#things high schoolers have said

[sandwhich-lady]

The time has finally come. Over all four years of my high school career I made a running list of quotes from high school and I vowed to post it when I graduated. And well, the time has come. So without further ado I present

Things High Schoolers Have Said: A Saga

Freshman year:

*while talking to a teacher* "this just proves short people are a menace to society"

"If we were comparing to spices, you *points at teacher* would be a ghost pepper and you *points at friend* would be ketchup"

Someone walking by: "like oh, hell is real"

"No dont trust me"

"You need to eat food bitch"

*talking about people hating pineapple on pizza* "I hope you had a satisfactory life because Imma end it"

"The eyesore of a church the sky daddy punished me with"

"Frankly, I dont know if I've been alive for 200 days"

"Are you eating a fucking egg with pineapple"

"They're like oh highschool is preparing you for college and then you get to college and your professor shows up in a t-shirt and shorts and with a jug of sprite"

"I had a very strong urge to eat my math homework" -me

"Honestly at this rate, why dont you trust me?"

"Because I still have some hope yet"

*laughs* " wow I dont know how to crush that"

"...There are cursive numbers??"

Sophomore year:

"Dont do anything you wont regret"

"I dont have the energy to bounce, Amy"

"I'm gonna quit band so I can work on actually not killing myself"

"I have the mentality of a 12 year old who just discovered sex"

"YOU GOTTA FLOWWW"

"LET ME ABSORB THE POTATO"

"You are so white. You are *so* white oh my god the the double l in El Pollo Loco not pronounced like a hard l! It's a yo sound"

"Apparently the bugs are really horny today"

"Wait where are you going?"

"I've been traumatized enough"

*stares at smushed sandwhich like questioning the audacity*

*yelled* "You're a loser! Talk to me when you're over five feet tall!"

"Crying, shaking, throwing up. Violently shaking."

"Ah! My lightsaber is stuck" -my euro teacher

"I cant wear crocs, I'm a 6'3" white guy"

"Kangaroos are like standing rabbits"

*picking victims for a murder mystery game*

"Mr [teacher's]...wife"

"Leave her out of this!"

"Is joe biden your phone lock screen?"

*offended* "no its pitbull"

"I almost punched a freshman yesterday"

"How much would you sell your soul for?"

"Panera bread mac n cheese"

"What's the point of fanfiction if it doesnt have sex in it?"

"Nah hes 32, not years old, cause that would be pedophilia"

"You shower naked??"

"I really want to annihilate an uncut loaf of bread"

"However, I think the disco ball constitutes sexy time"

"Sometimes, we all have to get married, and polygamy can be a byproduct of that, for the good of all humanity"

"I'd rather be gay than [be around] drunk men"

"Do you think I could fuck the liberty bell?"

"If you wear those fucking shoes to prom, I will curb stomp you and leave you in the McDonalds parking lot"

"Sometimes you're a little mentally funky"

"My stomach hurts so bad right now. If I throw up, sorry 🤷‍♀️"

"People were trying to commit social interaction with me so I had to leave the classroom"

"I've been channeling all my insanity into [AP] chem all year and now that's its done... I'm just insane"

"I feel like I inhaled liquid crack"

"Why is there communism?!"- looks up in math class to see the communist symbol drawn on the board

Junior Year:

"Bro you'll never guess who I saw"

"Who?"

"Everyone we hate"

-on the first day of school

"Hold it STEADILY, like a BAGUETTE"

"I may be a little obsessed with soup"

*emerging from behind a pillar* "a little? a LITTLE???"

"You're gonna pass out, that's on you"

"I would kill for a baby leopard"

"Everyone in set crew knows my name because you guys keep on yelling it"

"Did you just tell me to piss in a bucket??"

"You're the adolf Hitler of ladders"

"No we're going to invade crustacean world, duh"

"What if hes not here today?"

"No he is, hes wearing his lighting McQueen crocs"

"You're a potato colored mashed potato"

*wrapped in a pumpkin blanket* "its spooky season !!"

"I'm bringing something from my culture...beans on toast"

"But it was funny, therefore I have no regrets"

"What are you testing?"

