#lost the three people i was closest with and lost the person i became for them to love me (which is a good thing)

[yououghtaknow]

ben platt was so right when he said (to paraphrase) your heart can break so much that it breaks open and lets love in. that's 2023 to me baby.

[hannieehaee]

SINGING LOW

18+ / mdi

summary: despite everyone within the industry knowing mingyu to date around a lot, what didn't meet the public's eye was his undying crush on you, his label mate, and his need to fill the you-shaped hole in his heart with any girl who'd give him the time of day.

content: idol!mingyu x hybeidol!reader, pining, mingyu's kind of a slut, smut, afab reader, reader is a 97 liner, dry humping, a lot of made up shit abt the industry lmao, mentions of other idols, oral sex (f receiving), penetrative sex, mentions of cheating, mentions of a breakup, angst, fluffy ending, etc.

wc: 13k~

a/n: this is not connected to my lil idol!mingyu x idol!reader series just fyi <3 i hope u guys enjoy this it took me like a month to write T-T

masterlist | kofi

Mingyu could still remember the day he met you. Well, maybe not met, but it was the first time he ever saw you face to face. It was at some awards show back in 2017. MAMA, was it? Or maybe the MMAs? Well, that didn't matter much. All he knew is that on stage, you had caught his eye.

It was only about a year into his debut, so he still wasn't too used to this scene. He simply sat back and enjoyed the pretty sight in front of him, knowing your group (and you) by name, but not having had the pleasure of meeting you personally by then. He hadn't met many people thus far, actually. At the time, most of his friends in the industry consisted of the twelve other members of his group. Coming from a small company, it had been hard for any of the members to begin to disperse and befriend their peers in the industry. Sure, they all had friendly acquaintances with other idols, but nothing could really compare to what they had with one another.

It wasn't until somewhere around 2017 that Mingyu had finally found a group of friends outside of his twelve members that he could trust. He had always been an outgoing guy, befriending anyone who'd look his way. He reasoned that someone had to be the icebreaker in every social situation, and he had given himself that job. Despite being a charismatic extrovert, however, most of these friendships did not stick. He developed many acquaintances, and maybe even situational friendships, but he had not really considered anyone a friend until meeting one Jeon Jungkook.

Jeon Jungkook was simply the tip of the iceberg. Some believed Mingyu had taken the man under his wing, while others believed the opposite, but it had in fact been a mutual aid. They had both felt a bit lost at the time they met, bonding over the many things their lives had in common. Their age being one of them. At first it was thrown around as a joke, the idea of forming a little group with the many other 97-liners within their industry. But that joke became reality soon after when Mingyu had met Yugyeom backstage during his group's most recent comeback at the time. The three soon became four, taking in a Cha Eunwoo, and then a Jaehyun from NCT. Even some of Mingyu's own members joining, having the privilege of being born on the great year of 1997. This was how you eventually entered the picture.

Mingyu had already known you, well, more so known about you. Despite being the same age, you had debuted a couple of years before Seventeen, which gave him the opportunity to get to know you as an idol before he did personally. He still remembered the days in the green basement, watching comeback shows with the members as they prepared for their own debut. There had been a specific day when your group had been presenting their debut stage, which was also the day Mingyu first caught sight of you. You had caught his eye immediately. There was just something about you. He might've developed a slight interest in you from that moment on, hoping for the day in which he would become one of your peers.

Upon debuting, Mingyu had only seen you in passing for the first couple of years, the closest contact being a quick and informal introduction between your groups as you cruised through the backstage hallways of MNET. You looked even better in real life, he had to admit. But sadly, there was no one-on-one interaction between you that day. Nor was there during any of the following encounters throughout the next few years. It wasn't until about a year into the creation of the 97 squad that Mingyu had the pleasure of meeting you personally.

It was sometimes Jungkook who brought in new members to the friend group, but it was mostly Mingyu who would take the liberty of befriending the aforementioned members in order to introduce them into the group. It was mostly due to Mingyu's extroverted personality, which allowed him to strike up conversation with anyone at any time, unlike Jungkook who was a bit shier in that aspect. It had been Jungkook, however, who had first introduced the two of you. It had been backstage of MAMA or MMA, he wasn't completely sure. Mingyu also wasn't sure how you and Jungkook had met; he'd never bothered to ask, but upon your first meeting it had seemed like the two of you were close friends already. Mingyu had to admit that upon that first assumption, he was a bit jealous of his proximity to you. This was immediately followed by the realization that maybe Mingyu's previous infatuation in you went further than mere interest in you as a fellow idol, but it was maybe a bit of a crush. Regardless of what Mingyu had felt at the moment, he knew that he wanted to see you again.

For some unknown reason, you were not present in the following 97 gathering soon after your introduction. This struck Mingyu as strange, seeing as you were also a 97, and a friend of Jungkook's, so why would you not be present? It was soon after revealed to Mingyu that you had yet to be offered a spot in the now renown 97 squad. Jungkook had assessed that all the dating rumors that would come attached to the inclusion of a girl in the group were simply not worth it. He wanted to save you both the headache and the scandal. It seemed like a pretty reasonable decision. Mingyu, however, was not the most reasonable of people, often allowing his decision-making to be led by impulse rather than calculated choices. Which was why Mingyu had found himself walking up to you next time he spotted you at yet another comeback show, promptly asking you if you'd like to meet some of his friends sometime in the following week, claiming it was tradition for all 97s to go for a drink every other week. He felt like he was inviting you to join into a cult, or at least that's what you said to him it had felt like. But you had still agreed, giving him your number so that you could be privy to the details of the meeting.

Your admission to the friend group came very naturally, having already met a few of the members and easily befriending the rest. Yes, it had come with some controversy at first, but Mingyu had come to learn that you were quite strong-minded, not allowing a few rumors to get in the way of your personal life. It was easy for the two of you to grow close after that. Despite having befriended the entirety of the group, you and Mingyu seemed to form a more special bond, even seeking each other's company outside of group gatherings. It was all platonic, of course. Mingyu had quickly realized you did not seem interested in that way, so he tucked his crush deep within him, choosing to offer a friendship to you instead, never speaking of his crush to anyone. This was how the two of you came to become best friends.

This repression of his feelings, however, did not come without its consequences.

Mingyu was a hopeless romantic at heart. This meant that his crush never really went away. It actually worsened over the years that he knew you. But you never acted like anything other than a friend to him. You would always treat him the same way you did Jaehyun or Eunwoo. He was just another one of the members of the friend group to you. Yes, you two were closer in nature – calling each other the best of friends within the industry – but Mingyu did not want to risk that closeness just because of a selfish crush.

The repression of his feelings was also met with other things. Mingyu was a very loving man. He needed to express his love to everyone around him or he would physically explode (Okay, not really, but he swore that's what it felt like to him). He had a loving family to tend to by taking care of them financially and spending every waking minute away from work with. He had his thirteen best friends to shower with playful affection during and out of work. He had his 97-liners to play around with in between work schedules. What he did not have, however, was that one person who was his and only his. Someone to give the type of love that you reserve for only that one special person in your life.

Mingyu found himself seeking this person out since the beginning of time. Many would call Mingyu a womanizer or a player due to the high volume of relationships he had been involved in during his life. It wasn't like that, however. Not at all. Mingyu would date a girl he liked, would be happy with her, but would ultimately realize that the spark he was looking for was not there, causing him to regrettably end the relationship. He was often met with curses directed his way, but he felt it was best to try and end it amicably if he did not see a future there.

His most recent relationship had been with a former staff member. She was funny and sweet, and also pretty easy on the eyes. They got along very well when she first got assigned to Mingyu as part of his personal team. It started as a friendship, but it didn't take long for Mingyu's hopeless romantic tendencies to seek her out in a romantic way, something to which she obviously agreed to immediately. Mingyu had no issue getting women on his side. He had never dealt with rejection all his life. Being handsome, talented, funny, and even rich from a young age, it was rare to be met with anything but enthusiastic responses left and right. The relationship did not end amicably, however. Mingyu should've known better than to date someone who technically worked for him. I mean, he had been through this before (with one stylist, one MNET staff member, and a former Pledis recruiter to be specific), so he should've known by now that mixing business with pleasure was a bad idea. But his romantic tendencies couldn't be helped. He had too much love to give, and no one to give it to.

In the big year of 2023, Mingyu had found himself in five different relationships, all ranging in length.

His longest one had been three months, and it had been with a fellow idol whose name he'd rather keep to himself. Despite his friendly and easy-going demeanor, the relationship had ended terribly. He had realized three months in that he did not feel as strongly about her as she did him, choosing to try and end it on friendly terms. As per usual, his proposal to end it was met with curses and threats. It couldn't be helped, Mingyu was a catch, and his usual switch up in feelings (reasonably) stirred up feathers any time he realized he hadn't found the spark he was looking for in the respective relationship.

After that, Mingyu took a quick break from relationships, only to rebound with a random girl he met at a quiet pub in Seoul. One NDA later and he had her in his bed for a few weeks after that, only ending it after he got his head out of the gutter and focused on more the more important things aspects of his life once more. And the cycle repeated.

Throughout all of this, you didn't leave his mind for too long. From one relationship to another, a glimpse of your name would always be imbedded in his brain as he apologized to whichever girl he was with at the time, regretfully letting them know that he just didn't see it going further; that he was looking for someone something else. Despite having known you for a few years now, his feelings were still there. They had been in the back-burner for a while, but they'd resurface every once in a while. It made him feel guilty every single time, specially now that you had been in a relationship for a while.

Yes. You were in a relationship, which was one of the main reasons why Mingyu found himself serial-dating (and maybe sleeping around a bit, sans any involvement of feelings) more than usual this year.

You'd only been with that guy for eight months. It had started at the end of last year. Being best friends, you had let Mingyu know about the entirety of it. From your first meeting, to your first time holding hands, even to your first time sleeping together. It had been hell on Mingyu's side. He was in love with you; had been for years, and now he had to deal with watching you deliver your love to someone who was not him all while he watched from the sidelines, with a fake supportive smile that could never leave his face. The skill he had at hiding his feelings for you was truly unmatched. No one, not even his closest friends, knew about his feelings. Okay, there were a few exceptions, a few slips of the tongue when he was drunk and thinking of you a bit too much. Damn you, Jeon Wonwoo and Lee Seokmin for having been present that fateful night in which you'd texted him letting him know you'd be busy til the morning, excited that that night was the night you'd finally stay over at your boyfriend's for the first time. That had been a new low for Mingyu. He hadn't felt such a huge pit in his stomach as he did that day, knowing you'd be sleeping in the safety of someone else's arms (or doing much worse) while he pined for you in a tiny bar across the city.

That was more or less the time in which be had started dating around again. No matter his busy schedule, he needed his heart filled (and occasionally, his bed too). Unfortunately for him, that hollow in his heart could only be filled by you. His crush had been in the back-burner, sure, but it had never truly left him. The time you spent together was very scarce, as you two worked very busy idol schedules, but he cherished it immensely. Nothing truly compared to the relationship he had with you. The way you understood him and just fulfilled everything he could ever want in a girl was unmatched. He tried to keep these thoughts at bay, but every time he saw you made them resurface.

It had been a while since you two last each other. You were just returning from your tour, while he and his group prepared for theirs. The two of you kept up with each other through text almost on a daily basis, so he was surprised to see you as he walked the Hybe hallways, having been certain you were scheduled to arrive two days from now. These thoughts were put aside, however, the moment you spotted him and ran to him, pulling him in a hug. How was he not supposed to be enamored when you were so physically affectionate? When you felt so perfect in his hold? Other similarly delusional thoughts invaded his mind as he held you. Did you come back early to see him? He had told you he was leaving on his own tour soon, so maybe you wanted to catch him before he left. Had he been your first stop upon your return? I mean you were walking along the same hallway as Seventeen's practice room, surely you had been looking for him, right? His questions were answered almost immediately upon releasing you from his arms.

"Gyu! Missed you so much. God, it's been so long. How long has it be-"

"A month," it had been a whole month since you'd seen each other. Almost to the day. He had felt your absence very clearly.

"Too long. Hate that you're going on tour soon too," you threw him a pout, one that made him feel that maybe you meant it; that you'd miss him as much as he did you.

He was feeling melancholic lately for some reason. His feelings were heightened by your sudden presence.

"Only going to Japan for two weeks. It's fine, you'll have me back soon."

"Promise?"

"Yeah, baby, I pinky promise," he'd take you with him given the chance, "How come you're here earlier?"

"Oh! My boyfriend's sister has an engagement dinner this week. He insisted I go, so I asked if I could come back a bit earlier since we were already done with tour."

"Oh. Have you been to see him yet?", was that too obvious a question? He wanted some salvation that maybe he took at least a bit of priority over that guy.

"Nope. Wanted to stop by and see you first! I wasn't sure when you were leaving, so I didn't wanna risk meeting you."

All in life was restored now. This was all he needed to hear to ignite the spark once again. Okay, maybe a bit dramatic, but being Mingyu, he could feed himself for a month with the scraps you were throwing at him.

"Missed me that much?", he gave you a boyish smile, teasing you but with some hidden hope on the side.

"Shut up. You're so annoying. You're my one remaining friend. Everyone else is gone on tour! God, I hate touring season. If you don't come back by the end of the month, I swear to God ..."

"I'll be back soon, don't worry. You have your guy to keep you company anyways."

"Hah, yeah .. Well, uhm. I should probably go see him, actually. Call me later, though? We can go for a coffee or something. You know, before you leave and everything. When is that, by the way?"

You seemed a bit awkward at the mention of your boyfriend, despite you having even mentioned him earlier, but Mingyu chose to let it slide. It's not like he liked remembering his existence anyway.

"Thursday. You still have me for three days."

"Three?? Shit. Okay, so you absolutely should call me tonight, then. We'll hang out one of these days, okay? Promise me."

"You don't have to convince me, but okay. Pinky?"

You giggled, putting up your pinky to hook with his. This was a tendency of yours, born out of an inside joke Mingyu had already forgotten about, but you'd always pinky promise each other things. It was kind of your own personal thing, despite it seeming a bit childish for your age.

Pulling away, you said a final goodbye before threatening once more about calling you, saying you'd be seeing him off before he left. He agreed (obviously) and went on with his day, looking forward to hanging out with you one-on-one after being deprived of you for two months, while also cursing your shared company for scheduling you away from each other back to back.

~

The two of you only spoke on the phone for a few minutes, agreeing that you'd meet for coffee the following morning before heading to your specific schedules – the perks of working at the same company. You'd also agreed on having him over the following night for a few drinks as you bid him farewell on his short-lived Japan tour. Despite your boyfriend's dinner falling on that same day, you assured him that you'd be done on time to spend the night drinking with him; playing catchup. You'd usually invite some of the other members of the 97 squad, but most were busy, and seeing as you'd be meeting in your home, there was no need for more people in order to prevent scandal. There had already been a few instances in which the public believed you two to be dating, which was why you'd never hang out alone while in public.

Although most of the media had already gotten used to seeing the two of you together, knowing you were friends, there was still an entire subsection of your fans who believed there might be more there. As much as Mingyu wished for it to be true, he also felt bad for the scrutiny those dating rumors gave you. He'd be willing to fight for you if the occasion ever arose, but you'd need to at least look his way for that to happen; something that he was still working on.

"Hi, Gyu! Sit, I got your usual."

You had been sitting by a window at the Hybe cafeteria when he walked in. He had to get to the building a bit earlier in order to make time to see you, but the decision between sleeping an extra hour or getting to hang out with you before he left was a given for him.

"Hey, baby. Thanks."

"Sooo. Anything new? What did I miss while I was gone?"

He chuckled at your inquiries. You were always very interested in his life, always keeping up with everything he had to share. It was cute, really. Made him a bit delusional at times too. He'd imagine a different scenario; one in which you'd be laying in bed together at night, going over your respective days as you allowed slumber to take over.

"Nothing much. Had a comeback. I kinda told you about everything as it happened. You called me almost every other night."

It was true. You were kind of attached to the hip by now, communicating with Mingyu as much as you could. He sometimes wondered if that was the case with your actual boyfriend.

"Hmm. Okay. No new girls then?"

Ah. Okay, that was an area of his life he didn't really touch with you. He didn't want to give you the wrong impression. How was be supposed to explain his dating habits without you thinking he just gave it up to everyone? (Which he kind of did). There was no way for him to talk his way through it without revealing his feelings for you.

"Anyway. How's things with your guy? Ready for the dinner thingy tomorrow?"

'Nice segway, Gyu', you chuckled at his evasion, "Uh, yeah I guess. I bought a new dress and everything. Haven't had a chance to meet his family til now."

"You don't seem too enthusiastic. Trouble in paradise?", he knew that you knew he wasn't a fan of your boyfriend, but he also knew you weren't aware of the real reason why.

"It's not that, just ... I don't know. We've been, uh, arguing a bit more for a while," you looked a bit dejected as you said it, eyes on your drink instead of him.

"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's fine, Gyu, really. It's nice to be able to talk about it. It's just- I've been bugging you about my relationship since before it even started, I felt kinda embarrassed to bring this up. And I know you don't really like him. I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

Well, that all checked out. He would always evade any conversation about your romantic life, despite how frequently you brought up your boyfriend. It had stopped after a while, however. You had probably caught up on his lack of enthusiasm whenever you'd bring him up. It made him feel guilty that you'd actively hold back from airing your grievances to him, though. Had he been that obvious with his disdain for the subject?

"No, fuck. I'm sorry. You can always talk about it with me. Just .. been going through some stuff of my own, that's all. What's been going on? You can tell me. Always," he grabbed your hands across the table to offer you some comfort.

"Really? What's wrong, Gyu? You know you can talk to me too, right?"

He knew. He just couldn't bring himself to. Not yet. Maybe someday he'd be ready to risk the friendship and tell you, but for now he wanted to enjoy you by his side in whichever way you were willing to give yourself to him.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it," he offered you a soft smile, rubbing his thumbs reassuringly on the back of your hands, "Now tell me, what's up?"

"It's just ... He's been a bit pushy lately? We got into a fight about his sister's engagement dinner. He was mad I couldn't come, so I had to fix my schedule to make it. Management got mad at me about it too. God, I just don't know how to juggle both things, Gyu. I'm too busy, I- How do you do it?"

"Me? I'm the worst person you can ask. I haven't been in a serious relationship in years. And it doesn't matter anyway. It's not about me."

He wanted to go back to what you first said. Were you having issues with your boyfriend? He didn't want to relish on it, but he always saw something in him he didn't like. Getting in the way of your career was in no way okay in Mingyu's book. Who did he think he was?

"It's not your fault you're busy. He knew what he was getting into dating an idol," he continued, "You shouldn't let him feel like he can get in the way of your career. There's so many guys out there who would understand and support you."

Like him, for instance. He was an idol too, after all. He knew the struggle of dating in this medium all too well. No one would understand you the way he did. He wanted to scream it out for everyone to hear.

"Yeah, I know you're right. I know. It's just- it's been so hard to find someone. We're 26, Gyu. I'm ready for the long run. This is the longest relationship I've ever had. I know it hasn't even been a year, but I know I want to settle down someday soon. I ... I really like him, Gyu. What do I do?"

It felt like a punch in the gut. He enjoyed being in denial, pretending like your current boyfriend was just a placeholder while the real deal – Mingyu – came along, but that plan wouldn't really work unless you were also on board. So now he was forced to face reality and give you some friendly advice. It was too bad he liked you so much, because he couldn't help himself in giving you genuine advice instead of attempting to sabotage your relationship as any other reasonable person would.

"Try to talk it out with him. I mean, he should know by now how busy your schedule is, but sometimes it's hard for people to really understand. Tell him your issues and let him tell you his. Communication is the best thing you can do."

Damn him for being so emotionally smart and in touch with his feelings. He did not want to do your boyfriend any favors, but he prioritized your happiness over his own stupid feelings. It was a catch 22, except he always ended up making the desicion that favored your happiness the most.

"Yeah ... you're right, Gyu. Thank you. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to turn this into couple's counseling. I'll shut up about my relationship now, okay? Let's, uh, talk about your comeback. Wanna record a tiktok with me before you leave?"

He decided to let you rest from what was probably a very stressful subject for you at the moment. Likelihood was that you'd keep him updated on it sooner or later. So, he chose to play along with you instead and change the subject, now finally catching up with you as he ignored your boyfriend's existence, pretending in his head that this wasn't just the platonic hangout you intended it to be, but something more.

The next day came sooner than anticipated. Mingyu's days always had a tendency of blending together whenever he had a comeback. Being an idol, he had to get used to the hectic nature of the job, even growing to enjoy it at some points.

The two of you had agreed to meet at 8-ish. You had told him that your boyfriend's sister's dinner was more of a brunch than an actual dinner, that you'd call him up at some point to let him know you'd be home to receive him into your abode for some drinks.

He didn't think too much of it when it turned into 8:00 and you hadn't called him. When time passed until 8:30, he began to wonder if something happened, but decided against contacting you. It was at about 9:15 that he finally received a text from you apologizing for your delay and letting him know that he could stop by whenever, that you had food and drinks ready for him waiting for his arrival. Once again, he decided not to question the delay, simply being content that he'd get some one-on-one time with you before he left for two grueling weeks for the Japan leg of his tour.

You welcomed him as per usual; with a tight hug and a peck on the cheek. He never thought much of it, but still always relished on it. Conversation flew as usual for the first thirty minutes, with Mingyu telling you stories of things that had happened with his members during your absence, but he could sense you weren't at your best. Asking was still not something he felt like doing, however. He didn't want to intrude in case you didn't feel like talking about it, and he also didn't want to hear about your relationship again. It was selfish, but there was only so much a man could take. Usually when you had an issue you would just tell him, so he chose to just let you take the reins. Your communication with each other was always very seamless, which was why he wasn't surprised when you finally brought it up a few moments after the thought flew through his mind.

"Sorry I'm a bit off today, Gyu," you chuckled, nursing your second beer of the night.

"Couldn't even tell, don't worry about it," that was a bit of a lie, but he didn't want you to feel badly on top of whatever was going on on your side of things.

"Don't lie to me. You read me better than anyone."

It was said in a lighthearted tone, but he knew you were right. He was always able to get a perfect read on you. He knew you, and you knew him in the way any pair of best friends would (sorry, Wonwoo).

"Okay, what's up? Did something happen at the brunch?"

You groaned dramatically, letting yourself fall back on the recline of the couch.

"Okay, so that's a yes ... Wanna talk about it?"

'Is it okay if I do? I'm sorry, I know I said I'd stop, but, it's kinda important this time."

That piqued his interest. And not in a good way.

"We, uh, we're taking a break."

Oh.

Admittedly, that really caught Mingyu off guard. For the entirety of your relationship with your boyfriend (even during the talking stage), you had never informed Mingyu of any problems between the two of you until yesterday, when you brought up his insistence at your return from tour, along with the frequent of arguments with him. You'd been the picture-perfect relationship in the eyes of anyone who was privy to your personal life, which was yet another reason why Mingyu always avoided speaking about your romantic life. Bitterness was something Mingyu rarely felt, but your relationship always brought it out in him. He also had always had a feeling about your boyfriend. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he just knew. Regardless, hearing that things weren't only not going well, but even going badly enough to require a break, surprised him.

"Oh, I- Fuck, I'm sorry. You should've told me. Fuck, I feel like a dick just talking about some stupid story about Vernon when you're dealing with this. What- what happened?"

"It's fine, Mingyu, really. It's not that big of a deal, I .. I kinda saw it coming," you certainly didn't seem heartbroken, but you still looked dimmer than usual.

"Do you wanna talk about it?", he scoot up to sit closer to you, knees now touching as you faced each other on the couch.

"It was what you'd expect. I tried to talk to him about my schedule; how I can't just drop my job for things that aren't that important, like some random brunch. He took it personally. He even picked a fight in front of his family. God, it was so embarrassing. It, uh, it ended up with me asking him for some space."

"Oh ... Baby, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you to talk to him on an important day like that. That was terrible advice from me, I'm sorry."

"No, Gyu. It's fine! You were right. I needed to talk to him. I thought he'd understand, but I guess I misread him. I- I don't know what's gonna happen. It was a pretty big argument. He brought the argument all the way back to his apartment once the brunch ended. That's why I was late tonight. Fuck, I don't even know if we're broken up."

"What did you say? What did he say?", he felt like a teenage girl snooping for details in his friend's relationship, but he genuinely felt bad. Had his constant wishful hopes for you two to break up cause this? No, that was stupid. But he still felt bad for not having been too supportive of the relationship despite being your best friend.

"He said that if I'm not willing to prioritize his family, then he didn't see much of a future. I told him that my job didn't even give me the privilege prioritize my own family, so he'd have to wait for things to get less hectic for me. He didn't like that, so he started to get agitated ... He scared me a bit, so I told him we should just take a break away from each other. He, uh, he just told me to get out after that."

Jesus Christ. Had you been bottling this up since he got here? He felt like a terrible friend for making you feel like you couldn't talk to him about it. Yeah, maybe he had prayed for the day you'd finally break up, but now that it was (maybe) here, he felt like he had been the cause of your sadness. Except you didn't look too sad; more so disappointed.

"I- I'm so sorry," he went to hold you against him, "Had you been keeping this to yourself this whole time? Fuck, you should've cancelled on me. I would've understood. Are you okay? Never mind, of course you're not. I, shit, How can I help you? What do you need?"

You giggled against his chest at his rambling, something that made his heart swell despite the circumstances.

"I'm fine, Gyu, I promise. I didn't wanna make our last night together before you leave about him. I know I said I like him a lot, but .. honestly, I saw a different side of him tonight. I do feel a little sad; like I wasted my time for the past year I've known him, specially these past eight months, but I know my worth. Besides, all I wanted tonight was to drink with you. Being with you always makes me feel better."

Oh. Oh.

How did you expect him not to read into things when you said something like that? It was like you were screaming at him to make you his. And he wanted to. God, did he want to.

Instead he reached over the coffee table in front of your couch, grabbing another pair of bottles of soju before gesturing to you.

"Well, if it'll make you feel better, I can't really argue against it, can I?", and with that, he opened both bottles, handing you one as the two of you swung them with no cares in the world.

It was quite common for the two of you to drink together. Granted, you'd usually be accompanied by either the 97s or some of his own members, but if you felt like drinking with him would help you forget about your (hopefully) ex, then so be it.

~

Only about an hour passed by the time you were both tipsy.

The subjects of conversation varied a lot, from fun fan interactions during your tour, weird moments in interviews, fights with your group mates, to some more personal stuff.

You were currently playing a tipsy version of 20 questions, or at least that's what it seemed like as you took turns to question the other. Nothing was off the table.

"Soooo, who's the last girl you hooked up with?"

"Oh, I, uh-"

"I know you don't like to talk about your relationships to me, which I don't really get by the way," you said in a jokingly scolding tone as you dug your finger accusingly in his chest, "but cmon. Tell meee."

He remained a silent, but blubbering mess. Did you mean hook up, or relationship? There had been multiple instances of both which you had been unaware of until now.

"Was it Nayeon? Seokmin said you dated an idol for a few months," you giggled at his widened eyes.

"What? Seokmin? I'm gonna kill him- No! I never dated Nayeon. We're just friends, I-"

"Good. I never liked her for you."

"Huh? What? Why not?"

Not that he was ever interested in her (They were just friends, truly!), but he was curious as to your reasoning.

"I don't know. Gut feeling?", you took another swing of your third soju bottle of the night, "I've never really liked any of the girls you've been with. Is that mean of me?", the question was accompanied by a playful pout, which unintentionally drew his eyes to your lips.

"Why's that, baby?", he took the bottle from your hands, setting in on the table next to his. Suddenly he felt a bit less tipsy, sobering up at your unexpected bluntness.

"They just .. None have felt right for you. They're not good for you," you sounded like a petulant child as you said it, sitting up a bit, causing your body to lean further closer to his own, faces now closer than usual.

Oh? Did you-

"Do you-"

"Gyu," you breathed out.

Shit, when had you gotten so close?

"Y/N, I-"

"Shh. It's okay, Gyu. Right?," your eyes had slowly descended to his lips, making his own copy your movements.

By now you were basically on his lap, your face towering over his as he slowly nodded at your question, ready for you to finally close the gap but still gasping against you once the proximity had ceased to exist.

His moan against your lips couldn't be helped, nor could the way his arms wrapped around you, pulling you impossibly closer. The alcohol had not yet reached a point where it could rid him of his inhibitions, but had instead made his senses even more sensitive. Neither of you were lightweights, so Mingyu knew that the alcohol had boldened you more than anything. He thanked the courage it had given the both of you to finally end up here.

He gave you the best of him in his kiss, tongue swiping against yours almost immediately as he played with it. He toyed with your bottom lip, swallowing the moan that came as a result. You felt so soft against him; so sweet and delicate. There had been no night in which he didn't dream of your lips against his. The real thing had thrown him a curveball, making him unsure of what to do other than moan against your lips as his hands ran up and down your back.

You pulled away first, or well, tried to. Mingyu did a good job of following your lips with a whine, licking into your open mouth as he incited you into continuing the kiss. He was the one to break it next, only to pepper kisses along your neck, enjoying the feeling of your head being thrown back.

"Gyu ..."

"Please ... Just let me ..."

He felt bad kissing you like this when you had just (maybe?) broken up with your boyfriend, but he couldn't help himself. This was like dangling a meal in front of a starving man, asking him to please take a bite. There was no way for him to deny you when you had seeked him out first.

You disconnected his lips from your neck, looking into his eyes. Your expression let him know you were pondering your choices, eyes going from his eyes to his lips. He whined against you as you decided to attack him with yet another kiss, this time more vulgar in nature.

The two of you kissed for long enough for Mingyu to lose his sanity, finally taking initiative to carry you to your room, not once allowing you to disconnect your lips. The entirety of it was sensual, from the removal of your clothes to the feel of your lips against each other. You, lying in bed with only some thin panties and a tiny bralette to cover your intimate parts had him losing his mind. Was this real? Did he really have the girl of his dreams in bed, eyeing his almost nude body like she wanted to do very disrespectful things to him?

"Gyu ... Please, I need you."

He finally leaned over you, allowing your most intimate parts to finally touch, only the two thin layers of your respective underwear separating you. Slowly, he dragged his length against your cunt, groaning at the way your nails dug onto his back as a result, with your own back arching. Your chest was pressed up against his, making him grow frustrated and ripping off your bra in order to feel your hardened buds drag against his chest as your hips connected.

Ungluing his body from yours, he finally dragged down your panties, taking a moment to look at the entirety of your nude body.

"You ... You gorgeous thing, fuck. Do you even know how perfect you are? Your body ... Jesus Christ. How do you not have people on their knees begging to be buried between your legs every single day?," his voice showed genuine frustration as he said this, getting down on his own knees and beginning to lick and suck at your thighs.

