#things feel so much more intentional
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Bad: I don’t think people understand the effect QSMP had on some of the streamers in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. [...] Imagine that you were given a friend to play Minecraft with — like your best friend — BUT if this person dies, if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Can you imagine what that’s like?
Bad: If you did not live through the QSMP, if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience the Eggs were. They were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with.
Bad: I’m not saying I regret it. To this day, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again. [...] I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, it was just that fun.
Earlier today during his stream, Bad shared his experience and thoughts about the Eggs and the significant emotional (and traumatic) impact they had on him and his fellow QSMP members.
This clip a very edited-down version since his commentary was ~13 minutes long, so I highly recommend checking out Bad's VOD if you have the time. (Timestamp: 47:36 - 1:00:14)
[ Full Transcript ↓ ]
———
Bad: To be fair Chat, I really think the QSMP... I don't think anyone really can relate to it, Chat. It's something that's so... I've told people this before, like– but it's hard to understand. Right? Like...
Where was I? Sorry Chat, I'm losing my train of thought. Look, let me explain Chat– here's the dealio, ok? Here's the dealio, and this is what I mean when I say like, it's important to keep this in mind, Chat. Ok? It's important to keep this in mind:
I don’t think people understand the effect that the QSMP had on like, some of the streamers, in terms of like… The real raw mental impact, so I’m gonna set the stage for you. This is the analogy I’ve given to every person who I’ve like, shared this with. Imagine you meet somebody– [He hears a strange noise] What the fudge was that? Did you hear that?
Anyway– Chip! The story I was just relaying to Chat, Chip, was this: I was sharing this story with them, I said– I was giving them an analogy.
Imagine Chat, for example, imagine that you were… playing Minecraft, with like– you were given a friend to play Minecraft with, Chat, like your best friend, and [unintelligible] were like, “Hey, you get to play Minecraft with this person, right? BUT if this person dies – they’re currently your best friend, Chip – but if they die in the game, you never get to talk to them again. Ever again.” Can you imagine what that’s like, Chip?
I don’t think a lot of people understand like, what that does, right? I’m not gonna say that like, it creates this situation, Chip, that like, messes with your head, but it– Chip – but it totally, totally does, Chip. It messes with your head! It literally puts you in a position where you’re second-guessing and thinking about everything, Chip! You’re thinking about EVERYTHING Chip! Ok? And that’s the problem, Chip– is you turn into a paranoid monster because of it, Chip! Like, you don’t understand Chip– I was- I was so afraid of every dirt block, I used to carry a shovel with me Chip, and I would specifically right-click dirt blocks that looked suspicious because mines, Chip– mines could not be shoveled! Like, I was crazy, Chip! But here’s the problem, Chip: that craziness is still there. I’m genuinely like–
I remember thinking Chip, that I would one day– I was like, “I’m going to move past–” here, let’s go up here, Chip. I remember thinking one day Chip, I was like, “I’m gonna move past the underground base, one of these days. You know, one of these days, I feel like I’ll be able to grow and achieve the desire to build a base that doesn’t have to be underground.” But I don’t think it’s possible now Chip, because I think… I just don’t know. I feel like the paranoia– there’s still like, residual leftover trauma from that situation, Chip.
But here’s the problem Chip: I don’t think I don’t think– I don’t think people understand it. Like, I just really don’t. But I also don’t blame them Chip, ‘cuz I don’t think it’s possible to fully understand it if you haven’t lived through it. Like, if you did not live through the QSMP… I’m talking about the QSMP, I don’t- I don’t know if that was obvious– if you did not live through that, it almost sounds like, crazy. But I don’t think people realize how much of a joyous experience like, the Eggs were. Right? I don’t think people realize it. Like, they were SO awesome! They were literally so awesome to just hang out with and spend time with, Chip. So, it’s just one of those things that–
[He’s interrupted by a loud rumble of thunder above them]
Did lightning just strike here? Is it thunderstorming out…? But anyway, Chip. That’s the food for thought.
But that’s the problem– Like, every time it rains in Minecraft, I have to like, look at the sky, and I get this weird, like, second--hand vibe because of the trauma. The trauma, Chip! The trauma is real! But that’s the point– I’m not saying I regret it. I, to this day Chip, I loved the experience. I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. Even knowing how everything went, I would still do it all over again.
[He falls down] Dangit, don’t come over here Chip, ‘cuz I’m coming back up! Ok.
I would still do it all over again, because — even knowing like, all the trauma and suffering and stuff like that — because it was just… It was just that fun, Chip, it was just that fun. I really wi– I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible, Chip, to give people that same energy, like that same experience. You know what I mean, Chip? I don’t think it’s ever gonna be possible again. Like, EVER.
Because… because like, one: I will say on one level Chip, I will say on one level, like– it’s sort of emotionally like… It’s emotionally devastating, and I think to actually go through that– and this is where like, if I ever do end up going to a– see a therapist, if I ever do end up going to see a therapist at any point, I’ll talk it over with them and be like, “Hey, what do you think about this?” Because I genuinely think on one level, like– it’s created this fear of forming attachments because of like, how things can go. You know what I mean? Like, the fear of getting attached to something and then potentially losing it. Like, it’s- it’s a genuine thing. I think people forget about that.
Like, at the end of the day, everything was RP, right? On the server. You know what I mean? Like, everything was RP, Chip. BUT at the same point, even though it was RP Chip, it was still like– there the reality of you were still playing like, with another person, and you were still getting that experience, and it felt like you were genuinely attached to someone and you didn’t want anything bad to happen to them. It was GENUINELY stressful, Chip.
