#thinking about him talking abt her but being afraid she will hear

[xfindingtrouble]

👄 percy abt vex!

percy sits up a bit straighter, chewing the tip of his tongue as he thought of the right words. Vex had a way of swaying Percy, of reminding him of the good in this world. He could stare right into the abyss, take a step into it & she would still be able to draw him back. She had faced dragons, spninxes, even her bastard of a father & walked away with her chin held high. Vex was a beast of a woman & not even death had been able to slow her down.

Where percy could not help but simmer on the past, vex always seemed intent on moving forward, surviving & doing good when there was room for it. she made him want to change, evolve past his solitary existence. it was easy to wallow in the past, to get stuck in it. yet it was always at her back. vex made percy think he could be a better person, in the right hands. left to his own devices, he had a habit of looking to worst case scenario. anticipating gore & atrocities beyond belief. percy was particularly talented at prepetuating the horror. vex was better at taking things in stride, reminding percy that he should too.

" Sometimes you meet a person & they inspire you. " he speaks truthfully, though he's very careful. no word is chosen without purpose, a nagging paranoia in the back of his skull. he wonders if somehow she'll hear him through the walls, expose him for his sentimentality. if he was wholly honest & she found out he doubted he'd ever live it down.

vex'ahlia was, perhaps, one of the most magnificent people percy had ever had the luck of meeting. she wasn't perfect, by any means, no one was... but she had relentless strength about her. she could fight & fight & fight & still have more left to give. she was fragile, in other ways, though it was more difficult to see. there was a weight on her shoulders that came with the love she gave. it left her open, vulnerable in a way that percy is sure was supposed to be private... but he had a habit of looking for the details. it was not easy to choose good, it never would be.

but it was more than inspiration & he knew that, somewhere inside of him. for all the internal battles he fought, it was one he knew he would lose. it was a surreal thought, to think that another person could affect him so deeply... that he could want something ( someone? ) so badly. yet he could never admit to it, at least not out loud. but still, he's sure she's caught his lingering glances.

she was smart & decisive, fierce & terrifying. perhaps this is why it was so intimidating to think that she might know his truth, overhear any heartfelt confession. he was half-sure she would eat him alive if she did. he was nearly as sure that he would let her. vex knew how to read a man, how to bend them to her will & as intimidating as it was... it drew percy in. he wanted to be what she wanted, who she wanted. a hero, a friend, a lover, percy didn't care. he just wanted to be.... hers. was his face flushing now? definitely. he could feel it in his ears. he lets out a deep breath, unable to catch every racing thought that now poured into hs head. they were like fireflies in the dark, endless.

" I would die for her, " he finally admits, trying to shy away from his beating heart in different sort of dramatic confession. his next words are less careful, his mind beginning to tumble thhroug a hundred other sentiments while trying to shake the feeling at the center of it. he's going to need a drink after this, " Though I would much prefer to live for her. She is my inspiration. "

send a ‘👄 + character name’ and my muse will talk about that character

[lovlidollie]

i would absolutely love to hear you talk more abt crybaby!reader and rafes ddlg/little space dynamic💕

i’ve gotten two asks abt this so i’ll just combine them here !! this is more of a darker aspect of their dynamic, so let me know if you’d like something sweeter :) cw ; ddlg themes, subspace, manipulation (emotional and psychological), slight mention of watersports, icky rafe

i think no matter which !rafe we’re talking abt, he will always be a stickler for rules and discipline. this is probably something that’s transferred over from ward and from the way he was brought up, but he does not stand for disobedience. rafe has rules for crybaby that he expects to be followed, for example, a strict screen time limit of two hours and bedtime at 8 o’clock. if she’s acting up, being bratty or not listening, rafe gives her one chance to stop and apologise. if she doesn’t, she’s getting sent straight to timeout. crybaby hates timeout. he makes her sit at an empty corner of the room while he lectures her about how bad girls get punished. he’s got her on her knees, hands fidgeting in her lap as warm tears flow down her face. he’s so mean. he doesn’t even let her hold onto her comfort plush, says that she ‘doesn’t deserve it.’ rafe doesn’t tell crybaby how long she has to sit there. he waits until she’s wriggling around uncomfortably, knees achy and legs asleep from the position. she’s not allowed to make any noise, because that would distract rafe from his work. sometimes he’ll make her strip her clothes or remove a few pieces, and then turn the aircon up so he can watch as she shivers and shakes. he gets some fucked up sense of pleasure from seeing her completely vulnerable.

rafe needs her truely and utterly fucked over before he’s even thinking about offering any sort of comfort. he needs to make sure she’s sorry for what she’s done.

he’s not above denying her the bathroom.. watching as she struggles to stay still with her bladder full.. eventually soiling herself in front of him …

sometimes he’ll guild her towards subspace under the guise of it being for her own good, when in reality he just really. really gets off to how pliant she becomes, how soft and impressionable. he could do anything to her, and she’d let him because he was her dad. he was her everything and she would never, ever want to disappoint him. rafe encourages her dependency on him, “can’t even stand up on y’own, can y’baby? y’need dad, right?” he says things like “you’re too little f’that,” and “that’s f’big girls only,” to keep her small and floaty, just for him.

there’ll be times where crybaby doesn’t want to, where she doesn’t want to be small and stupid. but rafe’s raising his eyebrows and giving her such a scathing look she has no choice but to shrink into herself, afraid of what he’d do. “dad just wants t’take care of his girl. y’don’t want to take that away from him, do you? he’s doin’ you a favour.” rafe pretends it’s for her benefit when his hand slips under her skirt or when he slides a finger up against her lips. “just helpin’ you out, angel. ‘feels good, doesn’t it? y’feel better?” he acts like he’s won a trophy or something every time he manages to force her into the headspace.

he plants ideas in her head, trying to make her more susceptible to his words. rafe makes her believe that she needs physical contact in order to feel better. he’ll push his thick fingers into her mouth, tone cloyingly sweet when he mutters, “suck niceee ‘n slow, sweetheart. ‘f’you bite dad’ll have t’stop, ‘n you don’t want that d’you?” he’s just so — demeaning. she isn’t allowed to talk back if they’re having an argument. if she tries, rafe’s hushing her with that mocking voice of his; “uh-uh, babies don’t talk.”

he does spank her on occasion as another punishment, but the most effective one is probably the silent treatment. it really messes with crybaby’s head whenever he does this. rafe cuts her off entirely, acts as if she doesn’t even exist in the first place; it forces her to feel completely isolated and alone. she could be ugly crying and desperately begging for him to come back to her, and he’d let it go on for hours. it starts of slowly. he stops responding to her questions or looking at her when she speaks. his answers, if any, are clipped and dismissive: “don’t have time f’you right now,” “figure it out yourself.” crybaby can immediately pick up on the shift and she starts panicking. rafe removes anything that could give her comfort, her favourite plushie, her comfort blanket, her phone. if she tries to cling to him or crawl up into his lap, he’s moving away from her, deliberately keeping space between them. when it does finally end, it’s on his terms. he’s pulling her into his arms, stroking her hair gently. “there we go, there’s m’good girl. this didn’t have t’happen. if you’d jus’ listened, dad wouldn’t have to do this. you’re not gonna make him do it again, are you?”

[suskz]

Hi can you do a smut/comfort fic abt Chan or Lee know where reader is scared to take off her bra during sex bc she is insecure about having a small chest?

pairing: Minho x fem!Reader

t/w: hurt/comfort ; smut ; fluff ; nipple play ; breasts worship ; piv sex ; oral sex (f!rec) ; body insecurities ; we love all type of tits ; praise ; second time intimacy ; aftercare ; hickeys ; bites ; reader’s ex is an asshole ; dirty talk.

w/c: 3.2k

a/n: always remember, girlies, that Lino is an ass lover (and your tits are as beautiful as his in those pics, whatever size they are) (someone give that man a bra pls).

Closer to you

Mine❤️: Netflix and chill?

You: 9pm at my place?

Mine❤️: Perfect 😉

You both knew it wasn’t really going to be just Netflix and chill.

But at least you can say you tried.

You were 30 minutes into the movie when Minho’s hand started caressing your thigh, slowly moving upward.

By the 40-minute mark, you were kissing, and by 50 minutes, things had heated up. You were straddling his lap, rocking your hips back and forth without a set rhythm, while his strong hands guided your movements, fingers sinking into your skin.

Right now, neither of you even realize the movie is still playing on the TV, too absorbed in each other.

Your boyfriend’s hands roam over your body for the second time, still unfamiliar with the warmth of your soft skin beneath his fingers.

His breath is hot on your neck. You moan softly, arching your back as he kisses you deeply.

His breathing grows heavier as he barely brushes the tips of his fingers along your inner thigh, inching dangerously close to your core, still covered by your underwear, that throbs in anticipation— only for him to pull away, denying you his touch.

He sits you on the bed, and you’re facing each other as his wet lips tease the delicate skin of your neck, occasionally sucking gently.

You’re so lost in the feel of his lips and the warmth of his breath on your skin that you don’t even notice his hands wandering along your back— until you hear the click of your bra being unhooked.

You immediately realize, your eyes flying open as you pull away from him. He pauses, confused, while your hands dart to cover the cups of your bra to keep it from slipping off. That’s when he realizes.

“I’m sorry,” he immediately apologizes, instinctively shifting slightly on the bed to put some distance between you. “I should’ve asked you first, I’m sorry.” His eyes avoid meeting yours.

You let out a silent, shaky breath and close your eyes for a moment.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.” You say in a quiet voice. Part of you wants to do everything to make him feel better; the other part… can’t. You can’t because you can’t take off your bra for him.

But when his eyes meet yours again and then he notices your hands so protectively covering your chest, his expression hardens a little.

Because you’re in an intimate situation together, a moment where you should demonstrate complete trust in each other, yet you don’t seem to trust him enough to fully show your body. And why is that?

He feels guilty for acting before asking, because it’s the second time for him too, and he wants to show you respect every second you’re together and make sure you enjoy everything you do, building a safe space for you. But at the same time, you don’t seem to feel safe with him right now, and that hurts him.

“You don’t want to take it off?” The words come out harsher than he intended.

It’s okay to want to see your girlfriend’s body, right?

“I think it’s sexier this way, you know?” You grin, tentatively pulling down the cups of your padded bra to reveal more skin. “See?” You give him a lustful look, but your gaze falters when you see that he’s not convinced by your words at all.

He tentatively moves closer to you, brushing his hands over your hips ever so gently, as if he’s afraid he might break you into a thousand pieces, his hands trembling slightly. “We can try something like that,” he promises, “But right now, I’d like to see you, to see your beautiful body fully. I want to touch every inch of skin I’m allowed to,” he breathes against your lips. His hands rest on your back near the straps of your bra, touching them gently with his fingers. “Can I?” he whispers, looking into your eyes.

