#they're like kibbles and bits

[goatsmell]

Slapped By A Dead Boob

You said you loved Me first, remember that

I wished you didn’t Because you picked a scab I forgot about Down There

The infection took hold And I loved you too And we moved away And we married And got a house And some cats And I worked for a lizard Of a human being And then I died Then was reborn On Pearl Harbor Day

Only this time I woke up alone Among the dead

I settled in, making Some good friends

Though some are Heavier than others

[gallusrostromegalus]

hi i see that you have much smart dog experience. i may have accidentally purchased such a dog. she's only 10 weeks, and ive had her 1, and she's already outmatched every puzzle feeder i got or have made. to the point that she is morosely disappointed when her food comes in an actual food bowl. do you know where i can find like. "heres 100 enrichment toys you can make out of free trash so your dog stops eating fucking rocks for enrichment" lists. i only have so many paper towel tubes XD

Herschel now just disassembles puzzle feeders, so I've been focusing on "Toys that, even if he already knows how to operate them, will still take TIME for him to collect the treat from" to give him something to fuss with.

Herschel eats all his meals out of a Kong Wobbler, because he will otherwise eat so fast he will literally inhale and choke on his kibble and I do not need him developing pneumonia from aspiration. Even though it's a "Simple" toy it slows him down and he does have to think a bit to tip it in the most efficient manner possible. Kong's "Flipz", "Gyro" and "Rewards Wally" are also really good "dog needs to think/carefully manipulate the toy for food" toys that act as both mental stimulation and exercise and "give human a break for up to twelve minutes" toys.

I highly reccomend KONG as a brand- they're local to Denver and have an impeccable saftey record and all of the toys I have gotten from them have held up extremely well vs. the ravages of three entirely too smart and strong-jawed dogs at once.

Some more thoughts:

If she's not prone to shredding rubber, the kind of treat toys she has to chew are also good stimulation.

If you don't want to give her That Many treats, my vet said that dogs can have as many green beans as they want. Just make sure that the beans haven't had salt added to them- canned usually does, but frozen green beans usually don't, but always check the label.

You can make nearly any toy last longer, or make a cheap long-puzzle by freezing the treats so they take longer to eat AND provides hydration. Herschel's most favorite treat of all time is literally a wad of sliced green beans in a dixie cup, filled with water and frozen. Just peel off the cup and hand him the chunk of ice and he's good for up to half an hour and more chill afterwards.

You can also freeze lick mats

If your girl is like Charlie and doesn't like greenbeans, you can also try freezing paper cups of: Canned pumpkin, apple slices in water, putting some ice cubes in the bottom of the cup, a gob of peanut butter in the middle and then fill it with water to make a peanutbutter filled ice cube.

If your girl is REALLY like charlie who has figured out how to use labor negotiation and strike tactics for better treats: boiled chicken chunks frozen in some of the water you boiled them in.

Walkies are as much mental stimulation as they are physical exercise. Take her out and let her sniff to her heart's content.

Also Puppies in particular need like, SO MUCH exercise.

Let her participate in activities with you. Herschel and charlie sit in the kitchen and I narrate cooking dinner to them, which seems to interest them, even if I don't have spare veggie ends to give them. I also frequently bring them along in the car if I'm running errands when it's cold enough to do that, so they have something new to look at, and get to participate. I also am more likely to stop at a new park and give myself some exercise and mental stimulation.

Training her to do tasks is GREAT Smart Dog enrichment- esp if she's a herding or heeler, they LOVE being helpful. I taught the dogs they get a small treat if they come in from the yard without me having to go chase them down, which saved me a lot of hassle, and now I'm working on teaching herschel to pick things up off the floor for me if I drop them and alert for chickpeas, which my housemate is allergic to.

A lot of dogs like cat-type toys. Tie a stick or some fleece to some paracord and drag or flycast it around for her to chase/play tug with when she catches it. Toys that bounce unexpectedly were also a huge hit. or just wave the string around the cat and the corgi both like that.

If you live in farm country or know other people with pets, you can grab something with the scent of another animal on it and bring it home for her to smell. Charlie and Herschel spent the better part of three days investigating the wad of horse undercoat I brought home and put in the spare wobbler for them to smell.

[bonefall]

"How big should a Clan territory be?"

For the dozens of people who have asked this over the last couple of years!

This question comes in a lot of forms; "How big are the Clan territories?" "How much space does one Clan need?" "How much land should I give my Clans to exist in?" The answer is a bit complicated, and depends on the type of land, what you're going for exactly, the setting, so on.

But, broadly, there's TWO particular factors at play here; How anthropomorphic you're portraying your warriors, and how productive the land is.

Factor 1: The Anthro Scale

I'm starting with this one because it could you the simpler answer. The Erins write Clan cats like humans in cat bodies, with massive social units and communal living. Realistic feral cats don't act like Clan cats. They are only semi-social, due to domestication.

See, a Clan cat will "share" territory between all of its members, and some Clans have canonically hit populations of over 50 individuals. Real feral colonies consist of "overlapping circles" of somewhere between 2 - 15 cats, most of them related females.

This is relevant because, even in densely populated areas with as much food as they can eat, truly feral colonies will have about 2 cats per 5 acres, capping out at about 15 members. Queens will hang out together and raise their kittens communally, but they will hunt and patrol in their own "circle." These boundaries are violently enforced against outside cats, especially if it's too crowded.

(Toms have circles 5x as big as a queen's, overlapping several territories. They're also considerably less social.)

So, if you wanted to incorporate some cat behavior into your Clan's mindset about how big their territory should be, while still being willing to sacrifice a bit of "realism" for groups over 15-ish members, simply take Clan population and multiply it by 2.5 acres.

30 cats = 75 acres. That's a little under 57 football fields, if you're American, or 50 football fields, if you're European.

Extra reading: How realistic cat territories work. Contains the numbers I'm referencing.

It's also very important to know; feral cat density is completely tied to food availability, the big numbers numbers are for cats whose needs are met. Cats are solitary hunters, and when they feel like they have to work for their food, they become VERY territorial. The density of cats in rural areas can be as low as 1 molly per 15 acres, even lower for toms, and they will leave if hunting is not easy.

THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD NOT FEED FERAL CATS. Please GOD they are SO invasive, please do not give colonies food, they still hunt when they're full so you just end up concentrating a ton of predators in one place. They are not warriors with a law against disrespecting food, they are just kitty cats with silly kitty instincts

I have a suspicion that most of the people who are asking the question aren't really looking for a "realistic cat" answer, though. We LOVE our big cat Clans with their complicated politics around here. You're probably wondering how much land you need to feed your population!

Factor 2: Land Productivity

The exact amount of space is going to vary a lot, because it's more about productivity of the land to sustain a prey population than it is raw size. Remember what we learned back in Warrior Bites: Dietary Needs; a 30-cat Clan will need approximately 3 pounds of meat (10,500 calories) per day, which is about 2 rabbits, or 105 mice.

Here's some visual examples of what I mean. This one (1) acre homestead...

Has 20 patches of high-value crops, plus an orchard, AND livestock pens. This territory alone could attract enough crows, mice, rats, rabbits, and sparrows to feed all those cats daily. That's not even counting the humans themselves, who may be friendly enough to the colony to toss them kibble occasionally.

(this is why cats domesticated themselves. Even without the free food from the humans, farms are extremely productive hunting grounds.)

Meanwhile, the Edmonton Mall, which is a whopping five (5) acres...

Would be utterly barren. Best food you're going to get out of this wasteland is the leftovers humans toss out, and maybe the rats and pigeons that scavenge as well. It's 5x the space, and yet, infinitely harder to feed the same amount of cats.

So, the most helpful bit of advice I'm gonna give you is this; DON'T ask yourself "how big should this territory be?" You're starting with the wrong question. Start with a real location, and think about how you'd find 3 pounds of meat a day in that area.

It will be a LOT easier to think about the logistics in those terms, and this will lead you to the waaay more productive (and fun) worldbuilding questions. Such as;

"Where would the good hunting spots be?"

"What kinds of animals would they be eating? What sorts of beasts can threaten them, here?"

"How many of these animals would my 30 cat Clan need to hunt a day to equal about 3 pounds?"

"Where would these animals be getting THEIR food?"

"Is there enough habitat in the area for the prey to breed and nest? If not, is there more land beyond the territory that the prey is coming from?"

"Where would infrastructure like dens, walls, and dirtplaces go? What would these be made of?"

"Are there any neat spots for the cats to casually hang out on?"

"What would make for a super cool arena for my climactic narrative boss fights?"

