#thinking about love and trauma
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i think we should remind musicians they can absolutely make up little stories for their songs btw. it doesn’t have to be about them at all. you can invent a guy and put him in situations to music. time honoured tradition in fact.
#sorry im bored of the same tags on this lmao#sometimes i think the confessional style loses impact because everything has to be excavated from the depths of the soul#and somehow. confessional writing seems to be going with the most disaffected bland sound possible. odd.#i love deeply personal songs! i love when songs sound like they mean something to the artist!#something something wider issue of mining trauma and being performatively vulnerable for quote unquote content#idk i don’t have the actual knowledge to write about this well there’s just something not landing for me recently#mine
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I know you have to experience the mortifying ordeal of being known to experience the rewards of love, but what about the mortifying ordeal of being loved? What about someone caring about you enough that they love you? What about having to face that you are a person who might be worthy of love? What about- *gets shot*
#the mortifying ordeal of being known#posts that probably already exist#idk just a thought#thinking about love and trauma#cause we’re all just fucked like that aren’t we?
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emma dupain cheng on the brain😽🎀
more:
#ml#miraculous#miraculous ladybug#my art#emma dupain cheng#emma agreste#(i think that may the more popular tag for her lol. she is a dupain cheng in my heart though)#plagg#she is thirteen almost fourteen here btw. because i love circularity#emma dupain cheng to me is like. what if emilie or adrien grew up in a stable home with no trauma. that’s emma#and she is theater kid✨#and adrien and marinette are soooo so so supportive and love going to her shows and are so proud of her#/marinette has to be held back from trying to manipulate the school play casting process to secure emma the lead every year#but then emma sets her sights on bigger things(broadway west end)#and adrien pumps the breaks big time#and he’s so torn between supporting her interests and wanting so badly to keep her from like. being a child actor. having a job. b#being pulled from school#and emma gets upset bc he is standing in the way of her dreams#and they fight about it:(#and then emma discovers plagg and convinces him to help her sneak out and go to her callback that she secretly auditioned for#(and forged all the parent signatures for lol)#and. well. plagg CAN be bribed#and also she just reminds him so much of baby adrien🤧 he is a softie#and she runs away to her callback. and adrien and marinette wake up the next morning and see on the news that there is a new chat noir.#anyway. not that i’ve thought about it or anything
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the thing that drives me sooo crazy about the jinx/isha/cait/vi confrontation is that for vi, it was a lose-lose situation. either caitlyn misses & accidentally hits isha (child witnesses enforcer violence), or caitlyn kills jinx in front of a child who cares for her (child STILL witnesses enforcer violence). Either situation parallels vi’s own past trauma. In that moment, it wasnt about jinx (at least not entirely). It was about vi’s catalyst for violent change about to be recreated and forced upon this child. Caitlyn said she understood how vi felt seeing her parents die, but demonstrated in this moment that she doesnt and literally CANT. caitlyn has never been on the other side or enforcer violence. the child didnt even compute to her—isha was just an obstacle to be avoided, not a person that will carry this experience forever. But vi’s been on the wrong end of a gun. She understood that no matter what, no matter who got hit, if she allowed caitlyn to shoot, vi would be recreating her own trauma. And THATS why she stopped cait
#caitlyn thinks it was about protecting jinx and it was in a sense#vi is protecting the childhood versions of powder & vi who witnessed extreme enforcer violence on that bridge#ofc cait has trauma too but hers was perpetrated by one “deranged individual”#vi’s trauma was perpetrated by an institution of which cait belongs to#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane vi#arcane s2#NOT anti cait btw i love her soso much im just obsessed with this scene#yap#arc
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old man yaoi... save me... old man yaoi. save me
#BYE I FINALLY DREW WHAT I COULDNT THINK I COULD DO#anyways the episode is all about him so cunty senshi#dungeon meshi#dunmesh#love you senshi. im sorry for your trauma. thank you for saving me from artblock.#senshi of izganda#elf senshi#chilchuck tims#old man twunk love... amazing#senshi x chilchuck
