#this applies to so many ppl it’s scary

[ut0piaaa]

the worst is being so well adjusted and your absolute best self… and then rereading old messages

[helianthologies]

also unrelated. i hate to name this evil and therefore invite it into my home but the way some of you on here talk abt KLCK. its the exact same discourse i remember seeing abt a certain spider girl from a certain webcomic ten years ago. nobody can ever be normal abt mentally ill teenage girls it seems

[burst-of-iridescent]

so sorry you've been getting these anons ana :( i thought as a native i could give my two cents on the fire lady katara trope? ill admit im more of a casual zutara shipper, so i havent seen a good chunk of the fandom, but ill give it my thoughts. for me personally, i am not a fan of fire lady katara- it's not particularly to do with the trope itself, but the execution often done by the fandom. ive discussed this with other natives before, but sometimes in the fire lady trope, it is often that katara moves to the fire nation, that she wears fire nation clothes and is surrounded by fire nation culture. obviously, that isn't wrong! the sharing of culture is a beautiful thing, but there is a good majority of fics where it feels like her water tribe culture is forgotten, that she is made to move permanently to the fire nation in favour of zuko. specifically in a post war climate, where a good majority of the people in the fire nation would still hold onto imperialist and racist beliefs, the idea of katara living there permanently is uncomfortable. i moved out of my mostly native village into a nearly fully white uni, and it's scary, and so when i apply those thoughts to katara living in the fire nation, its uncomfortable. and as for the rest, it's mainly just how sometimes it feels like the fandom doesn't value her culture as much as zukos, even unconsciously- it often feels like the fandom values the perceived glamour and power of the fire nation royalty, and finds fire nation culture more understandable than anything water tribe, and so prefer to have katara in a setting that is more 'easy' for them. in hand with this, is often the fandom perception that the water tribe is less progressive than the fire nation, that they are sexist and that zuko is giving katara a better life (i will say that this is not something i have not seen often, especially recently, but it is something i have discussed w people so i thought id mention it, especially since its usually not intentional). sorry this got so long, i went on a bit of a ramble but obviously this isn't the be all end all. like you said, there are lots of people who are fine, or enjoy fire lady katara because they perceive or write it differently, and that is fine! everyone perceives media differently, just like some people will be uncomfortable with zutara, some might not be. i just thought id send this as a reason why some of us do dislike the trope, and things to keep in mind when ppl are writing it

hi anon, thank you so much for sharing this with me! i really appreciate you taking the time to write out your thoughts and offer your perspective on this.

i definitely agree that the fire lady katara trope can be executed in some exceedingly problematic ways. there are many zutara fics that i've clicked out of for the reasons that you've mentioned, especially older ones that were written around when the show aired or shortly after. i won't deny at all that there are ways people write the zutara relationship that make me profoundly uncomfortable. my problem arises when someone assumes that the trope itself is inherently racist or wrong, instead of understanding that it can be written in a variety of ways by a variety of people, who bring their own perspectives - and prejudices - to their individual portrayals.

what you said about moving from your mostly native village to a fully white university really struck a chord with me because (although it's not the same, and can never be) i can really sympathize with those feelings of alienation and sudden lack of belonging. i'm part of the desi diaspora myself, and i've grown up in a country where i've always been the minority, and had to deal with racism and ignorance, so your experience really spoke to me. i hope that doesn't come across like i'm trying to co-opt your struggle or anything like that, because that was not my intention at all. i just wanted to let you know that i can understand what a scary feeling it is, even if not exactly in the same way.

that being said, personally if i could choose between spending my life in india or growing up overseas, i would still choose to do the latter even if it meant living through the bigotry and ostracization i've experienced again. i love the life i've built here, though it's a more difficult one than what i could've led back home.

in the context of atla, i agree that katara would most likely face racism and discrimination in the fire nation, at least in the immediate years following the war. but personally i also find a very empowering narrative in seeing her confront and dismantle the prejudices within the fire nation system, just as she did with the sexism of the northern water tribe. katara wouldn't abide bigotry in any form, and i think fighting inequality is a battle that she would want to take on, and would willingly choose to take on whether she ended up with zuko or not. that's why i take issue with the insistence that her becoming queen of the fire nation inherently equates to her victimization, because it can also very much be a power fantasy, and i know many woc who do see it as such.

(of course, that is just my own perspective, and i completely understand why others see it differently and might not be comfortable with it. their feelings are just as valid and legitimate.)

ultimately, i think correctly executing the fire lady katara trope isn't just about katara herself valuing her culture, but zuko doing it as well. i love seeing explorations of the trope (and the zutara relationship in general) where zuko takes an active interest in katara's heritage, incorporates her traditions and practices into his own life and home, and involves himself in her culture just as much as she involves herself in his. zutara is a ship that has always been about equality to me, and that's something that can and should carry over to how they blend their cultures together. like you said, there is nothing wrong in katara wearing fire nation clothes, or being surrounded by fire nation culture - so long as she isn't the only one in the relationship taking an interest in her partner's heritage. thankfully, in most zutara content i've seen, she isn't.

in my own personal view of katara becoming fire lady, it happens only years after the war ends. she spends her time postwar travelling the world and kicking ass, empowering women in the north to learn waterbending, rebuilding the southern water tribe, meeting and learning from everyone she can. when she becomes fire lady, she continues to travel often - home, of course, but also to the other nations when necessary, using her skill of inspiring and motivating others, and her desire to help the less fortunate, in matters of international diplomacy. when she returns, her husband is in blue, and her children wear whalebone beads in their hair, and there are fire flakes next to stewed sea prunes on her dining table. there are hard times, but there is also love and respect, and so she changes the world as she damn well deserved to in canon.

