#thinking i had just made another post at some point

[woniverse-writes]

Dancing with ENHA as their Secret-Girlfriend!Idol!Reader

summary: enha dancing with their secret significant other 

word count: 4.2k

warnings: suggestive at times, not proofread, fem reader

Lee Hee Seung: 

It was public knowledge that you and Heeseung were friends since you had trained together at one point

However it was NOT public knowledge that you two actually ended up becoming a couple after you both debuted 

With that being said, fans were overjoyed any time you were seen together, always thinking your interactions were so cute and wholesome

One day a video of the two of you pre-debut got leaked

It was a clip of a practice video of you dancing to “Bonnie & Clyde” by DEAN

The choreography was good and you both danced well, but anyone watching could tell that the two young trainees were nervous to be dancing with each other 

Fans of both groups thought the video was pure gold though since it showcased how much you’d both grown as performers, and the fact that it was another interaction between their favs

The video trended on social media for about a week or so before the chatter and excitement was redirected to a NEW dance practice video… 

which just so happened to be of you and Heeseung recreating the choreography from so many years in full

It was a well filmed, high quality performance 

The two of you had even gone the extra mile and re-recorded the song as a duet, making it a full cover

Any trace of the awkwardness from your trainees days had been nowhere to be found

You and heeseung were dripping confidence and sex appeal as you danced together

A majority of the dance was spent with the the two of you in close contact- his arms around your waist, your palms trailing down his chest, him hands tracing the outline of your body

you were practically in your own little bubble and that shit read very clearly on camera

Of course your fans went even more feral

Twitter was full of praise for your growth and everyone was saying how you and heeseung must be so much closer now than back then 

(if only they knew just how close👀)

And of course there were some smart fans (that unfortunately probably got called delusional) who could sense the thick sexual tension between the two of you

✪ ‘Y’all- there is absolutely NO WAY these two aren’t fucking😭’ ✪ ‘I genuinely feel like i’m interrupting something’ ✪ ‘Heeseung… if you’re not gonna get to work please step aside so i can have my turn with y/n’

It definitely was added to every single “top kpop moments of 20XX” video and thread

And since you’re both evil-

You each had made casual posts on sns about the process after

‘Did engene enjoy our little throwback collab?’ and the bitch posted a mirror selfie of the two of you sweaty and half dressed🧍‍♀️

Park Jong Seong:

Jay always loved watching you dance

Tbh jay loved to watch you do anything- but dancing was one of his favorites

Any time you had a comeback, he always wanted you to teach him the choreography as soon as possible- whether it was cute, sexy, or fierce- that boy was gonna learn it 

Which meant when the song actually dropped he’d be the first to make a tik tok with you every time

And of course the opposite rang true as well- 

Whenever enhypen had a comeback you were the first to learn the new choreo

The tik toks are always so cute too-

Like- that’s your man so of course you’re gonna be cute with him lmao

It’s mostly because you know he gets flustered so easily when you tease him or flirt with him in front of the other members or staff

It’s especially hectic when your comeback schedules overlap because trust their will be new tik toks every other day

You guys got especially brave when enha was promoting “bite me”...

Instead of just doing the pre-chorus together and posting that like the others, you did the whole pre-chorus AND chorus… WITH THE PARTNER WORK

If fans weren’t already going feral over the boys dancing with partners before, they definitely lost their shit at your mini collab

✪ ‘Oh my god… there’s no way this is real’ ✪ ‘Jay… your hands are a little low there buddy😅’ ✪ ‘So they just casually covered half of ‘Bite Me’ on a random Thursday? Okay cool’ ✪ ‘THE WAY JAY LOOKS AT Y/N OMFG’

It actually took fans longer than expected to realize you were filming together even when your promotional schedules didn’t lineup, so of course rumors started eventually

However it seemed like your fans were just rolling with it since your interactions were fun an cute (they’ve been praying for a collab stage between your groups since debut)

There was one time you filmed with heeseung instead of Jay and it lowkey threw everyone for a loop

Was it intentional? Absolutely not! Well- maybe slightly 

You and your members were curious to see if anyone would react- had your fans even noticed that you only ever film with Jay? (yes, they noticed it right away)

So you can imagine the comments when you posted of you and Heeseung doing the choreo for “brought the heat back”

✪ ‘Uhmmm?? What happened to your man???’ ✪ ‘Omg no mom and dad are fighting‘ ✪ ‘HEESEUNG PLZ TELL ME YOU CAN FIGHT BRO’ ✪ ‘Peace and love but where is Jay…”

Yeah… it gave y’all a good laugh 

There have also been plenty of time where you’ve posted your own little dance covers without Jay, or even just danced to his songs casually on live while jamming out, which always excited fans of both groups

Basically his fans and yours know SOMETHING is going on between you two and for some reason no one really talks about it like you’d expect them to…

Sim Jae Yun:

You and jake had been invited to be part of an end-of-the-year collab stage

It was supposed to be a fun little performance between a few different male and female idols

At the time- the only people who knew about your relationship were your groupmates, meaning it was especially hard to see each other without getting caught

However when your manager gave you the news that you’d be collaborating with a few different idols, and that your boyfriend just so happened to be one of them, your heart started to race 

You attended a meeting with your manager in which you were informed that you’d be working with Lee Isa, Kim Gaeul, Kang Minhee, Park Jisung, and of course Jake

The stage would have three parts- a section for the girls, a section for the boys, and then one where you all came together 

The overall vibe was fun and flirty, and you’d each be partnered with someone

The second the idea of “partners” was introduced, you and jake immediately made (what you thought was subtle, but was definitely not) eye-contact

The meeting wrapped up and you were immediately conversing with you were manager, trying to subtly convey how you thought it would make most sense for you and Jake to be partners 

Unbeknownst to you, Jake was doing the exact same thing

Luckily, it worked and both of your managers were able to get the two of you to be partners

You all began preparing immediately, and since some of the partner work was different for each pair you’d all broken off to learn separate bits of choreography 

You and Jake had begun working on a few different combinations, since the song decisions hadn’t been entirely finalized yet

The first one you worked on was to “Invitation” by JUNNY and Gaeko, which totally fit the vibe of the overall stage concept

Except it was maybe a bit TOO flirty (or perhaps that was just you and Jake)

You were easily able to connect and play into the each other’s artistry

Your relationship had always been full of playful energy and putting a smile on the other person’s face, so dancing together just felt like another extension of that

The choreography was intense and fast, hitting every accent and ad-lib, requiring a lot of texture and groove

but after learning the steps and running it once or twice to get the moves down it felt like second nature, especially since all your charisma and stage presence was really just you having fun with your boyfriend 

Lots of behind the scenes content was filmed and unfortunately… some got leaked to the public 

Somehow yours and jake’s first dance practice got leaked, as well as Jisung and Isa’s and the video of yours, Gaeul, and Isa’s section

This was before anything was announced to let the public know a collab was even happening so fans were shocked on so many levels

✪ ‘We’ve got (your group), enhypen, ive, nct, stayc, and cravity members doing a collab?? Where did this even come from???’ ✪ ‘Gaeul, Y/n, and Isa dancing to “greedy” by Ariana Grande was not something i knew i needed- welcome back “wow thing” collab group’ ✪ ‘Jake and Y/n look like they’re having so much fun together i love them :(‘ ✪ ‘I feel like I've never seen Jake have this much fun while dancing! You can tell he really feels comfortable dancing with Y/n’ ✪ ‘The way they look at each other, oh i feel sick’

Unfortunately after that all the songs and choreography had to be changed :/

Park Sung Hoon:

Close by Nick Jonas

As the main dancer of your group, your company loves to highlight you any chance they get

This resulted in you doing frequent dance videos, collabing with other idols in order to reach outside your normal audience and hopefully attract some new fans

Sunghoon, ever the supportive boyfriend, makes sure you tell him every time a new video is going to be released so that he can have youtube open and ready for when it drops

texts you immediately after about how talented you are and how proud he is of you for taking on the challenges of choreographing and coming up with new ways to showcase your skills as a performer

Sometimes will just randomly pull up your videos and start watching them while y’all are hanging out

You had always told him beforehand who you’d be dancing with and he never expressed being bothered by any of your idol partners-

until he realized you yourself were picking them

You were sitting in his bed one day (watching one of your recent videos lol) when he suddenly looked up at you with the saddest puppy eyes ever 

“How come you’ve never asked me to dance with you☹️”

Oh he’d be so pouty and sulky omg

You’d been expecting that question for a while honestly

“Baby I’d love to dance with you, but would your company let us?” 

sunghoon hated that you had to be logical all the time, so he just rolled over to bury his face in your stomach, and groaned in despair

(This drama queen)

He eventually just wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted his head to rest his chin on your tummy, peering up at you

“Can we ask them tomorrow…”

You couldn’t stop the affectionate giggle that left you as you played with his hair and nodded softly

The next day, you talked to your manager first- proposing your next idea

Now you see- your manager loves sunghoon, your whole staff does really

They all think the two of you are perfect together, and would honestly probably announce you were official right this second if hybe let them

So it wasn’t a problem convincing your team to let you dance with your boyfriend

Of course that wasn’t exactly the case for Sunghoon’s team

It definitely made sense why they weren’t totally onboard with the idea- being worried about dating rumors and such- but you and hoon hadn’t had a single rumor involving each other up to that point!

They eventually caved and agreed, realizing it would be a good opportunity since all the other idols you had invited so far were all known as well-respected dancers in the industry

You ended up decided on going for a more intimate and contemporary vibe than you had done so far

“Close” by Nick Jonas and Tove Lo was the song you had agreed on using, having had already talked about choreographing to this song together just for fun at some point

You had worked with a choreographer from hybe, expressing your vision and showing some of the ideas you had, and the process went extremely smooth

The dance ended up being sensual and emotional, highlighting both of your skills as contemporary dancers

A good chunk of the choreography was spent with the two of you having very little physical contact, but being so close to each other that it delivered such a feeling a yearning

However, the last chorus totally changed the vibe

You two walked backward, facing away from each other, and right as you were about to bump into each other sunghoon abruptly turned around gripping your shoulder and whirling you to face him- leading to a sequence of quick spins and paired movements, finally breaking the pattern of avoiding physical contact

And the rest of the dance spent with you two practically glued together

The performance continued with sunghoon pulling you in toward him, you running your hands up his chest and neck and landing softly on his face before pulling him down to almost meet your lips

The two of you slowly walked together to the beat of the music until sunghoon’s back was hitting the wall

It came to an end with hoon sliding down into a seated position on the floor, leaning against the wall- you sliding down in sync, landing on his lap- his face still in your hands, his hands on your hips, foreheads leaned against each other’s

The choreography was so intimate that unfortunately hybe’s fears came true

The dating rumors were instantaneous…

✪ ‘This is such an unexpected pairing but it makes so much sense’ ✪ ‘Oh! My bad y’all i’ll just- i can just- uhm- lemme just leave the room and come back later’ ✪ ‘I know y/n said this performance was gonna be a bit different from her other’s but i didn’t think THIS is what she meant😭’ ✪ ‘Soooo, is this a safe space to say I wholeheartedly believe Y/nHoon is real?’ ✪ ‘Girl Y/nHoon BETTER be real after THAT’ ✪ 'the thoughts i'm thinking... i feel like my account would get suspended if i shared them👀'

And if that wasn’t enough to get them going, there was all the behind the scenes material as well

Both your company and hybe had released behind the scenes videos of the project, except they couldn’t have been more different

While the one posted to enhypen’s channel was mostly sunghoon being interviewed and shots of him practicing individually, with the occasional partner shot or interaction between you two

Your behind the scenes video had plenty of shots of you and hoon laughing and playfully bickering together

Clips of you finishing the choreography and falling against him, with him wrapping his arms around you and swaying back and forth circulated twitter immediately 

There were plenty of other moments that had fans fawning over your relationship

Such as when you wrapped up filming and sunghoon slid his hands from your hips to fully wrap his arms around your waist and pull you down to lay on top of him on the ground

Let’s just say hybe had to release a statement pretty soon after that

Kim Seon Woo:

Sunoo and you always post together 

vlogs, lives, story posts- you name it

Most fans never really thought anything of it since a majority of the time it was just you two shopping, trying new snacks, or talking about skincare

But there was also so much content you didn’t post

Like the countless couples tik tok trends that are sitting in your drafts (his favorite is the one where you put on lipstick and accidentally smudged it, then the camera turns to him covered in lipstick kiss marks)

But there are also surprisingly a lot of random dance videos you have of the two of you 

Sometimes when you’re hanging out at one of your company’s studios you’ll just turn on a song and come up with fun random choreography 

One of Sunoo’s favorites that you guys have come up with was to “Wildflower” by 5 seconds of summer

It was sensual and flirty, but still fun and cute- and the video conveys that perfectly with how much the two of you are giggling and clinging to each other

It started off really well! Both of you were locked in, hitting the snaps and beats perfectly, your expressions nothing short of perfect and professional 

But the second it got to the chorus your smiles were overtaking your faces as you tried to stay focused on the choreography and not burst out laughing

You still danced the routine perfectly! There just came a point in the dance where neither of you could stop smiling at each other

By the final chorus you were fully teasing your giggly boyfriend by mouthing the words with an overly flirtatious expression while running your hands down his neck and chest, causing him to squeeze your waist and teasingly pull you into him making you burst out laughing, before finishing out the dance with the biggest smiles anyone has ever seen 

You both often rewatch the video and your smiles end up being almost as big as the ones you had in the video

You were sitting with Sunoo one day and asked him if it was okay to post it to your personal account, and he excitedly agreed

However- for some reason you didn’t check to make sure you were on your private account instead of your groups account before you hit post, and without realizing, uploaded your choreography to your groups official instagram with the caption ‘me and my wildflower sunny baby☀️🌺’

It was only about 15 minutes later when sunoo was scrolling through his own instagram when he turned to you panicked

“Baby… you posted it on the wrong account”

“WHAT?????”

