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toothyblowjob · 5 years ago

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fuck it, cats recap

i saw cats with my boyfriend a few days ago. i wanted to make one of these after but thought i couldn't possibly add anything to the heaps of commentary already available on tumblr. unfortunately, cats has a certain staying power, and i think the only way to forget what i've seen is to write it down (aided by a list of songs to remind me which scenes came in which order). so here we go

the opening scene was such a bizarre combination of unsettling and kinda boring. there was so much unnecessary tension.

the set actually looked really pretty! shame about everything it had to witness.

almost all the words in the movie are unintelligible. it's probably for the best.

victoria, the audience surrogate cat, was initially in a big burlap sack which was thrown into an alley. the jellicle cats approach and dramatically paw at the sack. you can tell this was a bit of choreography meant for the stage and not a movie.

some of the cats crawl on their hands and knees, and it's just the most uncomfortable thing you can imagine.

when victoria actually emerges, all the cats hiss and disappear, then reappear to sing a song that mainly consists of asking victoria if she has certain "cat" traits like... being blind at birth???

"would you look at a king? would you sit on his throne?"

in the same song there's a sequence of cats just listing adjectives for themselves. i looked up the lyrics and apparently at one point they say "rabbinical cats." what the fuck is a rabbinical cat?

the big gray cat (afaict he isn't named in the film, but the credits list him as "munkustrap," which is one of the worst names for anything i've ever heard) asks victoria for her name, and is perplexed that it's something normal. look buddy, you don't get to name yourself munkustrap and then complain about anyone else's name.

apparently cats have three names: one that their family calls them, one super fucked up one that they decide themselves (like munkustrap), and a secret name they don't tell anyone else. the third name never becomes relevant, so i honestly don't see why they mentioned it.

if you ever see a cat in "profound meditation" they're just thinking about their name. aight.

sorry, good omens fandom, cats forever ruined the word "ineffable."

i think it's somewhere around here that macavity first appears??? i am ashamed to admit that for a brief moment he looked kind of attractive. it's idris elba, okay?

there's a song where they introduce the idea of the jellicle ball. it's really creepy, which is fitting, because apparently the jellicle ball is when their cat president decides who gets to die and go to "the heaviside layer." tbh if i were in this reality i would be begging for death too.

every moment where the cats are whisper-singing is deeply unpleasant. why.

apparently the cat president decides who deserves to die by having them each sing a song about their name. i'd previously heard the musical summarized as "cats introduce themselves one by one until one of them gets the right to die" and honestly that's pretty accurate.

munkustrap leads victoria to a human kitchen, where rebel wilson's character jennyanydots (really) is lounging around being generally useless. there is an extended shot of her scratching her crotch. i am so tired of rebel wilson playing funny fat characters.

i had already heard that jennyanydots unzipped her fursuit at some point during her song. i couldn't, for the life of me, figure out what the fuck people meant by that. what they meant is, jennyanydots unzips her fucking skin to reveal a sparkly costume AND ANOTHER LAYER OF SKIN underneath. is this part of the musical? please tell me.

i knew about the cockroach vore too, but that didn't make it any less upsetting. it happens twice. there are crunching noises.

the cockroaches are... they all have human faces. they look like aliens from a kid's movie made in 2005.

rum tum tugger's song is, i regret to inform you, a bop. i looked the song up afterwards, and the stage version is actually more upsetting. a lot of crotch action.

that being said, there is a horrifically sexual part during the movie version where cats are guzzling milk and it kinda looks like bukkake drawn by someone who had never seen cum before.

also the cgi for the milk was inexplicably bad. like, it looked like some shit out of a spy kids movie.

towards the end of the song, rum tum tugger pulls victoria's foot towards his mouth. i felt time slow, and i started muttering to myself "no no no no no." fortunately, he did not suck victoria's toes. i hate that i have to write that.

i believe it's at this point that macavity shows up and thanos-snaps jennyanydots. this is the first time magic is shown to exist, which made for a really surreal effect. i kinda thought i was having a stroke.

grizabella.....

grizabella is just furry fantine. she used to be a super glamorous cat, and now she's wearing garbage and singing about how sad she is. jennifer hudson really gave it her all though.

bustopher jones, who looks like he's just james corden's fursona, shows up and sings a song about how fat he is and how much he loves to eat. my fat ass was not amused. at the end of the song he too gets taken by macavity. i guess he has a thing for chubby cats.

mungojerrie and rumpleteazer are just awful names. i hate them so much. why would you name yourself mungojerrie.

they really seem like they're trying to convince victoria to have a threesome with them. at the end of the song she's laying in a bed between them. it's bad.

i am so grateful the dog that they run away from is never shown. i can't even imagine how awful that would be.

the past two mornings i've woken up with old deuteronomy's song stuck in my head. i don't know why. it's not that interesting.

the cats all flock to old deuteronomy and nuzzle her. it's awful.

judy dench and ian mckellan were taking this so fucking seriously. i had to see ian mckellan, without a trace of irony, saying "meow meow meow" and drinking milk out of a dish. it was one of the most upsetting moments for me.

