#things that scared me so much as a child??

[girlfailure-helena]

I used to be like this and kinda still struggle with being like this sometimes, but what helps me is that I'm focused on the friendship needing to be healthy because the fear of losing the person motivates me to be better. I'll try to share my perspective on this as someone who's healing from being this type of person.

Honestly it took me meeting someone who was exactly like me in this specific way, and I noticed that them not telling me when they're hurt or uncomfortable caused me to feel more anxious around them because I was afraid I was hurting them, and it also required me to try to manage their feelings FOR them by second-guessing every single thing I say/do because I was afraid of hurting them by accident. The lack of trust that they would communicate with me became draining, especially since the discomfort they felt did not go away, it builds up inside them and causes resentment towards me for hurting them. Even tho I didn't know I was hurting them. As I said I was like this and still struggle being like that sometimes, but it's important to understand that even if you struggle to believe anyone likes you or wants you around, gently voicing your discomfort/hurt is still important. If they really do not give a fuck about you as your inside voice tells you, they will ignore it or tell you they're don't care. BUT, in case they do care about you (that's way more plausible), they will try to not do what hurts you, or at least try to work it out with you through communication. If you refuse to communicate your needs with them, they will be hurt by this behavior, because they care and don't want to hurt you.

This truth is EXTREMELY hard to be faced with, and what I'd usually do is react to this with "guess I'll just kill myself I'm a horrible person". But that doesn't do any good for you nor your friends, it just causes this avoidant behavior of yours to get stronger because the more you tell yourself you're horrible, the less you will feel the love your friends give you, and in turn you won't be able to truly appreciate the friendship. Instead of falling into self-hate because of horrible facing this information feels, you need to take more steps into communicating your boundaries with people. And I do get it how fucking hard this shit is, I'm telling all this as if I figured it all out, but every time I communicate a boundary with someone I have a mental breakdown because of how terrifying it is to believe me making myself bigger is ok, that I don't need to make myself as small as possible for people. It sounds so fucking easy "just communicate your needs instead of self-hating when you're faced with this information", but it's not easy, it's not, and it's ok. It's ok that you struggle and it's valid that you're this way. I don't know what trauma you all had to go through to get here, but I know what I went through to get here. No matter what, just keep trying. It's better to be terrified but trying, than covering yourself in the comfort blanket of self-hate, as much as I long to do that and just believe I should kill myself, I look at all my friendships and my #1 priority is to have those people in my life, to not hurt or lose them. I'm trying to be patient with myself, I do my best to communicate my boundaries or pain and then I just let myself cry my eyes out, because I know why I'm scared and it's ok. And it's ok for you to do that too. Please, be patient with yourself, your inner child is scared and you need to be there for them and comfort them. It's not your fault, but you need to take responsibility, and be kind to yourself along the way.

I wish everyone who struggles with this a calm road towards healing.

You're not actually a better friend for not articulating and respecting your own needs, limits and boundaries. Your lack of communication and boundaries is not some impressive sacrifice. You're not doing anyone any favors by acting like you're okay with things you aren't okay with. You're just building burnout and resentment that will eventually damage the relationship in question. And when you eventually snap and walk away because you silently overburdened yourself to be a "good friend", it won't be the other persons fault

[buryhny]

One Night Stand ; 49 final !

➥ rundown ; as if the unexpected twist of a one-night stand turning out to be your CEO boss wasn't surreal enough, the situation takes a more challenging turn when both of you discover that you're expecting his child

→ genre ; enemies to lovers | CEO au | pregnancy trope | slowburn

→ Jungkook x y/n → contains smut, fluff and angst → Chapter fourty nine ; wc 9.8k

primarily on Wattpad

index ⇢ next chapter

"Who's at the door this time?" Jungkook questions as he glances at the clock that reads 9 o'clock; the doorbell never rings past 5 pm, so it takes the man by surprise. "It's Hoseok! He's finally free from all the work you'd been throwing on his back." This makes Jungkook roll his eyes; obviously, you're going to side with your 'best friend', but truly, Hoseok's been doing an impeccable job; he deserves more work on his hands when he can handle it so well.

True though, as a CEO he'd been tiring his workers too much but he's glad that its all over how, the big project has finally sailed and its just in time for celebration with Misoo turning 5 months! "look at your mommy, she's all decked up for her best friend!" he speaks to her in his baby language as he adjusts the straps of her little dress.

"It's time for Misoo to meet Hobi uncle!!! come on, soo!" Jungkook pouted when you carry her in your arms, making her wave at him. "maybe you should carefully place your ego on the desk, hopefully then you'll come downstairs...mmm?" you say sarcastically, you love teasing him with Hoseok, Jungkook always seems to get infuriated at that.

Although it's all for fun, there's no harm, it's such a funny game to play...though sometimes you might want to drop it off and not...make things too bad, but you both know your limits, so it's all cool. "Jokes apart, Jungkook, come down? Please?" you ask genuinely, and he sighs.

"I will, I will. It's just...so weird in this setting..you get me right?" "I know..I know he's just your employee, but come on now, you're a big boy, you'll handle it." You murmur while caressing Misoo's hair. "Take your time," you whisper before walking out of the room.

You frown when you see another man seated beside Hoseok, You walk down the stairs with Misoo wrapped in your arms, confused about who the unknown man is. his hair colored in an orange tangerine shade, he sits still though his head moves around, scanning the place until his eyes meet yours.

"Hi Hobi." you murmur, making the man swiftly move to look at you. "y/n!!" he squeaks and get on his feet, his beaming smile reaches his eyes as he excitedly watches the little one who looks at him with round innocent eyes, she oversees him...Hoseok extends his arms in attempt to carry the baby but she doesn't move, she's still 5 months and has no idea how to jump into arms yet so she looks at the cheery man whose eyes shine in joy like he's never seen a baby before.

"Come to Hobi!!! Hobi uncle!!!" he mutters. Surely the baby is surprised at how energetic this guy in front of her is. You make eye contact with the orange-headed man and smile; he smiles back, too, though it's short-lived, and he's soon back to having a very straight face.

He speaks no word, waiting till you three have your moment before he...possibly ruins it. But he's not here to do any harm or fight, all he wants is peace and acceptance from his younger brother, who now has a lovely family. "y/n, she's so cute! i cant believe how much she looks like Mr Jeon, it's insane.

"Hoseok tries to make her laugh by making funny faces, he puts out his tongue, his hands on his ears, wiggling his fingers and he succeeds...any one would, Hoseok is great at making people smile and laugh. "i know you wanna carry her, here.."he tightens his lips, trying to tell you that he's scared.

"You'll be fine! She's a big girl now. He wipes his hands on his jacket before opening his arms to carry the little one, who sits just fine! "There, she likes you!" you say when Misoo looks up at him and smiles. "Oh my god, hello Misoo baby! ayyyy!!!!" he screams whenever she smiles, then he laughs loudly, filling the house with joyful sounds.

When Hoseok walks around the hall, talking to Misoo, you turn to the man seated quietly. "Hello, I'm y/n, did you want to meet Jungkook?" he gets on his feet and nods. "It seems like Jungkook hasn't mentioned who I am," he chuckles.

You can tell he's stoic, concealing his sadness with his masking smile and rapid blinking. You can't seem to figure out who he is, but he feels...so close, someone you know, even though you've never met him before. "May I know your name?" you ask. "You're beautiful.." he whispers, but that's not what you wanna hear from him, you're appreciative of his compliment, but that's not what you asked.

He doesn't make eye contact...like ever and its unusual because you want people to look at you when they speak, feels like he's hiding something but you cant tell. "yes?" you say and he heaves a sigh before he speaks. "Yoongi." it hit you like a truck then. Is this man Yoongi? The one who left abandoned Jungkook when he needed him the most.

You froze when he said his name, he could tell that you knew him just by the way your eyes began blinking rapidly, as if you were trying to process his name, connecting him to the past that Jungkook had told you. Why is he here? Why is he back after..god knows how many years? "I-i know what you're thinking, but things have changed-" "Does Jungkook know that you're here?" you ask, and he gets quiet.