You immediately called your manager crying and freaking out, while sunoo called jungwon trying to explain the situation 

Both your management teams came to the agreement that no one would say anything about the video unless it got severely out of hand

They thought it would be best to keep the video up to avoid suspicion, However, you did have to change the caption

Aside from the crazies, most fans were eating it up!

✪ ‘I love that they’re so comfortable with each other, this is so cute’ ✪ ‘Their smiles and giggles🥺’ ✪ ‘I feel like we never get to see sunoo’s dance abilities highlighted, so i’m honestly grateful that y/n shared this’ ✪ ‘Oh they’re so in love don’t even try to deny it’

Yang Jung Won:

You had been hinting to your fans about doing more dance content, but the last thing they expected was for a video of you and jungwon dancing to “two hands” by Tate McCrae to randomly show up on your groups youtube channel one day

The video was professionally recorded in a cool location and the two of you had on cool but comfortable outfits

Basically y’all looked cunty asf and everyone was losing their shit over it but we’ll come back to that

The choreography involved the two of you being in some sort of physical contact for almost the entire thing

And when you weren’t touching, you were face to face staring into each other’s soul

It was lowkey like you were leading the dance at times and jungwon was hypnotized by your movements (which let’s be honest, he totally was)

By the last chorus, you and your boyfriend were in full contact

Jungwon’s hands had pulled you in closely, your hands resting on his chest with his low on your back

There was a moment where you just sensually gazed into to each other’s eyes, caressing each other while you mouthed the words to the song

Jungwon leaned in closing his eyes, fully preparing to kiss you, but you teasingly turned your head back toward the camera right as your lips were about to meet, giving a flirtatious wink and smile

The turn caused jungwon’s lips to brush your neck, but the way it was captured by the camera made it hard to tell if he actually made contact with your skin

The rest of the dance consisted of one or both of you having your hands on the other without a break, never breaking the connection 

There was even a part where you had your hand on your boyfriend’s face and he followed your movement, seemingly hypnotized by your touch

Jungwon’s hands quickly found their place on your hips shortly after

The dance finished with two posing- you in front of him, reaching behind to place your hand on the back of his neck, as he placed his hands on your hips

Won gently rubbed your hip as he waited for the director to call cut, ad when they did he collapsed against you, fully wrapping his arms around your waist and tucking his face into your neck

(That cute moment was captured and posted on your instagram story after the official video dropped)

Speaking of social media…

The thing is, both you and your boyfriend are chaotic and slightly evil, so the second the video dropped y’all were refreshing twitter to see people’s reactions

✪ ‘Oh okay so they’re a thing’ ✪ ‘Yang Jungwon and L/n Y/n… WHAT IS THIS????’ ✪ ‘So like- do y’all need a third or…’ ✪ ‘HIS LIPS WERE LITERALLY ON HER NECK I’M NOT CRAZY’ ✪ ‘Need whatever they’ve got goin on real bad’ ✪ ‘Jungwon heard the lyrics “your two hands on me at all times” and took that shit literally wow’ ✪ ‘Y/n turning to look at the camera right as won is about to kiss her… GIRL MOVE IF YOU’RE NOT GONNA KISS THAT BOY’ ✪ ‘The hand placement, oh i’m so fucked’ ✪ ‘L/n Y/n the woman you are…’ ✪ ‘The way Jungwon’s movements get obviously more desperate at the end of the choreography when Y/n has her hands on his face… WALK HIM LIKE A DOG MAMA😛’

You and Jungwon were giggling and saving posts were a good two hours

Nishimura Riki:

It wasn’t unusual for you and ni-ki to hang out in a practice room and just jam, coming up with random choreography combinations for fun

It also wasn’t a secret that the two of you knew each other and hung out, but most just assumed you were friends since you had also hung out with other members of enhypen before 

However neither of you had ever posted anything together aside from mayne a couple of tik toks

So it came as a shock to his fans (and yours) when Ni-Ki went live, only for everyone to see him cozied up in one of hybe’s practice rooms with you 

The live started with the two of you laying on the floor with the phone propped up against the mirror wall at the front of the room, just chatting and giggling over random stuff (losers in love)

In fact Riki was so chatty that fans were even starting to comment on it

‘The only time Riki has stopped giggling or yapping has been to listen intently to y/n..’

‘I swear these two are so chatty together, what's going on??’

Eventually you guys started getting antsy and decided to turn on some music and jam again

It was just some ciphering back and forth for a while until “pour up” by DEAN came on and you froze and made eye contact

“Should we do it?” Ni-Ki asked in regard to the choreography the two of you had come up with to the song earlier that week

“I mean… why not?” you shrugged with a mischievous smile

“It’s a little… risky- don’t you think?” he giggled while unconsciously moving closer to you, but you just giggled in return before starting the choreography while holding eye contact

He laughed a bit in shock, watching you dance for a few more seconds before joining in

By the time the chorus arrived the two of you were locked in, facing forward again toward the camera

It seemed like pretty tame choreography at first with a slightly sensual 

Until the second verse came

You and Riki started crossing paths and interacting more within the choreography, showing off just how much chemistry you have together as dance partners

There were plenty of little moments with little flirtatious touches here and there but the connection was on full display by the last few seconds of the song, with Riki’s arm draped casually around your waist as the two of you swayed side to side

You pretended to walk off as the song ended, still feeling the vibe, but as soon as the next song started playing you screamed dramatically and fell to floor in a heap of embarrassment, leaving your boyfriend to laugh at you from behind

Ni-Ki walked past you back to the phone to check the comments and he noticed the viewer count has tripled since before you started dancing

✪ ‘They way they just casually match each others vibe like it’s nothing’ ✪ ‘So can we all agree we need more Y/n and Riki dance content??’ ✪ ‘I would 100% be asking “what are we?” after this…' ✪ ‘Y/n falling to the ground and screaming after, she’s so real’ ✪ ‘OMG LOOK AT HOW RED THEY ARE NOW AWWWW BABIES’

Neither of you could look at each other without giggling for the rest of the live

notes: hey y'all... i'm back (kinda)

[mysticaltora8276]

I disagree about the fact that Luke removing Anakin’s mask kills him because he even says “nothing can stop that at this time” Anakin knew he was dying, and Luke himself was in slight denial of that until Anakin told him to take off the mask.

But you talk about selfless love is spot on. Luke excepts Anakin telling him that he is dying and there is nothing he can do to that. Luke did something that Anakin in the past didn’t do. He let go with his attachments. He accepted the fact that death was inevitable, and he did not fight it. Luke demonstrated what the Jedidi were trying to tell Anakin when Padmé was in danger. “Let go of all you fear to lose.”

Luke is a Jedi to his core because he chooses to follow the Jedi path. This is not some sort of biological genetic destiny. This is a religious path that he chooses to follow. And this is even shown in the sequels how when he rejected the path he was doing it because his personal feelings blinded him to his failures and he refused to face them. The last Jedi everybody says “Luke disrespected the Jedi.” But they missed the point. The last Jedi isn’t about to have the Jedi order failed it’s how Luke failed. Him saying that the Jedi order failed is Luke projecting his own failures on the Jedi order. When he let go of his grief and his dismay and despair he became Luke Skywalker, the Jedi once more. That’s why he became one with the force. Because he let go his attachments and again found his path to the Jedi.

And for the record, no last Jedi did not disrespect Luke. It showed Luke for who he was. A very fallible man who made a mistake and in the end learned from it. I actually found it pretty profoundly inspiring because while not to the same degree, but I have had that feeling as an adult and it spoke to me. I have had instances where I failed, and I felt like a failure, but later on, I found my spark and found my confidence and went forward. That to me is far more inspiring than what happened in legends were Luke literally just became a force ability acquiring video game character.

Anyway back to ROTJ Luke let go of his attachment. He let go of his fear of losing his father. He let go of his fear of the emperor. Even let go of his fear of death. And in doing so he embraced the Jedi path. As I’ve often said before people really don’t understand what attachments are. In fact, I think I might just make another post about it. I think I made a post about it a while ago, but I’m gonna reiterate from the newcomers.

"Luke Skywalker isn’t like the old Jedi. He saves Vader with his attachments!”

Wrong!

Luke Skywalker, at the end of Return of the Jedi, after his confrontation with the Emperor drags Darth Vader through the destructing Death Star. He’s desperate, knuckles white under the heavy weight of his father’s body, a little boy dragging his dad to safety. He sets Vader down for a moment, to catch his breath or maybe to get a better grip. He goes to grab Vader again, but Vader, uncomfortable and in pain, asks Luke to take off the mask. He wants to see Luke through his eyes instead of the eyes Palpatine built for him. Luke refuses, says that removing the mask is a sure way for Vader to die. Luke doesn’t want Vader dead, he wants Vader alive. Not to hold him accountable for his many evil acts, but for the same reason why Luke Skywalker can’t kill Darth Vader; Vader is his father and Luke loves him.

And yet, after a moment, Luke removes Vader’s mask. He doesn’t want to, he hesitates, but he removes the mask with enough slowness to allow Vader to take it back. In that moment, Luke sets aside his desire for Vader in his life, sets aside his desire to see him live, and sets aside his entire mission, the reason he was even on the Death Star in the place. In his compassion for his father, Luke stays with Vader until he dies. It is this moment where we see him be the best damn Jedi he can be. I’d even argue that this moment is the greatest example of non-attached love we see. Because Luke lets Vader go! He lets his father die, and in some ways, by removing the mask, he too kills Vader, he stays with him until his last moment, gives him the kindness of granting his last wish and finally chooses Vader.

And Luke doesn’t have to do this. If Luke Skywalker’s love for his father was an attachment, he would ignore Vader and continue dragging him to the escape pod, put his desire for a father as his central focus and ignore Vader’s wants and discomfort. Maybe he would even save him. But he doesn’t. Instead, he watches as Vader dies.

He builds a Jedi burial for his father and watches it burn the remnants of Vader and Anakin Skywalker away. He mourns Vader, he mourns what they could’ve had as father and son, considers what ifs and maybe-if-I-did-this. Vader/ Anakin is released from his mortal body, from his ‘crude matter’ and Luke lets him go. He says one final goodbye to Anakin. Then, he joins Leia, Han, Chewie, Lando, and the rest of the Rebels and celebrates their victory. He lives in the present and celebrates what he has instead of what he lost.

Luke Skywalker is THE Jedi. Everything about Luke Skywalker serves as the foundational cornerstone of the Jedi, everything about the Jedi as a culture and philosophy is reflected in his character. Luke’s desire for the New Jedi Order isn’t to throw away the values of the old Order, but to vitalise them, breathe life back into dying lungs, and rebuild a path that people set out on their way to destroy. (Yes, his Order is different from the Old, but that’s because it has to be. He doesn’t have the resources or the safety of the Old Order.) The philosophies of the Jedi are difficult and they aren’t for everyone, and like the perfect Jedi that Luke is, he struggles and stumbles and sometimes he even rejects it. But, no matter how far he falls, it is a way of life he chooses again and again and again. It is a way of life that welcomes him back each time

[stevesgother]

Little Red Lighthouse - S.H

Pairing - Steve Harrington x Fem!Reader

Warnings - exes to lovers, second chance romance, angst, slow burn, hurt/comfort, idiots in love, so much pining, cursing, alcohol & drug use, mental health themes

WC - 1.3k

AN - this was originally gonna be a super long oneshot, but in typical emma fashion I'm making it into another mini series

Divider by the amazing @strangergraphics <3

The Alcott. That was your favorite bar in Hawkins; and it was all you could think about sitting outside this shitty bar in Chicago. A mere few hours from home, and yet entirely too far. Just having finished school; it was an education completely orchestrated by your parents. A college you didn’t want to attend, a degree you had no enthusiasm for.

This was how you seemed to be spending most of your days post-undergrad: sulking and ruminating. Everything you could’ve had, but don’t.

–

“Steve, this is insane. That’s like a 15 foot drop!” 

You say as you peer over the bridge, shivering slightly in just your underclothes. It was only the cusp of Spring, the weather in Indiana hardly what you would consider “warm”.

“Oh c’mon. You said you would!” He barked a laugh.

“I told my mother that if you jumped off a bridge that I would too as a hypothetical.” You deadpan, even though a smile still tugs the corners of your mouth.

He looked lovely, always did. Moles adorning his cheeks, scattering their way down his back and into his boxers where your vision couldn’t reach. He shot you a grin only reserved for you.

“3..2..1 JUMP!”

“Wait!-”

Steve gripped your hand, pulling you down with him into the icy water below the bridge. Unable to decipher if the sinking feeling in your gut was from the rapid fall of his skin on yours. The shock of the bitterly cold water knocked the wind out of you.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” His smile gleaming at you. Water dripped from his eyelashes, beading on the apples of his cheeks.