You can’t resist that gaze. You sigh and look away.

“What’s wrong?” He pulls back, already having sensed that something’s off, “You can tell me.”

One thing Minho has learned from your relationship is that communication is key: something you’ve taught him and something you’ve worked on a lot, and it’s in moments like this that he realizes just how important that is.

You take a deep breath. “Can you fasten my bra?” you ask gently. You’d feel more comfortable if it was closed, instead of having to hold it with your hands.

He nods and moves closer to you, wrapping his arms around your chest to fasten it, leaning in slightly to get a better view of your back.

You avoid his gaze. “I’m afraid you won’t like them when you see them,” you admit softly, hoping he won’t hear. “I don’t want them to be a turn-off for you.” You say, embarrassed.

“Why would you say that?” he asks, incredulous. “Why would you think I wouldn’t like them?”

If he had something else to add, you don’t let him continue. You let out a frustrated sigh because he just doesn’t get it. “They’re small, Min,” you snap. “All you see is the padding from the bra. There’s nothing underneath.”

Yours is a warning, a question: “Are you really sure you want to see?”

And he’s truly shocked and confused. It’s not because he wants more from you or is unhappy with what you’ve shared— no; he simply didn’t expect it.

Maybe he stays still in his thoughts for a second too long, because your hurt voice snaps him back. “I can always keep the bra on, like I said.”

That’s how you felt with your ex after he complained about “not being able to touch or feel anything” and how “guys like boobs, you know? The bra makes them look bigger at least.”

Your eyes lift to your boyfriend when you hear him sigh in relief. “That’s why you didn’t want to take it off? You had me thinking the worst.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head, “Don’t apologize.” He takes your hands in his in a comforting gesture, “Listen, I don’t care if your breasts are small, big, or even nonexistent— they’re not the only thing that matters,” he declares. “And that goes for any other part of your body. I don’t love you for your body, baby. I love your body because I love you,” he explains. “You never have to be afraid of showing yourself to me for who you are, no matter what. I love and will always love every part of you; never doubt that.”

Tears well up in your eyes, but you hold them back, not wanting to cry in this moment. He smiles at you with eyes full of affection, cupping your cheeks in his hands and tenderly stroking your cheekbones with his thumbs. You place your hands over his. “You mean that? Are you sure?”

“More sure than I’ve ever been.” He chuckles softly.

You nod. “Okay.”

When he kisses you again, it’s initially slow, and you melt into it. It’s so simple, so familiar, but at the same time new. Because this time, there’s that trust you didn’t think you were ready to give him.

And yet, here you are.

Reaching behind you, you unfasten your bra and sit up on your knees. He gently guides you onto his lap. “You do it.” You tell him, and he nods.

His fingers lightly trace your arm, moving up to softly grasp the straps, slowly sliding them down your shoulders.

There’s something so intimate about this —about you finally letting him see all of you, letting him undress you in a way that whispers your complete trust in him— that his cock almost twitches in his pants.

And it actually does twitch when he finally gets to see them. And fuck, he thinks he’s never been more in love with you than he is right now —or more turned on, for that matter.

He stares, admiring them for what feels like an eternity to you. Your cheeks burn as you feel his fingers inching closer. “Can I?” he whispers, his voice a quiet plea hiding a deep need and desperation to touch you.

A simple “yes” is all it takes, and his hands and lips are on you, caressing and kissing every inch of skin as if it’s the last time he’ll ever get to feel you. Yet, he remains gentle, slow, tender.

His tongue brushes your nipple once, and the moan that escapes you has his brain short-circuiting.

He pulls away from you and gently lays you down on the bed, looking at every part of you. Your hands itch with the need to cover yourself, but you keep them in place.

He looks at you with dreamy eyes. “You’re beautiful,” he says, lowering himself onto you and kissing your collarbone. “Stunning,” he kisses the skin just above your nipples. “Fuck, you turn me on so much, you have no idea.”

You place your hands on his muscular chest and slowly slide them down, grazing his nipples with your fingers and touching his abs, caressing the scar he’s so insecure about but that you find hot on his body, tracing his V-line before reaching the erection trapped in his boxers.

“I think I have an idea.” You chuckle, stroking him a couple of times before pulling your hand away.

“Let me show you, so you have more than just an idea, hmm?” His lips curl into a mischievous grin.

“And how would you do that? Tell me.” You tease him.

“Oh?” He’s surprised by your playfulness, but he’d be lying if he said his dick didn’t twitch at that. “I’ll fuck you so that you won’t be able to sit down without thinking about me for a while,” he whispers in your ear, his voice low and sensual. “I want to make you lose control on my dick; go so deep that all the bad thoughts leave your beautiful little head, take away all your worries; I want to make you cry.” Your pussy throbs with anticipation.

You weren’t expecting this. Fuck, he sounds like an expert.

“Do it,” you suddenly feel on the verge of begging. “Fuck me, Min.” Your sudden desperation is so embarrassing, but this is the least of your problems right now.

And he doesn’t need to be told twice. He pulls your panties off so quickly you fear they might’ve ripped from the hurried motion.

His lips are on yours, filled with desire. His fingers caress your pussy, then slide two fingers from your clit down to your entrance, where he teases you a little before inserting one finger. He moans into your mouth when he feels how already stretched you are.

“I fingered myself this afternoon,” you admit shyly, “I’m stretched enough for you. Come on, Min— put it in.” You beg.

Minho thinks he’s about to lose the last bit of control he has left. He desperately wants to ask you to explain in detail how you do it, what you think about while doing it, to show him; but right now, you’re both far too impatient.

‘Another time’, he thinks.

His cock slowly enters you, drawing a long, stifled moan from both of you, and Minho has to fight the urge to move to give you a little time to adjust to the intrusion. But you don’t need that.

“You can— you can move. I’m ready. Please.” You beg, your breath heavy, but he needs to check on you a bit more before actually starting to move.

His moans are perhaps louder than yours at first, his cock continuously twitching as it bottoms out completely, before thrusting back in quickly.

Your breathing is heavy. His thrusts aren’t too fast or hard; they feel more controlled, and you love it.

“D-does it feel good?” Minho asks, maybe a little shyly, and you smile and nod.

One of your hands reaches for his next to your head, and you wrap your fingers around his wrist. “Yes, feels good.” You sigh.

He seems relieved by your answer, and you find it so sweet. He has opened up to you before, telling you he didn’t want to disappoint you in bed, but you reassured him it wouldn’t happen. And right now, you’re more sure than ever of your words.

His hand intertwines with yours, which was softly gripping his wrist, and his hips begin to pick up speed.

His eyes are fixed lovingly on yours, and he doesn’t seem to have any intention of looking away. He wants to capture every single expression of pleasure on your face and etch them into his memory. You’re just so beautiful.

“Your body is like… anatomically perfect.” It takes him a few seconds to realize what he just said, and when he does, his hips freeze. His face flushes even redder, and he hides his face against your chest. Where did that even come from?

There’s a brief silence, making him want to pull away and run, but then you giggle softly and look at him with tenderness. “Thank you?” It comes out sounding more like a question.

You bring your free hand to the back of his head, threading your fingers through his hair and lifting his face before pulling it closer to yours, making your lips connect.

It’s sweet, as he kisses you shyly while your hand strokes his hair. This seems to make him feel better, because shortly after, his shyness fades, and his tongue enters your mouth, eager.

His hips start moving again, this time faster and needier.

His lips pull away from yours and begin kissing along your jaw, trailing down to your neck. You tilt your head to give him more room, and he takes a patch of skin into his mouth to suck. Small moans escape your lips and your pussy tightens around his dick, making him moan in return.

He glances at the mark he just left and smirks, giving it one last kiss that makes you hiss.

He then starts kissing your chest. He kisses the skin of your tits, deliberately avoiding your nipples, kissing and licking around them, brushing the spot where you want him the most. Your breath hitches every time he gets close to your buds.

“Min.” You breathe through your teeth, and finally, Minho decides to please you, wrapping his lips around your hard nipple. He sucks eagerly, moving his tongue back and forth quickly. He pulls his lips away, gives it a fat lick, and sucks on it for just a second.

You tighten your grip in his hair.

Minho gasps, “Wan’ to mark them.” He says, groans.

“Do it.” Your words draw a strangled moan from him. “D-do it, Min.”

That shatters the last bit of composure he had left. He sinks his teeth into your shoulder hard, drawing a little blood, and then moves to your breast.

He wraps his lips around a nipple, but this time, he bites down on the skin around it, leaving the mark of his teeth —his presence— and sucks on several patches of skin around it, leaving purple bruises that make you fucking cry out in pleasure.

You’ve never been touched in that part of your body this way, not even by yourself. Minho is the first to have the honor of touching you, feeling you in his hands and mouth, and it’s the thought of that that suddenly brings him very close to his climax.

Minho hides his face in the crook of your neck. “God, your pussy’s so tight ‘n wet.”

You feel his heavy, warm breath against your skin, his mind now focused solely on the sensation of your wet, welcoming cunt.

“Baby,” he calls you, his voice strained.

“Yes?” You breathe.

“I’m going to come.” It’s so cute, really, the way he says it— a sweet, trembling whisper. He’s a little embarrassed and sorry he can’t make you come first, but you’ve already reassured him that it’s okay.

“It’s okay, baby, go ahead.” Your eyes narrow, and you moan as his movements grow faster and harder inside you. You feel his gasps and moans directly in your ear, absorbing every sound.

When you feel his movements becoming sloppier, you know he’s seconds away from coming, so you clench around him on purpose, and he spills with a strangled groan.

It takes him a couple of minutes to recover, leaning on you while trying to steady his breath. You stroke his back and whisper words of praise in his ear until he finds the strength to lift himself back up.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“You didn’t come.” He explains.

“It’s okay, Min, really—” you don’t even have time to finish before he moves down, positioning his face above your heat, his hungry eyes locked on it before shifting back to you with the same intense gaze.

“My girl will come, whether it’s on my dick or my tongue.” He proceeds to give a long lick from your dripping entrance all the way to the tip of your core.

You hide your burning face behind your hands. “Min!” You scold him, embarrassed by his words now that they’re said outside the heat of the moment.

He chuckles softly as he spreads your legs wide with his hands.

Just a few minutes later, your hands grip his hair as you ride your high on his tongue, moaning without worrying about who might hear you.

After wiping his face clean of your juices and doing his best to clean you up with wet wipes, he climbs into bed to hold you, intertwining his legs with yours.

“How do you feel?” he asks, gently caressing your arm.

