#this art made me feel bad about myself <3< /div>
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hi! :) i love your art- i've been following you for a few months, ty for your service i love supportive msgs & hot girls <3 but i'm curious how you keep uploading so much? its not smth that everyone can do :0 are these drawings made in a session and uploaded ahead of time? or do you draw each one every day?
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Thank you so much for following and for the kind words ;w; I really appreciate it after the crazy week I've hadd! 💖 but I'm glad you're enjoying the supportive messages and the art 💖 💖 💖
Hmmm, As for how I upload so much, I honestly don’t think about it too much I usually try and draw about three pieces a day, and I just keep that flow going without trying to be perfectionist on myself so I don’t really stress over it, I just let the ideas come and keep the momentum rolling.
I know some artists like to batch their work and schedule uploads, but for me, I guess I just go with the flow and do my best to create daily, have been doing this since 2012 when I was known as Emilys Diary. But fr I enjoy drawing, and I love sharing my work, so it never really feels like a chore ;u; Of course, some days are more productive than others, but I have a thing where even if I am at my worst, I do at least 1 Tato drawing then I can sulk and feel bad 💖
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hey, um!!! i absolutely adore your art and aus and writing and everything sososososo much but, since you ship sifloop and it is selfcest... whats ur perspective on like. the whole "selfcest is incest/worst than incest" debate. and how it applies/if it applies to sifloop at all. IM SORRY IF THIS IS A SUPER UNCOMFORTABLE QUESTION/TOPIC u can skip and just ignore this ask if u want!!! /gen /nf im just curious ur perspective since i enjoy sifloop dynamic So Much but i'm just. confused and a lil uncomfortable w/ actually shipping them romantically bc of. well. The Selfcest Factor :'D
Hey, it's okay!!! I don't really mention topics like that on my blog, I'm very tame in how I post, so I'll just shyly hide under a readmore for my answer <3
First of all, I don't see selfcest as incest. I think that if someone were to meet a clone of themself and see them as family, they very reasonably could, but that it itself is not a family situation on its own if no one has decided that. It's a "decide it, and it'll be" situation.
I understand that a lot of people are weirded out by selfcest, and I think that's very valid and reasonable, but I'm very used to it so it's just normal to me.
As for whether or not it's worse, I'm sure it can gross someone out WORSE than incest, that's fine, but I really don't believe a completely fictional concept that does not exist in the real world (even if you can get a tiny bit close) is like... morally worse. It's practically clay, you can shape it however you want.
Growing up around the concept of selfcest made me feel better about myself honestly. It's comforting to tell yourself "I love you," and I dealt with my self-worth issues as a kid by making selfcest OCs to process self-love through creation. Knowing that a fictional character could find worth and affection in themself as if looking at someone else always made me wonder if I could do that too, and that's quite possibly the least harmful thing I could have ever had that reaction towards. Whenever I felt bad, I felt more willing to "talk it out" with myself as if I was talking to someone separate, which made it easier to treat myself with kindness.
I also just generally think the word "selfcest" contributes to this ickiness around it, and I do dislike the word, but I try not to think about it much. It probably could have been named better.
Ultimately: anyone can not like it. That's okay. But at the end of the day, it's harmless and is as fictional as a vampire. And anyone can also not like vampires.
#ask#incest mention#cw incest mention#cw selfcest#<- i don't really tag that last one unless it itself is the main topic#isat spoilers
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Can I ask for your advice as one game dev to another?
I started making games 2 years ago, in fact the anniversary for my first project is literally tomorrow! This project holds a lot of sentimental value to me of course, but I never got around to fully finishing the project because I have a habit of jumping from one idea to another when I really like the idea and am motivated for it. (I have severe adhd which has made the amount of projects I have going on currently around 3-5 games lmao) anyways I would say it’s probably 75% complete. I haven’t touched the project in months but I went back to replay it yesterday in hopes of wanting to get back into finishing it, and I felt this incredible wave of nostalgia that felt both good and bad: I’ve improved with my art, story telling and coding and everything since then and when it comes to my game projects It’s very easy for me to move on from them when they’re done to go onto the next- but this nostalgic feeling made me think that maybe it would be better to leave the project and move on because of my newer projects and how different it feels. But at the same time I feel like the game deserves an ending and I feel a lot of pressure knowing that other people are interested in this first project. I think that if I cancel its completion there will be consequences but I might also feel free from it too. I worry about disappointing others especially as a smaller game dev. The project is very important to me as it is my first ever game and I would love to finish it in theory, but it feels a bit weird trying to go back and finish it because of how much I’ve improved. I’m not gonna ask “what would you do in this situation” because I obviously should do what feels right for me (which I’m unsure of lol) but any advice, words of wisdom, experiences etc. would be very appreciated if you’re willing to share!