But at the same point, I don’t regret it, and I don’t think it was a bad experience. I’m–
Sometimes in life Chip, you go through stuff, and maybe you have a certain amount of like, things that like, can happen, that you’re like, “You know what, maybe this wasn’t a good thing that this happened,” but at the same point, you still aren’t necessarily upset about it, because… it’s like growing as a person, right? Here’s the thing Chip; even bad situations, Chip, can lead to an overall good outcome. Like–
Even if you’re going through something bad Chip, just because a bad thing happens doesn’t mean that only bad things have to come from that. That’s one of the things I tell people all the time, Chip, is that if you go through a bad situation, you can learn from it, and you can use your experience to help others. And you can be that– you can be, at the worst-case scenario, you can be someone for other people who are going through that same experience to lean on when they go through that.I think there’s a certain amount of comfort that comes from that; from knowing no matter how bad your situation is, you’re not the only person who’s experienced it. You know what I mean?
#Badboyhalo#BBH#Bad#QSMP#January 8 2025#Edited#I know folks are going to add their two cents on this subject in the tags / comments / replies (and as always you're welcome to do that)#But for the sake of my sanity please don't be an asshole to any of the CCs / ex-admins / fellow fans / anyone else. Thanks#Most folks here don't need a ''Don't be a dumbass'' reminder but I had to block someone for that earlier and it was a bit disappointing#This is going to be a Tumblr exclusive clip because I don't trust Twitter to have common sense or common decency about this topic#Tumblr exclusive#Anyways business aside – that black line on the side is just part of Bad's stream btw. He just Has That#Took too long for this to render otherwise I'd edit it out because it's annoying#I'm just realizing this screenshot doesn't even have Dapper OTL but it's the best one I have so I gotta work with what I got#Honestly; I still miss QSMP dearly... I love the core intent of the project and the multicultural exchange#I love all the language barriers that were broken and I loved all the stories that were told and watching beautiful friendships bloom#But I am still so angry and disappointed about how things ended and all the poor communication and the admin situation as a whole#It's a complicated feeling#I agree with pretty much everything Bad says here#It's ironic that he uses that analogy because I've said almost the exact same thing when explaining why losing any Egg was so devastating#We weren't just mourning for the characters. We were mourning for the admins too#I'll never forget that last stream with Tazercraft and Richas; and Pac ending stream in tears#I wish they'd done away with the Egg life system. I wish they'd done a lot of things differently#If the project ever does come back in some shape or form I hope they are more transparent about things and have better communication#I dunno how I'd feel personally. They would have to do a lot of work regaining people's trust#And frankly I don't think they'll ever regain that trust from a large portion of the community#I remember near the start of QSMP I saw a comment from a fan that simply said ''QSMP; please don't leave me feeling bitter''#I think about that comment a lot
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I made a few new wax seal stamps out of clay (like the ones I did for my worldbuilding stuff forever ago), this time just of random symbols that I thought might look good done in the style of painting over the raised part of the wax or etc. :0c Some of them aren't carved deep enough to really show up that well, but overall they worked okay for being clay lol
#wax seal#crafts#wax stamp#stationery#Window one is kind of stinky.. I was imagining like a swirly night sky sort of looking thing so it would be a surreal contrast of a night#sky with a window in the middle that shows a daytime sky - but the silver and purple wax kind of mixed too much together#with the black and it just looks very plain black and not all that starry or anything hjbhj.. Of course the eye is probably my favorite#since all I ever do is draw eyes and still like eye imagery for some reason. The four leaf clover is very lumpy and skrunkty but also it wa#the smallest in size out of all of them so was easier to do multiple stamps of just to try it out.#The heart with eyes wax is actually more swirly in person. I wanted it to be a mix of light pink and red and white. and the wax#did kind of all blend together but in person you can definitely see MORE of the intentional swirlyness. in this it just looks plain pink.#I was going to do one eye in the heart but it looked weird. but now two seems too plain. i could have done 3?? in a pattern.. hmm#alas. I wish I could make actual metal ones. With the clay i have to paint them in a thin layer of olive oil before stamping because#otherwise the wax just kind of gets stuck in the grooves of the clay and then you can't pull it up. Very wacky ''unprofessional'' looking#set up where I'm hot gluing circles of sculpey clay to short stumps of a wooden dowel that I sawed apart with a serrated bread knife#and then using an old paintbrush to put olive oil on them whilst holding a spoon over a yankee candle flame hjbjh#ANYWAY.. I think if I were middle class/rich/etc. this would be one of the main things in my crafting room is like.. SO many colors#of wax. and all different custom made stamps designed by me. which could be much more elaborate in actual metal.. muahaha.... >:)c#RHGghhh... I actually don't want to talk much about it since (this is probably just my Obsessed With My Own World Artist Delusions) I#think I have a really cool idea for a game that could genuinely be successful if i ever get to make it and I don't want to give#everything away and spoil the whole plot/concept in hopes that one day I can actually do it - BUT - a game that I'd like to make after the#visual novel I'm making now has partially to do with the main character working as a sort of writer/scribe/artist assistant in an elven#city (set in my world/with my worldbuilding species and versions of elves and etc) and I was thinking of maybe incorporating#somehow being able to collect little writing type items like these like.. you can get different wax seal patterns or pens or etc. when I do#stuff like this in Real Life it always makes me think of that like.. ouh... this is good research.. what it shall be like to be a littol#elf collecting wax seals and such.. indeed... GRR i need to be finished with my current game NOWWW... i MUST work on other#thingss... aughh... ANYWAY.. yay. accomplishment to do One Single Thing other than Sit In The Summer Heat And Rot#though also hilarious as this was the first cool-ish day that was below 80F in a while hgvh#waking up like 'wow.. i actually feel okay today?? like I could do things?? how mysterious.. I wonder why..?? :0'' Its The Weather You Fool#Tis Always The Weather
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Can we possibly get your version of osma? I'd be interested to see what you did with her
Here you go!! I was putting this off a bit cause, I'll be honest, the way the reveal/transition scene was handled was actually kinda upsetting for me.
I did read on her Wiki though that she's apparently a fairy which is awesome as hell. I haven't gotten to that part in the books yet but I'm glad to have something to chew on in my time of need.