"Does this area have unique stage hazards that my cats would have to learn to deal with?"

"Which sorts of plants and herbs would they encounter?"

If your Clan is tool-using, like BB!Clans are, then you can ask even more advanced questions. Like, where you'd find kindle for fire, what objects you can use as crafting materials, and what might make for unique trade goods.

Think about other things related to your Clan's biome-- in a tundra or desert, there will be less for prey to eat, so the territory will be large to cope with the low density. If there's a major body of water, they might have a constant supply of aquatic prey from upstream. Hunting grounds might change based on the seasons.

Also remember not to underestimate how fast small animals breed, and how many of them there can be in one area. Even using low estimates, 1 female mouse has 6 pups, 7 x 6 = 42, 42 x 6 = 252, 252 x 6 = 1,452. It takes only 4 months for mouse population growth to get exponentially ridiculous.

Finally, remember that prey can vary. A well run Clan would be able to generally understand when they've been overhunting one particular species, and start shifting gears to lift the "pressure" off that population.

(In my cultural expansions series, this management task is assigned to one of the new roles-- the Head of Hunting.)

[weirdmarioenemies]

If you're even vaguely familiar with Kirby, there is no doubt in anyone's mind that one of the most iconic abilities is Parasol. It's a unique ability, it gets a ton of merch, and it's cute, to boot!

But when you think about it, there's not a whole lot of enemies for Parasol, is there? There's a lot of enemies that hold Parasols, there's the Parasol itself, which may or may not be sentient, but Parasol doesn't bring a wide variety of enemies to mind like, say, Fire or Spark might.

Believe it or not, there actually are a few enemies that give Parasol that neither HOLD a Parasol nor ARE "just" the Parasol...but they're wholly exclusive to a few games, and have not had a proper reappearance in the games since the SNES era. So, let me introduce you to all of them! Maybe there will even be some you like, or wish would come back!

But first, an honorary mention...

Name: Parasol (Kirby's Dream Land)

Debut: Kirby's Dream Land

You know it, you love it, it's...Parasol?!

That's right! Before it became the ability we all know and love, Parasol actually debuted in the same game Kirby did, which you might note did NOT have copy abilities! Like Waddle Doo and Sir Kibble, this is a classic example of an enemy that had an ability based around it, rather than vice versa.

I want to talk about specifically its iteration in this game, which is a bit different compared to future entries. First off and most noticeably, its appearance is wholly different! The hood is smaller and shaded but with no discernable pattern, the handle is thinner and the hook itself looks more rounded! Secondly, all Waddle Doos and Dees will let go of their parasol once they land, with none spawning while holding them or keeping them when they land anyway.

And another thing: you can't even dang inhale them when they're being held! The Waddler in question will be swallowed, but the Parasol will drift away or, in the Extra Game, even hone in on you! I told you they were debatably sentient! It actually does that in a few future games like Kirby's Adventure, but not nearly as commonly as it did in the original Extra Game. So strange!

OKAY OKAY time for what the post promised you now I promise. Hold my hand (and your Parasol) as I take you through The Parasol Enemies That Time Forgot:

Name: Floaty the Drifter

Debut: Kirby's Dream Land 2

"Floaty the Drifter", not to be confused with Floaty the Cell Core, is such a wonderful name. "Floaty" would already be a sillily obvious name on its own, on par with names like Flamer and Chilly and Cappy, but adding "the Drifter" makes it even moreso. Is that its species? Its title? Is Floaty an individual? Probably not, we see multiple of them in the same level and often, and this is not like Vividria where it's canonically an individual that just so happens to be fought in pairs for gameplay, but it's funny to consider. Imagine if they followed through with other enemies, like "Spikey the Poker", "Burnis the Scorcher", "Elec the Trocuter"…

Floaty the Drifter actually acts as the main provider for Parasol in this game, wholly replacing the titular object itself except for when Kirby uses it. On its own, it doesn't do much floating OR drifting, instead hopping around in its own little world, kind of akin to Cappy, but it lives up to its name when a Waddle Dee holds it, in which...it will just act like a normal Parasol! Wholly and entirely. Even when dropped, it flies off rather than initiate its normal grounded behavior. I think I've heard some of them fly at you when released, but I can't think of any instances of that, and that's still a Parasol behavior anyhow.

As you can tell, Floaty the Drifter's claim to fame is in its unique design, bearing a single mischievous eye and a stark green coloration only seen in artwork. In fact, despite being a one-off mook, this would even grant it its own role in the anime!

Floaty the Drifter, or just "Drifters" as they're called here (I guess it is a species!) are bought by King Dedede in the episode "Escargoon Rules" to attack Escargoon and his mother after presumably being "I'm With Stupid"’d all day. I did not watch the anime! According to the wiki, they're about as fragile as you'd expect a swarm of umbrellas to be, as while they swarm towards and wrap around victims, they are easily KO'd by Fire and knocked away by Kirby's own Parasol ability.

You might be wondering why, exactly, Floaty the Drifter even has one eye in the first place, considering that its role is largely the same as Parasol. To answer that, we'll have to move on to the next creature to feature:

Name: Jumpershoot

Debut: Kirby's Dream Land 2

I bet you never expected an ability like Parasol to have its own, dedicated midboss, did you? And such a sophisticated one, at that! It's even one of the few Kirby characters with toes, for the freaks in the audience!

As you may have guessed, Jumpershoot and, to a lesser extent, Floaty the Drifter are both based on the kasa-obake, perhaps one of the most ubiquitous yokai! And this is despite not really ever having appeared in folktales, if ever. I was always under the assumption that the kasa-obake was a tsukumogami, an umbrella after it had lived for 100 years, but apparently even this isn't set in stone, either!

Jumpershoot first appears in Big Forest, the second world of the game, and guards Coo because...some reason! I don't think it's ever mentioned why the Animal Friends are kidnapped, they kind of just are! And as for Jumpershoot, does he work for King Dedede? Dark Matter? I don't know how employed midbosses are. Mr. Frosty is on the Halberd once.

Our favorite umbrella attacks by jumping and gently falling towards the ground, then makes a rapid, Tornado-like spin around the room that, after a bit, repels attacks! Then, rather than dropping Stars, he throws his own sandal at you that you can shoot back at him! Don't worry, it regenerates, so you don't have to feel guilty for robbing him of footwear!

I really really like Jumpershoot. And apparently, so did Shimomura, because he reappears in Kirby's Dream Land 3, acting much the same but with more detailed sprites! He's such...a cool character, you know? You wouldn't expect a Parasol midboss to be a yokai, of all things, especially one that acts so rowdy! I love him!

Sadly, as much as we'd all love to, there is no game where you can play as Jumpershoot. Tragic, but true! But...you can get a taste, a crumb of its rapid spin attack by having the Parasol ability while riding Coo, which makes Coo spin around invulnerably just as he does! And while he would later find himself joining the foray of midbosses abandoned after Kirby's Dream Land 3, Parasol Coo still appears in Kirby Star Allies, so his soul is still with us...

This would be the end of the road for Jumpershoot, in terms of games, but luckily for Jumpershootheads, he would make one final appearance in a piece of Twitter art, joining a medley of other monsters by spooking Channel PPP! He's still got it!

Sadly, this wraps up the Jumpershoot section of this post, and thusly we have no more Dream Land 2 Parasol enemies to speak of. But don't worry, we still have more parasolic beasts in the next title...

Name: Sasuke

Debut: Kirby's Dream Land 3

Although Floaty had a cute design, it's rather appropriate that the enemy that replaced the Parasol of Kirby's Dream Land would itself get replaced in Kirby's Dream Land 3, isn't it? But Sasuke is no mere living umbrella!

Sasuke's design might bring to mind Bumber for our veteran readers, and its behavior is much the same! It drifts down slowly and steadily, and starts walking back and forth on whatever block it lands on, just like Parasol Waddle Dee, but its hat never detaches, so it will never not give Parasol! Personally speaking, though, I think Bumber is MUCH more cute and memorable...sorry, Sasuke! At least you will always have Naruto to confide in.

Sasuke also made an appearance in the anime, where he's built a lot more like Lololo & Lalala. Here, he draws a gun at King Dedede and Escargoon, an

Name: Klinko

Debut: Kirby's Dream Land 3

The oddest Parasol appearance in both looks and functionality, and our final Parasol giver, is Klinko! It looks like it would give Cleaning if anything, with its hat reminiscent of a besom! It doesn't even drift down slowly like every other Parasol enemy does at some point–in fact, while it hops around, it doesn't share any traits with the Parasol ability at all, and is the only Parasol enemy like that! So, why does it give Parasol, then?!

