#they're called cake eaters for a reason

[yippeeometer]

normal people jobs i believe wttt would have

okay so these losers have no need for jobs. theyre just bored. and they have to have some way to fight back when gov calls them all jobless.

arizona- circus performer.

he'd originally do it just so he could show off as a fire-eater but instantly gets bored and insists on learning how to trapeze. he brings it up daily in order to prove himself as more chaotic than florida. nobody gaf.

colorado- works at a climbing wall place for kids parties

frequently gets given warnings for 'bullying' because he instantly needs to prove he can climb faster than these children. also given warnings because he forgets to do the safety demonstrations. and smokes weed on the premises. and flirts with all the moms to get a slice of the birthday cake.

texas- low level bouncer/security guard

instantly takes everything too seriously and teh power goes straight to his head. absolutely convinced he's in a spy movie foiling secret plots to conspire against his bar. unable to be chill or cool. finds out that the current pope used to be a bouncer and doesnt shut up ab it for months. eventually quits bc okla starts calling him a city boy.

wyoming- movie reviewer

refuses to review anything but western movies and is techinically still jobless because he doesnt make any money. dedicates 20 years to the movies cali and vada were in just to piss them off and writes mean comments like 'costume choices were bad'. almost starts ww3.

mass- journalist

only does this to instigate and piss off people he hates. everything he writes is the nastiest most imflammatory shit you've ever seen and he's so proud of himself for it. gets way too political every time and has to be seperated at the NE meetings for bad mouthing them in increasingly ridiculous ways.

alaska- unspecified man of science.

no idea what he does but its something to do with science. hawai'i tells people he's making weapons and they're too scared to fact check her. gov becomes convinced he's a geographer when he sees the amount of maps on his walls but thats just him trying to pinpoint the exact location he should go for no one to bother him.

utah- youth pastor that no one respects

bless his heart. every week he's convinced he's made a breakthrough with these kids. there's more than one instagram page dedicated to taking pictures of him with filters when he doesn't notice. so smug ab his job for no real reason.

florida- livestreamer

livestreams himself eating random things. chat dares him to eat a shoe. cdc dreams about killing him with his teeth.

loui- backup trombone player

in a band, however was considered way too flakey because he's obsessed w his boy and frequently gets too drunk to remember when a performance is. damn that boy can play though.

[l3viat8an]

Hola Ro 🥰

This is gonna be a mouthful but...

Thinking about Human! College au! Dorm neighbor! Beel and Belphie gets like 5 seconds of this lmao

Oc he's still a big eater but imma tone it*way* down cuz he human.

This bitch is the best cook in the entire dormitory. Like there is no broke college boy here because in addition to his job he sells lunch/dinner plates. They're reasonably priced but he sells so many that his profits are pilin' up Belphie has to help pack and deliver the trays.

Just imagine you move into your new dorm and before you even unpack your first item, there's a soft knock on the door. You open it up and you're honestly surprised at how far back you have to tilt your head to see the smiling face of this ginger. You studder a bit as you greet him and he smiles back warmly. "Hey! I'm Beelzebub, but you can call me Beel. I'm a Junior here" He smiles lifting up a tray "Brought over some lasagna, thought you might enjoy it" Oh! So that's what that gigantic tray he's holding has in it! Accepting the tray with a little smile you swear it weighs like 5 pounds. "Thanks... Uh, Would you like to join me? I couldn't possibly eat this much lasagna alone" He tilts his head slightly "You don't have a dormmate?" You shake you're head in response and Beel frowns a little bit. "I bet that's pretty lonely." He shakes his head and then smiles brightly again. "Well feel free to come by our dorm any time. I'll introduce you to my roommate tomorrow"

Beel comes in and the two of you eat lasagna together on your futon with box tables like a scene from a movie and you're taken aback by how much he eats. The tray of lasagna is finished in just under half an hour and you converse for a bit, complimenting him on his culinary skills and talking about classes and schedules. Eventually, he heads back to his dorm because whatever he was cooking in the pressure cooker is done and he needs to go pack meal trays. You offer to help as a thank you for the lasagna and he accepts joking about Belphie needing his beauty sleep anyways.

This becomes a regular thing for the two of you and Belphie is honestly grateful that his naps no longer need to be cut short. And surprisingly Beel's sales go up because you bring the flavors of your culture to the little business. Eventually it grows so much that Beel can quit his job and expenses are still fully covered.