#Finally got around to this ppl can stop asking now 😭#wizard of oz#oz books#land of oz#wicked#wicked movie#ozma of oz#oz tip#tippetarius#art#digital art#fanart#Personally I wanna interpret Ozma as more transmasc but like#obviously shes a really important character to the series and shows up a lot so I cannot live in denial no matter how much I want to#The begging and bargaining not to be turned into a girl only to be ignored and changed anyway gave me a visceral reaction#but I understand transfem Ozma is important to a lot of people and I feel wrong trying to take that away#Might change her design to lean more or less into the fairy thing later depending on the context given for it#but I needed to latch onto *something* for her design#bcs only having 'character I interpret as transmasc forced to dress as fem as possible' was giving my psychic damage#Nonbinary voice: making them less human will save me#Genuinely I cannot tell if Glinda the Good being awful in the books is an intentional running gag or just a disconnect#cause most of it I did just find kinda funny tbh but yeah. that one scene made me like really upset. Cant stand her ass.
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↠ Tim & Lucy ↳ 2x10 - The Dark Side
#jesuis-assez edits: chenford season 2#jesuis-assez edits: chenford#jesuis-assez edits: chenford scenes 2x10#I really didn't want to gif a single frame of Caleb. But I did want to gif this scene. So sacrifices had to be made 🤣#Absolute INSANE behavior Tim. INSANE! and yet justified given how much of a piece of sh-- Caleb turned out to be. He had creepy vibes#from the get go. It's interesting how Tim said that Lucy hesitated with Caleb.#The only hesitancy (and frustration) I detect is this conversation taking place while Tim is there and Lucy being very aware of that.#And Tim at the end handing her the paper. Lucy observing how he's acting and how quickly he shifted into protective mode. Tim standing#there with a part of him not feeling right about this whole thing & later projecting that as Lucy being the one who didn't.#He was overwhelmed by his guilt and in such anguish. Just falling apart at the thought of losing her because he gave her advice#as a friend and not as her training officer. Something awful happening to someone else. To Lucy... collecting more guilt#and piling it on top of all the other times that happened. That someone suffered because of 'his actions'#Neither Tim or Lucy saw this sadistic monster coming. And Tim may not have suspected him...#But there was something about Caleb and that interaction that had Tim stepping into that role of the fierce protector.#And Tim isn't only emitting protective energy here...🟢 * Puts a green circle there and doesn't elaborate * Yaass queen give us nothing 🤣#The green circle of jealousy and Tim is standing inside of it.#But he's also coming across as distrustful of Caleb's intentions which is not alarming as they're in the midst of the chaos#surrounding a serial killer. It's rather expected to be that way. It's how Tim said he should've known. He should've suspected him.#He's a cop. And yet he started interrogating like a cop would & as if he were a suspect. Asking for a last name. What he does for a living.#He behaved in that way for a reason. So something definitely felt off but the need to be Lucy's friend in that moment#that he encouraged her to go out with him came before his instinct to be a cop or even her T.O .#In other words... He prioritized Lucy and what he thought she needed. He shifted the focus from the case onto her by#suggesting she focus on something else. And when she was taken... that focus on her became heightened by the gravity of the situation.#+ The EYE CONTACT. Tim & Lucy having their own private moment. The silent communication between them while Caleb rambles on#in the background about something unimportant. I have so much more to say but I've reached my tag limit 🤣*whispers with feeling* f**k..
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Hira + すき
#utsukushii kare#my beautiful man#1x01#1x03#1x06#hira kazunari#gifset#*brace's#//#one of the first things Hira tells the audience about himself is that he struggles to use the word “like”#because of his speech impediment#and because‚ as he admits to himself‚ there's nothing he REALLY likes. nothing he finds “beautiful”.#nothing so interesting or so moving as to get that word out of him#but at the end of that same episode—after meeting Kiyoi—he voices out the word#quietly‚ in secret#but as he does‚ he recognizes the feeling is there. he recognizes its tangibility‚ like nothing he had felt before.#the first time he confesses how he feels to Kiyoi‚ he's just as surprised as him#he didn't need to make an effort‚ because he had no intention of saying it. the word just stumbled out.#something out of his control—much like the feeling it represents#his attempt to restrain it resulted in a scream‚ yearning to be heard‚ to be accepted#and when he realized it was‚ not only accepted‚ but welcomed#he confessed with much more confidence than before—loud‚ clear‚ and certain#no stutter—but then again‚ neither was it present any other time#when it was about what he feels for Kiyoi
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Izzy Hands: The Moon.
Re-imagined from the traditional Rider-Waite-Smith tarot, this version of the Moon shows Izzy taking the shape of a lone Lover, longing for what he cannot reach.
Longer exploration of the card's symbolism under the cut.
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Symbolism of the card
I initially meant this card to be specifically Izzy's, but he is once again unseparable from Ed. Though the moon itself is depicted as Ed, it is through Izzy that I interpret the journey of the card. Feel free to invent your own interpretation as well!
In the original version of the Moon we see a dog, a wolf, and a crayfish. Izzy takes the place of the wolf, marking him as wild and untameable. He is accompanied by a dog, symbolizing his loyalty. The crayfish has retreated, and we can see a monster lurking in the depths of the water, reminding us of the beasts that lie within.
Rachel Pollack (2011) writes: "The Moon signifies the dangerous time between the end of one world structure and the beginning of another. On the emotional level it can indicate the strange state when something powerful has ended and you find yourself thrown back on your instincts."
In the card Izzy already has his wooden leg. He his stepping into his role as the Unicorn, marking a shift in his loyalty and his place in the world. His reign as Blackbeard's first mate is ending, and a whole new world order is being imagined.
Ed is also seen in a new light. With his short beard, he is at the end of his captaincy, possibly even at the end of his piracy. He as the Moon is illuminated by the light of the Sun, personified by Stede in another card, The Sun.