The answer is: it's not wearing an old broom, but actually a straw umbrella, because it's based on yet ANOTHER yokai! Shimomura seemed to think yokai were the future of the Parasol ability, and who wouldn't!

The amefurikozō, unlike the kasa-obake, has a bit more concrete lore, being children that appear in and sometimes cause rainfall, hence why they wear straw umbrellas. This is true of Klinko, too, as it appears in cloudy stages or stages with heavy snowfall! Its Japanese name, Kinko, might also suggest some relation to the separate yokai Yukinko, a child associated with heavy snow, which could also explain its tendency towards icy levels.

It's easy to see why such an unparasolic enemy would not be used any further, but I kind of like them more for it. They're an anomaly! Sure, this is essentially just Floaty the Drifter's hopping behavior, but the lack of any other Parasol attributes than just wearing an umbrella really make it stand out to me! And that's the beauty of these enemies—the longer Parasol goes without any new enemies, the more these guys will always stand out, and that's wonderful, I think!

What do you guys think? Is the time right for some of these guys to make a comeback? Is Parasol better with the limited enemies they use now? Or should they make new ones? Tell me! I can't do anything with your suggestions but I have nothing better to do than read them!

[oddballwriter]

Puppy Love

Summary: Jake asks if you want a puppy, you think he's joking, but now you and the boys actually have a puppy.

Warnings: Nothing really. Just a little blurb about you and the boys getting a fur baby. 

Author’s Snip: My and my family recently got two puppies, pugs, and idk I just thought of this.

Notes: I believe and support "adopt, don't shop". Always make sure you do research and look into where you get your pets if you want one to make sure you aren't buying from mills. Also, please look into rescues and fosters too, they deserve a chance at getting happy homes. Okay my PSA is over. 

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

Word Count: 758

When Jake asked you "Do you want a puppy?", you thought it was a joke, and you laughed, but when he looked up at you from his phone on his place on the couch you felt like maybe it wasn't. "Are you serious?" you question.

Jake turns his phone so that you can see the screen, revealing a picture of a large litter of what looked to be cocker spaniel puppies. "I know this guy. His girl's dog got out and got knocked up." Jake explained, "She popped out ten puppies and they want them out.". You look at the picture for a bit longer, maybe looking a little too softly at the litter since Jake asked if you want one.

"I don't know." you say, "What are the others thinking?" you ask. Judging off the smile Jake does, Marc and Steven have no idea about this. "Who cares. It's a puppy. Everyone likes puppies." Jake shrugs. "They won't be a puppy forever, Jake. And we live in a flat," you attempt to list off. Jake rolls his eyes, "I know. These dogs aren't that big though. It'll do fine. There are parks around, we can walk it around one of them." he explains. You think about it for a moment, not too sure what to say. Jake also picks up on that and says "Think about it.".

"I'll think about it and we tell the others about it." you say.

Marc wasn't too thrilled, but he also didn't really oppose it either. "It's a lot of work. We have to train it. And pay for vets and food and all that." and so on which Marc seemed to not like the sound of. "You were able to pay rent for a flat and a storage unit, Steven has a million books and trinkets, and Jake owns a bunch of cars. We all can sacrifice some money for them." you mention, and Marc acknowledged your point. "Okay. I'll think about it." he said.

Steven seemed more open, more focused on having the idea of having another pet than the price tag attached that had Marc on the fence. "It would be nice. Have a new addition. After all, the Gus' doesn't really do much other than swim around." is what he said about the idea. "We'd have to get one that's very calm though. So that we don't get a complaint about barking." he commented in a mutter.

And with that, and Marc letting up and going with the idea, you and Jake drove to his friend's place to meet the pups. On the way there Jake said to keep yourself together and not show any emotion because "He might want to get rid of them as quick as he can, but I'm sure he wants to make some good money while doing it.". It wasn't easy, but you managed to do good when interacting with them to see which one you wanted.

Going off of what each one of you wanted in your potential future dog you managed to find one that was more interested in sniffing and laying down on you than playing and running around like the rest of their siblings.

"That one doesn't do too much. He just lays around and chews on a toy every once in a while. The most I've seen him do is whine when he wants food and bite his siblings if they're trampling him." the guy says, "Good if you want something that just lays down with you." he remarks.

After some more talk, you decided that he was the one that you would take home. After Jake paid and the guy making a comment about getting the puppy fixed as soon as possible, the rest of the day was a long trip to the pet store to get everything he needed. Kibble, bowls, a bed, a collar, pads, a few toys, the whole lot. By the end of it, Jake's car was full of stuff and his pockets less full than when he left.

"You owe us, beba." Jake smirked nudging you playfully. "Jake. Not in front of the baby." you scold back in the same humor making him laugh.

"So," Jake said, "What are we naming him?" he asked. You look at the little thing in your arms and think for a moment. "Jake Jr." you joke. Jake laughs and says no, and the joke goes on with suggesting Steven Jr. and Marc Jr. until you shrug and settle on figuring that out some other time.

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

Did that Hazbin shipping chart Ive seen floating around cuz like why not lmao

And here are all the layers individually cuz this ended up being kind of a mess-

I will DIE on the Serapent hill I don't CARE!!!!!!! Also Sera wasn't close enough to the other 2 for me to make any marks abt it but CherriSeraPent has my attention and the more I consider it the more I like it tbh.

Guitarspear has a little heart next to it cuz they're my favorite <3

I have weird feelings abt shipping Valentino. I firmly believe the only characters that are really. Okay to ship with him are the other Vees and maybe Niffty. Like Im not gonna go around attacking other ppl abt it, rlly if you see content you don't like the best thing you can do is block and move on, but I still don't like the idea of him in a relationship to the point where even the ships involving him I DO support are on thin ice(hence why Velval and Staticmoth individually are so low). That being said I am nothing if not a sucker for dysfunctional polycules(I will DIE ON THE POLYVEES HILL TOO, FUCK YOU!!!!!!), and the idea of Niffty terrorizing Val and being kinda like his horrible purse dog(thanks @/kibbles-bits lmfao) is funny asf, so I am willing to make exceptions on my no shipping Val stance lmfao.

Velmilla is in the NOTP section because the theory that Velvette is one of Carmilla's daughters is compelling enough to me that I don't feel comfortable shipping them at all, but I did stripe it w/ "maybe?/neutral" bcuz if that theory ends up being undeniably disproven next season then there's probably some potential there Idk

Husk x Alastor is a NOTP bcuz I think enough parallels between Val and Alastor have been pulled that the ship is iffy at BEST. Like it's not an immediate block if you ship it but it is kind of a red flag to me. Dont feel as much vitriolic disgust towards it as I do other NOTPs tho so it's also in the not for me section.

I forgot to draw friend lines between Niffty and Charlie/Vaggie smh... I also forgot to draw one between Pentious and Vaggie/Husk wtf- WAIT I ALSO FORGOT TO PUT ONE BETWEEN HUSK AND VAGGIE FUCK-

Also once again they weren't close enough for me to make any marks abt it but STATICRADIOROSE MY BELOVED!!!!!!!!!!! ALSO STATICRADIOROSE + VELVETTE!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I STAND ON VELVETTE/ALASTOR OR VELVETTE/ROSIE INDIVIDUALLY THO IM GONNA NEED TO THINK ON THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!

[the-seelie-court-official]

hey, do ur cats drink enough water? many dont! if they're reluctant to drink water,

try giving them ice in their water! some cats really enjoy this

try moving their water bowl away from their food bowl! some cats dont like to drink from water that smells like their food, it's a survival instinct to keep them away from tainted water

clean their bowl daily

try giving them water from a cup you drank from! some cats eat + drink socially and want whatever you're having

give them wet food. you can also mix a bit of (warm) water in with their kibble

[vecnuthy]

obnoxious

@steddiemicrofic October prompt: suck | wc: 480 | G | no warnings |

Eddie and his friends poured over notes in the booth across from Steve and Robin, but had devolved into silence.

Well.

Almost silence.

Gareth tapped a straw against the table top, Jeff scrunched audibly on very crunchy house-made chips, and Freak wrapped his knuckles on the tabletop.

And then there was Eddie.

Bane of Steve's existence.

The light of Steve's life.

Steve leaned against his and Robin's table with a sickeningly fond gaze that he hurled in Eddie's direction as the guy made the most god-awful noise with his straw. It sounded like a vacuum cleaner trying to pull up a mound of kibble. Eddie struggled absentmindedly to pull every single last drop of his Dr. Pepper from the bottom of that glass, to catch every bit of the essence of those 23 flavors as they melted off of the ice and dripped down into the vortex of insanity, as Robin just called it.

