Lotor. But she didn’t wake him for no reason—she has a very specific intention for her son, a long endgame plan, of which Lotor and even Zarkon are currently unaware.

- We’re also not doing that dumb “How could Haggar—the only remotely Altean-looking being in all of Zarkon’s presence—possibly be my mother?” plot from the show either. Lotor is aware that Haggar is his mother, although he has never been able to infiltrate her research facilities and therefore has no idea how an Altean scientist ended up where she did, looking like she did, and siding with the Galra against her own people.

- Because his parents’ past and his own origins are such a mystery, Lotor is obsessed with learning the truth of the war, the Alteans, and every hidden secret from that time period, including Voltron and the mysterious “rift.” He devours any information he can get on this period of history, and especially on Alteans, voraciously.

- But even though he’ll take any pieces of information he can get, Lotor’s real favorite obsession is mythology. He’s a deep lover of folklore and fairytales, bestiaries and local legends, and more than one assassin has traded a good story in exchange for having his life spared. Lotor may or may not hunt for space cryptids in his spare time. However, no single legend occupies Lotor’s mind as much as the legend of the mythical realm of Oriande, home of the ancient Altean alchemists. As practical as he tries to appear, Lotor has never given up his deep-down childish wish to be the one who finds the promised land of Oriande and prove it is real. But when he thinks back… Where was it that he first heard about Oriande, again? Who told him…?

- That entire thing with the hidden Altean colonies is just… not going to happen. The writers were bad and they should feel bad. Although Lotor has looked, after 10,000 years and plenty of centuries of hiding any Altean connections, distinguishing those who still have Altean blood has become essentially impossible.

- Part of the reason Lotor has looked for Alteans is that he was born with a bizarre grab-bag of Altean instincts and abilities and no guidance on how to deal with them, because he’s certainly not going to reveal to Haggar that he has unexplained talents like precognition and the ability to speak to planets. Growing up with half of his bloodline extinct has been ROUGH on Lotor.

- Speaking of growing up… Even though he remains the crown prince on official record, Lotor took the first opportunity he could to leave his parents’ sphere of influence, and he has not physically been back to Galra Central Command in more than ten years.

- Lotor is effectively a universal wanderer. Aboard his personal ship the Urbanus (a Destroyer-class star cruiser which has been heavily modified and improved by Lotor himself), Lotor and his generals travel wherever they like, both within the Galra Empire and outside it, dodging Haggar’s frequent attempts to re-exert control over Lotor and even more frequent assassination and kidnapping attempts from Zarkon’s enemies.

- Although Lotor has a very specific goal in mind, progress on this goal has been slow and painstaking, and he’s often left waiting for the next bare bones clue to chase after; this has resulted in the young prince having an unfortunate abundance of free time, which is dangerous for everyone involved. In between progress on his mysterious life’s goal, Lotor and his generals frequently get into trouble with small planets, local governments, militaries both official and off-the-books, giant monsters, and at least two hundred museum curators. They may or may not be wanted for grave-robbing in 13 different star systems.

- Basically he’s space Indiana Jones, if Indiana Jones was still 20 and also purple and also not being paid enough to be a good guy.

- All that said, as much of a devil-may-care rogue as he’d like to be seen, Lotor did spend all of his childhood under the thumb of the empire’s brutal authoritarian dictators, and he is therefore every inch a crown prince; as befitting one of his stature, he speaks eight languages fluently, flawlessly matches his formal dress to the occasion, knows exactly which piece of silverware to use when, can engage in political battles of wits and diplomatic machinations with the best of them, and has been training in armed combat since he was three years old. Lotor’s impeccable manners and steely leadership ability were literally beaten into him, to the point that now, even among trusted allies, he sometimes finds it difficult to turn off his cold, calculated princely persona.

- Not that his generals really let him get away with that kind of thing for long. Only those who have lived with multiple older sisters can truly understand the constant state of teasing and mortifying blackmail that Lotor lives in. On official record, Lotor’s generals are a crack team of terrifying bodyguards; in practice, they’re more likely to be dragging Lotor for all he’s worth than rescuing him. They might keep up formal appearances in front of others, but they’re effectively a close-knit family behind the scenes.

- It’s not a coincidence that all of Lotor’s generals are women; besides generally being awful, most Galra men make Lotor uncomfortable. From a human standpoint, Lotor is ridiculously tall and powerful; but from a Galra standpoint, Lotor is a thin, unhealthy-looking thing whose stature doesn’t command authority or respect in the slightest. It’s exhausting feeling like you have to constantly prove yourself, so Lotor prefers to spend time with a group that doesn’t invite negative comparison.

- However, it should be noted that a Galra man having only female friends has completely different connotations than a human man having only female friends—Galra women are, on the whole, considered more aggressive, bloodthirsty, and over-bearing than Galra men, so any Galra man who would choose to surround himself with that many women must either be out of his mind or incredibly badass.

- When asked what it’s like to live with four beautiful women, Lotor is basically ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ personified. Despite living together for years, none of the generals are romantically interested in Lotor and he’s not romantically interested in any of them.