"Uhh, my will to live"

"What constitutes above average calves?"

"I hate gifts and I hate you! *trips* ...that was karma"

"I can bring sauces...I can bring a variety of sauce" (for waffles)

"Let me be your roomba" to the tune of 🎶let me be your woman🎵

"Life in the midwest used to be really lonely and isolated and like sad...seems to be the same today"

"I don't want to go to No Place for Hate because...I love hating"

"If the grades dont touch neither do you"

"Anything can be a tortellini if you try hard enough"

"Lauren, does this curve look stupid"

"Its almost kidnapping. We dont do that here"

"Would you tell us [the embarrassing nickname] if Landon rizzed you up?"

"No"

"You heartless bitch"

"My moms a marriot slut"

"I think I can gaslight her into giving me an A"

"Their buttholes would have been shaking!"

"Their buttholes WERE shaking"

"Nuh uh!"

"I feel like I should be eating more strawberries...I think god told me"

"So I have to buy it on amazon like a fucking capitalist"

"SUE ME FOR BEING WHITE" -after a heated discussion about bagels

"But like who in their right mind would name their child 'funny valentine'?"

"Wait why did you say 'happy eggs'?"

"No you are not doing a homestuck quote"

Creative writing teacher: "if you do a homestuck quote you will be penalized"

"Mine's an ant romcom"

"Get your baby out of my marmalade"

"I just had the most refreshing five minute nap"

"He bit half the worm and we were like ryan no"

"Anyway, as I was saying, you look like a penguin"

"Are you shitting my dick!"

*after taking a math quiz*

"I'm gonna throw away this pencil, its cursed"

"Got that D tingle"

"I hate it here"

"I'm either the smartest person alive or dumb as shit"

“I get chills when she sings that part”

"I get chills when you shut your mouth"

"[This theatre company] is going to have so many suitcases. Maybe next year we can do a play about planes"

"Thank you?"

"Its a compliment"

"Thank you!"

"Wheres the quicky changy... excuse my lango"

"And colleges want to see that you're suffering"

*playing a game where you pick a category and name things in that category as fast as you can* "Marvel characters. Magneto!"

"Uhh dementia"

"If my heels arent in here I'm wearing crocs"

*comparing id/drivers license photos*

"I look like I'm on drugs"

"I look like I sold you the drugs"

Student A: "Arent we just the best students?"

Teacher: "Uh huh"

Student A: "That didn't sound very sincere"

Student B: "That's because it wasnt"

Student A: "oh"

Senior year:

“I pip pip and I cheerio, it’s just what I do”

“Excuse me, I need to be a little bitch”

*to psych teacher* “I was just wondering, since you’re antisocial, how did back to school night go?”

“I’m not saying a narc and a twink is the same thing, I’m saying you look like a narc AND a twink”

“You know how to turn that on??”

“Yeah, there’s an on button!”

“Bro I went to the beach recently and like I’ve never felt water like that before”

*talking about the existence of chocolate cows*

*from across the room* “what did you just call me?!?”

“What the fuck is anthropology? Is that plants?”

*to phone* “call pickle”

“Oh fiddlesticks!”

“Oh shitdicks!”

“I caught a charizard! I’m gonna name it penis!”

“People keep calling me baby shark and I just want to *strangling motion*, I want to tell them I’m not baby shark, I’m mommy shark”

“Some of these presentations are not going to eat, and I’m gonna be mad because I love a good slideshow”

Friend: “Carissa, why is your laptop so big?”

Me: “what?!” *looks around for validation*

Other friend: “look, I didn’t wanna say anything…”

*someone absolutely headbanging to Last Christmas*

*psych teacher going on a tangent*

“What’s he yapping about?”

“The uzsh (usual)”

*while running past us* “I parked my car in fucking Timbuktu”

*a little later*

Me: “this isn’t Timbuktu, this is like Canada”

*about Winston from 1984* “Damn this bitch is weak…I could bench him”

“So not a fursona but a humansona”

“I feel like I wanna build a bomb”- said in a physics classroom hopped up on Celsius

“Ugh this is so greasy”

“Just how I like my women…I don’t know why I said that”

*about a pair of butterfly scissors* “Look! It’s a little butterfly! Flap flap bitch”

“Are you being racist against clowns?”