“Good,” you reply, content and satisfied.

“Sorry for the bites,” he says, apologetic, looking at the mark he left on your shoulder, where tiny drops of blood are visible. “I didn’t realize I was hurting you like that.” You can hear the pout in his voice.

“It’s okay, it didn’t hurt,” you giggle. “I actually liked it. I’m fine.” He nods, relieved by your words. “I’m just a little sleepy.” You murmur, your voice thick with drowsiness, feeling your eyes close despite your will.

Your boyfriend gets up so quickly that you immediately open your eyes again. “No, it’s not time to sleep yet.” He lifts you and sits you on the edge of the bed.

“Min, come on!” you protest, but he simply hands you a water bottle from the nightstand.

“You need to drink, pee, and then we have to shower.”

After you finish drinking, you close the bottle and fall back onto the bed. “Tomorrow!” You close your eyes in protest. But he scoops you up bridal style, making you open your eyes and cling to him as he carries you to the bathroom.

You huff and pout, but he chuckles and gives you a quick kiss on the lips before sitting you on the toilet.

“This is embarrassing.” You mutter as he turns on the hot water in the shower.

“It doesn’t have to be, my love,” he winks at you before stepping out, and you stick your tongue out at him once he can no longer see you. “I’m getting some ice for the bites. When I come back, I want to see you in the shower!”

And you just know that you already love him so much.

[lu-is-not-ok]

Hello! Just wanted to say that I've been reading your posts and analyses for awhile now, and I really enjoy them! So, I also thought of sharing a sort of theory of mine, bc I'm very interested in hearing what you might think about it.

For starters, these lines from Jia Xichun are very intriguing:

«No amount of pain could wake it from... whatever this dazed state it's in. As you can see...»

«... it must've been long driven mad from pain. Reminds you of the tricks from back home that could induce such an effect, doesn't it? Big brother.»

For two reasons. 1. This is the first time (iirc) in the story where Hong Lu doesn't reply and stays silent and seemingly uneasy; 2. The fact that this "dazed state" as it is described actually kind of reminds of Hong Lu's usual behavior a bit?

To elaborate, after her lines the attention was drawn back to the Priest, and his face was described as "serene". And who's facial expression was also described in a similar manner, precisely, with a literal synonym? Of course, Hong Lu, during the TKT Intervallo:

«The culprit wasn't the only one who suddenly began to behave strangely. Hong Lu did, too.»

«His face relaxed into a tranquil look, as though he was ready to let something go.

... Or perhaps... that was an express of liberation.»

And also to mention how the Priest started reminiscing similarly to how Hong Lu tells stories about his family (but idk, I'm afraid I am starting to reach even harder for this😭)

All in all, my theory, if you can call it that, is that perhaps those "tricks from back home" where actually performed on Hong Lu. This could potentially explain his constant aloofness, his reaction to Xichun's words (she brought up some of his traumatic memories?), and why exactly he has one of the most deranged IDs — because he has already been long driven mad from pain.

I really hope I worded this well enough, and I don't know if I sound like a lunatic or if I actually cooked something when I was thinking abt this at 2 am. And well, I'm also probably not the first one to think of this. But anyways, still thought this is worth bringing up!

Well, I hope you enjoy the Xichun Sin Analysis I just posted earlier then! That being said, there is something interesting I want to bring up with regards to this theory you pose, as it's tangentially related to the bits you reference and also it's been sitting in my head for a while now.

First point - I definitely agree that when Xichun brings up the "tricks" that can leave people in a similar state to the Priest, it's something Hong Lu has experienced himself.

We see Hong Lu has a tendency to avoid topics that bother him at all cost, like how he actively tries to redirect conversations in Hell's Chicken when he's being questioned regarding what he thinks could lead him into Distorting and when he senses Meursault is about to verbally lay into him. It's a tactic he employs very often as a distraction from the weirder things he says.

Interestingly enough, I believe Canto 7 is the first time we see Hong Lu avoid topics not through redirection, but through shutting down. That interaction you brought up isn't the first time in the Canto that he's rendered speechless either. In part 1, he's shown to respond with silence when both Rodya and Sinclair comment on their dislike of Xichun, being seemingly uncomfortable with the way they're talking about her.

And then there's a scene even earlier on in Part 1 that left a really, really major impression on me. Which. I can talk about now!

This, I believe, is the first time in Canto 7 where we see Hong Lu properly shut down in response to something. Something about what Xichun has said made him completely stop what he was doing earlier. His entire approach to the conversation changes in this moment. Earlier on he was excitedly asking questions, trying to give advice and gather information, but after this moment, Hong Lu is rendered completely passive, his lines being reduced to only responding to Xichun is saying in a very... honestly weird way.

It's not obvious in the transcript by itself, but his tone is... odd, compared to the way he was speaking earlier. In addition to that, every expression Hong Lu has during this conversation after this point are ones that actively have him not looking at Xichun, either using his closed eyes sprite or looking to the side sprite.

This moment struck me very, very heavily the first time I got to it in my plathrough. Part of it is because of the weird unnatural shift Hong Lu's behavior takes in this moment that I wasn't even consciously noticing until a reread. The other part is that the exact words Xichun says to Hong Lu that triggers this are ones that reminded me of something very specific in Dream of the Red Chamber.

There is a chapter fairly early on in Hong Lu's source novel that I can only describe as Bao-yu being verbally and emotionally abused by his father for the entire chapter. His father takes Bao-yu along as he shows off his garden to his acquaintances, and every time Bao-yu speaks up, whether by being prompted to or on his own, his father chastises him excessively. I don't remember the exact words, but the framing is pretty clear about the fact that Bao-yu's father sees his son's behavior as being a source of embarassment to himself in front of his acquaintances.

The kind of abuse shown in that chapter is downright stomach-churning in how realistically it is potrayed. It's genuinely upsetting and one of the main reasons I was unable to continue reading much further past that point.

I don't think it's a coincidence that Project Moon decided the thing that made Hong Lu have a shift in his behavior was being told him being himself is a cause of embarassment for someone else in his family. ...And I think Xichun's immediate reaction shows she realizes what is happening as well. It's very telling she doesn't bring up Hong Lu 'not getting better since the last time they've met' until this moment.

Because I don't think the thing he hasn't gotten better from is his upbeat, naive attitude. I believe it's his trauma response he's exhibiting right here. To become passive, downright submissive, and simply take everything that's being dealt to him without objections.

...Which segues nicely into the second point! Because the 'serene daze' shown on the Priest? The tranquility and peace Hong Lu exhibits in TKT, which is outright called out as strange by Dante? I believe it's the exact same as the trauma response I highlighted earlier. It's the immediate instinct to just lay down and take the pain because trying to fight back would only prolong the suffering.

The line about that expression being potentially "an express of liberation" is very telling. On the one hand, this Canto only further cements the fact that Hong Lu is just as passively suicidal as Yi Sang was before going through Canto 4. On the other, it directly ties back to Hong Lu potentially believing that the less resistance he shows, the sooner he'll be freed from suffering.

I already briefly went insane over the following line in a seperate post, but it feels extremely important to bring it up in here as well.

This line. This. Fucking. Line. Directly creates parallels between Oblivion and Naivete, drawing parallels between Donqui/Sancho and Hong Lu. And it's not that hard to see why.

We see that Donqui/Sancho's choice to embrace Oblivion, to completely try and erase her former identity and fall into a dream is motivated by her wishing to escape her reality, to stop thinking about the bloodshed and violence.

This line, and what we see of how Hong Lu acts throughout this Canto, is making it clear that Hong Lu's naive attitude, his constant willingness to assume the best of everyone around him, is just another part of his trauma response I've pointed out earlier.

It's how he escapes the violence he's been subjected to, the reality he's been living in. After all, the explanation he gives for why he wasn't afraid when the Time Killer tried to kill him... is because he understands why people want to hurt him. He didn't fight back when his siblings tried to kill him, because he knew why they would want to do that.

Because he tries to assume the best of everyone, tries to understand the reasons they do what they do, tries to be naively innocent, he's able to accept the pain and let it happen. Because if he can't, if he's forced to face none of what was done to him was justified... Well...

...This is where I would like to jump off and go on a tangent about my own theory. You see, you bring up the story the Priest starts telling to compare it to how Hong Lu acts with his anecdotes, but I think there's something much deeper going on with that story. Look at how the Priest begins it.

It's very clear the story he's telling is him directly comparing someone among the Sinners to Lorenzo, the Bloodfiend he's talking about. Dante's narration doesn't specify who the Priest means, as they only mentioned that "He looked at us", but it's clear from his words that he means a Single Specific Person here.

On my initial readthrough I assumed this was about Donqui, as this is her Canto after all, but... I no longer believe that's the case. In fact, I believe that the Sinner being used as a parallel to Lorenzo here is Hong Lu.

Let me give my evidence first.

One - We know the Priest, even in his daze, still recognizes Donqui as Sancho. The way he ends off his story says as much.

It's clear from his words and his actions that he's actively blaming Sancho for what happened to Lorenzo, and what he believes has happened to Cassetti as well. This would align with the feelings all of the named Kindreds we mett express towards her. So, to me at least, it's clear that the Priest wouldn't compare Sancho to Lorenzo in a way he has here.

Two - The framing of the scene and what follows later puts a lot of focus on Hong Lu.

Hong Lu is extremely present during this scene. Not only is the Priest compelled to share the story right after we see Hong Lu shut down at what Xichun has said, but the CG that follows his story inexplicably includes Hong Lu in it, listening intently.

And not only that, but soon after the Priest is taken away and Sansón tells another story, we get the moment of Donqui telling Dante she thinks it's Hong Lu's turn in the Golden Bough horrors.

If this were a game made by anyone else, I would take this as a self-aware joke pointing fun at how much focus Hong Lu has gotten in a Canto that's not his and move on. But this isn't anyone else.

This is Project Moon, who have a very Notable Track Record of hiding extremely important reveals and foreshadowing in one-off lines during comedic moments, especially in Limbus. See Canto 2 and Hell's Chicken. I genuinely believe the reason this joke exists here is to draw our attention not only to the parallels between Donqui/Sancho and Hong Lu, but also to the moments where Hong Lu is already the focus.

Three - The phrasing the Priest uses to refer to whoever he's comparing to Lorenzo.

The way he addresses this person and the rest of the group is very interesting, as there's emphasis put on his choice of the word "friends" to describe them. This feels important, as earlier on, in Part 1, Hong Lu himself denies Xichun's assessment that the Sinners are his faction, deliberately calling them his friends. Just like here the Priest calls the people accompanying the one he's directing the story at their friends.

