#they're so autistic

[iamfartoolonelyformyowngood]

I was thinking about jaylex angst last night as I often do and

Jaylex where Jay is so in love with Alex and he thinks about him all the time but Alex doesn't know. Alex gets with Amy and introduces her to everyone, wraps an arm around her shoulder and kisses her cheek.

That night Jay is in bed sobbing, his hand gripping his shoulder and trying to replicate Alex's hand but he's touched Jay's shoulder before platonically and it doesn't feel the same and it isn't right and he just sobs harder and presses harder until he has a nasty bruise on his shoulder and it aches. He puts two of his fingers in his mouth and wets them with saliva and probs against his cheek with the spit-slick fingers like it's Alex's spit and he's kissing Jay's cheek. But he isn't. And Jay gives up and buries his face in his pillow while he reaches under his bed for his hidden stash of Alex photos he looks at to self regulate.

But looking at Alex only makes it worse. His eyes behind those glasses, those lips, his voice, the way his eyes lit up when he talked about his interests. Amy was going to see that and more. It wasn't fair.

Jay tries to put his fingers in his mouth to wet them again but his sobs have only gotten worse and with each deep wail this fingers jab into teeth and gum so he gives up, not even bothering to clean off his wet fingers. And he just mumbles Alex's name while looking at the pictures and lets the salt into his wound. His head hurts from crying so much and never in his life had he felt such heartbreak and he tries to say Alex's name but nothing can come out.

Eventually Jay finds the strength to put the Polaroid pictures down on his bedside table. He leaves his bedroom in his dorm room, a thin dribble of drool leaving the corner of his lip while wearing nothing but a baggy black shirt and some oversized Pokémon boxer shorts. He walks over to the kitchenette and his roommate is in there too. He mumbles something about "good luck with girl problems" before leaving Jay alone. Jay pours himself some refreshing water and leans against the cool marble countertop.

Alex would make it all better.

When Alex talked to Jay every day and called him his best friend and smiled at him like there was nobody else Jay felt different; like his skin was put on the right way for the first time in his life. And now that comfort and joy and admiration had been torn from him before he ever had the chance to savour it. His voice warbled Alex's name one last time before he took a sip of water. He wanted something stronger than water. His roommate had whiskey or beer or something, right? He couldn't be bothered to ask. He just sat down on the floor and thought about Alex instead.

Alex would make it all better.

[bottle-of-harpoons]

I had a nightmare I was Silver and Shadow was my dad and he was so fucking embarrassed by me he would barely acknowledge me.

I also eat a lot of waffles.

[dadstielkline]

Bandit and Bingo are so Cas and Jack coded

[autisticburnham]

💖 + prodigy!

Oooh, it's hard to pick with Prodigy because we don't know them as well as other characters since we've only got the one season, but I'm gonna go with Zero. I do have a weakness for Spock type characters, and they're so full of wonderment towards the universe. They don't have eyes but they literally have stars in their eyes! And it's not just the wider universe either, they're so invested in their friends and even their little mysteries. They're such a cute kid and I really hope we get to watch them grow up

[existentialcrisis-9-5]

Eclipse finally has their licence!

Sorry it took a while, they had to get a few repairs first :P

Sun and Moon's licence :)

The full lanyard

[lgbtlunaverse]

"Marcille hates all of Laios' freak traits but loves them in Falin" is honestly a really good joke but... you guys do know it's a joke right?

It's such a funny one I honestly find it impossible to get mad at even when people mistake it for an actual truth about the characters but JUST TO MAKE IT CLEAR

THIS is how marcille reacts when Falin is predictably just as enthusiastic about eating monsters as her brother was.

That is not the face of a woman who thinks this trait is lovely and endearing as long as it's exhibited by the girl she loves. That is the face of a woman who is taking 7d8 psychic damage and yet knows deep in her heart she won't like Falin any less for it.

The way young Marcille reacts to Falin eating berries Marcille can't recognize but Falin knows are safe is pretty similar to how she reacts to eating monsters years later, albeit with more fear than disgust. The difference in her relationships with Laios and Falin isn't just that she's attracted to Falin, it's because the Touden siblings, while similar, are in fact different people. Not just genderswaps of each other.

Also, I think you all already know this, but just to say it: she doesn't actually hate Laios for any of his freak tendencies either. He's one of her best friends. She's just a lot quicker to be outwardly exasperated with him while she's quieter about it with Falin.

[theangelofbrahma]

[bowsergotdunked]

we're back on schedule!

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

[cringefailvox]

charlie's low empathy/high sympathy desperation to help people without ever really understanding WHY they feel the way they do + vaggie's complex about needing to be useful to the people she loves or else she's worthless = charlie completely mistaking vaggie's self-sacrifical behavior for an expression of love and not the trauma response that it is, because all she's grasping are the literal words out of vaggie's mouth and not the alarming nuances of terrified self-hatred lurking underneath

[maybe-im-dark]

Me and the bad bitch i pulled by being autistic

[mayasaura]

I don't wanna further hijack that poor poll, but the thing about Harrow's schizophrenia is that it's canon. The author has confirmed it, and shared that it's based on her own experience.

It's a pretty obscure bit of canon, so of course there's no shame in not already knowing, but that's why I'm so obnoxiously persistent about letting people know.

Whatever else is up with Harrow, autism or cptsd or any number of likely headcanons, she is also schizophrenic. I feel like that's too important to be handwaved away as a difference of opinion.

[theceaselessidiot]

Eloise Bridgerton being an absolute mood:

and Cressida's reaction of 'this girl is so weird, but I'm into it??? Wait am I into this??'':

[thornlings]

(While talking about things fans gave them at twitch con)

Impulse: I think my favorite thing somebody gave to me is a card with Jimmy, Solidarity Gaming, so I could--

Joel: I got one of those as well.

Scar: I got one. I keep it in my wallet.

Impulse: --so I can have him next to me every night when I fall asleep since, you know, apparently I have a crush on him.

Tango: I was just going to bring that up. That is the weirdest thing. We all got Jimmy cards and we have like, a whole deck of them. It's very disturbing.

Scar: you have it in your wallet, right?

Tango: uh, yeah. Forever!

Skizz: yeah, they handed me a stack, like "can you hand these out?"

Jimmygirls (gn) having a normal one, I see.

[hemi-demi]

Quickie doodle of the boys going shopping.

[pompadourrguy]

Need to know more opinions.

i love them so much they're LIVING IN MY HEAD!!1!1!11!1!!!