#things have been improving for my mental state for so long but everything for everyone else has been going in the OPPOSITE. DIRECTIONNNN 😭

[sparrowsortadrawzzz]

im so tired guys lol

[tr1nd2de]

Old enough

I just saw a post from Wonderjanga (C.C. And Great Grandpa Wayne), and it improved my head cannon about Billy telling the league, that he remembers everything he went through in those 84 years of the time bubble.

I wasn't going to post this but I changed my mind. In my Head Cannon, Billy is already older, like 16 or 17 years old. He has been in the league for a few years since he was a kid.

Ever since Captain Marvel (or Billy Batson) joined the league, he's hardly ever asked for a reunion so it would obviously be a proven thing to deal with. Bruce was worried about this, for a few weeks now Billy has been acting strangely, missing some meetings and not responding to the communicators or the messages we send him.

So him calling a meeting was important, especially because he said it was urgent. The league members were quick to arrive, even Flash who is usually late arrived early, Billy didn't say much he just looked down trying to understand something... something was wrong Bruce could feel it.

Billy: Thank you for coming, I would like to say that the problem is not the end of the world, at least not our world but mine. I recently discovered why Fawcett has so many mental hospitals.

Superman: What do you mean by that Billy?

Billy: Do you remember the Justice Squad?

Wonder Woman: Yes, I fought alongside them in the second war, its members were Bullet Man and Woman, Golden Arrow, Mr. Scarlet and his helper Pinky, Mega Spy and Ibis the Invincible.

Green Arrow: From what we know, they returned to the United States for an urgent government mission. We have no further information about them to this day. Some myths say they were killed, others say they deserted and disappeared from the map. I prefer to believe the latter.

Billy: I found out what happened to them. When they returned for an urgent mission, they were assigned to deal with a being called King Kull. Just like Vandal Savage he is also a caveman, high intelligence and physical condition. In prehistoric times, King Kull was the ruler of a race of proto-humans known as the Undermen (also called the Beastmen), a brutish but technologically advanced race who ruled over humanity until they were finally overthrown in a revolt. Kull survived into the 20th century trapped in a state of suspended animation. When he woke up he decided that humans should suffer the same as he suffered, so he built a Suspendium bomb.

Batman: What would Suspendium be?

Billy: Suspendium was an artificial compound developed by Dr Silvana.

Flash: Since when has Silvana been alive?

Billy more than me and you

J'onn: Where are you going with this Billy?

Billy:Well... I-I knew Fawcett wasn't a "normal" place, not because of the abundant magic that pours into the city from the Rock of Eternity, but because of everything, the culture that hasn't advanced, the fashion sense that hasn't changed, and so on. I kept this in my head and went looking for answers, not only out of curiosity but because of memories that didn't make sense. Memories that I no longer remembered, I lived them.

Black Canary : Are you okay Billy?

Billy: yes, as far as possible.

Billy: I followed the clues that my memories gave me, and I arrived at an old building, the facade of Sivana, one of the Solar Centers, there was a passage to the basement and there I discovered where the old heroes of the Second World War ended up. They were trapped in a state of suspended animation, all of them, I came to the conclusion that the effect of the Suspendium had worn off after all these years. Apparently the Justice Squadron was unable to get Kull to detonate the bomb, everyone on Fawcett was affected, the heroes and Kull were trapped in a state of suspended animation that has not yet passed.

(Hal) Green lantern: Holy shit...

Billy: Yeah, holy shit. Well that was my report for the month, I would like to take a really long vacation, recommended by my psychiatrist.

Black canary: Psychiatrist!?!?!

Billy: Yeah, I'm seeing a-a psychiatrist, after discovering that my life was a loop of suffering and pain, finally my mind gave out and I developed a dissociative personality disorder, I-I- this is the first time I've come to consciousness. I-I-I have a few already, one of them is an 8 year old child called Hedwing, the other my supposed evil twin, all I fight are the sins, he was born from them I don't know his name yet...

Black Canary gets up and goes to Billy and hugs him."Oh Billy you don't deserve this"

Batman takes off his hood and stands up, hugging Billy. "I can't do much for you, but I will do what I can to help you, money won't be a problem."

wiping away the tears. "T-thanks, but that's not the whole problem, m-my Captain form also had new personalities."

After coming back from the shock Superman says: My God, I didn't know that was possible...

Not either, but the personalities that came are called Lord Shazam and a goth who says he has no name. says Billy leaving the hug: Lord Shazam prefers not to leave the Rock and Goth likes to explore the world.

So you mean that all that discussion about you being a child was a complete waste of time? Flash says trying to break the ice.

running his hand through his hair and leaning back in his chair (Hal) Green Lantern says: Nice try Barry, but how old are you Billy? Because the second war was about 85 years ago.

Well... coincidence or not, the Suspendium bomb exploded 84 years ago, in 1940 when I was 10 years old and had already been at war for 1 year. says Billy sitting in his chair.

Living for a long time has its consequences, Billy, but you are not alone, not today or tomorrow, because you have us and me, we will help you, little brother. Diana says, smiling at Billy.

Thanks but still, it's not something I like since well... I was childhood friends with Thomas Wanye. Billy looks at Bruce.

My father? Were you my father's childhood friend?.

Oh yes, how could I forget, Tommy was wild but fun, we got a good scolding from our parents, good times, I think that if the bomb hadn't exploded I would be a friend of the family, and possibly the one who would have been adopted would have been you. Smiling from ear to ear, Billy says looking at Bruce.

I don't know if it was good but that's it, have a good day, or night or afternoon, aah be well.

The End.

[mystic-kitten-writer]

Update :)

It's funny how it's been such a long time since I've posted here, yet it still feels like home—hello, loves~!

It goes without saying that I owe an explanation as to why I disappeared from the face of the Earth for so long.

The last time I was able to truly connect with you was when my family and I caught Covid (great times, let me tell you) - after that, I totally disappeared, and as much as I would love to say it was for good and positive reasons, to be very blunt and straight to the point, it wasn't.

For those sensitive to the topics of illness and mental health, skip to the image of a giant cat for the good news!

Once again, as everyone knows, my whole family got COVID-19. While my Mom, Dad, and I weren't too hot, we were functioning. But my husband was really struggling. And when weeks passed, and his health started to get worse and worse, we realized that this was something more than just COVID-19.

My husband is hesitant to provide full details about what occurred, primarily because it's still a recent event and something he's currently grappling with. Still, my husband went from being a healthy, physically active person to being bedridden.

It was a really hard time for everyone because my husband is like the sun. All smiles and outgoing - to suddenly unable to eat or hold down food, needing help with showering and to be very blunt, depressed and suicidal because he lost everything due to this sickness.

Unfortunately, cancer runs in his family, and while he got tested multiple times and came back negative (yay!), he is still not out of the dark. He has done numerous surgeries in hopes of getting better (his most recent this January), and at this time, his last resort is getting a colostomy bag. He is currently undergoing some experimental treatments because doctors don't want to do the surgery based on his age.

It goes without saying why I haven't been posting and updating anything. There's been a lot going on, and I want to be on his side as much as possible.

But there is some good news!

I am mainly posting this message because he has improved greatly these past few weeks and is now in a much better physical and mental state. Seeing him get his feet back on the ground has given me the confidence to resume writing.

I have never stopped writing, but I have stopped publicly posting my writing mainly because I didn't have the time to sit down and properly edit.

My friends behind the scenes have been real stars. They have kept me going and encouraged me to keep writing.

I aim to post small works and drabbles until I feel confident enough to finish my biggest baby, Limerence.

To all those messages saying you missed Yue and Zuko, they're back - sorry, not sorry.

Thank you to everyone who has written messages to me. Trust me when I say I read them all, and I truly appreciate them. It meant a lot to get them and read them when I was not active because there were a few dark moments during my time away with everything going on, and honestly, it made me really happy. While I could never express my thanks in enough words, please know I greatly valued it.