"jellicle cats are black and white," according to a bunch of cats that are neither black nor white.

victoria needs a moment to go outside and chill during the jellicle ball. i can relate.

grizabella is there again, singing a weirdly beautiful song about when she was younger and happier. i decide jennifer hudson is this movie's saving grace.

victoria sings another weirdly beautiful song about how she was abandoned in an alley (which i guess is how she ended up among the jellicle cats).

"all that i wanted,,,, was to be wanted,,," heartbreaking. relatable. loved it.

ian mckellan, whose cat is apparently named gus (short for asparagus), sings a song about how he used to be a great... actor? magician? i wasn't really clear. ian mckellan continues to do his very best to make this weird senile cat seem real, and i fully expect him to drop dead of old age halfway through the song. alas, no cat can die unless old deuteronomy wills it. i thiiiink he got taken by macavity at the end?

it turns out jennyanydots and bustopher james (and gus, i guess) are NOT dead (sigh), but have been transported to a barge in the middle of the thames. honestly i think i just dissociated too hard to remember this scene very well.

another bop from skimbleshanks the railway cat. the slow motion tap dancing was a bit much, but the song at least was fun. at the end he gets disappeared by macavity, oops!

taylor swift's whole bit is... it's just hard to sit through. yknow how everyone made fun of that bit in "look what you made me do" where she went like, "sorry, the old taylor can't come to the phone right now. why? oh, cause she's dead!" her whole song had that energy. the fake english accent made me want to die.

she pours catnip on all the cats, which makes them moan and writhe a lot. i think this was supposed to be the orgy scene? i don't know.

macavity has "broken every human law," which i assume includes treason and gay sex. i really love the possibilities here.

actually yknow what just occurred to me? would macavity get in trouble for bestiality if he fucked a human? or would it have to be, like, a cockroach or something else that's "lower" than him?

macavity thanos snaps old deuteronomy because she refuses to let him die. everyone is super sad until victoria goes "oh hey, mr. mistoffelees can do magic! :D"

unfortunately, i really liked mr. mistoffelees' song. i've been singing it multiple times a day. his face may be upsetting but his overall vibe is kinda adorable.

mr. mistoffelees is named after the demon mephistopheles btw. i feel like that needs to be said.

old deuteronomy is returned to the jellicle ball, and victoria convinces grizabella to sing for everyone. the song, again, is beautiful and heart-wrenching. everyone loves it, and grizabella is chosen to die.

grizabella is put in a hot air balloon. i think the heaviside layer is fake, the jellicle cats are a death cult, and she's just going to suffocate to death. this is supported by the fact that the heaviside layer is a real name for a part of our atmosphere.

old deuteronomy ADDRESSES THE AUDIENCE DIRECTLY at the very end. i hate it.

she says triumphantly, "a cat is not a dog!" this is important enough that the entire cast repeats it. my boyfriend is more upset by this than i am.

there are some horny facial expressions, i think, and the camera pans back to the hot air balloon. the movie ends.

#long post #cats 2019 #cats movie #shut me up

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sarcasrnspasrn · 6 years ago

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the homestuck epilogues are a big mess: a masterpost of what the fuckery

I read the epilogues all in one day and here I am three days later someone who is two seconds away from becoming an ex-homestuck fan because.... yikes. I recently reblogged two other posts calling out most other homestuck things. Some I agree with, some I think are more “sometimes characters are problematic” but you can’t really ignore how fucked up everything is a whole. And nobody seems to want to unpack the epilogue which i understand because guess what every single tag listed in the prologue happens which is pretty sucky.

Anyways I’m gonna go tag-by-tag to talk about the things and then talk about other general shitty stuff about the epilogue. Here we go lads.

Oh boy here come some disclaimers - I’m white and I’m cis and also I was an active editor at the MSPA wiki! I’m going to retire soonish, probably. If I can. I don’t know if you can self-retire from a leadership role on a wiki. Which means I might have missed some things that weren’t obvious to the me who is white and cist.

The Tags

Graphic Depictions of Violence – The Meat route features the fight with Lord English and definitely has a lot of beatups. We then see John slowly succumb to his injuries over time and eventually die. The descriptions are definitely very very graphic.

