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cakers-2000 · 2 years ago

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Assigning NCT (OT22) Project Sekai Favs because I can

What's up?

It's me

Ya girl

Back at it again with another niche post that only a few people will know and or enjoy. But this time this was actually requested by my friend @kaiyaki-sano (I love you 😚)

But essentially the Genshin NCT post that I made? This is that but Project Sekai. And again, I really enjoy making these! I love making the aesthetic little pictures and thinking about who to assign to who so I really hope everyone else enjoys reading these! And again I'd like to hear your own thoughts and opinions!

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Haechan - Rin (Vivid Bad Squad)

I believe this one with my whole chest. Vivid Bad Squad Rin and Haechan give off the same energy. Bratty, teasing, but also very loveable and faithful. True ride or dies. And no I'm not just saying that because they're both my favorites. I'm saying it because I believe it thank you very much. I don't really know how else to describe this one. Every clip of VBS Rin and Len going back and forth just gives me major Haechan and literally anyone else vibes. Your honor I love them very much.

Jeno - Meiko (Vivid Bad Squad)

I'm a firm believer that when it comes to characters he's a fan of the badass boss bitches. And I do not blame him one bit, they just hit different. I think he simply thinks she's a cool, strong independent figure and I can 100% see him kind of looking up to her character in a way (especially the VBS Meiko but I can also see him enjoying Nightcord Meiko as well). The way she's able to keep her calm, yet also dish out snarky playful remarks to keep things calm when tensions get high. I believe with my whole chest that he would try and emulate and take into consideration what Meiko would do in a difficult situation. Kind of like a mental mentor figure if that makes sense?

Jisung - Ichika

Now this, this is truly an honor. Ichika is my favorite. I wanted whoever I chose to assign to her to be PERFECT. And I think I'm happy with Jisung claiming that title. I believe they're very similar in many ways. Shy yet loving to those close to them. Truly shining in the correct atmosphere (such as in a room full of their loved ones). Being young yet also responsible enough to take charge of and try to solve a situation if deemed necessary. Very hardworking individuals who strive for perfection (especially when it comes to things they're passionate about such as their music). I honestly really love this duo.

Chenle - Shiho

The way I thought about this one for about two seconds. Chenle is the Shiho to Jisungs Ichika. Passionate, strict (in a good way I promise I love Chenle so much). But also very loving and shows their love through actions rather than words. Calm and collected for the most part (Although there are some exceptions I am very aware Chenle is chaotic) and they know how to turn their switch on and off in certain settings to match the mood of a room. And honestly I think that's pretty impressive and really commendable.

Mark - Saki

These beautiful babies. I love the idea of Mark and Saki. They've both been through hard times but both continue to smile and joke and have fun without a care in the world. They're the strongest people and I think it's really amazing that they continue to push forward despite the hardships life has thrown at them. They continue to remain optimistic but also fun and energetic, willing to make a fool of themselves just to see their friends and loved ones smile. The kindest and comforting souls honestly.

Taeyong - Honami

TEAM MOM TEAM MOM TEAM MOM No but really they are the same person. Very loving, kind and caring. Willing to put others before themselves no matter how it will affect either their mental or physical health. They've both been through so many difficulties but have been able to overcome them and remain just as kind and benevolent as they've always been. Their friends and bandmates mean the world to them and they would do anything in their power to make sure they keep smiling and remain safe.

Shotaro - Minori

Little cuties. They are perfect. Both shy but also hard workers, willing to practice and put everything on the line to make their dreams a reality. Have to mention both highly underrated people despite their many talents that make them shine. Both remind me of a puppy dog in human form. And both try their best at everything they do, refusing to give up no matter what life throws in their direction.

Jaehyun - Haruka

Another team mom. Very calm and collected people who tend to keep things under control when in a group setting. But also just genuine down to earth people that are an absolute comfort to be around. They're always there to support and lend a hand for their loved ones and they genuinely both appreciate the love and support and adoration that their fans give them. But also aren't afraid to stand up for themselves when things get out of hand amongst fans and their loved ones. Obviously they do it in the kindest way possible, they love their fans. These two are probably the most reliable in the bunch and are able to keep their heads on when the pressure gets to be too much, if that makes sense? Could genuinely just see Jaehyun and Haruka going out for coffee or something and just sharing their own idol experiences and hardships and giving each other advice. I love them so much.

Jaemin - Airi

And to no ones surprise Jaemin gets Airi Listen listen I understand I'm biased Jaemin is my Bias Wrecker and Airi is one of my favorites I will not deny that But just hear me out for a minute. They are the same person. Both of them are into the cute things and excel at the cutesy idol act without even having to try. But at the same time they're both true to themselves and they know what they want in life. They've made sacrifices for their idol career but genuinely love what they do and the people who support them.

Ten - Shizuku

Two absolute beauties. I can see them getting along swimmingly with how similar they are. Sharing makeup and hair tips and just genuinely enjoying each others company. Both a little clueless (but I mean that affectionately I love both of them) but no matter how aloof they may seem they are so full of love and compassion for every being on this planet. And they both work so insanely hard for their dreams.

Taeil - Kohane

Stunning vocalists. They both absolutely shine on stage, almost as if they were meant to be there. Team players, whether or not they can help is trivial. They're always there to lend an ear for their loved ones and friends problems. Or if needed, a shoulder to cry on they're there. They're not particularly extroverted or introverted so they're able to make friends easily wherever they go (whether intended or not). I can also see them both catching lots of eyes just from their comforting and friendly nature.

Xiaojun - An

Two bad bitches. Cool, talented, unique individuals are the best words I could use to describe them. They put their all in everything that they do and they dream big (sometimes maybe too big) but regardless of how big those dreams end up being, they do everything in their power to achieve them. Yet another duo of team players. They're there to help and support their loved ones and friends when needed and they can always be counted on to help push you to your limits while also encouraging and cheering you on from the sidelines.

Hendery - Akito

Rough exterior, soft interior. For as cool and badass both Hendery and Akito can look, they're nothing more than softies on the inside. They're always there to encourage their loved ones but also willing to dish out hard truths. Sometimes they need to be said and these two won't hesitate to say it like it is. But they'll also be there to help fix and overcome these issues that their friend or loved one is facing, they won't let them blindly try and figure it out by themselves. If anything that at least search around in the dark with you.

WinWin - Toya

Princes. Absolute princes. And the most caring and beautiful souls truly. They can be a little dense, and things can fly right over there heads but I think that that is super endearing and just adds to their charm. They're very opinionated and stand by their ideals no matter how much outside pressure tries to sway them. Not afraid to stand up to loved ones either. It hurts, no doubt about it but they believe in their ideals and opinions just that much, and they know that if they're truly loved whoever their arguing with will either step back or at least respect their opinions and keep an open mind in the future.

Johnny - Tsukasa

I love Johnny and Tsukasa so much Just two silly goofy guys. But they're two silly goofy guys who work extremely hard and know what they want in life. They're full of confidence and know that they're a star and belong on the stage, and they continue to believe in themselves no matter what anyone else says. Very caring individuals and a good shoulder to lean on. They might not have the best advice to give but they'll always be there to lend an ear or use their wits or goofiness to make their loved ones smile when they're feeling blue or if things become awkward. Very good at relieving tension among groups and can easily take control of an entire room if needed. They are natural leaders.

Sungchan - Emu

Two absolute angels. They just want everyone to smile and laugh and live life as best they can, you only get one after all. But at the same time they know how to reel it in and can be a good genuine shoulder to cry on if needed and will give advice as best they can. Though most times their form of comfort is acting silly in an attempt to cheer up whoever is shedding tears or needs it. Able to bring smiles out of anyone around them just by being themselves, which I think is an extremely impressive trait.