You exhale a deep breath, your eyes search Hoseok, who gives you a reassuring nod. he knows you were worried for the little one, but she's safe in her uncle's arms. You look back at Yoongi, who looks restless, he knows he doesn't belong here, but he doesn't want to leave that chapter incomplete, he wants to...make things alright, if only Jungkook gives him one last chance.

"I'm no one to ask but...Jungkook is everything to me and he's finally healing..I just-" you stutter. "I just want to don't want him to "y/n?" The volume of his voice is loud as he calls your name out as he stands by the stairs. You tilt your head to look at him, and you already see the tension in his face.

The way his eyebrows pull together and the clenching of his jaw prove the depth of his anger, surprise, maybe. Of course, he never expected him to be here. The bunch of text messages and calls ended long ago, so why is he here without any notice? Jungkook walks down the stairs, each step he takes echoes through the house, even with all the furniture and curtains absorbing the sounds.

Yoongi doesn't move, he doesn't swallow the saliva that builds up either, because he's not afraid like he was, he knows his motive, and he's fulfilling them with clear intentions. Jungkook stands beside you. he glances at your face, and you look at him with pleading eyes, to take this easy because you see the frustration building in his eyes.

He nods, accepting the signals you telepathically send to him. You move, but you stay in the zone. Whatever happens, you're gonna be here. "Listen, Ju-" "why are you here? you didn't have to come to my house when you could've done it in the office- heck, didn't we finish it already?!" you were taken back by his words, surprise crosses your face.

'They'd met before?' "kook i thought we made peace-" "we did, its exactly why i don't understand why you're here! and- why did you come to one of my employees-" Jungkook mutters when he sees Hoseok peering intently even though he knows this doesn't concern him. "its not his fault, i- i asked him to bring me here." Yoongi says as he takes a deep breath before looking up at the younger one.

"it's not peace unless you actually...make peace and this-" he moves his finger gesturing him and Jungkook. "this isn't peace, especially not with your sour face of seeing me here-" "i-i just don't understand- " "everything is so fucking clear kook!" the tone of Yoongi's voice rises as he speaks now, clearly done with Jungkook's attitude.

He gets closer to the younger one, making your heart race. "You are pushing me away, and I know! I know I hurt you, but I miss you so much and il do anything you be your brother again!" he presses his index finger on Jungkook's chest as he says every word with all his heart.

Jungkook exhales deeply, he knows he's pushing Yoongi now and it had nothing to do with their past, he's a better person now, he's handled himself and....he truly wants to be Yoongi's brother too. "you promise me you wont fucking leave me! no matter what!" Jungkook mutters, the veins on his neck bulge as he hisses through his teeth. a warning that this is the last time, and if this promise is broken, it's over.

His hands grip Yoongi's collar as he looks into his eyes, waiting for an answer. both of them stare into each other's souls, meeting with their younger selves as they glare. "i fucking wont! god, dammit!" Yoongi pushes Jungkook hard with his hands, almost stumbling him, before he pulls him into the tightest hug he could ever give.

Jungkook breaks down, then the tears flow through his cheeks, falling on the black shirt Yoongi wears. The sight of two brothers reuniting has to be the most emotional yet the most beautiful moment to witness with one's eyes. You couldn't have been happier for both of them!

Jungkook has spent all his life wanting a family, and when the one he found left him, ran away from him...it broke his heart into several pieces that to date he hasn't found all of them yet. the pieces of his heart. But after he found you, got his child, he'd mended many bits, glued them, and sealed them.

But somehow you can never fix a broken mirror, the little fragments will always be missed even if you fix the big shards, but today...he might've found them, the mirror will most definitely not look the same again with its cracked pieces but...at least he can now see his face in one frame. The grasp Yoongi has on Jungkook is so tight.

Jungkook had always envisioned a scene like this, when his loved ones finally come together, but in his wildest dreams, he never thought they would hug him like there's no tomorrow. He'd always imagined a scenario where he hugs them with all his heart, but... seems like Yoongi missed him...so...so much. And it feels good, it feels..complete.

The orange-headed man chuckles as he pulls away and holds the younger ones' hands. It's quiet, there's comfort in this silence. until you pull your nose, then the two of them turn to look at you. Jungkook walks to you and hugs you sideways, his palm clutches your shoulder as he places a kiss on your head. "Yoongi hyung.."The sound of that name allows the older to heave a sigh of relief and accomplishment.

He'd been dying to hear that for a long...long time. "This is  y/n... she's-" Jungkook glances at you with a smile. "She's your everything, you've told me," he completes it, and you chuckle, making Jungkook embarrassed. "Yeah... oh-wait." Hoseok stands awkwardly with Misoo in his arms as he watches the scene. Jungkook gestures for him to come, and he does. "Mr. Je-" "just j=Jungkook," he says and smiles.

"Misoo is good with you." "oh definitely, she's a lovely little girl!!" he says as he places a kiss on her temple and she looks up at him with wide eyes. "may i have her-" "don't ask!" Jungkook takes his little girl into his arms and walks towards Yoongi while Hoseok on the other hand stays beside you, giving your shoulder a nudge. "meet my daughter, Misoo..." Yoongi watches the baby...she's beautiful he thinks.

He can't believe his younger brother is now a father to this princess but there's no doubt that she's his. "she looks just like you!" he whispers as he caresses her head and smiles his gummy smile. "she's the prettiest child i've ever seen." Jungkook giggles at that. "have her!" Yoongi shakes his head, afraid of carrying the tiny soul but Jungkook insists so he carefully takes her.

His arms freeze, and chills run down his spine. He's never held a baby since he's had the fear of dropping them, she's fragile but not too much since she's quite big, almost half her time to reach one. She peeks innocently at Yoongi and smiles at him when he shows his. filling his heart with love. "Oh, she's such an angel!"

:

Time flies, but the time didn't just fly; it gave you so many memories to cherish. You bonded much well with your parents, it seems like your father had knocked some sense into your mother, which you are very thankful of, however you may...have distance yourself from her a bit, which Jungkook hated but you had to explain it to him that you can't always be nice when she's literally on a mission to make you both quarrel, and about what?? Marriage? That isn't even a part of your discussions yet; your baby is too little to focus on anything else.

Jungkook can't keep his hands off you recently, and it's testing you. you both have no that any sex since...the day of his birthday and that's because Jungkook wants to give you a break but that does not mean you two don't do shit, lord no.. things are as messy as always, sometimes messier than sex but its amazing, its still fire and keeps the flame burning.

Until...today.. Misoo had turned 7 months, and by now, you've trained her for bottle feeding and rusks too. which she has without any fuss, she is not...the biggest fan of mashed fruits, but that's okay! It takes time, and thank god!!! Your parents have settled into your apartment for a bit.

Jungkook insisted that they stay over at his place, but they said they'll stay at the apartment for the time being and sell all the furniture off so they can give it for rent or rather sell it since you don't need it anymore. which again Jungkook told him he could do it all in a few hours, but they insisted on doing it themselves. Your mother may... be a little difficult with you, but with Misoo, she's everything else.

She's a lovely grandma, and for that, you can't disagree; she loves her little jellybean or whatever she calls Misoo. Jungkook has been losing his mind lately, and he can't tell this to you because you've been busy shifting Misoo to her nursery and he just wants to forget you both have a baby for a while and take his time to appreciate you and so..he decided to let Misoo spend a night with her grandparents.

They were over the moon to have the little one and...you would love some alone time with your man too, so you agreed. Both of you agreed just for one night because you both can't stay long without your baby too. "have fun my bunny!!!" Jungkook places a kiss on Misoo's cheek as he waves at her and your parents.

"Dad please call us for anything okay!" you say for the 100th time of the day, concerned cause its the first time you'll be away from your bunny wunny. "of course darling, we heard you. now shoo away and let jellybean have her sleepover with us!" he laughs while your mom talks to Misoo.