“I think I’m gonna go home and do a backflip”

“You’re a furry”

“And you’re a whore”

“I know :)”

“I don’t even like books but I like women”

“Who wouldn’t want this hunk of meat” - tiny Asian girl

*after saying something nice about him* “No but also Carson you suck and you’re awful and we all hate you”

*wins blooket* “I guess I am serving cunt today”

A: “If you were a worm, what’s the first thing you would do?”

B: “Uhh burrow in the dirt.”

A: “That’s such a basic answer”

B: “Well what would you do??”

A: “World domination.”

[some time later]

A: “If you were a cricket what would you do?”

B: “World domination”

A: *weird look* “uh…ok”

B: “What would you do???”

A: “I don’t know, chirp”

“She was like ‘can someone read the definition of male vocalist?’ We don’t even have a male vocalist! The entire cast is nuns!”

“I have this theory, from what I’ve observed. Guys act gayer, girls are gayer”

Psych teacher: “what are you gonna do in Australia? Engineering?”

Alumni: “I’m gonna do women”

“You know what sounds really good right now?”

“S’mores?”

“Jumping off a fucking cliff”

“I was gonna serve cunt today but I slept in. I’ll serve cunt tomorrow”

“I wish I was able to hibernate. I wish I was given the same grace bears wear given”

“What are you so happy about?”

“I have CHICKEN!!”

“I’m gonna bark at him”

“I am sorry to disappoint everyone, but I am a straight individual”

“Four plus four equals ate”

“Ooh what’s 64 divided by 2”

“…32?”

“Oh-“ *was trying to get eight*

“Oh my god, oh my god”

*concerned* “what??”

“My uterus.”

“This train is so hot [read: attractive]”

“That’s called a concussion sweetie”

*to psych teacher* “you have stds?”

“You think he has women??”

“Did I ask?”

“No but I answered”

“Knock knock”

“Who’s there”

“Banana- wait no”

“The chicken is suicidal, the chicken is depressed, and I am the chicken” - about why did the chicken cross the road

“If I wanna hear sonic injesting coke, then I’m going to hear sonic injesting coke godammit”

“This is my bad ear-“

“The fact that you have a bad ear is really concerning”

“Well you have two bad eyes so fuck you”

[fisheito]

"makotolookinass"

the intersection of nu: carnival and free! fans that are all here because of our favorite green haired hunks (himbos?) is so funny

but it kinda makes sense given that both nu: carnival and free! are both at their core about caring about the people closest to you and prevailing internal struggles

dang , anonn, you really cut thru all the glamours of distraction

in brief contrast, i feel like a simple creature. one who was dragged into the intersection simply because i saw some dudes with Unlikely Physiques

[thedrotter]

Mili from gote to handa!!! these were originally simple doodles but i had to polish it because she's my favorite from the game

[ginalinettiofficial]

idk i just don’t trust ppl who say “billy is a racist abusive piece of shit” but then turn around and reblog jason content like. okay if u have that opinion that’s your prerogative but it’s MY prerogative to point out that it’s weird af to feel that way abt billy and NOT abt jason

[captaindeinony]

Are there any magical girl pkmn aus out there I need inspiration . and to find my people

[j-esbian]

i know it’s a common millennial gripe that kids are coerced into picking their life trajectory so young, that a lot of people pick college because they feel that it’s What You’re Supposed to Do, rather than what’s right for them, but like. despite all of that, i really thought i was different

[kaoharu]

WRITING MY RESUME <- girl who doesnt have anything in her life

[bookwyrminspiration]

Yessss dnd nerds :DD and dam yeah that is a wacky situation it turned out sick tho!! Perks of being at least mostly blonde is i dont have to panic ab bleach tho i was thinking about combing like the three leftover pinks i have and then maybe doin somethin like what u have cause its so cool and i like Need to dye my hair again soon qhfkks <3

Grew up with a dnd nerd (my dad), so I think it's in my dna or something, just latent rn. I've engaged casually, but the extreme nerdom has yet to be activated.