So... what does that all mean for Hong Lu to be directly compared to Lorenzo? Well, let's take a quick look at what Lorenzo's story is.

Lorenzo is initially described as a Bloodfiend filled with positivity, to the point that the Priest thinks he didn't have anything to actually confess for. We see him think the way he's able to eat so many hemobars in one sitting as impressive, seeming completely oblivious to the the fact it's a clear sign the hemobars do nothing for Bloodfiends nutritionally.

This attitude completely changes however after Lorenzo tastes blood for the first time. He completely loses himself to obsession, spending hours licking a syringe just to be able to taste it. He completely loses his hope in the hemobars, having the drastic realization they do nothing, and lamenting how much longer he has to keep on living like this.

The story ends with the Priest remarking that after that shift, the only time he had seen Lorenzo genuinely happy was when he was about to be buried alive, when his head and brain were already completely decimated to the point he should be dead.

This... is already a lot.

Lorenzo's initial attitude, his positivity and naive belief that the hemobars are good despite the evidence to the contrary, are extremely close to how Hong Lu is right now. Upbeat, oblivious, always assuming the best of others. Hong Lu's passively suicidal tendencies could also track to Lorenzo's ending, how it's clear that Hong Lu is extremely willing to accept his own death.

...And then there's the whole middle of that story. There's a lot of different things this could be foreshadowing for Hong Lu's arc, but one thing is clear - he's not going to stay his upbeat self forever.

Every hint we've had about Hong Lu thus far. The implication he knows there's something that could make him distort all the way back in Hell's Chicken. The way we're told this Canto that Hong Lu's eye is dimming right after he comments how Donqui's twinkling eyes show she's "lucid", or living completely detached from reality. And then this, him being directly compared to a story of a Bloodfiend who upon finally being hit with reality begins to spiral and completely lose all his hope.

It all points to the idea that Hong lu will be forced to face his reality. To understand that his hemobars do jack shit and always have, that perhaps his family have never truly cared for him. And that realization could very well be the thing that finally breaks him.

I mean, his IDs already point to it, no? After all, Fanghunt Lu, possibly the most violent and deranged Hong Lu ID released thus far, one released alongside this part mind you, is shown to be actively thinking about and doubting the nature of family. "What even is a real family, I wonder?"

I'm just saying, if there's any Sinner who deserves to go utterly apeshit in their Canto, it would be Hong Lu. Let. My guy. Break Everything.

[sleepybugeyes]

I read through all of Elias/Jonah's dialogue (as you do) plus some relistening and mentions of him, so here's a big list of some fun things and behaviors I noted!

I thought he made a lot of eye puns/jokes, but he only does it once in mag161, however he does enjoy making jokes. "Creativity never was their forte." from mag80, "You want my account? My sworn testimony? My statement?" from 82, "If you die, I’m afraid you probably won’t be able to claim your expenses." in 116 and "I only have two eyes, after all." in 120. no one ever laughs at his jokes only he finds them amusing

His last words telling Jon a sarcastic or mocking "good luck" are mirrored earlier as he also tells Basira good luck the last time he sees her, and Martin, as he's getting arrested

He loves gloating. "I forget how new you all are to this." from mag92, "Coffee is not as good for disguising tastes as you might think." in 98, "She’s hoping that even if I see it coming she’ll still be able to overpower me. She’s wrong, of course," in 102, "A masterpiece, isn’t it?" abt his panopticon in 158 and of course his whole monologue in 160

He does his budgeting on tuesdays and his scheduling on wednesdays

He also likes getting lost in work

in mag40 he makes up proper incompetency (said he didnt know how the fire system works, while he later admits he was actively waiting) just that once, but more so he acts like he doesnt get the full picture (doesnt know whats in the tunnels, whats strange about the institute) or acts too late and apologises (not stepping into jon's stalking behaviour). Which makes me think he is quite fine letting people think less of him but unless he has something to hide hes not actively looking to give the impression

in mag92 elias slides the papers for basira across his desk, but you don't hear him take them out before, meaning he prepared and got ready for this before he called the police

in general he's a very preparing man, Lukas steps in when Elias is arrested so has has control over who'd run it. in mag118 he says he prepared something to hurt martin (my speculation is that he likely has some trauma that could hurt you prepared for any person that could cross him, just in case he needs it). When he gets arrested he has something prepared so he doesnt get killed and ofc s1-4 is preparing Jon for his grand ritual

Elias admits the idea for his ritual kinda fell into place after Getrude didnt do anything about the people's church in march 2015. He shot Getrude and appointed Jon shortly after so "when you came to me already marked by the Web, I knew it had to be you." is pure dramatics as Jon was hired 4 years prior

also he got his ritual in 2018 so he managed to acomplish his life's goal in only 3 years, love his grindset 🔥

We never get a number for how many people Elias has killed in his ritual, the real life millbank has held over 1000 people at once, but id imagine his one panopticon held less than a whole complex

its really interesting to me in mag92 that hes SO sure they all know he's talking to them of his own free will. is he just that dead set on being in control or making sure they take no credit for his confession

there is a clock in Elias' office (but it's only heard in mag98)

He has killed people but Elias is very much not a blood thirsty person. Getrude and Peter are both surprised when he results to that. He's very much just ruthless and does not care, if to get his way he has to kill someone. It doesnt seem like he's ever happy to do so, maybe this is a quirk of being eye aligned and getting rid of any type of knowledge is painful (he does for example never want Tim to die at the Unknowing), or he just finds covering those murders up a hassle

for the Unknowing Elias books them all hotel rooms, how thoughtful

something cute to me that Jon was too good at the Eye that Elias couldnt meet him face to face post coma

In mag158 he implies that even Institute employees not in the archives are tied to it, at least enough that they could suffer or die if it burned down

between finding other people just as tools to watch and discard and saying empathy holds you back he was definitely a very very lonely man

He is a very breathy person. He sounds breathy when he talks. He takes deep breaths to ready himself and before he uses his powers. And he often breathes through his nose before speaking or during pauses

He has said Jon's name 62 times, only twice calling him "Jonathan" and called him archivist 25 times (24 in the mag120 statement, 1 in mag138 and 1 in mag161)(he also kinda calls him The Archive in 160)

other fun amount of words: know (65 times), see (42), martin (35), detective (20), eyes (20) and eye (9), afraid (9) and "bullshit" (1)

its still insane to me they added all of those sound effects of Elias' cuffs in prison, thats something fun to appreciate. It also means its canon he gestures quite a bit!

[noodlewritez]

Hello!!! Discovered u recently and im already loving ur work♥️

Can u write a smut fanfiction of Dave sneaking up in the bimbo!reader room with his Kick-Ass suit(bc she fantasises abt Kick-Ass pounding her at her room), he has to sneak in her room because her house has alarms for intruders in the front door(also her parents arent home.. soooo---😜😜) ifykyk..

Something hot like him being a bit of a munch, tit-lover and a sub..

And the suit and mask stays own!!!

Hope that makes sense and reading that out loud, i realise how i am a SLUT for him

The mask stays on

Pairings: Dave Lizewski x Bimbo!Fem!reader

Warnings: long, (i'm sorry), smut, oral, cussing, a ticket to poundtown etc etc

A/N: Thank you so much for loving my work! I am so sorry this took so long i have been so very busy😔

When you first saw that clip of Kick-ass defending that other man, late at night, something in you awoke at his voice, the way he spoke, the mask, oddly enough. Oof. You've got a crush on kick-ass.

One night, you sit in your room, the only light being your laptop in front of you, music playing as you bite your lip and start a message to Kick-ass' Myspace.

'Kick-ass, i might need some help with something'

No.

'Kick-ass, i need to talk to you...something personal.'

You smirk as you send the message and your address, biting your lip harder than before, Hoping he would show tonight, you get up amd change your panties to a hot pink thong that wasn't afraid to show itself

You hear a knock on your window, staying up to see if he would show up tonight and here he was. You smirked as you got up from your bed and opened the window. "Oh, Kick-ass...Thank god, you're here." You feign worry as he climbs in.

He deepens his voice and you internally roll your eyes. "What's the problem, ma'am?" He asks, his eyes darting to your thong then to your tits in your push-up bra in the playboy tank top. "Well..."

You sink to your knees. "Do you think you could help me...hero?" His mouth drops, nodding frantically, his eyes going back to your tits as you fishing him out of the suit. His dick springs out. Jesus...Christ...He has to be at least 8 inches. You look at him in disbelief and he smiles, finding it amusing. You push him back against your desk and he grips onto the edge as you begin by sucking on his pink tip, looking up at him through your eyelashes. "Fuck..." He groans. You choke on it, pulling back and spitting on your tits just for his pleasure and boy, did he find it amusing. He gasps, you feel him twitch and he almost doubles over at the sight. A virgin, no doubt.

You smirk as you continue taking him down your throat, occasionally gagging. You knew he was about to cum when his fingers turn white, gripping your desk with all his might, clenching his eyes shut. "Sh-Shit-Gonna cum-"

"Please cum for me, be a good boy, spill your kids down my throat." You encourage and he holds himself back, pulling away from your warm throat. "Can i-Can I fuck you-?…you are so hot..." He pants. You stand up, kissing him, giving him the answer.

He kisses you in a rush, his hands staying at his side as you have to guide them to the small of your back. His face gets hot and red. "Y-Your parents.." He breaks away from your kiss. "Not home." You sit on the bed as he gets down on his knees. "They gonna be home anytime soon?" You shake your head as you lay down on your back and he nods, getting to work. Darting his tongue out, licking your folds then making his way up to your clit, sucking on it, making your eyes roll back and clutch your leopard print sheets. "Yes! Yes, Kick-ass!" You feel him smirk as he puts his tongue flat against your clit, licking back and forth. His hands come up to your chest, feeling up your huge tits, rubbing his fingers over your sensitive nipples, taking it all in like the good boy he is.

He hikes your knees over his shoulders, getting more comfortable and using his whole hands to squeeze at your tits. "God, I'm gonna cum...Kick-ass..." You warn in your whiny voice, squealing and holding onto your sheets as you cum, him licking up all of it. You sit up, kissing him again, panting against his cracked lips and taking your playboy tank top off in one swift motion, breaking the kiss to pull it over your shoulders.

You lay down on your stomach, arching on all fours at the foot of your bed in your pink thong. You turn around and look at him, gesturing to come to you. "Gonna beg to fuck me then not do it? Condoms are in the vanity drawer" You tease, winking. He gets up quickly, sliding the drawer open and grabbing a condom. He crawls back on the bed, sliding it onto himself smoothly then taking his time peeling the thong off of your ass almost like he's unwrapping it carefully.