- Many people have incorrectly assumed that Lotor and Axca are a pair, but Lotor helped Axca escape from a slave colony and she will never let another man touch her in her life. Axca is extremely grateful and loyal to Lotor, but given that Axca was Lotor’s first real friend, he’s just as grateful to her.

- If you think I’m killing off Narti, you’re out of your mind.

- Despite the fact that Lotor does not feel connected to the Galra Empire or the Galra as a whole, he’s somewhat more traditional and more likely to conform to Galra social standards than he wants to admit (even to himself). He insists that he has no interest in upholding the classic values of the Galra or meeting their expectations for how a prince should behave—but in truth, it’s impossible to fully kill that deep-down desire to just fit in. When push comes to shove, Lotor always finds himself falling in line with the Galra���s oldest and most deeply ingrained beliefs.

- With Lance in the “has never had a real kiss” club. Is not with Lance in the “wants a real kiss” club. Lotor is actually uncomfortable with being touched by strangers (36 assassination attempts will do that to you) and doesn’t make real friends, let alone anything closer, remotely easily. Some people are open books; Lotor is that one book from Harry Potter that bites people’s fingers off when they try to open it. Once you’re in his inner-circle, he’ll let you hang all over him, but before that, the space bubble is ten feet in every direction.

- Doesn’t actually put any special effort into his appearance. He just Looks Like That™.

- In fact, he actually kind of hates that stupid cowlick hair that’s always in his face but no matter how many times he cuts it off or slicks it back, it just keeps falling right back in his eyes. He’s basically given up at this point.

- His sword’s name is Eris and it was actually forged in the heart of a dying star.

- Kova the space cat hates Lotor. Lotor hates Kova. It’s a mutually antagonistic relationship. Somehow though, Lotor never makes any effort to get rid of Kova and Kova never takes the opportunity to leave. No one else understands it either, especially since Lotor gets along great with basically every other animal he meets.

- He’s not a pacifist by any means, but he is painfully practical and knows that, on occasion, sparing the life of one’s enemy nets more gain than indiscriminately crushing opponents beneath his heel. More manipulative than outright aggressive, he’s easily capable of twisting even the worst of situations to his advantage. Has an unfortunate tendency to be overly cunning—sometimes the tricks and twists he comes up with are unnecessarily full of flourish just because he thinks manipulating people like pieces in a board game is extremely entertaining. Riddles and mind games are Lotor’s favorite—the more convoluted, the better.

- Although most people refer to him by the basic “Prince Lotor” (Lotori Ahn in Galra), Lotor’s full name and official title is Lotori Kir Ahnja Avel i’ya ne Daibazaal, His Royal Highness Prince Lotor of the First Star. As the emperors and empresses of the Galra are said to be physical representations of the goddess, the firstborn children of emperors/empresses are always called “the first star,” after the supposed first creation of the goddess.

- Extremely competitive, but mostly about weird things—like sure he’s going to win if you challenge him to a swordsmanship duel, but challenge him to a staring contest? Your eyes will rot out of your head before this boy will blink. Do not think he will let you beat him in a spelling bee. More than once the generals have had to drag him away from getting involved in the bizarre competitions of the alien cultures they come into contact with. He was 1000% ready to learn to knit eight-armed sweaters with Rikrik fur, thank you. Would totally take up pig-farming JUST to win an Earth state fair.

- Likes to collect interesting artifacts and trinkets of lost civilizations by force if necessary. His ship is basically a floating museum at this point. The generals are starting to worry that they’re going to have add a whole ‘nother deck for all the war prizes Lotor wins himself. Lotor’s gathering hobby extends to games too—he’s a big fan of games that involve sets of items, like Renni, the Galra collectible card game. Would 110% be that Magic the Gathering nerd back on earth.

- In terms of other interests, Lotor is the picture definition of a Renaissance man. Although he’s not a flawless genius savant in every field, he is wicked smart and has studied a vast array of subjects; he’s a capable engineer, a skilled mathematician, a deft philosopher, a good scientist, and extremely well-read, and he is not going tolet you forget any of those things at any point in time. Lotor is always going to be better than you, please just accept your fate.

- Art is… another story. He might be able to sketch detailed architectural blueprints without breaking a sweat but ask him to draw a dog and you’re going to be in for some trouble.

And that’s more than enough for now I think! XD

[mcttys]

* ･ﾟ ❀ { cis male . he/him } wait ! is that HARRY STYLES we see moving into bloom 36 ? oh no , its just MATTHEW “MATTY” HARRISON ! bloom’s newest tenant is a TWENTY FIVE year old WRITER from CAMDEN, MAINE — yellow spring’s just got a whole lot brighter . if the HOPELESS ROMANTIC isn’t stowed away in their loft , you can almost always find them WRITING AT THE IVY . 