But yeah I really just fuck around and find out with my hair most of the time. If it really goes bad I can just shave it off, so very little stress about it all (despite what my christmas color near meltdown might imply).

Also you are SO lucky ough that's a whole step and situation you don't even gotta deal with I'm. Damn. I'm not jealous because I have no desire to be blond but like. Bleaching is such a hassle and you don't even gotta do it -_-

But also!! If you do something like what I have I sooo wanna know about it and hear what you end up doing! Fun hair colors are a delight of life so I'm very happy for you!! Have so so much silly with it :3

[nebulousfishgills]

@bowersbubbles and I are doing a little book club thing where we're both reading the Twilight books at the same time (about 5 chapters a week, we've only just started). I listened to the audiobooks to "read" them for the first time about a year ago to force feed myself the content, but now I physically have all the books so there you go.

Anyways I read the second chapter and somehow someway after all this time, it just now dawned on me that Emily thinks the Cullens are stupid for posing as high school students since they so very obviously stand out amongst their peers, appearing younger than they actually are...

...And yet, once upon a time, she did the exact same fucking thing back in Hawkins, but like... worse.

[violetwolfraven]

Having a crush as an adult is so embarrassing like what do you mean I got butterflies in my stomach when he smiled at me? What do you mean I spent 20 minutes trying to brainstorm something clever to say to her? I’m an adult I have rent to pay I don’t have time for this falling a little bit in (unrequited) love with my friends (again) nonsense

[noelevangilinecarson]

Here we have two people who have lived VERY different lives.

When it comes to your goals, you need to keep them private for a multitude of reasons, but one that is often overlooked is that people will place their own limiting beliefs, either about themselves or about how they perceive you, into you, thus influencing you in negative ways and keeping your from reaching as high as you know you can.

With all the online talk about being "delusional", one of the most successful ways to use delusion to your advantage is to set "unrealistic" goals, having a deep roster belief in knowing that not only can you achieve them, but that is a more of when and not if.

So don't tell people - even if they seem authoritative in the field - about your ambitious goals. Make yourself prepared, and engineer your own success by consistently taking action and manifesting that which you want through knowing that achieving it is the only option available.

[allofuswantgwinam]

the way that i feel so fucking old after saying this 🤣🤣🤣

[theworstcreature]

Just watched first episode of Scott pilgrim series (I’ve p much never seen anything Scott pilgrim related before) and all I have to say is

1. it has *very* fun vibes

2. The animation is rlly fucking good and I love the artstyle it makes me happy

3. Ramona is so pretty and also so gender I want to look like her so bad like she IS the goal

4. Putting Scott pilgrim into my pocket he’s just a goofy autistic little guy and I may of seen exactly 1 (one) episode of him total in my life but I can tell he’s gonna become a favorite (I hope..)

[lihhelsing]

Steve is that kind of high school teacher that changes the lives of his students. He's attentive and kind, always offers them support the best he can.

They love him! No surprises there.

So it's the end of the semester and they want to thank him for everything he does.

It's a whole thing. Steve walks into class and he can tell everyone is buzzing with anticipation. One of the girls comes forward, she's very sweet and Steve remembers helping her coming to terms with her sexuality. 

Remembers giving her advice when she wanted to come out to her parents. Jane has this big smile on her face and starts telling him how the whole class is grateful for him and how they wanted to give him something different. 

She tells him they noticed his favorite band.

Steve is not obvious about it, but the clues were there.

One time he showed up wearing that band's t-shirt. Another student remembers walking into class while Steve was singing along to one of their songs while it blasted on his phone. 

And the biggest clue of it all was Steve's phone wallpaper. 

Steve blushes when they say that

He dips his head and everyone laughs.

"I don't blame you, he's really hot!" Yells another student from the back and everyone laughs again. 

Steve groans, but offers them a soft smile. 

"So we tried getting you tickets for their show but it's sold out!" Jane says.

"Oh that's ok," Steve says. "I appreciate the gesture."

She then explains they couldn't give up. 

"Someone said we should reach out to their team and explain the situation." 

"Oh?" 

"Yeah! So I did. And they were pretty cool about it, said they would love to have you there."