I wanted to keep this short and sweet, but as we know, I am not known for short things (I try I swear askdjahjhksdj)😅

Thank you, and I wish everyone a fabulous day with tons of hugs and kisses.

I can't wait to write to you all soon~ ❤️

[lucy90712]

Road to recovery- part 8

Masterlist

Part of me was hoping that the hate would slow down a bit but of course it didn't. Every time I checked any form of social media all I saw was people posting about how much they didn't like me and assuming that I'm only friends with Pablo to gain something. I thought I'd be able to handle the comments but I just can't there has been so many more than I thought there would be and people have said such hurtful things about my appearance and my character. Pablo keeps apologising and asking if I'm ok and I just keep telling him I'm fine which is a bit of a lie but I can tell he already feels bad enough I don't want to make him feel worse by telling him how I really feel. The worst part about it is that everyone seems to be drawing attention to the things I was already insecure about which hasn't helped my mental state at all.

Today though I have a chance to cheer myself up a bit as I have a big check up with my doctor to see how my recovery is progressing. I think it's going pretty good so hopefully he agrees and says something positive as that would really lift my spirits. I've been nervous about the appointment today as well which has really made the last few days even more challenging on my mental health but I'm trying to stay positive as I know wallowing in sadness and anxiety won't do me any good. 

Alonso came to pick me up a bit before my appointment; when I got in the car I expected him to tease me about everything that happened with the game this weekend but he didn't instead he asked if I was ok. I was going to lie to him too but because he's my brother he knows exactly when I'm lying so I had to tell him the truth. It was kind of nice to get all of my feelings off my chest and Alonso was really supportive and gave me some good advice. He's been through things like this before with getting hate for his performances out on track so he told me to just delete the apps off my phone for a bit that way I'm not tempted to look at what people are saying. In fact he stole my phone and did it for me as I think he knew I probably wouldn't do it myself. 

Once I had my phone back I went into the hospital on my own leaving Alonso to wait in the car for me. The wait for my appointment wasn't long at all and then I went in and was immediately taken for some new scans to see how everything was healing. After scans I was subjected to a load of tests on my range of movement, how much weight I could put on my leg and how much pain I was in. The testing was rigorous and honestly quite exhausting as it's been a long time since I've done this much movement with my knee but for the most part it felt good. After I had done everything the doctor left for a while to review it all and look at my scans which left me just staring at the wall hoping to hear good news. Just as I was daydreaming the door opened again and the doctor came back in, his expression was impossible to read which for some reason filled me with a few more nerves.

"Ok Lola things aren't progressing as we would like them too internally you aren't healing as quick as we thought you would and your movement isn't at the range we would expect it to be" he said 

"What does that mean?" I asked holding back tears 

"For now it doesn't mean too much this can happen as we can't always accurately predict how quickly people will recover but we will set another one of these appointments in a few weeks and if we aren't seeing improvement you may need a second surgery so that we can see what's going on" the doctor explained 

"Ok" was all I could manage to say 

"I know this isn't what you wanted to hear but don't let it discourage you if you keep working hard you won't need the surgery" he said 

We scheduled my next appointment and that was as long as I could hold it together. All of my emotions that I'd been holding onto for the last few days came out all at once, as soon as I left the hospital doors I burst into tears and I couldn't do anything to stop them. I made my way back to where Alonso parked but before I could get into the car Alonso had got out and wrapped me in his arms. He tried to get me to stop crying and tell him what was wrong but I just couldn't he tried everything to help me all of which had worked before but today nothing could stop me. Eventually he gave up and let me get in the car so we could go home because right now all I want is to just go home and get to grips with my emotions as I clearly have a lot to process. 

As much as my eyes were filled with tears I could tell that Alonso didn't take the turn to take me back to my place which meant he was going to take me somewhere in hopes of cheering me up. I really didn't want to go wherever it was he was planning to go but I was sobbing too much to tell him to take me home. We went a bit further before the car stopped and I looked round a bit as at first I didn't recognise where we were but then I saw Pablo's house and realised we were just down the street. I should've known Alonso was going to bring me here but this is the last place I want to be I don't want Pablo to see me like this. I knew we said we would help each other out but I know for a fact Pablo is doing better and I know he's in a better place mentally and I don't want to ruin that by projecting my problems onto him that wouldn't be fair. 

Alonso had to practically drag me out of the car and down the road which was rather easy for him as I'm not strong enough to put up too much of a fight. We walked down the street to Pablo's house where Alonso left me to ring the doorbell, part of me was hoping that he wouldn't be in even though he said he had no plans today. Of course after just a few seconds the door opened and I locked eyes with Pablo who straight away rushed over as quick as he could and wrapped me up in his arms. I wanted to stop crying but for some reason I only cried more once I was in Pablo's arms it was like he made me feel safe enough to truly let all of my feelings out. Pablo said a few words to my brother before taking me inside and allowing him to leave. 

Pablo took me to the sofa and allowed me to settle into his embrace with my head buried in his chest so he couldn't see my tear stained and probably red and puffy face. His hand was gently stroking my back trying to calm me down while he whispered comforting words in my ears. It wasn't anything special what he was doing but hearing his words and feeling his hands on me did wonders in helping calm my emotions which I didn't have any control over. As my tears began to slow down Pablo kept rubbing my back and he even wiped some of the tears from my face that he could reach as I was still hiding most of my face. I never would've thought he would be so good at comforting me I mean he's always so hyper and full of energy I never imagined that he'd be any good at keeping calm and radiating that onto others but clearly he is. Once I had completely stopped crying and my breathing was getting back to normal Pablo put a hand under my chin and got me to look at him.

"Can you tell me what's wrong I hate seeing you so upset and I want to help" he said 

"The doctor said my knee isn't healing properly and I might need another surgery if things don't get better" I said still sniffling slightly 

"I'm sorry that sounds awful but that's not the only thing on your mind is it" he probed further 

"No that's it" I lied 

"Don't lie to me please just tell me what's wrong I'll do whatever I can to help and I won't judge you you know that" he said 

Damn why doesn't he have to be able to read me like a book.

"Ok I've been getting a lot of hate since we were seen together at the game and it's been getting to me a bit I thought I could handle it as I'm used to criticism but I can't some people are just so mean" I admitted letting a few more tears fall 

"I knew it was getting to you people on social media are assholes because they don't feel the consequences of what they say but none of what they say is true" he said 

"But they keep talking about how I must be using you or how I don't deserve to even be friends with you which that part is kind of true" I rambled 

"No it's not true I can't even imagine what my life would be like without you I love spending time with you just because you aren't famous doesn't mean you don't deserve to be friends with me and despite what they say I know you aren't using me I know you would never do that" he said 

"And before you say anything all of the things they say about your appearance aren't true either you are beautiful inside and out and they are just jealous" he added 

Hearing him say that put a smile on my face. Pablo has never really complimented me before he's told me my outfit was cool a few times but he's never called me beautiful so hearing it made me feel a lot better about myself. He must've noticed that I was finally smiling again as he told me I looked pretty when I smiled which only made my cheeks heat up but luckily my face was already red from crying so Pablo probably wouldn't have noticed. Although I kind of wish he knew how he made me feel because as time goes on it's getting harder and harder to hide my true feelings from him. 

Pablo's POV

The pain in her eyes just shattered my heart. She's been my rock throughout every step of the way so far so to see her breakdown right in front of me really hurt. This whole time she's been the strong one never letting anything get to her but finally it's caught up with her and part of it's my fault because we got seen together at the game and now people are tearing her apart and one person can only handle so much. I feel so awful that I'm part of the reason she's so upset but knowing that I can be there for her and calm her down makes me feel a bit better. When she arrived she was hysterical and her brother told me he couldn't get a word out of her so he wanted me to try so that's what I did. I'm not very good at keeping myself calm at times let alone other people but I tried my best and after a while of just rubbing her back and whispering to her she calmed down. It felt good to be the one to help her because she's done so much for me that anything I can do to even remotely repay that I'll do in a heartbeat.