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The art of the sleeping sapphic
#this is my all time favorite trope#the intimacy of it all#not even about the clothes or lack thereof#it's just getting to see these couples finally rest and find comfort in each other#and ultimately that sleep is the most solitary of acts but the romance and trust of doing it together#also because I was watching affair and thinking about how sleep is such an important part of their trauma and ultimately healing#maybe I do another deep dive into that#but anyways it brought me back to juliantina#because I wanted to frame that first image#and that image from Gap was one that I loved#also this is absolutely the pipeline that I think a lot of us went down#amar a muerte#juliantina#barbarena#gap the series#monsam#freenbecky#affair the series#wanpleng#lmsy#thai gl#gl series
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day 12: karma ♡
(femslashfeb prompt list)
#minifemslashfeb2024#ace attorney#franmaya#franziska von karma#maya fey#noooo babygirl don't have the same generational trauma as me aha ur so sexy#we're the. we're the daughters of the . the legends we don't want to inherit#'mini did you draw franz for this prompt solely because her name is von karma' don't worry about it#HONESTLY DID NOT THINK I WAS GONNA MAKE THIS ONE#had to go to the dentist today instead of drawing yuri#life is so cruel </3#but it's okay I have to shill my narrative foils agenda#back at it with the franmayas....#WHO LOVES PARALLELS#ME!! I LOVE PARALLELS!!!!#'karma' is referred to very loosely in this#but my idea personally was that they're betraying their family legacies#and THAT is karma for the way they were treated growing up#yeah I had all these thoughts at the dentist btw#thinking about yuri while two women have their hands in my mouth (professional) (normal) (not clickbait)#hope that helps
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Nothing in the world belongs to me But my love, mine, all mine
#genshin impact#arlecchino#peruere#clervie#ouhhhhhhhh im never gonna be able to emotionally recover from watching that animated short#ever since it came out a couple days ago just thinking of these two makes me feel like my heart is physically being ripped in half#i cant stop thinking about how Clervie was the only person in Arlecchino's life that she truly loved#like dont get me wrong Arlecchino loves her children in her own detached-fucked up way as much as any person with her amount of trauma can#but Clervie meant so much to her that even just her presence alone kept Arle's curse at bay#and it seems that no one other than Clervie herself has ever been able to break this unemotional/detached wall that Arle has put up#and maybe no one else ever will#DONT GET ME WRONG I still fw arle x other female harbingers like that shit is still peak#but oh my god the idea that arle never moved on after clervie's death and will never love anyone the way she loved her makes me want to SOB
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AU based off Nature except I kept thinking about it too hard. Dales not a good dad, but its such an easy problem for him to throw money at, and what do you do when a part is damaged? Well, you replace it.
Basically an AU where Dev gets to experience medical trauma and realizes much sooner how much his dad doesn't love him
#I have IDEASSSS#but only if people are interested#fop#fairly oddparents#dev dimmadome#dale dimmadome#fop dev#fop dale#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop a new wish#fop nature au#moral orel nature#hurt no comfort#blood#child abuse#child neglect#medical trauma#implied gun violence#Dev only gets a week or two off school because his dad doesn't want people to think anythings wrong#Dale doesn't care thattt much about public optics but people knowing you permanently disabled your son is absolutely not good for business#Dev hates the leg and keeps it as hidden as possible#as far as anyone else knows he just took a week long vacation and came back lazier and crabbier than ever#Dale did it out of his own sick kind of love but to Dev its just a reminder of how replaceable his dad sees him.#just the same as any other of his machines#The doodle in the corner is Dev coming into his own a bit more. He stops trying to look like his dad#Did you know Dev and Dale have naturally curly hair?? They just hair gel it to all hell#I think in this timeline Hazel shows up pretty soon after he returns to school so the accident is pretty fresh#art#digital art#fanart
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If we DO ever get a Good Omens season 3 (and fingers crossed we will) then using the Second Coming as the narrative device to facilitate the final culmination of Good Omens' ideology and message is brilliant, actually.
Because the Second Coming IS NOT another Adam situation. And, contrary to the misconceptions I've seen, It IS NOT about Jesus being born again as a baby, etc, etc.