[coffee-at-annies]

So you’re new to hockey and ppl keep mentioning this big scary thing called the Trade Deadline (TDL).

What is it? It’s the last day of the regular season that teams can make trades and the traded players are eligible to play for their new teams. Trades can still happen but the players can’t play so you only really see it for AHL players.

What are trades? When two teams trade resources between then during off-season, preseason, and regular season.

Resources? Those are human people! You are correct and wrong. Trades come in a lot of shapes in sizes but will usually include one of four things:

the contract for a major league (NHL) player

the contract for a minor league (AHL) player

the rights for non-NHL/AHL players (sometimes considered prospects tho that can apply to any NHL-hopeful players still considered developing)

(prospects include college players under contract, players in lower leagues like the WHL or QMJHL who have been drafted but aren’t old enough for the AHL, players still playing over seas, etc) (and yes usually ahl players but I wanted to be specific)

Draft picks for the upcoming draft(s) (ie eventually a shiny new boy)

There’s a bunch of stuff that goes into trades beyond just “I give you all of our bad players you give us all of your best players” despite the way fans and the media talk about trades. Stuff like roster limits, the salary cap, no trade clauses, etc and this is where you get things like salary retention or conditional picks. I don’t understand all of it. I am not a contract lawyer.

Why trade players? To make your team better or to set up your team for the future.

To make your team better: obviously adding more good players will help push your team from good to great. Especially if you’re trying to make a deep run in the playoffs and need depth scoring or are worried about injuries.

Set your team up for the future: there’s 32 teams and not 32 playoff spots. Many teams won’t make it. Team that think they won’t make it will trade their good players, usually those on an expiring contract to teams that are looking to make a playoff push because they can get a lot of stuff in return. That stuff could be other players that may fit better on their team, but it’s usually also draft picks so the team can draft shiny new boys that could grow up into being the best player on their team.

But wait! Some trades make my team worse! Yeah that’s because of a thing called the salary cap. Sometimes you have to get rid of a player to be able to afford a new player. That’s why trades usually include players going each way, money out and money in. Sometimes this means you make a trade with a second team to make cap space before making that trade with the first team.

What do you mean by expiring contracts? Contracts have limits. They end. At the end of them you have to get the player to agree to sign another contract with you, usually considered an extension of their current contract, especially if they sign the new one before the official end date. This is what a contract extension is. If you don’t think they will sign, then it makes sense to trade them during the season to get a return on investment because otherwise they can say no thanks to any contract you offer and they’re gone during free agency and you have nothing to show for it. (That is if they’re a UFA - unrestricted free agent. RFA - restricted free agent - is a status for new/young players in the league and it means there’s more nonsense around what a team is required to do before you can just walk away).

(Gonna get into pens specific stuff now sorry if you’re on another team and were finding this helpful).

This is why everyone thinks we’re going to trade Jake Guentzel btw. A) he’s a very good player. B) he’s in an expiring contract (1UFA). C) if he doesn’t want to re-sign with us (aka extend his current contract) then we can’t stop him from leaving and there’s 7 years down the drain with nothing to show for it. (that’s a lie he has a cup ring). D) people like to speculate about trades. E) people love to be like what if you gave us your good player and we gave you our bad player and remember Jake is a very good player. F) the pens kind of suck right now. we aren’t playing well enough to guarantee the playoffs. we don’t have a lot of trade capital (prospects and draft picks) to go out and get better players (plus we’re up against the salary cap). and we don’t have a lot of boys who are good that it makes sense to trade away. G) enter Jake Guentzel.

I’m not saying we will trade Jake, just trying to give an explanation of people think we might. There’s as many reasons not to trade him as there are reasons to trade him. A) he’s Sidney Crosby’s favorite winger. B) he’s one of our top goal scorers. C) the modified no-trade-list (m-ntc) means he has a list of 12 teams we can’t trade him to. he can be traded but if the top team that wants him is the top of his no trade list, well that trade isn’t going to happen. D) he’s injured. he’s eligible to come off ltir immediately after the trade deadline but that could discourage interested teams. E) he may cost too much to trade. Dubas may not get a price that he thinks is worth trading Jake for. not every trade is guaranteed. F) finally, we don’t actually know how contract talk is going with his agent. he loves the city. he’s one of the faces of our team. he loves playing with Sid. the reason to trade him is if Dubas doesn’t think we can re-sign him and we don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors.