Cutting to the list part of the hcs lmao

𓆦 Beel who finds himself a bit flustered as mix and chop ingredients, occasionally lifting a little spoon to his lips for him to sample the flavor. Admiring the cute satisfied face you make when tells you the flavor is perfect.

𓆦 Beel who eventually gets bold enough to lick a little bit of batter of your cheek, chuckling as your cheeks turn pink from his actions

𓆦 Beel who buys/makes lots of cream filled treat because he loves how a little bit always spills out of the corners of your mouth when you take too big of a bite. Imagining is his cum spilling out of your mouth instead of just the cream of a pastry

𓆦 Beel who jerks off in his room at 1 in the morning because he can't stop thinking about how your small hands were wrapped around the piping bag as the two of you iced mini cakes together. Wondering what it would be like for them to be wrapped around his cock instead. Belphie eventually knocking on his room door, telling him to be quite because the walls are thin and you can probably hear him from inside your dorm.

𓆦 Belphie who visits you in your dorm asking you to please just fuck Beel already because he has to deal with Beel's horny ass all day, every day.

𓆦 Beel who takes you on a proper date before he even tries to make a move on you because he wants to be a gentleman

My fingers are dead from typing this (´༎ຶ ͜ʖ ༎ຶ `)♡

~🍒

Nsfw content MDNI

🍒!!!!!! I have no words oh fuckkkkk-

𓆦 Very silly first thing but Beel who has a poster of Garfield eating lasagna in his kitchen :))

𓆦 Beel who during your date (if you went out for a change) sends a quick texts to Belphie telling him to get out so he can get laid-

𓆦 Beel who is the perfect gentleman throughout your whole date!!! Even asking before he kisses you because he doesn’t want to move too fast…

𓆦 Beel who can’t and won’t stop kissing you after that. The sweet softness fades away into hungry, biting kisses, as he nips at you bottom lip hoping to slip his tongue into your mouth. Only ever braking the kiss long enough to mumble about how good you taste~

𓆦 Beel who tries so hard not to just rail you into next week- he really wants to be gentle and slow…make it feel special for your first time with him…but when you whine and moan like that he can’t help it. Folding you practically in half on the bed and just stuffing you full~

𓆦 Beel who can’t stop telling you how well you’re taking him, how good you feel around his cock…how it’s so much better then he’s imagined and oh fuck- don’t squeeze him like that….he doesn’t want to cum too soon!-

𓆦 Beel who covers your tummy in his cum cuz he’s worried about cumming inside on ‘the first date’ :((

𓆦 Beel who still, after all that, wants to eat you out and have you cum on his tongue…..please? He knows you’re sensitive but it’ll feel good!! He promises!! He would have done it first but he couldn’t wait to feel you around his cock-

𓆦 Beel who carries you into the bathroom to wash the cum off, before taking you back to bed (dressed only in one of his huge t-shirts)

𓃾 Belphie who sneaks in as quietly as he can’t at like 3am….but can’t help peaking into Beel’s room. Seeing your body wrapped around Beel’s, “Good date?” both you and Beel open one eye and whisper back in unison, “Great date..”

[brave-and-gentle]

hiiii eb! I hope you’re not too sick and that you feel better soon!🤍

i was wondering if you have any headcanons for jean and reiner cooking or baking? (together or apart hehe) i have a feeling these two have a secret talent and they don’t share it with most people but, in fact, they can bake sick cakes or cook the most intricate meal as if it was eggs and bacon!

what do you think?? 🫵 (I’ll be waiting patiently cause im sure you’re having ideas!😌)

thank you nat!! :') this is so fun to think about, hehe. I'll answer this as in the Second Chances world, so it'll be separate since Jean and Reiner haven't met (yet!).

Jean

OF COURSE this mama's boy can cook well!! He may not be a fancy chef like Niccolo, but he makes great comfort foods like soups, pastas, casseroles (or hot dish, depending on where you're from), etc. Seriously, this is the man you want to call to make you dinner when you're sick.

Mama Kirstein taught Jean how to cook, but he also learned a lot when he was a stay at home dad for a couple of years when he and Mikasa were still together.

For real though he can make any picky eater happy, the moms on the block love sending their kids over to Jean's for a play date with Mason and they're always asking him for his recipes.