"I'm about to smack that out of his hand," she said through clenched teeth.

"I know," Steve practically sighed out, eyes still glazed over as a little smile played at his mouth.

"Really? You look li-"

Eddie shook his glass around obnoxiously, then continued to suck.

Steve could practically feel Robin clench her fists and grit her teeth. "You look like he just saved a kitten from a tree," she spat out, clearly annoyed.

"Oh. No, I have literally never been more annoyed in my entire life," he said, still gazing adoringly at the personification of gravel in a blender.

But that was his personification of gravel in a blender.

"You're ridiculous. And hopeless." And she was at her limit, so she balled up their receipt and chucked it at Eddie's face, but it landed short and on top of his notebook, making him give one last startled suck as the whole table jumped from the intrusion.

Eddie snapped his head over and gave Robin a scowl that matched her own, as he hissed, "What?!" But his face softened into something gooey when he saw Steve's. "Hey," he grinned out.

Steve gave a little wave.

"Would you stop?" she hissed.

"Stop what?"

"Your drink-based chainsaw impersonation!"

Eddie narrowed his eyes at her, then whisper-shouted, "I'm thirsty."

"Get a refill," she whispered forcefully at the same time Steve held out his glass and said, "Have mine."

Eddie smiled brightly at Steve, got up, and took the glass from him with the most ridiculous levels of eye contact between the two of them, then sucked the drink through Steve's straw.

Eddie's face fell.

"Is this diet?"

Steve chortled softly as Eddie looked a little betrayed but still accepted it and sat back down.

"So. As I was saying, there's a bakery with a couple positions listed, and they're willing to see us on Thursd- are you kidding me?!" she quietly shrieked as Eddie's second glass rattled ridiculously again.

[mychlapci]

Two idiots fall into a latex pool So the Lost Light had to make an emergency stop on some random ass planet for whatever reason, and two idiots, Drift and Rodimus, decide to go out for a race to flex their joints and rev their engines a little. The logistics of how they get here doesn't matter; what they find on the other hand, does.

They skid to a stop when they notice a weird looking tree, organic of course, leaking what seemed to be white, sticky liquid from its bark. In fact, all of the trees in the immediate surrounding appear to be doing the same, the strange fluid flowing down and pooling into a shallow swamp of pale, opaque liquid around their raised, mangrove-like roots. Rodimus, naturally having his mind rotting in the gutter at all times, remarks that it looks like transfluid. Leading Drift, ever the hippie, to admonish him for projecting his perversions onto nature. This makes them fall into a petty little argument, and in the heat of the moment, sick of the bickering, Drift shoves Rodimus lightly on a shoulder.

Rodimus however stumbles on a raised root, and trips ass-first into the pool. Dragging Drift in by instinct. Before they know it, they're both engulfed helm to pede in that sticky fluid. Instead of getting out immediately to rush back for decontamination, these idiots continue to bicker, wrestling in the swamp while accusing each other of fault. Not realising that the latex they've fallen into actually has thermosetting properties, and is very quickly solidifying from their body heat.

Suddenly, it's become difficult to move. And hot. The alien latex has seeped in between their armour plates and components, and solidified into a thick, stretchy and snug film around them, binding their frames together chest to chest. That's when they start to panic.

It is only by pure luck that their heads were not in the liquid long enough for the film to form around their faces, but everything on their bodies neck down are now trapped in a makeshift latex cast. Drift's hands are planted on Rodimus' left spoiler piece and below his collar while he's straddling his right thigh, knee grinding into Rodimus' crotch. Rodimus on the other hand has his right leg curled around Drift's hip, ankle hooking on a corner in an attempt to flip their positions, while his entire left forearm is plastered to Drift's chestplate as the other is grabbing a piece of back kibble through the arm pit.

It took a bit of combined effort to roll out of the pool, splashing unhardened latex around them on the way. But once they were out, only then did the gravity of the situation dawn on them. They cannot transform, at all. The latex film around them was so thick and tight, it's basically holding their parts down by sheer pressure, robbing them of any leverage by gumming up their parts from within.

They can't access any of their weapons or transform into alt mode; they can barely even wriggle in their awkward positions. In fact, the more they struggle, the more hot and bothered they got, each movement seemingly translating to frame-wide stimulation as the "suits" vibrate and stretch from their efforts. Rubbing and clinging to all of their erogenous zones at once. Blocking their vents, forcing expelled heated air back into their systems.

Finally coming to the conclusion that they were stuck for good, Drift relents and sends a distress call back to the crew. To Ratchet, specifically. Help, of course, takes its sweet time arriving, giving them plenty of opportunity to drive each other wild with involuntary pleasure as they stupidly wriggle about and continue bickering.

When Ratchet arrives, they're whining at him for help, processor too fogged up with arousal and heat to do anything else. Once he figures out what had transpired to land them in their current predicament, he just sighs. It appears that once again, his sluts appear in need of another lesson about getting along like adult mechas.

Instead of cutting them free, the good doctor puts away the laser scalpel, and kneels down to push Drift against Rodimus even more, forcing moans out of them as their panels grind on each other through the rubbery layers. As much as they want to, they can't even open their panels, backed up lubricants leaking through the seams instead, moistening the insides of their makeshift suits, resulting in obscene squeaks with each glide of their hips, guided by Ratchet's unhurried hands.

He smacks their closed panels, alternating between each mech, making them cry out wantonly as they sob out apologies, getting wetter and wetter with each stinging slap. Unbeknownst to them, but in full view from Ratchet's position, their juices are actually causing the latex layer around their crotches to thin out, like-dissolves-like and all. It appears that the material is being weakened by the silicone in their lubricants. He affectionately rubs hard into those spots, making the two trapped bots squeal and seize as their bodies finally overload, panels thrown open, spikes and valves squirting into their suits as the weakened latex gives.

The makeshift suits now sport little tears and stretch marks around their exposed, dripping pussies. Rodimus shifts a little, groaning at the feel of wet latex sliding against his plating and erect spike. It's so sticky inside there, even with the rips. But instead of cutting them loose when Drift begs, Ratchet just reaches between them to stroke their spikes through the latex sheaths. Inserting his fingers into their slick valves, then into the mess between the suit and their plating. Curling his fingers and stretching that layer taut against their interfacing equipment. All while still molesting the outline of their sensitive kibble through the unsoftened latex around the rest of their frames.

Their punishment isn't over yet, and if they want be freed. Well, they better get to work and start leaking like good girls, he tells them, as he collects and smears Rodimus' pussy juices onto Drift's aft before pushing it down again, plastering his leaking pussy against Rodimus' thigh. They're going to need to produce so much more lubricants, as there's still so much latex to dissolve.-🔌

aughhh Wrap. Them. In. Latex! In Ratchet's medical opinion, they're going to have to rub and squirt against each other until they either pass out or the latex properly melts away :) And, if they do pass out from the sheer power of their endless overloads, they'll wake up to Ratchet standing over them, ready to resume their rescue operation.

[in1-nutshell]

Hi! if the request/ask is open, if so, could you do of tfrid 2015, Steeljaw's pack, and/or other cons, your choice, with human (gn! or f!) Reader? Romantic/Platonic

This Human's a cinnamon roll, somewhat naive/innocent, (has the personality/backstory of Perrito from the Puss in Boots movie or Fluttershy from MLP). They're very motherly and being nurse/therapy-like friend and also a Pacifist yet can be passive-aggressive…

I loved Perrito's character in the movie! His backstory bits where a bit of a twist yet it works! I hope I did a good job adopting his character into Buddy's. Lets see how Buddy's dynamic goes with some of the members of the Con's pack.

Hope you enjoy!

Steeljaw and his pack reaction to Bot Buddy with the personality of Perrito from "Puss in Boots the Last Wish"

SFW, platonic, mention of tragic backstory and some injuries, Cybertronian/ Bot Reader

Rid 2015

Bot Buddy is a minicon with a dog alt mode.

Why is the world is Buddy with these criminals?

Well, Steeljaw had stumbled across the confused minicon with a large garbage can on top of their helm. He grabbed the can off to see Buddy.