It's a bit silly, but something I do when I have trouble making a decision is I flip a coin! The important part is not what side the coin lands on, but what side you're hoping the coin lands on. It helps you know how you're really feeling about a certain situation. For example if I tell myself heads means pink shirt and tails means blue shirt, and I start hoping it lands on tails, then I know what I really wanted is the blue shirt.
I also want you to know though that there's no, like, punishment to whatever you decide to do. If you decide that you'd rather just scrap the project and some people wind up disappointed, that's okay. If you decide you won't be happy until it has an ending and decide to give it one, that's also okay! If you still want to keep it in the gray zone of "maybe I'll get back to it one day" or work on it sparingly that's also also okay!
I'm wishing you luck in your decision, and I hope you can feel happy and confident in your choices going forward! All the best to you! ♡
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Ooooo this one looks really fun! Thanks @fangirlshenanigans04
What's the origin of your blog title? I just decided I wanted a tumblr blog one day and didn’t know what to call it, so I kid you not, I just searched “tumblr blog title ideas” and some generator gave me “magicandtorment” and I almost vibed with it, then I swapped out torment for mundane and here we are almost 3 years later lol
OTP(s) + Shipname: Rayllum and Percabeth, hands down. There’s definitely others (Kanera, Tagatha, Sokeefe, etc), but those are the main two for me.
Favorite color: blue! same prev
Favorite game: I am by no means a gamer, but I’m always down for Cards Against Humanity or Uno and I’ve dabbled in DND
Song stuck in your head: Amparito Roca (because I was just playing it in wind ensemble) and Mr. Brightside (because I played it for pep band on Saturday lol)
Weirdest habit/trait? Honestly prev, I’m the same way. I mutter to myself a lot, especially when reading. I give commentary all day if you just listen lol
Hobbies: writing! I have this 400-some page word doc that I’ve been working on for a couple years just for fun. I’ve also been trying to get into embroidery and as a kid I made things out of duct tape all the time. I still make a couple duct tape flowers every year for my mom on Mother’s Day because she’s allergic to real flowers.
If you work, what's your profession? Currently working on my bachelor’s in mechanical engineering (I graduate next spring which is INSANE). Sometimes I work as an assistant in one of my professors’ labs, and the last few summers I’ve been a lifeguard.
If you could have any job you wish, what would it be? Idk but I think being a pilot would be really cool, ooooooo or maybe a professional swimmer.
Something you're good at: swimming! And also math
Something you're bad at: running lol
Something you love: my family and friends (including you all, my lovely mutuals), they’re the best
Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: ask me about Olympic swimming, anything engineering related, my favorite books and movies, and I will yap for hours
Something you hate: uhhhhh politics lol (yes I know it’s important but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it)
Something you collect: do books count? I don’t have rare books or anything like that, just… a bunch of books I’ve read or want to read lol
Something you forget: ahaha how would I know? I’m forgetting it
What's your love language? physical touch and gift-giving
Favorite movie/show: THE BAD BATCH has a chokehold on me omg, also The Dragon Prince and Scrubs. My favorite movies are Cinderella (1950 and 2015) and Return of the Jedi (I feel like I’m forgetting a couple 😅)
Favorite food: ice cream! Also scones and this dish my mom makes whenever I’m home called hamburger and spinach
Favorite animal: dogs 🐶
What were you like as a child? I swam competitively for 10 years and loved it. I also enjoyed arts and crafts like the duct tape mentioned above, and I liked school, too. And reading! May Bird and the Ever After was the first book series I really fell in love with. But I was also kind of a loner and a floater socially and it bothered me until I got to high school, really became comfortable in my own skin, and realized just how little I cared about drama (my friends in elementary school had no chill, hence my loner tendencies thereafter)
Favorite subject at school? Math and music
Least favorite subject: ugh PE for sure. I got teased for not knowing the rules of like basketball and soccer, and most of the teachers I had kinda sucked lol
What's your best character trait? I’d say I’m really loyal and kind, but I feel like my friends would be better at answering this lol
What's your worst character trait? I’m pretty easygoing, but once I get angry, I’m angry. Also same prev, I think I’ve gotten a little hyper independent.