And then she proceeds to give him an envelope. Steve opens it to find a single ticket and a poster he's seen a million times.

In big, bold letters the name of the band is written on top. 'Corroded Coffin'.

"Oh, thank you," Steve says and everyone is clapping and cheering

And is all so silly that he can't help but smile. 

"They couldn't give two, though, so I guess you're going to have to go alone Mr. Harrington." 

Jane says apologetically and Steve waves her off. 

"It's fine."

"Maybe you'll meet someone there!" 

And since they are high schoolers they all cheer louder, saying all sorts of things about Steve finally meeting someone and Steve blushes.

He'll go to the concert, of course. He'll thank them for the rest of the year.

And he'll have to make Eddie promise to never tell them the truth.

Maybe he'll tell them he's married, eventually. Has been for a long time and that's why he has that picture of him as his wallpaper. 

He cannot believe his husband actually read that email from his students and happily went along with it. The bastard.

[caffeinewitchcraft]

WIBTA for going to my high school reunion even though the two witches I stripped of magic are going?

(Read for free on Patreon (X))

I (28 witch) was in a coven during high school. Not really even a coven. We weren’t recognized and there wasn’t a clear division of responsibilities. We did have a high priestess but she hadn’t Declared or been Initiated or whatever she believed. Looking back, her learning was all over the place (and a little problematic, honestly. I remember her calling a poppet a Voodoo doll before being called out by another member). Let’s call her Sarah.

Sarah was a year older than the rest of us (still the same grade though) and her mom was a witch so that made her the high priestess. She was the one who would organize all of our rituals and held the power of veto over any proposed spells. While you think that’d mean she’d provide the ingredients, she never did. She did tell us what to buy and, let me tell you, some of those things were expensive for a high schooler. We met in the park behind her house, and she demanded that at least one of us be in every one of her classes. If we weren’t, we’d be “cycled” out of the coven until our parents convinced the school to transfer us in.

Any alt kid knows what I’m talking about because they had a Sarah in their life. If she was angry, we had to be angry (and a little afraid of her). If she was sad, we were expected to ask why. If she was happy, we had to be even more happy. You get the picture.

The problem came when Sarah added Jess (fake name) to the Coven during the start of our junior year. It was the first time Sarah allowed someone else from a witch family to join. Jess was a transfer student from England. She told us all that that made her magic deeper and more powerful because she was a “daughter of the witches you could not burn.” When I pointed out that that statement is historically inaccurate, Jess called me a “pilgrim.” She tried to convince Sarah to blind me (take away my decision-making power in the coven), but I was the only one with reliable access to dried herbs (my mom’s a botanist and didn’t count her stores like Sarah’s mom did), so Sarah said no.

Jess’ dislike of me got worse when I actually did dress like a pilgrim for Halloween that year. And, if I’m honest, I did take it a little far. I was a hot-headed kid. I followed her around the entire day and had kids sign one of two petitions – “Burn” or “Not Burn.” When the Burn Petition won, I could tell I went too far (there were a LOT of signatures).  I tried to make it a joke and told her that now she really was a witch we couldn’t burn.

Jess and I got in our first physical fight. Sarah eventually broke it up, but not before Jess ripped out a good chunk of my hair, and I broke the tiger’s eye bracelet she wore.

 I later heard from another coven member that Jess tried to lay a curse on me that night. Unfortunately for her, I was pretty interested in defensive work and had a fresh witch’s jar buried under my window. Her curse got caught in it and rebounded. Apparently, that’s how Jess got pink eye, not from her younger sister.

We fought like cats and dogs. Any time Jess would talk about England, I’d make fun of her accent. When I brought up what spell I’d like to do, Jess would call me a juvenile pilgrim. Eventually, Jess got smart. She’d text me insults rather than say them to my face so that she’d have a chance to tattle to Sarah before I got the chance to hit back.

Sarah pulled me aside at least three times to “address” the fights. She basically said that I needed to respect Jess more because she came from a witch family, like her. She told me I could learn a lot from Jess if I stopped acting like a human. When I pointed out that we are humans, just humans who have elected to use magic, she got really mad.

And when Sarah got mad, she could make life really difficult.