Major Character Death – As mentioned above, John in the Meat route. Some characters get sucked into a black hole in the Meat route, though in Candy route it’s revealed they just ended up in Candy’s timeline. John meets up with younger versions of the Beta kids, and they all die by Lord English’s hands. Davepetasprite^2 sacrifices themselves to drag Lord English into the black hole, and Meat Rose’s body ends up in a sorta-dead state where her soul is now in a robot forever as her physical body sleeps. In Candy, Dirk graphically hangs himself, and Vriska chokes Gamzee to death.

Rape – In the Candy route Jane gets drunk and has intercourse with an equally if not more drunk Jake, resulting in her pregnancy.

The Economy – Throughout the Meat route, Dave works to try and get Karkat to be president specifically due to the other candidate’s (Jane) questionable economic opinions. Neither run in Candy route, but Jane ends up influencing the presidency behind the scenes and Dave discusses similar themes, often through Obama.

Xenophobia – The main conflict in Jane’s candidacy is her xenophobia, as she wishes to restrict troll reproduction, eventually leading to complete oppression of the troll race by the end of the Candy route.

Pregnancy – Jane and Roxy get pregnant with Jake and John’s kids, respectively, in the Candy route.

Alternate Universe – The whole fic seems to be vaguely non-canon, particularly the Candy route.

Mind Control – Dirk takes over the narrative in Meat route and uses it to influence the other characters’ motives and thoughts.

Non-Con – See Rape.

Breastfeeding – Roxy is shown breastfeeding her and John’s son (Harry Anderson Egbert. I’m not joking.)

Misogyny – Gamzee is basically awful.

Sexism – See Misogyny

Transphobia – Roxy and Calliope begin transitioning (but only in the Meat route), where they both start using they/them and Roxy eventually begins using he/him at the end. As the narrator, Dirk frequently refers to transitioned Roxy with she/her pronouns.

Misgendering – See Transphobia.

Canon Compliant – The meat timeline, arguably.

Canon Divergent – The candy timeline, arguably.

Redemption – The candy timeline starts of with Calliope insisting it’s time for “Gamzee’s redemption arc”, so John pulls him out of the fridge and he becomes this weird messiah. It’s not really much redemption though and he’s still a creepy fucking clown.

Dubious Consent – See Rape.

Mind Break – Meat Rose slowly becomes overwhelmed by all of her alternate timeline selves and suffers from headaches. She eventually becomes persuaded by Dirk to completely let go, and she gets her consciousness transferred into a robot body.

World War – Jane’s xenophobic actions against trolls eventually lead to a world war between her faction and Karkat’s faction.

Political Intrigue – Meat route focuses a lot on Jane and Karkat’s political campaigns for president, and Candy route features Jane’s meddling in government affairs that eventually leads to Karkat and others to lead a rebellion.

Robots – Dirk and Jake fight robots on reality TV in Meat, and Dirk later transfers Rose’s consciousness into a robotic body in Meat’s postscript. Dave similarly gets transferred into a robot body in Candy by Obama. (I’m still not joking.)

Child Abuse – Jane and Jake’s son, Tavros Crocker (I’m not joking) is implied to be heavily mistreated and neglected by Jane, as well as their third partner, Gamzee, who is also somehow in the mix.

Rough Sex –

Child Neglect – Tavros is seemingly largely ignored by his parents, and John leaves Roxy and Harry Anderson for most of his adolescence.

Alcohol Use – Jane and Jake get heavily inebriated in the candy route, resulting in pregnancy and marriage.

Breastmilk – Gamzee utilizes breastmilk throughout the Candy route as some way of baptizing people and completing their redemption arcs.

Death – Other than those mentioned in Major Character Death, many other side characters are also mentioned to die during the Candy route’s oppressive regime.

Incestuous Undertones – Briefly discussed by a group during the Meat route while considering the implications of Dirk and Rose flying off from Earth C.

Mental Illness – Rose struggles with visions during Meat, and John questions if he has depression in both routes.

Suicide – Dirk hangs himself in Candy.

Polyamory – Gamzee somehow joins the relationship between Jane and Jake in Candy, eventually resulting in Gamzee auspisticing the two.

Clown Dynamics – Gamzee fucking Makara.

Meta – I think it happens a lot in general.

Abuse – Jane’s relationships with Jake, baby Tavros, and Gamzee are not anywhere near healthy.

Fridging – Dirk’s death sort of helps kick off the plot in Candy.

Genocide – Discussed as a possible outcome of Jane’s presidency, specifically to the trolls.