 “It’s freezing!” you gasp as you surface. He starts to grip your shoulders in his warm hands, then pauses. A sudden nervousness settled and he was staring. You nervously wondered if there was something else in the water with you both. He never broke his stare. Your best friend for a million lifetimes, beautiful as ever. Looking at you as if you hung the moon just for him.

“I think I'm in love with you.”

–

When Steve finally peeled open his eyes and glanced at the blinking red of the alarm clock it read ‘3:00 PM’. His breath tasted of stale liquor as he slowly rose from his unmade bed. Skull pounding, he blindly reached for the painkillers he had made a habit of keeping on his nightstand, for afternoons like this.

Your old friend group planned a ‘welcome home’ party in anticipation for your return to Hawkins. Where you had gone to college out of state and made a new life for yourself, Steve hadn’t seemed to be able to keep his ahead above the violent current that was the trauma he endured here, in your hometown.

As you rested on the train back to Indiana, walkman in hand, you felt an air of nausea.You had started to regret leaving your car at your parents house 4 years ago; unsure whether the knot you felt in your gut was the result of motion sickness, or the thought of having to face him again.

Admittedly you were excited to see your friends again. You hadn’t come home for Christmas, for Thanksgiving, not even for summer breaks – always opting to stay as far away from that living nightmare as possible. You told yourself little lies. That it wasn’t because Steve Harrington still resided there, and with him, everything you lost. Everything you know you can never get back.

The air in Steve’s office was stiff and smelled of stale coffee. Robin sits in a less than lady-like position across from him in a chair unofficially designated for her. A plaque that reads “Chief” sat crooked between them from where Robin had set down the paper bag containing their lunch.

“You’re going to have to face her at some point, Steve.” Her voice snaps him out of his dissociative state.

“Yeah, I got it.” He sighs irritably, all traces of enthusiasm drained from his tone.

“I’m just saying,” she starts, “it's been 4 years. I’m sure she’s moved on, man. No bad blood.” It’s meant to be reassuring, but she doesn’t understand that that's entirely the problem. He gives her a skeptical stare. “Look, we’ll all be there. You have a ton of buffer people. Just stop by for a few minutes? For me?” The childish pout she gives in an attempt to guilt-trip is enough to push him over the edge.

“Rob- okay, fine. Stop making that face. For an hour. Not a second longer.” He points a finger at her, not unkindly.

–

As your car crunches over the gravel in the parking lot of Robin’s apartment complex, you can’t help but notice it’s already filled with cars despite you being perfectly on time. All the windows you knew belonged to her unit were lit a glowing yellow behind sheer curtains, allowing you glimpses of mingling silhouettes. You wonder briefly if this was intentional, or if in your never-ending brain fog, you managed to jumble the times.

A quick glance around the lot reveals that your friends still have the same cars they did all those years ago. Jonathan’s Ford LTD, Nancy’s Volkswagen Cabrio, and an achingly familiar maroon BMW 733i. Your heart jumps to your throat when you see it, accompanied by a sharp twist of betrayal in your chest as you don’t recall Robin ever mentioning he would be here. You suppose you can’t blame her.

You stop to take several deep breaths at the front door. You can hear the bass of an old, classic tune bumping inside and you try to time your breathing with it. In three, hold three, out three, and repeat. You raise your fist to knock before thinking it silly, so you just give the knob a tentative twist and walk in.

The room erupts in ‘Hey!’’s and ‘There she is!’’s. It’s a relief to realize they don’t hate your guts, even though they’ve always made it clear that they don’t. A nauseating guilt settles over you as you’re reminded of how long you’ve left them with barely any word from you at all– the pain of this town and everything that happened in it just too much to bear; even if they were your best friends.

Back then, talking to them sounded like long, mucousy vines that strangled and trapped. It sounded like the bitter cold and emptiness of your hometown mirrored just beneath your feet. It sounded like watching chunks of flesh be ripped from your boyfriend’s skin. It sounded like his screams for your help and you just couldn’t– you needed time.

Now though, as they wrap you in hugs and you smell the homey scent of your best friends apartment, it feels less like then and more like now. Over Nancy’s shoulder, slightly obscured by her usually wild curls, you catch the eye of the one person not dogpiling you, and fight the grimace threatening to surface. You don’t hate Steve, not by any sense of the word– you just can’t look at his stupid, beautiful face without remembering what you did to him.

When everyone disperses, satisfied with their greetings, you can really take in Steve’s appearance in front of you. The years haven’t been unkind to him, but he looks tired. Day old, maybe two, stubble shadows his usually bright face. He fills out the red sweater and light wash Levi’s he wears nicely. You think he’ll always have that boyish Harrington charm, but he looks more like a man than when you left him.

You walk towards him hesitantly.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

[makiitabaki]

Finally answering this:

Thank you, @saintjustitude for asking me to rant—I adore doing just that :]

(First of all, thank you to everyone for waiting. I know I took a lot of time to write this, but I had only around an hour free every day, and I usually spent it searching for sources. My knowledge is limited; the play isn't available. I rely on memoirs, interviews, and reviews. 

My inbox is always open, and if anyone has any Wojtek questions, I'd be absolutely delighted to answer them. And I mean it. It can be anything. 

 Every quote was translated by me. All my sources are listed.

Unfortunately a part of it wasn't saved, and I don't have access to some info anymore but this post will probably serve as the beginning of a longer thread.)

And now: “Sprawa Dantona” (1975).

1. How did it all come to be? Why was ‘The Danton Case’ and not any other play?

When I say ‘Danton’ directed by Wajda, most probably think of the 1983 version, a political metaphor: Comsal representing the Polish government, Dantonist representing Solidarity. Was it like that originally? Was Wajda just calling for a fight with the government, transforming Przybyszewska's work to fit his own narrative?

In short: No! (At least if we're referring to the 1975 version, the film is completely another story; I'll gladly make another post about it.).

Zygmunt Hübner (I have mentioned him already in this post) chose Wajda to direct the play even though the latter was a relatively young director; something was telling Hübner that giving the play to him would be absolutely necessary. Pszoniak later referred to that event as Wajda being cast in it as much as he himself was.

The play was simply a way to introduce the artistic team Hübner created. There was none of some “noble patriotism’ or 'anti communism'. (None of what Wajda described as the purpose of the later film.)

Why was that play in particular chosen? That is unknown.

“The idea [of exhibiting that play] came from the fact that Hübner was looking for a play (…) that would present his artistic team as a whole, which he assembled with great imagination and intuition.”

At first, Pszoniak laughed into Hübner's face when offered the role. He thought it fine, intruiging, but the character of Robespierre was so foreign to him that he couldn't give anything from his own person or his own experiences to his Maximilien.

He asked for the role of Danton; that role seemed to fit him way better with "his [Danton's] sensuality, his dynamic physiognomy, and his balls."

Wajda and Hübner were quite insistent and more or less forced Pszoniak into the role.

“Hübner and Wajda were so stubborn that they did not take my objection into account. Nothing there [in the role] suited me; there was no starting point for the role. I had no right to play it. But they convinced me for so long that the whole situation with ‘The Danton Case’ became a dead end.”

The transformation from simply a good play to something entirely political in Wajda's eyes was very slow but steady. On that a little later.

2. Pszoniak wasn't ready to play Robespierre? How did he prepare for the role then?

It's very important to note that it was not bad will that made Pszoniak initially refuse the role, but the theater typecast he was put into and which he almost got used to. All of his power and stage presence were connected to his own physicality, to this sort of mobility and expression that he had to (presumably at Wajda's request) abandon while playing Robespierre.

Wojtekspierre getting his hair cut from a man with surprisingly modern glasses

Whether he was in a tragedy or comedy, it was the unique liveliness that made him so different. Suddenly he was offered the role of Robespierre, a man he only knew from unfavorable history books, portrayed a certain way by Przybyszewska, and he's made to stand before the expanse of that character's personality in a try to make him someone physical.

While it might seem quite shocking, when preparing for the role, Pszoniak didn't even read any Robespierre biography. Why? According to him:

“I didn’t think at all about a historical figure, and besides, you can’t play any historical figure. I put aside the books on the French Revolution. I read them much later, when, years later, in Paris. (…) I didn't want to portray a historical figure, so I didn't judge or evaluate him. I simply tried to get closer to him, to understand him as a person. Przybyszewska herself made it easier for me. The text of the play clearly indicated that she was fascinated by him. (...) Przybyszewska constructed this character in an unusual, enigmatic way. I clung to this fascination, it was a reason for treating Robespierre with empathy. This is a necessary condition for creating a character, without empathy you will never be able to get closer to the man you are to become on stage. Wandering through the labyrinth of his emotions, motives for action, opinions he expresses, I became so strongly attached to him, he took over me so much, that as a result I became Robespierre-Pszoniak.”

Pszoniak admitted he didn't want to play a politician [but, of course, as we all know, he was later forced to in ‘Danton’ (1983)].

The preparations took time and patience (especially from his wife - Barbara). Pszoniak tends to describe it as a painful process. Robespierre's physical expression was compared to being bound tightly by his own flesh, almost imprisoned by it, but freed by his mind. Pszoniak realized that all of the power in portraying Robespierre could only be gained from a deeper reflection. How to show a mind on stage?

That Pszoniak didn't know, and so he made the decision to show Robespierre's determination and faith instead of simply a calculated brain. To show a path, an objective. That's why the last scene was so hard to play (conversation between Robespierre and Saint-Just after Danton's death); he even asked Wajda for a white cloth as a makeshift shroud. To Pszoniak, that scene meant the symbolic death of his character. Robespierre (described by Pszoniak as a “very intelligent man") feels that inevitable peril awaits in the near future. The actor often described a feeling of mourning something or someone after the performance.

The challenge of creating the role, in the words of Wojciech Pszoniak:

“I started to control all my reflexes morning till night; from waking up to falling asleep, I was destroying myself. In everyday life, even the smallest activity, I slowed down; I was reducing and cleaning up [every one of] my habits. Torment, the absolute torment of controlling yourself, of managing yourself. Zero spontaneity, the phone rings, my first reaction—run to answer it—I stop myself calmly, in control of every slowed-down gesture. I imitated Zygmunt Hübner's focused gait; I noticed how he placed his feet. And I started walking like that myself. That's how I set a different, more controlled way of moving. After that, I turned to gestures, head movements, the way of getting up, and gesticulation. I felt that I was different. Acquaintances and friends both asked where this change came from. I suppressed the dynamic, extraverted myself.”

And

“I was pushing the boundaries of supervision [over myself], checking how I would behave after drinking a larger amount of vodka. One day I went out with Basia [wife] and friends (...) After a few bottles, at four in the morning, they were amused, cheered up, asking if I was sick because I was behaving like a machine. After three weeks of suffering, I reached ground zero. This happened during the rehearsals. A conversation about Robespierre and Danton. I joined the discussion, exclaiming, 'I disagree!’ - and suddenly I saw that my hand was no longer my hand, that it was not the hand of that Pszoniak that I am, but that it was already a hand—the beginning of someone else.”

3. What of Danton?

Here the problem with the play began. The man cast as Danton, Bronisław Pawlik, was just... terrible.

He was a good actor in general, definitely, but in short (explanation for the anglophones), it was like casting Danny DeVito as Danton.

He was short of stature, weak of voice, much older than Pszoniak, and simply unfit for the role.

He didn't have a stage presence; his voice was silenced by the other people on stage, and Pszoniak kept acting as if there was some great, dangerous opponent when there wasn't—the audience seemed to notice it.

It all added to a kind of feeling of resentment after preparing so long for the role of Robespierre.

Danton (Bronisław Pawlik), Camille (Olgierd Łukaszewicz) and Westermann (Franciszek Pieczka) celebrating

Pawlik was more concerned with the position of the props or the costume instead of conversing and shaping their roles. To Pszoniak it was the role of a lifetime, to Pawlik it wasn't.

“The audience was sitting on the stage because the entire theater had been transformed into the Revolutionary Tribunal. Here, a powerful voice and a [kind of] broad gesture were needed... Pawlik's charm disappeared in the feverish crowd. What consequences did this have for the play? Enormous, Danton was deprived of the strength [for both the audience and actors] to believe that he posed a deadly serious threat to the revolution. And this lack bothered me terribly...”

4. How did it become political then?

As I have previously mentioned, it was a slow, steady process. Even Wajda himself didn't think much of the play; it was the audience that began the change. 

As the first example, Pszoniak recalls a scene when Eleonore comes in with tea but not sugar—in the audience at first only a few laughing, but gradually along with the many performances it turned into the whole audience cackling. The play was exhibited just when a time of increasing problems with sugar supplies began in Poland (food stamps for sugar were introduced).

Pszoniak admitted that the cast would often laugh along with the audience. It seemed almost absurd—a tragic play blending with the real world. 

When it comes to Pszoniak himself in that time, the more he played the role, the more it felt like “punching the air.” Instead of having a genuine conflict, he had no support, no reference point in Pawlik as Danton or the audience. For the role to have meaning, to be something, it all had to be a matter of life and death. His co-actor was slipping into comedic grotesque while playing the second main role. 

"The success of the play was huge, but the audience was eager to read the play [only] in the context of political allusions. (…) The audience felt that something was happening [on and off stage], (…) the tension grew."

The audience's reaction seemed to be a direct answer to the Danton shown on stage. Instead of a political opponent, there stood a sad, tired victim of the committee who seems completely and utterly innocent, all his words said with a kind of saddened charm (doesn't that remind you of a certain film Wajda made later?).