"I ... Just want y- you ... Want you just like this."

"Like this, angel? On my knees, begging for cunt?"

His tongue itched for you, causing him to finally begin licking at your clit ever so lightly, groaning at the smell of your cunt.

"Ple- please! Gyu, I need ... You don't understand, I need you so-"

"I dont understand? Oh, baby ... I'm gonna break you .. Gonna make this cunt cry for me by the time I'm finished, don't you worry, angel."

Those were the last words spoken by him before finally burying his face nose-deep into your cunt. His cries and groans against your warmth couldn't be helped. He had no control over himself as he dove in and gave you everything he had to offer. Your cries and grinds against his face were not helping things at all. His own hips ground against the mattress as he took in all your pretty sounds of pleasure. Causing you to lose your mind like this made him lose his own tenfold. He had wanted nothing more than to make you his ever since that fateful day in which he turned the TV on back in the green room and saw you dancing on stage. His crush had haunted him for too many years, taunting him upon your first meeting and up to this very moment. But karma had finally smiled his way. He wasn't sure what he'd done in order for karmic retribution to gift you to him, but he'd do it over and over again if it meant he could keep you all to himself.

"Oh, Gyu ... Feel so good. Shit, so fucking good. I- God, pl- please don't stop!"

Oh. You were so ... You wanted him to cum in his pants, didn't you? That had to be why you insisted on sounding so damn pretty when moaning his name.

"Keep moaning my name, beautiful. W- wanna hear you, fuck, please," he begged against your sopping cunt, "Nd grind that pretty pussy against me. Use my nose, my tongue, anything, just ... Wanna feel that tiny little cunt cream all over my face."

His words also seemed to have some type of effect on you. You began to push his head against you in an uncontrolled manner, crying in high-pitched whines that made his own eyes roll back. He knew he'd cum like this. He couldn't even be embarrassed by the thought. Cumming because a beautiful girl – you of all people? – was crying his name so prettily? Using his face to stimulate your cunt with no care in the world? The simple thought would've had him creaming his boxers.

Then he made the dire mistake of looking up.

You wanted him dead. If he wasn't sure before, he was now. Your mouth was open while your eyes were crossed, nose scrunched up at the pleasure. There was not a single thought behind those eyes. You were clearly lost to the pleasure. One of your hands was buried in his hair while the other toyed at your hardened buds. He made a mental note to lavish your breasts with attention whenever he was given the chance. He'd always dreamed of making you cry as he abused your tits with his tongue for hours on end. So many ideas were cruising through his mind at what he wanted to do to you. But these thoughts were interrupted by your loudest cry of the night, followed by warm cream invading his senses. His orgasm against your bedsheets followed immediately after.

The taste of your cream and the sound of your voice had forced him into his own orgasm. He made sure to let all his groans of pleasure land right against your cunt, as he was unable to stop licking at you even after your orgasm had ended. You whined at him a bit until he finally allowed you to push him away, letting out a whine of his own at the separation. The two of you stared at each other for a bit before he lost all control again, jumping on you as he shoved his tongue in your mouth. The kiss was extremely filthy; just an absolute mess of tongues as he gave you as much of your own essence as he could. He even went as far as begging you to stick out your tongue so he could spit on it, but growing too distracted and sucking on it with his own instead. His hands went crazy along your curves, not knowing where to stay as he found a new favorite spot to touch every few seconds.

His thoughts were once again interrupted by you, as you allowed your hands to find way to his dick, which was somehow hard again after just a few minutes of disrespecting your mouth with his tongue. He opened his own mouth against yours, groaning when you licked into his tongue as your hands sped up on his cock. He'd let you have as much fun with his body as you wanted. You didn't even have to ask, he'd just give you anything with no question.

"Want it in my mouth, Gyu ... Fuck. I- I've been dreaming about it ... Please let me have it in my mouth?"

That was the moment his brain stopped functioning, head falling into the crook of your neck as he cursed you out.

You ... You'd dreamt of his cock ... in your mouth? You wanted to choke on his dick? Wanted him to lose his mind as you looked up at him with those pretty eyes all while he disrespected your throat? You were begging for it? Oh ... Oh, fuck.

"Gyu?"

"A- anything ... God, I'll give you anything, just ... Yes! Please ... Wanna fuck that pretty mouth, baby, please? I'll give it to you. Just ... just never beg me like that again, okay? Can't ... can't hear you beg."

That seemed to pique your interest.

"Oh? Why not, baby? What if i wanna beg for your cock to bruise my throat? What if ..." you pressed your lips to his ear, "... I wanna beg to bounce on your cock until I cry? Am I not allowed?"

"Angel ... God, please ..."

"Can I have your cock now, baby?"

He nodded as your lips overtook his, whining at the bare thought of your lips wrapped around him. Which is what came next, but not without some teasing from you. You kissed down his body, sucking and licking at your favorite parts before finally landing on his aching cock.

It was sensitive from his previous orgasm, but you didn't care, simply choosing to lightly suck and lick at his tip, dragging your tongue along the vein ever so slowly. You took mercy on him after a few minutes of teasing, finally taking the whole thing into your mouth like an expert. You bobbed at a slow and sensual speed, eyes constantly on his as you did it. Eventually you gave him the green light to cant his hips against your mouth, making him throw his head back at the vibrations from your moans. The sight of your eyes crossed in pleasure also didn't help matters. Once more, he found himself cumming embarrassingly fast, groaning again when you swallowed as much of his load as you could muster.

He brought you up to sit on his lap, caressing your body tenderly as he thanked you for being so so good to him. You seemed exhausted, so he made sure to clean you up before tugging you under his covers, joining you soon after.

The two of you laid against each other, shy and tender touches being the only thing you could do to each other in your tired states.

"Gyu ... Thank you for being with me tonight. Thank you for taking care of me."

God, you were adorable.

With a kiss on your nose, he responded, "I'm always here for you, you know that. Thank you for being so ... so perfect for me, angel."

"Shut up ..." you whined as you buried your face in his chest out of embarrassment.

"Sleep, angel. Let me hold you in my arms as you sleep."

The next morning, the two of you woke up a mess of limbs. Today was the day in which Mingyu was meant to get on a plane and head to Japan for the next two weeks. But his mind wouldn't allow him to disconnect from you. You were so warm and soft in his hold. He'd need a whole army to pry him away from your touch.

Just in that moment, you turned to look at him, hand softly landing on his cheek upon realizing he was awake. He leaned against your touch, relishing in the soft way you caressed him.

"Gyu ... Last night ..."

"It was a dream ... You were so beautiful. You're so beautiful, angel. Made me feel so good."

His smile wouldn't leave his face. He wanted to wax poetic at you, tell you how in love with you he was, but he didn't want to scare you away just yet.

"You don't regret it?," you were pouting at him, head tilted in a questioning manner.

"I'd never regret you."

"Oh ... That's ... Sorry I jumped you like that. I .. I don't regret it either. I was afraid maybe you were just humoring me."

"Of course not. It was all real for me. Was, uh, was it real for you too?"

You smiled at him, pulling him in for a quick peck, "Of course it was, Gyu. It was so .. it was perfect. I just, fuck, I feel ... I need to call him."

You ... You were thinking of him? He thought he'd be out of the picture the moment your lips landed on his. Why was he even in your mind?

"Call him? Wh-"

"I need to officially break up with him. We never actually broke up. I need to tell him .. I don't want to carry this in my conscience. No break, just need to end it officially."

"Oh. I thought-"

"No, Gyu. There's ... There's no choice between the two of you. It's you," you paused with a sigh, "but I just need to talk to him. I don't want to be a cheater. I need to end it before anything else happens."

You seemed to feel guilty at the thought of going back to him, but Mingyu understood. He didn't want to get in the way of something you felt like you had to do in order to clear your conscience. He had waited for you for years, he could wait for another week or so to officially have you in his arms.

"I understand, angel. Don't worry. I'll wait as long as you need."

Your sigh in relief was all he needed to hear to know his feelings were mutual. The two of you wanted the same thing.

"Thank you, Gyu, really. It's all such a mess right now, but I promise it'll all be settled by the time you get back."

He groaned at the mention of his absence. He finally got you and now not only did you have to deal with your ex while he was gone, but he couldn't have you in his arms again for at least another week. Life was laughing at him once more.

"Fuck. I need to get ready, angel."

"Yeah. I'll get dressed and let you get ready. I'll see you at Hybe later?"

He hummed, "Wanna kiss me goodbye"

"Shut up and get dressed, Gyu."

~

Your goodbye had been quick, seeing as you'd already given him the best farewell gift last night. You bid him goodbye with the promise that you'd update him on your conversation with your ex as soon as it concluded. He left with the promise that he'd think of nothing but you until his return. He was yet to make you privy of the gravity of his feelings, but he was happy to know that you felt similarly to him, wanting to pursue something with him despite having been only best friends this whole time.

The days passed naturally, with a few performances taking up his time and keeping him occupied. Thoughts of you did not leave his mind, however. There had been no updates on your situation with your ex for the first week, nor had the two of you spoken too much. You were preparing for a comeback and he was busy with the short Japanese leg of his tour. The two of you had too many prior engagements to really indulge in what had happened the day of Mingyu's departure, which was something that kept him up at night. Neither of you had made mention of it in your texts to one another thus far. He was scared that his window was closing. You wouldn't do that to him, would you? Or did you think he was just trying to get his dick wet? People did assume Mingyu was a serial dater, dating women and immediately dropping them. Had he used you in a vulnerable moment? Fuck. All these thoughts kept his mind running like crazy.

He just needed you to bring it up first, then he could finally get some clarification on the current state of your relationship. All he wanted was to hear something of substance from you following your separation, but there had been nothing he could cling to thus far.

It wasn't until the eighth day of his stay in Japan that he finally received the first phone call from you. Not a text, but finally a verbal form of communication.

"Hello?"

"Baby! Hi! How have you been?"

"Hi, Gyu. I'm good. How's everything going? Having fun?"

"Yeah. Miss you, though. Uh, been waiting for you to call, actually. Didn't wanna be pushy or anything. Fuck, sorry. I'm being pushy right now, aren't I?"

"No, Gyu. It's fine. I actually did call you about that ..."

"Oh. Did you ... did you talk to him?"

"Yeah. I just got back from his place. It took me a while to reach him, but, uh, yeah, we spoke."

You were being evasive, he could tell. The myriad of possible reasons as to why had his heart racing. He was never one to feel nerves around a girl, but you were the sole exception. He'd always been secure of your friendship, but every time his feelings for you would invade his mind – just like right now – he would panic and not know how to work his way through a simple conversation.

"How did it go?"

"He kissed me."

Oh.

He had no response for that. He knew he should've expected something like this. I mean, what kind of man would let one argument get in the way of being with you? Except there had been a Mingyu-shaped obstacle in the way now, and he was not planning to get out of the way. It still made his heart drop, however. The thought of his lips on yours after Mingyu had finally claimed you as his made a frown find a way onto his face.

"I'm sorry, Gyu. He did it as soon as he let me in. I guess he wanted to try and make up for the fight with sex, or something. I stopped him, though," you sighed, "I told him it was over. That it had been for a while. He put up a fight, begged for me to say, but I couldn't do it. Not after what we did ... It was horrible, Gyu."

"I'm so sorry. I can't imagine. I wish I'd been there for you, I should've taken the brunt of it, I-"

"I didn't bring you up," you interrupted, "It felt mean and disrespectful. We were still technically together when we slept together. I- I couldn't do that to him."

"Oh. I ... I understand, angel. It's okay, it's over now. Now we can move on together. It's okay if it takes you a while, I'll wait."

A few seconds passed until he heard a response from you.

"Mingyu ... What are we doing? I can't do this to you, I- I can't get you involved in my mess like this. I'm sorry I made you an accomplice to my cheating. I care about you so much. I didn't mean to use you when I was just sad and vulnerable."

"You .. you what? Baby, it's nothing like that! You didn't cheat, you weren't together. I don't care about any of that, you know that!", it was difficult for him to not get exasperated right away. Where was this coming from?

You were clearly getting emotional too. He could hear your sniffles and the dejected tone of your voice.

"I can't make you my rebound, Mingyu. I love you too much to do that to you. You're my best friend."

There were those two words again. Best friend. He wanted to be your best friend until the end of time, but he wanted more. He truly thought he was more than that to you by now.

"I love you. So much. Please. We- we can't do this over the phone, okay? Please, just ... don't make any rash decisions like this. I'll be back in four days. Can I come see you? Can we talk about this?"

He didn't care how desperate he sounded as he plead to you. There was still hope that he could talk to you and make you understand how he felt. He hadn't given himself the chance to even try yet; life kept getting in the way. And he was sure you felt the same. The way you felt against him, your cries of his name, your sweet smile as he held you in his arms in the aftermath ... None of that could have been just due to a pesky rebound. No, it was all real, he knew it.

"Yeah, Gyu, okay. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to put all this onto you. I'll see you when you're back, okay? I'm taking a few days off before our comeback begins. You can just come to my house whenever you're back in Seoul."

"Yeah, I .. I'll do that. Goodnight, angel. I love you."

"Love you too, Gyu."

The next few days without any communication from you had been absolute hell for Mingyu. He knew it was for the best; to not plague your mind with any more thoughts of him. You needed time on your own so that you could think. Mingyu, on the other hand, could've used the opposite. He thought of you nonstop. Those four days felt like eternity. Even as he performed and hung out with his friends, thoughts of you never stayed away from his mind for too long.

When the day of his return finally arrived, Mingyu was a wreck. Somehow he had been able to keep his turmoil of emotions a secret from his members. It was for the best, he thought. Wishful thinking had him holding onto the hope that the first time he ever brought up the situation to his friends would be by the time you were officially his girlfriend. However, this meant that the only person privy to his scrambled thoughts was himself.

With no one to ask for feedback or advice on the situation, Mingyu decided to just head straight to you. He had been in love with you for years, he didn't need to rehearse his confession to you when he'd already gone over it in his head endlessly times through the years.

Arriving to your door had been the worst of it. The ringing of your doorbell was followed by the sole sound of his heart pounding right out of his chest at hearing faint steps getting closer from the opposite side of the door. His breath caught in his throat as soon as you opened it.

He had seen you in all states, – from glammed up to recently awoken, both equally as beautiful – but the heightened emotions of the situation made him see you with rose-colored glasses (even more rose-colored than the ones he already saw you with). He had missed you immensely, that much was obvious. You had been gone for a month and had spent the best night of his life with him, only for him to leave for another two weeks right away. He realized now how much he'd been craving you these past few weeks.

"Hi."

"Hi, Gyu. Come in, please."

The air felt heavy. It was too serious for Mingyu's liking, but he was willing to do anything to show you that that night had not been just a fluke caused by your recent break up, even if it meant a grueling conversation in which he detailed the intensity of his feelings for you.

You two remained standing near the door even after crossing the threshold into your home. He wished to remain close to you; not allow you any more distance than you'd already had these two weeks away from each other. He was ready to talk the moment you turned around from locking the door, facing him as he looked down at you. He had meant to speak before anything else, he really did. It wasn't his fault that he had miscalculated his distance, ending up almost trapping you against the door. It also wasn't his fault that you looked so pretty as you stared at him with your widened eyes. What was his fault, however, was the soft kiss that landed against your lips just mere moments later. You had been at fault too, as you returned the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck as you allowed him to push you against the door.

The kiss heated up a bit, but remained tender and sensual. Tongues played with each other as you breathed into each other's mouths. His arms wrapped around your waist, palms flat against the arch of your back. You fit perfectly against him. He hadn't enjoyed your kiss to the fullest extent that fateful night. He hadn't kissed you with the love you deserved. It had all been a mess of passion and lust, unlike now, in such a tender moment that allowed him to relish on every single sigh against his lips.

It was when he finally ran out of breath that he first spoke up, faces still just mere inches away as his hooded eyes looked into yours.

"There's ... there's no way you could possibly believe that night didn't mean something," be breathed, "There's no way you haven't realized by now."

"Realized what?", your breath was just as heavy, face tilted towards his as your lips remained within breathing distance of his.

"You really don't know?", his hands were running up and down your back, pressing you to his chest him with every swipe of them along the length of your back, "I've been discreet, but .. you have to know, right?"

"Gyu, tell me. What don't I know?"

"How indescribably in love with you I am," he whispered against your lips, swallowing your gasp.

"Were you playing dumb, angel? Making me watch you be with him as I waited for you to look my way? You must've felt it that night; the love I've been keeping under lock and key. You know, don't you, baby? You have to know."

"Gyu, I-"

"I waited for you for so many years. Waited patiently for you. And then came him ... But even then, I waited, and .. fuck. You finally gave yourself to me. Only for you to call me a rebound? Was I a rebound, angel? Does this feel like a rebound to you?"

Halfway through his confession, he had begun to pepper kisses along the side of your neck, drinking in every single sigh of pleasure you let out. This wasn't exactly the speech he had envisioned himself giving you all these years, but you were soft and pliant in his arms as he accused you of playing dumb to his feelings, so things seemed to be working.

"N-no ... You're not a rebound, Gyu, I ... Fuck, you're everything to me."

"Everything? Were you willing to throw your everything away just like that, then? Were you scared, angel? Scared of how much you felt that night?", he brought his lips back to yours, almost pressing them together but not really.

"Yes ... Gyu, I need ..." you chased for his lips, but he wouldn't give them to you so easily, no matter how badly he wanted to swallow any and all of your cries.

"I need to hear you say it. Need you to tell me."

"I love you, Gyu," you gulped, eyes glassy and beautiful, "That night ... wanted more. Needed more. I should- I should've broken up with him so long ago. The moment I began to compare him to you. He was nothing. He's nothing. I love you. I'm sorry, I didn't-"

He kissed you then, interrupting the rambles he had only ever dreamed of hearing from you. You'd thought of him? Wanted him to be the one holding you close at night? Had he known, he would've fallen to his knees the moment your heart opened up to him. He didn't care when your feelings for him began, he would've dropped everything in that moment to reciprocate.

"You wanted me? Were you waiting for me too, beautiful? Huh? Did you ache for me as I did you?", it was as if he'd burn if his lips strayed away from you further than a few measly inches. Every word was spoken against your mouth as you whined for his lips to find home against yours again.

"I need you .. Need you so fucking bad. Can I have you? Can I finally make you mine?"

This time you took control, dragging him down as you kissed him with everything you had to give, moaning affirmations against his lips. That's all he needed to wrap your legs around his waist and take you to your room once more. He had no time to waste. Knowing his feelings to be mutual was driving him insane, making his brain short circuit at all the implications behind your confession. Had you thought of him every night as he did you? Had these past two weeks been agony remembering every second of that night? If you felt even half as miserable as he did while aching for you to be his, then he truly needed to show you what he'd been wanting to give to you all these years.

He laid you on your bed, making quick work of your clothes as he unwrapped you, mouth watering at your nudity. His hands had their fun, feeling every soft inch of your body as his ears fed on every single whine whenever he'd pass by a particularly sensitive spot. His mouth was like a magnet the moment his eyes landed on your tits. His plan to make you cry as he abused your nipples with his lips had been on the back of his mind since that first night. He had wanted to go through with it now, but your cunt was begging for him just south from him, making him eventually get back on track.

You had been equally as desperate in getting his clothes off, feeling him up in a way that had him feeling filthy. Your desperation for him was making him lightheaded. The thought of being an object for your pleasure crossed his mind for a moment. His mind would've stayed there for a while had you not interrupted him with a whine of his name.

"Fuck me. Please, Gyu ... Need you so bad."

"Angel, need to prepare you, just give me a min-"

"No! I'm ready, Gyu. I promise! Just .. please ..."

Fuck. He couldn't hold back if you looked at him with those eyes, quite literally begging for cock to impale the pretty pussy that he'd been aching to have against his tongue.

With one hand, he grabbed onto his aching cock, using his other hand to position your hips in order to give him perfect access to your cunt. He used his dominant hand to drag the tip of his cock against your swollen clit, groaning at the stimulation against his slit. You matched his reaction by arching your back against your bed, begging him to please put it in. He could only handle a little bit of teasing until his cock finally began to push through your walls. Your cunt gave resistance, but you insisted that the stretch was delicious, begging him to not hold back.

"Feel so good ... Fuck, Gyu, you're so big ..."

He didn't need any type of ego boost, but your soft sighs at his size made his mind go blank, causing him to speed up his entrance, swallowing a loud whine from your lips to his.

"O- oh, fuck! Baby ... you're so fucking tight, shit!", he had imagined the feeling of your walls wrapped around him ever since he could remember, but no dream he could conjure could compare to the reality of it.

You were off worse than him. Your mouth was open and your eyes rolled back. You were practically a limp doll, mewling at him to 'please give you more' every so often. He just couldn't hold back at the sight, giving you everything you wanted with every single thrust.

He pounded into you so animaliatically that the your moans had begun to be drowned out by the sound of the headboard slamming against the wall. It was like the room was shaking from the intensity in which he fucked you, but you wouldn't stop crying for more. Mingyu's ability to think had died the moment he kissed you, which added to the myriad of reasons why he was unable to stop ramming into you even as tears clouded his eyes. At some point, however, he finally snapped back into reality, deciding to go for an intense yet more mellow pace.

He wanted to enjoy you; to see you lose your mind on his cock. Your pretty eyes staring up at him with tears welling in them made him lower his face down to yours to give you a quick peck. You responded by putting one of your hands on his cheek (which had previously been dragging its nails deliciously across his back) to keep him close to you.

"L-love you so much," you hiccuped.

"Oh, angel ... You have no idea."

He was close now. The mere affection behind your eyes had made him want to fill you up more than anything. And you seemed to be in the same state, as not even seconds later you began to beg him to let you cum.

"Angel, need you to cum with me, okay? Need that pussy strangling my dick, fuck. Please."

"Gyu .. Gonna cum. Fuck. Come with me, please! Want you to fill me up so bad ..."

"I'll give it to you, angel. I'll give you anything you want. My beautiful girl."

He pulled you even closer to him, burying his face in the crook of your neck as he felt you tighten up once more. His fingers had been toying with your clit the moment he suspected your orgasm was on its way, only accelerating the process. His load spurt inside of you the second your orgasm took over you, making him press his face even further into your neck whining as his hips went crazy against your cunt.

Your screams made him lose the tiny bit of sanity he had left, digging the soles of your feet into his back as you pulled him to meld with your body. The two of you shook against each other for a minute or so before you finally went limp. Mingyu immediately took action, positioning so you could cuddle into the bed. He'd worry about cleaning you up later (Maybe by taking you to your shower and burying his face between your legs). Now, he wanted to feel you pressed up against him as he caressed you and told you how badly he loved you.

You sat up a bit, although still being held in his arms, and looked attentively into his eyes.

"Angel?"

"I'm sorry, Mingyu .. I'm sorry I made everything so complicated. I didn't realize how much I liked you until that night and I was scared I had just used you without realizing it. I love you, I'm sorry."

His heart swelled up at the confession. He already had a pretty clear idea of your feelings after the past hour of making love, but hearing a confession come from your lips had been something he had always dreamed of hearing.

"Shhh," he held you even tighter, "I love you. There's nothing you could do to ever make me stop. If this is what needed to happen for us to be together, I'd go through it ten times over. Just wanted you to be mine."

"I'm yours, Gyu. I promise."

"Yeah? You know you can't get rid of me now, right?", he chuckled, "If you thought I was touchy before, just you wait."

"Shut up. You say that like it's a threat," you giggled against him, lightly smacking his chest.

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

~

You spent the night holding each other and bantering in your bed. You finally spoke of everything surrounding your lives as of late, even touching on your feelings for one another and the respective gravity of them through the years. Mingyu felt embarrassed revealing the intensity of his own, but enjoyed the way you'd gasp and giggle at his commentary, so it was impossible for him to stop.

"Since pre-debut?? You really liked me since then?"

He cringed but laughed nonetheless, "Yeah ... I don't know. I saw your debut stage and I just couldn't take my eyes off you. I kept up with your group after that until Jungkook introduced us."

"Oh my god? Did Jungkook know? Did anyone?"

"Some of my members did, but I was discreet. You didn't like me back, so I didn't want to impose it on you."

You frowned at that, "Gyu, I-"

"Hey, it's okay. I got the girl now, didn't I? Took a while but now I get you forever. Nice trade off, I think."

"Were you this nice to all those other girls?", you were teasing him now.

You'd merely laughed when he revealed his dating habits to you. The ones he kept hidden to ensure you wouldn't assume him to be some type of womanizer. You'd even coo'd at him upon hearing that it had all been to keep his mind off you, promising that you were now all his, so there was no need to ever look at another girl.

"Yah! Stop. They don't exist to me anymore. Just like no other man exists for you, yeah? Just me."

"Yeah, Gyu. Just you," you sealed the unspoken promise with a kiss.

Keeping your relationship a secret had been entirely out of the question. The moment the two of you arrived to Hybe together that next morning, Mingyu had been unable to keep his hands off you. He didn't care if any artists or staff knew you were his (He wanted them all to know, actually). If he could, he would've even gone as far as letting the entire world know, but he wasn't quite ready to involve the two of you in a massive scandal.

Life had now become the perfect routine. He'd head to work to his dream job with his best friends, only being a few floors under the love of his live's workplace. It had taken him years, but he was finally exactly where he always wanted to be. He couldn't help but be reminded of that fact every time you stopped by his practice room to shower him with the affection he always wanted to give to you.

That young Mingyu watching you in the green room would've fainted at the mere thought of his current life.

To read short 2k word continuation u can go join my monthly tier on kofi or patreon!

content: short drabble continuation to this fic, idol!mingyu x idol!reader established relationship, afab reader, smut, oral (m receiving), semi-public sex, penetrative sex, etc.

wc: 2629 (full drabble)

sneak peak:

"Mingyu ..."

"Yeah?"

'Okay, first of all, personal space', you somehow managed to separate yourself from his tight hold.

You were currently sitting up against a mirror in seventeen's practice room. By some act of god, you and Mingyu always managed to somehow pay each other visits during the day. You'd befriended his members over the years, which meant that your presence was not uncommon even before you'd begun dating.

You had entered the room with plans to talk to Mingyu about something that had been bothering you for the past three months you'd been officially dating, except that your plans had been intercepted by the large man himself the moment he spotted you and dragged you to uncomfortably cuddle on the hard floor of the practice room. That's where you currently found yourself; hard floor digging against your ass as mingyu held you against him, keeping a hellish posture as the two of you laid back against one of the many mirrors in the room.

"Is there something you wanna tell me? Maybe about your previous relationships ..."

That piqued his interest. You didn't say it with any type of anger in your voice. You simply wanted some confirmation on some suspicions that had recently arisen. You knew Mingyu had a bit of a past in the dating area (something which he never spoke about due to feeling embarrassed by it), but you didn't realize how far it went until you'd attended MNET last week, only to be received with dirty looks by a few of the female staff members. You hadn't realized that rumors of your relationship had begun to circle around the industry (not having entered the general public yet), meaning that many staff members at venues often visited by kpop idols were aware of the high possibility that the well-known 97-liner besties were now something more.

This should not have come as a negative thing. Contrary to popular belief, idol dating within the industry was never much of an issue. Idols kept it hush, and most staff members remained either unaware or were too professional (or scared of repercussions) to ever really do anything with that information. You, however, had now been on the receiving end of one too many angry faces headed your way. It had even gone as far as staff 'accidentally' spilling your drink or messing up the settings of your in-ear. It wasn't until you had heard from your own company's staff that Mingyu had frequented a few of the girls working at MNET that you realized the reason why a metaphorical target had been put on your head.

You'd wished that Mingyu would've prepared you for this. I mean, you would've warned him ahead of time if he ever were to interact one-on-one with one of your exes (though that was unlikely, as you did not share Mingyu's serial-dating habits even before your relationships), so you would've expected the same from him.

" ... What previous relationships?"

"Gyu! Don't play dumb. MMET staff? Really? Did you think it was a good idea to shit where you eat?"

"Oh, fuck. Did someone say something mean? Baby, I'm sorry, I-"

"You should've warned me before I walked in to work with three of your exes!", by now you had unglued yourself from him, legs still tangled but no longer leaning against each other.

You weren't truly mad. You really only found the situation ridiculous, but you had still wished you hadn't been so caught off guard like that

"I'm sorry! I didn't want you to think I was some time of .. whore. I did date around a lot, but it was never anything serious. I'm sorry, I'll tell you next time, okay, baby? Forgive me?"

He was such an idiot. Immediately pouting at you and pulling you back into his arms, knowing you weren't truly mad.

"Fine. But I swear to God, Kim Mingyu, if this happens again ..."

"Yes, Ma'am."

find the 18+ continuation on kofi or patreon!

support me through a one time tip<3

[witchthewriter]

𝑷𝑨𝑹𝑻 𝑶𝑵𝑬: 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐀𝐒𝐎𝐈𝐀𝐅 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞

a/n: I will be doing this by House! Also, yes it doesn't make sense timeline wise but think of each as an alternate universe ✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡♡˚

𝑯𝑶𝑼𝑺𝑬 𝑻𝑨𝑹𝑮𝑨𝑹𝒀𝑬𝑵

𝑫𝒂𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒔 | 𝑴𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒇 𝑫𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒔

・She did as she promised and liberated Westeros.

・No Mad Queen, but sacrifices were made. However, all three of her dragons survived.

・The Long Night was vanquished because Dany was The Prince Who Was Promised.

・In a turn of events, Viserion was not a male dragon. Dany didn't have three sons... she had two and a daughter!

・Viserion laid her clutch of eggs not far from Dany as she wanted her to be the first person to see them.

・Her clutch of eggs produced three beautiful dragons; the biggest was a deep blue with flecks of gold and bronze. The second was a gorgeous pink egg with light orange accents and the last was purple with pearlescent swirling details.

・Dany became a grandmother and as soon as she saw them hatch, she cried.

・Barely anyone was allowed to see the dragonlings; even though she had risen to power, she still felt the eyes of enemies on her back. Many would love to hurt these new dragons.

・Dany still did not have a pregnancy that came to full term; so her dragons were truly her legacy, with Viserion keeping the magic back in the world.

・The hatching of these new eggs made the realm respect her even more.

・She didn't have a traditional way of ruling; yes she had councilors, and a small council.

・But the wealth was distributed equally. With smallfolk able to have jobs and acquire ones that usually only nobles had.

・Speaking of small councils, she had two of her closest bloodriders, Greyworm, Missendai (yes she is alive, well and thriving), Ellaria Sand and Samwell Tarly (Gilly and their son live in the Red Keep).