If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be? Either I would not have agreed to do a competition later this month or I would be studying abroad with my two best friends (engineering makes study abroad hard, hence why I’m here and not there)
If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? Martha (Patsy) Jefferson Randolph! Thomas Jefferson’s oldest daughter is one of my favorite historical figures thanks to America’s First Daughter by Stephanie Dray and Laura Kamoie. She’s very fascinating and quietly powerful. Even if you aren’t reading her story through historical fiction, just looking at the basic facts of what she went through and what she’s done is incredible. She was so resilient, and I really admire her.
No pressure tags:
@mandaloriandragontrainer @twinsunstars @jorolle @here-comes-the-moose @weirdponytail @clonebrainrot @maidenvault @vixies-art @not-so-mundane-after-all @loveution @thatartiststudios @glbtrx @konmaao3 and anyone else who wants to join!
Get to know your mutuals!
What's the origin of your blog title? When I was in middle school, someone told me "you dress so goth, but your personality is so happy. You're like a really cheerful grim reaper. A joyful soul collector." And that's been my username for most everything ever since!
OTP(s) + Shipname: Oooh, right now it's Jayvik, and tbh I can't think of another one, this is one of the first ships I've been really really into tbh. Other dynamics focused on my blog have actually been more platonic, like Irondad
Favorite color: Red!
Favorite game: Dungeons and Dragons! Both as a player, and DM!
Song stuck in your head: The Challenge - EPIC
Weirdest habit/trait? I download thousands of still frames of tv shows that I love so I can make memes out of them. But I have to sift through and delete all the pictures that are blurry or unnecessary, which takes hours. I think it's super fun because I'm autistic and really enjoy sorting stuff lol
Hobbies: Writing, playing DnD, making memes, and hanging out with my friends!
If you work, what's your profession? Not so much a profession lol, I work at a toy store. It's a part time job while I'm in college, studying to be a radiologist!
If you could have any job you wish, what would it be? Realistically? Radiologist. But ANY job I wish? Professional DM or Professional DnD player, like the people on Dropout or Critical Role haha
Something you're good at: I'm good at writing stories! I can write them well and write things that make people feel deep emotions, and I like that.
Something you're bad at: Recognizing when someone doesn't want help haha. I tend to try and fix things or help people when they just want to vent, and it ends up frustrating for both of us.
Something you love: I love stories. Any kind, I love so so many
Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: My favorite shows and stories, my dnd campaigns and characters, my stories and ideas
Something you hate: Fascism. Bigotry. Willful ignorance. Fearmongering. Propaganda.
Something you collect: Dice!! I'm a dice goblin for sure haha
Something you forget: I often forget chores unfortunately
What's your love language? Physical touch and acts of service
Favorite movie/show: Ooh right now it's definitely Arcane haha
Favorite food: Sushi!
Favorite animal: Cats!
What were you like as a child? In a word? Unwell haha. I'm a good bit better now, still struggling with a lot, but better than I used to do
Favorite subject at school? English, I was always good at that class
Least favorite subject: Chemistry. I hate that shit so much lol
What's your best character trait? I think that I'm kind and willing to stand up for others
What's your worst character trait? I can be disrespectful to some types of spirituality unfortunately. It just doesn't make logical sense to me. I have two friends that are fully convinced that a cursed doll gave some youtuber testicular cancer. And I just can't see the logic or critical thought in that
If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be? Mmm. All of fascism shit is definitely damaging my calm so I'd love to change that specifically
If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? Harry Allen. Google him he's a badass transgender cowboy
Tag as as many mutuals as you want!!