YangYang - Nene

Mentally exhausted but also just happy to be here. They may complain and sass at their loved ones but it's all in a playful manner and they don't genuinely mean it. Very hard workers who genuinely just love the stage and are just happy to take part in what they can. I feel like YangYang was a theatre kid and I can not tell you why and that was partially why I put him with Nene. And they share the same kind of vibe. I can not put my finger on it but they just heavily remind me of each other.

Yuta - Rui

Would risk life and limb (and possibly jail time) for their friends and loved ones. No but seriously they love with their whole heart and are a presence of constant reassurance and are just genuinely soothing people to be around. I can see them being rather closed off, they might not talk all that much in a group setting, or even with another but there presence says enough for them. They're good people to hang out with if you just want to hang out. Sit on a bed and read a book, or play some games. They'll sit in silence with you and just having them there is enough to make you feel safe. They just have a very calming and safe aura about them and I believe that with my whole chest.

Doyoung - Kanade

Something about Doyoung and Kanade just hits different. Very caring and loving individuals who have been tested by god but still stand tall to tell the tale (But honestly I could say that about every NCT member they work so hard and I can't even imagine the hardships they go through). Very passionate about their hobbies and craft, they put their everything into what they do (even if its at the expense of their own health). They're both very unique in a way and that uniqueness adds to their charm and they come off very endearing if that makes sense?

Kun - Mafuyu

I don't know how many of you here read my Genshin Impact and NCT post but I feel as if this duo is the same as Kun and Ganyu. Relates very heavily to Mafuyu and somebody please help him. Granted we don't know what Kun is feeling and we never will, hence why I am simply going off of vibes. Please don't take anything I say as fact. With that being said I get the feeling that Kun is still trying to figure himself out (and that is absolutely okay!) which is why he finds himself enjoying and relating to characters like Mafuyu (and Ganyu). Works very hard and has a wall of support around them so that there thoughts don't ever overpower them or so that they don't get absolutely consumed and lost in their work.

Renjun - Ena

I can see him heavily relating to Ena and her entire character. A love of the arts But also not feeling good enough for their chosen career and constantly seeing those around them excel at what they're striving to achieve. They're so self concious and insecure that they don't even realize how beautiful their art truly is and how many people around them truly love and support them. But I think Renjun would find comfort in Ena, knowing that there's a character out there that feels just like he does (I love Renjun he deserves all of the love in the world.)

Jungwoo - Mizuki

Just two silly little ducks. No but seriously I love them. Sassy and playful, but also supportive. They'll drop everything to help their loved ones out of a bind (but also will not hesitate to tease them while doing so). Big PDA people I don't make the rules. I just get the vibes that they're both at least hand holders. Walking beside someone? Doesn't matter who it is they are grabbing that hand and swinging it all playful and sweet. Just genuinely really endearing people and super fun to be around! There's never a dull moment if you're hanging out with Jungwoo or Mizuki.

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Okay but can you imagine all of these as separate NCT units??? That would be so sick and I want to see it.

But anyways, again, this post is for a very small and niche crowd and I hope that that crowd enjoyed reading! I had an absolute blast making this!

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mollymaehague · 1 year ago

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That would be stunning! I feel that: spotting things on Pinterest years ago and wondering if it could make it past your "Dream Board." I've had the best time decorating and re-designing my home. I'm such a homebody and I wanted my home to be a dream and something I look forward to coming home to after a long day and after holidays. My little Oasis. Are you guys building your forever home? You'll have to send me photos once the wardrobe is complete because I just know it's going to be every girl's dream. Was your dress what you always envisioned or did you end up picking something that surprised you? I hear stories about women who go in with a precise vision and end up loving dresses they never thought they'd love! I need time to slow down because I swear, it was just yesterday when Danny was telling me he was back together with the love of his life and now your baby girl is two! I'm sure it's going by even quicker for you, as parents. That makes absolute sense. Even with help, your kids want you at the end of the day and there's only one mum and dad. I saw Kim K saying that in one of the latest Kardashian episodes and it made sense. People were giving her a tough time because she mentioned the difficulties as a single mum, and while she recognizes she has plenty of help with nannies, assistants, or chefs.. they're not the kid's parents. private: It is heavy and I apologize for totally throwing all that on you. The surgery really helped me as well and my fertility doctor seems optimistic from the monitoring ultrasounds. I just knew it was better to get it sorted at a young age than wait around, especially knowing endometriosis can affect fertility. I'm fortunate enough to be able to do all of this, to get it checked out and do this on my own. I actually have the retrieval tomorrow so fingers crossed! That's been something I've learned over the years: advocating for myself. Between my endometriosis and little (harmless) lumps and bumps I've had removed. Nobody knows your body better than yourself. Were you considered high risk for your pregnancies because of the endometriosis or was it more just the fear related to endo? The fears surrounding it seem like they'll never go away since it's something you deal with for so long, it's always in the back of your head. I appreciate you offering another perspective, especially since we've both gone through similar things. I don't know, I just.. I've put myself out there. Hell, I've even gone on a silly dating show. It just feels right but I totally understand that one fully doesn't know what it's like to be a parent, have those tough days until you become a parent. I've put so much thought into this and weighed the options and it just feels right? I wish I could properly explain it. If the first couple of transfers don't work, maybe it's a sign that this isn't meant to be just yet but at least I know I have the embryos frozen and a few eggs frozen to try again one day after a bit of a break and some clarity? Or, if I find someone, maybe it will happen naturally or I can go through the egg retrieval again. You've been so gracious listening to me unload on you, offering advice.. I can't thank you enough. Who knows, maybe this all will work out exactly how it's meant to and one day we're having playdates, showing our babies our old beauty pageant photos. Although, you were a far more accomplished beauty queen than I ever was! Speaking of, do you think Scarlett will ever want to compete?

Once we're a little more settled in our forever home, I want to frame the dress and hang it in my closet as a piece of art. It's something I saw probably ten years ago on Pinterest and it's always stuck with me. Back then I didn't know if I'd ever have a closet grand enough to justify that but the closet in our new home is nothing short of spectacular. If she wanted to use it –– or a piece of it –– in the future I'd let her. Thanks! She's the one person who was allowed to upstage me that day. We did! They're pretty amazing and one was the lock screen on my phone for a long time. It already moves pretty quickly. I'm a little in shock that she's going to be two soon, plus the fact that Weston is almost half a year old. My advice to do whatever makes you happy. At the end of the day, it's your wedding and that's what matters. We've been to weddings that haven't been my particular taste, but it didn't make them any less beautiful. As long as the couple is happy, it's a great day. We really liked West as a nickname before he was born, but it hasn't caught on yet. It's not prying at all. I've always wanted a big family, but two is a lot for me at the moment. If Danny and I less demanding jobs, the answer would be one hundred percent yes to more kids, but I've found that keeping up with our lifestyle and managing two kids by myself is just difficult enough to make me scared of more. That sounds silly because I'm fortunate to have help when I need it, but they're my kids, you know? PRIVATE: That's heavy. Firstly, I'm sorry that you're affected by it. Everyone's story and everyone's journey is different, and I can sympathize with the fear of every and all fertility-related things –– which feel tenfold when you believe your purpose on Earth is to be a mom. Surgery was life-changing for me. That's not to say that it still isn't scary, because the fear or miscarrying or complications was constantly in the back of my head throughout both of my pregnancies and while we were trying, but having the support my doctor in addition to Danny and my family was such a peace of mind for me. I don't know your story, but the best advice I can give –– and I wish I had known this from the beginning –– is that you have to advocate for yourself. And, separately from your diagnosis, that kids change your life in so many ways. While it's so rewarding to be a mom, there are a lot of hard days. Personally, I don't think I could do it without Danny. Even when he's not with us, he's still supporting us. I don't say that to sway you, but to provide another perspective because I've been in those shoes. Hysterically crying in my living room because the reality of getting older, especially as a woman with endometriosis, and feeling like you're not hitting the timeline you set out for yourself is terrifying. Feeling hopeless and like you're completely unworthy of that fairytale-kind of love because it hasn't worked out with silly boys who it wasn't meant to work out with anyway –– or at least at that time. God had a bigger plan for me and the wait was worth it, because creating life with your soulmate is the most beautiful thing in this world. All that said, you have to do what feels right for you and I'm here if you need to talk, whether it be about endometriosis, relationships, motherhood –– whatever you need. @mollymaehague