Jean doesn't make intricate meals too often, but when he does, he goes all out!! He loves having friends over for dinner parties, and of course, he always has a good wine pairing. Cooking is part of how he shows his friends affection. Following his name, I see Jean getting into French cuisine.

Jean has actual cookbooks on a shelf in his kitchen that he writes notes in.

Sasha swears Jean makes *the best* tacos.

Niccolo taught Jean how to properly sharpen his kitchen knives, so now he has a strict "don't touch my knives" policy. Connie broke this once and i stg Jean almost stabbed him in broad daylight.

Speaking of Niccolo, those two are always swapping recipes and cooking tips. Sasha loves it because it means no matter where she is, she's always eatin' good.

Jean's a pretty decent baker too, though he does prefer cooking to baking. He always makes a decorated cake for Mason's (his five-year old son, for those of you who haven't read Second Chances) birthday - last year it was Magic Tree House themed.

He *always* participates in the school bake sale - everyone loves his snickerdoodles, which Mason also enjoys helping with (though he usually just makes a big mess).

Reiner on the other hand . . . (implied Reibert)

When Reiner and Bertolt moved in together, Bert was shocked about how awful Reiner was at cooking. I'm talking "he even burns ramen!! how do you mess up ramen??" The smoke detectors were going off and everything, it was a disaster.

Reiner legit thought microwaving something was cooking, someone help him.

For his birthday, Bertolt signed Reiner up for a cooking 101 series through Liberio Community Education.

Poor Reiner was very nervous about this at first, but he ended up loving it! By the end of the month, he was so proud to make Bert a simple pasta recipe - no smoke detector incident this time.

Reiner has an apron that says "kiss the chef" - Bert very much enjoys this for obvious reasons.

Reiner has continued to keep his cooking pretty basic, it's baking and mixology where he really shines.

He makes the best lemon poppy seed scones you've ever had. And!! Chocolate hazelnut croissants. He also really got into the sourdough starter trend.

Imagine Reiner kneading dough on a Sunday morning. That's all.

As a former football player, Reiner never imagined his big, muscular hands and arms could be used to make these sweet little treats :')

As for mixology, Reiner was never really into "those fruity drinks" until Bert convinced him to try a cosmo at a bar. He loved them so much he told Bert they have to go back soon. Bert shrugged and said they could just make them at home. Reiner had never considered this and immediately looked up cosmo recipes. Now he has a full bar cart and makes the best mojitos with the mint Bert grows in their backyard!

[pruneunfair]

I've been maturing fictionally and this is just proof that I can go through this post gaining new perspective AND knowledge

You wanna know what's funny? When I first started Remarried Empress, I focused on only Navier, though I do feel annoyed sometimes by the other characters, I mostly don't care cuz they're not my fave (Oh my god I sound like Navier, ma'am is a wall to ppl she considered not worth her time even though they have legit reasons for her to care), Heinrey is as murky in my mind as much as narratively murky he is originally, seriously he never has ONE serious development like Navier did: Bro's traits are literally FOR SHOW, it's like food made to look pretty, not to be eaten (This is like a core lesson of mine cuz my mom taught me that not all things look like food are actual food) and they kinda aren't food at all, like fake cakes used in weddings sometimes and they eat the real thing when the guests are like halfway through the reception after all of the main dishes are out and we get desserts though I can't say I've really ever eaten wedding cake in Vietnam, we normally get other desserts alternatives like Fruits and Jelly (a bit of Vietnamese weddings, I'm sure a lot of weddings serve cakes but not all of them)

Plus cakes here are usually very fatty due to the decorated cream icing so I kinda get bland after eating a bit, I like sweets but not sponge cakes with cream at all: I prefer su cakes more which is a Vietnamese term for cream puffs in English term, the cream and the dough of the pastries are paired well, sponge cakes are easy to get bored for me after the first bite cuz the texture is too soft, funny enough, Su is my home name, a name I'm called at home, it's also a name of a root veggie here too and I also like that veggies lol, it's kinda sweet on the tongue when you chew it

Heinrey felt exactly like how I felt about those fake wedding cakes: I can't eat it so I don't like it and I literally have no need for it, I mean you only see them as weddings, having them at home felt out of place and those cakes are basically just cutouts stand-in, extra minor decors to make the weddings look pretty, they're not at all very practical, rather they're useless and nothing would change even if they're added, they're also left to collect dust for years as just really unimportant things, they are cheap, no one touches them for any reasons and decorative so no need for cleaning, left to be a mere extra decor no one cares about, now that does sound like Heinrey doesn't it?