Hope this helps! Let me know if I can answer any questions

[myjunkisyuzuruhanyu]

Believe survivors!

I didn't post here but I think you should be aware of the latest case of #SkatingSurvivors - Sexual assault has been reported about Canadian ice dancer Nikolaj Sørensen. Trigger warnings about abuse apply when you click on the links!

Article in link here (Article contains very explicit graphic description so pls only read if you feel mentally prepared)

I have collected a few more recent cases (bc I was asked) and my own two cents about the matter here and it's actually alarming that I could name so many abusers on top of my head. Isn't this scary?

I know it's not a pleasant thing to think about but sadly figure skating doesn't provide a safe environment for skaters and this is sadly a fact. I just want ppl to know what is going on and I think as fans we may not be able to provide change but by bringing attention to the cases we can at least learn to not support blindly and see skaters and coaches as what they are - humans with flaws, humans who can do evil...

[chronicallyuniconic]

It's really hard to cope with all this.

Back when I was first diagnosed, I had so much grief for my past self and my past achievements versus my now uncertain future. Diagnosis ruled my life, it still does. I can't turn this off. At the age of 22, everything I'd achieved, was now pointless.

For the past few years, I've realised how much I've been stuck at that age, because I've been unable to put energy into achievements, into working, into living. The achievements I had, mean nothing without the person attached to them. Although I am a different person, it's not the one I aspired to be, this wasn't what it was supposed to look like, wasting away in isolation.

Now seem to be going through the same again, with epilepsy. Having to learn a new illness allover again. Figuring out what sets it off. Deciding if the symptoms I'm having are part of epilepsy, or is it my past diagnoses, maybe I'm just coming down with something.

Having to learn everything about an illness you thought you knew, but actually didn't, is exhausting, scary, an overload of information you're not even sure applies to you. But because doctors are so frustrating, you're forced to learn about it, noone tells you about living with it.

My GP appointment for the first seizure, was very much:

"you may have epilepsy, don't sleep on your front anymore because you might die, make sure you get at least 8 hours though, as sleep is important for epilepsy, not much i can do for your bitten tongue but take these meds and hopefully you won't have another."

That's it. That's my introduction, description and explanation of epilepsy.

--Imagine if they had listened when I said I was struggling with my sleep, I was literally wetting the bed and they just said I had an overactive bladder. I've been manipulated constantly into lessening the symptoms I have, and now I'm here--

Disappointing, worrying, frustrating, upsetting the people around you, because of the symptoms and diagnoses I deal with, is an extra layer of grief. I have to somehow support them too, when I'm actually terrified and there's nobody to support me through this either. What am I supposed to do?

There are so many limitations in the long list of bullshit I'm simply forced into coping with. Like a headache, you don't decide when it appears, it just does, but now I have to be mindful of ppls feelings aswell, when the seizures are random, unpredictable, out of my control.

I'm sat centred on a see-saw of symptoms, that should I tip too far on either side, I will fall, it will get worse, I am not in control.

People don't have patience, for my time, words, emotion, actions. No patience for me overall. If I complain, I seem to suddenly be "the most miserable person" when all I said was "I'm in pain today" because of a seizure, because I bit my tongue into bits.

I haven't done anything wrong, except have epilepsy.

[strawberrycowgirly]

helloo! i know many ppl don’t think lucy carlyle would be a swiftie, (at least for the first few books) but i was looking at my taylor swift playlist and so many songs of her’s you could apply to lucy throughout the books! it’s crazy lol. i’ll go more in depth to it later but like. songs you could interpret about her and lockwood, her (SPOILER incoming if you haven’t finished the hollow boy!)

leaving lockwood and co, her jealousy of holly (more could be said about that, but i’ll leave that for later lol), her past at jacobs and co/ that mission that goes horribly wrong and traumatizes her, even the lucky one reminds me of how she has an amazing Talent, extremely rare, but it’s a big secret to keep and it can be hard/scary at times! just. ahhh!!!)

[nightcolorz]

i’m late but for the ask game: armand 6, 8, 25

YIPPIE!! Thank u sm for sending this, I’ve been pretty severely injured lately and I woke up feeling so shit and sad, so getting this notif absolutely made my day. Armand !!! He is my favorite character in anything ever. I have literally never been so insane about a guy before. U picked some great questions so I’m super excited about this.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

I identify strongly with Armand for a lot of weird little reasons. I think the root of it is transgender and autism stuff if I’m honest 😭 Im going to try not to get tooo personal 👍👍 but I will let’s be honest, I will get personal. I can relate to being fetishized and characterized for my sort of androgynous/pretty/boyish appearance while I feel like how I look doesn’t truly reflect who I am as a person. I definitely get the struggle of being demeaned and treated like a child bcus of the juvenile ish appearance transitioning can give you. I also can relate to being demeaned and treated like a child because of my social awkwardness (due to autism) that causes many ppl to assume I’m unintelligent or immature, need to be treated gently or talked to slowly, etc. I see these parts of myself reflected in Armand ofc in different more vampiric ways, and having a character who is infantilized and talked down to while also fetishized and sexually exploited for a perceived innocence that isn’t reflective of who he really is at all, a guy who is also very strange and awkward and doesn’t act right, who is also simultaneously very bad ass (imo lmao) in his shamelessness and his overtly violent and freak of nature attitude, is weirdly very validating and empowering for me, lmao. He is like the weak shameful parts of myself if the weak shameful parts of myself had teeth. 👍👍👍 Yeah 😁😁😁😁 Armand 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

lmfaooo, I’m so happy u picked this one bcus I love complaining and being a hater 😍 I am sorry in advance if I say anything that ruffles any bodies feathers, just bcus I don’t like these things ppl do doesn’t mean I don’t like the ppl who do them, y’all do u I’m not stopping u. Anyways.