・As Dany could not have biological human children of her own, she basically saw every child/orphan as her own, in some way or another. She saw herself in them. Her childhood of always on the run, dirty clothes, knotted hair, clasping her brother's hand.

・She didn't want that for any child.

・So Dany spent a lot of her time building safe houses, schools, places where children could go and feel seen, heard and feel protected.

・A different Westeros was forming and many did not like that. Uprisings were frequent. Always from the Faith of the Seven & the old nobles.

・But every time they were stopped. However, those that repeated were thrown into prison (and therefore used to create new buildings) or were put to death.

(P.s., Ellaria Sand is her book self, not her show self because they are entirely different. Some events from the show never happened because it made no sense for Dany to wait so long to break the wheel.)

𝑹𝒉𝒂𝒆𝒏𝒚𝒓𝒂 | 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑸𝒖𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝑫𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒔

・She won against her brother and sat the Iron Throne with a tired heart. Rhaenyra lost a lot more than she could handle and her days were spent fighting off her grief.

・That did not stop her from being the best queen she could be.

・Her energy was given to the people, to the dragons and to the restructure of House Targaryen.

・Since the Greens had nearly torn what it was to be a Targaryen, Rhaenyra had a lot to do. So, she depended on those who were loyal to her. Baela, Addam, Corlys, etc.

・Oh, and not to forget Syrax.

・Syrax kept a lot of people in check when they came to court.

・As the dragon pit was partially destroyed (the dragons were okay though, they survived, help came just in time!) the living dragons now roamed to find a proper place to live. Dragonstone became a lot more populated.

・The love of the dragons would be reintroduced. One way she would do that, would be to reinstate the idolisation of the dragons. I.e., basically showing off the dragons.

・So, more royal processions atop dragons.

・As a skilled dragonrider herself, Rhaenyra may have placed greater emphasis on the role of dragons and their riders in the defense and governance of the realm.

・It would not always be easy. Especially with the fact that Rhaenyra's rise to power involved the killing of her own nephew, Aegon II. This would cast a long shadow over her reign and create lingering resentment among some factions.

・But through the influence of Mysaria, the smallfolk and those less fortunate would definitely be focused on. No more fighting pits! (Let's remember that Aegon frequented them...)

・Additionally, through Rhaenyra's victory, there would be a shift in the balance of power among the noble houses. For example; The Hightowers, who backed Aegon II, might have lost influence, while the Velaryons and other supporters of Rhaenyra might have gained prominence. This is all up in the air however, as Rhaenyra did have a forgiving heart... (I mean, before all the war...)

・What I know to be true, is that Rhaenyra would have maintained a strong dragon presence in King's Landing. Positively - this would have deterred potential threats and rebellions. And also led to a more prominent role for the dragonriders in the governance of the realm.

𝑹𝒉𝒂𝒆𝒏𝒚𝒔 | 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑸𝒖𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝑾𝒉𝒐 𝑾𝒂𝒔

・Is in history books as one of the best rulers

・Balanced, open-minded and level-headed; Rhaenys didn't need a council - she was one all on her own.

・She grew up never thinking she would rule; so she was quiet and watched everyone's moves

・The Sea Snake was a brilliant King-Consort, still the leader of Driftmark

・Meleys was truly The Red Queen; her own horns and spikes resembled Rhaenys' crown and when they were together, they were utterly breathtaking

・As said before with the others, with Rhaenys and her dragon, Meleys, in a position of power, the presence of dragons would have been more pronounced in the governance of the realm. This could have deterred potential rebellions and solidified her authority

・A lot of her reign would reflect her own grandmother's - The Good Queen Alysanne. 100% Rhaenys would continue with the women's councils.

・The women of Westeros would be given opportunities. I think Rhaenys would take a lot of inspiration from Dorne. And how women were equal to men, because why the hell not?

・And as a dragon rider, who was going to tell her no? Meleys was definitely not about to let anyone defy her either.

・However, one of her greatest allies was the North.

・And due to the North's historical resistance to female leadership, her ability to assert authority and govern effectively would sway Northern lords to reconsider their biases against women on the throne.

・So, by demonstrating strong leadership, it fostered greater acceptance of her rule among Northern houses, and increased their loyalty.

・This is only one example of how she got herself written in the history books.

𝑩𝒂𝒆𝒍𝒂 | 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑸𝒖𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒌𝒊𝒆𝒔

・Known for her bravery and strong character, Baela brought a fresh perspective to the Iron Throne. She prioritized unity among tTeam Black and Team Green and those that chose between Rhaenyra and Aegon.

・Baela addressed the grievances from various houses and the common folk alike - making a more equitable society.

・Jace's death was a great grief. As was ... basically all her family. It was quickly pushed forward that she needed to marry.

・Baela shut that shit down quick.

・She swore that if she were to marry, she would choose who and when.

・The scars left by the civil war were still fresh in the minds of many houses. Those that aligned with the Greens, sought to undermine Baela's rule, viewing her as a representative of the Blacks. This historical animosity had led to plots and conspiracies aimed at destabilizing her reign

・But it is mainly through the dragons that Baela remained in control. As charming, bold and brave Baela can be, Moondancer ... reinforced people's loyalty. With the death of the majority of Team Green as well as their dragons, there was only other Houses to oppose her.

・She was also known as 'Our Queen of the Skies'. And after ruling for more than 20 years, the people saw Baela as a goddess.

・Some say she was part dragon herself, with how much she was in the air, flying on Moondancer (who many, many children adored.)

・Many rumors grew which made Baela seem impossibly mysterious

・It made the people respect her; and therefore they listened to what she had to say.

・Even the others in court grew to respect her.

・Baela, much like Alysanne, had a ladies court in which she listened to the problems they had.

・Spare food was always given to the smallfolk, unlike other rulers who gave it to the dogs or horses.

・Baela's approach to governance altered the trajectories of other key figures in the realm

・Her leadership focused on healing the divisions within the realm, strengthening alliances, and leveraging the power of dragons to maintain peace and order.

𝑹𝒉𝒂𝒆𝒏𝒂 | 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑷𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆'𝒔 𝑸𝒖𝒆𝒆𝒏

・Yes! her name reflects Princess Diana's real life title, 'The People's Princess'!

・Her reign would be known as one of peace.

・Well, not only peace, but a unique one as well.

・Rhaena addressed the grievances of the common folk and fostered goodwill among the people of both regions through fair governance and an empathic approach.

・The People's Queen shocked many, many people with how strategic she showed herself to be.

・She did this by navigating the political landscape and carefully addressing the concerns of powerful houses in both the North and the South which led to stability.

・Used her access to dragons as a symbol of authority and a powerful military asset to deter rebellion and reinforce her position.

・Rhaena's dragon Morning, hatched during the Dance of the Dragons and kept growing

・She was a very friendly dragon - similar to Silverwing, and didn't mind being paraded around

・Her experience with the devastation of the Dance of the Dragons, made Rhaena prioritize healing the rifts within the realm.

・Rhaena had strong ties to both the dragonriders and the great naval power of House Velaryon. This continued an emphasis on the Targaryen dominance of the skies, and the Velaryon's dominance on the seas.

・Rhaena's reign ushered in a cultural renaissance. The People's Queen promoted the arts, literature, and education. Her leadership style encouraged creativity and innovation, reflecting a more progressive and enlightened era in Westeros.

[nytb]

Flying Private

Being a public figure came with a price – little to no privacy, secrecy, crazy paparazzi – it seamed to be a nightmare, but hidden in-between it’s flaws Alexia found some perks.

The Catalan star’s crazy schedule didn’t help her private life, love life out of the window – for now – Alexia focused on her public appearances, helping women’s football grow.

Trip to Paris here, quick appearance in Rome, little interview in London – Alexia was everywhere.

Behind the scenes, a key piece of the puzzle; Y/N Y/L/N. Joan Laporta’s loyal pilot. They had grown close over the years and when Joan became Fc Barcelona’s president – for a second time – he invited Y/N on the journey.

And so it began, Y/N flew all Barcelona players to every corner in the world; preseason in the USA, basketball games here, European football matches there. Y/N was crucial for Fc Barcelona to keep everyone’s public appearances up while allowing them to get the optimal rest before crucial games.

With Y/N’s little vacation possibilities, Laporta offered the pilot a compromise – whenever the plane was land-bound Y/N was able to do as she pleased. The possibility to travel all over the world, stay at the best hotels, eat the best food; it was Y/N’s dream job.

Unluckily for Y/N, the latest trip to Madrid came with a personal compromise; Y/N had to step in and replace a security member’s role.

All plans out the window now, the loyal pilot followed orders to a T – shadowing the Catalan star during the three day trip, keeping an eye out during meals, making sure that whenever Alexia sneaked out she returned safe and sound.

That night the midfielder’s annoyance at the lack of personal space was noticeable – add that she was in a foul mood and you get an explosive combination; and explode she did. Now safe and sound at the hotel, both Alexia and Y/N were at the bar. The pilot kept a safe distance from the midfielder.

“Is shadowing people like you’re a lost puppy a habit of yours or have you reserved it only for me?” Alexia asked as she approached the pilot, annoyance in her tone.

“I see that your evening has calmed down – for now at least – I will leave you with the remaining security team.” Y/N replied, pointing to the two security guards of the hotel, downing the rest of her drink she added “And seen as how you’re in a foul mood, I will take this opportunity to go and get my well deserved rest in”

The indifference that radiated off of Y/N’s voice was palpable, many people would describe it as cocky – arrogant even – but Alexia found it intriguing.

The Catalan star grew accustomed to everyone treating her a certain way; admiration and love in their voices whenever someone approached her, but Y/N? The pilot treated Alexia like she was any other Joe in the world.

Sitting at the bar now, the midfielder was dumbfounded – watching how the pilot walked away, not even looking back once – she was bamboozled.

Replaying the interaction over and over, Alexia was stuck looking for ways to get back in the good graces of the pilot. The midfielder knew she had to apologize for her bad behavior.

Early in the morning, Alexia made her way to one of Spain’s most famous bakeries: El Riojano. Getting some delicious Spanish pastries, among them Y/N’s favorite: ensaimada, a mallorcan specialty. Alexia made her way back to the hotel – crossing path with the pilot at reception, Y/N didn’t say a word.

Later on, as everyone boarded the private jet headed back to Barcelona, Alexia carefully placed the paper bag filled with pastries on the seat closest to the cabin. At first, Y/N looked at the bag from afar but as she made her way to the front of the plane, she inspected it – looking for it’s owner.

“Is this anybodies?” The pilot asked, looking around a sneaky Putellas popped her head up “I got those for you, a little gift to make up for my behavior yesterday” the midfielder sneaked a cheeky smile in.

For the first time, Y/N didn’t display indifference towards the Barcelona star “Thank you, they are my favorite” the pilot stated to which, very quietly – as Y/N made her way to the cabin – the midfielder whispered “I know”

And thus a tradition was born. During the season, Alexia would go out of her way to purchase Y/N’s favorite pastries, placing them on the seat closest to the cabin. It was their little ritual.

One morning – on one of Fc Barcelona Femenis champions league trips – the team discretely inspected Alexia’s delivery.

“What was that about?” Pati asked, taking the seat besides the Catalan midfielder “What was what?” Alexia played it cool, but her face spoke louder. The midfielder was blushing, looking everywhere but into Patri’s eyes.

“Feeling shy?” Mapi mocked her captain.

This was new for everyone – Alexia included. Usually, she was the bold, direct type; but with Y/N she forgot how to act. Luckily for the midfielder, Y/N was oblivious to the mocking – and as she made her way to the cabin – the pilot picked the little paper bag up, taking one of the ensaimada out and straight into her mouth it went. Sending Alexia a thank you head-nod as she greeted the co-pilot.

It all made sense now.

“OMG” Pina was shocked “You’re sleeping with our pilot??” the mini Putellas asked, the rest of the team waited anxiously for an answer.

“It’s not like that” Alexia defended her situation “I – I just”

Mapi came in like a bolder, mockingly nudging at her captain’s arm “She might have done her ACL in, but girly is still out here scoring” the defender joked.

“Shhhh” Putellas was embarrassed, not wanting Y/N to hear any of the teams shenanigans – for however true they were – she distracted them.

“Yeah yeah… maybe it would be best” Paños stepped in “We wouldn’t want the pilot to be distracted” she further mocked.

Part 2

[darlingdekarios]

bending to the honeysuckles.

rating: explicit. 18+ only. length: 17,216 content: William "Ironhead" Miller x f!reader, reader has a prior drug addiction, drug addiction recovery, drug rehab, mentions of past abuse in a relationship, pining, fluff, Will is a simp, smut [oral, unprotected p in v]

while you insist you don't want a relationship, Will Miller falls for you like it's his destiny to do so. he's willing to meet you where you are while he waits for you to let him love you.

Life had been hell for Frankie Morales since he’d returned from Colombia. While he was able to keep decent control of himself for the first couple of weeks, the things he’d done caught up to him – they always did. He’d retreated into himself, away from his friends and into the confines of his house, numbing his feelings with whatever he could. At first, it was several beers every day, and when that wasn’t enough it was liquor. When the liquor wasn’t enough, he’d remembered what could truly help him – cocaine – and it had all just sort of spiraled from there. 

Three months after his return home Frankie staggered into his birthday dinner with dilated pupils, a running nose and an air of confidence only to be met with an intervention from Pope, Benny, and Ironhead. The reminder of how pathetically few people cared about him stung initially, but he quickly remembered he deserved even less than that. He found himself in a rehabilitation program then, spending the next 90-days of his life with far-too-nice people trying to help him get his shit together. 

As he expected, Santiago had taken up residence in his spare bedroom in Frankie’s absence, deciding to stick around in the states to ensure his best friend actually recovered this time, found a career for himself, and didn’t lose his house. He’d started attending a group session for recovering cocaine addicts the same week, and that was where he’d met you. 

You were at least a decade younger, quiet until you were directly spoken to, and sarcastic and quick when it was your turn to talk. The message deciphered from your introduction of yourself was that you had just moved to take over your grandfather’s company, you were coming up on six years of sobriety, and you did not like to be around people. His second meeting, a week later and your six months of sobriety, you’d approached him at the end of the meeting to propose being his sponsor. 

The two of you had been friends since. Wednesday nights you met for dinner before you made your way to group together, and Sunday nights you had a quick phone call to check-in with one another. As much as it helped Frankie to have someone outside of the Delta Force to understand his situation – that he trusted to understand him – it helped you just the same. You had moved to the area a month ago and finding people tolerable was difficult. He quickly became your closest friend, and he was more than happy to introduce you to the other people in his life. 

When Will had first suggested coming along to group with Frankie to offer some support, it was a surprise when the older man agreed and mentioned you immediately, almost proud to have someone to introduce to the man he looked up to so much. You’d agreed it was fine to skip dinner that week so Frankie could come along with Will, almost relieved for the extra time alone between work and group. It gave you a chance to shower and change into something a little better than your pink work overalls, ready to meet the first additional person in Frankie’s life. 

Frankie walked in much later than he normally would, and while you would normally jokingly call to him from across the room for cutting it close, you lost whatever wit you’d planned on using when your eyes landed on the gorgeous blonde following behind your friend. When Frankie spotted you he raised a hand to wave, which you returned feebly, eyes a little too focused on the newcomer. 

“We’re cutting it close, I know,” Frankie breathed when he approached you, your senses suddenly returning and forcing you to your feet in politeness. “This is Will. Will, this is my friend I’ve been telling you about.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if you were late for your own birth, Frankie,” you greeted him with a quick hug, fixing your eyes on Will with a smile as you mentally swooned under the gaze of his blue eyes. “Nice to meet you, Will.”

William Miller did not get distracted.

When he had a responsibility – a job to complete – Will was laser-focused, in-control, and driven. Whether he was in an active combat zone or giving a speech to a group of veterans trying to rejoin society, he was always able to stay on the task at hand until he’d completed it – until he’d excelled at it. Tonight, his task was to support his friend, his brother, Frankie – and tonight was the first time in months he felt he’d truly failed at his task. 

He couldn’t pull his attention away from you for the next two hours. No matter who was talking, even Frankie, Will found his eyes glancing to you, eager to see your reactions and expressions and your body language. On one particularly long-winded monologue from a woman about how she had just tried cocaine for fun, and it ended up ruining her marriage (she cheated on her husband, that’s what really ruined the marriage), you rolled your eyes in Will’s direction while mouthing:

“Are you having fun yet?” Will nearly laughed at the question but opted to respond with a much more situationally appropriate light smile and subtle thumbs up. Your eyes flashed with mischief as you mouthed again. “Liar.”

He couldn’t get you out of his head after that meeting and found himself asking Frankie if he could go with him again the next week, and again, and soon enough he was a regular supporter of the meeting, showing up early to set up snacks and coffee and keeping track of the sign-in sheet. Each time he found himself falling more and more into whatever trap you’d seemingly laid out just for him, and even though he really didn’t get the chance to talk with you much, his interest was sparked enough to want to get to know you more. It was after the fourth meeting he’d joined that he lingered in the parking lot with you even after Frankie had left. 

That was the night he’d begun to understand the depth of his fascination with you. Sitting in his trunk bed drinking bottles of water Will permanently kept in his backseat he marveled in you as you opened up to him and showed him who you were…at least as much as you were willing to share. As much as he hung on your every word, you did the same for him, unable to look away from his face as he spoke and enamored by the things he told you about himself. 

“I like hanging out in parking lots with you, Will Miller,” you’d complimented, eyes sparkling under the full moon’s light. “You’re good company.”

“Yeah, we should do it again sometime,” came his reply before he could stop it. Reaching to scratch the back of his neck, he opted to continue – there was no going back now. “Maybe the parking lot of a restaurant…after dinner?”

You felt your cheeks burn immediately and, even more embarrassing, the smile that spread across your face like the sun breaking through clouds on a stormy day. All too soon, though, the clouds returned, the melancholy filling your voice. “I’d love to say yes but I…can’t. I’m not looking for anything serious right now with…well, everything. And I don’t want to give you the wrong idea.”

While it wasn’t the reason you’d given, on your drive home you had to think about the fact that Will Miller deserved far more than a recovering addict who was just figuring out how to really take care of herself. If you had only seen his thoughts on his own drive, about how long he’d wait until you were ready, you may have turned around and given into him. 

Things settled a bit over the coming weeks. You offered Frankie a job helping you out with jarring the honey and making local deliveries for you, which he’d been happy to accept in the meantime until he could get his license back. It was nice to have him around – he was often the one to remind you to take a moment to hydrate, but he never bothered you while you worked. He even took it upon himself to make some minor repairs to your barn in some of his spare time. Another month had passed faster than you could believe, the time filled with settling into your business and spending time with Frankie and his best friend, Santiago. 

Frankie had offered many times – at least once per week – for you to join them for drinks, or dinner, or at the beach. You’d refused every offer, unwilling to face Will again for fear of your wavering resolve. But this week, a Friday, it was different when Frankie asked you to join them before he headed out in the morning to spend his day making deliveries. The loneliness was finally catching up to you, and you figured some time out with other people would serve you well. Plus, despite the bickering you and Santi often found yourselves in, you knew Frankie surrounded himself with good people, and you could trust spending time with them. You agreed to let him pick you up at 7:30, and he agreed with a nod and a smile. Even if you had a miserable time, at least going would ensure Frankie’s happiness for the night.

By the time Frankie’s shitty truck had pulled into the driveway of the old farmhouse you now found yourself living in, you were moments away from sending a text that said you’d changed your mind, the nerves of your horrible day making you dread an unfamiliar place. As you pulled a jacket on and locked the door behind you a sigh released from your lips before you began to make your way to him. While you were finalizing your mental argument about whether it was too late to cancel you saw Frankie’s face peering out of the driver’s side window, an earnest smile on his lips. He was unrelentingly kind and made the decision you faced easy – there was no way you could cancel on Frankie Morales and sleep at night.

“Hiya, Crankie,” you greeted as you climbed into the front seat, rolling the window down before you’d buckled yourself in. Your use of the nickname you’d bestowed upon Frankie made the man shake his head, a quiet laugh sounding as he began the drive.

“Hi, abejita,” came his usual reply, glancing out of the corner of his eye to take in more of your expression. You’d obviously tried to get in the mood to go out, but the tired expression was one Frankie recognized – you probably just wanted to be alone tonight, and yet you were still seated next to him. “Didn’t sleep well last night?”

Of course he knew – he always did. The two of you had spent the last few months bonding over a similar addiction background, and it was nice to have someone that truly understood you. There were no niceties with you and Frankie, and it was the reason the two of you had become such close friends.

“Oh, you know me, Francisco…’I’ll sleep when I’m dead,’ yada yada yad,” you turned your head toward him, offering a falsely reassuring smile. “What’s your excuse? I swear there’s at least five more greys in your hair.”

“I only counted three this morning,” he matched your taunting, chuckling softly at your joking. 

“Yeah, well, I’ve told you that you need glasses, and this just proves my point,” you joked, rolling your head back the other way to rest it on the cool glass of the window. “I probably shouldn’t even let you drive me around…talk about self-destructive behaviors.” 

He laughed again and the comfortable silence set in, the rest of the drive to he and his friends’ chosen bar passing with light conversation about your days, and both of you agreeing to keep one another to the one drink maximum you’d set. Frankie thanked you for deciding to come with him, and it was a sincere show of appreciation – having someone unbiased and understanding of his situation there to support his recovery was important. And, truthfully – he was helping yours just as much. 

Plus, there was the promise of seeing Will again. While it was annoying, it was also impossible to admit that the mere thought of seeing his pale blue eyes again in the flesh caused your stomach to fill with butterflies. It was ridiculous – you’d meant what you said when he’d asked you out a month ago, you didn’t want to pursue anyone or be pursued right now. That didn’t stop you from thinking about his sparkling blue eyes, or the lines of his smile, or how he’d looked at you like you were the only thing he wanted to look at. You wanted to see him, and could only hope, maybe cruelly, that he wanted to see you as well. 

“What are you over there thinking about, abejita?” Frankie pulled you back to reality with a quiet voice as you pulled into the bar parking lot, glancing over at you briefly. “You didn’t complain about my driving at all.”

You smiled and shook your head, unwilling to admit to Frankie you’d been thinking about one of his best friends – one of his brothers. The question of whether Will had told them about asking you out flashed through your mind, and fortunately Frankie shifting his truck into park gave you a feasible reason to not answer his questioning. “Let’s go do this. And remember, if someone offers you cocaine in the bathroom…just say no.”

Frankie laughed in bewilderment nearly the entire way into the bar, a bright smile still spread across his face when the two of you made your way through the door. The sounds of Metallica from the jukebox confirmed Santiago was there before your eyes even landed on the mess of grey and black atop his head, drifting over to the golden locks of Benny Miller with his girlfriend sat beside him. As you walked toward their table you released a sigh of relief, though at the same time your stomach knotted in disappointment – no Will. 

After your hellos and introduction to Benny’s girlfriend, Frankie excused himself to grab both of you a soda from the bar to start with – it was refreshing to see that this group didn’t even bat an eye at the two of you not ordering alcohol, and you had to mentally commend Frankie for his taste in company. Leaning on the counter height table with an elbow you met Santiago’s lingering gaze. 

“You better not be standing to do what I think you’re going to do,” he warned, his words met with a mischievous smile from you. His arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowing at your body language. 

“Oh, I’m definitely standing to do what you think I’m going to do,” you taunted, sticking out your leg slightly to block him into the booth. “And you are just going to have to deal with it, Santiago.”

His hand twitched toward the glass of dark liquid in front of him, taking a sip as his eyes stayed on yours. You offered another smile, lazily drumming your fingernails on the table beneath you. Benny’s voice interrupted the stare down, both of you turning to look at him. “I’m sorry, what is happening here?”

“I refuse to subject the people of this bar to Santiago’s Greatest Hits playlist all night. I’m picking the next song,” you replied, offering another smile to the man you were blocking in the booth. Benny was the first laugh you heard, but from behind you another laugh rumbled – and Frankie still hadn’t returned from the bar. 

“Nice to see someone keeping Pope in his place,” the older Miller brother commented from behind you, immediately sending a chill up your spine and a rush of heat to your cheeks. Forgetting to leave your leg planted you turned to greet him with a smile, eyes brighter than they should be for someone who’d turned him down a month earlier. He didn’t care to hide the smile he offered you back. “Sorry I’m late. Got a little hung up at work, hope I didn’t miss anything.”

Your willingness to spar faltered, and all you could manage under his gaze was a nod, your bottom lip pulling between your teeth. He turned to greet Benny, who had stood, with a hug before saying a quick hello to Danielle and offering her a gentle hug. Even Santiago got a quick version of a hug. You tried to ignore the jealousy that twisted your stomach. 

“You were just about to miss the musical showdown of the century,” Benny remarked, planting himself back into the booth with an arm around Dani’s shoulders. “Someone is finally standing up to Santiago’s musical monopoly.”

“Just because you people don’t know how to appreciate the American classics,” Santiago began, ready to fling himself into a grandiose monologue before Benny beat you to the punch, entering an argument with the older man about the definition of “classics”. You took that as your sign to exit to the juke box, unnoticed by Santi, but not unnoticed altogether – William had followed closely behind you. 

“Are you my escort for the evening, Mr. Miller?” you questioned, attempting a playful tone to cover the nerves you felt around him. “I don’t think I’d get lost on the way to show up Santiago. There’s too much at stake.”

Another laugh rumbled in his chest – it was nice to make someone laugh as much as you made him. “The buttons on that old thing stick sometimes, and I wanna make sure you can use it.”

You couldn’t help but smile a little slowing down your steps to join at his side and glancing up at him as you walked. He had to mentally remind himself not to wrap an arm around you, no matter how badly he wanted to. “You know, helping me figure out the machine makes you an accomplice. I wonder how Santiago will feel about your mutiny.”

“Probably about the same way he feels about most things.”

“Forlorn and personally affronted?”

He laughed again in response, siding up to the juke box with you. He allowed you a moment to get your bearings on the machine, and though you likely quickly realized his white lie about the buttons sticking, you didn’t call him on it. “I was happy when Fish said you were coming out,” he admitted, leaning on the machine on his side next to you. When you broke concentration to meet his gaze briefly, he had to remind himself to breathe. 

“I almost cancelled. Had a bad day at work and didn’t want to look miserable and stupid,” you replied with a shrug, returning your focus to the juke box and flipping through albums. What Will wanted to do was sit down somewhere quiet with you and talk to you about your day, to listen to whatever complaints you wanted to hurl to a listening ear – but it wasn’t the time or place. He lowered his voice as Santiago’s previous choice finished up. 

“Miserable may be one of the last words I’d use to describe how you look,” he drawled, removing his appreciative glance from you to focus on what album you’d sought out. He felt you glance upward at him and could swear he heard the quick catch of your breath. 

“You’re very distracting,” you joked, eager to break this tension. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth slightly in an attempt to stifle the smile that was threatening to break under his attention, but it was to no avail – your burning cheeks gave away the fluttering in your stomach enough. “It’s impossible to put Santiago to shame when I can’t focus on this very important song decision.”

He hummed in understanding, nodding his head as he fixed his eyes on you again. Gazing up into the blue pools that waited expectantly you were met with a slightly raised eyebrow. It was infuriating how he managed to look effortlessly flawless. “Should I go back to the table and leave you to it, then?”

“No,” came an embarrassingly immediate reply. “No, just…shut up. Stand there and…keep…looking like a fucking magazine cover, but shut up.”

Will smiled first, a rumbling laughter sounding in his chest. It was impossible not to smile at the laugh you’d pulled from him, eyes taking in the lines of his smile at the corners of his mouth and own eyes. You felt the pull at your heart and had to swallow down the feelings building in your chest, forcing yourself to look back at the juke box – though the smile he’d earned lingered as well. He wanted to reach out to touch you in the short summer dress you’d worn, to hold you closer to him with a hand on your hip – but it wasn’t his place to do so.

Once you’d queued up your song choice you made your way back to the table with Will, glad to see Frankie had returned with a lemonade for you. When you slid into the booth you were delighted to have Will slide up next to you, the warmth continuing to pool from him. As he moved in a little closer, perhaps, than he needed to your song choice began to play over the speakers.

“No way she’s embarrassing you with Donovan right now, Pope!” Benny called, his laughter loud over the music. You smiled a victorious smile across the table at him, eyes bright now that you had confirmation at least one other person at the table agreed with you. 

“She thought really hard about her decision,” Will added, taking a drink of the bottled beer sat in front of him. You nudged him with your elbow lightly adding in a playful eye roll. 

“I took my duty serious,” you explained before turning your attention back to Benny. “At least someone in this group has good taste. Sometimes Frankie’s music is shit, too.”

“Hey now,” the named man intervened, offering a raspy laugh at your call-out. 

“You could try to tell me I’m wrong, but you haven’t reached six months of sobriety yet and your opinions are, understandably, questionable,” you joked, giving him a playful nudge to communicate you were joking if it wasn’t clear. 

“So, you have Frankie working down at the…is it called a bee farm?” Benny questioned, pulling Dani in closer to plant a kiss to the top of her head. In the far end of the booth Santiago rolled his eyes, scoffing out a laugh as Frankie nodded.

“Yeah, I took over the business…about five months ago now. It was my grandfather’s, and he passed away,” you explained, taking a drink of your lemonade and wishing you’d had Frankie get you something stronger to get you through the questioning. “I was looking to move, anyway so it…kind of worked out, though I’m not sure my grandpa would appreciate that phrasing.”

Will loved how easy it was for you to find your place in the group. 

“Where’d you move from?” Dani questioned, sipping on her hard seltzer to savor it. “I don’t hear an accent, really.”

“Middle of nowhere Montana,” you answered, anticipating the next question. Might as well answer it before someone asked. “I’d been in a relationship but…well, it wasn’t a good one. I left him earlier this year and ended up in a rehab program for cocaine addiction. When I got out…I had a couple of months in sanctioned housing, but I needed a change of scenery. It wasn’t long after that the family lawyer called to say the farm and business were passed to me in the will.”

Will caught the way you chose your words carefully as you spoke about your relationship, noticing how your voice had a slight shake to them. The possibilities of your cryptic words tore into him, festering in quiet anger as he ran through what that could mean. It was possible you’d simply been incompatible, perhaps fighting frequently. It was possible he’d broken your heart by being unfaithful. Or, and Will seriously hoped this wasn’t the case, it was possible your ex had been abusive toward you. The thought made him dig his fingers into the table’s edge.

As he allowed the thoughts to consume him for longer than he’d intended the conversation carried on, Benny beginning to understand why his friends had spent the last few weeks talking up this woman. His thoughts were broken by Santiago slapping his fist to the table quickly. 