@sb-essebi @glitternightingale @blatterpussbunnyfromhell @captainhollowstories @kydrogendragon @misforvendetta @poetryinmotion-author @bocularteletheric @kai-ovillager @thatoneneuvichiliauthor @4amarcanethoughts @alexspearsxoxo @kotonni @buckybucananbarnes @kakesuwolf @martybaker @patheticjayce @sleepycrowhours @aixabi @up-the-bracket @snoopyviktor @emdashflower @humanshapedstress @hellsalore @juuzousmom @softandslow @fangirlshenanigans04 @batmans-attic @lvrstrsh @bluemoyai @tearexxwrites @bodyofvvater @lifeandeathepub @areesespiece @lancesblueazaleas @monaisme @milkywaysipper @carmendyy @tseecka @heazueken @tophat-69 @velocitychroma @prjctdiva @gremlinofchaos @ourvectorviktor @kenjinx @jxmimac @gh0stedvhampir @voxconcordia @arcaneheraldslawyer
ngl I tried to tag ALL my mutuals that I have, but this was how many it allowed me to do before it made me stop lol so here's as many as I could fit!
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I just had a really funny thought that i will obv never act on but like. yk how if you draw more varied body types, you might get people in your dms or comments saying that this art made them appreciate their body. what if we started doing the opposite at artists who only draw thin bodies. “Just want to let you know I have one of your prints and it makes me hate my body ♥”
#or like not Just Thin but the like. AI art. dA front page. sakimichan art style body types#like 20 comments that all just say omggg your drawings have such a negative impact on my body image#this art made me feel bad about myself <3#don't look at me i just made myself laugh thinking about it#sergle.txt
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unable to let go
something something both of these fuckers have spent so long depending on each other that they cant function w/o the other guy despite Tashi's continously worsening mental state and unhealthy clinginess and Soup's desire to explore the world and meet new people...
like the thing about soup is that she had never really been a person who does well stuck in one place for too long, but also tashi is her brother. theyve been through hell and back together and she feels immense guilt for even considering having a life outside of their little family, and also she has NOT worked through her gladiator trauma AT ALL and has been just holding everything in and trying to be a perfect caring figure despite all the anger and frustration she experiences on a daily basis...
(tashi is dealing with that too, but hes never been as good as her at hiding it, and also he has the tendency to make this stuff everyones problem - thus sidelining soups problems by accident. i think soup is kind of what tashi desperately WANTS to be, in a way. on the outside shes the 'stoic selfless caregiver' and i think tashi is jealous of that, so much so that he sometimes forgets that soup is just as much a person with her own problems and desires and flaws as everyone else)
soup is frustrated by how shes been having to take more and more responsibilities as time goes on (bc of tashis Whole Thing and buddys fear of assuming any kind of leadership position) and a part of her loathes this life and she wants to leave. i think her and zoras relationship plays a big role in her feeling on the matter bc shes NOT part of the family, shes someone new and diffrent and thats enticing... also over the years soup had built up this calm easygoing persona that zora can see through, zora is very aware of soups violent past and she is not sfraid of it, giving soup a safe space to express those more negative feelings freely for the first time in YEARS
Its very hand in unlovable hand coded but they very much love each other still and thats kinda the problem
Also putting some notes on their younger selves here bc this feels relevant to how these two ended up
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#my art#my funky guys#not very happy w how this thing turned out color- and rendering-wise but the lineart is fine ig#maybe ill rework this sometime#also. felt the need to focus on soup in this little rant bc i often catch myself diluting her character to just 'chill guy who is the sane#one here' and kinda treating her as an afterthought??? which. is not good. and i hate it. it makes me feel like IM tashi... eugh#anyways i wrote this to remind myself that shes got DEPTH and that shes not just an accessory to make the others look more tortured#and so that there is someone to comfort them!!!!!!!!#soup i love youuuuuuu im so sorry..........#i think of her as almost. '''domesticating'''' herself and living in fear of ever showing negative emotions bc thats what being a gladiator#was all about... she views those emotins as Objectively Bad and Violent and shes terrfied of being what haggar made her to be.#also ughh i hatee krita.... every time i draw in krita it comes out weirdly gummy and weird.. i always overdo it.... you can propably tell#but anyway. love these two<3 weird sibling dynamics my beloved..........