As soon as it slides down your glass thighs, he quietly gasps, biting his lip and smirking. "Can I-?" He asks and you know what he's implying. "Fuck me like an animal, kick-ass." You sway all of your hair onto your left shoulder, leaving your right one bare while you lay your head down, ass still up. He slowly slides into your wet heat and leans down over you, his hands digging into the bed and keeping you in place as he starts to pound into you. You feel him hit that one fucking good spot, moaning and grabbing at his forearm, nails digging into the skin. "Fuck..!" You cry.

He looks down at your slobbering pussy dripping all over the blankets, panting. "That feel good?" He asks you, fucking you harder than before, his tip hitting your g-spot over and over again. "Fuck yeah it does." He starts going faster, a little bit harder; a panting mess above you. "Fuck your pussy's so tight." He mumbles, screwing his eyes shut and fucking you faster, his hands flying to your hips, starting to use you as a sex toy. "Yes! Yes, yes, yes, Kick-ass, right there!" You whine, throwing your head down against the bed as you cum all over his hard cock, the rest dripping down onto the bed.

He feels you squeeze the cum out of him and his eyes roll back and he cums right then and there, spilling into the condom. He buries himself deeper and catches himself on his hands, leaning his weight on them. "Fuck, you are so fucking good." He pants out.

"We should do this more often..." You lift your head from the bed and reply. He lazily smiles at you, promising that to you right then and there.

"Fuck yeah."

[whorediaries-09]

ok so i had a thought, i want to write this but im not sure if its good, what if reader was like no. 1 ambassador of hookup culture and remus was an old-school hopeless romantic and these two would be like best friends and remus would like take her home while she's drunk and everything and one day they both just talk really flirtily while being tipsy and kiss on the road and fuck and start to date but then remus gets insecure abt whether reader thinks he's just a fling but then reader tell him i love you while being piss-drunk and vomits on his jacket right after and he just knows it was meant to be?

wolfstar variant you say?

burning flames or paradise;

pairing- remus lupin x reader warning(s)- hurt/comfort, substances. a/n- i left out the vomiting part cause it kind of gives me the icks. sorry!

little train.

'you didn't kiss me,' you say, pouting your lips. the taste of cherry wine lingers on your tongue. his amber eyes stare into yours, hot breathe craning your neck. amongst the drunk giggles of your friends and the party background, your ears stay perked solely for his words.

'you're too drunk,' he says, half bored, half bemused. it was no tell tale or word of mouth that you were flirty with literally everyone. the 'femme fatale'. the 'brand ambassador of hookup culture'. those were the nicknames that were notoriously famous for you during your school days.

but not once had you ever flirted with him. until tonight, when the cherry wine was high on your tongue, your words not in your control. he tried to reach out for the glass in your hands. you laughed, the sound contagious as always, pulling the glass away from his reach. he watches the liquid swirl before he stares into the glossiness of your eyes.

'won't you kiss me, lupin?' he shakes his head.

'why should i kiss you?'

you flatter your eyelashes, puckering your lips. as if asking for something. he's afraid he's way too sure about what you want.

and he might have just given it to you if you weren't so pissed drunk.

'because you don't actually want me to kiss you.'

you put the glass on the table. resting your back on the pillar behind you. he walks closer to you, so that he can hear you over the barring noise of the speaker.

'i think, lupin, its rather the other way around. its you who doesn't want to kiss me. you treat your mouth as if it's heaven's gate,'

'why should i kiss you anyways?' he asked. 'i don't remember us being in a relationship of that sort.'

you stick out your tongue, blowing a raspberry at him.

'at least take me home?'

*-

the lights in your apartment are revolting and far too loud. the dopamine of last night still lingers. so does the ever present feeling of headache after a lot too many drinks. you rush through the drawers of your nightstand, searching for painkillers. otherwise you fear, you might just burst your head.

your eyes fall on a glass full of water, a coaster used as a lid to cover it. on top, there's a sachet of pills and a note with scribbled with a handwriting you recognize all too well.

you take the pills, sliding the note from between the wood and the glass.

'you fell asleep by the time i brought you home. take these pills. i know you'll need them.- love, lupin.'

the sunlight filtered through your curtains. a strange figment of fear crossed your heart, boiling it with trepid heat. you realized you'd fallen for your friend a few weeks ago-at least had a little crush on him.

you took the pills, chugging down the water. your drunk memories flashed in your head like a film. the faded memory of you asking him for a kiss popped in your mind. so did the one with him declining the offer.

did you mess up your friendship? god you hated yourself.

you crammed your face into the pillow, muffling your scream.

*-

remus was surprised when he found you at your doorstep, wearing the scarf he'd knitted you on your birthday, flowers in your hand. and his favorite kind of chocolates.

'hi,'

'you should've said you were coming! i would've cleaned up...'

'come on you fold your socks, lupin. what are you on about?'

he smiled, an awkward curl of his lips. you leaned against the doorway. the smell of soup was distinct, stains on his apron visible. you noticed he wasn't wearing a t-shirt. just an apron. your eyes fell on scars on his shoulders, each telling a tale. some terrible, some horribly terrible.

'so you're just gonna stare at me or?'

fuck, you got distracted.

'you didn't ask me in,'

'you know you don't need to be asked in,' he said, moving as your footsteps faltered on his carpeted floor.

'what are you cooking?'

'sweet corn soup and some toast. didn't feel like making much,'

'lupin, that'll be my 5-star michelin cuisine if i had the energy to make that. now these, are for you,'

'for the record, you take your whiskey neat. and you take your coffee black at three. and what for?'

'you're drunk on life, and i think that's great. and these are as an...apology.'

he walked to the kitchen, turning off the stove.

'an apology...for what exactly?'

'oh, you know because i asked you to kiss me,'

'you asked me to kiss you. you didn't force me.' he says, sitting down beside you. there's a pregnant pause before you keep your hand on his thigh, letting your touch linger.

'it's okay,' he whispers. 'you were drunk.'

'i wasn't. i take my whiskey neat. a little bit of cherry wine does nothing to me.' he chuckles.

'you were piss drunk. you fell asleep on the way home! i had to call a cab midway.'

'accusations accusations,'

'are they?'

you stay silent. you let the charge in the air linger. you let embrace you, entangle you in its ruins. your eyes travel to his face. his dusty blonde hair tangled across his face. lips chapped, pale skin rosy with the bits of chilly air of autumn.

'why didn't you kiss me?'

'what?'

'i said, why didn't you kiss me?' your grip tightens around his thigh. 'i really like you, you know?'

'come on, don't be a bitter liar.'

'i'm not lying.'

he neared your face, hot breathe scanning your face.

'i would love to kiss you,' his hand cradles your cheek, finger on your lip, 'taste these beautiful, soft lips. but i'm afraid, i can't. i can't be a fling for you,'

'who says,' you whisper, nearing his face, touching your forehead with his. 'that you're a fling. i'm not lying. i really do like you. hell have you seen me hooking up with anyone recently? i do like you. just trust me, for once.'

'hopefully,' he says brushing his lips against yours, 'i can.'

'you can,' you confirm, thrusting your lips against him, your tongue loitering in his mouth, tasting him.

he really did treat his mouth like it was heaven's gate.

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[luvfy0dor]

hear me out. how abt nikolai as a dad!!! other parents gender can be up to you <3 thank you so much, feel free to reject !

"Tea Parties and Tiaras" - Dad!Nikolai x Reader ⋆·˚ ༘ *

Warnings; None, just fluff!!

Description; Dad!Nikolai headcannons and a cute little scenario revolving around a very dramatic tea party.

A/N; Tysm for the request!! I have a lot of thoughts about him tbh, I'm glad I get to post them! Also omg u guys since Halloween is coming up what do you think nikolai would be??? I know he's definitely not sitting out in every day attire to hand out candy; brother has gotta be costumed up and causing mischief I just know it.

Headcannons !! ༊*·˚

★ I could go on all day about how he uses his ability as a father rather than a villain. He uses it to quickly fetch things from other sides of the house, like a bottle or a blanket, stuff like that.

★ But he also definitely uses it to mess with them sometimes. If they're doing something they're not supposed to be doing and he finds out, he's gonna stick his arm through the portal, grab their shoulders and laugh when they jump. Then he'll tell them to knock it off, unless it seems appealing to him at the moment. He might join in if it looks fun.

★ Nikolai also does magic tricks for them. He really likes pulling a rabbit out of his hat. He loves the surprised look on his kids faces. He also robs stores of candy sometimes.

★ However, Nikolai isn't afraid of saying no to them. He really doesn't want them to grow up spoiled little pricks.

★ He lets them dress him up. If he's with the kids while you run errands, you'll come home and see your man with that glittery gel eyeshadow smeared all around his eyes and a tiara on his head. The dresses didn't fit, and neither did the little plastic heels, but the hair clips, tiara, and makeup will suffice.

★ I said this for Fyodor too, but Nikolai does his children's hair. He paints their nails too.

★ Nikolai loves to bring his kids to fun places, water/amusement parks, circuses, fairs, trampoline parks, etc. He has NUMEROUS pairs of the trampoline park socks and he loves walking around in them everywhere.

Scenario !! ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

(P/T is parental title because I want it to be gender neutral, d/n is daughters name, s/n is sons name)

When you thought about relaxing after work, partaking in a tea party wasn't exactly your first thought. But there you sat, cross legged with a pretty tiara on your head, courtesy of your young son and daughter. You could hear Nikolais little giggles as d/n tried to pull his hair back into a very messy ponytail.

"Oh, papa, you better brush your hair some more, this is way too knotty!" Your daughter exasperatedly says and let's go of Nikolais long hair, making him feign offense and turn to her. "Hey! You're very rude! It's okay though, because my tea party outfit is much better than yours is." He says, a mocking tone of voice as he squints his eyes while talking to her. She pouts and gets up sassily, retreating to s/n's side as he rummaged through their little play kitchen.

"Did you hear that? I can't believe she would say something like that to me!" He says to you with an exaggerated frown. You just scoff and pat his shoulder in support. "I wonder who could have taught her such wit." You sarcastically say. You both watch them search for enough teacups for the four of you, all of them being strewn throughout their play room. They eventually skitter back to the table with only three cups and saucers in hand. S/n places one in front of you, one in front of his sister, and one in front of himself.

Nikolai sits waiting for his, but when both s/n and d/n sit down without getting him HIS teacup and saucer, he's a bit annoyed. "Hey, where's my tea?" He asks them. The kids exchange a glance before d/n speaks up. "Mean, knotty-haired clowns don't deserve tea." She huffs. He's even more taken aback this time. "You guys are so mean! You're gonna make your papa cry." He says, his lip quivering a bit as his hand slaps over his heart for dramatic effect. He starts sniffling and you just snicker, watching d/n expression change to one of slight guilt.