THE SECOND COMING. QUITE LITERALLY refers to THE LAST JUDGMENT.
As in. The SAME Last Judgment Michelangelo painted on the walls of the Sistine Chapel. As in - THE JUDGMENT of the Living and the Dead. THE LAST, FINAL, ETERNAL JUDGMENT.
It's the WHOLE thing Armageddon was leading towards. Book of Revelation speedrun: the world ends, everyone dies, and then they get resurrected again to be judged by JESUS himself. He will flick through the Book of Life (WINK WINK WINK DO YOU SEE HOW LOUDLY I'M WINKING AT YOU???), and if your name is there he will go "oh nice you deserve eternal paradise! :D" and if your name is ERASED from the Book of Life he will go "oh no, sorry, you go to the lake of fire for eternity now D:" (except apparently in Good Omens lore it'd just DOOM YOU TO NON-EXISTENCE FOREVER???)
And if you THINK about it, The Last Judgment is the ultimate manifestation of moral absolutism. No shades of gray, no chances. Just BLACK, and WHITE. Never mind that you're like Wee Morag and Elspeth, who are forced to do "bad" things because of circumstances. It's either you pass Judgment Day, or you burn (or disappear forever.) And the way THINGS are going in the Good Omens universe? I don't think there's ANYONE "good" enough to be "saved." Not Crowley, not Aziraphale. Hell, not even the Archangels themselves.
So it provides a PERFECT opportunity for Aziraphale and Crowley to UPEND that SYSTEM entirely.
I think that's what Crowley and Aziraphale would do in s3: establish a new kind of system in which angels and demons have free will to determine the right (or wrong) choice.
Giving them the APPLE, so to speak.
And then they'll go off to retire in a cottage, together at last.
#good omens#good omens 2#good omens meta#ineffable husbands#aziraphale#crowley#im sorry but i choke everytime someone refers to a baby jesus for the second coming#like i love yall and parent trapping aziraphale and crowley by the infant son of god would be amusing as heck#but also i rlly think this is about the Last Judgment guys KSLDSKDKLDS#thank you good omens yes this IS in fact how i use my collection of niche trivia on christian eschatology#putting my religious trauma into good use iktr
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I feel like something that should have been explored more in Arcane is that despite the dangers and pretty much horrific conditions, Zaun children seemingly grow up a lot more caring and have a larger understanding of family in comparison to Piltover children. And if such a reflection of the real world in a sense.
The kids of Zaun seemingly grow up with a lot more adult support. Ekko is easily welcomed under Benzo’s wings. Vander adopts 4 kids (two of which we learn he knew of before their parents death, two of which we can’t be sure of). Silco, despite all what happened, and his ulterior motives, shows no problem adopting Powder/Jinx. In the alternate universe it seems as though he’s still played a part in the kids lives. Jinx adopts Isha easily and Sevika cares for her as well. Hell, even Mr. War Crimes Against Humanity does well with little Viktor (until ya know, the animal abuse).
Hell, up until Vander dies (the first time) there seems to be a large understanding of if there’s an orphan or a kid in need of guidance, take them in! (And certainly don’t inform them of your plans to turn a giant pink salamander into drugs and be confused when a nine year old doesn’t understand). If a kid wants to be your apprentice, let them! For the most part, until things all went wrong in the end of act 1 of season 1, the worst parts of Zaun seem pretty typical for any city in poverty.
Match that with what we see with how Caitlyn and Jayce grow up. Caitlyn is given adult support, yes, and it’s clearly a good adult mentor, but it’s not entirely by her choice. It’s been chosen for her. She’s safe, but there’s a lack of freedom of choice. Meanwhile, when Jayce gets older, and that same accident in Act 1 happens, the family that supported him and his mom turns their backs. His own mom doesn’t support him either, because she’s afraid of what he’s talking about, but also because he’s damming them to being outcasts.
Conversely, Vander is more than willing to take the fall for what Claggor, Milo, Vi and Powder did. He’s willing to go to prison for a long time, in order for them to have a better future. Despite Vi’s best efforts, he’s not going to listen to her (she is just a kid) and he’s not letting his family go down and get hurt.