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![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/a74873914b12b78f73650c2d160dcd7e/f5dc78dff86cd9e1-9a/s540x810/e31ae40590e02bbb0ff4be1d7a7298903e8a05c0.jpg)
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drawring exercises
#art#traditional art#watercolour#pen#marker#in a constant state of making up new warmups for myself so i dont get bored of them LOL this continuous line thing has been interesting#lowkey that was one of the biggest things thats helped me develop my markmaking confidence#early in my fine arts degree they made us do a bunch of half hour long blind contour drawings#so like we'd look at something and draw the contour outline of it without lifting our pencils until its done#but also this is a 'blind' one so we're not allowed to look at the page. again until its done#and we always had time requirements so like a contour drawing for like 30 sec 2 min etc. and they made us do some 30 min ones at one point#and it literally sucked so bad to do. but also it forced me to really painfully feel out that contour line LOL#it didnt make my lines neat or clean or smooth or anything. but it helped make me not care about that in the first place#which is good for someone like me. and it also built my confidence cause now i know any line i draw will not suck as bad as trying to#draw the outline of like i dunno a hammer as slowly as possible for 30 minutes without looking at the page or lifting your pencil#so now i can do anything. now i can do anything#sometimes art exercises teach you by torturing you until you get good? sometimes that happens#anyway these are of course way more fun than a 30min blind contour drawing <3
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Regarding the previous post, I think the way I approach trying to evaluate a piece of art is asking "Do I think the positive things I get out of it outweigh the parts of it that I don't like?" And when I call something a "guilty pleasure" song/show/book/piece of media/etc. it's really more in the sense of, "Given who I am as a person, the flaws I've found in this should be complete dealbreakers for me, but somehow they aren't, and it makes me feel like I'm having an identity crisis."
#like. I think something like...idk shiki or cxgf excels on multiple levels. I understand why I like them. given the things I look for in art#it makes sense that these shows would speak to me because they make the effort to showcase those things I look for. because the people#in charge of those works clearly valued the same kinds of things and cared about seriously exploring them.#but with something like. uh. ctrlz. that is NOT the case and I frequently found myself going 'why would anyone make this writing#decision?' but I still sat through all 3 seasons of it! I still really enjoyed it! those flaws SHOULD have made me give up according to#personal history but they never did. and I very very much genuinely question why. I have NO IDEA why I still care about this#silly convoluted teen drama show so much. but I do. I wrote SO MANY FUCKING POSTS ABOUT IT.#I really love wicked the musical. I've heard many people call it 'hokey' or 'cheesy' or 'objectively bad' but here's the thing! I DON'T#think it's bad!!! like literally at all!!!!!! and it does do some genuinely cool things in regard to the music and the way the characters#develop and what the show says about the nature of prejudice and human connection. is it like. idk Serious™ the way that something like#Parade is? no. but it doesn't have to be. it does what it sets out to do and it does it well and this is why the whole '''objective#evaluation''' thing doesn't actually mean anything. I value thoughtfully-constructed music and dynamic female characters#(which this musical has). I value stories that deal with the complex and messy feelings that come with being a human (which this musical#has). I value stories about 'other'ness and romantic subplots that aren't just built on 'This Girl Is Pretty' (which this musical has).#and I value professional displays of technical vocal ability because I know how fucking DIFFICULT that is (which this musical...if you cast#it well...has).#if you value something else in a musical then yeah you will probably think THIS one is '''objectively bad'''#if you don't see the point of musicals as an art form you will probably think wicked is '''objectively bad'''#do you see where the problem with categorizing analysis like this is??