My spell for luck on midterms got passed over for Jess’ jinx on our English teacher. The jinx worked and Ms. Edel tripped, but guess who still came to class with a broken leg? MS. EDEL. Guess who failed their midterm?

ALL SEVEN OF US.

Damn, I can’t believe I’m still upset by this petty high school drama. Therapy did not work.

So safe to say that Jess and I never became friends. I love magic now and loved it then, but she took it so seriously. I’ve always believed magic should be fun. All the spells she brought to the coven required a spirit element—blood, hair, sacrifice. One of the members was a strict green witch and had to drop out because of it. We missed two full moons until Sarah approved Eileen to rejoin after she woke up from her coma.

(And before anyone freaks out about the coma – we all ended up in comas here and there. We were a bunch of uneducated and untrained baby witches who all had different belief systems. The fact that there wasn’t anything worse than a coma is a miracle. She wasn’t traumatized by it any more than I was by mine.)

Jess and I mostly avoided each other for the rest of the year. We always voted against the other’s spell and I’m fairly certain she tried to trip jinx me in the hall as often as I tried to trip jinx her. Sarah never tried to diffuse the tension between us. She confided in Eileen that she was grateful we kept each other in check.

Things could have continued on that way until we all moved away for college (or repeated the year after failing all those midterms) if it weren’t for the vernal equinox. Or, as we inaccurately called it, the Spring Solstice.

The way it worked was that we all got to propose a ritual during equinoxes. They’re powerful magical events on their own and when you bring intent to the party? They were always our biggest, most successful workings.

Sarah always chose what we did on those days. She pretended like we got to vote, but we all knew she would never choose one of our rituals. My freshman year, she made us all do one for beauty. Because it was a “make real what is in the eye of the beholder” type, some of our transformations were a little…traumatizing. I’m only telling you this so you understand the power an equinox has, okay? I do not think this way anymore. Other members were just as extreme. Eileen went from a Wendy from Wendy’s to a Jessica Rabbit. And I…

Well.

I grew rabbit ears and teeth. That doesn’t make me a furry! Who Framed Roger Rabbit? was super influential on BOTH Eileen and me. I was a kid and didn’t understand my own concept of beauty. It took almost three months before I got the ears to go away entirely.

Suffice it to say, we were all excited and nervous for what ritual Sarah would pick, which is why it was a blow to find out that she had picked a ritual - Jess’ ritual.

A ritual for power.

I didn’t want to do it from day one, okay? My belief is that whatever magic comes to you naturally is what’s okay to take. I think if you rip magic up from the earth or the abyss, it’ll change you. Maybe even corrupt you or change your personality.

But I was a kid and didn’t know how to explain that. Jess and Sarah were both from witch families and they seemed to think it was okay. Even though I didn’t like Jess, I did see her as a more “authentic” witch because of that. I know better now, but as a kid seeing all of her grimoires, I gave her false authority.

Jess explained the ritual to us over the next month. She talked about how we were going to be “tested.” The ritual would pull our spiritual selves from our bodies, and depending on how long we chanted, we’d return to them with more or less magic than when we started. She said that everyone in her family did it when they turned 18.

It wasn’t until three days before the equinox that she told us what would happen if one of us were to be judged unworthy.

“Mostly nothing,” she said. I remember her exact words, how her black hair spun as she soared through the air on the swings. We stood in a half circle before her and Sarah as they swung higher and higher. An audience to their aerial court. She said, “Sometimes people lose some of their magic. When the ritual decides they don’t deserve it.”

Eileen asked, “When the ritual decides? It’s sentient?”

“There’s an overseer we’ll call on,” Sarah said. She’d been the only one allowed to read Jess’ grimoire. Her lip curled and she leaned forward so she could look down over Eileen like an avenging angel as she swung overhead. “An impartial entity.”

“I am not a deity witch,” I said. I had long ago committed that I would never call on a higher being in any ritual. Most of our spells had to be modified for me so that I could swear to the cardinal directions rather than to the Morrigan or Hecate. “You know that.”

“You’re not swearing to anyone,” Sarah said and rolled her eyes.

“Which means no one is swearing to us,” Eileen muttered under her breath. But I could tell she had given up by the slump of her shoulders.