#convo:olivia #tw: endometriosis mention #tw: fertility mention #tw: ivf mention #tw: miscarriage

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enderwoah · 2 years ago

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CLASSPECTING DOUBLE LIFE

i've finally got it. a complete, comprehensive, optimised list of classpects and lunar sways for all of the double life members (and a couple of others). by "complete and optimised," of course, i mean it's a complete list of my opinions! if you disagree, nifty! there are too many class/aspect/lunar sway combos for everyone to come to an agreement, this is just the result of my (and some lovely tumblr users) character analysis!

not only is this a list, it's also explanations for each choice i made, so this is going to be long as hell. hopefully it's a bit easier to understand for people that don't know tooooo much about homestuck (or maybe just not knowing too much about classpects bc lets be real that stuff is CONFUSING).

the little (+) and (-) at the end of each class is simply to mark it as an active (+) or passive (-) class. personally, i don't put too much weight into it, but some people might vibe w/ it idk. the other aspect at the end of each aspect is it's opposite.

unlike the twelve classes and aspects, prospit vs derse is a very black and white classification, making it difficult to fit every character perfectly in one slot. as such, you may notice that some people don't fully fit in their assigned dream moon! which is fine—that just means i feel as if they fit more in one over the other. derse and prospit were also said by Hussie to sort of indicate a player's active/passive role in the game, respectively. if someone has a passive class but are a derse dreamer, that probably means that they're utilising the qualities of their passive class in a very distinct and active way—same goes for the opposite. this is not always the case, however, because i honestly forgot about derse and prospit being active/passive until way after i was done slotting them all in. if it works, it works!

as there are fourteen double life members, expect a few characters to have the same class or aspect as someone else! that's just how the cookie crumbles.

hope ur ready. im not.

[disclaimer: technically, these in-depth analyses could be considered SPOILERS for the comic, as they're not fully explained until act six. there are no actual plot spoilers, though, so do what you would like!]

DREAM MOONS

Prospit - Flexibly optimistic, Prospit Dreamers are reactive and intuitive. They exist in the present, rather than looking to the future or obsessing over the past, and when making decisions they tend to rely on gut instincts and whatever they're feeling int he moment to guide them. They are quick to act and reliable in crisis, but they have difficulties thinking things through and are often seen as flighty. They are less rebellious than they are adaptable, instead finding away to coexist with authority than fight against it. They are naturally trusting and often project a self into the world that isn't necessarily them. ("-")

Derse - Derse Dreamers are marked by a distinct and restless skepticism. Rebellion is in their blood, and they are prone to fight against everything that moves, regardless of perceived importance to other people. They are cerebral and self-aware, and as such their identities are built on the control they have over their surroundings. They are often inflexible and pessimistic, but they are great problem solvers that face conflict with shrewd, calculating minds. They find sincere vulnerability difficult and often keep people at an arm's length. Living in the moment is hard for a Derse Dreamer; they look towards the future and analyze the past. ("+")

[adapted from the official extended zodiac page.]

CLASSPECTS

[all aspect descriptions were stolen from dahni, who probably has the best homestuck class/aspect analysis in the fandom. several of the descriptions of powers were stolen from kess, who probably makes the best descriptions of classpect-specific powers in the fandom. they also do lands and fraymotifs. check both of them out for all your classpecting needs!]

[if i call anyone an asshole or a dickhead, please understand that i am referring to them in a /rp sense. i am well aware that they're all lovely people irl! ^^]

Grian - Derse - Witch of Time

Witch - Starts off by breaking the rules and boundaries of their aspect, pushing and manipulating it to its limits at their whim. Must learn when use/manipulation of their aspect is really needed and when it isn't; self-regulation/control. (+)

Time - Repetition, mechanical. Destruction, endings. Precision, impatience, choice. Movement, velocity, music. Literal time. (Space)

Time players are very "fuck the system, fight everything" types of people. They're defensive, impulsive, empathetic and determined problem solvers. They're constantly in motion and it physically pains them to take things as they come, even when doing so may be the safest option. So basically, every iteration of Grian ever falls under Time.

Even if we ignore his current "literally interacting with a rift in space-time that drags things into my base from alternate timelines" lore on Hermitcraft, he's generally that sort of restlessly active, "doesn't know when to stop" kind of person. Goal-focused, values the destination over the journey...he checks all the boxes.

Witches also have that "does things for shits and giggles" swag, and they start of their journey very carefree and shirk responsibility in favour for messing around. Being a Time player, though that quality would probably get sucker punched out of him once their timeline spirals into a doomed timeline and he has to fix that.

In terms of powers, Witches can Manipulate their aspect—being a Time player, that is ridiculously powerful. When fighting an enemy, he could manipulate the timeline of their life—i.e., age them until they're nothing but dust or crank it back until they're a squealing infant (or just plain doesn't exist). All Time players can also time travel, so hopping from timeline to timeline would be absolutely no problem.

Scar - Prospit - Heir of Life

Heir - Starts off with an abundance of their aspect, basically inheriting it and having a natural proficiency regarding it. Must learn how to properly embrace their aspect and learn to manipulate that abundance of it to aide themselves and others. (-)

Life - Healing, positivity, energy. Growing, increasing/raising. Authority/power, luxury, wealth. Rebellion, recklessness, liberation. Literal life, plants, animals, food, youth. (Doom)

I feel like in every bit of content I have ever seen Scar in, he's always got some aspect of Life or another surrounding him. He's been the mayor, he's a savvy businessman, both of which fulfill luxury, authority/power, and wealth requirement. He's apparently a "luscious elf" in HCS9, whatever that means, and his base was a giant tree and he made cookies—plants and food. He's generally just an energetic, happy dude that dies laughing time and time again, always coming back with a grin and that same pep in his step that he always has.

Given these circumstances, I felt as if the Heir of Life was a title that suit him! He just radiates the energy of Life everywhere he goes, and it would make sense for him to need to learn how to wrangle in that innate recklessness that gets him killed over and over—you never know when the death might matter a bit too much and you don't respawn.

Power-wise, Heirs have full agency with their aspect and can sometimes literally become it—while I don't think it would be especially helpful to become a tree, it would make sense for Scar to be able to eventually control plants or even grant them their own agency to help him. Another idea is that he always magically takes on a form to help him just before he dies—i.e., growing gills right before drowning, boosting strength when he desperately needs it, which all might develop into him being able to properly shapeshift into any animal (eventually).

Scott - Derse - Prince of Mind

Prince - Often starts off ghosting their opposite aspect, but not always. They have a tendency to reject their aspect and actively work to fully destroy it within themselves and their surroundings. Must learn to harness their destructive tendencies and utilise them, either to systematically and purposefully destroy their aspect or to destroy using their aspect. (+)

Mind - Rationality, rational decisions, reason, logic, unbiased, impersonal. Apathetic, indifference, equal possibility. Disguises, blending in, perceptions, worldviews. Literal minds, brains, thoughts, memories. (Heart)

Princes are often assholes! Moving on.