Apparently Asians have some kind of food metaphors going on with them and I'm not off that stuff, rather I'm more like a food poet, I eat food and know more about them than I thought even though I literally have no cooking skills and I don't think too deeply about what's in the food cuz I enjoy them and I can say I like going deeper into details even though it's just really insignificant things, Food is what we know best and funny that for a girl who likes to indulge in food like a decadence, I know well about it even though I'm no professional foodie, I mean I'm a picky eater even though I like tasting new flavors so yeah not exactly foodie material

Oh my god, Prune, Navier is starting to be more like my fictional counterpart the more I go deeper into her character, I'm kinda scared, her insensitive inclination to ignore things cuz she consciously/naturally sees them as useless like a blissful conscious ignorance is so me, lol now I sound like not exactly a great person, but then again who is?

Y'know I realized my big similarities to Navier is the core reason why I only see her in this comic is because I'm reading about me, the me who's a fairytale princess, this is not just projection, I'm actually seeing me in her cuz her personality is like a complete copy of mine, lol my fictional copy is Navier, it explains why I defend her, I was defending myself, yeah it's funny, I'm a selfish girl, I always think I'm better cuz I don't mix Reality with Fiction like others, awfully Navier like, without realizing I'm just as much the same as them, Navier like me, believes she's always the better person cuz she is rational but she's just not any different than anyone, just because she's a prim proper lady Empress doesn't mean she's any different than a dirty low blood slave like Rashta, that's why Heinrey is blind to my eyes, in my Navier's seat, I only see him as a decorative embellishment, that can be why Navier ignores his bad deeds, he's literally something to pretty her up, being an Empress comes so easy to Navier, she literally just sits and an Emperor came to her and she got the throne and Empire, Navier I ask you that do you not see him for him because like a fake wedding cake he literally doesn't affect your beautiful life at all? You'll always be an Empress, Heinrey is like icing on your cake: Decorative, pretty, fatty and overall it doesn't change whether the cake has icing or not, maybe that's why I get tired after tasting the icing more than once, it's too fatty hence I get bored after more than once

Honestly I don't like cakes, Navier liked the cakes Heinrey gifted her cuz it got jewels in them, showing that he's probably aware that the cakes are superficial, hence the jewels compensate cuz a gem is more valuable than a piece of cake

Remarried Empress is like a cake to me, I loved it for its beautiful exterior, cuz it's definitely decorated prettily and luxuriously, but I dislike eating it when it doesn't taste delicious on my tongue and it is boring after the first bite, I never like cakes with icing, y'know I never really say it out loud cuz I thought I'm weird cuz everyone likes cakes but my body tells me I don't and honestly I agree, cakes are a must in celebrations but they aren't exactly a need if you think about it, more of an afterthought, this is what I call societal engineering, you have to like it cuz everyone does, I'm pretty sure not everyone likes cakes, cuz some of my family like my mom also doesn't like it but you don't say it out loud if you're at someone's celebration since it's very rude and disrespectful, that's why I only see cakes at celebration and not any other moments (I most certainly don't even eat them as desserts at home)

I'm not sure if this is a Vietnamese cake thing or the ethnical taste buds is just different and they reject the more western desserts (The Vietnamese cultural desserts are very much different than Western ones and I do find myself liking them more, if I have to choose sweet soup, a Vietnamese dessert, and cakes, I'm going with the soup, they're sweet and rich, not bland and fatty like cakes)

I hope I don't offend bakers, pls understand this is just my taste buds and it's kind of a cultural thing, you're not doing useless things at all and you provide really great services

Damn I seriously do have superficial tastes, I'm glad I'm improving and trying new food

Whoops I did another "Navier is me" essay again haha with added cakes and Vietnamese sweet cuisine wisdom, also funny enough, I like red just like Navier's theme color, I'm not beating the allegations that she's my twin now

Damn, relating to a character went to a whole new level.