“It’s only the unworthy who lose their magic,” Jess reassured. Her eyes flashed at me. “Scared you’re unworthy?”

Yes. I was scared. I know better now than to think lineage has any place in witchcraft. It’s about the magic, always just the magic. But months of hearing their rhetoric had worn at my self-esteem. It really felt like if I didn’t do the ritual, I was as good as admitting I wasn’t a witch. If I did do the ritual…

Well. Obviously, I did the ritual.

I was a hot-headed teen, okay? I felt challenged. I decided that I would wear extra protections. Tiger’s eye and quartz charged with intention. I picked out a silver locket my mother gave me, filled with belladonna. She told me it symbolized beauty and choice.

Now, here’s where I may be the asshole.

I can’t give you a play-by-play of the ritual. It was ten years ago, and calling on that much magic has a funny way of warping memory. But what I do remember is this:

We gathered in the park before sunrise. Seven of us in new colors – spring green, white, soft yellow and pink. Jess made us get rid of anything with a working on it – crystals, cards, and ladders. She collected them all in a linen bag and threw them into the woods. I couldn’t get away with my tiger’s eye or quartz, but she missed the pendant my mother gave me. It was a warm comfort against my chest as we began.

We lit the fire together, each of us frantically thumbing our lighter to make sure the sparks caught at the same time.

Jess brought the chalice. We all cut our palms and let seven drops fall into it. (No, we didn’t use a clean blade. My cut got infected as hell and it itches like a witch. I know better now!) She bade us drink, and we did.

“Now the magic will see us as equal,” Sarah said while Jess prepared the next step. She licked her lips as if savoring the blood. “It will only be our wills determining the outcome.”

Jess doused us with oil and herbs. It smelled sharp and uneasy. I had provided the herbs and knew all of them were either fresh or dried to perfection. But it was rancid. There was rot in the air, but I couldn’t place it then. I wrinkled my nose and took up the chanting with the others to distract myself from the smell.

If you’ve ever chanted before, you know the stages. First, you’re just talking. You say the words and they mean something, but you don’t feel them. Then your mouth gets tired. You start messing up the timing of the words. You stutter. You stumble. The words lose meaning. Most people stop there. They fall silent and sink into a shallow meditation with heads full of fog.

You’re only a witch if you can reach the next step. You keep saying the words. They become comfortable. You wear the words like clothes and feel your cadence curl through you like a companion. Your body goes on autopilot and your mind relaxes. The chant turns smooth as silk. Depending on the chant, you lose yourself to the sweetness of your coven singing. Sometimes, you sink into the earth with them. Other times, you ride the flow of the magic like waves.

This time, the words pulled us away from our bodies. Jess slowly introduced new words to our chant. Words of summoning.

We called upon the Overseer.

Pressure fell around me like a vice. I couldn’t breathe even as the ritual fell from my lips without breaking. Magic had, at that point, always given me control. This? This was a complete loss of it.

I felt myself compressing. Smaller and smaller in the face of the being that was rising in the middle of the flames. It was not an observer. The moment I “saw” it, its endless form writhing in the space between the smoke, I knew that. It was a judge and jury.

It was a spider.

We chanted. It grew. It pulled us from our bodies like spiderweb and spooled our essences onto its forelimbs. It was not what Jess described and, simultaneously, it was. We were being tested. Our psyches were being tested.

So long as we chanted, the being would be contained. However, the longer it was contained, the more of us it could take. If we let it go, what would it do? Would it return any part of our magic to us? Any part of who we were?

Or would it eat?

This wasn’t a test of magic. It was a test of faith. Faith in each other and faith in the ritual.

For those practitioners out there, you can see the problem. I didn’t enter the ritual with faith. My intent was flawed from the beginning. We’d had spells fail because of lack of belief. I had never been the person who didn’t believe.

Until then

My words wavered. The Overseer turned its eyes to me. I could see my magic like thread before it, shimmering against the backdrop of its maw.

Then another tremor. Eileen dropped a word. The Overseer split and looked at both of us. Someone else faltered. One of the coven – I couldn’t see them – fell and went silent.