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sits here. my mood has been swinging back and forth like a pendulum lately
#i still can't bring myself to make anything art-wise. and it is ripping me to shreds internally#i have no motovation whatsoever and i'm feeling disgusted by my creations. like that's the best you could do huh mixer?#i dunno. trying to keep calm. i'm going to my uncle's tomorrow to puppysit for 3 days#i'm happy that i'll see puppy but being out of my house will be stressful.#plus i've still got work to go to...#and i need to do the laundry and take out the trash and stop buying uber eats and forward my snap benefits email and.#and later today after high school lets out i'm going to talk with an old teacher i had#i need to change my bedding too..#i at least took a shower yesterday#i think my ptsd has been acting up in the background or something#my other uncle tries to tell me to let go of the past. but i don't want to. my past has forever impacted the way i'll be for the rest of-#-my life yk? and my 'past' wasn't even that long ago. it was 2/3 years ago. and my brother's still with that awful man#i can't pull him away from him.#i just wanna sleep. might take a sleep med early just to take a nap#i've been hating everything i make so like. why even try yk.#i drew one thing while i was hospitalized- a tiny sane jack head#i dunno. i dunno. i feel so empty. my depression's been super bad. i don't enjoy things that once made me happy#i feel so aimless. i'm thinking about going to college but i have to see what scholarships would be available because i can't work this job#WHILE in school. it'd wear me to the bone#i don't want to quit my job though. i like my job. i like my boss and my coworkers..#i dunno. idfk what's wrong with me anymore. i just want the pain to stop man.#i dunno what i want to do with myself but i feel like a. fuck it ik it's from firework but i feel like a plastic bag in the wind#i'm so tired. i miss my mom. i miss my sister. i miss my brother.#vent#delete later
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2023 go bye bye
#999 spoilers#art summary#art summery 2023#my art#shoutout to all my monster high drawings that are still in the oven#I haven't posted them anywhere but! my friends made them pins and I've sold them on cons throughout the year :3#I only started drawing them as a request from a boothmate actually and they're such fun designs to draw!!!#I went to a lot of local conventions to participate in the artist's alley and made so many friends that way it was wonderful#I think the next thing I'll reblog will be the game I worked on!#found out the nda doesn't cover me simply saying 'hey I worked on this thing coming out in a few months!'#so I made artist and cosplayer friends selling my art on the beach and I got my first proper job#....then I proceeded to give me a shoulder inflammation because my setup was terrible and it had to catch up to me eventually#but! already managed to get a new tablet and desk for myself!! it's even a screen tablet so there'll be a learning curve but I'm excited#I'm hoping this display will make things easier I always had trouble sketching on digital#and I am more carefully taking breaks now also because turns out relying on hiperfocus is bad for you? never knew#I was going through some stuff in the middle of the year there though I had so many vent drawings of akane from may to october qwq#not featured here are the tons of utena and umineko wips I have accumulated those were my favorite new media I got to experience for sure#in fact I'm watching the adolescence movie rn!! what in tarnation is this last act lol whatever! go Anthy go!!! floor it queen#also not featured the tons of oc stuff I made :D I'm glad I feel like I can start properly working on them soon ^^#but yeah that's that I felt like writing a whole diary entry in these tags and you read it and that's what tumblrs all about ♡♥��
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Sometimes you just listen to a TikTok audio and get the need to make a post about a self destructive cycle your in only to never acknowledge the post again yknow
The song is Don't Smoke by Mitski, specifically the TikTok version is the Audiotree Live version
#pink bowtie is the only person here whos design actually represents someone#to clarify since like art is of the beholder right but i find drawing to this song specifically ironic#because i am very aware that i have a pattern of blocking people if they're nice to ms#im being the mean one here; im being mean to my newly ex friends and myself#but this time i actually tried to keep friends and my mental health has been the worst it has in years#so i guess i just need friends that are worse than i am to keep my mental health stable??#whatever its just interesting#this is also the first and hopefully the last vent art ill ever draw for a few years#vent art#vent#art#i literally JUST made a post on my other ask blog about my ibis constantly crashing#and it IS BUT i also have feelings. i can work through crashes to get my feelings out alot more than i can for silly dsaf men#the good thing about tumblr is that the people this is about this time wont ever see it since they dont have tumblr or dont follow me#the bad thing is that i DID do this like. 3 times to the sam and max community and like. thats almost all of my followers whoopsie daisy#and like “oh if theyre blocked then they wont see the post” i didnt actually block them since i like seeing their posts. from afae#i just block them every time they follow me#actually that one sam and max server would be surprised to hear that one creepy dude was the person that kept reconnecting me to the server#whatever. i need to stop editing this post for the tags and go to sleep#funny thing is my partner wont see this post despite following me. you would think a partner would care but. ig not thats okay#my partners the only person i think is better than me who i've kept around#but that might be because they dont show. any interest in anything im interested in#im so tired of being the only person to put in effort to keep the relationship alive and be interested in the things they enjoy#but i guess i also do vent to them alot; i only talk about like 10% of my life but having mental disorders will do that ig#i need to stop typing/venting and go to sleep. or at least stop listening to this damn song
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ben platt was so right when he said (to paraphrase) your heart can break so much that it breaks open and lets love in. that's 2023 to me baby.