“Let’s play a round of darts. Winner picks the next five songs. Loser deals with it,” he offered, reaching upward to run his fingers through his hair. With a shrug you finished your lemonade, offering a mischievous smile once again.

“Let me drag up a chair for you to sit in while we play so your knees don’t give out with all that standing, peepaw,” you joked, pulling a round of laughter from everyone at the table except for Santiago, of course, and none louder than Will. The latter took his cue to stand and let you make your way across the bar with Santiago, bickering back and forth as you went. His gaze lingered far too long to go unnoticed. 

“I know our mom taught us that it’s rude to stare, Will,” Benny chimed in first, throwing back the remainder of the whiskey in his glass. Will returned his attention to the men and woman still at the table, reaching to scratch the back of his head as he searched for an answer. 

“Just trying to hear her give Santiago a piece of her mind,” he attempted a cover, reaching again for his beer and swallowing a large drink. He immediately felt the familiar twist of guilt knot his stomach for his white lie. 

“Bullshit,” came Frankie’s retort, a scoffed laugh pulled from his chest. Admirably, only a water sat in front of him still. Benny nodded his head in agreement, and even Danielle raised her eyebrow at the blonde man’s lie. 

“You’re into her,” Benny concluded, setting his empty glass on the table. There was no point in trying to cover himself, and even if there was…it wasn’t in his nature to lie to his family.

“I’ve been into her since I met her,” Will conceded, directing another longing gaze in your direction. You stood with your arms crossed, the smirk on your lips evident even from the side as you watched Santiago struggle to take the perfect aim – his eyes weren’t what they used to be. He saw your mouth move and the glare Pope shot your way, and he wished he could hear what you’d chosen to taunt him with. “I asked her to dinner. A month ago,” he began, taking another drink. “Said she’d love to say yes, but turned me down anyway. Said she didn’t want anything serious right now.”

The genuine disappointment in his eyes had Frankie and Benny sharing a look – it had been a long time since Will Miller had acted so bent out of shape over a woman. 

“It’s a recovery thing,” Frankie offered some comfort, reaching to pat his back carefully. “She’s afraid if she doesn’t get far enough and the two of you don’t make it, the disappointment will make her relapse. At least…that’s what I’d think.”

“You should have seen her face when she realized you were behind her,” Benny added. “That’s not a woman who wants to turn you down.”

“I’m going to wait for her until she’s ready,” Will sighed, pulling his eyes away from you to look at his brother. “I don’t care if that sounds stupid, or desperate. I’m gonna wait.”

On the other side of the bar, you’d tied with Santiago and split the next five song choices – two from you, one decided together, and two from him. While he made his individual choices after you, you made your way to the bar to order yourself another lemonade to take back to the table. It was while you stood there waiting that a man decided to bother you, standing far too close and making incredibly lewd offers that no one wanted to hear from a stranger. 

“Why don’t you come on back to my table with me and my friends? We’ll show ya a nice time, darlin’,” he drawled, moving closer to run a hand down your arm. “Pretty thing like you needs something stronger than a lemonade, and a strong man to show you a good time.”

“Thanks, but no thanks,” you replied, taking a step back which he chased with a step forward. 

“’fraid I don’t take no for an answer, little lady,” he retorted, reaching to grab your arm and pull you closer to him. “You won’t regret it when I have you in my bed later, I can promise you that.”

A large, flattened hand on the back of the man’s neck cut his sentence off before more vulgarities could come through his lips. From behind the man, William Miller kept his icy gaze on your face, searching for any sign of true distress. When he saw the slight quiver to your lip his grasp on the man noticeably tightened, fingers digging into the sides of his neck. 

“Let go of her arm,” he ordered, his tone free of any room for argument. It was a tone you’d not heard yet from him, and one you felt bad for anyone that was on the receiving end. The man’s sweaty hand released your arm, the red mark from his tight hold prompting Will’s jaw to tick briefly, a deep breath releasing from flared nostrils. “I should kick your ass for that, but that would ruin our night. Instead, I’m going to give you the opportunity to apologize.”

His eyes were burning into yours, yet he still didn’t miss the man’s attempt to turn and land a punch on his jaw. Catching the incoming fist with his free hand he pushed the man’s head downward, forcing it to the bar top as he twisted his arm behind him. Shifting his intense eyes to look at the back of the man’s head he shook his head, taking hold of the man’s hair to twist his face to look at you. If he was angry before, he was irate now – but he was controlling himself for your benefit. The man’s nose was unbroken but bleeding, and he spit blood onto the bar as he began to beg. “Look, man, we were just having fun…just let me go and she’s all yours.”

“It doesn’t look like she was having fun,” Will corrected, his grasp unfaltering. “I’ll give you one more chance to apologize to her.”

“I’m…I’m sorry, okay? I’ll leave, just let me go, man,” the man begged, breathing shaky and anxious as he feared the wrath of the man behind him. Will used his remaining grasp to lift the man straight upward again, pushing him toward the door with disdain. 

“You should walk off this mood you’ve got yourself in,” Will began, moving to stand closer to you but keeping his eyes on the staggering man now. As the man made his way toward the door, Will left him with another parting threat. “If I see you back in this bar it won’t be good for you.”

Subconsciously William slipped an arm around your waist, turning you to face him as his other hand reached to lift your arm gently. The handprint around your wrist was now bruising lightly – barely there – but it was too visible for Will. His eyebrows pulled together in frustration, trying to steady his breathing and heart rate so he could ask you if you were okay. You beat him to the punch. 

“Shhh,” you soothed, removing your arm from his hold and placing your hand on his bicep gently. Your eyes met his again, releasing a shaky breath once you realized how close he held you to him. Chests pressed firmly together you could feel the rapid beat to his heart and his fight for a normal breath – he needed to calm down, and Will being calm was far more important to you than a bruise. It’s not like this was the first one in your life. “I’m okay, Will. I’ve had worse from bumping into the coffee table, it’s alright. Breathe with me.”

Storms darkened his eyes, his hands grasping at your sides now as his chest gave a solid heave. Brushing your thumb against his arm you reached your other hand to rest against his cheek. You pulled him backward with you toward the quiet hallway by the bathrooms, offering a gentle smile once you were alone. Drawing in a deep breath as your eyes remained locked on his you gave his arm a light squeeze, encouraging him to pay attention to you – only you, not on following the guy outside and knocking his teeth out. 

He could follow orders, though – that was something that no situation could turn off in him – and he soon began to mirror your deep breaths, hands still clutching you to him. By the time he’d released his fifth deep breath his mind was less clouded with anger, but that didn’t mean it was clear. If anything, it was even more clouded, but now it was clouded with you. You’d never been this close to him. He’d never felt the way his fingers could dig delicately into your skin. He’d never felt your chest pressed to his. 

He’d never been only inches away from claiming your lips with his – and that’s exactly what he did as the adrenaline rushed through him. Grasping your hips tighter he anchored you against him, his lips soft and rough as you stood frozen, a quiet gasp slipping through your lips in shock. The quiet sound brought Will back to his senses, immediately pulling away from the kiss with a shock-laced look of horror on his face. 

“I’m…so sorry,” he began, though he still hadn’t released his hold on your hips, his eyes transfixed on yours. The concern behind his eyes was unmistakable – he was terrified of how badly he’d just messed things up with you – and yet that didn’t stop his cheeks from darkening slightly, or his tongue from running over his bottom lip briefly for another desperate taste of you. “I shouldn’t have – mmph.”

Your hungry lips cut off his words quickly as you grasped at his bicep, the hand you held against his cheek sliding to the back of his head to hold him closer. He returned your kiss like it was something he’d been waiting to do for years, his hands sliding to rest on your lower back and pull you into him completely. A pleasant sigh slipped through your lips as he ran his tongue across the seam, granting him access to explore your mouth. When he’d kissed you breathless, he withdrew from your lips, his own curving into a smile as he bumped his nose against yours lightly. Leaning his forehead to rest against yours he took in a deep breath, savoring the moment he'd fantasized over for weeks.

“I still don’t want anything serious,” you whispered, eyebrows pulling together in frustration at so many things, none of which were Will’s fault, all of which fell on you and your past. ‘Live in the moment!’ a voice screamed in the back of your head, begging you to see that the man in front of you was a direct pathway to happiness. You’d silenced that optimistic part of you long ago. “I’m sorry I just…don’t. I can’t.”

“Sh,” he cooed, sliding one of his hands to rest on the top of your back to hold you closer. He bumped his nose against yours again lightly, pressing a gentle kiss to the corner of your mouth before looking deep into your eyes. “I know. I don’t care.”

Your teeth bit into your bottom lip lightly, a sign you were nervous and uncertain. “It’s not fair to you.”

“I don’t care.”

“I can’t even promise…what this would look like, Will.”

He shushed you again, shaking his head before he rested his forehead against yours again. “I will take whatever you want to give me for as many days as you want to give it.”

He’d followed through on his word throughout the weeks that followed, thankful that he had turned out to be a very patient man. Even with the generally negative outlook on life you maintained, always finding a fault in every situation – you couldn’t find one with Will. Yes, it was adorable that he’d show up at the farm during lunch to see you, wanting nothing more than to simply see you in “work mode” and to kiss you as he ran a thumb across your cheek to wipe the dirt away.

Frankie didn’t mind at all that you’d started up this…whatever it was with Will. He enjoyed the fact that both of you were happy, and he wouldn’t complain about the lunches Will dropped off when he visited. Frankie wasn’t the only one in the group to know about the time you spent with Will, of course – Will didn’t believe in keeping secrets between the four of them. 

You’d joined them for nights out a couple of times since but remained purely friendly with Will while in the view of others. The car rides home were when he would kiss you breathless in your driveway, holding you close, greedy for every moment you offered him. Things had never escalated past heavy kissing and touching, and that was comfortable – you still felt you could quit him any time you needed to, and it was safer that way. 

It was Frankie that had asked you to take a Saturday off with him to spend time with them at the beach before the weather started cooling off a bit for the winter. You weren’t really one for the beach, not having lived anywhere near the ocean or going into the ocean much for most of your life, but Frankie’s pleading brown eyes won you over. It would be cruel to leave Dani alone with the men, anyway. When you’d walked onto the beach with Frankie that Saturday afternoon, Will thought his heart was going to burst from his chest. You and Frankie had elected to keep your presence a surprise, which worked in your favor as he smiled the brightest smile he’d offered you yet as you made your way over to their umbrellas, chairs and towels. 

“You didn’t tell me you were coming,” he greeted, unable to help himself from hugging you. His voice was teasing as he continued. “You know I don’t like secrets.”

“Oh, well I’m full of ‘em,” you smiled, wrapping your arms around him and tilting your head to look into his face. “Like…I actually assassinated JFK, and I helped fake the moon landing. I admit it. All me.”

He smiled at your joke and allowed a soft laugh to leave his chest, shaking his head slightly as he released you before the hug lingered too long for your comfort. “I wish I’d known you were coming; I could’ve grabbed some lemonade for you. I’ve got water in the cooler, though, and I’ve always got a pack of those cashews that you like in in my truck.”

You nudged his arm lightly with your shoulder, cheeks turning red under his thoughtfulness and sweet intentions with you. Before you could thank him, Benny had joined up with you, picking you up in a crushing hug as Danielle said hello from behind. Will had never really envied his brother until he got to witness your effortless acceptance of him, and the way Benny could hug you however he wanted. 

“Benny, Jesus, you’re going to crack one of my ribs, you behemoth,” you laughed, gasping for air through his hug as you attempted to wiggle free. Benny placed you gently back on the ground and offered a wide grin, immediately draping his shoulder back around Dani who rested her head on him gently. “Hope you guys don’t mind Frankie bringing me along. I couldn’t leave Dani alone around all you men all day.”

“And that is so appreciated,” the named woman replied, here signature sincere smile on her face. “I am going to work on catching up with Benny’s annoying natural tanning abilities, if you want to sit with me. You don’t seem much of a ‘get in the ocean’ kinda gal.”

You did sit on the beach for most of the day with the woman, getting to know one another more deeply, your conversations free of the hindrance of men being present as the group of four gallivanted about the shore and in the waves. Every so often, Benny would yell a quick “hi, baby!” from the water, causing Dani to smile, roll her eyes and wave, a small laugh falling from her lips. It was well past 4 p.m. and the seventh time he’d done it when she gave a different reply.

“He’s an idiot!” she yelled back, her voice full of laughter and love for the man she’d spent just less than a year with now. She quieted her voice back before she added to you. “I knew that when I agreed to date him, though. I can’t complain.”

“You’re perfect for one another,” you asserted, watching as Benny smiled and blew her a kiss before returning to the group. Your eyes wandered, briefly, only to confirm Will had stopped in his tracks to gaze at you, too. Danielle wasn’t the only one with attention focused on her today. Several times now Will had reminded you – gently but firmly – to reapply sunscreen and drink water. As the men set to work on building a fire, he had called to you again to remind you about the water, pulling a quiet giggle from Danielle.

“That’s five times for that one, then,” she counted aloud, watching as you grabbed the water from beside you to take a large drink. “Benny and I aren’t the only ones perfect for one another. That man loves you, you know.”

You felt the heat in your cheeks and knew they must be several shades darker. You finished the bottle of water and released a deep breath before you chose your words, not wanting to be taken off-guard and say something stupid. “He doesn’t…love me. We just…we get along well.”

“He loves you, and no amount of self-deprecating denial from you is going to change that,” she remarked, taking another drink of one of several hard seltzers she’d had that day. You knew those things barely contained alcohol, but you also had to wonder if it was contributing to her willingness to be so open. “You should let him.”

“I should let him what?” you questioned, feeling the answer in your stomach before she spoke it. 

“Love you. You should let him love you,” she replied, rolling her eyes with a soft laugh. “He seems pretty good at it.”

As you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth you turned your face away from her, noticing that the other half of this conversation’s topic had found his way back into the water alone. Finally cracking under the pressure you felt to be alone with him for even a minute you decided the ocean couldn’t be that bad, really, and made your way to the chilling water. You really didn’t want to find your way into the ocean, but if it meant time with Will, so be it.

You’d almost made your way to him when something touched your leg, sending you into an immediate panic as you made your way to him, essentially launching yourself into his arms as you screamed his name. William immediately cradled you against him, smiling down at you with an all-too amused smile.

“I’ve got you; I’ve got you,” he cooed, raising a thumbs up to the shore so no one worried after your scream before he brought that arm to hold you as well. “What’s the matter?”

“Something touched my foot,” you whined, unused to being in the ocean like this. The chuckle that rumbled through him shook his chest, his reminders to reapply sunscreen not influencing him – he’d gotten some color on his cheeks and nose. Even in your distraught state, it was impossible to not recognize how handsome he was. 

“Well, there are fish in the ocean, honeybee,” he drawled, his voice full of amusement. His nickname for you caused your stomach to flip in the most annoying way, and you felt yourself curl into him more despite yourself. “What do you want me to do, hmm? How can I fix it?” 

“I want to get out. Carry me out,” you stated, clinging to him. Whether it was him holding you that felt so good or genuine fear keeping you to him, he really couldn’t say. He nodded, but instead of going toward the shore he moved away from it, swimming out with you further. “William! I said OUT!”

“I thought you said you wanted me to take you further out!” he replied, his tone too full of amusement. You moved to wrap your legs around his waist instead, narrowing your eyes at him and setting your face to be serious, eyebrows furrowed. He wanted to lean in to kiss the lines. “Hey, hey, hey…” he cooed, turning his back to the shore and leaning his forehead against yours with a light smile. You could see the light freckles on his cheeks that the sun had brought out throughout the day, his eyes light in the fading sunlight as he gazed longingly at you. No one had ever talked to you as soft as he did. “’m not gonna let anything happen to you. You don’t need to worry about a thing as long as I am right here with you.”

His lips pressed to yours in a gentle, reassuring kiss briefly before he returned to simply leaning his head against yours. You lightly bumped your nose against his, resting your hands on his chest gently. It was impossible not to believe him. “Still not nice, William Miller.”

“I know, I just wanted you alone for a minute,” he conceded, angling his head to press a kiss to the corner of your lips. You couldn’t help but smile under his affections, maintaining that hard exterior proving difficult as his kisses chipped away at it. “I’m sorry, honey. Let me make it up to you?”

You tilted your head and raised an eyebrow in curiosity, slipping one of your hands to his bicep. “How do you plan on doing that? I was pretty distraught.”

“Let me take you home,” he offered, his eyes so sincere it hurt. He pressed a gentle kiss to your lips before he continued further. When you didn’t give him a response, he continued. “I have feelings for you.”

“Well…stop it,” slipped from your lips before you could stop it, your cheeks immediately burning at your own callousness. It was second nature to push people away now…especially Will, who was getting closer than anyone was allowed right now. Instead of being hurt, Will could only smile at your attempt. 

“Yeah?” he questioned, pressing a gentle, lingering kiss to your lips. His words came between kisses as he spoke. “You want me to stop?”

As the kisses grew deeper and you felt the warmth of arousal spreading through your body you had to shake your head, knowing he’d recognize the longing in your eyes and call your bluff if you insisted. He smiled as his hands slipped down from your sides to grasp your ass under the water, pressing you into him firmly as you shook your head and released a defeated sigh. 

“You can take me to your house,” you conceded, running your fingers through his hair as you looked at him through your lashes, devouring him with an unashamedly lascivious look. His eyes lit up even further, finally listening and carrying you closer to the shore so both of you could leave the ocean and get to his truck as soon as possible. As you wrapped yourself in a towel and gathered the items you’d brought with you in a bag you ignored her quiet giggles, unwilling to even consider the conversation Will was having with the men behind you. You supposed you owed Frankie a conversation as well on Monday. Dani called to you to have fun as you walked to Will’s truck. 

When he had you secured in his truck, he leaned to press a kiss against your lips as he buckled you in. He was a safe driver and had incredible reflexes, you reminded yourself of this frequently as he drove back with one hand rested on your thigh, kneading his fingers into the soft flesh occasionally. He pulled into his driveway sooner than he should have – he’d never speed with you in the car again – and immediately had you cradled in his arms again as he carried you into his house.

When he began to make his way up the stairs he finally spoke, trying to cover the happiness in his voice with seriousness. “You’re sure this is what you want?” You responded by reaching your head to plant kisses on his shoulder, trailing them to his neck as best you could as you nodded. As he opened his bedroom door, he gazed down at you finally, not taking another step forward just yet. “Have to hear you say it.”

“Yes, Will,” you confirmed, and those two words melted his resolve. He placed you on his bed carefully before he crawled between your legs, keeping one hand on your hip and cupping your cheek in his hand as he kissed you deeply. You returned his kiss immediately, just as desperate for him as he was for you at this point. His fingers began to work at the ties of your bottoms as he traced the seam of your mouth with his tongue, groaning appreciatively as he slipped his tongue into your mouth. When he was satisfied with the taste he’d received he released your lips, trailing his kisses to your jaw and neck as he removed the bottoms. 

His kisses trailed lower on your neck, Will fighting the urge to suck purple marks into your skin in such an obvious place. Your hands ran up his back to the back of his neck and head, holding him closer as he trailed his kisses to your chest just as he’d worked that tie free as well, removing the fabric from your body and leaving you finally bare for him. He leaned back to run his eyes down you appreciatively, one of his thumbs rubbing gently over one of your nipples slowly. 

“You look so fucking pretty in my bed,” he complimented before leaning forward again, claiming one of your nipples in his mouth with a flick of his tongue. He happily familiarized himself with each of your breasts, earning the most beautiful moans that had ever graced his ears from you as your hips pressed up into his in desperation for friction. When your hot core was met with his obvious erection in his swim trunks you moaned in unison, Will pressing his waist into you further. He released your nipple from his mouth to trail his kisses downward again as he whispered. “Bet you’re gonna taste fucking delicious mixed with salt water…”

His hand that had been holding your hip moved to spread your legs as his lips reached your hip, smiling against the skin before kissing it gently. Experimentally he spread your already soaking folds with a swipe of his fingers, groaning appreciatively as you gasped. “Will…”

“All this for me, baby?” he cooed, lowering his head to swirl his tongue around your clit before sucking the sensitive bundle of nerves lightly. “You always get this wet for me? Is this pretty pussy this wet every time I kiss you?”

You whined your confirmation as he ran his tongue through your folds, an appreciative groan rumbling in his chest as he finally tasted you. His name fell from your lips again and he nodded in encouragement before setting in on his first task of the night, devouring every inch that your hot core had to offer him. For as many times as you’d imagined Will’s head between your thighs, nothing compared to the way he tended to every inch of you, groans and grunts vibrating through his mouth as he fucked his tongue into your velvet entrance. 

He had your legs shaking on either side of his head in no time, his lips curving into a smile as he connected his thumb with your clit, continuing to swirl his tongue inside of you as best he could. When your breathing became erratic and your hands reached to grasp his hair, he knew he had you on the edge, nodding in affirmation when you warned him you were going to come. When euphoria rocked through you with a loud moan your hips arched off the bed, giving him a much better angle to appreciate the nectar he’d earned.

The ceiling above you turned to a white light as pleasure rushed through you, your moan turning to a scream when he didn’t relent at your entrance or clit, continuing to stimulate you through your orgasm. By the time he’d crawled his way back up your body and removed his trunks you had come down somewhat, only enough to be somewhat aware as he rubbed the head of his cock through your folds with a low groan. 

“I can get a condom…” he offered, whatever his full sentence was intended to be cut off as you pressed a lazy, half-aware kiss to his lips as you shook your head, quiet please leaving your lips. Briefly arguing with the responsibility of the decision he was about to make. When you quietly begged him to fuck you again all reason escaped his mind, lining his already throbbing cock at your entrance before thrusting in carefully. Your wet heat welcomed him in like you were meant to do so, the heat of your velvet channel caressing him inch by inch until he was buried in you. He groaned low in appreciation as he pressed his lips to yours in a loving kiss, stilling his movements to give you both a moment to savor the feeling of him filling you. “Better than I could have fucking imagined…”

One of his hands slid carefully up your body to rest on your cheek, pulling you closer as gently as he could to claim your lips in a kiss as he withdrew from you almost completely before thrusting back in, grunting as your walls fluttered around him. As your lips and tongues entered a dance they had done so many times now your bodies came together fully for the first, his cock massaging your walls with each of his well-purposed thrusts. You wrapped your legs around his waist to draw him in closer, holding him against you as close as his thrusts would allow you. He pulled away from the kiss to bump his nose against yours gently before running it along your cheek affectionately, placing a kiss just below his ear when he’d reached the sensitive spot. 

“Like you were made for me,” he whispered in your ear, his thrusts increasing in pace as he neared his finish much sooner than he wanted to. He reached to grasp one of your legs, sliding it so your ankle hooked over his shoulder so he could angle into you deeper. The new depths he reached pulled you closer to the edge, his thumb connecting with your clit again, causing your walls to flutter around him. 

“I’m on the pill,” you offered, feeling a second orgasm approaching you as he rubbed steady circles around your clit and the velvet head of his cock brushed against the coveted spot inside of you, sensing the end approached for him as well as his thrusts became more erratic and desperate. Your quiet suggestion pulled a groan from his chest, his head turning to claim your lips again in a messy kiss. 

“You want me to fill you up, princess? That what you’re asking me for?” he questioned between deep thrusts accompanied by deep breaths, his hand sliding from your cheek to your neck as he pressed soft kisses to your lips. “You tell me that’s what you want and I’ll give it to you. I’ll give you anything you ask for.”

You could only bring yourself to nod as you kissed him deeply, your own orgasm rushing through you as you moaned against his lips. Feeling your walls tighten around him he couldn’t hold his own release back, spilling his seed into you with a groan as he pulled away from your kiss to lean his forehead against yours. He could have told you that he was falling in love with you right then. 

As you both came down from shared euphoria he rolled to his side next to you, wrapping his arms around his waist as he went to hold you against him gently. You listened to your instincts by tucking your face into his neck, breathing in deeply to steady your breaths as Will pressed gentle kisses to the top of your head and whispered quiet praises and thank yous to you. One of your legs slid up between his to cuddle closer, your arms wrapping around his middle as your eyes slid closed. 

You probably could’ve fallen asleep right then, if his words hadn’t woken you from your peaceful lull. “I’ve got extra clothes and…we can shower before you change if you want.”

The sweet suggestion snapped you back to reality, and you forced yourself to let him know you'd have to go home now. In all honesty, it was the last thing that you wanted to do, but you were unwilling to relent just yet on your insistence to not pursue something serious. Will, of course, didn't want to tell you no because he wanted you to feel comfortable with him - he wanted you to know that he would listen to you, and support whatever you felt was best for yourself. That included you leaving him for the night, even when he wanted you more than he had any night before.

Not hearing anything about accepting a ride home from him, insistent on being independent for the night, you sent Frankie a text to grab you on his way back from the beach if he hadn't made it home already. 15 minutes later Frankie was in Will's driveway, a sympathetic look on his face as he waved to the younger man through the windshield as you climbed into the truck.

Will watched silently as the truck backed out of the driveway and you disappeared down the street, mentally vowing to himself that he would willingly spend as long as you needed waiting.

When November’s curtain call came and the evening chill of December rolled in, you’d found your match with William Miller, who was acting by his promise and providing you with consistency, with reverent tenderness. No matter what distance you tried to maintain from him he was just as unrelenting, finding ways through your obstacles day after day. He never pushed, never overstepped, but he was always there, ever willing to cherish you in entirety whenever given the chance. Lately those opportunities had grown, proliferating into prolonged post-coital kisses and embraces that could hardly be passed off as anything less than adoration any longer.

Falling wasn’t enough to describe the feeling – falling was too subtle. A plummeting nosedive, a cascade…an avalanche, a crashing meteor – so consuming it swallowed you until all that was left was Will, his affections blanketing you with unwavering warmth.

“Honeybee!” Will called as he entered through the front door, the sound of him removing his boots and setting them by the door causing you to smile as you crushed candy canes in the kitchen. All your meetings had been reserved for his home but today you’d offered to host him and his friends at your farmhouse for dinner – Christmas Eve dinner.

“In here, Will,” you replied from your place at the counter, taking a deep breath as you started sprinkling the candy canes atop the cupcakes you made for dessert. An immediate advantage to having Will in your home was the sound of the creaking floor beneath his large frame – even without shoes – meant you could hear him coming behind you. “Don’t mess me up, Will. This is serious business.”

A laugh rumbled through him as he delicately wrapped his arms around your waist anyway, resting his chin on your shoulder for a moment before turning inward, burrowing his face in your neck with a deep breath. He pressed a gentle kiss behind your ear, assessed your response, and then repeated the motion when he realized you remained focused on your task, smiling into your skin lightly. When you finished you slid the cupcake stand back further on the counter for safety before turning in his arms, a playful smile lighting your features. It was only now Will noticed what remained of a candy cane in your mouth, his mind spinning already at the thought of what your lips must taste like now.

“Did I mess you up?” he questioned, leaning forward to press his lips to your forehead with a quiet hum of appreciation as your arms found their way around his neck, not before your hands slid over his chest. He opted to forego the ugly sweater party – you knew that was coming – but he did at least wear a red sweater, the color bringing out the coolness of his eyes. Even in the winter he was managing to keep up plenty of color, but not enough to hide the redness to his cheeks as you held his gaze.

Sometimes he couldn’t decide if it was better you could hold his eye contact now or not – he still hadn’t grown used to feeling somewhat embarrassed just under a woman’s gaze. The way you removed the candy from your mouth          with a pop and placed it in the trash behind you certainly didn’t help.

“Nearly, but I’ll let it slide seeing as it’s Christmas and all,” your fingers found their way into his hair, pulling him closer so you could press your lips to his in a gentle kiss. One thing he would never grow accustomed to was the clench in his heart whenever you initiated affection – some of his favorite kisses sparked by you.

“Christmas Eve, honeybee,” he replied when you released him, pressing a kiss to his cheek as best you could from standing on your toes. He tightened his hold on your waist to hold you against him tighter, relishing in your attention and uncaring about the inevitable mess that would transfer from your apron to him.

“Mm, you look handsome in this little red number, Will,” you teased, bringing more color to his cheeks. It was too easy for you now – you loved it.

“I wore it just for you,” he drawled, seeking out another taste of peppermint on your lips with a gentle kiss. The fact that you knew that was true only made your chest swell more.

“Well, you’ll have to wear something else for me, too, since technically…you are out of dress code,” you remarked, eyebrow raised slightly in a manner he knew to be playful. Whatever you had in store he would play along with, as long as it meant this mood you were in would continue, particularly with how the two of you had left things last time – an argument that had been eating at both of you for days.

"You’ll have to make a decision sooner or later,” he’d stated as he leaned against his truck in the parking lot after one of Benny’s fights, trying to appear much cooler on the outside than he was on the inside where frustration bubbled under his skin. He’d slipped – called you his girlfriend, and it had been too much of a reality check for you to handle. Despite his harshness he reached a hand toward you, beckoning you closer – you did not follow.   A wild animal backed into a corner – hissing and feral and scared. So many questions remained in his mind about why it was so hard for you to accept love, but he’d never push for those answers. You’d give them freely in your own time. The topic at hand remained to be that Will had spent weeks earning your affection, and while he was patient, it had been worn somewhat thin. “We don’t spend the night together…months now and I’ve never woken up next to you,” he continued, eyebrows pulling together as he crossed his arms again. “And if that’s not frustrating enough, I can’t even slip and call you my girlfriend – to my brother – without you getting upset. I’m doing everything I can here, I just need you to give a little back. Anything.”   Your lip had quivered, tears pricking at your eyes. Will hated to see you that way, hated to have caused it – it would gnaw at him in the days that followed, as would all the words that followed, so unimportant now. As much as the argument shredded his heart day after day the same was true for you – perhaps if he knew how guilty you felt because you were still resisting what was right in front of you, he could have gone easier on you.

Even now the guilt festered.

“Yes, ma’am,” he replied, unwilling to spark any sort of disagreement today. You reached behind you to the counter to grab a Santa hat before lifting it onto his head, smiling a sweet smile before flattening his hands against your lower back to pull you closer. He offered you a smile in return, withholding any fussing about the hat as his eyes met yours again. One of his hands left its position to lift to your cheek, callused fingers lightly dusting across your cheekbones. “I’m sorry about Friday night, honey. I shouldn’t be pushing you like that…I knew what I asked for when I asked for it.”

It was in your nature to lean your head toward his hand, your eyes drifting shut briefly to enjoy the moment. You only met his gaze again when you’d chosen your response, words leaving your lips quiet and sincere. “I’m the one who should be sorry, Will,” you sighed, leaning forward to lay your head on his chest, calmed by the familiar rhythm of his heart. “I do need to make a decision, you were right.”