I don’t enjoy how a handful of amc exclusive fans characterize Armand, because you can tell they rlly only understand him based on Wikipedia reads and his brief appearance in the show so far, which results in this sort of glaring simplification of his character in fan content. This wouldn’t rlly bother me if not for how prevalent it is 😭 like it’s genuinely difficult for me to find interesting and in character fanfic about Armand bcus so much of it is uniformed. The amc fandom sort of dominates the tvc fandom, it’s just so big. I don’t like when Armand is reduced to Louis’s new scary hot boyfriend/Lestat replacement/potential villain. It feels like he’s often perceived through this lens of a role in the story, like “hm this guy seems like a potential villain”, “no I think he’s a new love interest”, which is a conversation I find no appeal in at all considering you can’t fit the Armand I love into any of these narrative boxes. This isn’t rlly smth I have personal beef with bcus there’s no harm in fans of the show characterizing armand based on there limited knowledge while they wait for the next season, but for me it’s a pet peeve you know, as someone who rlly rlly likes armand a lot 😭.

(This is the exception to my no hate to u if u do this disclaimer btw, all the hate to u). on the subject of amc fans, I also often see this hostility towards fans of book Armand, where I’ll see amc fans talking about how perverse he is conceptually in the books and how gross ppl who like him are, which REALLY makes me very mad, because ok. Listen. Show armand is not a character yet, any and all things you enjoy about armand as of now as someone who hasn’t read the books are 1. How he looks. And 2. Things from the books that you apply to him in a new context. Assad’s performance, the people working on the show, the writers, everything that you base your enjoyment of armand in, is from the books 😭 But god forbid someone enjoy the source material over the hypothetical character who barely exists yet? God forbid someone do the same thing u do (take smth arguably morally dubious and interpret it in a way that u find interesting and compelling while acknowledging the morally dubious source material) just not in the context of an adaption. Ok. God forbid I enjoy and identify with an adult character trapped in the body of a child who is misperceived for his youth and sexually abused, it’s not like this is the same concept of beloved amc Claudia anyway. It’s also not like I am capable of enjoying something while criticizing it and disliking it’s flaws, and coming to conclusions based on critical thinking and analysis of concepts that may have been executed poorly, that I still admire and enjoy, bcus I am capable of complex thinking, and I don’t need to blindly enjoy every part of smth and perceive it as flawless to enjoy it. We all know that’s fake ! Anyways sorry for the angry rant 😭😭😭 moving on.

On a separate note, I also sometimes have beef with how fellow book armand fans portray him. This is small and sort of petty but it bothers me when Armand is drawn as like, very small and skinny. Maybe it’s bcus I head canon him as chubby and sort of cherub-built, maybe it’s bcus in TVA armand describes himself as strong in build and “not waif-ish”, but either or it does feel sort of wrong and off putting when I see Armand drawn as like, so small and petite that it’s emphasized. To me this reads as a missing of the point, if you will. An emphasis on physical qualities representative of innocence and youth that aren’t reflective of Armand’s character, only rlly how some other characters see him. I can often tell when an Armand fan enjoys him for the superficial qualities (eternally young, angelic looking, etc) over who he is, and it always encourages me to steer clear. I hope I’m making sense lol. This is also sometime present in fic but it’s more subtle and difficult to describe. Anyways