"Say bye papa and mommy!!!" she attempts to make Misoo wave at you two which she does not but she giggles when her grandma tickles her. "go kids, have fun!" with that you two walk down to his car. there's silence between you two as you both sigh. "god i miss her already." you say, "fuck...me too." he says as you both lean on your seats.

"But...we cant be late." Jungkook says and you frown. "late for?" he smiles as he drives back home. "i want you to dress up, backless? strapless? short length? Knee length? whatever the fuck you wanna, i want you to dress up for me- no heck. for yourself! Okay?" he says, and you blink twice. "Ooookayyy..." you say nervously and chuckle as you both enjoy the music while he drives back home.

You walk upstairs, straight to your closet to choose a dress. You don't know what you wanna wear, but something about Jungkook's description gave out that this surprise might not be some fancy dinner but something casual and fun so when you browse by your closet, your eyes fall right on the burgundy dress that's got a lace look to it, covering up your arms and stopping below the knee with a high lace neck, you knew this was the one.

So you freshen up and slip into the dress, putting on a smoky makeup look while Jungkook takes a shower. He walks out, wearing a white tank top with a leather jacket and wide denim, you almost wanna pass out. he looks different, he's not the CEO Jeon.

Right now, he looks like a playboy who would walk in your direction, pass a wink, and gesture for you to meet him upstairs. He's dressed up for a club, and you see it. Jungkook's eyes fall on your back...that's open and stops a little over your ass. You're leaning over your vanity as you put on some lip gloss, and what a sight. Jungkook walks towards you, stopping right behind your body, he positions his hips right at your bent ass.

He looks down at it, the sight of your curve which is so much juicier than it ever used to be, right in front of his dick. its a sight to treasure. "what the fuck are you doing jeon?" "fuck you look so hot like this- i cant move, cant take my eyes off you-" he says as a grunt leaves his lips as his palms caresses the curve of your ass, your dress so short, all he wants to do is slip his hand right in.

"Can't fuck, we've got to go." "baby, let's make it quic-" "no Jungkook! lets go!!!" you pull him downstairs even though you so badly wanna fuck him, bend yourself on the couch and let him take over. but you cant, you're not gonna ruin his surprise, despite the fact that him ruining you sounds more tempting than anything else right now.

You were right, this is casual and fun. It's the club. But a much better one, fancier even, unlike the other clubs you've been to, this one's more sophisticated, a lot of the men wore fine clothing, and the women too. Jungkook's hand stays at your back as he walks in beside you, his eyes don't leave you, the backless is distracting him and even if he tries to look around the club, enjoy the view since he's got the opportunity to, he can't.

He fucking can't. 

"what would you like sir and ma'am?" the bartender asks as he walks towards you both. "ill have a pinot noir." you say. "campari." he mumbles at which you raise your eyebrow with a smirk. That was the wine you had when you first met him, that strong, bitter, citrusy flavour which you hated.

Although it tasted fantastic when you flavoured the drink with your tongue. You both grab your drinks and walk to the couch. He specifically chose the one at the corner just so you both could have some space, but also be closer to the dance floor. You lean against his chest as he places his hand on your stomach.

You both sit together, hands all over each other. Occasionally, he would place a kiss on your head and lips and smile at your sight. You take a sip of your red wine, you squint a bit at first, totally forgetting the taste of the grapes, since it's been over a year since you last had wine. He looks at you and chuckles.

"You drink expensive wine," he says, which makes you turn your head away from the people. "I don't actually, but since my friend at that time paid for this. I liked the berry flavour in this. I would never buy this back then with my own money," you laughed. Jungkook looked closely at you, his eyes softened as you tasted the earthiness of the liquid.

"You can have all you want now, baby, just...not too much." You nod. Of course, you're not gonna get crazy drunk, you're a responsible mom now, but you've been given the night to loosen up, so you're gonna take it. You're glad that you've pumped enough milk for Misoo, so she's gonna be okay for the night. Both of you enjoy the silence, sipping on each other's choices of wine.

Jungkook's quite fast at downing his drinks; he'd had around 3 glasses already, and it surprises you because you're still on your first. He had stopped drinking, too. Some weekends, he would have a shot, but he's much better than he ever used to be. Maybe he missed the feeling of liquor, or it could be the place.

Jungkook wouldn't tell, but he just wants to control himself around you. All he can think of is having on his hips and to stop himself from getting hard and focusing on those thoughts, he downs his drinks as fast as he can.  Jungkook glances at you from time to time, he can't believe he's at the club with his woman.

Now he doesn't have to leave with a random stranger anymore, he's gonna leave this club with his girl. Jungkook's intrigued, though, when he notices you looking at the men and women around. His eyes are on you all the time, they move when yours do, so he knows exactly who you're looking at.

He observes how others look at you, the men nod at you as they pass by, some give you a wink, and some smirk. Jungkook can't say anything, of course, you're hot, and anyone would want you. he understands how them, men must be feeling when they see you all touchy with another man when they want you for themselves but fuck off losers, Jungkook thinks.

He's got you all for himself, no sharing. but he's got crazy ideas and the more he thinks about it the more exciting he becomes. he truly wants to just play around but he also wants to know your reaction so he might as well give it a try. "baby.." he calls you as he rubs your stomach in up and down motions. "mmm?" you hum while your eyes are still at the bar. "you wanna dance?" "Of course I do-" " come on then"

he pulls you up from the table, after he downs his last glass. "wait up!" you soon drink the rest of your wine before rushing after him. Jungkook dances to the song immediately, he signals you to dance along and you laugh. you've totally forgotten how to dance anymore, especially at the club. it's been ages you last moved your hips to a sensual song. "come on." 

he holds your palms and moves his hips, pushing you towards his chest as your back bumps to him. you giggle at how excited he is. his eyes look down at your ass and it turns him on already. it's worse when you rock your hips in circles. "fuck..." he whines as he tries to ignore it and dance with you. "come on, why did you slow down?!!" you ask, you're doing this intentionally anyway. you're grinding on his hips on purpose, you want him to feel your body. 

it excites you how he holds your hips and tries to move you an inch away. he chuckles as he places a kiss on your ear. "nothing baby." he whispers, making you smirk. his voice is so whiny. he trembles at your moves, your neck is too inviting and he can't seem to stand still. you notice him getting slower as time passes and it's confusing because the songs are just getting better and loud. he gives his all to stop thinking from his dick and think form his mind but he can't. not when you both have barely had any sex for a while, it's been ages he last saw you in a fucking dress that barely covers you at all. "come on, pass the lady over. give us a chance." 

a man speaks through the music, he's drunk as hell but he's tired of the lady he'd been dancing with all night. he wants to have a chance with everyone here and the only one left is you. Jungkook frowns and holds you by the waist possessively, pushing you closer to him. "she's mine." he mutters, his teeth grinding with each word. "yeah yeah, she's everyone's. pass her over, let's take turns." the drunk man speaks, making Jungkook's veins bulge. he puffs his chest out and lifts his chin. "she's not a fucking toy! she's my girlfriend, fuck off!!" 

he pushes the guy away and moves to the corner. you caress his arms and calm him down. "hey, hey relax. he was drunk." "son of a bitch," he cusses as he breathes with his hands resting on his hip. you giggle and kiss his ear. "she's mine huh." you repeat his words and it makes his eyes roll. fuck why does he feel kinda embarrassed? "stop." he murmurs, you use this opportunity to kiss his jaw while your hands slowly work down his pants, he gasps when he feels your touch. 

you're a tease. 

he tries to stop you but you don't so Jungkook's hand grips your arm as he's taking you the corner of the building where people barely are.

"Jungk-" "i can't do this! you're a fucking tease." he mutters, his voice hoarse as the alcohol and anger had taken his honey voice away. You tried to hide your smile; but you can't. somehow his jealousy was too hot to handle. you had to tease him, just a little bit. his hands stay on your arms; he doesn't hold you tight, his grip is light, his consciousness is still awake, and he would never hurt you.

"but i want to dance..." "the fuck you want to-" Jungkook attacks your lips with his, pushing you against the wall as he makes out with you.