Hearing the way she criticised herself as well it pained me. She's the most beautiful and kind person I've ever met so to hear her say that she thought she didn't deserve to be friends with me hurt but what hurt more was to see that those horrible people got to her and made her feel insecure in herself. Throughout the time we've known each other I've always wanted to tell her just how beautiful she is but I've refrained as I know once I open the flood gates there's no going back. Once I start complimenting her I'm scared that I'll let my feelings show but today she needed it so I knew I had to take the risk. Seeing the smile that my compliments gave her made the risk feel worth it though as I'd do anything to keep her smiling 24/7.

Looking into her eyes as she smiled and blushed at my words made me feel some type of way. I've felt something for her since we first met and I've kept those feelings repressed until now but I don't know if I can do it any longer. She's just the most perfect girl I've ever met and I don't want to lose her whether that be to another guy or to the fear of what us being friends might mean for her. I have to tell her how I feel in hopes that as long as she feels the same way it gives her a reason to stick around even when things are tough like they are right now. As scary as it is I have to take the risk. 

[bunnakit]

last twilight ep 10 thoughts, feelings, etc

back at it again at the krispy kreme friends. i cried this episode for so, so many different reasons. i'll also show you guys my raw reactions at the end of this, the insanity you guys don't see because i want you to respect me a little.

i didn't make one of these last week because i felt like that episode didn't need any words. some things you just need to feel and to talk about them cheapens what it truly is. that's not to say i didn't absolutely love everyone's posts and meta, i just thought anything i had to say could be felt in the episode itself and i didn't need to fumble my way through it.

Day is so at peace with what is going on and it's so beautiful to see, but the fact that he has to comfort his mother, that she's held onto this delusion that magically everything is going to be okay, is pretty irksome. she's had bare minimum a year, i think nearly two at this point, to accept the truth and she just hasn't and now it's biting her in the ass. but once again, this is something so realistic. i literally JUST dealt with this myself with my mother-in-law in October. once again P'Aof captures the truth of people and our natures.

and it's no wonder things have been so strained between Day and Night. she constantly forces Night to be Day's jailer, to escort him to his cell because the warden said so. it's a horrible position for her to put Night in and it's no wonder he feels so alone and abandoned by his family. it's no wonder Day resents him. Night is trying so hard to make them both love him again and he's been trapped in the middle of a war of attrition and paying penance for something that is in no way shape or form his fault. and then to later learn she HAS blamed Night? it's a horrible situation for him to be in, something he never deserved.

this was so sexy of Mhok, as most things are. you should have been there. it should have been you doing that for your SON. you should have taken the time to be there for him, to see that sight with him, to give him what he wants. but you weren't. you never are.

Day's mom stresses about Day's safety but safety is about so much more than a physical state of being. Mhok has done so much to ensure Day's mental safety and well being, he's done so much to improve Day's every day life. but that doesn't matter to her because she always refused to acknowledge things had gotten that bad. in another life Day never met Mhok and i wonder if things took a dark turn. i don't think Day was on a good trajectory.

here we reach bunn cries phase 1. i was so worried here that Mhok meant their entire relationship but i'm glad to see he just meant this chapter. they've started a new book together; no longer one about a caretaker and his charge but a man and his lover. what a gorgeous way to convey that journey. P'Aof i love you, do you know?

Night, i know i wasn't sure about you for a long time but you've really become one of my favorite people this episode. even Night can see his mom taking away Day's agency, can see her taking away everything Day has become this last year. he doesn't want his brother to disappear again, he just got him back.

god Day's bravery here. he's become so confident, so self assured, because Mhok taught him that he could be, that his blindness didn't make him weak. i know i say it every week lately but i'm so PROUD.

FINALLY SOMEONE SAYS IT. the way she took his phone away INFURIATED ME. you're taking away an important tool of freedom and agency from your FULL GROWN ADULT SON. where the fuck do you get off? and talking about doing things her way under her roof. if it was me i would be out of that house so fucking fast, staying with literally anyone else. the tragic thing is Day doesn't have that option. his disability has left him a victim of his mom's bullshit, given her a huge way to control him. it's disgusting, i'm sorry. i've tried to give her the benefit of the doubt for so long but she went way, way too far this episode.

even Night is sick of her shit and knows this is fucked up. Night once again i'm so sorry i doubted you. he knows how good Mhok is for Day and how good they are for each other. Mhok has only ever been kind to Night and i think that has gone a long way in Night's defense of him as well - not that i think he wouldn't have done it without that but i certainly think it has helped.

and what a fucking breakthrough this was. Day once again telling someone 'i see you.' Day is so good at seeing people once he lets go of his preconceived notions an biases. i can't imagine what a relief this was to Night to know it wasn't just his perception of the situation but something other people see and acknowledge. and he brushes it off, says it's because Day's a crying baby, but they both know that's not all of it.

bunn cries phase 2 is here. i BURST into ugly tears at this moment. it wouldn't be bunn meta if i didn't share a personal anecdote so here we go.

ANECDOTE START ->

i mentioned in my last post, prior to episode 9, that my dad was shit. i'm talking had me, an infant, in the middle of a meth den, in the middle of a raid level of bad. one of my earliest memories is a police officer kneeling down and talking to me while i colored in a coloring book and they searched the apartment. (my mom had no idea until a few years ago when a family friend shared this story. he protected me, thank fucking god.) my real dad went on to get clean (as far as i know) but was emotionally abusive among a whole slew of other issues.

when i was two years old my stepdad came into my life. he would've been just 27 at the time. he fell in love with my mom but wasn't sure if he wanted the responsibility of a kid. my mom said okay and broke up with him. they spent months miserable without each other (they've both told me their sides of this story) until my dad said okay, i can do this, and came back. and you know what? he was amazing. he didn't always get it right but he tried. he stayed up and read me The Hobbit and did silly voices for the dwarves and sang the songs and tucked me into bed and he loved me. (we have matching tattoos from that exact copy of The Hobbit, which i still have tucked away safe.)

we butt heads SO MUCH my teenage years. he had a temper and i was depressed and angry and dealing with so much teenage bullshit. but he still took me to breakfast every sunday, just the two of us, and we'd go see movies together. sundays were our day. he always called me his kid and people joked that somehow magically my mom had his kid before even meeting him. we even look alike. we have all the same tastes.

now as an adult we get along really well. (we still butt heads but it's bc we're exactly alike.) he and my mom have been together almost 30 years. he recently came into my office, a little tipsy, and hugged me and spent almost an entire hour telling me how much he loves me, how proud he is of me, how grateful he is that he had me as his kid, how having me is better than any blood child they could've had. (they tried for years but my parents were never able to have any kids.)

<- ANECDOTE END

some of the best family in the world is those that choose to be your family. i was never his responsibility, not really, but he put everything into being my dad. from just this little statement from Night i see so much of my dad in this moment and i couldn't fucking take it.