5. What of the other actors?

Here is where I have the least information. If anyone has any more sources of information, actor memoirs, etc., feel free to reblog this post with additional info or simply contact me about it so I could make Part 2. :]

The cast.

I have to tell you something shocking... Wajda is capable of giving actual, normal characterization to secondary characters (gasp, thunderstrike, wolf howling).

Or perhaps that was just the actor/Zygmunt Hübner (I guess we'll never know).

The most information I could gather was about Saint-Just (played by the excellent Władysław Kowalski).

Based off the limited amount of reviews I could gather, he was a positive character in general. Described as ��a man gifted with exceptional warmth and [someone] unconditionally devoted to his cause” or “full of raw passion."

AND HE GIVES MAXIME FLOWERS IN THIS VERSION AS WELL, EXCEPT IN THIS ONE ROBESPIERRE (KIND OF) SMILES!

I couldn't find much on Eleonore, Louise, or Lucille, though I've searched and searched for a few days. All I could find is that the actresses were excellent—that is, unfortunately, no source of any relevant information. Frankly speaking, since Wajda, in kind words, doesn't excel at writing women, I don't have much faith in their characterization on the director's part.

Camille played Łukaszewicz is usually called a “complicated youth"—that is, of course, an opinion—or “spontaneous in reflexes"—that's a bit better of a description. As you can see, I am limited by the fact the play isn't available, and I must depend on biased or subjective sources.

Worried Camille Desmoulins (Olgierd Łukaszewicz) - I do think this Camille looks quite nice.

6. And did the critics like it? Was it well directed?

In short, it was a very, very liked play by both the critics and the audience. It ran for 5 years; it ended around 1980, when many of the actors simply left Poland.

About critics and reviews written by them: What surprised me immensely is the fact that most available reviews (written before the release of the film ‘Danton’) of the play weren't anti-Robespierre. The play is often described as something of a moral discussion, something for the viewer to assess, a work that doesn't suggest one solution to understand the conflict, or revolution (in other words, a great play).

A thing I've noticed is that along with time, the descriptions of the main characters seem to change. Danton—in earliest reviews described as “absolutely repulsive," then later as a tragic man, someone who adores life. Robespierre—in earliest reviews described as an absolute “marble statue," an idealist, someone pure, then in later reviews as just a fanatic.

 

7. What about Wajda? Did he change the text much? What about the scenography?

I was surprised to learn that Wajda absolutely could make a good, Przybyszewska-accurate play.

 

From all I could find, there is not much I can accuse Wajda of when it comes to ‘The Danton Case’ stage adaptations. It was made very well. What most likely contributed to the later change in people's mentality when met with the play is the fact that the audience was sort of a part of the performance. How? Like this:

“It [the play] takes place on a stage placed in front of the audience; on the actual stage and in the rest of the audience sit in rows of chairs rising upwards. Everything encompassed by the scenography is one theater. This played out brilliantly in the second parts, in the beautifully composed group scenes, where the audience not only looks at the stage but is drawn into it as an extra audience at the hearings of the revolutionary tribunal.”

And

“Wajda made "The Danton Case" as if against himself—against his previous self: he gave up on visual effects, music, and symbolism. He built a spectacle—a spectacle indeed!—raw and beautiful. (…) During the (…) presentation of "The Danton Case," seats for viewers were also installed on the stage, which was fortunately spacious, the audience surrounds the actors, the actors are among the audience, on the balcony, in the passages.”

If Danton or Robespierre were so close to the audience, I think it really did influence the people's opinion of it later on. Pawlik was terrified, jumping like a fish out of water from one audience member to the other, and there was Pszoniak, white and still under his shroud just a few meters away. That did certainly change the performance's reception.

8. Where can I watch this?!

As I have mentioned here: the play isn't available online, but most certainly is somewhere in the archives (confirmed by Pszoniak), when it was supposed to have a TV debut the martial law was introduced, and a few years later everyone seemed to have forgotten about it.

So, erm… Who's raiding the archives with me? (By the way, fragments of the play exist online, but only 10-20 minute excerpts, so if I find the time, I'll try to track them down.).

Sources:

Books:

Aktor. Wojciech Pszoniak w rozmowie z Michałem Komarem, Wydawnictwo Literackie 2009;

Maciej Karpiński, Pszoniak, Wydawnictwa Artystyczne i Filmowe Warszawa 1976;

Małgorzata Terlecka-Reksnis, Pszoniak. Fragmenty, Wydawnictwo Poznańskie 2024

Photos used and play reviews (pardon the rhyme):

http://encyklopediateatru.pl

[cioud-berries]

Mutual Benefit || Chapter 2

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Summery:

Posts season 2: Spoiler warning!! Being forced into an arranged marriage, [Name] tried her hardest with her unreceptive husband Salo. After his death, she was forced to replace his council position, trying to figure out who she was as a person. Sevika never expected to get anywhere close to the council, let alone join them. As the stigma around people from Zaun still stood, she struggled to gain the respect from her new fellow councillors. With so many differences how could the two really help one another?

Chapter Warnings:

Season 2 Spoilers

Word count: 1,982

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[Name] was thrilled to learn that at least one of her council members was from Zaun. She was relieved that they were getting the reputation that they so desperately needed in the council. Even though that part excited her, nothing else about the first meeting did. She was terrified about how this would go. 

Caitlyn Kiramman helped her prepare everything that she would need for the first meeting, even going into her mother’s files to find talking points and issues. The night before the scheduled meeting, [Name] Stayed up all night studying her notes, making sure there wasn’t anything she could mess up on. 

She praised the Gods for the invention of coffee as she rushed to the council room, her folder of notes and news articles tucked neatly under her arm as she tried to take the last sips of coffee. She was more awake than ever, knowing that it would only last a few hours before she crashed. 

Entering the room, everyone turned to look at her. Some gave disapproving looks, as she dressed in the clothing of her home nation, instead of something from the clan she was there representing. 

Brushing off their looks, she walked up to Shoola, the only council member from the old council, and the person [Name] knew best in the room. Hearing her footsteps approaching, Shoola turned around to her.

“It is good to see you.” Shoola greeted. “I am sorry for the death of your late husband Salo.”

[Name] in that moment, remembered that she was still supposed to be in mourning. Trying to come up with a response that would be acceptable for them, she replied. “Yes, my poor husband… At least we know that he is now resting peacefully. But that is why I am here, to carry on his legacy.”

Shoola gave an approving smile. “How is your daughter doing?” She asked.

“A lot better.” [Name] told truthfully “I don’t think she fully grasps the concept of death yet. But leaving the city for a while did seem to help. I think being back in the apartment is causing her to struggle a bit though.”

“If you need anything from me,” She put a hand on [Name]’s shoulder. “ Just ask.”

[Name] nodded, but before she could say anything, one of the other councilors raised his voice, getting everyone’s attention. “I think we should begin.”

Everyone in the room collectively made their way to the table in the middle. [Name] could tell that there were less people that there should be, quickly counting everyone. “Aren’t we missing someone? Shouldn’t we wait for them?” She asked the man who called everyone to the table.

A lot of the councilors gave a sour look at [Name] pointing it out. She immediately could tell that it was the representative from Zaun, as that was the same face Salo would give any time she’d vouched for them.

“She is late.” The man that called the meeting stated "That is her problem.”

“I don’t even know why we’re giving them this chance.” The old woman spat out. “No one from the undercity had a seat on the council before. They’re all just-”

[Name] went to say something, but the door to the chamber opened. Everyone’s attention was drawn to the tall woman that walked into the room. Immediately she captivated [Name]’s eye. With her strong presence, [Name] knew that she wouldn’t let any of these other council members to trample over her. 

The woman slowly sat down in the chair next to [Name]. Most of the councilors were glaring at her for numerous reasons of their own. [Name] only gave her a soft welcoming smile that was met with a cold glare. 

As the woman sat down, the man continued on with the meeting. “Our first order of business is the removal of the hex core remnants. The substance that was left on buildings is tough and it will be expensive to remove.”

“Will you also be removing the stuff in the fringes that the guy left behind?” The woman beside [Name] asked. 

“No.” The old woman spat out. It was clear that her and the man had discussed this in private before coming to the meeting. “We’re removing it from Piltover to keep it from destroying buildings, and as far as I am aware,it was far from the city and it was providing more homes for free.”

[Name] saw the opportunity to jump into the conversation. “Well we don’t know what it can do. Isn’t the whole point of removing it because we don’t know what it can do? It is most likely toxic. So I believe it would be best to remove it from the undercity now so it doesn’t cause us issues and cost more money to remove or fix in the future.” She made sure to make an emphasis on how much money it could cost them, knowing that they cared more about money than anything else.

Against their will, many of them silently agreed, knowing that now they had to pretend to care about Zaun and Zaun’s problem. The man hosting the meeting began to speak again. “I say we use ten percent of our current budget to remove the hex core remnants in both Piltover and the undercity. All in favor raise your hand.”

Five out of the seven council members raised their hand to vote for the use of the budget. The old woman is one of the people who voted against it. [Name] could already tell that she did not want to work with the people of Zaun and merely wanted to rule over them to her benefit. 

It reminded her of her grandmother, and the whole reason that led to the civil war. Thankfully with Piltover, it wasn’t one person making all of the decisions without anyone to speak up to stop such things. 

The man wrote down the verdict on the piece of paper turning back to the council. “Is there anything else anyone would like to discuss?” He opened the floor to new topics. 

Other council members took to the floor, discussing topics that in the end would benefit them and their topics. [Name] searched through her notes, trying to get a proper idea of how she wanted to discuss her topic. 

Once the others went quiet, she finally spoke up. “I would like to discuss the toxic fumes that are currently leaking into the undercity.” She began, everyone looked at her attentively, even if some of the looks were disapproving at the mere fact she brought up the undercity. “Commander Kiramman led a search into the undercity with the goal of finding and capturing Jinx. While this search turned up empty handed, Kiramman used the ventilation system, causing a lot of toxic fumes to enter the city. At one point, Jinx blew up one of the blockage points. I would like for us to block it up sooner rather than later.” 

She turned to the woman next to her, assuming that she would agree since it is her territory. The woman only gave her a weird glare. [Name] could not read her expression, not knowing if she agreed with this or not. 

“We would be doing that with what materials again?” Another council member replied snobbily.

“That brings me to another point.” [Name] flipped through her notes to find the right point. “I believe that we should tear down the Hex Gate.” Some of the council members gasped out of surprise. They got so comfortable with hex tech that they almost forgot it no longer exists. “It is useless now, with the Hex Tech being unusable. But the tower was created with valuable materials that can be used for both Piltover and the Undercity.” 

The council room went silent as she waited for a response. After some time and consideration the man leading the meeting finally spoke up. “We will need a more detailed plan from you by our next meeting. We shall vote on it then.” He wrote a few notes down on the paper. “If no one else has anything to say, I will adjourn this meeting.” Everyone was quiet, confirming the end of the meeting. 

Everyone slowly got out of their chair, walking around and talking to each other about things unrelenting to the meeting. The woman from Zaun made a swift exit, not caring for any small talk with these people. 

[Name] quickly and soppily threw her files into the folders, holding them close to her chest she ran after the woman. “Excuse me!” She called out to the woman. “I never got your name.” 

The woman stopped, turning around to see who was calling after her. Her scowl stayed on her face as [Name] caught up. It was very clear she didn’t like being there and was trying to get out as quickly as possible. 

“Sevika.” She grunted out. 

She was about to turn around and walk away but [Name] continued talking, now that she had stopped her. “I was wondering if we could sit down and discuss what to do with the materials from the Hex Gate.” [Name] began to sort through her papers, trying to find the vague plan she wrote up in the middle of the night. “Personally, I was hoping to use those resources to help Zaun rebuild and expand. But I honestly know nothing about down there and knew that with your help and approval, I could build a stronger case.” She handed Sevika the papers.

She raised an eyebrow at [Name], merely glancing down at the papers. “You really think that they would vote for such a plan?”

“I mean yeah.” [Name]’s confidence faltered. “It’s all about playing the game right.”

“The game?” Sevika questioned handing the papers back, not interested in this plan.

“Yeah, you know.” [Name] slinked down. She wasn’t expecting to receive any push back from Sevika, since this plan purely benefited her and the people she was representing. “Creating a plan that benefits you, or whatever you want, but making it sound like it is benefiting everyone in the council. Everyone is there for their own reason, just like you and I. You just have to find a way to make it sound like you’re catering to those reasons.”

“So how does this plan of yours benefit you?” Sevika shook her hand that held the papers, saying she did not want them anymore and was not interested in looking over them.

[Name] grabbed the papers from her. Sevika began to walk down the halls. [Name] followed alongside her. “Well it mainly would benefit the people you are representing. But I was hoping that it would strengthen the bonds between Piltover and Zaun, meaning you and the rest of the council. Which would make things so much easier.”

Sevika stopped in her tracks, turning to [Name]. “Listen princess-” 

[Name] quickly cut her off, not liking being called that “You don’t have to call me by my official title. [Name] is just fine.”

Sevika raised an eyebrow to her, not understanding her words. Yet she continued, “I could care less about your politics or your hopes. I was only put in this position because there was no one else.” Sevika turned back around, walking down the hall, leaving [Name] behind.