#experienced Real grief and heartbreak for the first time in my life#lived alone for most of the year and really Grew Up because of it#lost the three people i was closest with and lost the person i became for them to love me (which is a good thing)#learned a lot about art and life and myself and what it means to Be Alive.#was this year objectively bad for me??? look at all my personal posts honey.#but i feel like i've Grown so much and i'm really proud of myself not Despite everything that happened but because of it#i'm not ashamed to have loved and made choices and to have been wrong about So Many Things!!! i am so young and always learning!!!#i feel like Myself for the first time in Years. and for the first time since i can remember i genuinely feel Fine.#a lot of things are bad and i have bad days (today was one of them) but!!! i am hopeful and i am Determined to survive and be happy.#i do not have to be great!!! i do not have to be good!!! i simply have to be and that is enough!!!#one thing i said this year that haunts me is when the person i was in love with told me i was being silly for having a panic attack#and i responded with 'why should i feel silly for experiencing true emotion?'. and that's just really guided me since i said it.#ANYWAYS. insane year for me. this time last year i was madly in love and denying So Much and this year i am Accepting and loving what i have#this has been the return of isaac's insane personal posts. which are happening So Much Less due to the healing but hey!! we ball!!#i love you friends who live in my phone <3 if you're still reading happy new year and may you find whatever you're searching for <3
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i have to be honest guys i can't be humble anymore i am good at what i do know and i know this. i'm not saying every drawing i make turns out incredible or even that i have a single drawing i wouldn't change SOMETHING in but i'm, like, good at it. i'm pretty good at analyzing media too tbh. pretty good at making amvs. i've got a good singing voice even if i'm not a technically good singer i like my voice itself and i like the act of singing. i like drawing and i am good at it. okay thats all
#i got soo frustrated today because we're making neater versions of some prototype template things at work#and i really wish i was allowed to just do it all myself because the lack of cohesion that comes from#three different people trying to do different parts of the exact same task with different attitudes and different methods#ITS KILLING MEEEEEE mine are neater mine r neater not to sound like a smug bitch but just let meeeee#ok the end. normal again <3#IM TIRED OF THE SELF DEPRECATION IN MY WRITING CLASS#this guy comes in every day talking about how bad he is at writing. so many of us r like omg my draft is so bad#that is the mindkiller that is the joykiller u have to say i made something help me make it even better. or something#if u come in telling us ur story sucks ass im more likely to think yes it does suck ass and try to pull my punches and not give u enough#feedback to spare ur feelings ur something!!!!!!! like u cant post art saying omg this is so bad. itll make u feel worse abt ur work#itll make other people who think they arent as good as you feel worse abt their own work. its just all around NOT the move !!!!#as a creator i personally Have to project confidence i don't always feel because its better than the self deprecation that sucks away joy
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wow what a rough week… *checks the 달력 (i can’t fucking spell calander calender calendar the first time in english)* (it’s only tuesday)
#my work set me up for emotional failure giving me basically 3 presentations this week lol#they always fuck me up so bad i hate presentations and i hate speaking#let me send my little emails PLEASE#tomorrow i have basically 2 presentations and then thursday is the last one this week#then none next week. and then final presentation a week after that#i made myself feel bad bc we were looking for another diamond painting for me to do bc i finished the one that i was working on#and i started thinking about how i would like to do more art stuff but i really lack the confidence#like it’s hard for me to be Bad at something even though i Know that is just the first step in being good at something#if i produce something bad i feel bad about myself
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The Chara Timeline Continues...