Thank you for also confirming my suspicions about wedding cakes because I ALWAYS had an idea that there was no way all of that cake was real, they had to be pulling those same strings restaurant ads to make their food look my appetizing (EX: Soap bubbles in coffee and soda or mash potatoes disguised as ice cream using food dye)

[copperbadge]

This question has been eating my brain: Why do you keep on buying Mystery Crisps (potato chips) when there is a reasonable chance they’ll do GBH to your tastebuds??? Is the flavour pay-off worth it? Does, in fact, the ultimate Platonic ideal of the crisp exist? (Should I try this Crisp Quest at home?)

Oh, well, what's life without a little spin of the roulette wheel? Where else can you get an adventure and a fun story to entertain the internet with for $2?

It's not really confined to chips/crisps -- that's just a subset of my larger "Let's try this strange food" mandate -- but in the US, weirdly-flavored chips are still kind of a novelty, like we just don't get the variety of flavors you see in other countries a lot of the time. And of course people send me weird chips from other countries and I LOVE that, because Americans are kind of sad and unimaginative when it comes to chips -- we tend to just go for "spicier", which is kind of pathetic, and I'm never gonna get like, Lamington Cake crisps in the US.

Anyway, if they had called themselves "super duper strong flavored bbq chips" I would have passed, but they went with "SUPER STRONG CHIPS! THEY HAVE...A FLAVOR!" and I needed to know what the flavor was!

Also, you guys know the shoe Lil Nas X put out, the Satanic one with the drop of blood in it? The company that made the shoe is called MSCHF, and they're an art collective which does a lot of weird novelty "drops", limited edition items that go up for sale at random times. I have the MSCHF app, so I know when new drops happen, and while most of them I'm not interested in, a recent drop was "illegally flavored" chips -- chips with flavors of foods that are banned in the US. So I have Casu Marzu maggot cheese chips, horse meat chips, and Fugu chips waiting to be opened and taste tested.

I was an extremely unadveturous eater for the first 25 years or so of my life, and in some ways I still am (I'm not into organ meat, I wouldn't eat an ortolan because I don't want to eat anything's digestive tract, I can't bring myself to eat whole bugs) but it's just not that much money -- or wasted food, if I don't like it -- to buy a bag of chips :D

[come-on-darling-honey]

Remus Lupin loves warm gloves.

Specifically the woollen ones. The ones his mum used to knit him, brown with little pink flowers around the cuffs. They're frayed around the edges and too small for his hands now. As a kid he used to believe the gloves were magic, that if he wore them he wouldn't feel the pain of the moon. The pain that morphed his young, fragile bones. The pain that left scars on his cheeks, his arms, his torso, his legs and his small smile. He keeps the gloves in a small wooden box in his trunk, it also holds a picture of him, his mum and his dad. Before the pain began.

His mum doesn't knit him gloves anymore, they don't really speak to each other. The house is separated by two beings in different lives. The kitchen still holds the floral porcelain. No one touches it anymore. Not since his father passed. Not since Sunday dinners made a final goodbye. Remus can still picture the crack upon the base of the porcelain pot, the big one his mum would cook the main course in. The kitchen now sits, still in a frozen memory. The blood of his dad had caked on the surface of the floor, Remus had to scrub that away himself. His mother never went near the Kitchen. Seeing your husband dying on the old wooden floor, his wand cracked and splintered and no magic strong enough to replenish the need for a final breath. Remus would dream of an apartment in Paris, he'd still have the gloves but he wouldn't serve food in porcelain. He'd listen to his muggle records and read muggle books. He’d still receive letters from his mum and dad with a pair of knitted gloves.

For the Christmas the boys spent at Hogwarts in their 6th year, Mrs Potter knit Remus Lupin a pair of gloves. She'd known what'd happened to his father, the whole wizarding community knew but no one said it. They never knew the reason a death eater targeted Mr Lupin, unaware it was because they'd mistaken him to be the werewolf. Yet Mrs Potter knitted him a pair of gloves. They were a dark moss green, when he held them to his nose they smelt like the Potter manor. Of baking and pen ink. He could picture her sitting in the old red velvet arm chair knitting as her husband attempted his most recent invention. He could picture the memory of himself, James and Sirius running down the hall outside of the study where she would knit. The competition of who can get down the hall further sliding in socks. Peter was the referee and has called James the winner but James had tricked him with a spell that slightly plips the mind up. Remus recalled he and Sirius planning to spike James' drink. And that they did. And that Mr Potter laughed at James' large tongue while clasping the shoulders of the tricksters and said something the pair froze at, unaware of the others reaction.

"Euphemia look at what our boys did!"