Izzy bears witness to their combined light, unreachable to him on the ground. He teeters at the edge of the water illuminated by that very light, and is faced with a choice. Will he turn, follow the path and try to reach the unreachable? Or will he explore the unknown waters in front of him?
In tarot, water symbolizes emotions, intuition and subconscious. Pollack writes: "Here in the unknown territory our animal selves take over. We cannot suppress the wild emotions but only travel through them." The message of the Moon beckons Izzy to step into the water and face his emotions.
However, there are also dangers in the murky waters of the subconscious. Pollack continues: "The Moon card calls forth powerful dreams, visions, and the power of the feminine." In tarot water is a feminine element. Izzy, a beacon of masculinity, has in the past confused the feminine with the monstrous. He is now dared to invite the feminine within him to the surface. His posture already mirrors that of the feminine lover from the Lovers-card. It also calls back to the Fool, to someone at the beginning of their self-discovery.
Tl;dr: Izzy, the Fool and the Lover, is on a journey from one world to another. Will he follow the path and try to reach the unreachable, or will he find the courage to plunge into unknown waters?
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A comparison between the original Rider-Waite-Smith card from 1909 and the re-imagined version
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Izzy's pose mirrors the feminine Lover
Sources
Image source: Pamela Colman Smith, 1909, republished as Tarot of A. E. Waite, 2016, AGM-Urania, Germany
Text source: Rachel Pollack, A Journey of 78 Steps, 2011, as cited in the booklet for instruction and guidance of Tarot of A. E. Waite, 2016, AGM-Urania, Germany
#there is even more symbolism in the lighthouses that are topped with the domes from the Tower but it's so much already#it's about the journey between life and death#ofmd#our flag means death#izzy hands#edizzy#steddyhands#blackhands#i'm tagging this as ships cause i ship them all and i made this with shipperly intentions#even if it's not like explicitly shipping content#ed teach#edward teach#blackbeard#gosh i went to some deep waters with this myself#i mean there is so much to interpret here#is izzy shooting for the moon with ed? has he lifted ed high on the pedestal himself?#what does it mean that the water is lit by moonlight?#to me this is the point in fics where izzy does not yet know how he would fit in the steddyhands triangle and doesn't see it possible#and maybe it won't be unless he accepts some things and allows himself to feel#but it can also be read that he needs to let ed go#in either case water is discovery and acceptance#i am planning to make ed the star and stede the sun as well!#my fanart
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Broke (2016): BBC Sherlock is a phenomenal piece of media and anything that seems like a flaw just hasn't been fully explored yet
Woke (2020): BBC Sherlock is an incredibly flawed series run by an egotistical writer, it never deserved the hype and is actively bad on so many fronts (especially representation)
Bespoke (2024): BBC Sherlock is flawed and bogged down by increasingly poor writing, which many fans refused to see while it was airing, leading to hugely misplaced expectations (particularly for the final series), AND it has the seeds of some compelling characterizations and portrayals, some genuinely solid performances, and touches--albeit imperfectly--on complexities that are still being discussed today (particularly as it relates to the relationship between Sherlock and John). The huge cultural impact of the show has created a massive pendulum effect in its public perception, leading to most people today remembering a caricature of the show (whether positive or negative) rather than appreciating its nuanced merits and failings...that being said Season 4 sucked
#these just sum up my personal takes at the years in question and also what i'm seeing on tumblr/other social media#bbc sherlock#sherlock holmes#and i actually have a lot more thoughts to share on this series#specifically relating to the cultural impact#there is SO much about the show that goes unappreciated in hindsight because of how public perception of it has soured#and i totally fell into this as well--i still regularly rewatch hbomberguy's video absolutely dismantling the series and he isn't wrong!!#but what i'm saying is that i think it's easy for us to look at a piece of media (especially one so massively popular) like sherlock...#with very black-and-white lenses. it wouldn't have become so popular if there wasn't something inherent in it that resonated with people#and that's being buried (and i totally forgot it) because 'sherlock is cringe and problematic. can't believe i liked that'#which again it IS full of issues and those are well-documented as they should be. future portrayals should not repeat those mistakes#BUT being able to impact so many people is a merit in itself. and that's only possible because of other genuinely good things about the show#yes the way they handled the relationship between john and sherlock was riddled with problems YES it was often queerbaiting#AND the way they portrayed that relationship had a deep effect on me. i saw a lot of myself in sherlock and the complex way he loved john#the nuanced feelings he had about john's marriage to mary. the part (in s4!) where john calls him inhuman for not feeling romantic love#there was genuine intention and care put into some parts of this show and it comes through in scenes like those. they impact people.#and because of this realization i'm going to (eventually) do a rewatch of the show. i'm much older and i want to see how i'll view it now#but i want to go into it--and i want everyone who engages with it still--to have an open mind and evaluate it for what it is#not what we expected it to be (secret episode anyone?) or what the cultural drift has turned it into (the tiktok of sherlock's mind palace)#but the messy problematic somewhat-heartfelt massively significant and ultimately meaningful piece of media it actually was#anyway that's my thoughts would love to hear y'all's perspectives#funny how after all this time making a sherlock post still feels like i'm poking a bees' nest lol please be kind!#kay can i just catch my breath for a second#kay has a party in the tags
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I was thinking... It seems to me that you mostly like the post-canon character states of Jayce and Viktor? I think you like the more confident and self-aware post-trauma Jayce (when he is present) and the more insecure Viktor, or... As if he has an enormous guilt to overcome.
Will there ever be something more naive from you with their more naive, hopeful and yearning versions?