In all seriousness, though, Scott gives hella Mind player vibes. He's probably one of the most analytically minded members of this entire group, to a point where it's kind of freaky in comparison to everyone else, but he does kind of do the whole "ghosting their opposite aspect" thing in a sense that he throws the impartiality aspect of Mind out of the window. He'll root himself in stubbornness based on one happenstance, he'll go through ridiculous lengths to maintain a partnership he has (even if it may not be the most beneficial thing in the world), and he's a serial, chronic flirt.

He's also a liar, manipulator, and he does it to benefit himself and his very close teammates. Princes destroy their aspect, and fucking with people's minds and gaslighting them sounds pretty damn similar.

Powers for a Prince of Mind are fucking raw. Destroying someone's mind could literally mean driving them to insanity, and destroying someone's perceptions could mean making them go blind or deaf. He could probably also destroy people's memories, making them an amnesiac in a particular place of his choice (think making them a full amnesiac vs making them forget how to fight). Destroying with Mind gives vibes of sending terrible images into someone's mind, or just plain Mind Spike-ing using telepathy and making people go into shock. Crazy ass mf.

Pearl - Derse - Mage of Blood

Mage - Starts off immensely suffering because of their aspect, be it an overabundance of it, a lack of it, or something in between. Must learn how to overcome that suffering and use the knowledge obtained from it to help themselves and guide others. (+)

Blood - Unity, connection, interpersonal bonds. Commitment, attachment, obligation, promises. Responsibility, dependence. Inflexibility, material, tangible. Literal blood. (Breath)

This one is pretty simple. Pearl has really had the ups and downs of Blood—and in terms of Double Life, it's mostly the downs. Being rejected by not only her soulmate, but also both members of her former team...ouch. Fans of the three Gs wept.

Throughout DL, she tried for alliances time and time again and failed basically every single time, but instead of being destroyed by it—or, at least, instead of being completely destroyed by it—she harnessed her loneliness and channeled it into strength and spite and won the entire game for herself. Suffering because of bonds, unity, connections, and overcoming that suffering to do herself some good? Very Mage of Blood, through and through.

Powers are vague, since Mages are probably the most elusive of the classes we know about, but something like being able to make Literal blood contracts that the game itself wouldn't allow you to break without severe repercussions sounds about right. Probably able to immediately point out what matters to a person most (be it a person, place, or thing), could also very possibly actually be able to see soulmate strings.

Tango - Derse - Heir of Rage

Rage - Unconditional anger, hate, fear. Refusal, defiance, rejection, skepticism, doubt. Negativity, despair, denial. (Hope)

Another decently cut-and-dry one, Heir of Rage Tango. A very, very fucking dangerous classpect.

As Heirs have an inherent abundance of their aspect, and Rage is, well...Rage, you can easily see what I was going for and why it fits Tango. The man is perfectly amicable sometimes but is prone to flying off the ragehandle and going absolutely off the shits when it comes to bad things happening to him and his allies/friends. He constantly has that bubble of anger underneath his skin that may or may not be be especially useful when it's out of control. Heirs need to learn when to and specifically when not to embrace their aspect in a crucial moment, but I think Tango's probably got it down pat.

That being said, it wouldn't be a good thing for him to smother all of that, either—inverting to a Hope player would do nobody any sort of good, mostly because he would be bad at it and probably bring Down the Hope by forcing himself into apathy. There is a healthy middle! This is why Jimmy and Tango are moirails.

In terms of powers...Jesus Christ. And I really do mean Holy Fuck. As previously stated, Heirs can often turn into their aspect—I would like for you to sit down and imagine what someone turning into the physical embodiment of rage, anger, fury, and every negative thought and feeling you can think of would look like...and then imagine the destruction they could unleash on an entire army of enemies. He would also be able to inspire Rage in others and manipulate it, cranking it up for his teammates to give that boost of righteous justice or cranking it all the way down for enemies, leaving them either hollow and useless or friendly and unnervingly pleasant towards them. He could project his own negative emotions onto others, so if he felt even the smidgen of fear his enemies would feel a horrible anxiousness and terror. Heirs are incredibly versatile, I could make a whole post taking about how fucking wild these powers would be, but one thing is for sure—be very afraid.

Jimmy - Prospit - Page of Doom

Page - Starts off with a lack of their aspect/lack of control of their aspect/at the mercy of their aspect. Must learn how to tap into their full hidden potential with their aspect and provide it to others. Once that full potential is released, they are one of the strongest players in the game. (-)

Doom - Harm, negativity. Caution, control/limits, necessity. Acceptance, withdrawal, equality/wisdom. Things decreasing/lowering. Literal doom, death, technology. (Life)

Pages! Pages are very odd in a sense that "having a deficiency in their aspect" is not exactly the most specific thing ever. It can range from someone with the "freedom, movement" aspect being literally crippled to someone with the "beliefs, optimism" aspect being actually pretty happy and joyful but a complete fucking moron at the same time and overcompensating.

Which basically means I can do whatever the fuck I want lmfao.

We all know about Jimmy's "canary curse," and a curse (or a virus COUGH) sounds like a very Doom-y thing to me—especially considering this curse literally makes him die, or at least become a catalyst for horrible things to happen in the Homestuck sense. He brings about Doom onto himself and others, a Page vibe through and through.

It would make sense to assume, then, that if Jimmy managed to get a handle on this curse, to tap into that inherent aura of destruction and death that he has within himself and simply can't control, he could be pretty fuckin' scary...if it ever happens. There is no guarantee that he will.

Aside from the death part of Doom, he's pretty garbage at all the other parts, too—caution (no), control/limits (no), necessity (no), equality/wisdom (no)—seriously, limits? Rules? The man tried to team with everything that breathed on Double Life, whether they had wronged him or not, and then turned around and remembered "oh yeah, this person wronged us!" and would start working to mess with them. Sir. Please.

Pages are very funny in a sense that they start off as the weakest class that is the least in-touch with their aspect, but as soon as they grasp that spark and utilise it, they are described as one of the most powerful classes. Period. Doom is a very versatile aspect, ranging from literal death to destruction to explosions to corrosion to coding and technology (including the coding and tech of the game itself). Because of this, the powers of a Page of Doom would be pretty nuts—basically being able to harness any sort of destructive, corrosive energy you can think of to fight, and also benefit other teammates with that (think making his teammates' weapons do more damage or deal corrosive damage). He could also somehow manage to exploit loopholes in the game or break shit to make the game skewed towards his favour, but that is DEFINITELY a very high-level thing and doesn't even need to be considered.

We're still talking about Jimmy, here.

Ren - Derse - Sylph of Space

Sylph - Starts off intensely meddling with their aspect, getting into other people's business with it (that is to say, about it and using it), never shutting up about it, forcing their ideas/ideals about it onto other people, and interfering and trying to help others with it in a way that often hurts more than helps. Must learn how to utilise their knowledge and abundance of their aspect in a way that actually helps and heals people and helps and heals their aspect. (-)

Space - Biology, beginnings, creation. Destiny, fate. Variation, ambiguity, patience. Creativity, big picture, literal space, physics. (Time)

Ren is such a good vibes guy, I just had to give him a good vibes Class. And his Aspect is easily the most important one, so the guy is particularly special when it comes to his session! Sylphs have a tendency to go on tangents about their aspect and basically shove it into everyone's faces, and I sort of just connected the fact that Ren is incredibly dramatic and wrangles people into his eccentric bits all the time to his inherent kindness and healer vibes. By "healer vibes" I mean the cool kind of healer, the kind of healer that would heal you and then whirl around with a sword and slice an enemy in half behind them. He gives those vibes.