[b-rainrot]

Nanny/Household Manager needed for 1-year-old baby in Edina (Edina)

As I write this, the countertop installation team is here fixing a little alignment issue they made with our dishwasher. I wish you had booked them and had gotten the dishes done before they came so my husband and I could have spent more time playing with our baby and going through a business training together. :)             We can’t wait to have you shine in what you do best and run our household so we can do what we do best and be a loving family and run a successful business.             We are definitely the coolest family ever and we live in Edina. We had a family friend temporarily in this position, and now we want you to keep our ship running smoothly.             I run my own company and work from home, and my husband works for me, so we are here literally all the time. We are hilarious, we tell fart jokes, and we both talk on the phone pretty often for my business and do a lot of pep talks and picker-uppers. You have to be super cool with that. Negative attitude-havers need not apply. If you describe yourself as optimistic, helpful, resourceful, kind, feminist, fun—we are on the right track.             I am a former San Francisco fashion blogger, first page of Google, and I care a lot about what my house looks like because home is The Most Important to me for a million reasons. So if you are the type that “just doesn’t notice” that you left crumbs on the table, thank u next. If you are going to judge me because I like to wear the occasional high fashion item, you’re on the wrong post.             If you are going to call my daughter a “princess” or make comments about how to “act like a lady,” BYE. This is not the job for you. If you are going to criticize her for being bossy, move on to a different post. If you are going to lament her wardrobe for its lack of pink, you should find somewhere else to apply. We have an “All are Welcome Here” sign in our yard. My daughter’s middle name is after a female presidential hopeful for 2020. She will never be told to hug someone unless she wants to. We will never buy red baseball caps. Are you picking up what I’m putting down? Fantastic!             I nannied all through high school and college and am still close with all my nanny families. So I have a lot of opinions, backed by research, on how to optimize my daughter’s development, and I know what it’s like to be a nanny. There is no shaming in our household. We do not cry it out. You can’t spoil a baby. We are not religious and ask you leave that to your personal time. Are you up for being The Best Nanny Ever that my daughter is going to remember always and forever and have adorable nicknames for you? My nanny kids called me RaRa. I still call hand sanitizer “hand sanimatizer” thanks to L at age 2.5, and we say we’re “going to the other side to see a cat” thanks to S at age 3.5. If you’re not looking for a lifetime relationship and view this as just a buck, not for you.             We are not fantastic cooks, but you are! Meal prep is fun for you and you’re excited to help take care of us. Also, I have celiac disease, so you can’t bring gluten into the house. If you don’t know what gluten is and you’re not resourceful enough to google it right now, this is not the job for you. I’m vegetarian. If you think that’s weird, we are definitely not the right family for you.             This position is all about owning the role and going above and beyond. The whole family does this. Our baby just hit 12 months and already says 13 words. We are 99% certain she just added another to the roster today; we will see if she still uses it again tomorrow. WE ARE SO PROUD!!! My husband and I go above and beyond with my business. You are the kind of person who rises to the challenge, gets the job done, and also helpfully points out how it can go even smoother the next time. And you notice that those T-shirts are wearing out when you do laundry, so you queue up an order for more…not because you were asked to, but because you are The Ship Runner.             Have you seen Sex and the City? I am looking for the Magda to my Miranda, minus the judgement. Basically, you have to help run the show, and love doing it.             No smoking of any kind. I have asthma so it’s not cool to bring that around, plus I’d like you to live a full life, so please quit, but still don’t apply. If you’re going to show up hungover, not for you. If you talk on the phone while you’re driving and don’t use Bluetooth or if you text at ALL while driving, ever, stop it, because you’re operating heavy machinery and you could kill yourself or someone else, but also, don’t even think of applying. I have never gotten a ticket, I don’t speed, I signal my turns 100 feet ahead, I come to a complete stop. If that bugs you, move on. If you’re going to do anything but that with my daughter in the vehicle, don’t apply, period.             If you think it’s cute to toss babies in the air, omg NOPE. If you have a temper; if your blood pressure goes up when a baby cries; if you think it’s funny to joke about hurting babies, GTFO. If you are passive-aggressive/Minnesota Nice and will dislike something, lie about it, and then hold it against us, go make a hot dish in someone else’s oven. We’re straight shooters, but honesty without tact is cruelty.             If you want a job that you can post the heck out of my kid on social media, sorry dude, not for you. You’re going to have to sign a non-disclosure for this position because I’m a Name in my vertical, and we are going to want to be friends in real life anyway so we will be friends on social media.             We’re in this together. So sometimes, because I am addicted to my baby and only want to stare at her rostro forevermore, I am going to be reticent to even hand her to you and in the beginning I will probably lurk over your shoulder. You also need to be able to do things like research gardening services, place an order on Amazon, run to Target or Jerry’s or Trader Joe’s, learn the way we Tetris our dishwasher. You have to love helping, and I love celebrating people who help, so then we will do great together.             Can you swim? Great. Will you get down on the floor to do tummy time? Necessary. Is singing made-up songs your cup of tea? Great, ours, too. Do you like dogs? Better, because we have two perfect little pups.             I have visions of us driving to Lake Harriet together and power-walking the lake with my baby in her stroller. In the summer, we’ll have picnics on the beach.             Taking care of her is top priority, but this job also needs you to happily do light housework, washing/drying/folding/putting away laundry for humans of all sizes in the house, doing the handwashing (bottles/pacis/snotsuckers), loading/unloading the dishwasher, running errands, etc. We have a weekly cleaning crew so no need to scrub toilets, but you get the idea.             The hours are 8 AM to 5 PM, Monday through Friday. Rate is $20/hour. Actual hours needed will vary up or down, so anything above 40 hours is paid at time-and-a-half. You should have multiple years of experience as a nanny, especially with infants. If you want to bring homework to do while she’s napping and you’ve already checked the household chores off the list, that’s totally fine. Or if you want to bring a book to read, great, or you can borrow one of my 9 million books on mindset/business/philosophy.             Still here? You rock. Reply to this post with the subject: Firstname Lastname, your new rock star nanny.             In the email:             Attach your resume as a PDF.             1. Tell me about yourself.       2. Why do you think you’re a fit for this position?       3. What is your favorite quote?       4. Are you certified in CPR and first aid?       5. Be honest: what kind of driver are you?             My favorite quote is from Dr. Seuss’ book, The King’s Stilts: “And when they played, they REALLY played. And when they worked, they REALLY worked.”             Let’s have the grandest adventure together. 