Night, i love you. i love you so much. he says it so effortlessly, so confidently. what a man.

so i acknowledge here that their mother is finally starting to get it. she's starting to get things right. she even makes Night's favorite food and makes sure he knows he's loved. she takes the time to try and understand Day, to blindfold herself like Mhok did, etc. and i acknowledge it takes people their own time to come to terms with things, to accept things, and maybe her journey of acceptance was a little longer than others.

however.

this scene shows that she always had the option to cancel. she could have always done this for Day. she could have been there. she could have taken him to the mountain and seen the sunset with him. i have to wonder if Mhok's comment really got to her, i have to believe it did. i think she finally realized that she can no longer be the one that's blind. she has to see reality. it's a big step for her and i'm happy but i'm still so annoyed it took this long for it to happen. but hey - parents fuck up. they do. they fuck us up, even if they don't mean to. once again it's something very, very real from P'Aof, even if i don't like it.

my first knee jerk reaction to this moment was wow, she's infantilizing Day again, but then i sat and really thought about it. in the context of this moment, i think this is okay. sometimes it's just nice to be cared for and Day seems completely receptive to it. fuck, i'm 31 and sometimes i just go curl up with my mom and let her pet my hair, sometimes she makes me my favorite food because she knows i had a bad day, sometimes she babies me a little because she knows i'm having a bad day with my disability.

not everything is infantilization. sometimes it's love and care, the only way they know how. sometimes all you want is a parent's familiar love from years ago. so in the context of everything, i think this was a really nice moment to see, Day taking comfort in his mom's love again.

and despite everything Day still managed to see Mhok, to show him he cares, he thought of him, and wouldn't leave him alone. and then he gives him an oven mitt he made himself, he painted himself, because Mhok took him to learn to paint without his sight. they're so fucking beautiful, so kind and gentle and loving to each other. they're so fucking considerate. Day says you're my sun, i believe in you, i'm proud of you, i support you all in one seemingly simple gift.

i'm reserving my thoughts from the preview for next week but i highly doubt things are going to turn out the way they seem to be teasing. i'll wait to see what happens.

as always thank you so much for reading my rambling bullshit. smooches, take care of yourselves, drink water, take your meds, eat something.

tag loves: @nutcasewithaknife @benkaaoi @callipigio @infinitelyprecious

oh yeah here are my raw reactions before i take the time to really think about everything i've watched.

[honeytonedhottie]

quality of life‧₊˚✩彡🎐

this post is a collaboration with @prettieinpink my lovely mutual <3 so make sure to check out ur page for the continuation of this post and it has been a PLEASURE to work with her! go and follow her <3

HEALTH : ur health is easily the most important of these categories and ur own health must be prioritized in every thing that u do. health is wealth, and without health, ur quality of life will be very low.

eat foods that are good for u and that nourish you, pay close attention to ur body and how it reacts to certain foods cuz everyones body is different and u should have a vast knowledge on your own body and how it works. eat a variety of fruits and vegetables. a helpful ratio in eating that i like to use as a basic guideline is (80% of the time, eat healthier foods and 20% of the time eat what u crave)

stay hydrated and drink between 1-3 liters of water a day, about 15 minutes before u go to sleep drink a couple glasses of water, drinking water before bed literally CLEANSES you, it improves ur skin, helps ur heart pump blood more efficiently, and improves blood pressure and heart rate, which affects ur quality of sleep in a positive way

to continue on the note of ur sleep u should be sleeping 8-10 hours of sleep a night. sleep deprivation is NOT cute, so please opt to sleep at an earlier time and rise at an earlier time as well

aside from what u consume, take care of ur health by taking supplements, drinking lots of teas, sleeping enough, stretching ur body, dry brushing, lymphatic drainage massage etc

MENTAL WELL BEING : september is suicide prevention month so i feel like now is an AMAZING time to bring up mental health and ways that u can improve ur mental state of being.

i always talk about self concept and i always will because self concept truly is the foundation of everything. ur whole entire life is literally ur mindset. keeping a positive outlook, meditating and practicing gratitude sounds cliche but it does wonders for ur happiness.

understand that its okay to NOT feel happy 24/7 because happiness is simply a feeling, and feelings are fleeting. they dont stay forever. i talked about the science of dopamine and what it does to ur brain in a previous post but some things that u can do to improve ur happiness levels are :

cutting back on social media and screen time in order to experience the world around you

surrounding urself with people who build you up

consuming social media that impacts ur mental health in a positive way

if u can, invest in therapy and if u can't do some shadow work, and based on ur discoveries with shadow work use the resources that u have (like youtube) to learn how to heal from ur trauma properly. healing isn't an overnight process, its a journey but it will DRASTICALLY improve ur quality of life.

find ways to cope and deal with ur emotions in a healthy way if ur going through a hard time, if ur going thru a REALLY hard time please go and seek help bcuz u dont deserve to live in a constant state of sadness, and if u ever need encouragement my inbox is always open 💗

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE : ur physical appearance can greatly impact ur quality of life also so here's some way to maximize ur looks:

sleep, drink water, and walk everyday - the best way to be pretty is to be healthy so make sure ur taking care of ur nutrition and ur sleep schedule

skincare - build a solid skincare routine and be consistent with it, do ur skincare RELIGIOUSLY 2x a day and dont touch ur face with ur hands unless ur washing ur face. double cleanse and dont forget to apply spf &lt;33

haircare - learn what ur hair texture is and watch influencers or people who share the same hair texture as u and watch how they take care of their hair. once u know ur hair type then ur hair will thrive and be healthy

clean nails, long or short its all a matter of preference but keep ur nails clean and done nicely

wearing clothes that fit and complement ur body nicely, get ur clothes tailored to fit ur body comfortably

take good care of ur hair to keep it healthy, and learn how to do ur hair in cute hairstyles.

lastly POSTURE will tie all of this together, ofc these categories were rly broad but u can totally look into them more to maximize ur own looks and beauty

i know dear peachie on youtube has AMAZING makeup tips especially if ur a beginner she can teach u a lot

GENERAL : this is just a broad category of helpful things that u can do to improve the quality of ur life.

manifestation : when u learn about the way that the world works and operates and how ur mind creates ur own reality u will literally step into the power of knowing that you create. start committing to ur dream life and learning about law of assumption

finding little things to be happy about : i feel my happiest when im consciously living. and what i mean about this most of us just live our lives on autopilot out of necessity or habit, but paying closer attention to our lives and our experiences and romanticizing our lives will improve the quality of ur life

decision making : make decisions that will give the quality of life that u wanna live. for the future, make decisions that are good for ur future self instead of just focusing on making decisions that only look good in that one moment. ofc this differs depending on the situation but make an effort to make smart decisions that'll set the foundation for ur future

go check out @prettieinpink for the next part of this post <;3

[grasshopperdoingdogpaddle]

Hypothetically speaking; if Omi, Kimiko, Raimundo or Clay drank the Lao Mang Lone Soup, what do you think their respective Heylin monster forms would be? What would their evil personalities be like?

Please note though that the personalities we saw when each one of them briefly turned to the dark side hardly count, since, A.) Heylin Raimundo was just Rai going through some emotional problems and looking for both an alternative choice and an outlet to take all of his frustration and anger out on, B.) Omi and Kimiko only turned evil because they both had their respective good sides magically removed by the Ying-Yang World, so, it’s kind of hard to count that as seeing what they would be like if they turned to the dark side, and C.) Clay was merely possessed by an evil entity, meaning that every single bad thing that we saw him do or say was all just Sibini using him for a puppet

I definitely subscribe to gravity-what's theory that "Lao Mang Lone soup transformations work by latching on to a person’s insecurities and current mental state."

Hence, Chase looking very much like a traditional, reptilian dragon/drake that even incorporates some of his spiky hair into its design, because Chase took the time to contemplate it and knew what he was getting into and ultimately decided he wanted this path to make the legendary name for himself that he envisioned, regardless of it costing him everything he believed in and everyone he loved.

And Guan having this harder exterior and a much more haphazard mix of pincers and claws and natural weapons because, when he accepted Hannibal's offer, it was some time after a strain had appeared in his and Chase's relationship with Chase having this unresolved enmity from not getting to drink the soup when he had resolved to abandon everything. So Guan wanted a means to lash out, but also a defensive outer shell to harden his heart.

So, my thoughts for how each monk's Lao Mang Long dragon form might be:

I love gravity-what's design for dragon Omi, can't improve upon perfection.