Also, the canon description of Space players says that "[they understand] that sometimes you have to let something burn to the ground in order to build it back better and stronger than before" and that just reminded me of the whole "Rentheking" thing going on in Hermitcraft. They are endlessly creative and innovative, and they are focused on the big picture rather than the fussy little details...which sometimes makes them a bit vague and hard to pin down, but it's certainly not intolerable in Ren's case.

In terms of powers, Space players obviously have the whole "space, physics" thing going on for them, but a Sylph of Space would be able to do all of that whilst maintaining the least damage to Space itself. They could easily teleport and mend tears in space while also being able to create pocket dimensions if they so pleased. They could heal people by binding shit back together at the molecular level and also probably create healing-based objects.

BigB - Prospit - Rogue of Void

Rogue - Starts off with a feeling of awkwardness surrounding their aspect, believing that they aren't fit for it or it isn't suited for them or believing that it would be better off with someone else. Must learn to embrace their aspect, as it is a part of them, and trust their instincts regarding it and further their innate understanding of its applications so they can take it and redistribute it to help their team. (-)

Void - Secrets, doubt, confusion. Irrelevance, infinite possibilities, indifference. Literal void, lack-of-something, darkness. (Light)

Unfortunately, I cannot say I know too much about Bigb, but from what I can see he seems like a very nice, genuine dude with a penchant for generally being kind. On that same note, I don't think his little "secret soulmates" thing with Grian was born out of maliciousness—becoming "secret soulmates" with someone only to like gossip and trade items and give each other cookies and not actually have it be a substantial secret gives Rogue of Void vibes, especially considering how he seemed to let Grian initiate most of their "secret" interactions.

Ultimately, one could say his unfortunate demise came from him being too active, both as a passive class and as a Void player. Him rushing into a fight in broad daylight with Ren is pretty unbecoming of a Void player, and a bit of irony might be the fact that a) it was Ren died and not him, and nobody really saw him when he died because he was trailing behind and b) it was his "secret soulmate" that did the deed.

In terms of playing the game, I'd probably say that Bigb would have to fall back on and trust that aspect of being low-key that he has, as it will most likely end up being very beneficial for everyone considering a Rogue of Void's skillset!

A Rogue of Void would be able to Steal Nothingness in order to aide others. To steal the absence of something would be Making something, so he can just...create items. Very important items, if need be. Stealing secrecy and darkness and applying it to himself or others implies being able to turn himself and his teammates invisible or something along those lines, also possibly being able to travel through shadows like those mfs from the Princess and the Frog.

Bdubs - Prospit - Seer of Hope

Seer - Starts off passively observing and recording their aspect, forming their own stubborn opinions surrounding it. Must learn to be more open-minded to be able to learn every possible aspect of their aspect and use that knowledge to aide others and guide them into making the right choices. (-)

Hope - Unconditional love, trust, belief, literal hope. Confirmation, acceptance. Optimism, naïve optimism, positivity, euphoria. (Rage)

Hope—beliefs, optimism, trust, literal hope—plus a Seer—knows too much about and doesn't shut up about their aspect—equals someone really good to talk to about your problems and get advice from.

Bdubs simply has that Hope player swag, and he's got big eyes so he's a Seer move on. No, but seriously, he's very thoughtful and cunning sometimes, and I'd say that he often has pretty good plans and definitely has that "relentless fountain of knowledge" vibe that Seers do, especially considering the...[glances at bdubs and hermittwt] recent developments.

In terms of powers, Seers don't really have too much going for them. A Seer of Hope would most likely be able to see people's beliefs, people's loves (take that as you will), and most helpfully, people's intentions. If this was honed to a fine point, it could make him a literal PVP god, but he would probably do best working as a strategist or even a mole/spy. He could also possibly See the happiness level of someone, perhaps having a mood bar over the people he meets (just because it sounds funny). He could most likely also see the most Hopeful outcome in a situation/for one specific persona and guide that situation/person to the best possible outcome. As is a Seer's job!

Impulse - Prospit - Bard of Blood

Bard - Often starts off ghosting their opposite aspect, but not always. They often passively (accidentally/unknowingly/unintentionally) get rid of their aspect in some way or another before having something akin to a reckoning moment where they violently snap back to their aspect and use it to destroy. Must get a firm grip on their destructive tendencies and act more like a catalyst for the destruction of their aspect or destruction through their aspect. (-)

Blood - Unity, connection, interpersonal bonds. Commitment, attachment, obligation, promises. Responsibility, dependence. Inflexibility, material, tangible. Literal blood. (Breath)

Impulse's classpecting is probably one of the more tragic ones on here.

As stated, Bards often inadvertently destroy their aspect in some way or another, and Impulse certainly is no exception. In both 3rd Life and Last Life, Impulse basically got kicked in the ass by/because of his connections, attachments, and bonds—3rd Life being him getting betrayed by Bdubs for one (1) singular clock and Last Life being him being the last member of the Southlands that stuck with Grian and then dying in their wither fight.

Fortunately for Impulse, he's learned from the past two times—now that he is legally obligated to be paired with someone, he's sort of had his "aren't you tired of being nice" moment and proceeded to work with Bdubs, his own bond, to destroy other people's bonds—using Blood to destroy Blood. The man has gone for it both ways. All of this gives hella Bard of Blood vibes, and it's nice to see a Bard not being a complete and total dickhead for once!

Powers are sort of vague, as it is with Blood, but it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to say that while Pearl is able to create blood contracts that people are inclined to uphold because of a threat of something terrible, Impulse would be able to make contracts that are Made To Be Broken. Devil's deal type beat, I would recommend not shaking his hand because one way or another, you're going to fail to uphold your end of the deal...and it will not be pretty for you when you don't. Being able to destroy blood in a literal sense certainly makes one think of several violent things that I probably shouldn't type out—you can get the picture. Destroying connections and unity and bonds gives vibes of someone just making things go wrong around him—machinery and electronics simply stop working, and eventually his very presence could make an entire society break down. Rebel leader Impulse and Oh My Fucking God I just remembered his whole "I'm tired of being nice" thing on HCS9 GUYSSSSS THIS IS GENIUS

Etho - Prospit - Thief of Breath

Thief - Starts off rather selfish and/or self-absorbed, literally or figuratively stealing their aspect from people to benefit themselves without much of a second thought for who they're disservicing. Honestly, they don't really change that—they mostly have to learn how to not be a complete douche with it and grow and further their abilities to become the strongest they can be. (+)

Breath - Freedom, disconnection, detachment. Apathy, indifference. Independence, flexibility, options, liberties. Movement, separation. Literal air/breath, ethereality, intangibility. (Blood)

Etho simply gives vibes of a Breath player. A true Hermit that really gives no shits and teams with who he wants to team with and avoids who he wants to avoid and everyone just sort of has to deal with him or get fucking destroyed by him and Joel. You might even get destroyed by him and Joel while actively trying to appeal to them. Who the hell knows?

Big Thief vibes in him not caring about who he affects and even exploiting it sometimes, and I wouldn't say that he's necessarily selfish, but he certainly doesn't just give things away if it's not going to benefit him in return. Would probably make a pun about himself being "breathtaking."