“Yeah, but I…lost my temper. I raised my voice,” he rested his hand that had been on your cheek on the back of your head, stroking your hair and internally smiling at the streaks of flour leftover from your day in the kitchen. “I should never do that to you, there’s no excuse.”

“Apology accepted,” you whispered, burying your face into his chest to inhale the smell of him – saltwater and oak, subtle and resolute. He leaned to press a kiss to the top of your head, holding you for a moment before the day needed to continue. “Can you help me get the star on the tree and put presents underneath while I set the table? Dinner should be done by the time everyone else shows.”

He nodded, pressing a final kiss to your forehead before releasing you so you could get back to work. “You know at least one of ‘em will be late.”

“I included an extra twenty minutes on the cooking time to accommodate,” you quipped back cheerfully, removing your apron and hanging it on its rightful hook, giving the kitchen one final look over to ensure nothing was forgotten before setting off into the living room, remarking how Will needed to hurry because you had everything planned to the minute.

He’d never been more certain he loved you.

“Why’d you get a tree you couldn’t reach the top of, shortcake?”

You turned to throw him a look, cheeks burning with heat despite the amused smile that broke out across your face. He returned it with one of his own, straightening the Santa hat on his head before walking over to where you stood by the tree. He adored the mood you were in today, and wondered briefly if you were this way every Christmas. Your playful tone had returned. “Size does matter with some things, love. No one wants a wants a tiny tree with no needles.”

It wasn’t the first time that nickname had slipped, yet his chest still tightened. He wrapped his arms around you again, unable to resist pressing a kiss to your forehead as he pulled you in close before lifting you up so you could situate the star atop the tree. Satisfied with the state of the living room you tasked Will with starting the fireplace, putting music on via the record player in the living room, and lighting some candles while you finished cooking.

It was easy being domestic with you.

Everyone’s arrivals staggered from there forward. Benny arrived next, early and eager to spend time with his brother, with an arm slung around Dani, smiling and remarking how fantastic your house was before giving himself a tour. By the way his eyes kept raking over her you could only assume they found a hallway to defile. Dani joined you soon after with a smile and offered to help in the kitchen, which you accepted with some relief.

As Will and Ben broke into a bottle of bourbon and eggnog (Benny had threatened not to come if there was no eggnog available), Santiago showed up – surprisingly not in an ugly sweater after weeks of talking trash about how his was going to put yours to shame. You opted not to even bring it up given the expression on his face – today was clearly not the day to pick at Pope – and instead greeted him with a sweet smile instead. Frankie was last – really to no one’s surprise – and everyone had found a seat at the table as you loaded it up with food.

Santiago had jokingly requested an entire turkey – the largest one you could find – perhaps as a challenge, and you’d agreed to make it without second thought. Frankie was simple and asked for macaroni and cheese, Benny sheepishly requested sweet potatoes and dinner rolls, while Dani was sensible and requested “any kind of vegetable.” Will had shown his sweet tooth by requesting something sweet for dinner, hence the cupcakes you’d finished earlier.

“This looks incredible,” Benny complimented, pulling his eyes away from the food in front of him to look toward where you sat at the head of the table. Frankie and Dani both voiced quick words of agreement while Santi nodded, checking his phone quickly. “You have to give a toast.”

“Oh, no,” you laughed, waving your hand dismissively as you shook your head. Your face burned so badly you felt like all your head had become was a flaming ball. “No one wants to hear me do a toast, seriously. Dig in before it gets cold.”

Ben crossed his arms and Frankie’s face set into concrete resolution. It was the younger Miller who spoke, tone unwavering and serious. You weren’t entirely sure you’d heard him be so serious before…even before his fights. “We’re not eating until a toast is given.”

“Will can give a toast,” slipped from your mouth, nervousness causing the words to spill freely – maybe a little too freely. With a nervous laugh you continued. “He’s basically the man of the house.”

Will’s eyes noticeably widened up at you to your right, his mouth falling open slightly in surprise as his cheeks mirrored the fire in your own. Ben’s head snapped toward Will, giving a light smirk as his brother stood, never pulling his eyes from your face as he lifted his glass from the table.

The toast he gave was short, and yet he still struggled to make it through its entirety. Several times he cleared his throat, feeling the tingle in his tear ducts that threatened to pour with each passing moment, each beat of his heart causing a tightness in his chest.

“And…” he began the final sentence, releasing a shaking breath as he looked around the table. His eyes settled back to you like it was the most natural place in the world for them to be. You reached out to where one of his hands grasped the edge of the table, sliding your hand atop his and giving a gentle squeeze. The simple act spurred him through the rest of his speech. “And here’s to hopefully many more Christmases with all of us together.”

Dinner went smoothly from there, the table’s mood lighthearted and happy as everyone ate, light conversations being passed around – which included stories from both Will and Ben about their Christmases growing up and the trouble they used to get themselves into. Once the table was clear the group relocated into the living room to sit around the tree to complete the Secret Santa gift exchange you’d all planned.

Santi gave Frankie the gift he’d gotten him first – a new fishing pole, a hat (it was the same one he’d always worn, just a new version – you had to wonder how many times he’d been gifted the exact hat), and a pack of new socks. Frankie was enthralled by each of them, saying they’d have to plan a trip soon. As a result Frankie went next, handing Danielle her gift in a bag (he’d tried to wrap it, truly…he gave up when half the roll had been used). Danielle’s face lit up at the various candles and candy inside the bag and waved the spa trip for two pass in your direction with a smile.

Dani gifted Santi with tickets to a concert he’d been complaining for weeks he didn’t secure tickets to, which brought his trademark soft smile to his face as he thanked her profusely. Not before multiple comments were made about how the group hoped there was seating in the venue, so he didn’t have to stand on his shitty knees the entire time, you announced you’d go next since Santi had already handed out his gift. Passing a sizeable box to Ben with a wink and a smile you leaned back against the fireplace, watching as the younger Miller tore into it with excitement.

“You did not get me an original Nintendo 64,” he exclaimed, eyes wide as he pulled the old console out of the box. As Will watched on his chest tightened as you smiled at Ben, the word family seeming to repeat itself in his mind.

“You’ve been complaining about how the new model isn’t the same,” you explained with a shrug, taking a drink of the cider you held in your hand. “I can’t wait to kick your ass in Mario Party.”

“Next weekend, you’re on. Hope you’re not a sore loser,” he smirked, digging through the games that littered the bottom of the box as well. Wrapped up in admiring his gift he almost forgot to pass the envelope he was holding to his own brother with a playful smile. Will laughed – your heart swelled – and as he opened the envelope, he shot his brother a smile. “I know we usually say no gift cards…but you’re impossible to buy for. Figured you could use it on dinner or…somethin’.”

The brothers shared another knowing look and smile before Will reached out to pat his back, mentally noting to give him a proper hug when they weren’t sitting later. Which left Will to give the gift he’d purchased for the only person that remained without…you.

He moved closer to you on the couch, draping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you in close as he slipped his phone from his pocket, glancing down at you first to offer you a smile. “So, you’ve been saying that you miss the snow…”

As his sentence trailed, he turned his phone screen so you could see it, the sight of a small, warm-looking cabin surrounded by snow and pine trees filling your eyes. You turned your head to look up at him, eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion and questioning as your mouth opened briefly. Will beat you to talking.

“Now, obviously…I didn’t buy it, but I did rent it for a weekend…next month when there still should be plenty of snow,” he offered, crystalline eyes transfixed on yours as he spoke. “I thought we could take a nice trip…together, especially since that weekend will be your anniversary of going to rehab. It’s big enough for people to join –“

“Not a single one of us wants to be in that cabin with you two that weekend,” Santiago interrupted, quickly dismissing the thought with a shake of his head.

“…no offense, of course.” Frankie chimed in, elbowing his best friend.

“Oh, full offense intended,” Ben joined in, his words chased by a laugh. “You two in a cold ass log cabin somewhere in the fuckin’ Rockies? Count all of us out.”

Your cheeks burned at their teasing and yet you couldn’t bring yourself to look away from Will, your bottom lip pulling between your teeth briefly as you grasped his hand gently. There were a lot of words that ran through your mind in appreciation – three not-so-little ones squeaking quietly in the back of your mind. You tried to silence them – something you had to do often now. It was getting more and more difficult to do.

Everyone else was ignored, even their taunting. As was so often the case, it was only you and Will.

“Thank you,” you whispered quietly, melting at the gentle curve of his lips. Without thinking you leaned upward to kiss him once quickly and gently, a small action that quickly silenced the group. They knew it happened, but seeing it was far different than hearing about it.

It was thanks enough for Will.

Now the gifts had all been received you excused yourself to gather plates and cupcakes from the kitchen. Once everyone had plates with multiple cupcakes each, it was time to watch a movie – the choice of which was yours.

The movie you chose really didn’t matter – your focus was almost entirely on Will. Taking the loveseat close to the fire, Will had his arms wrapped around you tightly seemingly from the moment you’d sat down, pulling you back against his strong chest to support you while he balanced a plate of cupcakes on his knee. He left no room for you to protest such an obvious display of affection, keeping one arm slung around your shoulder and seemingly pulling you closer and closer by the second.

After everyone had eaten their cupcakes and really settled in, you had to wonder if the other men and woman in the room minded the state you found yourself in with Will. His arm remained around your shoulders, your hand reaching up to lace your fingers with his…which allowed you the ability to press kisses to his fingers with ease. Several times Will turned your head, to press a gentle kiss to your lips, your nose, your forehead…smiling earnestly each time and pulling at your heart.

Halfway through the movie Will leaned to whisper in your ear, his breath hot against the shell. The mint lingering on his to his breath and huskiness in his voice send a chill up your spine – you knew he felt it when a quiet chuckle rumbled through his chest. “Let’s split the other cupcake on the plate.”

You turned your head to flash him an amused look, raising an eyebrow. “That’ll be your third one.”

“We’re splitting it,” he defended with a shrug of his shoulders, his other hand reaching for the aforementioned plate on the table beside the couch. “It doesn’t count.”

“Mm,” you smiled, taking the cupcake to unwrap it before taking a slow bite. When you offered it to him his eyes flashed with a look entirely indecent for company, his voice lower as he held your gaze. A subtle shake to his head confirmed what your mind had already begun to infer. “Gimme a bite.”

You fed him a bite slowly, eyes locked with his as you pulled your bottom lip between your teeth slightly, watching his pink tongue dart out to run along his bottom lip to collect the peppermint icing there. He offered another smile with an appreciative hum

“Would you two get a room?” Benny questioned over the movie, shooting his older brother a playful look. He wasn’t serious, he truly didn’t mind seeing his older brother finally loosen up a bit and be happy – but that didn’t mean he couldn’t give him hell. It was, after all, the responsibility of being a younger sibling.

“They’re all my rooms, Benjamin,” you taunted, shooting the man a bright smile that Will took the moment to cherish. Taking another bite of the cupcake with a smirk on his lips he opted to settle back in then, wrapping his arms around you and resting his chin on the top of your head.

The two of you remained that way for the rest of the movie, his arms clutching you against his chest and rubbing gentle circles on your stomach occasionally. There was nothing stopping him from pressing kisses to the top of your head, either – which he considered fair, given that you were irresistible this close to him.

Santiago cleared out first in a haste, jaw clenching through his goodbyes which he seemed less-than-focused on as he checked his phone’s screen several more times. It was then that you offered a room to anyone who wanted to stay, which was quickly shot down by both Ben and Frankie who shared a knowing look.

“We do not want to be in this house when your…canoodling escalates,” Ben asserted, glancing between his older brother and you, who were now standing a few steps further from Will in an attempt to be less obvious. It was far too late for that.

With a hug and kiss on the cheek from Frankie and a promise to call you tomorrow, Dani gave you a gentle hug which was quickly contrasted by a crushing hug from Ben, who then only had to hug his brother goodbye before the two of you were alone. Will immediately wrapped his arms around you when the front door was shut, pulling you into his chest while releasing a deep breath.

He loved his brothers – but solitude with you was bliss.

“Let’s go clean up that kitchen,” he began, pausing his sentence mid-way through to press a kiss to your forehead. “Get it over with so we don’t have to worry about it, darlin’.”

You’d do almost anything he asked so long as he asked in that molasses thick tone.

You pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, teasing him by pulling away slowly with a light smile on your face before you removed yourself from his arms, making your way to the kitchen with him following. When you began to run the sink to fill it you glanced to watch him lean against the counter to wait, his arms crossed like he was trying to control himself. Following his gaze your eyes landed on the cupcakes that remained (you’d made extra knowing he would be this way), and a smile passed over your features.

“I see you eyeballing those cupcakes, Mister Miller,” you teased, smiling further when he turned to you with red cheeks and a bashful gaze. You leaned across the counter to grab one, taking a slow bite as your eyes stayed on his. He wasn’t quite sure the cupcake was so important anymore. “C’mere and share this one with me before we do the dishes.”

He was good at following orders.

He didn’t need to tell you to feed him bites this time, you gladly taking up the task with adoration pooling in your eyes as you fed him almost the entire cupcake. He offered you a gentle smile as you reached upward to remove icing from the corner of his lips, popping the digit into your mouth with an appreciative hum before handing him the kitchen towel.

“I’ll clean, you dry.”

The rhythm the two of you entered was the same as every other way the two of you seemed to effortlessly fit together these days. Will could reach cabinets you couldn’t which made the task go much faster, and while he found himself quietly humming seasonal songs you soaked in the relaxation the sound brought.

“Today was good, yeah?” Will questioned from beside you, drying off another dish before placing it in its rightful place in the cabinet. “I think that’s the best Christmas this group has managed in years.”

“Benny said he’s going to pay me to make him those cupcakes every week. That Miller sweet tooth is something fierce,” you joked, rinsing out another glass. His cheeks reddened at your teasing. “Did you talk to Santiago? Something was up with him, he looked at his phone at least twenty times an hour, and he was bragging for weeks that his ugly sweater would put me to shame and then he just…didn’t wear one.”

“Mm,” he mused, taking another glass from you to dry it. “Pope is doing a poor job at keeping a secret he thinks he’s doing a great job at. He’s on edge.”

“Doesn’t he know better than to try to keep secrets from you?” you questioned, handing the last dish and turning to fix your attention on him as he dried it. At some point, damn him, he’d rolled the sleeves of his sweater up, and he looked so natural in your home it was starting to make you feel sentimental. Whole. “But today was great. We did a good job.”

“We, like I had hardly anything to do with it,” he hummed, smiling lightly as he put the dish away before leaning on the counter with his hip to face you. “It was practically all you. But…I’ve been telling you we make a good team.”

He reached out his hand gently toward you, pulling you closer to him to press a kiss to your forehead, not expecting a response. Wrapping your arms around his waist you stepped in as close as you could, resting your head on his chest and closing your eyes. He held onto you tightly, shifting to lean his back against the counter to hold you closer. Flashes of the day spent together ran through both of your minds –you’d sat in his lap on the couch in front of everyone – because the living room didn’t have enough seats (lie) – but the feeding him bites of your cupcake was entirely optional.

Will loved you. It was a fact that was growing harder and harder to ignore by the day, the ache in his chest growing every time he heard your name or saw your face.  He didn’t want to say his next words, but he had grown so used to them – so used to this routine now that he accepted when they needed to be said.

“It’s getting late. I should probably head out, before the idiots get out on the road.”

It was a long pause, putting William on edge for a moment as he waited for your words. Even hesitation like this wasn’t normal for you. Your voice was soft, slightly wavering as you tilted your head back to look up at him.

“I don’t remember asking you to leave.”

Will paused, brief confusion flashing on his face before he smiled lightly, clearing his throat as he gave a slight nod. He was truly doing his best not to look overjoyed, though that’s exactly what he felt. “Are you asking me to stay, honeybee?”

“I thought it’d be a good Christmas present.”

“Maybe the best one I’ve ever gotten,” he smiled, leaning closer to brush his lips over yours again. His hands slid lower, pulling you closer to press a kiss to your lips gently. You couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, at his desperation to be close to you now that the two of you were alone, and his poor attempt at hiding how happy he was. His hands slipping lower still he ran his fingers over your thighs, eyes searching your face for a response. You were getting far too good at the poker face you’d developed against him.

“Are you trying to take me up to bed this quickly, Ironhead?” you cooed, looking up at him with a hooded gaze through your lashes. You hoped your face remained straight despite the burn that surged toward your core – feeling a bit proud of yourself again as you noticed him swallow hard. “You’ll miss out on the matching pajamas I picked up for us…”

“I’ve waited all day,” he pointed out, dragging one of his hands upward to push your skirt up, trailing kisses down your neck and chest. You grasped the edge of the counter to steady yourself, his eyes glancing up into yours again as he began to sink to his knees, using one of his hands to lift your leg over his shoulder. “I’m still starving.”

An embarrassingly wanton moan fell from your lips, one of your hands reaching to slide your fingers through his hair as his hand slid up your thigh to push your underwear to the side. “Is this what you thought about all day, Will?”

“You know it is. That little stunt you pulled earlier wasn’t very nice,” he drawled, eyes hungrily running over your already soaked cunt. “Look how wet you are for me, honeybee. You’ve been thinking about me today too, haven’t you? You sweet thing.”

You whimpered as he ran his fingers through your folds, his lips curving upward into a light smile as he taunted you slightly – waiting for you to answer. “Thought about me all day and now you can’t stop talking.”

He chuckled as he leaned forward, running his flattened tongue through your folds with a low groan as you rocked your core against his face, his nose bumping your clit and causing you to moan. He set in on his task then, satiating the hunger he still felt by licking and sucking and kissing every inch of your sex he could, relishing in your fingers tangling into his hair as you threw your head back with a moan. “God, this is a Christmas present…” The muffled laugh he released vibrated through you, the sensation causing you to buck your core into his face with a gasp as you pulled his hair slightly. “Fuck, William, you’re so fucking…so good at that.”

He removed his mouth from fucking his tongue into your entrance to smile up at you crookedly, his lips and facial hair glistening with your arousal. Slipping a finger into your tight channel he turned his head to press a gentle kiss to your inner thigh. “Love when you tell me how good I make you feel.”

He began to thrust his finger into you as he connected his mouth with your clit, giving the sensitive nub a flick with his tongue before sucking it gently. You whined his name quietly, keeping a hold on his hair as you moved your aching core against his face and hand, already desperate for more. He groaned against your skin with a particularly slow swipe of his tongue, adding a second finger to begin to stretch you.

The tips of his fingers massaged against your walls perfectly each time he pushed them back into you, particularly against the perfectly blinding spot behind your clit. You cried out, hands grasping his hair to steady yourself as you rutted against his mouth desperately. His tongue circled around your clit again, one hand slipping behind you to cup your ass and hold you against him closer, his blue eyes still burning up at you.

“Fuck, Will, I…” you began, words trailing off with an uptick in pitch as your thigh began to shake behind his head. Ensuring he tightened his hold on you he nodded, flicking his tongue against your clit with more fervor. Not long after you moaned his name again loudly, your eyes rolling back as heat rushed through you.

He removed his fingers but continued to lap at your folds, groaning appreciatively at the taste of your release coating his tongue. When he’d drank enough of you down he began to kiss up your body again, holding you close by the hips with one hand and undoing his belt and pants with the other as his lips connected with yours again. You tasted yourself on his tongue and – damn it – all of the cupcakes he’d eaten that lingered as well. After pushing his pants and briefs to the floor and kicking them aside.

Before he could lift you to the counter you broke the kiss, trailing your kisses down his neck before sucking a light mark above his collarbone with a smile. His chest rumbled with a groan, his hands slipping to your lower back to hold you closer. Your hands moved to hold his shoulders, applying pressure to encourage him to swap positions with you, smiling as you looked up at him through heavy lashes.

“Where you goin’, honeybee?” he asked, voice heavy as he reached his hands toward you again. Widening your smile you reached to wrap your fingers around his hardened length, eyes flashing with adoration when his hips jolted forward to meet your touch, a low groan sounding in his chest again. As you continued to rub along his length you sank to your knees, not breaking eye contact as you ran your tongue along the slit of his velvet head to taste the precum leaking from him already. His hands immediately grasped behind your head, fingers lacing into your hair. “Fuck.”

You removed your hand, running your nails down his thigh lightly as your tongue traced the thick vein on his cock, a light smile tugging at your lips when he moaned out another profanity. You continued to lick up and down his length and suck only on the head briefly, enjoying the frustrated huff to his breath that grew as you teased him slightly.

His usual sense of self control was obliterated by his need to feel the warmth of your mouth around his length. Before you could pull your lips free of him again he grasped your hair tighter, holding you in place as he slipped more of his length into your mouth. “Do you like teasing me, sweet thing?” You moaned in affirmation around his length, managing to run your tongue around as much of his length as you could manage. He pushed more of his length into your mouth, head falling back briefly before he corrected himself, eyes meeting yours again. “This is what you want? For me to fuck your mouth?”

You moaned again and he took his command, thrusting his length into your mouth greedily and with almost embarrassing speed. He seldom got to enjoy the feeling of your mouth around his length as he’d always opt to bury himself in your tight cunt before he got the chance, but on these occasions when you insisted – when you wanted him to bruise your throat – he was never one to resist. When his velvet head hit the back of your throat and you gagged slightly he huffed out a deep, sustained groan as his cheeks flushed, one of his hands moving from your hair to cup your cheek and stroke it gently.

It only encouraged you further.

You reached your own hand to cup his balls, fondling them gently as he began to thrust repeatedly into your mouth – gentle as he could manage in his clouded mind. “Fuck, baby…” he began, hitting the back of your throat again and holding your hair slightly tighter to keep you in place for a moment. “God, you’re doing so good. You look so pretty. Going to make you feel so fucking good soon.”

You moaned around his length which spurred him to brush your cheek again before he returned to fucking your mouth, some part of his brain keening at the sight of you drooling around his length. He may have been a clean freak, but there were some messy sights when it came to you that he loved.

He continued to praise you while he enjoyed your mouth, lasting for several more thrusts before he removed his cock from your mouth, gently tugging you upward to your feet again. “Let me fuck you right here. I can’t wait for the bedroom.”

There was something so intrinsically commanding – and sexy – about his tone that had you scrambling to allow him to lift you onto the counter, removing your skirt and underwear and tossing them to the pile with his pants as you went. “You’re fucking me in every room in this house, William Miller. This is just the start.”

He used his hand gently to raise one of your legs and hook it over his shoulder, his other hand fisting his cock to smear your remaining spit around his length as he groaned at your words. Leaning forward he lined his cock up with your tight entrance, releasing his length to grab the hand towel on the counter beside you, holding the fabric behind your head gently as he pressed a kiss to your lips gently.

“Don’t want you hitting your head,” he explained before beginning to push his throbbing cock into your velvet walls, groaning deeply as he leaned his forehead against yours with his eyes screwed shut in concentration. You leaned your head back, grateful for the cushion of the towel and his hand rather than the cabinet as you gasped, keening at the feeling of his cock splitting you open again.

When he’d bottomed out in you he stilled for a moment, kissing you again deeply and hungrily as he enjoyed the feeling of being fully wrapped up in you again. When he released you from the kiss he lowered his head to burrow into your neck, breathing in the smell of you deeply as he began to thrust into you carefully, perfectly. Even with you on a counter he knew the perfect angles to enter you, each thrust knocking the head of his cock against either the spongey spot that made you moan or your cervix, which always made you cry out his name.

It was impossible for him to say which he preferred.

After thrusting slowly and carefully for a while, enjoying the steady beat of your heart against his chest and your pulse beneath his lips. He raised his head to kiss you again, picking up the pace as his tongue danced across your bottom lip again, a deep groan sounding in his chest when your walls fluttered around him. He was unwilling to release you from the kiss fully so he muttered against your lips – how beautiful you were, how good you felt, how wonderful you sounded moaning for him, how fucking perfect you were…

He was burrowing into your mind and heart now. You were letting him.

You intentionally clenched your walls around him slightly, wrapping your other leg around his waist to force him deeper into you, pulling what was practically a growl from his chest. His hand on your hip grasped tighter as he gave several deep, pointed, slow thrusts, his forehead falling to lean against yours as he released a shaky breath.

“Wanna fill you up again,” he breathed out desperately, fingertips digging into you roughly as his pace became sloppy. “Can’t stop thinking about seeing my cum leak out of your pretty pussy.”

“Will, fuck…” you moaned again, hands grasping his shoulders to help ground yourself somewhat, feeling the building pressure again and knowing euphoria approached. His hand left your hip to slide lower, his thumb rubbing quick circles around your sensitive bundle of nerves to coax you over the edge.

“You like that? You like hearing me talk about filling you up, my love?”

“Yes, Will, fuck, f-f-fu-fucking love it,” you moaned out, your eager-to-please tone scratching an itch in his brain and causing his pace to increase – he now pounded into you relentlessly, knowing full well you wouldn’t walk well tomorrow. He’d be here to care for you anyway.

“I know ya do,” he groaned, nipping at your bottom lip lightly. “Means you’re mine.

”You could only nod up at him as your lips stayed open, eyelids heavy. He managed a light smile at the sight, losing himself in the fantasy of filling you so often that one day it would really take and that the two of you would fill this big farmhouse with a family – one day, he thought. For now, he could at least enjoy claiming your womb in practice.

Your orgasm washed over you quickly and powerfully, walls tightening down around his cock causing him to stay buried to the hilt as you cried out his name loudly, eyes rolling back. He ground his waist against you best he could with your tight, hot walls spasming around him until his own release came, ropes of his hot seed spilling into you. He kissed you throughout your orgasms, pulling you in closer to his chest to have you as flush against him as possible.

He continued to kiss you repeatedly, gently, reverently, worshipful as both of you came down from your shared high.

“You still want me to stay?” he questioned quietly against your lips when both of you seemed to have your breath returned to normal. You offered a gentle smile, pressing a kiss against his bottom lip – it was lazy, tired. Some of his favorite kisses from you were such – when you had no energy left and you still tried to give it to him.

“Only if you carry me to bed, soldier.”

He smiled – one of his pure and genuine smiles – as he scooped you up into his arms bridal style, holding you closer to his chest as he nodded. Flipping the lights off, Will began to exit the kitchen to make his way to share your bed for the first time, before a final thought ran through his mind. For a moment he questioned if he should voice the thoughts – but he knew you wouldn’t judge him.

“…You want me to grab more of those cupcakes before we go up?”

masterlist.

[idlerin]

YOU’VE RUINED MY LIFE BY NOT BEING MINE — suna rintarou one-shot smau

as the self proclaimed honorary miya sibling (by you and the twins— since your parents and the miya twins’ parents were the closest friends, it ended up with their children being playmates). it was that one sunny day in the park when you became stuck with them ever since.

you’re one year younger so when you finally entered inarizaki and first laid your eyes on suna— osamu’s bff you’ve only heard about in passing. you fell. like literally slipped and fell because you were running towards the twins and when you saw suna you lost balance.

it was also the day when you declared you were going to be the love of his life.

suna was taken aback by your strangeness and only realized you were serious when you gave him a proper confession at the back of the school a week later when you claimed, “i’m going to make you fall in love with me.”

to which his reply to your confession was a shrug and a “you can try, but don’t hope for much.”

it’s been a year. and you’re still as determined as ever!

after the whole, chasing suna around the school and giving up after a few minutes and munching on a fruit sadly, suna came in and walked towards you and atsumu, pat your head and said “i was only teasing you.”

okay maybe joining the cheer squad was an impulsive decision, but hey! you were already alongside them every game and half of your friends were on it so you thought why not do that for your extracurricular this year! the outfit looked good on you, you cheer for inarizaki (suna), and bonus points that you’ll have fun— the situation offered absolutely no losses.

hitoshi and you were talking last week about how you’ve been trying to woo suna for about a year now and he asked if there was still no progress and you think about it and resisted the urge to refute his claims. suna and you spend a lot of time together, not that other people knew, even the twins (there are some things you prefer to keep between just him and you).

hitoshi mentions that he wants to help you, you both stare at each other and say “we should make him jealous!” at the same time. you were amused at the notion because you’ve never seen suna jealous before. hitoshi was just bored. the perfect formula of friendship!

suna and you constantly go out at least 2 times a week, and every time after-game, albeit a few hours after post-game eat-out. he’s the reason why you’re MIA when atsumu’s trying to tell you about the new manga releases that week.

suna acts like he doesn’t care about your advances on him most of the time in front of other people but of course, that’s only a farce. why would he tolerate all of your silly advances if he wasn’t head over heels for you too?

“so are we dating?!” you shout in hysterics through your phone where suna’s on the other line.

it makes osamu place his earphones in and atsumu glare at you while bashing suna on twitter. the three of you were on your way home after atsumu made a scene in the suna household 20 minutes prior.

“i’d prefer if we make it official in person, you know,” suna says groggily, having been woken up from his sleep by atsumu’s screeches.

“i can run back to your house,” you propose, suna chuckles while atsumu traps you in a headlock. osamu walks ahead and pretends he isn’t associated with you and atsumu.

a/n — so uhm hey guys 😼 did u miss me? /peeking from my cave

general taglist + @rintarousprincess @giyuus0nlywife @luvrsthrist @cherries4denki @cloud-lyy @misscaller06

[aphrodeiities]

i've returned to post about a particular subject i've been fighting to or not to post, because i used to consider this person the closest person in my life and i even considered her as a best friend and a sister.

and we have fallen out and apologised to each other many times, but perhaps whenever we argued it was life telling me that she is not supposed to be in my circle. and you could be wondering why am i bringing this up and telling tumblr this but im telling tumblr this to be aware of @couerardent and her scamming behaviour.

couerardent also known as MYSTIICWINTER OR MYSTICWIINTER.

talk about WORSE SERVICE I HAVE EVER GOTTEN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

[other people have come to me and spoke about how bad her services were, but i tried to overlook it because i really cared for her, lessoned learn]

i have always been empathetic towards ardent and her money situation, but there are moments when excuses turn into reasons to not do something. on august, i sent alex money because she needed it, but she also said in return she will give me 4 packs she usually gives her clients and she told me she would give me my money back.

first pack is "tell me your story."

second and other packs she hadnt told me what they were but she informed me that i'll be receiving them weekly since august, and now its november.

at first i was empathetic, since i used to be close to ardent, i knew she went through a lot of stuff at home, so i was patient. until august turned into september, and september turned into october and then october turned into novemeber.

and slowly i became annoyed, [as i should] because her services arent even long or good, as someone who gives chart readings to other people that consists more than fourteen pages, the effort to write that would take long, but ardent doesnt even give five pages for her services, three at most, so why is it taking her so long?

previously, she has joked to me about scamming other people, but would put the blame on them and not want to take accountability until they start using threats to expose her, i think she deleted the making fun of scamming them but here is some of it:

and when i would message her for updates about my reading because it'll take months, she would ignore me and even change her pfp on tumblr or discord, until i reach out to her on more platforms to get her attention.

and what would annoy me even more is that she would talk about how she never has something to do or would focus on other stuff knowing she needs to get my reading done lmao and this would be like 1-2 months after i was supposed to receive any of it lol.

worrying about the layout for almost 3 months PLEASE.

i have received 1/4 readings, and that was now almost 2-3 weeks ago, we should've been on my 2nd or 3rd reading by now, the only reason i have received 1 reading is because i did threaten to expose her if she didnt send the money or reading my way, because even i had some issues because living in london has gotten really difficult and i have been trying to support my family as much as i can, but im doing better right now.

its all about the principle. and she has none of that. and even attempted to victimise herself and behave like she was in distress whenever she got called out about her behaviour.

she lost track of time, the time being 3-4 months lol.

and when i was speaking to her she ignored me for a bit again ha, it was almost comedic. for almost two weeks she didnt try and check what i was speaking about.

she has gotten ill, but this was still months after.

and i have remembered, she has used much of her earned money to fund for her nose job but also uni, but during the moments it was best to pay me back was at the job she said paid her well, she informed me that when she gets paid by her job she'll pay me back, and she never did and ended up quitting the job.