Coming home (but not to you)
(also, i do have something planned for after my medieval au if the hyperfixation is strong enough and the fandom doesn't tire me out)
update im adding to this because i cant stop thinking about it do people find my coming home jayce... confident? i was very much going for an 'i'm sorry for my migraines' and 'when I'm in the airport in the security I think I magically have a gun' kind of vibe KDLFJHSDkl
also said this in the tags but season 2 didn't even start coming out until chapter 11 the full thing wasn't out until chapter 12 so if they came off post canon inspired that is very unintentional DKJFHSLDFj
#DSKFJHSDFKLJDSF#i also think viktor has much layered insecurities throughout arcane he's not the cool suave guy the fanom pretends he is#but coming home is definetly not representative of them post canon as season 2 didnt come out until after chapter 10#jayce in coming home though boy oh boy that is naive jayce#granted at the end of coming home i think they become very different than who they are on the show#this is intentional#as i feel they learn to develop something very beautiful#i also definetly wrote them as a bit different and more innocent than themselves throughout#as i felt there were ways that the modern world would soften them a bit#so i am surprised to hear this#granted. jayce in coming home does have a big burden of guilt#but id still say i based them on their season 1 selves as i did not have season 2 to go on#idk does that make sense?#i guess you're right in the sense that the other 2 i wrote are post-canon states by design#but by word count alone DKFLJSD#idk though this jayce in my medieval au is more hardened primairly because he's a knight and has seen way more death (and caused it)#but he still has his moments#literally first chapter he tries to hold viktors hand while high on pain medicine and his mom has to tell him to stop#hes not gonna be like.#completely devoid of his yearning traits#in fact id say the yearning for jayce in this one is very very intense#very i want to swear my oaths to YOU kind of thing#idk in coming home i dont find present jayce self aware especially at the start#he BECOMEs self aware but id stay he starts out quite in denial/silly/immature#sorry if this was sassy KDJFHSDKLFj#i just thought huh wow no i very much wrote coming home before there was any post canon to speak of#also jayce in coming home was NOTTTTT supposed to be confident lmfao so if thats the common perception that is very on me#in this medieval AU viktor's deal is pretty different im focusing on different aspects of his character#even with the mass amount of guilt and grief he comes off very witty and confident on the surface and its only through jayce being#obeservational that those walls begin to crumble
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After many hours of work… it’s finally here
Shane isn’t the most verbally affectionate person, but when he is it’s one of Callum’s favourite things- even if Cal can’t take compliments very well ;)
I might do this in full colour at some point but I was really fucking with just the simple shading 😌
(simpler version under cut before extra detail cause I like the colours better):
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#oranges art#I took my sweet time with this one folks#like three or four days with lots of breaks#but#genuinely one of my favourite things I’ve done so far#it just feels so them#and what their intimacy looks like a year or two into ‘officially’ dating#I love these two freaks so much#also I am very aware Shane is in nothing more than boxers#I’m not saying that was intentional#however#it was absolutely intentional#and I’m not ashamed#think of it like post showers after a long day#both getting comfy for bed#nothing more…#>:)#n e wayyyyyy#gonna stare at my own drawing for the next five to ten business days#sdv shane#stardew shane#stardew valley shane#sdv farmer#stardew farmer#stardew valley farmer#sdv oc#stardew oc#stardew valley oc#farmer callum
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we should call it "Going on the computer" like with that type of wording again. bring back the fun and novelty of it that i, at least, really felt when i was younger. existing in an online space is the type of thing that can kinda be whatever you want, so u gotta treat it the way that you want it to be :3
I'm going to go on the internet! [implied sense of adventure] see?
#there are very many bad things about social media#luckily many of the bad things are optional#but sometimes it takes very intentional discipline and working though the ways you approach it to get to that place#there be a wretched demon called 'caring too much about internet popularity i guess but like a really lame version of that even' that i#have to purposefully shoot in the head every couple weeks or so#and then i feel myself again#can you tell ive been reading the screwtape letters today again#look this is more complex than the way ive described it but yk. posting art online since the age of 12 kinda does smth less than ideal to u#i just need to be very intentional about truly engaging with the world around me and such#textpost tag#ok guys i guess u get some sorta fragmented diary entry here lol#i think thats fine
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While rereading mdzs I am once again shocked by how talked about the "you were the only mistake he ever made" line from Lan Xichen to Wei Wuxian is and how heated it gets some people because honestly... I don't think he actually even believes that.
Stay with me. Look at the actual line. (I Included 2 translations for comparison's sake)
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Firstly, yes he is mad at Wei Wuxian in this scene. But his biggest moment of anger was actually before this. By this point he's realized that Wei Wuxian forgot what happened after nightless city (and therefore ISN'T stringing along his baby brother on purpose) so he has in fact calmed down a bit.
Secondly, notice that he starts by talking about how his uncle felt. This is not Lan Xichen making a value statement about what he thinks. When he says Lan Wangji was proper and righteous he is talking about him being a model lan, he's talking about their family and clan's perspective of Wangji. Indeed, in their eyes, Wei Wuxian is the only time Lan Wangji was ever not the textbook perfect Lan.
Thirdly, what is Lan Xichen trying to say here? What is he mad at Wei Wuxian for? It's that he doesn't know Lan Wangji is in love with him. His anger is eased by realizing Wei Wuxian doesn't remember the very blatant confessions lwj made in the cave after nightless city, or Lan Wangji fighting his own clan elders for Wei Wuxian, and so had no way of knowing the whipmarks on Lan Wangji's back were related to him. But he is still mad, he still thinks Wei Wuxian should have been able to figure it out. So what does he highlight?
The fact that the only thing Lan Wangji, perfect model-Lan righteous Lan Wangji, ever defies his clan for is Wei Wuxian.
And Wei Wuxian has seen him do this! Even if he doesn't remember this one instance. Because Lan Wangji has been doing that the whole story through. Wei Wuxian has watched Lan Wangji blatantly stand against the entire cultivation world for him, and here Lan Xichen is highlighting just how unusual that is, how much Wei Wuxian must mean to Lan Wangji that he's willing to do that. The important part of the sentence here is not "mistake" it's "only."
Lan Xichen here isn't trying to say that he disapproves of Wei Wuxian, or telling him to stay away from his brother. Remember, the thing that made him mad in the first place was Wei Wuxian saying that he and Lan Wangji slept in seperate rooms. He thought they were together! He's mad because they're not!