Obviously, a Thief of Breath could literally steal someone's breath away—manipulating the air in their lungs to come Out of their lungs and making sure none goes back In. Breath also represents freedom and movement, so he could possibly magically slow people down to speed himself up like some sort of fucked up Sonic that actually makes the world around him slow down while he's moving super fast. He could probably eventually lock people in place and use the movement from them to boost himself—if he freezes six people, he can move with the combined speed of all six people. He can probably flash step, the fucking weeb, and can probably dash through the air like the Hollow Knight mc. Stealing using wind and breath, however, gives him more of a stealth aspect—he could move quieter than the breeze, his steps are light as a feather, you wouldn't be able to hear him if you were breathing, etc, etc. He could probably manipulate wind to steal items from people, maybe even doing a windy thing that takes stuff directly out of someone's sylladex (inventory).

Joel - Prospit - Maid of Rage

Maid - Starts off relying on others for advice regarding/for their aspect and having little to no agency surrounding it themselves. Must learn to seek it out on their own and create it where there is none, utilising it for their own needs whilst serving it for others in turn. (+)

Rage - Unconditional anger, hate, fear. Refusal, defiance, rejection, skepticism, doubt. Negativity, despair, denial. Physical pain, suffering. (Hope)

I think out of everyone listed, Joel already had his arc regarding his classpect the longest time ago. He's been acting out the vibe of a Maid of Rage probably ever since Last Life, or even before—I can't say I watched his POV or any surrounding POVs for him during 3rd Life, but I distinctly remember him just Having A Bunch Of Wolves by the end and going apeshit with that.

If Joel does anything at all, it's Creating Rage within himself and within other people. The man went red in session two of Last Life and was a menace until the very end—he stayed alive until the very end after being the first to go red. Rage is Anger, yes, but it's also Conviction and Strength, both things Joel has in pleasant abundance.

Maids make sure their aspect gets the furthest reach possible, which means a Maid of Rage would be spreading hatred, anger, and fear anywhere they can. Sounds Joelish (/mostly joking). He would most likely be able to make enemies feel fear, doubts, regrets, etc. He could amplify pure suffering in people, basically creating pain inside of them, eventually possibly being able to straight up make someone have a heart attack or go into shock from all of that raw pain. He could possibly be able to bring to life people's greatest nightmares and drive people a bit bonkers with that. He could probably root someone to the spot with mere eye contact, and he probably has endless strength and passion or something and simply never gets tired.

Cleo - Derse - Thief of Light

Thief - Starts off rather selfish and/or self-absorbed, literally or figuratively stealing their aspect from people to benefit themselves without much of a second thought for who they're disserving. Honestly, they don't really change that—they mostly have to learn how to not be a complete douche with it and grow and further their abilities to become the strongest they can be.

Light - Reality, awareness, perception, information, knowledge. Illumination, literal light. Luck, probability. (Void)

Thieves are often assholes! Moving on.

Okay, fine. Why, pray tell, did I give Cleo the classpect of one of the most hated character in the series? Well, you see.

She's manipulative. She lies. She hides things. She obfuscates. She's got the bluntness of a Light player and the knack for fucking with people (and proceeding to get away with it) of a Thief. Her constant tendency of blatantly lying to people's faces is, to put it in a metaphorical way, pulling the wool over someone's eyes. Shrouding them in darkness, the lack of knowledge of her shenanigans with Scott and what she's doing to people. Fucking with people's realities, awareness, perception...gaslighting...yeah. Thief of Light.

Powers for a Thief of Light basically had only one aspect of them explored in the comic despite being The Most Prominently Featured God Tier...which is the manipulation of luck. Cleo could steal the luck of other people to increase her luck, which, to put in video game terms, means that she'd boost her chances of getting eight critical hits in a row whilst simultaneously making it so her enemies have a much higher chance of missing eight times in a row. She could literally steal light, probably being able to grant herself night vision of sorts (and, if she felt like it, blinding everyone else in the room). Actually, blinding people would probably be another power, as would stealing knowledge from people, being able to make them useless in battle or even literal babies in terms of brainpower.

Great, that's two people that can basically remove the brains of anyone they come across and make them go blind. This really bodes well for this session. /s

Martyn - Derse - Knight of Heart

Knight - Starts off with a decent grasp on their aspect but a crippling lack of self-confidence in regards to it (also in general, sometimes). Must learn to trust themselves and their instincts in regards to their aspect and protect it/use it to protect others. (+)

Heart - Emotions, feelings. Personality, bias. Passion, impulses, instincts. (Mind)

Martyn, I feel, is one of the most passionate members of the Life series in general. He basically has a casting type of being a protector/defender and has ever since 3rd Life, where he was Ren's right hand. His passion and his handle on his instincts in a skilled manner really portrays how Knights use their aspect as a weapon: Martyn fights with his whole being and soul behind what he believes in, and he protects anything he's passionate about defending with just a bit more oomph than anyone else could.

Of course, being a Knight, they feel as if they have some sort of deficiency in their aspect despite them just...not. His relationship with Cleo in Double Life could be a good example: his stubbornness to change his mind about his actions in session one being helpful is Heartish, but the inherent confusion that came with Cleo not immediately changing her mind is sort of Knightish. His increasingly desperate attempts to "get her back" (including that horrendous red...box) all the while trying to maintain that idea of him being in the right when it's becoming more and more obvious that he very much might not have been actually gives vibes of a Knight who's powering through his Knight Arc (or whatever) and putting his foot down and trusting his gut about the matter. And lo and behold, even while he was blatantly refusing to accept responsibility, he and Cleo still managed to become acquaintances faster than Scott and Pearl did.

Him managing to pull that off just shows how good of a handle on his aspect he has, especially when he absolutely refuses to waver on it like he may have done in the past. I think after the situation with Cleo, he would learn that he has his own agency to make his own decisions about who and what he wants to protect instead of only relying on others for it like in the past. That isn't to say he can't latch himself to people and groups like he did before—it is in his nature after all—but post-this arc, I belive he would realise that he's down to break away from those or start his own shit at any moment he wants.

Powers for a Knight of Heart most obviously includes soul weapons. He left his sword at home and forgot to put it back in his strife specibus Oh No He Didn't. That Is A Glowing Sword Come Out Of His Chest. It could change into any style of weapon he wants, and once it becomes easier to maintain, he could probably just make any necessary tools or weapons he can think of. Heart players have this silly ability to splinter, which is basically fracturing their soul to make manifestations of themselves. Eventually, Martyn could possibly be able to summon a shitton of those guys with all their own strengths and weaknesses and individual prowesses. He would probably get a really sick boost of strength when defending himself and his friends.

BONUS (SPRITES):

Mumbo - Prospit - Knight of Mind

Mumbo is sooo Knight-coded it's insane. Yes you little skroinkle bimble-doo you are so good at everything you set your mind to and you do it with ease but you will never acknowledge it will you. You are so silly and Knightish. (<- going insane. this is the last analysis i have to do.)

This isn't to say that Mumbo has low self-esteem or anything, he's just fucking brilliant and he really never seems to embrace it or say anything about it. The guy is smart, maybe not necessarily clever, but certainly smart, and he's decently rational when you compare him to the rest of the Hermits. He could probably out-logic anyone that decided to try and argue logic with him, but as soon as someone like Grian comes in with his nonsensical roundabout reasoning, I'd suspect that Mumbo would crumple like a tin can.

Unfortunately, for this type of Knight, I can't really say "HE PULLS A BLADE OUT OF XYZ," but I will say that he'd most likely have some sort of mind control/brainwashing nonsense he could implement in people. His brain would process things like a supercomputer, and while Mumbo seems like he would be a pretty passive player, if it came down to it in a fight, he'd be able to analyse the enemy's fighting style like fucking JARVIS or basically slow-mo an attack in his mind to figure out how to expertly dodge bullets.

Lizzie - Derse - Witch of Light

Light - Reality, awareness, perception, information, knowledge. Illumination, literal light. Luck, probability. (Void)

Okay to be completely real I don't have an in-depth explanation for this one with examples and everything you're just going to have to trust me alright.