[Name] wanted nothing more than her cooperation and was trying to find a way to have another talk with her. “There will be a party this weekend!” She shouted after Sevika as she continued to stomp away. “I don’t know if you were invited, but I’m inviting you. It would be nice to see you there.” 

Sevika rounded the corner, out of [Name]’s sight. [Name] deeply, turning back around to head to her office. She knew she had a whole lot of work and research to do, now that she would be completely on her own.

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Overall Masterlist

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[currentfandomkick]

It is very important to me that Dan casually comments about how he killed them prior everytime they break ghost ettiquette as summoners and that slowly find out Dan is the Royal Wraith, while Danny is a guardian of boundaries and entryways due to what he chose to focus on in his afterlife.

Make it worse with Dan’s commentary of ‘aw, i was wondering when you’d pull this fuck up again. Always reap what you sow Batshit. Think thats why i took the metal keeping your spine intact last time. Your horror was tasty, especially when you were cut off from all tech to warn your kids. Oracle was a bitch to find, and the mute on guarding her was a fun fight too!’

Just let Dan trigger everyone’s fight or flight every time they make demands for anything by bringing up what they realize he did on another earth, in explicit and excruciating detail.

Hell, you can have had the Green Lanterns getting help from Oa and not getting back in time with the energy from the rings being akin to ‘takes up space but nothing of substance’ version of ectoplasm as its pure will not emotionally charged.

Dan is just matching energy on his side. He’s been bored and these fucknuggets made a point to have his ‘got the better timeline’ self relive their fucking death as the first question post semi-botched and painful summoning. And then tried to force that out of him with haphazard runes that ran on the summoner’s world view? They are getting trauma in return for doing the equivalent of throwing a steaming pile of shit at his face on top of jumping him in a back alley mid-panic attack.

He was enjoying reminiscing.

Important note: every JL member present gets similar responses no matter the question. Dan ain’t saying g shit but dishing out truama.

It is important to me that Martian Manhunter is exempt as he would have stopped this when Danny came in and was Distressed from haphazard summoning and in Pain. So he’s on earth or offworld, just not in the JL tower this is happening in.

If a JLD member catches them while they are midsummon interrogations, let it be Zatanna (was a JL pre JLD in the cartoon, so why not?) and have her be the one to silence the JL and ask Dan what caused him to be sent when the summons asked for the king.

And this? This is where JL get context for the degree of how badly they botched any relations with GK!Danny.

Zatanna is pissed they did this sans JLD member to keep their manners in check, and makes apologies and asks what type of reparations would be accepted by the Ghost King Phantom, watcher of the veil, patron of the Veilborn and reborn, and he who holds the line.

Dan straight up says SHE is allowed to summon himself again after they handle the Ghost Investigation Ward, who are kidnapping and tormenting Infinite Realm denizens, forcibly making vielreborn (liminals) and overall using them as experiment fodder with the intentions to destroy the IR and will take out the mortal realms with them.

The silence from the JL is loud.

Zatanna asks if that issue is why Dan hasn’t left the summon circle, given he can leave as it was not made for him.

“My baby bro asked me to handle this. These assholes went after his death, and the Realms are still out for more than blood after the shit that’s been pulled. I don’t care if this mortal plane goes, but for some unfathomable reason, he does. I’m still team obliteration beforehand and let the vengeance-centric and those who lost fright-mates do worse than take back a pound of flesh for each drop ectoplasm they spilled.”

“That is understandable once and no longer ghost king,” Zatanna phrased carefully. “I am glad you have given us an avenue of actionable apology within our means. Are there any you wish to exclude from this mission?”

“Martian Manhunter—he doesn’t need to see that shit. The rest better get firsthand of what was going down, and better get now why i was sent after these fuckers ignored every diplomatic rule. If anyone else tries to summon my brother that isn’t you, i’ll be coming and i won’t be staying in the circle.”

“Understood!”

prompt for dcxdp fic

GK!danny meets the JL and (due to magic users not being in the room) they offend him by threatening/patronising him or asking insensitive questions like how he died. Danny still wants some contact/alliance to help deal with the GIW, but doesn't wanna deal with mortal idiots rn. So he sends Dan in his place for his "community service" aka redemption arc.

Basically I really wanna see Dan dealing with the magically incompetent league and scare the shit out of them.

Bonus if Danny sends a letter along the lines of "Due to negative prior relations and differing priorities, all further communications will be conducted via my brother, as part of his mandatory community service. I advise against angering him, as he is on probation for genocide of a mortal realm. Good luck."

I just think it would be funny.

[lemotmo]

Just wanted to ask you and Ali, you guys claim Lou was fired, what do you think is the reason he got fired.

Oh Nonny, you are not catching me at the right time for this question.

I have had it with the man and his evil minions. They just do not know when to quit and I've had enough of this inane nonsense.

Listen, I had a really lousy workday today. A full day of pouring energy into a job I love and getting NOTHING in return. Only to get home and to read how these sheep and their evil Overlord are once again trying to be cool and are -once again- missing by a mile! All they are succeeding at is being extremely cringy and highly embarrassing.

Anyway... I feel like our fandom has written novels by now about all the many reasons we think he got fired.

Here's a few of them though:

A plethora of racist, sexist and ableist posts found on his social media.

Giving away too much inside show information in one of his first interviews. Like the fact that it was actually supposed to be Eddie in that storyline, instead of Buck.

Creating thoroughly unprofessional Cameo videos filled with bullsh*t headcanons about how T was loving and sweet and never racist or sexist, oh no... of course not. He was just a sweet misunderstood woobie summer child.🤦‍♀️

Creating thoroughly unprofessional Cameo videos telling people BT were thriving and they would stay strong together. All of this while he KNEW from the beginning that T was only there as a plot device for a short period of time, to serve Buck's narrative.

Creating thoroughly unprofessional Cameo videos on set, effectively SPOILING some things the public wasn't supposed to know yet.

Creating thoroughly unprofessional Cameo videos and charging his disciples loads of money to hear him talk nonsense out of his *ss.

Creating thoroughly unpro... you get where I'm going with this right? But there's more. Let's see. What else? Oh yes!

Not a reason this time, but a consequence: he suddenly stopped making his thoroughly unprofessional Cameo videos from one day to the next, going completely silent on all of his social media for months. BIG RED FLAG THERE! Either his own team stepped in and told him just how unprofessional he was or ABC stepped in to make him stop being so f*cking unprofessional. It's very likely it was ABC and Tim.

Let's find some more reasons now... Oh yes. What about the fact that he obviously did not want to film any kind of intimate scene with another man? He talked about this in one of his first interviews when he was still sane. He felt that 'making out' wasn't necessary in this story or some BS like that. Well, seems like he had no trouble making out with women in other projects. Hmmm... 🤔 They didn't even touch anymore in season 8.

Oh hey, did you notice that there was no love lost at all between the main cast and Lou? There were pictures of everyone BUT him. Again.. I wonder why? Hmmm... such a mystery. Might it be because no one on the cast or crew really liked the man. After all, he was the cause of his fanbase going completely insane, running around threatening and harassing other fans, calling them homophobic, accusing people of doing terrible things by creating fake evidence, harassing the cast and crew to the point that they had to block them and the showrunner had to step in and call them out for their toxicity!

Last but not least that terribly embarassing last interview that he did. Man, I have never felt so much second-hand embarassment as when I was reading that article wannabe article. In this trash article the man praised himself for being a wonderful actor who made some really great choices in those BT scenes. How full of yourself can one possibly be? It's gross. He talked about how he didn't see the ending coming, even though in his first interviews he clearly stated he wasn't going to stick around for long. Make it make sense!🤷‍♀️ In this article he basically says that 911 and Tim did him dirty, causing Tim to have to state -in no uncertain terms- that the BT relationship is over and done with. Aka 'the final nail in the BT coffin'. Aka 'the best day of my life'.

All of his (badly executed) rethoric made sure that his minions started turning on Oliver, calling him homophobic and biphobic, accusing him of all sorts of terrible things. And what about the racism towards Ryan? Can't forget about that horror. I know I'll never forget reading those comments.

Even now, after they finally got rid off him, he is still making his toxic cameo videos spurring his loyal fiends on to keep on hoping that Tommy will return. He knows full well that he is never coming back, but as long as they keep paying him, he'll keep saying what they want to hear. But you know what? All those dumb hashtags won't change the fact that he isn't coming back.

Bottom line? He is gone. Was he fired. Probably yes. We'll never be completely certain, but it's pretty obvious they didn't part in good ways.

Everyone in this fandom is tired, exhausted and depleted of energy because of this man and his cult. We are mostly free of the toxicity now and are slowly returning to the great fandom we were before, theorising and talking about Buddie. Let's keep doing just that: moving on without looking back. Great things lie ahead for us in 8b and season 9. Let's enjoy the win!

As for Lou? I wish for him a main role in his own crappy very unsuccessful TV-show (that will get cancelled after one season). Then all of his stans will follow and we'll finally be fully free.

Well, I have to say... that was cathartic. I needed to get that off my chest. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to rant Nonny. I feel so much better already. 😋

[viaviavie]

Ok sorry I caught the brain worms and now I have to share them with you. I apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes and what not. I’m not a writer, I strongly prefer reading, and English is my second language. So feel free to ignore my ramblings.

So. Your “A painted white rose, still so red” fic. Wonderful thing. Love that Ace was dreaming about all of the horrors that would happen to him and his friends. And Yuu the one that is trapped in a time loop doomed to repeat every overbolt until they survive / make sure everyone else gets out unscathed.

That’s all well and good but… Ace and Yuu aren’t the only ones that have to face each overbolt.

Deuce always knew he wasn’t the smartest academically. Seven he’s barely passing his exams with the help of his house warden. But he isn’t dense enough to not notice his best friends weird behaviors.

He has caught Ace multiple times pulling the Prefect away from the group to talk to them in private. That in and of itself wouldn’t be so weird if they didn’t insist on him taking Grim for a minute while they talked. The others brushed this off but for some reason it stuck with Deuce.

This proved useful as during a lecture one of their classmates decided to mess around and almost blow up the classroom. Due to Ace and the Prefects quick thinking a majority of the damage was prevented.

Deuce always knew he wasn’t as smart as the Prefect or as annoyingly cunning as Ace. That didn’t keep him from being impressed by how prepared his friends seemed whenever disaster struck. It’s almost as if they knew it was going to happen.

He really starts to suspect something was up once the Prefect sent him an SOS in the middle of winter break. Once he met up with Ace to return to NRC to check up on them Ace was beside himself. Constantly checking his phone for any updates or always mumbling something about Snakes for some reason. Whenever Deuce tried to ask him what’s wrong or what Ace meant by that he’d always get waved off and or ignored.

When they finally, finally made it back to NRC and found the Prefect chilling with the Octavinelle Trio and the Scarabia dorm Deuce was confused. Ace on the other hand pushed past the crowd of people without another thought, on the way glaring at the Vice-House Warden of Scarabia.

(Why would Ace glare at someone he’s never even met before?) Deuce doesn’t need to wait long for an explanation to come, because it appears in the form of two familiar eals that explain that surprise, surprise another overbolt happened. (But how would Ace know that?)

Deuce knows what it’s like to have secrets you would rather not share with anyone. Really he understands. After all he also has things he only shares with his best friends if at all. But as he watches Ace and the Prefect reunite after all the stress of the past week he can’t help but feel hurt as he realizes that his best friends don’t trust him enough to keep their secret.

in reference to this post

ugh you just smashed my heart with an anvil— i love how it aches :)

(but i loved your rambling and your english was great! do drop by with those ramblings of your sometime, i adore it :DDDD )

Poor Deuce. A part of Ace thinks that Deuce is lucky that he isn't plagued with such nightmares, but never stops to consider that his best friend has his own inner turmoil. Ace, Deuce, the Prefect— they were always supposed to be a trio. And yet, this friendship has grown into a triangle, and Deuce sits at a point where his two friends had grown further and further away.

This weird sense of distant doesn't catch his eye in every loop. When Deuce feels out of place, however, it threatens to make him angry. There were certainly times when he has wanted to fight Ace for an answer, especially when he knows when Ace is lying straight to his face when the redhead was clearly bothered. Deuce never exactly confronts you, though. The Prefect has grown so tired of reacting and making mistakes to the point that you're just going through the motions sometimes.

To twist the knife even further, Ace and the Prefect never communicate about what is being foreseen in most loops until it's too late. Now, you have three different people tugging and pulling at one another to avoid the worst possible endings. Ace, who tries to prevent those Bad Ends from happening. The Prefect, who is still searching for more options and routes to take to survive the next overblot. And then there's Deuce, who cannot see ahead of the script and is forced to play along with the messes that Ace and the Prefect make. Ace would never confide in Deuce because he won't consider the idea that someone will believe in his crazy story. The Prefect can never confide in Deuce because it hurts to see him try to find a solution.

Nonetheless, no matter how hurt Deuce gets, his care for his best friends never change. Even when it ended with him hurt or dead in some loops, Deuce trusts both of you, even when the truth is something he would never hear.

That being said, I still think about the scene that I cut from the original. Contrary to what Ace thought, Deuce would have definitely trusted that Ace was telling the truth. That was why Deuce breaks out two blastcycles and was more than willing to help row a boat to get the Prefect as far away from the campus as possible during the events of book 7. You could only imagine how heartbroken Prefect was to reawaken back in that coffin, knowing that all the love that Deuce and Ace poured into you was now lost.