“Oh! Thank you!”--Buddy

“Erm… you’re welcome?”--Steeljaw

“Wow it’s been a long time since I’ve talked to someone. Even longer since that can’s been on my helm! That reminds me—”--Buddy

“Right… Do you have a place to go? A team perhaps?”--Steeljaw

“Nope I’ve been a part of a team before but more importantly do you want to be my friend? I can do cool tricks, I have a handy tool kit and—”--Buddy

“Can you do patch work?”--Steeljaw

“Oh you bet I can!”--Buddy

“Hmmmm… I guess I could be your friend— what are you doing?”--Steeljaw

“I’m trying to hug you?”--Buddy

“… Oh Primus…”--Steeljaw

If the Autobots could have a minibot, why couldn’t he? Buddy becomes a medic for the Cons as more join the ranks. The Cons, especially the newer ones, don’t know who Buddy is even around them. They know that they aren’t innocent and pure, but Buddy seems to be made of pure light and positivity that it hurts.

Steeljaw

Steeljaw doesn’t regret picking up Buddy despite what he might say sometimes when he is angry.

Buddy had made themselves a rather vital member of the pack whether it was intentional or not.

Not only was Buddy excellent at patchwork, but there was something about them that made everyone let their guard down.

Steeljaw even felt himself slipping sometimes when their talks go on for a bit.

“Oh! That reminds me of the time my friend pushed me off the ship while the ship was taking off! I fell near some of the acid waste, but I managed to land on a pile of sharp scrap. Oh! I also saw the prettiest piece of kibble that day!”--Buddy

“You’re friend… pushed you off a moving shuttle?”--Steeljaw

“No, the accidentally pushed me after they opened the shuttle door.”--Buddy

“…”--Steeljaw

He is disturbed hearing Buddy backstory.

Just how??

Their backstory screams anger, pain, resentment. Buddy just smiles and looks at their experience positively.

If the Bee team ever came across Buddy and tried to ‘rescue’ them, Steeljaw is unleashing the entire pack on them.

Buddy belongs to the pack and no Autobot is going to take them away from pack.

Thunderhoof

Thunderhoof was confused over Buddy existence. He has never met a bot this nice; it seems suspicious.

If they’re playing a game, then so can he!

It isn’t until Thunderhoof has a ‘friendship bracelet’ around his servo that he realizes that this might not be a game.

He takes Buddy under his metaphorical wing.

He does tell Buddy that he expects their loyalty, but Buddy is too busy hugging his ped to really notice too much.

Buddy mentions a bit of their backstory and he has to pause whatever he is doing.

“That was so cool! That reminds me the one time some of my friends and I were playing hide and seek—”--Buddy

“Hmm yeah?”--Thunderhoof

“—And I had to hide and, and guess what? Guess what Thunderhoof!”--Buddy

“What kid?”--Thunderhoof

“I hid in a scrapyard for 3 weeks! I am still the best hider ever! They said they checked everywhere but that just proves how good of a hider I am!”--Buddy

“…What?”--Thunderhoof

How was Buddy not vengeful? Not bloodthirsty? Not mean?

After all of that…

Thunderhoof does have a chat with Steeljaw about their past and they both agree to keep an optic on them.

He is ready to ram any bot if they come close to Buddy.

Underbite

Meeting Buddy was rather eventful as Underbite nearly ate them. A swift kick to the helm via Steeljaw stopped that though.

He ‘apologized’ and to his surprise Buddy forgave him.

Underbite brags all the time about his achievements to Buddy and Buddy just listens happily.

He comes to Buddy when he feels the need to brag mainly.

Buddy mentions a bit about their backstory, and he feels uncomfortable.

“The way you crushed that tin can reminds me that time my friends brought me to a trash crusher and accidentally pushed the on button! They were so silly and it was such a fun prank.”--Buddy

“You… nearly got crushed in a crusher?”--Underbite

“Yeah! Its was such a cool prank!”--Buddy

“… I’m just gonna go over there for a bit…”--Underbite

He doesn’t press anymore on this subject. This is not his suite and will not touch the Feelings.

He is willing to help Buddy out of a tight situation.

Who else is he supposed to brag to about his achievements.

Clampdown

He uses Buddy at first.

No one in the pack can seem to hurt Buddy so they make a perfect shield.

This has worked for a while. Buddy even offered to be his shield which he greatly takes advantage of this.

Until Buddy lets loose one of their backstory tales he backs off immediately.

“Are you okay?”--Buddy

“Yeah, yeah I guess still got my shell.”—Clampdown

“That reminds me the time my friends accidentally forgotten me under some rocks for a bit. And guess what!”--Buddy

“…what—”--Clampdown

“I chewed my pedes off to get out and crawl to a med kit! I saw the prettiest sunset that day.”--Buddy

“… I—I—Who are you?”--Clampdown

He is horrified hearing this and thinks that Buddy is an evil mastermind.

This was all an act! It has to be!

He does not care too much about if Buddy was taken by the Bee team. Maybe a little bit guilty, but that’s about it.

Quillfire

Like everyone else Quillfire is confused and suspicious of Buddy. After a bit of time, he gets used to Buddy.

He can rant and tell Buddy of his plan for revolution.

Buddy just listens intently and just feeds off of his enthusiasm.

He gets in on some of Buddy’s backstory and he is horrified.

“You throw those quills so far Quillfire!”--Buddy

“Yes! Each one was in the name for the Revolution!”--Quillfire

“Yeah! The Revolution! You know, this reminds me of that one time one of my friends thought it was funny to put me in a stasis pod and, and guess what! They shot me out of a canon into space! That’s actually how I got here—Umm… Quillfire?”--Buddy

Quillfire hugging Buddy with some tears in his optics.

How could sweet little Buddy be okay after that!? Quillfire wants to wrap them in a blanket and give them a cube full of energon. They deserve better friends.

Quillfire will die for Buddy.

He will throw any plan to the wind if Buddy is in danger. Quills will be thrown if Buddy is in danger.

[despazito]

What is your favourite thing about Eurasiers? What kind of person would you and would you not recommend them for?

I think my favourite thing about eurasiers is how chill and adaptable they are WHEN (important qualifier) they're with their families. as long as i'm nearby, basil is fine with just about anything we're doing. they can live in apartments, they can handle long car rides, camping, hotels, as long as you're there your eurasier will live wherever you live. we can pull up to a hotel room or a tent and he'll just immediately accept his fate that this is where we're crashing tonight as long as it's within a few feet of us.

one day we can walk 10km, the next day i might have the flu for a week and he won't throw a fit over minimal exercise. i feel like they match your energy level. they have indoor manners and won't knock your things over or tear through the house. basil does get separation anxiety (my fault) but has never been destructive or soiled the house since he was a baby, and is pretty good with not getting into the garbage or counter surfing. they're trainable and have done well in dog sports, but do still have a bit of that chow reservation. he absolutely loves having guests over and getting attention from strangers. they're great dogs if you want a fuzzy velcro child glued to your hip.

i would say eurasiers aren't a great fit for people who:

aren't home a lot or travel constantly. this is true for all dogs but some fare better than others at being away from their people and eurasiers aren't one of them. they also shouldn't be housed outdoors or in a kennel setup, they were bred as companion dogs and will become depressed.

don't have time and/or money for grooming. pretty self explanatory, they have a lot of hair and a thick mane.

don't want to talk to or get stopped by strangers. we can get a lot of attention on walks, and honestly it can be a good thing if you're working on your social anxiety. but absolutely nobody knows what a eurasier is and it can be a lot of explaining over and over lol. if you don't want to be perceived in public, a eurasier will do the opposite

don't have time to fuss over feeding and nutrition. they are picky and peckish eaters and basil gets bored of food quickly, its recommended to keep several foods on rotation . if you're only used to labs or beagle appetites and want a dog that's minimal effort and straightforward to feed, eurasiers will be a stark difference. i feed homecooked toppers for his kibble or wet foods that i prepare almost daily and i'm constantly switching things up or offering food in novel ways. i have appetite hacks such as offering food in empty takeout boxes instead of his plate, it really is the dog equivalent of that tweet where the parent tricks their child into eating his banana by putting a paw patrol sticker on it.

(imho, this one may be controversial) if you already have several dogs or very young children that you are already dedicating most of your time to. NOT BECAUSE OF AGGRESSION- they're really good family pets and good with other dogs, but because eurasiers are such sensitive guys and crave quality time with their owners. if you can give them good one-on-one time every day i'm sure it'll be fine, but if you've already got a pack, especially with a velcro dog that lives on your lap then a eurasier may not be the best addition. i also wouldn't get a eurasier purely to keep another dog entertained, they desire human companionship.