[the unfairness i was speaking about is how uni her country dont do student finances, she's from romania, because they do in the uk it was just a surprise].

i asked her recently on how i was supposed to receive a reading but she didnt reply but change her pfp on whatsapp and discord, again.

if there is any confused people comment please because i did this half asleep lmao

[eppysboys]

“Astrid and The Beatles became even closer when she invited them to her home in Altona. For the first time since arriving in Hamburg, the five boys were able to enjoy some home comforts and escape the desperate privations of their hovel like accommodation at The Bambi Kino. They also enjoyed some sorely missed English food: “They loved visiting my house. For their first visit, my mother asked me what they liked to eat, and so she cooked them mashed potatoes, steak and peas – the first proper English meal they’d had since arriving in Germany. She even got them some strawberries, and made tea with milk and sugar. John and my mother got on like house on fire – even though they did not understand a word each other was saying. It was lovely to see. The boys had a good time – they had a bath and enjoyed looking through our records and books. It was to be the first of many such visits.”

Through such occasions, Astrid was able to get to know The Beatles as individuals. 

“Paul is still like he was then, very lovely, deeply modest, and very well mannered. He nearly broke his tongue talking German to my mother. He had his phrase book with him. He always tried to be the translator, because he had these three or five words of German that he knew. George was the sweet one. He was just 17, and he would sit and look at things, politely asking “Can I please look at that book, that magazine?” He is one of my closest friends. I am so pleased to know that he is in England watching over me. He had had tough times recently, and so I am pleased he has his family and his religion to help him. He lost John, his parents, he was almost killed during that terrifying attack, and he had that bad cancer, but through all these tragedies he is still the George he has always been; kind, helpful and full of love for his friends. He is very caring toward me.

...

John was the strong one, always asking questions. All that anger that people associate with him and that was showing the film “Backbeat” in several scenes, where he shouts “It’s all dick!” at everyone and anyone - including me – was not the John I knew. That’s fiction, I never heard him say that. We got on every well – he was never hostile towards me.

“And Stuart!!! Well, by the time they visited my home we really had a crush on each other, so we just sat gazing into one another’s eyes, as the rest carried on. Neither of us actually made the first move, it was both of us - like magnets. At that time, Klaus was my boyfriend, but he sensed what was happening. He saw it and, in a way, forced it, which is strange to understand now, but Klaus always wanted me to be happy. He knew I wasn’t happy in our relationship. He and I were great friends, we shared the same tastes, the same sense of humour, but we just could not live together as lovers, that was impossible. So he encouraged Stuart and me a little bit.”

Astrid Kirchherr on the personalities of The Beatles. Interviewed by Colin Hall for Get Rhythm, August 2001

[ikjun]

i saw several people mentioning how stupid or clueless gicheol was and like. that wasn't bad writing per se, that was his character. gicheol is consistently blinded by what he wants and loves, from the moment we meet him in the first episode and he loses taeho. gicheol only managed to stay on his path until he met junmo as seungho, who posed a connection back to the person gicheol was closest to and loved the most. when seungho arrives, he becomes blind to everyone else in the union, he forgets his ties to his old school friends and refuses to let anyone but seungho rise through the ranks and get closer to him, get open care from him, get respect from him. when he meets euijeong again, he becomes blind to any semblance of sense and reason. he is this clueless because he loves more than he thinks. he follows his heart and the moment it became involved with two other people, it stopped being involved with the union. several people around gicheol mention it (all three of his chiefs do at one point, even some of the cops do) and he says it himself before he dies. to protect seungho and euijeong, he gave up everything else. gicheol could never win this. he lost the moment he chose sentimentality over the business. but the thing is, he chose sentimentality over the business from the very first moment we meet him.

[kudouusagi]

You know, watching episode 11 of bucchigiri, it was very difficult to see Zabu being beaten like that, poor thing. I wonder how they are going to end this story with just one episode, there are a lot of meaningless things I think I only see three alternatives. 1. an open ending with Matakara and Arajin making peace but going their separate ways (matakara) and maybe a 2nd season with arajin trying to get him to be a honki again. 2. Matakara and Arajin don't make peace and are murdered like Senya and Ichiya and they turn into geniuses and try to fight again like Senya and Ichiya. 3. For me, I most wanted Matakara's brother not to die and return and save Matakara from ruin. What worries me in the end is how they are going to make an acceptable and good ending for Matakara because he did a lot of bad things. What worries me are the consequences. sorry for the text.

It was hard to watch Zabu being beaten... I hope he's still alive because at the rate this shows going I'm not sure he is.

My problem with this story is they've kept all the actual plot for the end and so people lost interest before any plot even happened, but even the plot we've been given hasn't been explained well enough.

I still don't know what honki people actually are. What happens when they become honki people? Earlier in the series Arajin asked Senya if he was a honki person and he said he is a man who came the closest to being one. I started making a post about all the awkward translations in this series but I stopped (I got demotivated about the series in general, but I've also been having a lot of personal problems... I was hospitalized for my mental health for about a week this month >.>) I started like 10 posts about this series that have just been stuck in my drafts the whole time lol

Here's part of that post

So we saw they banned people from attempting to become honki people... but I have no idea why because nobody has become one before.... and I don't know what would happen if they did lol. I don't know how him and Ichiya then became majin either. I saw they got shot and died... and for other people to be able to use their power of strength, they must shoot themselves with the guns that killed them... why? Who knows.

Why did Arajin have to shoot himself again? I have no idea. I didn't see him loose the bullet he had. All that happened was he told Senya to go away. Is that all it takes to make him go away?? Arajin didn't even want Senya there the whole time, so why was he there at all? I don't know. But apparently he needed to shoot himself again to get him back lol. Up until then people had been having the bullet ricochet around the room so I didn't know what would happen if he just directly shot himself like that, but apparently that worked the same as it ricocheting.

So my theory is that the two genies will take over Arajin and Matakara's bodies... they'll fight... probably become honki people because nobody will be there to shoot people for trying to become honki people again, and then maybe we'll finally figure out wtf was wrong with Ichiya to begin with that he decided he had to fight Senya and risk getting killed to do it. I felt like he was possessed by the shadow thing like Matakara was afraid of because when Makatara was scared of it, it looked to me like it was inside of Ichiya.

Matakara thought the "monster" disappeared when he kicked it, but Ichiya just moved behind him and looked possessed.

But with the way things are going, I don't even expect this series to explain that. They've literally explained nothing.

[ur-fav-inactive-writer]

𝐀 𝐒𝐡𝐲 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐫 & 𝐀 𝐏𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞

Pt: Two Three | Prince Phillip III x shy!reader | Request

(omd I hate the name but whatever)

WC: 1681

It was a pretty average day in Amber Beach. The sun was shining bright as usual and you and the rangers were hard at work in the café. You were stood in the kitchen, huffing as you tried with all your might to scrub a mark off of the counter. It was a busy day in the café, plenty of people sat at tables and waiting for food. Tyler came and stood next to you,

"Hey, (Y/N/N), can you take this to table 7 for me, please? Shelby's on break and all the other servers are busy."

You turned to him, nodding as you took the tray. Tyler was your closest friend. You'd known him for many years, him being the reason that you moved to Amber Beach. You hung out all the time, gave him advice about his massive crush on Shelby and acted like siblings. You and Tyler had known one another since you were just little kids, both your dads' being friends and going caving together. You both lost your fathers in the caving accident so many years back, and as devastating as it was, it bonded you and Tyler in ways you didn't even think were possible. Heck, if that hadn't happened, you don't think you and Tyler would've been friends. You were always shy and reserved, not being very good with new people. But once you were familiarised with Tyler, you became closer than ever. So when many years had passed and you had both grown up and Tyler packed up to go to Amber Beach in search of Sampson Cave, you happily accompanied him. That's how you ended up working at the café and being a ranger, and you wouldn't change a single thing.

You turned on your heel, taking the tray Tyler had provided you with to the corresponding table. You placed down all the plates to each person, serving them their drinks before turning and returning to the kitchen. Going over to the sink, you began to scrub the dishes before hearing a loud commotion. You heard the sound of many teenage girls shrieking and fawning over something. Confused at the fuss, you turned around. Your eyes widened as you saw the prince, your boyfriend, walking into the café. Your feet began moving without you even realising as you began to run to him. The security guards didn't even attempt to stop you, being very familiar with you. Flying into his arms, he held you tightly. It had been weeks since you'd seen him, he was busy with his royal duties and you were occupied with your job and being a ranger. That left very little time to be seeing your dear boyfriend. So, when you had finally seen him, you didn't hold back. You held him tighter than ever, your coworkers 'awwwing' from the kitchen. Phillip smiled as he held you.

"Miss me, my love?"

You remained silent but nodded vigorously. He was surprised how you had ran to him, considering how shy you were and how you didn't like to make a scene. You didn't let go for ages, only pulling back briefly to lean in for a kiss. Phillip was whipped, he adored you more than anything. He felt like a foolish schoolboy with a crush, he just loved you so so much. If it was possible to have a crush on someone while dating them, Phillip definitely did. He was there on ranger business, the two of you and the rest of the rangers going to the base.

~*~*~*~*~

You sat in the base, Kendall discussing something with most of the rangers. She was showing them their new dino chargers. She hadn't been through with you and Phillip yet, but she knew you'd want more time with Phillip, so she decided on going through it with you later on. You were cuddled up next to Phillip, his arm around you and your head on his shoulder. You were quietly conversing and enjoying the peace. He began getting quiet and looking troubled, as if he wanted to ask something but couldn't muster the courage. You looked into his eyes, silently telling him it was okay to ask whatever he was going to. He sighed softly and began to speak,

"(Y/N), would you like to accompany me back to Zandar? I could show you the country, it's truly gorgeous."

You smiled at him, desperately wanting to say yes. Your smile faltered slightly as you responded meekly.

"Phillip, of course I'd want to but I don't know if Kendall would let me have that much time off work and there's are the ranger duties and-"

Phillip cut you off with a small but passionate kiss, catching you off guard. Your eyes widened, feeling shy since you were kissing right in front of all your friends, but you quickly leant into the kiss. He broke away after a few moments.

"My love, I've already consulted Kendall, she has agreed to let you accompany me back to Zandar, so, will you?"

You nodded eagerly at this, excited to finally see the country that your boyfriend rules over. Tyler looked over, smiling at the fact you and Phillip were happy. He'd always be happy for you.

~*~*~*~*~

A week later and it was time for you and Phillip to leave for Zandar. You had packed a bag and bid goodbye to all your friends and were now in the car on the way to the private jet that would take you back to Zandar. Your head was rested on Phillips shoulder, his arm once again wrapped around you with him occasionally leaning down to kiss your forehead.

~*~*~*~*~

You had finally landed in Zandar and the maids had taken all your bags for you and taken them to the room dedicated to you in the palace. You'd never even been there before and there was already a huge room for you! You were sure it was Phillip who had persuaded them to set the whole thing up. You smiled softly at the thought, thanking the maids who had brought your bags up for you. Phillip persuaded you to go shower and change before you went on your tour around Zandar. You happily complied, wanting to make use of the huge bathroom and fancy products waiting for you in your room. You dried off from the shower and before you could even fully dry yourself, maids came into the room. They held out many outfits in front of you, asking if you'd like any of the options. You felt overwhelmed by the amount of strangers in the room and by the amount of options. You looked around yourself, feeling surrounded and on the verge of panicking. The door opened and in came Phillip, ushering the maids out of the room and telling them to attend to other business. As they all left, Phillip approached you. He placed his hands on your cheeks, pressing his forehead against yours.

"Its okay, my love, they're all gone now and you can have some peace," he softly kissed your forehead before finishing "I'll be waiting in my room across the hall, just come in once you're finished changing"

You nodded, appreciating the gesture and smiling at him softly. He left the room, allowing you to choose which clothes you wanted to wear that day. You settled on an oversized jumper and a plaid skirt with tights, perfect for the autumn weather. You loosely braided your hair and put some shoes on before approaching Phillip's room. You knocked softly on the door and he opened it within moments. He stood in the doorway, admiring your beauty. He fell silent, just focused on how pretty you looked. He snapped out of it and took your hand, guiding you out of the palace to begin the tour of Zandar.

~*~*~*~*~

You roamed the gorgeous streets of Zandar, holding onto Phillip's arm whilst admiring the country. Each street you passed through, he gave you detailed accounts of the stories that had taken place there. Hearing him speak so passionately about his country made your heart melt. You looked up at him, smiling contently. Camera flashes snapped you out of the moment, making you jump. Desperately looking around for the source of the flash, you spotted paparazzi coming round a corner. You stared at them flustered, your grip on Phillip's arm tightening in panic. He looked to you with concern, noticing how worried you were about the paparazzi. Your shyness made you prone to panicking in situations like this.

Instinctively, Phillip pulled you into his side, allowing you to conceal your face from the cameras. Reporters also appeared and began making their way to the two of you. You began to shake from nervousness, holding onto Phillip tighter than before. He kept an arm around you, and began to speak to the reporters. Politely, he requested that they leave and allow the two of you to have some privacy. They kept asking questions, much to your dismay. His grip around you tightened and he sternly told the reporters that they must leave and that they were making you uncomfortable. Not wanting to upset the Prince, they complied and eventually left. Phillip took you to a concealed corner in a street, allowing you to come out of hiding. He kissed you softly, reassuring you that everything was okay now.

~*~*~*~*~

You woke up in the morning groggily. Turning over sleepily in the huge bed and reaching for your phone. The light practically blinded you as you squinted at it. There was a message from Shelby with a link attached to it. Upon opening it, you saw the message reading 'You've gotta see this!!! You are like the top news story in Zandar!!!' Confused, you opened the link. Your eyes widening upon seeing the headline and photo attached. The headline read 'THE PRINCE'S GIRLFRIEND REVEALED TO PUBLIC EYE' and attached was a photo of the two of you sharing a kiss in that secluded corner. You blushed upon seeing the photo. It was the number 1 news story and the people loved you.

You smiled at your phone before turning it back off and rolling back over, contently drifting back into sleep.

(A/N) I loved writing this!!! hope you guys enjoy reading it!!!

[biggerbetterbat]

WITH YOU [37] BACK

Daryl Dixon x OC!Charlie Reed

Summary: The group is changed. The prison is changed. However, the world is still the same.

Warnings: language, death

Song:

Words: 3,271

Everything had changed in the past six months.

The prison became a different version of the farm they lost in the past. They had their own vegetables and animals, thanks to people from the Woodbury the place became like a happy land. Everyone had their own tasks and chores, and everyone worked in a perfect harmony. Their group wasn't afraid of others anymore, which brought a breath of fresh air to their lives.

People also changed.

Rick came back to his senses. He was the one Rick she met in the quarry and she would dare to say that he was even better. He started smiling more, cracking jokes here and there, which confused Charlie at first. She always saw him as a leader, strong personality, but under this tough act was hiding a goofy. He seemed to enjoy his new role so she started calling him Farmer Rick.

Carl also became calmer. In the Woodbury were people around his age, so he wasn't stuck with adults all the time, which clearly did good to him. He found a new passion and it was reading comics - he was doing it all the time no matter what time it was. Michonne was finding them every time she was gone, so he could later tell Charlie everything. He finally got to experience the childhood again with no running, deaths, and guns - as the council (Hershel, Rick, Glenn, Maggie, Michonne, Daryl, Carol, and Charlie) decided that it would be the best for everyone to keep guns around just in case, but use it outside of the fences.

Charlie felt finally at peace. Demons of the past seemed to go away and leave her be. She was trying to create a new life, under new circumstances.

"Hi, Charlie," she turned around as she heard the male voice.

Daryl....

If anything could change more it was Daryl Dixon. He has become a member of the Prison Council, being responsible for the prison administration as he was one of the key members of the group. He was becoming less aggressive and deeply liking the attention he was receiving from the newcomers. As to the relations with Charlie he was very careful and after those six months he still wasn't sure if he could treat her like before. The closest they got to each other was back in the Woodbury when he was trying to comfort her. Being so distant and sharing just business conversations before going on the runs - which didn't happen often, was the only factor stopping them from truly enjoying the peace of the prison.

"Hi," she gave him a tight smile, like many she gave him recently.

"We brought you some food, sweet thing," Carol smiled and gave her a bowl.

"Thanks," she smiled but placed it away, feeling too troubled to eat.

"How's it going?" Daryl asked.

"Not good," she shook her head. "We had a pretty big buildup overnight. Dozens more towards tower three," she reported. "It's getting as bad as last month. Or even worse...They don't spread out anymore."

"With more of us here, we're drawing more of them out," Daryl commented. "You get enough of those damn fence-clingers, they start to herd up."

"So we get ahead of it, not for long," Carol sighed and then she looked at Daryl. "Sorry, Pookie."

He scoffed and pushed Carol lightly before walking away. Charlie followed him until he disappeared completely and turned to the woman who was smiling like a cheshire cat. "Can you really take over my chores?" she asked.

"Yeah. I got Patrick to change me in the kitchen," she smiled. "Don't worry and go."

He was so close to her yet so far away - that's how she felt during all of their supplies runs. They weren't too frequent. Reed wasn't a part of the Supply Group, she felt comfortable as the protector of the prison - mostly sitting on the watch tower or killing the build ups of Walkers. This time, however, the supply run was supposed to be big one. Big Spot was a store located not so far away from the prison. There were rumors that it was used by the military as a base. The group took boombox and used the music to lure the Walkers out, preparing the store for a later sweep. Charlie was in, the moment she heard about it and she moved everything aside to be a part of this.

"It's like a damn romance novel," Daryl commented as they passed Beth and her boyfriend, exchanging what seemed like a goodbye.

"I think it's sweet," Charlie said as she passed him with a basket. He just hummed not convinced in an answer.

"Let me earn my keep," said Bob once Charlie placed her things in the car. She looked from behind the car so she could hear the conversation better, before approaching them.

"You were out on your own when Daryl found you," Sasha answered. "I just want to make sure you know how to play on a team."

"We ain't gonna do it unless it's easy," Daryl said passing Charlie.

"He was a medic in the Army," added Glenn. Charlie turned her head in his direction and looked at the man. His name was Bob and he was found not that long time ago by Glenn and Daryl - with the second not being so sure about him.

"Let's give him a chance," she interrupted.

"Are you sure?" Sasha furrowed her eyebrows. "There's no room for mistakes."

"I know," Charlie nodded. "Everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves, right?"

"You a hell of a tough sell. You know that?" Bob smiled at Sasha and gave Charlie a small wink.

"Okay," Sasha gave up after a short while and entered a car. "But if something goes wrong..."

Charlie patted Bob in the arm and walked to her car. Once she was at the driver door she reached for the handle at the same time Glenn did. She looked at him and he shook his head. "No."

"Yes."

"I'm not going if you're driving."

"Then stay, I don't care," she answered and pulled the doors, but at the same time Glenn pushed it close. Charlie sighed, closing her eyes. "Dude, just go over there."

"Dude, you almost killed me once," he said remembering the time she was driving him to the farm.

"Don't be so dramatic! You're the man and it was just a dirt road!" she argued. "Now we will go on an asphalt!"

"With Walkers wandering on the sidelines!" he yelled. "Zac! Do you want to die today?" Glenn asked the boy that was standing offside.

"Not really," he smiled.

"And you will if we let Glenn drive," Charlie said.

"Charlie..."

"Glenn..."

"Charlie..."

She gasped and looked past him with wide eyes. The young man looked in that direction and that's when Charlie used the chance and sat inside of the car. "Every damn time."

He sighed and pointed at Zac. "Better buckle up, man. She found a license on the street."

Charlie honked at him, sticking her head out of the window. "I heard that!"

The car stopped as the bike Daryl was riding on stopped. Dixon was reporting Rick on what's the plan and where they were going. She saw Michonne with disappointed face, shaking her head as a sign her mission once again ended with no results. The official story she was telling when someone was asking where she was going was the scouting mission. However, everyone knew it was a lie. She was searching state, towns, woods to find the man who got away and was still threatening the group."Charlie!" Michonne called her name and raised a hand.

"You're back!" Charlie smiled, sticking her head out of the window.

"I am and you're gone," she smiled at her.

"Hey!" Carl called as he saw her in the car with Glenn and approached the car quickly. "You going?"

"Is that a problem, dad?" she smiled.

"You didn't say anything."

"Chill," she answered. "Do your chores. Go read your comics or a book. Patrick will be bored, too. Or go to the story time."

"That's for kids, Charlie," he rolled his eyes.

"Oh? Forgot that you're the man," she smiled. "We have to go now. See you later, little man."

Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?

f you can, baby boy, then we can go all night

'Cause I'm zero to sixty in 3.5

Baby, you got the keys

Now shut up and drive, drive, drive

Shut up and drive, drive,-

"You're going to bring all the Walkers back there," Glenn said and turned the radio off.

"The mood killer's in the house," Charlie rolled her eyes. Her body was still moving to the music she had in her head as the tune was really catchy. "Shame she's eaten. Maybe she's walking as a Walker now," she looked at Glenn who smirked.

"Good girl gone dead," he joked and Charlie gasped in shock that he secretly loved the singer.

When she finally pulled over and stopped the car the reality hit her and seeing the vehicles with "USMC" - United States Marine Corps, sign on them, triggered her. She stepped her foot behind the cut fence and looked around on the tents and cars. There were still American flags here and there and the whole base looked untouched. Some corpses were left on the ground, due to the sun they would soon melt with the pavement.

Did her brothers suffered like that? That became the only question she had while walking through the base.

"Okay, I think I got it," said Zach, which brought Charlie's attention. She thought that he found something useful or rare.

"Got what?" Michonne furrowed her eyebrows when she saw he was just sitting down, probably expecting the same thing as Charlie.

"I've been trying to guess what Daryl did before the turn," he answered.

Charlie soffed. There was no way that Zac would guess that in such a short time. She was trying to guess from the first week she met him."How long it has been? Six weeks?"

"Yeah, I'm pacing myself," Zac nodded and then looked at Daryl. "One shot a day."

"All right, shoot."

"Well, the way you're at the prison, you being on the council, you're able to track, you're helping people, but you're still being kind of..."

"An asshole?" Charlie asked earning a death stare from the hunter.

"Surly," Zac corrected her. "Big swing here...Homicide cop."

Michonne laughed out loud.

"What's so funny?" Daryl asked. "Hmm?"

"It makes lerfect sense," Michone said.

"The man's right," the hunter nodded. "Undercover. I don't like talking about it. It was a lot of heavy shit, you know?" Charlie smiled under her nose, knowing that Daryl was messing with a boy. She liked this version of Dixon, though - relaxed and chill. He smirked as he saw her smiling and looking away.

"Dude, really?"

Daryl threw him a stare and Zac nodded his head, clearing his throat. "Okay. I'll just keep trying, I guess."

"Yeah, you keep doing that."

Loud thud.

"Come on, Detectives," Charlie commanded as he saw a Walker on the other side of the glass behind Daryl and the two men raised immediately to their feet.

"Let's do it."

"All right, we go in, stay in formation for the sweep," called Sasha as the corpses of the Walkers were being dragged out of the store. "After that, you all know what you're supposed to look for. Any questions?"

For everyone the plan was pretty clear - entering, looking around, taking products that were crucial and going out. They were supposed to work fast as it wasn't sure if the place was really safe. At the end, it was a supply run, not a Sunday shopping.

"Bob, you coming?" Charlie asked the man that wanted to go with them so badly. He shook his head as if shaking something off his head and turned to face her with a pale smile. Charlie tilted her head and saw the body cut half.

The shop remained untouched which was strange. The military base and the whole accommodation overall was pretty eye catching, so if there was any other group it had to see it. Charlie was placing her feet carefully and as quiet as possible to avoid making unnecessary noise as they couldn't be sure if there wasn't more Walkers.

She was responsible to find small gardening stuff like: gloves, shears, seeds, maybe even some pots, but also stuff that would be useful not only in the garden: all sharp tools, fishing lines, nails, lines, and whatever else she could find.

While looking for the right alley she bumped on her friend, who was standing like a rock."What are you looking at?" Charlie asked as she approached Glenn.

"Nothing," he shook his head and walked away from the spot they were standing. She looked at whatever he was looking before but didn't gave it much thought. Walking away she saw a shelf with Big Cats - Carl's favorites, so she took a bunch and stuffed it in her pockets.

The sound of shattered glass followed by a loud thud stopped her from walking in the right direction.

"What happened?" asked Charlie as she arrived at the place of the incident.

"I was moving fast, man," Bob joked trying to loosen the atmosphere, while being stuck under the shelf with alcohol bottles. "I drove right into the drinks."

"Man, you lucked out," Tyreese said while trying to push the furniture off the man. "If this thing had come down on you the wrong way..." In that moment the roof broke and a Walker fell inside, stopping on whatever it was, dangling from it.

"We should probably go now," Glenn said, looking at it.

"Bob's still stuck!" Charlie called and immediately Daryl was right next to her.

"Let's get him out of there then."

Michonne nodded and looked at Charlie. "We'll get the others."

That's when the roof started breaking in other parts and more Walkers started falling into the store - this time however they weren't stuck, they were hungy and capable of moving, so they did. Charlie tried to run from the dead that already were inside, but still was careful of the breaking roof. In one of the allies she found Glenn on the ground, fighting with a Walker who was millimeters from biting his leg. Charlie saw how he's reaching for a gun and quickly shooting the thing in head, but out of nowhere a second Walker attacked him, so she was acting fast - with a swing motion she killed it with her axe. "Let's go!"

Asian man nodded his head and got up quickly from the floor, running right next to her. They were passing dead bodies - smashed heads with insides completely out. At the end of the alley they saw Daryl who was standing on couple of boxes, shooting Walkers and causing them to fall like dead flies.

"Helicopter!" Glenn screamed. "Daryl, go!"

"Let's get Bob!" Zach yelled as he appeared next to them, reminding them that the man was still stuck under the shelf.

Charlie with a disgusted face dragged the body by its legs and Daryl stomped on its head, smashing it completely. Zach raised the furniture and Dixon helped Bob to escape from under it - probably the last moment before the roof at that place completely disappeared. "Come on, Zach!" she called but instead of his steps she heard the scream.

"Zack!" Glenn screamed as everyone was just standing and observing him replacing Bob. There was no way to help the boy as the dead body was climbing on top of him and biting him on the neck.

She was taken over by panic and uncontrollable fear. It was so long since she saw a picture like that, dead bodies and blood everywhere. It was too late to help him and the only way was to safe her own life by running, but her muscles stopped listening. She was stuck and then she was dragged by someone.

"You good?" Glenn asked once they all were safe near their vehicles. She nodded and he gently patted her back.

"Have you lost your mind?!" Daryl screamed at her. "What were you thinking?!"

"I was thinking of..."

"Of yourself!" he yelled.

"What I was supposed to do?!"

"You had this!" he took her little axe and then threw it with anger on the ground. "Why you stood there like an idiot?!"

"Hey!" Glenn walked towards them and stood between, placing his hands on Daryl's chest. "Let's calm down."

"You are banned!" Dixon yelled anyway. "You hear me? I will never allow your presence on the run ever again, if you have no basic survival senses! You want to solve your personal shit? Cool. But not on the run! You come here to help!"

He read her like an opened book. She didn't agree to go on that run because she was interested in the supplies. Charlie agreed on going on that run as soon as she found out there was the Army Camp on the parking lot of the Big Spot. There was an idea, that maybe one of her brother was there - they were in the Army for goodness sake. If she found them there, even just their personal belongings, she would peacefully move her life.

When she got back to her cell, she covered the doors and laid down. Charlie knew she couldn't change her past, what she did to that people she lied, was already done. However, she couldn't swallow not knowing if her family, her own flesh and blood, was dead or alive. There were days when she didn't have time to think about them that much, but since the prison became a place of happiness and there was no psycho wanting to kill them, she had more time to devote every minute to them.

And Daryl knew that. He knew the feeling of not knowing, and he knew the feeling of disappointment.  He regretted yelling at Charlie the moment she walked away and with a force shut the car's doors. And with all honesty he didn't know why he was mad at her.

That's why he acted on his feelings and carefully placed the cloth away. "Hey," Daryl stood at the entrance of the cell. Charlie looked at him without a word. "I'm sorry for what I said back there. I was just scared."

"The great Daryl Dixon scared?"

"Not so great, right?" he scoffed.

"I was scared, too," Charlie said. "I wasn't outside for a long time. I haven't seen a Walker in a wild for a while, so...when I saw it on Zack today..."

"I know," he nodded.

"Also, you were right," she said. "I did went with you thinking of myself," Charlie explained. "I just wanted to make sure."

"Mhm," he nodded. He stepped further into the cell and placed a heavy and cold thing on her laps. It was a bow that he found on one of the runs. It was much better than the one he made for her at the farm, stronger.

"Oh, God," she gasped and looked up. "Where did you found this?"

"At some house," he shrugged. "Took it off the wall for you."

"It's beautiful."

Daryl's cheeks probably turned pink from the way she smiled at him, as it was the most genuine smile she gave him in months. Her eyes were shining bright while looking at him, and he couldn't look at her for too long.

His Charlie was back.

previous masterlist next

[seths-rogens]

If I Was Any Closer, I Could Be Lost | E | 8.2k

"I want you to be my best man." Steve is watching him with a bright smile, and all of a sudden Eddie feels like the worst person in the world.

He should say no. He's going to say no. 

"Of course I'll be your best man, Stevie. I'd be honoured."

Shit. Fuck. No. He didn't mean to do that.