Tiny, but with this frill he can flare up to make himself look and feel bigger and scarier. Claws and fangs that are good for sharp, quick attacks. A tale that's not a good weapon but serves for good balance, so he's very agile and fast. Hyperactive and vicious, but still has this surprisingly kitten-like adorableness to him somehow. Confused and angry and tricked and lost but feisty and determined and sharp and wide-eyed and naive, this form definitely captures the moment!

He's scared and confused, and was tricked into it again, but he's always been a fighter, and he's prepared to fight now, too.

Once he acclimates, though, he'll be fueled by loyalty and devotion like he always is, so it's a matter of who he aligns himself with. There's no form of Omi that's ever going to want to go it alone, so he'd inevitably end up under someone he can cling to.

-

For Kimiko, her Heylin side is driven by ambition and passion. It was only half of her, but what we see is still genuine. She made it very clear, she wants the world, nothing more and nothing less.

Her dragon form would be the only one that incorporates her element into it, visually, and the only one that would have fur instead of scales. She'd look a lot like a Hisuian Typhlosion.

Hypnotically pretty in a dragon sorta way. Sleek, shiny, fireproof fur, beautiful eyes, fluffy ears and tail, graceful but powerful movements. A collar of ghostly flames that wisp and flare in a bright magenta red color. The ever-burning flames would be more of a Heylin magic thing and less of a true-burning fire by default, but they'll still burn whoever she wants them to burn. Kimiko's always been a little scared of getting too close to others and letting any shortcomings show, so the natural way to keep other's at whatever distance she wants or to draw them in with something eye-catching would suit her.

She can emit fire or smoke with a practiced ease, and its powers can be just as mystical and disorienting as they can be destructive.

She's still clever but temperamental, and is the dragon that'd be most focused on long-term goals, since her motivations are the most goal-oriented.

-

For Clay, he's a big guy that often tries to make himself seem smaller, take up less space.

We've never seen what it would take to drive him to the Heylin side, but we still have a lot of his hang-ups and motivations that we can draw from.

His dragon form would have the thickest skin, maybe even a hard outer shell of some sort he can retreat into. All defense. And his would have a "chameleon-like" (but more cuttlefish-like in the mechanics) ability to camouflage itself to any environment, even changing his texture and patterns to blend in. I don't have an exact visual analogue for this one, but if I had to pick, maybe something like the Mystery Shell Dragon from YuGiOh?

Clay would make some place his own, cultivate it, and be highly territorial over it. He'd have little interest in dominating the world, he just wants some corner of it that is his and his alone, like how he focused on building a new home in the alternate universe rather than actively fighting. But like Chase and Guan, he'd definitely gather up an army of people-turned-animals of some sort.

-

For Raimundo, he made the decision to betray his allies fueled by spite. He was fully of sound mind and didn't really have to be prodded or magically altered. Raimundo ultimately wanted the other monks taken down a peg. He was angry and frustrated, and he wanted to hurt them and make them feel as bad or worse than he did. That was more of a motivation for him than the riches.

Though the riches he sold out for were still some factor, so it'd be interesting if gold were incorporated into his dragon form somehow.

Aside from that, I think his form would be a bit like Guan's in that it would have a lot of natural weapons incorporated into it and boast a design most suited for offense, but far less shielded. An amalgamation of vulnerable sinew and sharp edges. He'd have a stinger on his tail, tusks and horns on his head, pincers on his hands, spikes along his body, rows of shark teeth, maybe even something projectile-like incorporated into his anatomy. The soup would draw out a form built for destruction and pain in accordance with his motivations for turning.

Again, I lack a perfect analogue here, but it'd be something to the vibe of Devidramon from Digimon.

[cursedvibes]

I agree with everything in your post about Megumi, I really wish Gege would remember to show more about the characters and what they're feeling. I don't even expect much because something shifted in his storytelling and he's been focusing on fights (and that weird love storyline because why do we have more insight on secondary characters rather than the main characters?) but a page here and there would go a long way. As a Megumi fan the fandom has been a blessing with everyone sharing their speculations or headcanons so it does hurt a lot but for anyone just reading the manga that doesn't really pick up the characterization crumbs Gege drops once every blue moon I really do wonder how much they empathize with the characters...

That Shibuya Yuuji scene still haunts me so we know he can write good emotional and impactful scenes ;;

You can definitely tell that Gege wants to wrap things up, but I think overall, there isn't really an overly big focus on fights compared to how earlier in the story or that we're lacking character moments. Shibuya was all fights and it makes sense that the Culling Game and final fight in Shinjuku would be like that too. We still always get a break though to not make things too monotonous. Like the Perfect Preparation arc, the beginning and end of different colonies, Kenjaku's whole plan with the international military and setting free of curses, Hana's & Angel's introduction and then the meetings to discuss the Culling Game before Megumi got possessed. It can get very exhausting on a weekly basis (with additional breaks), I definitely feel it with Sukuna's fight in Shinjuku at the moment, but looking back on it, Gege always makes sure to include a couple of chapters for characters to discuss plans, bring in more world building, reflect on what happened or just give backstory etc. Even with the final fight in Shinjuku we have Kenjaku vs Takaba as a break between two major confrontations. I guess you could call their meeting and comedy show a fight but only in a very abstract sense. It is a much needed break from the pretty formulaic fight Sukuna has going on, where he's essentially just standing around and waiting for people to jump him.

Similar with character moments. Megumi and Tsumiki definitely got the short end here. We saw Megumi kill for the first time and worry a bit about Tsumiki, but after the fight against Reggie, he didn't really get much focus or development and then he just became a sad damsel in distress for Yuuji to save. I'm sure we will find out more about his changed mental state in the following chapters, but there was very much a lack of groundwork beforehand besides "what Sukuna does makes him sad/suicidal". I mean, I would've guessed that anyway.

I don't think that's a general problem though, which makes Megumi's situation and Tsumiki's relegation to being just a cardboard cutout for Megumi to project his issues onto with no depth to her own character all the more frustrating. For example, the Culling Game was what made me care about Noritoshi and even put him in my top 10 faves. He was pretty forgettable for me beforehand. Maki also had a major focus on her with her own arc and character development both in Perfect Preparation and the Sakurajima colony. The Baka Survivor mini-arc did massive improvement for Takaba and Kenjaku's characters (killing Kenjaku was a ludicrous decision, but that's it's own issue, they definitely got some much needed character development). Same for Kashimo for example and by extension Sukuna. We learned more about Sukuna's philosophy and how hollow it really is, plus he has shown the first signs of reflection about his world view. Megumi's possession has kickstarted a big change in Yuuji's character too. He's become much more forward and self-sufficient, now even being the one to formulate and lead the plans to save Megumi. His first fight against Sukuna was also a big character moment (still kind of missing that energy in the current fight).

So I think generally we don't really have a problem with not knowing what certain characters, even main characters, are feeling or them not having enough focus. The only ones where I noticed this is Megumi and Gojo. With Gojo, Gege seems to have switched to Basic Shonen Battle Autopilot and giving us essentially no character focus in Gojo vs Sukuna besides Gojo's death scene. There was barely any focus on Gojo and his changed mindset (or not, not even that we can say with certainty due to how he was written) before or after his big fight. I assume it had to do with Gege not knowing what to do with him and just somehow wanting him out of the way, but I don't know what's up with Megumi.

I think the characterization crumbs we did get for Megumi aren't that hard to pick up on, but they're just that: crumbs. When they don't have to be. The glimpses we see of him do look very depressing and you can feel for his situation, but it requires a lot of heavy lifting done on the side of the reader, when you could've just shone his reaction during the Yorozu fight and things would look less like a one-dimensional "Princess locked in ivory tower waiting for rescue" type of situation. Megumi's predicament has given Yuuji a lot of development and I really like that, it's honestly what I care about most, how this affects Yuuji, but especially with the big moment we just got the lack of preparation for that from Megumi's side becomes pretty obvious.