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

I was thinking about this yesterday! I was first introduced to Armand when I was maybe 11 or 12, my dad put on 94 interview with the vampire for me and my twin sister while he did work around the house etc. he started watching it with us (he loves 94 iwtv) but by the time Armand showed up at the half way point he got up and started doing other things, so my sister and I were alone in front of the screen. For some reason lost to time my sister and I were very excited about seeing Antonio Banderas, maybe because we knew him from Zorro, so in the aftermath of the buffoon scene with Santiago that we found really funny, when Antonio Banderas appeared on screen we were hyped tf up. We were so enthralled in the moment of his cunty ass entrance we started cheering and clapping and screaming 😭 I think shrieking ARMANNNDDD!!!! At the screen (with no knowledge of who armand even was) Till I started laughing to tears is in my top ten formative moments. My first viewing of iwtv was just like that 😭 there was smth in the water that had my sister and I loosing our fucking minds with excitement over that movie. Anyways, I only immersed myself into the fandom and got rlly into tvc just last year, when I read interview with the vampire (smth that’s always been in the back of my mind since my first viewing, I really did love that movie) and then the rest of tvc. When I was reading interview with the vampire I had that subconscious excitement over Armand’s half way point appearance brewing from the get go (every time my sister and I have watched iwtv together since we were 12 we’ve done the same screaming at the screen ritual for armand) so when I was re introduced to him I was instantly attached to him. I very quickly discovered how much I was enthralled by this guy, like by his first appearance and description it went from a weird little nostalgic affection to a “omfg I feel many inexplicably strong feelings for this guy”. He was just so magnetic and weird, I was intrigued by every thing about him, like Louis lol. I started drawing him a bunch b4 I’d even finished the first book, and by the time I was introduced to him in tvl he was my favorite character. Tvl really solidified my armand obsession, and queen of the damned made me the person I am today 😭 insane. I think my impression of him now should be obvious at this point 😔 he is my silliest guy every morning I wake up and he is the first thought in my mind I cry about him daily I worship him like he’s my god sometimes I see a blender and I am so overwhelmed with emotion I want to scream if a professional looked into my brain and saw all the armand in there they’d diagnose me with super mega autism. I like him a lot. 🫶

Thank you sm for sending this ask once again! I’m sorry it’s so long lol, hope my responses were interesting. This is the ask game in question for anyone who may potentially want to send me more asks: https://www.tumblr.com/nightcolorz/734243514562510848?source=share I would cry with joy if so.

[heart-shaped-pupa]

People are so right that pact conspicuously ignores the gender and sexuality of the original, but like, it really cares a /lot/ about the sexuality and gender of blake and rose.

Hell the text is even interested in talking about gender dysphoria, even though i imagine wildbow wouldnt use that kind of language to talk about it. Usually in the form of a failure to meet expectations, both from within and without.

Both of them are in large parts defined by their desire to look, act, and be considered a certain way, and are unable to by their fundamental nature or the violence of the world. Lots of the time this friction and frustration comes to the forefront, its in a gendered way, like Blake and shaving, Rose and clothing, Blake and physical intimacy, Rose and emotional intimacy. In fact, when Rose complains most directly about her inability to behave “properly” vis a vis Alister, she ties it to her fakeness as a girl, and says that “The memories in her head were of dating girls, but Blake hadn’t been so kind, or so unkind, as to give her the attraction or anything like that.”

As well like, the whole process of splitting Rusty into two pieces is /extremely/ gendered, in a way that the other barbered creatures we see generally aren’t. Blake is turned into an embodiment of many classically masculine ideals, being a strong willed agent of direct, immediate, violent action, while Rose is an embodiment of feminine ideals of subtlety, intelligence, responsibility, and family. (This divide is reflected in most of the Thorburns, tbh, with the classic wildbow gender move of making the women generally more complicated, effective, and scary than the “normal” men, also shown w eva and andy) Time and time again, the expectations and pressures of family (and magic) are tied into performing your gender. (And through that, your sexuality)

And yet, because of how the barber works, both halves chafe HARD against the traits they are left with. They’re painfully envious of each other, for one. Beyond that, however, they both fight against their roles. Blake tries over and over and fails to be calmer, be cooperative, not behave bogeyman-ish-ly, and so on. Rose fights to make herself more active, takes on the spirit of Conquest in order to like, embody patriarchal hegemony in a very real way. We see much less of Rose’s mind, bc we’re in Blakes head, but she clearly chafes against and is resistant to her nature just the same. But, both of them are stopped by their nature and the world around them from behaving how they would like. The expectations win out against their self determinations. They cant access the parts of gender they want, nor escape the parts theyd like to avoid.

Ppl talking about the tragedy of reading the ending as a de transitioning are so so right, but i think it applies to Rose too.

[olgunia]

also... i feel like writing it down and getting it out of my system but... i mean... i told my boyfriend and two best friends... and my new therapist. . .. (i'm finally getting help!!! and it turned out that i was right!! it is that i have been suffering from utmattningssyndrom [exhaustion disorder] for the past 2 years! and also! finally i accept the fact that i have been suffering from it and i feel less of an impostor and also!! for the past 3 months i have been recovering and feeling better and better with every week, i wanted to cry last week when i was able to cycle! every day!! it was impossible even a month ago, i felt so humiliated with how little energy i had all the time.. usch, don't wish that shit on anyone) said that we're gonna Look Into It.. TBC