The Prefect has watched Ace and Deuce care for you for over a hundred loops now. There are time loops where the Prefect pushes aside those failures and puts up that smile as the process repeats itself again. There are also those time loops where the Prefect cries and cannot explain why when Ace and Deuce come to the rescue in the mines.

[peachhcs]

https://www.tumblr.com/peachhcs/767959888939941888/httpswwwtumblrcompeachhcs767185748593164288

don’t apologize love writing takes time!

i love them and so glad they are communicating well ! i see will just taking more time to reassure making sure she feels a bit better more and maybe he starts calling her first more just to talk more and it helps a lot

maybe because she is hurt and cant play she comes to visit will for while doing some of her school online and it helps them a lot

part 10!! wow i can’t believe this accumulated so many parts. i think i’m gonna split this into two and make samy visiting will in california it’s own post if that’s ok and that’s what y’all want :) so sorry this one is a bit shorter than the others 😖

au masterlist

part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9

it’d been almost three weeks since samy’s shoulder injury. she was getting a lot better every week and pt was for sure helping, but she still couldn’t play. the doctors hadn’t cleared her yet, so instead, the brunette was stuck doing what little she could at practice like legs or any footwork the coach had the girls work on.

she was bit discouraged because it was the first time since she started soccer that she couldn’t play every single day. it wasn’t something samy was used to, especially being so stationary all the time.

she left practice early wednesday night after not having anything to do. hannah was still in class when samy got into their apartment and that’s when her phone started loudly vibrating in her backpack.

“what the hell,” the soccer player cursed to herself as she dropped her backpack onto the ground and began rummaging through it.

she got her hands on her phone in the second pocket, her slight frustration turning to happiness when she saw will’s name on the screen.

“hi, will,” samy smiled when his face appeared.

“hey, pretty. what are you doing?” the blonde wondered while samy shuffled into her room to talk.

“came back from practice early today. there wasn’t a lot i could do today, so i just left,” the brunette shrugged, falling back onto her bed.

“i’m sorry. how’s the shoulder?”

“it’s fine. i guess i’m just bored and wish i could be playing instead of sitting around all day,” the two shared a frown at her words.

“have you tried doing other things that don’t involve using your arms? walking? running?” will suggested.

“yeah, but it bores me really quickly. i think i need things that are high intensity and quick moving. walking is a bit too slow for me,” samy chuckled to herself.

“figures. you did grow up doing the most contact, quick moving sports.”

“how are you though? how’s everything?” samy changed the subject. she didn’t really like talking about herself that much so she always made it a point to ask will about his day.

“i’m good. practice has been long, but it’s been fine. i miss you,” will hummed and that made the girl smile. even though they did just see each other about two and a half weeks ago, they’ll always miss one another no matter how much time passed since last time.

“i’m glad everything’s going well. coach didn’t kill you too hard for just leaving without a word?”

“no..not really. i do have to, uh, clean the rink after every practice for the next like month, but hey i’ll take it,” the blonde shrugged and it always amazed samy how nonchalant will could be about hockey sometimes because if that were her, she’d probably be freaking out more.

“well, i admire your coolness about it. thanks for coming to visit again, by the way. i liked seeing you and hopefully we can see one another again soon,” the brunette grinned.

“you know, i’ve actually been kind of thinking about that. since you aren’t really playing because of your shoulder..i was wondering if you..wanted to take that opportunity to come to san jose for the first time since you and my mom and sister dropped me off here?” will asked like he was asking his mom to let him spend the night at someone’s house when he was younger.

a flush rose to samy’s cheeks, “like..come to san jose? i-i don’t really have money or anything..”

“i’ll buy your ticket,” the boy immediately cut in.

“i can’t ask you to do that. we’ve talked about this, will,” samy flushed some more.

“i know, i know, but i figured it could take your mind off of things for a weekend? i can show you around san jose some more, we can do whatever you want really. plus, i have the money. i don’t mind. i wanna see you,” will explained his reasoning making samy’s flush turn into a pink blush on her cheeks.

“i wanna see you too. you really don’t mind buying my ticket? i..i don’t wanna make you think i’m like relying on you to do that..”

“baby, i promise you’re not. i want to. let me buy it for you and anything else you want when you come visit?” will cheered and samy rolled her eyes.

“maybe not that far, but i guess a trip to san jose won’t hurt. i have been trying to figure out when i can come visit you,” a smile crept its way onto will’s lips the more samy’s decision leaned to yes.

“exactly. let me at least take some of the burden off of you by buying your plane ticket.”

it seemed to be decided as the brunette slowly gave in. her smile turned into a grin and so did will’s seeing her pretty face. “okay, okay, i’ll come visit. next weekend i have no tests or anything to worry about,” the hughes decided.

“yes! i knew i could convince you. i’ll buy them right now,” will exclaimed and the girl giggled as she watched her boyfriend open up his laptop.

“i love you,” samy hummed.

“i love you, too,” will blew her a kiss through the phone which samy caught. she held her hand to her heart and giggled when will spun his computer around to show her the tickets he was thinking about buying.

[babsvibes]

4 🤩🫶🏻

For the Bob’s Burgers prompt game, I… may have accidentally finished a WIP for this prompt: Erotic Friend Fiction

Tina-Novela

Tina shifted her weight in the red pleather booth and wondered again why Louise called a meeting with her in the restaurant. Typically about this time, her younger sister would be fixing Fischoeder messes or telling her consultants to pull their heads out of their collective asses. Instead, they sat across from each other, Louise’s heavy bag dropped onto the table in between them just moments before.

“Tina, you know that I’ve always been a big supporter of your works,” Louise began, folding her hands in front of her, eyes closed.

“You have?”

“I read all of your stories, don’t I?”

“You do??” Tina asked and broke away from the forebodingly stuffed satchel to stare wide-eyed at Louise, who only shook her head at Tina’s doubt.

“Obviously. It feels like we’re kids and I’m back stealing your diary. Reading it gives me a peek into your life. Or whatever.”

“My life…?” Tina shuffled in her seat and quirked her head just barely, hoping to indicate a passable measure of innocence. “But this isn’t friend fiction. All of the characters and settings in my books are completely fictional.”

“Really?” Reaching into her bag, Louise retrieved a paperback and displayed it with two hands so that Tina could read the title. The artwork beneath it showed three oil painted figures expressing devotion to each other. “The Raven, the Dancer, and their Zek? All you did was leave off the E, T.”

“Heh. ET. And the book is an alien romance. Good one.”

“I’m not done.” She pulled out another copy. “Published a while after a certain sibling and a certain high school heartthrob had a little fling. A Jean Jacket for Jenny.”

“I thought the title was clever…” Tina ran a finger over one of her prouder novels. Her first lesbian romance had been a huge hit. “I can’t believe you actually bought copies. Louise, that's really nice.”

“Which brings me to my next point.” Louise grew serious and deadly. “I wasn’t a fan of your latest work.”

Oh. Oh no.

Louise heaved the last book from her bag, letting it clunk onto the table with an accusatory thud. Staring back at Tina was a title she had hoped her younger sister would never see.

The Longing of Lisa.

“Uhhh,” Tina scrambled to think of something, anything, to distract her. “What did you not like about it?”

“You know, the title could have really used some- the characters! Tina! And who you based them off of!” During her tirade, Louise shoved the bag and the rest of the books out of the booth, sending them careening to the ground in a violent hurry. Post-lunch rush, the thud of paperbacks against the floor echoed in the empty restaurant.

“That was… Mom and Dad. Linda. Lisa.” She averted her gaze as though it was possible to hide behind the thick frames of her glasses. “Both have the s- same letters in them.”

“So which part of Bob made Landon?”

“Uhh,” Tina groaned then finished meekly, “the O?”

“It’s Logan, Tina. There is a whopping one letter difference. You put me and my rival in a suspense monster romance. You Thriller’d me!”

“I was experimenting with the genre, and I needed different characters. That doesn’t mean it’s you two though.”

“Oh is that so?” Louise flipped the book open. “There’s an entire section where the plot stops because Landon keeps trying to take Lisa’s beret. Also, a beret? Really?”

“If I wrote her with a bandana, then you’d know it was you.”

“Ah HA! You admit it!” After slamming the table with her fists, Louise composed herself, folding her hands together and releasing a deep breath. “Tina, we’ve known each other a long time now. You’re like a sister to me.”

“That’s because.. we are… sisters…” Tina said getting quieter on every word as Louise continued to berate her.

“So I’m having trouble coming to terms with you treating me this way. I’ve been good to you. I’ve helped the family business. I babysit sometimes. I’ve never once forgotten your birthday. And you turn around and write werewolf smut about me and my arch nemesis. I’M not even the werewolf?! What the fuck, T.”

“Hey now hold on. There wasn’t actual smut. I did a very tasteful fade to black that pissed off my editor but ultimately made the cut.”

“Also,” Louise continued to rant, “what’s up with us only using last names? I call him by his name all the time.”

“Oh that’s just, uh, a thing people like.”

A storm of nitpicks, clarifying questions, and accusations swarmed around Tina, who could barely get a word in edgewise.

Louise didn’t seem like the type to know these kinds of tropes or thematic questions. But she also wasn’t supposed to know about this book, so there was a lot Tina could be wrong about.

Apparently, Louise had really read it. In depth even.

Tina would be touched if she wasn’t so worried about being murdered.

But what was she supposed to say? Hey, you don’t see the looks he gives you when you’re not paying attention. Or, can you tell how much time you spend with him because you two just keep “happening” to run into each other?

Tina wanted to live long enough to be a grandmother one day.

“And all of that to say, no. There is nothing going on between me and Logan, there never will be anything going on between me and Logan, and if I EVER catch you writing us into one of your little curse breaking true love’s kiss scenarios again I will teach your kids how to smoke.”

“They’re four and six??”

“Did I stutter?!” Louise, chest heaving, closed her eyes and took a long, composing breath. She straightened her bandana, then fixed Tina with a look. “Just… say you’re sorry, and we can put this behind us.”

“… No.”

The customers stopped eating.

The ceiling fans stopped spinning.

The fryer stopped bubbling.

Louise broke the silence, grinding her teeth together with a twitching eye.

“... What?”

“I said no,” Tina repeated, crossing her arms. “You two have something worth writing about, I felt inspired by your chemistry, and I told a good story. I have nothing to apologize for. It’s not my fault you can see what’s right in front of you.”

Louise drummed her fingers against the table, slow and pointed. Her other hand tightened around the book.

“Do you remember… that brief period where we were both teenagers at the same time?”

“You can try to tear my hair out all you want,” Tina said, flashbacks to their more violent outbursts replaying in her mind. “I’ll still just twist your arm around.”

“So you DO want to fight, huh? You want to fight?”

“Bring. It.”

Saved by the bell, a jingling from above the door interrupted the bare knuckle brawl before it could really begin.

Though Louise probably wasn’t a fan of who entered.

“Oh goooood,” Logan drawled. He lazily saluted at Tina but focused his attention on Louise. “You’re here. Feed me, Burger Woman.”

“Do you want me to put up posters?” Louise snapped.

He paused, tilting his head with a question. “A wanted poster?”

“No, a missing poster. For your goddamn mind because you’ve obviously lost it.”

Caught up in their banter, neither noticed Tina slinking off, taking out her notebook and jotting notes for her next piece.

[ghcstao3]

street photographer ghost who has mastered taking the perfect candid photos without ever getting caught. he just has an eye for subjects, both mundane and unique in style, and he enjoys his work. it's just that simple.

soap is one of those subjects. there's something naturally captivating about him, the way he carries himself and seemingly bends the world to his will all around him, and ghost wastes no second doing what he does best—candids that frame their subject like they're the centre of the universe even when any other passerby might blink and miss those singular moments.

except—as ghost snaps a few more photos and briefly glances at the raw images, he sees that the man he'd been taking pictures of is looking directly down the barrel of the lens by the end of the set of photos, a grin on his face, hand blurred in a wave in the frozen frames ghost had captured.

when he puts the camera down, he sees the man still waving at him from across the street before he's quickly glancing both ways and jogging across to meet ghost.

"almost didn't see you," he breathes.

ghost bites back a that's the point, instead focusing on carefully tucking his camera back into its bag.

"i'm sorry," ghost eventually apologizes. "i'll delete them if—"

"the opposite, actually," the man cuts in. "i wanted to see them."

ghost tenses. the rare times he's been caught out usually don't... result in this. "really?"

"mhm." another bright grin. "i'm soap, by the way. or—john, if you're lookin' to be all formal like."

pulling his camera back out, ghost cocks an eyebrow. "soap?"

soap shakes his head. "don't worry about it." he winks. "unless we meet again."

ghost snorts. captivating had certainly been the right word to describe soap.

"why don't we see if you even like the photos first, yeah?"