Meanwhile, a man who grew up in this mentality, where there’s a wide sense of family support from people who aren’t your biological family, is the one to go to Jayce, a stranger, and tells him he believes in him. It’s why it’s such a shock to Jayce; his own family and family friends denied him. They didn’t support him.
I think that’s what makes all the difference. Piltover and Zaun have wildly different understandings of family and forgiveness. For Piltover, it shuns and damns the lives of those who upset the balance. For Zaun, it provides safety and never ending understanding.
Just. I’m thinking.
#arcane#arcane season 1#I didn’t mean to make this a jayvik thing it just happened#is this where I admit I don’t care Cassandra died#oops she was a baddie and I feel bad for cait but go get your trauma glow up girl#go get some character development#sorry but Cassandra didn’t give a shit about Jayce until it turns out he really did have something#and when it came time she only voted for Zaun independence and wasn’t even the first or second mind you#to vote to agree#hell despite possibly knowing Viktor for 7+ years and knowing how much Jayce cares for him#and how important he was to hextech#she did not even support it until last minute and then boom#sorry to cait love you girl but your mom was giving go girl give us nothing#Cassandra kiramman hate#that’s fun tag for someone who barely had screen time#jayce talis#viktor arcane#jayvik#caitlyn kiramman#I love Caitlyn don’t think any differently I forgive her for her crimes#listen if I can ignore Viktor’s assimilation plots I can ignore her war crimes#I’m a forgiving woman#arcane thoughts
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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the iwtv diabolicule is louis, armand, and daniel sitting in a room being psychosexually weird with each other while lestat’s out in the back garden playing with the dogs. lestat interrupts their discussion on the degradation of self to tell them he taught little buster how to roll over and shake and they all go, “that’s great, lestat :)”
#sorry it’s very funny to think about loumandaniel trauma bond and lestat’s is there loving them and being too much#interview with the vampire#louis de pointe du lac#armand#daniel molloy#lestat de lioncourt#diabolicule
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do yall ever think about bruce/batman!clone danny standing in front of his bathroom mirror after finding out he was a clone and silently tracing his face. The slope of his jaw and point of his chin. The high angle of his cheekbones and the shape of his eyes, the curve of his brow bones and the shape of his nose. The volume of his hair and the way it curls and gets fluffy when it gets too long.
His hair is black the same way a crow's wing is black. His dad's hair is black the same way a black bear's fur is black. His dad's eyes are blue like the ocean is blue. Danny's eyes are blue the same way a glacier is blue.
His dad has a square jaw and straight flat hair, and he tans and gets a face full of freckles when he's out in the sun for too long. Danny burns like a lobster and his face remains untouched. Danny has a sharp jaw and tall cheekbones, and Sam says when he's not smiling there's almost something regal about him. You would never call Jack Fenton "regal" when he's not smiling.
Sam says when he's not smiling he looks scary the same way a stone statue is. Jack Fenton when he's not smiling looks scary the same way that german shepherd staring at you across the street is.
Do you ever think he grew up wondering if he was adopted. Because of course, he has black hair and blue eyes like his dad. But having the same color doesn't make you someone's child.
Or, worse, things he's heard from the other kids and the other parents and even some of his teachers growing up; that he was the product of an affair. And that his dad was just too stupid to notice. And Danny would defend his parents until the day he died, because Jack Fenton wasn't an idiot and Maddie Fenton wasn't a cheater.
But doubt comes in with fickle tongue. his parents swear up and down that he is their child when he asks about either. That Danny just had his grandparents' features, but he was their son and they loved him.
But Danny doesn't look like either of his parents. His mom's eyes are blue like an aquamarine and Jazz's too. And they burn like lobsters in the sun too, but Jazz gets freckles on her face and so does Maddie. And as Danny grows up he doesn't bulk up or get stocky like his dad did, and when he hits puberty he doesn't shoot up like a tree like Jack Fenton did.
He stays small, and they say he's a late bloomer (and he is), or that he just has his mom's height. But he's fast and has good stamina, and some days it feels like he's built entirely different from his family. That the things they went through growing up just didn't apply to him. Jack and Maddie Fenton both had acne and breakouts when they hit puberty, and Jazz inherits it and he's seen the amount of skincare products she keeps on her side of the bathroom.