ok but yes, the thing is that 3 months ago one thought struck me and that is that i may be autistic.. at first i did cry bc i felt overwhelmed and scared because i have this imagine in my head of prejudice and lack of understanding what autism really is and that people on SM are trying to be quirky or special or whatever, i don't even know! it just felt so overwhelming.. but after that i had conducted more research that has been ongoing and.. i think apart from the fact that i just feel like i'm an impostor and that if i would say it out loud - other people will think that i'm 'making it up' (hehe that hasn't happened and those 3 close ppl are supportive BUT!!!) ---- apart from that.. the more i read and think - it just becomes more apparent that i am on the spectrum! and once again it feels like a lot but on the other hand it would explain so many things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! some silly things like me having to ask people if they're joking bc i really can't tell lol, same with irony, to not getting if someone is flirting with me, to people believing i'm being flirty while i'm just interested and excited about the topic and want to be nice lol, me losing my fucking everything and exploding internally while having to go for e.g. on tour - no matter how much i like someone - to be in the same space [car/venue/sleeping place] and to not have enough 'alone time' is just! i just fucking cant! mental breakdowns every 2nd day! i hate spending too much time with people (that doesn't apply to my boyfriend though but till exempel to my family/friends) in the same space! ----- and i mean... i have been diagnosed with ocd and social phobia while being a teenager but there were some things that have been.. puzzling me and now! it feels like i found the missing puzzle! and it feels both good and weird

and other things like being naive, an open book, shitload of thoughts, feeling intense feelings towards stuff - loving/hating, having hard time with 'not exploding' and att hantera emotions, seeing 'patterns', these whole stemming thing- whenever i listen to music that i love it's just.. i just cant NOT move fingers or hands or legs, getting stuck with some sayings/catchphrases that change every now and then, i guess i also overshare stuff but hard to tell hehe, always trying to learn how to navigate small talks and talking and social things, being called blunt, believing that i lack empathy because i just.. i cant imagine how it is to 'put myself in someone's shoes', loving 'shitposting' or wordplay bc they're either absurd and therefore funny or just easy to understand hehe, planning things, not being able to summarize things, doing lots of lists, i just f-ing love to research, getting sucked into things and having a very hard time to get out but also having a hard time to start doing shit and more things bla bl albla lbllalalal.. . .. writing it down so i can have it for future purposes

but yes.. it's scary but good i guess to realise that? Smiley Emoji

[camodielsart]

What’s your favourite part of a story like … character development, references, art, morals/ethics, ideology, hierarchy’s, non-stereotypical characters and such? Like Casino Cups Mugman so-so becoming a power hungry figure for immortality. Gotta admit, I wasn’t really expecting that one given the stereotype people label him from the original game! Srry if this is too long I’m just geeking out so much!

Oh man what is my favorite part of a story? That’s a tough one, ngl. I think i gotta say character development. I just really like stories that tend to be mainly character based. Seeing the cast change as the story goes on. Seeing relationships build and break is just fascinating and really fun to write. I’m also a sucker for a good redemption arc. Like with Zuko from ATLA, it was just so good and definitely inspired how i write those types of characters.

Also the underlying message or ideology is probably the better word to use. I’m not sure what to call it tbh but we’ll go with ideology. That’s another fave of mine. Especially if its done in a symbolic way and not done in an obvious way. Like with in the Babadook. How i saw the movie, (and spoiler if you haven’t seen it) the Babadook is an analogy to the mother’s stress/mental illness (im not sure if it was supposed to be anything in particular. It has been awhile since I’ve seen it but yeah). At the end of the movie, she finds a way to control it and conquer it. But it’s still there just like how many ppl with mental illness will always have it but there is a way they can take back control over it. A lot of horror movies uses monsters as a stand in for an idea/construct. And that’s probably why i like them a lot. The same thing applies with animated movies. Complicated ideas being broken down into symbolism to get the ideology across is just clever ways is just so fun to watch. An example is in Encanto, (spoiler warning) Casita breaking after the last argument between Mirabel and Abuela was the physical representation of the family falling apart. Stuff like that is just cool to me haha

And ah yes, breaking the stereo types. Yeah that’s a fave, too. Making the audience think that it’s gonna go one way and then bam, nope, this ain’t gonna go that way! Not this way! Shrek is a great example of this cuz 1. Fiona isn’t just some damsel in distress. 2. Shrek isn’t just some scary ogre, he’s a genuine guy that’s fine with just how he is. And 3. It put the whole fairy tale on it’s head while making fun of how outrageous the traditional stories are.

[moodr1ng]

im In Goth Spaces again (i hop in and out lol) and once more i am thinking abt how closed off goth culture is to non-white ppl.. like. even trying to tell white goths that, yeah, extremely pale skin being the desirable standard and considered an integral part of the goth 'look' and glorified and romanticized is inherently exclusionary to poc esp black and dark skinned people, and thats still true even if its supposed to evoke deathly pallor.. will often get you a response of bewilderment, rejection and defensiveness. something like this truly should not be controversial to say. its obvious and undeniable. but you cant even get THAT off the table..