Diapers – For some reason on Jake’s reality TV show, it’s a thing to throw diapers on the stage.

Murder – Vriska kills Gamzee in Candy.

Honk – Gamzee.

Children – Jane and Jake have Tavros Crocker, John and Roxy have Harry Anderson Egbert, and Kanaya and Rose adopt a Vriska descendant.

Gender Transition – Roxy and Calliope question their gender identities in Meat, leading to Roxy using he/him and changing his hairstyle, and Calliope using they/them. This does not happen in the Candy route.

Depression – John questions if he suffers from this throughout Candy as he continues to feel estranged from his friends.

Toxic Masculinity – I guess Dirk in general?

Sexual Abuse – Whatever was going on in Jake Jane and Gamzee’s relationship in Candy isn’t healthy.

Friends to Lovers – Roxy and John as well as Jane and Jake.

Speciesism – See Xenophobia.

Babies – See Children.

Manipulation – See Dirk.

Gore – See Graphic Depictions of Violence.

Infidelity – Jane starts a relationship with Gamzee while married to Jake.

Marriage – Jane and Jake marry, as well as John and Roxy.

Nonbinary Character(s) – See Gender Transition.

Milking – See uh, Breast Milk and Breastfeeding?

Identity Questioning – See Gender Transition.

Feet – After arriving in Candy route, Vriska finds Gamzee and in her rage, kicks him to the ground. Gamzee starts licking Vriska’s foot. This eventually leads to some sort of weird hate makeout/sex.

Political Rebellion – See Political Intrigue.

Fascism – See Political Intrigue.

Rapping – Dirk and Jake’s TV show in Meat features the two performing rap battles at each other, among other things.

Drug Use – Jane and Jake get drunk in Candy, and Jane starts utilizing the Trickster Lollipop in Meat.

Funerals – In Candy, funerals are held both for Dirk and for a dead Jade from Meat that falls out of the sky.

Religion – Gamzee’s weird cult to help give dead trolls redemption arcs.

Eating – I don’t know why this is on the list.

Food – This is just a thing.

Aliens – Sure are trolls and cherubs here.

Possession – Alternate Calliope uses Jade’s alive body in Meat and an alternate Jade’s dead body in Candy to control the narrative.

Light BDSM – I guess this is whatever is going on in Candy Jake, Jane, and Gamzee’s relationship. As well as the apparently rough sex Terezi and John had in Meat.

Theft – Meenah steals an extra Ring of Life John pilfered in Meat.

Furry – Jade, who is heavily implied to have gained some of Bec’s, um, biology after the sprite merge, which was. Information nobody needed to know.

Anthropomorphic Characters – Jade and Davepetasprite^2.

Power Imbalances – Candy Jane/Jake/Gamzee’s relationship.

Blood – Extreme violence tends to result in this.

Trickster Mode – Jane starts utilizing it in Meat in an attempt to help her campaign.

Body Horror – See Graphic Depictions of Violence.

Gerrymandering – Mentioned by Dave as a tactic utilized by previous presidents in regards to the consorts voting power.

Starvation – Meat John finds Terezi by the black hole, slowly starving to death.

Cuckolding – Candy Gamzee basically cuckolds Jane and Jake.

Interspecies Relationships – Kanaya and Rose, as well as Meat Gamzee/Jane/Jake.

Guns – Jake sure has that.

Vore – I think this is mentioned as a joke somewhere.

Assassination – Dirk pretends to attempt to assassinate Jake in Meat timeline, only to tranquilize the Alternate Calliope-possessed Jade.

Alien Biology – A joke is made about how trolls apparently do not have two dicks.

Detransitioning – Roxy and Calliope are implied to have begun their gender exploration in Candy route, similarly to Meat, but stick to using she/hers throughout the route.

Chronic Illness – Rose is suffering from mental illness that is giving her headaches.

Vomit – After the battle with Lord English in Meat, John barfs all over himself. It’s gross.

Drugging – In Meat, Dirk slips Rose drugs in a drink to induce her into a sleep. He uses a similar drug on the Alternate Calliope-possesed Jade.

Cannibalism – During Candy’s postscript, The Alternate Calliope-possessed Jade devours Lord English’s body.

Unhealthy Relationships – John and Roxy have tensions in their relationship during Candy, as well as the weird cuckolding situation with Candy Jane/Jake/Gamzee.

Capitalism – See Economy.

Eggs – In Candy we see the Mother Grub release eggs that later give birth to baby trolls.

Slut Shaming – In both timelines, Dave and Karkat do not approve of Jade’s apparent promiscuity.