Lizzie individually has the swag of both a Witch and a Light player, and together it forms a person who's as clever as they are vaguely ditzy. That is to say, she could outsmart your ass at any given time of day, but once the knowledge that would allow her to do that is deemed irrelevant, it's basically forgotten until an "oh shit, I forgot about that" moment happens.

Witches are generally friendly people that really enjoy messing around with their aspect towards the beginning of the game. As Light deals with knowledge and whatnot, this classpect implies dicking around with people (but not in a particularly malicious way, Unlike Some Other Light Players I Know) and knowledge and information, and having some sort of connection with light and manipulating attention. Bright pink hair and also fairy vibes, anyone?

Powers for a Witch of Light vary as much as the aspect does, but the first think I can think of is the fact that Lizzie can literally deal radiant damage. She could make lazerbeams of pure light or open up the colour spectrum to things Humans Shouldn't Be Able To See. She could also manipulate luck, which is hilarious—"hey, Lizzie, what are the chances of a comically oversized anvil dropping on this hoarde of imps in front of us rn?" "uh...id give it a good 100%" [CLANG]

Skizz - Derse - Knight of Blood

Blood - Unity, connection, interpersonal bonds. Commitment, attachment, obligation, promises. Responsibility, dependence. Inflexibility, material, tangible. Literal blood. (Breath)

I watched two hours of Skizz content (a few eps. of his Last Life POV) to formulate this so kindly forgive me if it is inaccurate.

In the context of Last Life (as that is basically the only frame of reference I have), he assigned himself to the position of leader of BEST and took it incredibly seriously, dedicating valuable time to setting up plans, maps, and failsafes for the team—i.e., the secret respawn room in the bunker. He prided himself on making sure the team was a completely well-oiled machine that would stay functioning and stay together no matter what happened.

It did happen once or twice where he'd pushed the team a little harder than necessary in a very "just in case," "this needs to be perfect" kind of way, especially considering the practice regarding the TNT cannon. There were also moments when a team leader probably would have been most fit to step up and help the members sort through something (especially regarding interpersonal ordeals) and he did little to nothing at all, sitting back and letting Bdubs or Etho take care of it.

Overcompensating for and underestimating their ability to handle their aspect is a very Knightish thing, and as had been made clear, he was a very team-oriented guy. I mean, the man was such a good leader that the BEST team even managed to fully maintain itself while he was red and actively against them, and only started falling apart after he fully lost all of his lives, and even while he was red, he said himself that he couldn't bring himself to really hurt his team—his brothers—and still wanted to see them succeed.

So many damn Blood players...why did I repeat the aspect that we know basically NOTHING ABOUT.

As Knights weaponise their aspect, Skizz having a similar thing to Martyn would make sense, except instead of being able to draw weapons from his soul like a goddamn Crystal Gem, he could manipulate his own blood to turn into cool weapons instead. Alternatively, if the mental image of giving yourself a wound to make a weapon isn't your cup of tea, I could also potentially see him getting a specific weapon based on who it is he's fighting alongside. Hemokinesis is an obvious one, which can be used in several versatile ways—from healing to straight up bloodbending.

Skizz is a sprite because the universe had to fucking NERF HIM

CONCLUSION

This session is fucking doomed.

There are two Thieves. Two Active Rage players. A Thief and a Prince in an alliance. A Bard of Blood. A Page of Doom that's probably cursed/virused to Doom whatever session he's a part of or something like that.

The members of the team that would probably benefit their more unstable participants are all sprites.

Yeah, no. They all die at the end.

Thank you for reading!

CREDITS

Scar's Class - @sincerely-unidentified

Bigb, Bdubs, Implulse, and Cleo's Classes - @caubool

Reading Homestuck and Dragging Me Back Into this Hellscape - @chrisrin

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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years ago

Text

Gateway Drug | Part Ninety-One [PT. 2]

Words: 2.5K

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse, mentions of domestic abuse

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"Your little one is here as of right now." Dr. Telille says, pointing to a very little area to the far side of my womb and I smile before she switches the focus slightly and then looks at the screen with a slightly odd look before flipping through my chart. "At your previous Obstetrician, did they mention any abnormalities?" She asks me.

"No." I shake my head.

"You said in your history you've had recurrent miscarriages?" She asks next.

"Yes."

"Okay, Mrs. Sixx, don't be alarmed by this because there is a solution but this," she turns the screen to me again, pointing at a shadow in the picture that looks like it's creating bunny ears or something. "Is a layer of tissue that's not supposed to be there. It halts fetal growth, and ultimately causes miscarriages, often times even before a fetus is interacting with the tissue itself, physically." She informs me and I feel like my chest is throbbing from how hard my heart is beating. "The good news is that we can fix this, I've had to do a few surgeries like this before--we can go in and cut that tissue out without disturbing your baby, but we will need to have it done within the next week--two weeks at the most." She explains and I raise my brows.

"What's my chance of carrying out my pregnancy to term without the surgery?" I ask, trying to stay calm.

"With a successful surgery, there is a 80% chance of you carrying it to term, and a higher chance at not facing as many pregnancy difficulties in the future like you've had previously. Without the surgery, with your history, it's very, very probable that you won't get to four months without miscarrying--if that far." She adds.

"What's the risk of this surgery causing complications?" I ask next.

"30%." She replies and I breathe out. "You don't have to make a decision today, you can go home and think about it and talk about it with the father but we need to get it scheduled in the next few days."

"Um, o-okay…" I rub my lips together.

"And if you are interested in the surgery, we can go ahead and send it in and see if insurance will cover it." She assures me.

"I don't have maternity insurance right now." I tell her and she looks at me uneasily.

"No worries, we can figure the costs out after you decide if you want it or not." She tells me, calmly, and I just nod.

I numbed myself. I would've been freaking out, having a meltdown, begging God to spare my damn baby for once...but as soon as she started in on what was wrong with me, the negative outcomes...I flicked the switch in my brain and just let myself feel absolutely nothing as best as I could. My nervousness was relief compared to blatant breakdown mode that I knew would hit inevitably.

And how the hell did I tell Duff and Nikki that I was going to need surgery that could potentially terminate my pregnancy--or suffer what I'd suffered before and still lose a baby? Oh, right. I didn't. At least, not as soon as I probably should have.

When I get to my new little house I'm renting with my savings, Duff's sitting on the little porch, drinking a beer.

"How'd it go?" He asks me, standing up as I unlock the door.

He couldn't go with me this time because he had to go look at a couple houses with Mandy, which I understand because they had already canceled once with a real-estate agent and would get charged extra if they missed another appointment.

"Good." I lie, clearing my throat.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Whisky's barking at us until he realizes it's me, and then he won't get out from under my feet until I pat him on the head.

"I need to finish unpacking." I say before Duff can ask anymore questions.

"Well, it's your lucky day because I know how to unpack." He states, grinning.

I go change into pajamas and when I get back, he's pulling pictures from one of the boxes, neatly placing them on the coffee table in the living room and I pick them up and start figuring out where to put them.

"So, my family really wants me to bring you up." He says, optimistically. "I was thinking leave Sunday and come back next Saturday."

"...Duff, I can't just up and leave right now. I have to finish unpacking, and I'm gonna be meeting with Nikki once a week and then him and the guys once a week so that's two different…" I trail off as he cuts open another one of my packed boxes with his pocket knife, a look of disappointment on his face. "...It's not that I don't want to, you know. I just have a lot going on right now."

"We'd just be gone for a week." He says, looking at me. "It's the only time off I have for a while since we're doing a few shows in New York and Europe." He adds. "And I really want my family to know you, kinda, before you have the baby."