at the same time white goths are addicted to appropriating the language of antiracism and using it to project an image of themselves as an oppressed class on the basis of being goth. white goths LOVE to talk abt ""cultural appropriation"" to mean like.. ppl who arent goth wearing goth shit or whatever, LOVE to talk about how being bullied for being goth is oppression or even "racism against goths", LOVE to talk about how "people hating them for the way they look" is serious discrimination.. but never wanna talk about all the goth fashion staples that are appropriated from non-white cultures. about the omnipresence of white supremacists and racists in goth culture and scenes. about how their playlists will include almost no non-white artists, how the images they share and create to represent goth only include white people, how their goth friend circles are all white too. they are never eager to mention that they choose the way they look and can take off that "oppression" at any moment - to acknowledge that would distance them from the group they are quietly comparing themselves to, which they are using to validate their own victim complex. indeed many white goths engage in masturbatory poetics about how goth identity is some internal, inherent thing that exists within their being or soul and needs to be expressed - not just a subculture they are a part of; its not incidental that what is almost a "born this way" narrative for goths is often used by the same white goths who will spend hours talking about how scary and hard it is to be goth and how people are "fetishizing" goths, etc etc - to go on and ok about how terrible their oppression is, and then brush off or be hostile to people of color pointing out issues in their idea of goth: if they are compulsively, inherently, by essence goth as an immutable truth, then the ways they express themselves as goth must be protected as the rights of an oppressed group. so what those rights bump against the fight of another oppressed group? whos to say who should matter more? whos to say whos more oppressed? really, whos to say whose feelings matter more, black people or white goths?

its impossible for some people in the scene to ever effectively support people of color as they claim to, because they have already created a rationale in which they are always and by default the victim in any confrontation. and many white goths who are otherwise pretty progressive and well-informed and claim to be anti-racist fail at this step; theyre quite good at talking about what other white people are doing wrong and will learn a whole lot about what those other white people are doing and why its bad and how to call it out, but the moment its time to let go of a part of their adopted culture or to even question it, its no longer fun... this applies to a lot more than goths actually lol.

[compassionatereminders]

Hello, I was considering of applying for disability benefits and while I'm technically qualified I understand that so many ppl in the same boat still get rejected. So, if you're comfortable sharing, I was wondering what it was like for you when applying for benefits?

Keep in mind that I live in Denmark and that the process and rules can vary a lot from country to country. But the main reason I wasn't rejected was that I have been institutionalized since I was 17, meaning that I had approximately 6 years of daily documentation of my struggles and limitations written by the staff in the hospitals and group homes I've stayed in. This massive backlog of documentation allowed me to skip the otherwise required 5 year evaluation process and allowed me to fast track to getting approved. They also tested my cognitive skills, which provided further documentation that there's no way I'll be able to work and study (I am severely cognitively impaired because of my schizophrenia.) All of this reduced a process that usually takes 6 years to one year of bureaucracy. It was still an incredibly scary and anxiety inducing process, but I was lucky compared to most applicants. That being said, in Denmark you can only get approved for 5 years at a time, so in four years my case will be reevaluated and if they then conclude that I do not need my benefits, I'll be in big trouble.

[iremiari]

anyway, time to ramble abt life and stuff

Remi Rambles 1: Responsibility and Diligence - The Difficulty of it All

does anyone else know that one meme where there's a teacher in a music theory class captioned "come on it's not rocket science" and then on the bottom image it's a teacher in a rocket science class going "come on it's not music theory" like i get it's supposed to be a joke but it just makes me think about how subjective we determine the difficulty of something.

like yeah thats a given, but if you really think about it, it's really cool, and weird. because two ppl from completely different backgrounds can also find this one thing easy but someone else finds it difficult and it just blows my mind. and i find it interesting to observe this in the way people practice morals.

i feel like the only reason i find it interesting is because so many people that i know are responsible and actually do their requirements for school, studying for exams and quizzes, yk everything, but i find it so difficult to do that for whatever reason. call it the burned out gifted kid effect but i do know how to study i just dont. do it often. bc i assume everything will be alright and did not actually experience the consequences of my laziness, and i still dont.

yeah im doing average in school and i could get better grades and i want to do that, but at the same time, why should i? where do these people find the motivation to do good in school? they say it's out of necessity or urgency because if they dont then they'll get punished but i feel like?? that's the way to more burnout??? and i dont really ever get punished for low grades so i cant use that as motivation.

someone once said, that responsibility is the standard to which we do what is expected of us, and going the extra mile just means you know very well what is asked of you so you do it well. like say, and i apologize for the odd analogy, if someone asks a banana from you: giving them the banana is you being responsible, but peeling the banana for them means you know that they're hungry so you're being extra responsible. they explained it better than i did but you get the general gist, right?

so, i guess the question i need to ask is: "what is expected of me as a student?" because i get good-average grades, but most people would call me lazy and would not entrust any major assessments from me (but i guess that's just because i submit things late). but in the rare occasions that i do submit on time, most people would still call me "smart but lazy" and. i dont know. it's just odd because most people would definitely not call me a particularly responsible student even if i submitted early.

and ive thought of it, and even if i got better grades, they would not call me a particularly responsible student. so, once again, that leads us to the question: "what is the responsibility of (or standards for) a student?"

it's not to get good grades, because i do that, i still learn but people would just call me attentive instead of responsible. and maybe it's to show due diligence in my studies?

because when you think about it, most people would call someone who follows their schedule and exceeds expectations as "responsible" because they go the extra mile in their responsibility as a student. but maybe diligence is the key so that i can get people off my back..?

diligence is a thing that i find... scary to apply in my studies. because then it'll be really hard to find that work-life balance since i tend to get carried away in my pursuits, and once again, burnout.

i guess what i can try to do is think that my schedule is for the whole year to make sure that im not too engrossed in it and allow some more room for fun.

yeah, maybe i'll do this actually. im posting this for archiving reasons and for future me to read again. future remi, if you're reading this follow through w your damn plans mf. and remember to be urself <3

and for the poor unsuspecting stranger reading this, im sorry and i hoped this helped ! if it didnt then welp, tough luck.