Black Romance – Candy Jane and Jake seem to settle into a kismessitude auspisticed by Gamzee, and Vriska also has a hatemakeout with Gamzee in the same timeline. It’s not clear where Terezi and John’s relationship in Meat laid.

Kidnapping – John attempts to kidnap Tavros Crocker from his abusive parents, eventually leading to a broken relationship with his wife and friends.

Faygo – Gamzee continues to drink the soda and seems to also give some to baby Tavros.

Bimboification – Throughout the Candy arc, everyone seems to slowly lose their character development.

Poisoning – See Drugging.

Teenagers – See Children.

Domestic Abuse – Candy Jane/Jake/Gamzee.

Reality Television – Jake continuously stars in ridiculous reality TV programs in both timelines.

Ovipositioning – See Eggs. I promise it’s not sexual.

Ghosts – The ghost army is seen fighting Lord English in Meat only to be sucked into the black hole, and these ghosts later start dropping out of the sky in the Candy timeline.

Revolutionary Rhetoric – See Political Intrigue.

Self-Sacrifice – Davepetasprite^2 sacrifices themselves to trap Lord English inside the black hole.

Propaganda – Candy Jane pushes propaganda material through the government.

Super PACs – Candy Jane is mentioned to utilize these to influence the government.

Pica – Meat Terezi in her starvation begins eating tobacco and shaving cream.

Early 20th Century Dance Movements – Jake does some of these for some reason.

Prison Camps – In Candy, captured members of the rebellion are mentioned to be sent there.

Existential Crisis – Candy John has one throughout the story, thinking that his reality seems fake.

Xenophilia – See Interspecies Relationships.

Daddy Issues – Tavros Crocker, presumably, and Candy Dave talks about his adoptive dad/bro at Dirk’s funeral.

Bad Parenting – See Child Abuse.

Addiction – Meat Jane appears to develop one to the Trickster Lollipop.

Clown – Gamzee.

I might have missed some on this list because my brain is fuzzy but that’s the general gist.

The Other Things Not Mentioned In The Tags That Are Also Bad

Remember how I mentioned how Gamzee’s back in Candy? While he’s apparently “not sixteen” when he shows up to meet the rest of the gang who is 23, it’s still iffy on what’s going on. And sixteen years later, when he is definitely an adult, he meets up with the definitely 16 year old Vriska, where the two begin some weird blackrom courtship, before she murders the clown. Any way you look at it, Gamzee’s at least twice Vriska’s age. Yuck. Similarly, the dying 23 year old John meets Terezi in the Furthest Ring, where she is apparently also “not 16″ but it’s not really specified how long it’s been from her perspective. And then the two end up having sex. Another notable mention to Candy Karkat and Meenah, who end up in a relationship when Karkat is into his late 20s and Meenah is only 19.

Speaking of sex, in general there’s just a lot of smutty things described in the epilogue. And while all of the characters sans the exceptions mentioned above are 23 or older, it’s still vastly uncomfortable to see characters getting their sex on when we first met them at thirteen.

There’s also all the transitioning tags up there because Roxy and Calliope transition - but only in the Meat timeline. While we only see like one year of Meat, we see sixteen of Candy. I’m not really qualified to comment more about the awkward implications of all this as a cis girl, so I’ll end this segment here.

The thing I think I am qualified to talk about was the furry tag up there. There’s a conversation where Candy Jade is talking to Karkat and Dave (the three vaguely have some sort of polyamory going on, maybe) and talks about having a baby. Jade reveals that she can’t get pregnant due to “biological reasons” and that the possible father of their surrogate baby won’t be Dave, so uh. It’s pretty easy to connect the awful dots. Which is just. What the fuck.

And here’s a whollop. In the characters, Barack Obama was tagged. At first I thought it was because of all of Dave’s references to him, but nope it turns out Dave actually has a conversation with Barack Obama. Basically Dave goes into what was once the white house and finds his way to some sort of weird bunker where he meets Magic Ghost Obama who tells Dave about various things. The worst part is definitely where Obama says he seemed to end up in some sort of relationship with Dirk Strider at one point. He also references things that were first mentioned in the Skaianet Systems Incorporated leaks, you know the ones where Hussie made it Einstein’s fault the holocaust happened? So like, oof. And I’m not sure I can construct a logical timeline in my head based on the information said in the Epilogues and in the leaks to when Obama and Dirk could have met at an equivalent age rather than Obama being an adult and Dirk... not being one. So uh. Yay.

I can’t think of anything else, but I almost definitely missed some stuff since it’s been days since I read those cursed epilogues and I might not pick up on more nuanced things. Basically the epilogues are bad!! And that’s why I’m probably gonna bow out of the Homestuck fandom soon. The comic has not aged well and this was just the icing on the shitty cake.