https://www.kraigslist.org/id/7055395893    

[dmjammes]

Food: Intolerance or Allergic?

17/09/2020

First of all, when will your baby be ready to eat solid foods?

A recap:

When they are chewing their fingers and asking for more milk, here's a sign!

You then can start introducing a fruit/veggie. Starting with simple mash at first (potato, sweet potatoes, carrot, pear, apple...).

We often say that routine is the key to succeed in your child's education, but with food, diversity will prevent your child from becoming a fussy eater while growing up.

It is round the age of 6 months that you can start offering food which contains allergens. But only one a day and you may be able to see if your child has an allergic reaction or not.

I know that you will start being scared at this point of your child chocking.

We all are!

But babies are less at risk to choke if they feed themselves than being provided with a spoon.

But don't be afraid, they seem to be choking, but they're gagging. It's a gag reflex which helps to prevent choking. As they learn to eat solids, they're pushing the tongue forward or out of their mouths and do a retching movement to bring food.

The eyes may water, cough or even vomit.

Easy to say... but, don't panic!

You may even make things worse by letting your child seeing you acting crazy!

Just wait and let them cough!

Coughing is the sign your baby isn't chocking.

Chocking: you are not able to cry, cough, or gasp. Big differences!

Babies can also be offered to drink a few sips during meals with their first cup.

From 7 to 9 months

Your baby will be eating up to 3 meals a day.

More finger food is to encourage so they can feed themselves, and they will slowly develop their co-ordination. That's when they learn how to start biting. You should be able to begin trying small pieces of meat, fish and green vegetables. Their curiosity in tasting new flavours will encourage a baby not becoming a fussy eater.

However, remember!

Babies do not need any salt or sugar added to their food (or in cooking water).

From 12 months

A child will now be eating three meals a day: healthy and balanced.

As your baby grows, eating together will encourage him to copy (imitation is a key) and develop good eating habits.

In addition to milk, (about three feeds a day) and with two healthy snacks in between meals.

-> fruits

-> vegetables

-> daily products

Let's not forget breastfeeding. It's recommended to do it for up to 2 years or longer.

But that's up to you!