He'd forgotten that you applied maroon lip gloss on, its gonna bleed around your mouth, ruining the beautiful lip liner along with it but he didn't care, he's gonna clean you up, no one will know that your glossed lips were ruined, everyone will look at the clean gloss he'd given you on your natural rosy lips.

Jungkook can't keep himself still; he needs you so much. much more after how possessive he'd gotten from the whole dance he'd had. thank fuck for the noisy music, cause the sounds you two make right now are so lewd. It's dirty, loud, and sloppy. The moans you make that he tries to swallow, though he lets out his grunts.

The two of you fight for dominance while the drool slides down each of your mouths. It's messy, raw yet so so good. Jungkook's hands reach down between your thighs, he feels the heat just by touching your cold thighs. You push your leg up, telling him to touch you, opening up for him, and he does. His hands crawl into your insides. realising you have nothing but a thong on. this surprises him, it leaves his legs wobbly, he can't fucking stand no more.

"F-fuck" he curses under his breath as he continues to kiss you. neither of you can leave each others mouths, its like oxygen to you two, you need him and he needs you. "for me? just for me?" he whispers as his fingers reach your heat, there was barley anything covering you up and it excited him too much, his fingers slipped right in, letting a loud moan leave your lips.

"So wet..." he whispers as he plays shapes inside you. "we need...to leave." you mumble and he nods. pulling his fingers off you, which you hiss at, missing the feeling of wrapping up. Jungkook placed a couple of bills on the bar, he barely bothered to count.

Definitely, there was much more than he had to pay, but he didn't care, right now the only motive is to reach home as fast as he can...he does not want to waste any more time. Jungkook had an idea of all this, which was why he didn't drive tonight. sitting at the back seat of a cab was far more difficult, he couldn't do shit because the driver mentioned "no kissing or sex in my backseat" right when he saw you two at the street as he pulled up. You both giggled at this. you two looked fucked out.

The drive was a tease. you two couldn't do shit when you're so so close, it was funny too especially when the guy keeps looking at the rear mirror so you two don't do some sneaky shit and ruin his just polished seats.

Jungkook and you rushed into the house, he didn't even make it to the room you both shared, he'd already begun at the entrance. he just...could not keep his hands to himself when you look like this. and to be fair you cant too, not when he dressed up like a young boy who smokes at the clubs and fucks every girl he sees.

Something about Jungkook's speed makes things hotter, he isn't slow like he usually is, he's fast and needy, which only makes you want him more. you both feel like you're reliving that night, the lust and desire in the air are suffocating and if you both don't fuck right now, you just know you're gonna die.

"Fuck.. I need you like right fucking now-" you speak in between kisses, his lips make their way to your jaw and neck but dammit it's a high neck and your bare skin is beneath the lace. "yeah?" he murmurs and you nod, eyes rolling at how his teeth nips at your skin. "now Jungkook, fucking now."

He smirks when he feels your hands clenching the collar of his jacket. he holds your palm and rushes up the stairs, not wasting any more time. he pushes you against the wall, his foot closing the door even though their no one at home and you both can do all the shit you want without any worry.

His fingers tremble as he attempts to find where the zip or buttons are, he hastily runs his fingers on your bare back, his lips don't leave yours. "where the fuck- is the zip-" he grunts, he can't wait anymore, he feels the temper, he's irritated by your stupid zip. You push him away, both of you getting some air.

Finally. "It's a button, Jungkook!" you mutter, removing that one little button behind your neck; nothing else holds this dress, just the little transparent circle. He groans, feeling foolish, which makes you chuckle. One flick and the whole dress just...falls off your chest. Jungkook is left...dumb. He was completely speechless.

Your breasts are free, they don't have a single piece of shit on them, around them or whatever. you had fucking nothing under that dress?! Jungkook's eyes don't blink, he can't. not when...not when you're divine, a ...muse. he always knew you were beautiful but fuck...this sight is...too much for him.

How much can a man take?? You push the dress down your thighs and wosh..they pile around your ankle. leaving you completely...naked. You smirk, pushing a strand of hair behind your ear. You can see that he...stunned, and that just takes your ego to a whole other level. Jungkook can. not physically move.

He can't blink his eyes, nor can he close his lips. In this moment, in this tension, when a woman looks like this. what can a poor man do? "are you gonna do anything about this?" you whisper, battering your eyes, trying to look all innocent when your mind is filled with nothing but sins. "fuck yes." he jumps on you, pressing his lips harder than ever, his palms cup your face hard, his grip is tight.

He does not want to leave you for a second. He's hungry for you, it's been months since you both indulged in sex, fingering and hand  jobs were too boring at some point even though they helped, you both are so horny right now that you don't know what to do, where to start and how to. You both need everything, anything, and...it feels like the night isn't enough.

Jungkook goes down your neck and leaves a couple of bruises down there. He remembers how that dimpled guy almost left a mark, and it frustrates him. "no drunk man is getting this- no man ever except me" he mutters while you moan at the nip of his teeth. He wishes to mark your whole neck and fill this empty canvas with his paintings, but he knows he can't, he can't fill it up, he can only draw a few.

"Then do it yourself," you reply, and he smirks. his tongue rolls at your sweet spot, teeth sucking on them while you hold onto him and push him down for more. Jungkook grabs your thighs and picks you up as he continues to suckle you. he places you carefully on the bed and immediately removes his clothes, throwing them away to just.. get naked as fast as possible.

You place your elbows and watch him, he's hard. like fucking hard already. he doesn't give you time to admire him, he's already hovering over you and kissing your chest, tasting the milk that only belongs to you. he moans at it, has never felt this way before. His hands reach down to push inside of you, preparing you for the stretch. he's not waiting any longer, he needs to be inside of you right now.

"Fuck- your so wet baby," "Please.. please I want you-" "I know I know.. I just-" he grunts as he pushes his head between your chest. "I just need to stretch y-" "Just put it in! I can take it!!" you insist, and ...he can't take it anymore, he wants to be in you too! So he places himself right into you, and in seconds, he slips I, causing you both to let out loud moans.

His head falls on your shoulder while your hands scratch his back. Though it's been a little over 5 months since you both had sex, it feels like an eternity, and it feels mind-blowing. he was always good at sex, but right now, after a long wait, it was nothing like you'd imagined it to be. Jungkook feels like he's in heaven right now.

He thrusts slowly and steadily, taking in the tightness. You tap on his arm to go faster, and he does. The room is filled with lustful sounds and music to hear. Jungkook does all he can, giving you hickeys, making out with you, and feeling your breasts. He's into this! and has never been more energetic before. "fuck baby-" Jungkook cries when you clench around him, you're so good at this, it makes him crazy.

"I'm so close-" you whisper, you feel your second orgasm on its way. "I'm gonna cum-" he grunts, his thrust getting sloppy and much faster. "me too-" you whimper. your palms wrap around his hair, pulling it with each thrust. "im- fucking-" he pulls out in seconds, letting it drip on your chest.

He gets off you, rushing to grab a towel, but you make your way to the washroom to shower. "I stink!" you scream and jump inside the cubicle, turning on the hot water. Yeahh? So I stink?" "I mean...." you chuckle, which makes him giggle, joining you inside. he helps you ash your back, so do you.

You jump on the bed after he cleans the sheets, and the soft bedding instantly soothes you. You melt into the bed and wait for him to join you. "Jungkook, what's taking you ages?" you mutter, he walks out of the washroom and hands you a pill. "take this." you look at it and raise your eyebrow. "thanks." you swallow it with the glass of water that sits n your bedside.

"Well... I have a question," you say, as he prepares his pillow to sit beside you. he opens his arms and invites you to be closer. You press your back to his chest as he drapes his arm around your stomach and places a kiss on your bare shoulder. Jungkook draws circles on your stomach, caressing it from time to time. "Now ask me anything?" he says. "What if... I drank the pill that night and... I never got pregnant?" you ask him while your fingers play with his.