And if you’re still a Homestuck may I recommend not doing that. Find something else to invest your time into. Please. I know it might have been a big part of your childhood (it was a big part of mine), but it’s time to realize that maybe we’ve been looking through rose-tinted shades for longer than we should have and it’s time to put shitty things in the crapper.

#txt #ylimespam #homestuck #homestuck epilogues #andrew hussie #im not good at tagging things #im looking forward to angry homestucks entering my askbox

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ivanaskye · 6 years ago

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So I finished KH3. Some thoughts, in a bullet-point list, because my brain isn’t quite working well enough for connected prose:

There… wasn’t a lot of signaling to the audience about when the game would start ramping up to end. Specifically, there was no middle game—there was plenty of low-consequences world-hopping and gallivanting, right up to the point where suddenly we’re rescuing Aqua and then everyone’s talking about a final battle and then oh heck it’s over.

Lots of things could have made this better, but the most glaring omission was an actual *final checkpoint* before heading onto the last battle. Previous games had huge doors you had to pass, which would actually say “there is no turning back from this point, do you want to proceed?”. This game didn’t, and it really could have used it (especially since there were some false endings before the actual final ending.)

Similarly, keyblade power levels didn’t ramp up quite enough as the game went on—yeah, there were some pretty powerful ones, but there wasn’t really an equivalent to Oblivion as an actual late-game keyblade. There also didn’t seem to be a lot of form-changes with minor teleportation abilities other than Rage Form—and since those were the most powerful form-changes in BBS, it’s what I would have expected as a signal for “okay, we’re almost at full power, the game will end soon.”

Actually, just… the transition directly from a disney world to the freaking Keyblade Graveyard was. Not a good idea. A full location in between as buffer would have been really nice.

ALSO, some of the final -ga spells, and freaking glide, only got obtained in the Keyblade Graveyard! That really implied that either the Graveyard would be larger than it was, or that there’d be something after it, or… something.

Pivoting thoughts here, the treasure chest situation was the best the series has done since the very first game—you actually had to work to find some of these, which was always one of my favorite parts about the first game.

The lucky emblems added to that a lot too.

Although every single time I found a lucky emblem, I screamed and/or groaned. “REALLY? THAT PILE OF BARRELS IS MICKEY TOO? HE’S EVERYWHERE!!”

Ratatouille is adorable and I love him.

But cracking eggs is apparently not one of Sora’s skills.

Actually, Sora pretty much has no skills other than hitting things with a big key. Literally everyone teases him for this. All of Sora’s conversations seem to end in him getting ROASTED, which is hilarious.

But of course, the best roast in the game was from Woody to Xehanort: “You’ve never had friends, have you?”

As always, there are just so many Xehanorts.

But unfortunately, despite that one speech about how if the world starts over maybe there’ll be less darkness(???), his motivations are still pretty unclear. “Yeah I time-traveled a lot and recruited a bunch of people and created all these heartless and put in decades of work…. because uhhhh…. there will be more light in the world if it starts over!”

Meanwhile, Eraqus: “lol dude, #AtItAgain I see, you should probably stop trying to end the world, but then do you wanna hug?”

Speaking of characters, THE WHOLE GANG WAS HERE. Literally basically everyone made an appearance. Which I really liked!

But… the villains who had whole worlds to introduce their return in (Larxene, Marluxia, Evil!Riku, Vanitas, Luxord) didn’t have full-scale battles in those worlds. Which would have been fine if they had them later! They were, each of them, set up to become a bigger deal as the game went on… and then barely re-appeared between their introduction world and the Keyblade Graveyard, in which you didn’t even fight them one at a time, but three at a time, like each was suddenly inconsequential or something? TBH, Luxord probably got the best deal of the bunch, because at least you kinda do fight him one-on-one in the carribbean.

Poor Demyx, though…. dude only had two scenes…

Even/Vexen was also kinda sidelined, but in a way that worked better (especially since he’s had plenty of spotlight earlier in the series)

HOWEVER, as a general thing, the return of LITERALLY EVERYONE was super cool! I screamed in excitement when Ienzo showed up. NEVER had I even DARED TO HOPE that he might get a moment in this game, and here he was with several!

THE IENZO + EVEN + AELEUS + ANSEM THE WISE (+ DEMYX???) REFORMED EVIL SCIENTIST CROWD. I LOVE THEM.