At no point does Lan Xichen say he individually considers Lan Wangji's feelings for Wei Wuxian a mistake. If he ever did, it's clear he accepted them regardless long ago. Mistake or not, what he wants is for his little brother to be happy.
#mdzs#mdzs meta#lan xichen#For the record even IF he really did think of wwx as a mistake I think he's owed a moment of pettiness!#he's wrong but when i see people cite it as a major reason they dislike him i'm like... everyone in this novel is a war criminal#but frankly that's not so relevant because looking at the text... he doesn't think that!#he's consistently pro wangxian the whole story through. this speech is literally the catalyst to wwx confessing his feelings to lwj!!#frankly for a shovel talk – which it basically is– this whole thing is MILD. there weren't even any death threats!#also!! it drive me up the all when people mistake the intentional xiyao wangxian parralels in this scene as a personal dig on lxc#Yes! Xiyao and wangxian are foils! everyone seeing wwx as a stain on hanguang-jun's reputation but the venerated triad as an honorable bond#only for wangxian to end up happy and lan xichen with both his sworn brothers dead... that's the themes baby!!! can't trust reputations!!#but then people get mad like 'wow how DARE he say that when HE liked jgy!' that's the point!! miss mxtx did that on purpose!#Also lan xichen is VERY aware at this point just how much jgy lied to him! It's not like he's still in his a-yao is innocent era#He is LITERALLY a hostage! He is processing all of this as we speak!#he's less 'YOU are a mistake and i wish wangji didn't love you! unlike me who has never trusted anyone i shouldn't'#and more 'my entire life is falling apart right now and my little brother is the only one in my family who might still get a happy ending-#WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU???'
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Hello!!
I’ve had an unpublished modern au byler fic in the works for an embarrassing amount of time and I’ve noticed that you two talk about characterization a lot, which has been my main struggle. I’ve figured out choices to make for characters and how they relate to choices and characteristics of the canon characters in the show, but I’m not sure if the reasoning behind those choices and traits will translate to readers.
I love the fic and I feel like y’all did a great job with making those reasonings clear in your writing without directly saying it, so I’d love to know if you have any specific tricks for that!
Also sorry if this kind of formal, I’m stuck in email mode with finals coming up :|
hello! soooo sorry this is such a late response — i was thinking it over when it came in and then i ended up talking about something similar on another ask and totally blanked 😔 thank you so much for asking for our input, i’ll try to be as concise as i can! (<- edit from future me who has finished typing up her answer to this ask: famous last words. you were not concise. at all. oh my god i’m sorry) i know you said you already made your initial characterization choices and everything so please bear with me while i word vomit and rehash what was probably part of your thought process anyways just to be able to follow my own train of thought lol
some general thoughts here that thea and i have been mulling over for the last few months regarding how we’ve written our fic and choices we have made for it: we’re both well aware that acswy is not everyone’s cup of tea for many reasons, but i’m specifically bringing this up in response to your ask because every once in a while, we do see someone refer to our mike and will as being written out of character, whether or not that’s a deterrent for them in reading. and i want to make it clear that this doesn’t bother us and nothing im about to say is meant to sound defensive or like we’re making a case to people who feel this way — we have our reasons for making the decisions that we did and also already heavily retconned our og concept for them on account of it having been pretty ooc at the time, even to us, so we’re confident with where we are now — but it has made us think about what people actually consider to be “out of character.” this brings me to my first point re: characterization which is, to us, the importance of differentiating between something that the character in the source material doesn’t/probably wouldn’t do versus something that is more of a direct contradiction to the character themselves. for example, we’ve seen people say (often while reading for the first time) that will is ooc specifically in the first couple chapters of acswy, a big reason being because he’s “mean to mike.” it is, of course, vastly different from how he acts in the show and is probably a slightly jarring dynamic to be dropped into right off the bat, especially since the entire premise of the fic is that the reader has almost zero context for why he’s behaving this way, and even more so at the beginning of the fic before his and mike’s relationship develops further. to me and thea as writers, the importance lies more so in the context for it all: how mike and will would turn out after growing up without each other as best friends, with a lot of the cultural pressures of the 1980s removed but having some new ones of the 2010s/20s introduced; not going to high school together, being in the same friend group for years and getting closer over time with many interests in common, but also facing a lot of conflict and having that friend group be geographically separated while a lot of it goes down.
and with this context, what we would consider to be ooc would be if we just like. made will a straight up DICK or something lol. no nuance involved, constantly berating mike with no reason to do so, even with their unknown history, like just ragging on him all the time and never backing down, even when mike isn’t engaging (side note: giant personal pet peeve of mine that max constantly gets written this way but i digress). we see in the show that will is often snarky and sarcastic and will stand up for himself when needed, especially with mike — which imo is another sign of will’s trust in him and their bond, that he can be honest with mike and not fear genuine retribution, and in acswy, he knows mike will meet him where he’s at. he sometimes isn’t afraid to hit a sore spot, but he would never ever just be a jerk for the hell of it -> we even see him apologize after their fight in s4, despite it clearly being a very emotional moment for him and a lot of truth behind what he was saying. whether he intended for it to come out that way or not, he still felt bad for reacting that way and apologized to mike’s face about it. likewise, there’s a reason acswy will acts the way he does with mike specifically, and we were also intentional with making mike match his energy like he does in canon, which will counts on, even — the way these boys BICKER, oh my god — and he has his own ways of pushing will’s buttons which prove to be very effective. even in the early chapters there are a lot of moments of softness and real friendship between them that (we hope!!) make it pretty clear that it takes some effort to maintain this facade, that there is more than enough of their “canon” bond and dynamic and chemistry where being friends and having fun together is a much more natural state to exist in, and is where they usual end up during those brief periods where they let that mask slip. same principle if we had made mike some uber-jerk who had completely different interests than he does in the show (we are so glad that book annotator and zelda fan mike wheeler is ringing true for you all ☺️), or someone who’s super self confident and popular and charming (outside of will’s very unreliable pov) once he and will start hooking up. i think most people would look at that and look back at canon mike wheeler and say yeah that is Not my mike, because making will an actual asshole or making mike any of these things would be going against core character traits that are central to their arcs in the show. will wouldn’t be will if he was generally a confrontational dick, and mike wouldn’t be mike if he was popular and exuded self confidence and so on. that’s just not them! so to summarize, i guess the question to us is more along the lines of “would they ‘not do this’ in the show out of circumstance/lack of necessity (e.g: canon byler going to the same schools until s4, never having a reason for rivalry to develop, growing up living in close proximity to each other and all of their mutual friends, etc) or would they ‘not do this’ in the show because it’s antithetical to the way they have been written?” we find it much more interesting to put a character in a situation and then essentially work backwards in a way to see how they would react to it, rather than putting them in situations that correlate to things we have seen before, and therefore would probably result in them reacting in a way we have seen them do before.