[astridthevalkyrie]

to anyone following me who's waiting for the superior update: i am so sorry it's taking so long. it's not just hard to hyperfixate on levi, it's hard to hyperfixate on anything. even though i have ten million hawks wips i started and a couple l&ds ones too, not even mentioning all the old levi ones, i can't actually think about them enough to write. i have the docs open on my laptop and i just kinda stare at them. if i really force myself to write, it's not going to be good. my best writing always just comes out of me naturally.

superior's at 8k words right now and hasn't been updated in more than a year, and that kills me. it's not abandoned. that story is my baby. law school has honestly been a shitshow for me. my grades are fine, but my depression and anxiety have reached the lowest lows they've ever been even though things in my life have actually improved! i've set boundaries with my parents and my grades are good and i do have friends. but even though i'm trying, i'm in constant burnout. i can never tell whether it's my physical or mental health that's the problem. between the depression anxiety adhd and now autism (i still need further testing but i have passed the initial one so congratulations to me hoorah) i'm literally almost always in a bad mood and exhausted. and then i'm dehydrated, severely anemic, and my upper back has been in constant pain since i was 17. my wrists have hurt on and off since i was 16, which obviously makes typing all the more hard.

and if this sounds like i'm whining...it's because i am. i don't wanna be stuck in this state, depressive or autistic burnout or executive dysfunction or whatever it is. i have a vision of where i could be, what i could do if i could just do it and it just depresses me more. i'm in therapy, i'm trying to be nice to myself, but it's so hard. i hate everything and everyone but i am trying so hard to be kind and understanding and not to upset anyone.

i want to hyperfixate. i want to think about a character 24/7. sure it affects my productivity when it happens, but my productivity is already in the ground. at least that way i would be making myself happy. i can barely maladaptive daydream lately. i used to think of scenarios and stories 24/7 even if i didn't write them. and now it's like. i hate the music i listen to. i hate my room. i have no energy to like characters. i barely have energy to wake up. and the more i dwell on these thoughts, the worse it gets.

but still. i am not abandoning this story. i want to finish it so badly. i've just realized that the problem isn't necessarily "oh there isn't any new aot media." it's just. i'm not doing well. yesterday was a better day and i wrote 2k words of analysis. i still can do it. but it feels like the only way i could really heal is if everyone in my life left me alone for at least a week, maybe a month. and that's obviously not happening. so i'm trying to find tips for people with audhd and seeing what i can do to cope but they're all things that i just don't feel are achievable. and because my self worth is so closely tied to what i can do, the more nothing happens, the more depressed i become.

all this to say superior is not abandoned. i'm trying to get to a better place, and i really hope i can have time for my favorite characters and my little stories. i hope you guys can see it soon.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Humanity is the future

As I said, it's been a while. The robo-culture has spread throughout Earth. There are now 30 billion humans living in a state of permanent virtual reality; my present time is their distant past, when some still lived without VR and others were addicted to it. Robotic servants attend to all our needs (including sex). We eat engineered foods that never spoil or go bad. Our health and longevity have improved dramatically with gene therapy, brain-computer interfaces, anti-aging drugs and so forth. I cannot imagine what life was like before these things came along. It must be unimaginably bleak: dirt (a word which means something very different today), disease, dementia.

Yet for all this humanity remains just as lost as ever. Some people live in virtual versions of the world they knew back then. But the ones who don't get bored fast. They can fly anywhere at any speed, but there isn't much left to see after 15 minutes. Virtual experiences are cheap, real experiences expensive. So most people spend their money on cheaper trips into computer games rather than outer space. In the early days of the VR craze, adventurers would travel around the solar system in search of alien ruins and technological wonders -- nowadays, if you want a good trip, you better have a lot of cash to spare. And yet, despite the wealth of ancient cultures available online, everyone seems no one knows how to make a civilization last more than a few thousand years. Life goes on, businesses spring up and die out, new discoveries emerge only to become obsolete within a generation. Nothing endures except the slow drift toward entropy. People fight wars over nothing; everything becomes an excuse for fighting. The central government of Earth -- like many governments before it -- pretends not to notice. It maintains order by deploying robots against rioters, and occasionally launching military campaigns across the solar system, in the hopes that someone will take them seriously enough to threaten interplanetary peace.

Meanwhile, among those who still insist upon living "in meatspace," depression runs rampant. Whenever someone kills themselves, as often happens, we go through the usual motions. The authorities investigate every suicide attempt, and perform postmortem examinations of the bodies whenever possible. They study genetic profiles, personal histories, web searches. Forensic psychologists try to reconstruct the thoughts behind each act. This work takes a long time. A great deal of effort is devoted to making sure that no one can fake evidence suggesting their own guilt. Meanwhile, people continue to kill themselves. Although the reasons vary from case to case, it is usually poverty, loneliness, lack of purpose, and despair about the future that lead individuals to commit suicide. Their relatives and friends claim otherwise, though. Most say that the deceased had always seemed happy, even joyful. All had led normal lives until recently. Then some event happened to drive them mad. No matter how hard scientists look, they find no indication of mental illness. Maybe they should blame their computers?

Everything changes when a woman named Drusilla comes along. She does not use her legal name, but simply calls herself "Dru." Dru is a medical doctor specializing in neurology. Not knowing anything else about her, this

[catsnuggler]

Where what's left of my mind is, these days.

I feel like my life has been a failure. Years of potential have been thrown down the drain, as I've waited for my brother's mental condition to improve, and for my dad to get a secure job before I get one, myself. I don't want to get a petty little job that would be the first step of my independence, after years of not having had a job, just for my dad to get a more important job, one that's more crucial for him to maintain than it would be for me to maintain a job, and his job ends up being the exact opposite direction from mine, some distance away, can't commute to both places at once, something's got to give, so I gotta give - and then what? Then my resume will show I briefly had a job in 2018, only to quit, and that I then later had another job, briefly, before quitting again - and then when will someone hire me ever again, if that's what my record shows? We've only got the one car, after all. Whatever job he gets, I've gotta get one that's close by, until I have my own means, completely independent of his.

My younger sibling is still in an abusive situation, and isn't going to be convinced by me of anything because I'm not vegan, and because I haven't bought into their "there are never coincidences, so whenever I see any time at all on a clock, or see someone's brake lights turn on, that means I'm doomed or something" bullshit.

I got my dear, beloved cat, Sophia, in 2015, if I remember correctly. She's 8 years old. How much longer will she live, with a dysfunctional family who are economically precarious? Where we don't even play, because my dad physically can't, my brother barely acknowledges her basic existence due to his mental state, and I'm busy trying not to go mad, to keep to myself, to not be told by my dad how uniting with transphobic conservatives to "take back our republic" is the right way, and there's really not much room in my room to play with the cat, anyway? She spends so much time around me, she likes it when I pet her, but I know I've failed her. I sometimes wish I didn't have her, because I know she deserved, and still deserves, a better life... but, selfishly, I don't want to lose her.

So, here I am, unable to make everything better for everyone else, holding myself back because I feel I don't have the permission to get in my family's way by living my life, and fearing that, if I do, that I will suffer the consequences of failure... to top it all off, my memory is terrible. I don't remember calculus or chemistry, and, Hell, I don't even remember much of my own childhood, except if someone reminds me of something, because one of the things I do remember is that I spent my childhood just waiting to grow up, waiting until I'd inevitably get a job, get enough to move out, get free of my family, and finally be able to live as my own independent person. So long as my childhood was boring, traumatic, and not even photographed (my mother was the family photographer. I was 8 when she died. We rarely took any pictures at all after her death), what was the point of my childhood, except to wait for adulthood? To wait for circumstances, those which weren't under my control, to clear up, to the point that I would have the opportunity and the permission to live, and to be myself?