[cybertron-after-dark]

Taking inspo from your post

Could you write about the mind control machine swapping the minds of these Decepticons and Autobots:

Shockwave

Knockout

Bulkhead

Dreadwing

Ratchet

Ultra Magnus

Wheeljack

Soundwave

Optimus

Predaking

Use a random picker or a wheel to choose who gets mind swapped with who

If you wanna take it further, then add the reactions of the unaffected members on the situation and their behaviour around the affected mecha

good luck and have fun

Ratchet < - > Shockwave

Bulkhead < - > Knockout

Soundwave < - > Optimus

Dreadwing < - > Predaking

Wheeljack < - > Ultra Magnus

Dear Primus the wheel understands COMEDY

Ratchet

His depth perception is GONE and he is NOT happy. He's even LESS happy that he can't CONVEY how distinctly not happy he is nonverbally because he can't even make facial expressions anymore, so he's taken to LOUDLY bitching even more than usual. Admittedly, the extra weight to throw around and the precision-designed clawtips are very useful, and he likes being able to pop out of the ground bridge and lay down cover fire without getting mixed up in the action. It may be giving him ideas for backup weaponry in the future.

Shockwave

The lack of his typical ranged weaponry is frustrating. That anyone should be content with bladed melee weapons alone is simply illogical. He also finds himself incredibly annoyed with the subpar earth-based altmode and all the unnecessary human designed internal kibble it comes with. He does not naturally emote at all, and he will not be starting today, sudden addition of facial features be damned. Gets pretty creepy to see Ratchet's face completely devoid of his usual grumpiness in favor of a completely blank look.

Bulkhead

By the Allspark he feels so small... Speed has never been his strong suit, and grace ESPECIALLY hasn't. Sure the drill and the buzzsaw have been useful when he needs to deal damage, but they're just not the same as good old fashioned Blunt Force Trauma™️. He gets frustrated pretty quickly. However, he does take a certain malicious, schadenfreude-filled delight in messing up the good doctor's finish. He might just take Miko off-roading before they trade back 😈

Knockout

DONT LOOK AT HIM, HES UGLY!! Knockout is going to spend this ordeal researching a cure while locked in a closet... Whatever closet is big enough to fit him anyway. All his usual hideaway spots are way too small for such a big lug like Bulkhead. Which means he's stuck out in the open... Looking like a clumsy, dull, green oaf... UGHH!!!! New plan, time to lock himself in the medbay and have breakdown work his magic with a rotary buffer. New paint job, new slimming decals, he's going the whole 9 yards to make himself borderline presentable. Whether Bulkhead wants it or not.

Soundwave

Soundwave is taking this very special opportunity to do a little trolling. Under normal circumstances, he's sworn never to let his voice be heard again. However... It's not really his voice, now is it? Besides, he doesn't have any of his remix equipment OR his visor screen. His normal means of communication are out. Though he does have Laserbeak to record him while he uses optimus's face and voice to say all kinds of horrible, blackmail-worthy slag that could completely ruin his public image whenever Cybertron gets restored. He'll definitely take requests too :)

Optimus

Optimus is a mech who typically garners a lot of respect, by virtue of his position, his demeanor, and his sheer size. What he is not used to eliciting, however, is fear. And it hurts just a little seeing his trusted allies shrink back when they see him. He has no face to give comforting looks. His voice is not his, especially not under so many layers of off-putting static. Even his big, steady servos, so used to pulling people up when they fall, are good for little more than striking. And that's without mentioning the monstrous tentacles he finds himself relying on. He feels terrifying, and he doesn't like it one bit.

Dreadwing

Dreadwing does not like the Predacons. He doesn't like the Predacons one bit. Call him stuffy with his moral code, but he's firmly of the camp that if something is dead it should STAY dead. The odd little experiments Shockwave concocted are no exceptions. They shouldn't be alive, plain and simple. And the fact that currently he IS one of the resurrected beasts and the brain of this disgusting undead thing is running around in HIS body is, quite frankly, unacceptable. He's going to be looming over the resident scientists with his new terrifying form until they find a way to fix this grievous error and return things to some semblance of normalcy.

Predaking

He feels... Terribly small. Especially in his altmode. Flying without needing to move your wings at all is quite a strange experience. As is having no face or limbs outside robot mode. He's just so compact and it's all very uncomfortable. He will admit, though, it's nice being treated less like an animal. He's yearned to be seen as an equal, true and proper, and this is about as close as he's gotten.

Wheeljack

Oh man, he switched bodies with the straight laced hard aft? Man, if Primus really has a hand in how things play out, he's one funny bitch. He's taking full comedic advantage of this situation, much to Magnus's chagrin. He's saying every swear he knows and breaking every petty rule in the autobot code that he knows isn't really enforceable. He's going on insane monologues about how rules keep us from descending into chaos in a horrible impression of Magnus that overshoots and ends up sounding closer to Sam the eagle from the muppets than anything. The kids are laughing their asses off. Bots who have worked with magnus are doing everything in their power not to laugh, with mixed success rates.

Ultra Magnus

Ulta Magnus does not care too much about being shorter or currently looking like a delinquent with no regard for anything other than his own personal amusement and some abstract concept of "coolness." ...Okay, he cares a lot and its very frustrating that people take a second to take him seriously again, but he cares much MORE about the delinquent currently inhabiting HIS frame and making a mockery of everything he believes in!!! It's unacceptable behavior and his body should be treated with the respect it deserves, not puppeted around for unfunny satire!!! He refuses to stoop to his level and mock back, so he'll simply stare him down until he gets the damn message.

[naomiknight-17]

Tiny Tim seems more comfortable/in less pain, but his appetite is still lacking

I thought he had a few kibbles last night, but now I think maybe he only sniffed them. I tried to give him wet food and he wouldn't go near it. I put a bit on my finger and let him sniff it, and it made him gag.

Today I busted out the Temptations treats, cuz they're his favorite. He sniffed them, and seemed uninterested - but! He didn't gag. Progress??

The vet said not to panic about him not eating because it's only been one day. If he isn't eating by tomorrow night, then we'll worry. But after class tonight I am planning to (on the vet's suggestion) offer him a little smorgasbord of different foods. We have 4 different flavors of wet food, and maybe I'll steal a bit of Pekoe's urinary health kibble too, so he has more than one dry option. I'll put a little of each thing in different dishes and see if he goes for anything. Worth a shot.

He had his gabapentin dose around noon, and seems to be working on sleeping it off now.

Meanwhile, Leon cannot comprehend what is going on with Tim. This doesn't smell like Tim. Where is Tim? This isn't Tim

And Leon hisses at him and avoids him. He goes in the hallway and yells at the door as if he thinks Tim is actually outside. He even dashed out to the patio when Jon came back from an errand this morning, which is very unlike him.

I hope that as Tiny Tim starts feeling better we'll be able to give him a little bath to remove any remaining vet smell and uh... purulent material, so he'll smell like himself again, and then maybe Leon will come around.

For now I gotta get some studying done because I missed class last night and can't afford to fall any further behind, but Tim is resting only a few feet away and I am keeping an eye on him

Thanks for reading. Here's a pic from the other day when he wasn't sick yet. Manifesting healthy Tim energy with this

[sketch-guardian]

I need to see everyone with mc who has a grumpy cat they bring everywhere

Like the cat hates EVERYONE but mc and mc treats it like a baby to the point they bring it everywhere. Oh, you wanna ask mc out? Their cat is right there, judging you. You want alone time? No, the cat will be there whether you like it or not. The cat has cute little outfits too, costs way too much for it to be normal.

It sounds like an adorable idea😽I love fluff (and cats-) so I'll do my best to write some good headcanons💖in the meantime I apologize for how long it took me🙈:

"RAD CLASSMATES+NEW EXCHANGE STUDENTS WITH A MC WHO HAS A GRUMPY CAT"

DEMYA

At first Demya would even find MC's grumpy cat cute, especially for the outfits, which would make her assume that MC treats it very well, almost like a child, a quality that Demya would be able to appreciate, because although she likes meat, Demya hates animal abuse and places like zoos or especially circuses, where some animals are kept in cages, make her uncomfortable, due to a phase of her childhood. However, Demya remains a territorial demon with feral tendencies, so as soon as she realizes that the cat is trying to monopolize MC's attention, she would quietly declare war. To make her relationship with MC clear, Demya would leave her scent on her mate, to signal that they're already taken, making sure to cover the scent left by the cat. When the grumpy cat is present during cuddles, Demya would make sure to cuddle on top of MC, taking up all available space and making sure to stare the sulky cat in the eyes defiantly. Even vocalizing affection would become a challenge, when the cat would purr at MC, Demya, unable to do that, would let out an affectionate deep guttural growl, loud enough to make MC's bones rumble. If none of her methods worked, then Demya would try a truce, offering the grumpy cat kibbles and treats, after all such a strategy would work on her. If MC pointed out that Demya was trying to bribe their cat, Demya would sulk and say that the cat started it. In the end, Demya and the cat, for MC's sake, would be able to tolerate each other and live together, a bit like they were sibilings