She groans and begrudgingly gets up to grab another teacup and saucer from the kitchen, returning it and placing it in front of Nikolai. He stops pretending to cry and grabs her, pulling her into a hug and swaying her excitedly. "Aw, thank you! I knew you loved me enough to look past my messy hair." He says with a giggle. She eagerly tries to wriggle out of his hug, but s/n runs over and hugs Nikolai too, knocking him backwards and onto the ground. He lets out a soft "oomph" before they all start giggling.

"Hey! Now you're both gonna crush me!" He says, the kids getting up off of him while laughing. He lets out a loud sigh before sitting back up. "Okay, I think we're even now, yeah? I came to your lovely tea party with messy hair and you two just knocked the wind out of me in retaliation!" He says, patting their shoulders. They look at eachother and look back at him.

"Okay, I guess you're forgiven." S/n says, his hands on his hips and d/n nodding in approval. "Okay, good. Now, I think we should continue our tea party before we have to eat dinner." He says, pretending to sip on the plastic glass. They murmur soft affirmatives and sit back down. You lean your head on Nikolais shoulder as you pretend to sip on the tea too, content with the little family that the two of you have made together.

A/n; when u think of the word 'skitter/skitters' I hope you think of me 💔🫡 credit to @ilovechuuy4 for influencing the magic and candy stealing hcs thank you schmoopie 💞🙏

[indigo-anonymous]

I’d love to hear which other songs brain rot you for the fic!!

Yippee!! Time for the Splinter Fractures brainrot song list (which is by no means definitive and can be expanded at any time)! Buckle up, because it's gonna be a long post (I'm halfway finishing this in drafts and it's SO LONG already). I want to go over my favourite lyrics for each of them :D

I'll go over the two that were brought up previously first, to get those out of the way. All links lead to YouTube videos of the songs, since I know not everyone has Spotify.

Just A Man from Epic the Musical - Personally I see this as Sinner!Adam singing to Charlie (mayhaps during one of their sessions?) Some of these thoughts on the lyrics aren't specifically Splinter Fractures (that goes for all of them) but in part my own interpretation of (sinner) Adam :)

I look into your eyes and I think back to the son of mine (Abel) You're as old as he was when I left for war (When he was killed by Cain) Will these actions haunt my days? (nightmares eyyy) Every man I've slain Is the price I pay endless pain? Close your eyes, and spare yourself the view How could I hurt you? (Charlie is like the perfect blend of both her parents, both people he loved. This would be less of a question abt the future and more of a "why did I do that?")

I'm just a man, who's trying to go home Even after all the years away from what I've known (he's homesick for Eden, when everything was still good and happy) I'm just a man who's fighting for his life Deep down I would trade the world to see my son and wife (Beneath everything, he just misses being with the people he cares about)

But when does a comet become a meteor? When does a candle become a blaze? When does a man become a monster? When does a ripple become a tidal wave? When does the reason become the blame? When does a man become a monster? (Everything slowly going wrong, and losing control, to the point where he becomes the monster, the leader of exterminations, killing millions for the protection of heaven.)

I'm just a man... (He needs Charlie to recognise that he's only human. He's not an angel, not someone incredible powerful or untouchable. He's just a man, and he has made a lot of mistakes, because making mistakes is human... But simultaneously, this is regret, and an admittance to himself. He doesn't want to be human. He wishes he was an untouchable angel, but he's not.)

- • -

Monster from Epic the Musical - I've talked about this one in a different post already, so you know the brainrot is reallll. To me this song kind of tells the story of Adam becoming the Lead Exorcist. How he basically gave up his humanity to protect Heaven, both out of a sense of duty and because the people up there (his kids) matter to him and he's afraid of seeing them get hurt.

How has everything been turned against us? How did suffering become so endless? (When they got kicked out of Eden, the rest of their mortal lives was him and Eve against the barren world, nigh endless suffering was their punishment) How am I to reunite with my estranged? (As much as he hates Lilith and Lucifer for abandoning him and making him out to be the villain, he still missed them) Do I need to change? (He believes himself to be the problem)

What if I'm the monster? What if I'm in the wrong? What if I'm the problem that's been hiding all along? What if I'm the one who killed you Every time I caved to guilt? (Cain and Abel </3)

The in-between part here is specific examples from Epic, but there's plenty of similar stories to Adam. Was Lilith wrong to take the apple or was she actually being trapped here by the angels? Was Lucifer wrong for choosing her side, or was he just taking care of someone he loved? Were the angels wrong for kicking him and Eve out of Eden, or did they deserve it?

If I became the monster, and threw that guilt away Would that make us stronger? Would it keep our foes at bay? (This is Adam suggesting the exterminations after the initial uprising. He doesn't really want it to happen, but he feels like it's a necessary evil to keep his loved ones safe) If I became the monster to everyone but us And made sure we got home again Who would care if we're unjust? (His reasoning for why the exterminations aren't evil or unjust: they attacked us first, I'm making sure they can't hurt us again. Especially personal in Splinter Fractures because he just had to see Abel die for a second time) If I became the monster...

I actually drew this part because the brainrot was getting to me. I don't love how it turned out but I spent hours making it so I might as well put it here 0_o

Then I'll become the Monster I will deal the blow And I'll become the Monster Like none they've ever known So what if I'm the Monster Lurking deep below? I must become the Monster And then we'll make it home (again, he feels like it's something he has to do to keep people safe. To some degree he blames himself for Eden, and original sin, and this is him taking responsibility for what he believes to be his mistakes. He's aware of how all of Hell will perceive him if he does this, and he chooses to do it anyway)

- • -

Don't Save Me by Chxrlotte - Ah yes, a song about giving up, and asking people to just let you drown in your pain. Very much a song of self-loathing which is so Adam to me, especially in Splinter Fractures.

I came from the darkness, hiding on my own Like rain thoughts are harmless, leave me here alone The waking nightmares aren't as bad as dreaming, I suppose (life is a nightmare but the sleeping nightmares are worse)

Maybe I'm wretched and deserve this, I don't know (Adam questioning if maybe he really has been evil all along, it's not like he knows why he's in hell to begin with...) Don't save me, I'm almost glad if this is how I go (Ah... wishing for death... almost)

Look into my eyes And tell me what you see A demon in disguise Pretending to be me (hmmm that mirror scene. Also this is very What Lute Sees and convinces herself to believe. That it's not really him, but rather a demon pretending to be Adam) Bury your surprise And listen carefully He lives inside my mind He'll never let me free (Being trapped by your own thoughts, the insecurities will never leave Adam alone! They'll stick with him forever, buried so deep in his soul that he's unlovable, that everyone leaves, that no matter what anyone says, he's just broken.)

The wasteland never ends and it's killing me Wait and count to ten, but I'll never be Able to live, I can't seem to breathe (just a case of the 'shakes' right? Definitely not a panic attack /s) I'll die fading carefully so don't save me (this whole song is about refusing help, which is exactly what Splinter!Adam did practically every time. He only accepted it when the alternative was living on the streets of Hell and all the horrifying shit that comes with that)

Standing on the edge, it's darker now And it's in my head, I can't hear a sound Facing the storm, I'm cast out at sea I'll drown eventually so don't save me (Adam very much believes that at some point he'll just be kicked out again. That this is all temporary, and eventually he'll drown)

I can't live anymore and I'm the one to blame At night my thoughts, they scare me I can't face another day (I feel like I don't need to repeat myself too much. Blaming himself for things that are, in actuality, not really his fault)

Don't save me I think I'm in hell These walls are talking I can tell I've bathed in fire since I fell Don't leave me on my own (this is right at the start of the fic. He's been in Hell for a while and it has damaged him, he finally reaches out for help for the first time, almost begging Lucifer not to just leave him on his own there, and it kickstarts his way out of his hell-spiral)

- • -

Enemy by Imagine Dragons (solo version) - My favourite on this list, to the point where I want to make an animatic of it so badly but I do not have the time or energy to do so. The lyrics just follow the story of Splinter Fractures so well!!! (I had this one in my brain early, so it's far more focussed on the start of the story)

I wake up to the sounds of the silence that allows For my mind to run around with my ear up to the ground I'm searching to behold the stories that are told When my back is to the world that was smiling when I turned (He wakes up in Hell, and the irony is laughable to everyone who recognises him (just Lucifer at the start, Vaggie and to some degree Charlie later))

Tell you you're the greatest But once you turn, they hate us (this one's all heaven, most evident in Lute and Sera. They tell him he's the best, the first man, absolutely great! ...until he becomes a sinner. Then he's nothing but a lowly demon to them, they treat him with disgust at best, and outright hatred at worse)

Oh, the misery Everybody wants to be my enemy Spare the sympathy (Same as before, asking Lucifer to not leave him there. Asking for the slightest drop of sympathy (he only gets it when he has a panic attack after)) Everybody wants to be my enemy (Everyone in Hell hates him for the exterminations, everyone in Heaven hates him for being a demon now. He's got no allies, only enemies)

Your words up on thе wall as you're prayin' for my fall (every sinner, especially those in the hotel, wanted him dead. They were, in a sense, praying for his fall, and they got it) And the laughter in thе halls and the names that I've been called (I can definitely imagine Adam being insecure enough that he always feels like people are laughing at him and mocking him behind his back)

They say pray it away I swear, that I'll never be a saint, no way (Adam is aware enough of his flaws to know he'll never be good enough to be redeemed into Heaven) A chair in the corner is my place I stay I shake and I think about the powers at play, the powers at play (his deal with Lucifer, knowing that a single wrong move will get him kicked back out onto Hell's streets, it absolutely terrifies him) And the kids in the dark that were doomed from the start The child in the basement, face to the pavement Oh, what a statement, love is embracement Love is a constant, love is a basis (there's a lot of different ways to interpret those last few lines: Adam believing the hotel is doomed (which he does), his feelings on the loss of Abel (twice), the fact that he still loves people, again and again, that he keeps trying even though they always leave him (ouch)) He cannot be, she cannot be, they cannot be changed, but keep on praying (He doesn't believe the hotel will ever truly work. One redeemed sinner is probably a fluke. Sinners can't change and become better... right?)