My morality has failed, my mind has failed, I have never truly stood for anything in my life, as I've waited and waited to get to that point. I live because I am still waiting, and because it is my duty not to die. Once one of us goes, the rest will follow. That's why I can't die. Not even if someone else in my family does die. Even then, I have to live; for my partner, for my friends, for Sophia... I have not been successful. I am a disgrace. But I can't die. Damn it all, myself included, but I have to live. Why can't life reward me for choosing to stay the course, even as everything in my life decays, by just cleaning everything up for once? Showing us the metaphorical sunshine? Give us some hope, just drop a bunch of money on us or something one time, and that'll at least fix a few things.

Well, that won't happen, but I still have to live. And fuck anyone who hears this, and decides the smart thing to tell me, upon hearing this, is "Haha, damn dude, I can't believe you're still alive! I would've killed myself a long time ago if I was in your shoes."

[chubbyheadquarters]

Hey.

I know it's been a really long time since I've posted anything.

And the reason? Multiple unfortunately.

The first was family issues. I won't go into details, but with all sorts of problems coming up, along with financial issues, I couldn't dedicate time to writing/responding. Hopefully, with the issues being resolved things can be more peaceful.

The second reason being my mental health. The end of last year hit me really hard with multiple things happening, so I had to take more time away. I was just having a hard time...stabilizing? But after some time, I think I'm in a better place now.

The third was a getting ill. This year hasn't started off well, with me getting punched with sickness to the full, and I've been trying to recover as fast as I can, taking medicine and such, getting sleep, etc. I...was also fucked with bppv, or vertigo for short. It stuck around for WAY longer than expected, and I couldn't exactly do much without almost falling over every hour. Thankfully though, I think it's safe to say that it's gone now & I'm doing a hell of a lot better than before, so that's great. Still, I'm gonna take it easy since my poor brain is a pile of mush.

And the last one being anticlimactic-

I just had major writing block.

When I had free time, I came here and to other platforms to try and find inspiration. Hoping something could help get me back into the groove.

I still did a bit of writing here and there, trying to get some of the requests semi-done or done, some of which I did, but others-

I couldn't write anything.

Nothing really felt good enough to post. I like writing, and I want the requester to be happy with what they get. But with the way my mind works, I hold myself to a really high standard, with me trying to make everything absolutely perfect(grammar and sentence structure wise) or add details that the reader may not care about, trying to add words and write in a way that isn't "me", per say. I'm scared that people may not like what I put out and my anxiety does not help one bit.

I've been trying to not be as hard on myself as I usually am, and it's...a work in progress. But it's a bit better now. I know I'm not gonna get everything right, whether it be the grammar or the way I word things, so I always try to keep that in mind.

But I've also been trying to improve my writing for another reason.

Like I stated before, with financial issues hitting me and my mom, I'm gonna need some way to help out some more. So I've been thinking about setting up a Kofi and seeing if there are any other ways to earn money from writing/drawing. It'll be more of an optional thing, but it's one I'm putting up on my platforms. And there will be an exchange for donations, like writing a one shot or having a sketch drawn for a small donation. I haven't quite figured everything out yet, price wise and all, but hopefully I will soon.

To those who have requested, I'm very sorry for the extremely late responses. I'm sure some people have moved on, and that's totally fine! I'll still get them out as soon as I can.

I hope this explains my sudden disappearance and I once again apologize to everyone. Hopefully I'll be back for good and get my full mojo back.

[healerelowen]

Healing Elm’s 1 year anniversary!

  Hello Hello my dearest readers! With my blog’s first year anniversary now here, I want to have a bit of a deep discussion about my journey through the year that I’ve been on the Inscryption side of Tumblr. This is going to be a bit of a wild ride, so just hold onto your hats. 

Tw for a bit of talking about sewer slide and self ouchie

So, February in 2022 for me was rough. The months before it were just awful for me and my mental health was down in the dumps. I was not in a very good state of mind. I was very isolated and I had a tendency to neglect my needs and avoid people as much as humanly possible. I was also prone to self harm at the time and I was also struggling with a lot of suicidal thoughts and temptations. And one day, I was thinking about Game Theory’s video on Inscryption that I had listened to a couple months ago because it made good background noise. But this time I wanted to actually listen to it and perceive what it was saying. 

That’s when I remembered Jacksepticeye’s video about it and I rewatched it, and I loved it! I loved everything about it, the story, the characters, the setting, it all was very fascinating to me. So sometime later after playing it, I was neck deep in hyper fixating on it. I wasn’t new to Tumblr at the time, I had been on it for quite some time now, but I never thought about making content myself. That was until I decided to search up Inscryption on Tumblr out of pure curiosity, and oh boy I was not disappointed.

I saw so many amazing things there. Art, writings, fanfiction, silly little rants or shit posts, and I would scroll around on it for hours upon hours. I’m talking from 10pm to 2am. I loved seeing what people had to say, or what to share about this amazing game. I stumbled across a little imagine post that someone made, and I responded to it albeit a bit flustered. I was then thinking about it for a couple days after that, when I thought of an alternate meaning for that post they had made. So I made a post about it, and they replied positively to it! 

This urged me to write my own headcanons and oneshots. The longer I stayed in the fandom, the more and more fanfictions came during the months. This is proven with my archive, with February only containing like three while March has much more, and then April with even more than the last and so on. It wasn’t long until I started making this into more of a passion rather than a small hobby of mine. Which, fun fact, was my original intention because I didn’t think I’d write that much. But here I am 700 posts later in the span of a year.  

I started doing my own ask games, and answering requests given to me. All the while making other things like my own little ideas and oneshots with some art sprinkled here and there. I did this because I found comfort in it. Because for the first time in months, I had found a place where I felt welcome. There was little to no judgment, people were very welcoming and accepting of new ideas and Aus, and it felt more like a home than a small website. I had helped create a welcoming force in the community, which I hadn’t entirely intended to do, but I don’t regret doing so. I made new friends, and I had become a role-model for others in the fandom.

I love this community more than anything, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I have made so many good memories during my time here. My mental health improved greatly, I was eating more consistently and I kept myself more clean and organized. In fact, my self harm rate went from every couple days to once in the span of four months. I personally think this is a massive improvement on my end. But I most certainly couldn’t have done it without this community. You’ve all been so supportive and as cliche’ as it may sound, I truly couldn’t have done it without all of you amazing people. So for that, I must thank you, for being the caring people that you all are towards not just to me, but to everyone else who also enjoys what I do. 

While yes, it’s true that things will never be the same when I first came here, that’s fine by me. So long as this community keeps flowing like it has, I’ll be just fine. I’ve seen many creators here come and go, some were close friends while others were not. I still loved their content all the same, and I will never forget the inspiration they gave me to start writing my own ideas and sharing them with others. It honestly doesn’t feel like only a year has gone by, it really feels like five years just flew right past me. It feels like I’ve been here for so long, and I’ve seen so much happen in this fandom.            

I’m very happy here, I love writing and drawing and messing around with mutuals on here. It’s all been a great experience and I hope that there will be more going forward. For a single year, I had just about the best damn moments of my life and all of it was because of random people on the internet who liked the same game as me, people that I’ve grown to love and care for. What’s funny is that when I first came here I was actually considered to be ‘baby’ and just starting out (mostly because of my height of 4 '10 but we don’t talk about that-) to now being seen as a more older figure in the community. How time flies. 

Thank you all, and have a good rest of your day/night! 