DOMNRA/MOBIM

Domnra respects cats, they are agile, brave, clever and would also respect their need for space, understanding it firsthand, however it would be difficult for Domnra to take MC's grumpy cat seriously, given the way in which it is dressed, in fact although Mobim's mentality is a bit childish, Domnra would never dress the little curse in such clothes. Domnra wouldn't particularly mind the cat's frequent presence, being used to almost always having Mobim with him, even in MC's company, however the grumpy cat's judging gaze while he tries to kiss MC would make Domnra a little uncomfortable. Now, it wouldn't necessarily bother Domnra if he were the object of the cat's resentment, however it would be a problem if it also behaved so grumpily towards Mobim, with the little curse being innocent and timidly trying to make friends, therefore for Mobim's sake, MC would ask their cat to make an effort to at least accept Mobim, doing activities together such as playing or taking naps. Mobim would grow attached to the grumpy cat, but would still be afraid of being hit by a paw

AZUL

Azul, as the menace he is, would be far too eccentric and clingy even for MC's grumpy cat, because he wouldn't be jealous at all and would actually be very affectionate towards the cat, despite scratches or hisses, he would also take a lot of photos of the cat wearing those adorable outfits on MC's lap, cooing over the cuteness of the scene. Azul would also try to play with the cat with some toys and would jokingly make fun of the cat by comparing it to Domnra, given the grumpyness, however in the end, Azul wouldn't mind having the cat close by, in fact he would even try to include it, whether in pictures or cuddles. Basically Azul would become with MC the other parent, much to the grumpy cat's dismay

ZURI

Zuri finds cats to be very elegant and charming creatures with graceful movements and sinuous walks, so there wouldn't be too much difference between her and MC's cat, she would also appreciate the high quality outfits that MC buys for their cat, making sure to help them in search for fabrics and materials that do not bother the feline's skin or ability to move. Zuri would notice MC's morbid attachment to the animal and vice versa, noting the mutual desire for closeness, even in their moments of intimacy such as dates, however as an adult and mature demon, Zuri would refuse to be jealous of a cat, her pride wouldn't allow it after all. One of Zuri's methods to spend some quality time alone, however, would be to offer the grumpy cat a grooming treatment in a specialized shop and to take a walk with MC before going back to pick it up after the treatment. In the end Zuri would respect MC's sulky cat and the two would coexist quite civilly

ODON

Odon, despite how sad that might sound, wouldn't be too surprised that MC's well dressed cat doesn't like them, they half-expected it, because although most animals seem interested in their presence, there are exceptions to the rule, namely creatures that trust less, perceiving their powerful eldritch nature, however Odon would come to terms with it, even if they would like to befriend the grumpy cat, since it seems very important to MC. Odon wouldn't mind the presence of the sulky cat at all, they would handle it quite well, who would actually be annoyed would be Odon's eye-like creatures, who would return the judgmental glares directed at the cat, while MC is unaware. If the grumpy cat were to scratch one of the eye-like creatures, especially on the eyeball, Odon's eye-like creature would float towards MC in tears to be comforted, exaggerating the pain it feels. In the end, Odon would like the cat's presence and over time the feline would get used to the eldritch being, but between the grumpy cat and the eye-like creatures there would be a sort of rivalry

REMIEL

Remiel isn't used to deal with animals, at least not living ones, in fact the only animals she has ever interacted with are her father's Death undead crow and steed, Dust and Despair, probably the only friends she ever had during her lonely childhood. Remiel wouldn't have an opinion on the cat's sullen face, as she has a rather somber resting face and its frequent presence wouldn't disturb her at all, the curious angel of death would however ask some questions about its clothes, wondering if they don't make the cat too warm or itchy. Remiel's soothing and comforting presence would, over time, convince the grumpy cat to accept her and welcome her into MC's life. Furthermore, Remiel would only try to pet the cat if she obtained MC's consent first

NATHANIEL

Nathaniel is mainly fascinated by creatures such as insects, especially butterflies, a trait in common with Azul, however he would still be very interested in learning more about other animals, such as MC's cat, very well dressed and taken care of. Nathaniel as an angel would be quite good at making animals feel safe and at ease, which is why it would seem a little strange to him that MC's grumpy cat would refuse to let him get too close, however Nathaniel doesn't embody patience without reason and therefore he would be patient until the cat gets used to his presence near MC, even the judging gaze wouldn't bother Nathaniel, understanding that the cat is only trying to protect MC. Nathaniel would probably be the angel with the least difficulty in possibly making friends with the grumpy cat, chilling together

URIEL

Uriel is usually more used to seeing magical creatures than terrestrial animals, such as griffins or monsters to slay, so she would attempt to be extremely cautious towards MC's cat, fearing its fragile feline body would break with a single touch from her. As an angel, albeit a warrior, Uriel would expect animals to like her, so she would grow a little frustrated by the grumpy cat's judgmental gaze towards her, even if she would refuse to admit that she was either offended or jealous, in the name of the Celestial Realm she's worthy of being with MC, she doesn't need the approval of a ridiculously dressed cat. Despite her troubled thoughts, to please MC, Uriel would try to manage the sulky cat as best she can, even when it interrupts intimate moments or plays with the feathers of her wings. MC should praise Uriel's effort, because she's usually not very patient

[lets-try-some-writing]

Funky hcs, cybertronians purring when content or happy, or making small chirps to eachother when too lazy to use words (cliffjumper would do this)

Smoll sparkling instinctually climb on their parents backs like possums do, so imagine starscream with the jettwins clenched on his back sleeping while he's working.

Dreadwing easily get flustered if someone flirts with him.

Starscream thinks dreadwing is attractive, but would never say it even if you torture him lol

Prime finial move like cat ears

Soundwave probably has stray cats in his quarters

When it becomes too cold, cybertronians curl around eachother for warmth.

Sparklings have 4 stages in early years before becoming a youngling, bean, too smoll to move, only chirp and sleep and eat, waddly stage, they're still pudgy but they're grown a bit, their optics open and they waddle to get to places, serval kitten, lanky limbs and unproportioned body structure, zoomes everywhere, uncoordinated as all hell, loud, and finally semi youngling, or a nibbling, where they start to walk on two legs intsead of four limbs, this is the stage were they become more talkative and have longer conversations.

Well since this isn't super specific, here are some additional headcanons of mine to go with this.

In relation to sparklings:

Newforged sparklings are practically animals. The youngest can hardly move most times, but frag it all when they really put their spark to it they can be terrifying and bolt on all fours.

Sparklings, when without a caretaker, travel in small packs. The youngest will magnetize themselves to the oldest and they roam wild until they develop higher processing abilities or are adopted.

Newforged sparklings have denta sharp enough to rival a scraplet and can and will bite when approached.

Sparklings have a natural desire to seek out civilization through special code and find said civilization via a special set of sensors that allow them to detect spark signature density.

They lose these sensors as they age, often signifying the activation their higher cognitive functions. However if left stranded once these sensors are lost, the sparkling in question will turn out to be more wild in response to lack of exposure to other mecha.

Sparklings have zero preferences when it comes to fuel and will devour anything with even a hint of energon in it. This includes but is not limited to dirt, bugs, small-mechanimals, any energon powered tools, and even energon crystals five times their size.

Sparklings can unhinge their jaws slightly to devour larger energon portions. This can lead them to get things stuck halfway down their intake after a failed attempt to eat it.

Sparklings choose their own caretakers when left to their own devices. These chosen caretakers often end up doing better in raising their charges than those not selected personally, but this is not always the case.

It is incredibly rare for two sparklings to choose the same caretaker and get along because most refuse to tolerate a sibling who is in their minds, competition for scarce resources.

Sparklings are slow to bond to their caretaker but surprisingly possessive even before a bond is established.

Sparklings are known to fight over potential caretakers when there are not enough or two or more take an interest in the same one.

Once bonded to their caretaker, sparklings will make their claim clear to any others they see, often hissing, chirping, or otherwise making a racket to prove that the mech they chose is theirs.

Grounder sparklings will magnetize themselves to their caretaker's back so they can still see what is going on, fliers will hang off the shoulder, minicons prefer hiding in their caretaker when possible, and triplechangers/beastformers are more fond of hanging onto an arm or leg.

Sparklings shed armor as they grow and develop new plating as they age. They start off fairly smooth and round but gain more sharp edges and defining features with time. Wings and other such kibble grow in right before younglinghood.