hello !! i’m sam and i am so excited to be here. i have been looking for a place to play my bb matty for quite some time. i’m tweaking his backstory a little bit to fit better with the plot but he is just a soft lazy love sick mess of a boy whomst i love dearly and hope you can tolerate as well ! please see below for some headcanons 

full name: matthew “matty” ryan harrison  age: twenty- five birth date: march 7, 1995, 3:13 pm zodiac: pisces sun, taurus moon, leo rising  hometown: camden, maine religion: raised roman catholic but kind of agnostic now  sexual/romantic orientation: bisexual / biromantic  character parallels: rob gordon (high fidelity the movie), richard papen (the secret history), theo decker (the goldfinch), charlie (perks of being a wallflower) aesthetics: hazy golden afternoons, second hand poetry books, a yearning for the italian country side, worn out vintage t-shirts

pinterest board

writer by choice, romantic by chance: i have this in his pinterest board and i feel like it rly sums him up! he’s such a romantic to the point that it is a flaw. he romanticizes everything which has gotten him into trouble before. i.e....mistaking things that are certainly not love, for love. 

you may say he’s a dreamer: big goals! big ambitions! big lazy boy! he has dreams to move to a big city like new york or paris, to live in a chic and cozy apartment, to write 3/4 of the year and vacation in some beautiful getaway in the south of italy every summer. somewhat unattainable especially considering he’s currently drowning in student loans but a boy can dream?

i kno that u got daddy issues: grew up in a small, picturesque town in maine. you know the boy romanticized it yes sir he did !! but that doesn’t mean he had a perfect childhood. he was an only child of a loveless romance. his mother and father had him at 16 and 17, respectively, and tried to make it work despite the lack of actual emotional connection between them. his dad and he never really bonded, especially since matty was more interested in reading picture books and playing dress up than he was tossing a baseball outside. he’d always been closer with his mother. still, it didn’t hurt any less when he came home from school one day at eight years old, his father’s things gone. it didn’t hurt any less to watch his mom cry over him for days.

money, money, money, must be funny: after spending four years of undergrad  studying literature and creative writing at brown university in rhode island, the kid is swimming in debt. he got involved in some shady businesses for money, doing things he didn’t really want to be doing, and still feels ashamed of today, so he doesn’t really talk about his past much! but, the reason he moved to yellow springs was because he fell in l*ve back in rhode island. it ended up going south, quick, so he packed up his things, took what little savings he had, and found yellow springs. this was when he was twenty-three so he’s been living in the bloom apartments for about 2 years now? 

sloth and the seven deadly sins: matty is a total homebody, but that isn’t to say he doesn’t like going out at all. he does! he’s just kind of a wallflower when he goes out. much more of an observer. he does prefer to stay in tho, with a huge fluffy blanket and a big cup of tea. please...have sleepovers with him. he’s a huge cuddler.

another delusional pisces: yes...he has his head in the clouds okay! sometimes they are so far up in the clouds that it’s hard to tell if he’s living in the same reality as everyone else. something he perceives as true is often totally false. it’s often why he thinks he’s in love after 1 date and everyone else is like that’s called INFATUATION , MATTHEW . 

wash your dishes and take out the garbage!: not a slob but quite messy. his room has clothes strewn all over the place and he can never keep his papers organized. he often forgets tea cups in his room until the entire collection of mugs ends up on his bed side table and he’s like whoops ! and brings them out to the kitchen 

cat: has a cat named cat. basically when he still lived in rhode island for school he came back to his place one day and he realized a cat had followed him home. and he was like shoo cat ! and she didn’t listen . he was like . i can’t take you in here cat . no pets allowed . anyway he ended up having a full on conversation with this cat in the hallway and then the cat followed him inside his dorm ANYWAY and he hid her  and took care of her for the rest of the semester and just called her cat and now that’s her name and he took her with him to yellow springs and they are best friends 

wanted connections: dang u know i want them all but !! let’s think. 

ambiguously gay duo - give me a brotp where everyone is like “are they....you know....” but it’s just PURE , UNADULTERATED FRIENDSHIP  (m/nb) river

ok this is piggy backing off the above because they very well could be the same connection but the schmidt to his nick. matty is lazy and unmotivated but extremely creative and needs someone who is motivated and passionate and they make a good dynamic duo !  inspo: ( x , x , x ) (f/m/nb) zane

cuddle buddy - this can be completely platonic but if any muses love to hang around the house as much as he does !! please give him someone to be lazy with (f/m/nb) sumi

unrequited love - it’s a bad religion !!! give me someone matty is head over heels for but they just........do not feel the same way.  (f/m/nb)

muse - matty is a writer, so i would love to have certain eccentric characters be people he models his own characters after ? i think that would be so cute and this could work for a few connects  :( (f/m/nb) selene

extrovert to his introvert - someone who drags him out to social gatherings, makes him do things outside of his apartment, yknow. forces him to get out and get active ! he probably would not go to parties if it were not for this person (f/m/nb) gemma

exes - matty’s been here for 2 years so this all depends on timelines. but ! give me exes on bad terms ! exes on good terms ! anything ! (f/m/nb) domenica 

ex fwbs / one night stands - on the same note, matty is the type of guy who falls in love in 0.02 seconds but can fall out of love just as fast. this would be one of those circumstances (f/m/nb)

college friends - matty went to brown university in rhode island so if we got any pretentious ivy leaguers in the house say aye