And then he hits puberty and breaks out maybe once or twice, but his skin stays clear for the most part and the problems and changes his dad went through just don't happen to him.
And the truth is worse than all of the lies.
How horrifying.
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#dpdc#danny fenton is a clone#clone danny fenton#clone danny#thinking about the inherent trauma that comes with growing up as a clone and not knowing and questioning everything about yourself#thinking about the amount of effort and lying that Jack and Maddie would've had to to do if they wanted to pass Danny off as their bio son#the MEDICAL RECORDS#danny's medical history is completely different from theirs. any generational health problems the waynes have would/could be passed down to#danny and he's completely oblivious to it up until the reveal. he'd have no idea about any medical risks until they hit him before that.#so many little things and inconsistencies that would just build and build and build until it finally came to a head and the truth came out#forever and ever and ever fascinated by the underlying horror of being a clone. there's a horror in being cloned but there's also a horror#in BEING a clone. like yes he could've always known from the start and that comes with its own set of issues BUT. just. him not knowing#for the longest time. the lies and deceit and betrayal. you know how adopted kids come out and talk about how they didn't know they were#adopted for the longest time and how traumatizing and betrayed they felt when they're finally told 15-20 years down the line? yeah that#i imagine finding out you're a clone is a lot like that.#i read a book in middle school once abt a girl moving to a new town with her family and getting these horrible nightmares and noticing how#everyone was acting strange around her. one of her nightmares was about the 30yo police officer being a shambling corpse talking to her#and at the end of the book she finds out she's actually the clone of a dead older sister and the police officer was her sister's boyfriend.#and she was in gymnastics but quit and her parents were so disappointed bc the og sister was a champion/award winning gymnastics player#and i never did finish the book but god am i reminded of that.#i love reading the dpxdc clone danny posts and they usually have him brush off being a clone which is literally totally fine but duUUDE#just imagine his own horror over it. its SOOO good
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At a Peak Lord Meeting
Yue Qingyuan: Shidi, why do you have a child with you?
Shang Qinghua: This is Wei Ying, he is my new son. Also if the Jiang clan asks about me, pretend you don't know me
Shen Qingqiu: Should I even ask?
Shang Qinghua: They were abusing him! If they are going to mistreat him then they don't deserve him!
Yue Qingyuan, sighing: Fine then
Shang Qinghua: When we get home I will introduce you to A-Yao, your new big brother
Wei Ying, tearing up: What about shijie and chengcheng?
Shang Qinghua: Fine, I'll kidnap them too
Yue Qingyuan: Shidi, please!
#sqh: its not kidnapping - it's forced adoption#new au: sqh adopts all the abused mdsz characters#sqh: should i confront my own family trauma?#sqh: nah - i'll just give a bunch a kids a loving home and never think about it#some demon noble: you really should get a heir#mbj looking at all kids sqh has 'adopted': i have enough#shang qinghua#airplane shooting towards the sky#wei ying#wei wuxian#yue qingyuan#shen qingqiu#mxtx#svsss#mdzs#scum villian self saving system#mo dao zu shi#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation#the untamed
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on a real note that bit near the end of the video was genuinely haunting. hearing somerton talk about how gay writers are erased from history was one thing (with all the irony being that he stepped on the backs of numerous underpaid, underprivileged and uncredited queer writers to build his youtube channel) but when h revealed it wasn't even somerton's quote in the first place? the worst, most crushing sort of irony. how do you lament about the erasure of gay people and gay writers in history... whilst erasing a gay writer and taking his words as your own?
#it's genuinely unconscionable and its given me a lot to think about#i found somerton through his video essay on killing stalking#one of my favourite psychological horrors#i was overjoyed to find someone who seemed to recognise it for the dark character study of trauma and abuse that it was#and not a love story#now all i want to do is go back to that video and search up the phrases in google#to see who really wrote those words and phrases that got to me so deeply#fuck man . what a disappointment#james somerton#hbomberguy#veetxt
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