Goodbye (haha that scene in the lobby of the Heaven Embassy hahahaha... </3)

- • -

What Could Have Been by Sting ft. Ray Chen - This one is a lot more recent. Very much focussed around the chapters where they discuss Eden, and the story of Eden in general. It hurts to listen to sometimes, and has made me cry more than once (/pos)

I am the monster you created You ripped out all my parts (Lilith and Lucifer abandoning Adam broke his heart, absolutely shattered him. They are a large part of the why Adam is 'the monster' that everyone sees him as) And worst of all, for me to live, I gotta kill the part of me that saw That I needed you more (His approach to Lilith wanting to leave him was to pretend he didn't want her either. That he didn't care about her or Lucifer, or whatever happened to them)

I hope you know we had everything And you broke me and left these pieces (Them leaving, and especially Lucifer's words about how everyone will pick anyone else than him, definitely broke him to pieces. He was left to put himself back together, but he never truly healed right) I want you to hurt like you hurt me today and I want you to lose like I lose when I play what could have been (His response to Lilith being made infertile may have been harsh, but it was understandably bitter, as a response to the pain they caused him first)

Why don't you love who I am? What we could have been? (Lilith loving Lucifer instead of him, and the two of them choosing to leave together, rather than stay with him. I can imagine it felt to Adam like there was something wrong with him, that he already felt unlovable even before Lucifer rubbed salt in the wound with his later comment/curse)

I am your ghost, a fallen angel (Adam's appearance in Splinter Fractures certainly looks ghostly) You ripped out all my parts I couldn't care what invention you made me 'Cause I, I was meant to be yours (He firmly believed that him and Lilith were meant to be together forever, that's what made her rejection hurt as much as it did. They were literally made for each other, but Lilith still didn't want him)

- • -

That's it, that's the list (for now)! This post is so fucking long aaaaaa. I hope you like it anyways, and if you don't go through all of the lyrics that's fine, thanks for asking anyways <3

Indigo (finally got this out of drafts)

[circe-butbetter]

OK, not being nosy still, but how did you and your QPR get together/meet/decide you were a QPR etc.?

Like how did you KNOW

Your not being nosy at all darling keep asking i love talking about rue <3

So how we got together omg guys this is silly but she came into my invox with two eye emojis (👁👁) because big doe eyes and i replied with a "oo pretty doe eyes, im afraid ill have to gouge them out then keep it" and then accordingly the comversation somehow got to marriage and then one of us was like ring immedietly and then soon after thst she asked me to be her qpp and then from there it just yippieed

We met on tumblr, i havent met rue irl yet ( KEEP THE YET IN MIND.) But we will soon maybe- idk we met on tumblr uhh idk i js had a friend crush i wanted to be her friend yippiee and rhen bam we became friends and we yapped alot- my first interaction with her was abt anne hathaway like there was a post and it was js him going "guys whos anne hathaway* and then yippiee we became friends

How did i KNOW as in how did i know i DID want to be in one with her?

Well i felt comfortable with him, and that was one of the major factors and also- idk sigdhf there was a multitude of reasons i dont think anyone wants to hear🙏

[glitchotic]

heard ya have some lego movie headcanons (interested)

Ooughhhh i have soo manyyy.... for example this one's technically not a hc but does anyone else ride or die for fat/chubby emmet??? i mean i already always hc'd as being a bit overweight but adding on the fact that rex says hes "chiseled features were hidden under "baby fat"" just totally solidifies chubby emmet for me. additionally, people who are afraid to draw wyldstyle/lucy as buff make me sooo irritated especially in her apocalypse form like omfg theyre parodying mad max rn and you dont think shed be built like a brick house (no pun intended) rn? but okay sure. i guess you could make the argument of "well she needs to be sneaky and well hidden" as if her ex boyfriend isnt literally batman who is ripped and does that shit but i digress. i've discussed this in my benny/metalbeard post but metalbeard being a tech freak is mad underrated of a headcanon to me, i think him geeking out over new tech just makes so much sense to me bc i firmly believe metalbeard wants to have the most swashbuckling, most advanced pirate ship of the sea. especially considering when queen whatevra offered an entire planet sized ship for him and he added on things like a keyboard to his build and he just seems like hes always open to new technology and ideas. SPEAKING OF QUEEN WHATEVRA. technically more abt mayhem, i sooo hc her as being like a raver/kandi kid/scene girl type idk something abt her design to me screams "i listen to dj s3rl" I ALSO THINK SHE MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH LUCYS ORIGIN BECAUSE HOW DID SHE KNOW HOW TO REMOVE THE SHARPIE FROM HER HAIR HRMMM?? PLUS THE FACT THE SYSTARIANS KNOW THAT POP MUSIC CAN AFFECT THE WAY PEOPLE THINK..... ADDITIONALLY THE DUPLONS SANG THE EVERYTHING IS AWESOME SONG........... MUCH TO THINK ABOUT HERE IS ALL IM SAYINNGGG... also i in general feel like no one talks abt mayhem/lucys relationship...... sorry but like tlm3 real needs to happen bc i want so desperately to see more of mayhem getting to know lucys story and being so invested and helping her heal and recover and full go back to her true self and ohgfggmmffg imaging how adorable the specialstyle interactions would be after emmet just being like "woagghh youre so beautiful" and shes like "this outfit is smaller than i remember..... kinda hurts"......... oh THIS ONEEE I NEVER SHUT UP ABT but UNIKITTYS CAT HALF IS A TIGER SHE IS HALF TIGER AND ULTRAKITTG IS PROOF!!! i think puppycorns dog half is a shiba cos of the curly little tail and his tendency to be air headed and goofy. i also think puppycorn and unikitty would b the type to use gen alpha slang to piss off master frown but thats me getting into my unikitty! headcanons lol.... ummmm .... i also really like audhd emmet and autistic benny but GUYSSS HEAR ME OUTTT SWEET MAYHEM GIRL AUTISM. think about it.... ermmm thats all i can think of rn i have more but its so hard to talk abt my hcs w out a specific prompt 💔😔

[ferrocyan]

i’d love to hear more about honey and yaana’s friendship :3 and any honeytart tidbits that come to mind hehe i love them

hello my friend you sure are asking the most. questions here ily okay first of all. um i dont know if theyre friends actually. while yaana is definitely the type to make friends w everyone in arcadia honey to me is the opposite. shes guarded herself w her nice cute idol facade and doesnt rly let ppl in for the sake of her work. like the fun thing that made me want to write the chatfic was that i thought the way honey chats is like. if you take a screencap out of context theres no way to make her sound bad. i just know she would be thinking of it that way www but like i cant imagine talking w someone like that is fun

tart got lucky w honey in that way bc in their match her mask already slipped off and then they met outside of the arena so she didnt bother covering for herself haha. and the way he thinks of ppls facades too is like, thats also the real them, yknow. the way ppl think honey is just being fake when shes nice, tart thinks like no she is genuinely that nice and cute. and also kind of an asshole haha (honey imagines beating him to a pulp like that kabru wanting to beat up laios panel wwww)

however it must be said. theyre so fucked. i dont know how the story is going to treat sphenes passing and i just. cannot stop thinking abt that post abt how honey b lovely constructed her fake queen persona to be a hated heel and then it blows up in her face bc the audience loves her, and then it blows up in her face again when the real queen died like a week before the honey b lovely comeback match, and then it blows up a third time when she catches feelings for this motherfucker. a bitch CANNOT catch a break. im like actually dying saying this i am so not strong enough to write this head on but what do you think was going on when tart is intoxicated on her venom and calls her your majesty. it has never been more joever im afraid theyre fucked beyond belief (...unless?)

this is probably psychological horror for honey but tbh its also rly funny to me im sorryy shes gotta be looking at tart like the best case scenario is this guys using her as a rly unhealthy coping mechanism. and the worst case scenario is when the government resumes working in a few days or so this man will be on the news for committing regicide and the robocops will be at her door. its so fucked. and yet i dont think she can resist the sirensong of "this person wants to be friends w me for real" so i dont think she would just. cut off contact w tart and never speak w him again. its not like she has m.any friends otherwise haha.. ha.

anyway though that becomes the impetus for honey to contact yaana like hey you might wanna reconsider partnering up w souleater. i think hes hiding something and he might be bad news (she doesnt like. have proof that tart killed the queen. its probably just her paranoia talking. but better safe than sorry right?? right???). yaana at first doesnt rly believe her, and then she does but decides she doesnt care if tart is hiding something from her. but what she does care about is that apparently miss queen bee gives a shit about people around her! who knew :3c she teases honey so hard abt this and thats how they become friends to me hahahah

okay but despite all that (gestures above) i still do have a couple honeytart things i wanna write about ehehe theyre not the most cooked ideas but i still wanna get them out >w<

[that-gt-and-vore-stuffs]

I believe I'm that someone which I apologize for not responding I get distracted easily 🤣

But I'm absolutely interested in hearing about your GB vore thoughts sorry for the initials don't know how the slashes work for this

Actually, I didn’t mean you lol. I have another friend who took all of three minutes after my initial post to pop up in my discord feed abt “hey so I saw ur post” lol. Although I’m always open to ramble. Also don’t worry about the slashes, I just do that so my posts don’t end up on the main tags

Now for the thoughts-

All four of the main idiots are switches. Why do I feel this way? Because you cannot tell me that eating each other is not one of the many many ways they show affection right along side being assholes to each other

As I discussed with the above mentioned friend (@thefanciestborrower in case you were interested and just to make sure they see this post) It’s one of the ways Winston is informed that he’s truly been accepted as a Gho/stbus/ter.

He got ate one day, completely out of the blue, and went to Janine about it later. She just laughed and told him he’s officially be adopted into the idiot squad.

Speaking of Janine, she’s the only one spared from the constant random noms in the firehouse. Not because shes a full Pred or anything but because they’re afraid of her.

The Gho/stbus/ters might not fear ghosts, but they do fear their dear friend and secretary Janine.

She’s got a shot glass of cocktail swords and toothpicks she wields and wields well when small

Has stabbed Peter on multiple occasions for almost setting his hand on her while she was small

Egon is a Pred lean for science, although not against being ate so long as he’s warned and willing

Ray falls to the prey side but is pretty center. Can and has eaten the others

Peter is a pure switch, like the ass he is

Winston leans Pred, HOWEVER poor dude was stuck getting ate for the first few months after joining the crew

They’re all silly little guys tbh. Thats all.

Dana and Janine talk about how stupid they are all the time after work. They think it’s the funniest thing in the world. The boys? Not so much.