He stills for a second when you ask him that, and you feel his hand grip you tighter momentarily but you don't say anything about it. "i... don't know." he whispers. he genuinely has no idea what would've happened. It's crazy... the butterfly effect. Jungkook's life has changed so much, and that's all.

Just one night. one! If you'd taken the pill, then there wouldn't have been any reason for him to have you, and if he didn't have you, he wouldn't have found family, love, and happiness. He's... thankful that you didn't take any pills, and glad that the condom tore. "I can never imagine what life would be like if I didn't have you.

I'd probably just die alone," you chuckled. "I can't imagine either...." The silence after that is comforting. You both enjoy each other's company, and with everything you've been through together, through the chaos and laughs, somehow you managed to stick together and be in love.

You both reflect on the past in the quiet, dark room. The cold air sends chills down your spine, which he notices. he pulls up the blanket to cover you up and hugs you tighter, trapping you in his warmth. he places a kiss on your head with a smile. "I love you," he whispers. "I love you more, babe." "I hope Bunny's okay." Jungkook says, as he picks up the phone to call your father, but he gasps at the time, which reads 2 am.

"She's okay, I'm sure. I miss her...." you mumble with a pout, it's the first time you've been away from your little one. "Me too, we'll pick her up right after breakfast," he says, and you nod.You both speak about what needs to be done this week, and eventually, you both fall asleep in each other's arms, after a little silly make out session, of course.

:

The morning is a rush, Jungkook had forgotten that he had a meeting at 11 am, and you both had been busy with your parents and Misoo. She's been showing her new tricks, how she can now slowly roll over, and how she can play with her spit, it's too cute and always is a successful trick to make everyone laugh.

Jungkook panicked when he got a phone call from his secretary. he had to leave soon, and the issue was that your parents had their flight too and were just done with their arrangement to leave for the airport. Jungkook didn't have the heart to leave Misoo and you by the doorstep, so he decided to take you both with him.

You were hesitant about it, but he told you not to worry. "Everyone knows who you are, there's nothing to hide anymore. I'm sure the staff will be happy to see Misoo and you," he mumbles as he makes a U-turn to the office.

You sighed, hoping they actually would be happy and not bitter that a mere employee like you had the chance with the CEO and is now a mother to his child. Surely the female workers were not happy with your presence anyway. Jungkook could see your uneasiness and how you kept looking back at the car seat to make sure Misoo was okay, which she was, you were just restless.

He placed a hand on your thigh and gave you a little rub before he nodded, reassuring you. As you both walk inside, immediately, the people around you can see you. You feel very...very anxious as you keep walking beside Jungkook, the staff knows you, you were the new graphic designer who stole the extraordinary Mr. Position, which he held due to his envy.

It has been months since you last saw this place, and it reminds you of all the silly taunts and bitter arguments you had with Jungkook. He sees you holding onto Misoo tightly, clearly, you're nervous, and he understands. The rumors were bad, and now that the truth is out, it's much more uncomfortable to be around the people who recognize you.

So he reaches his hand out for you, holding yours with all his heart, as he takes the elevator. "calm down darling, no one hates you here." you exhale a deep breath. "you don't know that Jungkook, I was just an employee back then, who had zero chances with you and there were so many staff members who wanted you!

And I'm here, back as your girlfriend and a mother to your child? That's just infuriating for the women who wanted y-" he places a kiss on your lips, shutting you up. "shhhh. everything alright. Who cares about them anyway?" You roll your eyes, and you stand in front of him now, wiping the peach lip gloss off his lips.

"Don't do this here, you're gonna walk into a meeting with gloss." "And?" he places another kiss, this time, testing your patience. "Jungkook, stop!" You wipe the gloss again, surely you've got nothing on your lips anymore. Right when your fingers wipe the edges of his mouth, he very confidently decides to take your finger into his mouth, but then the elevator door opens, and his secretary gasps.

"I'm sorry-" You push Jungkook away, walking out the door while he chuckles. The woman can't process what she just saw, there was no way you! were doing this with him when all that she ever dreamt of was having CEO Jeon under his spell.

"Fuck!" she stomps as she walks inside, unable to think how you got him when she thinks she's way sexier than you ever were. But inside, she's jealous, jealous because she knows that her revealing white shirt can't seduce Jeon; you never wear anything revealing, but you have everything in you that a man needs.

You didn't even try. Jeon was under your spell the very first day his eyes met yours. "I fucking hate you!!" you whisper under your breath, "Ah ah, no cussing when my bunny is here." he reminds you. "I'm not dressed in an office-appropriate outfit!" "What? A tight shirt and baggy jeans look good.

Damn good at an office wanna bend you over my d-" "Sir Jeon!" Hoseok calls out. His eyes widen when he sees you, his face bursts into color, and his white teeth beam when he smiles. "y/n!!" he gasps. "Good timing, Mr Jung, take Y/n with you, I'm sure you all would like to have her here." "Oh!!! Rose is gonna pass out when she sees the little one and you." You giggle and nod.

You look at Jungkook and smile as he gives you a recurring nod. "all the best." he giggles and caresses your face. "have fun, but don't be too loud!!" he murmurs as you leave. "how come?" Hoseok asks and you laugh. "he forgoes he had a meeting and was like, come with me. didn't want to drop me by the doorstep." Hoseok smiles and thinks Jungkook is a good man, you deserve a man like him.

"hows she, aww she just gets cuter every time I see her," he pouts when he sees Misoo sucking on her teet, looking at him with her doe eyes. "let's surprise them." he puts a finger on his mouth and walks inside slowly. "guys... are you busy?" "We are, we are." Rose replies with a sigh.

"Then look up your stupid screens..." "Surprise!!!" Hosoek and you scream, making the entire room gasp. "y/n!!!!!" Rose squeaks as she runs to you. She can't control the large smile, and she feels her cheeks hurt when she sees the little girl in your arms.

"Oh my god!!! y/n???" You nod and laugh. "She's my baby.." She pouts and feels tears in the corners of her eyes. "She's so beautiful, oh my god." The other staff members, who were good colleagues with you, walked up to you. They are all in awe when they see your daughter.

The crowd is getting bigger, and so is the laughter and baby voices. everyone surrounds you, asking you question after question. of them want to take Misoo in their arms, but Hoseok denies it and makes up a lie that she's afraid to be carried by a stranger when in fact Misoo is always ready for a walk.

You appreciate Hoseok's attempts at keeping Misoo safe; it's not that you don't trust the people, but you know Misoo is safer when she's in her mother's arms. You promise to let Rose have a little walk with Misoo, though she's your friend, unlike the other colleagues.

You have a great time with the people around, they are kind and very accepting too, unlike the few ladies who gave you eye rolls as they continued to type on their desktops. You know they aren't happy to see you here. Misoo enjoys company, she loves the attention, and she couldn't stop giggling when her colleagues made silly faces.

Misoo was a very outgoing child already. "Mr. Jeon's daughter looks so much like him, isn't it crazy?" "It is! She's got these eyes!!!" they speak, making you smile. "You look gorgeous after pregnancy, y/n!" "Yeah, look at her glow." The compliments you received made you blush, too; it was not what you were expecting today.

After some time, you're left with Rose and Hoseok, who talk about how all this happened. how? How did Jungkook and you even happen? You didn't tell them because it was too personal, and they understood, but they were really over the moon. Misooo was interacting well with Rose, and she was enjoying every bit of her time.You didn't notice a man walking towards you until he cleared his throat.

Park Jimin.

His eyes look around the room, nervously. You raise your eyebrows at him and smile. "Hi park." he tips his head up, acknowledging your hi instead of saying it back. He looks down and sees Misoo looking up at him. he can't look at this child, she too... too cute for him. She's got a little coconut tree in the center of her head because she barely has any hair.

Her teeny weeny tree has a pink bow clip while her hair is beautifully combed on the sides. She wears a bunny jumpsuit and socks with Peter Rabbit and a carrot. She has to be the cutest child Jimin's ever seen, especially since Korea has very few children around.