[bailaconox]

successfully rearranged my work schedule to prepare for the VERYYYYYYYYY SLIM chance i get hangout for asc and need to be available for the network test tomorrow 😓 feeling SILLY and RIDICULOUS….

[actualbird]

each nxx boy was Not Like The Other Kids back in elementary to middle school but for like, wildly different reasons

wc: 889

luke pearce: there is a violence in this child somehow

luke is a very much friendly boy but his main issue is that hes ridiculously codependent on mc. one time in middle school she was absent and at home resting off a bad flu and luke looked like he wanted to set the world on fire because how DARE GERMS DO THIS TO HER!!

he also keeps getting his face busted up somehow, it's because he does stupid shit like jump over 4 steps on the stairs at once or he wanted to do a sick wheelie on his bicycle. but the other kids dont know that, they assume he fights bears on the weekends because sometimes luke can get Scary at the drop of a hat, usually when somebody is dumb enough to insult or bully mc, and the nature of kids is to blow everything out of proportion. i heard luke pearce created a hole in the ozone layer. i heard he killed a man with THAT THUMB!

teachers pick up on that hidden energy beneath his straight A grades and sunshiney smile and, to joke-ify this, a text post that applies to luke pearce

-

artem wing: awkward to the point many untrue assumptions are made

he works so much, TOO MUCH. many teachers have told his mother "hes a lovely student. please tell him to relax, though"

artem also has the added buff of being intimidating intense even as a 10 year old and he DOESNT MEAN TO he just does NOT know how to interact with the others

i see teen!artem being in a hoodie with the hood up most of the time, hes That Introvert but also hoodies are just nice if one is the type of person who finds comfort from being more covered, clothing wise, and artem seems to be that type of person.

however, the constant hoodie does make him seem even more intimidating and also like, MYSTERIOUS...

[cn server spoilers] it's canon that artem got enrolled into high school a little later into the semester and everybody had their cliques already and he was awkward and didnt know how to get his own friends. nobody treated him badly tho. but he just like, looked SO AWKWARD ISOLATED VAGUELY MISERABLE that many teachers thought he was being INTENSELY BULLIED. i posit this has been a pattern ever since artem was in kindergarten

teacher: artem, are the other kids being mean to you? :(

artem: no? what?

teacher: oh you poor thing :(

artem: huh?

-

marius von hagen: rich kid honor student with a too-cool family

hes extrovert bonanza and also sometimes he likes being the class clown eventually but he puts ppl off bc 1) von hagen and 2) nobody has seen him even look remotely interested in any class sans art and yet he keeps acing everything, it's NOT FAIR

marius' academic excellence + his status = sparks jealousy and regular childlike hatred in some classmates. it's canon that he got picked on by the other kids sometimes and yep, he Does, but any and all bullying simply makes him work so much harder out of SPITE. may cause a vicious cycle of him spite achieving and others getting more and more miffed kJBKSJGS

also kids r always staring in barely concealed awe whenever giann picks him up from school in a REALLY COOL CAR and giann looks REALLY COOL, COOL ADULT VIBES, and marius is always like GIANN!!! DONT RUFFLE MY HAIR, IM NOT A KID ANYMORE!!!

actually u know that scene in Into The Spiderverse? this one?

giann and marius. it's one of marius' most embarassing moments in his life but nobody picks on him for it because giann is just, and i cannot stress this enough, SO COOL

-

vyn richter: PEAK Weird Kid representation

of them all, i think vyn would be the best rep for Weird Kids, he was going into the forest to collect pebbles and leaves to dump in a bucket and stir together with rainwater to make a potion but only for his favorite horses at the stable (which the horses drink bc they love vyn). he'd make up elaborate stories for imaginary friends because there werent too many people he liked talking to growing up and this is how he cultivates a habit of talking to himself. also i think he like, Doesnt Blink Much, like a frigging owl. it's mostly bc vyn likes observing but it unnerves the other kids IMMENSELY

all the boys are academic over achievers but vyn REALLY takes the cake because he gets into bougie extracurriculars too: archery, fencing, classical piano. it's wholly impressive but also intimidating kJBJKSD child prodigies, i figure, must be difficult for other kids to connect with. vyn is simultaneously relieved and sad about this bc on one hand, hes scared that tho others will turn on him. but on the other hand, hes a lonely child

back to Weird Kid representation: remember that one scene in lilo and stitch where lilo puts a bunch of fork voodoo dolls into a pickle jar and shakes em up? thats vyn.

vyn's father: son, what...what are you doing?

vyn, shaking the jar VIGOROUSLY: my classmates need to be punished