Can you eat ghosts? Test results have been…inconclusive so far

And those are the main ones for now! I’m sure my mind will think of some more soon but if you have more thoughts I’d always be open to hear them! Glad my rambles entertain yall still and it’s good to be back :)

[grntaire]

Yoooo I really love the choral music you’ve recently shared. I’m not really that familiar with it as a genre of music and don’t normally seek it out? but occasionally a piece will find its way to me (like at a funeral or now your blog), and I find it arrestingly beautiful. maybe partly because it’s a strange and unfamiliar medium to me. Do you have any favorites you would recommend for further exploration? 🩷

hi this is maybe the most hyped i've been for an ask ever bc i go fucking crazy for choral music so YES i do have recs for you. i will try to limit my little thoughts however i am very annoying so it will not go well

gibbons' hosanna to the son of david goes insanely hard. so jovial and fun and i had a blast singing this in undergrad! i love renaissance polyphony and this is a prime example of it!

poulenc's o magnum mysterium is truthfully wacky in the best most french way ever. and imo poulenc's queerness is so clear and present in his music so anything by him i love. my beautiful fruity catholic with a disorder <3

chesnokov's spaseniye sodelal is russian orthodox perfection fr. when my choir in undergrad read thru this i was stood between two low basses and at THAT part (1:32) i felt like i was being punched from the inside out. also the text means "salvation is created in the midst of the earth" and i think that's like. so fucking sick

stacey gibbs' arrangement of ezekiel is THE american spiritual arrangement to me. i once sang this in an italian church under a mexican conductor and then later we all sang it drunkenly for the owner at the hotel we were all staying at it was wild and so so so fun. such a beautiful and massive example of a joyful american spiritual also it's straight up a banger honestly. could talk ad nauseum abt how badass black choral scholars are and how grateful i am for all of the work that they've done and for inviting ppl to learn abt and experience it <3

holst's i love my love is one of my favs of all time. unfortunately england fucking devours when it comes to their choral tradition and this piece does one of my fav things where the way the composer sets the text changes its meaning! it's abt a woman named nancy who is in bedlam bc her love died at sea and it effectively broke her. while there, he comes to her, alive, breaks her out and they get married. while the poem itself shows a happy ending, the way holst plays w tempo and texture makes me go hmmm. 90% sure he did not show up and she's experiencing a delusion of sorts to cope w her grief (the i love my love's in the sopranos & altos at 1:24 kind of emulate a rocking motif, almost as if she's rocking herself back and forth in a soothing gesture, or the rocking of the ship he died on) and that tenor entrance in the melody after almost emulates her love coming to rescue her. god this whole piece makes me feel like my skin is on fire and i think it's a devastating portrayal of mental illness and you can rip it from my cold dead hands

stanford's beati quorum via is literally just gorgeous front to back. again unfortunately the english stay slaying

jake runestad's a silence haunts me literally does fucking haunt me and it changed the way i think about choral music. it's a setting of an unsent letter of beethoven's where he talks about losing his hearing and how afraid he is of losing it. this one you def have to watch bc there's a visual element to it! no spoilers but holy shit it shuts my brain down it's brutal and beautiful. i saw its premiere in 2019 and the entire hall was sobbing. like i have the words "be well" tattooed on me bc of it. the way the piano quotes moonlight sonata and his 9th symphony and the tensions emulating his tinnitus. OUGH

[teddybeartoji]

mayor mickey,

i want to know your Big Thought™️ about jason todd. the fact/head canon that you always come back to, the one that’s taken up residence in your brain and still doesn’t pay rent.

mine is that he’s capable of treating everyone but himself tenderly (it’s a work in progress)

xoxo sunnie (@fic-over-cannon)

SUNNIE DARLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my Big Thought™️ abt him isn't all that special but it's very important to me okay... that his hugs feel so fucking good. whenever he gives you a hug he just engulfs your whole body and it makes you feel so so so fucking safe:(((((((((((( he pulls you flush to him, pressing your head to his chest so you can feel his heartbeat while his big arms snake around your back. it feels like home. and he smells so fucking good too it truly does seem like nothing could ever hurt you as long as you stay in his arms:((((((((((((( WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH he's so fucking boyfriend i love himm

another thing that's always on my mind, and i think that ro has talked abt this too a while back i'm pretty sure she's actually the one that put it in my head in the first place but it's just that while he seems so big and tough, he's always helping out the elderly and the kids in his apartment building. like i can't stop imagining him carrying in his neighbor's groceries up the stairs,, she's just this older lady who also has a cat (who btw really likes jason lmao) aaand she always tells him that she has it but jason never budges he's got the grocery bag in his hand so fast that the woman doesn't even have the chance to try and keep it from him. they always walk up the stairs together and the lady sometimes tries to apologize for being a little slow and jason is so so quick to brush that off with a small smile, encouraging her to tell him abt her day. HE'S SUCH A SWEETHEART OK:(((((((((((((

aaand i feel like some of the kids were definitely a little afraid of him at first bc well.. he's all big and tough and he has scars and a motorcycle but then maybe one day they're playing in the yard and their ball gets stuck and jason happens to see it and he just helps them out without them having to ask him and he gives them a grin while shooting it in the hoop (he can be such a show-off omfg) and when he hears the young kids cheer for him he knows that he's finally cracking that scary idea of him that they have in their heads yk?

BUT WAHHHH:(((((((((((((( SUNNIEEE:(((((((((((((( you're so right he struggles with taking care of himself properlyy:((((((((((((((((((((( he works so hard no matter it is that he's doing and so i feel like his sleep isn't all too good and he probably doesn't eat as much as he should either:(((((((( but you're also right abt it being a work in progress!!!!!!!!!! he just needs that little push, said push being you, to see that he's important too. that he deserves everything that he's been giving out. he deserves all that tender care aswell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh i love him so bad i want to take care of him and help him love himself:((((((((((((((((

[snoopysfriendwoodstock]

what's ur full ttpd song ranking and why?

omg… this will be long lol

1. who’s afraid of little old me? - taylor has tried “female rage” a couple times now and it always falls flat bc she has to be the victor/mastermind of all of it. mad woman & vigilante shit just kinda suck! FINALLY in this song she sort of admits defeat? i find it really interesting to hear her reflecting on her career & her own view of herself and the public perception of her without her feeling the need to throw a “but i’m okay! and actually i’m winning!” in at the end. also the vocals and theatrics are soooo good i just love it <3

2. the smallest man who ever lived - that ENDING. this takes me back to some very classic taylor songs, especially the dear john bridge or last kiss bridge and as a speak now girl i can’t get enough.

3. the prophecy - both people who love this song and people who hate it reduce it down to “she’s sad she doesn’t have a boyfriend” but imo this song perfectly captures the ACHE of being someone who just always has a little ribbon of loneliness running through them. it’s that dark middle of the night place you can’t let yourself go to. and it’s PERFECT.

4. so high school - i don’t have a lot to say here but this is the song she’s talking abt when she says she’s putting narcotics in them. i love it so much. do that impression you did of your dad again ❤️

5. but daddy i love him - i love her delusional ass! also the “i’m having his baby” line is soooo funny sorry!

6. guilty as sin? - there’s a reason this one’s a fan favorite! it’s just soooo good. there’s nothing wrong with a sexy song.

7. so long, london - “i’m just mad as hell cause i loved this place” is such a taylor line. so simply devastating. i think she got away from just very simply stating her emotions/feelings in her newer albums but this song has soooo many lines that go back to that form of writing that she’s so good at. “stopped trying to make him laugh” is another one that really hits.

8. loml - this hits my favorite genre of taylor swift song that is just so sad it’s almost like oh my god you have to stop… what a valiant roar! what a bland goodbye!

9. the black dog - ik i’m kind of a broken record at this point but “i just don’t understand how you don’t miss me” is SOOOO taylor. very early taylor! and i love the idea of taylor swift having someone’s location on her phone. she is sooo pathetic she’s just like me!

10. the bolter - songs used to be STORIES!

11. the alchemy - i can’t explain it. it just scratches my brain really well. i love how it soundssss

12. fresh out the slammer - i LOVE the chorus on this one. and i love when it slows down at the end and gets kinda weird.

13. clara bow - i LOVE this song. i love how haunting it is i love “you look like taylor swift” i love how pessimistic it is as an album closer. it feels like folklore again w/ hoax as the last song. she said we are NOT in change/long live/begin again/clean/new years day/daylight hours anymore we have LOST hope. in fact it’s super interesting compared to change/long live that are all optimistic about the industry/making a name for herself bc now she’s realized there were other taylor swifts before and there will be other taylor swifts later.

14. how did it end? - another just absolute fucking banger of a sad song. the commentary on fame/the public/her fanbase hits.

15. i hate it here - unfortunately this song is sooooo me it’s not even funny.

16. i can do it with a broken heart - who is this “nobody” that doesn’t know she’s miserable? i love this song it’s so funny. “i cry a lot but i am so productive” is a lyric that was necessary for society

17. my boy only breaks his favorite toys - this song grew on me SO much. it’s so pathetic i love it.

18. florida!!! - this song rocks so hard. i think taylor & florence’s voices compliment each other so much

19. the albatross - i love her voice on this one. she’s here to destroy you!!!

20. the tortured poets department - i love this one i’m sorry. i love the sound i love that it feels like she’s trying something new i love how cringe and desperate it is. also lucy dacus mention!

21. peter - i wish i understood this song the way a lot of people do but it’s simply not my favorite! i do love the way she keeps repeating “you said you were gonna grow up then you were gonna come find me” in the chorus. don’t listen to this & never grow up back to back. it’s not funny.

22. down bad - hated this one at first but it has REALLY grown on me. i love the alien abduction metaphor! “i might just die it would make no difference” is like come on girl get up

23. i look in people’s windows - love this one, don’t listen to it much. but never skip when it’s on. her voice is gorgeous and i loveee the writing on it

24. the manuscript - again, i don’t choose to put this one on much but holy shiiiitttt… now she eats kids cereal? and can only sleep if it’s in her mother’s bed?

25. cassandra - i love the idea of this and it has some great lyrics but i feel like she didn’t quite get it off the ground? i love the bridge. it’s like ALMOST there. cassandra is my favorite mythological figure so maybe i just had really high expectations.

26. imgonnagetyouback - this will for sure rise in the rankings soon bc i’m finally getting it. it’s so fun, just not as good as a lot of the anthology tracks.

27. fortnight - i don’t love this one, but the chorus is really catchy. & post malone’s verse is the best part, that gets stuck in my head all the time.

28. thanK you aIMee - god this song is so funny. “everybody knows my mother is a saintly woman but she used to say she wished that you were dead!” i’m just kinda sick of these kind of songs from her if that makes sense?

29. chloe or sam or sophia or marcus - i’m waiting for this one to click!!! i’m sure it will & there’s parts i REALLY like but i skip it every single time

30. robin - i’m sorry it’s a skip from me. it’s beautiful but i’m never ever wanting to hear it. it’s sweet! but not for me

31. i can fix him (no really i can) - idk the rhythm and tempo of this song doesn’t work for me. it sucks bc her voice is so sexy on this one & i love the pathetic aspect but i always skip. it’s not as bad as my least favorite on other albums tho <3