"still mad at me even though you got the position you desired?" you ask and he shakes his head. "not mad, just...got an ego." you smirk. "wanna let go of that ego and say hi to Misoo?" he thinks about it and...he can't put up with his egoistic image when he's a sucker for kids, he tries to be the main character around here but.. inside he's a softie and it's choking him when he sees miso looking up at him.

He pulls up a chair and sits in front of Misoo, rose moves aside, giving him more space. He smiles...for the very first time you see him genuinely smile. His smile was beautiful, and you wished he would smile more often.

His smile made you smile. Hii! Boo-boo! Hi baby Misoo!" he speaks in his angelic voice. Jimin doesn't have to use a high-pitched voice when his few words have already brought a huge smile to the baby girl's face. His eyes disappear when he smiles widely, taking Misoo's hands in his as he plays with her. Misoo giggles when he tickles her softly.

"you've got some nice tickles in your tummy, don't you?" Misoo smiles more when Jimin speaks to her with expressive actions and emotions. "damn insane how much she looks like Mr Jeon, there's no need of DNA test." you chuckle.

"DNA test? why would he need that?" you ask. "not him but the world, this office hates you way more than I do and it hurts me when I'm supposed to be your no 1 hater." he whispers, rolling his eyes before smiling back at Misoo, pouting his already duck lips. "doesn't matter to me, CEO Jeon is wrapped in my fingers not theirs." you murmur, making rose, Hoseok and Jimin laugh.

"she's so precious, isn't she?" Hoseok asks. "she is!!!" Rose cries, she can't take her eyes off you both. "the more I look at her, I see your resemblance." you deadpan at Jimin's words. "no shit Jimin, she's my daughter too." "I know, I know, but she just...a copy of her father, I see very little of you." You four laugh at his words.

The conversation drags as time passes, and now you are at the office cafe, sipping some coffee. "Here is your cheese and onion croissant," Hoseok mumbles, passing you the brown paper bag as he sits beside you. You giggle at the look of it. "You remember." "How could I ever forget?" he says. "Even though we barely spent a week, it was fun, wasn't it?" he nods while munching, thinking about it.

"It was, I miss it," he says, making your pout. "I'm happy, though, that we're friends... You are a good friend," he mutters, and it clenches your heart. "I do want to confess something, though," he whispers, his eyes don't meet yours, and somehow the suspense kills you. "Yeah?" you ask, your eyes glancing at Misoo and Jimin for a second before looking back at Hoseok.

He looks nervous, fidgeting with the paper bag as he tries to find his words. "Go on.." you say, feeling anxious too now. "I...liked you," he whispers, and it makes you pause. You couldn't grasp what he just said, and it...made you laugh. "No way." his cheeks flushed with the red of embarrassment.

"Okay, I'm done." he tries to push you away when you keep bugging him. Both of you laugh at his unexpected confession. "Hobi, you did not!!!!" "I did now forget it. I just wanted to get rid of it from my chest." "Get rid of what?" Jungkook asks as he walks closer to you and pulls a chair beside you. You look at him and smile.

Jungkook glances at Hoseok and you, raising his eyebrows in question. Hoseok shakes his head, warning you to shut up, but you don't. You can't. "So... Hobi..." you begin. "y/n, no." he attempts to keep you quiet. Jungkook nods, waiting for you to continue. "he liked me." "Oh my god, no!" Hoseok almost screams and soon quietens down when he realizes the employees are around.

He feels his toes curling in the intense shame. Jungkook sighs and cracks his neck. "and you think I didn't know?" you frown at that. Hoseok gulps too. "what?" "Wasn't it obvious?" he asks, and you blink fast, was it? "I'm...getting out of here." Hoseok tries to run away but you stop him. "wait..how? was it obvious?" Jungkook laughs.

"the way he looked at you, called you names, handmade pastries for you, took you baby shopping, texted you every single day... it was all there." he lists and it makes sense now. The man you both are talking about is dreading his life right now, he wants to choke on his croissant.

"it doesn't matter, I was mad but not anymore because...I know you love me." Jungkook very intentionally says. "y/n, Misoo wants you, I guess." Jimin carefully places Misoo on your lap as she cuddles around your neck. He smiles and greets Jungkook. "il leave now, it was nice meeting Misoo and you, y/n." he murmurs, making you smile. 'you to Jimin." you turn back to Jungkook and Hoseok.

They're surprised by the words Jimin exchanged with you. "What?" "That's...not Jimin," Hoseok says. Jungkook nods in agreement. "That's something else." "Don't be rude! Misoo just...changed him." "Yeah, we see that." "You both are fucking rude!!" You all laugh quietly as Misoo sleeps peacefully in your arms, worn out from a day full of love and attention.

:

Everything feels right now. There's no more tension between anyone, even between you and Jimin, which still feels surreal, but you both found a way to make peace. Jungkook and Yoongi are back to being like brothers, and you and Hoseok are enjoying life as the best of friends.

Misoo loves spending time with her uncles, too. It feels like you, Jungkook, and Misoo have formed a little family, built on love, trust, and respect. Through all the ups and downs, you and Jungkook have stuck together, and Misoo is growing up in a home full of love and happiness.

A healthy home that Jungkook and you strive to protect and mend, so she gets the best of the best, which you both lacked. The three of you complete one another perfectly.

And just like that, what began as a one-night stand finds its beautiful ending .... right here.

.

min's notes, and that's a wrap! Thank you so much for loving my story, you have been a part of this beautiful journey and I'm so thankful for all of you. Thank you for 485K reads and all the love and support you have given One Night Stand, I'm sure Jungkook and y/n will miss you all! This book may have come to an end but not my writing journey, so don't worry there's so much more to look forward to. Love, Min~

one night stand's taglist is officially closed.

ִ ࣪𖤐 taglist ; @spreadmysushi . @jiminismine4ever . @jungshaking . @jkoooooooookie . @juikmon . @naurnonope . @melslear-blog . @rpwprpwprpwprw . @nemelkawar . @blueberriesm . @jennelle . @mintedagustd . @majesticjung-97 . @rinkud @superstarfishsandwich . @ibepidnit . @yikes-ukiyo . @someonegoood . @livjknj . @queenv1997 . @kimme1 . @lol0329 . @tata090807 . @whoa-jo . @lachesismoonmist . @bammbi-jeon127 . @josephineshin . @ephyra1230 . @itsjkbiased . @jungkookswifeeeeeee . @ambiee3 . @jjkophiile .

[rivensisters]

i am meant to be so much more. i am a piece of divinity on earth and I can't even answer discord DMs. i am eternal fire manifested and i get high and dissociate all day instead of talking about my feelings. I am wrath, I am mercy, I am an emissary of the heavens, and I lower myself to the level of seriously engaging with things like queer label discourse on tumblr.com. I am a sacred prince of the wayward and all this is beneath me. I am beyond age and humanity but at the same time I am also a scared child and it is all so much, so loud, so difficult to process...

[yayasvalveplay]

So in the DW branch au @misspancake29 you can hear me boo, I've got some ideas for the branch au that I wanna run by yall ❤️

One of the main ideas is that since not only does Soundwave replace Sari as the heir in this au; but he's also the one who gets the idea to run away with his remaining siblings with his Carrier.

Since TFA Soundwave core parts being that he wants his robot brethren to fight back. It also becomes a core part just more personal in the AU. All for his carrier. You can only imagine that since Optimus does break even more, only responding to his children yet the paranoia, grief and desire to protect his children is consuming. Soundwave grew up having his carrier hold him, looking so tired and hopeless. Rarely smiling even with him and his incoming sibling; rarely talking to anyone else... the first time Soundwave saw this truly scared him... the way Optimus turns into a lifeless doll when he leaves after being pushed away almost hesitantly for the 7th time.

This is not a healthy way for a child to live. Even if their carrier does love them.

Soundwave eventually learns what happened, what happened to his older sister. Who died when according to his Sire's words, Optimus attempted to leave with Sari. Megatron becomes more controlling over his children, he will not lose his children again.