See also: Xion’s return, THE SAIX THING, pretty much everything to do with Axel, Namine…

On the other hand, I kind of wanted more content for most of these groups. I didn’t really expect it, but come on, if this game can’t throw me the bone of EXPLAINING IT’S MAIN VILLAIN’S PRIMARY MOTIVATION, it can at least distract me with more drawn-out side goodies…

I haven’t even talked about the gameplay yet

Bullet lists are hard

ANYWAY THE BATTLE SYSTEM WAS GREAT, and basically had everything I wanted??? Good motivation to use a LOT of magic, frequent form-changes(!!!), other cool/weird ways to do damage (focus lock, attractions), and of course the usual attack mechanisms. Some form-changes even gave ways to attack at range!

(I ended up using ranged combat whenever possible, wearing three cufflinks at once for ALL THE HIGH MAGIC. I avoided using cure pretty much always so that I could keep up the magic, lol.)

(On that note, I used a LOT of aero and water in the early game, because I got those cufflinks first, but unfortunately, like always, Thundaga eventually replaced almost all other magic as the clear most powerful. Sigh.)

Also! Wall-running and flowmotion! Those are pretty much literally just The Things Sora Did In The Final Battle of KH2, but now he can do them All The Time, which really shows the character power progression even though due to video game mechanics, he had to start over at level 1, lolsob.

Speaking of Sora progression, he kind of has character development now! I sort of finally care about him! And then he just disappears forever lmao

Having ALL the characters back together really highlights KH’s tendency to have, basically, RECURSIVE TRIOS, which is kind of cool even though I kind of wish that maybe ONE of these trios could have two+ girls instead of one or none??? Please???

Speaking of sexism, Aqua saying “it’s my time to shine” and then immediately getting thrown across the room for Ventus to save her was… uh, classic.

Otoh Anti-Aqua was one of the coolest villain designs of the series

There were Not Enough worlds.

HOWEVER, The Caribbean in this game was the best KH world in the franchise’s history, IMO. GORGEOUS underwater scenery, also gorgeous above-land scenery, AND SO MANY ISLANDS TO EXPLORE. Completely non-plot-relevant islands! That you could just go to! And look for treasure in, like a pirate! (There was a lot of treasure… that one sunken ship had, what, five chests in one place? It was the ideal pirate aesthetic.)

Also the Caribbean had the best BG music.

Sora DEFINITELY has a crush on Jack Sparrow.

…On the other hand, if I’m gonna mention worlds I DIDN’T like, the plot in San Fransokyo was so cheesy I almost died.

Olympus was great though! It had such good design!

Corona made me desperately want it to be summer, it was great.

IT’S TOO COLD OUTSIDE FOR ARENDELLE, ESPECIALLY WHEN SORA DOESN’T HAVE A COAT— but it was really, really pretty.

Axel’s “Don’t you know how popular I am? I have tons of fans rooting for me!” was one of the funniest lines of the series.

There is not enough Winnie The Pooh content and that makes me really sad.

It’s even WORSE in that Sora actually SAYS, “oh, I’m losing my connection to Pooh, and I think I know why,” and then just… leaves, like that’s fine??? IT’S NOT FINE, SORA.

IT’S NOT FINE

Also idk if that cat plushie is a character from some FF game, but they’re the Worst Possible Version of Mandos.

(Cute, but. Hmmmm.)

ALL THAT SAID…

I have yet to mention the most important part of the game.

WHICH IS THE FLANTASTIC SEVEN.

They… are pudding.

They wiggle!

They ask you to play games with them!

They’re so cute!

They’re into vore!

I LOVE THEM!

Tl;dr: The game felt like it ended too suddenly, which made me sad because it was doing so much to fight my depression. But I loved playing most of it, and I really need a flan plushie now…

#this is the longest and least organized freaking post #kh3 #kh3 spoilers #obviously.

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thistleandthorn-rpg · 5 years ago

Photo

Congrats Hanna on your audition for Fauna Flanagan! Please check out this page for what to do next and send us her blog within the next 48 hours!