"I don't know." I hesitantly tell him and he licks his lips. "I don't know, Duff, okay? I just...ughhh." I groan, raking my hands through my hair.

"If you don't want to meet my family then don't worry about it, Vivian." He says it a little passive aggressively and I raise my brows.

"'Vivian'? Since when the hell am I 'Vivian'?" I ask, mimicking his tone.

"That's your name isn't it?" He asks next and I cross my arms.

"You usually call me 'Viv', or...something…"

"Well, I'm not calling you, 'babe,' or, 'baby,' since we aren't dating anymore so…"

"You're being a dick."

"I'm not being a dick. I'm just family oriented and I want my family to know you and our kid and you're making up excuses to not go and meet them."

"Excuse me for not wanting to be judged." I snap back.

"They're not fucking judgemental."

"Oh, so you're cussing at me now, too, huh?"

"Quit trying to start an argument." He tells me.

"I'm not starting an argument, I'm making a valid point."

"You're making an assumption." He corrects me. "My family isn't judgemental. They're really not. I don't even think they're worried with the fact that you were married when we got together because they haven't said a word about it. They just want to meet you."

"Matt didn't seem so cool about it." I mumble.

"Matt was trying to keep both of us out of trouble." He explains. "He wasn't judging you. He just doesn't like drama and if we would've gotten caught he knew it'd just be a bunch of bullshit we'd have to get thrown at us."

I just stare at him.

"And I'm sorry for cussing at you, but I'm trying to be positive about all of this and I really don't want you to start bringing in your negativity." He exhales.

"My negativity?" I raise my brows, laughing humorlessly.

"Please, just come to Seattle with me next Sunday. I promise it'll be fun and my family's fun, they don't mean any harm by wanting you to come up and visit--they're already talking about planning a trip when it's born to be here for you and me both for a few days." He adds.

I think about it, seeing his eyes glint a little as he slowly smiles at me like a hopeful puppy.

"Okay." I relent and he puts his hands above his head, folding them together, letting out a loud, "Hallelujah!" and I roll my eyes, trying to hold back a chuckle.

The truth is, I don't want to leave Nikki stewing that long after revealing to him my miscarriages. He never came back when he left the therapy session yesterday, and I was supposed to go back today but decided I needed another day to just think about everything, but because of Amber's schedule, we won't be able to get back in the same room together--aside from me just visiting him--until next Wednesday...but with Duff wanting to leave Sunday and come back that Saturday, I won't be able to meet then, either. A part of me isn't even sorry that I won't make it since the morale of Nikki's story is that he married a maestro of manipulation that can play victim like no other but is really an evil bitch who loves to make people suffer.

I gathered that after reading:

"I married a fucking demon."

"Vivian climbed from hell just to neuter me."

"My wife's a fucking lunatic."

"I sometimes think Vivian's waiting for me to die so she can get the money."

"I hate her."

"I don't know what's killing me faster: my looney wife, or smack. Doesn't matter--they're both my drug of choice."

"If she didn't know how to fuck I would've already left her."

"She flushed every bit of what Jason dropped off last night. Cost me a couple grand. I'm so pissed, if I knew she wouldn't beat the shit out of me and go batshit-ballistic, I'd lay her out on the fucking floor. I'm sure it'd be like foreplay in her sick mind, anyway."

"I swear she cums every time she belittles me."

And, my personal favorite:

"Just woke up from a fucking nightmare. I was fucking around with Vivian and Vanity and once they got their satisfaction they started eating me alive while talking about their love for God. Even with them gnawing on me alive with their shark-like teeth and their completely black eyes, stripping flesh from my bone and going at it like a fucking pork chop, I was turned on. But as soon as they started about God, how good and wonderful he was, that's when I started panicking a little that I OD'd without realizing it and was in hell or some fucking incarnation of it. I see now that's how they both got me, being hot and knowing exactly what to do to get me going. And now they're both sucking the life out of me, eating me alive, while praying to their God and acting like they're blameless in my destruction. CHICKS = TROUBLE."

At least we both agree that we married demons.

It was strange for me to realize how he saw me--well, how Sikki saw me. Once I was able to differentiate between the two of them, it hurt less reading what he'd write about me. It was just confusing.

One page would be an entire rant (with unflattering, random song lyrics to match) about something I did that pissed him off--sometimes things I wouldn't even realize I did to make him upset and then the next page would be decently positive things about me that he'd profess after waking up sort of sober…

I knew he felt guilty about how he treated me, most of the entries from the end of '83 to '87 had "I'm an asshole" or "I really fucked up" or some version of it in them but the deeper into '87 he got, the less and less apologetic he got. Both in real time and his dairies.

Despite the black and white of his diaries, one thing still lingered in the grey area…

I stare at the little TV on my dresser, bowl of captain crunch in hand as I stuff my face while flipping channels, Whisky gnawing on his chew toy as a flickering, fuzzy and static blaring familiar face flashes across the screen as I turn to the next channel. My heart stops for a moment, my finger immediately going back, the screen and audio clearing as I see her.

Clear eyed and competent. A far removal from what I last saw of her with her gnashing teeth and tortured eyes, spewing at Nikki and I both before he and her got into a fight that left her dragged down the stairs of our old house...guilt tugs at me, remembering the look on her face, the pain, the hurt...perhaps she felt as bad as I did about the situation.

He was the one telling her he was going to leave me and marry her, after all. My feury swallowed him before it ever thought about swallowing her.

"...I'm currently looking at other scripts for other films." She replies very calm and composed to whatever question her interviewer was asking...I'm assuming this is part of her press run for her new movie coming out.

"If you could write a ticket for yourself, Vanity, what would it be?" The woman asks next and she furrows her brows, slightly.

"Write a ticket? To go somewhere?"

"No, write a ticket for the rest of your life, and your career. Just everything about your life." She explains.

"Ohhh," She thinks a moment before shaking her head slightly. "I wouldn't want to do that, actually, because, um, everytime I turn around something new's happening. I'm a very spontaneous person. I just like to get up and go, and I've been doing that since I was fifteen...so, um, I couldn't say I'd like to write that ticket." She chuckles a little, but not the crack-cackle I was used to seeing in her past interviews.

She's actually sober here.

"I just wanna go wherever life takes me." She continues.

"What you're saying then, is, you couldn't write a ticket because what you would write wouldn't be as good as what could happen?"

"No, I don't--"

"--No?"

"No, I don't think that, I'm not saying that at all. I feel that I have certain goals in my life. Very big, big, dreams that I set for myself. But I wouldn't wanna, um, question God's way about where he's going with me." She states. "That's just...not me."

"If you could go back and change anything--"

"--Nothing." Vanity says, biting her lip nervously, shaking her head.

"Any of the decisions?"

"Nothing."

"Wouldn't change a thing?"

"Nothing." She buckles down on it and I feel my eyes gloss over. "Wouldn't change a thing…" she trails off, thinking for a second. "...Can't say that I would." She adds, softly. "Because each time that I've done something, whether it be a mistake in my life, it's always...what you might call a mistake in my life is never a mistake to me. It was a definite meant to be and it was a definite learning process. So all the pain and all the glory...I wouldn't change a thing."

She's so unapologetically sincere.

I cut the TV off as they start closing out the interview, and toss the remote across the room, losing my appetite and putting my bowl on my nightstand before I allow myself to replay what she just said.

And I cry, not because she was in a relationship with him, not because she tried to steal him from me...I cry because I regret everything. I regret marrying Nikki. I regret meeting Duff. I regret getting pegnant.

I'm not angry at her.

I envy her.

#nikki sixx #nikki sixx x oc #nikki sixx fanfiction #gateway drug

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