The sky yawned overhead, empty and cold. The embers from the fire spun up into it and were lost. The Overseer rippled and I felt our coven shrink in the face of it.

I gasped around the chant and looked across the fire. The light licked Jess’ gleeful face. Her eyes hungered for my failure. I could see it. Through the connection of the Overseer, I could feel it.

Jess and Sarah changed the chant. To this day, I don’t remember if they taught it to the rest of us. There are so many parts of the ritual that I’ve left out or forgotten. But I remember them chanting different words. The circle grew discordant.

“I offer my magic so I may be unspun and woven anew,” they said. The words have imprinted themselves like bitters under my tongue. “I offer my magic so I may—”

Some of the other members tried to pick up the new chant. Their voices grew weaker and the Overseer’s limbs began to extend out towards each one of us.

I wouldn’t offer my magic to that thing. I wouldn’t be unspun.  Eileen was stuttering. I saw her fall to her knees. I was close behind.

I threw my necklace into the flames.

Belladonna. Beautiful and deadly. It has meant choice to many women and many of them have been from my own family. It's extreme and it’s final. An end that doesn’t always make room for a new beginning.

Pretty words that cover up what I meant when I threw it into the Overseer.

My intent was Death.

Entities never die. I’m sure the Overseer didn’t. It howled. The wind kicked up and brought the flames into a spiral ten feet tall. Its forelimbs shattered, and I reeled myself back together greedily.

Not all of us were safe from the Overseer’s desperate struggle against my death curse.

Sarah and Jess were alone in the third phase of the ritual. They had changed the chant. They had offered their magic and asked the entity to do with it what it will. They believed.

And because they believed, the Overseer took their magic with it.

I think it was the first coma Jess ever fell into. Her family certainly acted like it. They whisked her back to the East Coast before the end of the year. I heard from Eileen that she woke up shortly after I left for college.

Magicless.

Sarah too.

I fully own that I was responsible for the ritual failing. I panicked. I’ve gone through every excuse over the years. I didn’t know what the ritual really was. I was just a kid. I took magic too lightly. It was their fault for not letting us read the grimoire for ourselves. But, at the end of the day, the real reason the ritual failed was because I panicked and I let that panic break my belief.

I moved on to college and it felt like running away. I’ve never returned to my hometown. I’m happy with the life I’ve built. My magic summer camp gives me time to travel during the winter months, and I feel like I’m making a real difference in young witches’ lives.

Nowadays I teach young witches to never do a working without full intent. If they have doubts, they don’t do it. It’s a lesson I learned the hard way ten years ago. I tell them it can cost them more than their magic. It can cost them their lives.

Eileen is still back home and she says Sarah rarely comes out of her house. Sometimes she sees our former high priestess wandering the school grounds on nights of the full moon. I hear from other members of the coven that Jess’ family put out a bounty on me a few years ago. However, I never saw an assassin so I think that was just a rumor.

So, knowing that they’re still not over it, would I be the asshole for attending my high school reunion next month? I’ve been craving reconnection with my roots, but I’d be subjecting Sarah and Jess (though Jess marked Maybe on the RSVP) to my presence.

I know they must hold a grudge. If they were still witches, that would be a problem. I don’t think I’d be able to defend myself from one of their workings since I blame myself for what happened. But since they’re not, it’s not really a danger. That’s pretty asshole-ish, right? Ignoring their feelings because they don’t have the magic to back it up?

So WIBTA for attending my high school reunion even though the two girls I stripped of magic will be attending?

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Thanks for reading! It looks like I'll have quite a few updates for the anthology! I am still obsessed with this format and can't wait to share some of the updates over the next few weeks.

If you'd like to support me before the anthology, please consider supporting me on Patreon (X)! I post new stories every week and many of my patrons saw the above story a week early.

The current AITA story takes place in the same universe as our former Cryptid (X). About a poor, poor boy who is just proud to be a regional Nightmare. Why is everyone so mad at him?

See y'all next week!

[quiznak-ofgrayskull]

Reading an unofficial translation of the kinnporsche novel and the part of it that makes me way angrier than I expected was just. Big's entire characterization. I know it's the source material but they did him dirty