and now coming back to what i think you were actually asking: i think my biggest tip to making those references without it being said outright is honestly just to have faith in both your readers And the creative choices you make. which sounds like a bit of a cop out answer but i simply can’t understate the important of trusting your readers to pick up what you’re putting down, and to trust that they’ll read between the lines for you. a lot of my favorite characterization moments in aus are ones that are really really subtle, where a character does or says something that is clearly a callback to something in the source media, but it isn’t explained in a way that’s actually calling attention to it — it always seems much more natural that way, like whatever they did is just a progression of who they are in that story instead of the author trying to make a point or force a connection. just off the top of my head a small example might be how i see so many authors in non-magic/no upside down aus still make will really struggle with the cold, often just as a throwaway line or paragraph which imo is much more effective for me than trying to explain why he’s feeling this way. or having him enjoy the same media as in the show in a slightly varied and less direct way (e.g: being into the new star wars shows as a continuation of his canon interests, putting him in theater club to play off of the posters we saw in his room, etc). i think it also helps to have something specific in mind that you’re trying to tie back, like an important moment for that character’s story or something that stood out in the source material. like, i love writing lucas and dustin bickering over stupid stuff bc it takes me back to them in s1 in the principal’s office or s2 in general, or one of my personal favs in my own fics was one where i had will be on a constant rotation of fun patterned socks. he’s creative, he’s an artist, it’s (hopefully) a pretty clear connection to make once i write it in, and i really do think a modern version of him would get a kick out of something like that! and sometimes people just won’t pick up on what you’re trying to say and that’s okay too! everyone reads fics a little differently so some connections might be more obvious to some people than others and so on. from my experience as a reader, i find it pretty easy to connect the dots between an intentional and thoughtful moment of characterization vs one that doesn’t quite hit the nail on the head, or the author felt the need to spell out for the reader which maybe took me out of the moment a little too much or something. to me, making those choices and translating canon to an au is honestly the hardest part, especially with a modern au and a show like st that is So defined by the period it’s set in, so if you’ve already got that out of the way i genuinely think you have the rest of it in the bag as well. unless you worked through it in the month it took me to get to this in which case i am so so so sorry LOL
okay that’s been my word vomit of the day, hopefully any of this made sense or was useful at all, but thank you again for your kind words and support and for thinking to ask us! always always happy to chat writing, even if it takes me a million words to do it 😗
#the note about people saying acswy is ooc is more to point out that even if you are really intentional and thoughtful about characterizatio#sometimes it doesn’t translate for everyone or they use a different metric to evaluate ooc-ness than you might which is inevitable and also#totally fine! as long as you have your reasons and are confident in them that’s all that matters i think#i had even more i wanted to say but then i realized that it’s very easy to read this and forget what my og point was#it was going to be about sneakers guy will bc that doesn’t get touched on as much as the mike with pins thing does but it is important to M#*ME#and relevant to characterization i promise. anyways#i keep being cut off in the tags .#i feel winded. so sorry you did Not ask for all of that#i think i covered thea’s bases from when i asked her if i could answer this and her input#but she can add stuff in a rb if needed. ok anyways bye bye#i love to talk. if you haven’t noticed#asks#writing process#i have my thoughts about mike characterization specifically as well. but that is a post for Later
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i think i can sum up my thoughts towards most media analysis we encounter lately as "stop painting the curtains blue just because you like that color more".
#leo chirps#this has been in my drafts for a while#i want to elaborate on it more but keep struggling with wording bc i unfortunately come off very aggressive#but the main point is 'if you want something to be about [x] you will only see evidence that supports that reading'#and how that can completely disregard the rest of the emotional context or other angles that are just as interesting#or well. reading isnt the right term bc thats more for intentional reinterpretation i think#this annoyance is more towards trying to say This Is 100% What It's About while missing the point#i am not immune to this! i have also done this#but there is a specific Thing that has become a growing frustration#and that thing is 'i like this theme so i will hammer media i like into fitting that theme'#and there is evidence supporting that theme! but there is so much beyond that as well#it feels so reductive
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Okay, I finally read the "justice isn't mercy" chapter, and I just gotta say in the scene with Mikey killing Kitsune, I was SO satisfied by that scream. I know each of them have already had that scream. But this chapter it really shined.
It was an everything scream. A scream of pain, anger, and despair all in one. Mikey was screaming and crying through every horrible memory he would never forget because of what she did.
Even though I know he killed her himself, after that moment, the first thing that came to mind was the scene from the movie.
Like, I believe there was a parallel going on there. So I can just imagine that in that scene, in a moment of clarity, that both Leo and Raph were there with Mikey, conjoining their ninpo, to kill her together. All of them screaming and giving Donnie Vengeance together.
But, he carries the burden himself. At 13...
Which makes it all the more tragic.