[rinbylin]

圣人有情而无累

dihua + 情 | 莲花楼 mysterious lotus casebook

[dealershipcoffee]

AAAAAA!!! Ok I have some thoughts on this too. I actually don’t want Korekiyo to be more likeable and I don’t really mind the whole inc3$t thing, it reminds me of Norman Bates. I take the whole feelings for his sister as another part of him being delusional and an unreliable narrator and they were never actually in a relationship. I don’t think anything nasty or gross should be “separated” from him, as that’s what makes Korekiyo, Korekiyo. He’s an absolutely insane guy that has extremely twisted views on humans and tried to explain why murder and other illegal things aren’t actually bad because people only made laws saying they were bad. And I don’t think that his backstory drives people away from the rest of his character, I mean half of the content you see of him is actually people pumping out sympathy points for him because of his fanon backstory. I also don’t think the writers should’ve done anything to make him more palatable. In fact, in the artbook, Kodaka wrote down how he was planning to make Korekiyo even creepier, but the staff told him it would be too much (this is literally a game about murder how would it be too much??) But yeah I really hate the whole gr00ming headcanon and whatnot. He most likely does have childhood trauma but he doesn’t need this overblown tragic backstory so he can just be another character who does terrible things but turns out he’s just misunderstood and now has a scapegoat for all his wrongdoing. He would still be an amazing character and villain. This might be a little too much opinion but I also don’t like it bc why are we blaming a girl who has zero lines who we never see on screen whose personality is only hinted by an unreliable narrator for a man’s actions….and there’s a lot of double standards in not just Korekiyo’s fanbase but the DR fandom as a whole as well. People sweep Korekiyo’s actions under the rug because of a popular fan theory, but Mukuro who was explicitly shown to be manipulated by Junko has multiple posts made about her and how she’s a terrible person too and she’s apart of organizations and stuff. Or when people downplay Korekiyo being a serial killer by saying “Maki killed people too” etc. Maki was at the hands of a cult, was tortured every single day, and had to kill people for her own life and for the lives of others. Korekiyo killed people with his own free will for his own sick reasons. And once you start analyzing the girls that he finds “unworthy” and why he praises Kirumi so much, you start to realize that he selects his victims based off of his judgement on how well a woman performs femininity in his eyes. I’m going to mention Victorian hysteria so here’s something to look back at for reference:

What I mean is, to make this segment as short as possible, Maki is quite blunt and tends to not sugarcoat anything which would most likely get her called a “b1tch” Miu, and yes I know she lacks any sort of boundaries, but she’s very vocal about her urges desires sexuality etc etc, and is disliked by Korekiyo for being too “vulgar.” If Miu were alive in the Victorian Era (which Korekiyo seems to be very fond of) she would be diagnosed with hysteria (aka what women who acted out of line with societal norms were diagnosed with), and these are the symptoms which she meets quite a few of.

I also wanna mention that Miu is literally on the same freak level as Korekiyo, has the same kinks as him and Korekiyo has even said some inappropriate things about himself out of the blue (when he mentioned the women of a village he visited begging him to stay) yet for some reason he hates Miu for having all of those common traits with him. He’s also rude to Maki and Miu on multiple occasions (ie. before the third trial) Like, Miu doesn’t even say anything remotely nasty here, and he just insults her unprovoked

And when you look at all of this, and then look back to Chapter 2 when he’s constantly fawning over Kirumi (who is literally the Ultimate Maid, and gets called “mom” constantly by the cast even though she’s expressed her dislike for that but i guess they don’t care), and then you look back at the “The Hysterical Female” article, especially the first paragraph, Korekiyo holding Kirumi to such high regards compared to literally any other girl in the cast starts to become unsettling.

So now that we’ve talked about how much of a jerk he already is, now I need to talk about how he literally starts entering douchebag territory.

Just listing a few examples:

the way he handles Angie (keep in mind she’s still alive just unconscious)

literally wearing her around his neck….carelessly plopping her on the floor, and then immediately knocking her over. and it gets worse.

“No, not just because I could” he saw an opportunity, and he took it, just because he could. Not only was Angie alone and had her back turned, but she was also killed around 2am. Everyone else would have been in the dormitories sleeping, so even if Angie didn’t get so unlucky, nobody would’ve been there to help her.

And….the love suite event. “The love hotels aren’t canon!” “It didn’t actually happen, it’s a fantasy!” I’m aware of that but I’m going to be treating it as such until people stop trying to cover up for Korekiyo. Nobody ever says that Miu is supposed to represent her abandonment issues at the end of her Love Suite. No one covers up for her, I sure as hell don’t. It sickens me how nobody takes what happens to Shuichi seriously and how even in situations where Korekiyo is clearly in the wrong, none of the sympathy goes to the person who he wronged. I’ll never understand how most of the reactions to his love suite were either “I wanna be Shuichi so bad” or feeling bad for Korekiyo somehow. Korekiyo mocking and taunting Himiko for how she’ll never forgive him also flies over people’s heads.

Dishonorable Mentions include Korekiyo’s birthday tweet this year from Kodaka:

yeah that doesn’t really help his case at all

Like I said, while I don’t mind the inc3$t plot (oh lord that sounds so weird), taking it away doesn’t make him a better person. He would still be a serial killer and he would still be manipulative, kind of misogynistic, not gaf about consent, a sadist, and just a pretty mean person in general. I honestly think that the staff should’ve let Kodaka make him even worse, I personally enjoy Korekiyo being an absolute menace to society. He’s a character who’s fun to hate because he deserves it, but also a character who’s fun to love because he’s so interesting. I apologize for writing the whole Declaration of Independence as well. Yeah but like I said I’m tired of people trying to find ways to make him more likeable. That defeats the point of his character.

am I the only one who’s sick and tired of people trying to make korekiyo redeemable, just curious

like tbh i prefer psychological horror antagonist eroguro bdsm Suehiro Maruo perverse artsy romanticist edglelord ninja sadomasochistic folklore cunt with a strict diet of human meat and psychedelics korekiyo over quirky nerdy guy that just happened to commit a few crimes but don’t worry he didn’t mean it and now he goes to therapy instead of the death penalty and hogs all the sympathy that should’ve been given to the near 100 young women that he brutally murdered and shows absolutely no remorse for korekiyo

and just a little thing to add I don’t think enough people acknowledge that korekiyo as actually kinda mean and manipulative as well

but yeah I love him as a character Im just pissed at everyone treating him like he’s innocent, and the writers didn’t do him dirty imo people are just mad that they didn’t make him sympathetic. also keep in mind this is a very abbreviated post about him. I’m currently in the process of writing an entire script for a video I’m making about him to truly get all of my thoughts about this out.

and dare I mention the fact that so many people still say “korekiyo is so overhated!!” or “he’s such an underrated character!!” as if 80% or more of the fandom is constantly glazing him. I also wanna mention AUs and fics where the serial killer part of korekiyo is just completely taken out and he reads more as misunderstood than creepy. from what I’ve seen people want a korekiyo that’s a good person, which doesn’t make any sense. he’s not 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 to be a good person. the entire point of his character is that he’s an icky disgusting genuinely creepy morally corrupt guy.

[hellofastudysession]

am i rlly going to write a death note literary analysis when i could be doing other things

about the discourse going on in the tag abt "death note is acab and thats why the characters couldnt better the world with the note (/written in somewhat jokey matter)" vs "death note is trying to say we all have potential for evil, especially if you get a chance to insta-hurt ppl without repercussions, and it doesnt matter if youre a cop or not", i personally feel like it ignores the things that i like abt death note, which is "both of these things are true", and simultaneously "both of these things do not matter". the first part of this is dedicated to the first point, the latter to the last.

first point. i think its an important part of the message and themes (unintentional or not, and i lean on the former because... come on, can you really say the author intended you to not think of the cops as good people, at least compared to light and l) that light is a cops son, and that almost everyone who gets the death note is cop adjacent/thinks like a cop and is already corrupt/powerful when they get it (mello raised to think hed be just like l, yotsuba group is self explanatory; you cannot look me in the eyes and tell me teru "churchill" mikami, who was hand selected by light out of a bunch of rabid kira supporters, is a normal citizen). i appreciated the cop post bc its rlly important to not gloss over that aspect.

all of this would be an argument for "only someone like them would do something like this, and i am not like them, so im above them and immune to thinking about what id do with it", but... misa is the MOST important outlier in all of this bc her murders are solely selfish in nature and shes not doing any of this for "the greater good"!!! her nature of being an exception and still a very very bad person is really really important...

or it would be if death note gave a shit about her character at all!!! im not talking about her tragic side, im talking about exploring the ramifications of her killing people the way lights murders are (somewhat) explored. that would strengthen the message greatly! but shes dismissed and that weakens it overall. firstly, she's dismissed by the characters when l only sees her as a way to get to kira and basically shelves her the rest of the time. secondly, shes dismissed by the narrative when her character is gradually ground down to a stump and (not to sound perilously close to the bad takes ppl meme about) she never faces repercussions for her actions. every other character using the death note is treated relatively seriously, but misa just dies bc her love is dead. im not saying this isnt a... fitting punishment or that it isnt in character, but it doesnt fit snugly into the theme other people are talking about of "you reap what you sow" at all.

we do have something of an equivalent to misa's grayscale motives. surprise surprise, its light yagami. first is light's characterization in the musical (i will also note that misa never kills anyone in the musical). light's thinking is coplike, yes — he literally starts his first song by talking about "throw[ing] away the key" — but also, oddly enough, could be read as progressive and therefore sympathetic to tumblr ("let the corporations make the regulations / and hold no one accountable when everything gets wrong / let the rich and famous get away with murder / every time a high-priced mouthpiece starts to talk, his client gets to walk"). compare to the anime and manga, where his bigotry and pride and disgust come from a place of lukewarm dissatisfaction and boredom. the musical has much less time to play around with lights character, so it gives the audience something to immediately hook on. more on how that actually plays out later.

in the animanga, none of this is justified from the start. animanga light could say he was just killing people to make humanity way, way worse, and that wouldnt matter, because at the root of it, it was always his boredom that made him pick up the note. of course he actually believes in justice and believes hes doing the right thing (no, he believes he's doing the wrong thing, for the sake of the world... the right thing, because he is god...), but it was boredom at the start. all animanga light says about justice and righteousness and the law is a front in the end, bc he is exactly like l and misa — amoral. selfish. searching for entertainment. hedonistic. we know this. he kills naomi misora*. he kills lind l. turner. everything hes saying deserves to be dismissed from the beginning.

"but doesnt that mean you agree with the discourse post you wrote this post to argue against?" like i said, i agree with both of them! but i... still think its not right to reduce death note to the message of "the power to kill people is bad". because that is not exactly what the story is saying, even though that's literally its whole plot and therefore reaching that conclusion is self explanatory (lmao). let's look at the concept of mu. nothingness. "there's no heaven or hell". The Real Slay The Princess (Death Note Essay) Starts Here.

in light's final moments in the death note manga, while screaming about not wanting to die, he remembers that the first day they met, ryuk told light that "there's no heaven or hell. no matter what they do in life, all people go to the same place. all humans are equal in death". it is retroactively revealed that light knew this the whole time, operated under this knowledge for all the years we watched him — the knowledge that nothing he does is actually bad, that nothing any human does is actually bad, that shinigami are not "evil", that the universe does not care. that no one cares except humans. this oblivion absolutely terrifies him more than anything anyone could ever do to him. its what he thinks of before anything else as he flails there, screaming, dying. one could say everything he does after that day is him trying to escape that fact, or wrest control over it. but it doesnt work.

here are the lyrics of requiem, the musical's final song, sung over the bodies of l and musical light, a light who was at least somewhat good-intentioned at first: "sleep now, here among your choices / then fade away / hear how the world rejoices / shades of gray / gone who was right or wrong / who was weak or strong / nothing left to learn". this is the final message the death note musical and the manga chose to leave us with. there is no judgement. even after all that acknowledged hurt, after all the damage done, there is no judgement.

in the manga and anime alike, the world is just as fucked when light picks up the death note as when he dies. sure, we as readers can guess otherwise logically (and be optimistic, believing the world was never fucked regardless), but that's not what death note wants you to think. it ends with matsuda and another member of the task force noting how the world is worse again even though they killed kira (matsuda is clearly much worse for wear, but still determined), we see the shitty motorcycle band again, it ends with misa and a whole kira cult on a mountain even though kira died a long time ago...

its extremely important that light is never killed by any human or any aspect of the law. he is always killed by ryuk: a chaotic force completely detached from human sensibilities, one that does not care about good and evil. same with l; in the anime, manga, and musical, he is always killed by rems senseless, morally gray love (and you could argue in the kdrama that hes killed by love there too lol). justice is just a set dressing.

this is not just because death note is a tragedy, because good and evil can still matter in a tragedy. the theme of "nothingness" and "good and evil doesnt matter here" is also shown in a situation relatively unrelated to light winning or losing, or being good or bad. and its in fucking lawlight of all things. we all know ls not a good person. we know lights not a good person. this is tip of the iceberg death note knowledge. but the moment they start to interact, none of that starts to matter. textually, their relationship becomes more important than the people theyve killed and hurt. and the thing is? the thing is? THAT WORKS STORY-WISE. THAT'S ENTERTAINING. AND IT'S NEVER TEXTUALLY CALLED OUT IN A LASTING WAY. l and lights relationship, no matter how much i meme it, is genuinely important to the themes and "mu" because it makes it clear that despite all the pretensions, despite everything, this was never about good and evil. and it still works in the story. this is why death note is simultaneously a comedy — isn't the battle of good and evil supposed to matter more? well, fine, i'll keep watching this anyway. that suspension of disbelief comes crashing down the moment l dies, though, and a relationship built on nothingness (the "mu" sort, meaninglessness, not "character development" nothingness, theres plenty of character development) gives way to just nothingness (again, "mu", not light's post-l depression nothingness), forever.