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f1cdc8f759e1a8ec766ac28cdb59247b/bcac096c160d4462-0a/s540x810/9f223e074cde2b3e54ec792f5f41d005281ce2f3.jpg)
Woah!!! Where'd all the color go?? >:(
Part 29 || First || Previous || Next
--Full Series--
I KNOW IT'S BEEN 8 MONTHS SINCE THE LAST UPDATE I WILL EXPLAIN!!!
Hello!
SO. It's a bit hard to describe the feeling of posting only one page to a comic series I've been neglecting for 8 months (which was for a good reason!). I have been intentionally distancing myself from the Undertale and Deltarune communities. Not out of malice or annoyance!!!, more just because I've grown out of it (took me 8 years lol). I wasn't feeling as excited for news updates or gameplay and I realized... I didn't enjoy constantly thinking about the series like I used to. (plus I had little time for other art, comic projects, and real life.)
So I decided to take a loooong hiatus. That was one hell of a smart decision (good job past me). I was able to THINK about other games and shows and interests. I rekindled my love of bugs and nature and SOIL and then I made a full on Hollow Knight comic. And I got to educate people on BUGS (it's been amazing).
But... Today I was reading over the comic for the first time in a long time... and I could see and feel my passion for art literally seep through the page.I remembered how much I tried to breath life into these characters and it inspired me to continue ((literally TODAY)). Because passion pushes me to do what I love :')
COMIC UPDATE:
*cough* Anyways- I wanted to let readers of this comic know that I am still unsure what the future looks like for the series. I have 5 pages scripted and essentially finished. And I do have an end game in mind (even though that may be an extra 30 pages lmao). But drawing this comic takes TIME and A LOT of ENERGY. If you guys know me,,, haha,, I'm really bad at guesstimating times. And I'm even worse at being prepared and on top of things...
I want to submit single pages from now on. AND do minimal coloring. Having multiple COLORED pages was actually wild and I do not know how I did that for so long. I am unsure when the next page will come out (because I am also STILL MAKING MY OTHER COMIC <3), but it will not be out anytime this week.
Thank you guys... From the bottom of my heart. ❤️
#ALSO. Chara has been perpetually pissed like this for 8 months and its really funny to me#I really have no idea how to tag this#its back baby!#for ONE PAGE!!! Yippie#deltarune chara timeline#ct#my art#art#chara#college chara#asriel dreemurr#asriel deltarune#chara deltarune#chara undertale#fuck it we ball
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Popping on to say sorry for the extended absence once again and that I'm not sure when I'll be back in full capacity. To paraphrase that one old newspaper clipping about life being one damned thing after another being an understatement, The Damned Things Are Overlapping, quite a lot right now. Miss you all and I hope to catch up at some point but I don't know when exactly. One would hope soon, but everything feels like shaky ground right now, so no promises. Love you though 💜
#my dearest friend is in a dismal situation at the moment and thus so am I because we may as well be joined at the hip#despite being on separate continents#I was so worried I was sure I would give myself stress hives the other day before I'd heard back. still worried now but#it was not knowing what was up that made it That bad#things at home are a little rocky atm too but that's peanuts in comparison to the other thing#also some hats I ordered after mulling over the decision all year hit Out For Delivery 3 days ago then entered some nebulous tracking state#been stuck on Alert - Awaiting Delivery Scan ever since. mysterious. are they in a limbo realm? lost? destroyed? no clue lol#and the gradual decline of twitter is a looming background radiation as well of course#my priv there used to be my comfy space where I could mournfully wail like an alley cat and feel a little less alone#and share my little project development art stuff for a pick me up. but it's a ghost town more than ever now#what's a man to do when he's too shy to original character art post in discords but too concerned with privacy to do it on tumblr#science has not yet found the answer#anyway ramble ramble this has gotten excessively long huh#thank you if you read it. and sorry for the downer#but considering what I've just said above about worrying myself sick from Not Knowing I figure maybe it's worth letting people know#puttin my money where my mouth is... eheh :')#I hope things start looking up soon. for me and you#personal pulse#maybe delete later etc
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