Soundwave and eventually his siblings saw many things wrong, knew many things were wrong. It doesn't take much to see that Megatron was a huge part of it.

While in the DW AU, since Sari and Wheelie met, Wheelie helping Sari with ideas on where to go and how much she needed etc. And Sari had to wait, time this right, and wait for the opportunity.

Soundwave is on his own. But he isn't helpless; and unlike Sari. He's been planning this for a while on his own. Soundwave had the routes needed, the ship and supplies stashed away. The annoying thing will be the gaurds and their 'Gaurd Dog', Requiem.

As much as Hashtag, Nightshade, and Tronus seem fond of Requiem, that surely he'll listen because Optimus is sick after all.

Soundwave will not risk it. (Wether or not they are friends or even acquaintances because Requiem is their gaurd, he and Soundwave like music if up to yall). So when Requiem is gone, telling them that he has gotten permission to leave for a small personal mission.

Soundwave immediately heads to action.

He has everything planned. Now— the true obstacle is convincing their carrier to simply get up. To come with them— Sire allowed them a vacation to relax anything to convince Optimus, he just needs to get up and go with them on the ship, please carrier, please—

God's Optimus would be so broken in the branched au. He did think he killed his only daughter at the time. He blames himself. And fully submits to Megatron.

He loves his creations every single one of them. But eoes push them all away because he's scared something bad will happen.

I do think Soundwave and Requium should be music buddies.

And trying to convince their carrier is hard. Mostly because he's scared. Scared of what would be out there. Scared of what would happen if he left. Despite knowing he should go. It's not healthy here.

It takes until the day Requiem returns home for Op to cave to his eldest sons wishes. And joins him and the siblings who arnt fully under Decepticon mindset.

[ducktracy]

there are a lot of evil people in the world and a lot of darkness in the world and so it’s very important for me to stress that now more than ever is the time to spread kindness and compassion. combat the evil by not only not partaking in it, but actively refuting it. destroy the notion that being compassionate or generous or kind to someone is uncool or embarrassing or even scary. be the change you want to see. start a chain reaction. positivity only breeds more positivity. do an act of kindness for someone so that that person who is too afraid to do it themselves can see you, realize that they’re not alone, and perhaps sheepishly follow your example. and then the next person who is too afraid but sees that person can do the same. when bad news comes out about bad people or horrible atrocities in the world it’s such an easy impulse to despair, and obviously it’s important to feel what you need to feel. grieve. be angry. be sorrowful. be empathetic. but dust off your pants and get up and be a part of a chain reaction that, no matter how small the scale, and spread compassion and love and care. all the reasons why you might not—“it’s hard! it’s scary! people will make fun of me! it’s useless because there’s too much evil!” are all grade A arguments as to why you should. you have no idea how many people you could inspire to do the same. even if it doesn’t get you anyway far, you can at least say you have the nobility of trying. please choose love and please choose life. you are worth loving and you are worth inspiring others to love

[skunkes]

[stupid-elf]

Growing up with strict, neurodivergent parents while neurodivergent yourself will have you as an adult acting like you've recently escaped the feywild. What are the tricky rules? Is everything accounted for? How do I ensure I don't accidentally step over the line into Impoliteness. You know the consequences aren't death and dismemberment but you might look down one day and find you've lost your shadow and all of your friends if you're not careful

[kaisollisto]

“Are you here?" Ava barely breathes it, there's a tension in the air that she can't recognize, an energy that squashes her. Her throat feels scratchy and she can feel the Halo slotted between her shoulders. Ava's flat on her back head turned to look over at Beatrice. She feels wimpy like a stomped flower, her left arm dangles dangerously close to Beatrice-territory. She wants to reach out, to touch Beatrice to confirm that she's here but something stops her. She feels so silly, she could easily shift over to touch Beatrice, shake her gently and - 

Beatrice slides over, a firm sleepy sister warrior knife wielding badass with frumpy hair poofing from what remains of her low bun. She moves towards Ava, inches away from her but moves to answer her. It’s rare for Ava to see her like this. Beatrice is clearly fighting sleep, rubbing her eyes and doing her best to move in hopes that it’ll shake the sleepy spell. 

She’s dressed in one of Ava’s ugly loose white shirts, a huge bass clashing with faded big blocky lettering that just reads “FISH”. Beatrice had looked at her weirdly when Ava had dug it out of the bins at a thrift store disheveled and ecstatic. 

Ava had spent hours coaxing her into it doing her damn best to hide Beatrice’s laundry when she wasn’t looking. It fills a warm feeling in her chest and Ava wants to burrow further into it. It was a fool proof plan. 

Ava found her shortness made it exhausting to reach up towards the Beatrice-level-cabinets. The halo pulls at her pinching and knotting up the muscles in her back after a long day of training. She feels it alive within her, an uncomfortable reminder sealed inside her back. 

At the end of the day Ava settled on hinging at the waist. She had slowly started integrating Beatrice’s sleep shirts in cabinets that Beatrice had to bend down to reach. Ava always tried to situate herself at the scene of the crime doing her best to seem inconspicuous while she leaned over hungry for Beatrice’s reaction. Ava thumbed her findings down in the recess of her mind, her finger tracing over it in a hurried desperation. The time would pass and she did not want to forget. 

(It helped, the imagery of Bea’s furrow when she would find her sleepwear underneath the sink when Ava would have to tuck her spine into the halo as she placed the shirt somewhere clean.) 

Thanks to her genius planning Beatrice had finally caved and worn Ava’s huge “FISH” t-shirt after weeks of her persistence. She looked adorable, she was drowning in it and constantly tugging at it. She had found Beatrice loved to tuck it into the band of her sleep shorts creating puffy funny creases distorting the text even further to say “FSH”. It looked so ugly and old and endearing. 

She looked out of her depth and it made Ava’s heart thump funny. Beatrice with her weird posh mannerisms combined with the peaceful unguarded look when she slumbered made her feel hot all over. 

It was the prospect of the future, a glimpse into her life with Beatrice, of when they would grow old together. It shakes her, the idea that Beatrice will get wrinkles with her. She takes it seriously, a study that she isn’t well versed in but preparing for. It is a long hard internal debate flipping between what wrinkles will show first. Ava selfishly hopes it’s smile lines, that Beatrice will smile at her as much as she does in secret. She’s happy to be wrong, Beatrice’s forehead crinkles have always been cute. She hopes that Beatrice never stops looking at her, thinking of her. She wants to spend a long time being the source of her wrinkles. And just for right now she can handle the role of being just her friend. 

Beatrice blinks one eye open, the other pressed against the pillow as she stifles a yawn. Her hand blocks her mouth in a delicate way and Ava can see her nails are short and uneven in places. Ava wishes she could touch them, study them in a way no one has done before. She wants to press against Beatrice hard enough to watch her skin fold around hers. Some sort of truth that she was here, that she is here. 

Beatrice scoots over slowly, her elbow tucked under the pillow. She stops inches away from Ava, a frown set in her jaw. Ava mirrors her position albeit more awkwardly and more wiggling than Beatrice’s but she finds a place where the Halo won’t bite her back. 

“I’m here,” Beatrice murmurs it, a quiet thing between them. 

Ava closes her eyes hoping Beatrice won’t notice her shakiness. She blinks a few times before she presses closer, the arm she’s laying on moving to support her head underneath the pillow. 

There’s so much to tell her, anything and nothing at all and Ava doesn’t know where to start. It constricts her throat, the constant stream of consciousness from inside of her heart. It’s horrible and she can’t stop it as the feeling balloons inside of her lungs. Ava wants help, she so desperately wants to feel okay again, to feel anything other than the stupid fucking halo. It grates on her nerves and muscles, a burning hot metal ring poking and prodding at the entirety of her upper torso. It leaves her reeling, a sort of anger that beckons for her to hurt (hurt something, hurt someone, hurt), disregarding the aftermath of tears and shame. 

Ava is sure she’s shaking, a layer of sweat gathers between the space of her shoulder blades as the Halo lights up with her inner turmoil. It’s a faint pitiful thing that Ava would be ashamed of if not for the bone aching tiredness. 