(an aside: there is no one to root for in death note, and the only things to root for are either interesting character relationships, convoluted plots, or complete and total destruction: for everything to end so no more damage is done.)

not to say that death note does not encourage its readers to consider what damage they might do with the death note (obviously.), or that its characters never do. look at matsuda, a much easier heroic figure to latch on to than soichiro because of his unique place in the cast dynamic and because he's willing to consider both sides of the situation and kill light instantly for all he's done. its just that the story's own stance on the subject is... complicated by the existence of shinigami worldviews and by its own insistence that the world cannot change for the better.

also, this is not to say that this is executed well by the death note manga at all. it is a very strong tool, artistically, to establish and then violently remove any emotional connections between characters and make your story only about the exceedingly convoluted lengths characters go to to survive and catch each other so the reader can realize how ultimately pointless all of this is, but like... is that a good story choice if that's all you do? i would say not really. add in a good dollop of misogyny that destroys the second-to-last character who might actually be an interesting contrast to the rest of the cast's dull one-track focus on winning and justice, and youve got yourself a shitty story that... honestly still achieves what it went out to do, just not in a way id ever want to replicate.

anyway, back to the parts death note's actually trying to say. no matter what any human does in their life, no matter how they try to hurt or help the world, they all die in the end. hey, light, they all die in the end. once dead, they can never come back to life. and the seasons turn. and the world rejoices. and you say "goodbye"...

that's all.

no analysis of death notes overarching theme would be complete without nears final monologue, the definitive roast of light, the "you're just a murderer" speech: "what is right from wrong? what is good from evil? nobody can truly distinguish between them. even if there is a god." if we take this as talking about the actual god in the room (ryuk) as well as light, then near admits that humans will never be able to withstand these overwhelming forces and that, using justice and happiness and selfishness, they are just scrabbling to find meaning in things they ultimately have no control over.

but of course, near does not stop there. "[...] even then i'd stop and think for myself. i'd decide for myself whether his teachings are right and wrong." nears alright with not having control over everything, because near can still control nears own actions. these forces can and do exist, but they have no sway over nears own humanity — unlike light, who caved.

one of the creators of death note said they believe its message is "life is short, so everyone should do their best". the first time i learned this, i was like, thats... nice and optimistic, but an awful reading of the story! "life is short, so everyone should be desperate and striving like light yagami", who literally cut off other ppls lives for his own life? what character in death note are we supposed to strive towards when we "do our best"? they all do awful things with their lives! honestly, maybe they shouldnt have tried their best, if this is what their best is!

but with the view of "mu"... it makes a bit more sense. just a little. maybe.

there is no good and evil. there is only what humans think, and no matter what we do, we all die in the end. it is easy to be crushed and terrified by this in the same way light is, but what is more important than justice and righteousness and finding meaning is... doing your best. not being a person that hurts others too much. not letting yourself get swallowed up by an ideal. not going too far. and simultaneously, trusting yourself.

it leaves a few questions, though... was the currently dead l even a little bit right about his blatantly amoral approach, then? was there a point to this pain, and me slogging through this dumbass manga, and all the people that have lost their lives to a selfish teenage cop's son and the whims of everyone chasing after him? was there a point to any of this...?

the manga** never answers this. it stays clinically impartial until the very end. the musical is anything but clinically impartial (and i love it so much for that), and its ryuk that has the last word.

"there's no point at all."

of course theres no point. none of this was ever supposed to happen. that is what matters more than all the hurt and the crimes and the pain.

and that's... actually okay, because it's over now.

yes, death note has many really important themes present in its story, but its viewpoint is nihilism first and foremost. thats why its so fun and easy to play around with all the other messages, because no matter what fun or torment or awful things or righteous justice or absolute nothingness or sentimentality happens in between, there is always an end.

there is always the end.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

Hi hello I watched all of carmilla in a weekend when I was 17 because a student teacher who in retrospect I had a bit of a crush on mentioned that she knew one of the actresses. also I am pretty invested in all your recent vampire stuff because I watched iwtv in 2 days last week because your edit intrigued me

oh hiiii 🫶 thank you for indulging me. thats so cool that you watched iwtv! did it live up to the expectation?

i also watched carmilla at 17! or like, 17-19. i found it when s2 had just started and followed it to the end. did something permanent to my brain but i think it was a good thing. on rewatch now im like, i was right to like this. like it's a solid show, it's good. it has its flaws obviously but it's well written, the emotional moments still get me, i can see why i liked it and i still like it now even when it's not anymore, you know, meeting every need that baby gay me didnt even know they had

what it doesnt reaallyy do though - i dont remember if i posted abt this or if i left it in my drafts but - is explore vampirism as a concept. their subject matter is more lesbianism than vampirism. which is great! thats what they wanted to do and they did it and it's very good. but reading interview with the vampire the book rn im realising how much potential vampires have to be metaphors for like so many things and i started wondering like 'wait, did carmilla just not really engage with it or did it all go over my head'. but it just didnt really engage with it all that much. which again is fine bc that wasnt what they were doing. im glad they were more about the lesbianism than the vampirism

but there's this interesting difference in framing, because in iwtv they keep calling armand 'ancient' right? and emphasising how old he is. and he's like 500? and i was like 'wait isnt carmilla like 400?'. she isnt, shes 340, but still, thats getting there, you know? and we know quite a lot about her history, but kind of just the Big Events. when she was turned, the events of the novella, coffin of blood, silas. thats sort of what we know. but none of the long lonely slog of history day to day you know? with armand i feel like we can really feel how much time everything takes. how every one of those years is made up of single days. with carmilla i dont feel that as much. i keep kind of thinking about daniel, when louis calls him a boy in the first episode, saying "im an old man, with all the triggers that come with it"

because carmilla might look 18 (or mid twenties at this point) but she has lived all that time. shes also seen her native land be claimed by like a succession of ruling powers, right? like armand. shes been buried alive, like louis. when lestat is born, shes already 80 years old, shes lived a whole human lifetime, and the entire adult part of it shes been a vampire. shes lived through 1680-1870 being a lure. i compared her to abigail hobbs in some tags on a post, i dont know if youre familiar with hannibal the tv show, but i do also kinda keep thinking about that comparison

if youre not familiar, in the first episode of hannibal the murderer of the week is this guy garrett jacob hobbs who kills and cannibalises girls who resemble his daughter. and later on it turns out she was made to be his lure. like they'd go places and he'd sent her to the victims to make friends and maybe get them back to their home or smth. not sure if they specified all the details. but that's what carmilla did for mother. and in s2 we hear from mattie that while every couple of decades carmilla had to lure victims for the fish god, she also seemed to just enjoy humans between those times, right? like the doctor, gets lonely, gets a new companion. but we've only sort of got mattie's mocking word for it ("dont eat him, hes a poet! or her, shes got such a wonderful voice. or that one, shes just too pretty to ruin"), we don't know exactly from carmilla's point of view what she was doing or why. if mattie's talking about stuff that happened after the blood coffin, 1950-now, then i think it's a fair assumption based on what carmilla says in the s1 sock puppet show that after she'd figured out what the real situation was and what her role in it was, when she'd started trying to save girls from being sacrificed, that she mightve been doing the same trying to save people from becoming mattie's victims. it's probably more likely that she was just trying to find excuses to stop mattie from sucking someone dry rather than actually having like an aesthetic based morality. but it might be a bit of both. im still trying to figure out what her philosophy actually is, like i dont know what existentialism actually means ghkfjghkj but i will

i also found it pretty striking in the movie when shes turning back into a vampire she says like "this was supposed to be done, you know? the blood lust, the self-loathing, the sleeping tied to a chair in my own bedroom". thats what defines her vampirism, wanting blood and hating yourself for it (the third part is a joke/reference to s1 but also i think meaningful for how she sees her relationship with laura when she IS a vampire. little bit of that 'she will reject me for my monstrousness' shining through). and thats what defines vampirism for lots of vampires across the genre obviously, but i dont know, it struck me. we dont get a lot from carmilla's pov, we know a fair amount about her, but the story is always told through laura. we get laura's diaries, but just snippets here and there from carmilla, what shes thinking, how shes feeling

and i love that shes a philosopher. i love that thats how she seems to try and find something to hold onto, in a world that kind of moves around her, having been murdered, kidnapped, turned and groomed to be a lure on the cusp of adulthood, never having been properly loved (the relationship with her father wasnt good she says in s3, and her mortal mother i dont think has ever been mentioned (like laura's)). the only good relationship she seems to have had for the better part of 3 centuries seems to have been mattie, and mattie seems to love being a vampire. i can imagine carmilla just sort of going along with anything mattie wants to do just because shes so desperate for that friendship. not like, against her will necessarily really. but more like, she hasnt even had the space to develop her own will, you know? and philosophy lets you do that. philosophy gives you frameworks to understand the world and to develop your own opinions on it. and by the 21st century she seems to have developed those opinions, she has a sense of her own values, but shes also still stuck in that same situation. shes jaded and cynical in the face of laura's optimism and strong moral code a lot of the time in s1 because she feels probably pretty powerless. like she does what she can to save some girls but at the end of the day shes scared of her mother and she has nowhere else to go really, right?

i like how she grapples with that over the course of the series, in tandem with laura grappling with her black and white morality. she sort of jumps ship from her mother to laura bc theyve fallen in love, but then laura still stuck in her hero thinking refuses to see her monstrous side. not literally bc i think the biological vampirism never seemed to be a problem for laura, but morally. the having murdered. carmilla needs laura to see that and love her while seeing it bc the last girl she loved rejected her for being a vampire.

but you see her kind of swing back and forth in s2. she softens first with laura but then they break up and she leans back hard into the sarcastic cynic defense mechanisms, leans hard into "im a monster, dont expect heroism from me". but thats like, it's sort of learned helplessness i think. it's powerlessness, resignation. bc morally shes not a monster. maybe she doesnt have as strong a drive to help other people as laura does and is a little more selfishly hedonistic in that she just wants to enjoy her/their life, but she doesnt hurt people for fun, she never has. she just sort of didnt have another option for a Really long time. so she pretends she doesnt care. "im a vampire, this is what i do, this is who i am". but clearly from the way she talks about it when she turns back into one, she doesnt enjoy it

and i like how she goes even further in s3, where she starts swinging even more to the heroic side, bc she sees hope. shes like "wow if we kill my mother, i'd be free". theres hope and she becomes like a lot more active. and shes like that at the start of the movie too, a lot happier, a lot more relaxed, and then vampirism is back and bam depression gfhgkjh like shes immediately more gloomy, ashamed of her past and her self, retreats into herself

sorry i just took this as an opportunity to dump all the carmilla thoughts floating in my head on you. you didnt ask fhkghgjh consider this an open invitation to you or anyone else to come talk to me about carmilla

[concert-bflat]

Thinks about how. Gloreth only starts looking at Nimona differently/strangely when her parents call her a "monster". Just throws that label with such a negative connotation on her. Gloreth fucking fights for Nimona immediately in the beginning saying that she's her friend and never once looks at her with ridicule until her mom just holds her by the shoulders and tells her she's a monster, straight in the eye, straight in the face. And just the word is enough to cause the change.

Nimona's getting fucking attacked and prodded and Gloreth doesn't even feel sorry for her just because she's now re-contextualizing everything around her but with that word. I'm so sick. She looks not in hesitance but at disbelief before she runs away. She sees Nimona trying to defend herself from literal Danger in any way she can (she's just a kid and she's fighting with people who won't listen, never will, people that she can't get through) but just sees that as more proof of her being violent, monstrous. She sees her friend all alone, with the odds and the world stacked against her despite them being. so similar but just tells her to go back to the shadows.

And like. Of course she believes those words calling Nimona a monster and takes them to heart. Her parents, the ones she would probably trust most are the ones that told her that. And she's young, she doesn't know much about the world or much better. And of course, her parents and the whole village don't know any better. They didn't see what she saw. They don't know or feel the need to know much more than the definition of the word "monster". But it hurts. God it hurts. It's wrong. It's not fair. It's really not fair.

And it causes this whole legend that will stay with Nimona to ridicule her for generations and generations and birth this system that she's trapped by and causes everyone to be so brainwashed. The one that makes people scared and build walls. That births unecessary distrust.

God. Even in the scroll illustrating Nimona and Gloreth, Nimona is portrayed as such a bigger and scarier threat than she ever could be or would be, until Nimona internalized and gave into those images and despair of course. It's not fucking fair.

Thinking about how when the villagers saw Nimona as a "normal" person they were happy for her just living her life and playing with her friend, she was just another kid being happy like she and every ("normal", apparently) person deserves to be, and they were allowing her to be happy then when they find out what she really is they hate her. They call her a monster and drive her out immediately. They don't look into the details that contradict the stigma, they just feel betrayal when they weren't even the ones who were betrayed (Nimona couldn't fucking help being who or what she was. And she was her own person. She was still. A someone. Why do things have to be different now?). I'm so sickkk.

Thinks about how Nimona feels so hopeless as to just. Accept and yield to that label. That label that was passed down to Gloreth. To the whole world. Such simple but awful words. Aughhhhhhhhhhh

Another post I saw talks about how this is a movie about how hate is taught. And oh my god it is. Hate it taught. It's done so simply yet so, painfully effectively. So devastatingly. And that hate teaches people to hate the world back. God I fucking loooove this movie

Also Nimona's such a Creature /pos /affectionate she's so relatable I fucking love her and I'm insane okay that's the post bye