In relation to Cybertronian Habits:

Cybertronians are not a very touchy race. They do not physically touch one another often because they have EM fields to make up for body language.

Touching is considered a very intimate thing when not in a professional setting. It is only done between those who trust one another or are familiar enough to be somewhat at ease.

Shoulder touches and small lingering interactions of similar variety are common among co-workers and friends.

Clasping arms or being particularly close is something found only among close friends, Amica bonded, or political allies.

Full blown hugs are something meant for family and family alone. It is a rare gift.

Touching helms is considered the highest form of intimacy and is reserved solely for Conjunx Endura or caretaker's and their sparklings. There are rare cases where it is seen between abused mecha bound together by trauma, but beyond that it is a sacred thing.

Caste, or rank determines how much a mech is allowed to express themselves.

Low caste mecha are expected to keep their helms low and be quiet, but are otherwise not forbidden from being more touchy and interactive.

Middle caste mecha are required to be chaste in all sorts of interaction. Their EM fields must be held close and their outward expression must be carefully controlled. Intimacy of any kind in public is frowned upon.

High caste mecha, depending on function are either required to show nothing or allows to express themselves however they see fit.

This bleeds into behavior in both Autobots and Decpeticons due to how deeply these stigmas were rooted.

When startled Cybertronians flare their plating to look bigger.

Most Cybertronians have built in tracking systems and will automatically track small lights like laser pointers when unfocused. This behavior has been largely trained out of the bots involved in the war, but it can still be seen when the bots are tired.

Even Optimus Prime can end up whipping around to track a small light when exhausted before he refocuses.

Cybertronians naturally do not speak but rather sing to communicate. Spoken language was introduced by the Quintessons but has since only been used in formal situations to show attention and understanding.

Cybertronians don't really get cold. Their sparks keep their internals somewhat warm, but when they do end up reaching an environment so cold it can reach their cores, they group together and connect via special cables to share heat.

When too hot, Cybertronians can shed their outer layers of armor. More often than not they simply flare their plating and work their fans to cool down since it can take weeks if not months for shed plating to regro.

It is also healthy and normal for a Cybertronian to shed their plating after a few centuries of wear and tear so that fresh plating may grow in its place.

Shed plating is often eaten by the Cybertronian who lost it as a way to conserve resources.

There are even special recipes designed to make eating shed plating more palatable.

Cybertronians all have mandibles in their intakes which they use to process energon. They can extend their mandibles and the tubing attached to it if required, but it is uncomfortable for those no longer sparklings.

Mecha left alone in groups will form clans on instinct. The biggest among them automatically ends up activating more protective codes while the smaller become more sensitive to changes in the area.

After the Quintessons invasion, all Cybertronians forged from the Well are coded with an instinctual hatred toward the invaders and are all modeled to be best able to resist the invaders should they come again.

Random tidbits:

Optimus had sensory panels when he was still wild, ones that flared out from the sides of his helm much like insect antennae. They were far more sensitive then and have since been armored and largely hidden. He still brings them out on occasion though just so that he doesn't forget how to use them.

Arcee originally had a bright pink and white paintjob. She only changed it after the war began to inspire fear in her foes. She actually misses her old paint dearly but it too involved in her persona to drop it now.

Being from the early ages of Cybertron's history, Ratchet has a few modifications that no modern mecha possess. One such mod is his innate ability to operate with less energon. His frame was designed to retain energon and use it more efficiently, therefore making it less common for him to fuel as often as the others.

Bulkhead actually wanted to be an architect before the war but was denied entry into school because of his frame type and instead joined the wreckers after being rejected. In his free time he still comes up with building plans sometimes.

Bumblebee was known to have one of the most beautiful voices among Autobot troops before he was made mute. He could reach pitches that no others could and was even able to perform feats of song known to only be possible to those with mods or highly sensitive vocalizers. Losing his voice didn't hurt most because he couldn't speak, no, it hurt more because he could no longer sing.

Ultra Magnus received a frame upgrade sometime in his past that was highly experimental at the time. It made him larger, sturdier, and overall a force to be reckoned with. However he gets pains and phantom aches where old kibble used to be due to the relative newness of his mods at the time.

Wheeljack almost invented space bridges by accident before they were conceived by council scientists. He was trying to make a bomb that would tap into the void to create a mini black hole and instead made a small portal. He brushed it off as failed experiment at the time and didn't learn till long after that he had concocted space bridges before they were even a thing and didn't even know it.

Megatron has not shed his plating in over two millennia and continues to refuse to do so for various reasons he will not state despite the fact that his armor is old and getting rather frail at the base. He works around this by strengthening his armor with special salves and injections so that he need not shed it.

Starscream once had a far more appealing frame that he ended up getting changed during the war after receiving an injury that nearly shredded his entire outer armor. He never had much of an opportunity to change it back to how it was after that, but he does dearly miss his previous appearance even if he never says so.

Soundwave was once a very bulky mech and only slimmed down after he left the senate to try and emulate spark eaters in a rather quiet act of defiance toward his previous companions. He much prefers being seen as similar to the monsters of old instead of as an intimidating but ultimately fallible mech.

Shockwave sometimes has moments where the shadow play wears off long enough for his previous personality to make an appearance. It is very rare, but when it happens he is often kept locked away so he can't go running to Optimus who was once a friend back when he was Orion Pax.

Knockout used to be a flight frame and only lost his wings due to an accident. He pioneered the way to changing his alt-mode to fit in, but he still misses the skies and sometimes likes to stand on tall structures to feel the wind. He even likes to skydive if he is sure there is a landing place for him or some sort of security to keep him from falling to his death.

Breakdown actually once wished to work in sparkling care but was denied because of his alt-mode and frame type. The skills he picked up and the knowledge of sparklings he accumulated has largely found use with the Vehicons due to their relative youth. He tends to baby the Vehicons when he can and they appreciate it.

Dreadwing once had a duel to the death with a noble back when he was very young. He won, but got a nasty scar across his chassis in the process, one that never fully recovered and has since been covered. Skyquake got an engraving in the same place to match the scar so Dreadwing didn't feel so alone.

Arachnid almost joined Sentinel's science division as a researcher and only left at the last moment because of the threat of being shadow played.

The Vehicons play dead when it battle against Optimus. They have long learned that if they stay down after being hit Optimus won't kill them and they won't be punished since they were "hurt".

[porygon-radio]

Lets talk... confessions! We recieved plenty of confessions through the week, lets hear them.

First one...here it is!

"I stole a snorunt from someone and they tried to get it back years later but it only recognized me so it came to me instead and they sobbed"

Ah this is... a hard one, isnt it? Well, we are missing information here, aren't we? Why did you steal it, are you a Team Rocket member? A justicer saving a pokemon from an abusive household? If I don't have that information, I cannot truly help you, and only feel sorry for this complicated situation you are showing us.

Lets go to the next one, maybe this one will have more information?

"i know what blowing up a cave feels like. tbh if i didn't get hurt so badly i would do it again"

Seems we got a confession from a miner! Well, I really can't blame you, can I? Unless it was illegal? Again, I dont hold that information, but I imagine it must be ectasy inducing...

Lets see the next one...

"I gotta confess something... i like kind of love eating Kibble for Pokémon."

"like especially the Kibble for Fire Types. i mean its literally Spicy and has all of the Nutrients i need. i can't stop eating it. i dip it into salsa and then just eat it like other People eat Nachos."

And lastly they add "Is this abnormal?"

Well, I don't think its abnormal. Kibble is quite good from what I've tasted, otherwise pokemon wouldn't eat it, would they? I think you're fine, dear anonymous, and everyone listening that does the same, you're fine too ♪

And our last one! Lets see...

Ah, this one is in all caps. Let me appropiatly read it.

"AM I THE ASSHOLE IF I ALMOST KILLED MY CAPITALIST FATHER?"

"I. (3??tF) WOKE UP AND WAS BORN AND I SAW HIS PIECE OF SHIT GINGER HAIR WITH AN EGREGIOUS AMOUNT OF HAIR GEL AND I GOT SO PISSED I CAST TRI ATTACK ON HIM."

"HES RICH. AND UGLY."

First of all, this isnt Reddit, and im most angry that you even consider comparing the two. I am a professional radio host, not your lame subreddit. I am a PROFESSIONAL, please.

Now, well, im most confused. You say you're three years old, and a pokemon, actually thats fine I don't have problems with sapient pokemon, they're all great, the ones I know. Apologies.

Now, if he is capitalistic, I don't see any problems with firing a tri attack on him, what can I say? no? I think you were in the right.

Thats all folks. Now lets go to some advertising, shall we? Well see eachother in a bit.