Eddie is utterly, completely, absolutely, fucking screwed. 

Or, Steve is getting married to someone else, and Eddie, desperately in love, watches it happen.

taglist: @judasofsuburbia @gothbat99 @flowercrowngods @cheatghost @fastcardotmp3 @simplebtromance @gonzofromspace @i-less-than-three-you @potato-of-the-lord

—————

fic under the cut, or read on ao3!

"I want you to be my best man." Steve is watching him with a bright smile, and all of a sudden Eddie feels like the worst person in the world.

He has to say no. Needs to. There's no way he's surviving a front row seat to Steve Harrington's goddamn wedding.

"What?"

They're at their favourite bar, where Steve and Robin used to work back when they first moved to Indy, sitting in their usual booth in the back corner, right by the bust up jukebox. There's some sports game playing on the TV behind the bar, not basketball or baseball because Steve hasn't glanced over once. Or maybe he's already seen it.

There's a hole in the wall next to the dartboard after a drunken Nancy misjudged her own strength in throwing her dart. There's a drink on the menu named after Argyle (because he sold the owner some of his fancy Californian weed). S & E is carved into the underside of the table they're sitting at - the product of one of Steve's solo closing shifts, a visit from Eddie, and a whole bottle of tequila.

There's a lot of memories in this place. Fitting they would have this conversation here.

"Be my best man, dude." Steve's still smiling. God, he's so pretty.

"What about Robin?"

"Stacey already offered her a place as a bridesmaid. You know how well they get along." Steve's smile turns fond at the thought of his fiancee and best friend's blossoming friendship.

Eddie wonders how the hell he ended up in this situation. How he became close enough with 'King Steve' that he's invited to his wedding, let alone being offered one of the most important roles in it.

They'd grown close after Spring '86. Of course they had, facing down a grotesque, dickless fuckwad who had nothing better to do than further traumatise and kill several teenagers by way of crumpling them up like an empty coke can worked as a real bonding moment.

Plus there was the shared stint in the hospital. Playing chew toy to several hundred alternate dimension demon bats will take a lot out of you, so it seemed. Not to mention the road rash on Steve's back and how all his wounds very nearly ended up infected.

Eddie still thinks it's a miracle he managed to keep going and reassure everyone he was fine. But that's only because he knows he himself acted like a little bitch about it.

So they became friends. First, it was sharing a hospital room, then it was Steve summoning the mighty power of his absent parents to get him off scot-free for an unjust murder accusation.

Then it was late night phone calls when neither of them could sleep, whispering their fears and nightmares down the phoneline to one of the few people who could really, truly understand. Then it became late night drives to the quarry, then a shared joint on Eddie's front porch, until eventually, they were sharing a bed.

Eddie couldn't help falling in love along the way. He really tried not to. But Steve was... well, he was Steve. Selfless and bitchy and just plain good.

Eddie was doomed from the start.

But Eddie never said anything. Couldn't ruin one of his closest friendships with feelings. It's been seven years since Vecna. Steve turned 26 barely two months ago and now he's getting married to a girl he's been dating a little under a year.

And the worst part, Eddie thinks, is that they're perfect for one another.

If any girl would be the one to finally make Steve Harrington an honest man, it would be Stacey Baker. She was tall and slim, with curves in - Eddie assumes - all the right places. Her hair was so long it almost brushed her waist and a shade of blonde most people would only achieve with an $80 salon appointment. She had cheekbones so sharp they could cut, but her face was softened by the beginnings of smile lines around her mouth and the corners of her eyes.

Eddie was used to seeing her in comfy sweaters and t-shirts stolen from Steve's dresser, but on the few occasions he'd seen her dressed up, she'd been stunning.

He can't imagine how she'll look in a wedding dress.

Together Steve and Stacey looked like the poster couple for 'American family values' and Eddie hated it. But he couldn't hate her.

He had wanted to, really wanted to, when Steve first mentioned her, but it only took one meeting to understand why he liked her so much.

Stacey was a breath of fresh air after a storm. Always smiling, always ready to help.

She kept track of Steve's medication and reminded him to put in his hearing aids. She loved him in spite of the scars she would never know the stories behind. She didn't mind the almost codependent friendships Steve had with Robin and Eddie. Didn't mind when he'd get out of bed at 3 am to go make sure Dustin was asleep at home.

And Steve... Well, everyone knows Steve falls fast.

"She's even letting her wear a suit."

Eddie blinks back to himself. "Sorry?"

"Stacey. She's letting Robin wear a suit." Steve shrugs. "Says as long as it fits the colour scheme then it's fine."

"That's great." Eddie picks up his beer, takes a long pull.

"So, will you do it?"

He should say no. He's going to say no.

"Of course I'll be your best man, Stevie. I'd be honoured."

Shit. Fuck. No. He didn't mean to do that.

Eddie is utterly, completely, absolutely, fucking screwed.

Four and a half months later sees Eddie in a hotel room he never would've shelled out for, clenching his fists instead of reaching for the overpriced mini bar and watching Steve attempt to tie his tie in the mirror.

It's lilac, and the suit is a heather grey. Just like Eddie's.

It makes him look even prettier.

Steve fumbles with the tie. "Do you need a hand with that?" Eddie asks, holding back a smirk.

Steve groans. "Yeah. I thought I had it."

Eddie pushes himself up as Steve turns to face him. He takes the ends of the tie in gentle hands and begins to wrap it around itself.

"You nervous?" Eddie focuses on what his hands are doing, instead of doing something stupid like gazing deeply into Steve's stupid gorgeous eyes.

"A little, sure." Steve shrugs, holding his head high so Eddie has the space to work.

“I mean, fuck, man.” Eddie huffs a laugh. “You’re 26 and you’re getting married. That’s insane.”

“Is it? My mom was married to my dad at 18.”

Eddie nods, taking his time because he’s certain this is the last time he’ll ever be close to Steve, to be allowed to linger. “Sure, but with everything we’ve been through. A wedding seems weirdly abnormal. Especially considering our track record.”

Steve frowns. “Abnormal?”

“Yeah. You know, unusual, unorthodox, out of the ordinary.” He tucks the tie through itself.

Steve shakes his head. “No, I know what it means, man, just… are you not, like, happy for me?”

Eddie straightens the tie out, rests his palms just beneath Steve’s shoulders on his chest. “I’m happy for you.”

“You don’t seem like it.” Steve ducks his head. “You’ve been in a bad mood all day and I can’t help but think it’s my fault somehow. Have I done something?”

Eddie’s eyes are wide with the fear that he’s been figured out. “No!” He says, perhaps too quickly. “No, it’s not you. I’ve just got shit going on, y’know? It’s been on my mind.”

Steve’s face doesn’t brighten any.

“Look, how about I promise that for the rest of the day, I’ll be the most cheerful, upbeat version of myself you’ve ever seen.”

A small smile graces Steve’s lips. “And no ranting about metal music and scaring Stacey’s relatives?”

Eddie groans. “Why not?”

Steve gives him a look.

“Ugh, fine. I promise.”

Steve smiles and Eddie’s heart soars. “Good.”

Tie lying flat against his chest, Steve turns back to the mirror, straightening out his suit jacket and fiddling with the buttons. “Do I look okay?”

Eddie looks over his shoulder at the two of them standing together in the mirror. His heart clenches in his chest. “Just as pretty as usual, Harrington. You might even show up the bride.”

Steve chuckles softly, ducking his head with a pretty blush. Eddie wants to feel it under his palm. "Oh, I doubt that."

"Don't sell yourself short. You clean up nice." He bit back what he really wanted to say. You look more beautiful every time I see you. God, you look good in a suit but I want nothing more than to tear it off you. Run away with me.

Steve gave Eddie a once over, from the too polished shine of his shoes to the way he'd pinned his hair up. "You too, Munson."

Steve winks and stalks out of the room. Eddie barely represses a shiver.

It seems like no time at all before they're standing at the altar. Steve holds himself with excited tension. Eddie stands at his side, hands clenched into fists behind his back, Dustin and Lucas beside him.

The bridal march plays over the church's old organ and the bridesmaids start their walk down the aisle. Max and El - bridesmaids at Steve's request - walk together arm in arm. Their lilac dresses are similar but different all the same, fitting to their personalities. Max's cane is wrapped in purple ribbon.

Robin follows, her suit the same shade as the dresses, but tailored to perfection. Her shirt is grey silk and her bow tie matches Steve's own tie.

She squeals as she reaches the altar, pulling Steve into a crushing hug. He buries his head in her neck with a laugh. She meets Eddie's eye over Steve's shoulder and gives him a capital L Look. Eddie ducks away from her gaze.

A few of Stacey's own friends follow after, taking their places at the altar, and then it's time.

Stacey looks stunning in a simple white gown. It drapes almost casually over her shoulders and tapers in at her waist. Her blonde hair sits atop her head in a complicated updo. Steve smiles fondly as she begins to walk towards him.

Everyone watches her. Eddie watches Steve.

The service passes in a haze, the way Steve fumbles reading his vows from a piece of paper gaining 'awws' from the congregation. More than once Eddie feels Robin's eyes on him. He ignores her.

The priest asks if anyone objects to their union. Eddie bites his tongue so hard it bleeds.

Too soon, they're saying "I do" and Eddie holds back tears.

Having to pose in wedding photos is a new kind of torture. To stand so close to Steve and know that he'll never be Eddie's. That he'll probably move far away, start a family, and start vacationing at all the country's questionable tourist traps - after all Steve always wanted six kids and a Winnebago. And Eddie won't be a part of any of it, just a distant memory that Steve will desperately try to forget. A stranger in his goddamn wedding photos.

He'll look at them 50 years down the line and not be able to remember Eddie's name.

It hits him hard at the reception. They're in a nice hotel, an old, rustic building on the outskirts of Muncie, the room they're in is decorated with twinkling fairy lights and flowery centrepieces.

Eddie sits pride of place next to Steve at the head table, Stacey's dad having just finished his speech. Steve is blushing, holding Stacey's hand in a tight grip as she dabs her tears away with a handkerchief.

It's Eddie's turn next. He'd rather go for round two with the demobats.

Steve pats his shoulder as he stands up, accepting the microphone from the hostess.

"What can I say about Steve Harrington?" Eddie plasters on a smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes. "This man saved my life, quite literally, on more than one occasion. He held me together, carried me on his back and gave me the blood from his body all out of a kindness I wasn't sure I deserved."

Eddie pauses, taking a breath. "Most best man speeches I've heard fall more on the funny side, and I'm sure that's what Stevie here was expecting." He smiles, resting his hand on Steve's shoulder.

He risks a glance, Steve is gazing up at him with fond eyes and a wide smile. Eddie looks away quickly, staring out at the wedding guests.

"But, though it may be out of character, I felt that a little sincerity would go a long way." He takes a breath. "The man sitting right next to me is the only reason I'm standing here today. We've been through hell together, and even have the matching scars to prove it." He hears Steve huff a laugh. "I want nothing but the best for him, and that comes in the form of Stacey, his absolutely stunning bride." He smiles over at Stacey, she flushes, a shy smile gracing her face.

"I've never seen someone understand Steve so well that they almost have Robin beat," Robin whoops from her seat a little ways away, Steve laughs. "I mean, I thought I came close, but it's nothing compared to Stacey. She loves him fully and unconditionally, and I hope they have that for the rest of their lives. Hell, I hope I have a relationship even half as loving as theirs one day."

Eddie raises his glass. "To the bride and groom."

The rest of the wedding guests chorus his words back at him, sipping from their flutes of champagne in toast. Eddie retakes his seat and not a moment later, Steve's hand finds his knee. He squeezes and leans in close to Eddie's ear. "Thanks, man. That was beautiful."

"It was nothing." He says. It was everything, he thinks.

Steve has already been roped into a conversation with Stacey's dad, and Robin is tugging Stacey over to the buffet. Dustin, Mike and Will are comparing outfits while El and Erica gossip across the table. Lucas and Max are leaned in close, heads pressed together and hands tangled on the table between them.

Here, surrounded by friends, by family, Eddie feels utterly and completely alone.

The festivities ramp up after that. The happy couple has their first dance to ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ - cheesy pick, Eddie thinks, but he can’t deny that it springs a year to his eye.

It fades into ‘Dancing in the Dark’ and Steve gains a little bounce in his step. He tugs Dustin and Robin up and spins them both round as Stacey’s little niece runs up to her with open arms. She bounces her against her hip to the music.

Everyone is smiling, warm bright grins that take up their whole faces and light up sparks in their eyes. Eddie thinks he should probably be smiling too, but he can’t help the coiling out of anxiety that spits in his stomach.

He lets Erica drag him up for a dance or too, and they swing each other round to The Human League and The B-52’s, but he bows out as Steve grabs Stacey’s hands to spin her around to Wham!’s Everything She Wants, mouthing the lyrics with a grin on his face.

Eddie grabs two flutes of champagne from a passing waiter and seats himself at a nearby table. He downs the first and holds the second in his hand, swirling the sparkling liquid in slow circles and staring into the little whirlpool it creates. This isn’t his first drink, it’s maybe his fourth or fifth, and he can feel it starting to hit him now, a fuzzy warmth settling over his eyes and in his head. He gives into it like he usually wouldn’t. Figures why not if he’s watching the love of his life dance with the love of his own.

He sits there, watching these people, this family, dance and have fun without him and thinks, they would be okay without me. They don’t need me.

A few songs pass but Eddie doesn’t realise, just keeps staring into the glass. There’s only a drop or two left now, when did that happen?

He’s startled back to the present when a hand enters his field of vision.

A couple scars on the knuckles, one finger slightly too crooked, a wedding band. Eddie looks up and finds Steve smiling softly.

Eddie smiles back, holds back wine drunk tears and grabs his hand. Steve tugs him up and onto the dance floor. Eddie represses a shudder when Steve guides his hands to his waist, and wraps his own around Eddie’s shoulders.

Eddie’s eyes are wide as he stares up at Steve in shock. What’s Stacey going to say about this? He risks a glance but Stacey is preoccupied slow dancing with Robin. They’re giggling about something. Eddie flexes his fingers, clenches his hands in the fabric of Steve’s rented suit jacket.

He realises then what song is playing. Tiffany croons about a love that could’ve been over the shitty hotel sound system.

Steve sways him gently, hands fiddling with the back of Eddie’s shirt collar. They’re pressed almost chest to chest, only a sliver of space between them. It might as well be nothing.

“Every time I get my hopes up

They always seem to fall

Still, could've been is better than

What could never be at all”

Eddie has never been one to relate to the lyrics of pop songs, but all of a sudden it hits much too close to home. He feels his heart in his throat, his stomach in his feet. His breath comes short and his eyes prick with moisture.

He pushes Steve back, just on this side of too firm. Steve stumbles a little but Eddie makes sure he doesn’t fall. “I’m sorry.”

And with that, Eddie leaves a groom that isn’t his standing alone in the middle of a crowded dance floor.

He bursts out into the hallway, hair falling out of its neat updo as he whips his head from side to side, trying to figure out where to go. He picks a direction and sticks with it, striding down a random hallway until he finds an unlocked door.

He pushes it open and finds a room much like the one Steve’s reception is being held in. The lights are low here and the tables lay bare of their white silken covers. Eddie walks over to one of the tall windows and cracks it open. He pulls a crumpled pack of Marlboros out of the pocket of his slacks, and tips one into his hands.

He slips his zippo out of the front pocket of his suit jacket, and runs his thumb over the engraving. The outline of a warlock with ‘86 inscribed in the middle - a gift from Wayne after he finally graduated, third times the charm after all.

He flips it open and tries to light up. It doesn’t spark for a moment, despite how hard he tries. He thinks back to that horror flick he and Steve caught a month or two ago - hadn’t this happened to the protagonist.

Eddie snorts, his life is more a tragedy now, even if it was briefly a horror film.

The flame finally catches and he lights his cigarette, taking a deep draw and holding it until the back of his throat aches. He leans out of the window and watches the smoke curl into the dark of the night.

Behind him the door to the room clicks shut, and smart shoes click across the polished floor. They come to a stop a few feet away, and Eddie feels the hair on the back of his next stand up.

“What was that about?” Steve asks. Eddie lets out a shuddering breath, takes another drag of his cigarette.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t… don’t bullshit me, man.” Steve seems to grit his teeth, to clench out the words as if they’re hard to chew on.

Eddie sighs and stubs out his cigarette on the stone windowsill. He turns around, leaning back and starting down at the floor. “What do you want me to say, Steve?” He glances up, meets Steve’s eye. “I’m not exactly having the best time in there.”

“But we were all having fun together. As a family. You’re part of that, you know you’re part of that so I… I don’t see what the problem is? Have I done something? Is it me?” Steve rambles out, voice quivering almost imperceptibly. He runs a hand through his hair, messing up the way it was perfectly styled.

Eddie ducks his head. Stays silent.

Steve swallows and nods his head with a clenched jaw. “Right. Okay.” He takes a step closer. “Can I fix it?” He whispers, eyes wide and wet.

Eddie sighs, looks anywhere except into Steve's eyes because he knows then he’ll break. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Steve asks, incredulity lacing his tone. “Come on, man. If you tell me what it is, maybe we can work out a solution together.”

“I can’t tell you.”

“You can’t…” Steve trails off. He sounds sad, and Eddie hates that it’s his doing, but he can’t handle it anymore. Can’t watch the man he loves dance with a beautiful woman who he so desperately wishes he could hate. Can't sit around and watch them build a life together when he knows he’ll never have that, not when Steve is spoken for. “When have you ever not been able to tell me something?”

Eddie bites his tongue.

“Fuck, Eddie. I don’t… I don’t know what to do!” Steve is tugging on the roots of his hair again. Eddie wonders if, were it his hands doing the pulling, Steve would moan under his touch. But then again, it’s probably the wrong time to entertain such fantasies. “You’re one of my best friends, man, and I can’t… I can’t handle you being upset with me! I mean, you’ve been weird all day! I thought maybe the party would help raise your spirits a little and yeah, okay, I was wrong, but I can’t fix this if you don’t let me. Like shit, all I did was ask you to dance and you…”

Steve pauses as Eddie looks up, watching his expression morph from one of panic and frenetic energy to a curious look of realisation.

“I asked you to dance.” Eddie nods.

Steve swallows, he’s looking away now, putting the pieces together. His hands are resting on his hips, that signature ‘Mom’ pose the kids love to make fun of so much. “You didn’t bring a date.”

“I didn’t.” Eddie finally speaks up. He knows where this is going. Isn’t ready. Is.

“Why not?” Steve sounds a little choked, like maybe he’s nervous to find out the answer.

Eddie squeezes his hands into fists and releases them. Takes a breath and lets the air leave him shaking. “Because the person I want is already here.”

Steve crumples a little then, a marionette with its strings cut. He smiles, though it seems forced, almost painful. “I’m..?”

Eddie nods, resigned. “Yeah.”

“Fuck.” Steve mutters under his breath before stalking towards Eddie, fast and determined, wrapping a hand around his tie and tugging him into a firm, crushing kiss.

Eddie feels himself freeze, holding his hands up as if he’s going to protect himself.

Steve’s lips are warm and soft beneath his own, they taste like cherries - the balm Eddie knows he’s so fond of, that makes his mouth look so enticing. One of his hands rests on Eddie’s cheek, large fingers spread wide from his jaw all the way to his ear. The other has flattened itself away from Eddie’s tie, now resting above the frantic thud thud thud of his heart.

Steve pulls away with his eyes closed and lips still puckered. He frowns when he comes back to himself.

“I…” He swallows. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ha—“

Eddie steels himself. Grabs the lapels of Steve’s suit jacket and yanks him back in, swallowing Steve’s surprised squeak with his lips. It melts into a moan and Eddie feels just a little proud of himself.

They pull back again, eyes locked and dark, afraid to break this bubble they’ve created around themselves. Separating them from the party, from the world.

“Why didn’t you stop me?” Steve asks, voice wrecked and quiet. Eddie doesn’t know if the question is for him, or if Steve’s just asking to ask. But he doesn’t have the time to wonder before they’re kissing again.

Eddie doesn’t know who moved first, but their tongues are pressed together and their hands are grappling at jackets. Steve is… vocal. All breathy whimpers and rough groans. It’s music to Eddie’s ears.

He runs his hands through that stupid fucking hair, softer than it probably was in high school, free of the hairspray and gel that kept it big. Steve’s grown since then. He still primps and preens with the best of them, but he isn’t so reliant on Farrah Fawcett now. Steve’s hands play with the hair at the back of Eddie’s neck, tangling and carding through the strands. He gives a gentle tug and Eddie can’t help but gasp.

He feels Steve smirk into the kiss as his hands drift further down, to his shoulders and then his chest. Steve loosens Eddie’s tie and presses a kiss to the base of Eddie’s throat as he undoes the first button of his shirt.

“Steve.” Eddie whispers, voice soft and pained.

Steve pulls back, looks at him through his eyelashes, reverent and dark. “Let me do this for you.” His voice comes out soft. He undoes a few more buttons, staring deep into Eddie’s eyes.

Eddie can’t look away. His shirt is down to his navel now. He nods his head. “Okay.”

Steve smiles, a small, secret thing, and drops carefully to his knees, keeping his gaze locked with Eddie’s. He pulls Eddie’s shirt from his dress slacks, pressing a sweet kiss to the skin beneath his belly button. He rests a hand on Eddie’s belt - he had retired the handcuffs for the night, and some part of him deeply regrets it. “Can I?”

Eddie’s glad Steve had the forethought to wear his contacts. He thinks he’d die if Steve was looking up at him through gold wire frames.

He nods, and Steve makes quick work of his belt buckle. He slowly pulls the pants zipper down, before leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to Eddie’s cock where it sits, more than half hard, in his briefs.

Eddie inhales sharply, the sensation dull but still ever present. He glances down, sees Steve on his knees before him, has to look away.

Steve sucks at the wet spot forming on Eddie's boxers and Eddie bites back a moan. Steve pulls away, staring up at him, but keeps one hand on him, rubbing slowly through the fabric. "I wanna hear you."

Eddie's hands clench and unclench in the air by his sides, unsure where to put them, what Steve's comfortable with. But that question is answered for him when a gentle hand takes his, presses a kiss to each individual knuckle, and guides his to the top of Steve's head, threading his fingers through his hair. "You don't have to be so gentle with me. I like it a little rough." Steve says, voice light and teasing.

And all of a sudden, Eddie's mind is flooded with the imagery of that statement. Steve face down on a bed, tears streaking his cheeks. Steve's strong hands clenching in white bed sheets. Purple bruises littering his collarbones, his chest, his thighs.

God, those thighs. He imagines them wrapped around his waist, over his shoulders, either side of his head.

He imagines Steve, sweat slicked and quivering beneath him. Writhing and moaning and begging. Imagines a fierce red blush spreading from his cheeks down his neck to his chest as Eddie whispers sweet nothings and dirty talk in his ear. Imagines him wrapped in soft, tight rope, a dark crimson or black to contrast the tan of his skin. Imagines his hands tied to the headboard.

His mind is full to the brim of pictures and possibilities, a million ways he could bring the man before him to ruin.

Eddie clenches his hand in Steve's hair, tugging sharply at the strands. He watches Steve's eyes flutter closed as he gasps. Steve smirks. "That's more like it."

"Shouldn't you be putting that mouth to better use?" Steve's smug look drops away, that pretty red blush Eddie had fantasised about replacing it. Eddie uses his grip on Steve's hair to pull him closer to his crotch.

Steve wets his lips, reaches up and tugs Eddie's briefs down to free his cock. It bounces up, slapping against his stomach and smearing pre against his skin.

Steve wraps a warm hand around it, pumps it up and down. He leans in, pressing a wet, open mouthed kiss to the base and gazing up at Eddie through his eyelashes. He licks a stripe up the underside from base to tip with the flat of his tongue, before suckling on the head.

Eddie loosens his grip, cards his fingers through the soft strands. He smirks. "That's more like it." He says with a mean, teasing lilt. Steve's eyes flutter, rolling back for a moment until Eddie can only see the whites. He tugs again, gentle this time. "C'mon, baby. You know what I want."

He dons that dominant persona like a second skin. He can’t let himself think about how fucking wrong this is, how Steve’s goddamn wife is only a a few rooms away. He knows he’s fucked everything up irreparably, but what the hell? He’s already started, he might as well follow through.

Steve nods, movements stilted under Eddie's grasp. He wraps his lips around the head of his cock, flicking the slit with the tip of his tongue. He bobs his head a little, sucks and laves his tongue over Eddie's skin until the room is filled with nothing save his wet noises and Eddie's own heavy breathing. He moans, his eyes closed, sending vibrations down the length of his shaft.

Eddie bites back a groan, watching Steve’s lips stretched wide and shiny around his cock. When Steve blinks his eyes open, gazing up at Eddie, they’re glossy and wide - a goddamn dream come true.

Steve hollows his cheeks, swirls his tongue around the head of Eddie’s cock before swallowing him down to the hilt and engulfing him in a wet heat.

“Fuck, baby.” Eddie moans, clenching his hand in Steve’s hair to hold him there. He wonders where Steve learned to do this, who’s cock he sucked to get this good. Part of him is jealous it wasn’t him. He wants to ask him the story, knows he never will. “Made for this, weren’t you, Stevie?” Steve whimpers, it’s muffled with his mouth full. “You look so pretty on your knees.”

Steve’s eyes flutter as he tries desperately to keep his gag reflex in check. Eddie pulls him off by his hair, letting his panting breaths echo in the quiet of the room as he tries to catch his breath.

He takes in the mess of the man on his knees before him. Steve’s eyes are watering so much they’re glassy, his lips are swollen and red. Eddie thinks he could cum just from the sight of him.

“Harder?” Steve’s voice is hoarse already, his lips slick and slightly swollen.

Eddie raises a brow. “You’re sure?”

“Wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want it.” Steve leans in close, pulling against Eddie’s grip. He slowly jerks Eddie’s cock in one hand as he presses languid kisses along the length. He presses his free hand against the sizable tent in his slacks. “Take what you want. I’m not made of glass.”

Eddie kicks at the hand he’s grinding against to move it out of the way, takes a step forward and rests his shoe between Steve’s legs, pushed right up against the bulge in his trousers. Steve inhales sharply, staring up at Eddie, dark eyes wide with shock. He shifts, bears his weight down and gives an experimental roll of his hips. A shudder wracks his frame.

“Good?” Eddie smirks. Steve just nods, hips juddering. “Tap my leg if you want me to stop, yeah?” He nods again. “Words, Stevie.”

“Yeah.”

“Better. Now open up.” Steve’s mouth falls open, his tongue lolling out, pink and wet. Eddie bites back a groan at the sight and grips his cock at the base. He rests it on Steve’s tongue for no more than a moment, before sliding it in all the way. He runs his hand through Steve’s hair, then grips it tight, holding him down. “So beautiful.” He murmurs.

Steve moans, the sensation around his cock causing Eddie’s hips to jerk and hit the back of Steve’s throat. Steve chokes, and Eddie starts to pull out.

He doesn’t make it far before Steve is grabbing his ass to pull him in deeper. “Fuck, Stevie. Guess you weren’t lying, huh?”

He thrusts in again as Steve’s nails dig in hard through Eddie’s slacks. He builds up a rhythm, guiding Steve’s head with a hand in his hair, his cock gliding slick and perfect against Steve’s smooth tongue as Steve sucks and whimpers and swirls his tongue. Steve’s hips jerk frantically where they’re pressed against Eddie’s shoe.

It can’t be comfortable, Eddie thinks, but nonetheless he keeps going.

Moonlight spills through the window and casts Steve in a pale glow. He’s more beautiful than ever, down on his knees like he’s at prayer, while sinning so prettily.

Eddie can feel that sizzling heat start to simmer in the bottom of his stomach, frissions of arousal sending sparks all over his body.

It’s perfect. It’s not enough.

If this is the last time Eddie will ever see Steve, ever have him beneath him, be inside him, then he needs more. Needs to be pressed against the strength of his back, needs to feel the warmth of him seeping through his clothes. He needs the intimacy if anything. Needs Steve to know how wanted he is, how this is more than just a quick meaningless fuck.

They’ve already ruined whatever friendship they had, what more could they lose?

“Fuck.” Eddie mutters. He pulls Steve up by his hair, spins him round until his back presses against Eddie’s chest.

“What… what’re you doing?” Steve asks, voice gravel rough. Eddie reaches around, grapples with Steve’s belt buckle until it comes undone. He pushes his slacks and his briefs down, until they hang around Steve’s knees.

“Taking what I want.” Eddie pulls at Steve’s suit jacket, pressing kisses down his jaw, his neck, behind his ear, as he works it down his arms. He tosses it unceremoniously to the side before pressing a flat palm between Steve’s shoulder blades and pushing until his chest lies against a nearby table. That perfect fucking ass is round and bare and presented to Eddie like a goddamn feast.

He wishes he could get his mouth on it, knows he never will.

He brings his hand down against Steve’s right ass cheek, the crack echoing sharp and loud in the quiet of the room. He slots his hand over the reddening welt, takes a handful and squeezes.

“Oh fuck.” Steve lets out a breathy moan, his breath fogging up the wood as one hand reaches out to grasp the opposite edge of the table.

Eddie rucks Steve’s shirt up, rubbing his hands over the harsh scars that cover his back, healed silver with time but still rough to the touch. He trails his hands down Steve’s back, stopping until his thumbs fit perfectly into his dimples of venus. He leans in, kisses down the knobs of his spine, each vertebrae blessed with a press of his lips, before coming to a stop at his tailbone.

“Eddie…” Steve exhales a whine, cheek pressed to the table under him. “Stop fucking teasing and touch me.”

Eddie chuckles softly, nipping at the expanse of skin beneath him with his teeth, sucking a mark. “Oh, baby, I am touching you.”

Steve growls, a rumbling guttural thing, and pushes his hips back, his bare ass pressing against Eddie’s cock. Eddie barely holds back a moan, his hand clenching around Steve’s hip to hold him still.

“I didn’t say you could move, honey.”

Steve inhales sharply at the pet name. “I need more, Eds. Please.”

Please, he says, as if that doesn’t shake Eddie’s entire world to its core. He’s going to be playing that over and over in his head until he fucking dies.

“Since you asked so pretty.” Eddie takes a half step forward, grinds slowly against Steve’s crack, his cock catching against Steve’s hole. “God, the things I’d do to you if I had some lube and a condom.”

Steve lets out a breathy laugh, shuddering as Eddie’s hips keep moving, continuing that slow, steady grind. “I’d let you.”

Eddie grins, runs his hands up and down Steve’s back before stopping at his hips and squeezing gently. “Yeah? You’d let me fuck you right here?”