And wow, my invision of that scene was so perfect. That entire witchtown part was so clear it might as well have been animated.
it was a parallel yes, mostly in the way that i was trying to invoke the same kind of righteous anger mikey was feeling in that scene, as well as the thing with the cracks in his arms (and THAT i chose because kintsugi metaphor, especially because its already been invoked before in ch7) im sure at the very least that was felt in the ninpo bond, because while mikey's sixth sense for it is way more intense (feeling donnie's ninpo break, noticing the absence first afterwards, feeling chills when leo gets particularly murderous) all of them still have that intuitively,,,
but also mind you, at the same time mikey mentions a little earlier that theyre united so strongly under one goal at that point that they may as well be one person, and considering things like raph and leo mind melding in the moment,,, it would make a lot of sense! :]
im glad my imagery was clear!! im not suuuper proud of some things in that chapter but there's a lot of moments i do like from it, very good animatic-bait. if i had the balls and patience to make one LMFAO maybe some day. mikey standing in front of the shrine is so clear in my head,,, you can tell he KNEW he was cool as fuck. guy with swag
#ask#canary continuity#speaking of that scene with the witches#here's something i keep consistent in almost every fic i make: donnie sees leo as a twin and never acknowledges leo being older#while leo only will when he is very very upset usually on donnie's behalf/when he's being protective of him#there's a moment like that in cvd a moment like that in cu#leo in most cases will only call donnie his little brother when he's REALLY furious about him being hurt#because this subconsciously plays into their dynamic. its unavoidable it influences all of their behavior#but i always think leo THINKS of it more. donnie really only acknowledges it when he's lumping himself in with mikey#as yknow. one of the younger brothers. even then that's more of a solidarity with mikey thing#its smthn i do that explains the actual canon intention with leo being older while also explaining why its never actually brought up#i also think this makes all of miner's eulogy more depressing because oh is leo fucking thinking about it then isnt he :(#idk i think its a neat way to play their dynamic ... leo quietly likes feeling responsible for someone in the way that he feels he is-#-for donnie. while donnie loves leo so much because he just Gets It. truthfully i like donnie caring about the chosen twinship thing Way-#-more although i believe leo was the one who came up with it#leo likes being twins and he also likes when he gets to be an older brother. donnie cant imagine a world where theyre anything BUT-#-twins now#like god yeah of course leo wanted to keep the birthday thing a secret from him with that in mind huh
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all my pdh s2 doodles i need u guys to keep in mind i didnt know All That was gonna happen😭😭😭😭
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#I FEEL SO BAD BRO HOW THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO PREDICT THAT CRAZY ASS DATE#aphmau#phoenix drop high#aphverse#aphmau mystreet#ein mystreet#aphmau pdh#kai pdh#im not tagging everyone thats too much just jnow i love them all#SORRY KAIS HAIR LOOKS DIFFERENT IN EVERU DRAWING I COULDNT FIGURE OUY HOW I WANTED JT TO LOOK☹️☹️#U guys should have seen my face when ein was revealed to be Evil bro Jaw Dropped i was mad as hell like WTF WAS THAT#KAI ESPECIALLY THAT HURT SO BADD BRO I LOVED KAI I EVEN MADR HIM A FIGURE SKATER LIKE ME Like that was literally my Friend😭#ive geniuenly Ranted and written so much about this in my notes app i HATE how kai was treated at the end there Bro idgaf THEY LITERALLY#CHANGED HIS ENTIRE PEROSNALITY ALLL BHIS VALUES Mr ''learning about other people is a wonderful thing''Jessicaaa😞😞#I THOIGHT THAT WAS INTENTIONAL TO LIKE CONTRAST THE PREVIOUS SEASON LIKE WOW here's a guy that geniuenly Cares too ESPECIALLY SINCE#HE Gives her examples of things she's said in the past things specific to HER that he Knows in his MIND like a GOOD FRIEND!!!#IN THE SAME EPISODE!!!!!! AM I CRAZY LIKE ACTUALLY WHAT AM I MISSING HERE#Guys Om sorry i know he comes back in a later season of mystreet or whatever and is Weird but like im only on love lovenparadise rn i cant#deal wirh Whatever happens thats Seperate Ok im a Pdh defender exclusively#i have so many more thoughts but like im lowkey Done these have been in my gallery for so long i was too scared to post after finishing the#season but like whateverrrr sorry for rambling goodbue❤️#awesome
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I love spuffy as much as the next guy but ohhh my gawddd I really kinda wish it had been buffy wil and xand to finish the fight. they started it together, and while they've always had outside help, I just think it would've been so good if each of them had their own big important parts to play since this was the last we get to see of them
#ik there's comics but I have no intentions of reading those so. this is the last I get to see of them all fighting the big fight together!!!#I suppose buffy was the one leading everyone into battle... but that doesn't feel like much#but seriously why wasn't xander given anything special to do </3#he could simply be motivation if nothing else. we know the girls like him he could help give them strength when they feel like it's hopeles#and especially buffy. he is determination!! I have talked about this before!! let that show when it counts!!#willow did her part so good for her. it was beautiful and I love her#the only thing that would've been even better is if releasing all that slayerness had given buffy (& faith) a boost. to tie wil to them mor#...I cannot think off the top of my head what buffy could've done more. she shared her power with others by handing off the scythe.#she gave them strength in leading them I guess. open to ideas here if anyone wants to chime in with something#they're the heart the spirit the power grrrrr they are connected and (should) need one another to continue on#and okay ik buff and xand and willow are all in totally separate places but I want them CONNECTED together are we getting the picture here#I actually kinda like them being separate now that I've thought about it. each part of the whole running a different section so they're all#spread out and able to take care of everything. but I want moreee for them#y'all have better have fuckin meant it when you guys said y'all wanted to hear about my buffy/willow/xander thoughts#bandillow#buffy x willow x xander#buffy summers#willow rosenberg#xander harris#btvs#buffy the vampire slayer
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