OOC INFORMATION:

Name/Alias: Hanna Preferred pronoun: she/her Age: 24 Timezone/Country: GMT RP Experience: ten years Activity Level: 7/10

IC INFORMATION:

Name: Fauna Flanagan Designation: submissive Age: 22 Faceclaim: Ariana Grande Birthday: February 18th Orientation: Bisexual Baby Kinks: humiliation, M/s, face slapping, spanking, exhibitionism, Watersports, bimbofication, squirting Anti-Kinks: scat, vore, needles, heavy blood play

BIO: tw: sexual abuse

Fauna was born laughing, the smile on her little face when she entered the world is a story that delighted her mother everytime she told it. The little girl proceeded to take most of life with an equal amount of levity. Giggling her way through school and social interaction alike. Yet despite her smile and apparently inability to take things seriously, Fauna was excelling. Her family were stunned when tests came back with full marks, when her teachers suggested that Fauna was showing signs of having an IQ far above average. When they asked Fauna about it, she simply shrugged and said that she just “like got it.” Such was Fauna’s apparent lack of interest in her marks that her mother was worried she might be cheating. But after watching her complete her homework they realised that behind Fauna’s smile she was secretly working as hard as she could. Nobody could work out why Fauna refused to talk to them about her talents or why whenever they quizzed her about working hard she shrugged them off but they supposed as long as she got good grades it didn’t really matter.

Fauna didn’t want to get into it with her family, she loved her siblings but she wasn’t sure that they would understand. While her Dad had always been open to her exploring any passion she might have she also noted how he treated submissives. She didn’t think he would approve of her aspirations of medical school if she was ever marked submissive and so she kept her mouth shut, just in case. She enjoyed the trips back and forth from Ireland to America, getting to see more of the world made her open her horizons to all kinds of possibilities. Childhood gave way into tweendom and suddenly Fauna noticed that people were watching her. She flirted with their gazes a little, but she never really paid them all that much mind until her mother booked her private lessons with Drayton March. She was thirteen, and he was almost twenty three but he treated her like she was much older. They talked about her future, and how she wanted to be a surgeon one day. Drayton told her he supported her dream, and that she would be a great doctor one day. In between the pages of her advanced science textbooks, he gave her very her first kisses. He told her how pretty she was, what a good girl she was, and how much he wanted her. That they’d be together forever he promised, but he can’t wait to have her, it has to be now. So Fauna gave up her virginity to him. He quit as her tutor the next day.

Fauna never told anyone about what happened and instead she threw herself into high school. Fauna was excelling in aceing her classes and had become relatively popular when she was befriended by another girl in her class named Charlotte. The two girls got very close and eventually friendship turned to a romantic and sexual relationship and Fauna had really begun to fall for Charlotte when the rumours started. “Apparently that one slutty girl in our class will get on her knees for anyone.”

“ She’s been around the block a lot, so she’ll do anything that you say as long as you tell her that you’re friends.” Fauna didn’t want to believe that the rumours started with Charlotte, but she couldn’t hide from what was staring her plain in the face. When she confronted her, Charlotte shrugged and unapologetically explained away her actions with. “I didn’t think you thought this was anymore than a fuck.” Fauna laughed it off and pretended like her heart wasn’t broken and vowed to embrace her reputation, after all nobody could use her sexuality as a weapon if she already owned it. After that the lovers blurred together for a while. She didn’t take any time to imagine a relationship with any of them anymore. They only ever wanted one thing anyway, she’s not the kind of girl that they wanted to build a life with. They just want to have their fun. She knew that the teachers talked about her, and that they looked down on her. That girl who was is fucking half the class. But she didn’t care, her grades were still the highest one day they would regret underestimating her. The trips to New York were always a welcome escape, in New York nobody knew about her reputation. She could just be Fauna again.

She graduated from high school top of her class and with aspirations to become a paediatric surgeon. Hoping that she would be marked as a Switch so that she could focus on academics instead of on the relationships that she sucked at so badly. But she wasn’t all that surprised by the submissive mark, since she was so well known for getting on her knees

BIO QUESTIONS:

What are your feelings about the mark you have received?

I think it’s probably about right, I’ve never been shy about following orders so that I could make friends. I do like submitting in the sexual way so it’s probably for the best. I don’t have the attention span for dominance ya know? I’d probably just forget to give out a punishment or like get super bored with the rules I put in place and change them up for something more fun.

How do your feelings on the system compare to your parents’ feelings on it?

I mean my dad is all work and no play, and runs his relationships like the military. I just think there’s no need to put so much pressure on the whole D/s thing to be honest. It’s just biology, there’s no need to make it your whole damn personality. I want people to be thinking about Fauna the person rather than Fauna the sub.

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Hopefully in a hospital with an ass that still won’t quit performing a life saving surgery on a particularly cute kid named Freddie. I’ll probably be on my like eighth bash at a claim with some hot older woman who left her husband to be with me or something.

Describe what terrifies you the most.

How quickly everything can go to shit, like you can think that your life is perfect and all of a sudden everything starts falling apart. Footballers at the top of their game breaking their leg and never being able to play a game again. That kind of shit. It fucks me up. I don’t know what I’d do if I could just suddenly never be a doctor, like dude that’s my whole dream.

#accepted

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