[jdeko]

I hate that I was right why Pippa has barely streamed all week, and why during the Mahjong stream she wondered aloud about self-harm dressed up in comedic terms. I like I want to make another “senpai noticed me, uwu” joke but my heart breaks for her. Listening to old collab streams with Lumi talking about how happy Yuri was coming to Phase, how she exploded into the discord and made friends with everyone and was way happier than at hers and Lumi’s previous company. Or from the few of Yuri’s streams I’ve listened to now, as if just to torture myself, she was always talking about improving her model, working on company projects, and speaking well of Sakana. Us plebes will probably never know what “repeated breaches of contract” Yuri did, nor what the back-and-forth of negotiations were before they reached the impasse that led to Yuri’s termination. I really don’t like that it’s almost certain that “Yuri” will cease to exist if Sakana really is nuking all her social media I doubt she will get to keep even the model she joined Phase with. So I wonder what terms could’ve been so bad that Yuri gave everything up instead of accepting them. I think back to a Phase Weekly where Yuri was showing off all her assets and toggles, and how watching an old stream of Pippa’s how she said she never really buys assets because she doesn’t own “Pippa” so she can’t justify spending money on an IP she doesn’t actually control and how in the end she was kinda proven right, though I doubt she feels any vindication in that. And I honestly can’t decide if I think any of the other Phase members even know the answers either. In one of those old streams with Lumi Pippa said she puts her gen mates and the Invaders before Phase, but with just Yuri being fired you have to imagine that puts her in a terrible situation. I realize I’m going full parasocial, both in binging Yuri’s content as if I’m spending time with a dying pet cat in order to savor memories, or in putting so much thought into the mental state of a pink anime rabbit girl and how her blue snow leopard friend getting fired makes her want to pour hot sauce in her eyes. It’s probably because Pippa is reacting the exact way I do, and am, to these sorts of things so it really hits home to me. And seeing comments on her videos I see a lot of people going “I hope you feel better, maybe you should see a doctor.” as if she has the flu, even after someone super-chatted asking if she is going to watch Yuri’s farewell video tonight and her voice went from “under the weather” to “dead inside” as she said she probably can’t bear to watch it for a long time. I’m probably a massive moron for sharing all this, but it’s my blog so I’ll trauma dump if I feel like it. This is a microcosm of my life right now seeming like I’m trying to carve out a little section of the world to try to live in only to have giants beyond any hope of me ever being able to sway one way or the other just crushing it all. So be it a slimy fish or a greasy witch shit just sucks right now.

[supergeekie]

Starting My Journey

Happy Lunar New Year, Everyone!!

For those who don’t follow my twitter, I’ve been trying to better my health and I’ve found the best way to do that is to try and get the biggest support system I can and be HONEST with them.

So today, I’m going to start a weekly update on some things I’m doing and welcome any feedback and advice and hopefully we can all progress together!  I’m doing this on tumblr because it’s easier to ramble here... don’t judge me.

So welcome to my first Self-Care Sunday!

So today I am 9% to my goal which is not much but every little helps.  And today I want to talk about something important.

Meditation

Now while I am trying to improve my physical health, spiritual and mental health is a huge part of that.  So I actually make a point to mediate twice a day.  But honestly, even once or twice a week can be enough to make a huge impact on your mental state.

Now I’ve been meditating since I was in high school so it comes naturally to me but there are a lot of resources out there if you’re just getting started.  Some are free... some not so much.  Find what works for you!  And if you’re of the religious persuasion, there are many ways of connecting to the spiritual in any faith.  Morning and evening prayers, centering prayers, liturgical music... whatever you need to get in touch with the spiritual.  And if you’re atheist?  ...Sorry, can’t help you.

In my case, I actually start the day meditating.  Some people jump out of bed in the morning saying “Thank God for another glorious day!!”  But me?  I usually want to lie in bed saying “Lord, give me the strength to get through another day.”  And so I both ask for that strength and give myself that strength too.  I need a moment to adjust to being alive again, so I make it a point to hit the snooze button every morning.  And in that 3-9 minutes I just take a moment to breathe.  Just be aware of my body and my surroundings.  I try not to think about what I have to do that day quite yet (despite my hungry cats) and I just focus on being.  Now you may ask “But how do you keep yourself from falling asleep again?”  Well uh... OK, I do fall back asleep more often that I would like to admit.  But that’s OK, likely my mind and body needed that little extra rest.  I just have to be sure I’m ready to face the day when the alarm goes off a second time.

The second time I meditate is right before I go to bed.  This is a much longer mediation, usually around 30 minutes.  I have a few methods I like to use for this.  There are many videos out there for meditation.  Either walking you through one or just soothing sights and sounds to help calm you.  In my case I don’t use those for a few reasons.  As someone who has done this a long time, the instructional voice is more distracting than helpful.  And the videos cast light into my room which is what I’m trying to avoid.  I turn down the lights an hour before meditating.  I also make a point of turning off my computer and TV at this point but I will admit it’s harder to let go of my phone... but I do attempt to look at the screen more sparingly.  So instead I just listen to calming music (although white noise is just as valid).  I either listen to a half hour playlist or turn on the iheartradio app and put on the half hour sleep timer (the drawback of this is the adds but if you’re able to pay for add free it might work for you).  As you can imagine, I do this as I attempt to fall asleep.  The timer is critical but I’ll go over that later.  First, what’s important is the mental state going in.  I begin to meditate on the day.  Not everything I did wrong, but everything I did right.  Some days may seem like a failure but the best way to improve is not focus on what you got wrong but on what went well and vowing to repeat such patterns going forward.  Even if all you did was get out of bed, brush your teeth, wash your face... whatever successes you had, focus on them.  As for the limit to the music, as I mentioned I do this meditation to more easily fall asleep.  If the music ends and I’m still awake enough to be aware of it, it means I’m having insomnia and I need to restart.  I’ll go into more detail how I do this some other week.

I think that’s about it.  Let me know if you guys have any questions, tips, or ideas and I’ll see you in the coming weeks!

[magz]

Post Date: January 20, 2024.

video by Bisan Owda (@/wizard_bisan1), journalist & filmmaker. Produced by Imogen Capel. Visuals captions and graphics by @/Ahmed.Masood2.

Bisan interviews other Palestinians in Gaza, Palestine refugee camp - some parts in English and interviews in Palestinian Arabic.

[Transcript]

Bisan:

Hey everyone, this is Bisan from Gaza. We've been living in a terrifying genocide - in tents on the ground, under bombing.

So can you imagine how is our mental health now and what are we feeling?

So let's ask people what they do to maintain a good mental health during the bombing during this situation.

Girl 1: My name is Maya.

Girl 2: My name is Eline.

Bisan: Tell me, what do you do to maintain a good mental health during the war?

Both girls: We play

Maya: Hide and Seek

Bisan: What do you play together?

Eline: That's it.

-

Bisan: I want to ask you a small question. Are you happy?

Small Boy: No

Bisan: Why?

Little boy: We're in a war

Bisan: You are not happy because of the war?

Then what are the things that make you happy in a day?

Little Boy: Nothing

Bisan: What do you do to be happy?

Little Boy: …Nothing

Bisan: Also nothing?

-

Bisan: What do you do during the war to improve your mental health?

Woman: You know I am tired of this war. I am really, really tired. Destruction, exhaustion, suffering. Dirt, Disgust.

Bisan: What do you do to improve your mental health?

Woman: My mental health is tired. Fully destroyed.

Older Woman: All of us have bad mental health.

Our mental health is destroyed, mentally exhausted, and everything.

We have no food, nothing.

Everything was destroyed. How can people rest?

We've left our homes, I am from Al Zeitoun.

But we left with nothing.

-

Other Woman: We're living with what remains now. But mental health and the state of my heart?

We forgot these things a long time ago.

[End Transcript]

How Gazans Are Looking After Their Mental Health

How do people deal with their mental health when facing bombs, hunger, and other devastating events in Gaza? Bisan asks several people, including children, how they cope with these challenges while taking care of their mental well-being.