“Uh huh.” Steve shifts, presses his forehead to the table and rocks back. Eddie digs his fingers into that soft, supple flesh beneath his palms and imagines carving a hole in Steve’s chest, making a home there, living within him. They’d never be apart, nothing could ever separate them.

It’s a sort of possessiveness Eddie can never indulge. But God, how he wishes he could.

Eddie pauses for a moment. Closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. It’s all happening so fast he can barely keep up. He knows he should put a stop to this, walk away before he makes it any worse.

But, well, fuck it, he thinks.

Everything’s already well and truly ruined. Why should he stop now?

“Eddie?” Steve mumbles out against the table, bringing Eddie back to the moment. “Y’okay?”

Eddie’s heart clenches in his chest.

Here is a man laid before him, messy and perfect and everything he has ever dreamed of, and Eddie realises he’s been going about this all wrong.

Some dark, cruel part of him is yelling for him to make this count. To make sure Steve remembers this the next time he lays down with his wife. The next time she undresses him, kisses him, touches him in those intimate places. That part of him says, make it sweet, loving. Make it tender. Make sure he knows it isn’t just sex.

That part is screaming. Ruin him.

“Yeah, sweetheart. I’m okay.” Eddie leans down. Presses a gentle kiss to the side of Steve’s neck as he rocks against the crevice of Steve’s ass. Trails more kisses over his clothed shoulder, down the scarred knobs of his back.

He runs his hands up Steve’s sides, touches him almost reverently. Like something holy. “You’re so beautiful, Steve.”

Steve gasps out a moan, rocks back like he’s not in control. Eddie bites back a groan, rocks forward.

He feels something swinging against his hip, reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a half empty tube of vaseline. He smirks, squeezes some out onto his fingers and warms it up. Eddie reaches down, drags a slick finger over Steve’s hole and presses gently against it. Steve shudders, choking out a whine.

Eddie spreads a little more vaseline between his cheeks. He rubs up against him again, gliding smoother where skin meets skin. “That feel good, baby?”

Steve nods, free hand clenching into a fist against the table.

“Words, honey.”

“Feels good, Eds. So good.” Steve replies breathily. Eddie chuckles. He builds a rhythm grinding forward as Steve pushes back. It’s quiet for a moment or two, save for the sounds of their breathing and Steve’s punched out little groans.

Eddie presses his clean hand against the centre of Steve’s back, keeping him in place, and reaches round with his slick one, wrapping it around Steve’s cock. He strokes slowly once, twice, three times, running his thumb over the head to collect Steve’s pre and spread it back down.

“Fuck, Eddie.” Steve gasps out, hips jerking in his grip. His movements are juddering, like he can’t decide whether to fuck into Eddie’s fist or back against his cock. His cheek is pressed flat against the table, eyes clenched shut.

Eddie keeps his fist just bordering on too loose, keeps moving his hips. He leans close to Steve’s ear. “I want you to feel good, Stevie. Take what you want.”

Steve takes that as his cue, grinding rapidly back and forth, fingertips grasping for purchase against the smooth wood. He gasps and moans, writhing in place.

Eddie curses, rocking his hips against Steve’s heat. “That’s good, baby, you’re doing so good.”

Steve moans, deep and guttural as his movements become frantic. He reaches down, covers Eddie’s hand with his own, tangles their fingers and tightens Eddie’s grip.

“Yeah, fuck, just like that. M’so close.” Steve whines beneath him, trembling as he picks up the pace. His hips move faster, stuttering and jerking as he nears his end.

It’s almost a surprise to watch Steve come. It’s everything and nothing like Eddie expected. He could’ve fantasised for hours, days, years, but nothing his brain would’ve come up with is comparable to seeing the real thing.

Steve loses himself in it, lets the pleasure wash over him like a tidal wave. His eyes clench shut and his mouth falls open in a long moan as he comes undone. His hips keep pushing into the tight wet of Eddie’s fist until he becomes oversensitive.

Finally, he pulls his hand away, rests it on the table.

Eddie pulls away too, takes his own cock in hand as Steve lies there coming down, breaths coming out fast, and takes the sight of him in. The look of him debauched, ravished. The strain of muscles beneath scarred skin. The pink blush on his cheeks. The bitten red of his lips. It doesn’t take much.

“C’mon, Eds. Wanna feel you come.” But that’s what really does it. A few jerks of his hand and Eddie’s coming, streaking white across silver scars.

He falls forward, drapes himself over Steve in a desperate need for closeness. Doesn’t care about the mess he’s surely making of his shirt.

The room is near quiet. Still. And Eddie feels warm save for the sinking in his stomach.

He kinda wants to stay there forever. Knows he has to leave as quickly as he can.

Minutes pass, neither of them make the effort to move.

Eddie pants, pressing his forehead between Steve's shoulder blades. The room is silent save for their synced panting breaths. He pushes himself up slowly, muscles protesting the movement.

Steve remains in place on the table top, cheek pressed against the wood as he catches his breath. His eyes are closed, dark eyelashes fanning over flushed skin, and his forehead is damp with sweat. One of his hands lies curled but loose against the table, the other grips the farthest edge, white knuckled. His shirt is rucked up to his armpits, showing the scarred expanse of his back. His slacks are round his knees, the perfect curve of his ass bare.

He's marked with Eddie's cum. All the way from his hole to the centre of his back. It stands out, pale against the tan of his skin. Eddie's almost tempted to reach out, drag a finger through it.

He doesn't.

Instead, he pulls the lilac pocket square from the breast pocket of his suit jacket and unfolds it. With gentle hands, he wipes his spend from Steve's back. He balls the soiled cloth up and shoves it deep into his pants pocket. He'll bin it later - even if the thought of keeping it does briefly cross his mind.

Steve hums, grateful, pressing his forehead to the cool surface of the table. He flexes the hand that was gripping the edge, trying to get the feeling back.

Eddie turns away, feels like he's seen more than he's rightfully allowed. He tugs his pants up, hands shaking as he clasps his belt. He makes an attempt to tuck in his shirt, but it's creased to shit now, so it doesn't quite lay flat anymore.

He walks back over to the window. Outside, the moon is high and the sky is clear. The ground is dewey, almost sparkling. He thinks it must've rained at some point.

He taps out another cigarette from the packet in his pocket and lights up. Blowing out a plume of smoke, Eddie presses his forehead to the cool glass.

Behind him, he can hear Steve shuffling, tidying himself up. Probably preparing to let Eddie down and run off back to his perfect little wife.

Well fuck that, Eddie's gonna beat him to it.

"We can't do this again." He says, fogging up the glass in front of him as he speaks.

Steve's voice is rough when he replies. "I know."

Eddie knows that tone of voice. He knows it all too well. The one where he says one thing but means another.

He flicks the ash from his cigarette, turns and leans against the wall next to the window. Steve's leaning back against the table they just fucked on, staring down at a scuff on his left shoe.

From this vantage Eddie gets to see the wondrous Steve Harrington in all his post-sex glory. His shirt is all rumpled, much like Eddie's own, his jacket is still in a pile on the floor. His hair is a goddamn mess and, though he's tucked himself away, his slacks still hang open at his hips.

Fucking temptation incarnate.

"Steve." Steve looks up, his eyes are still shiny. "We can't. You're married."

Steve frowns, looking away again. He doesn't seem too happy about that. Taking in the frown lines on Steve's face, Eddie would guess the man is at war with himself. Running through all his options. He bets Steve wishes he could run off and find Robin, talk to her before finishing this conversation.

Unlucky for him, Robin is nowhere to be seen.

Eddie swallows down a lump in his throat. Has to force himself to say something he knows will wreck the both of them. "I think it's best that we don't see each other for a while."

Steve's head whips up so fast, Eddie's surprised he doesn’t give himself whiplash. "What?"

Eddie shrugs, self-deprecating and overly conscious of the mess this all is. "I don't... I never intended to be a homewrecker."

Steve scoffs, folding his arms over his chest. "The home has barely been built, man."

A sharp exhale and Eddie's running his free hand through his hair. "That's so much worse! You've got to see that it's worse, Steve!" He takes a pull from his cigarette and blows the smoke out fast. "I was just gonna keep this shit to myself. I never expected this."

"You did it, though. You let me.”

"I did." Eddie chokes out, voice shaky. "And I shouldn't have. I'm fucking sorry that I did."

Steve nods. He's quiet for a moment, his head ducked and shoulders hunched. When he talks again, it's quiet. "How long then?"

Eddie tilts his head. "What?"

Steve looks up then, fierce eyes burning hard into his own. "How long until I see you again?"

"Oh." Eddie breathes softly. "I'm not sure." He swallows. "I need time to get over you, Stevie."

Steve's gaze has gone cold, frozen over. Eddie knows it isn't personal, he's just trying to protect himself, but it hurts all the same. "Well you should probably go then."

It stings like a shot to the heart. "Right."

He moves to stub out his cigarette, but Steve stops him before he can. "Leave the cigarette." Eddie nods, leaving it resting on the window ledge. He slips a hand into his pocket, thumb rubbing over the engraving on his lighter. He pulls it out, watches how the silver glints in the moonlight, and gently rests it down on the ledge as well.

He can't meet Steve's eye again as he walks out of his life for what he knows will be forever, but he does stop at his side. He leans in, presses a gentle kiss to his cheek. Whispers, "I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry." And rushes out of there.

He stops at the door before he leaves completely. Finds Steve stood at the window, Eddie's cigarette between his lips and dusty suit jacket draped around his shoulders. He flicks open the lighter in his hand, watching the flame flicker.

The last time Eddie Munson sees Steve Harrington, he is gazing out of the window into the moonlight, rumpled from Eddie's hands on his body, and Eddie knows his heart is never going to recover.

[gbee-writes]

Viva La Revolution

Chapter one

Tw: Death mention, funeral, corrupt agency, torture, imprisonment, borderline dissociation

---

There was only numb anymore.

Hero had been to plenty of funerals in her time, plenty of close friends gone, and after years of it she couldn’t help but feel hollow in that damn church hall. This was what it was to be a hero in this city.

When she first joined her agency she had been full of vigor and passion. The injuries used to be laughed off in the cafe. Everyone did it; everyone but the older heroes. Hero used to be baffled by their behavior towards the medical mishaps.

What were broken ribs if a dangerous criminal was now behind bars?

What was a major concussion when the death weapons were disabled?

What were the third degree burns?

What were the vicious lacerations?

What was she if not a martyr?

The head of the agency droned on about sacrifice and dedication. “Other Hero was a true hero, he was a man of strength and protection and love.” Hero let out the tiniest huff. As if the head knew anything about her friend.

As if it weren’t his fault Other Hero was in a casket.

Heroes never made it past their fifties. Hero hadn’t noticed at first but she certainly took note after trying to reach out to old retired heroes for advice. She had found that there wasn’t any.

No retired saviors from the city; no true elders to nurture the youths taking over their roles. It hadn’t taken much digging to find out why. Her contract had said it all. Heroes in this city signed their lives away.

She had seen Other Hero’s death from a mile away of course. The week before his final battle they had tea together and she could see how worn down he was. His final words to her drifted through her muddy thoughts.

“I think it’s time for me to rest, Hero.” He had said it with a haunting melancholy. “I’ll miss these tea times.”

Her hands tightened on the skirts of her black dress. Now that she was considered a ‘senior hero’ she finally understood why none of them laughed at the injuries with the fresh meat.

Hero’s body had been ripped apart and forced back together so many times in her long stint as a hero that no part of it felt right. Her knees cracked as she walked, her hands lost objects unless she held them in death grips, her back ached to no end, her mind was too slow in the worst of times.

One injury became two, then three dozen, then four hundred, thousands if you lasted long enough, and all of them came with residual effects.

Retirement would be a dream but no hero retired. If that dotted line was graced with your signature, you weren’t allowed to leave the agency until you were put six feet under. If there was enough of you to do that.

Some of her past partners had tried and they were hunted down and brought back with great prejudice. A few had tried to go over to the other side. Those few were labeled as the highest ranked criminals; kill on sight.

None were still there.

Of her original team, Hero and Sidekick were the only ones left. She could tell Sidekick was close to taking the only way out too.

This wasn’t how she thought her life would go.

Hero thought that by then she would be happily married with a few kids, maybe a grandchild or two as she was pushing fifty, but instead she was bunked with Sidekick in a crappy apartment so the new recruits could get the better accommodations and think they were in good hands.

She was yanked out of her thoughts by Sidekick giving her a gentle nudge. Hero blinked for a moment before realizing it was her turn to speak. Her agency approved note cards were pulled from her pocket.

Up at the podium she could see every person there. The higher ups who were only there to save face, the new recruits shaken, the old heroes with relief on their faces.

Several people jumped when she cleared her throat. “Thank you all for coming.” The camera she had to pretend didn’t exist broadcast her words across the city. “Other Hero was one of my closest friends. We’d defended the city together for nearly two decades and through it all I always admired his conviction to keep fighting.”

Her eyes trailed to the head of the agency. The man who continued to trap young powered kids into lifelong torture with no remorse. ‘For the greater good’ was his motto.

Fire burned in her chest. She was tired of feeling numb, tired of watching her friends let the villains kill them so they could rest. Her cards crumpled in her fists.

“Until the brutal working conditions took that away from him.”

Murmurs spread through the crowd. Head leaned forward, his mask of somber respect replaced with a barely controlled warning.

Hero didn’t care anymore. “Other Hero went the way so many others of us go; letting villains kill us so we can finally get the rest we deserve. We don’t get retirement, or vacations, or break days!”

The other older heroes in the room shouted confirmations. At the realization that he was just about to lose control, Head gestured for Hero to be removed from the spotlight.

She was grabbed from behind and put in power suppressant cuffs. As she was dragged down Sidekick shot to his feet. “We break ourselves with no guarantee of proper medical care! We sacrifice ourselves with no hesitation and are given nothing in return!”

His voice was followed by another, a hero called Fire-bird. “We are not machines or tools, we are people!” Some of the younger heroes joined in the shouts. “We deserve rights, and we won’t stand for less anymore! All heroes strike!”

“Strike! STRIKE! STRIKE!” The chant covered Head’s desperate attempts to calm the situation. Hero felt a wave of satisfaction even as she was dragged from view, probably to be thrown in a cell for inciting rebellion.

---

Week two.

At least Hero was pretty sure it was the start of the second week. Head had visited her cell every day, and today was no exception. His face was twisted in a dangerous snarl.

“The mess you’ve started is getting worse.” He growled out. “People are dying without their heroes.”

Guilt threatened to break her. She hadn’t wanted that. Without the heroes who was stopping the villains? She hadn’t been thinking; she had been in the throws of grief!

A blow to her ribs brought her attention back to Head. “More of my younger recruits are joining this stupid strike!” Another blow to her face.

Hero tried to blink out the spots in her vision but he’d broken her nose the day before and it was stinging fiercely. Her chest heaved painfully; broken ribs from the third day.

Was she going to die trapped there? Beaten to a pulp as punishment for wanting better? Hero bit her tongue as Head slammed his fists into her aching body over and over again. She thought she’d experienced hell before but this...

The weaker part of Hero wished the black on the edges of her vision would take over. Shame mixed with the guilt. She didn’t deserve to black out. People were dying because of her.

Loud thuds and shouts made there way through the door. Head stopped his attack. Both of them stared at the exit, waiting.

Silence.

Hero glanced at Head and saw the fear in his eyes. She looked back to the door.

The quiet was electric with tension. Her nerves were on fire.

Suddenly the door flew off its hinges and smashed a dent in the wall behind her. Silhouetted by the frame was Sidekick, hands held out where the door used to be, and Villain. Hero’s eyes widened.

Her Villain and Sidekick? Together?!

Villain took in the scene rapidly. “You’ve been beating her?” There was a dangerous possessiveness in his voice. A dark chuckle made Head flinch. “Oh naughty naughty. I’m the only one allowed to wail on her.”

Everything moved so quickly Hero struggled to keep up. Head was knocked to the wall just like the door, Villain slamming full force after him. She was scooped up by Sidekick.

“What-”

“Hang on, I’ll get you to our med-base. Villain will take care of that-” Sidekick stopped himself with a growl. “Damned man put the whole complex on lock down so he could keep the rest of the heroes trapped here. I wanted to bust in the first day but Supervillain wanted to get the public on our side before we tried anything.”

Hero gasped out as Sidekick jumped down a full flight of stairs and jolted her numerous injuries. “The people-” She wheezed a bit. “We have to stop the strike, the villains-”

“Aren’t going on rampages. Turns out when you fight the same people for decades they get attached a bit. Most of them took up our mantle in support of our strike.”

“They what?”

Sidekick smiled down at her. “They took our places. When you want to inspire you do a damn good job of it.” Hero’s brain reeled. Head had said that people were dying in the streets, villains killing unstopped, mass chaos!

He seemed to understand her wordless bafflement. “I don’t know what Head told you but the city’s been safer than it has been in years.”

----

I might continue this if people are interested. I had ideas for later scenes but this is as far as I had for this section? Sorry if the ending isn’t great, I had trouble with that.

Edit: continuing this

First | Previous | Next   Chapter-list   Master-list

[melissa-titanium]

wrghfhf OKAY UHMM

where does trout live? and does she have any family living with or near her? or in general

ive seen the dragonss big dragon world where does she fit in there. like what is she. what is their society like if they have one. would she interact with other animals or would her society be kept to others like her?

i sawww something mentioned about her being a past life to. uh. i forgot their names i know mel is there but how did she die if she does and also if its not the same where did she get the scar?

also not technically a question and also not about trout but kinda do u have a picture of mel's sister i saw u mention her and i was interested. u know me. u know how i feel abt siblings.

whos her fishy familiar whatre they like. are they more like a pet or a friend or both?

ive been using periods as question marks whoops. also uhm what is her relationship with all the other ppl and. their lives and whatever

whats her favorite food? color? animal? what is she interested in? what are her hobbies? yknow the basics

i know shes. trout. and those are freshwater. but does she like whales? like whale whales. im just curious. actually how does she feel about whales, sharks, even orcas. stuff like that.

OMG. OMG. OMG. WE ARE SO FUCKING BACK. WAIT. WAIT WAIT. IM FUCKING C;RAZY THANKUOU SO SO SO OSOS M UCH I LOVE ANS;WERING SHIT ABOUT MY STUPID OCS *CRIESSSSSSSSSSHGIJGFKGSERIJ*

where does trout live? and does she have any family living with or near her? or in general

OK SO FUNNY THING ABOUT REPRODUCTION IN MY WORLD. there doesnt actually need to be Two parents to Make A Child Exist. there can be one. three. twelve. billions. doesnt matter. because the source of life in this world are called lovebugs that essentially incubate souls that are ready to be recycled... the only motive they need to initiate the incubation process is some form of desire from an outside source to have that thing Exist, and boom, it will.

so basically, she doesn't have any "biological" family. lovebugs didn't incubate her soul because anyone wanted them to, it was basically like. okay. you know jesus? from the bible? yeah. that's basically what happened to trout. except whats different about her is that she was born from... like... the will of the god of the universe herself (cadie, cici. yeah the god of my universe is my cat) and somewhat from the people of that world at the time.

basically the desire of the masses to have the return of magic culminated so much hope and "desire" into existence that trout just... boom. became real.

to ACTUALLY answer your question though, trout doesn't actually have parents. she hopped across orphanages and foster homes until she was able to bind her soul to an object (long story) and then, seeing her power, the higher status seaskimrs kind of adopted her like "hey she would make a great personal guard to the royal family"

the closest thing to family though? oryx. he's her anxious deranged ghost uncle who projects his existence onto her through time bullshit soul magic.

ive seen the dragonss big dragon world where does she fit in there. like what is she. what is their society like if they have one. would she interact with other animals or would her society be kept to others like her?

OMG OK WAIT SO . FUNNU THING ABOUT THIS. TROUT'S ERA HAPPENS AT THE V E R Y END OF MEL'S SOUL THREAD... MEANING MOST OF THE DRAGONS ARE GONE BY THIS POINT. but AHAAAAAA WAIT !!!! since the world exploded, set on fire, exploded again, and then Flooded (thats why seaskimrs, creatures like trout, are the most populous intelligent species on the planet) tasreradian society managed to sustain some of their society, but alot of it was still lost (the current tasrerads don't even know that the shore dwelling tasrerads existed)

to the seaskimr society, tasrerads are something of lorekeepers. now having to go deeper into the ocean, they've become long-living megafauna. not a SINGLE tasrerad is left from mel's time, but a good ass portion of their history is written in ye olde dragon runes. seaskimrs don't interact a whole lot since tasrerads dwell very very deep in the ocean and rarely come up... but they're chill when they do! trout was born during the period of time where tasrerads come up for their routine (every decade? not sure!) transaction of knowledge. the tasreradian elder take great interest in telling stories to seaskimr younglings, and trout never forgot a single tale.

i sawww something mentioned about her being a past life to. uh. i forgot their names i know mel is there but how did she die if she does and also if its not the same where did she get the scar?

OMG OMG SHES !!! SHES ATUALLY MEL'S FUTURE LIFE iamsosorry if iworded that wrong somewhere i know i always say mel's past lives when in reality mel has One past life. everyone else comes after. help me. i need to finish the loredoc ohhhh my god

SHE !!! well. kind of dies? more like gets punted into purgatory after literally becoming god at some point for a reason i havent really worked out yet. we'll get to that *smiles*

AS FOR HER SCAR..... equally a little vague. in her old story, she got mauled by. this sounds insane but also all of the aquatic creatures from the past eras got like dangerously bigger. she got mauled by a HUGE FUCKING TROUT which earned trout her name!!! (yeah i think in her old lore getting mauled made her transition . ? help)

in her new lore tho. i think it would make the most sense for malibu to be the one to dismember & scar her? or maybe mel. tho i think malibu makes more sense. malibu being burned on accident and being like I NEED TO GET BACK AT THIS BITCH. because to trout, malibu is a reminder of her terrible curse & to malibu, trout is a reminder of a terrible experience that basically lead to the death of her grandmother (a whole other story so i'll just leave it at that)

regardless. unlike mel, she never gets a prosthetic :)

also not technically a question and also not about trout but kinda do u have a picture of mel's sister i saw u mention her and i was interested. u know me. u know how i feel abt siblings.

HELL YEAH I DO!!!!!!!!!!!! i havent finished her ref yet Sigh but.... the queen <3 epic spoilers! she's the one who kills mel :)

whos her fishy familiar whatre they like. are they more like a pet or a friend or both?

IM GONNA BE HONEST I HAVENT TOTALLY WORKED THIS OUT YET !!!

it acts as something of a... puppet. an entity that can pass through time to act as a gateway, HER gateway, to the past. which is where she meets oryx! the soulless remnants act as entities outside of time, so when she befriends one (this funny little fish who i dont have a name for yet LOL) she's able to puppeteer it's body and project herself and some of the world around it (including her voice!) into the past. which is how she's able to hear, see, and communicate with oryx. does that make sense? LOL

BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION. it's both :) trout is a "roll with the punches" kinda gal so she didn't really question the presence of half-existing entities that only she could see and just interacted with them as she would with a normal not dead person.

ive been using periods as question marks whoops. also uhm what is her relationship with all the other ppl and. their lives and whatever

HM HM HMMM. okay let me think.

mel - she feels pity for him at first. imagine existing for that long, literal eons stewing in your hate, refusing to let go of a grudge for people that have long forgotten about you? she essentially manages to talk him down from the ledge, something mira failed to do all those eras ago.

the reason trout came in the very last thread of mel's soul is because of how similar the two are. mel surpressed the "trout" part of himself so ferociously that she literally could not exist until oryx BLOCKED HIM from influencing her time in any way shape or form. mel hated, HATED, HATED trout, more than he hated his mom, those who looked down on him, the world, more than he hated himself. which is why his reconciliation with her is such a crucial part of both their character arcs, because truly trout is just mel in a less gristly, bloody font. he's like her deranged grandpa in some way.

when she resets the timeline he's glad to be the only one to remember her.

whats her favorite food? color? animal? what is she interested in? what are her hobbies? yknow the basics

food? she really likes spicy stuff. is eating tilapia cannibalism? maybe, but she doesn't really have a reason to care, all of her past lives were cannibals.

she REALLY likes green. like a soft, gentle sage. salmon pink is a close second.

she likes pufferfish and hammerhead sharks... she thinks theyre funny :)

BIG FAN OF MECHANICS AND BOMBS. bombs especially. it sometimes concerns her peers how excited she gets about stuff like the discovery of remains from those nuclear explosions several eons ago. she loooves pulling things apart and seeing what new stuff she can make with them. guns are a big second fave too! thats why her soulbound object (which can shapeshift. yeah she's a special one) is usually some kind of big impossible gun. she likes to try and dissect it and see how much of it is magic and how much of it is mechanics.

i know shes. trout. and those are freshwater. but does she like whales? like whale whales. im just curious. actually how does she feel about whales, sharks, even orcas. stuff like that.

SHE LOVES WILDLIFE. she's not like, crazy obsessed with animals but if you asked her if she wanted to go to the aquarium she would never say no. she likes predatory animals the most, i don't know if she would have ever seen an orca before but whales are a tasreradian delicacy so she's definitely eaten whales before, and likes to watch sharks sometimes.

ALSO WAIT FUNNY DETAIL. she's actually anadromous, which means she's both freshwater AND saltwater which is why she lives in the sea :)

[lediz-watches]

Dungeon Meshi / Delicious in Dungeon

AKA, cooking, with world building. And dragons.

Quick overview for the uninitiated: Delicious in Dungeon (or Dungeon Meshi) is an anime following a small group of adventurers in a vaguely first-edition Dungeons and Dragons setting (except also very much not DnD, despite the pun) as they attempt to find one of their lost party members. To ensure they survive without money, and to indulge a kink of their leader, they resort to hunting the monsters of the dungeon for food. The show is very heavily influenced, to the point of affectionate parody, by cooking anime, with stillshots of the final meals and the original manga including mock-recipe and nutrient maps on said stillshots.

I didn’t watch it for several months because Tumblr’s manga community had presented the show as being one of those shows where everyone is queer and neurodivergent and it’s all about their struggles and love conquering all and I was just like “that’s cool, you have fun, kids”. I can't remember why I decided to watch it - I think I saw a Netflix trailer and decided I was bored enough to try it. But it is not that.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. Two characters are almost definitely autistic, one of whom is probably a lesbian, and the closest thing she has to a love interest is maybe bisexual, but honestly, despite being fifty years old, she’s probably too young to really know. Half-elves, man, they’re problematic. But none of that is the point of the show. In fact, it's mostly entirely platonic the whole way through. At most, the show is about self-acceptance, personal sacrifice, and the difference between what you want and what you need.

Also good nutrition.

There are a few things I love about it, one of which is my personal kink, which is worldbuilding and poking at the strangeness of a world until it makes sense. The characters are products of their environments and backgrounds, with prejudices and conceits that make sense to not only their backstories but also their respective ages (which is further problematised by their varying maturity rates and race profiles). The world itself is an evolving character, created by a flawed and (I suspect, haven’t finished the manga yet) sympathetic villain. It’s so juicy and good.

I also love (most of) the characters themselves and how they interact. With my favourite, of course, being the emotionally repressed father of three that looks like a fourteen year old kid.

Chilchuck is everything I love about the series in one character. He’s so complicated. He’s a half-foot, which is the equivalent of a halfling, and therefore always looks very young and cute, to the point that even half of the main characters see him as a child. However, because half-foots are the shortest lived race, he’s actually the equivalent of a fifty-something. Add to this that half-foots do legitimately seem to use teen vernacular out of habit, no matter how goddamn done they are with these frikking kids around them. Add to this that he became a married father of two when he was still the equivalent of a teenager, was immediately thrust into a toxic work environment where he was confronted with the fact his whole race is mostly considered greedy scum-sucking thieves at least positive and outright monster-bait at most positive…! ADD TO THIS that he is a self-sacrificing idiot that would rather the whole world—including his family—think he’s a vile, narcissistic, cheating coward than admit even to himself that he just can’t handle seeing people he cares about hurt and is trying to keep them out of trouble the only way he can.

And he’s the main character with probably the least amount of screentime, it absolutely kills me!

There are a few things I don’t love, however.

I don’t love Senshi. The dwarf hermit that enables the story by being an essentially dungeon-native with a love of cooking. The story starts off with him being the all-knowing, down-to-earth, reliable old man, which rubbed me the wrong way because he was also stubborn and self-righteous and the story seemed to be entirely on his side. But in the story’s defence, it does poke and prod at him, and showcase his prejudices, but at the end of the first season (and I think halfway through the story) I still mostly just tolerate him.

I watched in English, and… look. Look.

This is one of the few examples where I think subs not dubs might have worked in its favour.

Normally I don’t agree with that, because dubbers are not given nearly enough credit for their skills. Voice acting is hard, and dubbing even more so. Also, while the Japanese actors may be very good, they are not infallible. Sometimes, the reason you think they’re incredible is because you don’t understand what they’re saying and so can’t tell whether they’re good actors or not.

BUT. In this specific case. I think that last point might have helped.

Because there are long stretches of exposition and cooking narration in this series, told in quite monotone, matter-of-fact ways which are perfect for the character and tone of the series but are not actually that entertaining to listen to. And so I suspect that hiding behind another language may have really helped mask that. There are things that work in written form that just don’t in audio.

I wish the series could spend a bit more time poking at its characters. Especially Chilchuck. Seriously, this man’s instinct when confronted with his own good qualities is to stop moving. I love it so much. Marcille, the half-elf, is interesting to me because of her unique growth rate. Half-elves live to be a thousand, and she’s only fifty. She was still a toddler at thirteen. She thinks of herself as an adult. She sees the twenty-something tall-men (humans) as young teens. As the series goes on, she seems increasingly more like a seventeen year old to me. I want to know how much of that is intentional.

The actual main character, Laios… I want to understand his head more. It’s hard, because he’s clearly autistic and canonically struggles with other people’s feelings, and self-reflection, so in many ways I think he legitimately is as simple as he seems. But because of that, he’s one of the few prophesised kings/chosen ones that I find myself… not rooting for. His instincts entirely revolve around monsters, he doesn’t get humans, and I just… can’t see that working out for a king long-term without some serious infrastructure and look at me getting all political world-building again and I’m just not invested enough in Laios to explore it myself, so I want to see it happen in-series.

But it’s generally so good. If you’ll forgive the pun, it’s meaty and tasty and it’s so good. I think it’s what I needed. Unfortunately, the fandom isn’t what I wanted it to be, so I don't know how much fun I'll have with it outside canon, but I’ll be honest, that’s pretty appropriate for this series.

Sometimes, it’s not about what you want.

Sometimes, you just need to chew on what you need, and keep looking for what you want next.

Probably a good life lesson, all things considered.