Don't be surprised if your child will need less breast milk as he/she will make room for more foods. They are usually weaning quickly at this point.

Which also means, no more infant formula. You can use whole cows' milk, as he/she will need the vitamins found in it. But also, he/she can now, use a cup with more confidence.

From 2 years old, if the child is eating well, he/she can have semi-skimmed milk.

Suppose you choose a healthy, balanced diet. You can use alternatives, such as soya, oat, or almond drinks, from the age of 1.

However, we should not give rice milk under five years old, as it contains traces of arsenic.

So good luck!

Food intolerance or food allergy?

A food allergy is a reaction by your immune system (it thinks like proteins are dangerous).

The body releases a chemical: histamine, which causes the classic allergy symptoms of hives or swelling, to the anaphylaxis shock.

Symptoms could be a rash, eczema, itching, just after eating. It is believed that babies with eczema problems are more likely to get a food allergy, but it's not automatic.

Food intolerance is considered as "less dangerous" (the body is merely struggling to digest).

Symptoms could happen a few hours after eating with a tummy ache or a skin rash.

If you have any suspicion of food that may have triggered some symptoms, you can try removing it from your child's diet and observing if he experiences new signs in the next two weeks.

Afterwards, reintroduce the food and see if symptoms return.

Of course, read on the labels to see if a packaged food contains any allergen.

Which explains why schools and other childcare establishments are so strict about food policies, and so, to avoid any responsibility.

Here are the most recurrent food reaction categories:

Cheese

Cheese can form part of a healthy, balanced diet for babies and young children, and provides calcium, protein, and vitamins.

Babies can eat pasteurised full-fat cheese from 6 months old. This includes hard cheeses, such as mild cheddar cheese, cottage cheese and cream cheese.

Babies and young children shouldn't eat mould-ripened soft cheeses.

Brie or camembert, or ripened goats' milk cheese and soft, blue-veined cheese, such as Roquefort, they are a higher risk that these (unpasteurised) cheeses may carry a bacteria called listeria.

You can check labels on cheeses to make sure they're made from pasteurised milk.

But you can use one of these cheeses in a part of a cooked recipe as the bacteria is killed by cooking. Baked brie, for example, is a safer option.

Eggs

Babies can have eggs from around six months.

But, of course, avoid raw eggs, including into an uncooked cake mixture, homemade creams, or desserts.

Fish

Cod is usually the first and the most favourite fish in our children's meals.

However, fish can increase the risk of food poisoning, depending on how it's been cooked. And the amount of mercury can affect the development of the nervous system. So be reasonable!

Gluten

Some people remove gluten from their diet because they "believe" they have experienced some symptoms after eating wheat.

It's essential to make sure what the symptoms are. If you have noticed your child having reactions to a portion of food or have any suspicious ... check with a GP. He might ask you to pass some detection tests with a specialist and check for any digestive or stomach illnesses. (which is a condition, not an allergy)!

Nuts

It shouldn't be given to children under five years old, as they can choke on them.

So you can prepare some from 6 months old, as long as you make sure they're well crushed.

You might need to check with your GP if there are allergies in the family before introducing any kind of nuts and peanuts.

Salt

As we mentioned before, we shouldn't add any salt or sugar in their diet.

So do not add, and only check if the food is too salty or too fat as babies don't have well developed or strong enough their kidneys yet.

Sugar

Babies don't need sugar.

(Including sugar found in juices and other drinks), it's just about dental hygiene.

Honey, sometimes, contains a bacteria that can lead to botulism, (an infection which causes weakness in the muscles) which can be very serious.

So, you can give your child some honey when he turns one year old.

And, of course, honey is a sugar, so be careful about tooth decay.

But Parents, don't necessarily overreact!

Sometimes babies have a slight reaction, (usually a small red skin reaction), simply because it is the first time they are trying something new...the body is figuring out how to react.

There is no known cure for food allergies or intolerance. The only responsible thing you can do is to avoid being in contact or being close to an allergen.

When you see the doctor, he might refer you to see an allergist. An allergy test is necessary, and with no risk and pain-free.

It's usually a skin test, a drop of the allergen on the tip of the finger. A moment later, a reddish area and a lookalike mosquito bite will appear. Then you will know if your child is positive for being allergic.

Otherwise, for children with strong reactions, a blood test is being required, checking the level of the allergen.

#allergies #intolerence #food #eat #eathealthy