She wants to say she’s sorry the words clawing their way up her throat and it feels wrong to feel anything but that. There’s a sort of unspoken shame that haunts her with the Halo. It’s a thing she’s known long before any of this. 

Beatrice drags her out of her turmoil with her hand hovering near Ava’s pinky. She has a gracefulness to it, like she has practiced it a hundred times over. It’s weird, to be in a bed, a soft and lumpy bed looking at Beatrice. Beatrice with such plain features and subtle cheekbones that Ava can’t stop looking. It pays off, watching Beatrice, Ava knows it when Bea smiles a grin too wide for polite acknowledgement and Ava can see her dimples pronounced. 

“Can I?” Beatrice’s finger lingers near her hand, a hovering itch that Ava needs scratched. It’s so wholeheartedly Beatrice that Ava can do nothing but nod. Something inside of Ava aches harder than the rest of the organs inside of her. It’s the unwavering crushing thumping feeling that squeezes around her heart. The sincerity of Beatrice. 

She places her hand over Ava’s and squeezes her gently. Beatrice’s hands are firm and soft. She can feel the callouses on her palms prodding at the back of her hand and wonders if Beatrice has ever had them fade away. If she’s had the pleasure of unscathed palms. Her hands are warm but not sweaty, not like Ava’s.

Ava can’t feel Beatrice’s pulse but she tries her best to match it. She imagines it would be a slow melody playing a duet with a classical track. Some sort of tune that spurs comfort or a feeling of nostalgia. She briefly wonders if Beatrice listens to music, if she seeks out music that has spoken to her. If there was a song that shook her to her core so deeply she had to sit down and digest it. There’s so much she still needs to know and so little time. 

“I admit I’m not sure what you need from me.” Beatrice whispers it quietly, she’s hunched awkwardly, hovering close in Ava’s space but too far away for her own comfort. 

Ava clamps her mouth shut, sure that “come closer” will betray her. That she will reach too far into Beatrice and take far too much. 

Beatrice pays no mind to Ava’s silence and slowly caresses her hand, it’s a small little gesture that seems to have no set course. Ava briefly wonders if it’s the start of a massage or if Beatrice is looking for her joints underneath her skin and touching her tendons in apology. 

It should be awkward, Beatrice and Ava orbiting each other in a lopsided manner. A rotational tilt that is unfamiliar to both of them and yet feels intimate. An unknown dance with their eyes closed and their breaths mingling. (It’s easy to follow Beatrice’s lead, Ava knows love.) 

There’s nothing Ava can say to her, she chokes up at the prospect and they both blink at each other. She’s not sure what she needs, only that it’s nice having someone here. 

Beatrice drowsily blinks rapidly and slowly at the same time as Ava watches swallowing the bits of her smile. Her hand has slowed its pathing, opting to curl on the inside of Ava’s fingers. It’s endearing watching one of her favorite bad ass sister warriors lose against sleep. It softens the edges of Beatrice who is always carrying some unseen obligation. (Here it is only the two of them free of their past and future burdens, just two girls sprawled thinly on hopes and dreams). 

She can feel Beatrice’s grip loosen, she’s going to fall back asleep any minute now but Ava doesn’t have the heart to keep her up. Beatrice is no doubt tired, powered by her own sleeping and eating habits unlike Ava who has the artifact to juice her up. 

She isn’t quite unwound but she feels manageable now. It’s weird to be within reach of Beatrice, someone who cares about her. To be in proximity of someone who will look for her, be in step with her, maybe it’s duty but Ava holds it close to her heart regardless. (It’s all the same to her, devotion, loyalty, love). 

She clings to Beatrice afraid to let the moment go, she had called and someone had answered, Bea had answered. Ava can feel her eyes watering, it almost feels like a distant dream. She tucks her chin closer to chest and thinks, how awful to be loved. 

She can feel her throat closing up and she squeezes Bea’s hand just a tiny bit harder. (She answers in the twitch of her hand, clearly on the cusp of sleep). The Halo still thunders in her back throbbing some fatal fate but here in the hush of night grounded by the touch of Beatrice she has some reprieve.  (Part 1)

[random-autie-fangirl]

Chara: I'm wanting everything to end instantly

Asriel: And I'm wanting to go on unchanging forever

🔥🔥🔥THE BEEF WITH LINEAR TIME SIBLINGS🔥🔥🔥

[fire-on-fuel]

somewhat overlooked point but it's always been interesting to me that vau's father's problem with him was the dissapointment/dishonor type just because you probably wouldn't guess. Vau generally reads blank but the fact that he's someone who thinks he's removed the problem by viscerally cutting out all the visible manifestations of it is. yeah great job. Day to day he operates with this crystal clear refusal to subject himself to others' opinions [heavily implied 'like before' here] but we see him instill a version of the same fear honed traits in his cadets and watch it bubble up in relation to jango and even more curiously himself. He's such a pile of completely at war with eachother hand picked pieces held together with tack welds. You're lying to yourself, walon

[radioroxx]

hmmmm mal du pays thoughts tonight

[viric-dreams]

Weeks after learning of the Commodore's death--when he could no longer lie in bed consumed by grief, after he was forced to get up, to feed himself, to keep going--Roberts had visited the Dark-Spectacled Admiral. There was no love lost between the Admiral and the Commodore over the years. Roberts had heard plenty of the stories of the Commodore's frustrations upon return from his many trips to London. He hadn't seen the Admiral himself since he was barely more than a child. Yet he had to try.

As the years had gone by, the old guard had slowly faded out of the picture, until there were so very few people left who remembered the olden days. Remembered the Commodore as Roberts knows--knew him. The man who was full of jokes and life, whose charisma captured a room. One who cared. A man who'd spent hours yelling encouraging words through a layer of crumpled steel, trying to grant some level of comfort to a trapped and terrified child, to at the very least abate some of that terror in what could've likely been his final moments. The man who had slowly faded into placidity and smiles and bright nothingness as the years had gone on.

The Admiral was no friend to either of them, not since the schism, but perhaps he might remember the friendship the two had once had. Perhaps he might care that he died. Perhaps there is someone else who remembers the man, the same one Roberts does, and feels something at his passing. He has to try.

He adjusts his spectacles, hiding the puffiness of his eyes from view, and knocks on the door.

[smile-files]

the beginning of luke doing... this...

he doesn't yet think to call himself layton's apprentice, so he's borrowing emmy's title and role of assistant: i must be helpful to the professor, so i must remain at his side even when the situation puts me in mortal peril! even when i'd be scared out of my wits! it totally isn't because i feel safe in the professor's presence... no! it's out of obligation! (etc. i've been over this before.)

what especially irks me here is that when layton has emmy and luke promise to get out of harm's way should it arise, luke just tells him to be careful! he doesn't even promise! literally every time the concept of promises has arisen, mostly layton promising to keep luke safe or uncover the specter's secret or other such things, luke hasn't believed it... and here he is, ducking away from promising to keep himself safe. what the heck!

[pumakaji64]

Every now and then I remember Shuuji Kayama and how his arc is one big metaphor for what it's like to grow up instilled with venomous self-hatred and how it turns you cruel towards others and yourself- how it's about falling victim to the cycle and growing up to become yet another chain in the harm but also how it can consume you and destroy you completely-

BUT there's still hope in his story- hope that he can break free with the right support and guidance- with a wake-up call and a better role-model- and not only learn how to love himself but start the journey on getting better and doing better to those he's hurt along the way- because Lopmon is both his victim and himself and I-

[nexus-nebulae]

so. for A Long While now we've considered officially pursuing converting to judaism. and we've finally really started the whole research process and getting familiarized with the religion and everything and. does anyone have tips on how to feel comfortable in a new religion when you've been so harmed by specific religious groups in the past (especially when the religion you have bad history with is so close to the one you're converting to, like being another abrahamic religion)

[writeouswriter]

Dungeons and Dragons needs to stop making me stressed in real life, I already have real life stressing me out in real life